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1
00:00:02,171 --> 00:00:04,510
‐(rock music playing)
‐(imitating electric guitar)
2
00:00:05,845 --> 00:00:07,582
You call that a guitar face?
3
00:00:07,649 --> 00:00:09,051
This is a guitar face.
4
00:00:09,118 --> 00:00:11,422
(imitates electric guitar)
5
00:00:12,893 --> 00:00:14,195
Look at my mouth, see?
Look at my lips.
6
00:00:14,262 --> 00:00:17,101
Jenny! Jenny!
Travis is in town!
7
00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:19,673
Oh, my Lord,
that wandering smokeshow?
8
00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:20,808
Who the heck is Travis?
9
00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:22,278
Wayne's best friend growing up.
10
00:00:22,344 --> 00:00:25,117
He and Wayne have a lot of fun,
maybe too much fun.
11
00:00:25,183 --> 00:00:27,021
Yeah, he's all about
the moment, and...
12
00:00:27,087 --> 00:00:28,256
and positivity,
13
00:00:28,323 --> 00:00:29,927
and‐and he doesn't let
negativity in.
14
00:00:29,993 --> 00:00:32,632
That's the thing. And that's why
he doesn't have any problems.
15
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,302
I'm sorry.
Why is this the first time
16
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,172
I'm hearing about
this magical Fonzie?
17
00:00:36,239 --> 00:00:37,809
Where has he been
all of my life?
18
00:00:37,876 --> 00:00:39,111
Where hasn't he been?
19
00:00:39,178 --> 00:00:41,049
Flying guided helicopter tours
20
00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:42,986
into Hawaiian volcanos...
21
00:00:43,053 --> 00:00:45,057
doing flash mobs
in the Maldives...
22
00:00:45,123 --> 00:00:46,660
conquering Hollywood.
23
00:00:46,727 --> 00:00:48,564
(chuckles)
He's not doing any of that.
24
00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:51,971
Oh, so he's just a screwup
who bounces from thing to thing?
25
00:00:52,037 --> 00:00:54,075
Um, would you call a guy
26
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,945
who was on a Hollywood
reality matchmaking show
27
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:58,618
where Courtney Love chooses
from 30 eligible bachelors
28
00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,287
"a screwup"?
29
00:01:01,690 --> 00:01:04,028
‐(motorcycle revving)
‐TRAVIS: Bromeo!
30
00:01:04,095 --> 00:01:05,865
Wherefore art thou, Bromeo?
31
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:09,205
♪
32
00:01:12,979 --> 00:01:15,518
‐You! You! You're the man.
‐No, man. It's you, man! All you!
33
00:01:15,585 --> 00:01:17,321
‐VIOLET: So much punching.
‐No, you. You are the man.
34
00:01:17,388 --> 00:01:20,427
VIOLET: Do they love each other
or hate each other?
35
00:01:20,494 --> 00:01:22,565
♪
36
00:01:50,187 --> 00:01:51,990
‐TRAVIS: This guy!
‐WAYNE: This guy!
37
00:01:52,057 --> 00:01:53,661
‐This guy!
‐This guy!
38
00:01:53,728 --> 00:01:55,397
BOTH:
This guy!
39
00:01:55,464 --> 00:01:58,269
Okay, that's a solid half hour
of "this guys."
40
00:01:58,336 --> 00:02:00,842
Should we move
into the telling of old stories?
41
00:02:00,908 --> 00:02:02,277
Ooh, I got one.
42
00:02:02,344 --> 00:02:04,883
I was taking
a final exam, when suddenly...
43
00:02:04,950 --> 00:02:05,852
♪
44
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:06,987
(tires screech)
45
00:02:07,054 --> 00:02:08,089
Scuse me.
46
00:02:08,156 --> 00:02:09,760
I have a note from the office.
47
00:02:09,826 --> 00:02:10,995
Wayne Edwards.
48
00:02:11,062 --> 00:02:12,766
Your Uncle Penis is
in the hospital.
49
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:16,038
(cheering, whooping)
50
00:02:16,105 --> 00:02:17,509
That was a great day.
51
00:02:17,575 --> 00:02:19,980
I mean, crappy summer
'cause I had to retake Spanish,
52
00:02:20,046 --> 00:02:21,884
but great... day.
53
00:02:21,950 --> 00:02:23,219
Travis does what he wants,
54
00:02:23,286 --> 00:02:24,421
Wayne gets caught up
in the excitement,
55
00:02:24,488 --> 00:02:26,259
and then immediately gets
punished for it.
56
00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:27,962
Oh, remember that one time
we went on
57
00:02:28,029 --> 00:02:31,035
that freakin' amazing
spontaneous trip down the coast?
58
00:02:31,102 --> 00:02:33,574
Oh, yeah,
that trip was not amazing.
59
00:02:34,543 --> 00:02:35,678
Jenny! This is goodbye.
60
00:02:35,745 --> 00:02:37,381
‐What?
‐Travis made out with a girl
61
00:02:37,447 --> 00:02:39,218
whose boyfriend
is an MMA fighter.
62
00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,822
He's in grave danger.
63
00:02:40,888 --> 00:02:41,990
I gotta help him bug out!
64
00:02:42,057 --> 00:02:43,193
I'm sorry, Jenny!
65
00:02:43,259 --> 00:02:44,830
But you know
I make instantaneous,
66
00:02:44,896 --> 00:02:46,834
undeniable bonds with women.
67
00:02:50,473 --> 00:02:53,647
We gotta pull over
and cover our tracks!
68
00:02:54,649 --> 00:02:57,087
‐(both gasp)
‐MAN: Over here, y'all! Kill that guy!
69
00:02:57,154 --> 00:02:59,191
WAYNE:
Oh, crap. He brought friends.
70
00:02:59,258 --> 00:03:01,864
MAN 2:
Where the hell did they go?
71
00:03:01,930 --> 00:03:03,032
MAN:
Damned if I know.
72
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,603
But I gotta take a wizard.
73
00:03:04,669 --> 00:03:05,705
(zippers open)
74
00:03:05,771 --> 00:03:06,840
Oh, that's right.
75
00:03:06,907 --> 00:03:08,544
We did get peed on that night,
76
00:03:08,611 --> 00:03:10,480
but we also saw a pirate ship.
77
00:03:10,548 --> 00:03:12,652
Most people just talk
about stuff,
78
00:03:12,719 --> 00:03:14,890
but Travis goes out
and does it.
79
00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:16,492
Except one thing.
80
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,463
BOTH:
Machu Picchu.
81
00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:21,536
♪
82
00:03:24,843 --> 00:03:28,316
We were gonna open up a bar
on one of those mossy pyramids.
83
00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:30,053
And call it
"The Drincan Temple."
84
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:31,355
Spelled like "Incan."
85
00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:34,094
We literally put
the Incan in drinkin'.
86
00:03:34,161 --> 00:03:36,700
A bar on a sacred temple?
Great idea.
87
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:39,305
Maybe next you can open
a zip line at Ground Zero.
88
00:03:39,371 --> 00:03:41,275
We gotta go out
and celebrate, man.
89
00:03:41,342 --> 00:03:42,645
Oh, that sounds nice,
90
00:03:42,712 --> 00:03:44,481
but Wayne was just
about to help me figure out
91
00:03:44,549 --> 00:03:46,485
why my car horn honks to
the beat of my turn signal. Aw.
92
00:03:46,553 --> 00:03:48,991
Yeah. Plus,
I gotta work tomorrow.
93
00:03:49,058 --> 00:03:51,195
Hey, I didn't ask this.
94
00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:53,834
I asked this.
95
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,604
(heavenly music plays)
96
00:03:55,671 --> 00:03:57,942
You're right. Let's do it!
97
00:03:58,009 --> 00:03:59,913
‐Wayne...
‐Oh, come on, Jenny.
98
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:01,048
It's been so long.
99
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:02,317
I need some guy time.
100
00:04:02,384 --> 00:04:05,056
Okay. I'm not gonna be
that girlfriend.
101
00:04:05,123 --> 00:04:07,160
Go have your super manly
guy time.
102
00:04:07,227 --> 00:04:09,064
Travis, you can crash
on the sleeper sofa
103
00:04:09,131 --> 00:04:10,467
at my place if you want.
104
00:04:10,534 --> 00:04:12,371
They don't call him
"The Pull Out King" for nothing.
105
00:04:12,437 --> 00:04:14,375
‐Ugh.
‐Don't worry about that, man.
106
00:04:14,441 --> 00:04:16,278
I got a real sweet crash pad.
107
00:04:16,345 --> 00:04:18,684
Well, then, let's hit it!
108
00:04:20,186 --> 00:04:23,660
(rock music playing faintly)
109
00:04:23,727 --> 00:04:24,896
(spits, exclaims)
110
00:04:24,963 --> 00:04:26,566
Aw, this drink sucks.
111
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:30,206
We would never let a drink
like this cross our bar.
112
00:04:30,273 --> 00:04:32,779
No, sir, not at
the Drincan Temple.
113
00:04:33,379 --> 00:04:35,316
Listen up, party patrons.
114
00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,387
My buddy Wayne can make a drink
115
00:04:37,454 --> 00:04:38,991
that'll knock your socks off!
116
00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:40,995
‐I can?
‐Of course you can.
117
00:04:41,062 --> 00:04:42,264
I believe in you.
118
00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:44,001
(chanting):
Wayne. Wayne!
119
00:04:44,068 --> 00:04:46,172
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
120
00:04:46,238 --> 00:04:47,608
ALL:
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
121
00:04:47,675 --> 00:04:50,848
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
122
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:54,455
‐(tires screech)
‐(Betty and Jenny gasp)
123
00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:58,229
Steering wheel's fighting me
like a 20‐pound bass.
124
00:04:58,296 --> 00:04:59,599
Or is it fighting you
125
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,636
like the spirit of a man
you ran over in the '80s?
126
00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:03,640
Whatever your name is, sir,
127
00:05:03,707 --> 00:05:05,410
we have no quarrel with you.
128
00:05:05,477 --> 00:05:07,515
This car is not haunted, Vi.
129
00:05:07,582 --> 00:05:09,953
It's just a very old car
that's got its quirks.
130
00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:11,222
(loud bang)
131
00:05:11,288 --> 00:05:13,059
(gasps) It's the Dark Lord!
132
00:05:13,126 --> 00:05:14,361
That's not devil smoke!
133
00:05:14,428 --> 00:05:16,967
It's just regular,
non‐devil smoke.
134
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:19,238
It's time to call... (screams)
135
00:05:19,304 --> 00:05:21,943
Mother, it's AAA. Not "Aaah!"
136
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:23,479
(all screaming)
137
00:05:23,547 --> 00:05:26,920
‐Ah! Trav! I'm doing it!
‐(cheering)
138
00:05:26,987 --> 00:05:29,526
Wanye‐tini up!
139
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,063
This is delish.
140
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,436
This is it, bro.
This is the dream.
141
00:05:35,504 --> 00:05:37,675
Hey, let's wake up
in a dream every day.
142
00:05:37,742 --> 00:05:40,881
What? We don't know anything
about opening a bar.
143
00:05:40,948 --> 00:05:43,186
Hey, can I buy
your beer for ten bucks?
144
00:05:43,252 --> 00:05:44,321
Uh, sure. Why not?
145
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,258
And you just sold me a beer.
146
00:05:46,325 --> 00:05:48,329
That's all you need to know
to open a bar.
147
00:05:48,396 --> 00:05:49,799
(chanting):
Wayne! Wayne!
148
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:53,372
ALL:
149
00:05:53,439 --> 00:05:56,546
Wayne! Wayne! Wayne!
Wayne! Wayne!
150
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,484
We lived our whole life
in this car.
151
00:05:59,552 --> 00:06:01,990
Yeah, but it was almost
completely on fire.
152
00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,125
We gotta let her go.
153
00:06:03,192 --> 00:06:04,629
Should we tell her?
154
00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,800
I do believe it's time.
155
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:07,702
What?
156
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,071
Vi, this was your Gram's car
157
00:06:09,137 --> 00:06:11,141
when she was tearing up
the streets in the '80s.
158
00:06:11,208 --> 00:06:14,281
(singing along to radio):
♪ Down the basement ♪
159
00:06:14,348 --> 00:06:16,853
♪ Lock the cellar door ♪
160
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:18,690
♪ And baby ♪
161
00:06:18,757 --> 00:06:21,328
♪ Talk dirty to me! ♪
162
00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:22,732
BETTY:
And it was your mom's ride
163
00:06:22,798 --> 00:06:25,838
when she tore up the streets
a decade later.
164
00:06:25,904 --> 00:06:28,342
(singing along):
♪ Closing time ♪
165
00:06:28,409 --> 00:06:30,681
♪ One last call for alcohol ♪
166
00:06:30,748 --> 00:06:34,722
♪ So finish your whiskey
or beer... ♪
167
00:06:34,789 --> 00:06:35,958
(whoops)
168
00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:37,561
JENNY:
And, Vi, this car has touched your life
169
00:06:37,628 --> 00:06:39,197
in ways you don't even know.
170
00:06:39,264 --> 00:06:41,168
Mother!
Do not stop for a Quiznos!
171
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,005
This baby is coming!
172
00:06:43,072 --> 00:06:45,410
You got this cute little
divot in your head
173
00:06:45,476 --> 00:06:47,180
'cause you shot out
into the parking brake.
174
00:06:47,247 --> 00:06:51,121
I was born... in a CRX.
175
00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:52,792
It's settled. Too many memories!
176
00:06:52,858 --> 00:06:55,196
We're saving this memory hoopty.
177
00:06:56,599 --> 00:06:58,537
JENNY:
Well, good morning, sleepyhead.
178
00:06:58,603 --> 00:07:00,039
Did you have a fun man night?
179
00:07:00,106 --> 00:07:02,043
Any fights, jail time,
did you get peed on?
180
00:07:02,110 --> 00:07:04,214
Uh, nothing. Probably.
181
00:07:04,281 --> 00:07:06,118
Mm. Don't remember a ton.
182
00:07:06,185 --> 00:07:08,255
But probably
not hardly anything.
183
00:07:08,322 --> 00:07:10,326
What in the hell happened here?
184
00:07:10,393 --> 00:07:12,197
Oh, nothing.
Probably hardly not anything.
185
00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:13,767
(sparks crackle)
186
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:17,040
The "Aaah" guy said
all it needs is a new engine,
187
00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:19,979
new transmission‐‐
oh, and brakes and tires.
188
00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:21,382
And a taillight.
189
00:07:21,448 --> 00:07:23,787
And a new interior/exterior.
190
00:07:23,854 --> 00:07:25,390
But otherwise, she's cherry.
191
00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:27,595
Y'all, no. No way.
192
00:07:27,661 --> 00:07:29,364
I'm done fixing that death trap.
193
00:07:29,431 --> 00:07:31,536
I got way more
important things to do.
194
00:07:31,603 --> 00:07:33,406
Oh, no.
What kind of dumb bullcrap
195
00:07:33,472 --> 00:07:35,176
did Travis talk you
into last night?
196
00:07:35,243 --> 00:07:38,215
Jenny, your tone is like...
(grunts) Whatever.
197
00:07:38,282 --> 00:07:41,288
And as a matter of fact,
I am opening a bar with Travis.
198
00:07:41,355 --> 00:07:42,992
The Drinkin' Ruins thing?
199
00:07:43,058 --> 00:07:44,428
The Drincan Temple.
200
00:07:44,494 --> 00:07:45,931
Come on, Wayne.
201
00:07:45,998 --> 00:07:47,701
I've had the idea for a
Led Zeppelin‐themed coffee shop
202
00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:49,605
called "Whole Latte Love"
for years.
203
00:07:49,672 --> 00:07:51,643
But a catchy name
is not a business plan.
204
00:07:51,709 --> 00:07:53,379
You can't let Travis
talk you into
205
00:07:53,446 --> 00:07:55,316
another one
of his reckless ideas.
206
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:56,986
‐(groans)
‐Wayne...
207
00:07:57,053 --> 00:07:58,824
No... no...
208
00:07:58,890 --> 00:08:01,763
No, no, n‐no, don't you press
that button, Wayne...
209
00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:02,965
‐(line ringing)
‐Bad!
210
00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:03,967
Hello, Mr. Bigsby.
211
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:06,573
Yeah, this is
your former employee,
212
00:08:06,639 --> 00:08:10,413
soon to be famous bar owner,
Wayne Edwards.
213
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:12,718
‐I... quit.
‐(all gasp)
214
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,431
Wayne, you did not
just quit your job.
215
00:08:19,498 --> 00:08:21,301
What are you gonna do for money?
216
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:23,205
Open your earholes.
217
00:08:23,272 --> 00:08:25,944
Me and Travis are opening a bar.
218
00:08:26,011 --> 00:08:27,748
Bars are gold mines.
219
00:08:27,815 --> 00:08:31,956
Right. Is that why there's a
reality show called Bar Rescue?
220
00:08:33,392 --> 00:08:36,064
Travis, I present to you:
221
00:08:36,131 --> 00:08:38,068
The Drincan Temple.
222
00:08:38,135 --> 00:08:39,337
The future number‐one
223
00:08:39,404 --> 00:08:41,475
Peruvian‐themed nightclub
in Greenpoint.
224
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,212
This is a sacred spot.
225
00:08:43,279 --> 00:08:45,349
Its energy is acutely positive,
226
00:08:45,416 --> 00:08:47,555
probably because of its history.
227
00:08:47,621 --> 00:08:48,823
Yep, it was a sex shop.
228
00:08:48,890 --> 00:08:51,228
But I just could not compete
with online.
229
00:08:51,295 --> 00:08:53,365
You know, all across America,
230
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:56,305
your brick‐and‐mortar dilda
shops are taking a real beating.
231
00:08:56,371 --> 00:08:59,745
Eat a double‐headed
pleasure snake, Jeff Bozos.
232
00:08:59,812 --> 00:09:02,383
Oh, that‐‐
that was inspiring, Bud.
233
00:09:02,450 --> 00:09:04,989
Thanks for that.
Uh, where do I sign?
234
00:09:06,091 --> 00:09:08,730
Whoa, Wayne.
That's a lot of money.
235
00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,435
Hey, man.
Is that what you think in here?
236
00:09:11,502 --> 00:09:13,372
Or in here?
237
00:09:13,439 --> 00:09:14,642
Besides, I got this.
238
00:09:14,709 --> 00:09:16,613
No one really needs
health insurance anyway.
239
00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:18,883
Nice doing business with y'all.
240
00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:21,421
Hey, you want me to clear out
these inflatables?
241
00:09:21,488 --> 00:09:23,492
Ah, you know what?
They're on the hizzy.
242
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,463
Use 'em for pool floats.
(laughs)
243
00:09:25,530 --> 00:09:27,400
(coughing) Oh, God.
244
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,170
(music playing over phone)
245
00:09:29,237 --> 00:09:31,475
Hey, Carl Nowacek here,
246
00:09:31,542 --> 00:09:32,911
aka Little Carl.
247
00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:34,548
Welcome to today's video:
248
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,220
"How to Fix an '87 CRX
with Fire Damage."
249
00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:41,228
Okay, so, uh, make sure
the battery's grounded.
250
00:09:41,294 --> 00:09:43,332
Hey! What did I tell you?
251
00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:45,637
Don't play with my tools.
252
00:09:45,704 --> 00:09:47,808
Kathy! Come get your kids!
253
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:50,547
My wife,
she doesn't watch our kids.
254
00:09:50,614 --> 00:09:52,417
Hey, Carl? What is this?
255
00:09:52,483 --> 00:09:53,820
Does this go in the engine?
256
00:09:53,887 --> 00:09:56,458
It's a video.
He's not actually talking to us.
257
00:09:56,526 --> 00:09:57,861
You don't actually talk
to the TV
258
00:09:57,928 --> 00:09:59,765
and expect the actors to reply,
do you, Mother?
259
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:01,636
‐Uh, a hundred percent yes.
‐Oh, what am I saying?
260
00:10:01,703 --> 00:10:02,971
‐You do that all the time.
‐She absolutely does.
261
00:10:03,038 --> 00:10:05,610
Kathy! Get these dang kids!
262
00:10:05,677 --> 00:10:07,581
Okay. Now let's get to work.
263
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:10,219
♪ Now get to work ♪
264
00:10:10,286 --> 00:10:12,591
♪
265
00:10:12,658 --> 00:10:14,595
‐(horn honks)
‐Ah!
266
00:10:14,662 --> 00:10:17,133
♪ Ah, oh, now get to work ♪
267
00:10:21,074 --> 00:10:22,477
♪ Ah, oh ♪
268
00:10:22,544 --> 00:10:24,280
♪ Bring it on ♪
269
00:10:24,347 --> 00:10:26,151
♪ Ring the alarm ♪
270
00:10:26,218 --> 00:10:28,355
‐♪ Don't stop now ♪
‐(screams)
271
00:10:28,422 --> 00:10:29,658
♪ Just be the champion ♪
272
00:10:29,725 --> 00:10:31,394
♪ Work it hard ♪
273
00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:33,332
♪ Like it's your profession ♪
274
00:10:33,398 --> 00:10:35,436
♪ Watch out now ♪
275
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,975
♪ 'Cause here it comes ♪
276
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:40,479
‐♪ Here comes the master ♪
‐Ah! Ah! Ah!
277
00:10:40,547 --> 00:10:41,849
♪ Here comes the big beat ♪
278
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:43,720
‐(screams)
‐♪ Big beat disaster. ♪
279
00:10:43,787 --> 00:10:46,324
JENNY:
We are so close to fixing this car.
280
00:10:46,391 --> 00:10:47,661
Suck on that, Wayne.
281
00:10:47,728 --> 00:10:48,830
Yep, so many more
wonderful memories
282
00:10:48,897 --> 00:10:51,401
to be made in this vehicle.
283
00:10:52,638 --> 00:10:55,710
Oh, Violet! Can't believe
you got into NYU.
284
00:10:55,777 --> 00:10:57,681
Thanks for driving, Mom.
285
00:10:57,748 --> 00:11:00,352
Well, I got to go embark
on my adult life.
286
00:11:00,419 --> 00:11:01,923
Wait. I have a surprise for you.
287
00:11:01,989 --> 00:11:04,460
I convinced them
to let us be roomies.
288
00:11:04,528 --> 00:11:06,732
We're doing New York, roomie!
289
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,670
That is the best news ever!
290
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,308
Now I can always be
your little girl.
291
00:11:11,374 --> 00:11:12,678
Yay, Mommy!
292
00:11:12,744 --> 00:11:15,884
Yup, ever since your Gram
passed, it's been hard.
293
00:11:15,951 --> 00:11:17,821
But at least we have each other.
294
00:11:17,888 --> 00:11:20,827
You're taking me to college
and then never leaving?
295
00:11:20,894 --> 00:11:22,798
And I'm dead in your fantasy?
296
00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:25,570
The fantasy's way more emotional
if you're dead.
297
00:11:25,637 --> 00:11:27,206
Mom, you can drive me
to college,
298
00:11:27,273 --> 00:11:31,515
but then you're leaving the car
because I've got other plans.
299
00:11:31,582 --> 00:11:33,786
Thank you for coming to my show.
300
00:11:33,853 --> 00:11:37,694
I've worked very hard on
this extremely personal piece.
301
00:11:37,761 --> 00:11:40,567
I now present to you...
302
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:42,203
‐Born in a Car.
‐(gasping, applause)
303
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:45,543
I dedicate this to the memory
of my grandmother Betty Hart,
304
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,614
who died suddenly last night.
305
00:11:47,681 --> 00:11:50,219
Great, so I'm dead again?
306
00:11:50,286 --> 00:11:52,023
We're not invited
to your art show?
307
00:11:52,089 --> 00:11:54,728
And as always, my work is
flying right over your heads.
308
00:11:54,795 --> 00:11:56,231
I think it's time
for both of you
309
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:59,605
to hear what a proper
fant‐nasty sounds like.
310
00:11:59,672 --> 00:12:00,139
‐Fant‐nasty?
‐No, no, no, please don't.
311
00:12:00,205 --> 00:12:02,410
JENNY:
Unsubscribe.
312
00:12:02,476 --> 00:12:04,782
♪
313
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:06,819
That's that. Took care of her,
314
00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:09,992
so you are free
to marry me, Dr. Senator.
315
00:12:10,059 --> 00:12:11,963
Now, why don't you
make love to me
316
00:12:12,029 --> 00:12:14,735
on the hood of my car
while it's still warm.
317
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:19,477
It would be my great honor to
service you sexually, Ms. Hart.
318
00:12:19,545 --> 00:12:23,953
Oh, and by the way,
both Jenny and Violet are dead.
319
00:12:24,655 --> 00:12:26,491
How does it feel?
320
00:12:28,195 --> 00:12:30,967
Wayne, bro, congratulate me.
321
00:12:31,034 --> 00:12:34,007
I'm getting married... tonight!
322
00:12:34,073 --> 00:12:36,277
‐You're getting married?
‐I met her last night.
323
00:12:36,344 --> 00:12:37,279
I think you know her.
324
00:12:37,346 --> 00:12:39,718
She's a dancer at Bud's
named Emoji.
325
00:12:39,785 --> 00:12:41,989
Wow. Okay. Uh, great.
326
00:12:42,056 --> 00:12:44,695
And guess where
we're gonna live? Peru.
327
00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:46,231
‐Peru?
‐Yeah, Peru, North Carolina.
328
00:12:46,297 --> 00:12:49,905
Plus, we're moving in
with Emoji's adult son.
329
00:12:49,972 --> 00:12:51,942
‐Wait. What about our bar?
‐What bar?
330
00:12:52,009 --> 00:12:54,080
Um, the bar we're standing in?
331
00:12:54,147 --> 00:12:56,451
Oh, right. Well, I'll still
help out on the weekends.
332
00:12:56,519 --> 00:12:57,788
And I'll tell you what.
333
00:12:57,854 --> 00:13:00,459
Why don't we have the wedding
right here on our opening night?
334
00:13:00,527 --> 00:13:03,331
It'll be the perfect send‐off
for me and Emoji.
335
00:13:03,398 --> 00:13:05,469
Send‐off?
336
00:13:06,605 --> 00:13:08,543
Ugh!
337
00:13:08,609 --> 00:13:09,912
Mother, can you hand me
a wrench?
338
00:13:09,978 --> 00:13:12,751
I wish I could,
but I am dead, so no.
339
00:13:12,818 --> 00:13:15,824
My dead‐ass vapor hands
cannot pick up a wrench.
340
00:13:15,890 --> 00:13:17,894
Gram, it was heightened reality.
341
00:13:17,961 --> 00:13:19,698
‐You know what? I'm over this.
‐(truck approaching)
342
00:13:19,765 --> 00:13:21,502
Wait. Y'all can't give up now.
343
00:13:21,569 --> 00:13:23,338
We're so close. Ugh.
344
00:13:23,405 --> 00:13:26,745
‐(sighs)
‐Jenny, grab a playful sundress.
345
00:13:26,812 --> 00:13:28,415
Travis is getting married.
346
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:29,885
What? Oh, of course he is.
347
00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:31,889
How long has he known her,
four hours?
348
00:13:31,956 --> 00:13:35,496
Uh, four‐teen hours,
so, way off.
349
00:13:35,563 --> 00:13:38,769
Oh, no, you're not still
playing mechanic, are you?
350
00:13:38,836 --> 00:13:40,607
(gasps)
What?! Okay.
351
00:13:40,673 --> 00:13:44,147
Well, are you still playing
"I'm building a dumb bar"?
352
00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:46,986
Look who's talking.
Ugh! So mad at you,
353
00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,323
but you all sweaty
is also really hot.
354
00:13:49,390 --> 00:13:51,996
Well, you all mad and
dressed up is pretty hot, too.
355
00:13:52,062 --> 00:13:54,133
All right. Are you coming
to Travis's last‐minute wedding
356
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,104
or not,
you greasy little hottie?
357
00:13:56,171 --> 00:14:00,780
I don't have time to get cleaned
up, you friggin' smokeshow.
358
00:14:00,847 --> 00:14:02,918
Fine. You can come dirty
because that's hot.
359
00:14:02,984 --> 00:14:04,922
Well, if I do manage
to fix this car,
360
00:14:04,988 --> 00:14:07,861
I might just take you
to the backseat, mister.
361
00:14:07,928 --> 00:14:09,197
Well, now I'm conflicted
362
00:14:09,263 --> 00:14:11,167
because I would love
to old‐school get down
363
00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,573
in the back of a car with you,
but conversely,
364
00:14:13,639 --> 00:14:15,108
I don't want you to succeed
365
00:14:15,175 --> 00:14:17,881
in fixing this murder‐mobile,
you smoking hottie!
366
00:14:17,948 --> 00:14:19,851
Can you guys stop yelling
rage‐horny things
367
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:22,223
at each other
on our front lawn?!
368
00:14:23,593 --> 00:14:25,797
♪
369
00:14:25,863 --> 00:14:27,499
You know what, Pierce Bro‐snan?
370
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,237
What, Timothée Bro‐lomet?
371
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:32,611
Having your wedding on opening
night was a brilliant idea.
372
00:14:32,677 --> 00:14:34,113
Oh, man, this place is packed.
373
00:14:34,180 --> 00:14:35,850
We're gonna make
so much bank tonight.
374
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,490
We got this. Oh, by the way, I
told everybody drinks are free.
375
00:14:39,558 --> 00:14:40,760
Wait. What?
376
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,129
Love is a beautiful thing.
377
00:14:42,196 --> 00:14:44,133
I've been lucky enough
to witness Emoji
378
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,239
find true wedded love
no less than eight times.
379
00:14:47,306 --> 00:14:48,441
(quietly):
Eight times?
380
00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:50,012
Oh, and before
we get to the vows,
381
00:14:50,078 --> 00:14:52,917
I would like to dedicate
a ceremonial poi dance
382
00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:55,690
to the love of my past 48 hours
383
00:14:55,757 --> 00:14:57,527
‐and the rest of my life.
‐(gasps)
384
00:14:57,594 --> 00:15:00,332
♪
385
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,269
(crowd gasping)
386
00:15:05,409 --> 00:15:06,377
(grunts)
387
00:15:06,444 --> 00:15:07,714
Oh, my God, Dawn.
388
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:11,522
Are you wearing a wedding dress
on my wedding day?
389
00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:12,924
Well, one of us has to.
390
00:15:12,991 --> 00:15:15,028
I don't know what you call that.
391
00:15:15,095 --> 00:15:17,867
‐(Dawn grunts)
‐(laughs)
392
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:20,105
‐(screaming)
‐The statue. Trav!
393
00:15:20,172 --> 00:15:22,644
‐(grunting)
‐(glass shatters)
394
00:15:22,711 --> 00:15:23,679
(dog growling)
395
00:15:23,746 --> 00:15:26,685
(indistinct shouting)
396
00:15:26,752 --> 00:15:27,787
(yells)
397
00:15:27,854 --> 00:15:29,156
(shrieks)
398
00:15:29,223 --> 00:15:31,027
We're getting beat up,
but I can't hit back
399
00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:32,597
because it's all girls.
400
00:15:32,664 --> 00:15:33,866
I know, man.
401
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,068
This is an unwinnable fight.
402
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,507
‐(growling)
‐Punch the dog!
403
00:15:37,574 --> 00:15:38,843
No, she's a girl, too.
404
00:15:38,909 --> 00:15:41,147
(statue creaks, crashes)
405
00:15:45,890 --> 00:15:49,363
Wayne, bro, I am so sorry.
406
00:15:49,998 --> 00:15:51,902
Wayne, I said I'm sorry.
407
00:15:51,969 --> 00:15:54,006
I heard you.
I just was trying to figure out
408
00:15:54,073 --> 00:15:55,743
if you're apologizing for this
409
00:15:55,810 --> 00:15:58,448
or‐or for a whole lifetime
of leaving me in the lurch.
410
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:01,922
But then again, I'm the dumbass
for thinking you've grown up.
411
00:16:01,989 --> 00:16:04,393
‐Serious?
‐Serious.
412
00:16:10,305 --> 00:16:12,811
"You'll never fix that car.
Death trap."
413
00:16:12,877 --> 00:16:14,681
Ha! Suck it, Wayne.
414
00:16:15,382 --> 00:16:19,591
I fixed it by myself,
I'll drive it by myself.
415
00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:21,562
I don't need anybody.
416
00:16:21,628 --> 00:16:24,200
Looks like it's just
you and me, Little Carl.
417
00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:27,540
So, guys, uh, I really want
to help you fix your car,
418
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:29,878
but Kathy kicked me out
a few days ago,
419
00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:33,284
and I've been all alone,
uh, staying at a Holiday Inn,
420
00:16:33,351 --> 00:16:36,257
and not a good one. I think
it's independently owned.
421
00:16:36,324 --> 00:16:39,396
But anyways, it's, uh, really
put things in perspective.
422
00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:41,835
You know, you can have all the
properly working motor vehicles
423
00:16:41,902 --> 00:16:44,841
in the world, but if you don't
have your family,
424
00:16:44,908 --> 00:16:46,010
what do you got?
425
00:16:46,077 --> 00:16:47,981
And Kathy Nowacek, and my kids,
426
00:16:48,047 --> 00:16:49,416
if you're watching this
right now,
427
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,987
I want you to know I love ya.
428
00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:52,356
Go ahead
and smash that "like" button
429
00:16:52,422 --> 00:16:54,628
and subscribe
if you'd like more videos.
430
00:16:54,694 --> 00:16:57,099
Oh, Carl, you're so right.
431
00:16:57,165 --> 00:16:59,403
Now I'm talking to Little Carl.
432
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:02,075
(horn honking)
433
00:17:02,142 --> 00:17:04,581
Y'all, I did it.
I fixed the CRX.
434
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,185
‐What the hell?!
‐You fixed it? On your own?
435
00:17:07,252 --> 00:17:09,223
But Little Carl's right:
a car's worthless
436
00:17:09,290 --> 00:17:11,060
if you can't enjoy it
with your family.
437
00:17:11,127 --> 00:17:12,997
All I want right now is
to take a ride
438
00:17:13,064 --> 00:17:15,903
with the two most important
people in my life.
439
00:17:15,970 --> 00:17:17,239
You know what, Jenny?
440
00:17:17,306 --> 00:17:20,580
I fantasize
about you dying sometimes, too.
441
00:17:20,646 --> 00:17:21,982
Same. For both of you.
442
00:17:22,049 --> 00:17:24,854
Hey, it's the tie that binds.
443
00:17:24,921 --> 00:17:26,725
‐(engine starts)
‐Okay.
444
00:17:26,792 --> 00:17:29,096
Mom, there's a disturbing amount
445
00:17:29,163 --> 00:17:30,566
of spare pieces back here.
446
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,737
Yeah, those parts are just like
when you buy a coat
447
00:17:32,804 --> 00:17:34,006
at Burlington, and they give you
448
00:17:34,073 --> 00:17:35,408
a few extra buttons
in the pocket.
449
00:17:35,475 --> 00:17:38,515
You don't need 'em.
Now sit back and enjoy the ride.
450
00:17:38,582 --> 00:17:41,855
‐♪ Rollin' down the street ♪
‐(horn honking)
451
00:17:41,922 --> 00:17:43,759
♪ Sippin' on gin and ju... ♪
452
00:17:43,826 --> 00:17:45,863
‐(loud bang)
‐(gasps) Ah!
453
00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:47,734
(all yelling)
454
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:48,936
‐(glass shatters)
‐(tire pops)
455
00:17:49,003 --> 00:17:50,305
‐Uh...
‐(gasps) The brakes.
456
00:17:50,372 --> 00:17:52,744
The brakes don't work.
I mean, they're fixed‐‐
457
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,446
hello‐‐ but they're not working!
458
00:17:54,514 --> 00:17:57,920
And we're headed straight
towards Dead Man's Intersection!
459
00:17:57,987 --> 00:18:01,360
(all screaming)
460
00:18:01,427 --> 00:18:02,730
(screaming continues)
461
00:18:02,797 --> 00:18:04,934
(tires squealing)
462
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,505
(engine revving)
463
00:18:06,571 --> 00:18:09,844
‐(all screaming)
‐(tires squealing)
464
00:18:09,911 --> 00:18:11,180
Oh, my God, Wayne. Thank you!
465
00:18:11,247 --> 00:18:14,554
Stop talking
and get out of that thing!
466
00:18:16,658 --> 00:18:19,664
Oh, so these are brakes?
467
00:18:23,639 --> 00:18:25,442
Oh, boy, here it goes.
468
00:18:25,743 --> 00:18:29,316
Mr. Bigsby, I owe you the
world's biggest "my bad."
469
00:18:29,383 --> 00:18:30,619
I fell under the spell
470
00:18:30,686 --> 00:18:32,222
of this old friend of mine,
and chasing
471
00:18:32,289 --> 00:18:34,259
some dumb fantasy that
he was never gonna help me with.
472
00:18:34,326 --> 00:18:36,565
But not all childhood dreams
are meant to come true, sir.
473
00:18:36,631 --> 00:18:40,539
Otherwise, there'd be way
more fireman cowboy astronauts.
474
00:18:40,606 --> 00:18:42,844
Anyway, I am sorry that I quit.
475
00:18:42,910 --> 00:18:44,379
You're quitting? Right now?!
476
00:18:44,446 --> 00:18:46,651
No. No, no, no, no.
I‐I‐I'm actually...
477
00:18:46,718 --> 00:18:47,954
He doesn't remember.
478
00:18:48,020 --> 00:18:49,924
He's got, like,
stage 12 dementia.
479
00:18:49,991 --> 00:18:52,697
Uh, okay. So... forget it?
480
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,066
I guess he already has.
481
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,636
So he's not quitting?
482
00:18:55,703 --> 00:18:56,538
No, sir. I'm not.
483
00:18:56,605 --> 00:18:59,076
Good, 'cause I hate quitters.
484
00:18:59,143 --> 00:19:01,180
You know what else quit on me?
485
00:19:01,247 --> 00:19:04,921
My legs.
But I didn't quit on them!
486
00:19:04,988 --> 00:19:07,827
‐(humming cancan tune)
‐PETER (over P. A.): Attention.
487
00:19:07,894 --> 00:19:10,165
We've got ourselves
a shed squatter on aisle ten.
488
00:19:10,231 --> 00:19:11,868
I'm on it!
489
00:19:11,935 --> 00:19:13,204
All right, pal.
490
00:19:13,271 --> 00:19:15,543
If you lie in it,
you're buying it. Come on out.
491
00:19:15,609 --> 00:19:17,112
Trav?
492
00:19:17,179 --> 00:19:18,949
What the heck, man?
Are you living in here?
493
00:19:19,016 --> 00:19:20,719
What?!
494
00:19:20,786 --> 00:19:23,057
No way, man.
I'm just chillin' in here.
495
00:19:23,124 --> 00:19:24,994
Okay, yeah, I'm totally
living in this shed.
496
00:19:25,061 --> 00:19:29,804
Emoji divorced me. She said
wedding fires were bad luck.
497
00:19:29,871 --> 00:19:31,875
But you're living the dream.
498
00:19:31,942 --> 00:19:33,912
No, you're living the dream.
499
00:19:33,979 --> 00:19:35,783
You got family and love.
500
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:37,987
(voice breaking):
All I got is my fading smile.
501
00:19:38,054 --> 00:19:41,695
And that pays less and less
with each passing year.
502
00:19:41,761 --> 00:19:43,699
I'd only been
in Hollywood for a minute
503
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,237
when things got desperate
real fast.
504
00:19:46,303 --> 00:19:48,909
Oh, come on, man.
It couldn't have been that bad.
505
00:19:48,976 --> 00:19:52,482
(cries)
I did a porno, man!
506
00:19:52,550 --> 00:19:54,654
(sobbing)
507
00:19:54,721 --> 00:19:55,522
And it was bad.
508
00:19:55,589 --> 00:19:58,261
It had no story,
and it was super gross.
509
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,766
I mean, I'm not that OCD
about cleanliness,
510
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,168
but they don't even try
511
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:05,776
to provide a clean
working environment, Wayne.
512
00:20:05,843 --> 00:20:07,245
You're gonna be okay.
513
00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:09,016
You can crash at my place.
514
00:20:09,082 --> 00:20:10,753
Thanks, Wayne. (sniffles)
515
00:20:10,819 --> 00:20:13,859
I mean, it wasn't like
it had no story.
516
00:20:13,926 --> 00:20:15,161
It did have a story.
517
00:20:15,228 --> 00:20:16,665
I was a personal trainer,
but somehow,
518
00:20:16,731 --> 00:20:19,169
on this particular day,
I was quadruple booked.
519
00:20:19,236 --> 00:20:21,373
See, I'm drawn in.
520
00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:24,479
There's no way
521
00:20:24,547 --> 00:20:26,918
you could give us a slightly
sweeter pre‐owned deal?
522
00:20:26,985 --> 00:20:29,724
I'm afraid I've gone down
as far as I can go.
523
00:20:29,791 --> 00:20:34,199
Oh, my God, are you Travis
from Courtney Love's Loves?
524
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:35,836
Guilty as charged.
525
00:20:35,903 --> 00:20:37,372
Hon, come into my office.
526
00:20:37,439 --> 00:20:40,044
We're gonna hook your friends up
with a real sweet deal.
527
00:20:40,111 --> 00:20:43,084
Smile's not fading as fast
as I formerly thought.
528
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:44,821
Honey, it's not the smile.
529
00:20:44,887 --> 00:20:47,927
It's that tight little
badonk‐ah‐dunkah.
530
00:20:55,274 --> 00:20:57,245
Thanks for hookin'
yourself out, Travis.
531
00:20:57,312 --> 00:20:59,751
Oh, yeah.
Thanks for hookin' yourself out.
532
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:02,188
No thanks needed.
Y'all are family.
533
00:21:02,255 --> 00:21:03,592
(engine starts)
534
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,796
("Gin and Juice"
by Snoop Doggy Dogg plays)
535
00:21:05,863 --> 00:21:07,065
I love you, man.
536
00:21:07,132 --> 00:21:08,502
I love you, too, man.
537
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:11,541
Hey, Wayne, do me a favor
and don't google that porn.
538
00:21:11,608 --> 00:21:14,446
‐Yeah, kind of already did.
‐No! Come on.
539
00:21:14,514 --> 00:21:16,350
I wanted to know
how your character
540
00:21:16,417 --> 00:21:18,387
sorted out
that scheduling snafu.
541
00:21:18,454 --> 00:21:20,692
And you handled it like a champ.
542
00:21:20,759 --> 00:21:22,262
Thanks, man.
543
00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:25,068
♪ Rollin' down the street ♪
544
00:21:25,134 --> 00:21:27,138
(horn honking)
545
00:21:27,205 --> 00:21:29,844
♪ Sippin' on gin and juice. ♪
546
00:21:30,813 --> 00:21:32,550
‐(meows)
‐(horn honks musically)
547
00:21:32,616 --> 00:21:34,921
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
548
00:21:34,987 --> 00:21:36,457
and TOYOTA.
549
00:21:36,507 --> 00:21:41,057
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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