Original subtitles

(mellow music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(camera lenses snapping)

(sniffs)

(whistle blows)

(whistle blows)

Ha ha!

(squish)

(electronic music)

(deep breath)

(exhales)

Ask, believe, receive.

(deep breath)

(exhale)

Ask, believe, receive.

(inhale)

♪♪ ♪♪

(electronic music)

PHOTOGRAPHER: Gorgeous, gorgeous. I love it.

‐Yeah? ‐Beautiful. Yes!

‐Comin' through. Oop. ‐Yeah.

‐SERVER: Sorry, guys. ‐Ugh!

SERVER: Pardon me.

Can we do that again,

'cause he, like, ruined the lighting?

PHOTOGRAPHER: Mm‐hmm, yeah.

(mellow music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(indistinct background chatter)

‐Fuck. ‐(phone chimes)

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Stop, guys.

I just got DMed by the Director of the new "Weekend" video.

He wants me to be in it. Ah! So amazing!

Mm. I know his Creative Director.

I think he follows me. I should, uh, message and ask

‐if he needs more girls. ‐Hm?

Oh, just like see if they need more girls.

Oh.

Yeah, that would be, like, really cool

if we did that together.

Yeah, he follows me. That's what I thought.

SERVER: Okay. Here we go.

So, we got the dancing gyoza,

the spicy Buddha rolls...

Mmm. Yum!

And we've got a Gimme‐more Dim Sum.

Can I get you ladies anything else?

(lenses snapping)

Great.

Okay.

I'll get it from over here.

Good idea.

Ah, wait.

Yes! Get that angle.

Aah‐‐

(glass, wood clattering)

Are you good, babe?

I'm okay. I'm‐I'm good.

♪♪ Been doin' this forever ♪♪

♪♪ I'm on another level, yeah yeah ♪♪

(heavy rock music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(genteel pipe music)

(whistles)

(chirping)

‐Whussup? ‐Yeah.

Whussup? Whussup?

‐Whussup? ‐Whussup?

What's up? (laughs) Yeah.

Anyway, we should figure out a theme for Cassie's hen do.

‐Oh! ‐So I was thinking...

bear with me, Plague Doctor Bonanza.

I know that's quite weird, but I just thought‐

‐(bird yelling) ‐Aah! Aah!

Oh, my God! No, please, no, please!

(snoring lightly)

"And that's why I ask you, save me, Sir Leerfrick.

Oh, brave knight, most gentle of heroes, I need you."

So, that's the letter.

Wow.

You worked...incredibly hard on this.

‐I can...see. ‐Oh, thanks, yeah.

I know I've spent way too much time on it,

given that Mr. Big Boy, here, might just wake at any moment.

But, you know, I just want it to be sort of perfect?

Ooh, well, I'll take it straight to Leerfrick.

Oh, wait. Wait, wait.

Do you think it's good?

It's great! It's very well written.

Ah.

If you had one criticism, what would that be?

(light snoring)

Well... (sighs) it's a bit long.

Right. Okay, okay. Yeah. Maybe.

Maybe it is too long.

You could trim a few paragraphs?

A few paragraphs? Uh, okay, okay.

So, um, what in particular would you trim?

Well, um, you might not need the part

where you describe your whole childhood?

Ha. I guess my only thing, then,

is that the stuff about my teenage years

might not make sense?

And I don't want the letter to be confusing.

That's so important, you know, when writing a letter,

just...don't make it a confusing letter.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Of course, uh,

it's just a suggestion, really, from me,

so just forget it. I should really get going.

No, no, no, no, no, please.

This is‐‐this is actually really helpful.

Anything else?

‐(groans, mumbles) ‐Please!

‐All right. ‐Please!

Okay! It's coming across

as a tiny bit... (sighs) desperate?

Ha, ha. Ah.

I mean, I'm in a pretty desperate situation,

‐to be fair to myself. ‐Yes, I know, I know.

I'm in a cage.

‐I'm in a cage. ‐I don't know.

It just sounds a little, um...

‐maybe whiney? ‐You know what?

I don't even want to send the letter anymore.

But forget I said anything!

I don't know what I'm talking about.

The letter's amazing. It's perfect. (laughs)

Do you actually re‐really think that?

I promise.

(ethereal music, singing)

Wait, Robin, Robin! Do you think

it's a bit in your face that it's written in all caps?

(squish)

(laughing)

‐Oh‐‐ ‐(whistle tweets)

Hey. Welcome to my video.

Today I will be sharing some tips

and tricks you can use,

if you're feeling lost and beaten down

by the perpetual suffering that is daily life.

First, a little about me.

I'm a professional motivational speaker.

Hey, is this thing on? (echoes)

If you're currently dissatisfied with your career,

my advice would be to get a new job at a good company.

(applause)

Anyway, my first step for living your best life

is to eat healthy and exercise.

My second tip is to reach out to a friend

if you're feeling bad.

Okay, yeah, well, I hope you're not depressed anymore.

But if you still are,

there's a link to purchase my podcast and self‐help book.

(dynamic music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Oh, my God!

This is the most beautiful thing

I've ever seen in my entire life!

(food vocalizing)

‐♪♪ Banana ♪♪ ‐ ♪♪ Pajama ♪♪

♪♪ Banana, man ♪♪

Oh, jeez. I'm fine.

Ah, it's fine, yeah.

I'm glad I'm alive. I'm alive.

Ooh, ha, ha.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, look at that chicken!

Ah! So crispy! I want so much chicken!

Oh, the chicken burger looks so good.

I'm getting the chicken burger. Oh, I'm having chicken.

I'm having fried chicken.

I've changed my mind. I definitely want cheesy chips.

Excuse me. Hi there.

How're you doin' tonight? Has it been busy?

Okay, I want a chicken burger and chips, please.

Oh, make it cheesy chips with a lot, lot of cheese.

I mean a lot of fucking cheese.

Just pile the cheese on, and I'll tell you when to stop.

Hey! Did someone just slap my bum?

We want two cheesy chips with lots of cheese,

and a chicken burger.

‐And what else? ‐And my chicken.

Don't forget my chicken.

The number two chicken deal, please?

Oh, and the number two deal, and two cans of Pepsi.

Yeah, it's not wonky to me.

‐It is. ‐It's not!

You need to watch "A Star is Born."

You need to watch "A Star is Born."

Lady Gaga will tell you that your nose is perfect.

I wish my legs were longer.

And I wish my knees weren't gross and lumpy.

You have nice knees.

Katy says that to me all the time!

‐(laughs) ‐Who's Katy?

Oh. Katy's just the new girl at work.

At Top Shop. I mentioned her the other day,

we went to that new bar in town together.

She's‐‐she's nice! You would like her.

(muffled) You went to that new bar,

‐and you went without me? ‐(man whimpering)

And you didn't even invite me.

‐(whimpering) ‐I invited you!

You said you were busy!

Um, no! No, I wouldn't.

I think I would actually remember that. Wouldn't I?

‐What's wrong? ‐It's just ‐‐

(whimpering)

(muffled arguing continues)

(muffled) Please don't kill, please.

Please, don't kill me!

Becca, I'm literally with you, right now.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been here, the entire night.

Okay, yeah, right.

‐Whatever. ‐Well, I'm sorry.

I don't complain that you're always with Jamie.

Always on the phone to Jamie, all the time.

BECCA: Well, I can't believe you're actually

even bringing this up right now.

He is nothing. He's got nothing to do with it.

He's got nothing. Why are you talking to me‐

Ooh, Jamie's amazing! We study Criminology together.

I met him at‐‐ Oh, Criminology!

BECCA: Oh, right, right. How mature. How mature.

At least I have dreams!

At least I'm working towards something, Miss‐‐Miss‐‐

Miss Top of the Shop, where?

‐I have dreams! ‐Oh, do you? Great. Brilliant.

(splat, thud)

(sirens approaching)

(crying together)

‐I love you. ‐I love you.

‐I really miss you. ‐Your hair smells so good.

I miss you right now, even though you're here.

(both crying)

I want chips.

Owm, nom, nom, nom.

Owm, nom, nom, nom.

Owm, nom, nom, nom.

(background music, chatter)

Whenever you're ready.

Oh, hey!

Sorry, the, uh, the food's still on here.

Yes.

We didn't eat anything.

Right. But the kitchen did still make it, so...

It's okay. Can we just go?

Whatever.

Ohh, actually cash only,

but there's an ATM right over there.

Okay.

(sighs)

(beeping)

(sighs)

(beeping)

Fuck.

(uneasy music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Miss, here you go.

(indistinct chatter)

Hi.

Hey. Uh, oh.

Uh, is your friend okay?

Yeah, she's fine.

Um, so my name is Liliana Mirandeira.

Me and my friends over there, we are influencers,

and we would love to offer you a post about your restaurant

in exchange for the cost of the meal.

(laughs) A post about what?

The perils of cloud‐chasing?

Uh, okay? Wow, that was very rude.

Okay, I'm sorry. How much was your bill?

$250.

Yeah. No, thanks.

That's not that expensive,

considering the outreach you'll get.

Also considering the fact that we didn't even eat anything.

(sighs) Okay, no offense.

I have no idea who the fuck you are. Okay?

So you can make a post about the restaurant,

but you're gonna hafta pay your bill.

Actually, you're lucky

I don't make you pay for that chair, too.

(sighs)

He wants me to be in it. He wants me to be in it.

It's so amazing! It's so amazing!

The kitchen did still make it.

‐ I have no idea...

I have no idea who the fuck are...

(echoing) who the fuck you‐‐

‐We're leaving right now. ‐But what about the bill?

This restaurant doesn't deserve our money.

Uh, ladies, do you need some change?

No, thank you,

and you can tell your boss this restaurant sucks.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You girls aren't seriously

trying to dine and dash, are you?

This is the rudest customer service

I've ever experienced in my life!

Okay, can you just keep your voice down?

Excuse me? Your chair injured my friend.

You don't apologize? You don't offer a discount?

What the fuck?

Oh, my God. Get over yourself.

‐(laughter) ‐Oh, you wanna film something?

You wanna film something?

Film this!

My friend, was gonna be in a "Weekend" video.

And because of injuries she sustained at this restaurant,

she is gonna lose her job.

‐Okay! Can we go? ‐No, babe! No!

This‐‐ This‐‐is negligence.

And you accuse us of dining and dashing?

‐Can I just have...the chair‐‐ ‐No, don't‐‐

‐Oh! ‐(diners gasp)

(wolf whistle)

(indistinct)

(genteel pipe music)

Oh, Robin! You poor thing!

Oh, God, thank God you're okay. Did you find Sir Leerfrick?

Yes. And he gave you this.

Sir Leerfrick sent a letter...

‐to me, Malkyn. ‐Yes.

Whaaaat? Ah!

Okay, I'm... (exhales)

"Dear person in need."

‐That's me. ‐Yes.

"We have processed your application,

"but are unable to save you at this present time.

Please try again in another life‐threatening situation."

Ooh, boy.

That is rough.

(light snoring continues)

He hated the letter, didn't he?

Honestly, Malkyn?

I'm not even sure he read the whole thing.

I mean, it was... so long.

If it was so incredibly long, I'm just wondering,

why didn't you tell me?

What? I mean, I did tell you that.

But you didn't listen, did you?

No, no, you said it was perfect.

Yeah, after you completely overreacted.

‐What? ‐I'm‐I'm sorry, Malkyn,

but you really can't take constructive feedback

to save your life.

‐Oh, that is rich. I mean‐‐ ‐Well, you can't!

Well, maybe, if you had given me some fucking time

‐to internalize it... ‐Oh, right.

Process it, and reflect on the notes,

instead of backpedaling immediately!

Internalize it? Wha‐what are you on about?

You're incapable of accepting

that anything you do is short of perfect!

All you do is talk about what's bad.

You've never just told me anything like,

"That's working. That's a good idea.

(overlapping arguing)

I don't need this aggravation!

You asked me for cri‐ti‐ci‐sm.

Criticism, Malkyn!

I'm not going to start

flicking your bean over some‐‐

Robin!

Aah!

Negative people.

They just kill your creativity, don't they?

Trust me, I know. I'm actually something of a writer, myself.

(dramatic music)

(screaming)

That's‐‐that's writ‐‐writing.

Wow. That looks, uh‐‐that looks epic.

Epic? No! It's supposed to be a quirky romantic comedy!

AAh!

Maybe she had a point, actually.

I better start again!

(screaming)

♪♪ Tryna do my thing ♪♪

♪♪ Shout my hometown, I said peace out ♪♪

Whyyy?

Why?

Why?

Why?

(distantly) Why?

Should I eat lunch? (phone beeping)

Should I answer Mom?

Will I find love today?

Am I doing the right thing?

Should I quit my job?

Should I stop comparing myself to others?

Am I a likeable person?

Does a turtleneck flatter my faaace?

Uh... (gasps) wha‐‐

(sighs)

(echoing) So, have you seen my...

(distorted voices)

(unsettling music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Okay, then. (echoing)

♪♪ ♪♪

(increasing noises)

Uh...

Hey...

Can you stop?

I will make love to you when the war's over.

(kiss)

(heavy music)

(echoing) Ah...(murmuring)

Oh...

(slowly increasing sounds)

(yawn)

Oh‐‐

(humming)

Um, did you see a black ball? About this big?

Ooh.

Okay.

Eww.

(quiet music)

♪♪ ♪♪

Goo goo, ga, ga.

♪♪ ♪♪

Hey! Give me the ball.

Gimme it. Give‐‐

Ugh!

(off‐key notes increasing)

♪♪ ♪♪

(gunfire) (yelling)

(murmuring)

(uneasy music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(murmuring)

♪♪ ♪♪

(distantly) Waah‐‐

(car doors open, close)

(knock on door)

(door opens, closes, footsteps)

(rustling)

♪♪ ♪♪

(overlapping voices)

‐Oh, my God. ‐We're not friends anymore.

‐She's so stupid. ‐Oh, my God, she's so fake.

Please don't call me stupid! (crying)

Starvation y murder y awful people

doing terrible things.

Why does everyone have to hate on me?

(sniffs) Can you be nice to me?

For once in your life?

Please?

MOM: (sighs)

Yeah.

Okay.

(phone buzzes)

(upbeat music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(rap music)

♪♪ ♪♪

(singing)

♪♪ Had no idea who I really am back in the day ♪♪

♪♪ Made decisions I regretted then ♪♪

♪♪ Lied to your face, blamed it all on ♪♪

♪♪ Another man, I'm sorry, okay ♪♪

♪♪ One day I wanna be your friend again ♪♪

♪♪ Nothing to say, but it made me a better man ♪♪

♪♪ If you feel the same, give me a call ♪♪

♪♪ I'll be all ears in my heart here ♪♪

♪♪ In my art, I am all yours, I got no fears ♪♪

♪♪ Last time, I swallowed my pride ♪♪

♪♪ Should've used my intuition when I needed a guide ♪♪

♪♪ Let my ego lead and now I'm falling apart ♪♪

♪♪ Forget it all, I'm ready, yeah, I'm ready to start ♪♪

‐ Yes!

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