All language subtitles for American Dad 17x02 - Russian Doll (English)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,418 --> 00:00:03,485 So I bit him. 2 00:00:03,553 --> 00:00:06,354 I didn't know what else to do, so I just bit him. 3 00:00:06,422 --> 00:00:08,690 And I feel like that was the right move 4 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:11,493 because he never charged me for the guitar lesson. 5 00:00:11,561 --> 00:00:13,962 Okay! On to other business. 6 00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:16,698 We have an exciting new villain... 7 00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,700 Anastasia Kirilenko. 8 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:21,035 Kirilenko? That sounds Russian. 9 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,105 That's right! 10 00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:24,372 The Russians are doing shit again! 11 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:29,177 The Russians?! They dance like this. 12 00:00:29,245 --> 00:00:30,779 Hey! Ho! Hey! Ho! 13 00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,514 Ha! Hey! Yeah, yeah! 14 00:00:32,582 --> 00:00:33,982 Yeah, yeah! Yeah! 15 00:00:34,050 --> 00:00:36,584 Ha ha! That's right, Styles! They do! 16 00:00:36,653 --> 00:00:38,987 Jackson has painted a fresco on the ceiling 17 00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,522 detailing the mission. 18 00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:44,458 Now, this is for you visual learners and also for me, 19 00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:47,554 because I got bananas high before this meeting. 20 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:48,463 Jackson! 21 00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:51,265 We intercepted an order from Kirilenko's IP address 22 00:00:51,267 --> 00:00:52,934 to the American Girl doll store... 23 00:00:53,003 --> 00:00:55,137 - Ohh! - ...where Kirilenko's daughter 24 00:00:55,205 --> 00:00:57,739 ordered a special, one-of-a-kind doll. 25 00:00:57,808 --> 00:00:58,809 Hmm! 26 00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:01,610 - The plan is to put a bug in the doll... - Dude. 27 00:01:01,684 --> 00:01:03,411 ...and ship it to the Kirilenko compound. 28 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,013 Whoa. 29 00:01:05,081 --> 00:01:07,481 We'll finally be able to listen in on the Russian mob. 30 00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:08,817 Yeah. 31 00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:12,154 We've coordinated with American Girl, 32 00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:14,022 as we do on most missions, 33 00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:17,025 and they're giving us access to the doll before it's delivered. 34 00:01:17,093 --> 00:01:19,493 We just need an agent to go to the mall. 35 00:01:19,495 --> 00:01:20,628 I got it! Me! 36 00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:22,630 I'll do anything to get out of work. 37 00:01:22,699 --> 00:01:24,232 That's what I like to hear! 38 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:28,236 Pick up the doll. Bring it to work Monday morning. 39 00:01:28,304 --> 00:01:30,104 I will be busy all weekend, 40 00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:33,441 posing for my deputy director portrait. 41 00:01:34,374 --> 00:01:36,645 Who said you people could go? 42 00:01:40,917 --> 00:01:43,251 ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 43 00:01:43,319 --> 00:01:46,188 ? I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day ? 44 00:01:46,256 --> 00:01:49,323 ? The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ? 45 00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:53,461 ? And he's shinin' a salute to the American race ? 46 00:01:55,331 --> 00:01:58,400 ? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ? 47 00:01:58,468 --> 00:02:01,069 - ? Good... ? - ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 48 00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:02,170 Aah! 49 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,074 ? Good morning, U.S.A. ? 50 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:11,012 ? Oh, girl, you need a shot of B12 ? 51 00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:14,015 - ? Break it out! ? - ? I'm B1 and I'm tons... ? 52 00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:16,751 Steve, why are you hanging around this old factory? 53 00:02:16,753 --> 00:02:19,287 Uh, this is my high school, Dad. 54 00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:22,424 You just met Mr. Brink at my parent-teacher conference. 55 00:02:22,492 --> 00:02:23,958 I thought that was your foreman. 56 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,827 No wonder he wouldn't show me his jackhammer. 57 00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,695 Well, punch out and let's go to the mall. 58 00:02:28,794 --> 00:02:30,832 Were you just listening to the boy band I was in? 59 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,700 Yeah, they've been playing it a lot recently 60 00:02:32,769 --> 00:02:34,302 since some psychopath's been murdering 61 00:02:34,370 --> 00:02:35,770 all the band members one by one. 62 00:02:35,772 --> 00:02:37,439 I have been getting a lot more calls 63 00:02:37,507 --> 00:02:39,908 that are just heaving breathing lately. 64 00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:41,443 I thought it was Barry. 65 00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:45,914 I'm sorry we have to go to this lame doll store. 66 00:02:45,982 --> 00:02:47,515 These dolls are amazing. 67 00:02:47,584 --> 00:02:49,251 Did you know each American Girl doll 68 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:50,852 has a rich historical backstory? 69 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,254 I don't like where this is going. 70 00:02:52,322 --> 00:02:54,923 This is Koko. She's from Hawaii. 71 00:02:54,991 --> 00:02:57,859 "Her aloha spirit kept her family together 72 00:02:57,861 --> 00:03:00,795 "on that fateful December morning in 1941, 73 00:03:00,864 --> 00:03:03,131 when the bombs fell from the lani." 74 00:03:03,199 --> 00:03:04,599 That's Hawaiian for "sky." 75 00:03:04,668 --> 00:03:06,801 No shit. Steve, you're a boy. 76 00:03:06,870 --> 00:03:08,803 And boys don't play with dolls. 77 00:03:08,805 --> 00:03:09,871 How about Helena? 78 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:13,075 Her family died of dysentery during the Civil War. 79 00:03:13,143 --> 00:03:14,408 Dad! 80 00:03:14,410 --> 00:03:16,078 Hasn't Helena been through enough? 81 00:03:16,146 --> 00:03:19,213 Look at my foot. It has been put down. 82 00:03:21,395 --> 00:03:25,019 Hi! I'm Bob, and this is my best friend, Maisie. 83 00:03:27,423 --> 00:03:31,293 Ooh! The one-of-a-kind Piper special edition! 84 00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:33,895 "You're one lucky boy." 85 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,096 It's not for him! 86 00:03:35,165 --> 00:03:38,566 Oh. A fellow adult doll enthusiast. 87 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:41,603 We should get together and play sometime. 88 00:03:45,008 --> 00:03:47,075 From the creators of "Young Sheldon" 89 00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:49,277 comes "Even Younger Sheldon." 90 00:03:49,345 --> 00:03:50,745 Yuck. It's just a fetus. 91 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,280 I get out of here through where? 92 00:03:52,348 --> 00:03:54,148 Uh, no, thank you. 93 00:03:54,964 --> 00:03:56,218 Okay. 94 00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:58,553 I just had the tightest dinner with Jurgen. 95 00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:01,289 We destroyed the Chimdale Ruth's Chris. 96 00:04:01,357 --> 00:04:03,958 What gives, Klaus? You never have any money. 97 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,293 It was Jurgen's treat. 98 00:04:05,361 --> 00:04:08,430 I did his taxes and got him a three-figure refund. 99 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:11,099 I didn't know you did taxes. Can you help me with mine? 100 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,102 Sure. You thinking standard or itemized deduction? 101 00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:17,505 Those are the exact types of questions I'm trying to avoid. 102 00:04:17,574 --> 00:04:20,508 And that's how I know Jackson is having a jazz party tonight. 103 00:04:20,577 --> 00:04:23,245 Can you believe he didn't skee-bop-ba-doo-bop-invite me? 104 00:04:23,313 --> 00:04:28,116 Uh-huh. So Dr. Weitzman switched yours and Jeff's consciousness? 105 00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:30,184 Yeah, Mom. This is me... Hayley. 106 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,921 - The crazy thing is... - And this is for couples therapy? 107 00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:33,990 Can we get back to my... 108 00:04:34,057 --> 00:04:36,658 Babe, I think I got your period. 109 00:04:36,726 --> 00:04:38,660 I understand you now. 110 00:04:38,728 --> 00:04:41,729 I just had to walk a mile in your tampon. 111 00:04:42,993 --> 00:04:44,799 No one cares about my problems. 112 00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:46,801 Oh! I forgot you were up there. 113 00:04:46,803 --> 00:04:50,004 Just like Jackson forgot to invite me to his jazz party. 114 00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:51,873 Or maybe it was on purpose. 115 00:04:51,942 --> 00:04:54,643 This is ridiculous. I'm talking to a doll. 116 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:01,583 A little dark in there. 117 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,618 Now I see on Instagram 118 00:05:03,687 --> 00:05:05,954 Hooper is having a bluegrass thing right now! 119 00:05:06,022 --> 00:05:08,356 He wanted me to see it. He tagged me. 120 00:05:08,425 --> 00:05:10,024 I'm acting like a crazy person. 121 00:05:10,093 --> 00:05:12,027 You can't hear me through that box. 122 00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:14,996 Hi. 123 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,434 Good morning USA, Piper. Whatcha got there? 124 00:05:20,436 --> 00:05:22,436 Oh, right, you're an orphan from the Depression era 125 00:05:22,438 --> 00:05:24,906 and you write poetry for scraps of food. 126 00:05:24,975 --> 00:05:26,708 These are really good. 127 00:05:26,777 --> 00:05:28,310 Did you squiggle them yourself? 128 00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:31,245 You know, I wrote a poem once, about ham. 129 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:32,847 But it didn't go very well. 130 00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:34,248 My friend fake-humped me 131 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,119 and then took the ham-carving position I wanted. 132 00:05:37,187 --> 00:05:39,988 Has that ever happened to you with your poetry, Piper? 133 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,057 Where's your dad? 134 00:05:43,059 --> 00:05:44,726 And then I saw another guy last week 135 00:05:44,794 --> 00:05:45,927 that was like 6'4"! 136 00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:47,129 I don't know if I'm just lucky 137 00:05:47,197 --> 00:05:48,596 or if it's something about the store, 138 00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:52,066 but I always see really tall guys at Home Depot. 139 00:05:55,646 --> 00:05:57,739 Smith? Where's the doll? 140 00:05:57,808 --> 00:05:59,341 O-Oh, my God. I totally forgot I had it. 141 00:05:59,409 --> 00:06:00,542 Senior moment. 142 00:06:00,544 --> 00:06:02,276 I-I think the problem is that I don't care 143 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:03,411 about that amazing doll at all. 144 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:04,679 I'll bring it in tomorrow. 145 00:06:04,748 --> 00:06:06,481 Sorry about the, uh... pbht! brain fart! 146 00:06:06,550 --> 00:06:09,217 Good fart noise, Smith! 147 00:06:11,528 --> 00:06:13,355 So, I told our joke at... oh... 148 00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:16,158 at work today, and everybody laughed! 149 00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,761 So, you see, these tax write-offs 150 00:06:19,830 --> 00:06:21,163 that you've grouped together, 151 00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:25,233 I spread them over two categories and saved you $15. 152 00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:27,035 $15? Wow! 153 00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,971 I'm gonna have so much change to take to Nipples and Nickels, 154 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,507 the only strip club that lets you tip in nickels. 155 00:06:32,576 --> 00:06:34,042 By the way, can I get that in nickels? 156 00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:36,044 They don't make change at Nipples and Nickels. 157 00:06:36,112 --> 00:06:38,913 Furthermore, I'm recommending you to everyone. 158 00:06:38,915 --> 00:06:41,315 I-I don't know if I have time for any more clients! 159 00:06:41,385 --> 00:06:42,717 Raider Dave! 160 00:06:42,786 --> 00:06:45,720 Tax question... If I beat a man with a tire iron 161 00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:48,322 in the stadium parking lot, is that deductible? 162 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,791 I'll have to look into it. 163 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:51,726 If it makes a difference, he started it. 164 00:06:51,728 --> 00:06:54,462 His wife and small children were wearing Broncos jerseys... 165 00:06:54,531 --> 00:06:55,797 in Denver, no less. 166 00:06:55,866 --> 00:06:57,799 That's Raider country. 167 00:07:01,244 --> 00:07:02,737 Hey, Steve! 168 00:07:02,806 --> 00:07:04,206 Agent Styles. 169 00:07:04,274 --> 00:07:06,007 I know your dad's been out sick for a week, 170 00:07:06,076 --> 00:07:07,876 and clearly you've caught it, whatever it is, 171 00:07:07,944 --> 00:07:09,677 but I need to get something from him. 172 00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,345 Rogu. 173 00:07:11,415 --> 00:07:13,815 Whoa! You sound like shit. 174 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,486 I so treasure these talks with you, Piper. 175 00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:21,223 The world's greatest treasure is found 176 00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,025 in the words of friendship. 177 00:07:23,093 --> 00:07:24,358 Wow, Piper. 178 00:07:24,428 --> 00:07:26,494 Only you can make Smash Mouth lyrics... 179 00:07:26,563 --> 00:07:29,030 which I assume those were... sound so beautiful. 180 00:07:29,654 --> 00:07:30,662 Stan? 181 00:07:30,698 --> 00:07:33,402 Styles! What are you doing in Paris? 182 00:07:37,174 --> 00:07:38,773 Okay. Uh, what were we talking about? 183 00:07:38,842 --> 00:07:41,109 Sports cars, right? My favorite is Lamborghini. 184 00:07:41,178 --> 00:07:42,577 It's so fast. 185 00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:44,912 What the hell is going on with you, Stan? 186 00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:46,447 Okay. Let me explain. 187 00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:49,450 Like most flashbacks, this one starts in the past. 188 00:07:50,069 --> 00:07:51,919 After my dad left, 189 00:07:51,989 --> 00:07:53,789 my mother had to raise me all on her own. 190 00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:55,190 Without a dad to guide me, 191 00:07:55,258 --> 00:07:57,392 she was afraid I'd turn out too girly. 192 00:07:57,461 --> 00:08:00,928 So she had very strict rules about what boys could play with. 193 00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:02,798 Aah! 194 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:06,401 Aah! 195 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:13,475 I thought I told you to throw out that stupid doll! 196 00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:14,942 But she's my best friend! 197 00:08:14,944 --> 00:08:18,413 Look at my foot. It has been put down. 198 00:08:18,482 --> 00:08:20,215 Aah! 199 00:08:21,284 --> 00:08:23,218 So I guess that's why I went... 200 00:08:23,286 --> 00:08:24,820 a little overboard with all this. 201 00:08:24,888 --> 00:08:27,155 I've been keeping this inside for way too long. 202 00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:29,691 But now I've had a breakthrough. I'm all better! 203 00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:30,958 Just like that? 204 00:08:31,028 --> 00:08:33,361 I guess I'm just super healthy mentally. 205 00:08:33,363 --> 00:08:36,964 Here. This doll needs to go to Russia. 206 00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:39,134 You have a lovely home. 207 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:42,037 I guess I should tidy up. 208 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,507 Oh. Huh. Piper left her jacket. 209 00:08:45,575 --> 00:08:48,643 ? It's overdue ? 210 00:08:48,712 --> 00:08:50,111 That was B-12, 211 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,380 now with only seven surviving members! 212 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:53,581 Piper needs her jacket! 213 00:08:57,987 --> 00:09:01,523 You can't be trusted with Piper! You're a terrible driver! 214 00:09:03,393 --> 00:09:05,460 When I saw you'd left your jacket, 215 00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:07,995 I realized you were sending me a message. 216 00:09:08,065 --> 00:09:11,199 You didn't want to go any more than I wanted you to leave. 217 00:09:11,268 --> 00:09:13,068 It's all true, Stan! 218 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:16,938 Piper, you're the best doll friend I've ever had. 219 00:09:17,006 --> 00:09:19,074 I can't let you go now that I've found you. 220 00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:22,677 Stan, the CIA really wants me to go to Russia. 221 00:09:22,746 --> 00:09:24,279 They're probably gonna come after me. 222 00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:27,215 If I know the CIA, they'll be after me as well. 223 00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:28,816 They'll think this is all my idea. 224 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,485 They don't know anything about friendship. 225 00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:32,220 - We need to run. - Yeah. 226 00:09:32,289 --> 00:09:33,555 We'll lie low for a few years, 227 00:09:33,623 --> 00:09:35,557 then I'll come back for Francine and Rogu. 228 00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:37,959 _ 229 00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:42,297 Did you have any unusual expenses this year? 230 00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:44,365 Got a full penis tattoo of Dale Earnhardt. 231 00:09:44,434 --> 00:09:45,633 Totally butchered it. 232 00:09:45,635 --> 00:09:47,302 Looks like Milhouse from "The Simpsons." 233 00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:49,370 I accidentally ejaculated on a Nagel painting 234 00:09:49,439 --> 00:09:51,707 and was forced to purchase it from the museum. 235 00:09:51,775 --> 00:09:53,241 Neigh! 236 00:09:53,243 --> 00:09:57,112 Did you receive unreported tip income of $20 or more? 237 00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,980 I have no need for a job. 238 00:09:59,048 --> 00:10:01,649 I exchange smoothies for used clothes. 239 00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:03,651 I received a trampoline as a business gift 240 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,454 from a prostitute I am deeply in love with. 241 00:10:06,456 --> 00:10:10,458 Did you make any... contributions to a retirement plan? 242 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,393 - No. - No. 243 00:10:11,461 --> 00:10:12,394 - No. - No. 244 00:10:13,044 --> 00:10:13,795 No. 245 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,998 And roughly what was your income this year? 246 00:10:17,066 --> 00:10:19,334 Mama gives me a nickel if I don't touch myself! 247 00:10:19,402 --> 00:10:22,470 Where were you the night of the Sadie Hawkins dance haunting? 248 00:10:22,472 --> 00:10:25,006 - Aah! - Ricky Spanish. 249 00:10:25,074 --> 00:10:27,342 Sorry. I couldn't hear you over the stabbing. 250 00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:30,278 How much did you say you donated to the Audubon Society? 251 00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:35,450 $17,428. 252 00:10:39,823 --> 00:10:41,489 I'm gonna buy you some sugar cereal, 253 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,224 but it's only because we're on vacation. 254 00:10:43,293 --> 00:10:44,559 Now we have some breaking news. 255 00:10:44,628 --> 00:10:46,962 This just in from Langley Falls, Virginia. 256 00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:48,630 Here's a picture of the suspects, 257 00:10:48,698 --> 00:10:50,302 who are still at large. 258 00:10:51,034 --> 00:10:52,300 Sorry. That just went off. 259 00:10:52,369 --> 00:10:54,235 By the way, that was not me on the TV, 260 00:10:54,304 --> 00:10:56,171 this is a normal doll, and I'm a normal man. 261 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:59,975 Now, where do you keep your hair dye, like, for normal disguises? 262 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,111 Well, Stan, you've done it again. 263 00:11:03,180 --> 00:11:05,913 Your most fiendishly clever disguise yet. 264 00:11:05,983 --> 00:11:08,049 Even my own family would never suspect 265 00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:09,785 that I'm not Barry Manilow. 266 00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:16,324 It's all worth it. 267 00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:19,327 Such a little angel. 268 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:25,867 Did your... friend not like her eggs? 269 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,270 What are you talking about? She ate the whole thing. 270 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,341 Let's pay cash. 271 00:11:33,410 --> 00:11:36,277 Don't want the CIA tracking my card. 272 00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:37,545 You're right. No huge tips. 273 00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,881 Don't want to end up a segment on the local news. 274 00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:41,483 Let me just do a quick Yelp review. 275 00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:43,218 I found Stan! 276 00:11:44,688 --> 00:11:46,954 And he's driving west on 68! 277 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:51,379 What the... 278 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,166 I have access to your memories! 279 00:12:01,990 --> 00:12:03,771 No! She doesn't like it in there! 280 00:12:03,841 --> 00:12:05,573 She's going to Russia, Smith. 281 00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:08,510 And there's nothing you can do about it. 282 00:12:08,578 --> 00:12:10,578 Putting the hose down. 283 00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:17,386 Doll is lost! 284 00:12:22,198 --> 00:12:23,324 What's wrong, Stan? 285 00:12:23,393 --> 00:12:25,594 Oh, Towel Swan, I don't know. 286 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,995 Am I becoming unhinged? 287 00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:28,397 What?! No! 288 00:12:28,465 --> 00:12:31,332 You're as hinged as a door, bro. 289 00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:32,934 You need to go find Piper. 290 00:12:32,936 --> 00:12:34,803 But she's halfway to Russia already. 291 00:12:34,871 --> 00:12:36,471 This isn't the Stan I know. 292 00:12:36,539 --> 00:12:38,739 This looks like a crybaby. 293 00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:41,209 I'm not a crybaby! But I'm just one man. 294 00:12:41,278 --> 00:12:43,612 I can't go halfway to Russia all by myself. 295 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,681 - I need a team. - Don't worry. We'll help you, Stan. 296 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,552 ? We'll help Stan ? 297 00:12:51,554 --> 00:12:53,755 - ? He's our friend... ? - Shut up! Piper's missing! 298 00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:56,090 Sorry. You guys are great. Don't get me wrong. 299 00:12:56,159 --> 00:12:58,627 But I need you to hang back here at headquarters 300 00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,695 while I put a team together to get her. 301 00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,831 Wait. Say that again. 302 00:13:02,899 --> 00:13:06,034 Get a team together... to get her. 303 00:13:06,103 --> 00:13:08,637 Whoa! Whoa! 304 00:13:10,641 --> 00:13:12,173 I need you for a job, 305 00:13:12,175 --> 00:13:14,575 and word is you've got the r�sum� I'm looking for... 306 00:13:14,645 --> 00:13:18,513 Special Forces, black ops, 67 confirmed kills. 307 00:13:18,581 --> 00:13:20,649 I left that life behind. 308 00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,518 Then I guess I'll have to save Piper by myself. 309 00:13:23,586 --> 00:13:25,253 Piper's in trouble? 310 00:13:25,322 --> 00:13:28,423 Well, why the hell didn't you say so? 311 00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:36,597 What took you so long? 312 00:13:45,876 --> 00:13:47,742 I'm in, baby. 313 00:13:52,149 --> 00:13:54,549 We'll bring the sweet tea. 314 00:13:58,489 --> 00:14:00,822 That'll be $6,000. 315 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,626 _ 316 00:14:06,349 --> 00:14:08,344 Hi. I need eight tickets to Moscow. 317 00:14:08,379 --> 00:14:09,455 First class. 318 00:14:09,833 --> 00:14:13,434 Oh. We only have seven first-class seats available. 319 00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,919 There. Now that I've framed my poster, 320 00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:34,455 this finally feels like a grown-up's alcove. 321 00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:35,857 I should have a dinner party. 322 00:14:35,926 --> 00:14:38,126 Klaus Heisler, you're in big trouble! 323 00:14:38,195 --> 00:14:39,528 What?! What's this about? 324 00:14:39,596 --> 00:14:41,796 Maynard Butterbean, IRS auditor. 325 00:14:41,865 --> 00:14:45,800 You've been convicted of filing 147 fraudulent tax returns. 326 00:14:45,869 --> 00:14:48,002 Convicted? D-Don't I get a trial? 327 00:14:48,071 --> 00:14:50,872 A trial? This isn't TV, bro. You're going to jail. 328 00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:54,142 I-I'll admit, I took a few liberties, but everyone does it. 329 00:14:54,211 --> 00:14:57,011 This isn't cocaine, sir. Not everyone does this. 330 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:58,413 We're seizing all your assets. 331 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,749 Assets? I don't have any... 332 00:15:01,473 --> 00:15:02,483 No! 333 00:15:03,286 --> 00:15:06,287 I spent $700 at Aaron Brothers getting that framed! 334 00:15:06,289 --> 00:15:08,156 Hit him with the Tasers, boys. 335 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,492 Roger, you jerk. 336 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,809 Are you busy Saturday? 337 00:15:14,431 --> 00:15:16,164 I'm having a little dinner party. 338 00:15:17,901 --> 00:15:19,434 I'll be there. 339 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,478 _ 340 00:15:26,109 --> 00:15:28,777 There's no dying in baseball. 341 00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:32,481 Emma, you're in a league of your own. 342 00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,123 How are we gonna get past them? 343 00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:45,193 Me and Debbie can handle those cold-blooded Russians. 344 00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:46,728 Hey, boys! 345 00:15:52,669 --> 00:15:54,847 You're a miracle on ice. 346 00:16:02,145 --> 00:16:03,213 Shh! 347 00:16:03,413 --> 00:16:05,947 Bad timing on that squeaky fart. 348 00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:08,417 You're a dead man, Amerikanskiy. 349 00:16:08,485 --> 00:16:10,485 Uh, I think my friend Madison 350 00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:13,021 might have something to say about that. 351 00:16:14,357 --> 00:16:15,490 Aw, yeah. 352 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:17,508 I'm comin' to get ya! 353 00:16:21,765 --> 00:16:25,366 Your American car is no match for our Russian wall. 354 00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:31,706 Wow. I thought Russians were supposed to be tough. 355 00:16:35,778 --> 00:16:39,380 Damn it. I brought seven dolls but only two bullets. 356 00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,082 You're all out of bullets, 357 00:16:41,169 --> 00:16:44,919 all out of dolls... and all out of luck. 358 00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:46,254 That's where you're wrong. 359 00:16:46,323 --> 00:16:49,458 I don't need luck, because I have Mai. 360 00:16:49,526 --> 00:16:50,591 Get him, Mai! 361 00:16:51,061 --> 00:16:52,094 Ha! 362 00:16:56,467 --> 00:16:58,599 Russians be trippin'. 363 00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,869 Piper! Where are you? 364 00:17:06,543 --> 00:17:09,410 Zoya Kirilenko. Anastasia's daughter. 365 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:13,214 Oh, Piper, I have had such a tough day. 366 00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,417 What's that? Oh, thank you! 367 00:17:16,419 --> 00:17:18,954 You always know just what to say. 368 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:22,023 Here you are. 369 00:17:22,025 --> 00:17:24,425 I thought I told you to throw out that stupid doll. 370 00:17:24,427 --> 00:17:25,494 But, Mother... 371 00:17:25,562 --> 00:17:27,628 You will run this organization when I'm gone, 372 00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:31,766 but you'll never be a leader of men if you play with dolls. 373 00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:33,034 I can do both. 374 00:17:33,036 --> 00:17:36,805 Look at my foot. It has been put down. 375 00:17:39,846 --> 00:17:41,442 Where where you when I farted? 376 00:17:44,181 --> 00:17:45,980 You came back for me! 377 00:17:46,049 --> 00:17:47,849 Of course I did. 378 00:17:47,918 --> 00:17:51,186 I can tell by the look on your face something's wrong. 379 00:17:51,254 --> 00:17:53,454 According to the American Girl Feelings Book, 380 00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:54,923 you're concerned about something, 381 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:58,393 like speaking up in class or saying hi to the new girl. 382 00:17:58,461 --> 00:17:59,794 What is it, Stan? 383 00:17:59,863 --> 00:18:02,130 Piper, you've filled a hole in my life 384 00:18:02,199 --> 00:18:05,867 that my wife, children, SUV, and alien never could. 385 00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:07,668 Aw. That's so sweet. 386 00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:10,004 But I can tell there's something you're not saying. 387 00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:14,142 I've realized there's someone who needs you more than I do. 388 00:18:16,413 --> 00:18:18,679 Piper! You're back! 389 00:18:19,206 --> 00:18:20,281 Treat her well. 390 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,883 Thank you. I will. 391 00:18:21,952 --> 00:18:25,153 She's got a milk allergy, so she only drinks Diet Sprite. 392 00:18:25,222 --> 00:18:28,089 And she can't sleep without her Blake Griffin plushy. 393 00:18:28,158 --> 00:18:30,759 Yeah, I know. It's on her box. 394 00:18:32,695 --> 00:18:34,829 Bye, Piper. 395 00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:36,497 Goodbye, Stan. 396 00:18:39,672 --> 00:18:41,702 Oh. I'm not crazy anymore. 397 00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,372 She's all yours. 398 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,506 But what about my mother? She said... 399 00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:48,944 Oh, I wouldn't worry about your mother anymore. 400 00:18:51,048 --> 00:18:54,983 Imagine... a mother who wouldn't let her child play with dolls. 401 00:19:03,260 --> 00:19:06,661 Good thing there's not more than one way to mess up a kid. 402 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:13,402 - You did it, Smith! - I know. 403 00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:14,936 Piper has a great new home 404 00:19:14,938 --> 00:19:17,338 with a girl that loves her just as much as I did. 405 00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:20,475 No, I mean getting the bug back in the house 406 00:19:20,543 --> 00:19:22,210 and taking out Kirilenko. 407 00:19:22,279 --> 00:19:25,614 Now when the daughter takes over the organization, 408 00:19:25,682 --> 00:19:27,616 we'll know their every move. 409 00:19:27,684 --> 00:19:29,451 We're getting something! 410 00:19:30,421 --> 00:19:33,822 Can I tell you a secret, Piper? 411 00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:35,223 I believe in mermaids. 412 00:19:35,292 --> 00:19:38,293 This is great intel, Smith. 413 00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:50,240 Steve? 414 00:19:51,975 --> 00:19:53,174 Oh! 415 00:20:03,596 --> 00:20:06,655 Steve, I got you the American Girl doll you've always wanted! 416 00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:08,323 Oh, Dad, it's okay. 417 00:20:08,391 --> 00:20:10,258 I'm... I'm not really into that anymore. 418 00:20:10,327 --> 00:20:12,393 Son, I've realized I was wrong 419 00:20:12,395 --> 00:20:14,863 when I told you boys couldn't play with dolls. 420 00:20:14,931 --> 00:20:17,198 So... play away. 421 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,000 And put on this lipstick. 422 00:20:19,069 --> 00:20:21,269 Oh... kay. 423 00:20:21,338 --> 00:20:23,204 Mm. 424 00:20:23,206 --> 00:20:25,340 You're a good dad, Stan. 425 00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:29,077 Bye! Have a great time! 426 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,715 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com 31147

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