All language subtitles for Girls5eva.S01E07_English

all: From Tokyo
to the Amazon

Paris, France,
to your front lawn

Everybody's doing,
everybody's doing the splingy

- The splingy?
Dope. But how?

- Woah-oooh

all: First you
grab your ear like

What's that noise?
Shimmy, shimmy

Shake it down to the ground,
two-handed salute

Then back it up, back it up,
back it up, back it up

- Ooh!
Sorry, Spencer.

- Obviously this is not the
venue to debut the splingy.

It's meant to be performed
on top of a building

with adequate netting.
[scattered applause]

[upbeat pop music]

- Gonna be famous 5 eva

'Cause forever's too short

- It's too short

- Gonna be famous
3 gether

Cause that's one more
than together

Gonna be famous 5 eva

'Cause forever's too short

So what are you
waiting five

Girls5eva

- Whoo!

- These new songs are shootin'
outa me like chin hairs.

Listen to this one
I started last night.

She elevates,
that's for sure

A revelation to her core

- Ah.
- Fun.

- Is that about me?
- Yes.

- Dawn.

- Olivia Colman.
- Oh, I love her.

Equally at home
in comedy and drama.

- Oh, you guys,
Zander's lip-sync of Gloria

just hit three million views.

- What?
My DMs are filthy.

I can't even open them up
on the train.

- That means, like,
three million people

have heard part
of "Four Stars."

- We have songs.

We have buzz.
- Yes.

- The next step to getting
invited to Jingle Ball,

get on the radio.

I say we hit this.

- Air pig?

- The Association of Integrated

Radio Programmers
International Group.

One weekend. 400 DJs.

- Larry had us do one of those.
Remember?

- And by the time
we left "Famous5eva"

was all over the radio.
- That's right.

- Yes, and we didn't even have
to do anything creepy,

if you didn't count
when Sumner Redstone

asked us to share a banana.

- Yes! I'm all in.
- Ah!

- Tomorrow, we go to Tampa.
- Wait, Tampa?

Like, Kev's Tampa?
I've never been!

- What?
- Oh, my God!

Hey, babe, um,
guess who's coming to Tampa?

- Brooks & Dunn.

I know, I just got
that same alert.

- [laughs] No!
Me is coming.

- Oh, my Lord.
I can't wait.

- I know, me too!

Babe, where do we live?

[upbeat music]

- Baby!

- Wa, wa, goo, goo,
ga, ga, hey baby!

- Ooh, hi baby.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Hello, Gloria.

- Hey, Kev.

- What do you think?

- I love!
- Yay!

- Hey, Sum, where do you
want me to drop your bag?

Maybe I can just walk it
through all the rooms

and you can tell me
when to drop it.

- Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's okay, Gloria.

I have that.
- No, I got it.

- I got it.

Ha.

- New place, huh?
Not much furniture.

- No, not new.

Just always at work,
work, work.

That's a Rihanna
reference for you.

Or church, church, church,

Pastor Chaz reference.
- Oh, Pastor Chaz.

I think it's just very chic.

- That is my realtor,
yeah, yeah.

And she got me this place
a long time ago.

She looks very different now.

Ugh, thanks for the D-off,
Glo.

- Yeah, no prob.

Ribbons still in your AC,
huh, Kev?

- Oh, uh, yeah, yeah.

You know, I like 'em
so I just said, you know what?

Leave 'em on, kids.
It's a party.

Yeah.

So fun.

- Hey, Sum.
- Yeah?

- Wanna walk me to the stairs?

- Sure.
- Bye, Kev.

- Bye.
- What? What?

- I don't wanna
ruin your weekend,

but that place looked like it
was staged 20 minutes ago.

He has to be with someone else.

What about the condoms
on the credit card?

The hotels in the Keys,
I mean--

- Stop, we're doing amazing.

Gloria, he's coming home
two weekends a month,

and last weekend
we had sex in the same room.

- You're fooling yourself.
You're clinging to a fantasy.

- Eyes on the prize.

This weekend we are here
for business.

You should be focused
on A.I.R.P.I.G.

and A.I.R.P.I.G. only.

Okay, I'll see you later.
Let's wear pink.

[upbeat music]

- Welcome to the belly
of the beast.

- Next.

- Checking in.
- Girls5eva talent.

- Chrissy Teigen's making ants
on a log on Instagram,

and guess whose song is
playing in the background?

You're welcome.

Blake, sometimes you just
gotta let Gwen be Gwen.

Kamala,
of course I can talk.

- Who is that?
- Nance Trace.

Mega manager and A.I.R.P.I.G.
keynote speaker.

- I bet she wouldn't lock us
in a tanning booth

and sell the footage
to a Brazilian prank show.

- It definitely wasn't funny
at the time,

but then after,
I was like, pff, I get it.

- Your passes?

- Thumb drives
of our new songs.

- Got 'em.

- Crazy stories
for the shot jocks.

- My apartment building
is like "Rear Window"

but for masturbators.

- And for the Christian DJs,
I brought my acrylic nail

that I saw the face
of Jesus in.

- Okay.
- Let's go blow minds.

- Yes.

- I'm Leonard Crust, and you're
listening to my new single,

"I Feel Sexual
about the Flag,"

featuring the DaBaby
on Gazum97, the Gazum.

[airhorn]
- Bull's eye, Lenny.

- DJ Squeeeb!

- We are Girls5eva
and we have some fresh jams

we would love you to play
on your show, show, show.

Fog horn sound effect.
[imitates fog horn]

- I can't take
unsolicited material.

Anything could be on there,
unlicensed samples, malware,

Louis C. K. bits I'd feel
wrong to laugh at now.

- But we went viral,
three million views.

- Well, Toilet the Cat
got 40 million views

for getting bangs, but you
don't hear her on the radio.

- Get out, Girls5eva!
[all groan]

Hey, eyes up here,
my knees are a mess.

- Hello, Laurence.

- I'm just about done
showing off my B-pop group.

- Your what?
- K-pop's saturated,

so I'm getting a jump
on the other letters.

My boys are Bulgarian.

I found them in Little Sofia
racing pocket bikes.

Anyhow, you want me
to walk you around?

I know this place
like the back of my knees.

Don't look at those either.

- No, we're with Nance Trace
now, Larry.

- You are?

- You are?
[airhorn]

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, twist!

- You didn't you say so?

- We usually let Nance
take care of details like that.

We'll have her reach out.

- How are we gonna
get to Nance?

All her security have
cauliflower ear,

including the girls.
- We'll figure it out.

- When did she get Nance
to sign us?

- Could you sneak away
for sush tomorrow?

- Aw, I wish I could.

Of course, TIT turned up
my whole schedule full tilt

the one weekend you're here.

I was like,
come on, Tom Brady.

Now's the time you pick
to start eating bread again?

I'm going to go
sonic my veneers.

- Well, maybe I could come
to your work?

- Oh, I don't know, babe.

I think I'd be too in my head
if you were there.

It's like how 95%
of plane crashes happen

because the pilot's spouse
was watching.

[chuckles]

[line trilling]

- WTIT Tampa.
Think our name is wild,

ask about
our advertising rates.

- If I wanted to have sushi
delivered to my husband,

Kev Hamlin, tomorrow,
where would I have it sent to?

- Oh, Kev hasn't worked here
in several months.

You said you're his wife?

- Uh, no.

This is a prank call.

[raspberries]

J.K.

You should call 911
because you're burned.

[door opens]

- Uh-huh.

Hope you weren't planning
on getting any sleep tonight.

Ooh!

Oopsie.

Well, that's your fault
for being so hot, babe.

Night, night.

[gentle music]

Bummer city, they want me
to come in early AF.

That's "as Frank."
That's our sound guy.

So I gotta go.

[kiss]

Yeah.

[dramatic music]

- [screams]

- No!
Fricking air mattress!

Where is his real life?

He doesn't even work at WTIT
any more, Gloria.

It's all lies.
We're following his Mini Coop.

Faster, old man!

- I'm a retiree.
I-I just do this

to give my wife
some alone time.

- If it's a woman, she
better not be hotter than me.

And if it's a man,
he'd better be hotter than me.

And if it's a sex cult,

it'd better sweep
the doc category at the Emmys.

- It's just gonna be a guy,
Sum.

It's just gonna be
a nice, loving guy.

Worst case,
they adopted a bull dog.

- Oh, look, there,
he pulled over up there.

Okay.
- Do not punch him!

- You're a cheater!

What?

- Who would've thought
it would be impossible

to get into a 7:20 a.m.
keynote?

- That was like a Dr. Shmigel

demonstrates new bonding
techniques crowded.

- Couldn't you have lied
and said that we were repped

by a more approachable manager?

- A lie is just the truth
on a deadline.

We just need another way
to get to Nance.

What if we pretend someone
hired us to sing for her?

- Her cousin Lauren.
- Scooter Braun.

- Her mom's friend Angie.
- How about Lionel Richie?

- Her other cousin Kristin,
who everybody hates.

- Danger Mouse!
- I don't have it yet.

But we tell the front desk
to send us to her room.

And then we're like

Happy Birthday to you

- Okay,
on the Wikipedia page

it says that her favorite
singer is Celine Dion.

Maybe we do it like,

Happy Birthday

both: To you

- Happy birthday

- Ladies, it should not
be this hard!

- Guys, not for nothing,

but I didn't watch
all this true crime TV

and not learn
how to kidnap somebody.

Step one, don't develop
feelings for the mark.

- Jesus. I can hear you.
- Nance!

- Obviously, we were kidding
about abducting you.

[laughter]
- I respect the hustle.

You're part of Girls5eva,
right?

- Yeah.
- I remember you.

You had that song on
the soundtrack of "Blue Crush."

- Yeah, "T.B.F."
- T.B.F.

- Tiny butts forever

Two silver dollar pancakes
in jeans

This will be
what people like forever

T.B.F.,
tiny butts in jeans

- Ha-hah!
- That was us.

I had that CD in my car
when I first moved to LA.

Well, you still sound great.

- We're looking for new
management?

- I-I gotta get in there
and start that keynote

before all those boy bands
pop boners and age out.

But I-I do believe
in women helping women.

So, uh, come to
the presidential suite at 4:14.

- Okay, here's our new music
and some family pictures

from a trip to Gettysburg.

Just ignore those.

Or don't.
Enjoy them.

[laughter]

- T.B.F.
tiny butts forever

- You followed me?

- What am I looking
at here, Kev?

- It's...

a sanctuary for crabs.

- Are you fucking little crabs?

- No! How?

- I...

- There's a shortage
of shells down here

because tourists take them
off the beach.

- Okay.

- I've just been helping these
special guys and gals

graduate to larger casings.

They can use almost
anything as a home.

They really take to doll heads.

- Why are you doing this?

- To protect them.

If it wasn't for me, they'd be
homeless and sundried and dead.

I give them everything
they need to thrive.

They even get
a custom crab-itat.

Come, come.

The theme of this one
is the Roaring 20s.

- Is that one selling
newspapers?

- I'm so happy
you noticed that.

I know this is a lot
to take in.

I didn't want to tell you

because it doesn't go
with the, you know,

Kev brand of effortless
breezy cool.

- You could have told me
you got fired.

- I didn't.
I quit.

I'm making decent
enough money on Cameo,

and I am working
on something big.

It's a miniature Paris
so they can finally go!

- No.

No, no, this doesn't explain
all the trips to the Keys.

- Home to nine types
of hermit crabs,

including
the elusive long-claw.

- The two-seater Sea-Doo.

- Running them back from Keys.

- Charges to the florist.
- Flowers mask the smell.

- It really doesn't.

What about the bulk
order of condoms?

- It's the perfect slow drip
water source.

- Okay.

I imagined a lot of things
that I might find here.

No part of me
was prepared for this.

- Babe, my whole life,
I've been in a box.

I was doing commercials
before I could read.

- Mm-mm.

Mommy, for dessert,
can we have more soup?

- Then I played a string
of troubled nephews

on local soap operas.

- You made one mistake, Uncle.

Having a sister who had me.

- Then a talent scout heard me
singing at my mall church,

and I was in Boys Next Door.

Girl you can put me
in the mood

Let's do kissing
but never nude

Look who went
through pubert, dude

It's the Boys Next Door

Deeper voice and shiny eyes

Growth spurt
hardly recognized

Look who went through
pubert, guys

It's the Boys Next Door

Then I went straight into
the big old box of marriage.

Babe, I've never had anything
that was just mine

until I became a crab prince.

- So you're not cheating on me?

- Never!

I don't even look down at it.
Babe, I love you.

This has nothing to do with us.
It's just my thang.

You have your thangs,
Girls5eva and Peloton

and wondering what I'm up to.

- I guess that's true.

- Just give this to me, okay?

[gentle music]

- I guess it's better
than golf.

- Oh, that is such
a chiller point, babe.

- Where is she?
- Oh.

- Summer, come on.
We got a meeting with Nance.

- That's amazing!
- Who's Kev skoinking?

- Oh, it's so...funny.

No one.
- I'm sorry?

- He's just secretly
rehabilitating

thousands of hermit crabs
and he's building them a Paris.

- Oh, boy, this is some
AP level repression

coming out sideways here.

Right before I came out,

I was, even among
steampunk circles,

considered way
too into steampunk.

[lively music]

- No, I'm sorry.

You've gotten into
my head too many times.

Kev is a really good guy.

- Of course, he's a great guy!
Everybody loves Kev!

But this is about you, Summer.

How many days have you
seen him this year?

- 16 and a quarter.
- You deserve a real partner.

Birthdays, communication,
fights, nachos.

- Oh, my gosh, stop!
I am going to punch you!

- Take your shot,
you piece of gold.

And if I am not out cold,
I will punch you back so hard

that the police will wonder
where the adolescent chimp is.

- What are you doing?

Do not bring this energy
into Nance's suite.

You make up, right now.

- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry too.

- I really do love you.
- I love you too.

- Come on. Come on.
- I love you more, come on.

- I love you.

- We can't go empty-handed.

[door closes]

- Hi.

- We brought you these.

Yeah, I realize, Nance, you
and I met briefly years ago,

at Ashlee Simpson's
Walk of Fame removal ceremony.

- I'm concerned about the time,
so I'm gonna dive right in.

So I thought about you today,

and you do have
a little traction right now.

Performing with Little Stinker.
[laughter]

Your rant going viral.

- My brief affair with Cray.
- My salad.

- And I did listen
to the new music.

- Dawn is our writerer.

- You sure do know
how to write a hook, Dawn.

- Thank you, I do.
- I see potential here.

- Oh.
- I want to work with you.

all: Ah!

- Hot damn, Jingle Ball,
here we come.

- What?
No, no.

Girls5eva needs to break up.

- Break up?

- Navigating this industry
as a group is a fool's errand.

It's only sustainable for
a handful of people at the top.

The touring, the gigging,

fronting your own money
for music videos

as a vanity project

but I do see
individual potential here.

Dawn, I have acts
that need ear warms.

I could easily sell
"Four Stars,"

and Bad Bunny could do amazing
things with the splingy.

- That song
is very personal.

- We want to tour.

I mean, we want to show
our dogs the world.

- But ten shows a week
is grueling.

Gloria, I have artists that
pay for a dentist to travel

with them just to maintain
their grillz.

- You call them a grill.

I call them a storm drain
for oral bacteria.

- And Wickie, you are
incredibly telegenic.

And you're full of your own
catch phrases.

- My mouth is a T-shirt gun
of wisdom,

and my ass is what babies
are based on.

- Like that, exactly.

I could get you
a six-figure deal

as a judge on
"American Warrior Singer."

- [gasps]
Mmm.

- It films 58 weeks
a year in Atlanta.

- Atlanta?
- Tax breaks.

And Summer, so many options.
- Really?

- The Jesus-y arm of
the Hallmark movie circuit.

- Yeah.

- Bladder leak
underpants campaign.

- I love those.
- Woo.

- So, if we sign with you,
there'll be no more Girls5eva?

- What even is Girls5eva?

You were thrown together
by Larry Plumb

when the state took away
his animal acts.

- Wait.

What if you rep us as a group
for one year, and then we--

- Look, I'm trying to help
you here,

but this meeting is already
14 seconds over time,

which means my dog will only
get head scritches tonight.

Let Ermes know
no tum-tum rubs.

Now, I promise you this is
the best anyone will offer you.

Think about it.
But not for too long.

I'm wheels up at 8:12
and anchors down at 9:00.

I am going to take
the sea plane to my boat.

- Oh.

Okay.

- Ah!
- Good, we agree.

- This was never
about money for me.

It was about being part
of something.

Because I love you guys.

- We love you.
- And you're all in my will.

all: Oh!

- I have a parrot I haven't
talked about who won't die,

and one of you is getting him.

- Yeah, I couldn't
leave you guys

and go be on TV in Atlanta.

I don't want to dress up
to go to the mall.

- And I'm not selling
"Four Stars."

I mean, our talent got us
on the radio before.

- No, it didn't.
[sighs]

- It's not a sunburn.
I nodded off at Benihana.

- You're not a part
of this, Larry.

- You think your talent
got you on the radio

back when my knees
were gorgeous?

You know how many people
have talent?

How come every crack head's
first offer

is I'll suck your dick?

- Ugh!
- Work up to that, people.

Maybe start with,
I'll digitize your old photos.

[laughs]

- See?
Talent's a dime a dozen.

The only reason you got on
the radio was because I paid.

- Paid who?
- I made a sizeable donation

to the promotional budget
of Johnny and the Doink

over at CrouchFM.

- Oh.

- The Doink did have
suspiciously nice air horns.

- Okay, but our talent kept us
on the radio for 21 weeks.

- Why you always got to fart
in our tights, Larry?

- Maybe I'm mad because
my B-pop group sold me

a fake cell phone
and stole my rental car

but you're clinging
to a fantasy.

This biz may seem all shiny
and perfect on the outside,

but inside it's full of crab.

- Crab, what?
- Crap!

Ow! My burnt face
makes it hard to say Ps. Ow.

- That's enough, Larry.
Just get outta here!

- I can't.
This is where I'm supposed

to meet the hotel nurse.

Oh, it's a guy.
Forget it.

I'll just stick my face
in the pool. Ow.

- Larry's right.
I am clinging to a fantasy.

- The Kev stuff sinks in

because Larry accidentally
said it?

- Well, I'm sorry, he's still
an authority figure to me

because he wears
a very big watch.

- Whatever, I'll take it.

Good for you, Summer!

- Sometimes you just need
a little push

To find a home

Hack yeah, Rebecca.

[door closes]
[clicks tongue]

Hey, babe.

[gentle music]

- Kev, I love you.

But this isn't
a real relationship.

There are lies,
and you're never home.

I deserve more.

And don't just say
that you're gonna

come home
three weekends a month.

- I couldn't do that.
That's too much.

This place would look like
Jonestown.

- I don't want to pretend
that everything is fine

just because I love being
half of Summer and Kev.

I mean, the most
intimate experience

I had this year was riding
a city bike over cobblestones.

It's not normal.
- Hey, nothing's going on.

At least I'm not golfing!
[laughs]

- Okay, Kev.

If you have, like,
unprocessed feelings,

let's talk about those.
- No, no, no, I am all good.

I am eatin' good
in the neighborhood.

That's an Applebee's reference.

- I just think
it means something

that you want to
spend all your time

saving creatures that hide.

- I don't want to talk, Summer.

I just want to watch this crab
graduate from one doll head

to a slightly larger doll head.

And I don't know or care
to explore why.

- Well, then I can't keep
doing this.

Maybe instead of being
Summer and Kev...

we should just be Summer.

And Kev.

- What are you talking about?

Separate websites?
I'll never give you that.

- [sighs]

I'm talking about
divorce, babe.

[upbeat music]

- Ugh!

- You okay?
- Why am I being an idiot?

There's a real job
on the other side of that door,

a job on TV,
where I get to go,

[fake laugh]
we'll be right back.

But I can't leave them again,
they're my friends.

- If I got offered, literally,
any other job than this one,

I would take it.

So many big pubes
on tiny soaps.

- Nance, thank you so much.

I'm really glad it worked out.

[dramatic music]

- That little stinker.

- I am starving.
Benihana?

- I want you to know I don't
judge you because I did it too.

How are we gonna tell
Summer and Gloria?

- Tell them what?
- I saw you upstairs, Dawn.

You took the deal,
so then I took the deal.

- What? Wickie,
I didn't take the deal.

I went back to Nance and sold
"Stronger than the Best"

and "Monster Mash 2,"
our scraps.

- What? My flight to Atlanta
leaves in 40 minutes!

Because reality TV judges
work tugboat captain hours.

- You're Wickie-ing?

- Because I thought
you were Wickie-ing!

- I went to Nance for us,
because I'm all in.

I got us money
to put back into the group!

[phone chimes]

- Ugh, my driver's here.
Shit!

- So undo it, Wickie!

- I don't know, Dawn.

Maybe Nance is right and this
is the best it's gonna get.

I'm sorry.

Spend the money
on your kid's college.

- I already spent it.

[somber music]

- It's DJ Squeeeb here
with a new track

I'm only playing because
it appeals to my taste.

"Four Stars" by Girls5eva.

[air horn]

- Ooh, that sounds like
a new air horn.

- She got us on the radio.

- So Atlanta, huh?

What you got,
like, best friends there?

- I'm here with you

- Then you whip your
hair like

Watch me now,
snappy, snappy

Figure eights
with your waist

Wink with two eyes
then shrug it out

Shrug it out,
shrug it out

Pop your hip,
front dip, jacket zip

Hat tip, chef's kiss,
floppy wrist

You can't handle this

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you've got it now

You're starting
to splingy

Take a breath
and stretch it out

'Cause it's just beginning

Next you get all shy

Like you wanna cry
but it's just an act

You're not shy,
so try

Now feature your butt
then spin around

Spin about, spin it
till you hear the sound

[bell dings]
That wasn't the sound

Keep on spinning
[thunder rumbles]

Yeah that was the sound

You can safely stop

So you can start
to trucker horn

Trapped then walk
but sexual

Waggy, waggy

Quick belt change,
but deranged

Grind up on a gust

Then shake it out,
shake it out, shake it out

Jog in place,
frame your face

Give chase, first base,
show some lace

Robot face, go ahead
and flip your space

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you've all got it now

That's the thingy

Only thing left to do
is repeat it two more times

To make one complete
splingy

- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!