Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,680
This programme contains adult humour.
2
00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:27,980
All right, mate?
3
00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:31,380
All right, mate. Pure para about getting spotted, man.
4
00:00:31,380 --> 00:00:32,980
All that Fleeto mob are efter us.
5
00:00:32,980 --> 00:00:37,380
Well, the Fleeto mob don't drink in here, Gary, so you can probably take that big hood down.
6
00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:41,500
I've got a lot mair than them to worry about, man - got to keep my eyes peeled, know?
7
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:45,380
Is there no' mair chance of people spotting you with that big hood up?
8
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:47,220
Oh, maybe mate. Maybe.
9
00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:52,980
- What happened to your hair?
- I was reading about that alopecia.
10
00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:57,860
I was pure paranoid about catching it man, so I just shaved a' my hair aff.
11
00:00:58,820 --> 00:01:01,580
Actually I think I'll put it back up.
12
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:03,740
I'm pure paranoid about getting called 'baldy".
13
00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:07,780
Well, listen, I was just about to cut out for a fag. Do you want one?
14
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:11,540
No. You don't wash yer haunds after you've been to the bog.
15
00:01:11,540 --> 00:01:12,900
What?
16
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,740
You touch your genitals, then yer fags, gie me one o' them
17
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:18,660
then I've got gonorrhoea and VD all over my lips, mate.
18
00:01:18,660 --> 00:01:20,380
Gary, I've no' got VD or gonorrhoea.
19
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:23,740
Can you 100% guarantee that, mate? You been tested, mate?
20
00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:25,300
I'm pure para about stuff like that.
21
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:27,980
I don't need tested. I'm happily married to Susan.
22
00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:30,020
SHE been tested?
23
00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:35,340
- Don't even go there, mate.
- Mate - she's a nice lassie, but people sleep aboot.
24
00:01:35,340 --> 00:01:38,300
If it can happen to Cheryl Cole, mate, it can happen to you.
25
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,540
Wee Cheryl's pure para as anything noo, man.
26
00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,540
HE SIGHS
27
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,460
Mate...
28
00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:49,180
- What?
- Mate...
29
00:01:49,180 --> 00:01:51,980
See that lassie over there in the corner with the brown hair?
30
00:01:51,980 --> 00:01:55,380
- What about her?
- That's one of Pauline's pals from the work.
31
00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:59,780
- And what?
- If Pauline finds oot I was here with her I'll be getting the third degree, man.
32
00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:02,060
Pauline's pure para about stuff like that.
33
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:03,820
Gary, you're no' in here with her!
34
00:02:03,820 --> 00:02:06,740
Oh, mate. It disnae matter, it disnae matter. It's no' worth it.
35
00:02:06,740 --> 00:02:09,220
I'll need to create a diversion.
36
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:13,700
GLASS SHATTERS
37
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:15,820
Later, mate.
38
00:02:15,820 --> 00:02:19,140
Here... Wear a johnny.
39
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21,620
He looks like a grass for the social.
40
00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,140
That's a camera.
41
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,620
Well, the financial reports are in...
42
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,980
and I'm afraid things don't look good.
43
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:40,420
Sales of the Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee were much lower than projected.
44
00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:45,380
I honestly think the Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee is a great product.
45
00:02:45,380 --> 00:02:49,900
We just need to get this whole Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee thing
46
00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,100
into the public consciousness.
47
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:58,020
Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee...
48
00:02:58,020 --> 00:03:02,220
'Oggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boo!'
49
00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:06,700
Will SOMEBODY please tell me why this isn't selling?!
50
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,900
Perhaps we're aiming it at the wrong demographic.
51
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:13,180
Instead of marketing the Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee at
52
00:03:13,180 --> 00:03:18,940
young professionals and housewives, MAYBE should be aiming it at kids?
53
00:03:18,940 --> 00:03:20,460
- BOTH:
- Ohhh...
54
00:03:20,460 --> 00:03:25,460
Jack and I took the liberty of doing some focus group tests with children.
55
00:03:29,140 --> 00:03:30,940
Hello, children.
56
00:03:30,940 --> 00:03:34,100
How would you like me to climb in your window tonight and leave
57
00:03:34,100 --> 00:03:35,620
one of these under your sheets?
58
00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:39,260
It's really trendy, and ticks a lot of boxes for our company.
59
00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:42,420
Here's Steve Regards to tell you all about it.
60
00:03:44,780 --> 00:03:48,980
Hello, members of the youth demographic.
61
00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:52,100
This is the Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee...
62
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,740
a disruptive new product that converts the phrase
63
00:03:54,740 --> 00:03:57,060
"Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee"
64
00:03:57,060 --> 00:04:00,100
into the phrase "Oggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boo."
65
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:03,700
You, little girl...
66
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:07,620
Would you like to interface with the product?
67
00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:10,100
Eegie Beegie!
68
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:13,700
It's Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee.
69
00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:15,660
Eegie Beegie Beegie!
70
00:04:17,180 --> 00:04:20,180
"Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee"! Say that.
71
00:04:20,180 --> 00:04:22,260
Eegie Beegie Bee.
72
00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:24,860
Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee!
73
00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:26,500
Now, you look here, missus.
74
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,140
It cost a lot of money to assemble this focus group so
75
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:33,300
you're going to say "Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee"!
76
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,260
Eegie Beegie Bee...Beegie Beegie.
77
00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:37,660
Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee!
78
00:04:37,660 --> 00:04:40,900
- Don't shout at her.
- Touch me again, Steve! Go, on I dare ye!
79
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,180
Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee!
80
00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:46,500
Eegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Beegie Bee!
81
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:48,180
SHE SCREAMS Mummy...!
82
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,540
Fifty thousand pounds down the drain.
83
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,060
God...!
84
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:56,100
'Oggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boo.'
85
00:04:57,060 --> 00:05:00,860
The kids seemed to love it. What do YOU think?
86
00:05:01,820 --> 00:05:03,220
I think...
87
00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,980
I should have done THIS a long time ago!
88
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:07,580
David! You can't.
89
00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:10,980
Show him, Jack.
90
00:05:16,660 --> 00:05:17,940
WOMEN SCREAM
91
00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,460
Oggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boo...
92
00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:25,900
Oggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boggie Boo...
93
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,700
RETCHING AND VOMITING OUTSIDE
94
00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,300
Well, I mean I think the idea of a boxing gym
95
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:37,620
being a place that is purely for hard young men to come and prove themselves is completely out of date.
96
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:40,500
People come down here to learn how to box, yes, but people also
97
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,660
come down here because it is an excellent way to get fit.
98
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:46,700
Hitting the bag can be a great way to release stress...
99
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,300
people come for the camaraderie.
100
00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:53,020
If you're holding the bag or holding the mitts for someone, then, you know,
101
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:56,180
there's a social aspect to it too. There are many, many varied reasons
102
00:05:56,180 --> 00:05:58,140
for coming down to the boxing gym.
103
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:00,900
Is that you all done?
104
00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:02,780
MUFFLED CRIES
105
00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:13,100
God... That was amazing!
106
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:16,500
All kinds of reasons.
107
00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:26,620
Doberman Man!
108
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:29,860
I've got a city to protect, Superintendent.
109
00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:32,900
Burnistoun never sleeps! Make it quick.
110
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,300
It's the Taletwister.
111
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:37,780
He's back in Burnistoun... and he's planning a bank heist.
112
00:06:37,780 --> 00:06:39,700
The Taletwister?
113
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,660
I've got bigger fish tae fry than the Taletwister.
114
00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:44,900
- Who?
- My arch-nemesis.
115
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,140
Big Sanny Tollan's Boy.
116
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,780
Is that the guy that hassled you at school?
117
00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:51,900
"Hassled me at school"?!
118
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,980
He used to make me shag a pole in the school playground!
119
00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:58,220
Sure, it's embarrassing, but you know - a bank heist!
120
00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:02,980
I put a Doberbug on Big Sanny Tollan's Boy's phone.
121
00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:05,660
I heard him gloating aboot his crimes!
122
00:07:05,660 --> 00:07:08,540
You can play it back on my iDober.
123
00:07:11,380 --> 00:07:15,660
'Aye - Doberman Man! I wis at school wi' that wee virgin!
124
00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:18,660
'We used to make him dry-ride a pole an' all sorts!
125
00:07:18,660 --> 00:07:22,980
'Doberman Man? "Dobber man", mair like!'
126
00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:24,620
Argh! Turn it off!
127
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:30,860
All these years later, and he's still telling people that I'm a virgin!
128
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:35,460
My internal systems have analysed his speech patterns.
129
00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:38,980
- And what do they tell you?
- That he's a total dick and I hate him!
130
00:07:40,740 --> 00:07:45,660
Me and Big Sanny Tollan's Boy, we go back a long way.
131
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:48,140
He made me what I am!
132
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:49,380
Him and his pals
133
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:54,260
used to make me hump a pole in the school playground. And I did.
134
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:56,300
Because I was scared.
135
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,140
But that all changed,
136
00:07:58,140 --> 00:08:02,020
the night a Doberman jumped through my bedroom window -
137
00:08:02,020 --> 00:08:05,380
and I learned a very important thing.
138
00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:07,500
- What?
- That wee dicks
139
00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:11,420
are a cowardly and superstitious bunch of wee dicks - and I HATE THEM!
140
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:16,300
Burnistoun has been a better place, since that Doberman jumped through your windae.
141
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:20,300
I will NOT let wee dicks over-run this Burnistoun...
142
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,820
No young man will get slagged off
143
00:08:22,820 --> 00:08:27,140
for being a virgin, on MY watch. You have my word!
144
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,420
Aye, but what about The Taletwister?
145
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:31,060
Priorities!
146
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:32,940
Just you remember...
147
00:08:32,940 --> 00:08:35,740
there's nothing wrong wi' being a virgin.
148
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:38,780
All right.
149
00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:46,100
Did you say something when I left there?
150
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:48,700
There isnae anything wrang with being a virgin.
151
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,580
No... I didn't say a thing.
152
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:56,940
I've got a girlfriend!
153
00:08:58,940 --> 00:09:00,180
OK!
154
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:43,660
- Darryl!
- Crabby, my man. How long's it been?
155
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:46,820
Oh, man. What, it must be, what - ten, fifteen year?
156
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,540
Oh, at least, man.
157
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:50,940
- What you been up to?
- Oh, nothing, man.
158
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:53,340
- What... Nothing?
- No. Not really.
159
00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:55,740
- What, in fifteen year?
- Aye.
160
00:09:55,740 --> 00:09:57,420
No' one thing worth mentioning?
161
00:09:57,420 --> 00:10:01,220
- No, mate. No' really.
- No' one thing? - No' one.
162
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,820
There must be one thing you've done in fifteen year, mate.
163
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:05,740
No, mate. Nowt.
164
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:10,500
- Right - just tell me one thing you've done.
- No, mate. - One thing!
165
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,540
- I've not done anything.
- Just tell me one thing.
166
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:14,540
- No, mate.
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
167
00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:18,220
No. I've no' done anything in the last fifteen years. Nothin'.
168
00:10:20,740 --> 00:10:23,220
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
169
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:24,940
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
170
00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:26,580
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
171
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:28,700
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
172
00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:30,300
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
173
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,740
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
174
00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:33,220
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
175
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:35,540
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
176
00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:43,940
- Anyway, mate, nice to see you again.
- Aye, brilliant seeing you, man!
177
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,700
POUNDING MUSIC
178
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:58,300
I'm not really into this.
179
00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:04,100
What, you're no' into gettin' a dance aff o' a beautiful lassie? F'n' shut up.
180
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:07,100
What are we supposed to dae here?
181
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:11,020
You're not impressing anybody wi' your "nice guy" routine, right?
182
00:11:11,020 --> 00:11:14,580
Just stare at the gorgeous hauf-naked lassie o'er there.
183
00:11:15,540 --> 00:11:16,860
This is awkward...
184
00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:20,020
Who are you trying to impress with this crap?
185
00:11:20,020 --> 00:11:22,660
Germaine Greer isnae here. All right?
186
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:25,220
Now, man up. I'll get us a private dance.
187
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:28,300
- No, you won't.
- Aye, I will.
188
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:33,900
For 30 quid, we get these gorgeous lassies writhing about, about one foot away from us.
189
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:36,180
One foot? I'll no' know where to look.
190
00:11:36,180 --> 00:11:39,740
You'll look at whatever they shove into your face!
191
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:42,060
We're no' perving, mate, they're dancing for us!
192
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:45,140
Dancin' for the money, mate - no' for us, for the money!
193
00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:47,620
Well, I want a dance.
194
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:51,860
And I'm no' sitting here getting a dance while you're sitting there hitting a beamer.
195
00:11:51,860 --> 00:11:53,340
So you're getting one an' a!
196
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:54,660
I don't want.
197
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,220
Look at that lassie.
198
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,340
Look at them.
199
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:21,020
- Look at that.
- No... - Look at that dancin' lassie!
200
00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:24,820
- I don't want to look, I don't like it!
- Look at her!
201
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:26,780
Look at that lassie!
202
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,020
No. No, I don't like it,
203
00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:31,140
- I don't wannae.
- Och, man up!
204
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:33,220
Be a man. Be a man!
205
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,980
No! Leave me, it's distasteful!
206
00:12:35,980 --> 00:12:40,580
- You're no' tastin' her, you're just looking at her! LOOK AT HER!
- Naw...
207
00:12:40,580 --> 00:12:43,420
Stare at that gorgeous sexy lassie.
208
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:46,660
Bore your eyes right intae the sexy body of that sexy lassie!
209
00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:48,700
Right, youse... Oot!
210
00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:50,620
Come on. Oot!
211
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:02,780
Ah, yes! What's the damage?
212
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:07,220
Well...Aggressive Pal Experience is £150,
213
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:10,420
and Awkward Scenario Fetish Roleplay was 80.
214
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:15,060
There's 250. That was amazing.
215
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:23,140
Thank you.
216
00:13:27,060 --> 00:13:28,620
Right...
217
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:34,220
Now, as far as I see it we have two outstanding young candidates.
218
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:37,420
Gail Park, and Bruce...
219
00:13:37,420 --> 00:13:39,340
KNOCK AT DOOR
220
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:43,980
Is this the interview for the bank manager's job?
221
00:13:43,980 --> 00:13:45,700
Yes. We've just finished.
222
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,700
You've no' seen me yet.
223
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:52,380
- Were you on the list?
- Naw. I didn't even apply or anything, man.
224
00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:55,020
Are you one of our employees?
225
00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:58,260
Nope. Never worked in a bank in my life but I'll tell you somethin'.
226
00:13:58,260 --> 00:14:00,660
I've been watching all your interviewees oot there.
227
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,580
- And do you know what?
- What?
228
00:14:02,580 --> 00:14:04,380
They're a' dicks!
229
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:07,300
- "Dicks"?
- Dicks - the lot o' them.
230
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:13,100
I bet they came in here givin' it all turnover and profits and blah blah blah. Who cares? Am I right?
231
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:17,660
- Well...
- Exactly. Dicks. Here's what I would have done...
232
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:22,620
Boom! Cartwheel. Any of 'em dae that?
233
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,340
Well... No.
234
00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:26,620
Any of them dae this?
235
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,980
Eh? Look at the speed o' these haunds.
236
00:14:34,980 --> 00:14:37,180
Bill, this boy's got something.
237
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:41,140
He reminds me of myself when I wore those clothes.
238
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:46,820
If we gave you the job...would you be willing to get your nose down and LEARN the banking trade?
239
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:49,740
Nope. Because banking...is a bore.
240
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:52,020
If either of you two came into my office
241
00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:55,460
and started yapping on about banking, I'd be like this...
242
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,340
Doosh! Doosh!
243
00:14:58,340 --> 00:15:00,820
Doosh! Doosh!
244
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:05,500
- That was... That was a real one!
- Watch. Forward roll.
245
00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:11,260
This boy is outstanding. Son, the job's yours.
246
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:13,620
You're the new manager of our Burnistoun East branch.
247
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:16,020
Good move. Now, who's HIS boss?
248
00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:17,580
Well, I am.
249
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,140
Cos I tell you what, big man -
250
00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:23,380
I want his job as well now, because he is also a dick.
251
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:26,700
- You can't call me a...
- No - Bill, he's right.
252
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,100
You ARE a dick. You're a dick, and you're fired.
253
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,460
Now, c'mon - get out, you dick.
254
00:15:33,860 --> 00:15:37,100
Congratulations. You're the new head of Scottish Operations.
255
00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,220
Thanks. You're fired.
256
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:41,740
Oh, no, no. You cannae fire me, I'm YOUR boss.
257
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,420
How can you be MY boss? Can you dae this?
258
00:15:45,420 --> 00:15:47,380
HE SINGS TO HIMSELF
259
00:15:51,220 --> 00:15:54,660
Durr, dur-dur durr-dur, dur-dur durr-dur...
260
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,820
Ba-da pa-paa, ba-da pa-paa, hoi!
261
00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:14,900
Hello! This is Brian Bluff, eh, the UK Operations Chief?
262
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:17,340
Can I have the CEO on the phone please?
263
00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:21,460
Is this the CEO?
264
00:16:21,460 --> 00:16:23,220
Can you dae this?!
265
00:16:44,780 --> 00:16:47,620
These next guys are down from Bonnie Scotland,
266
00:16:47,620 --> 00:16:49,100
from the city of Burnistoun -
267
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,500
and this is their first appearance on Top of the Pops,
268
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,620
it's...The Murderers!
269
00:16:53,620 --> 00:16:55,500
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
270
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:05,420
This is our first appearance and the first time you will hear us
271
00:17:05,420 --> 00:17:09,260
And when you are all 50 you'll remember this so clearly
272
00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:12,860
When we were on your telly, before you had a belly
273
00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:16,340
When life was still a voyage, and before you had a mortgage
274
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:20,500
And we're...all dead, now!
275
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,980
The show we're on is axed now, and all these girls are old cows
276
00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:30,700
You're watching this on YouTube, as you recall your youth
277
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:34,380
When music was amazing When nights out were exciting
278
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:38,100
When sex was still surprising, possibilities were rising
279
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,700
But we're...all dead, now!
280
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,980
But we're...all dead, now!
281
00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:55,900
You were our biggest fan then, you followed us all over
282
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:59,420
And then you met some someone And you shagged them in your Rover
283
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:01,020
And rushed straight into marriage
284
00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:02,940
They're the best you thought you'd manage
285
00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:06,500
And now you are a parent and your future's all but vanished
286
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:10,780
And we're...all dead, now!
287
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:17,100
He died in '87 He hung himself in prison
288
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:20,500
He died in 1993, a massive aneurysm
289
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:24,020
And he died in his grubby flat, a poor forgotten junkie
290
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:26,340
And I died in an altercation
291
00:18:26,340 --> 00:18:28,100
With an escaped monkey
292
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:31,700
That's why...we're all dead, now!
293
00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:39,020
That's why...we're all dead, now!
294
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,940
And soon you all will join us! And soon you all will join us!
295
00:18:45,940 --> 00:18:49,460
Inevitably join us! Inevitably join us!
296
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:52,900
And soon you all will join us! And soon you all will join us!
297
00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,980
- Inevitably join us!
- WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
298
00:18:56,940 --> 00:18:58,500
PUMPED-UP ACTION MUSIC
299
00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:11,500
'Coming soon to BBC Burnistoun.
300
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,140
'Action and adventure, in Bunnetcatcher!'
301
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:35,420
Bunnetcatcherrrrrr!
302
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:40,380
'Breaking news: A group of children wearing bunnets on their heads
303
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:44,940
'are being held hostage by a man wielding a powerful office fan.'
304
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:50,620
I'm gonnae switch this on, and blow their wee bunnets aff their heids!
305
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,900
LAUGHS MANICALLY
306
00:19:57,860 --> 00:20:00,060
Bunnetcatcher!
307
00:20:06,180 --> 00:20:08,780
You even caught MY bunnet, Bunnetcatcher!
308
00:20:08,780 --> 00:20:10,820
After everything I've done.
309
00:20:10,820 --> 00:20:12,580
Why?!
310
00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:16,180
A wise man once told me...
311
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:19,460
"A bunnet...cannot choose the heid
312
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:21,540
"that it bunnets."
313
00:20:21,540 --> 00:20:26,180
When my hand slips, I want you to catch my bunnet. Forget about me.
314
00:20:26,180 --> 00:20:30,500
- But you'll die!
- You are Bunnetcatcher! Catch my bunnet!
315
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:41,180
I was yer father, by the way.
316
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:01,340
Don't see you in fifteen years, then twice in two days.
317
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:04,300
- This is mair like it, eh?
- Aye. - So what were you doing LAST night?
318
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:05,940
Ah, nothin', man.
319
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:09,420
- You must have done something, mate.
- No, mate.
320
00:21:09,420 --> 00:21:12,700
You don't have to tell me anything interesting - just tell me anything.
321
00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:14,460
No, I've no' done anything mate.
322
00:21:14,460 --> 00:21:16,500
- You been to the toilet?
- No, mate.
323
00:21:18,020 --> 00:21:20,420
In the 24 hours since I last saw you,
324
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:22,340
- you've not even been to the toilet?
- No.
325
00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,380
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
326
00:21:29,380 --> 00:21:30,900
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
327
00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:32,380
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
328
00:21:32,380 --> 00:21:34,260
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
329
00:21:39,180 --> 00:21:40,660
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
330
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:41,940
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
331
00:21:41,940 --> 00:21:43,260
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
332
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:44,580
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
333
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,500
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No. - One!
334
00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:52,460
- One!
- No. - One!
335
00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:57,740
Anyway, it's mental seeing you again man, two days in a row.
336
00:21:57,740 --> 00:21:59,820
Aye, brilliant!
337
00:21:59,820 --> 00:22:02,100
- Just tell me one thing you've done.
- No.
338
00:22:06,620 --> 00:22:08,780
Will you tell me where I'm going, M?
339
00:22:08,780 --> 00:22:10,740
I suppose I'll have to.
340
00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:13,060
You're going to Burnistoun, Bond.
341
00:22:13,060 --> 00:22:14,660
Burnistoun?
342
00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:17,460
That's where my first love was killed.
343
00:22:17,460 --> 00:22:19,780
I'll never forget you, Jackie.
344
00:22:19,780 --> 00:22:22,900
It was...Kelly, wasn't it?
345
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:25,700
Yes. I'll never forget you, Kelly.
346
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:27,260
Hmm.
347
00:22:27,260 --> 00:22:30,620
I'll leave you in Q's capable hands.
348
00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:34,700
Ignore her, Q, she's very cruel.
349
00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:38,900
What do you have for me?
350
00:22:38,900 --> 00:22:42,020
With you going to Bonnie Scotland, 007,
351
00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:46,380
we've adapted some cultural items into gadgets for you.
352
00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,740
Take a look at this. It's a sausage supper.
353
00:22:48,740 --> 00:22:50,500
Which is...?
354
00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,060
Well, you would know it as sausage and chips.
355
00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:55,700
But in Scotland, they call it...a supper.
356
00:22:55,700 --> 00:22:58,140
Because they only have it at supper time?
357
00:22:58,140 --> 00:23:02,100
No. Because they DON'T only have it at supper time.
358
00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:05,940
The Scots would eat things like this for breakfast. It's an ironic title.
359
00:23:05,940 --> 00:23:08,660
I see. And what does it do?
360
00:23:08,660 --> 00:23:10,180
Pick it up.
361
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:18,060
That pickled onion there. Give it a push.
362
00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:24,380
Now, that fellow's had HIS chips.
363
00:23:28,820 --> 00:23:32,140
Very funny. Let me show you this now, Bond.
364
00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:33,820
Do you know what that is?
365
00:23:33,820 --> 00:23:36,740
It looks like a plastic receptacle for...fizzy pop.
366
00:23:36,740 --> 00:23:40,820
Mmm. It's a two-litre bottle of ginger.
367
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:44,300
- But we've filled it with an extra-fizzy liquid.
- Which means?
368
00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:46,300
Put it under your bottom.
369
00:23:49,740 --> 00:23:51,700
Now unscrew that cap.
370
00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:03,780
Now, that was a gas...
371
00:24:08,060 --> 00:24:09,300
Q LAUGHS HEARTILY
372
00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:15,860
Very, very funny, Bond.
373
00:24:15,860 --> 00:24:18,380
This is the last gadget have for you today -
374
00:24:18,380 --> 00:24:22,540
it's a tin of shortbread. But no ordinary shortbread, Bond.
375
00:24:22,540 --> 00:24:26,980
For when you want to finish a mission in a hurry, just eat this shortbread,
376
00:24:26,980 --> 00:24:30,140
and every sentence you say will be very, very much shorter.
377
00:24:38,620 --> 00:24:41,700
- When does...
- Right away. - How long...
378
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:43,420
- You've really outdone...
- Thank you.
379
00:24:43,420 --> 00:24:46,060
- Aren't you having...
- I think I will.
380
00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:52,420
- Who made...
- It was made... - Your wife is...
381
00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:54,140
- Are your hooks...
- Number twos are...
382
00:24:54,140 --> 00:24:55,660
I think I'll...
383
00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:02,660
- It's.
- I. - If.
384
00:25:02,660 --> 00:25:04,940
- That's.
- Look. - Not.
385
00:25:04,940 --> 00:25:06,500
Only...
386
00:25:09,220 --> 00:25:12,980
- Ha.
- Ha. - Ha.
387
00:25:30,980 --> 00:25:32,540
THWACK!
388
00:25:36,820 --> 00:25:39,740
Cheers, mate, what was that...15.20?
389
00:25:39,740 --> 00:25:42,780
Right, cool mate. Just, just a wee second, right?
390
00:25:55,580 --> 00:25:58,500
- 15.20!
- Naw...
391
00:25:58,500 --> 00:26:01,100
Naw, naw, naw, naw, it cannae be - we counted it up!
392
00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:02,620
15.20, mate.
393
00:26:02,620 --> 00:26:06,500
I was sure it was gonnae to be under 15!
394
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:08,260
I knew we were cuttin' it too fine.
395
00:26:09,220 --> 00:26:13,580
Oh, naw! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
396
00:26:13,580 --> 00:26:15,700
Are you sure you've nae money?
397
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:20,780
- No change, have you checked your pockets?
- I've already checked them, I've checked them!
398
00:26:20,780 --> 00:26:23,700
15.20, mate, this is a nightmare. What are we gonnae do?
399
00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:27,180
I don't know. This is unprecedented.
400
00:26:27,180 --> 00:26:30,540
I mean, aye - we all joke about this happening, but it never does.
401
00:26:30,540 --> 00:26:33,580
- Never happens!
- But now it HAS happened.
402
00:26:33,580 --> 00:26:37,060
It's happened, mate! We're doon the rabbit hole now, mate.
403
00:26:37,060 --> 00:26:39,780
STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
404
00:26:39,780 --> 00:26:41,340
Why did we ever think 15 was enough?!
405
00:26:41,340 --> 00:26:45,820
- There must be a 20 pence piece in this hoose somewhere!
- Mate...
406
00:26:45,820 --> 00:26:47,900
There has tae be a tip as well, Ronnie!
407
00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:51,740
- It's no' just about the 20p, there's got to be a tip as well!
- Calm down!
408
00:26:51,740 --> 00:26:53,300
WE NEED A TIP AS WELL, MATE!
409
00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:55,980
CALM DOWN! Enough!
410
00:26:55,980 --> 00:26:59,100
We...will turn this hoose upside doon if we have tae.
411
00:26:59,100 --> 00:27:02,940
We will find change in here, if it kills us!
412
00:27:02,940 --> 00:27:05,660
Mate, there's nae money in here!
413
00:27:05,660 --> 00:27:09,540
Calm doon. Man up. Come on, Man up!
414
00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:12,820
UP! UP! UP!
415
00:27:12,820 --> 00:27:14,260
RONNIE EXHALES TENSELY
416
00:27:14,260 --> 00:27:19,060
I can't, mate. I am FREAKIN' it here! Stupid 15 quid!
417
00:27:19,060 --> 00:27:22,420
STUPID FIFTEEN QUID! Can't even buy a couple of guys their dinner.
418
00:27:22,420 --> 00:27:24,700
I'm tearin' this up, mate. I'm going to tear this up.
419
00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:27,020
No, Stevie!
420
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:28,780
It has to be done, Ronnie!
421
00:27:36,140 --> 00:27:38,460
RONNIE GROANS
422
00:27:38,460 --> 00:27:40,100
HE HOWLS IN ANGUISH
423
00:27:41,620 --> 00:27:43,020
You didnae...!
424
00:27:43,020 --> 00:27:45,820
You didnae!
425
00:27:45,820 --> 00:27:47,700
I had tae.
426
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:50,300
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TAE US?!
427
00:27:51,260 --> 00:27:53,220
I knew it, man...
428
00:27:53,220 --> 00:27:55,780
I knew somethin' bad was gonnae happen to me.
429
00:27:55,780 --> 00:27:59,020
YOU'VE FINISHED US!
430
00:27:59,980 --> 00:28:04,940
WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE ORDERED YOU! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ORDERED YOU!
431
00:28:06,900 --> 00:28:08,860
RONNIE BAWLS AND WAILS
432
00:28:19,260 --> 00:28:22,060
RONNIE'S SCREAMING GOES ON AND ON
433
00:28:24,900 --> 00:28:27,300
That sounds like a good party you're having.
434
00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:30,540
By the way, did I say 15.20? It's only 14.20.
435
00:28:51,540 --> 00:28:53,580
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
436
00:28:53,580 --> 00:28:55,700
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
437
00:28:55,750 --> 00:29:00,300
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34979
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
