Original subtitles

- [Woman] Dracula is immortal.

He's the prince of the darkest unknown.

(upbeat dance music)

We can only destroy his carnal existence.

Time after time, he'll return from his ashes,

and each new life will surpass

in horror the one before.

- [Man] We are past the place now where,

according to legend, Jonathan Harker and Dr. Van Helsing

were finally able to destroy

the king without lives, Count Dracula.

- [Woman] According to another legend,

he was the descendant of a man

who was of great historical importance.

He was a killer prince who fought against the Turks in 1445.

- [Man] That's right.

The old sanitorium will be coming into view real soon now.

You'll be seeing it on the hilltop there.

This region is called Borgo Pass.

- [Woman] Don't try to scare us, Emory.

The vampire's only a legend of this place.

- [Man] Listen to me, my friends.

In this region, anything is possible,

and believe me, I can assure you

that Count Dracula existed.

And what's more, I wouldn't even consider denying

that he exists right now.

- [Woman] What if he shows up now?

You know, I'm scared.

- [Woman] You aren't serious?

- [Man] But of course I'm serious.

- [Woman] People fall in love with a vampire

in a natural way.

Giving yourself to him without

the need of his diabolical powers.

The blood of this young virgin

will restore Dracula's evil superiority.

(mysterious music)

(birds cawing)

(thunder crashing)

(thunder crashing)

(menacing music)

- Oh, girls, now I know why I keep you all around.

- Really?

Just because you liked the way that we please you?

- Oh, honey, that was supposed to be a compliment.

You girls are the only ones that make me feel this good.

- Not even Renfield?

- No, that's something different.

Renfield brings a different kind of skill set.

- Yes, I've seen his skill set.

It's quite impressive.

- It's huge.

- Yes, it is.

Isn't it?

- [Woman] Dracula is immortal.

He's the prince of darkest unknown.

We can only destroy his carnal existence.

Time after time, he'll return from his ashes,

and each new life will surpass in horror the one before.

A slight hope lightens my heart.

The prince of darkness will not acquire

the true potential of his bewitching power

until he encounters a true virgin

that will fall in love with a vampire in a natural way,

giving herself to him without the need

of his diabolical power.

The blood of this young virgin

will restore Dracula's evil superiority,

and his life breath will revive once more

his daughter, Rodna.

My sincerest desire is that this young virgin

will never be born.

(sinister music)

(elegant music)

- [Jonathan] Ashley's definitely in there.

- [Mina] Are you sure?

- I see her with my own eyes, along with two hotties.

And a smokin' hot babe.

- Well, why would I doubt you?

You've been staring at that window for an hour.

- Well, it's steamy in there.

It--

And yeah, that's what I've been doing.

- You're a jerk.

- Come here.

They made me horny.

- Stop, stop, they're gonna hear us!

- So I'll put my hand over your mouth while we do it.

Haven't you ever fantasized about that?

- You're a sicko.

- Sicko?

For god's sake, Nina, I'm your husband!

- Well, you know what?

Your timing really sucks.

I thought we came here to hunt vampires

and to collect on this million-dollar reward for Ashley?

- We did.

But I thought, you know, we could have a little fun.

- You mean sex? - Exactly.

- Whatever, forget it.

So what are we gonna do now?

- I guess we just stick to the plan.

We're both masseuses making housecalls.

- But nobody called us?

- Don't worry, let me do all the talking.

- What if they ask us for our massage license or something?

- Massage license? - Uh-huh.

- Mina, where do you come up with this stuff?

- I don't know.

But I do know I have a bad feeling about this.

- What do I know?

I'm just a sicko.

- Don't forget, baby.

- I trust lunch was to your liking, Melanie.

- It was delicious, Renfield, as usual.

I was actually hoping that

we could have dessert out by the pool.

- But I didn't make any des--

(suggestive giggling)

Oh!

Dessert.

But of course.

(mysterious music)

- I've located Ashley!

We've located Ashley.

Here.

- Are you positive?

- I just watched her having s--

I mean, she's in the mansion, along with two nymphs,

and some other woman who's smoking hot.

- Miss Dracula?

- It couldn't be.

It's like one o'clock in the afternoon.

- Think again, Einstein.

Her manservant Renfield?

He's come up with some potion

that allows them to exist in daylight.

They're even stronger, too.

Don't you do your due diligence?

- I do what?

- Never mind.

- That potion?

Does it look like cola?

- All I know that it's dark.

- Then it was Miss Dracula.

I saw her drinking.

Well, I guess we have to come up with a plan B.

- Use plan Z for all I care.

The deal's still the same.

No money until Ashley's in my hands.

- I know the deal, Van Helsing.

That's a weird name, by the way, Van Helsing.

- It's a nickname.

- Is it really? - No.

Are we done here?

- Yeah, sure.

- Don't call again until you have Ashley?

- Come on!

- She's here, she's here.

- Okay, good.

(sinister music)

- Well, what's up?

- Van Helsing is kind of a dick.

- That's not what I mean.

Is he still gonna pay a million dollars for this chick?

(rapid knocking)

- Let me do all the talking.

Oh, I may have to sleep with Miss Dracula,

in order to free Ashley.

- Well, try to keep it in your pants, champ.

- May I help you?

(confused stammering)

- Let you do all the talking.

- Well, hello there, gorgeous.

- Hi, we're the masseuses.

- Please, tell me more.

- Oh, boy, you're even hotter up close.

- What, excuse me?

- Oh!

Oh, um, nothing.

- The reason we're here?

- Right, the reason we're here.

Well, you see.

(heavy footsteps)

- Who is it, Renfield?

- It's just some masseuses, madame.

- Tell them to go away.

I feel like I just wrestled an octopus.

(menacing music)

- I may need to sleep with him to free Ashley.

- Yeah, whatever.

- Stress is a part of everyday life.

That's why it's our goal to do--

- Just leave your table.

You won't need it.

- But madame, I thought you didn't enjoy the company of men.

- Now, Renfield, that's not entirely true.

You should know that.

You should be able to show Mona a thing or two.

- It's Mina, and I only want to be shown one thing.

- She'll be in good hands, sir.

- Yeah, I'm in good hands.

For sure.

- Make yourself comfortable, sexy.

- Oh, right.

- That means take your clothes off,

if you're one of the stupid ones.

- Oh, right.

(mysterious music)

Oh, easy, it's a new shirt!

- Shut up and kiss me.

(birds cawing)

(exciting rock music)

- There's no way you're gonna make that shot.

Not in a million years.

- You wanna bet?

What will you give me?

- I'll let you spank me.

- It's a bet.

Get ready to get spanked, Carlie.

- And if you miss it?

You can't sleep with Renfield for a whole week.

- Oh, it's a bet!

- Oh my god, I cannot believe you made that shot.

- Damn straight.

Now bend over, bitch.

- Well, I guess a bet's a bet.

- Drop those shorts, sweetcheeks.

- I'm definitely joining this game.

(sinister music)

- This is just another of the many bedrooms

in Miss Dracula's mansion.

- Wow, it's so beautiful, and it's so big.

- Why, thank you.

And the room's a pretty good size, too.

- I get it.

- I'm joking.

I'm a big kidder.

- But not a liar, I see.

- What's that? - Oh, nothing.

- Okay, moving right along.

- What about that room over there?

- That room's off-limits!

Stay out of there.

- Wow, looks like I struck a nerve.

- No, it's just that, we are--

we're doing some remodeling in that room.

- Well, in that case, I don't blame you.

- Right.

Let's move on. - Okay.

(terror-filled music)

- Wow.

- This staircase is one of the grandest features

of the Dracula mansion.

- It's amazing.

- Would you like to hear some history on it?

- Hmm, actually,

I'd like to make some history on it.

- Oh.

Great minds think alike.

Shall we start with some oral history?

- That sounds good to me.

(mysterious music)

(foreboding music)

- Now comes the ultimate vestal sacrifice, my beloved.

The one that shall consecrate our union.

I pass this honor to you.

(sinister music)

Oh, great gods and powers that be.

Mana, dua, triad.

As we recoil into the womb of darkness,

feeding eternally on blood,

we offer unto thee, this night,

the supreme sacrifice.

(tense music)

(heavy footsteps)

(heavy footsteps)

- Oh, Jonathan, not again.

- Excuse me?

- Uh-oh.

Someone's jealous.

(mysterious music)

(sinister music)

- Are you our new yoga instructor?

- Yeah, are you gonna teach us some new poses?

- Some really dirty ones?

- Hannah.

- I'm just teasing.

- Ladies, please, I'm not your yoga instructor.

- We're just screwing with you.

- Yeah, we've never had a yoga instructor.

- Hah, that's kind of funny.

- You should still teach us

some really dirty positions, though.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Well, I do have a minute.

- You better be kidding, mister,

because there's three of us here.

(mysterious music)

(thunder crashing)

(sinister music)

- Renfield, are you done pouting?

- I'm sorry.

- Oh no, please.

This is quite a surprise.

- Actually, I was looking for my husband.

- You just missed him.

After his wonderful treatment,

I must have just dozed off.

- His hands are great, aren't they?

- That, too.

- And he didn't massage you, did he?

- No, not at all.

And the silly thing is, I'm still kind of tense.

- Well, I guess I could give you a massage.

- That would be lovely.

Why don't we go out there,

and maybe you can start right here?

- Well, usually I wouldn't start right there, but why not?

Let's go.

(mysterious music)

(elegant music)

- Why, it's just a closet.

Damn, she's gotta be here somewhere!

(muffled screaming)

(muffled screaming)

- Ashley, is that you?

(frantic muffled screaming)

- I'm assuming that loud mmmhmmmm is you.

Am I correct?

(frantic muffled screaming)

- Okay, cool.

Stay calm.

I'll be right back.

(panicked grunting)

(panicked grunting)

(loud muffled screaming)

I've come to save you.

- Hurry!

If they catch you, they'll kill you,

or turn you into a vampire.

- I'm not too worried about that.

Why are you crying?

- They told me my fate was

being turned into a vampire and die a virgin!

- Oh, there, there, I--

Wait.

Did you say you're a virgin?

- That's my boob.

- Is it my hand?

- Could you untie me?

- I guess so, yeah.

You are absolutely gorgeous!

- Flattery will get you everywhere.

- Second base?

- I'm thinking home run.

(foreboding music)

(wolf howling)

- [Man] For the first time, the love of a woman

has changed the destiny of Dracula.

The daughter of the prince of darkness

will have to wait to rise from the dead,

but her body must be protected

from the evil stares of mortal men.

(dramatic music)

- Van Helsing!

- How are you, my sweet?

- Well, shocked would be an understatement.

- I fear I may never see you again.

- I realize that Renfield is really jealous.

And I should have never let him come between us.

- Screw Renfield.

I mean, not literally, but--

Just don't listen to anything he says.

- I knew what you meant.

- Are you going somewhere?

- Mina, darling, there you are!

- Yeah, I'm sure you're real happy to see me.

- Of course I am!

- And who is this?

- I'm Ashley.

- Oh, well, that changes everything!

Hi, nice to meet you, money--

I mean, Ashley.

- Charmed, I'm sure.

- Quick, Ashley, this way!

- You must be one of those masseuses.

- Yeah, that's right.

- Where's your massage table?

- Oh, it's upstairs in Miss Dracula's bedroom.

My husband was up there with her.

Lot of stress on that one.

- It's all that responsibility.

Well, I'd still really like a nice massage.

- Yeah, I could use one too.

- Make that three.

- Oh, well, that sounds great,

but I don't have another table.

- Well, that's okay.

We can just do it in the garden.

- For the massage?

- Yeah, sure, we can do that too.

(dramatic music)

(birds cawing)

- Sorry, sweetheart, but I know

you're only here for the ransom.

(panicked mumbling)

- Okay, you were really good, though.

(panicked mumbling)

- Going somewhere, my dear?

- Renfield.

You scared me.

- Did I?

You wouldn't be trying to leave our little love nest,

would you now?

- No, I wouldn't think of it.

- Okay, good.

You know what happens to people

who try to leave the Dracula mansion.

Let's go!

- Wait!

- What is it?

(pained sobbing)

Here we go.

You with the waterworks.

- It's just that,

I don't want--

- I know.

You don't want to be turned into a vampire.

- No!

I don't want to die a virgin.

(sinister music)

Are you gonna let me go?

- Ha, not a chance!

But that was great.

- Yeah, thanks.

Right back at 'cha.

(inquisitive music)

(sensual moaning)

(thunder crashing)

- Thanks a lot.

And after all I've done for ya.

- Sit down and shut up.

- You know, I'm not a virgin any more.

- What?

- What was I supposed to do?

She threw herself at me.

- You're a liar, and you never told me you were married.

- You're a liar and a jerk!

- Oh, really?

Well, what about you?

"I'll be fine here with Renfield."

- Fine doesn't even describe it.

- What is all the commotion down here?

- Well, it seems that the masseuse

had many more reasons to be here

than just to relieve stress.

- Yeah, a million of them.

- Well, you see,

I kinda told the Harkings I'd give them a million dollars

if they freed Ashley.

- Why would you do that?

- I needed a diversion so I can come see you.

- Oh, that's so sweet.

- Well, that sucks.

- That really sucks!

- Well, you know there's only one thing left to do.

(upbeat dance music)

(guttural moaning)

- [Woman] Dracula is immortal.

He is the prince of darkness unknown.

You can only destroy his carnal existence.

Time after time, he'll return from his ashes,

and each new life will surpass in horror the one before.

- [Woman] Now comes the ultimate

vestal sacrifice, my beloved.

The one that shall consecrate our union.

- [Woman] Then you don't believe in vampires?

- [Man] Didn't say that.

There are many questions for which science has no answer.

- [Woman] If the legend of Dracula is true,

the price that he paid is awfully high.

It's just terrible.

- [Man] You're right.

The cost is horror and eternal loneliness.

- You once belonged to Dracula,

and now you've returned to his side.

This ceremony, which signifies the rebirth of his origin.

Your blood, which until now has been prohibited,

will be his nourishment.

In this manner, you'll be united forever

with the prince of darkness.

My daughter Rodna must return to life.

On the night of the next full moon,

Countess Dracula will rise again.

Once more, we'll be infinitely all-powerful.

Once more, the world will know the empire of darkness,

and now, the ceremony must begin.

(howling wind)

(ominous music)

(ominous music)

(ominous music)

(ominous music)

(ominous music)

(ominous music)