All language subtitles for A Black Lady Sketch Show s02e02 So You Just Out Here.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,009 --> 00:00:02,220 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,000 [bright tone] 3 00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:12,019 - I am so glad Dina set us up. 4 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:13,080 I've never met a woman like you. 5 00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:14,150 You're the total package. 6 00:00:14,169 --> 00:00:16,149 I really think we have something special. 7 00:00:16,170 --> 00:00:18,100 - The only thing special we have is seafood, 8 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:20,140 so do you want crab legs or what? 9 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,089 - Hi, it's me. I'm Trinity. 10 00:00:23,109 --> 00:00:26,089 [typewriter tapping] 11 00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:28,010 [soft dramatic music] 12 00:00:28,030 --> 00:00:29,100 You're on a date with me. 13 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:31,030 You can tell because 14 00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:33,009 I'm sitting across the table from you. 15 00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:35,020 You know what? I'm not explaining this again. 16 00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:36,210 - I'll come back. 17 00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:38,070 - No, wait, wait. 18 00:00:38,090 --> 00:00:40,229 I'm sorry if I made you feel any type of way. 19 00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:44,000 [typewriter tapping] 20 00:00:44,020 --> 00:00:46,039 ♪ ♪ 21 00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:49,219 My bad. I want us to get to know each other. 22 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,159 Actually, I'll go first. 23 00:00:51,179 --> 00:00:52,229 I'll show you a picture of my car. 24 00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:54,219 - No need. I can see everything I need to know. 25 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,200 You have a tan line on your ring finger, 26 00:00:56,219 --> 00:00:58,039 so you're recently divorced. 27 00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,079 You're wearing a mankle boot and a peacoat indoors, 28 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,219 so you stay in a Zara, 29 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,079 which means you're either raised upper-middle class 30 00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:05,140 or upwardly mobile. 31 00:01:05,159 --> 00:01:07,129 How do you order a steak? - Rare. 32 00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:08,180 - So upper-middle. 33 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:11,030 But you did get a shape-up before you came, so... 34 00:01:11,049 --> 00:01:13,060 - [softly] Yeah. 35 00:01:13,079 --> 00:01:15,060 - Are you looking for something? 36 00:01:15,079 --> 00:01:16,120 - A woman. 37 00:01:16,140 --> 00:01:20,060 Not like that. I'm a... 38 00:01:20,079 --> 00:01:21,189 I'm a spy. - [sighs softly] 39 00:01:21,210 --> 00:01:23,219 - This is my first mission. 40 00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:26,109 What, you don't believe me? 41 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,200 Oh, I can get my spy on. 42 00:01:28,219 --> 00:01:30,140 You know, I shouldn't even be telling you this, 43 00:01:30,159 --> 00:01:33,109 but honestly, who are you gonna tell? 44 00:01:33,129 --> 00:01:35,039 They sent me a photo of the woman 45 00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:36,159 that I'm supposed to kill. 46 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:39,099 My target's name is 333-something. 47 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:41,039 - It's Trinity. [energetic music] 48 00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,129 - Shit, it is. 49 00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,159 ♪ ♪ 50 00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:45,129 - Who sent you? Who wants to have me killed? 51 00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:47,210 - I don't know. They just put the pictures in the envelope. 52 00:01:47,229 --> 00:01:49,120 - So you really don't have any other information? 53 00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:51,079 - No. [dramatic music] 54 00:01:51,099 --> 00:01:53,200 [patrons gasping] 55 00:01:53,219 --> 00:01:55,039 - Dina? 56 00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:57,109 You came to check up on my date? 57 00:01:57,129 --> 00:02:00,019 Well, good call. Can you believe he tried to kill me? 58 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,189 - Believe it? I hired him. 59 00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:05,129 Never trust a man to do a woman's job. 60 00:02:05,150 --> 00:02:08,090 - You set me up to set me up? - Yep. 61 00:02:08,110 --> 00:02:10,099 I thought it'd be nice to send you on one date 62 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:11,210 before I kill you. 63 00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:13,020 - You didn't need to do me any favors. 64 00:02:13,039 --> 00:02:14,180 I fucks. [bell rings] 65 00:02:14,199 --> 00:02:16,020 Wait, why would you want to kill me? 66 00:02:16,039 --> 00:02:18,159 You don't even remember who I am most of the time. 67 00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:19,189 - Sorry to interrupt. 68 00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:22,129 It's Trinity's birthday. Can you sign her card? 69 00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:24,020 - I--I'm sitting right here. 70 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,000 - Oh, well, you can sign it, too. 71 00:02:28,020 --> 00:02:30,039 Just drop it by my desk when you're done, okay? 72 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:31,159 Make sure not to tell Trinity. 73 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:35,159 I know exactly who you are, Trinity, the CIA's top agent. 74 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:37,110 Well, you know who should be the top agent? 75 00:02:37,129 --> 00:02:38,120 Me! 76 00:02:38,139 --> 00:02:40,079 But you keep on sabotaging me. 77 00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:42,000 Like when I was on assignment at a party 78 00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:45,000 and I walked in like, "Whoo!" and immediately got made? 79 00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,050 And then you, having no idea I was there, 80 00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:50,060 traipsed in all discreetly and saved the secretary of state? 81 00:02:50,079 --> 00:02:52,060 And you got all the credit! 82 00:02:52,079 --> 00:02:54,060 - Well, yeah. I did it. 83 00:02:54,079 --> 00:02:56,020 - Ugh! It's not fair. 84 00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:58,110 And now, it's time for you to pay. 85 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,030 - Who don't you just work harder? 86 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,050 Maybe try to outshine me honestly? 87 00:03:03,069 --> 00:03:04,150 - Oh, no, no. That sounds too hard. 88 00:03:04,169 --> 00:03:06,050 [both grunting] - Ooh. 89 00:03:06,069 --> 00:03:08,099 ♪ ♪ 90 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,150 [patrons gasp] 91 00:03:13,180 --> 00:03:15,009 [notification chimes] - [panting] 92 00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:16,189 - Ah. 93 00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:20,099 Aww, I got another spy award. Cool. 94 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,170 - Ugh! A Secrecy? 95 00:03:22,189 --> 00:03:24,020 I hate you even more! 96 00:03:24,039 --> 00:03:25,159 ♪ ♪ 97 00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:30,199 - You gotta work on this jealousy thing, Dina. 98 00:03:30,219 --> 00:03:33,139 Something for you to think about in jail. 99 00:03:33,159 --> 00:03:34,139 - [grunts] 100 00:03:34,159 --> 00:03:37,189 [chuckles] I'm not goin' to jail. 101 00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:39,139 [chuckles] 102 00:03:39,159 --> 00:03:41,139 [suspenseful music] 103 00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:43,099 - No! - [chuckles] 104 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:45,099 It was all so simple. 105 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,189 All I had to do was send a message 106 00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:48,099 to the CIA Slack channel 107 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,060 and now the whole agency thinks you're an enemy of the state. 108 00:03:51,079 --> 00:03:54,020 And now that you've killed me, you've proven it. 109 00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:56,030 You're as dead as I am, Trinity. 110 00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,180 [gasps] 111 00:03:57,199 --> 00:03:59,180 Oh. [grunting] 112 00:03:59,199 --> 00:04:01,180 Oh, this is supposed to be painless. 113 00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:03,139 [groans] That hurts very bad. 114 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,229 Oh, they don't tell you that. 115 00:04:05,009 --> 00:04:06,110 Oh, they don't tell you it hurts! 116 00:04:06,129 --> 00:04:08,030 Oh, God! [shouts] 117 00:04:08,050 --> 00:04:10,020 Don't just watch me when I die. Oh, this is embarrassing. 118 00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:12,050 [groans] You have no sympathy? 119 00:04:12,069 --> 00:04:15,030 [grunts and groans] 120 00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:16,170 Oh, I'm still alive and it's burning. 121 00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,069 [groans] 122 00:04:18,089 --> 00:04:20,069 No, no, now I'm dead. Oh. 123 00:04:21,139 --> 00:04:23,110 - ♪ Here's a little story 'bout a raw-ass bitch ♪ 124 00:04:23,129 --> 00:04:25,160 ♪ That'll take yo' man like she take that dick ♪ 125 00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:28,009 ♪ She got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one ♪ 126 00:04:28,029 --> 00:04:29,079 ♪ She like strapped street niggas ♪ 127 00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:30,129 ♪ Who gon' run them funds ♪ 128 00:04:30,149 --> 00:04:32,170 ♪ I got a gang of bitches who gon' see 'bout me ♪ 129 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:35,040 ♪ Quick to run up in your shit, ho, one, two, three ♪ 130 00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:37,100 ♪ Selling out 'bout me, I still remain untouched ♪ 131 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:39,159 ♪ I just walk through them hos and drop my nuts ♪ 132 00:04:39,180 --> 00:04:42,040 ♪ Your baby daddy fell in love, I just wanted to fuck ♪ 133 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,110 ♪ I just wanted the cash, all he wanted was us ♪ 134 00:04:44,129 --> 00:04:46,199 ♪ Take a blunt to the face while he rubbing my butt ♪ 135 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,000 ♪ Countin' money in my panties ♪ 136 00:04:48,019 --> 00:04:49,040 ♪ That shit give me a rush ♪ 137 00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:50,029 ♪ And be like ♪ 138 00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:51,139 ♪ Go, girl, wit' yo' fine ass ♪ 139 00:04:51,159 --> 00:04:52,170 ♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪ 140 00:04:52,189 --> 00:04:54,060 ♪ Bitch, you bad with your fine-- ♪ 141 00:05:01,110 --> 00:05:03,009 ♪ Go, girl, with your fine ass ♪ 142 00:05:03,029 --> 00:05:04,089 ♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪ 143 00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:06,009 ♪ Bitch, you bad wit' yo fine ass ♪ 144 00:05:06,029 --> 00:05:07,170 ♪ Go, girl, with your fine ass ♪ 145 00:05:07,189 --> 00:05:08,199 ♪ Make a mess, make 'em pressed ♪ 146 00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:10,050 ♪ You the best let me see you do it ♪ 147 00:05:10,069 --> 00:05:12,060 ♪ Just fly with it, vibe with it ♪ 148 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,189 ♪ You a truck with it ♪ 149 00:05:13,209 --> 00:05:15,079 ♪ Do a half foot now put your hips in it ♪ 150 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:16,100 ♪ Let me see you do it ♪ 151 00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:21,019 [soft dramatic music] 152 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,209 - Let there be light! 153 00:05:23,230 --> 00:05:25,199 - Oh. - Nice. 154 00:05:25,220 --> 00:05:27,040 - Oh. - Ooh! 155 00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:29,000 Yes! - All right, all right. 156 00:05:29,019 --> 00:05:31,050 - Oh, my God. [gasps] 157 00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,060 - Okay. - Wow! 158 00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:35,069 - [chuckling] Okay! 159 00:05:35,090 --> 00:05:37,019 - Good job, Skye. 160 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:39,090 Although I have never been in a warehouse with you 161 00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:40,100 and been disappointed. 162 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,220 Remember that party? - Oh, yeah. 163 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,149 The Squeeze Party. - [chuckles] 164 00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:45,149 - Ugh. That sound nasty. 165 00:05:45,170 --> 00:05:46,180 - It's dope. 166 00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:47,189 It's a day party 167 00:05:47,209 --> 00:05:48,230 where there's, like, a human centipede 168 00:05:49,009 --> 00:05:50,110 but with massages. 169 00:05:50,129 --> 00:05:52,180 - Okay, I'ma squeeze my way out this conversation, 170 00:05:52,199 --> 00:05:54,100 go check out all these goodies. 171 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,110 - Wait for me, 172 00:05:55,129 --> 00:05:57,009 'cause I don't want to hear any more about that. 173 00:05:57,029 --> 00:05:59,209 - So tell me more about this massage party. 174 00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:02,120 Now what all things can I squeeze? 175 00:06:02,139 --> 00:06:04,069 - Oh, this is perfect. 176 00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:05,220 Until we learn how to grow our own food, 177 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,180 we can use all these MREs. 178 00:06:07,199 --> 00:06:09,129 Good thinking, Robin. - Yes! 179 00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:11,089 [snapping] Go off, MREs! Mm! 180 00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:14,199 Hey, yo! We found some MREs. 181 00:06:14,220 --> 00:06:16,230 What are MREs? - Meals Ready to Eat. 182 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:18,160 - Oh. - The Marines use 'em. 183 00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:19,230 And check this out. 184 00:06:20,009 --> 00:06:22,069 We got chili, apple turnovers, chicken fajitas. 185 00:06:22,089 --> 00:06:24,149 I wonder if this was a military warehouse. 186 00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:25,230 Oh, snap. 187 00:06:26,009 --> 00:06:29,189 They got Tuscan beef. Y'all, they got Tuscan beef! 188 00:06:29,209 --> 00:06:32,069 Tuscan beef is my shit. - Ooh! 189 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,199 They got a stripper pole, y'all! 190 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:39,180 It's about to be L-Valley up in here! 191 00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,189 [shouts] 192 00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:45,000 Okay, I'ma work on that. 193 00:06:45,019 --> 00:06:46,139 Ain't got nothing but time. 194 00:06:46,159 --> 00:06:47,189 - Oh, my God. 195 00:06:47,209 --> 00:06:49,060 ♪ ♪ 196 00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:52,189 This is a signed first edition James Baldwin. 197 00:06:52,209 --> 00:06:54,110 This is crazy. 198 00:06:54,129 --> 00:06:57,100 I mean, the only other signed first edition I ever had was 199 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,160 my self-published title, "I Am More Than My Student Loans." 200 00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,009 - Wow. 201 00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:04,149 I don't know whether to be more impressed by you or this place. 202 00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:06,129 - Yeah. I get that a lot. 203 00:07:06,149 --> 00:07:08,120 - Look at you with your pretty ass. 204 00:07:08,139 --> 00:07:09,180 - Gab is having a moment. 205 00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:11,160 - [chuckling] And you... 206 00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:15,180 with your 80 proof going down all smooth. [chuckles] 207 00:07:15,199 --> 00:07:18,009 - You know, normally, I would make fun of her, 208 00:07:18,029 --> 00:07:20,160 but this is justified. 209 00:07:20,180 --> 00:07:23,050 This place is noice! 210 00:07:23,069 --> 00:07:24,189 - All good shit. [chuckles] 211 00:07:24,209 --> 00:07:27,110 - What's that? - Tuscan beef. 212 00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:29,060 - Meat in a bag? - Mm. 213 00:07:29,079 --> 00:07:31,129 - Okay. [laughs] 214 00:07:33,050 --> 00:07:36,029 [Cheryl Lynn's "Got To Be Real"] 215 00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:39,159 [upbeat music] 216 00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:45,090 ♪ ♪ 217 00:07:45,110 --> 00:07:49,170 - Girl, your kids are calling. Girl, your kids are calling. 218 00:07:49,189 --> 00:07:51,100 - What, Jacobi? 219 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,139 I told you not to call me while I'm in Fiji. 220 00:07:53,159 --> 00:07:54,170 I don't care. 221 00:07:54,189 --> 00:07:57,069 Pretend I'm not your mother for the next seven days. 222 00:07:57,090 --> 00:07:58,139 Well, uh-- 223 00:07:58,159 --> 00:07:59,209 - [posh accent] Excuse me, ma'am. 224 00:07:59,230 --> 00:08:02,110 Do you know where I could find the complimentary coffee? 225 00:08:02,129 --> 00:08:05,079 - Excuse me, but I am on the phone. 226 00:08:05,100 --> 00:08:08,100 [gasps] Oh, my God! - [shouts] 227 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,209 - Do my eyes deceive me? 228 00:08:09,230 --> 00:08:13,199 Am I looking at future First Lady Mrs. Cheyenne Tippins? 229 00:08:13,220 --> 00:08:15,189 - [normally] Oh, we have to see about the Senate seat first, 230 00:08:15,209 --> 00:08:17,199 but you're right about one thing, though! 231 00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:20,040 [both screaming] 232 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:22,100 [both scream rhythmically] 233 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,220 [laughter] 234 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:24,220 - Oh! 235 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,050 - Okay, we're thinking upstate for the wedding, 236 00:08:26,069 --> 00:08:28,009 so you better start watching tickets now. 237 00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,220 - And start looking for babysitters. 238 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,100 Girl, my kids are banned from every major airline. 239 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,149 - [nasal voice] Ooh, can I touch your hair? 240 00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:37,210 It looks so fun! 241 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:42,070 - [gasps] - Okay, Miss Fortune 500! 242 00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:44,009 - There she C-E-go! 243 00:08:44,029 --> 00:08:46,220 [all scream] 244 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,179 all: Uh, uh! 245 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:52,009 - Amara, I haven't seen you since you sold a company, 246 00:08:52,029 --> 00:08:54,190 got rich, and stopped returning my text messages. 247 00:08:54,210 --> 00:08:55,220 How you doin', girl? 248 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,129 - [normally] I'd say this well. - [gasps] 249 00:08:58,149 --> 00:09:01,169 [laughter and screaming] 250 00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,230 [gun clicks] - Freeze! 251 00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:05,190 Now turn around slow. 252 00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:08,070 [suspenseful music] 253 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,220 - Oh, my God, oh, my God, 254 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,120 oh, my--oh! - Hey! 255 00:09:11,139 --> 00:09:14,080 [all screaming] 256 00:09:14,100 --> 00:09:16,190 [upbeat music] 257 00:09:16,210 --> 00:09:19,190 [all screaming] 258 00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:25,059 ♪ ♪ 259 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:28,190 [all screaming] 260 00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:31,169 [all screaming] - Bitch! 261 00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:34,139 I did not know Frontier flew to Fiji. 262 00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:36,080 - It do. [laughter] 263 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:37,070 - Is that thing loaded? 264 00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:39,039 - Now, you know I had to make it real. 265 00:09:39,059 --> 00:09:40,190 - Yeah, we know how you do. 266 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,059 Now stand back. I can't risk getting photographed with you. 267 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,159 I'm in politics now! - Ooh! 268 00:09:45,179 --> 00:09:47,000 Okay, whatever. 269 00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,120 Enough with the pleasantries. I'm ready to catch some dick. 270 00:09:49,139 --> 00:09:51,019 Now whose room am I staying in? 271 00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:55,009 - Girl, you need to get your life together and "Queen In." 272 00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:58,080 [chuckles] - Okay, Sheryl Scamberg. 273 00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,210 Anyway, I was only able to afford a one-way, 274 00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,210 so we're gonna have to figure that out. 275 00:10:01,230 --> 00:10:03,009 - Pfft. - We? 276 00:10:03,029 --> 00:10:04,039 - Oh! [tense music] 277 00:10:04,059 --> 00:10:05,080 - Is your name Serta? 278 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,210 'Cause you're a perfect sleeper. 279 00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:10,230 - [sniffs] - I'm just playin', girl! 280 00:10:11,009 --> 00:10:14,120 Hey, the party has arrived! Damn, y'all lookin'! 281 00:10:14,139 --> 00:10:17,129 - Hey...girl. [music slows down and stops] 282 00:10:17,149 --> 00:10:18,120 - That's all I get? 283 00:10:18,139 --> 00:10:19,200 Talkin' 'bout some, "Hey, girl." 284 00:10:19,220 --> 00:10:20,220 What's it been? Like, ten years? 285 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,159 I missed y'all. 286 00:10:22,179 --> 00:10:25,039 - You know, girl, same. But, uh, can we get a minute? 287 00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:27,070 - [chuckles] Yeah, that's so y'all. 288 00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:30,049 Keeping secrets from me 'cause I be gossiping. 289 00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:32,049 - Who the fuck is that? 290 00:10:32,070 --> 00:10:34,009 - I don't know, but I haven't seen a move that reckless 291 00:10:34,029 --> 00:10:35,129 since my youngest broke his principal's neck. 292 00:10:35,149 --> 00:10:38,190 - I have an idea. Hey, girl! 293 00:10:38,210 --> 00:10:41,049 Uh, we need your government name for check-in. 294 00:10:41,070 --> 00:10:42,080 - Mm. 295 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,120 - What's your full name again? - Girl, quit playin'! 296 00:10:44,139 --> 00:10:46,019 You know my name. [chuckles] 297 00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:48,080 all: Uh... - [chuckles] 298 00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:50,039 - Jessica Geyser? 299 00:10:50,059 --> 00:10:53,080 Y'all called me Messica 'cause I like to start shit 300 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:55,080 and I know everybody's business. 301 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,019 Like you're the reformed ho who found God, 302 00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:01,029 you're the HBIC who's secretly into BDSM. 303 00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:04,070 - My safe word is "Queen In." - Mm-hmm! 304 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:06,139 - You're the wild one we gotta watch our purses around. 305 00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,049 And you're the exhausted mom 306 00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:10,179 whose husband is sleeping with his secretary. 307 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,149 [whispers] How you doing, girl? 308 00:11:13,169 --> 00:11:14,149 - [gasps] 309 00:11:14,169 --> 00:11:16,049 Okay, my husband did just have a break baby 310 00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:19,100 with his secretary, but I truly do not know who this bitch is. 311 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,059 - Oh, my God, girl. I'm so sorry. Are you okay? 312 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,230 - Hey! Y'all know me. Quit playin'. 313 00:11:25,009 --> 00:11:26,169 Okay, you know how we do! 314 00:11:26,190 --> 00:11:28,230 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 315 00:11:29,009 --> 00:11:31,000 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 316 00:11:31,019 --> 00:11:33,070 - I don't do that or know that crew. 317 00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,100 - Let me do it to the side. 318 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,179 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 319 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,190 You remember me now? [indistinct skeptical chatter] 320 00:11:38,210 --> 00:11:40,120 - Messica! 321 00:11:40,139 --> 00:11:43,090 [quirky music] 322 00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:44,220 - Oh. 323 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,070 - What are you doing, girl? - Who are these women? 324 00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,149 Do you know these women? 325 00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:51,009 Why are you talking to these women? 326 00:11:51,029 --> 00:11:52,019 - Are they with you? 327 00:11:52,039 --> 00:11:53,110 Did you invite them on our trip? 328 00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,100 - Now, I know this bitch 329 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,190 didn't invite these bitches to our bitch trip. 330 00:11:57,210 --> 00:12:00,029 - No, no, no! I don't know them. 331 00:12:00,049 --> 00:12:03,029 - Damn, so you just out here chloroforming anybody? 332 00:12:03,049 --> 00:12:04,059 - No, I-- 333 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,070 - I know it's been ten years, but we're your girls. 334 00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,179 We're the Cut Up Crew. 335 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,070 all: ♪ Ay, ay! ♪ 336 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:11,029 - Ay, that's the Cut Up Crew. 337 00:12:11,049 --> 00:12:12,110 all: ♪ Ay, ay! ♪ 338 00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:14,169 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 339 00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:17,019 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 340 00:12:17,039 --> 00:12:19,179 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 341 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,149 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay-- ♪ 342 00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,049 [soft dramatic music] 343 00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:27,039 - Thank you for coming to our focus group. 344 00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:29,149 The network saw the backlash to last season's 345 00:12:29,169 --> 00:12:32,070 "The Real Paper Bag Wives of the DMV Area" 346 00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:35,049 and wants to move in a more positive direction. 347 00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:37,220 - You should've just hired me as your culture consultant 348 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,049 before you even made it. 349 00:12:39,070 --> 00:12:42,000 I would've sent you my 67-tweet thread 350 00:12:42,019 --> 00:12:44,110 and you could've just Cash App'd me for my time. 351 00:12:44,129 --> 00:12:45,159 - Absolutely should have, Genisa. 352 00:12:45,179 --> 00:12:46,169 - There was backlash? 353 00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:48,210 I didn't watch it, but my girls love that shit. 354 00:12:48,230 --> 00:12:51,009 - Well, my whole Links chapter hated it. 355 00:12:51,029 --> 00:12:53,059 - Yes, Britnaye. Also, yes, Davion. 356 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,230 See, this dynamic discussion is exactly why we're here. 357 00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:59,190 We want to get your feedback to our upcoming series, 358 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:02,110 "Black Women Doing Stuff." 359 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,149 [bassy dramatic music] 360 00:13:04,169 --> 00:13:06,149 - Nope. - Yeah, pause that shit. 361 00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:08,000 - I have notes. - Oh, okay. 362 00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:09,110 Opinions already, great. 363 00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:12,009 Okay, um, why don't you tell me what you see? 364 00:13:12,029 --> 00:13:15,090 - Actually, sister, it's what we didn't see: 365 00:13:15,110 --> 00:13:17,019 the whole Black, female self. 366 00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:18,169 A show about Black women 367 00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:21,029 and the first thing you show us is a disembodied leg? 368 00:13:21,049 --> 00:13:22,169 - Oh, okay. Well, I see what you're saying, 369 00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:24,179 but, you know, she's just getting out of the car. 370 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,059 The shot's not going to linger there. 371 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,090 - In a Lexus? Yuck. 372 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,159 I mean, is she... 373 00:13:30,179 --> 00:13:32,029 poor? 374 00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:33,230 Why not have her drive a black Jag-u-ar? 375 00:13:34,009 --> 00:13:36,049 - Uh-uh. Don't link Black women with cats. 376 00:13:36,070 --> 00:13:38,039 We are not catty. - Where is she? 377 00:13:38,059 --> 00:13:39,149 Look like Rhode Island or some shit. 378 00:13:39,169 --> 00:13:41,049 Ain't no Black people in Rhode Island. 379 00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,190 - Okay, got it. No Black folks in Rhode Island. 380 00:13:43,210 --> 00:13:47,000 - Um, there absolutely are Black people in Rhode Island. 381 00:13:47,019 --> 00:13:50,009 My husband and I are adjuncts at Brown University, 382 00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:51,049 which is a university. 383 00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:52,159 - Understood. Okay. 384 00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:54,190 All professors in Rhode Island are Black. 385 00:13:54,210 --> 00:13:57,059 - And, um, where's Ms. Leg even from? 386 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,100 Are classy people from the diaspora 387 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,220 excluded from this experience? 388 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,200 - If she's not a descendant of enslaved peoples, 389 00:14:03,220 --> 00:14:05,120 I don't know why I am here. 390 00:14:05,139 --> 00:14:08,100 - Yes, I'm hearing all of you. This is great. 391 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:11,190 Any positive notes before we move on 392 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:14,009 to the 58 minutes left in this episode? 393 00:14:14,029 --> 00:14:15,039 - Did she go to public school? 394 00:14:15,059 --> 00:14:17,129 - Why she got on heels? Real niggas wear Jordans. 395 00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:19,009 - Skin's a little light to be dark-skinned, 396 00:14:19,029 --> 00:14:20,139 a little dark to be light-skinned. 397 00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:22,190 - Why only one foot? Are you trying to say 398 00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:25,019 that Black women can't afford two feet? 399 00:14:25,039 --> 00:14:26,230 - And why is she styled to attract a man? 400 00:14:27,009 --> 00:14:28,110 - Why wouldn't she be styled to attract a man? 401 00:14:28,129 --> 00:14:31,039 - I don't dress for niggas. Plus, my nigga's a girl. 402 00:14:31,059 --> 00:14:32,220 Yo, why she ain't got a girl nigga? 403 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,169 Black women are gay, too. 404 00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:36,019 - Wow, okay. 405 00:14:36,039 --> 00:14:38,110 I-I didn't expect so many opinions. 406 00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:40,029 My hand hurts. [chuckles] 407 00:14:40,049 --> 00:14:41,139 But that's okay because now 408 00:14:41,159 --> 00:14:44,230 we are equipped to make the woke but playful, 409 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:47,200 elitist but not classist, 410 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,190 hood but not wearing a bonnet in public, 411 00:14:50,210 --> 00:14:52,149 upper-middle-lower-class, 412 00:14:52,169 --> 00:14:54,080 deep but not shallow, 413 00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:56,009 and funny but also serious 414 00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:59,059 and natural but with fillers 415 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,100 show about Black women that you all want to see. 416 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,149 - Hey, what channel is this gonna be on? YouTube? 417 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:05,220 I only have Netflix 418 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,179 but I only watch "Wheel of Fortune." 419 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,129 Is this gonna be on "Wheel of Fortune"? 420 00:15:09,149 --> 00:15:10,179 - Uh, you know what? 421 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,139 Why don't we just have you back in a couple weeks 422 00:15:12,159 --> 00:15:14,019 to see what we come up with? 423 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,100 - I'm happy your pen is black. 424 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:17,169 - What about "Wheel of Fortune"? 425 00:15:17,190 --> 00:15:20,049 - And this better not have Tokyo Toni. 426 00:15:20,070 --> 00:15:22,059 - Trust me, we got it. 427 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:23,159 After taking into account 428 00:15:23,179 --> 00:15:25,200 all of your concerns and criticisms, 429 00:15:25,220 --> 00:15:28,090 we realized there's really only one Black woman 430 00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:30,120 any of you want to see on screen, 431 00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:32,000 so we gave you what you're looking for. 432 00:15:32,019 --> 00:15:34,009 [soft upbeat music] 433 00:15:37,210 --> 00:15:39,200 - Who does she think she is? - Nope! 434 00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:41,230 Problematic. - So cringey. 435 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:42,230 - She thinks she's better than me. 436 00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:44,149 - I'm triggered. - Y'all weird for this. 437 00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:46,070 - Yo, she would never make it into Soul House 438 00:15:46,090 --> 00:15:47,070 looking like that. 439 00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,149 - Uh-uh! This is too gay. 440 00:15:48,169 --> 00:15:51,039 But also not gay enough. Throw the whole thing away! 441 00:15:51,059 --> 00:15:52,080 - This is violence! 442 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:54,149 - I don't know why, but this is making me mad. 443 00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:59,100 [quirky upbeat music] 444 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,129 ♪ ♪ 445 00:16:03,149 --> 00:16:06,090 - This food can last us for 147 days. 446 00:16:06,110 --> 00:16:07,110 - How do you know that? 447 00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:08,190 We haven't even counted 'em all yet. 448 00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:09,210 - Oh, just guessing. 449 00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:11,210 I'm pretty good at eyeballing that kind of thing. 450 00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:13,220 Hey, did I ever tell you guys about the time 451 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,169 that I did catering for Justin Bieber? 452 00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:17,090 - What? - All chicken fingers. 453 00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,210 [laughter] 454 00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:21,210 Oh, I'm so happy y'all came. 455 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,200 This is exactly how I dreampt it would be. 456 00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:26,220 - Did you just say "dreampt" with a puh-sound? 457 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,080 - Yeah. As in the past tense of dream. 458 00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:31,009 - Yeah, that's dreamt, not dreampt. 459 00:16:31,029 --> 00:16:32,080 - You're just saying the same word twice. 460 00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,159 Dreampt, dreamt. 461 00:16:33,179 --> 00:16:35,019 - Oh, I think you dreamt there was a P in that word. 462 00:16:35,039 --> 00:16:36,159 - [sighs] That's like when people say 463 00:16:36,179 --> 00:16:41,000 supposably or potentually. 464 00:16:41,019 --> 00:16:42,220 - What's wrong with potentually? 465 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:43,230 - Uh-uh. 466 00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:45,000 ♪ ♪ 467 00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,220 - All I'm saying is 468 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,049 I gave myself one and Satan still hasn't appeared, 469 00:16:53,070 --> 00:16:55,019 so I think Pastor's been lying to us 470 00:16:55,039 --> 00:16:56,210 about this whole orgasm thing. 471 00:16:56,230 --> 00:16:58,149 - [scoffs] - Now... 472 00:16:58,169 --> 00:17:00,149 where is everyone? 473 00:17:00,169 --> 00:17:03,179 This shindig ought to be on like poppin' corn by now. 474 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:05,009 - See? 475 00:17:05,029 --> 00:17:07,119 It wouldn't have killed us to be late this one time, Tawny. 476 00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:09,049 If you didn't rush me to get here on time, 477 00:17:09,069 --> 00:17:12,160 I wouldn't be out here looking like who shot John. 478 00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:14,140 [both gasp] 479 00:17:14,160 --> 00:17:17,009 Tawny, I'm frightened! Oh! 480 00:17:17,029 --> 00:17:19,109 But I'm so glad no one will see my hair now. 481 00:17:19,130 --> 00:17:21,009 - Well, it's all right. It's all right, Hazel. 482 00:17:21,029 --> 00:17:22,210 We'll be fine. 483 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,029 - Oh. - [chuckles] 484 00:17:24,049 --> 00:17:25,190 - Thank goodness. [chuckles] 485 00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,089 Oh, I think I peed my petticoat a little bit. 486 00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:31,069 [laughter] - [rasping] 487 00:17:31,089 --> 00:17:32,180 [both screaming] 488 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,230 - Dear God! 489 00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,130 Ashy people! 490 00:17:35,150 --> 00:17:37,190 - No, Hazel, I think those are zombies! 491 00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:40,029 - Also terrifying. [both screaming] 492 00:17:40,049 --> 00:17:42,210 - You don't want to eat us! Eat someone else. 493 00:17:42,230 --> 00:17:45,069 - There's no one else here. [zombies hissing] 494 00:17:45,089 --> 00:17:46,180 [both screaming] 495 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,210 - No! [shouts] - [shouting] 496 00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,099 [classical music] - Hi. 497 00:17:50,119 --> 00:17:53,029 I'm Commanch Pitters II, Blackstorian. 498 00:17:53,049 --> 00:17:56,000 On the evening of October 8th, 1896, 499 00:17:56,019 --> 00:17:58,230 Tawny Murrow and Hazel Fields were eaten to death 500 00:17:59,009 --> 00:18:01,069 simply for being on time to a party. 501 00:18:01,089 --> 00:18:03,130 The trauma of this senseless tragedy 502 00:18:03,150 --> 00:18:06,160 reverberates across generations of Black people 503 00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:09,039 who refuse to be on time for anything 504 00:18:09,059 --> 00:18:11,029 for fear of meeting certain death. 505 00:18:11,049 --> 00:18:13,160 Despite popular belief, the "CP" in "CP time" 506 00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:15,119 does not stand for "colored people," 507 00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:17,119 but rather, for "corpse people," 508 00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:19,039 as a reminder to be late enough 509 00:18:19,059 --> 00:18:22,000 so that corpse people don't eat your brains out. 510 00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,119 Also, while I have you here, 511 00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,200 your great grandmother was not part Cherokee. 512 00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,200 Good night. 513 00:18:27,220 --> 00:18:29,109 [zombies snarling] 514 00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:32,079 - Bad zombie! [women yelping] 515 00:18:32,099 --> 00:18:34,230 - Stop eating me! - [yelps] 516 00:18:36,210 --> 00:18:38,150 [energetic pop music] - Hey! 517 00:18:38,170 --> 00:18:40,150 I like the way you do that right thurr! 518 00:18:40,170 --> 00:18:42,230 If it's your first time up in hurr... 519 00:18:43,009 --> 00:18:44,069 ♪ Well, put your hands in the urr ♪ 520 00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:45,170 ♪ If you a bike connoisseur ♪ 521 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,170 ♪ And let me hear you say, "skrrt, skrrt!" ♪ 522 00:18:47,190 --> 00:18:49,059 all: Skrrt, skrrt! 523 00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:51,049 - That's right. You got it, warriors! 524 00:18:51,069 --> 00:18:52,130 Now, this class is all about 525 00:18:52,150 --> 00:18:54,130 shedding the weight of your last relationship 526 00:18:54,150 --> 00:18:56,009 to trap music! 527 00:18:56,029 --> 00:18:58,009 [all cheer] Let's go! 528 00:18:58,029 --> 00:18:59,079 Whoo! 529 00:18:59,099 --> 00:19:01,099 Okay, now, Erin! Keep up the stamina. 530 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,099 Push it hard! Pedal past the heartbreak. 531 00:19:03,119 --> 00:19:05,099 Let it out! Tell 'em what he did to you. 532 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,039 - Well, we'd been dating for two years. 533 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,150 Everything was great. 534 00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:12,180 He even let me spend the night. Once. 535 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,069 But then I found out he has a whole wife! 536 00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:16,089 - No, no, no, no! 537 00:19:16,109 --> 00:19:19,029 If he wastes your years, he don't deserve your tears. 538 00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:21,170 That's why I immediately broke off my common law engagement 539 00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:23,150 to Keedrick after only 12 years. 540 00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,119 - Uh, 12 years? - That's right. 541 00:19:25,140 --> 00:19:28,049 Quick-like! Now let's turn it up! 542 00:19:28,069 --> 00:19:30,099 ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪ 543 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,140 ♪ You don't need that nigga no more! ♪ 544 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,019 ♪ Delete his number from your phone ♪ 545 00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:37,180 ♪ Get like me and drink alone ♪ 546 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,069 [all cheer] 547 00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:40,079 Let's go! 548 00:19:40,099 --> 00:19:42,170 Okay, Tia! I see you! 549 00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:44,019 Now tell 'em why you mad this week! 550 00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:48,130 - Well, we met on Monday, texted all day Tuesday, 551 00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:50,099 but then when I told him I loved him on Wednesday, 552 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:52,049 he replied, "unsubscribe." 553 00:19:52,069 --> 00:19:53,130 - Oh, no! 554 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:56,029 ♪ If he don't love you by day three ♪ 555 00:19:56,049 --> 00:19:58,130 ♪ Go on and set that pussy free, wap! ♪ 556 00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:00,140 [all cheer] Let's go! 557 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,009 Here we go! Everybody, let's work. 558 00:20:03,029 --> 00:20:05,069 ♪ Do the dive, do the roll ♪ 559 00:20:05,089 --> 00:20:08,170 ♪ One leg up, let him go ♪ 560 00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:11,230 - I get what you're saying, but I still want a man. 561 00:20:12,009 --> 00:20:13,039 - Girl, you don't need a man! 562 00:20:13,059 --> 00:20:16,029 This bike is responsible for my last 52-- 563 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,190 [grunts softly] 53 orgasms. 564 00:20:17,210 --> 00:20:19,150 And it never stood me up. 565 00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:21,049 Whoo! All right now! 566 00:20:21,069 --> 00:20:22,230 Come on now, newbie! 567 00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:25,000 What fuckboy brings you to class this week? 568 00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:26,079 ♪ ♪ 569 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,150 Well, damn. 570 00:20:27,170 --> 00:20:31,069 - Jericho used to be my fiancé. He was so good to me. 571 00:20:31,089 --> 00:20:33,220 Good job, great sex, better money. 572 00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,190 - All right, well, get to the shit he did to you. 573 00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:37,190 Class is almost over, boo! Damn. 574 00:20:37,210 --> 00:20:41,140 - He had the nerve to leave me because I cheated once 575 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,059 or five times. 576 00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:45,220 - Oh, wow. That's too bad. 577 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,109 So is he seeing someone new? 578 00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,150 - I don't know. 579 00:20:48,170 --> 00:20:51,119 I stopped by his house and he wouldn't even talk to me. 580 00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:53,200 - Oh, okay. And, uh, where is his house, warrior? 581 00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:55,009 Be specific! 582 00:20:55,029 --> 00:20:57,130 - Uh, off 5th and Decatur. - Hey! 583 00:20:57,150 --> 00:20:59,220 ♪ ♪ 584 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,160 ♪ 5th and Decatur, I know that hood ♪ 585 00:21:01,180 --> 00:21:04,069 ♪ I'ma be right back, I'ma see what's good ♪ 586 00:21:04,089 --> 00:21:11,000 ♪ ♪ 587 00:21:11,019 --> 00:21:12,019 [bike bell rings] 588 00:21:14,089 --> 00:21:16,069 - ♪ [singing indistinctly] ♪ 589 00:21:16,089 --> 00:21:18,150 - Look, guys! Who am I? 590 00:21:18,170 --> 00:21:21,039 "I have 12 jobs and this is just one. 591 00:21:21,059 --> 00:21:23,009 Can someone hurry up and sign for this, please?" 592 00:21:23,029 --> 00:21:24,109 [laughter] 593 00:21:24,130 --> 00:21:26,230 - I got the package here, didn't I? 594 00:21:27,009 --> 00:21:29,089 Everybody isn't meant to be a one-job person, Laci. 595 00:21:29,109 --> 00:21:31,029 - Hey, I have lots of jobs. 596 00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:32,069 Personal trainer, 597 00:21:32,089 --> 00:21:34,210 part-time thotty, full-time hotty--oh. 598 00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:35,210 - Oh. - Shit, bitch. 599 00:21:35,230 --> 00:21:38,130 This is heavy. What's in here? - I don't know. 600 00:21:38,150 --> 00:21:41,039 As a courier, I took a Shippocratic oath. 601 00:21:41,059 --> 00:21:42,170 I would never open a package. 602 00:21:42,190 --> 00:21:44,089 - Oh. I didn't take an oath. 603 00:21:44,109 --> 00:21:45,130 - Oh. - Oh. 604 00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:48,180 [dramatic music] 605 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,019 - Ew. - Dibs. 606 00:21:50,039 --> 00:21:52,059 - It's so thick. - No wonder it was so heavy. 607 00:21:52,079 --> 00:21:54,019 - Oh, I've never seen a black one before. 608 00:21:54,039 --> 00:21:55,180 [quirky upbeat music] 609 00:21:57,109 --> 00:21:59,210 - ♪ There's a whole lotta money in this club ♪ 610 00:21:59,230 --> 00:22:02,019 ♪ Rich niggas, bad bitches, we don't fuck with scrubs ♪ 611 00:22:02,039 --> 00:22:04,009 ♪ It's a whole lotta Henny in this cup ♪ 612 00:22:04,029 --> 00:22:08,000 - Oh, shit. Bryanni is twerking on Deshawn. 613 00:22:08,019 --> 00:22:10,119 He might as well open a joint checking account now, 614 00:22:10,140 --> 00:22:13,210 'cause I never seen a man resist a Bryanni bust down. 615 00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:16,019 - I mean, the girl can move. 616 00:22:16,039 --> 00:22:17,019 Remember that time 617 00:22:17,039 --> 00:22:19,019 she out-danced Les Twins at a Shake Shack? 618 00:22:19,039 --> 00:22:20,029 - Remember? 619 00:22:20,049 --> 00:22:21,230 Girl, that's how we got free burgers for life. 620 00:22:22,009 --> 00:22:23,019 - Okay. 621 00:22:23,039 --> 00:22:24,130 - Lock him down, Bryanni! 622 00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:28,019 - No need to applaud. I'm the one who makes it clap. 623 00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:29,230 [laughter] - Okay! 624 00:22:30,009 --> 00:22:32,170 - ♪ We all know you not tough, stop actin' ♪ 625 00:22:32,190 --> 00:22:34,099 - Excuse me! [snaps] 626 00:22:34,119 --> 00:22:36,069 Did you just yawn while I was twerking on you? 627 00:22:36,089 --> 00:22:37,089 - No, girl. I wasn't yawning. 628 00:22:37,109 --> 00:22:39,089 I was just stretching my throat. 629 00:22:39,109 --> 00:22:41,119 - Is my booty bouncing boring you? 630 00:22:41,140 --> 00:22:43,170 'Cause I'm giving you rhythm and you got the blues. 631 00:22:43,190 --> 00:22:44,180 - Damn. 632 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,029 Is her ass a copy of "Goodnight Moon"? 633 00:22:47,049 --> 00:22:49,220 I never thought I'd see a man sleep on Bryanni. 634 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,220 - I mean, is her butt broken? - Mm. 635 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,210 - Is the check engine light on? - Mm? 636 00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:56,089 - This is more embarrassing than when I ran into my pastor, 637 00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:58,150 my daddy, and the man I'm cheating on 638 00:22:58,170 --> 00:23:00,049 on my walk of shame last week. 639 00:23:00,069 --> 00:23:03,150 - Girl, you gotta quit walking down MLK. 640 00:23:03,170 --> 00:23:05,069 Mm, I cannot watch this anymore. 641 00:23:05,089 --> 00:23:07,210 - Mm-mm. - Uh-uh. 642 00:23:07,230 --> 00:23:10,029 Girl, we will catch you at the Waffle Barn. 643 00:23:10,049 --> 00:23:12,059 - Bye, Bryanni. Bye, sleepy boy. 644 00:23:12,079 --> 00:23:13,119 - Oh, hell, no. 645 00:23:13,140 --> 00:23:15,150 I am not about to go out like this. 646 00:23:15,170 --> 00:23:17,150 I gotta hit him with the Twerque Du Soleil. 647 00:23:17,170 --> 00:23:20,140 - ♪ Whistle while you pop ♪ 648 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,180 ♪ Fuck it up, yeah, bitch, don't stop ♪ 649 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:25,069 ♪ Let me see you get low and take that nigga dough ♪ 650 00:23:25,089 --> 00:23:27,019 ♪ And whistle while you pop ♪ 651 00:23:27,039 --> 00:23:28,059 ♪ Do yo' shit, sis ♪ 652 00:23:28,079 --> 00:23:30,029 ♪ Fuck yo' nigga, I got money and I pop shit ♪ 653 00:23:30,049 --> 00:23:32,140 ♪ Down that block, and I walk, you can't rock, bitch ♪ 654 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,009 [dancehall horn blasts] 655 00:23:35,029 --> 00:23:36,069 ♪ Oh, you mad I'm on this mic? ♪ 656 00:23:36,089 --> 00:23:37,099 ♪ Tell 'em stop it ♪ 657 00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,099 ♪ We don't share ♪ 658 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:40,119 ♪ You can't sip on my Henny, ho ♪ 659 00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:41,200 - Silk pajamas? 660 00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:44,009 Deshawn, you dressed like a walking durag! 661 00:23:44,029 --> 00:23:45,049 - These aren't pajamas. 662 00:23:45,069 --> 00:23:47,029 I'm just trying to get waves in my leg hair. 663 00:23:47,049 --> 00:23:48,230 I'm trying to be as slick as you. 664 00:23:49,009 --> 00:23:50,160 - [huffs] 665 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,160 - ♪ Mama tell me get the money out the pail ♪ 666 00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:53,200 ♪ Dig deep ♪ 667 00:23:53,220 --> 00:23:56,210 [dancehall horn blasts] 668 00:23:56,230 --> 00:23:58,119 ♪ ♪ 669 00:23:58,140 --> 00:24:00,029 - What the hell? 670 00:24:00,049 --> 00:24:02,109 Sleepytime tea? 671 00:24:02,130 --> 00:24:04,109 Oh, hell, no. 672 00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,069 ♪ ♪ 673 00:24:06,089 --> 00:24:09,019 [dancehall horn blasts] 674 00:24:09,039 --> 00:24:10,109 ♪ ♪ 675 00:24:10,130 --> 00:24:14,000 Ooh, I got you now! 676 00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,200 I see your little friend came out to play! 677 00:24:16,220 --> 00:24:19,029 [chuckles] Ooh. 678 00:24:19,049 --> 00:24:21,079 ♪ ♪ 679 00:24:21,099 --> 00:24:22,210 What the fuck? - [snoring] 680 00:24:22,230 --> 00:24:24,220 - Did this nigga go night-night? 681 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,210 Let me hit him with a George Foreman Grill. 682 00:24:27,230 --> 00:24:29,210 Heat on both sides! 683 00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:32,210 [energetic bassy music] 684 00:24:32,230 --> 00:24:37,009 ♪ ♪ 685 00:24:37,029 --> 00:24:40,000 [dancehall horn blasts] 686 00:24:40,019 --> 00:24:47,000 ♪ ♪ 687 00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:49,000 - ♪ Bend it over ♪ 688 00:24:49,019 --> 00:24:52,079 ♪ Bend it over, bend it over ♪ 689 00:24:52,099 --> 00:24:54,039 ♪ Bend it over, oh ♪ 690 00:24:54,059 --> 00:24:55,059 ♪ Come on, come on ♪ 691 00:25:03,210 --> 00:25:10,210 ♪ ♪ 692 00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:16,059 - Never trust a man to do a woman's job. 693 00:26:16,079 --> 00:26:17,059 - [chuckles] 694 00:26:17,079 --> 00:26:19,019 - Nope, it's all the way down in my butt now. 695 00:26:19,039 --> 00:26:20,140 [scattered laughter] But I'm gonna bring it out. 696 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,180 Okay? I'm gonna bring this gun out. 697 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,109 And this gun's gonna come out and there it is. 698 00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:29,049 You're as dead as I am, Trinity. 699 00:26:29,069 --> 00:26:30,220 [rasps] 700 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,210 - Trust me. You got it. [chuckling] 701 00:26:33,230 --> 00:26:34,200 - Are you trying to say 702 00:26:34,220 --> 00:26:36,230 that Black women can't afford two feet? 703 00:26:37,009 --> 00:26:39,009 I'll have you know I have a third foot. 704 00:26:39,029 --> 00:26:40,069 - Oh, shit. [laughter] 705 00:26:40,089 --> 00:26:42,200 - Girl, it is so hot. - Oh, I got you. 706 00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:45,119 - Thank you, girl. You know synthetic sweat, dear friend. 707 00:26:45,140 --> 00:26:46,210 - Let me drop it low. - Lower. 708 00:26:46,230 --> 00:26:47,230 - No. - Uh-uh. 709 00:26:48,009 --> 00:26:49,210 - Oh, oh, I can get it lower. Y'all remember this? 710 00:26:49,230 --> 00:26:51,079 You remember me now? 711 00:26:51,099 --> 00:26:53,019 - Vaguely. - [laughs] 712 00:26:53,039 --> 00:26:55,150 - ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew, ay, ay! ♪ 713 00:26:55,170 --> 00:26:58,059 ♪ Looked straight into the camera ♪ 714 00:26:58,079 --> 00:27:01,069 Y'all know me! You know how we do! 715 00:27:01,089 --> 00:27:04,079 ♪ It's the Cut Up Crew-- ♪ [laughter] 51683

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