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1
00:00:02,009 --> 00:00:02,220
[TV static drones]
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,000
[bright tone]
3
00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:12,019
- I am so glad Dina set us up.
4
00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:13,080
I've never met a woman
like you.
5
00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:14,150
You're the total package.
6
00:00:14,169 --> 00:00:16,149
I really think we have
something special.
7
00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,100
- The only thing special
we have is seafood,
8
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,140
so do you want crab legs
or what?
9
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,089
- Hi, it's me.
I'm Trinity.
10
00:00:23,109 --> 00:00:26,089
[typewriter tapping]
11
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,010
[soft dramatic music]
12
00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:29,100
You're on a date with me.
13
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,030
You can tell because
14
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:33,009
I'm sitting across the table
from you.
15
00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:35,020
You know what?
I'm not explaining this again.
16
00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:36,210
- I'll come back.
17
00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:38,070
- No, wait, wait.
18
00:00:38,090 --> 00:00:40,229
I'm sorry if I made you feel
any type of way.
19
00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:44,000
[typewriter tapping]
20
00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,039
♪ ♪
21
00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:49,219
My bad. I want us to get
to know each other.
22
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,159
Actually, I'll go first.
23
00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,229
I'll show you a picture
of my car.
24
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,219
- No need. I can see everything
I need to know.
25
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,200
You have a tan line
on your ring finger,
26
00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:58,039
so you're recently divorced.
27
00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,079
You're wearing a mankle boot
and a peacoat indoors,
28
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,219
so you stay in a Zara,
29
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,079
which means you're either
raised upper-middle class
30
00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:05,140
or upwardly mobile.
31
00:01:05,159 --> 00:01:07,129
How do you order a steak?
- Rare.
32
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,180
- So upper-middle.
33
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,030
But you did get a shape-up
before you came, so...
34
00:01:11,049 --> 00:01:13,060
- [softly]
Yeah.
35
00:01:13,079 --> 00:01:15,060
- Are you looking
for something?
36
00:01:15,079 --> 00:01:16,120
- A woman.
37
00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:20,060
Not like that.
I'm a...
38
00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:21,189
I'm a spy.
- [sighs softly]
39
00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,219
- This is my first mission.
40
00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:26,109
What, you don't believe me?
41
00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,200
Oh, I can get my spy on.
42
00:01:28,219 --> 00:01:30,140
You know, I shouldn't even
be telling you this,
43
00:01:30,159 --> 00:01:33,109
but honestly,
who are you gonna tell?
44
00:01:33,129 --> 00:01:35,039
They sent me a photo
of the woman
45
00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:36,159
that I'm supposed to kill.
46
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:39,099
My target's name
is 333-something.
47
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,039
- It's Trinity.
[energetic music]
48
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,129
- Shit, it is.
49
00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,159
♪ ♪
50
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,129
- Who sent you?
Who wants to have me killed?
51
00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:47,210
- I don't know. They just put
the pictures in the envelope.
52
00:01:47,229 --> 00:01:49,120
- So you really don't have
any other information?
53
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,079
- No.
[dramatic music]
54
00:01:51,099 --> 00:01:53,200
[patrons gasping]
55
00:01:53,219 --> 00:01:55,039
- Dina?
56
00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:57,109
You came to check up
on my date?
57
00:01:57,129 --> 00:02:00,019
Well, good call. Can you
believe he tried to kill me?
58
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,189
- Believe it?
I hired him.
59
00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:05,129
Never trust a man
to do a woman's job.
60
00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:08,090
- You set me up to set me up?
- Yep.
61
00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:10,099
I thought it'd be nice
to send you on one date
62
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,210
before I kill you.
63
00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:13,020
- You didn't need
to do me any favors.
64
00:02:13,039 --> 00:02:14,180
I fucks.
[bell rings]
65
00:02:14,199 --> 00:02:16,020
Wait, why would you want
to kill me?
66
00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:18,159
You don't even remember
who I am most of the time.
67
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,189
- Sorry to interrupt.
68
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:22,129
It's Trinity's birthday.
Can you sign her card?
69
00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:24,020
- I--I'm sitting right here.
70
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,000
- Oh, well,
you can sign it, too.
71
00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:30,039
Just drop it by my desk
when you're done, okay?
72
00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:31,159
Make sure not to tell Trinity.
73
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:35,159
I know exactly who you are,
Trinity, the CIA's top agent.
74
00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:37,110
Well, you know who should
be the top agent?
75
00:02:37,129 --> 00:02:38,120
Me!
76
00:02:38,139 --> 00:02:40,079
But you keep on sabotaging me.
77
00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:42,000
Like when I was on assignment
at a party
78
00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:45,000
and I walked in like, "Whoo!"
and immediately got made?
79
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,050
And then you,
having no idea I was there,
80
00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:50,060
traipsed in all discreetly and
saved the secretary of state?
81
00:02:50,079 --> 00:02:52,060
And you got all the credit!
82
00:02:52,079 --> 00:02:54,060
- Well, yeah.
I did it.
83
00:02:54,079 --> 00:02:56,020
- Ugh!
It's not fair.
84
00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:58,110
And now,
it's time for you to pay.
85
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,030
- Who don't you
just work harder?
86
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,050
Maybe try to outshine me
honestly?
87
00:03:03,069 --> 00:03:04,150
- Oh, no, no.
That sounds too hard.
88
00:03:04,169 --> 00:03:06,050
[both grunting]
- Ooh.
89
00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:08,099
♪ ♪
90
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,150
[patrons gasp]
91
00:03:13,180 --> 00:03:15,009
[notification chimes]
- [panting]
92
00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:16,189
- Ah.
93
00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:20,099
Aww, I got another spy award.
Cool.
94
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,170
- Ugh!
A Secrecy?
95
00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:24,020
I hate you even more!
96
00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:25,159
♪ ♪
97
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:30,199
- You gotta work on this
jealousy thing, Dina.
98
00:03:30,219 --> 00:03:33,139
Something for you
to think about in jail.
99
00:03:33,159 --> 00:03:34,139
- [grunts]
100
00:03:34,159 --> 00:03:37,189
[chuckles]
I'm not goin' to jail.
101
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:39,139
[chuckles]
102
00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:41,139
[suspenseful music]
103
00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:43,099
- No!
- [chuckles]
104
00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,099
It was all so simple.
105
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,189
All I had to do was
send a message
106
00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:48,099
to the CIA Slack channel
107
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,060
and now the whole agency thinks
you're an enemy of the state.
108
00:03:51,079 --> 00:03:54,020
And now that you've killed me,
you've proven it.
109
00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:56,030
You're as dead as I am,
Trinity.
110
00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,180
[gasps]
111
00:03:57,199 --> 00:03:59,180
Oh.
[grunting]
112
00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:01,180
Oh, this is supposed
to be painless.
113
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,139
[groans]
That hurts very bad.
114
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,229
Oh, they don't tell you that.
115
00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:06,110
Oh, they don't tell you
it hurts!
116
00:04:06,129 --> 00:04:08,030
Oh, God!
[shouts]
117
00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,020
Don't just watch me when I die.
Oh, this is embarrassing.
118
00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:12,050
[groans]
You have no sympathy?
119
00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:15,030
[grunts and groans]
120
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:16,170
Oh, I'm still alive
and it's burning.
121
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,069
[groans]
122
00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:20,069
No, no, now I'm dead.
Oh.
123
00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:23,110
- ♪ Here's a little story
'bout a raw-ass bitch ♪
124
00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,160
♪ That'll take yo' man
like she take that dick ♪
125
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:28,009
♪ She got 99 problems
but a bitch ain't one ♪
126
00:04:28,029 --> 00:04:29,079
♪ She like
strapped street niggas ♪
127
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:30,129
♪ Who gon' run them funds ♪
128
00:04:30,149 --> 00:04:32,170
♪ I got a gang of bitches who
gon' see 'bout me ♪
129
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:35,040
♪ Quick to run up in your
shit, ho, one, two, three ♪
130
00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:37,100
♪ Selling out 'bout me,
I still remain untouched ♪
131
00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,159
♪ I just walk through them hos
and drop my nuts ♪
132
00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:42,040
♪ Your baby daddy fell in
love, I just wanted to fuck ♪
133
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,110
♪ I just wanted the cash,
all he wanted was us ♪
134
00:04:44,129 --> 00:04:46,199
♪ Take a blunt to the face
while he rubbing my butt ♪
135
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,000
♪ Countin' money
in my panties ♪
136
00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,040
♪ That shit give me a rush ♪
137
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,029
♪ And be like ♪
138
00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:51,139
♪ Go, girl,
wit' yo' fine ass ♪
139
00:04:51,159 --> 00:04:52,170
♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪
140
00:04:52,189 --> 00:04:54,060
♪ Bitch, you bad
with your fine-- ♪
141
00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,009
♪ Go, girl,
with your fine ass ♪
142
00:05:03,029 --> 00:05:04,089
♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪
143
00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:06,009
♪ Bitch, you bad
wit' yo fine ass ♪
144
00:05:06,029 --> 00:05:07,170
♪ Go, girl,
with your fine ass ♪
145
00:05:07,189 --> 00:05:08,199
♪ Make a mess,
make 'em pressed ♪
146
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,050
♪ You the best
let me see you do it ♪
147
00:05:10,069 --> 00:05:12,060
♪ Just fly with it,
vibe with it ♪
148
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,189
♪ You a truck with it ♪
149
00:05:13,209 --> 00:05:15,079
♪ Do a half foot
now put your hips in it ♪
150
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,100
♪ Let me see you do it ♪
151
00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:21,019
[soft dramatic music]
152
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,209
- Let there be light!
153
00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:25,199
- Oh.
- Nice.
154
00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:27,040
- Oh.
- Ooh!
155
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,000
Yes!
- All right, all right.
156
00:05:29,019 --> 00:05:31,050
- Oh, my God.
[gasps]
157
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,060
- Okay.
- Wow!
158
00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:35,069
- [chuckling]
Okay!
159
00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,019
- Good job, Skye.
160
00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,090
Although I have never been
in a warehouse with you
161
00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:40,100
and been disappointed.
162
00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,220
Remember that party?
- Oh, yeah.
163
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,149
The Squeeze Party.
- [chuckles]
164
00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:45,149
- Ugh.
That sound nasty.
165
00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:46,180
- It's dope.
166
00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:47,189
It's a day party
167
00:05:47,209 --> 00:05:48,230
where there's, like,
a human centipede
168
00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:50,110
but with massages.
169
00:05:50,129 --> 00:05:52,180
- Okay, I'ma squeeze my way
out this conversation,
170
00:05:52,199 --> 00:05:54,100
go check out all these goodies.
171
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,110
- Wait for me,
172
00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:57,009
'cause I don't want to hear
any more about that.
173
00:05:57,029 --> 00:05:59,209
- So tell me more about
this massage party.
174
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:02,120
Now what all things
can I squeeze?
175
00:06:02,139 --> 00:06:04,069
- Oh, this is perfect.
176
00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:05,220
Until we learn how
to grow our own food,
177
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,180
we can use all these MREs.
178
00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:09,129
Good thinking, Robin.
- Yes!
179
00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:11,089
[snapping]
Go off, MREs! Mm!
180
00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:14,199
Hey, yo!
We found some MREs.
181
00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,230
What are MREs?
- Meals Ready to Eat.
182
00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,160
- Oh.
- The Marines use 'em.
183
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:19,230
And check this out.
184
00:06:20,009 --> 00:06:22,069
We got chili, apple turnovers,
chicken fajitas.
185
00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:24,149
I wonder if this was
a military warehouse.
186
00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:25,230
Oh, snap.
187
00:06:26,009 --> 00:06:29,189
They got Tuscan beef.
Y'all, they got Tuscan beef!
188
00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:32,069
Tuscan beef is my shit.
- Ooh!
189
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,199
They got a stripper pole,
y'all!
190
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:39,180
It's about to be L-Valley
up in here!
191
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,189
[shouts]
192
00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:45,000
Okay, I'ma work on that.
193
00:06:45,019 --> 00:06:46,139
Ain't got nothing but time.
194
00:06:46,159 --> 00:06:47,189
- Oh, my God.
195
00:06:47,209 --> 00:06:49,060
♪ ♪
196
00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:52,189
This is a signed first edition
James Baldwin.
197
00:06:52,209 --> 00:06:54,110
This is crazy.
198
00:06:54,129 --> 00:06:57,100
I mean, the only other signed
first edition I ever had was
199
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,160
my self-published title, "I Am
More Than My Student Loans."
200
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,009
- Wow.
201
00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:04,149
I don't know whether to be more
impressed by you or this place.
202
00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:06,129
- Yeah.
I get that a lot.
203
00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:08,120
- Look at you
with your pretty ass.
204
00:07:08,139 --> 00:07:09,180
- Gab is having a moment.
205
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:11,160
- [chuckling]
And you...
206
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:15,180
with your 80 proof going down
all smooth. [chuckles]
207
00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:18,009
- You know, normally,
I would make fun of her,
208
00:07:18,029 --> 00:07:20,160
but this is justified.
209
00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:23,050
This place is noice!
210
00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:24,189
- All good shit.
[chuckles]
211
00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:27,110
- What's that?
- Tuscan beef.
212
00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:29,060
- Meat in a bag?
- Mm.
213
00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:31,129
- Okay.
[laughs]
214
00:07:33,050 --> 00:07:36,029
[Cheryl Lynn's
"Got To Be Real"]
215
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:39,159
[upbeat music]
216
00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:45,090
♪ ♪
217
00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:49,170
- Girl, your kids are calling.
Girl, your kids are calling.
218
00:07:49,189 --> 00:07:51,100
- What, Jacobi?
219
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,139
I told you not to call me
while I'm in Fiji.
220
00:07:53,159 --> 00:07:54,170
I don't care.
221
00:07:54,189 --> 00:07:57,069
Pretend I'm not your mother
for the next seven days.
222
00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:58,139
Well, uh--
223
00:07:58,159 --> 00:07:59,209
- [posh accent]
Excuse me, ma'am.
224
00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:02,110
Do you know where I could find
the complimentary coffee?
225
00:08:02,129 --> 00:08:05,079
- Excuse me,
but I am on the phone.
226
00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:08,100
[gasps] Oh, my God!
- [shouts]
227
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,209
- Do my eyes deceive me?
228
00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:13,199
Am I looking at future First
Lady Mrs. Cheyenne Tippins?
229
00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:15,189
- [normally] Oh, we have to see
about the Senate seat first,
230
00:08:15,209 --> 00:08:17,199
but you're right
about one thing, though!
231
00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:20,040
[both screaming]
232
00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:22,100
[both scream rhythmically]
233
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,220
[laughter]
234
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,220
- Oh!
235
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,050
- Okay, we're thinking upstate
for the wedding,
236
00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:28,009
so you better
start watching tickets now.
237
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,220
- And start looking
for babysitters.
238
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,100
Girl, my kids are banned
from every major airline.
239
00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,149
- [nasal voice]
Ooh, can I touch your hair?
240
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:37,210
It looks so fun!
241
00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:42,070
- [gasps]
- Okay, Miss Fortune 500!
242
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:44,009
- There she C-E-go!
243
00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:46,220
[all scream]
244
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,179
all: Uh, uh!
245
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:52,009
- Amara, I haven't seen you
since you sold a company,
246
00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:54,190
got rich, and stopped returning
my text messages.
247
00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:55,220
How you doin', girl?
248
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,129
- [normally] I'd say this well.
- [gasps]
249
00:08:58,149 --> 00:09:01,169
[laughter and screaming]
250
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,230
[gun clicks]
- Freeze!
251
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:05,190
Now turn around slow.
252
00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:08,070
[suspenseful music]
253
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,220
- Oh, my God, oh, my God,
254
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,120
oh, my--oh!
- Hey!
255
00:09:11,139 --> 00:09:14,080
[all screaming]
256
00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,190
[upbeat music]
257
00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,190
[all screaming]
258
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:25,059
♪ ♪
259
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,190
[all screaming]
260
00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:31,169
[all screaming]
- Bitch!
261
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:34,139
I did not know
Frontier flew to Fiji.
262
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,080
- It do.
[laughter]
263
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,070
- Is that thing loaded?
264
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:39,039
- Now, you know
I had to make it real.
265
00:09:39,059 --> 00:09:40,190
- Yeah, we know how you do.
266
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,059
Now stand back. I can't risk
getting photographed with you.
267
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,159
I'm in politics now!
- Ooh!
268
00:09:45,179 --> 00:09:47,000
Okay, whatever.
269
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,120
Enough with the pleasantries.
I'm ready to catch some dick.
270
00:09:49,139 --> 00:09:51,019
Now whose room am I staying in?
271
00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:55,009
- Girl, you need to get your
life together and "Queen In."
272
00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:58,080
[chuckles]
- Okay, Sheryl Scamberg.
273
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,210
Anyway, I was only able
to afford a one-way,
274
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,210
so we're gonna have
to figure that out.
275
00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:03,009
- Pfft.
- We?
276
00:10:03,029 --> 00:10:04,039
- Oh!
[tense music]
277
00:10:04,059 --> 00:10:05,080
- Is your name Serta?
278
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,210
'Cause you're
a perfect sleeper.
279
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:10,230
- [sniffs]
- I'm just playin', girl!
280
00:10:11,009 --> 00:10:14,120
Hey, the party has arrived!
Damn, y'all lookin'!
281
00:10:14,139 --> 00:10:17,129
- Hey...girl.
[music slows down and stops]
282
00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,120
- That's all I get?
283
00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:19,200
Talkin' 'bout some,
"Hey, girl."
284
00:10:19,220 --> 00:10:20,220
What's it been?
Like, ten years?
285
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,159
I missed y'all.
286
00:10:22,179 --> 00:10:25,039
- You know, girl, same.
But, uh, can we get a minute?
287
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:27,070
- [chuckles]
Yeah, that's so y'all.
288
00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:30,049
Keeping secrets from me
'cause I be gossiping.
289
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:32,049
- Who the fuck is that?
290
00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:34,009
- I don't know, but I haven't
seen a move that reckless
291
00:10:34,029 --> 00:10:35,129
since my youngest broke
his principal's neck.
292
00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:38,190
- I have an idea.
Hey, girl!
293
00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:41,049
Uh, we need your
government name for check-in.
294
00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:42,080
- Mm.
295
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,120
- What's your full name again?
- Girl, quit playin'!
296
00:10:44,139 --> 00:10:46,019
You know my name.
[chuckles]
297
00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:48,080
all: Uh...
- [chuckles]
298
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,039
- Jessica Geyser?
299
00:10:50,059 --> 00:10:53,080
Y'all called me Messica
'cause I like to start shit
300
00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,080
and I know everybody's
business.
301
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,019
Like you're the reformed ho
who found God,
302
00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:01,029
you're the HBIC
who's secretly into BDSM.
303
00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:04,070
- My safe word is "Queen In."
- Mm-hmm!
304
00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:06,139
- You're the wild one we gotta
watch our purses around.
305
00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,049
And you're the exhausted mom
306
00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:10,179
whose husband is sleeping
with his secretary.
307
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,149
[whispers]
How you doing, girl?
308
00:11:13,169 --> 00:11:14,149
- [gasps]
309
00:11:14,169 --> 00:11:16,049
Okay, my husband did just have
a break baby
310
00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:19,100
with his secretary, but I truly
do not know who this bitch is.
311
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,059
- Oh, my God, girl.
I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
312
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,230
- Hey!
Y'all know me. Quit playin'.
313
00:11:25,009 --> 00:11:26,169
Okay, you know how we do!
314
00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,230
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
315
00:11:29,009 --> 00:11:31,000
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
316
00:11:31,019 --> 00:11:33,070
- I don't do that
or know that crew.
317
00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,100
- Let me do it to the side.
318
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,179
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
319
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,190
You remember me now?
[indistinct skeptical chatter]
320
00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:40,120
- Messica!
321
00:11:40,139 --> 00:11:43,090
[quirky music]
322
00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:44,220
- Oh.
323
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,070
- What are you doing, girl?
- Who are these women?
324
00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,149
Do you know these women?
325
00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:51,009
Why are you talking
to these women?
326
00:11:51,029 --> 00:11:52,019
- Are they with you?
327
00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:53,110
Did you invite them
on our trip?
328
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,100
- Now, I know this bitch
329
00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,190
didn't invite these bitches
to our bitch trip.
330
00:11:57,210 --> 00:12:00,029
- No, no, no!
I don't know them.
331
00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:03,029
- Damn, so you just out here
chloroforming anybody?
332
00:12:03,049 --> 00:12:04,059
- No, I--
333
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,070
- I know it's been ten years,
but we're your girls.
334
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,179
We're the Cut Up Crew.
335
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,070
all: ♪ Ay, ay! ♪
336
00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:11,029
- Ay, that's the Cut Up Crew.
337
00:12:11,049 --> 00:12:12,110
all: ♪ Ay, ay! ♪
338
00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:14,169
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
339
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:17,019
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
340
00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:19,179
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
341
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,149
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay-- ♪
342
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,049
[soft dramatic music]
343
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:27,039
- Thank you for coming
to our focus group.
344
00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:29,149
The network saw the backlash
to last season's
345
00:12:29,169 --> 00:12:32,070
"The Real Paper Bag Wives
of the DMV Area"
346
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:35,049
and wants to move
in a more positive direction.
347
00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:37,220
- You should've just hired me
as your culture consultant
348
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,049
before you even made it.
349
00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:42,000
I would've sent you
my 67-tweet thread
350
00:12:42,019 --> 00:12:44,110
and you could've just
Cash App'd me for my time.
351
00:12:44,129 --> 00:12:45,159
- Absolutely should have,
Genisa.
352
00:12:45,179 --> 00:12:46,169
- There was backlash?
353
00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:48,210
I didn't watch it,
but my girls love that shit.
354
00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:51,009
- Well, my whole Links chapter
hated it.
355
00:12:51,029 --> 00:12:53,059
- Yes, Britnaye.
Also, yes, Davion.
356
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,230
See, this dynamic discussion
is exactly why we're here.
357
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:59,190
We want to get your feedback
to our upcoming series,
358
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:02,110
"Black Women Doing Stuff."
359
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,149
[bassy dramatic music]
360
00:13:04,169 --> 00:13:06,149
- Nope.
- Yeah, pause that shit.
361
00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:08,000
- I have notes.
- Oh, okay.
362
00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:09,110
Opinions already, great.
363
00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:12,009
Okay, um, why don't you tell me
what you see?
364
00:13:12,029 --> 00:13:15,090
- Actually, sister,
it's what we didn't see:
365
00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:17,019
the whole Black, female self.
366
00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:18,169
A show about Black women
367
00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:21,029
and the first thing you show us
is a disembodied leg?
368
00:13:21,049 --> 00:13:22,169
- Oh, okay.
Well, I see what you're saying,
369
00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:24,179
but, you know, she's just
getting out of the car.
370
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,059
The shot's not going
to linger there.
371
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,090
- In a Lexus?
Yuck.
372
00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,159
I mean, is she...
373
00:13:30,179 --> 00:13:32,029
poor?
374
00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:33,230
Why not have her drive
a black Jag-u-ar?
375
00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:36,049
- Uh-uh. Don't link
Black women with cats.
376
00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:38,039
We are not catty.
- Where is she?
377
00:13:38,059 --> 00:13:39,149
Look like Rhode Island
or some shit.
378
00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:41,049
Ain't no Black people
in Rhode Island.
379
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,190
- Okay, got it.
No Black folks in Rhode Island.
380
00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:47,000
- Um, there absolutely are
Black people in Rhode Island.
381
00:13:47,019 --> 00:13:50,009
My husband and I are adjuncts
at Brown University,
382
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,049
which is a university.
383
00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:52,159
- Understood.
Okay.
384
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,190
All professors in Rhode Island
are Black.
385
00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:57,059
- And, um,
where's Ms. Leg even from?
386
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,100
Are classy people
from the diaspora
387
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,220
excluded from this experience?
388
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,200
- If she's not a descendant
of enslaved peoples,
389
00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:05,120
I don't know why I am here.
390
00:14:05,139 --> 00:14:08,100
- Yes, I'm hearing all of you.
This is great.
391
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,190
Any positive notes
before we move on
392
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:14,009
to the 58 minutes left
in this episode?
393
00:14:14,029 --> 00:14:15,039
- Did she go to public school?
394
00:14:15,059 --> 00:14:17,129
- Why she got on heels?
Real niggas wear Jordans.
395
00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:19,009
- Skin's a little light
to be dark-skinned,
396
00:14:19,029 --> 00:14:20,139
a little dark
to be light-skinned.
397
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:22,190
- Why only one foot?
Are you trying to say
398
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:25,019
that Black women
can't afford two feet?
399
00:14:25,039 --> 00:14:26,230
- And why is she styled
to attract a man?
400
00:14:27,009 --> 00:14:28,110
- Why wouldn't she be styled
to attract a man?
401
00:14:28,129 --> 00:14:31,039
- I don't dress for niggas.
Plus, my nigga's a girl.
402
00:14:31,059 --> 00:14:32,220
Yo, why she ain't got
a girl nigga?
403
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,169
Black women are gay, too.
404
00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:36,019
- Wow, okay.
405
00:14:36,039 --> 00:14:38,110
I-I didn't expect
so many opinions.
406
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:40,029
My hand hurts.
[chuckles]
407
00:14:40,049 --> 00:14:41,139
But that's okay because now
408
00:14:41,159 --> 00:14:44,230
we are equipped to make
the woke but playful,
409
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,200
elitist but not classist,
410
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,190
hood but not wearing a bonnet
in public,
411
00:14:50,210 --> 00:14:52,149
upper-middle-lower-class,
412
00:14:52,169 --> 00:14:54,080
deep but not shallow,
413
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,009
and funny but also serious
414
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:59,059
and natural but with fillers
415
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,100
show about Black women
that you all want to see.
416
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,149
- Hey, what channel
is this gonna be on? YouTube?
417
00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:05,220
I only have Netflix
418
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,179
but I only watch
"Wheel of Fortune."
419
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,129
Is this gonna be on
"Wheel of Fortune"?
420
00:15:09,149 --> 00:15:10,179
- Uh, you know what?
421
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,139
Why don't we just have you back
in a couple weeks
422
00:15:12,159 --> 00:15:14,019
to see what we come up with?
423
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,100
- I'm happy your pen is black.
424
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,169
- What about
"Wheel of Fortune"?
425
00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:20,049
- And this better not have
Tokyo Toni.
426
00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:22,059
- Trust me, we got it.
427
00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,159
After taking into account
428
00:15:23,179 --> 00:15:25,200
all of your concerns
and criticisms,
429
00:15:25,220 --> 00:15:28,090
we realized there's really
only one Black woman
430
00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:30,120
any of you want to see
on screen,
431
00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:32,000
so we gave you
what you're looking for.
432
00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:34,009
[soft upbeat music]
433
00:15:37,210 --> 00:15:39,200
- Who does she think she is?
- Nope!
434
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:41,230
Problematic.
- So cringey.
435
00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:42,230
- She thinks she's better
than me.
436
00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,149
- I'm triggered.
- Y'all weird for this.
437
00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:46,070
- Yo, she would never make it
into Soul House
438
00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:47,070
looking like that.
439
00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,149
- Uh-uh!
This is too gay.
440
00:15:48,169 --> 00:15:51,039
But also not gay enough.
Throw the whole thing away!
441
00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:52,080
- This is violence!
442
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:54,149
- I don't know why,
but this is making me mad.
443
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:59,100
[quirky upbeat music]
444
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,129
♪ ♪
445
00:16:03,149 --> 00:16:06,090
- This food can last us
for 147 days.
446
00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,110
- How do you know that?
447
00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:08,190
We haven't even counted
'em all yet.
448
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:09,210
- Oh, just guessing.
449
00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:11,210
I'm pretty good at eyeballing
that kind of thing.
450
00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:13,220
Hey, did I ever tell you guys
about the time
451
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,169
that I did catering
for Justin Bieber?
452
00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:17,090
- What?
- All chicken fingers.
453
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,210
[laughter]
454
00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:21,210
Oh, I'm so happy y'all came.
455
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,200
This is exactly how I dreampt
it would be.
456
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:26,220
- Did you just say "dreampt"
with a puh-sound?
457
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,080
- Yeah.
As in the past tense of dream.
458
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,009
- Yeah, that's dreamt,
not dreampt.
459
00:16:31,029 --> 00:16:32,080
- You're just saying
the same word twice.
460
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,159
Dreampt, dreamt.
461
00:16:33,179 --> 00:16:35,019
- Oh, I think you dreamt
there was a P in that word.
462
00:16:35,039 --> 00:16:36,159
- [sighs]
That's like when people say
463
00:16:36,179 --> 00:16:41,000
supposably or potentually.
464
00:16:41,019 --> 00:16:42,220
- What's wrong
with potentually?
465
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:43,230
- Uh-uh.
466
00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:45,000
♪ ♪
467
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,220
- All I'm saying is
468
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,049
I gave myself one and Satan
still hasn't appeared,
469
00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:55,019
so I think Pastor's
been lying to us
470
00:16:55,039 --> 00:16:56,210
about this whole orgasm thing.
471
00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:58,149
- [scoffs]
- Now...
472
00:16:58,169 --> 00:17:00,149
where is everyone?
473
00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:03,179
This shindig ought to be on
like poppin' corn by now.
474
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,009
- See?
475
00:17:05,029 --> 00:17:07,119
It wouldn't have killed us to
be late this one time, Tawny.
476
00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:09,049
If you didn't rush me
to get here on time,
477
00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:12,160
I wouldn't be out here
looking like who shot John.
478
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:14,140
[both gasp]
479
00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,009
Tawny, I'm frightened!
Oh!
480
00:17:17,029 --> 00:17:19,109
But I'm so glad
no one will see my hair now.
481
00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:21,009
- Well, it's all right.
It's all right, Hazel.
482
00:17:21,029 --> 00:17:22,210
We'll be fine.
483
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,029
- Oh.
- [chuckles]
484
00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:25,190
- Thank goodness.
[chuckles]
485
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,089
Oh, I think I peed my petticoat
a little bit.
486
00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:31,069
[laughter]
- [rasping]
487
00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:32,180
[both screaming]
488
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,230
- Dear God!
489
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,130
Ashy people!
490
00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:37,190
- No, Hazel,
I think those are zombies!
491
00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:40,029
- Also terrifying.
[both screaming]
492
00:17:40,049 --> 00:17:42,210
- You don't want to eat us!
Eat someone else.
493
00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:45,069
- There's no one else here.
[zombies hissing]
494
00:17:45,089 --> 00:17:46,180
[both screaming]
495
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,210
- No! [shouts]
- [shouting]
496
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,099
[classical music]
- Hi.
497
00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:53,029
I'm Commanch Pitters II,
Blackstorian.
498
00:17:53,049 --> 00:17:56,000
On the evening
of October 8th, 1896,
499
00:17:56,019 --> 00:17:58,230
Tawny Murrow and Hazel Fields
were eaten to death
500
00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:01,069
simply for being on time
to a party.
501
00:18:01,089 --> 00:18:03,130
The trauma
of this senseless tragedy
502
00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:06,160
reverberates across generations
of Black people
503
00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:09,039
who refuse to be on time
for anything
504
00:18:09,059 --> 00:18:11,029
for fear
of meeting certain death.
505
00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,160
Despite popular belief,
the "CP" in "CP time"
506
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:15,119
does not stand
for "colored people,"
507
00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:17,119
but rather,
for "corpse people,"
508
00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:19,039
as a reminder to be late enough
509
00:18:19,059 --> 00:18:22,000
so that corpse people
don't eat your brains out.
510
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,119
Also, while I have you here,
511
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,200
your great grandmother
was not part Cherokee.
512
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,200
Good night.
513
00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,109
[zombies snarling]
514
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:32,079
- Bad zombie!
[women yelping]
515
00:18:32,099 --> 00:18:34,230
- Stop eating me!
- [yelps]
516
00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,150
[energetic pop music]
- Hey!
517
00:18:38,170 --> 00:18:40,150
I like the way you do that
right thurr!
518
00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:42,230
If it's your first time
up in hurr...
519
00:18:43,009 --> 00:18:44,069
♪ Well, put your hands
in the urr ♪
520
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:45,170
♪ If you a bike connoisseur ♪
521
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,170
♪ And let me hear you say,
"skrrt, skrrt!" ♪
522
00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:49,059
all: Skrrt, skrrt!
523
00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:51,049
- That's right.
You got it, warriors!
524
00:18:51,069 --> 00:18:52,130
Now, this class is all about
525
00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:54,130
shedding the weight
of your last relationship
526
00:18:54,150 --> 00:18:56,009
to trap music!
527
00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:58,009
[all cheer]
Let's go!
528
00:18:58,029 --> 00:18:59,079
Whoo!
529
00:18:59,099 --> 00:19:01,099
Okay, now, Erin!
Keep up the stamina.
530
00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,099
Push it hard!
Pedal past the heartbreak.
531
00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,099
Let it out!
Tell 'em what he did to you.
532
00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,039
- Well, we'd been dating
for two years.
533
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,150
Everything was great.
534
00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:12,180
He even let me spend the night.
Once.
535
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,069
But then I found out
he has a whole wife!
536
00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:16,089
- No, no, no, no!
537
00:19:16,109 --> 00:19:19,029
If he wastes your years,
he don't deserve your tears.
538
00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:21,170
That's why I immediately broke
off my common law engagement
539
00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:23,150
to Keedrick
after only 12 years.
540
00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,119
- Uh, 12 years?
- That's right.
541
00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:28,049
Quick-like!
Now let's turn it up!
542
00:19:28,069 --> 00:19:30,099
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
543
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,140
♪ You don't need that nigga
no more! ♪
544
00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,019
♪ Delete his number
from your phone ♪
545
00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:37,180
♪ Get like me and drink alone ♪
546
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,069
[all cheer]
547
00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:40,079
Let's go!
548
00:19:40,099 --> 00:19:42,170
Okay, Tia!
I see you!
549
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:44,019
Now tell 'em why you mad
this week!
550
00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:48,130
- Well, we met on Monday,
texted all day Tuesday,
551
00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,099
but then when I told him
I loved him on Wednesday,
552
00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:52,049
he replied, "unsubscribe."
553
00:19:52,069 --> 00:19:53,130
- Oh, no!
554
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,029
♪ If he don't love you
by day three ♪
555
00:19:56,049 --> 00:19:58,130
♪ Go on and set
that pussy free, wap! ♪
556
00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:00,140
[all cheer]
Let's go!
557
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,009
Here we go!
Everybody, let's work.
558
00:20:03,029 --> 00:20:05,069
♪ Do the dive,
do the roll ♪
559
00:20:05,089 --> 00:20:08,170
♪ One leg up, let him go ♪
560
00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:11,230
- I get what you're saying,
but I still want a man.
561
00:20:12,009 --> 00:20:13,039
- Girl, you don't need a man!
562
00:20:13,059 --> 00:20:16,029
This bike is responsible
for my last 52--
563
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,190
[grunts softly]
53 orgasms.
564
00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:19,150
And it never stood me up.
565
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,049
Whoo!
All right now!
566
00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:22,230
Come on now, newbie!
567
00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:25,000
What fuckboy brings you
to class this week?
568
00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:26,079
♪ ♪
569
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,150
Well, damn.
570
00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:31,069
- Jericho used to be my fiancé.
He was so good to me.
571
00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:33,220
Good job, great sex,
better money.
572
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,190
- All right, well, get
to the shit he did to you.
573
00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:37,190
Class is almost over, boo!
Damn.
574
00:20:37,210 --> 00:20:41,140
- He had the nerve to leave me
because I cheated once
575
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,059
or five times.
576
00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:45,220
- Oh, wow.
That's too bad.
577
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,109
So is he seeing someone new?
578
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,150
- I don't know.
579
00:20:48,170 --> 00:20:51,119
I stopped by his house and
he wouldn't even talk to me.
580
00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:53,200
- Oh, okay. And, uh,
where is his house, warrior?
581
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:55,009
Be specific!
582
00:20:55,029 --> 00:20:57,130
- Uh, off 5th and Decatur.
- Hey!
583
00:20:57,150 --> 00:20:59,220
♪ ♪
584
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,160
♪ 5th and Decatur,
I know that hood ♪
585
00:21:01,180 --> 00:21:04,069
♪ I'ma be right back,
I'ma see what's good ♪
586
00:21:04,089 --> 00:21:11,000
♪ ♪
587
00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:12,019
[bike bell rings]
588
00:21:14,089 --> 00:21:16,069
- ♪ [singing indistinctly] ♪
589
00:21:16,089 --> 00:21:18,150
- Look, guys!
Who am I?
590
00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:21,039
"I have 12 jobs
and this is just one.
591
00:21:21,059 --> 00:21:23,009
Can someone hurry up
and sign for this, please?"
592
00:21:23,029 --> 00:21:24,109
[laughter]
593
00:21:24,130 --> 00:21:26,230
- I got the package here,
didn't I?
594
00:21:27,009 --> 00:21:29,089
Everybody isn't meant
to be a one-job person, Laci.
595
00:21:29,109 --> 00:21:31,029
- Hey, I have lots of jobs.
596
00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:32,069
Personal trainer,
597
00:21:32,089 --> 00:21:34,210
part-time thotty,
full-time hotty--oh.
598
00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:35,210
- Oh.
- Shit, bitch.
599
00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:38,130
This is heavy. What's in here?
- I don't know.
600
00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:41,039
As a courier,
I took a Shippocratic oath.
601
00:21:41,059 --> 00:21:42,170
I would never open a package.
602
00:21:42,190 --> 00:21:44,089
- Oh.
I didn't take an oath.
603
00:21:44,109 --> 00:21:45,130
- Oh.
- Oh.
604
00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:48,180
[dramatic music]
605
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,019
- Ew.
- Dibs.
606
00:21:50,039 --> 00:21:52,059
- It's so thick.
- No wonder it was so heavy.
607
00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:54,019
- Oh, I've never seen
a black one before.
608
00:21:54,039 --> 00:21:55,180
[quirky upbeat music]
609
00:21:57,109 --> 00:21:59,210
- ♪ There's a whole lotta
money in this club ♪
610
00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:02,019
♪ Rich niggas, bad bitches,
we don't fuck with scrubs ♪
611
00:22:02,039 --> 00:22:04,009
♪ It's a whole lotta Henny
in this cup ♪
612
00:22:04,029 --> 00:22:08,000
- Oh, shit.
Bryanni is twerking on Deshawn.
613
00:22:08,019 --> 00:22:10,119
He might as well open
a joint checking account now,
614
00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:13,210
'cause I never seen a man
resist a Bryanni bust down.
615
00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:16,019
- I mean, the girl can move.
616
00:22:16,039 --> 00:22:17,019
Remember that time
617
00:22:17,039 --> 00:22:19,019
she out-danced Les Twins
at a Shake Shack?
618
00:22:19,039 --> 00:22:20,029
- Remember?
619
00:22:20,049 --> 00:22:21,230
Girl, that's how we got
free burgers for life.
620
00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:23,019
- Okay.
621
00:22:23,039 --> 00:22:24,130
- Lock him down, Bryanni!
622
00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:28,019
- No need to applaud.
I'm the one who makes it clap.
623
00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:29,230
[laughter]
- Okay!
624
00:22:30,009 --> 00:22:32,170
- ♪ We all know you not tough,
stop actin' ♪
625
00:22:32,190 --> 00:22:34,099
- Excuse me!
[snaps]
626
00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,069
Did you just yawn
while I was twerking on you?
627
00:22:36,089 --> 00:22:37,089
- No, girl.
I wasn't yawning.
628
00:22:37,109 --> 00:22:39,089
I was just stretching
my throat.
629
00:22:39,109 --> 00:22:41,119
- Is my booty bouncing
boring you?
630
00:22:41,140 --> 00:22:43,170
'Cause I'm giving you rhythm
and you got the blues.
631
00:22:43,190 --> 00:22:44,180
- Damn.
632
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,029
Is her ass a copy
of "Goodnight Moon"?
633
00:22:47,049 --> 00:22:49,220
I never thought I'd see a man
sleep on Bryanni.
634
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,220
- I mean, is her butt broken?
- Mm.
635
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,210
- Is the check engine light on?
- Mm?
636
00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:56,089
- This is more embarrassing
than when I ran into my pastor,
637
00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:58,150
my daddy,
and the man I'm cheating on
638
00:22:58,170 --> 00:23:00,049
on my walk of shame last week.
639
00:23:00,069 --> 00:23:03,150
- Girl, you gotta quit
walking down MLK.
640
00:23:03,170 --> 00:23:05,069
Mm, I cannot watch this
anymore.
641
00:23:05,089 --> 00:23:07,210
- Mm-mm.
- Uh-uh.
642
00:23:07,230 --> 00:23:10,029
Girl, we will catch you
at the Waffle Barn.
643
00:23:10,049 --> 00:23:12,059
- Bye, Bryanni.
Bye, sleepy boy.
644
00:23:12,079 --> 00:23:13,119
- Oh, hell, no.
645
00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:15,150
I am not about to go out
like this.
646
00:23:15,170 --> 00:23:17,150
I gotta hit him
with the Twerque Du Soleil.
647
00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:20,140
- ♪ Whistle while you pop ♪
648
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,180
♪ Fuck it up,
yeah, bitch, don't stop ♪
649
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,069
♪ Let me see you get low
and take that nigga dough ♪
650
00:23:25,089 --> 00:23:27,019
♪ And whistle while you pop ♪
651
00:23:27,039 --> 00:23:28,059
♪ Do yo' shit, sis ♪
652
00:23:28,079 --> 00:23:30,029
♪ Fuck yo' nigga,
I got money and I pop shit ♪
653
00:23:30,049 --> 00:23:32,140
♪ Down that block, and I walk,
you can't rock, bitch ♪
654
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,009
[dancehall horn blasts]
655
00:23:35,029 --> 00:23:36,069
♪ Oh, you mad
I'm on this mic? ♪
656
00:23:36,089 --> 00:23:37,099
♪ Tell 'em stop it ♪
657
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,099
♪ We don't share ♪
658
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,119
♪ You can't sip
on my Henny, ho ♪
659
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:41,200
- Silk pajamas?
660
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:44,009
Deshawn, you dressed like
a walking durag!
661
00:23:44,029 --> 00:23:45,049
- These aren't pajamas.
662
00:23:45,069 --> 00:23:47,029
I'm just trying to get waves
in my leg hair.
663
00:23:47,049 --> 00:23:48,230
I'm trying to be as slick
as you.
664
00:23:49,009 --> 00:23:50,160
- [huffs]
665
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,160
- ♪ Mama tell me get the money
out the pail ♪
666
00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:53,200
♪ Dig deep ♪
667
00:23:53,220 --> 00:23:56,210
[dancehall horn blasts]
668
00:23:56,230 --> 00:23:58,119
♪ ♪
669
00:23:58,140 --> 00:24:00,029
- What the hell?
670
00:24:00,049 --> 00:24:02,109
Sleepytime tea?
671
00:24:02,130 --> 00:24:04,109
Oh, hell, no.
672
00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,069
♪ ♪
673
00:24:06,089 --> 00:24:09,019
[dancehall horn blasts]
674
00:24:09,039 --> 00:24:10,109
♪ ♪
675
00:24:10,130 --> 00:24:14,000
Ooh, I got you now!
676
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,200
I see your little friend
came out to play!
677
00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:19,029
[chuckles]
Ooh.
678
00:24:19,049 --> 00:24:21,079
♪ ♪
679
00:24:21,099 --> 00:24:22,210
What the fuck?
- [snoring]
680
00:24:22,230 --> 00:24:24,220
- Did this nigga
go night-night?
681
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,210
Let me hit him
with a George Foreman Grill.
682
00:24:27,230 --> 00:24:29,210
Heat on both sides!
683
00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:32,210
[energetic bassy music]
684
00:24:32,230 --> 00:24:37,009
♪ ♪
685
00:24:37,029 --> 00:24:40,000
[dancehall horn blasts]
686
00:24:40,019 --> 00:24:47,000
♪ ♪
687
00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:49,000
- ♪ Bend it over ♪
688
00:24:49,019 --> 00:24:52,079
♪ Bend it over, bend it over ♪
689
00:24:52,099 --> 00:24:54,039
♪ Bend it over, oh ♪
690
00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:55,059
♪ Come on, come on ♪
691
00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:10,210
♪ ♪
692
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:16,059
- Never trust a man
to do a woman's job.
693
00:26:16,079 --> 00:26:17,059
- [chuckles]
694
00:26:17,079 --> 00:26:19,019
- Nope, it's all the way down
in my butt now.
695
00:26:19,039 --> 00:26:20,140
[scattered laughter]
But I'm gonna bring it out.
696
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,180
Okay?
I'm gonna bring this gun out.
697
00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,109
And this gun's gonna come out
and there it is.
698
00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:29,049
You're as dead as I am,
Trinity.
699
00:26:29,069 --> 00:26:30,220
[rasps]
700
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,210
- Trust me. You got it.
[chuckling]
701
00:26:33,230 --> 00:26:34,200
- Are you trying to say
702
00:26:34,220 --> 00:26:36,230
that Black women
can't afford two feet?
703
00:26:37,009 --> 00:26:39,009
I'll have you know
I have a third foot.
704
00:26:39,029 --> 00:26:40,069
- Oh, shit.
[laughter]
705
00:26:40,089 --> 00:26:42,200
- Girl, it is so hot.
- Oh, I got you.
706
00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:45,119
- Thank you, girl. You know
synthetic sweat, dear friend.
707
00:26:45,140 --> 00:26:46,210
- Let me drop it low.
- Lower.
708
00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:47,230
- No.
- Uh-uh.
709
00:26:48,009 --> 00:26:49,210
- Oh, oh, I can get it lower.
Y'all remember this?
710
00:26:49,230 --> 00:26:51,079
You remember me now?
711
00:26:51,099 --> 00:26:53,019
- Vaguely.
- [laughs]
712
00:26:53,039 --> 00:26:55,150
- ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew,
ay, ay! ♪
713
00:26:55,170 --> 00:26:58,059
♪ Looked straight
into the camera ♪
714
00:26:58,079 --> 00:27:01,069
Y'all know me!
You know how we do!
715
00:27:01,089 --> 00:27:04,079
♪ It's the Cut Up Crew-- ♪
[laughter]
51683
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