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1
00:00:13,263 --> 00:00:15,183
- Have you seen
the space heater?
2
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,063
I don't know where it is.
Wickie moved everything.
3
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,690
- No, sorry.
Wait.
4
00:00:18,727 --> 00:00:19,727
Did you make
5
00:00:19,769 --> 00:00:20,689
the "Maxim" hotlist?
6
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,189
- Oh, yeah.
7
00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,441
Oh my God,
we got this swag bag
8
00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:27,193
from the women's empowerment
luncheon
9
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,195
at the Victoria's Secret
Trampoline Park.
10
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,407
- Oh, a temporary tramp stamp.
11
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:32,527
"October Sky" now on VHS.
12
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:35,954
- I was saving this
for the right time.
13
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:36,954
[clicks tongue]
Life lesson.
14
00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:38,995
- This is signed
by Derek Jeter.
15
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,539
- Yeah, we sang the national
anthem at Yankee Stadium,
16
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:43,173
and then some of us
got a gift basket
17
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,959
the next morning for...
18
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,594
[sighs]
fucking Derek Jeter.
19
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:52,931
- That is so unfair.
You don't even like baseball.
20
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:56,059
But no judgments--we both
hooked up with celebrities.
21
00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:57,467
- [laughs]
22
00:00:57,515 --> 00:00:59,475
The girl that was in her dad's
bedbugs commercial?
23
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:00,937
- It aired in three states.
24
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:04,609
- * Gonna be famous 5eva *
25
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,977
* 'Cause 4ever's too short *
26
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,485
* Too short *
27
00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:11,526
* Gonna be famous 3gether *
28
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:15,241
* 'Cause that's one more
than 2gether *
29
00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:18,413
* Gonna be famous 5eva *
30
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:21,463
* 'Cause 4ever's too short *
31
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:28,245
* Girls5eva *
32
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,716
[chimes ring]
33
00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,427
[upbeat music]
34
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,967
- So I made
our offish booking page.
35
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,431
So far, we've mostly
gotten hit up for foot pics.
36
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,972
- You said you had good news?
- Yes.
37
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,345
Then--
[giggles]
38
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:45,482
a DJ asked us if we wanted
to headline this.
39
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:50,072
Y2Gay, an early aughts-themed
pride party.
40
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,570
We got our first gig!
- Oh!
41
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,362
- Yes!
- We're icons.
42
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,196
We're Kylie Minogue.
43
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,791
We are Robin.
44
00:01:58,827 --> 00:01:59,987
We are Cher.
45
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:01,576
I can do
a five-minute plank, too.
46
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:05,331
- Oh.
- Wait, isn't Pride in June?
47
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,955
- RuPaul said every month
is Pride Month.
48
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,253
- Thanks, Rusty.
49
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,705
- Stop listening
to my private conversations.
50
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:12,295
- Oh.
- Anyway, we get to do
51
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:14,130
a performance,
there's a meet and greet
52
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,175
with VIP guests,
and ladies...
53
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,680
there's a glam budget.
54
00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,142
- Oh, we can debut
"Four Stars."
55
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,852
- Yes!
- This is perfect.
56
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,392
I know you're not gonna
believe this,
57
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,976
but I've actually never been
to a Pride party before.
58
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,402
- How?
What?
59
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,770
- I was too busy drilling,
filling, and building.
60
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:30,976
- Oh!
Oh, God.
61
00:02:31,026 --> 00:02:32,316
Okay.
62
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:33,820
[chuckling]
That was six minutes, easy.
63
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,072
- Eh.
64
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,163
- Gloria, you know
I understand the struggle.
65
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,118
- Aw.
- I've worn a mask myself.
66
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,579
- Mm.
67
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:44,828
- When I starred in
"The Maskical," the musical.
68
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,713
* I'm smokin'! *
69
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,000
[dramatic musical
chords]
70
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,384
* I'm smokin'! *
71
00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,840
* *
72
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,381
* Alrighty, then *
73
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:57,925
- Wasn't "alrighty, then"
from "Ace Ventura"?
74
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,179
- Yes.
- Yeah.
75
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:01,720
- It was a pastiche
of the Jim Carrey oeuvre.
76
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:02,715
- Neat.
77
00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:04,596
Well, all I know is
I can't wait
78
00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:08,192
to gay out and bask
in the love of my people.
79
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,979
- Okay, well, let's all agree
80
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:13,073
tomorrow is Gloria's day,
because you deserve it.
81
00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,779
- Yes, baby girl.
82
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,819
- And, obviously,
whomever I take home
83
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:19,033
will get a gift basket
because I'm classy.
84
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,874
[upbeat music]
85
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,449
- You can make Max
some of those
86
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,084
Dr. Craegner's
spinach dinosaurs for lunch.
87
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,540
- I reject those.
88
00:03:25,580 --> 00:03:26,920
- Okay.
You make whatever you want.
89
00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,286
- I'll do cauliflower steak...
- But just maybe not
90
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,713
the cauliflower steak.
- With tapenade.
91
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,291
I read that you have to
offer a child capers
92
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,376
15 times before
they understand umami.
93
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,721
- Hey, do you think
it's too cold for these?
94
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,587
If I wear thick Beyoncé tights
under 'em?
95
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:39,934
- Did Jeter buy you those?
- No!
96
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:42,559
Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
sent them 'cause they wanted--
97
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,717
[chuckles]
It was a different time.
98
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,176
[inhales deeply]
99
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,846
But they still fit because
leather stretches like skin,
100
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,015
because it is skin.
101
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,976
What is that face?
- What face?
102
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,355
- [huffs]
That face.
103
00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:56,742
You look like Gordon the Train
104
00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:58,318
after Percy and Thomas
made fun of him
105
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,033
for his rattling firebox.
106
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,453
God, I hate that weird show.
107
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:04,411
- There's no face.
It's great, you look great.
108
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,912
Have a great show.
109
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,914
Just remember
Max and I love you.
110
00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,588
[quirky dramatic music]
111
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,087
* *
112
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:16,459
- [inhales deeply]
113
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:18,086
* *
114
00:04:18,133 --> 00:04:19,883
- Obergefell v. Hodges.
115
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,636
Is that a reference
to the Supreme Court
116
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,258
marriage equality case?
117
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,314
- It is.
- Oh.
118
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,767
- But when I bought it,
119
00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:28,687
I did think it was just those
two old, mean Muppets.
120
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,307
- Oh.
- But then, today,
121
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:32,363
because I'm on my journey
to know stuff,
122
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:37,357
on Peloton, I listened to five
audiobooks about queer theory.
123
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:38,532
- Well, thank you.
124
00:04:38,570 --> 00:04:40,450
- The "Ally's Handbook,"
"Queer Schmear,"
125
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,778
the "Mr. Education
of Arnie Frang."
126
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,584
Oh, hi!
- Dawn, where are you been?
127
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:46,617
It's my special day.
128
00:04:46,661 --> 00:04:49,161
- Sorry, guys, um...I don't
think I can do the show.
129
00:04:49,205 --> 00:04:50,955
Just--I'm having a problem.
130
00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,709
- Have a little diet pudding
mix to get your sugar up.
131
00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,212
- It's a panic attack.
[exhales deeply]
132
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:58,343
I mean, I operate with
a pretty high baseline anxiety,
133
00:04:58,381 --> 00:05:00,591
but this is real
fight or flight stuff.
134
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,223
- What set you off?
- Scott.
135
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:05,060
I was getting ready for the gig
and--and he just looks at me
136
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:08,476
with this like, like,
pitying look.
137
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,806
Then do you know what he said?
138
00:05:10,852 --> 00:05:12,442
- Some boring shit
about capers?
139
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,559
- Yes, actually.
140
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,605
But then
"Remember Max and I love you."
141
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:18,739
- Oh, that son of a bitch!
142
00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:22,107
- Like, no matter
how bad it goes,
143
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:25,075
or no matter
how a huge loser you are...
144
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,866
I feel like I'm walking
a tightrope
145
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,660
and he made me look down,
and then when I looked down,
146
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,674
I saw I'm just
a middle-aged mom from Queens
147
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,087
with soft thighs
and her original teeth!
148
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,996
I'm sorry, I just--
[clears throat]
149
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,165
I just don't think my body's
gonna let me do the show.
150
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:40,344
- Hey, wait, wait, wait.
151
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,552
You have to do
what pop stars do.
152
00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,301
Get an alter ego, right?
153
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:47,063
Nicki Minaj has Roman Zolanski,
154
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,017
Beyoncé--Sasha Fierce.
155
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,267
- Ziggy Stardust.
156
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:52,518
- I don't think a cartoon
needs an alter ego.
157
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,230
- Your knowledge base
is so inconsistent.
158
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:55,690
- Summer's right, though.
159
00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,690
When I have a shy bladder
in a public bathroom,
160
00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:01,362
I channel a person named
Urine X Thunder Force.
161
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,613
- I don't know.
- Say a cool name.
162
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,985
Don't think!
Now!
163
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,451
- Fledge Mulholland.
164
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,331
- Fledge.
165
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:11,618
I need you to look at Fledge.
166
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,543
[energetic pop music]
Fledge is fearless.
167
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,422
Her husband
doesn't have a face.
168
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,300
And she could give two Fs
169
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,717
that everybody is judging her
for her stupid name.
170
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:24,717
- Okay, today--
[clears throat]
171
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:27,889
today, I'm Fledge Mulholland.
- Fledge.
172
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,559
- * Fledge Mulholland *
173
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:30,887
- Say it for the show, guys.
174
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,811
- Here we go.
I am ready to cut loose.
175
00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:40,526
- Girls5eva,
I'm the DJ, Ned.
176
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,107
- Well, Ned,
I am pickled to be here,
177
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:46,703
and I can't wait to inspire the
crap out of some queer women.
178
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,240
- Women?
No.
179
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:51,043
This is a daytime rave in an
abandoned mannequin warehouse.
180
00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:54,497
The sponsors are Vegan Condoms
and Skinny Boy Vodka.
181
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:57,499
- Guess I sent my dogs
to my sister's for nothing.
182
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,042
Well, you know what?
183
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,755
I am pumped as punch to feel
the love from whoever is here.
184
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:05,877
- We love you, Wickie!
Cease and desist, bitch.
185
00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:08,715
- Wickie, we see you, lady.
- [chuckles]
186
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,852
- I see you too, fellas.
187
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,679
- So I need to tell
the sound booth.
188
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:13,984
What are you singing?
189
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,477
- Oh, we're debuting
our new song,
190
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,098
and she's a banger.
191
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,895
- New...song?
192
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:23,738
No, this is Y2Gay,
a pun on a thing
193
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,527
I'm not old enough
to know it is.
194
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,320
People are here for nostalgia.
195
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,034
And because our fog machine is
set to have healing properties.
196
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,235
- It's fine.
197
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:33,414
We'll make it work,
because it's important
198
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,583
that we do the show for Gloria.
199
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,502
- Oh, we're doing the show...
200
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:40,670
[funky energetic music]
201
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,340
'Cause I'm
* Fledge *
202
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,590
* Mulholland *
203
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:45,591
* *
204
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:46,932
- Yeah, she is.
205
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,506
- Party like
it's 1990-gay!
206
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,313
[indistinct excited chatter]
207
00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:56,807
- Who wants the Jane Hanpussy
of a queer pop star, huh?
208
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,231
That's the inverse
of John Hancock.
209
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,060
It's clever!
210
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,935
- Cease and desist, bitch!
211
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,821
- Oh!
[chuckling] Luca!
212
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,648
What will your fans say?
213
00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:07,154
- She's a goddess!
- Next.
214
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,945
- Wickie's line
is out the door.
215
00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,948
I mean, I'm the gay icon.
216
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,331
First same-sex divorce
right here.
217
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,370
- [rapidly] Well, gay icons
are typically glamorous divas
218
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,794
who more often than not
are not gay themselves.
219
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,463
I listened to the audiobooks
on double speed.
220
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:25,212
- Thanks for the ma'amsplaining
- Oh, I know more stuff too.
221
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,835
Did you know that queer
female TV characters
222
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,011
are much more likely
to be killed off
223
00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,299
than straight characters?
224
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,302
- I didn't know that.
Fun facts.
225
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:34,684
- Oh, I don't think it's fun.
Okay, hi.
226
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,643
- I do what I want.
I don't stress.
227
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:39,143
Worry isn't really my thing.
Do you know what I mean, Brian?
228
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:41,145
- I thought you'd sign
the CD I brought,
229
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,017
and I never told you my name.
- [laughs]
230
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:46,315
Wonderful!
Next!
231
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,817
Scott?
232
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:52,202
- You look--holy shit, Dawn.
233
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,040
- [stammers]
Why are you here?
234
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,826
- Well, I missed "The Tonight
Show" and mall pop-up
235
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,501
'cause I was on Max duty,
so I got a sitter.
236
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,380
I wanna see you in action.
Hey, hat twins.
237
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,918
- Well, but you
didn't have to come.
238
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:07,171
It's not like I come
watch you guidance counsel.
239
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,763
- Oh, you couldn't.
It's a confidential process.
240
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,508
- Hi, Scott.
Hey, Dawn.
241
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,340
Do you think you could come
get a drink with me?
242
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,505
I can't open cans
with my nails--pfft.
243
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,064
- [softly]
Sure.
244
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,517
- Why did you invite Scott?
245
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,807
- I didn't.
He surprised me.
246
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,811
Oh, God, looks so concerned.
247
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,523
Is it more than just sucking?
248
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,613
Does he have secret information
that I'm dying or something?
249
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,528
- Look, you have to ignore him.
We have a show to do.
250
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,818
So where's Fledge?
251
00:09:29,861 --> 00:09:31,571
- Driving a Miata somewhere.
- Oh, God.
252
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,703
Your imagination is so lame.
253
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,240
You gotta get together.
254
00:09:35,283 --> 00:09:37,333
[energetic pop music]
Fledge is fearless,
255
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,159
Fledge is sexy,
256
00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,504
Fledge is gonna take a shot
257
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:45,289
off of the Skinny Boy Vodka
luge right now.
258
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:46,585
Go get it, Fledge!
259
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:49,128
* *
260
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,882
- Whoo!
261
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,934
* Seize the tonight! *
262
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:55,347
- Go.
Okay.
263
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,683
- Cease and desist, bitch!
- Oh!
264
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,314
You are out of order!
- [giggles]
265
00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,812
- Wickie, Zander.
266
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,774
Your work in "The Maskical"
changed my life.
267
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:10,066
All tea, no shade.
Thank you.
268
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:13,320
- You're welcome,
darling baby snuggles baby.
269
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,163
[both giggling]
270
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,659
[camera shutter clicks]
271
00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,331
[laughter]
- Okay, bye.
272
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,409
- Okay, bye.
273
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,503
- You slay my ass.
I have no skin.
274
00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:25,539
- Wickie, didn't "The Maskical"
close after like a week?
275
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,673
- Only because the signature
green cocktail
276
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,751
dyed everyone's anuses green.
277
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,256
- So how did that guy
ever see it?
278
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,377
He would be like ten.
And it was in Pasadena.
279
00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,716
- I don't know,
280
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,060
but he must have been
in the crowd feeling seen.
281
00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:41,677
If this is jealousy,
it isn't a good color on you.
282
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:42,975
Next!
283
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,888
[hoots and hollers]
- Cease and desist!
284
00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,596
- Let's go.
[indistinct excited chatter]
285
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:50,526
[quirky downbeat music]
286
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,857
- Thanks.
Do you have gum?
287
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:52,941
- I'm not
the bathroom attendant.
288
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,316
- Oh, sorry.
289
00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,742
- Hey, hey.
290
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,830
Just out of queeriosity,
291
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,907
how did "Maskical"
change your life, Zander?
292
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:03,293
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
293
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:05,209
- Oh, you're cute
that you don't know.
294
00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:08,588
I'm a lip-sync-fluencer.
I lip-sync to divas going off.
295
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:10,626
I've done all the classics.
296
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,550
Katherine Heigl losing it
on the script supervisor
297
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,419
on "State of Affairs,"
298
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:17,136
Wendy Williams dressing down
a CVS self-checkout machine...
299
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,507
- Hmm.
- I rode the Karen wave, obvs,
300
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,644
did both sides of the David O.
Russell-Lily Tomlin fights,
301
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,931
whoever they are,
302
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:26,604
but then last month,
I was panning deep
303
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:31,154
in a community theater
subreddit and struck gold.
304
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,991
- * Funky, weird *
305
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:40,368
* Mask-y mask *
306
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,408
No, no!
307
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,252
Stop "The Maskical"!
[audience murmuring]
308
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:48,578
I see you!
I see you, lady.
309
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,455
Cease and desist!
310
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,212
When you snap a photo
of my performance,
311
00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:55,803
you disrespect me,
you disrespect the work,
312
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,340
you disrespect
Sir James Eugene Carrey.
313
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:02,966
[audience gasping]
Cease and desist, bitch!
314
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:05,684
- My lip-sync blew up
gay Twitter.
315
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:06,975
I got a verified check
316
00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:10,228
and now I'm a spokesman
for CBD pacifiers.
317
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:11,271
Blessed!
318
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,534
[quirky upbeat music]
319
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,897
- Come on!
320
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:18,864
[thumping techno music]
321
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,865
* *
322
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:22,577
- I'll get the Shit Stirrer.
323
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:26,077
- Okay, it's vodka, bubbles,
and opinions.
324
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:27,621
- Who are you?
325
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:29,044
- I'm Tipper Gore.
326
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,332
And I'm on-theme.
327
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,205
- Cool.
328
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,672
- Why are you out here
with the normies?
329
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,922
You got a VIP bracelet on.
330
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:37,344
- Oh, I'm giving my wife space,
331
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,882
letting her get
into pop star mode.
332
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,635
- Mm-hmm.
- What?
333
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,928
- Nothing.
- Come on.
334
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,222
- Well,
you're handsome and all.
335
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,686
Big eyes like
a Margaret King painting.
336
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:50,847
But you don't seem
like the kind of guy
337
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:53,015
that'd be married
to a pop star.
338
00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,364
I can see the outline
339
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,609
of your Kindle
through your cargo shorts.
340
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,691
- For the commute.
341
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,316
I'm finally reading
"Team of Rivals."
342
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:02,072
- It's just like
tends to find like.
343
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:05,235
JLo and A-Rod,
Beyoncé and Jay-Z.
344
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:08,245
Lisa Bonet
is with Jason Momoa.
345
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,828
Not, like, a teacher.
346
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:12,174
- I'm a guidance counselor.
347
00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:14,668
- Ooh, did I just stir shit
348
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,921
'cause I'm paid
in bar cherries and bored?
349
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:20,183
[quirky downbeat music]
350
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,386
- Would you like to know
the real reason
351
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,007
that you are top doggy
around here?
352
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,925
* *
353
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,353
- And you!
354
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,601
Chomping on Raisinets
like it's your identity?
355
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:35,324
Your wet mouth disrespects
the work of our director,
356
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,527
the recently deceased
Richie Tompkins.
357
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,937
And you...
358
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,485
your leather pants noises
disrespect the theatre.
359
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:43,700
Take 'em off.
360
00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,200
Or I will cut them off
361
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:48,661
with the multi-tool
from "The Truman Show"!
362
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:52,253
Cease and desist, bitches!
[cheers and applause]
363
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:56,170
Cease and desist, bitches!
364
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:59,631
- So that's why that phrase
sounds so iconic.
365
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:01,133
I invented it.
366
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,554
- You're not mad about it?
367
00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,932
- That rant
was a tour de force.
368
00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,349
That's French for force tour.
369
00:14:07,389 --> 00:14:09,139
- They're making fun of you.
370
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,102
- Nope.
This is classic diva worship.
371
00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:13,442
Figures such as Bette Davis
and Judy Garland
372
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,858
are often admired for
their ability to exhibit power
373
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,977
from a place of vulnerability.
374
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,444
It's very nuanced.
375
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:22,154
- Well, I'm vulnerable
and powerful.
376
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,155
I have a wool allergy.
377
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,067
And I have punched out
so many car windows
378
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:27,446
to free dogs on hot days.
379
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,662
- Sorry, but it's not my fault
380
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,913
that everyone admires
and looks up to me.
381
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:35,075
I didn't ask to be
a treasured hero.
382
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,165
- Wickie?
- Yes!
383
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,340
- Sign my shirt.
- Coming.
384
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,919
[chuckles and sighs]
385
00:14:42,966 --> 00:14:44,676
Darles?
- Hmm?
386
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:48,258
- Why does my catchphrase
have a little TM on it?
387
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:52,144
Where'd you get this?
- Zander's got a stand.
388
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,643
- Please remember to tip
389
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:54,975
your bartenders
and mannequins!
390
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:56,810
- Excuse me, fellas.
391
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,855
- Famous.
392
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,858
French.
393
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,110
Pharmacy.
394
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,781
- Hey, I just wanted to say
break a leg.
395
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,782
- Five minutes, Girls5eva.
- I love you.
396
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,155
- Thank you.
397
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,751
- Oh, and the stage
looks slippery
398
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,746
like those stairs at Essentials
you slipped down that time.
399
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:16,538
You might wanna wear sneakers
or a square toe--
400
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,633
- Okay.
I can't do this with you here.
401
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:20,996
[energetic pop music]
402
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:25,296
- * Fledge Mulholland *
403
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:30,264
[light funky music]
404
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:34,425
* *
405
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:35,516
- Wickie!
406
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,980
Do you want a tank
or a trucker hat,
407
00:15:38,021 --> 00:15:40,481
or a tri-blend tee or a cozy?
408
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,193
- You need to cease and desist
409
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,943
with "cease and desist, bitch,"
bitch.
410
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,566
- Wait, I don't...
411
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,374
All this is supes
aboveboard, actually.
412
00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,158
See, after I lip-sunc to you,
413
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,792
I was like,
"Zander be a business boy,"
414
00:15:53,828 --> 00:15:55,408
you know, because
my parents are lawyers.
415
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:56,745
Well, you don't know that.
But my parents are lawyers.
416
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,420
Anyway,
I looked the phrase up.
417
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,838
It was fully avail,
so I trademarked it.
418
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,918
- But these are my words.
419
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,183
- That I made it into art.
420
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:10,047
Wait, are you not proud of me?
421
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:14,265
- This is theft!
- Wickie, I worship you.
422
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,807
But what I did took
a ton of work.
423
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,442
You're the subject.
424
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,189
The girl with a pearl earring
doesn't get paid.
425
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,901
Vermeer gets paid.
426
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,231
- Vermeer died penniless.
427
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:26,565
I know this because
I watched "Jeopardy!".
428
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:29,411
How much money
did you make, Zander?
429
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,277
- [scoffs]
You're a queen.
430
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,244
You don't need
any of my dumb money.
431
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:36,044
- How much?
- Um...between merch
432
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:39,329
and a sponsored post
for weight anxiety sneakers
433
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:41,964
and the remix, and please
remember NYU was expensive--
434
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:44,462
- A number, Zander.
435
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,884
- $80,000.
And also I spent it.
436
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,263
- On NYU?
- No, girl.
437
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,050
I told you my parents
are lawyers.
438
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:52,474
On bags and tattoos.
439
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:54,312
This one says gratitude,
and I mean it.
440
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,517
- You human B-side!
- Please go off.
441
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:57,888
I can make enough
to buy a Dairy Queen
442
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,564
that I operate as a joke.
443
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,400
- Come on, say something
you mutton-sleeved empress.
444
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,193
- No, you're not.
- What are you doing?
445
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,026
- Oh, it was a photo.
446
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:11,281
- Don't yell at him.
447
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:12,452
He's just gonna lip-sync it
448
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:14,620
and sell catchphrase
dog raincoats.
449
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:17,249
- First
Larry makes money off of me,
450
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,617
then I had a Henrietta Lacks
situation but with HPV cells,
451
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,875
now Zander is cashing in.
452
00:17:23,918 --> 00:17:27,878
Why am I never the one
profiting off of me?
453
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,512
- It's fucked up.
454
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,549
- I just feel totally ignored.
455
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:37,434
- That's how I felt all day,
ignored and left out.
456
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,394
[dramatic music]
457
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,435
* *
458
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:45,319
- I finally get empathy.
459
00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:47,437
It's when you feel sad
for others
460
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:50,154
because the same thing's
happening to you.
461
00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:52,985
- Oh.
Thank you.
462
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:54,781
I mean, usually,
you can make the leap
463
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,414
without the one to one but...
464
00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:58,661
- Negative four minutes,
Girls5eva.
465
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,503
- [sighs]
Let's just bail.
466
00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,499
My feet are killing me
in these show socks.
467
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,671
And they don't even wanna
hear our new stuff.
468
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:09,510
I don't wanna sing
"Daddy's Hot Friend" again.
469
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:12,877
- Then don't,
but we're not bailing.
470
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,853
- Fudge is made of diamonds.
471
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:18,258
They can even be
the blood kind.
472
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,386
She doesn't care.
- Good girl.
473
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:23,143
- Ladies, we're doing
"Four Stars."
474
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:25,306
- I gave the sound booth
ten free whitenings.
475
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,645
[applause]
- Oh, my gosh!
476
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,190
- We are Girls5eva!
477
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:31,574
- Oh, damn, Fledge!
478
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,111
- That was amazing.
479
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:35,034
[upbeat pop song playing]
480
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:38,873
- * We're gonna start fresh,
take a couple of new steps *
481
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,540
* And wear our
comfortable shoes *
482
00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,158
- Love you, Wickie!
483
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:44,455
- * Look at our history *
484
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,379
* There is no mystery *
485
00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,128
* The problem here was you *
486
00:18:48,169 --> 00:18:52,259
* So what if we risk it all
and try *
487
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:57,548
* Knowing we might fall,
but we might fly *
488
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,425
* Who cares what they say? *
489
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,432
* We're gonna do it our way *
490
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,564
* Like Sinatra or Burger King *
491
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,152
* Five stars is a lie *
492
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,768
- Wait, what is this song?
493
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,565
- * Nobody's perfect
so then why try *
494
00:19:11,609 --> 00:19:13,739
- Come on, diva!
Play your old stuff.
495
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:17,448
Melt down.
Come on, diva!
496
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:21,540
Please, I beseech you,
not even ask.
497
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,958
Yes, come on!
498
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:27,747
Be perturbed, my sovereign!
Yes, Wickie live!
499
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,092
- * Coming up, coming up,
coming up, coming up *
500
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:34,719
* Four stars *
501
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:38,428
- It's my life, Mama!
- How dare you, mon frère?
502
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,600
- No.
Don't take the bait.
503
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:44,098
- Bait taken!
- Sit and zip it!
504
00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:45,482
Zip!
505
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,518
- Patti LuPone
and [indistinct]!
506
00:19:47,562 --> 00:19:48,812
- Don't try to freak out
my friends
507
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,725
so you can sell some T-shirts.
508
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,614
'Cause she's not
gonna freak out.
509
00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,281
[audience murmuring]
510
00:19:55,320 --> 00:20:01,700
She's not gonna be like,
"Shut it down, clown town!"
511
00:20:01,743 --> 00:20:03,753
Order in the sport court.
512
00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:06,917
Time of death?
Uh, now.
513
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:10,456
Simon says you gotta
go to the bus station
514
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:13,052
and get far away from here...
515
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:17,378
- Overlong, but--
- Bitchard Nixon, okay?
516
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:20,135
You don't get to decide
517
00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:22,968
whether we're gonna sing
new stuff or old stuff
518
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:27,814
because, unlike you, Zander,
we have stuff.
519
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,312
Wickie,
she spent her whole life
520
00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:32,855
making stuff singing, dancing,
521
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:36,189
spokesmodeling for discount
whipped creams...
522
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:39,606
- Available everywhere
discounted pies are sold.
523
00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:40,816
- Whoo!
- Yeah, girl.
524
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:43,155
- What in the hell
have you ever done
525
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:47,331
besides fail to grow
a mustache over that sinkhole?
526
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:48,672
- Ooh!
527
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:49,917
- I just dye
my stubble platinum.
528
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,128
- You're a puppet, Zander.
529
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:57,128
And Wickie--
Wickie is a sexy Geppetto!
530
00:20:57,173 --> 00:21:01,763
She is a sexy Gep-pet-to.
531
00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:04,183
all: Diva, diva, diva!
532
00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:07,392
- That's right.
I'm a flap jacket gay diva.
533
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:10,194
And you're all gonna
sit there quietly and watch us
534
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:12,978
sing this song
five more damn times
535
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,613
because we've worked
so hard on it.
536
00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:19,949
And I don't have to go relieve
my dad's nurse until 6:00.
537
00:21:19,988 --> 00:21:22,698
Back to one!
[cheers and applause]
538
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:26,291
[laughter]
539
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:27,947
- [screams]
540
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,536
- That was...
- Cathartic.
541
00:21:29,581 --> 00:21:31,171
- An inspired collab.
542
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,497
- Oh, I needed that release
so bad today.
543
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:35,343
- I was shook.
This is real pee.
544
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:36,458
- [gasps]
- Oh.
545
00:21:36,504 --> 00:21:37,804
- Wait, I'm sorry,
I missed something.
546
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:39,049
What happened?
547
00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:41,550
- We struck a content deal
before the show.
548
00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,053
First, Zander
would provoke me...
549
00:21:43,094 --> 00:21:46,644
- And then I'd scream at him.
And I get my icon wings.
550
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:49,061
And then he's gonna
lip-sync about it.
551
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,350
- My friend filmed everything.
- We keep 80%
552
00:21:51,394 --> 00:21:54,234
of streaming generated profits
and merch from the phrases
553
00:21:54,272 --> 00:21:56,862
"sexy Geppetto
and Bitchard Nixon."
554
00:21:56,900 --> 00:21:58,740
- Thank you for those.
- Plesh.
555
00:21:58,777 --> 00:22:01,447
And Zander's army of fans...
- Zander Fanders.
556
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:03,948
- Are gonna hear 30 seconds
of "Four Stars"
557
00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:06,740
before the rant starts.
558
00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:08,405
That's how you promote
a new song.
559
00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:09,703
- Oh, my God, it's genius!
560
00:22:09,746 --> 00:22:11,706
Whoo!
561
00:22:11,748 --> 00:22:14,288
You guys, this is allyship,
the practice in which a person
562
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,924
in a position of power
operates in solidarity--
563
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,051
- Yeah, we're good.
We're all learned up.
564
00:22:19,089 --> 00:22:20,419
We got it.
565
00:22:20,465 --> 00:22:23,085
[light music]
566
00:22:23,134 --> 00:22:25,934
- Add me to the list
of Ojani Noa,
567
00:22:25,970 --> 00:22:28,220
Sasha Czack, Trevor Engelson.
568
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:30,774
- Who are those people?
- JLo's first husband,
569
00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:32,769
Sylvester Stallone's
first wife,
570
00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:34,811
Meghan Markle's first husband,
571
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:37,274
all dumped once
their spouses got famous.
572
00:22:37,315 --> 00:22:39,685
- What are you even
talking about?
573
00:22:39,734 --> 00:22:41,614
Are you still jealous of Jeter?
574
00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:43,283
We didn't even finish
575
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:44,821
'cause Jordana Brewster
called in the middle.
576
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,784
- It's gonna be so sad one day
when I bike up to, like,
577
00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:49,616
Bon Jovi's mansion and go,
578
00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:53,581
"I'm here to pick up my son
to take him to a free zoo."
579
00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:56,793
- Scott, I'm not leaving you.
580
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:58,455
- You kicked me
out of your show.
581
00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:02,473
- Because you destroyed my
confidence with your pity face.
582
00:23:02,507 --> 00:23:05,427
I was so wrecked I had
to make up a badass alter ego
583
00:23:05,468 --> 00:23:06,588
to get through the show.
584
00:23:06,636 --> 00:23:08,006
Her name is Fledge Mulholland
585
00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:09,764
and she got electrocuted
in the crotch
586
00:23:09,806 --> 00:23:12,726
so she sits
in chairs like this.
587
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:15,187
- What?
That wasn't pity.
588
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:16,688
That was me freaking out
because
589
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:20,400
you're Jason Momoa,
and I'm normal.
590
00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:24,815
- No.
591
00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:27,453
I'm just me.
592
00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:31,239
But I do need your support,
Scott,
593
00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:35,076
because I'm doing
something that's insane.
594
00:23:35,123 --> 00:23:36,833
And whether you mean to or not,
595
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:39,085
your face brings me back
to earth
596
00:23:39,127 --> 00:23:41,547
and reminds me
that it's insane,
597
00:23:41,588 --> 00:23:44,668
because you are grounded
and normal
598
00:23:44,716 --> 00:23:46,546
and that's why I love you.
599
00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,723
But it's fucking
with me onstage.
600
00:23:48,762 --> 00:23:50,262
[sighs]
601
00:23:50,305 --> 00:23:53,015
I need to delude myself
like an idiot
602
00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:57,398
if I'm gonna make
this group into anything.
603
00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:59,057
[bright music]
604
00:23:59,105 --> 00:24:01,895
Will you be an idiot with me?
605
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:05,401
- I'll try.
Is this a better face?
606
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:07,355
* *
607
00:24:07,405 --> 00:24:08,405
- Okay.
608
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:10,238
Okay, you can come
to the next show.
609
00:24:10,283 --> 00:24:12,993
- Yes!
610
00:24:13,036 --> 00:24:17,746
- * Four stars *
611
00:24:17,791 --> 00:24:20,041
* Oh, yeah *
612
00:24:20,085 --> 00:24:22,835
How dare you, mon frère!
613
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:25,549
- As you can see,
it's very popular.
614
00:24:25,590 --> 00:24:27,550
Now, I'm a forward-thinking
businesswoman,
615
00:24:27,592 --> 00:24:31,142
so I'd like to trademark
all future mouth gems.
616
00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:34,099
Please take dictation.
We may be here for a while.
617
00:24:34,140 --> 00:24:37,020
Nothing stickies to Wickie.
618
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:40,440
Horsies clomp, I stomp.
619
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,070
Nuh-uh, Google.
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Weirdo.
620
00:24:44,109 --> 00:24:48,739
Is that anything?
Put that down to be safe.
621
00:24:48,780 --> 00:24:51,490
I say sex on the city.
622
00:24:51,533 --> 00:24:54,413
And that's a wrap
on hot dogs!
623
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:57,752
She's not gonna be all,
"Shut it down, clown town."
624
00:24:57,789 --> 00:24:59,289
Order in the sport court.
625
00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:01,712
Time of death?
Uh, now.
626
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:05,631
Say yes to that mess,
Glengarry Glen Sauce.
627
00:25:05,672 --> 00:25:10,472
Huston, we have
a middle finger--kabloom!
628
00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:12,140
Club sandwich.
629
00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:15,428
Simon says we gotta go
to the bus station
630
00:25:15,473 --> 00:25:19,853
and get far away from here,
Bitchard Nixon!
631
00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:21,524
What?
632
00:25:21,563 --> 00:25:25,113
- * Seize the tonight *
633
00:25:25,150 --> 00:25:27,490
[upbeat electronic music]
634
00:25:27,527 --> 00:25:32,447
* 'Cause
I'm Fledge Mulholland *
635
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:35,240
* *
636
00:25:35,285 --> 00:25:38,615
* Fledge Mulholland *
637
00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:43,293
* *
638
00:25:43,335 --> 00:25:45,995
* Seize the tonight *
639
00:25:46,046 --> 00:25:49,836
* *
640
00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:54,183
* 'Cause
I'm Fledge Mulholland *
641
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:57,140
- Cease and desist, bitch!
642
00:25:57,182 --> 00:25:59,642
Your nose breathing is more
643
00:25:59,684 --> 00:26:01,394
offensive to the theater
644
00:26:01,436 --> 00:26:03,976
than what John Wilkes Booth
did!
645
00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:07,441
Cease and desist, bitch!
646
00:26:07,484 --> 00:26:11,954
- * I'm Fledge Mulholland *
647
00:26:11,988 --> 00:26:14,068
* *
648
00:26:14,115 --> 00:26:18,365
* Fledge Mulholland *
649
00:26:18,411 --> 00:26:20,461
- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.
650
00:26:20,497 --> 00:26:22,417
- [munching]
46470
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