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1
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:34,170
Come on, man, Joseph,
we've been sat here for ten minutes.
2
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:36,570
It's a people carrier,
not Apollo bloody 13.
3
00:00:36,580 --> 00:00:37,890
Hey, man, it's been a while.
4
00:00:37,900 --> 00:00:40,650
I'm just familiarizing myself
with the controls, like.
5
00:00:40,660 --> 00:00:42,530
Look, remember what the doctor said?
6
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:44,490
If you can drive the car
round the block twice,
7
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,650
that shows your co-ordination's back
on track. I'm not arsed about that.
8
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:50,010
Yeah, but if you do that,
then he'll let you go to the pub.
9
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:51,490
If you can walk there by yourself.
10
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,490
Now, that I am arsed about.
11
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:56,020
In the deepest of ironies,
you can't drink until you drive.
12
00:00:57,020 --> 00:01:01,930
Aw, look at you, my little darling.
13
00:01:01,940 --> 00:01:05,650
We didn't ever think you were
going come out of that incubator.
14
00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:09,890
But here you are, at last,
home, where you belong.
15
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:13,170
Well, not really. His real home
is at our house, isn't it?
16
00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:15,330
Rookie mistake.
17
00:01:15,340 --> 00:01:17,570
Listen to your mam,
she's all confused
18
00:01:17,580 --> 00:01:20,450
in the excitement, isn't she?
19
00:01:20,460 --> 00:01:24,970
This is your home whenever you
need it and if you ever need us,
20
00:01:24,980 --> 00:01:26,050
we will always...
21
00:01:26,060 --> 00:01:30,210
BUZZER GOES
Oh, there's me timer. Bairn, anyone?
22
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:31,890
Oh, give him here.
23
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:35,330
That's three trays of blueberry
cupcakes ready to come out.
24
00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:38,810
Be nice to have some
sort of affection for once.
25
00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:41,210
Are you all right, Dot?
She's missing Arthur,
26
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:42,770
so, in time-honoured tradition,
27
00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:44,980
she's making the rest of us
feel miserable about it.
28
00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:49,890
Well, it's a miserable world.
Yes, it is.
29
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:53,410
And no-one cares about
an old bird like me.
30
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:55,780
Well, why don't you
tell me about it?
31
00:01:56,780 --> 00:02:01,170
Well, Sarah, Arthur went to Canada
to sort out his brother's affairs.
32
00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:04,610
PHONE RINGS
Sorry.
33
00:02:04,620 --> 00:02:06,570
Hello? Hi!
34
00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:09,100
It's the university.
Yes, yes, I can talk.
35
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:14,090
I thought Arthur
would be home by now,
36
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,500
but it's been two months and...
37
00:02:17,620 --> 00:02:21,450
..and of course you're fast asleep.
38
00:02:21,460 --> 00:02:23,090
I'm not sure I'm ready.
39
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,610
Don't worry. We're not going to
be hitting 88 miles an hour and going back in time.
40
00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:30,170
Although, we could drive to Jarrow,
which in a way is back in time. Ha!
41
00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:32,530
But, seriously,
a couple of laps round the block
42
00:02:32,540 --> 00:02:35,450
from the South-Tyneside Stig and
you're one step closer to the pub!
43
00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:37,290
Great!
44
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:39,180
I'll just get me mirrors sorted.
45
00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:45,690
Oh, my God! I just got
a call about my PhD
46
00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:47,530
and you are now talking
to a doctor!
47
00:02:47,540 --> 00:02:49,810
That's brilliant!
48
00:02:49,820 --> 00:02:53,130
And...there's something else.
Give it to me straight, Doc.
49
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,730
Very funny. They sent it
over to Zurich University.
50
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:58,330
They've got a great
psychology department over there.
51
00:02:58,340 --> 00:02:59,930
Totally knew that.
52
00:02:59,940 --> 00:03:02,650
And they've offered me
a research post!
53
00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:04,090
Just like that!
54
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,530
And they said that they'd pay all
the relocation costs - everything.
55
00:03:07,540 --> 00:03:09,370
What did you say?
56
00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:13,650
I said no. Obviously.
It'd mean moving the whole family
57
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:16,290
and we're settled here.
58
00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:17,970
But aren't you proud of me?
59
00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,130
Yeah, brilliant.
60
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,260
OK, Thelma.
You have fun with Louise.
61
00:03:23,260 --> 00:03:25,930
Guess what, Sarah's passed her PhD.
Really?
62
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:29,570
I bet she'll have a lot
of use for that round here(!)
63
00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:33,770
Mind, we might be needing
a doctor after this.
64
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,460
To infinity and beyond!
65
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:45,090
Mam, do you think cupcakes
know that they're cupcakes?
66
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:48,090
That's deep. Right, Dot's
trying to get AJ to sleep.
67
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,650
I managed to talk her
out of using brandy.
68
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:53,290
Some big changes now
the bairn's home, eh?
69
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:56,370
You'll probably be putting your
career on hold. That's what I did.
70
00:03:56,380 --> 00:03:59,980
But don't worry, as you can see,
I came back in a blaze of glory.
71
00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:05,740
Well, no need, actually,
I had a call from uni and...
72
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:08,890
..I've passed my PhD!
73
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,450
BOTH: Eee!
74
00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:13,090
So, does that mean you're
a doctor now?
75
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:15,090
Ooh! It'd be good
if I could get a quote off you.
76
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:18,490
You know, for the side of the box,
saying my cupcakes make you happy.
77
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:21,090
If a proper doctor of psychology
would put her name to them,
78
00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:22,740
I'm sure it'd boost me sales.
79
00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:27,690
Well, I haven't had my final mark,
80
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,770
so I'm not fully qualified yet.
81
00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:32,770
But, when you are, will you be
able to write prescriptions?
82
00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:35,210
For some slimming pills, maybe?
83
00:04:35,220 --> 00:04:37,450
Vicki, you're not overweight.
84
00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:40,370
No, not for me, man. I'm perfect.
85
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,900
I meant for you! Just to get
some of that chunk off you.
86
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,650
Vicki, I've just had a baby.
87
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:48,650
This will happen to you
when you have one.
88
00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:51,170
Oh, no, thanks.
After seeing what it did to you,
89
00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:54,810
my womb is closed until
further notice!
90
00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:55,900
OK.
91
00:04:57,220 --> 00:05:00,450
So...how's everything going
with your boyfriend?
92
00:05:00,460 --> 00:05:04,210
Aw, Lindsay? Aw, he's lush, man.
93
00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:06,290
He took us to the
ballet the other night.
94
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:07,850
Really?! Did you enjoy it?
95
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:09,340
Aye. I got hammered.
96
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:13,570
And how's Gervaise
dealing with the break up?
97
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:16,050
Gervaise? Oh, he's fine, man.
98
00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:18,900
He's still singing down Swayze's,
so he must be all right.
99
00:05:20,580 --> 00:05:24,250
? When I hurt myself
I think of you
100
00:05:24,260 --> 00:05:28,570
? And when I curse myself
It's cos of you
101
00:05:28,580 --> 00:05:33,690
? And when I cry at night
I go boo hoo, boo hoo. ?
102
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,010
Someone should do something.
? Boo hoo, boo hoo! ?
103
00:05:37,020 --> 00:05:40,090
Get off, you're shite!
104
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,450
Aye, that's exactly
what I had in mind.
105
00:05:42,460 --> 00:05:44,610
? Boo hoo, boo hoo! ?
106
00:05:44,620 --> 00:05:46,890
Oi, Keith, put him out of his misery!
107
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:50,050
? Boo hoo, boo hoo! ?
108
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:53,290
Hey, come on!
I can't sing without me microphone!
109
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:56,740
EVERYONE CHEERS
110
00:05:59,500 --> 00:06:03,090
Everyone! Me dad's coming in for his
first pint since the stroke.
111
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:06,330
And it's a big thing for him,
right, so don't make a fuss!
112
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,170
I want him to keep his dignity.
113
00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:12,250
Howay! Come on, you're nearly
there. Come on, not much further.
114
00:06:12,260 --> 00:06:14,380
Yes, come on!
115
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:17,700
Run, Forrest, run!
116
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:24,210
I'll have a...
117
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:25,570
I'll have a...
118
00:06:25,580 --> 00:06:29,530
A pint of bitter for me dad, please,
Christine and an oxygen chaser. And I'll have a lager.
119
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:32,330
Right you are.
Can I interest you in a cupcake?
120
00:06:32,340 --> 00:06:35,250
Local business made them.
Tell her...
121
00:06:35,260 --> 00:06:37,410
We've kind of come out to get
away from cupcakes.
122
00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:39,090
They've taken over me whole house.
123
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,530
Everywhere I look, I see cupcakes.
124
00:06:41,540 --> 00:06:44,090
Then at night, in me dreams,
I see cupcakes...
125
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:45,490
chasing us.
126
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,300
Some of them are as big as sheds.
127
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:52,580
I think it's the walk that did it.
128
00:06:54,460 --> 00:06:58,530
Can't have been the pint,
he's only had a sip. Oh, well, waste not, want not.
129
00:06:58,540 --> 00:07:01,570
Leave it.
I thought you were asleep!
130
00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:05,410
I'm not asleep, I'm regrouping.
Fair enough.
131
00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:08,010
Right, I've got to go
and talk to Sarah about something.
132
00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:10,450
And all the excitement here's
getting a bit much for me.
133
00:07:10,460 --> 00:07:11,650
Lightweight.
134
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:15,620
Lindsay, can you make sure this
party animal gets home all right? It would be my honour.
135
00:07:17,380 --> 00:07:19,380
And what would you know of honour?
136
00:07:21,460 --> 00:07:24,610
Gervaise. How are you?
137
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:26,290
I'm in hell.
138
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:30,770
My mojo's gone, I think the crowds
are picking up on my sadness.
139
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:32,610
It's turning their
hearts against me.
140
00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:34,650
I think it's their ears
that are doing that.
141
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:37,540
Plus, to top it all off,
someone's defaced the mural.
142
00:07:41,140 --> 00:07:44,970
Is that a beard?
No, mate, it's balls.
143
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:47,860
Do you know what it feels like to
have balls on your chin?
144
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:52,810
Oh, yeah.
145
00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:55,330
Are you mental, woman?
Sorry?
146
00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,810
You're going to let the job
of your dreams slip away
147
00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:00,770
just so your lad can stop here
and knock about with us?
148
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:04,610
And work at a newspaper that's
that bad it even employs my lad?!
149
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,100
I don't really see it like that.
150
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:13,450
Sarah, I'm qualified for one thing -
151
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,410
working at the old folks' home.
152
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:17,970
And I know I'm going to
end up working there
153
00:08:17,980 --> 00:08:20,290
until I end up living there.
154
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,970
But this... This is a chance
for you to really make
155
00:08:23,980 --> 00:08:26,050
something of yourself, man!
156
00:08:26,060 --> 00:08:28,620
Get yourself away to
Belgium, you daft tart!
157
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,850
Zurich's in Switzerland, Denise.
158
00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:35,180
And Switzerland's in Belgium, Sarah.
159
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:41,250
God, I hope you don't patronise them
as much when you get over there.
160
00:08:41,260 --> 00:08:42,900
Hello, my angel!
161
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:45,850
Oh...and her friend, the devil.
162
00:08:45,860 --> 00:08:47,650
You want to mind your mouth,
pompom head.
163
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,970
This lass has sacrificed a
whole career for you today.
164
00:08:49,980 --> 00:08:52,890
Aye, I know that, I actually came
home early to talk to her about it.
165
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,370
Look at her, man, just giving
it up, just like that,
166
00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:58,090
so you can stay here at your daft
newspaper and write stories
167
00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:00,090
about nowt that no-one
wants to read. Ever.
168
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,530
Thanks for that, Denise, but I was
169
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:04,370
going to tell her that I couldn't
give a toss about the newspaper.
170
00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:08,810
You should be saying, "Do you know
what? This Belgium could be the best thing that's ever happened to us.
171
00:09:08,820 --> 00:09:13,010
"Put your best knickers in a carrier
bag, we're leaving!" But will you say that, Jack? Will you? No.
172
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,570
Yes. That's exactly what
I was going to say.
173
00:09:15,580 --> 00:09:18,530
Apart from the knickers bit.
Really? Really?
174
00:09:18,540 --> 00:09:20,890
Yes, if mouth here would let us
get a word in,
175
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:23,330
I was going to say, "You should
definitely take the job."
176
00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:26,970
The newspaper's going down the pan,
anyway. I'm just watching it go round the U-bend.
177
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:29,410
Are you're sure about this?
What about your family?
178
00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:33,090
You and that little lad upstairs in
the nursery, you're me family now.
179
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,890
I've got to do what's best for
us. Hang on, Belgium?
180
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,060
I'll...I'll explain later, come here.
181
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:43,020
DENISE SOBS
182
00:09:44,820 --> 00:09:47,370
Are you crying, Denise?
183
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:51,100
Aw, bollocks, man,
it's just so lovely.
184
00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:55,090
It's me hormones,
I've been having...
185
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:58,940
emotions. They reckon I should be
shot of them once the baby's gone.
186
00:10:02,780 --> 00:10:06,490
OK. So we're off to Switzerland!
187
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:09,330
Is your mum going to be
all right with this?
188
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:10,500
Oh, shit.
189
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,570
Pauline, Pauline,
190
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,450
sometimes when we get bad news,
191
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:18,090
we throw ourselves into our work.
192
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:21,250
Well, you can throw yourself
into cracking half a dozen eggs in that bowl.
193
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:23,970
I'm upset about Jack and Sarah
going to Switzerland as well!
194
00:10:23,980 --> 00:10:26,130
But we have to accept
it's what's best for them.
195
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:30,650
Don't know what he's on about. Jack
and Sarah going to Switzerland? I've never heard of anything so daft.
196
00:10:30,660 --> 00:10:32,930
Don't bother, Joe,
she won't listen.
197
00:10:32,940 --> 00:10:36,530
Just like she didn't listen to me
about the wallpaper in the hallway,
198
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:38,820
and look how that's
come back to bite her.
199
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:42,610
Oh, I forgot to say,
I have got us tickets
200
00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:45,290
for that Croatian mime
show this afternoon.
201
00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:47,330
I know you're going to get
a lot out of it.
202
00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:50,330
Aye, I'll do some Jagerbombs
just to make sure I'm out of it.
203
00:10:50,340 --> 00:10:52,330
Hang on. This afternoon? Yeah.
204
00:10:52,340 --> 00:10:54,690
No, it's Gervaise's album
launch this afternoon.
205
00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:57,410
So? You don't have to be there.
206
00:10:57,420 --> 00:10:59,090
Well, of course I do!
207
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:02,490
I'm the executive producer,
I take this very seriously.
208
00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:05,370
Oh, it's Big Keith.
Eee, is that a...?
209
00:11:05,380 --> 00:11:08,370
Saveloy dip. They've just
boiled them up. What are they?
210
00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:10,130
It's like a sausage.
But they boil it.
211
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:13,290
Then they take the bread bun and
they dip it in the hot sausage juice.
212
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:17,090
Then they whack pease pudding
on and then I am very happy.
213
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:21,700
Oh, God, I could murder one. Do you
fancy one, Lindsay, pet? Erm...
214
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,650
I thought you were all about new
experiences and growing as a person?
215
00:11:25,660 --> 00:11:27,770
Yeah, but I don't want
to grow a tumour.
216
00:11:27,780 --> 00:11:30,810
You don't know
what's in these things. How?
217
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:34,290
It's definitely some kind of meat.
I won't risk it, thanks.
218
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:38,650
How, man? I did all of that
stuff that you wanted to do!
219
00:11:38,660 --> 00:11:41,970
That opera would have been agony
if I didn't bring me iPod.
220
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:46,330
And that charity ball... That was
dead boring until we got lashed.
221
00:11:46,340 --> 00:11:49,730
I'm sorry. You're right.
222
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:53,380
We should always be
showing each other new things.
223
00:11:56,420 --> 00:11:58,050
I think I'm going to die.
224
00:11:58,060 --> 00:12:01,570
I know! Die and go to heaven.
225
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:03,690
Oh! I need a drink!
226
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:05,820
Now you're talking my language!
227
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:09,570
Mam? You all right?
228
00:12:09,580 --> 00:12:12,690
Dad says you were having a bit of
trouble accepting we're moving away?
229
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:16,130
"Moving away"!
Listen to you! Have you heard them?
230
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:18,970
Jack, you're not going anywhere,
you've got a new-born baby,
231
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:21,650
so you'll need your
family here to help out.
232
00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:26,690
And Dot who...brings her own
special magic to any occasion.
233
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:32,930
It's inevitable, I suppose, everyone
goes away, just like my Arthur.
234
00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:35,570
That's kind of what they're here
to talk to you about?
235
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,530
What? Dot?
236
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:40,690
You learn to block her out
after ten...20 years.
237
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,170
Pauline. We are going away.
238
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:46,370
On Saturday, Mam. The flights are
booked, the house is all packed up.
239
00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:48,930
Look, can we have enough
of this nonsense?
240
00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:51,850
I've got a business to
run here! And, look, see!
241
00:12:51,860 --> 00:12:53,610
There, you're upsetting your father.
242
00:12:53,620 --> 00:12:55,620
Pauline, they're going,
they really are.
243
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:59,980
Well, he makes a better welder
than he does a singer.
244
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:04,210
You all right, Denise? Hi, Vic.
245
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:07,970
Right, shall we get a seat and
get settled in? I'm feeling a proper session coming on!
246
00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:10,330
Erm, Gervaise wants you
to introduce him.
247
00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:12,170
He's written down what
he wants you to say.
248
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:14,010
Vicki, we have got theatre tickets.
249
00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:17,010
It's an early show, five o'clock,
so can we just get this over with
250
00:13:17,020 --> 00:13:18,170
and be on our way?
251
00:13:18,180 --> 00:13:21,370
All right, man! Howay then, let's
get cracking. Where's Gervaise?
252
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,890
Behind that curtain.
253
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,810
Been waiting for over an
hour for you.
254
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:26,340
Howay, just read it out, OK?
255
00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:34,140
Right, you lot, settle down.
There you go, pet, you crack on.
256
00:13:36,020 --> 00:13:37,260
Yous all right?
257
00:13:38,980 --> 00:13:43,010
"Thank you for coming to the launch
of Gervaise's first debut album -
258
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:46,210
"Hot Guilt, by Gervaise,
259
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:50,450
"executive produced by Vicki
Pearson!"
260
00:13:50,460 --> 00:13:52,130
Woo!
261
00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:54,210
"Gervaise knows that none of you
262
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,820
"have ever really believed
in him and...
263
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:00,660
"..and to most of you
he is a bit of a joke.
264
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:04,810
"But he'd like to say that
sometimes it just takes one person
265
00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:06,610
"to think you're special.
266
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:10,530
"And that person makes you carry on.
And that person is..."
267
00:14:10,540 --> 00:14:12,170
me. Howay, man, get on with it!
268
00:14:12,180 --> 00:14:14,340
We're waiting to do
the meat raffle!
269
00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:22,930
So, without further ado, please
welcome to the stage...Gervaise!
270
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:28,930
? You, you're my rock
You're the tick to my tock
271
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:32,490
? You're my pants
I'm your socks
272
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:37,010
? I'm a rat, you're the docks
You're my rock
273
00:14:37,020 --> 00:14:40,090
? So let's roll together. ?
274
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:41,850
Can we please get going now?
275
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,650
Nah, man, let's just sack it off -
276
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:46,810
I want to see how the first album
I've ever executive produced
277
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,330
goes down with the public.
278
00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:49,850
Come on, let's face it,
279
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:53,260
all you've done is roll
a turd in some glitter.
280
00:14:55,940 --> 00:14:57,410
You know what?
281
00:14:57,420 --> 00:15:00,500
I'm starting to think maybe
you're the glittery turd.
282
00:15:01,540 --> 00:15:06,770
? You're like sex
Sexy sex, sexy sex
283
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,970
? Sexy sex. ?
284
00:15:08,980 --> 00:15:11,650
Ohh! Ah!
285
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:14,490
Me bairn! I think it's coming!
286
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:17,050
Right. Out the way, come on.
She's having a baby.
287
00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:19,330
Denise! You all right?
Do you want me to come with you?
288
00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:22,850
Absolutely not. Ooh! It's like me
uterus is being wrung out.
289
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:26,370
I think that is going to be
a great experience for Denise.
290
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:28,450
It's really going
to give her some depth.
291
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:31,450
Oh, for Christ's sakes!
292
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:34,290
Vicky. Vicky, wait!
293
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,770
? Yeah, baby, you know what I mean
294
00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:38,140
? You're my rock... ?
295
00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:42,970
Aaah! Bur... Ah!
296
00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:44,700
What?
297
00:15:47,620 --> 00:15:49,490
You all right?
What's going on?
298
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,090
I was putting it on, wasn't I?
299
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,850
I'm not sitting there
listening to her
300
00:15:52,860 --> 00:15:54,410
whinge her way through me night out.
301
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,730
THEY LAUGH
Right. Chips.
302
00:15:56,740 --> 00:16:00,530
Oh, what the...? Bloody hell!
303
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:02,850
Ah-hah! Brilliant.
304
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:05,450
No, this is real. It's really...
305
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:07,970
Ah, yer bugger to hell...real!
306
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:09,260
Shit.
307
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:13,650
? You're my rock! ?
308
00:16:13,660 --> 00:16:16,130
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
309
00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:18,170
Mam, I'm sorry this is hard for you,
310
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:23,050
but on Saturday, me, Sarah and AJ,
we're all moving to Switzerland
311
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:27,170
for a life of properly funded
academia and triangular chocolate.
312
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:28,540
Really?
313
00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:34,930
On Saturday? To bloody Switzerland!
314
00:16:34,940 --> 00:16:37,620
Even I picked that much up.
315
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,770
Joe,
how could you keep this from us?
316
00:16:41,780 --> 00:16:43,490
I never kept it from you.
317
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,490
I've been telling you again
and again but you didn't listen,
318
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:49,330
cos for the last three months,
you've had cupcakes for ears.
319
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:52,730
Oh, I knew a woman who had that.
Turned out to be wax.
320
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:55,060
Aw, me bairns!
321
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:03,490
You're going away and I'm so sorry,
I've let this stupid baking business
322
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,100
get in the way of everything,
haven't I?
323
00:17:08,620 --> 00:17:10,100
You've got four yeses.
324
00:17:14,940 --> 00:17:16,370
Smoking, babes?
325
00:17:16,380 --> 00:17:19,500
Yes, babes! I'm bloody smoking.
326
00:17:23,020 --> 00:17:24,410
Look, what I said back there,
327
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,900
it's only because
I want to help you to grow.
328
00:17:28,060 --> 00:17:31,900
You know what, Lindsay, I think
I'm sick of growing.
329
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:37,410
Funnily enough, I think
I've outgrown growing.
330
00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:39,570
What are you saying?
331
00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:42,370
Well, everything you've taken us
to has been dead boring.
332
00:17:42,380 --> 00:17:44,930
I had to get your family drunk
just so they'd stop talking
333
00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:47,570
about house prices
and what the best schools are.
334
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:49,170
Those things are important though.
335
00:17:49,180 --> 00:17:52,210
Aye, but not to me.
336
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,970
SHE SIGHS
337
00:17:53,980 --> 00:17:56,930
I just want us to have a laugh.
338
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:58,890
That's who I am.
339
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,930
And I adore who you are.
340
00:18:00,940 --> 00:18:03,770
No, I think you adore what you think
I might become,
341
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:06,450
if you knock all
the rough edges off.
342
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:10,930
But...I'm proud of me edges.
343
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:13,700
They keep us...edgy.
344
00:18:15,820 --> 00:18:20,490
OK, yeah, I suppose
I can put up with that.
345
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,410
That's just it,
I don't want to be with someone
346
00:18:23,420 --> 00:18:25,890
if they're just putting up with us.
347
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,060
Please don't say it's over.
348
00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:31,780
Look, flower...
349
00:18:34,260 --> 00:18:36,530
..I feel for you,
350
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:40,740
I really do and it's not your fault.
351
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:45,780
You're just not from Hebburn.
352
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:49,980
Can we still be friends?
353
00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:53,170
Why, like?
354
00:18:53,180 --> 00:18:54,900
So this is goodbye?
355
00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:58,700
Ta-ra, pet.
356
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:12,260
SHE CACKLES WITH LAUGHTER
357
00:19:14,780 --> 00:19:18,090
Hang on.
Here comes another contraction.
358
00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:19,890
Time to ride the lightning!
359
00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:23,050
Does it hurt? Does it hurt?
360
00:19:23,060 --> 00:19:25,930
Nowt! I felt nowt!
361
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:28,850
BOTH LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY
362
00:19:28,860 --> 00:19:32,410
You and your husband having fun,
now you've found the gas and air?
363
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,770
BOTH CACKLE
364
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:38,490
Husband! She thinks we're married!
365
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,650
The baby's not even mine!
366
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:43,490
THEY CONTINUE TO LAUGH
367
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,330
What?
368
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:48,050
LAUGHTER SUBSIDES
369
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:49,850
CHEERING
370
00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:53,770
A proper roast dinner for Jack
and Sarah's last night in Hebburn.
371
00:19:53,780 --> 00:19:56,850
Joe why don't you carve
with your reactivated arm? Aye.
372
00:19:56,860 --> 00:19:59,650
Mind, it'll probably taste
all cupcakey,
373
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:03,810
because that's the only thing that's
been in that stove for six months!
374
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:08,130
The taste of home cooking - blueberry
and choc chip chicken dinner.
375
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,220
It sounds good to me.
376
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:15,010
You're quiet tonight.
Bit of an unexpected bonus.
377
00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:19,290
I'm still reeling from the break up
of me latest relationship, aren't I?
378
00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:22,330
But for you, relationships
are like buses, aren't they?
379
00:20:22,340 --> 00:20:25,210
They all break down eventually.
Mam! Will you tell him!
380
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:26,690
Shush, yous.
381
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:30,930
Now, before we tuck in, me and your
dad have got an announcement.
382
00:20:30,940 --> 00:20:33,290
We are shutting down
the bakery business.
383
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:34,890
DAD AND GRANNY DOT CHEER
384
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,210
Hold on, I thought the business
was a dream come true!
385
00:20:37,220 --> 00:20:39,970
You said you were like
Erin Brockovich but with baked goods?
386
00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:41,650
Well, I... A dream?
387
00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:44,050
More like a bloody nightmare!
388
00:20:44,060 --> 00:20:48,530
I realise I've been
neglecting you all. Me most of all.
389
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:52,290
And yous are the most important
things in me life.
390
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:53,570
Aww!
391
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:55,570
So that's it. It's gone.
392
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:57,210
It's time to move on.
393
00:20:57,220 --> 00:21:01,810
Aye, well, why don't you move on and
get the gravy for the dinner? Oh!
394
00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:04,410
Aren't you going to miss the money?
395
00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:07,610
It never made any money.
Oven on all day, the leccy bill
396
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,130
looked like an
unemployment statistic.
397
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:12,370
Why you telling the midwife
you're not the father?
398
00:21:12,380 --> 00:21:14,490
Are you calling us a slag,
while I'm having a baby?
399
00:21:14,500 --> 00:21:16,210
No, I would never
do anything like that.
400
00:21:16,220 --> 00:21:17,450
Cos if you are,
401
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,570
I'll have this bairn,
I'll jump off this bed
402
00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:21,730
and I'll slap the very face off you.
403
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:22,810
No, look.
404
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:26,330
I can't be the father,
because after Hutchy was born,
405
00:21:26,340 --> 00:21:28,570
I had a vasectomy.
406
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,570
So, how am I pregnant then?
407
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:32,490
Well, did you sleep with anyone
408
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,490
just before me and you hooked up?
409
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:35,730
Oh, aye.
410
00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:38,810
But why did you stay with us
if you knew it wasn't your bairn?
411
00:21:38,820 --> 00:21:40,570
I love you, Denise.
412
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:42,260
More than anything else
in the world.
413
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:48,500
Well, you're...
You're stupider than you look then.
414
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:55,290
Oh. Ohhhhh!
415
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:58,410
This one hurts. Ohhh-ho-ho!
416
00:21:58,420 --> 00:22:00,250
Aha, lad!
417
00:22:00,260 --> 00:22:04,930
Right, if you'll excuse me,
I need to go upstairs.
418
00:22:04,940 --> 00:22:08,370
I've got some books
coming out in hardback.
419
00:22:08,380 --> 00:22:10,050
SOFT MUSIC PLAYS
420
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:13,490
What's that?
It's coming from outside.
421
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,130
? She was me
422
00:22:16,140 --> 00:22:18,810
? We were one
423
00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:21,130
? We were free
424
00:22:21,140 --> 00:22:24,730
? And if there's somebody
425
00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:26,170
? Calling me on...
426
00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:27,810
Vicky! I think it's for you!
427
00:22:27,820 --> 00:22:30,100
? She's the one
428
00:22:33,460 --> 00:22:36,050
? And if there's somebody
429
00:22:36,060 --> 00:22:39,050
? Calling me on
430
00:22:39,060 --> 00:22:41,730
? She's the one... ?
431
00:22:41,740 --> 00:22:43,730
What are you doing?
432
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:47,170
I'm serenading you.
It's what men in love do.
433
00:22:47,180 --> 00:22:49,410
They shout to the whole world,
434
00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:53,650
"I'm in love with Vicky Pearson,
and I don't care who knows it!"
435
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:56,460
We know that now, gobshite!
Just shut up!
436
00:22:58,100 --> 00:23:01,250
Gervaise, I'm very touched.
437
00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:05,010
And that's what I want.
To touch you.
438
00:23:05,020 --> 00:23:07,020
Howay, man, me arms are knacking.
439
00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:09,610
I cannit do it!
440
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:12,690
Come on, pet, you can.
It's only been 36 hours.
441
00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:15,650
I cannit, man, Ramsey,
please make it stop.
442
00:23:15,660 --> 00:23:19,370
Make it sto-o-o-op!
443
00:23:19,380 --> 00:23:22,250
What's wrong with you, man?
Have you gone soft?
444
00:23:22,260 --> 00:23:25,020
You cannit even give birth
to a tiny little baby?
445
00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:31,450
SHE STRAINS
446
00:23:31,460 --> 00:23:34,130
Aaahhh!
447
00:23:34,140 --> 00:23:39,650
Aaaaghhh!
448
00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:42,530
SHE SCREAMS AND STRAINS
449
00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:44,250
BABY CRIES
450
00:23:44,260 --> 00:23:45,620
It's a girl!
451
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,500
A little girl?
452
00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:52,260
Have we got a little girl?
453
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:55,940
And now, she has her mammy.
454
00:23:58,300 --> 00:24:00,650
I'm a mammy!
455
00:24:00,660 --> 00:24:04,260
And I'm the proudest dad
in the world.
456
00:24:06,020 --> 00:24:07,340
What we going to call her?
457
00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:11,050
Jack. What?
458
00:24:11,060 --> 00:24:14,770
Jaq, with a Q.
459
00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:17,770
Right. Is that French, like?
460
00:24:17,780 --> 00:24:19,540
Aye, probably.
461
00:24:22,380 --> 00:24:25,860
Look at you. Little Jaq
with a Q.
462
00:24:28,220 --> 00:24:31,460
I love you.
I love her too.
463
00:24:33,060 --> 00:24:39,460
No. You, man. I love you,
you goggle-eyed muppet.
464
00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:42,820
Aye. Cushty.
465
00:24:43,820 --> 00:24:47,890
I know I'm going to regret this,
466
00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:49,700
but will you marry us?
467
00:24:52,180 --> 00:24:53,610
It's a bit sudden, like.
468
00:24:53,620 --> 00:24:55,210
SHE SPLUTTERS WITH LAUGHTER
469
00:24:55,220 --> 00:24:58,290
Listen, Gervaise, I don't doubt
your feelings.
470
00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:02,250
But I think maybe I just need
some time for meself, like.
471
00:25:02,260 --> 00:25:03,890
You know, to be on me own for a bit.
472
00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:05,650
But that's exactly what I want.
473
00:25:05,660 --> 00:25:08,210
To be with you, when you're alone.
474
00:25:08,220 --> 00:25:10,090
I can sing you something else,
if you like.
475
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:12,290
What about an extended
Cheryl medley?
476
00:25:12,300 --> 00:25:13,460
What?
477
00:25:14,780 --> 00:25:17,050
If you really loved us...
478
00:25:17,060 --> 00:25:20,410
For now,
you'll be happy with just friends.
479
00:25:20,420 --> 00:25:22,930
With benefits?
480
00:25:22,940 --> 00:25:24,580
More like friends on benefits.
481
00:25:28,140 --> 00:25:32,010
You get yerself away, I'll probably
pop in during the week.
482
00:25:32,020 --> 00:25:35,780
Wednesday's my mid-week
Motown Metal Mashup Mayhem.
483
00:25:36,940 --> 00:25:39,130
See you Wednesday then.
484
00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:40,890
You will.
485
00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:42,140
Yeah.
486
00:25:45,060 --> 00:25:52,250
MUSIC: "She's The One"
by Robbie Williams
487
00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:53,860
Howay.
488
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:59,770
? I was her
489
00:25:59,780 --> 00:26:02,340
? She was me... ?
490
00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:05,530
Look, I think we both
know you're going
491
00:26:05,540 --> 00:26:09,090
because you can't handle the fact
that I'm the favourite.
492
00:26:09,100 --> 00:26:10,340
I'll miss you too.
493
00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:14,890
Bye, sis.
494
00:26:14,900 --> 00:26:17,650
Sis? I'm a sister, am I?
I've always wanted a sister.
495
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:20,010
Anything but a brother.
496
00:26:20,020 --> 00:26:21,730
Any last words, Gran?
497
00:26:21,740 --> 00:26:24,850
Arthur! Dorothy.
498
00:26:24,860 --> 00:26:27,410
And what have you come round for?
499
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:29,410
To see if you missed me?
500
00:26:29,420 --> 00:26:31,250
Not that I noticed.
501
00:26:31,260 --> 00:26:32,580
Ah, young love.
502
00:26:34,620 --> 00:26:38,060
Mam? Are you holding it in?
Trying to be strong?
503
00:26:40,860 --> 00:26:45,690
Mam, I love you. If we could
make it work, we'd stay here.
504
00:26:45,700 --> 00:26:49,130
He's right, Pauline, I was
so frightened about coming here
505
00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:52,650
and meeting you all and...now
I'm frightened about leaving.
506
00:26:52,660 --> 00:26:54,730
Wherever yous are,
whenever you're sad,
507
00:26:54,740 --> 00:26:57,610
there's always a cuddle
waiting here for yous.
508
00:26:57,620 --> 00:26:59,820
And about 200 leftover cupcakes!
509
00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:04,530
By the way, I knitted this for AJ.
510
00:27:04,540 --> 00:27:08,330
Oh, Pauline, it's gorgeous.
Thank you so much.
511
00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:10,210
What's with the little
pocket on the back?
512
00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:13,170
Mind, that's for when you've
got the baby at customs.
513
00:27:13,180 --> 00:27:17,050
You can stick all your passports
and visas in the pocket.
514
00:27:17,060 --> 00:27:19,570
Now, you'll ring us
once you've checked in?
515
00:27:19,580 --> 00:27:23,770
And when you get to the departure
gate? Yeah.
516
00:27:23,780 --> 00:27:25,330
And when you land?
517
00:27:25,340 --> 00:27:27,330
She's not very good
at saying goodbyes.
518
00:27:27,340 --> 00:27:29,970
There's one I've been
practising for years.
519
00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:31,620
Bye, Mam. See you, darling.
520
00:27:34,540 --> 00:27:36,090
You all set?
521
00:27:36,100 --> 00:27:38,570
Aye. I'm just scared, like.
522
00:27:38,580 --> 00:27:40,890
Well, if you didn't love them,
you wouldn't be scared.
523
00:27:40,900 --> 00:27:42,370
I mean, look at your sister.
524
00:27:42,380 --> 00:27:43,940
I love her, but she terrifies me.
525
00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:59,900
TAXI ENGINE STARTS UP
526
00:28:07,900 --> 00:28:09,700
Mam. Plane tickets?
527
00:28:14,660 --> 00:28:16,660
You cannit blame us for trying.
528
00:28:19,780 --> 00:28:22,290
? When you get to where you wanna go
529
00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:24,930
? And you know the things
You wanna know
530
00:28:24,940 --> 00:28:30,380
? You're smiling
531
00:28:32,260 --> 00:28:34,450
? When you've said what you wanna say
532
00:28:34,460 --> 00:28:38,130
? And you know the way
You wanna play it
533
00:28:38,140 --> 00:28:45,810
? You'll be so high you'll be flying
534
00:28:45,820 --> 00:28:48,050
? I was her
535
00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:51,370
? She was me
536
00:28:51,380 --> 00:28:53,250
? And if there's somebody
537
00:28:53,260 --> 00:28:56,530
? Calling me on
538
00:28:56,540 --> 00:29:01,220
? She's the one. ?
539
00:29:01,270 --> 00:29:05,820
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