Original subtitles

(upbeat jazzy music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(slurps)

♪♪ ♪♪

(mysterious music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(groans questioningly)

♪♪ ♪♪

(distorted slurping)

(upbeat jazzy music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(alarm beeping)

(all scream)

(machine whirring)

‐(gulps) ‐(all scream)

(upbeat music)

Don't‐‐get out!

(keyboard clacking)

(chuckles)

(phone chimes)

(phone dings)

(keyboard clacking)

(phone dings)

(keyboard clacking)

(chill techno music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Yeah, you should come on Tuesdays.

Has an open mic I try to do every week.

‐Wow. ‐Yeah.

You...let me guess, you...sing.

‐Yeah. ‐Yes!

‐I'm really bad. ‐(both laugh)

I always wanted to be a musician growing up,

but was too lazy to learn the guitar.

WENDY: Classic.

So the open mic just forces me to practice.

Yeah.

I like that. (chuckles)

So you're gonna serenade me later, right?

Ooh, I don't know. On the first date?

Just kidding. Please don't. (laughs)

PARKER: Well, I can‐‐I mean, I can if you want me to.

That would be so horrifically uncomfortable.

I mean, I'm easy. I'm not that easy.

Good morning. (laughs)

Good morning.

What time is it?

Oh, I don't know. Let me check.

It's a quarter after 9:00.

Ooh, shit!

I was supposed to be at work 15 minutes ago.

‐Oh, jeez. ‐Oh, shit.

I can get dressed super quick. No problem.

Yeah, I gotta call you an Uber.

‐Is it actually‐‐shit, it is. ‐Okay, yeah.

‐Sorry about this. ‐WENDY: The worst.

‐Yeah. ‐WENDY: Yeah, sorry.

This was brutal.

That's okay.

Okay. Thank you for this. (laughs)

I will get out of your hair.

Do you...

maybe wanna hang out this week, or...

‐Yeah. ‐The next one?

Yeah, sure I do.

Cool. Okay. I will talk to you later.

All right. I'll see you later.

‐WENDY: Bye. ‐See ya.

(sighs)

(sighs)

(phone chimes)

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(rock music)

SINGERS: ♪♪ Good hex! ♪♪

(upbeat music)

Uh, can‐‐can I put your sock in the hamper?

Sure, yeah.

(shriek)

Can I put your sock in the hamper?

Sure?

(shriek)

The fuck, Anna?

I think we're caught in a trauma loop.

My medium told me about these.

Your medium?

Not even death can stop my commitment

to spiritual growth through talk therapy,

thank you.

Oh, okay, but a sock

on the coffee table is a trauma?

It's a direct affront to my tiny cactus collection.

Which you never even started!

Okay, whatever. Let's just try this again.

Can I put your sock in the hamper?

Sure, and hey, Anna, you know what?

I sincerely appreciate it.

(shriek)

Can I put your sock in the hamper?

Uh...fuck no, woman!

(grunting)

(shriek)

You know what? I got this. (clears throat)

When you think it's okay

to leave your sock on the coffee table...

‐Mm‐hmm. ‐I feel undervalued.

All right, and when you think to use therapy speak,

I feel my foreskin shrivel.

‐(sighs) ‐(shriek)

I breathe in abundance.

I breathe out...

dumb fucking ass‐wipe of a sock!

(shriek)

And why is it only the one sock?

Humans are bipedal, which in theory means‐‐

It's only the one foot. It's just the one foot.

That they should be taken off in tandem.

Only the one foot gets the itch.

‐What's the connection? ‐I just explained it.

(shriek)

‐Can I‐‐ ‐All right, wait. Anna, stop.

You know, the more you do things for me,

then the less I'll ever learn to do things for myself.

I mean, I'm still not going to move that,

because in this case, that's not that big of a deal!

‐(growls) ‐(shriek)

It's about my mom, and I didn't think it would be.

‐(shriek) ‐(both grunting)

(shrieking)

(slurping)

‐Mmm. ‐Mm‐hmm.

‐We were just hangry. ‐Right?

We should try this first every time.

(laughs) Mmm.

Oh, shit. Do you mind?

Uh, no, no. Not at all.

‐(hiss) ‐Uh‐oh.

‐Oh, no. ‐(shriek)

‐(screaming) ‐(ding)

(grunting)

‐(screams) ‐(ding)

(wind howling)

(chewing and slurping)

(sniffing)

(chewing and slurping)

(ominous music)

(gasps)

(sputtering)

(growling)

♪♪ ♪♪

(groans)

(hissing)

(growling and chewing)

♪♪ ♪♪

(bird grunts)

(bird gulps)

♪♪ ♪♪

(choking)

♪♪ ♪♪

(bones cracking)

(music building)

(bird caws)

(snarls)

(hisses)

(screams)

(snarling)

♪♪ ♪♪

(growls)

(growls)

(growls)

♪♪ ♪♪

(hisses)

♪♪ ♪♪

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Yeah, it forces me to practice.

Because I like to learn new things,

but if I don't challenge myself,

I'll never stick with 'em.

Well, then it just starts to feel like work,

and then I'm like, no thank you,

and I'd rather just have a wine.

Oh, I took a sommelier course a while back.

I had this great wine from Argentina.

You have to try it sometime.

I love Argentina.

(chuckles)

(snoring lightly)

(keyboard clacking)

(phone rings)

‐Oh. ‐Oh, hey. Sorry.

I just got called in last‐minute

for this work thing.

‐(groaning) ‐Here you go.

And there's‐‐here's your black thing there too.

‐There you go. ‐Oh.

All right, that was fun...

Argentina?

It's fine.

‐Bye. ‐Bye.

(sighs)

(phone chimes)

Even if we say, "Hey, we're charging you

with crimes against humanity,"

we don't have the jurisdiction,

and their military certainly isn't gonna...

I'm boring you, aren't I?

‐No. ‐No. No, it's boring.

Seriously, it's not.

I was this close to going to law school.

Why didn't you?

I wanted to do something creative.

SOFIA: And what do you do now?

Oh, I just ended up back and forth between things.

Hmm.

(upbeat music)

There's a great open mic here I like doing.

I can't sing.

‐Neither can I. ‐(laughs)

(dishes clattering)

SOFIA: Hey.

You went all‐out.

Yeah, I woke up early,

so I figured I'd make breakfast.

I had fruit?

(laughs)

Oh!

Wow.

So you're super smart, you're super funny,

you're super successful.

You're a killer chef too?

‐Who are you? ‐(laughs)

What time is it?

Do you have everything?

Fuck you.

Yeah.

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(wondrous techno music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(grunting)

♪♪ ♪♪

(grunting)

ASTRONAUT: Jesus. It seems like he beat us again.

ASTRONAUT: Yep. He sure did.

ASTRONAUT: Hey, wait, did you train yesterday?

ASTRONAUT: Yeah, man. That's not fair.

(static crackles)

ASTRONAUT: Yo, Eddie.

Eddie?

(screams)

(whining)

‐(mob shouting) ‐(screams)

(crowd chatter)

(futuristic music)

(engines whirring)

♪♪ ♪♪

(high‐pitched chuckle)

‐VOICE: Hoo! ‐(knife whooshing)

(beeping)

(muttering)

‐(gulls cawing) ‐(waves crashing)

COMPUTER: You've got actual mail.

(system whirs)

(button beeps)

(pleasant chiming music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(insects and birds chirping)

(chimes)

(chimes)

(chimes)

(hums lightly)

(inhales sharply)

(hums)

(inhales)

(gulps)

♪♪ ♪♪

(beeping)

♪♪ ♪♪

(system whirs)

(beeping)

(snarls lightly)

(squeaks)

(humming)

(chitters)

(chittering)

(squeaks)

(chitters)

(exciting music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(chitters)

(squeaking)

♪♪ ♪♪

(splashes)

♪♪ ♪♪

(squeaks)

(dog barking)

(mailbox beeping)

(chitters)

(musical fanfare on radio)

♪♪ ♪♪

(voice speaking unknown language)

(chittering)

(ambient music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(futuristic music)

(engines whirring)

♪♪ ♪♪

‐(roars) ‐(ding)

(growls)

‐(roars) ‐(screams)

(sighs)

(phone dings)

(phone chimes)

Whoa. What the fuck?

(phone dings)

(relaxed techno music)

(laughter and chatter)

♪♪ ♪♪

Sorry I'm late.

Were you waiting long?

Whoa!

I didn't know you had a twin, Parker.

Oh, we're not twins.

We're on a date.

And that would be incest.

(laughs) He's funny.

I love this bar.

They've got this great beer that's brewed by monks‐‐

I know that.

‐This is my bar. ‐No way.

Do you ever come during the open mics?

I try to play guitar here once in a while.

I always wanted to be a musician growing up,

but was too lazy to learn the guitar, so‐‐

Can you just stop with the

"Look at how creative and driven I am"

canned story bullshit for a second?

What do you mean?

Who are you?

Some days, I'm not sure, but...

I think I'm figuring it out.

Like when I was traveling in Italy and France

and a took a sommelier course.

I never thought I could grow‐‐

You're not even listening.

Can you just talk to me like a real person?

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What makes you think that I'm not being real?

Because I know exactly what you're‐‐

because I know exactly what you're doing.

(laughs)

This is fucked. I don't know what this is.

Why am I sitting here talking to myself?

(laughs)

This is fu...

Hey‐‐no, no‐‐

hey, do you wanna come back to my place?

I've got this fantastic‐‐

BOTH: Wine from Argentina, and I could show you

a thing or two on that guitar I was talking about.

Wow. Exactly.

Like, I can't believe how in tune we are.

(sighs)

Breathe.

Oh!

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

How the hell did you get in here?

Uh...I live here?

You have a really quirky sense of humor.

I like it.

Okay, I'm serious, dude. You need to get the fuck out.

Oh.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Thought we were having a good time.

Oh, no, I'm not pressuring you to have wine or anything.

I'm just trying to be a good host.

You can say no.

I just want you to go.

Okay. I will.

Can you just tell me what I did wrong?

Because I feel like I've been nice about everything,

and I'm a little confused as to why you're so angry.

Parker, you are so full of shit.

Whoa. Whoa.

The guitar thing and the wine thing,

it's all bullshit.

Everything you say is bullshit

because I know for a fact

that you're nothing but a fucking loser.

Come here, Parker.

Come here.

‐Ah, dude! What the fuck? ‐What?

There is something deeply wrong with you, you know that?

Whoa, you were throwing all these mixed signals,

so I just thought‐‐I was‐‐

(both grunting)

Get off!

Get off me! Get off!

Why are you acting so crazy?

(screams)

(glass shatters)

(gasps)

(soft music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(bombastic techno music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(brakes squeak)

BOTH: Hey. How's it going?

I'm good, man. How are you?

(both laugh identically)

Uh...

oh, my God.

♪♪ Gonna change things up a little bit ♪♪

(both blow raspberries)

♪♪ And I say, "Here's a song ♪♪

♪♪ That you've never heard before" ♪♪

(both riff identically)

This is wild.

I don't really know what to do now.

(mouthing words)

(zaps)

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

SINGER: ♪♪ Ooh ♪♪

♪♪ Oh ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh ♪♪

♪♪ Oh ♪♪

♪♪ You are light ♪♪

♪♪ And I believe it's so ♪♪

♪♪ Wake up tonight ♪♪

♪♪ And make me glow ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh ♪♪

♪♪ They all come forth ♪♪

♪♪ Ooh ♪♪

♪♪ Those waves of gold ♪♪

‐(clear music) ‐CHORUS: ♪♪ Yes ♪♪

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