Original subtitles

- All right, out.

- [exhaling sharply] - Up.

Squeeze the pelvic floor.

- Jesus Christ, Marty.

You're putting an awful lot of effort into this one.

- Ma'am, you can't-- - Help.

- Hang on. I'll just be a second.

- What? - I'm not doing fewer dates.

- Well, it really wasn't a request.

- Well, I don't know who you're gonna get.

Did you hear about Pentatonix?

- What? - Well, Steve Wynn found out

about your offer somehow

and gave them dates at the Encore.

Huge up-front guarantee they didn't even counter.

- Fuck.

- Oh, take it easy on his pelvic floor.

- You really want to do this, Deb?

You really want to try to fuck me here?

- Oh, Marty. I'll never be doing that again.

He leaves his t-shirt on, you know?

- Oh-- [scoffs]

That's not true.

- Okay.

- ♪ I'm gonna eat that apple ♪

[Suzi Wu's "Eat Them Apples"]

[alarm beeping]

[bright jazz music]

♪ ♪

- And now for the KTQZ weather report.

Expect highs of 111 degrees in Clark County today,

so make sure to stay out of the sun.

- Common savers can now take advantage

of relaxed withdrawal rules around 401(k)s.

- That's exactly right, Joe.

You know, a lot of people are taking losses

and do need extra help, but actually--

[Average White Band's "Work To Do"]

- ♪ Sometimes it might seem ♪

♪ That I'm neglecting you ♪

♪ But I'd love to spend more time ♪

♪ I got so many things to do ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ I got work to do ♪

- Morning. - ♪ I got work, baby ♪

- ♪ I got work to do ♪

- ♪ I gotta get ♪ - ♪ Got work to do ♪

- ♪ Hey, baby ♪

♪ I gotta get, yeah ♪

- He's a miracle worker. There's nothing you can't do.

- We're thinking of doing the fuzzy slippers

instead of the glitter wrapping paper.

- Good, the fuzzy slippers always sell really well.

- And can we get color options on that too?

- Of course.

- ♪ Work, work ♪

[alarm beeping]

[distant car horns blaring]

[warm bluesy music]

[elevator chimes]

[indistinct chatter] - Excuse me.

[baby crying] Sorry.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

- The non-smoking section's over there.

- Thanks.

- Can I get your attention please?

All casino employees are reminded

to submit timecards by 5:00 p.m.

All timecards must be turned in by 5:00 p.m...

[phone vibrating]

To be paid in a timely manner.

- Hey. - Hey, beautiful.

I keep thinking about last night.

I--I didn't think it was gonna be so ticklish but--

- What the fuck? - Wait, who is this?

- Ava, your client. You called me.

- Kayla!

Oh, yes.

You are next on my call sheet.

I was about to call you but, um, how're you doing?

How's Vegas?

Are you and Deborah Vance

Thelma and Louise yet or what?

- No, but, uh, but I do want

to drive off a cliff.

How long do I have to do this?

- Well, it's been three days,

so longer than that.

- I don't even know what I'm doing here.

- You're there to write material for Deborah's show,

you know, punch ups for appearances

and things like QVC, and, you know,

any personal joke writing--

- Yeah, I know the literal job description.

I signed a 470-page NDA.

- Seems right. - [laughs]

God!

[laughing continues]

Too much. - Okay, Kayla.

You're supposed to be on mute.

- Oh, I am. I just pushed the thing, bud.

- Okay, bud. We can hear you.

So you're definitely not.

- Oh, don't worry. I'm not listening.

I'm laughing at a meme.

It's like a--there's a Minion with a big eyeball.

- You're supposed to be listening.

We talked about this.

You listen and you take notes, right?

- Yeah. So okay.

Where's my notebook?

Hey, I need to leave early.

I have an adult ballet recital.

Like, just, I can't miss this one because I missed last week.

It just wouldn't make sense.

The whole thing will be off.

- Should I leave you two alone?

- Kayla, can you jump off, please?

- No problemo. - Thank you.

Testing, Kayla, testing, testing.

Okay. - You need to fire her.

- I would if I could but

her father owns half the company

so she's essentially my assistant and my boss.

- How does everyone have rich parents except for me?

- Look. Just hang in there, okay?

Every job has a learning curve, right?

When I was 15, I took a summer job at Cinnabon--

- Jimmy, I gotta go.

If I don't keep moving,

I remember that I'm here.

- Are you there? You don't say goodbye.

She doesn't say goodbye.

All right, Kayla, do you want to come in here?

Let's talk about this dance.

- I really like the jade. - I do too.

But normals like subway tile.

- [laughs] Oh, God, they do.

I don't know, Marcus. It's your flip.

- What's going on here? - Marcus flips properties

on the side, like they do on HDTV.

- I don't know. I'm torn.

- Let's ask her. Jade or white?

- Uh, I...

think the white.

- Let's go with the jade. - Yeah, absolutely.

Let me know how it goes.

- So, do you think today

you'll have time to look over what I've been working on?

- Sure, just give me a minute. - All right.

- I noticed you weren't at my show last night.

- Oh, sorry. I came the night before.

I figured it was probably the same.

Should I be coming-- [machine hissing]

- Oh, crap! - I'll get it.

- No, no, no, you're busy. I'll get it.

[grunts]

[sighs] Excuse me.

[metal clatters]

[grunts]

There we go.

Mm.

[sighs deeply]

Okay, let's go.

[Freddi and Henchi's "Cartoon People"]

♪ ♪

Hm.

- Is that a good hm?

- No.

Most of these are unusable but, um,

this part works.

- Oh, cool.

The set up.

- You a lesbian?

- Um...

Not sure you can ask me that.

- Oh. What?

Someone's gonna show up and arrest me?

- Since you're my employer,

it is illegal.

But...

If you're genuinely curious.

I used to only hook up with men,

but when I masturbated, I thought about women.

So, then in college, I finally hooked up

with this amazing TA, Phoebe.

And I realized that I could connect

more emotionally with women,

which led to deeper sexual experiences.

But sometimes I do still need penetrative sex

with a dick to come.

But I don't know.

Maybe I was just conditioned by the porn

that was fed to me by the algorithm, you know?

So anyway, I'm bi.

- Jesus Christ!

I was just wondering why you were dressed

like Rachel Maddow's mechanic.

- Great. So, the jokes?

You didn't like any?

- They're not jokes.

I mean,

they're, like, thought poems?

"I had a horrible nightmare that I got a voice mail."

What?

- It's funny because

voice mails are annoying.

It's, like, just text.

- First of all, if you start a sentence

with "it's funny because," then it's probably not.

And second, jokes need a punchline.

- Well, in my opinion,

traditional joke structure is very male.

It's so focused on the ending. It's all about the climax.

- Oh, look who's talking.

I just got a TED Talk about yours.

- Deborah, Kiki's here. - Oh, great.

Thanks, Josefina.

- Sorry, are we done? What's happening?

- I'm playing blackjack.

I don't know what you're doing.

- Why don't you just play at the casino?

- Oh, casinos are disgusting. People smoke indoors.

- Yeah, I know. You make me live in one.

- Ha! - Hi, Deborah.

- Hello. - Oh, cute hairdo.

- Oh, thank you. - How's our little Luna?

- She's amazing!

We just had her three-year check-up.

The doctor said her arms and legs are super long.

I think she's going to be a hip-hop dancer.

- [laughs] Oh, good for her.

Kiki, Ava. Deal her in.

- Oh. Oh, no.

I don't really know how to play.

- Then why'd you follow me in here?

- Your call.

- Uh, hit me?

- You just moved here, huh?

Well, Vegas fucking slaps! You're gonna love it.

- Not if she keeps playing like that.

- Okay. Any, um--

Any guidance for me?

- Always hit on 16 and double down on 11.

- Hilarious. I mean about the jokes.

Anything in particular you want?

- Yes, there should be more of them,

and they should be funny.

- Blackjack! Deborah!

- Yay, the Blackjack!

The Blackjack! - Oh, my God.

- Thanks for the ride. - Yeah, no problem.

It's on the way to my next gig.

[car chirps, engine turns over]

- Uh, nice car.

- So sick, right?

Whenever Deborah gets a new Rolls, I get the old one.

This is my third.

- I cannot believe she gave you this car.

So far all I've gotten is emotional abuse.

Today she asked me about the--

- Okay, that sounds like a bummer,

but I've got to stop you.

I've got to sing the chorus

whenever this song comes on.

- ♪ I needed to lose you to find me ♪

- God.

[singing along to radio] ♪ This dancing was ♪

♪ Killing me softly ♪

♪ I needed to hate you to love me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ To love, love, yeah ♪

♪ To love, love, yeah ♪

♪ To love, yeah ♪

♪ I needed to lose you to love me, yeah ♪

Oh, okay.

You were complaining?

- Sorry.

I-I know I'm lucky to have a job, genuinely, I do.

I just, I don't understand why she's making it so hard.

- Listen, Deborah's a hustler like me.

You see this dope shirt?

This was hers. She gave it to me.

- Deborah had a glitter crop top?

- Uh-uh, no.

I had to cut off the sleeves and trim it.

Point is, her shit is ugly, but the quality is there.

So if you can't make it good, that is on you.

Oh, and don't kill me,

but I'm gonna play that song two more times. Eeh.

- Oh, this is a playlist? - Uh-huh.

- Then why did I have to stop talking?

- Honey, when you're on shuffle,

any song can play at any moment

and it is through that randomness

that we can totally receive meaning.

♪ ♪

♪ I needed to lose you to find me ♪

I can see it in your eyes, you wanna.

both: ♪ Killing me softly ♪

♪ I needed to hate you to love me, yeah ♪

- Oh, my God.

both: ♪ To love, love, yeah ♪

♪ To love, love, yeah, to love, yeah ♪

- Yeah!

both: ♪ I needed to lose you to love me ♪

- Uh, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna--

- Really? - Yeah.

- Oh, watch the drink.

- Sorry.

- Jesus.

[slot machines chiming]

- I'm sorry. I-I can't write in my room.

My neighbors are having, like, performatively loud sex

and the business center is essentially

like a fucking coke den.

- Okay.

- Hey, can I get you a drink?

- Oh, yes. Um, can I get a vodka soda?

- Sure. - Yeah.

- Oh, drinks are on the house.

- Oh, can I get two? [laughs]

- Oh, I'll get you three, sweetie.

[slot machine chimes]

- Yes!

Do you want me to show you how to play?

- Sure, yeah. - Well, you have to match up

the hamsters with the tabby cats.

- The tabby cats.

- There you go. - Thank you.

- Oh, enjoy. - You too.

- Thanks. - Enjoy?

You too?

[Billy Preston's "Nothing From Nothing"]

- ♪ Nothing from nothing leaves nothing ♪

- Oh, my God, yes! - Yes!

- ♪ If you wanna be with me ♪

- Chill, chill.

- Christina. - Whoo!

- Have fun at Disney World.

Yeah, um...

This game is such fucking capitalist bullshit.

I won! Ah!

[laughs]

- ♪ 'Cause that minus is too low to see ♪

♪ ♪

[rhythmic thumping]

[moaning]

[Freddi and Henchi/ The Soulsetters

"Things are Changing"]

- ♪ Things are changing ♪

♪ Things are changing ♪

♪ It's looking good ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It's looking good ♪

♪ Things are changing, baby ♪

- Yes?

- Oh, um, I was just wondering if you got a chance

to read any of the new stuff I sent for tonight?

- I did.

- And?

- Better.

- Oh. Great.

Um, it'll be great to hear them with a crowd.

- Fifteen, Ms. Vance. - Thank you.

[laughter]

- Oh, but I do love my wine, though.

Now, I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic.

I'd slur it.

[laughter]

But my idea of a perfect evening

is a glass of wine,

and if I'm feeling a little frisky,

I'll pop in an adult film.

[laughter]

But here's the trick.

I watch it in reverse.

[laughter]

Because then it's about being rewarded for sex.

With a pizza!

[laughter]

[bombastic brass music]

[cheers and applause]

Have a good night.

- You said my jokes were better.

- They were. - Well, you didn't use any.

- They were better because you stole them from yourself.

Half were from your film script.

The others were clearly dated rehashes you threw in.

- You read my script? - Yes.

I had Jimmy send me everything you've ever written.

I do my research.

So the next time you try to half-ass something,

I--

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Son of a--

- There she is. - How dare you!

- Well, if I don't have Pentatonix,

I've got to promote you, right?

And the truth is,

is you don't make me nearly as much money as lobster tail.

But if it's any consolation,

I bet you taste just as good dipped in butter.

♪ ♪

[knocks]

- Um, I just--I wanted to say

I'm sorry that I gave you

up-cycled material yesterday.

[sighs]

The crowd loved the show last night.

You might wanna lose that joke

about Anna Nicole Smith though,

as she is...

long dead.

- Let me get this straight.

You not only don't write me anything funny

or even original,

and now you're telling me what jokes not to do?

- I'm sorry. [scoffs]

I think it's just been hard

to write in your voice when I don't know you.

- You know what?

You make a good point.

Why don't we

take a little drive?

You can get to know me better on a little road trip.

- Okay, cool. Wait.

What about-- what about the show tonight?

- Ah! We'll be back in time.

I'll speed.

[groovy guitar music]

- Um, what do you think about the climate crisis?

In theory, I'm an environmentalist

but in practice, paper straws taste like a cardboard worm.

- Uh-huh.

Hey, why don't you turn on the radio?

- All right.

- Whoa, do you have, like, huge hands?

- Um, I think they're a normal size.

- No, no. They look like catcher's mitts.

Your manicurist must use a paint roller.

- Okay. You know, some people think

it's pretty cheap to make fun

of other people's appearances.

- Yeah.

Ugly people.

♪ ♪

- Sorry.

Had I known the drive was this long,

I would have peed before we left.

- All right, well, just hurry. - Okay.

- Oh, wait, while you're in there, you might as well

get me a Diet Coke

from the fountain.

- Okay! Jesus.

[grunts]

Oh.

Hey. Do you have a reusable cup?

[grunts] Here you go.

- Where's the change?

- Oh, it was only, like, 27 cents or something.

- Go back and get it.

- [laughs]

Okay.

[sighs]

I should've finished college.

[Black Ice's "Shakedown"]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Get up, get on the floor ♪

♪ Put your hands up ♪

♪ It's a love (love) shakedown ♪

- Okay.

You see that antique shop there?

- Uh, yeah. - Okay.

I want you to go in there,

and I want you to buy

this for me.

- I'm sor--I'm sorry, what?

What is--what is that?

- That is a Jean Royere pepper shaker.

And I want it. But I can't go in.

He'll gouge me. You'll get a much better deal.

- Oh, my God.

That's why we drove all the way out here.

You--you didn't want to spend time

getting to know each other.

You just wanted a pepper shaker mule.

- Okay, when you go in there,

don't make a beeline for the pepper shaker

because he's gonna know you want it,

so, you know, kind of casually browse, you know.

Look at a couple of other things

but then, when you do,

offer him five

but go up to ten if you have to.

- I'm sorry. Is this $10,000?

For--for a pepper shaker? W--

- Royère never made tableware.

It's very rare. - [sighs]

- Okay, now don't mention my name.

Oh, and tell him it's personal to you.

He loves a story.

Hurry up!

- I hope you're donating regularly

to Planned Parenthood.

- Go! [car horn blares]

[door thuds, bell jingles]

- Well, hi there.

- Hi, how's it goin'?

- Well, can I help you find something special?

- Um, no, I'm just browsing.

[light classical music playing in store]

♪ ♪

[whistles]

Um, how much is this?

- Well, look at you.

You have great taste. - [laughs]

- That's one of the most valuable pieces

in the store.

- Oh, mm, yeah. That's--

- It's French,

Sevres porcelain, signed,

early 19th century, with exceptional provenance.

It was purchased by a member

of the Obenchain-McMillan family

at auction in 1930.

- Cute. - It's listed for $32,000

but I could do 28 today.

- Oh, mm, okay.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Oh, um, you know, this just occurred to me.

Do you have a pepper shaker?

- A single pepper shaker?

- Yeah. I love them.

- I did list one,

just today.

- Yep, yeah, wow.

That's so nice.

Uh, would you do 5,000?

- Are you here for Deborah Vance?

- Yes. - I explicitly told you

not to say my name. - He asked!

- Unbelievable.

- Well, well, well.

She shows her face.

I can't believe you would stoop so low as to hire some

niche escort off Craigslist to do your dirty work.

- I wouldn't have to send anyone

if you'd just sell it to me!

- Yeah, I wasn't joking, Deborah.

I will never sell to you.

- Oh, get over it!

- Do you know how many years

I put in with that rancid gorgon

before she croaked?

I played Parcheesi with her!

And then you sweep in

and buy the entire estate sale sight unseen.

- It's a free market! Come on! I'll give you 15.

- No. - Oh, you stubborn ass!

20? - Mm-mm, no.

- Okay, name your price.

- An apology.

- No eating in the car.

[tire blows] Oh!

[tires screeching]

Shit.

- All right. Should we get the spare?

- It's a Rolls Royce, not a Suzuki Samurai.

There is no spare. - [scoffs]

Thing's got heated cup holders.

There's no fucking spare tire.

Okay, um, so we'll call Triple A.

- [stumbling] My show's in 90 minutes.

I can't wait.

Danny. Danny, hi.

It's Deborah Vance. Hi, baby.

I've got a flat, and I need to get to my show.

Yeah, I need a ride.

Can you pick me up?

Ugh! You're a sweetheart.

Okay, I'm on Los Vegas Boulevard

about um, 15 minutes north of Primm.

You'll see me! Okay.

- [sighs]

Yeah, that is shredded,

shredded to the bone.

[bird caws in distance]

So how long you gonna give me the silent treatment?

- It's not silent. You're breathing very loudly.

- You know, it's gonna be hard to work together

if we can't communicate.

- We don't work together.

You work for me.

And not very well.

You couldn't even do the one thing I asked.

- Well, I'm sorry I couldn't haggle

for your Jean Valjean tchotchke or whatever

but I--I'm a comedy writer.

- Oh, my God.

- You know, this isn't even about the pepper shaker.

- It is most certainly about the pepper shaker.

- No, I think you're just butthurt about that billboard,

and you're taking it out on me.

- Ooh. Great psychoanalysis.

Oh, I get it. You're a therapist.

That explains it. You're certainly not a writer.

- Yeah, how would you know?

You barely give me the time of day!

You skim my work.

I never know where you want me to be or when.

You don't give me any feedback.

You're making it really hard!

- Hard?

You think this--this is hard?

You don't know what hard is.

You got plucked off the internet at what, 20?

You just got lucky! - [scoffs]

I may have been lucky, but I'm also good.

- Well, I should hope so.

Good is the minimum.

It's the baseline.

You have to be so much more than good.

And even if you're great and lucky,

you still have to work really fucking hard!

And even that is not enough.

You have to scratch and claw,

and it never fucking ends.

And it doesn't get better.

It just gets harder.

So don't complain to me

that I'm making your life hard.

You don't even know what that means.

[helicopter blades whirring]

Oh, good. My ride's here.

- I don't think I'm comfortable riding in a local news chopper.

- Well, good, because you're not.

You've got to get the car back.

- What, you're leaving me here?

- Yep!

And don't run the AC.

It's low on gas.

Hey!

Lucky for you, you don't have to suffer

through another one of my shows!

Nice catch!

Not surprised.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[music ends]

- Oh.

Fuck.

[scoffs]

[whispers] Fuck it.

- Jimmy Lusaque Jr.'s office.

- Hi, Kayla. Can I talk to Jimmy?

- It's--who is it? - Ava.

- Oh, my goodness!

We've gotta go to the club, girl.

[laughs] Jimmy?

You got a call.

Ava, jump on, babe.

- Hey, hey. How's it going?

- This woman left me in the middle of the desert.

I--I'm so sorry, like, I will do any other job.

What about Camilla? Her room?

- Uh, the job you quit after 11 days

because you said it was basic?

I don't think so.

- I can't do it, Jimmy.

- Uh, Ava, they want me to drop you.

- Wait. What? Who? - The partners.

I used this job with Deborah to convince them

to let me keep you on.

I--I don't wanna drop you.

You're the first person I signed for a reason.

- Didn't you sign Lil Miquela before me though?

- Yes, but she's a CGI Instagram thirst trap bot,

so it's different.

Look, you can do this, okay?

You just have to find a way to prove it to her.

- Okay, okay.

Hey, Jimmy.

Do I have big hands?

- I don't think so. - Yes, you do, girl.

- Kayla! - What?

- They're not big. I wouldn't call them small,

but I wouldn't call them big. Don't worry about it.

- [sighs]

[light ambient music]

- Where's the girl? Did you bury her in the desert?

- [laughs] Not yet.

- Cue intro.

- Ladies and gentlemen, Deborah Vance!

[cheers and applause]

- This donut, it's too small for this car.

You can't drive faster than 50 miles per hour.

- Great, thank you. - Yeah.

[Westerman's "Easy Money"]

♪ ♪

[engine revs]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I don't doubt ♪

♪ Somebody's working harder now ♪

- I'm closing!

♪ ♪

Jesus.

What happened to you?

- It's, um--it's a long story.

So, then I had to leave LA.

It's pretty much the worst thing that's ever

happened to me, and that's saying a lot

because my dad had a stroke

the same day I chipped a veneer.

- And now, for your punishment,

you've got to work for that woman?

Poor girl.

- Life is random, but I--

I think from that randomness

we can totally receive meaning.

And right now, for me,

there's meaning in that pepper shaker.

[laughs]

Because of that one stupid tweet,

I'm stranded in the Nevada desert

asking you to sell me an antique pepper shaker

because otherwise,

I'll lose this job

that I hate but...

that I need.

So, it's not for Deborah.

It's for me.

So, please.

Will--will you just sell me the pepper shaker?

- ♪ Ornament my body ♪

♪ 'Cause I like how it makes me feel ♪

- No.

- Okay.

I have to respect that.

- Good luck.

- What are you doing? - Sell it to me.

- Are you out of your mind? That's one of a kind!

- Sell me it!

I have nothing left to lose! I'll do it!

- Just stop! Put it down! - Sell me it!

- You think you have nothing in common with Deborah Vance?

No, you're the same!

You're both psychotic bitches!

- You have three seconds to take the money

or I'm gonna do it! - Please!

Think of the Obenchain-McMillan family!

- I don't give a fuck about the Obenchain-McMillans!

They probably owned slaves! - [sobbing]

- Fuck you, Lemony Snicket!

One! Two! Three!

[doorbell chimes]

- Here.

And no.

There was no change.

- You look like hell.

- Yeah, I had a pretty hard day.

- Oh, we can start early tomorrow.

I can be ready for you at 10:00.

- Okay.

[light piano music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, good morning.

- Morning.

- So, I have been thinking more

about what you said, and you're right.

You do need to get to know me to write for me.

- For real this time? - Yes.

- Cool.

- So. Come with me.

This is everything I've ever done.

Every joke I've ever written. Every show I've ever taped.

Every TV appearance for the last 40 years.

I want you to digitize it and organize it.

- Well, I'm not-- - Before you say anything,

I know you're a writer.

That's all material, honey.

[War's "Why Can't We Be Friends"]

- Uh, w--

- ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ I seen ya around for a long long time ♪

- Yeah! [laughter]

- ♪ I remembered you when you drank my wine ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ I've seen you walking down in Chinatown ♪

- [giggles]

- ♪ I called you ♪

♪ But you could not look around ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ I paid my money ♪

♪ To the welfare line ♪ [laughter]

♪ I see ya standing in it ♪

♪ Every time ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

♪ The color of your skin don't matter to me ♪

- Ow!