Original subtitles

Look out. Photoelectric alarm.

Use the bypass beam.

Bang. You're dead.

Bang to you too.

You're not only both dead...

...but you're both dead with Mr. Waverly's blessings.

He's been watching you guys and, uh, he's not exactly happy.

We're not exactly happy either. We got 45 minutes to get to the plane.

What triggered the alarm?

The sound of your big, fat knee on the pressurized flooring.

It's a noise-level alarm.

Decibel counter?

Oh.

Well, having been successfully captured and killed on our own dress rehearsal...

...heaven knows the depths that we shall sink to on the real job.

We must think positively, Illya.

When we have the diagrams on the plane of the Thrush vault in front of us...

...we've got four hours flying time, we can do our homework.

We should be able to evolve a masterful and foolproof plan.

Into the valley of Thrush rode the 600.

There's an old, abandoned drainpipe...

...that leads from the ocean to the wall of the vault.

But it's mined.

Well, we can use a detector to get through the minefield...

...but they'll all blow up if we cut through the wall.

The mines have to be turned off from inside the vault.

So we'll have to go in to the vault the way he goes in.

That's Anton Korbel.

Manager of the casino and an officer in, um...

...Thrush.

So to follow the path of Mr. Korbel, we have to recruit some expert help...

...there on the Emerald Isle when we arrive.

Firstly, we shall need a woman.

Well, I tell you, I'II, uh, improvise something.

My assignment. Senior officer by two years.

Leaving me to recruit an electronic expert...

...who can ferret out the alarm and guard systems.

What's the name of that thief who operates in this part of the Caribbean?

Marcel Rudolph. A wizard taking out alarm systems.

And a thoroughly reprehensible and untrustworthy character.

However, Rudolph is mine.

So to our mission.

May we successfully proceed to the vault...

...beneath the gambling casino...

...where Thrush keeps its entire treasury for Western Hemisphere operations.

Where we decimate Thrush's ability to continue operations...

...by destroying the $55 million in their vault.

And may we live...

...to tell the tale.

Jurgensen, 628.

Yes, Mr. Jurgensen.

- There you are, sir. - Hm. Thank you.

Oh.

- Young man. - Yes, sir?

Here is my sample case. It contains very important samples.

You have a vault, do you not, where you keep your, uh, ill-gotten gains?

We'll tuck it away in our office safe for you, sir.

Office safe? Ha-ha-ha.

My dear young man.

This case contains some of the finest jewelry in the Netherlands.

- Netherlands? Netherlands, sir.

Absolutely.

It's far too valuable to be tucked away in some office piggy bank.

- I assure you, sir, it's a very... - Assure me no assurances, young man.

If you like, my property can remain at my side.

I'm going back into the casino for a while.

Please have some refreshment sent up to my room.

Yes, sir. What kind would you like, sir?

Yes, sir.

Hello, lovely lady.

It's nifty making new friends in strange places, don't you think?

Ahem. With your permission, miss, I think it would be rather nifty...

...if you took your evening and your health...

...and your breath, particularly, elsewhere.

- I beg your pardon. - Mm-hm. Dismissed.

It's been nifty.

I'm sorry, I guess my intrusion was no less abrupt than his but...

Oh, goodness, not at all.

I mean, well, thank you very much.

Oh. Would you care to sit down?

Yeah, I'd care to actually.

I feel rather like the U.S. Cavalry, you know, quite heroic.

I must say, you certainly arrived on time.

Never in the history of the American drama has the U.S. Calvary been late.

- Would you like a drink, please? - Oh. A Scotch, please.

- And...? - A cola.

A Scotch and cola, please. And a Gibson, very dry.

A Scotch and cola, that's wrong, isn't it?

Well, it's not wrong. It's just...

I did it again.

Boy, there sure are a lot of drawbacks to being properly brought up.

Your parents are with you?

They are not. They're back in Minneapolis.

Worrying.

And well they might.

Do you know that never once in my life...

...have I made even one horrible, unforgivable mistake?

And I'm here to rectify that.

A little.

Go on. I'm fascinated.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

Hi, there.

- You ought to be ashamed of yourself. - I am.

You looked easy down in the lobby.

I wonder how you'll look in my photograph.

- Recognizable, I'm sure. - Ha-ha-ha.

I'm sure.

Look here.

I realize that I find myself in a somewhat awkward position.

- Somewhat. - I certainly hope you don't think...

I certainly do.

You're a thief.

But on my honor. Ha-ha-ha.

Were you truly a gentleman, Mr. Rudolph...

...as I once was...

...you'd realize that no man calls upon his honor so much as he who lacks it.

Rudolph.

How do you know that name? What is this?

You're a three-time loser, Mr. Rudolph, and you're also on parole.

The slightest hint of trouble and, uh, pity.

This attempted burglary would do nicely.

- You set me up, didn't you? - Yes, quite well, I think.

What do you want with me?

Your knowledge of electronic warning devices.

The kind that protect vaults...

...like beneath a gambling casino, for example.

You're joking.

You are not thinking of knocking over this place?

Well, we now have a new technical assistant.

Rudolph? Good, good, good.

Now, just across the inlet there is the drainage opening.

Have a look at it tomorrow.

Lipstick.

There's no need to ask how you fared with the young lady.

Especially after that nauseating performance of mine.

Ah, now, bitterness is a terrible thing, Illya.

After all, you did make rather a bad impression on Susan, you know.

Susan is a nice name.

That's so terribly crude of you, Illya.

I mean, drinking and carrying on like that.

I was actually rather embarrassed for you.

Well, I trust the young lady was suitably captivated by her noble rescuer.

Well, the only thing I can say is that by tomorrow afternoon...

...a very nice young girl from Minneapolis will probably have joined forces...

...and lent her charming services to a nasty gang of safecrackers.

You're so dashing.

You've been waving yourself around in front of me like a flag for weeks now.

For the last time, I'm telling you...

...the only thrush I ever heard of is the one that sings in a tree.

You wanna join a thrush?

Go sit in a tree and wait.

Because I don't know what you're talking about.

Too bad.

Well.

I won't starve, anyway.

Just found out I have a very rich uncle.

- What? - Oh, yes, indeed.

And he's going to be even richer very soon.

- At your expense, I might add. - Talk.

They want me to help them rob your vault.

How many of them?

I've only met one. The young blond fellow in room 628.

He's not the leader, though.

Killing one wouldn't get rid of the rest of them.

We've got to know the identities of all of them.

Especially the leader.

They want you to join them?

Do so.

I fully intended to.

Since they're the only fraternity around here that seemed to value me.

Don't be a fool, Rudolph.

We're not used to having fools.

In Thrush.

False pretenses, that's all you are. False pretenses.

No, Susan. Now, listen.

The work we're doing is important, and I do need you.

But believe me, I wouldn't trick you into anything.

That's not what I meant. I've always had this great vision...

...about slithering through an intimate rendezvous...

...in some Caribbean isle.

Well, here I came. Here you were. But you don't want me to slither.

- You want me to rob a bank. - But I told you whose bank and why.

I know, I know, I know. But, well, I always want to be this...

...femme fatale from Minneapolis.

Scotch and cola, that's me.

Well...

It, uh, better not be.

Susan, I don't need a mama's girl from Minneapolis.

I need a vibrant, vital, exciting, vivacious woman...

...who can pull off a very difficult and possibly dangerous caper.

Oh, fiddlesticks.

You do?

Well, now, that's different.

What's first?

First, you're going to win a mountain of money at the dice tables tonight.

Oh, sure.

And when you do, you're going to take this...

...specially treated hundred-dollar bill and put it in with the money you won.

- What for? - Well, uh, because the treatment on it...

...reacts to vibrations of certain metals, you see...

...and has a curious effect on this little dial here.

- That's after I win a bucket of money? - That's right.

Now, there's nothing to that.

You just put a little bit of this substance here...

...into your hand like this...

...and then you roll the dice around in your hand.

- Go ahead. Roll them around. - Like this?

Now, the electro-centered particles...

...will have a homing in effect on this little watch here, you see...

...like that, which I can set for any number I want.

Okay, now, I want you to roll an 11 for me.

You don't believe me. Go ahead.

Come on, 11.

Pay the line, pay the field.

Fifteen-to-one. Congratulations, mademoiselle.

Oh, thank you. Just let it ride, please.

That's $ 1500, mademoiselle.

I'm afraid it far exceeds the house limits.

Well, you said you accepted big bets.

Perhaps if you desire, the manager will raise the limit for you.

Well, thank you. That would be nice.

Got your message. - I beg your pardon?

Got your message.

Oh, good. Yes. Well, meet me at the slot machines in five minutes.

You, uh, want the limit raised, young lady?

Yes, please. If it's okay.

Certainly.

Any amount the lady wants.

Oh, come on, 11.

Come on, 11.

That's, uh...

That's $22,500.

Oh, I did it. I really did it.

Oh. Could I cash it now?

Certainly. Cash the lady in.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness, all that money.

Uh, would you keep it for me, please?

I mean, I'd be sort of scared to carry all that around.

If you like.

Oh, and I would appreciate seeing where it's kept, if you don't mind.

That won't be necessary, miss.

Oh, well, now, it is an awful lot of money...

...and, well, I should be allowed to see.

Come on, fella. It is her money.

As you wish.

- Thank you and bye. - Good luck.

Oh, uh, could I touch it? You know, just sort of hold it for a minute?

Give it to her.

Thank you.

That's a safe?

That conveyer belt goes directly to the vault room.

There are two large men there to receive it.

Their sole responsibility is to take care of your money.

So don't worry about it.

Oh, but... But I would like to see where it goes.

Impossible. Even I couldn't go down there now.

Oh, fiddlesticks. You can't even get into your own vault?

Now, that's ridiculous.

Not with a time lock.

Lady.

We do the job two nights from now.

That's fine. But I'd appreciate knowing the plan.

And the people I'm expected to work with.

I am an artist, not an amateur.

You will be told the procedure completely tomorrow night.

You'll have a chance to meet your fellow artists.

And bring along your equipment.

My superiors will want to check it out.

It's about time.

You can't blow your way into a vault under a casino full of people.

You've got to have some diversion.

We'll give you a diversion. I promise.

Thank you.

Remember the two guards in the vault room.

Mm-hm. And the time lock on the vault...

...and we know it can only be opened between 12 and 12:15.

Mm.

It's that drunkard.

How dare you come barging into somebody else's room?

No, no, this is Illya Kuryakin.

And he's not a drunkard. As a matter of fact, he doesn't smoke.

And he only offends young ladies in the line of duty.

Oh, really?

Illya, what have you got?

Aha. All right.

Let's see, here's the casino, here's Korbel's office...

...and here's the vault.

We know that we can get in this way, but we'd can't get out that way...

...because they'd be all over us.

So you are going to have to provide an exit.

And that exit will be through the drainpipe here.

I'll use the mine detector.

We still don't know what's in this area where you're breaking in.

We know it's a sudden deathtrap.

According to our information, two years ago on December 8th...

...the casino purchased 250 square feet of electro-porous grating.

Electro-porous.

They could have used it to charge either the floor or the walls in here.

Right. Now, you can't start drilling into the vault...

...until I get into the vault and deactivate the mines.

I'll be through at 12:02. You can start drilling at 12:03.

And if you don't get through this area and into the vault by 12:03...

...and I start drilling?

Well, if you touch the wall before I throw the switch...

...I will hear a very loud noise...

...and you will be scattered all over the Caribbean.

Well, a good agent should be in many places at once.

Would somebody mind paying some attention to me?

Even you.

Two nights from now. And you will know exactly when...

...because there will be a diversion created in the casino.

Diversion, huh?

Well, you get me all their identities...

...and there won't be any U.N.C.L.E. Agents left...

...to create a diversion the next night.

Now get out of here.

Mm. With the time lock on the vault...

...it will have to be opened sometime within the next 15 minutes.

- Now, there it goes. Go.

Remember the hundred dollar bill, Susan?

Mm-hm. - Nineteen left.

You mean, we're getting the combination to the vault?

That's right.

Well, that's so easy. That's great.

It's a deceptively easy beginning...

...to a frightening series of hazards.

You said 10:30, it's after 11. Who's this?

Have you brought all your equipment?

It's all here. Where are the rest of your people?

I'm the rest of his people.

Huh?

You're joking.

Do you mean to say that you, the two of you...?

No. Not the two of us.

The three of us.

And not tomorrow night. Tonight.

That's absurd. We need preparation, briefing. Are you insane?

I don't think so. Are you insane?

No. But I'm chilly.

Shall we go along, Rudolph? You're with me.

No, no, look here. I don't even know what we're supposed to do.

You're supposed to follow instructions.

That's all you know on earth and all you need to know. Come along.

- But... - Good luck.

Eight's the point.

Good evening, mademoiselle.

Slipped.

Now, look here. What are you doing? I don't understand.

All right. Let's go.

All right. Sit down.

No, no, on the floor. On the floor.

Rudolph.

Bad. Very bad.

Now, you go sit behind the chair.

Take that to the office. Use your key.

And hurry right back.

Look out.

Hold it, Rudolph.

Over here.

Well, I am glad we didn't pay you in advance.

This is Thrush, you blockhead. You will never pull it off.

Well, that's unfortunate for you. Because you're gonna go in front of me.

And where I step, you will have stepped first.

And where I die, you will have died first.

Now, those two, they'll sleep for only two hours.

Yours will be forever. Now let's start disarming this door. Shall we?

Come on. Snap it up, Rudolph.

Come on.

- Seven, seven the loser. - Again?

Chips, please.

Well, what are you all staring at?

All right.

- Camera. - Oh, I see.

So that's how the guards in the vault room...

...know when to turn off the alarm systems.

Right now, they are laying down on the job.

So we'll have to turn them off ourselves. Right, Rudolph?

The ground. I am not sure.

An electrostatic field. We're finished. That's it.

Oh, wait, wait.

Operation Hotfoot.

But can't you see? They are no wires. What can I do?

Courage, Rudolph. Courage.

I brought some rubber life rafts to float across the electric floor.

All right, Rudolph. Push it over the field.

That idiot Rudolph should have been back by now...

...with the identity of those U.N.C.L.E. Agents.

Watch for him and let me know immediately.

Oh, my luck couldn't be this bad.

Mademoiselle, forgive me, but you are not betting very wisely.

Oh, really? But I seem to recall betting wisely enough last night.

These railings are wired, all right.

For pressure, not electricity.

Well, then we go down without touching the railings.

But these stairs are too narrow.

Move.

If I lose my balance, it won't be my fault.

Well, don't lose you balance, Rudolph.

Is that an electric eye?

No power hum. It's a dummy.

Oh, it's cold. And a thermometer...

Interesting problem.

This room has been specifically acclimated, but why?

The thermometer. Body heat.

What are you talking about?

I think the room reacts.

Not to objects alone, but to objects of a certain temperature.

In this instance, normal body heat of 98.6 degrees.

Certainly. That's got to be it. Good, huh?

Pretty good.

What are you going to do with that?

I hope you're right about this room, because I'm going to use the CO2...

...to freeze the thermometer long enough for us to get through. All right?

Well, I was right. I did it.

Tell me who else could have deciphered such an arrangement.

You're rooting for the wrong side, Rudolph. Now, don't get confused.

Uh...

That should be it.

Now, the time lock won't cut us off until 12:15 so we are all right.

Look.

That must be seven minutes.

Visitor's quarantine.

It gives the hosts a chance to inspect the guests.

Seven.

We can't wait seven minutes.

- lllya. - What?

Illya.

Hello, Illya.

Illya. Don't touch the wall.

I can't get through for seven more minutes.

Whatever that is, it's useless in here.

These walls are lined with lead.

That's enough. That's enough.

Now, what are you people trying to do to me?

You're horrible. All of you.

Now, just get away from me, you cheaters and robbers.

- Now, look here... - I mean it, all of you.

Just stay away from me, all of you. I mean it.

I haven't got time for this.

Get her out before she empties the place.

I've gotta be at the vault at 12:15 and I'm missing a couple of guards.

All right, you too, you just hold it, you stinker.

And you're gonna watch too.

- Watch what? - I mean it. Just stay right there.

And no fooling around.

- What time does your friend...? - Twelve-o-three.

I should have been in the vault room by then to turn off the switch.

I imagine we'll hear the explosion, even in here.

Too bad.

He'll die quickly though.

It's 12:03.

Why haven't we heard it yet?

Maybe he couldn't make it through.

- I don't know what's with you. - Oh, of course not.

Nobody ever knows what's with other people.

I'm telling you something.

I'm getting tired of being bounced around by people like you.

I'd rather be dead. And you're gonna watch me do it.

Now, look. No one's trying to take advantage of you.

You won quite a sum of money last night.

Why don't you take it and go home?

We'll refund the money you lost tonight.

Ah!

That's a lot of fiddlesticks and you know it.

You sound just like my parents.

They used to say, "Oh, it's all right. Nothing to be afraid of."

You're the one that's gonna be afraid. You're gonna stand right there...

...and you're gonna watch me do it.

Not yet, Illya. Not yet. Not yet.

- Get her into the office. - Aah! Let me go.

Can't you take a joke?

You disarmed the mines but unfortunately not the wall alarms.

I'm sorry, my friend. The jig is up.

What's that?

Very clever, young lady.

So you were the diversion, huh?

Oh, go soak your head.

I'm a bit surprised they got as far as the vault room.

However, every ounce of breathable air...

...is being sucked out of that room right now.

Nobody gets out.

The air. They're suffocating us.

Poor Rudolph.

He wanted so badly to join us.

I'm afraid he's flunked out.

All that nonsense last night just to get into this office.

Now your friends have unfortunately ruptured their lungs.

You're the only one left...

...to tell us all about U.N.C.L.E.

The time lock has only a minute left.

Out fast.

All right, Rudolph.

You wait here and take your chances with Thrush if you like.

No. Heh.

Thank you.

The mines are marked with lights.

- Please, stay away from them. - Oh.

Of course, there's always sodium pentothal...

...which is a bit more civilized than bamboo under the fingernails.

At any rate, let's see what kind of gremlins we've caught.

- Come along, young lady. No, no.

Napoleon. Finally, you've come. - lllya, bring our friend in.

But...

Well, who's in the vault?

Just gremlins. Over there with your boss.

Well, easy come, easy go.

Fifty-five million dollars.

On the deck, everybody, down.

- Why don't you finish the job? - No, no, no.

I couldn't do that. I want you around to explain it all to Thrush.

All right, get down on the deck.

Back.

What about me?

Well, he who straddles both sides of a slippery street...

...winds up sitting in the middle.

But... But...

They'll kill me.

Not if you run fast enough.

Take care of yourself, Rudolph.

Oh, fiddlesticks. Haven't I proven myself?

I mean, aren't I just as sneaky and slimy and rotten as you and Napoleon?

Yes, you are.

You are also thoroughly depraved.

You may ignore him, my dear.

You see, he's not very well-liked anyway.

So tell me about your wonderful idea.

Well, it's a kind of an excursion I thought of.

Mm-hm?

Perfect for people of our low moral fiber.

Splendid.

It's Las Vegas.

Those casinos are filthy with money.

- They've got huge vaults. - Yes?