Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,405 --> 00:00:05,605
>> So, look, I just came back
2
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:06,966
from Detroit, and I crushed
3
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,544
those dips in contracts.
4
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,082
And I got 18 holes in.
5
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:10,908
(laughing)
6
00:00:10,911 --> 00:00:12,151
>> Oh, man, funky, yeah, we'll
7
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,106
I'm still gonna head down to
8
00:00:13,114 --> 00:00:14,754
Sandusky on Friday and I...
9
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:15,818
I think after the Gamber meeting
10
00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:16,716
I'm just gonna jet over
11
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:17,747
to Cedar Point.
12
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,391
They have this mondo coaster
13
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:21,288
that I've just been meaning to
14
00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,489
crush, you what I mean,
15
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,320
just like...
16
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,934
>> (gasping)
17
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:26,225
>> Steve?
18
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:27,957
Steve, are you okay, Steve?
19
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,961
>> I'm-- I'm-- I'm choking.
20
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,603
>> Oh! Oh, my God, okay, uh, I'm
21
00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:32,799
coming, Steve, I'm coming.
22
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,030
All right?
23
00:00:36,304 --> 00:00:37,844
Oh, okay.
24
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:38,508
Steve, a little higher than
25
00:00:38,506 --> 00:00:39,936
I thought there, okay, pal?
26
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:40,910
>> I'm dying...
27
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:41,808
>> Okay, I know, Steve,
28
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,009
I'm coming, I'm coming.
29
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:46,080
One, two, three.
30
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,280
(grunting)
31
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,651
Steve, help me.
32
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,849
Steve, give me your hand! Steve!
33
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,650
>> You're not strong.
34
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,321
(gasping)
35
00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:52,489
You're not strong enough.
36
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,856
>> Oh, wow, really, Steve?
37
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:57,186
(bleep)
38
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:59,131
(straining) Okay.
39
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,157
Okay, my knee.
40
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,801
Steve, my knee!
41
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,325
>> I told you so.
42
00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,671
>> Oh, get a (bleep) Steve,
43
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,765
Really? You think you could
44
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,796
get over that wall?
45
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:07,500
>> Just come around.
46
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,801
Matter of fact... (wheezing)
47
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:09,602
>> No.
48
00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:10,603
>> I'll come over there.
49
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,514
>> No-no-no, you stay there,
50
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:12,435
I'll come to you.
51
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,740
All right, Steve, I got a plan.
52
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,851
Ohh!
53
00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:26,654
**
54
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,374
>> * Even though I ain't
55
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:42,369
* Bitter
56
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:43,300
Like that.
57
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,644
* I pour Drano on a (bleep)
58
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:45,568
Pour that Drano.
59
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,713
* I'm petty (bleep)
60
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:47,577
* 'Cause I'm a petty (bleep)
61
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:48,705
>> (groaning)
62
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:49,539
>> I'm petty!
63
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:50,843
>> Oh, Stedman!
64
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,484
What are you doing?
65
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,181
>> I'm writing my rhymes.
66
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,193
>> Oh, knock that (bleep) off,
67
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,345
you old bastard.
68
00:01:58,352 --> 00:01:59,822
>> Come on, Oprah.
69
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,520
Don't kill my vibe.
70
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:02,892
>> All this N-word this,
71
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:04,530
and N-word that.
72
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,185
Is that what you were doing?
73
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,234
>> I'm trying to get this rap
74
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,858
career off the ground, baby.
75
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,032
That's what the kids wanna hear.
76
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,000
>> Oh, oh, those kids.
77
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,239
They don't know diddly-squat.
78
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,535
>> Maybe you should talk to the
79
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:16,666
kids about his power.
80
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:18,070
>> Stedman, I've tried.
81
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:19,411
It's not working and I--
82
00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:21,537
I just don't know what to do.
83
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:22,942
>> There's always something you
84
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:24,213
can do.
85
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:27,082
You got a lot of money.
86
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:28,184
>> (gasping)
87
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,222
**
88
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,718
>> And much to the dismay of
89
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:33,119
Americans everywhere, the rumors
90
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:34,320
have been confirmed.
91
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,085
Oprah Winfrey has indeed bought
92
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,590
the N-word.
93
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:39,862
Effective 8:00 a.m. Eastern time
94
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,260
tomorrow, all use of the N-word
95
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,702
will be outlawed, and offenders
96
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:43,960
will be subject to a fine
97
00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,974
and execution.
98
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,366
I suggest you get those N-words
99
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,238
out while you can, folks.
100
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,267
Like this:
101
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,241
(bleep bleep)
102
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,370
(sighing)
103
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,284
We'll go out to Laura
104
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,275
in the field-- Laura?
105
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,876
>> It is absolutely chaos out
106
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:57,777
here, Jack.
107
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:58,948
There have been 40 new
108
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,276
hip-hop albums released
109
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:01,751
in the last hour.
110
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,819
I can barely hear myself speak
111
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,417
due to all the N-words.
112
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,219
>> Jesus, that's offensive,
113
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:07,961
Laura.
114
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,055
>> Oh, no-no-no, I-I wasn't
115
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,416
referring to people.
116
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,794
I meant literally the amount
117
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:12,992
that people are using
118
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:13,793
the N-word.
119
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,864
It's drowning everything out.
120
00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,326
>> It's the end of an era.
121
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,771
God bless us all.
122
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:23,967
**
123
00:03:23,971 --> 00:03:25,771
>> You don't know the pain
124
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,813
that word has caused.
125
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:32,149
That word has crushed the soul
126
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,275
of many young people
127
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:37,992
and old people alike.
128
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:41,485
I will not let it
129
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:45,329
continue...
130
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:49,804
Put that word and the memories
131
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:52,827
of it behind you.
132
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:56,503
This is a new era!
133
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,314
(crow caws)
134
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:00,466
(Oprah continuing faintly)
135
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:06,649
This is a new era!
136
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:09,782
>> (beatboxing)
137
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:13,123
>> * These...
138
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,460
* Kill e'ry one of these ni--
139
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,515
Ugh!
140
00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,693
* I pull the trigger on n--
141
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:17,630
Uhh! Damn it!
142
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,685
>> Damn, man! It's hard!
143
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:22,233
What's the point?
144
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,699
>> I can't take it anymore.
145
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,127
>> No, Roger, Roger.
146
00:04:25,132 --> 00:04:26,702
Be strong, man, come on.
147
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,800
>> I... I just--
148
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,971
I wanna say it so bad.
149
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:33,970
>> (bleep bleep)!
150
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,714
>> (echoing) You!
151
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,609
>> No!
152
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:40,475
(laser blasts)
153
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:45,221
>> (laughing maniacally)
154
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,548
>> And the casualties of the
155
00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,664
N-word ban continue to climb.
156
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,886
We've just learned that
157
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,390
Samuel L. Jackson has been
158
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,992
vaporized after swimming out to
159
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:53,863
the middle of the Atlantic
160
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,761
Ocean to yell the N-word.
161
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,033
In addition, both Microsoft and
162
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,231
Apple have gone bankrupt as the
163
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:02,203
economy continues to plunge due
164
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,365
to the absence of that
165
00:05:03,371 --> 00:05:04,841
magnificent word.
166
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,338
>> (crying) Stedman, look what
167
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,610
we've done.
168
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,238
>> This is what you wanted.
169
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,082
The N-word has been eradicated.
170
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:13,048
>> Yes, but at what cost?
171
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,176
At what cost?!
172
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:18,552
Apple is gone!
173
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,922
America...
174
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,221
for the first time in my life,
175
00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:24,693
I've learned that it doesn't
176
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:26,132
mean the same thing for young
177
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,596
people when they use the word.
178
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:30,927
They use it to take away its
179
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,901
power and that is progress.
180
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,871
So it's with a heavy heart,
181
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,469
I come before you today to lift
182
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:41,072
the ban of the N-word!
183
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,584
(cheering)
184
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,306
>> We can say the N-word again!
185
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:47,621
The ban is lifted! Yahoo!
186
00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:48,975
Ha! It's lifted!
187
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:49,982
The N-word ban is gone!
188
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:50,653
We did it!
189
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,991
(whooping) Oh, damn!
190
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,116
Yahoo!
191
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,791
(all cheering)
192
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,290
>> You heard the news, right?
193
00:05:58,291 --> 00:05:59,961
>> Oh, I did, I did.
194
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:02,700
Yes, we can finally say (bleep).
195
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:05,495
Oh!
196
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:08,769
(grunting and screaming)
197
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:09,969
>> Okay, you got a healthy
198
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,070
little girl here.
199
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,441
Now in the next appointment,
200
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,640
I'd like to get started on those
201
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:15,481
vaccines for kindergarten.
202
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,836
>> Uh, we're not doing vaccines.
203
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,814
>> I assure you, vaccines are
204
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,012
perfectly harmless.
205
00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,483
>> Okay, uh...
206
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:22,652
This is where I think I probably
207
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:23,680
know a little bit more about
208
00:06:23,684 --> 00:06:24,924
vaccines than you do,
209
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:26,348
Dr. Childs.
210
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:27,623
You know, because you know that
211
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,961
when you give a child a vaccine,
212
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:29,986
they go insane,
213
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:30,990
their teeth fall out.
214
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,431
It's all documented.
215
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,526
You know, because I get on the
216
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,097
Internet and I see these things,
217
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:35,995
and there's been articles.
218
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,126
Uh, I've been on the Internet
219
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:37,930
a lot lately.
220
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,271
>> How 'bout you tag me in, Doc,
221
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,266
and let me take care of this.
222
00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:42,838
>> Well, all right.
223
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,196
>> Tippy api tu!
224
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,144
>> Excuse me?
225
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,638
>> Hyuh!
226
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:48,841
>> Yee eeh!
227
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:49,812
(bell clanging)
228
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:50,680
>> Looks like I got another
229
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:51,781
patient.
230
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,009
(laughing)
231
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:54,783
>> This is Jack Swade reporting
232
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:55,852
on the streets of New York for
233
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:56,819
Channel 9 News.
234
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,547
Tell me, what are your feelings
235
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,192
on the report that Oprah Winfrey
236
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,317
has purchased the N-word?
237
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:02,521
>> It's just surprising to me,
238
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:03,193
it is.
239
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,320
>> It's surprising to you?
240
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,134
>> Yeah.
241
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:05,855
>> Well, sorry, Oprah, you're
242
00:07:05,859 --> 00:07:06,659
gonna have to sue me right now
243
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:07,860
'cause (bleep).
244
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,331
>> Ooh, that's a bad move,
245
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:09,999
brother.
246
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:11,157
>> I mean, she's Oprah.
247
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,534
She can purchase anything.
248
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,203
>> Exactly, so she has taken the
249
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:15,871
N-word, it is now punishable by
250
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,809
death to utter the N-word, and
251
00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,535
you have no feelings about this?
252
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,710
>> I don't think anyone should
253
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:21,408
utter it.
254
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:22,378
>> Dipset.
255
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,135
>> Dipset, indeed.
256
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,054
Do you feel about that--
257
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:25,745
>> Hey, I'm on TV right now?
258
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:26,846
>> You're on TV right now.
259
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,577
You are on TV right now.
260
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:29,382
>> That's tight.
261
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,352
>> Anything else you have to say
262
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,250
about Oprah buying the N-word?
263
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,051
>> You got a husband?
264
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,322
>> Not yet.
265
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,020
>> I have no penis.
266
00:07:35,022 --> 00:07:37,362
**
267
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,101
>> Pineapples, bitch,
268
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,025
pineapples.
269
00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:43,860
Get your (bleep) hands off me.
270
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,834
All right, all right, all right.
271
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,003
>> Kevin Hart has conquered the
272
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,540
comedy world and is now taking
273
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:49,766
on a new challenge.
274
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:51,540
Dramatic acting.
275
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,539
First, Kevin brings the horror
276
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,081
of battle to life
277
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:56,405
in "World War 3."
278
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,709
>> Kevin...
279
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:00,182
It looks bad, man.
280
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,450
But be brave.
281
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:03,579
>> (panting)
282
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:04,724
First of all, I've been brave
283
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:05,718
already.
284
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:06,419
I've been braver than this
285
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,559
whole damn troop.
286
00:08:07,555 --> 00:08:08,615
That's why you guys are still
287
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,062
alive and I'm dying.
288
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,087
I'm going to heaven with Jesus.
289
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:12,061
Jesus, I see you.
290
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,029
Jesus looking at me like,
291
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:14,056
"Oh, he just did everything."
292
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,231
I'm about to die now.
293
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,198
You ready for me to die?
294
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,096
Don't do it,
295
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:17,927
but it's gonna happen.
296
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:18,931
It's inevitable.
297
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:20,772
All right.
298
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,741
All right.
299
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,536
All right...
300
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:25,508
>> Then Kevin takes on the
301
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,039
complexity of love in
302
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,110
"Romance At Last."
303
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:30,239
>> How could I even love someone
304
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:31,813
that don't even love them self?
305
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:32,912
>> First of all,
306
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:33,883
you got me messed up.
307
00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:34,881
I love the (bleep)
308
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:35,582
out of myself.
309
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:36,653
I'm killing again.
310
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:37,650
Got a new show coming out.
311
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:38,651
Five, six movies.
312
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,422
"Ride Along" 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
313
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:41,660
6, 7, all in theaters
314
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:42,585
at the same time.
315
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:43,760
Crazy Cuba's tired of me.
316
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:44,457
I don't care 'cause we gettin'
317
00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:45,127
money.
318
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,885
Unh, unh, we gettin' money...
319
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,104
>> Finally, Kevin's gripping
320
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,055
turn as a street boy in
321
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,473
"Street Boyz."
322
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,065
>> Richie!
323
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,738
(gunshot)
324
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:59,807
**
325
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,020
>> Mama?
326
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,462
Mama!
327
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,456
>> What is going...
328
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:20,127
(screaming) ...on?!
329
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,927
(wailing)
330
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,373
What happened?!
331
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:28,167
>> Okay, Mama.
332
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,668
First of all, we at the party,
333
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:30,840
minding our own business.
334
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,508
Look, I walk in, couple beers.
335
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:33,305
They were 40 ounces,
336
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,306
same height as me.
337
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:35,177
Richie, running around the
338
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,775
party, think he a tough guy.
339
00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:37,807
But he played football.
340
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:38,851
Matter of fact, he's a football
341
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:39,806
player, never shot a gun in his
342
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,983
life, but he trying to act
343
00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:41,651
like he tough.
344
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:42,649
Thugs get mad at him
345
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:43,320
and push him.
346
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,176
Boom, get shot in the back
347
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:44,854
'cause he thought he could beat
348
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:45,552
our brother.
349
00:09:45,552 --> 00:09:46,822
Now he's dead, now he's gone,
350
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,520
but the crazy thing about it,
351
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,220
unh, I'm still getting money.
352
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,991
Unh, unh, unh.
353
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:51,831
Gettin' money, unh.
354
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:52,725
>> Get the (bleep) out,
355
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:53,456
Kevin Hart.
356
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:54,863
>> Three new Kevin Hart movies
357
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,832
all coming out on the same day.
358
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,501
>> Hi, I'm Washington Redskins
359
00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:00,999
owner Dan Snyder.
360
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,001
Now, I know the name of my
361
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,742
NFL football team is virulently
362
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,737
racist, but I don't care
363
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,679
because I'm stupid and I'm rich
364
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,339
and I'm dumb and I hate people.
365
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:13,854
**
366
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,877
Aah!
367
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,523
>> (slowed) Tippy api tu!
368
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,518
You're welcome.
369
00:10:19,519 --> 00:10:21,349
Yee eeh!
370
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,364
>> All right, everyone, uh,
371
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,156
we go live in about five--
372
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,328
uh, five minutes, yeah, so, uh,
373
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,427
welcome our new lottery host.
374
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,659
Uh, let's do some practice
375
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,534
pulls, all right?
376
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:32,201
>> Okay.
377
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:33,199
>> All right, cool beans.
378
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,500
And action!
379
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,202
>> Hello, my name
380
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,214
is Lisa Garbaggio,
381
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:41,065
and this is the lottery.
382
00:10:41,074 --> 00:10:42,784
Oh! Oh!
383
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:43,676
>> Yeah, that's scary, too.
384
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:44,407
>> Oh!
385
00:10:44,411 --> 00:10:46,351
>> (laughing) First number.
386
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:47,046
>> It's not coming.
387
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,047
>> Shake it a little bit.
388
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:49,448
Shake the machine.
389
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:50,549
There you go.
390
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,120
>> And the first number up
391
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,289
is a 4-0.
392
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,917
4-0.
393
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:56,593
>> Ha ha!
394
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:57,889
It's never done that before!
395
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:58,791
>> The next number is...
396
00:10:58,792 --> 00:10:59,692
>> Not with the Yolanda!
397
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,233
>> This is very loud!
398
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:02,398
>> What?!
399
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:03,455
>> I'm sorry, is there any way
400
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,563
we can just shut it off
401
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:05,404
for a moment?
402
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:06,568
Can we shut the mach--
403
00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:08,136
The next number is
404
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:11,565
a six with a line.
405
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:12,771
A nine with a line.
406
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,083
An angry six.
407
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,075
>> That's a 32.
408
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,476
>> It's a 32.
409
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:18,907
My name is Lisa Garbaggio,
410
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,882
and the first number--
411
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:21,984
>> Here we go, we're live
412
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:23,582
in three, two--
413
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:25,593
>> Live from WGGG.
414
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,788
The official drawing of the
415
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,457
state lottery.
416
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:29,915
>> I'm Lisa Garbaggio
417
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,463
and the first number up is...
418
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,459
Johnny.
419
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,930
And the second number up
420
00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,098
is three.
421
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,896
And the fourth number up
422
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:38,768
is seven.
423
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,726
And the ninth number up is...
424
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:41,634
And the 17th number up...
425
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,669
>> This is the plaintiff,
426
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:48,614
Keith Lucas.
427
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,938
He says his brother Kenny
428
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:51,443
totaled his car and never paid
429
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:52,414
for it.
430
00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,012
He is suing for just over
431
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:55,624
half a billion dollars.
432
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:01,253
This is the defendant,
433
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,424
Kenny Lucas.
434
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:03,592
He says his brother Keith has
435
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:06,160
some nerve taking him to court.
436
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,799
Kenny is accused of being
437
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,055
the evil twin.
438
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:14,703
>> Court is now in session.
439
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:17,141
Judge Marilyn Milian presiding.
440
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,437
>> So it says that you're suing
441
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,868
your brother for $500 million
442
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,044
in damages to his car.
443
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:24,853
>> In 1993, my brother Kenny
444
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,645
crushed my car, ruining my
445
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,176
paint job and destroying my
446
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,121
suspension.
447
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:29,976
>> Tell me, how did
448
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:30,853
he damage the car?
449
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,321
>> He stepped on it.
450
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,649
>> I'm sorry, he what--
451
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:34,793
He stepped on it?
452
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:35,818
>> Yeah.
453
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,363
>> I don't-- what kind of car
454
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:39,487
was this car?
455
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:43,332
>> It's radio controlled.
456
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,030
It's-- it was a nice one.
457
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:46,832
Anyway, the $500 million is for
458
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:48,644
punitive damages, and I want him
459
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:49,665
to know my pain.
460
00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:51,809
I love that car.
461
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:52,805
>> (sighs)
462
00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:53,806
>> I'd like to call my first
463
00:12:53,807 --> 00:12:54,807
witness to the stand.
464
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,308
>> This is Ronald.
465
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,909
He's a cousin to Keith and Kenny
466
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,211
and says he knows what happened.
467
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,183
>> Yeah, I know what happened.
468
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,681
Kenny squished the car.
469
00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:03,382
>> That's right.
470
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:04,183
>> Shut up, Ronald,
471
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,154
nobody likes you.
472
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,152
You know what, I'ma call my
473
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,423
witness to the stand.
474
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,490
I'm calling our other cousin,
475
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:09,588
Bobby.
476
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,559
>> Okay, we don't-- they're not
477
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:11,517
really stands, they're more--
478
00:13:11,524 --> 00:13:13,534
>> Bobby is also a Lucas brother
479
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,096
cousin, and he's here
480
00:13:15,095 --> 00:13:16,895
to settle the score.
481
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,067
>> Bobby, how dare you?
482
00:13:18,065 --> 00:13:18,995
>> Believe it.
483
00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,169
I'm testifying on behalf
484
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,367
of Kenny 'cause you dropped
485
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:22,438
all of my Digimon cards
486
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:23,535
in the bathtub.
487
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:24,836
>> I lost my grip, dude.
488
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:25,868
They're made of very slippery
489
00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:26,673
paper.
490
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,283
I wanna call my next witness,
491
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,435
uh, Butler.
492
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:30,742
Where's Butler Jeeves?
493
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,383
>> The Lucas family butler,
494
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,409
Jeeves, was trained in Oxford
495
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,684
and has many regrets
496
00:13:35,682 --> 00:13:37,022
about his life.
497
00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:37,917
>> Okay, no, we don't need any
498
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:40,018
more band playing.
499
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,390
>> I'd actually like to say
500
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:42,558
it wasn't Kenny who stepped
501
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:43,555
on the car.
502
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,056
But it was Keith.
503
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:46,058
>> (gasping)
504
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:46,929
>> (gasping)
505
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,427
>> Hmm, maybe it was me.
506
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,199
Come to think about it...
507
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,898
>> Or maybe it was Kenny.
508
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,200
You guys look so much alike.
509
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,041
>> We do.
510
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,565
>> Is anyone 100% sure that
511
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,369
they didn't do it?
512
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:00,772
>> No, not 100%.
513
00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:01,743
>> (both) No.
514
00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:02,811
>> You know what,
515
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:03,739
I have my verdict, okay?
516
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:04,913
Not guilty.
517
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:07,712
100% not guilty.
518
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:09,724
This was a very large waste
519
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:10,776
of time.
520
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:12,393
**
521
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:19,731
>> Now, your Best Man, Jimmy,
522
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,002
is gonna present the rings.
523
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,127
**
524
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,402
>> This is crazy.
525
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,399
I should be the Best Man at my
526
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:28,500
brother's wedding.
527
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,641
>> You damn right, Kenny.
528
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,336
Tag me in, dog.
529
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,608
>> Oh, D'Lo Brown.
530
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:34,306
>> Uhh!
531
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:35,307
>> (shrieking)
532
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:36,578
(onlookers groaning)
533
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,506
>> Dude, that's my best friend.
534
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,480
Why'd you do that, man?
535
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,749
Uhh!
536
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,317
>> (laughing)
537
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,416
>> You better recognize, punk!
538
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,248
>> Recognize.
539
00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,463
>> You guys ruined my wedding.
540
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,091
(shrieking)
541
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,262
(onlookers groaning)
542
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,530
>> I didn't like you anyway.
543
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,197
(bell dings)
544
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:55,995
All right, let's get out
545
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,126
of here, dude.
546
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,631
>> (chuckling)
547
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:00,772
I am so glad you two were able
548
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,097
to come to our housewarming.
549
00:15:02,102 --> 00:15:02,972
>> Yeah, well, it took us
550
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,000
forever to move in, so I guess
551
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,644
the house is pretty warm by now.
552
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,268
(all chuckling)
553
00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:09,414
>> Oh, Shawn, I...
554
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,781
Whoa.
555
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,949
What happened to that dude?
556
00:15:14,948 --> 00:15:16,018
>> Oh, that.
557
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,346
My grandma actually got me that
558
00:15:17,350 --> 00:15:18,550
when she was helping orphans
559
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:19,721
in Guatemala.
560
00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:20,949
>> So, he "Guacamolean"?
561
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,824
(laughter)
562
00:15:23,823 --> 00:15:25,033
>> What are you-- Joe, what are
563
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:25,685
you talking about?
564
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:28,132
>> (bleep), he got blood on him!
565
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,198
Oh, man, he looks pretty bad,
566
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,456
too.
567
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,463
He was in a truck accident
568
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:32,834
or something?
569
00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,302
>> Okay, no, Joe,
570
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,141
it's Jesus Christ.
571
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:37,236
I mean, he was nailed
572
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:37,967
to the cross.
573
00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,171
>> (spit take)
574
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:39,972
You know Him?
575
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:42,383
(laughing) Oh, that's crazy.
576
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,305
Is he okay?
577
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:47,650
>> No, he died, Joe.
578
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:48,717
>> What, you went to college
579
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:49,375
with him or something?
580
00:15:49,382 --> 00:15:50,352
>> Okay-- no, Joe,
581
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,690
he's Jesus Christ, um...
582
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,245
He was in the Bible.
583
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,824
Uh, he lived in Jerusalem.
584
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,793
His mother was the Virgin Mary.
585
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,490
>> What the hell
586
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,434
are you talking about?!
587
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,360
How do y'all even know
588
00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:05,174
these people?
589
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,025
>> Well, we don't know them
590
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:07,073
personally.
591
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,037
>> You don't even know these
592
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:08,865
people, you just putting
593
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:10,338
strangers on your wall?
594
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,167
Let me tell you something.
595
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,011
When I die...
596
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:12,835
(chuckling)
597
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:14,409
I better be on that wall.
598
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:15,937
>> Well, you know what, Joe, no,
599
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,612
I will not put you on my wall!
600
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:18,910
Because, unlike Jesus,
601
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,581
you're a total ass (bleep)!
602
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:22,250
All right, Jesus died
603
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:24,049
for our sins, right?
604
00:16:24,051 --> 00:16:25,391
But you didn't even go to your
605
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,845
own mother's funeral because
606
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:29,763
you had tickets to Mudvayne.
607
00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:32,356
I've seen you kick a dog, dude.
608
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,789
So, no, I will not put you
609
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:38,034
on my wall!
610
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:41,601
>> Wow.
611
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,371
I know how you really feel,
612
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:45,740
you know?
613
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,038
Guess I'll just do all of us
614
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:51,040
a favor... and I'll just leave.
615
00:16:51,044 --> 00:16:52,384
(sets glass down)
616
00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:54,479
That's what you all want anyway.
617
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:57,181
**
618
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,718
>> Uh, no, Joe, wait, uh...
619
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,061
I'm sorry, man.
620
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,486
That was, uh...
621
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:05,591
(sniffling)
622
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:08,402
That was cruel.
623
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,225
I hope you can forgive me.
624
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:14,730
>> * Ahh
625
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,844
Oh, my son.
626
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:18,636
You've already been forgiven.
627
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,768
>> Oh, my God, Jesus?
628
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,913
It's been you the whole time?
629
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,579
Have you been testing us?
630
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,647
>> Yes, I was.
631
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:27,746
You must feel like a real
632
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,217
butt-face right now.
633
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:34,590
God bless you.
634
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:37,287
* Ahh...
635
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,030
>> Hey, so, we, uh, did a sketch
636
00:17:39,025 --> 00:17:40,355
with D'Lo Brown, and it was this
637
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,530
real fun wedding sketch.
638
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,458
And basically, he Sky Highed
639
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:44,703
everybody which is like his
640
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:46,527
signature move, except Rel.
641
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,273
So our director
642
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,767
Bobcat Goldthwait wants to prank
643
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,598
Rel and let him think
644
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,603
he's getting Sky Highed.
645
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,847
>> Whoa, whoa, whoa!
646
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,745
(all laughing)
647
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:07,822
**
648
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:16,959
**
649
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:17,733
>> Hey, man, it's your first
650
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:18,800
day here?
651
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,528
Where you from, man?
652
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,633
>> Definitely from around
653
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:22,474
here, man.
654
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:23,339
Sick of people thinking this is
655
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,536
the hood, you know what I mean?
656
00:18:24,537 --> 00:18:26,207
>> Well, hold the (bleep) up.
657
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,306
You know where you at?
658
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:28,407
>> Hell, yeah, I know
659
00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,478
where I'm at, man.
660
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:30,706
And it ain't (bleep).
661
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,150
You know where I'm from?
662
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,175
Dudes get shot every day.
663
00:18:34,181 --> 00:18:35,481
>> Okay, look, you know you on
664
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:36,822
a block that's bad enough,
665
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:37,976
they got little kids over there
666
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,154
slinging crack.
667
00:18:39,152 --> 00:18:40,352
>> That ain't the worst thing
668
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:41,023
I've ever seen, man.
669
00:18:41,020 --> 00:18:41,890
You know what I saw?
670
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:42,918
I saw a dude get his arms
671
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:43,892
blown off.
672
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:44,990
That's right, blown off
673
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,661
by a grenade, yeah,
674
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,989
a war weapon, man.
675
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:48,864
And you know what?
676
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,161
He's still pulling drive-bys.
677
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,233
The streets don't respect him.
678
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,072
>> Why?
679
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,165
>> 'Cause he ain't got no arms!
680
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:56,097
>> (scoffs) Oh, yeah?
681
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:57,372
>> Yeah, and you know what?
682
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,510
I'm scared.
683
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,436
>> (laughing)
684
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,741
Sorry-ass, you scared.
685
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:04,843
Ain't no way you're more scared
686
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,014
than me.
687
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:07,012
>> Man, you know I don't even
688
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:08,013
sleep at night, man?
689
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:09,424
I don't sleep, all right?
690
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,516
I'm just up... up!
691
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:12,718
Worrying!
692
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:13,689
>> What, you don't think
693
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:14,416
I be tossing and turning,
694
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,691
turning and tossing?
695
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,758
It be gunshots right outside
696
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,026
my window every night!
697
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,925
>> Personally, I'm moving!
698
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:22,527
Yeah, I'm moving, man,
699
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:23,629
'cause it's too dangerous,
700
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:24,700
and I'm leaving!
701
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:25,367
>> No, you ain't moving
702
00:19:25,365 --> 00:19:26,595
before me-- I done saved up
703
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:27,599
way more money than you!
704
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,270
>> Hell, no, you ain't saved--
705
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,399
Dude, I'm working, man.
706
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:31,643
I'm working so I can move first,
707
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:32,608
all right?!
708
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:33,805
And in the meantime...
709
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,066
>> (both) Stay out of trouble.
710
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:38,384
>> (chuckling)
711
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:40,208
>> You know what?
712
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:41,313
I think we just learned
713
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,484
something.
714
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,652
>> I think we did, man.
715
00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:45,891
And you know, I...
716
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,085
I think the point is that it
717
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:48,556
doesn't matter where we're from,
718
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:49,255
you know what I mean?
719
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:50,456
All that matters is that we're
720
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,887
all in this together.
721
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:52,891
>> Yeah, and it doesn't matter
722
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,062
what our differences are,
723
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,500
we all just want a better life,
724
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,255
right?
725
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:57,233
>> I'm Wayne.
726
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,160
>> Jay, man.
727
00:19:58,164 --> 00:19:58,934
>> Pleased to meet you, man.
728
00:19:58,931 --> 00:19:59,901
>> Good to meet you, too.
729
00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,129
>> Let's get back to work.
730
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:01,973
>> All right.
731
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:02,738
>> Yeah, dude.
732
00:20:02,735 --> 00:20:03,935
>> Freeze, ghetto thugs!
733
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:04,736
>> Put your weapons
734
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:05,437
on the ground.
735
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,068
>> No, no, these are just boxes.
736
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,043
(gunshots)
737
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,348
>> Whew.
738
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,405
>> Ooh.
739
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,483
>> Jeez Louise.
740
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:15,651
>> (chuckling)
741
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:16,318
>> God knows what type of
742
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:17,416
firepower they had in those
743
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,347
box-shaped guns.
744
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:19,521
>> Yeah, good move.
745
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:20,449
>> Yikes.
746
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,453
>> What would your wrestling
747
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:22,464
gimmick be, Rel?
748
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:23,315
>> Like, I would take my glasses
749
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:24,593
off and put it on somebody
750
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,831
else's face and then slap him.
751
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,585
(all laughing)
752
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:28,604
Come up...
753
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:29,625
Just like, "Oh, I can't see."
754
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:30,599
Then...
755
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:31,497
(laughter)
756
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:32,528
He's doing it!
757
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:33,632
He's taking 'em off!
758
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,803
(laughter)
759
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:37,442
>> Watching you get slammed
760
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:38,467
and your glasses and hat
761
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:39,611
exploding...
762
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:40,606
>> That was...
763
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:41,607
>> I thought you died.
764
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:42,378
>> I think you took the
765
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,305
dealy-bump better than I did.
766
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,281
>> No...
767
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:46,078
(laughter)
768
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,112
>> Josh farted.
769
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,553
>> Yeah, he farted.
770
00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:49,818
>> What happened was, I was
771
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,276
literally-- well, I was joking,
772
00:20:51,284 --> 00:20:51,984
like, "Oh, what if you pooped
773
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:52,654
your pants?"
774
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,052
But he, on the second slam...
775
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,963
He-- I hit, and I immediately
776
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,385
just, on impact, farted right
777
00:20:57,390 --> 00:20:58,490
into his body.
778
00:20:58,491 --> 00:20:59,531
(laughter)
779
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,286
And it wasn't like, I...
780
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,664
I didn't, like, I didn't do it,
781
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:03,902
like, he farted me.
782
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:04,896
Like, it was like a baby,
783
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:05,797
essentially, like...
47614
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof