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1
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? Christmas is here
Bringing good cheer
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00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,790
? To young and old
Meek and the bold
3
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,110
? Ding dong ding dong
That is their song
4
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,590
? With joyful ring
All carolling
5
00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,390
? One seems to hear
Words of good cheer... ?
6
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:48,590
Right, I've got a turkey coming out,
so no sudden moves.
7
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:52,790
This part is critical
and I want do not want any stress.
8
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,950
Ooh, lovely. I'm nice
and calm at the minute, but...
9
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,510
DOORBELL RINGS
10
00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,800
They're here! Joe, they're here!
Go! Eee, our Jack!
11
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,310
And we have touchdown.
12
00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:05,550
All ready for tomorrow.
13
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:06,870
Er...they're here, Pauline.
14
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,030
Ooh, Merry Christmas!
15
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:10,360
Oh.
16
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,390
Hello. Hello.
17
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,110
Oh, shalom, Susan, shalom, Ben.
18
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:22,600
We're staying two-and-a-half hours.
And the time starts now.
19
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:28,030
We brought Susan's mum. I hope
that's all right.
20
00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,070
She hasn't seen the baby yet.
21
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:32,110
And shalom and welcome to you too,
pet.
22
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:33,160
Quite.
23
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,870
Sorry.
We thought you were Jack and Sarah.
24
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,870
Are they not here yet?
25
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,950
They were delayed at baggage reclaim
so for now it's just you and us.
26
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,400
And a healthy dose of
quality time together.
27
00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,350
Who's this? Are Jack and Sarah back?
28
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,190
No, Mam. It's better than that.
29
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,550
Sarah's mam and dad are here,
and they've brought her gran.
30
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:58,190
I'm sorry, flower,
I didn't catch your name.
31
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,830
Tell her my name, Susan.
32
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:01,560
This is my mother, Millie.
33
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:07,150
I'm always happy to meet
another wheeled princess.
34
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,310
This is Arthur. Dot's boyfriend.
35
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:15,390
Acquaintance, Pauline.
Arthur is my special acquaintance.
36
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,150
I don't know what
kind of house you keep here,
37
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,960
men just popping out of bedrooms
when company arrives?
38
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:27,270
Perhaps I should just
away into the night.
39
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,640
Yes. You probably should.
40
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,040
No.
41
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:34,990
Good night, all.
42
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,600
Get out while you can, mate.
43
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,390
Good night, Arthur, love.
44
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,720
Good night.
45
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,870
I presume we're all going into
your infamous Good Room, Pauline?
46
00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:54,230
But of course, Susan.
Joseph, will you do the honours, pet?
47
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,840
Howay, then.
48
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,310
Good room? What does she mean,
"good room"?
49
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:02,870
It's what these people have, mother.
50
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,870
It's what we would call a lounge.
51
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:09,550
I told you on the way up,
they live a simpler life than we do.
52
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:15,600
? Gloria, gloria in excelsis deo. ?
53
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,080
CLOCK TICKS
54
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,630
Ho-ho-ho!
55
00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:33,680
CHIRPY ELECTRONIC JINGLE BELLS
56
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:40,670
It's infra-red.
57
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,120
Oh, very modern.
58
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,150
DOOR OPENS
59
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,590
We're here!
60
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,840
Eee! It's a Christmas miracle!
61
00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:52,830
Sorry!
62
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:58,550
Hello. Hello, darling! Thank God
you're here! Come in! Come in!
63
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,630
Yes. Come in!
64
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,240
Come in to MY Good Room.
65
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,000
Let the games begin.
66
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,750
Hello. Hasn't he come on lovely?
67
00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,680
Oh, he's gorgeous.
68
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:15,120
Despite the outfit you elected to
present him in.
69
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,710
Ben - photographs.
70
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,710
Oh, er, the camera's in the car.
I'll just grab it.
71
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,750
You left the camera in the car?
Round here?
72
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,110
Why, what are you saying?
This is a respectable area.
73
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,720
No, she's right.
The camera'll be gone.
74
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,000
I'll... I'll just go and grab it.
75
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:40,070
He's got my father's chin,
very proud and defined.
76
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,790
Well...both his eyes come from our
side of the family, don't they?
77
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,520
So deep and thoughtful.
78
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:50,440
You can see he's having
some intense thoughts now.
79
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,670
No, he needs changing, that's
the face he does when he's
80
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,110
doing his business.
81
00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,120
He gets that from me.
82
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,950
I've been looking forward to
Christmas.
83
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,750
We can just relax, stuff our faces,
get presents and get lashed.
84
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:08,310
Oh, you poor deluded boy.
85
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,430
Sorry?
86
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,910
Christmas is a hard bloody slog.
87
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:12,750
The only way we get through it
is by
88
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,670
keeping your mam's spirits up, and
I'm not letting her down this year. She's sensitive, your mam.
89
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,830
Joe, drag your sorry arse in here,
90
00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,470
I'll show this bloody woman whose
elbows that baby's got.
91
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,950
Ben! Show us your elbows!
92
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,390
Oh...um...
93
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,430
Er...
94
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,680
Aha! I knew it!
95
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,670
I think we might have a
small problem.
96
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,150
Is it elbow related?
Apparently we're doing elbows now.
97
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,710
It's just that, well, er...
98
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,150
Oh, pet, don't tell us your camera
really has been stolen?
99
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,110
No, it's not that.
Oh, thank goodness for that.
100
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,920
Our car's been stolen.
With the camera inside it.
101
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,040
Well, suppose we'd better ring
someone, then.
102
00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:51,790
It's a grey Volvo.
103
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,630
It's only a year old.
104
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,670
Can you do anything?
Please.
105
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,990
Well, I'll have an ask about, like,
see if any of me
106
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,870
old mates are on their toes,
but it's not looking good.
107
00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:02,150
Can you please try?
108
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,270
I'll try, but have you got
somewhere to stay tonight?
109
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,030
Joe and Pauline.
They'll put you up.
110
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,310
Whoa!
Let's not do anything rash,
111
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,510
we haven't exhausted
all viable options yet.
112
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,470
All the trains
back to York have gone.
113
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:15,870
The coach companies say they're
all done for Christmas.
114
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,150
Coach?
115
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,670
I mean, of course, you're...
116
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,110
Pauline, there is
no room at this inn.
117
00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,070
You're more than welcome...
Pauline?
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00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,120
..to stay here.
119
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,390
Please, try very, very hard.
120
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,720
? We wish you a merry Christmas... ?
121
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,990
Right, I think we've got
yous all squeezed in.
122
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,030
Ben and Susan,
you're on the inflatable
123
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,390
mattress in the Good Room.
124
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,190
And I'm afraid Millie will have to
go on the sofa in the living room.
125
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,150
Joe's digging out the stuff between
the cushions and making it up now.
126
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,790
Did you hear that, Susan?
127
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:51,350
They're just digging out "stuff"
between the cushions.
128
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,480
We are honoured. I'm sorry, Mother.
129
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:57,270
Right, then, you're all bunked up.
130
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,190
If I was you, I'd sleep with your
head at Pauline's end of the sofa.
131
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,470
The cushion on my end's
sort of sagging a bit.
132
00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:05,440
Or maybe the cushion's all right
and it's me arse that's collapsing.
133
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,110
Oh, actually, I was
wondering about Christ-mas.
134
00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:17,030
Is it terribly insensitive to call
it that in front of you?
135
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:19,310
I'd hate for you to think
we're anti-semantic.
136
00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:23,590
We're Jewish, Pauline, but we're not
unaware of the concept of Christmas.
137
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,910
Although I must say I can't remember
seeing it splattered across the walls
138
00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,870
quite so liberally.
139
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:34,310
We're very grateful.
It's quite exciting for us,
140
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,190
to have our first Christmas!
141
00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,790
That's the spirit, Ben!
And you've come to the right place.
142
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,310
No-one does Christmas like we do.
143
00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,040
Winter Festival, Joe.
You what?
144
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:47,590
No-one does a non-denominational
winter festival like we do.
145
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,870
Hey! You can stay up with me
and Jack if you like.
146
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:53,550
We're having our traditional
Christmas Eve feast.
147
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,670
Oh! It's the sort of thing
that the men do.
148
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,990
And you're a man, sort of.
149
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,150
No, Ben, we're going straight to
bed.
150
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,080
I've had a very stressful day!
151
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:07,470
And I would appreciate
some peace and quiet.
152
00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:10,630
? Oh what fun it is to ride
153
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:13,710
? On a one horse open sleigh
154
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,030
Hey!
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00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,910
? Jingle bells
Here's my keys
156
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:22,240
? About 20 of them... ?
157
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,400
FOOTSTEPS
158
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,590
Vicki, man!
You're in Dot's room tonight!
159
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,030
Shush, Jack! You'll wake the baby!
160
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:37,920
She's getting in the bed!
She's getting in the bed!
161
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,800
Great, Christmas Eve in bed
with a dead angel!
162
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,910
Ssh! I'm trying to get to sleep.
163
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:55,040
We can do it in the morning if me
mam and dad are out.
164
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,030
So, in the end,
we decided Susan would be more
165
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,630
comfortable on the mattress
if I slept on the floor.
166
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,030
VICKI: Eeeeeeeee!
167
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,440
Where's me little nephew, then?
168
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,120
What are these doing here?
169
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,950
Mam!
Why are these here on Christmas day?
170
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,230
Well, we were just visiting this
hell hole, and someone stole...
171
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,630
Mam!
172
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,990
Why is there another old woman
in a wheelchair talking to us?
173
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,950
There's just supposed to be one.
174
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,790
This is my grandmother, Millie.
175
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:41,230
Mam! Why does everyone but me
know what's going on?
176
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,870
Don't you ask that
question every day?
177
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,230
Mam! Why is Jack ruining Christmas?
178
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,360
Jack, stop ruining Christmas.
179
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,150
I'm surprised you're even still
alive, anyway, the state you were in last night.
180
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,670
You looked like a smackhead fairy.
181
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:56,750
Shut up, man!
182
00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:00,630
Just cause Sarah's made you lose all
the fun out of your life, don't blame me when I have some.
183
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,190
Vicki!
184
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,910
Sorry, Sarah, pet, where are me
manners? Merry Christmas.
185
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:09,030
Jack, go and get your dad.
Tell him we're doing the presents.
186
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:11,630
I think he's in the loft getting
extra hats for dinner.
187
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,870
Hats? What, you mean paper hats?
188
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,190
No. No. I'll let you explain.
189
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:20,150
Me dad goes proper mental
at Christmas. He makes us
190
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,390
all wear special hats.
191
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,830
We've done it every Christmas
for the last 26 years.
192
00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,150
It's almost like a tradition.
193
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,790
If you don't wear your hat...
194
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,710
TOGETHER:..you don't get your
dinner!
195
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:32,760
THEY LAUGH
196
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,480
Right, Susan!
197
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,750
Oh, what's this?
198
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,960
Oh, a present from
little Jack with a Q.
199
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:51,270
Furry handcuffs.
Seeing as we broke the last lot.
200
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,440
From the baby?
201
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,630
What's them for?
202
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,750
Er... These are in case you
want to restrain someone,
203
00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,280
but you don't want to hurt them.
204
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,040
Or sometimes you do.
205
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,710
Hey, Denise, I've got to give
you your present yet.
206
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,190
Ooh! For me?
Howay, then, where is it?
207
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,320
It's outside.
208
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,280
A car! For me?
209
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,750
Grey Volvo? One-year-old, is it?
210
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:25,910
Comes with a free camera?
211
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,310
Aye, how did you know? Hutchy!
You cannae give her this.
212
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:32,630
You're going to have to get her
something else. Preferably something that doesn't already have an owner.
213
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,710
Ah, howay, man.
Look how happy she is.
214
00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:39,190
I've got a car! I've got a car!
I've got a car!
215
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,950
Hashtag delighted!
216
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,670
I've got a car...
217
00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:46,470
I've got...ooh!
Driving gloves.
218
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,640
They're embroidered...Joe.
219
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,150
Lucky, lucky you, Ben.
220
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:55,710
Do I have one of Joe's presents?
I don't understand.
221
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:56,950
Is this a Christian thing?
222
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,470
Well, I had to split
some of our presents up
223
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,510
just so everyone had something
to open.
224
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:04,000
I've got men's slippers, size ten.
225
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,510
Oh, we can always give them to the
spaniels to chew when we get home.
226
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,150
Joe, why don't you open a present?
227
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,430
Cos I haven't got any.
228
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,950
Santa decided that some people
needed my presents more than I did.
229
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:20,070
I think he might be losing
his Winter Festival spirit.
230
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,630
Well, I've got
a present for everybody.
231
00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:26,670
There you go. That's for you,
that's for you. Mam.
232
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:27,710
What is this?
233
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,310
It's me ex-boyfriend-but-we're-
still-friends's album.
234
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,630
I executive produced it.
235
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,230
What does executive producing mean?
236
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:37,120
It's er... It's like...
237
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,310
Well, you wouldn't understand.
238
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,670
Right, that's presents done,
who's getting out of me way
239
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,950
and going down the pub
while I get the dinner ready?
240
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,720
TOGETHER: Me!
241
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,520
? Driving home for Christmas
242
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:56,720
? Oh I can't wait to see those faces
243
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:02,790
? I'm driving home for
Christmas... ?
244
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:04,670
Happy Winter Festival! Cheers!
245
00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:06,270
ALL: Cheers!
246
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,710
I must say, Joe,
it's very kind of you to take us in.
247
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,830
Me, Susan and especially Mill...
248
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,350
Shhh, Ben.
249
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:16,350
We come to the pub to forget what is
waiting for us at home.
250
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,800
Howay. Muzzle chop, son.
251
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,710
?..to pass the time away
252
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,600
? Driving in my car... ?
253
00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:30,990
Right, Pauline versus Christmas
dinner. Howay, then.
254
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,110
Where do you want me, Pauline?
255
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,070
Oh, you're all right, you go and sit
yourself in the Good Room, flower.
256
00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,830
I'm about to become at one with me
kitchen.
257
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,150
Please.
258
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,830
I really don't want to be in the
room with mine and Joe's mother.
259
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,030
They escalate each other.
260
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,910
Oh, right. Fair enough.
There's a sack of spuds there.
261
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:52,230
You just keep peeling them until
we've run out of ways to cook them.
262
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:57,230
And Susan was telling me
your husband ran off, Dorothy?
263
00:13:57,240 --> 00:14:01,000
A number of times.
But he always came back.
264
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:07,590
Apparently, what I've got,
you can't find just anywhere.
265
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,270
Oh, I imagine there are pubs
all round here
266
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,520
where your sort are freely
available.
267
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:21,030
It's Sarah I worry about.
Marrying down into such a deprived
268
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:25,390
family, it really shows her
charitable side, doesn't it?
269
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,510
We might not have much...
270
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:31,000
Well, if this is your Good Room,
I'd say you might not have anything, Dorothy.
271
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,320
You poor thing.
272
00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:37,470
Cat got your tongue?
273
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:42,360
No, I'm just trying to loosen my
teeth so I can throw them at you.
274
00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,190
So, what time does your mum want me
round for dinner?
275
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:53,070
Dinner?
You're not coming for dinner.
276
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,830
What? Who's going to sing
the turkey in from the kitchen?
277
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,070
You're not me official boyfriend
any more, are you?
278
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,560
I want us
to be properly back together.
279
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:06,320
Vicki, you complete me.
280
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,470
Jerry Maguire?
281
00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,360
Are you trying to impress us
with lines from Jerry Maguire?
282
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,510
If you really want to impress me,
do us something to show us
283
00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:18,960
that you genuinely care.
284
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:25,230
I'm just a boy, standing in front
of a girl, asking her to love him.
285
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:26,550
I doubt it.
286
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:27,630
PHONE RINGS
287
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,270
Eee, me Mam's
ringing on me new phone.
288
00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,990
Hiya. We're just in Swayzes.
289
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,830
Gervaise is trying to impress us
290
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:39,070
with quotes from movies
like a bell-end.
291
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,550
All right. Right, ta-ra!
292
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:42,590
Dinner's ready!
293
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,350
ALL CHEER
294
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,790
Not yous. Just us.
295
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,630
GROANING
296
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,950
Vicki!
297
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,150
Christmas dinner, Ben. Yeah, lovely!
298
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,200
Vicki, wait!
299
00:15:56,320 --> 00:16:00,240
Right, Ben, Susan, Millie
and Sarah, you're in the Good Room end.
300
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,750
Which is also the kosher end,
in line with their beliefs.
301
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:05,750
Thank you, Pauline.
No thanks necessary.
302
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,630
In fact, this whole room is kosher,
just to be on the safe side.
303
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:13,030
The rest of yous,
if you're wanting pigs in blankets,
304
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,670
they're in the kitchen.
You'll have to eat them over the sink and then brush your teeth.
305
00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:19,830
I'm not having anyone say Pauline
Pearson's house isn't multi-faith.
306
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,870
Has that shiksa finished yet?
Can we eat?
307
00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:24,510
Not yet.
308
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,520
We can't eat
until we've all got our hats on.
309
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:30,510
You don't wear your hat...
310
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,630
TOGETHER: You don't get your dinner!
311
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,670
THEY WHOOP AND CHEER
312
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,720
SILENCE
313
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,240
Could you pass the peas?
314
00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,280
No.
315
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,150
Of course, Zurich is wonderful
this time of year.
316
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:14,310
The snow is...quite possibly the
whitest snow I've ever seen.
317
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:17,990
And the really great thing is that
the university is only five minutes from our place.
318
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,550
Would you say five minutes, Jack?
319
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,630
Five minutes.
320
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,680
Oh. Lovely.
321
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:29,430
Jack's novel!
Jack's been writing his new novel.
322
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,630
Just managed to fit it in around
looking after AJ, haven't you?
323
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,910
Yeah. I'm balancing the pressures
of being an author with childcare.
324
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,960
I call it typing and wiping.
325
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,030
The book?
326
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,200
No, me life.
327
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,630
Er, yeah, me new book.
328
00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,910
It's about a detective who doesn't
play by the rules,
329
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,550
he's like a maverick, a lone wolf.
330
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,110
But he can't get any sleep
331
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,510
because he's looking
after his new born son all day.
332
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,040
Set in Switzerland, is it?
333
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:58,910
Yeah, how did you know?
334
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:00,040
Sounds like shite.
335
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,750
Can the new old woman pass
the gravy, please?
336
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:08,510
She's been hogging it like it's
the bloody fountain of youth.
337
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,790
Right, that's it. I'm not wearing
this silly hat any longer!
338
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,150
No, howay, the rules are...
339
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,790
No, Joe! It is ridiculous.
It's ruining my hair.
340
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,670
I'm taking mine off too.
And so is Ben.
341
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,080
But... Take it off, Ben.
342
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,240
(Sorry.)
343
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:28,080
And the other night, we went to
a fondue party, didn't we, Jack?
344
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,080
Excuse me.
345
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,790
Pig in a blanket?
346
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,840
Don't talk about your gran
like that.
347
00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:41,480
Dad? You OK?
348
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,510
They won't wear the hats!
349
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,350
Oh, they're new to Christmas,
they don't understand our ways.
350
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,910
What's there to not
understand about hats?
351
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,710
I'm sorry, Jack, I just wanted
352
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,790
to have one last great Christmas
with the whole family.
353
00:18:55,800 --> 00:19:00,470
You're not going to be coming back
from Switzerland every year, are you, after this?
354
00:19:00,480 --> 00:19:03,030
You'll be skipping around
over there,
355
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,320
eating your fondue
in this extra white snow.
356
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,670
Dad, I hate Zurich! I hate it.
357
00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,470
It's so neat and nice and organised
and clean and...and...Swiss!
358
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,430
What?
359
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,150
I've got nowt done on me novel.
I just want to come home!
360
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:21,230
Sarah loves it, but I'm
stuck in a house all day with AJ.
361
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,550
And I know he's me son,
and I love him, but...
362
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,670
He just eats, sleeps and shits!
363
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,310
All to the constant soundtrack of
crying. Sometimes him, sometimes me.
364
00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:32,510
The only person I ever speak to is
the cleaner.
365
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,470
And she thinks I'm Scottish.
And Welsh!
366
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:36,520
THEY CRY
367
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,360
What are you doing here?
368
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,470
We're just having a little moment.
369
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,550
You cannot be crying in here.
370
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,510
This is where I come for me
cry on Christmas Day.
371
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,910
What?
372
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,470
When you're having your dinner,
I come in here for a little cry
373
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:03,390
because...none of you appreciate how
much hard work goes into it.
374
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:08,070
That's making me even sadder!
I'm sorry, love.
375
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,360
I'm so sorry, Mam, I never knew!
376
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:14,400
Right, come on, come on.
377
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,150
I'm not giving that Susan
378
00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,990
the satisfaction of seeing
my family in crisis.
379
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,080
Now...
380
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:28,670
Let's put our faces on,
and we're going to go back in there
381
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:31,360
and we're going to finish that
dinner.
382
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,800
Right. And smile!
383
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,640
Let's smack the bitches up!
384
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:44,510
Right. The car didn't work out,
so I've got you another present.
385
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,750
Aye. What is it this time?
The turkey from the orphanage?
386
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,440
Open your eyes.
387
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:56,760
Oh, my God! Ramsey! Get in here!
388
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,910
Look! A manger for little
baby Jack with a Q!
389
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,630
I bet no-one else in Hebburn's
got a manger!
390
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:10,390
Well, the shopping centre
hasn't...any more.
391
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,830
? Away in a manger
392
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,670
? No crib for a bed... ?
393
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,430
Did you not want to go to the pub
with everyone?
394
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,550
Oh, no, Susan. This is usually me
favourite part of the day.
395
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:28,670
Just me, all alone in me house.
Whipping this place back into shape with no-one to get on me nerves.
396
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:33,310
I have to hand it to you,
Pauline, I would have had a nervous breakdown if I'd had to do all this.
397
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:34,950
I expect you would.
398
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,950
It'd drive some people to tears,
399
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,630
but I find strength in knowing it's
just all part of being a mother.
400
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:46,150
I'm... I'm sorry about my mother.
She can be a little...
401
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,110
well, a lot...evil.
402
00:21:49,120 --> 00:21:54,190
Don't worry, I've spent the
last 30-odd years dealing with Dot.
403
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,110
I'm well schooled in evil.
404
00:21:57,120 --> 00:22:00,510
Wa-hey! Merry Christmas,
you folks!
405
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:04,310
Oh, my God!
Alreet, posh knickers?
406
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,950
Hiya, Denise, look, I got a new
phone for Christmas!
407
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,950
I've already changed
the screen saver. Look.
408
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,990
Oh! A picture of you,
what a shocker.
409
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,270
Howay, then, blondie,
how was Belgium?
410
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:16,070
You know it's Switzerland, silly.
I've got so much to tell you!
411
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:20,280
Oh, Sarah, it's Christmas,
not Swiss-mas.
412
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,190
Oh, I nearly forgot.
I got you a present!
413
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,360
Oh, thanks very much.
414
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,880
It's absinthe.
A traditional Swiss spirit.
415
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,270
The Romantic poets used to drink it.
416
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,310
And it gets you completely
spannered.
417
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,080
I'll be the judge of that.
418
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,030
So, shall I just get us
a bottle of wine to share?
419
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:46,440
Whoa! Whoa there, Rudolf.
First things first.
420
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,030
Shots?
421
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,440
Well remembered, my young
apprentice. Shots it is!
422
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,080
I think I've just tried to
be like her my whole life.
423
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,230
I think that's why I'm so...awful.
424
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:04,670
Aw, Susan, you're not awful.
425
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,630
Aren't I?
426
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:08,280
Yes! You are!
427
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:10,920
THEY GIGGLE
428
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:17,760
You're the worst woman
I've ever met!
429
00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,600
I dread you coming to me house!
430
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,760
You've ruined Winter Festival!
I mean Christmas!
431
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:30,590
Oh, Pauline, have I?
432
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:38,240
Oh! Oh, no, of course not. I can
honestly say it's been very unique.
433
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:45,310
Speaking of which, Santa's
coming down the chimney
434
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,400
and he's not stopping for a mince
pie, if you know what I mean.
435
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,910
Ladies, seeing as you two
are getting on so well, me and Susan
436
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,310
have decided to stop tidying up and
head down the pub with the others.
437
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,160
Now you take care of that bairn. Bye.
438
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,750
And off they go. Leaving us to it.
439
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:10,070
While they live life to the full.
That's the way with children.
440
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,990
You give birth to them...
..raise them.
441
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:15,630
Point out every little mistake so
they don't make fools of themselves.
442
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,310
And do we get any thanks?
443
00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:22,190
We do not.
We're two of a kind, eh, Dot?
444
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,190
And we know what the future
holds for us, don't we?
445
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,440
Cold, cold loneliness.
446
00:24:30,120 --> 00:24:33,590
Well, it might for you,
you miserable old pumpkin!
447
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:37,080
But I've still got
some heave-ho left in me.
448
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,320
MUSIC AND LAUGHTER
449
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,150
Having fun, girls?
450
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,630
Yeah, it's so good to be here.
451
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:54,950
It's such a shame we have to go back
to Switzerland.
452
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,990
But Jack just loves it over there.
Oh, does he now?
453
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,070
What do you mean?
What's he been saying?
454
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,990
Need a hand, Dad?
455
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,350
Did you tell your dad you're not
happy in Zurich?
456
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:05,470
Keep your voice down.
457
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,750
You know you lose your volume
control when you're drunk. You're like a foghorn...
458
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:10,190
that's drunk too much.
459
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,590
I see. So, you can't talk to me about
it when we're over there!
460
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,710
But the second you get back to
Hebburn you just spill your guts to your dad?
461
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,910
Brilliant.
This is going to kick right off.
462
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:18,990
What a belter.
463
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,390
It's all right for you!
You couldn't be happier with your whiter than white snow
464
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,990
and your five-minute
walk to work!
465
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:27,190
WHAT? So they can call me in
whenever they want? Are you mental?
466
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,350
I never see you, Jack!
I never see AJ!
467
00:25:29,360 --> 00:25:33,470
What do you want to do, then? Just
pack up and move back to Hebburn? YES! I want that more than anything!
468
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:37,870
Right, well, let's do that, then.
Good! Nothing would make me happier! Good! We're moving home, then.
469
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,920
Seriously? Are yous two coming home?
470
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,310
Are you sure this is what you want?
471
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,040
Yeah, I'm sure.
472
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:50,640
WE'RE COMING HOME!
473
00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:05,550
And...I think your Volvo's just
been found outside!
474
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:06,870
Has it?
475
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,110
And apparently it's been given
a full clean and
476
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,480
a full tank of petrol!
477
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:13,880
What about the camera?
478
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,470
Howay, you can't expect miracles,
son.
479
00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:20,630
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going
to sing again in a minute.
480
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:21,830
GROANING
481
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,640
But first, there's
something I must do.
482
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,280
Vicki Pearson,
you told me to show you I care.
483
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:32,280
So here you are.
484
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:40,200
Vicki, will you marry me?
485
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,000
What is that?
486
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:52,230
Is that a ring?
487
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,670
It's a picture of a ring.
I don't have any money,
488
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,560
but when I do, I'll get you any
one you want from the catalogue.
489
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:02,110
You're a knobhead, aren't you?
490
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:05,400
Yes. But I'm your knobhead.
491
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,320
I suppose you are.
492
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,560
Please, God, no.
493
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:21,560
You sleep, little one. You're better
off away from all these schmendriks.
494
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:27,640
Millie. This is Arthur.
He's my boyfriend.
495
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,110
Am I?
496
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:33,190
Until further notice, yes.
497
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:36,070
Now, kiss me and we'll show
498
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:41,440
Mrs Power Assisted Wheelchair just
how much life we've got left in us.
499
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:47,430
? They've got cars big as bars
500
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,350
? They've got rivers of gold
501
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:51,230
? But the wind goes right
through you
502
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,350
? No place for the old... ?
503
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,270
I got me Christmas present, then.
504
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:56,070
Getting our Jack back?
505
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,870
No, getting rid of our Vicki.
506
00:27:57,880 --> 00:27:58,910
? You were pretty
507
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:01,070
? Queen of New York City
508
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:02,670
TOGETHER ? When the band
finished playing
509
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,230
? They howled out for more
510
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,830
? Sinatra was swinging
511
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:07,710
? All the drunks they were
singing... ?
512
00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:09,430
Howay. Let's dance.
513
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,350
We haven't danced since your stroke.
514
00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:13,350
Well, I hope you can remember.
515
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:15,750
If you forget, just follow me hips,
516
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:17,520
Come on, then.
517
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:26,270
Oh, sit down, Ben.
518
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:27,880
No, come on, Susan.
519
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:32,590
? You're a bum, you're a punk
520
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:33,830
? You're an old slut on junk
521
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,790
? Lying there almost dead
On a drip in that bed
522
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:38,470
? You scumbag, you maggot
523
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:40,350
? You cheap lousy faggot
524
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,630
? Merry Christmas, your arse
525
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:43,150
? I hope this is your last
526
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:45,150
? The boys of the NYPD choir... ?
527
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:46,870
Best Christmas ever?
528
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:48,910
I was with you,
so, of course, it was.
529
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:49,950
Ah!
530
00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:51,390
?..bells are ringing out
531
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,160
? For Christmas Day. ?
532
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:06,150
? I could have been someone
533
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,960
? Well, so could anyone
534
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,310
? You took my dreams from me
535
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,310
? When I first found you
536
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:18,470
? I kept them with me, babe
537
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,910
? I put them with my own
538
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:22,480
? Can't make it all alone... ?
539
00:29:22,530 --> 00:29:27,080
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