Original subtitles

(sound of water splashing)

(snort)

(ahem)

‐(wind whooshing) ‐Whoa...whoa...

WOMAN: Aah! Aah!

(overlapping screams)

MAN: Aah!

(siren wailing)

(energetic music)

(mellow music)

♪♪ ♪♪

WENDY: Of course, immediately after the date,

Carrie texts me:

"I think he's the one."

‐GUESTS: Aw... ‐Aw.

TOMMY: Jae also texted me after the date.

He said, "Yo, you hungry, bro?"

‐(laughter) ‐No, you didn't!

‐No, I‐I did. I was hungry! What?

WENDY: He is always hungry.

(scattered laughs)

But seriously, I'm just so happy

the two of you found each other.

The way you guys look at each other,

it's just...

I'm still hoping one of my Tinder dates

will turn out that way. (chuckles)

Won't be waiting with bated breath.

Um...so, uh, I'd like to make a toast.

To Carrie and Jae.

‐MAN: Carrie and Jae. ‐You guys are just

truly meant for each other.

‐TOMMY: We love you. ‐WENDY: Love you guys.

‐BOTH: Cheers. ‐Hear, hear.

‐GUESTS: Cheers. ‐(whispering) I love you.

(whispering) I love you too.

(applause)

All right. Thank you so much.

To the maid of honor and the best man right there,

thank you for that wonderful speech.

Uh, you know, fun fact, the, uh,

best man Tommy here‐‐

he used to date the bride a long time ago.

You're still the best man, huh?

I don't know what thing you guys got goin' on,

but I like it.

Okay, uh, anyway,

we have a fun throwback video for you guys,

so I can stop talking and... get to drinkin'.

‐Thank God. Okay. ‐(light laughter)

(light jazz music)

♪♪ ♪♪

‐Aw. ‐Holy crap, you're so cute.

‐How can anyone not love you? ‐(chuckles)

(jazzy music continues)

♪♪ ♪♪

MAN: Yo, Carrie.

Do your impression of Professor Dong.

‐WOMAN: Do it, do it! ‐(laughter)

(exaggerated accent) Escuse me...

‐WOMAN: Yes! ‐I am Profassor Dong.

‐(laughter) ‐CARRIE: Why you laugh?

Why you laugh? This class is serious!

You must respect the professor.

There will be no laughing!

(guests murmuring)

You must get a hundred percent...

‐(softly) Oh, my God. ‐CARRIE: In matematics!

(whimpers) Ohh...

‐(laughter, chatter) ‐CARRIE: Why you laugh?

(softly) Can you get them to turn it off?

‐Jae. Jae. ‐What?

Please get them to turn it off.

Okay, yeah, yeah, I got it.

CARRIE: You must be respectful!

Oh my God.

Uh, can you stop this?

‐Oh. Yeah. ‐Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha‐‐

‐(both laughing) ‐Nice one, cuz!

(continue laughing)

Okay, okay, uh, th‐that was cute, right?

Uh, little Jae and Carrie. (chuckles)

Whoo!

Where's the dessert, hmm?

I'm gonna find the dessert person.

W‐we should get some dessert.

I'm‐‐I'm gonna find the dessert.

(guests whispering)

I‐‐

(energetic music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(hard rock music)

♪♪ ♪♪

I know, it's like what did he expect‐‐

not being hung, drawn, and quartered?

(laughing) That is horrible!

(both chuckling)

Ohh...I must admit,

it is a huge relief meeting someone

who I can just have a laugh with.

It's a nice change from all the creeps I've been meeting.

It's just been so tough.

I'm sorry you've been through that.

Honestly.

(low background chatter)

Anyway, what else do you do,

apart from... tell horrible stories?

‐(both laughing) ‐They weren't that horrible.

Uh, no, well, uh, I'm a knight's sort of man.

Um...really into the jousting scene.

Huge Evil Druid supporter.

‐And then, um‐‐ ‐Wait‐‐what?

(laughs) Oh, right.

Yeah, I know, jousting. It's kinda mainstream.

Sorry, you support the Evil Druid

that's‐‐that's walking around our town

turning people into snakes?

(ominous music)

(chortling)

(ominous chorus singing)

Kay, right, yeah.

You're an Evil Druid skeptic.

That's fine‐‐we don't have to agree on everything.

(stammering) I‐‐ Are you insane?

He's literally killing innocent people!

Uh, not killing. Turning into snakes.

Besides, he's part of our culture.

Just look at our flag.

(fanfare)

‐I just‐‐I‐‐ ‐I mean, he's the foundation

of our entire economy.

‐(genteel music) ‐Ha ha. Look, Mom.

I'm the Evil Druid!

MAN: It just wouldn't be the same without him.

Mm, these oats are great, by the way.

I saw my own mother turned into snakes

before my very eyes.

Can we just go back to, like...

three minutes ago and forget about this Evil Druid stuff,

do you think? It would just be so silly

to let such a small difference of opinion‐‐

‐Not really a small‐‐ ‐I really like you.

Okay?

Listen.

I've rendered this new tapestry.

It's got pretty good reviews.

I was thinking maybe we could take this back to my place...

(genteel pipe music)

(sighs)

♪♪ ♪♪

‐(whooshing) ‐Uhh‐‐

Aah!

♪♪ ♪♪

Help!

‐(horn blows) ‐Help!

Help!

(light, cheerful music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(cheerful music continues)

♪♪ ♪♪

(cheerful music continues)

♪♪ ♪♪

(cheerful music continues)

♪♪ ♪♪

(cheerful music continues)

(not audible)

♪♪ ♪♪

MILLER: As a psychologist,

my unicorn is a man.

Full‐grown.

He'd be CEO of Goldman Sachs, maybe.

He sucks his thumb

and dreams of suckling at his mother's breast.

He would go to the bathroom during work,

take his nipples, squeeze them

as he looks into his own eyes

and say, "Mommy."

And I have‐‐ I have friends

who have caught that unicorn.

It's more common than you'd think, but I never‐‐

they don't come to me.

(funky music)

♪♪ Babe take me by the hand ♪♪

♪♪ But not because we've plenty ♪♪

Carrie, I swear...we reviewed all the photos they used.

That was not in there.

‐I would never have put‐‐ ‐Yeah, none of us saw it.

‐WENDY: I'm so sorry. ‐How did it get in there?

I have no idea.

JAE: We'll figure it out.

‐(whimpering) ‐WENDY: We're gonna

figure it out, Carrie.

‐Are you‐‐ ‐(whispers) I got it, I got it.

‐It's fine. ‐WENDY: Yeah.

‐It's fine. It's fine. ‐Okay.

‐That was terrible. ‐Yeah, of course!

(breathing deeply)

(whimpering)

Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Babe‐‐ Uh, do you mind?

I just want you to know that video was like

from nine years ago.

I‐I was so drunk,

and we were just making fun of our asshole professor,

and...(sighs).

I know it was insensitive

and that it was super racist,

and I'm just so sorry you saw that.

(crying) And I know...

if you're mad, I‐I totally understand,

and I'm just‐‐it's‐‐

(whispers) It's inexcusable.

Okay, uh...

It's okay.

I‐it's okay. I'm not, uh...

I'm not mad. I promise.

All right?

It was...a long time ago.

I mean, God, I did a lotta stupid shit in college

too, right?

And look, uh, trust me.

My parents have said way more offensive shit

‐than you ever could. ‐(laughs)

Mm. I love you.

I love you too.

(sniffling)

Do I have to go back out there?

Well, yeah, I mean, it's our wedding, right?

‐(groans) ‐Let's just promise

to never show that video to our future kids.

For both the accent and the hair.

‐'Cause...yeah. ‐(laughing)

‐Right? Yeah. ‐Okay.

How's my makeup?

You look great, baby.

(inhales)

(low chatter)

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

(chatter trails off)

Hi, honey. You're doin' great.

JAE: It's okay. It's fine.

Uh, hey, guys,

I had written on the schedule right now

bride and groom visit each table

and have a toast.

‐CARRIE: Uh‐uh. ‐JAE: Yeah.

Maybe‐‐maybe we should skip that.

‐Yeah, yeah. ‐Can you start the music?

The music, yeah. Quiet as can be in here.

Hey, fellas, uh,

you guys mind jumpin' up on there now?

You know, do what you do, okay? Just lighten the mood.

‐Yeah, yeah. ‐Okay.

Save the night. Thank you.

‐(upbeat music) ‐Come on, everybody.

♪♪ ♪♪

Let's have a little fun out there!

♪♪ ♪♪

MAN: Who wants to dance?

‐Can we talk for a second? ‐Yeah, we're just getting ready

‐for the first dance. ‐Yeah, well,

this is important, so...

‐♪♪ You think that I'm just ♪♪ ‐Fine.

♪♪ I'm just chasin' the sunset ♪♪

Carrie needs to apologize.

‐Come on, Young‐Ae. ‐Are you gonna set the example

to these young kids that that kinda behavior

can occur in public... ‐Okay, okay‐‐

And the perpetrator can just brush it off

and sweep it under the rug?

Okay, look, it was a joke, obviously a joke,

and it was a long time ago,

and she is not brushing it off.

She apologized to me, and I said that it was fine.

Okay, well, she needs to apologize to everyone here,

because everyone had to witness her racism.

Oh, uh, Carrie is not a racist.

Oh, she's not a racist? Really?

Did you‐‐did you see the video?

(whispering) Yes, yes, yes, I saw the video.

Everyone saw the video.

And I have been with her for six years...

‐Oh, my God. ‐And, hey, those 15 seconds

don't define who she is.

I can't believe you're defending her.

Um...she's my wife,

and in case you haven't noticed, this is my wedding,

okay, not your Twitter account.

Hey, what is that supposed to mean?

It means stop making this about yourself.

No, no, no, this isn't about me.

Ha ha ha. You are using this situation

to make yourself feel important, like you always do.

You hijack everything so your opinion can be heard.

Okay, you know what?

At least I stand up for my people, okay?

You always acted white, wanted to be white,

‐gave yourself a white name... ‐Oh, gave myself a white name.

And look‐‐ now you're marrying white!

‐Oh, s‐‐ ‐Hey, what's going on here?

Yeah, you need to apologize to everyone here.

Uh, no, she doesn't. Baby, no, you don't.

You're silencing me?

Excuse me‐‐I will cancel this wedding so fast.

Yo, snowflake,

don't be so sensitive, all right?

Everyone else is having a good time.

Bobby, stay out of it, please.

Ooh, I'm sorry for my toxic masculinity,

but I feel like Jae's sister here

is throwing microaggressions at me, right?

Right? (laughs)

Guys, it was a joke.

Chill!

(music continues)

‐Really? ‐Oh! No, no, no, no!

(overlapping shouting)

(bang bang)

(bang)

‐(genteel pipe music) ‐I know that he's, like, funny

and interesting and good looking,

and...(sighs) I don't know.

It's just this Evil Druid thing.

Why does it have to be such a big deal, though?

I mean, is it‐‐is it the most important thing

in the world?

Well, like‐‐(huffs) if it was just the Evil Druid,

that's one thing, but he's also started

banging on about how great and cleansing

the Eagle of Fire is.

EAGLE: Who shall burn?

Do I really wanna date someone

who can support something that flew out of the pits of hell

to destroy humanity?

I mean, he‐‐he donates money to the damn thing!

Every little bit

counts!

You're not going...

to find, babe, this person

who wants to overthrow the Evil Druid,

who wants to defeat the Eagle of Fire,

who wants to banish the King of Frost

back to his ice castle.

And, you know, massage your entire body every night.

‐It's just not going to happen. ‐That would be lovely.

‐That would be lovely. ‐Yeah, it would be,

‐but it ain't happening. ‐But actually, please,

don't get me started on the King of Frost.

This morning, he said he found his ideas

interesting.

(weakly) I'm...so...cold...

I just‐‐I just feel you should be so happy

that you found someone.

I mean, you know,

you were pretty miserable when you were single.

Hmm. I guess.

(genteel pipe music)

Premium donors get free T‐shirts!

♪♪ ♪♪

‐ ♪♪ Gimme another chance ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ Gimme another chance ♪♪

(mellow instrumentals)

♪♪ ♪♪

(dinging)

(dinging)

(dinging)

♪♪ ♪♪

(bam bam) (dinging)

♪♪ ♪♪

(dinging)

(dinging)

(mellow music continues)

♪♪ ♪♪

(ding)

♪♪ ♪♪

(dinging)

(dinging)

(blip blip blip blip)

(eerie sounds)

(silence)

(blip)

♪♪ ♪♪

(dinging)

‐(mellow music) ‐(dinging)

(whoosh, beep)

(dinging)

(music echoing)

♪♪ ♪♪

(beep)

(dinging)

(bird twittering)

(energetic music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Sorry, are you looking at these tapestries?

They're completely jumping the shark, right?

I think I'm just gonna go to bed.

Oh.

Is everything...okay?

Yeah.

Right. Okay, well,

I‐‐pfft‐‐it's only just 9:00,

so I think I'm gonna head into town.

The Demon Rabbit is going to execute

a bunch of savages from the Sunflower Harmony tribe.

‐(sighs) ‐(huffs)

It's a charity thing.

It's to support city watchmen

who've been fired for excessive violence, and‐‐

Oh, well, give them my best.

That's really hurtful, you know?

Yeah. Chopping people's heads off is really hurtful.

Okay, and when you make fun of me like that, with your...

sarcasm...it hurts.

You know how insecure I am. I just‐‐I just feel...

I never treat you like that.

I let you have your opinions

‐without trying to change you. ‐The things you say

are just so... (sighs)

the Sunflower Harmony Tribe aren't savages.

They literally worship the goddamn Sunflower of Harmony!

And see? See? There you go,

just overwhelming me with facts.

Just because you know stuff.

You can make me feel really stupid, you know?

It's what I believe.

I'm sorry, but I don't know how to express it without‐‐

Please, I just‐‐ I really love you,

and I respect you, and I'm just trying to make it work.

It feels like if‐‐ if you're not judging me,

you're just being distant, and we got into this pattern,

and I...I don't know if I can keep doing this.

I'm sorry.

‐(sniffling) So am I. ‐I hate being like this.

I really wanna make this work, just...

just tell me what I need to do.

All right, all right, oh, oh‐‐

hey, okay.

Where are my city watchmen at?

There they are! City watchmen

in the house tonight! Okay.

(crowd cheering)

It's a flier!

‐Yes! Oh, my God. ‐Whoa! Did you see the head?

‐Ah, well done. ‐(laughing) Yeah, thank you.

Lucky catch!

Oh, my God, we should put this on a spike

next to our bed!

‐Oh, u‐unless‐‐ ‐No, it's‐‐it's fine.

Everything's fine.

‐(end chords) ‐(screaming)

(backup beeping)

Aah!

(background chatter)

(soft music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(chirruping)

♪♪ ♪♪

(tooting)

(tooting)

♪♪ ♪♪

(chirruping)

MAN: What's the big idea?

(laughter)

(moody music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(trumpeting)

♪♪ ♪♪

(mellow tune)

♪♪ ♪♪

‐Should we keep playing? ‐Yeah, yeah, just keep going.

‐(overlapping shouting) ‐BOBBY: What'd I do? What?

What? What? What?

‐YOUNG‐AE: Move! I need to‐‐ ‐BOBBY: What? What?

‐YOUNG‐AE: Let go! ‐BOBBY: Hey!

‐As Carrie's mother... ‐CARRIE: (sniffling)

on behalf of my entire family,

I just wanted to reiterate

that we are all going to take time to...

reflect on our words and actions.

I think we've learned something here today.

And I hope that the joining together of our families

will continue to teach us how to be understanding.

I fully apologize

on behalf of Carrie

and our entire family.

‐Carrie? ‐(whimpering)

(whispering)

Thank you.

On behalf of my family,

we fully accept your apology and look forward to

further learning opportunities with you.

(continues clapping)

‐(mellow music playing) ‐JAE: Oh, already?

Okay. Okay. (laughs)

‐Hey! Hey... ‐GUEST: Congratulations.

♪♪ ♪♪

White wine, please.

(light laugh) Sure could use a drink.

Oh, please! Okay.

Me pay for all this alcohol.

But everybody leaving early.

Such a shame.

So I drink a lot! (chuckling)

Yes.

Things got really, uh, silly,

but we are deeply sorry.

A‐and when I say silly,

I don't mean to say that discrimination

‐is silly. ‐No, I understand.

Thank you.

Oh, okay, good.

I didn't want you to think that‐‐

No, no, no‐‐Jae's mom and I, we don't care.

We never care about race.

Young‐Ae, she...

think everything is racist, so I don't know.

She's too sensitive.

Young people just wanna find offense with everything.

Yeah, you know, my wife tell Jae,

you can marry anyone you want.

white or Asian‐‐

doesn't matter.

Just not brown or Black people.

You know?

What a rude family.

(band continues playing)

(Empress Of's "All For Nothing")

♪♪ ♪♪

‐ ♪♪ I like to ♪♪

♪♪ Keep my ♪♪

♪♪ Stories untold ♪♪

♪♪ You like ♪♪

♪♪ To push me ♪♪

♪♪ Around till I fold ♪♪

♪♪ Our paradise ♪♪

♪♪ Of fool's gold ♪♪

♪♪ I like to ♪♪

♪♪ Know, all I wanna know ♪♪

♪♪ Is it all for nothin' ♪♪

♪♪ We'll be ♪♪

♪♪ Could be, all I wanna know ♪♪

♪♪ Is it all for nothin' ♪♪

♪♪ Can we be free ♪♪

♪♪ All I wanna know, is it all for nothin' ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪ All I wanna know is it all for nothin' ♪♪

♪♪ ♪♪

voices: Yes!

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