Original subtitles

[singing in foreign language]

[upbeat music]

[singing in foreign language]

- What a shocker for Morelli and

the Lobster season about to come to an end.

- Well we can't say Coach Morelli

is not used to that feeling.

[jet engine roaring]

- Jack we're they really that bad?

- Dropped 32 in a row, hard to believe.

Doing a major football story about Morelli

yet he never played a day of football in his entire life.

- Never, not even once.

- Not even Pop Warner.

- That is unusual.

- [Jack] Very.

- Well one thing's for sure, Coach Morelli very fortunate.

- But the pigeon wasn't.

- Heard a little bit about that.

- Well Morelli will tell you all about it.

Oh a warning.

Morelli really gets upset if his name is mispronounced.

Something happened to him, an event in his childhood.

Be careful.

- Point taken.

- [Jack] So what have you learned?

- About?

- About the ladies that became Lobsters--

- Cheerleaders.

- Lobsterettes.

- Lobsterettes yes.

- Fumiko from--

- [Jack] And Yoko.

- Fumiko and Yoko.

Well from what I've read very famous in Japan.

Members of the Purple Lotus Blossom Society.

Apparently big stuff.

- So you have learned something.

- I've picked up a thing or two.

- Good.

If I can take a nap, wake me when we get close.

- Will do.

[singing in foreign language]

Coach Morelli thank you so much for taking this meeting.

- [Morelli] Look at this, look at this.

Toshi my helper, he did that painting there.

All this is imported.

- Is that?

- 24 carat gold.

I made a special trip to Rattle Snake Creek, Montana.

Best gold in the country, look at that.

You can touch it.

- 24 carat, and the eyes they look like--

- Real rubies.

Come on let me show you the rest of the place.

You want a saki or maybe a gekkeikan.

It's a plum wine, it's delicious.

Go ahead sit, sit sit.

[dogs barking]

Oh that's Suki and Yapi, those are my little dogs.

Don't worry they only attack on command.

[dogs barking]

And this is Toshi my helper.

- And what does Toshi do?

- Toshi he, he's got this...

With the...

With the...

I'm not sure.

Hey Toshi get us some of that unagi from the fridge okay.

- Unagi, excellent choice Coach Morelli.

The legend say he die happy.

- Toshi how about bringing us some

[attempting to speak in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

Yeah yeah that yeah.

- Another bottle in the storage closet, Toshi check.

[dogs barking]

- Chihuahuas, very affectionate I've heard, boy girl?

- Not sure, try check but they growl.

Even veterinarian doctor not know.

Bitten twice, veterinarian's wife say.

Good boy Suki, Yapi.

[dogs growling]

Ooh Suke, Yapi let's go.

- Hey, correct me if I'm wrong but

you're Jack Stamford right?

- Yep that's me.

- Wow you know, call me crazy but when it was a kid

the first pro game that I have ever seen

was Cleveland against New York, and you--

- During my entire career never

missed a game against New York.

- You were a tight end right?

- Close, I was wide receiver for most of my career.

Over 12 years with Cleveland before I got traded.

Couldn't overcome torn ACL, that finished me.

- Yeah you were great as I remember.

- Thanks.

Anyway after my career turned to the next best thing,

reporting on the game.

Now they've assigned me to train Gabbi

into picking up football interviews once I retire.

- Well I'm glad you're here.

Ms. O'Donnell--

- Oh please Coach Morelli call me Gabbi.

- Well Gabbi was originally a reporter

on woman's volleyball, world wide.

But now since our magazine's having

a greater number of Asian readers

Gabbi's been assigned to cover

Asian sports stories, football included.

But now Portland, Maine's Lobsters.

- Coach Morelli let me just start off by saying

there has not been any sports team

or single athlete that has gained as much fame

and attention from our readers as have your Lobsters

and sumo's, I'm sorry Frank, sumo wrestlers.

- Well thank you that was very nice of you to say that.

It really is but you know something it's getting late.

I gotta an appointment in about an hour so

where do you want me to begin here?

What do I do here?

- Frank can I?

- Sure go ahead.

- Okay.

Coach Morelli after two winless seasons

and a countless number of--

- 32 in a row, despite Caleb.

Most of the experts thought that Caleb O'Rourke

was potentially the best quarterback in the league.

- The guy had all the right moves.

But the front line that was protecting him

we had a front line that was [grunting]

Toshi is my unagi the way I like it there?

- Yes Coach Morelli, Toshi not forget.

Anyway after that last season there were a lot of changes.

Jack you know what I'm talking about.

I don't know about you Ms. O--

- Gabbi.

- I'm sorry Gabbi.

Gabbi let me ask you a question.

Do you know anything about the Lobsters quarterback?

- Just the few things that I've read.

Caleb O'Rourke, Outstanding College Quarterback trophy,

four undefeated college seasons, all Ivy.

- So then there was the lottery

and we had the number one pick.

And our choice we picked O'Rourke.

[upbeat music]

It was Caleb to the Lobsters.

Poor guy didn't know what he was getting himself in for.

- Coach Morelli you had Caleb O'Rourke

as your quarterback so how could you lose so many games?

[coughing]

- Gabbi it was the front line, the front line,

the front line that was supposed to protect Caleb.

These guys they were on long term contracts

so we had to keep them on the team.

So now, you ready for this?

One by one the Lobster dream line.

On right guard we had Wojciech Biscovich.

This guy was all Ivy.

The guy couldn't count.

- Lobsters let me hear you.

Let's go on one, not two.

- Ready.

Down, set, four.

- Does four come after three?

- Three.

- Or does three come before five?

- 22.

- 22, what do you think I am a genius?

- What are you doing?

[calm music]

- Then left guard Chris, Chris Cameron.

This guy was first team Big Ben.

We thought we were getting tough instead we got a mad man.

This guy was certifiably insane.

Okay of course he hated the opposing linemen.

But opposing linemen to Chris meant

any lineman that was on the field.

And that included his own Lobster teammates.

[dramatic music]

- [Jim] Are we in the middle of a boxing match here?

What's going on?

- Where is Vander and Mike Tyson when we need them?

- And next our center, Jamal Peppers from Cali.

This guy was very very near sighted.

And instead of using contact lenses

he wore these big thick glasses.

He looked like Mr. Magoo.

- Oh that's where I am.

[crowd cheering]

- Geez it's like a sauna in here man calm down.

Stop breathing so hard man, stop breathing.

I can't see man I can't see.

- Do you know Peppers out there by the way.

I don't think he can see a thing.

- [Jim] Well I know I say Dozeman

trying to fog up his glasses during one of the plays.

- Open your eyes, open your eyes.

[crowd booing]

["Three Blind Mice"]

And then Romeo Schwartz.

I think Romeo's parents were on

to something when they named him Romeo.

Because this guy, he fell in love

with everyone of the cheerleaders.

So when he was on the field instead of watching

the opposing linemen he only had eyes for the cheerleaders.

- Well maybe if Romeo was spending

a little less time with Juliet

they'd be doing better on the field.

- Well if that was Juliet and you out there

I think you'd also be doing what Romeo is doing.

- Bad bad, fight fight, let's go.

- Romeo get down.

[calm music]

And then finally,

our right tackle, Pierre Frenchie Gervais

from Quebec, played two years in Canada.

[speaking in foreign language]

- The Canadian league?

- Yeah the Canadian football league.

You got your job cut out with her.

Anyway Frenchie, nobody told us that

in his off season he was a full time student

at some hot cooking cousin school or something.

- Coach Morelli I don't mean to correct you but

I think that the term that you're looking for is cuisine.

- Whatever, but anyways Frenchie would make up

these exotic meals and have these big dinner parties.

And he would leave his guests with a monumental

case of, well you know what I'm talking about.

Unfortunately Frenchie would always have

gigantic portions of the same food.

And just before the game.

[loud flatulating]

- Honestly off sides, let's call the penalty right now.

A little loose in the shorts as we like to say.

Was he running from somebody or was he just running?

- [Jim] You know like they say

when you're walking down the hall and feel something fall.

- Oh no.

[flatulating and groaning]

[toilet flushing]

- [Morelli] It was a sloppy line.

- Oh I got that one.

That's actually pretty good.

The elephant, beetle, the dung.

I studied all about in entomology class in college.

I was actually top of my class--

- So anyways our fans, whatever was left of them.

[fast paced music]

The fans were on to all the disguises

that Toshi was making up there.

[fast paced music] [camera clicking]

You and your lousy disguises.

I think they got an idea.

Hurry hurry, hurry hurry.

Hey where's Yapi?

We lost Yapi.

- Don't worry Coach, Yapi's coming.

- Take Suki, take Suki, go go go go.

[coughing]

- [Toshi] Go Suki, Yapi go eat okay.

- That was close.

Oh there's my glasses.

Get this thing off of me.

I don't know how women do it.

[grunting]

Thank you Toshi.

- Coarsely chop your walnuts, these are the toasted walnuts.

Remember I toasted these for about two to three minutes.

You don't have to chop them until they're--

[calm music]

[crowd cheering]

- [Television] For hundreds of years

livelihood here had been tied to the--

- [Television] Slowly add three quarters--

[speaking in foreign language]

[calm music]

- I got it!

Toshi Toshi, this sumo stuff.

How much do you know about this?

- Sumo?

Sumo much culture and much history.

Sumo is fairly big but coach why we should know of sumo?

- There are couple ideas I'm working on.

- You wish know of sumo.

When I study in high school we had cousin

in our family Mosmoto, fairly wise cousin.

- Your cousin's a wise sumo?

- Yes no, no no no no no personality thing.

But cousin knows someone.

- Oh your cousin knows a wise sumo.

What's his name?

- Cousin name Masanobu.

- Not your cousin, the sumo.

- Sumo, now first you understand.

Famous sumo cousin know retired

many years from himself wrestling.

- He's a retired sumo wrestler?

- No, Toshi's cousin still run barbershop.

Think barbershop still owned

[speaking in foreign language]

Think Sumo retired, Toshi check.

- That he's retired?

- No Toshi check if barbershop is still Nakamatsu.

- Oh my God, a retired sumo wrestler.

Yeah he's probably out of shape.

What was I thinking?

What about this guy?

Is he connected, does he know anybody?

- Iwanami [speaking in foreign language]

No cousin, Iwanami was...

Still is...

- A barber?

- No Iwanami legend.

After finished with sumo wrestling

many young sumo wants to learn his technique.

Very special so Iwanami opened

[speaking in foreign language]

- A sumo school?

- Yes.

- Now we're getting somewhere.

- Teach advanced [speaking in foreign language] technique.

- That's the place were like a training ground

for a ballet dance or something like?

- Yes Coach I think....

Coach now Toshi understand.

Toshi ask cousin Masanobu talk to Iwanami.

- Good now you call your cousin master whatever his name is.

I gotta run all this stuff by Frank.

Frank you're not gonna believe this Frank.

Sumo wrestlers, sumo wrestlers. [growls]

- Calm down for a minute here.

The Lobsterettes, Jen.

Now you see they do a fantastic job.

They do a wonderful halftime show

for our fans that are still left.

- I'm talking about sumo wrestlers Frank

five 600 pound sumo wrestlers in Lobster uniforms

on the field in front of Caleb.

Oh my God Frank protecting Caleb, blocking for Caleb.

- Danny did that some of that stuff

from the fans did it come in and get you?

Do I need to make a meeting with a team doctor for you?

- Frank picture this five 600 pounds times five

that's 30,000 pounds of prime Asian beef protecting Caleb.

Caleb takes the snap, he fades back.

All the Rattlers they're bouncing off our offensive line,

off our sumos Frank, our sumos.

Caleb has all the time in the world to make that pass.

Look you have no idea what these guys are capable of.

- Come on you know this game,

it takes years to learn how to do.

- Look Toshi said--

- Don't even mention his name wait a minute.

Those little tyrannosaurs retreads

are not with you are they?

- No no no they're back at my apartment.

Look look Toshi keeps in touch with his cousin in Japan

who knows this guy that owns the school of sumo wrestlers.

So maybe this I want a mamma guy is willing to sell

the entire school, sumos and all.

Toshi didn't give me the details he said it was,

said it was hush hush, something about the culture.

But he told me he'd tell me later.

- Wait a minute, you're serious aren't you?

- Yeah.

- Oh Danny we been through a lot together but this?

- Hey Frank.

Look at us, we're losers.

While the Rattlers,

they're having victory parties before they even play us.

[men whooping and talking]

Cajun, that's what we need Frank.

At least send me over to Japan with Toshi to see for myself.

I mean what do we got to lose?

A couple of thousand, it's chicken feed.

- Chicken feed?

Danny do you have any idea what

our last year's ticket sales were?

We have--

- Oh okay okay okay I bought the tickets myself okay.

I was just testing you.

But look I'll fly over there next week.

I'll take some photos, I'll do some finessing

and you make the decision yourself.

But Frank we gotta act fast

if this has a chance for the coming season.

- Danny about next season.

I don't know how to tell you this.

I'm sorry but it's about over.

- Over, over what are you talking about over, over what?

- It's losing.

Danny the Board of Directors man there right up me.

It's your job and mine.

- Alright so we had a couple of crummy seasons.

- Whoa whoa, 32 losses in a row Danny.

That's not of couple of crummy seasons.

Our fans, or what used to be our fans

they're getting a kick out of devouring Lobster.

And when they're crunching into it

they're crunching into us, into our team, into you Danny.

I don't know Danny my wife, she can get very upset.

This could go very badly for us.

Heck, we can get vacillated.

- Hey Frank you're taking this a little too hard aren't you?

I mean our fans are--

- Fans, what fans Danny?

You looked in the stands lately?

- Hey they're committed to this team.

Remember Frank this is Maine, the strawberry state.

- Blueberry Dan, blueberry.

- Okay alright whatever but you got to realize that

these folks they have a lot of local pride.

They know what it is to go from the top to the bottom.

They remember what their Maine regiment

that Chamberlain guy did at Gettysburg.

They remember the Civil War.

- Look I said what I said and I meant it, sumo wrestlers.

- Hey look Frank I know you know

all about this sport already but

why don't you take a look at this flash drive

and let me know what you think okay.

That's amazing stuff okay, and you look it over

give me a call later at my apartment okay.

- It's a bad idea Dan, it'll never work.

- Hey Frank.

- What now?

- What if the Rattlers got wind of

what we were thinking and jump on it.

- No no no, not what we're thinking,

what you're thinking Danny, this is all on you.

[calm music]

[upbeat music]

- Toshi.

I'm putting a lot of faith in you translating for me.

- Yes Coach Morelli, now worry.

English very very good.

- The future of our team and my future to

are what we're dealing with here.

And I gotta be honest with you, your job as well.

- Understand Coach Morelli the future of our team

and what you just say is Toshi's job.

- The Lobster's stockholders told Frank

that if this sumo stuff doesn't work out

that you and your family are gonna be

held directly responsible, that's what Frank said.

Toshi's entire family will be held directly responsible.

Heads flying all over the place.

- The heads, the heads, that's what you say Coach Morelli?

- I didn't say that but Frank said that.

- Flying heads, don't worry Toshi.

Momma very old, very frail.

- Momma charming.

Okay Toshi don't worry alright mamma's safe.

For now.

- Momma very frail.

- I'm so sorry.

- Toshi how do you say hello in Japanese again?

- Depend the what time day we arrive.

Morning, daytime, chirping bird, rising sun.

Evening, nighttime, a.m. [speaking in foreign language]

Depend, can I get a?

[jet engine roaring]

[upbeat music]

- I'm so honored to meet you.

- How you doing, how you doing?

- We must not be late for Mr. Iwanami.

He awaits us at the hanukkah top of restaurant.

[upbeat music]

[calm music]

- Coach Morelli when I first speak over phone

with cousin Masanobu he tell me he may sell

sumo school with all sumos, now he give me more detail.

Coach Morelli you must not discuss with anyone.

It is matter of life and death.

- Toshi what are you talking about?

- Coach usually impossible by school of sumo

especially by one not Japanese.

But Iwanami school have unusual sit, sit.

- I'm sitting, I'm sitting.

- Situation.

Always been gambler, cho han, dice.

Costing career, his fortune, his wife but

now this time worse, his life is in danger.

- Life, why?

- In Japan if you gamble big you lose big.

You may be in debt to the

Yakuza.

- Toshi what are you talking about, yaka what?

- Yakuza, secret Japanese organization.

Like your mafia. [imitates guns firing]

Iwanami too much cho han, now very heavy in debt to Yakuza.

Now Iwanami flirting with [imitates knife cutting]

- Oh.

- They say Iwanami must pay Yakuza, must sell school.

Cousin Masanobu tell me this reason you can buy school.

- Well Toshi if buying this I want your mamma guys

sumo school will solve his problem

and give me a line to protect O'Rourke

hey I say let's go for it.

- Good.

- When we fished we'll visit Iwanami secret practice

building, special technique taught, very special.

- Can I eat now?

- Yeah.

[speaking in foreign language]

I said you can pay it.

- Of course.

[drums beating]

[upbeat music]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Coach Morelli, I have general agreement with sumos.

They know of my problem with the Yakuza so they will

agree to sell if we can agree on money detail.

- No problem.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Sumos agree play for Lobsters but--

- But, but what?

[speaking in foreign language]

- Yamamoto have two girlfriend.

- Yeah here it comes.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Name Fumiko and Yoko, athletes,

members of Purple Lotus Blossom Society.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Very devoted to Yamamoto

so they must be put to America with Yamamoto

and receive employment with Lobsters.

- Employment, play for the Lobsters?

Are you crazy?

No no no football is a man's sport.

[speaking in foreign language]

- No no not play, cheerleader.

Yamamoto has watched your football

on television and he very impressed.

- He should be implessed, impressed.

Look American football that requires a combination

of an Einstein E equals MC square mentality

with the killer instinct of a rabid lion. [growling]

[speaking in foreign language]

- No Yamamoto not impressed by American

football player but by American cheerleader.

[speaking in foreign language]

Fumiko and Yoko, Purple Lotus Blossom athletes

become cheerleader or Yamamoto not go

to America and other sumos not go.

- No that's impossible no.

The Lobsterettes coach Jen she'll go ballistic.

No that's not gonna happen.

- But coach think about what sumos can do for Caleb.

Think of Caleb.

Think of Suki and Yapi.

They pretty good at protect us from fans so far

but Suki and Yapi they're only human.

- Athletes?

That's what I want a your mamma says.

Athletes.

[calm music]

- Ladies and gentlemen I am here with you

awaiting one of the world's greatest sumo

wrestlers coming straight from Japan.

Here go help Coach Morelli execute his plan

here is Hiroki Sumi.

[speaking in foreign language]

- [All] Moleti, Moleti, Moleti, Moleti, Moleti, Moleti.

- It's Morelli, Morelli with an R.

Toshi I haven't seen Yamamoto's girlfriends yet.

Where are they?

- [Toshi] Toshi not sure, Toshi check.

- Oh okay check.

[contemplative music]

- Fumiko and Yoko, what characters.

They'd really make for an interesting piece in my story.

- Well I haven't yet met the two ladies but

I heard that they were athletes

from what want a mamma told Toshi and me.

So anyways they are taking a flight right after the sumos

to the States and I arranged for them

to be picked up at the airport.

- Second problem.

Toshi forget second problem but Toshi check.

- Yeah Toshi check.

That's what he does, Toshi checks.

- When's the plane arriving?

Fumiko and Yoko.

Fumiko and Yoko, sounds cute.

And they have ballet training?

- Moscow ballet.

As a matter of fact they could be

doing a world tour right now.

- Alright alright, yeah they'll fit right in.

- Right and now Jen you gotta think positive okay.

Remember if Frank throws them with

those big stockholders and sells the Lobster's that's it.

And I hate to say this but who's gonna hire

a cheerleader coach with 32 losses in a row?

- Somehow you've got me losing 32 in a row.

Dan on what planet do you live on?

- Hey somebody had to take responsibility for the Lobsters.

Now look I'm not exactly a genius--

- Oh really?

- But Jen you gotta admit that my sumo idea--

- Dan if these girls aren't top notch--

- Stop worrying, they're top notch.

I told you they could be doing

the Moscow ballet tour right now.

- Yeah well you've played me too many times before.

If these girls aren't all star,

all Asia league or whatever cheerleaders--

- Jen.

- I won't even think about it.

I don't have to.

If Yo Yo and--

- Right right right right.

- Whatever, if they're not Lobsterette material, won't work.

[sword slashing]

Razor sharp routine.

They better be really good, really really good.

- Oh they're really good, really good.

So how's the remodeling coming?

- Fine, my house is fine.

- And the cats?

You got really cute cats.

- Fine, my cats are fine.

[jet engine roaring]

- You're gonna love them, they're beautiful, alright.

There they are, there's my girls.

Come here you little angels look at you.

- They're like Asian angels.

- Oh Jenny is gonna love you.

Come here it's okay I'm not gonna--

Oh wait a minute, I got something here.

[groaning in pain]

- Me Fumiko.

Greetings from Purple Lotus Blossom Society of Lady Sumos.

Me Yoko, popular Lotus of Blossom too.

[calm music]

[girls giggling]

- You you, sumo wrestlers?

They're sumo wrestlers.

Oh you, you sneaky little louse.

They're sumo wrestlers.

[groaning in pain]

[Jen screams]

- Fumiko and Yoko--

- Coach, could we get back to the sumos,

their first practices?

- Okay I'll get back to you and the ladies

But first let me deal with Jack and the sumos okay.

If that's okay with you Gabbi?

- Fine by me coach Morelli.

[calm music]

- That's the best today.

[calm music]

Dig up, up up.

[calm music]

Don't look down, you look down that's where you go.

Good hands good hands, come on hustle.

[calm music]

Down [grunting]

[calm music]

Whoa whoa whoa what are you doing?

No eating during practice alright give me that.

Give me that, give give. [player growls]

Alright okay but chew your food and hustle, hustle.

What was I thinking?

Stop it, what are you doing?

Don't kick and don't punch the ball.

- No eating, no eating no.

Drive it drive it, push it.

- Alright Yamamoto, alright blocking all about balance.

It's all in the feet okay but you don't

put your feet parallel like this.

It's no good because look no balance.

Come here Frenchie, hey watch watch.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Okay enough with the French.

Put your feet together right.

No good, no good alright.

You got a dig in, dig that foot in.

Alright look, yeah?

Alright get out of here.

Alright dig in, dig in alright alright.

Here we [groaning in pain]

[upbeat music]

[speaking in foreign language]

- [Assistant Coach] Ready, down, set, hut hut.

[upbeat music]

- Come on get up, hey hey.

Hey hey, up up up.

- Wait wait, maybe there is a way.

[whistle blowing]

[speaking in foreign language]

[inspirational music]

- Me quarterback, you bodyguards.

Bad guys defense.

Bad guys no touch me, no touch me.

Okay?

[inspirational music]

Toshi tell them what I said.

[all yelling]

- Go.

- Toshi what did you tell them?

- Toshi tell them that you are great and powerful.

They must show they're worthy of your respect.

- Alright.

Thanks man, let's do this.

Ready ready, ready.

Down.

Set.

Hut hut.

[calm music]

[all shouting]

- Good stuff Coach Morelli.

Bronick, a bench warmer during an O and 32 season?

- [Morelli] At least he lightens up the stadium.

[laughing]

- Have another one, you'll get it even more.

- Coach Morelli why don't you tell us about

the more, the human side of the sumos

you know like the everyday kind of stuff.

Our readers they're really interested

in that background material.

- Well at first it was a little difficult

my guys and the sumos, language you know.

I mean let's face it the sumos English

is not as good as Toshi's here.

Anyways a bigger problem than that

was the cultural differences.

- Hey everybody listen up.

Tonight Lobsters drink,

dance,

girlfriends,

fun right?

Yeah dance.

- Dance?

- Yeah.

- Drink?

- Yeah.

- Let's go.

[upbeat music]

- Hey hey, hey boys we're gonna start winning right?

[upbeat music]

- I can tell you firsthand from that very small beginning

between the Americans and the sumos

they grouped together and they became a team.

- It's good.

- Very best.

- It's delicious.

- Okay so Fumiko and Yoko, they arrived and then what?

- I'll get back to the ladies in a minute, just one minute.

Hey Toshi get me a rare burger on a whole wheat bun,

ketchup, onions, and hold the relish.

And bring me a muddy muck.

- Nice treat Coach Morelli, Toshi bring.

- And then the first day of rehearsal

with Jen's precious gorgeous Lobsterettes.

[calm music]

[bowling pins falling] [calm music]

- [Jen] Oh my Lobsterettes.

- Jen Jen.

- Oh my babies.

Moscow ballet?

You rat, I'm gonna kill you.

So help me I'm gonna kill you.

- What happened?

- My precious Lobsterettes, they're wounded.

Casualties, battlefield casualties.

- What the hell? - What was I thinking?

- Jen hold on, where you going?

We can talk this out.

we'll do something, we'll do whatever it takes.

[calm music]

- Something we can do?

Whatever it takes?

Yeah we're gonna do something and I know what it takes.

I quit, but maybe Dan I'm gonna kill you first.

- Jen work with them okay.

I mean do it for the team.

Do it for Portland, do it for Frank, do it for me.

I mean you barely gave them a chance

and besides it was part of the deal.

I mean you don't by any chance

have a gun hidden in your bra there?

Because you know they make the little ones the size--

- Barely gave them a chance?

Killers, they're killers, giant pit bulls.

Hey hey you can call them anything killers

but don't call them giant pit bulls, makes me nervous.

- Pit bulls, pit bulls, pit bulls, pit bulls.

Giant pit bulls!

[calm music]

Moscow ballet, that's what you said.

Dance experience, that's what you said.

They're more uncoordinated than my three year old niece Judy

who still walks around in a bunny suit.

Oh my sweet Judy she's getting really big.

I mustn't forget to get her another one.

She's growing so fast.

Getting big, really big, really really big.

- I'm sorry I,

I don't know what to say, I'm really...

Look hey wait a minute, maybe--

- Hold on, that's it.

Oh pure genius.

I have to get to the wardrobe assistant.

Fumiko, Yoko come with me, no wait stay.

Sit, stay.

Dan don't let them near my Lobsterettes.

I'm warning you.

Fumiko, Yoko what size are you?

- Never mind I'll figure it out.

I'll figure it out.

Toshi Toshi?

Okay Toshi you ready to translate?

- Toshi ready.

- I am already very impressed with your incredible,

with your great coordination, agility subtle movements.

[girls giggling]

- Don't worry about their stubble.

Tomorrow I tell them shave face better.

- Okay forget subtle.

Fumiko, Yoko you are now about to have the honor

of representing all the glory of

the Portland Lobsters Football Team.

You are now true Lobsters.

Okay?

[speaking in foreign language]

[girls giggling]

And because you are the most important members of the field

stand at least 20, no make it 30 feet away

from my cheerleaders okay and from everyone else

on the field okay just so that

everyone in the stands can see you okay.

[speaking in foreign language]

Okay, okay?

Okay.

[girls giggling]

[upbeat music]

- So now began the Lobsters first sumo season.

- [Caleb] Down.

Set.

Hut hut.

[upbeat music]

[crowd cheering]

- [Jim] O'Rourke is outstanding,

there is no question about it.

- And all because of the sumos.

[upbeat music]

But what has it done for a O'Rourke's game?

He is a different kind of quarterback out there.

I mean he can get passes off.

He has youth in his legs again it's amazing.

- And so we were on our way.

[upbeat music]

Oh look at the time.

I got a very important business appointment but

I guess I can give you another half hour.

- Coach Morelli Toshi must leave.

Go to stadium for equipment check.

Our order shit, order shit.

Go out next week.

- Oh I forgot all about that.

Yeah take care of that Toshi will you?

And I'll look after Suki and Yapi alright.

[dogs barking]

- I was great pleasure to meet both of you.

I look forward to reading your article, sayonara.

- Alright see you later Toshi.

Okay now where was I?

First of all any questions?

- Coach Morelli what you have done.

You created this feeling of warmth and friendship.

How the citizens of Portland they

opened their hearts to the sumos.

It's a wonderful wonderful story.

- Well thank you Gabbi that was nice of you to say that.

- I mean it.

- But now Coach Molelli--

- Morelli.

- [Jack] Morelli.

- Thank you.

- The championship game and the Rattlers

- I talked to the team afternoon before the game.

They were sizing their fingers for championship rings.

I mean we were undefeated, yeah we were cocky.

Boy were we mistaken.

Had Caleb known what was gonna happen that night

and how the game was not gonna turn out

the way we planned he would have never gone to see Yamamoto.

[calm music]

- [Fan] Way to go O'Rourke.

- [Fan] Great game killer.

[calm music]

[knocking on door]

[speaking in foreign language]

- Hi is Yama here?

- No, Yama not.

- Okay, well ladies I just wanted

to go over some game plan with him yeah.

Since he's not here I'll be going

but just have him give me a call okay.

He has my numbers just have him give me a call.

Thank you guys.

Yeah what's up?

You actually can call me Caleb.

- Oh Caleb.

- Yeah what's up?

- We think you help us.

- Help?

Is Yamamoto okay, is everything all right?

- Yamamoto nothing happen.

We need help English.

- Okay so you mean like an English tutor or something.

Listen I would love to help but

unfortunately tonight is not a good night

so we could do it another time but I'll still help.

No?

- Please come in just to memento English.

- Just a moment?

- Memento.

- Okay.

[girls giggling]

- Saki?

- No thanks, game tomorrow.

- Yamamoto he very very jealous

- Yeah, yeah I can see that.

I can see him being a jealous guy.

- Very.

[calm music]

[dramatic music]

- We want know women say to a man in America.

Want to say I love you much so much.

- So I took an English class my freshman year.

English yeah.

So I kind of have a knack for poetry.

So how about I write you a poem instead of a song?

Yeah you know like

when I see birches bending over I think of Nancy Stover.

When I see Nancy in the grass I...

- Ah poemo.

- Ah poemo.

- We have in Japan I think.

- Oh great.

- But who is she in poem, what that?

- Nancy, I have I actually have no idea who Nancy is

but it's like a love poem.

- Love, love.

- Oh love, love yeah.

- Yeah so I can do a love poem.

Alright cool.

Do you have a?

Whoo, here it goes.

You should have paid more attention in that class right?

English yeah.

Yes.

Oh yes.

Your lips pierce my innermost soul.

I am your slave.

You are my shepherd.

I shall not want.

More delicious you are

than a Portland Lobster roll.

[dramatic music]

My love is a dove laying an egg at your feet.

[girls giggling]

My love is a dove laying an egg a your feet.

Yes oh yes.

Your lips pierce my innermost soul.

More delicious you are than a Portland lobster roll.

- Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Lobster stadium.

What a matchup we have for you today.

This is the Rattlers coming into town to face the Lobsters

and the Lobsters what a team, so different from a year ago.

- There's been a lot of anticipation

built up around the event.

- If you think about it though Jim

this is the team filled with sumos.

They have a new approach to this game.

You know coach Morelli has been

pushing all the right buttons this year

and this is a game for them to showcase that.

Amazing to see these crowds come out here for this team.

They absolutely love them.

Jim it is great to have you with us here today.

These fans are in for a real treat.

Bullock Dozeman may be the best defensive player

in the league not necessarily for everything

that he does legally on the field

but he takes a bite out of a player and he keeps on going.

- [Jim] Uncontrollable, drool dripping from his mouth,

beating players, picking them up,

throwing them through the air.

I've never seen anything like it.

[upbeat music]

Incredible I saw him on the field literally

beating somebody with his helmet.

[grunting]

Dozeman has incredible size and incredible power

but it's gonna be interesting to see

how he looks facing off with Yamamoto.

- [Bob] Alright let's talk about the sumos themselves.

They've added a dimension to this game

that clearly this team did not have before.

- [Jim] I don't think any team in football

has had this dynamic before it's incredible

- We know the Lobsters after losing 32 games,

an unprecedented winning streak for them.

They're trying to close it out on top

and win this championship, enjoy the game.

[upbeat music]

There is Coach Morelli.

- [Jim] Looking fantastic as always

leading the team out onto the field through the tunnel.

- [Bob] No question about that.

If it weren't for Coach Morelli

we wouldn't have O'Rourke up right and there he is.

Caleb O'Rourke, a rejuvenated season here for the Lobsters.

- [Jim] Surrounded by sumo wrestlers.

- And the biggest sumo, there he is.

Yamamoto on his own hasn't done it on his own

but what a player there, an offensive lineman

every other team in the league would want.

The cheerleaders are on the sides.

[dramatic music]

My question is and Coach Morelli is a genius of course but

why hasn't anyone thought of this before?

We are ready for this big match up.

The Lobsters, the Rattlers coming at you now.

- Alright listen up now gentlemen.

- Hey how you doing big guy?

- Pretty boy.

- [Referee] Alright alright alright alright alright.

Alright alright.

[crowd cheering]

- [Morelli] Tails never fails.

[suspenseful music]

- [Referee] Toss, Portland Lobsters.

[dramatic music]

[crowd cheering]

[overlapping voices]

- I think what we're doing Jim

is breaking barriers here in the league.

It's really something else when you consider

what's going on with this game.

Sumo wrestlers on the field blocking for a quarterback

who had no time to throw the ball.

Now he has time to throw the ball.

He looks the best he's ever looked.

I'm telling you it's that Morelli genius

that's really making the factor here.

- [Caleb] Down.

27, 35.

- Come on sumo.

[dramatic music]

- 16.

Hut hut.

[calm music]

[whistle blows]

[dramatic music]

[crowd booing]

- Can you believe what's going on here?

You know if I'd had to make this up

for myself you wouldn't believe it.

[whistle blowing]

[overlapping voices]

- Yamamoto what are you doing?

What no no.

Get back, get back.

Yama what are you doing?

What are you, back up, back up, back up.

What are you [growling]

[groaning in pain]

- [Jim] Yamamoto just lost it?

- [Bob] I mean it's Caleb O'Rourke

ever gonna be alive again?

That's the question we need to ask.

- [Jim] Do you think Yamamoto may be questioning himself?

- [Bob] I think Yamamoto is trying

to figure out what's happening out there.

Do you think O'Rourke is gonna come back

at some point or is he done?

- [Jim] Well I'm hopeful that O'Rourke will come back.

[crowd booing]

- You know it's kind of mystifying

when you watch that play again

and you can see it replayed over and over.

It does look like he just lost it,

like it had nothing to do with the football game

and somehow he just got angry.

[crowd booing] [overlapping voices]

Do you think O'Rourke is gonna

come back at some point or is he done?

- [Jim] Those injuries were pretty serious.

So we're gonna have to see how fast he is able to heal.

- Who plays quarterback for

the Portland Lobsters if not O'Rourke.

It's gotta be Bronick right?

- Right Bronick.

- It's gotta be Bronick but I mean

with the giant back there it adds

a different dimension to the game altogether.

- [Jim] I've heard he's had some

issues with accuracy on passing.

- Two times six is three.

20 plus one is, don't tell me I'll get it.

- Get the hell in there.

- Yes.

[calm music]

- Gash.

I guess this means you Gash.

- Me?

Me?

- Yeah you.

- Don't worry coach I ain't gonna disappoint you.

I've been practicing my passing.

I think I finally got it down.

- No, no passing.

Running plays only you got that?

- I understand coach. - Alright.

- I understand.

Let's go guys.

- What about Bronick?

He is an absolute monster out there.

He's the only guy out on that field

who even comes close to the sumo size.

- [Jim] He's got an incredibly intimidating voice.

I could only imagine what it sounds like when

he's huffing and puffing in front of your face on the field.

[bodies crunching]

- [Bozeman] That's what you get Gash.

Take some of that.

- Stack 65, 24, hut hut.

[calm music]

- [Bob] Fourth down and it looks like

another punting situation for the Lobsters.

[calm music]

- Here we are Bob in the fourth quarter.

Still no score, luckily Coach Morelli's

defensive line has been doing it's job.

[upbeat music]

- [Morelli] Defense defense.

Block block, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah.

[upbeat music]

- He's at the 15, he's at the 10.

He crosses the goal line, touchdown Rattlers.

[upbeat music]

Amazing I tell you Jim.

Can you believe it?

[upbeat music]

- [Morelli] I'm ready to fall out, let's go.

- And there's the extra point seven zip.

What a disappointment for Coach Morelli

and the Lobsters in their final game

going for the perfect season but

it doesn't look like it's going to turn that way.

[crowd cheering]

And now the Rattlers gonna kick off here.

Kicking from his own 28 it's his short kick.

Elliot's got it, Lobsters return man

makes it to his own 18 yard line.

Now with 40 seconds left on the clock.

- Alright fellas time out, time.

Get in here get in, hustle.

- [Bob] Two seconds left on the clock.

- Alright we got time for one last play.

We need an 82 yard run.

We can do this now it's a piece of cake.

Now look--

- Coach.

- It could be worse though.

- Coach.

- What, what is it?

- Coach don't you think?

- No no no we gotta cut our losses.

We gotta go do a running play.

- And I been practicing Coach real real hard.

I got it down now Coach.

The problem was always with my footwork.

- Yeah that's always been the problem your footwork.

- Gash is right, just let him bomb it.

- Yeah coach.

- Come on it's no big deal.

- No big deal?

Can he--

- We got no choice.

- No choice, this guy can't...

[drums beating]

What the hell let's go for it alright, alright.

[all talking at once]

Listen I need you guys to get open.

Get open and stay open and give Gash

all the options in the world you hear me.

Get open, now get your asses out there.

Alright listen I'm depending on you okay.

Alright all you gotta do is hit an 82 yards bomb.

Hit him on the nose all right.

Do it for me, do it for Maine.

Do it for the Maine Lobsters alright.

Remember what the Maine Regiment did

in the Battle of Gettysburg you can do this.

- I got it coach, I'm ready.

Let's go guys.

After all these years coach that was my problem.

It was bad footwork coach.

Hey Coach who was Maine at war with at

at that Bettysburg place?

- Gettysburg, we're at war with Switzerland.

There was something about bad cheese or something.

But hey you make this pass and I'll

tell you all about it the whole story.

- Switzerland, cheese?

Wow thanks Coach.

Thinking about that Swiss cheese stuff makes me spoiled.

- Remind me go get some Swiss cheese.

- You boys need some waking up.

Clap it up boys, clap it up, clap it up.

I can't hear you clap it up, clap it up.

Ready break down [team whoops]

Break down [team whoops]

Break down [team whoops]

Lobsters on three.

One, two, three.

- [All] Lobsters!

[crowd cheering]

- [Gash] Down, set, 65, 10.

- [Bob] And they're ready for the snap.

Gash Bronick drops back.

Looking for an open receiver he launches it.

[suspenseful music]

[bird squawks]

[suspenseful music]

Directly into the pigeon.

Fans are looking away.

The ball is in the hands of the receiver.

Touchdown Lobsters.

Unbelievable change of events.

I have never seen anything like this before.

Touchdown Lobsters.

Score now seven six, Rattlers lead.

And the fans love it and coach Morelli does too.

Players celebrate in the end zone.

The improbable comeback becoming

more probable by the minute.

[upbeat music]

[acoustic piano music]

- Coach.

- What is it?

Look we ain't got time.

- Coach Yamamoto make big mistake.

- Yeah a very big mistake I don't got time for this.

- Coach you must put him back in game.

- Oh yeah great what are you crazy?

So he can kill another Lobster?

- [Toshi] Coach you not understand.

- Excuse me?

- Coach listen to Toshi.

Big misunderstanding.

Yamamoto think Caleb cheat Fumiko, Yoko.

He's sorry.

[somber music]

Coach you must put him back in game.

He has apologized to you.

[somber music]

- Okay okay I understand I understand okay.

Yamamoto back in game okay.

Just remember lean forward and don't shake your hands

and above all definitely no flying.

- It's that Morelli genius

that's really making the factor here so

I'm not questioning him for putting Yamamoto

back on the field he clearly knows what he's doing.

- And that's when I knew everything became very clear.

Suddenly I felt this feeling deep down inside me

that things were gonna work out.

No that wouldn't work.

- Why not work Coach Morelli?

- What did you say Toshi?

Morelli?

You said Morelli, you said my name right.

You pronounced it correctly.

that's the first time since I've known you

you've said my name right.

- No understand Coach Morelli.

- Stop you said it again Morelli.

Wow, just like that.

Toshi I am gonna give you the last play of the game.

It's yours, it's your play to call.

Alright only for telling me something.

You can do it.

You get the final play to call.

I know you can do it.

- But Coach Toshi not slander to coach.

- You can do it just do it.

- [Fan] Come on Morelli.

- Alright remember.

No other pigeons around.

It's a running play not a passing play.

We got to get these two points for the win.

A tie would only prolong the agony.

Alright two points, you can do it.

- Understand Coach Morelli.

[speaking in foreign language]

- It's Morelli, Morelli, forget it.

[speaking in foreign language]

- [Bob] And the Lobsters call their final time out.

[speaking in foreign language]

[team shouting]

[crowd cheering]

And the game clock shows five seconds to go.

Well the sumos seem to be blending something.

Kobayashi puts his helmet and shoulder pads down.

I'm trying to figure out what I'm seeing here Jim.

Sato does the same thing.

This doesn't look like anything we've seen before.

Sumi also does the same.

All of the helmets and shoulder pads are going to the side.

- What did you tell them?

- Toshi tell them for sumo way, for sumo honor.

For sumos mammas!

- I'd tell you to look away if that were even possible.

It does appear the sumos are going to go

full sumo here on the football field.

And the refs I think might allow this

or at least have no choice in the matter.

Forget helmets and shoulder pads.

Look at them out here.

Trying for that two point conversion.

Hey why not let's give this one a shot.

[upbeat music] [overlapping voices]

- Three, two, one, sushi tushi.

[upbeat music]

- I tell you I've never seen this

on a football field before.

What are we witnessing?

[crowd cheering]

And the two point conversion is good.

The Lobsters win the game.

The final score Lobsters eight, Rattlers seven.

What an incredible game.

[upbeat music]

[inspirational music]

- [All] Morelli, Morelli, Morelli, Morelli, Morelli.

- That's the most interesting,

the most warmest story ever covered me.

- It really is.

- Well.

[girls giggling]

Now if you'll excuse me I've got

some important football business to attend to.

- Coach Morelli thank you so much.

I'll send you a copy and I've really appreciate it.

- Thank you, thank you for the compliments.

- Wonderful, wonderful story.

- Wes what was my name again?

- Oh Morelli.

- Morelli alright, Morelli alright.

I want to see that print okay.

- Okay.

- Alright thanks for coming.

Yeah I really enjoyed your visit.

Let's do it again soon.

[girls giggling]

Sorry to keep you waiting ladies.

[loud explosion]

[dramatic music]

Suki, Yapi.

Knee caps, go for the knee caps.

[dramatic music]

[shouting]

[dramatic music]

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

[military cadence playing]

[speaking in foreign language]

[military cadence playing]

[singing in foreign language]