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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:22,648 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:00:56,597 --> 00:01:00,134 Good morning, good morning, how we doing? 3 00:01:01,268 --> 00:01:03,103 Let's turn our books to page 394. 4 00:01:03,137 --> 00:01:06,373 So this is the equation we're dealing with today, all right. 5 00:01:06,406 --> 00:01:09,109 So I want you to listen up, this is not an easy one. 6 00:01:09,143 --> 00:01:10,344 Yeah, Megan? 7 00:01:10,378 --> 00:01:11,646 May I use the restroom? 8 00:01:11,679 --> 00:01:13,414 Yeah, make it quick. 9 00:01:13,447 --> 00:01:15,216 All right, quiet down. 10 00:01:15,248 --> 00:01:18,218 394, so interpreting a velocity function. 11 00:01:18,251 --> 00:01:21,588 Hey guys quiet, 390, can you turn around 12 00:01:22,822 --> 00:01:25,025 and open your book please, thank you. 13 00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:27,361 Yes. 14 00:01:27,394 --> 00:01:28,862 Boys, slow down! 15 00:01:28,896 --> 00:01:30,899 Hey Sam will you close that up and get to class, thank you! 16 00:03:12,032 --> 00:03:13,635 What was that! 17 00:03:26,146 --> 00:03:29,516 ♪ I know I'm out of my mind ♪ 18 00:03:29,550 --> 00:03:33,454 ♪ I know I'm crazy ♪ 19 00:03:33,486 --> 00:03:37,191 ♪ I'm always living some life ♪ 20 00:03:37,223 --> 00:03:39,060 ♪ And I'm not sorry ♪ 21 00:03:40,527 --> 00:03:44,431 Hello everybody good morning, it's Jenna Ross here. 22 00:03:44,465 --> 00:03:46,334 If you've been following my blog thank you. 23 00:03:46,366 --> 00:03:48,468 I'm up to 10,000 followers. 24 00:03:48,502 --> 00:03:50,471 I appreciate you and your comments so much 25 00:03:50,503 --> 00:03:52,239 and if you're a new fan, hi. 26 00:03:52,272 --> 00:03:53,807 It's nice to meet you. 27 00:03:53,841 --> 00:03:56,978 I'm 18 and I'm a freshman in college. 28 00:03:57,010 --> 00:04:00,847 This is my dorm room where the magic happens, 29 00:04:00,881 --> 00:04:02,817 by magic I mean homework. 30 00:04:02,849 --> 00:04:04,951 Okay guess which side is mine you guys? 31 00:04:04,985 --> 00:04:07,555 I'm a neat freak for the new fans. 32 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,762 So today we're not gonna talk about the usual stuff 33 00:04:14,794 --> 00:04:16,863 that we talk about which is politics, gun control, 34 00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:19,867 the environment, instead we're gonna talk about something 35 00:04:19,899 --> 00:04:22,068 that hurts my heart very much. 36 00:04:22,101 --> 00:04:24,538 Three nights ago a 14-year-old from my high school 37 00:04:24,572 --> 00:04:26,406 took his own life. 38 00:04:26,439 --> 00:04:27,942 He was a freshmen. 39 00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,945 In just the last two days I have seen two teenagers 40 00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:33,915 commit suicide live on social media. 41 00:04:33,947 --> 00:04:36,883 This is just heartbreaking and I couldn't even watch it. 42 00:04:36,916 --> 00:04:40,220 It's horrible to hear about people taking their own lives, 43 00:04:40,254 --> 00:04:42,123 especially teenagers. 44 00:04:42,156 --> 00:04:44,257 I'm making these videos today to raise awareness 45 00:04:44,290 --> 00:04:45,793 in this country. 46 00:04:45,826 --> 00:04:48,162 Kids aren't just committing suicide because they're gay 47 00:04:48,194 --> 00:04:49,663 or because they're bullied. 48 00:04:49,697 --> 00:04:53,000 There are other things too but nobody's talking about them. 49 00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:54,468 So I'm gonna. 50 00:04:55,903 --> 00:04:58,406 It's the pressure from the parents and the school. 51 00:04:58,439 --> 00:05:00,040 The amount of stress that a student goes through 52 00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:02,009 in this country is ridiculous. 53 00:05:02,041 --> 00:05:03,510 Do you know how much pressure it is 54 00:05:03,543 --> 00:05:05,712 to get into a good college now? 55 00:05:05,745 --> 00:05:09,649 I had to maintain good grades, no, not good grades, 56 00:05:09,682 --> 00:05:11,685 perfect grades. 57 00:05:11,718 --> 00:05:13,887 It just shouldn't take kids committing suicide 58 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:16,858 for the stress levels and homework levels to go down. 59 00:05:18,024 --> 00:05:19,826 We need to spread awareness you guys 60 00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,295 and get this message out. 61 00:05:21,327 --> 00:05:23,663 Share it with your friends, your family, 62 00:05:23,697 --> 00:05:25,833 post this video on Facebook. 63 00:05:25,865 --> 00:05:28,802 Click like and write your comments below. 64 00:05:28,836 --> 00:05:31,105 We can't lose anymore teens to something 65 00:05:31,137 --> 00:05:33,608 that is so easily preventable. 66 00:05:34,574 --> 00:05:36,009 All right guys so keep watching, 67 00:05:36,043 --> 00:05:37,545 I'll be posting all day but I'm changing it up a little bit. 68 00:05:37,577 --> 00:05:39,613 I'm doing something I've never done before. 69 00:05:39,646 --> 00:05:43,084 No edits, no cutting, just real Jenna. 70 00:05:43,117 --> 00:05:46,187 Thank you for listening, I'm Jenna Ross, 71 00:05:46,220 --> 00:05:48,223 have a beautiful day. 72 00:05:49,490 --> 00:05:51,859 Oh please don't forget to comment. 73 00:05:53,026 --> 00:05:55,430 I love hearing from all of you, okay. 74 00:05:56,697 --> 00:05:57,531 Bye guys. 75 00:05:59,867 --> 00:06:03,137 Hello everyone, I'm Nick Meyer, I'm 17 76 00:06:04,504 --> 00:06:06,740 and this is my first video. 77 00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:12,980 So today's my second week in my new school. 78 00:06:14,447 --> 00:06:16,283 It's an all boys school. 79 00:06:18,351 --> 00:06:20,687 Which is way different than my other school. 80 00:06:22,355 --> 00:06:24,024 I'm a little nervous to be honest. 81 00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:28,562 But today is a great day because my parents 82 00:06:28,595 --> 00:06:30,898 finally came around and they gave me back my cellphone 83 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,467 which allows me back on social media. 84 00:06:34,634 --> 00:06:35,870 I've been grounded from all that stuff 85 00:06:35,903 --> 00:06:39,140 for like a month now. 86 00:06:39,173 --> 00:06:42,377 It's been really hard not being on social media. 87 00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:46,447 It was like the loneliest time of my life actually 88 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,816 because I look to that stuff for support, you know? 89 00:06:49,783 --> 00:06:50,685 What's up freak? 90 00:06:50,718 --> 00:06:52,186 What the fuck you got there man. 91 00:06:52,218 --> 00:06:53,553 Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, please, please. 92 00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:56,790 Jesus we have a stream here. You got a lot of viewers 93 00:06:56,824 --> 00:06:58,526 What's up faggots? 94 00:06:58,559 --> 00:07:00,528 Hi, how you fucking doing? 95 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,796 - You wanna play with this? - What you got going on here? 96 00:07:02,829 --> 00:07:04,531 These are all your faggot ass friends 97 00:07:04,564 --> 00:07:06,500 who is watching your videos, is that what's going on? 98 00:07:06,533 --> 00:07:07,968 Say hi. 99 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:08,902 Hey guys, let's get a little selfie going on huh? 100 00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:09,936 Come on you guys please. 101 00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:11,439 You know I like you two, huh? 102 00:07:11,471 --> 00:07:13,274 - Let's see what's going on. - I like it it's a good thing. 103 00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:14,742 Let's see what's going on. 104 00:07:14,774 --> 00:07:15,975 You think it's gonna hurt worse 105 00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:17,311 - when I shatter you jaw - Straighten his tie up 106 00:07:17,343 --> 00:07:19,012 or the therapy afterwards? a little bit. 107 00:07:22,216 --> 00:07:24,085 What you got something to say, huh? 108 00:07:25,786 --> 00:07:27,088 There we go. 109 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,022 You're fucking dead after school. 110 00:07:30,357 --> 00:07:33,427 And I hope all you guys get to watch. 111 00:07:35,461 --> 00:07:37,564 - Let's get out of here. - See you. 112 00:07:39,399 --> 00:07:41,368 Hey guys it's Jenna Ross here again. 113 00:07:41,401 --> 00:07:43,103 I just read all of your comments 114 00:07:43,137 --> 00:07:45,939 and I'm really sorry if I offended some of you, 115 00:07:45,973 --> 00:07:49,076 that was not my intention. 116 00:07:49,108 --> 00:07:51,077 I hear what you guys are saying about the bullying issue, 117 00:07:51,110 --> 00:07:54,814 trust me I do, I saw it high school everyday. 118 00:07:54,848 --> 00:07:58,252 I see it on campus, I see it online, it's disgusting 119 00:07:58,285 --> 00:08:01,655 and I do everything in my power to stop it. 120 00:08:01,687 --> 00:08:03,757 All I'm saying is that there are teenagers 121 00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:06,493 that are committing suicide that are not being bullied, 122 00:08:06,526 --> 00:08:07,461 that's all. 123 00:08:09,096 --> 00:08:11,598 Did you know that suicide is the third leading cause 124 00:08:11,632 --> 00:08:13,867 of death in all teenagers? 125 00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:15,668 Did you also know that according 126 00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:17,237 to the American Psychiatric Association, 127 00:08:17,271 --> 00:08:20,174 almost all teenagers who are depressed 128 00:08:20,206 --> 00:08:22,776 will attempt suicide at some time. 129 00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:24,911 I'm gonna list you a few of the warning signs 130 00:08:24,944 --> 00:08:26,980 you might see from somebody who's in danger 131 00:08:27,014 --> 00:08:28,983 of committing suicide. 132 00:08:29,016 --> 00:08:32,353 One is talking frequently about death. 133 00:08:32,385 --> 00:08:34,788 Two, is writing depressed poetry. 134 00:08:34,822 --> 00:08:37,957 Three is acting out or changes in their behavior 135 00:08:37,990 --> 00:08:41,194 like partying or doing drugs when they never have before. 136 00:08:42,729 --> 00:08:45,166 We can't lose anymore teens to this you guys. 137 00:08:45,198 --> 00:08:48,935 We can end this suicide craze, I know we can. 138 00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:53,240 Okay, thank you, love you. 139 00:08:55,107 --> 00:08:55,942 Bye. 140 00:09:16,163 --> 00:09:17,597 Do you hear that? 141 00:09:18,865 --> 00:09:21,634 That's my brother, he's incredible. 142 00:09:21,668 --> 00:09:25,972 ♪ I won't call or leave a note child ♪ 143 00:09:26,005 --> 00:09:29,409 ♪ Fade away won't ever see my face ♪ 144 00:09:29,442 --> 00:09:33,480 ♪ But somehow I love God oh. ♪ 145 00:09:33,514 --> 00:09:35,682 - Sounds good in here. - Thanks. 146 00:09:35,716 --> 00:09:38,085 Yeah, I'm just getting ready to make a video, so. 147 00:09:38,118 --> 00:09:39,620 - Cool I'll be quiet. - All right. 148 00:09:44,157 --> 00:09:46,761 Hey guys Brandon Wade here, fuck. 149 00:09:48,928 --> 00:09:50,497 All right. 150 00:09:50,530 --> 00:09:51,965 Hey guys, Brandon Wade here. 151 00:09:51,999 --> 00:09:54,067 Thank you so much for all the comments and likes lately, 152 00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:55,336 I so appreciate your support. 153 00:09:55,369 --> 00:09:58,404 Here's my newest one, it's called "Over You," 154 00:09:58,437 --> 00:09:59,405 it goes like this. 155 00:09:59,438 --> 00:10:01,107 Let me know what you think. 156 00:10:06,078 --> 00:10:09,382 ♪ Had a bad dream last night but it hurts ♪ 157 00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:14,422 ♪ To open my eyes ♪ 158 00:10:15,322 --> 00:10:17,057 ♪ I take a little walk outside ♪ 159 00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:22,096 ♪ Whiskey high she's on my mind ♪ 160 00:10:23,129 --> 00:10:27,467 ♪ Tell me how our love got old ♪ 161 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:32,072 ♪ Tell me and the storm will be over ♪ 162 00:10:32,105 --> 00:10:37,110 ♪ Help me oh I'm taking on water ♪ 163 00:10:38,044 --> 00:10:41,881 ♪ Drowning in my mind over you ♪ 164 00:10:41,914 --> 00:10:44,684 ♪ I'm drowning in my mind over you ♪ 165 00:10:48,221 --> 00:10:49,789 My brother's blowing up right now. 166 00:10:50,823 --> 00:10:53,293 He has like 200,000 followers. 167 00:10:55,461 --> 00:10:57,230 He's kind of a big deal. 168 00:10:58,999 --> 00:11:02,003 But Brandon doesn't care about any of that shit. 169 00:11:03,302 --> 00:11:05,706 He'd do this everyday with no followers. 170 00:11:09,308 --> 00:11:11,077 Nothing would stop him. 171 00:11:11,110 --> 00:11:14,514 - James, breakfast is ready! - Be right down! 172 00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:15,749 - Fuck, Mom,. - Geeze, I'm sorry 173 00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:17,518 - I didn't know. - Yeah, well 174 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:18,953 now I have to do it all over again, thank you very much. 175 00:11:18,985 --> 00:11:20,187 Well you should have told me. 176 00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:20,854 All right, I'm sorry. 177 00:11:20,886 --> 00:11:22,355 Geeze. 178 00:11:22,389 --> 00:11:25,158 This used to happen every single day when he lived here. 179 00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:26,360 Are you smoking pot? 180 00:11:26,393 --> 00:11:27,894 No I'm not at all, no. 181 00:11:27,927 --> 00:11:29,730 Brandon, it's 10 a.m., this is what you do 182 00:11:29,763 --> 00:11:32,333 - in L.A. all day? - No it's not. 183 00:11:32,365 --> 00:11:33,199 God. 184 00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:38,705 Hi everyone, Nick Meyer here again. 185 00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:43,043 It's lunchtime and this is pretty much 186 00:11:43,076 --> 00:11:44,579 where I spend all my lunches. 187 00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:51,986 If you think this is bad, gym class is way worse. 188 00:11:52,019 --> 00:11:53,553 There's no hiding there. 189 00:11:57,323 --> 00:11:58,825 This is worst school yet. 190 00:12:00,126 --> 00:12:02,362 It's really small only like 100 boys, 191 00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:06,333 so everyone knows everyone. 192 00:12:17,476 --> 00:12:20,146 Sorry, I don't really know what to say. 193 00:12:23,549 --> 00:12:27,420 I guess I can start with why I'm making these videos. 194 00:12:31,658 --> 00:12:34,394 So, when I was a little boy, my... 195 00:12:35,528 --> 00:12:39,566 - I took the photo. - Hey this one's broken. 196 00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,568 - Yo is someone in there? - Yeah. 197 00:12:42,601 --> 00:12:44,038 Well, fucking hurry up, I gotta take a shit 198 00:12:44,071 --> 00:12:45,806 and the other stall's broken. 199 00:12:45,839 --> 00:12:47,141 Sorry, it's gonna be awhile. 200 00:12:47,173 --> 00:12:49,375 - Oh fuck. - Who's in there? 201 00:12:49,408 --> 00:12:51,345 - Nick. - Nick Costello 202 00:12:51,378 --> 00:12:54,081 - or Nick the new kid? - Nick the new kid. 203 00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:56,684 - Oh this guy. - You're fucking dead faggot! 204 00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:58,952 You're fucking dead! 205 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,221 Now he's all pissed off at me. 206 00:13:01,254 --> 00:13:04,191 Well he'll get over it. 207 00:13:04,224 --> 00:13:05,592 I'll eat his breakfast. 208 00:13:08,294 --> 00:13:12,399 Hey, no I can't today, I gotta go, bye. 209 00:13:21,374 --> 00:13:25,045 Good morning, handsome, oh god are you filming me? 210 00:13:25,077 --> 00:13:28,448 My sons love to film me before I have any makeup on. 211 00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:30,016 You look beautiful Mom. 212 00:13:30,049 --> 00:13:32,719 I pay him to say that. 213 00:13:32,753 --> 00:13:34,955 - What's up big guy? - Good morning world. 214 00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:39,159 You got a little, what's wrong, is there a problem? 215 00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,562 Listen all right, you put your camera down, 216 00:13:41,595 --> 00:13:44,465 I'll put my phone down and let's eat, mister... 217 00:13:44,498 --> 00:13:46,266 Sure you don't want any of my berries? 218 00:13:46,298 --> 00:13:47,433 - No, no. - Here, here. 219 00:13:47,466 --> 00:13:48,802 - No, no. - Here. 220 00:13:51,538 --> 00:13:52,706 So, we're gonna leave in about an hour 221 00:13:52,739 --> 00:13:56,677 and we left you guys some cash in the drawer 222 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,177 and we'll be back Sunday night. 223 00:13:58,211 --> 00:14:01,447 No big parties, mister popular. 224 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,317 - No parties! - I know. 225 00:14:05,018 --> 00:14:07,354 Okay, well you can have one or two friends over 226 00:14:07,386 --> 00:14:08,821 but nothing big okay. 227 00:14:08,855 --> 00:14:11,925 And I'm sure Brandon will have Lauren over. 228 00:14:11,957 --> 00:14:13,793 I'm sure he will. 229 00:14:13,826 --> 00:14:17,096 All right, baby, I love you. 230 00:14:17,129 --> 00:14:18,831 I love you too Mom. 231 00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:21,000 - I'm gonna finish packing. - Okie dokes. 232 00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:25,873 Hey listen, have a couple of your buddies over 233 00:14:25,905 --> 00:14:27,974 from the team, okay. 234 00:14:28,008 --> 00:14:31,078 Nothing too crazy, maybe a few girls, 235 00:14:32,546 --> 00:14:34,815 I'm sure there's a girl out that you like. 236 00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:39,152 But just remember... Be responsible. 237 00:14:39,186 --> 00:14:40,687 - Yes, thank you. - I know. 238 00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,623 Hey, hey, hey where are you going, 239 00:14:42,655 --> 00:14:43,823 with my bacon. 240 00:14:46,525 --> 00:14:47,694 Shut the door! 241 00:14:48,928 --> 00:14:51,932 This guy is driving me nuts, please. 242 00:14:54,167 --> 00:14:58,705 Please make sure he doesn't burn the house down. 243 00:14:58,738 --> 00:15:00,274 Door! 244 00:15:00,307 --> 00:15:04,110 - While we're gone. - All right, I'll do my best. 245 00:15:05,278 --> 00:15:07,181 All right, have a good practice 246 00:15:07,214 --> 00:15:09,650 and we'll be back Monday for the game okay? 247 00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:11,951 - Great have fun. - You too. 248 00:15:14,221 --> 00:15:16,222 - You all right? - Oh yeah. 249 00:15:18,557 --> 00:15:22,196 Hey, all right, yeah we should be getting on the road 250 00:15:22,229 --> 00:15:23,430 in about an hour. 251 00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:26,200 Yeah, it looks good to me, yeah. 252 00:15:45,985 --> 00:15:49,823 My family's pretty cool but they don't know. 253 00:15:58,298 --> 00:16:01,335 Hey guys, one last thing if you or anyone you know 254 00:16:01,368 --> 00:16:02,936 is in danger of committing suicide, 255 00:16:02,969 --> 00:16:05,072 reach out to their parents. 256 00:16:05,105 --> 00:16:06,773 And if you're not comfortable with that, 257 00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:08,809 you can call this hotline number. 258 00:16:08,841 --> 00:16:09,675 It's 259 00:16:12,345 --> 00:16:14,815 Somebody will be there to talk to you. 260 00:16:14,847 --> 00:16:16,115 I'm gonna play that again. 261 00:16:17,384 --> 00:16:18,786 1-800-273-8255. 262 00:16:21,153 --> 00:16:22,755 You guys got that? 263 00:16:25,591 --> 00:16:27,927 Somebody will be there to talk to you. 264 00:16:27,961 --> 00:16:31,264 And you can always, always reach out to me. 265 00:16:32,666 --> 00:16:35,235 Sometimes this world can be a lonely place 266 00:16:35,268 --> 00:16:37,037 and you just need a friend. 267 00:16:38,138 --> 00:16:39,907 Even if it's somebody you don't know. 268 00:16:41,073 --> 00:16:42,942 Jenna, come on let's go. 269 00:16:42,975 --> 00:16:45,078 Okay, guys, I gotta go. 270 00:16:45,912 --> 00:16:47,381 Have an amazing day. 271 00:17:05,298 --> 00:17:06,200 Mom, Dad? 272 00:17:13,138 --> 00:17:15,208 Jeff, hello, anyone home? 273 00:17:27,420 --> 00:17:28,255 Let's go. 274 00:18:56,041 --> 00:19:00,980 ♪ I was a fool for the light I saw in you ♪ 275 00:19:04,517 --> 00:19:09,523 ♪ The yellows and the greens all been turned to blue ♪ 276 00:19:10,722 --> 00:19:13,359 ♪ And so I'll paint you a pretty picture ♪ 277 00:19:13,393 --> 00:19:16,563 ♪ If the love that's now gone ♪ 278 00:19:18,298 --> 00:19:20,433 - A new one? - Yeah, do you like it? 279 00:19:20,467 --> 00:19:22,235 Yeah it's a completely different style for you. 280 00:19:22,268 --> 00:19:23,769 All right. 281 00:19:23,803 --> 00:19:25,138 Hey we gotta go, I'm gonna be late. 282 00:19:25,171 --> 00:19:26,974 Oh shit, that's right. 283 00:19:27,973 --> 00:19:30,109 Hey give me that camera, hey. 284 00:19:31,611 --> 00:19:32,512 Hey guys, Brandon Wade here, 285 00:19:32,545 --> 00:19:34,047 this guy will never tell you 286 00:19:34,079 --> 00:19:35,448 but he's a damn good hockey player, 287 00:19:35,481 --> 00:19:37,750 - made varsity as a freshman. - I was a sophomore. 288 00:19:37,784 --> 00:19:39,252 Yeah, sophomore, freshman, whatever. 289 00:19:39,285 --> 00:19:40,454 - Now can I please - Hey. 290 00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:42,522 give me my camera back. 291 00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:44,391 Need me to pick you up after practice? 292 00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:47,528 No, I'm good. 293 00:19:48,694 --> 00:19:50,297 You have anyone over tonight? 294 00:19:51,698 --> 00:19:52,499 No one of the guys from the team 295 00:19:52,531 --> 00:19:53,866 is throwing a big party, 296 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:55,201 I gotta show up. 297 00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:56,735 Well I'm driving. 298 00:19:56,769 --> 00:19:57,671 Actually that's wrong 'cause I'm driving. 299 00:19:57,703 --> 00:19:58,871 Nope I'm driving. 300 00:19:58,904 --> 00:20:03,242 ♪ Get money falling in my wallet ♪ 301 00:20:03,276 --> 00:20:07,647 ♪ This starving is part of the plan ♪ 302 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,085 ♪ That you don't have to understand. ♪ 303 00:20:12,785 --> 00:20:14,121 Hey what do you think about this one? 304 00:20:15,054 --> 00:20:16,423 I like this one. 305 00:20:16,455 --> 00:20:17,923 "What do I Deserve" is still my favorite. 306 00:20:17,957 --> 00:20:19,726 I know but do you think this could go on the album? 307 00:20:19,759 --> 00:20:21,228 Definitely. 308 00:20:21,260 --> 00:20:22,895 All right, wait, listen to this one part, just wait. 309 00:20:22,929 --> 00:20:27,935 ♪ Do what you gotta do she'll be leaving soon ♪ 310 00:20:28,701 --> 00:20:29,769 ♪ She'll be gone ♪ 311 00:20:31,971 --> 00:20:33,839 Hey I'm really bummed I can't make it 312 00:20:33,873 --> 00:20:35,808 to your game, I just gotta get back, 313 00:20:35,842 --> 00:20:37,210 I start recording on Tuesday. 314 00:20:37,242 --> 00:20:38,511 - I understand. - All right. 315 00:20:42,714 --> 00:20:47,319 ♪ I'll be walking down a lonely road ♪ 316 00:20:47,353 --> 00:20:50,190 I am here with one of my best friends, Taylor. 317 00:20:50,222 --> 00:20:51,758 Hi. 318 00:20:51,790 --> 00:20:53,425 She's also my roommate. 319 00:20:53,459 --> 00:20:56,163 She's very supportive of our mission 320 00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:57,830 and she has something say about it. 321 00:21:01,067 --> 00:21:03,303 Come on don't you have anything to say? 322 00:21:03,336 --> 00:21:04,738 I hate being put on the spot. 323 00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:06,673 - Come on Tay. - I don't know what to say. 324 00:21:06,705 --> 00:21:08,007 What about all the kids 325 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,208 that are taking their own lives? 326 00:21:09,241 --> 00:21:13,078 I think it's really sad, like so sad. 327 00:21:13,112 --> 00:21:16,048 This girl is so annoying. 328 00:21:16,082 --> 00:21:18,018 Today isn't about being sad, Jenna, 329 00:21:18,050 --> 00:21:19,785 today is about having fun. 330 00:21:19,818 --> 00:21:23,455 Okay, fine, she's right, I'm gonna try and have fun today 331 00:21:23,489 --> 00:21:24,658 you guys. 332 00:21:24,691 --> 00:21:26,159 I'm breaking the rules a little bit, 333 00:21:26,192 --> 00:21:27,995 I'm skipping all my classes. 334 00:21:28,827 --> 00:21:29,663 Sorry Mom. 335 00:21:30,863 --> 00:21:33,567 - What's up bitches. - Hey Michelle. 336 00:21:34,901 --> 00:21:39,005 - Oh good morning sexy slut. - Oh my god. 337 00:21:39,038 --> 00:21:41,173 - Now the party starts. - Yeah. 338 00:21:41,207 --> 00:21:42,943 - You ready to get started? - I guess so. 339 00:21:56,455 --> 00:22:00,459 This is my rink, it's been my second home 340 00:22:00,492 --> 00:22:01,761 since I was five. 341 00:22:03,262 --> 00:22:04,497 I love playing hockey. 342 00:22:06,164 --> 00:22:07,600 It's all I ever wanted to do. 343 00:22:10,036 --> 00:22:11,671 There's this adrenaline rush that runs through 344 00:22:11,703 --> 00:22:12,838 your whole body. 345 00:22:17,109 --> 00:22:18,678 Makes you forget about everything. 346 00:22:22,048 --> 00:22:24,550 My brother feels the same way about his music. 347 00:22:27,252 --> 00:22:30,557 My dad always told us, life's meaningless 348 00:22:30,589 --> 00:22:32,692 until you find what you're passionate about. 349 00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:38,965 And when you find it, you found your reason for living. 350 00:22:41,433 --> 00:22:42,335 Life's meaningless until you find 351 00:22:42,367 --> 00:22:44,403 what you're passionate about 352 00:22:44,436 --> 00:22:49,275 and when you find it, you've found your reason for living. 353 00:22:57,083 --> 00:22:59,052 So what happens when you hate what you love? 354 00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:06,826 Let's go, pick it up boys! 355 00:23:06,858 --> 00:23:08,461 You're falling asleep on me, let's go! 356 00:23:10,863 --> 00:23:14,601 Wade, you're going through the motions, son! 357 00:23:14,634 --> 00:23:16,903 Skate like a man, pussy, get off your feet! 358 00:23:16,935 --> 00:23:17,736 Fucking faggot. 359 00:23:17,769 --> 00:23:19,038 Get up you little bitch! 360 00:23:19,071 --> 00:23:21,107 ice Wade. 361 00:23:23,643 --> 00:23:25,545 Fucking bench warmer. 362 00:23:26,846 --> 00:23:28,248 You ain't going nowhere boy, fucking faggot, 363 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,017 get off the fucking ice. 364 00:23:33,819 --> 00:23:35,388 Come on McCann, bring it in! 365 00:23:37,789 --> 00:23:39,858 Get in here, on me now! 366 00:23:39,892 --> 00:23:41,494 What are you guys doing on my ice? 367 00:23:41,527 --> 00:23:43,063 What's going on out there! 368 00:23:43,096 --> 00:23:44,698 - Fucking benchwarmer... - Turn that damn camera off! 369 00:23:59,345 --> 00:24:02,582 So here it is, I'm not gay, I'm a girl 370 00:24:09,622 --> 00:24:11,758 but I'm trapped in a boy's body. 371 00:24:14,626 --> 00:24:16,762 And I've been that way ever since I was four. 372 00:24:21,534 --> 00:24:23,503 - Can I come in? - No. 373 00:24:25,438 --> 00:24:26,440 - Excuse me? - Mom, I'm busy. 374 00:24:29,942 --> 00:24:31,310 Okay, I understand you're busy 375 00:24:31,344 --> 00:24:32,644 but I haven't seen you all day 376 00:24:32,678 --> 00:24:35,548 and I'm a little worried about you. 377 00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:36,782 I wanted to be alone. 378 00:24:36,816 --> 00:24:38,317 Can you open the door, please? 379 00:24:48,227 --> 00:24:49,062 Thank you. 380 00:24:50,195 --> 00:24:51,130 I'm working on a school project, 381 00:24:51,163 --> 00:24:52,798 I really need to get back to it. 382 00:24:52,832 --> 00:24:54,067 Can I help? 383 00:24:54,099 --> 00:24:56,301 Mom, no, I'm really busy right now 384 00:24:56,335 --> 00:24:58,371 and I need to get back to it. 385 00:24:58,403 --> 00:24:59,672 Please just let me close my door 386 00:24:59,704 --> 00:25:01,740 so I can get back to work. 387 00:25:01,773 --> 00:25:03,275 All right. 388 00:25:13,719 --> 00:25:15,555 I'm sorry about that guys. 389 00:25:19,892 --> 00:25:23,028 ♪ Broken record that nobody wants to play ♪ 390 00:25:23,061 --> 00:25:27,433 ♪ We're waking up we're screaming out loud ♪ 391 00:25:27,467 --> 00:25:31,438 ♪ We'll never run out we'll never run out ♪ 392 00:25:31,471 --> 00:25:36,476 ♪ Do what we want just gonna hang tonight ♪ 393 00:25:37,375 --> 00:25:39,346 ♪ Make the world young again ♪ 394 00:25:43,215 --> 00:25:46,685 Oh my god it's a miracle, Jenna Ross 395 00:25:46,719 --> 00:25:48,788 is actually smoking pot. 396 00:25:48,820 --> 00:25:51,990 You're getting drunk later to you know that right? 397 00:25:52,023 --> 00:25:54,860 Whatever, my mom is gonna kill me 398 00:25:54,894 --> 00:25:56,462 when she sees this. 399 00:25:57,529 --> 00:25:59,098 You're in college now, Jenna. 400 00:26:00,266 --> 00:26:04,336 Sorry Mrs. Ross but Jenna's a big girl now 401 00:26:04,369 --> 00:26:06,438 and it's time for her to have some fun. 402 00:26:06,471 --> 00:26:08,841 She needs a break, she busts her butt everyday 403 00:26:08,875 --> 00:26:12,444 and she needs to let loose, you pressure her way too much. 404 00:26:12,478 --> 00:26:14,980 Now come on, how much more perfect can she be? 405 00:26:15,013 --> 00:26:17,950 Yeah, I mean, you're suffocating her. 406 00:26:17,983 --> 00:26:20,319 Come on already she works harder than any other girl I know. 407 00:26:20,353 --> 00:26:21,554 Okay, that's not true. 408 00:26:21,586 --> 00:26:23,288 You do, of course, she was valedictorian 409 00:26:23,321 --> 00:26:24,756 - of her high school class. - Barely. 410 00:26:24,789 --> 00:26:29,762 Class president and she's gonna get a 4.0 GPA. 411 00:26:30,630 --> 00:26:32,098 - I wish. - Oh please, 412 00:26:32,131 --> 00:26:36,302 she knows she is unlike me who just give a shit. 413 00:26:36,335 --> 00:26:39,072 She's in every club on campus. 414 00:26:39,105 --> 00:26:40,740 I'm in three. 415 00:26:40,772 --> 00:26:42,475 No, yeah, three more than me. 416 00:26:43,742 --> 00:26:46,078 Anyways she takes care of us 417 00:26:48,013 --> 00:26:51,750 and she's my therapist for god sake. 418 00:26:53,152 --> 00:26:54,988 Yeah, she's a resident therapist on our floor. 419 00:26:56,154 --> 00:26:59,392 Jenna Ross is a boss and she needs a break 420 00:26:59,424 --> 00:27:01,394 from being so goddamn perfect. 421 00:27:01,426 --> 00:27:04,263 I am not perfect, I actually feel real guilty right now 422 00:27:04,297 --> 00:27:05,632 you guys. 423 00:27:05,664 --> 00:27:08,534 - Jenna just stop. - Yeah, enough of that shit. 424 00:27:09,535 --> 00:27:11,304 Okay, you're right. 425 00:27:12,471 --> 00:27:15,208 Sorry Mom, sorry Dad, I love you. 426 00:27:16,709 --> 00:27:17,677 Shit is that Matty Matt? 427 00:27:17,710 --> 00:27:19,511 - Matty Matt! - Honk the horn. 428 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,148 - Matty Matt! - Matt. 429 00:27:26,818 --> 00:27:29,655 - You're so stoned right now! - He's so stoned. 430 00:27:29,689 --> 00:27:32,125 Shit, Jenna Ross skipping class, 431 00:27:33,358 --> 00:27:34,827 the world must be ending. 432 00:27:36,162 --> 00:27:37,497 - Hey ladies. - Hi. 433 00:27:38,431 --> 00:27:40,267 Hey Taylor. 434 00:27:42,969 --> 00:27:46,773 Shut the hell up am I tripping or what? 435 00:27:46,806 --> 00:27:50,910 Jenna Ross is smoking weed, this is history right here. 436 00:27:50,942 --> 00:27:53,413 Give me a hit of that shit. 437 00:27:55,981 --> 00:27:57,817 Hey Matty Matt here. 438 00:27:59,585 --> 00:28:04,524 This girl is the nicest, kindest girl I have ever met. 439 00:28:05,691 --> 00:28:08,126 - And the prettiest - Stop it, Matt. 440 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,463 and smartest and most talented, 441 00:28:10,496 --> 00:28:13,333 did I say the hottest girl on campus. 442 00:28:13,365 --> 00:28:16,036 - Oh my god, fuck you Matt. - Oh my god. 443 00:28:17,636 --> 00:28:19,605 You're hot too. 444 00:28:19,638 --> 00:28:22,240 But you're the hottest. 445 00:28:22,273 --> 00:28:24,242 Okay, I do know about any of that 446 00:28:24,276 --> 00:28:27,947 but I do know that you're the cutest thing ever. 447 00:28:27,980 --> 00:28:29,115 Thank you. 448 00:28:29,147 --> 00:28:30,983 I'm not just saying that, this girl 449 00:28:31,017 --> 00:28:34,019 is gonna go so far, I can guarantee. 450 00:28:34,053 --> 00:28:36,255 All right, you two enough of this love party. 451 00:28:36,288 --> 00:28:38,223 Let's smoke, my shit sucks. 452 00:28:38,257 --> 00:28:40,192 All right, let's head over there and I'll roll a new one. 453 00:28:43,695 --> 00:28:46,098 Do you guys know that feeling you get 454 00:28:46,132 --> 00:28:49,001 when you can be with a bunch of people, 455 00:28:49,035 --> 00:28:53,974 people you even like and know but still feel totally alone? 456 00:29:04,282 --> 00:29:07,519 Do you guys understand, I don't know, 457 00:29:07,553 --> 00:29:09,055 I don't know what I'm saying? 458 00:29:11,390 --> 00:29:14,928 Leave me a comment please, send me a message, 459 00:29:16,828 --> 00:29:18,664 I love hearing from all of you. 460 00:29:20,398 --> 00:29:22,368 I feel so connected to you guys. 461 00:29:40,051 --> 00:29:42,655 There's so much sadness in the world. 462 00:29:44,390 --> 00:29:46,660 Sometimes I feel like I can feel all of it. 463 00:29:55,768 --> 00:29:57,202 It's hard to describe. 464 00:30:05,845 --> 00:30:07,413 So my parents and brother won't be home 465 00:30:07,445 --> 00:30:09,581 for hopefully an hour so I get to be myself 466 00:30:09,615 --> 00:30:10,650 for a little while. 467 00:30:12,050 --> 00:30:14,453 I'm very excited but I have to hurry 468 00:30:14,487 --> 00:30:17,691 because if they catch me, my dad will kill me. 469 00:30:25,096 --> 00:30:28,334 When I was 14 I learned what transgender meant. 470 00:30:29,567 --> 00:30:31,570 And I cried of happiness. 471 00:30:32,671 --> 00:30:34,207 It was the best day of my life. 472 00:30:35,641 --> 00:30:37,777 I did not have to try to do boyish things to fit in, 473 00:30:37,809 --> 00:30:39,345 I finally understood who I was. 474 00:30:40,246 --> 00:30:47,487 I wasn't gay, well I guess I am, 475 00:30:47,519 --> 00:30:50,423 I'm a lesbian trapped in a boy's body. 476 00:30:50,455 --> 00:30:52,692 Not a butch type lesbian, a lipstick lesbian. 477 00:30:56,662 --> 00:30:58,698 I immediately told my mom 478 00:30:59,932 --> 00:31:02,102 and she told me it was just a phase. 479 00:31:03,067 --> 00:31:04,569 And that I never truly be a girl 480 00:31:04,603 --> 00:31:08,007 and that God doesn't make mistakes and I was wrong. 481 00:31:11,874 --> 00:31:13,046 A phase, I don't think so. 482 00:31:22,954 --> 00:31:26,192 FYI, I'm not gonna look my best today. 483 00:31:27,393 --> 00:31:29,629 I've trained myself to go pretty fast at this 484 00:31:29,662 --> 00:31:31,396 so I can spend as much time as a girl 485 00:31:31,430 --> 00:31:33,166 before my parents get home. 486 00:31:35,835 --> 00:31:37,569 I can look much better than what you'll see. 487 00:31:39,438 --> 00:31:40,273 Anyway. 488 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:10,569 My room's a little messy. 489 00:32:10,603 --> 00:32:11,604 This is Brandon Wade here, 490 00:32:11,636 --> 00:32:12,904 this is my song "I'm Not Tired." 491 00:32:12,938 --> 00:32:14,307 I love this song. 492 00:32:17,041 --> 00:32:18,410 Oh god I wish I could sing. 493 00:32:20,412 --> 00:32:22,615 Music makes me so happy, 494 00:32:22,647 --> 00:32:25,250 it makes me forget how sad I am, 495 00:32:26,818 --> 00:32:28,086 it lifts me up. 496 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:30,990 I need it, you know. 497 00:32:33,259 --> 00:32:36,194 ♪ I'm not tired ♪ 498 00:32:36,228 --> 00:32:38,431 A lot of kids I talk to online 499 00:32:38,463 --> 00:32:41,433 they tell me that I should just do drugs to feel better. 500 00:32:44,502 --> 00:32:45,737 It's just not my thing you know. 501 00:32:45,770 --> 00:32:50,643 ♪ All the flames and reach before the storm ♪ 502 00:32:53,144 --> 00:32:56,316 ♪ 'Cause it gets stronger than before ♪ 503 00:33:07,625 --> 00:33:11,330 ♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while ♪ 504 00:33:13,965 --> 00:33:15,433 I don't think I can think of a day 505 00:33:15,467 --> 00:33:16,936 where I haven't been depressed. 506 00:33:19,305 --> 00:33:22,241 ♪ Stay a little while longer ♪ 507 00:33:23,776 --> 00:33:25,778 I look at pictures of me when I was little. 508 00:33:29,714 --> 00:33:33,251 ♪ Darling I know the things I've done ♪ 509 00:33:33,285 --> 00:33:34,888 And my eyes were. 510 00:33:36,255 --> 00:33:40,093 ♪ But I've moved on I won't be who I can become ♪ 511 00:33:40,992 --> 00:33:41,827 So sad. 512 00:33:42,994 --> 00:33:47,065 ♪ You're afraid I might become I won't ♪ 513 00:33:47,098 --> 00:33:49,734 ♪ This long night is still young ♪ 514 00:33:49,768 --> 00:33:51,371 I cry just looking at me. 515 00:33:58,874 --> 00:33:59,846 I can't even go there right now. 516 00:34:02,580 --> 00:34:07,586 Anyways so my parents made me go to a bunch of therapists 517 00:34:08,454 --> 00:34:10,356 on and off since I can remember, 518 00:34:10,389 --> 00:34:13,393 only Christian therapists so that worked out well, huh? 519 00:34:15,927 --> 00:34:18,364 So I never actually got the therapy I needed 520 00:34:18,396 --> 00:34:20,231 to cure me of my depression. 521 00:34:20,264 --> 00:34:22,000 I only got more people telling me 522 00:34:22,034 --> 00:34:25,738 that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look 523 00:34:25,771 --> 00:34:27,106 to God for help. 524 00:34:29,340 --> 00:34:32,210 I painted my toes purple I love them. 525 00:34:33,579 --> 00:34:35,181 Purple's my favorite color. 526 00:34:36,315 --> 00:34:37,317 I hate pink. 527 00:34:38,784 --> 00:34:41,054 My mom loves pink. 528 00:34:44,789 --> 00:34:47,793 Anyway, the thing with my parents is 529 00:34:56,001 --> 00:34:58,905 well, I'm just an embarrassment to them. 530 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:04,177 They wanted me to be their perfect, little Christian boy, 531 00:35:06,844 --> 00:35:08,080 and that's not what I am. 532 00:35:11,182 --> 00:35:14,353 They have their Christian son, my perfect brother 533 00:35:14,385 --> 00:35:17,724 and I just wanted to be their Christian daughter. 534 00:35:19,425 --> 00:35:21,260 So they took me out of my brother's school 535 00:35:21,293 --> 00:35:23,896 and I was home schooled for the rest of the year. 536 00:35:23,929 --> 00:35:27,432 I was basically locked in a cage. 537 00:35:27,465 --> 00:35:28,900 I mean, they took away my cellphone 538 00:35:28,934 --> 00:35:32,938 and laptop forbid me from any sort of social media use, 539 00:35:32,971 --> 00:35:35,340 completely isolating me from all my friends 540 00:35:35,373 --> 00:35:37,876 who were all pretty much online and 541 00:35:40,978 --> 00:35:43,014 it was just probably the worst time of my life 542 00:35:43,047 --> 00:35:46,184 and I realize that my parents were never gonna come around 543 00:35:46,217 --> 00:35:49,422 and that I would have to wait until I was 18 544 00:35:49,454 --> 00:35:51,923 to start any sort of transitioning treatment. 545 00:36:04,536 --> 00:36:06,873 And I don't have the money for that. 546 00:36:11,777 --> 00:36:13,579 Which means it's probably never gonna happen. 547 00:36:19,684 --> 00:36:21,721 And that absolutely breaks my heart. 548 00:36:27,391 --> 00:36:29,561 I cry myself to sleep every night. 549 00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:33,432 Some nights my brother will hear me 550 00:36:33,465 --> 00:36:36,602 and he'll sneak in from the other room 551 00:36:38,103 --> 00:36:42,508 and he tells me that everything's gonna be all right. 552 00:36:47,112 --> 00:36:49,115 And we just pray to God. 553 00:36:54,052 --> 00:36:56,856 I pray, I pray pretty much every day. 554 00:36:58,222 --> 00:37:02,561 I've been praying and I don't really feel any better. 555 00:37:11,402 --> 00:37:12,838 Except for today. 556 00:37:17,742 --> 00:37:19,010 Today was different. 557 00:37:21,612 --> 00:37:23,348 Today I get to share my story. 558 00:37:45,637 --> 00:37:48,007 So, this is me... Nicole. 559 00:37:53,811 --> 00:37:54,813 How do I look? 560 00:37:57,449 --> 00:37:59,952 Write some comments below and let me know. 561 00:38:13,431 --> 00:38:16,368 I wanna give you a few lessons about being transgender. 562 00:38:18,570 --> 00:38:21,774 First off, we don't wanna be seen as trans. 563 00:38:23,141 --> 00:38:26,945 I wanna be seen as a girl, period, end of story 564 00:38:28,981 --> 00:38:31,617 and if we're girls, we wanna be seen as guys. 565 00:38:33,851 --> 00:38:35,353 It's that simple for us 566 00:38:35,387 --> 00:38:38,624 but so freaking complicated for everyone else. 567 00:38:44,128 --> 00:38:48,467 Number two, we can barely stand to look at ourselves 568 00:38:49,467 --> 00:38:50,536 in the mirror 569 00:38:53,572 --> 00:38:55,474 and it sucks really bad 570 00:38:57,376 --> 00:38:59,946 when you're not okay with your own body. 571 00:39:12,456 --> 00:39:15,460 I cringe every time I see it and 572 00:39:24,536 --> 00:39:26,871 it messes with your brain pretty bad. 573 00:39:29,340 --> 00:39:32,978 Number three when your family calls you by he, 574 00:39:37,315 --> 00:39:38,483 or says my name, 575 00:39:43,021 --> 00:39:45,124 I mean, just hearing the word, Nick, 576 00:39:47,626 --> 00:39:48,794 freaks me out. 577 00:39:52,097 --> 00:39:53,599 I hate the sound of it, 578 00:39:56,934 --> 00:39:58,871 it makes me wanna kill myself. 579 00:40:04,242 --> 00:40:05,911 Nick is not my name. 580 00:40:10,548 --> 00:40:11,884 My name is Nicole. 581 00:40:16,954 --> 00:40:19,490 Nick is not my name, Nick is not my name, 582 00:40:19,523 --> 00:40:22,560 Nick is not my name, it's not my real name! 583 00:40:35,507 --> 00:40:37,909 Hey sorry about earlier, 584 00:40:40,711 --> 00:40:42,715 it's just I get really angry and then I tromp 585 00:40:42,748 --> 00:40:44,115 and I get really sad. 586 00:40:48,219 --> 00:40:51,556 I've been on antidepressants for as long as I can remember 587 00:40:54,458 --> 00:40:57,128 and most recently on sleeping pills 588 00:40:57,161 --> 00:40:59,631 so I can at least sleep through the night. 589 00:41:07,139 --> 00:41:08,541 I stay up really late 590 00:41:12,643 --> 00:41:15,547 and then that's when a lot of bad things go through my head. 591 00:41:29,628 --> 00:41:32,097 I used to be super outgoing when I was younger. 592 00:41:35,567 --> 00:41:36,835 I was never really shy. 593 00:41:40,505 --> 00:41:41,907 Now it's just weird. 594 00:41:45,543 --> 00:41:48,213 I don't make people laugh like I used to anymore. 595 00:41:51,048 --> 00:41:53,052 I don't crack jokes like I used to anymore. 596 00:41:58,222 --> 00:42:00,793 Which I miss, a lot. 597 00:42:04,362 --> 00:42:06,132 'Cause I love seeing people laugh. 598 00:42:08,432 --> 00:42:10,135 Sometimes I just wanna run away. 599 00:42:14,271 --> 00:42:17,175 I just wish I was the same person just born a girl. 600 00:42:23,347 --> 00:42:28,353 I remember when I was two, I used to run into my mom's room 601 00:42:29,454 --> 00:42:31,490 holding my penis saying "I want this off, 602 00:42:31,523 --> 00:42:32,791 I want this off." 603 00:42:34,192 --> 00:42:36,929 I used to dream that my fairy godmother 604 00:42:36,961 --> 00:42:38,362 would come and wake me up in the middle of the night 605 00:42:38,396 --> 00:42:41,200 and go poof and my penis would be gone. 606 00:42:50,708 --> 00:42:53,511 I really hate my penis, I hate it! 607 00:43:01,353 --> 00:43:03,387 I understand that I was never the boy 608 00:43:03,420 --> 00:43:05,156 that my dad really wanted. 609 00:43:07,324 --> 00:43:11,529 I also know that I'll never be Daddy's little girl. 610 00:43:17,668 --> 00:43:20,772 I just wished that there was someway to make this all right. 611 00:43:25,943 --> 00:43:27,913 And I feel bad for all the parents too. 612 00:43:31,550 --> 00:43:34,820 I just wish that they could put aside their own bigotry 613 00:43:34,853 --> 00:43:37,055 or feelings enough to say it doesn't matter 614 00:43:37,088 --> 00:43:40,325 if you're gay, lesbian, transgender, why should it matter, 615 00:43:40,358 --> 00:43:41,861 I love you anyways? 616 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:51,971 - Oh shit. - What the hell? 617 00:43:56,273 --> 00:43:57,175 Nick, Nick! 618 00:44:00,545 --> 00:44:01,380 Nick! 619 00:44:04,215 --> 00:44:06,218 Nick, open the door now! 620 00:44:07,851 --> 00:44:09,587 Open up the door now Nick! 621 00:44:09,621 --> 00:44:11,891 What did I tell you about locking doors in this house! 622 00:44:13,958 --> 00:44:15,994 Open this door now before I bust it down! 623 00:44:54,666 --> 00:44:57,303 - You can keep those sweats. - Thanks. 624 00:44:59,204 --> 00:45:01,073 You know I don't know how to help you Wade? 625 00:45:02,773 --> 00:45:04,509 You made it worse going to the principal. 626 00:45:04,541 --> 00:45:06,144 You can't do that shit! 627 00:45:08,713 --> 00:45:09,681 You have a problem with your team 628 00:45:09,713 --> 00:45:11,782 you work it out with your team. 629 00:45:11,815 --> 00:45:13,084 I understand. 630 00:45:14,485 --> 00:45:17,889 You know you're one of the better players out there, right 631 00:45:19,356 --> 00:45:21,393 but you've been slacking off the last few weeks, son. 632 00:45:22,927 --> 00:45:24,363 I know. 633 00:45:24,396 --> 00:45:26,832 Well get your shit together this is your senior year. 634 00:45:27,731 --> 00:45:28,532 Coach, oh sorry. 635 00:45:28,565 --> 00:45:30,034 Come here Waters. 636 00:45:30,902 --> 00:45:32,971 What's going on with you guys? 637 00:45:33,003 --> 00:45:34,605 Stop picking on Wade! 638 00:45:34,639 --> 00:45:36,275 - I haven't done anything. - It's not him. 639 00:45:39,244 --> 00:45:41,646 Good, then talk to the other guys. 640 00:45:42,780 --> 00:45:43,949 I will. 641 00:45:43,981 --> 00:45:46,184 Look we got our first game on Tuesday, 642 00:45:46,217 --> 00:45:48,253 I don't want this shit on my ice! 643 00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:52,657 - I mean it Waters. - I get it. 644 00:45:55,025 --> 00:45:56,193 I'm late for a meeting. 645 00:45:56,226 --> 00:45:58,196 You guys work this shit out! 646 00:45:59,731 --> 00:46:01,033 I'll talk to you on Monday. 647 00:46:05,070 --> 00:46:06,505 Where are they now? 648 00:46:06,538 --> 00:46:09,440 Showers but what is that? 649 00:46:09,474 --> 00:46:11,043 Are you filming this? 650 00:46:12,409 --> 00:46:14,445 James what are you doing, I saw you in there 651 00:46:14,478 --> 00:46:16,847 There's Wade, we missed you in the showers, buddy. 652 00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:18,549 Hey Burgess, Vargas, Renzi he's right here! 653 00:46:18,583 --> 00:46:20,751 - Go lock the door McCann. - On it. 654 00:46:20,784 --> 00:46:22,453 There's that little motherfucker right there. 655 00:46:22,487 --> 00:46:26,258 Yeah, you like that, like that little buddy. 656 00:46:26,291 --> 00:46:28,026 So what's your fucking problem, huh? 657 00:46:28,059 --> 00:46:29,227 I don't have a problem. 658 00:46:29,260 --> 00:46:30,495 - Yeah, you fucking do! - Fucking pussy! 659 00:46:30,527 --> 00:46:31,429 And a fucking snitch! 660 00:46:31,463 --> 00:46:33,065 Ugly motherfucker! 661 00:46:34,032 --> 00:46:35,867 Hey are you a faggot? 662 00:46:35,900 --> 00:46:37,102 No. 663 00:46:37,135 --> 00:46:38,670 Yes you are 'cause you ain't getting 664 00:46:38,702 --> 00:46:39,603 any fucking pussy. 665 00:46:39,637 --> 00:46:40,872 What fucking senior 666 00:46:40,905 --> 00:46:41,807 is still a fucking virgin, 667 00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:43,942 McCann, are you a virgin. 668 00:46:43,974 --> 00:46:45,810 Fuck no, I'm up to five freshman already. 669 00:46:45,844 --> 00:46:47,311 Yo Renzi what about you man? 670 00:46:47,344 --> 00:46:49,146 I'm going on four if I include your mother. 671 00:46:49,179 --> 00:46:51,382 - Hey Waters, what about you? - Uh no. 672 00:46:51,416 --> 00:46:53,985 Yeah, I didn't think so not with that donkey dick! 673 00:46:54,018 --> 00:46:56,655 Waters, get over here and get a hit! 674 00:46:58,523 --> 00:46:59,358 Let's go! 675 00:47:00,525 --> 00:47:02,260 Waters, Waters, Waters, Waters! 676 00:47:03,094 --> 00:47:03,929 Come on! 677 00:47:03,961 --> 00:47:05,630 I'm good. 678 00:47:06,965 --> 00:47:09,034 Get over here and get a hit! 679 00:47:09,067 --> 00:47:10,534 That was a pussy kick, Waters, 680 00:47:10,568 --> 00:47:11,336 we all knew you were a faggot, just like little Jamie here. 681 00:47:11,369 --> 00:47:12,571 Come on! 682 00:47:12,603 --> 00:47:15,206 Kick him again, Waters! 683 00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:19,009 Fucking hit him, fucking hit him, give it to him! 684 00:47:22,713 --> 00:47:26,351 That's what I'm talking about. 685 00:47:26,384 --> 00:47:28,385 You want me to stop kicking you huh, huh, 686 00:47:28,418 --> 00:47:30,621 then get the fuck up and fight me! 687 00:47:30,655 --> 00:47:33,492 I'm not gonna fight you. 688 00:47:33,525 --> 00:47:36,293 'Cause you're a fucking faggot aren't you? 689 00:47:36,327 --> 00:47:37,696 Oh you wanna get fucked instead, 690 00:47:37,728 --> 00:47:39,096 you wanna get fucked instead, huh? 691 00:47:39,130 --> 00:47:43,235 Say it, I'm a fucking faggot, I'm a fucking faggot. 692 00:47:43,268 --> 00:47:46,871 Give it to him! 693 00:47:46,905 --> 00:47:48,373 Let's go! 694 00:47:48,405 --> 00:47:50,907 Oh shit look, he wants it he's already bent over. 695 00:47:50,909 --> 00:47:52,811 Oh shit he's getting it again. 696 00:47:52,844 --> 00:47:54,079 Oh he loves this shit, McCann give me your stick. 697 00:47:54,112 --> 00:47:55,380 No, no, no, not with my stick! 698 00:47:55,413 --> 00:47:56,615 Come on! 699 00:47:56,648 --> 00:47:58,150 You're getting fucked little faggot, huh, 700 00:47:58,182 --> 00:47:59,583 but you like it don't you, don't you? 701 00:47:59,617 --> 00:48:01,853 All right enough leave him alone. 702 00:48:01,885 --> 00:48:03,154 What the fuck did you just say? 703 00:48:03,188 --> 00:48:04,422 I think that's enough for today. 704 00:48:04,454 --> 00:48:06,557 It sounds like you fucking want it too. 705 00:48:06,590 --> 00:48:08,259 Fuck you man. 706 00:48:08,293 --> 00:48:10,996 Yo, fuck all this shit game on. 707 00:48:11,028 --> 00:48:12,431 Let's go. 708 00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:36,588 We're gonna bury your ass fucking live yeah! 709 00:48:36,621 --> 00:48:40,159 You're gonna fucking die today man, you're fucking done! 710 00:48:43,862 --> 00:48:45,430 Hey come on, let's go take him. 711 00:48:45,463 --> 00:48:47,365 Open the fucking door, yo we're going. 712 00:48:47,398 --> 00:48:48,567 That way, that way. 713 00:48:48,599 --> 00:48:49,768 Come on, let's go, take him this way. 714 00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,304 To the stairs, let's go! 715 00:48:54,639 --> 00:48:55,440 Yeah! 716 00:48:55,472 --> 00:48:56,708 To the stairs. 717 00:48:58,275 --> 00:48:59,643 Come on, Waters, let's go! 718 00:48:59,677 --> 00:49:02,414 Come on let's go top of the stairs, come on! 719 00:49:02,447 --> 00:49:04,782 Put him right onto the edge. 720 00:49:10,554 --> 00:49:12,489 Ready for a ride little boy! 721 00:49:12,523 --> 00:49:15,827 Yo, yo, shut the fuck up, I wanna talk to this clown. 722 00:49:15,860 --> 00:49:17,229 You're a fucking loser. 723 00:49:17,262 --> 00:49:18,697 You're fucking nothing. 724 00:49:18,730 --> 00:49:20,632 - Fucking hockey player. - Tell him like it is. 725 00:49:20,664 --> 00:49:22,132 You suck, you're not fucking tough enough, 726 00:49:22,166 --> 00:49:23,668 you can't fight in there and you can't fight on the ice. 727 00:49:23,701 --> 00:49:25,836 That's why you don't have a girlfriend, huh. 728 00:49:25,869 --> 00:49:27,137 That's why you don't have any fucking friends. 729 00:49:27,170 --> 00:49:31,108 Yo if I was you I would fucking kill myself. 730 00:49:31,141 --> 00:49:32,676 Yeah kill yourself, kill yourself. 731 00:49:32,710 --> 00:49:33,711 Toss him down the stairs! 732 00:49:33,744 --> 00:49:35,512 Toss him down the stairs! 733 00:49:35,545 --> 00:49:37,381 Yo, yo, yo, let's get out of here, hey, hey 734 00:49:37,414 --> 00:49:38,382 party at Renzi's right? 735 00:49:38,416 --> 00:49:39,217 Yeah! 736 00:49:40,351 --> 00:49:40,986 - Alcohol. - Let's get the fuck 737 00:49:41,018 --> 00:49:41,785 out of here! 738 00:49:41,818 --> 00:49:43,255 Let's go baby. 739 00:49:43,288 --> 00:49:47,659 Yo Wade if you can walk we'd love to fucking have you. 740 00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:51,729 Let's go, see you later Wade. 741 00:49:54,465 --> 00:49:58,637 Hey man, it's Waters, come on, come on, lets go. 742 00:49:59,704 --> 00:50:00,739 I'll take you home. 743 00:50:02,106 --> 00:50:04,676 Hey, it's Travis Waters, I want everyone to know 744 00:50:04,708 --> 00:50:06,377 that I had no part in this shit. 745 00:50:06,411 --> 00:50:09,246 I wanted to stop it, James have I ever done anything 746 00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:10,081 to hurt you? 747 00:50:10,114 --> 00:50:10,949 No. 748 00:50:12,684 --> 00:50:16,121 This dude has done nothing to deserve this, nothing. 749 00:50:16,153 --> 00:50:18,590 And we were all friends one day and then they just stopped 750 00:50:18,623 --> 00:50:20,659 liking him, why? 751 00:50:20,692 --> 00:50:23,827 Who gives the fuck why, who does this shit to people? 752 00:50:23,860 --> 00:50:26,597 People who are fucking crazy that's who. 753 00:50:26,630 --> 00:50:28,098 This shit has happened to James before 754 00:50:28,132 --> 00:50:31,735 and to other kids and the school has done nothing. 755 00:50:31,768 --> 00:50:33,804 I mean, the principal came to talk to us 756 00:50:33,838 --> 00:50:35,507 but that did shit. 757 00:50:35,539 --> 00:50:37,909 And our coach was fucking pissed. 758 00:50:37,942 --> 00:50:40,579 - Have you told your parents? - No. 759 00:50:42,380 --> 00:50:43,615 My parents would have gone ballistic, 760 00:50:43,648 --> 00:50:45,083 they would have taken on the whole school. 761 00:50:47,518 --> 00:50:48,653 My would have too. 762 00:50:50,521 --> 00:50:53,490 But I mean, you have what you need to take these fucks out. 763 00:50:53,523 --> 00:50:55,092 Turn the camera off. 764 00:50:59,130 --> 00:51:02,000 Dude if we release stuff now 765 00:51:02,032 --> 00:51:04,435 there's no hockey for any of us through season 766 00:51:04,469 --> 00:51:07,539 and that just fucks everyone including you. 767 00:51:07,572 --> 00:51:10,208 Bro, this shit will be everywhere. 768 00:51:10,240 --> 00:51:11,141 If that would... 769 00:51:11,175 --> 00:51:12,477 Turn the fucking camera off! 770 00:51:13,844 --> 00:51:16,380 Jesus Christ, what I need more time! 771 00:51:16,414 --> 00:51:18,717 Excuse me, you know you're not supposed 772 00:51:18,750 --> 00:51:20,818 to talk to me like that. 773 00:51:20,851 --> 00:51:21,752 You promised Dr. Gould you were gonna work 774 00:51:21,786 --> 00:51:23,355 on these outbursts. 775 00:51:24,755 --> 00:51:25,856 And you promised Dr. Gould you weren't gonna be 776 00:51:25,889 --> 00:51:27,658 so fucking on me all the time. 777 00:51:27,692 --> 00:51:30,494 She told you, you're supposed to give me my space. 778 00:51:31,628 --> 00:51:35,733 Billy, I'm just worried about you. 779 00:51:35,766 --> 00:51:38,068 You're not sticking to the schedules, 780 00:51:38,101 --> 00:51:40,672 you're not eating, you barely leave your room. 781 00:51:40,704 --> 00:51:42,473 You don't hang out with your friends anymore. 782 00:51:42,507 --> 00:51:44,775 I just need to know that you're okay. 783 00:51:44,809 --> 00:51:46,478 Mom, I'm okay. 784 00:51:48,612 --> 00:51:51,482 You know what today is, right? 785 00:51:51,516 --> 00:51:53,585 Of course. 786 00:51:53,617 --> 00:51:54,853 Maybe I should call out so 787 00:51:54,885 --> 00:51:56,688 maybe we can spend some time together. 788 00:51:56,721 --> 00:51:59,958 I'm on the overnights unless ER's slow. 789 00:52:01,059 --> 00:52:04,028 Mom, I'm okay, have a good shift, 790 00:52:04,061 --> 00:52:07,431 I just, I really need to get back to this project. 791 00:52:08,965 --> 00:52:12,804 Okay, I'll check in later, I love you. 792 00:52:14,938 --> 00:52:16,474 I love you too. 793 00:52:19,409 --> 00:52:23,580 Hey guys, I'm here with the cutest boy ever, Matty Matt. 794 00:52:23,614 --> 00:52:26,351 Hey everybody what's up ladies? 795 00:52:27,617 --> 00:52:28,886 So I just wanted to touch base 796 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:30,588 on what we were talking about earlier 797 00:52:30,621 --> 00:52:32,356 you know with the pressure from the parents 798 00:52:32,389 --> 00:52:34,491 and school and everything. 799 00:52:36,027 --> 00:52:39,898 Oh that means it's 5:59, it's time for my daily mom call. 800 00:52:41,331 --> 00:52:45,636 It should be happening, in five, four, three, two. 801 00:52:47,204 --> 00:52:49,141 It's never a second late. 802 00:52:50,708 --> 00:52:52,744 Here you take over for awhile okay? 803 00:52:59,250 --> 00:53:00,652 Hey Mom. 804 00:53:00,684 --> 00:53:04,556 Jenna, why did you change your profile picture? 805 00:53:05,789 --> 00:53:07,425 What? 806 00:53:07,458 --> 00:53:09,561 When did you do it, this morning? 807 00:53:11,027 --> 00:53:14,031 I don't know I did it like a couple hours ago. 808 00:53:15,465 --> 00:53:18,869 You know I don't like it, it's really a horrible picture 809 00:53:18,902 --> 00:53:23,407 of you, oh and put the homecoming theme picture back up, 810 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,710 I mean, you're so much prettier in that picture. 811 00:53:26,744 --> 00:53:29,114 You know Aunt Susan thinks so too. 812 00:53:29,146 --> 00:53:30,382 Okay. 813 00:53:32,617 --> 00:53:35,987 So, has your asshole father called you? 814 00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:37,755 No. 815 00:53:38,789 --> 00:53:42,027 Oh, typical, nothing's changed there. 816 00:53:45,530 --> 00:53:47,899 Clearly he doesn't give a shit. 817 00:53:47,931 --> 00:53:51,135 But some people just aren't meant to be parents. 818 00:53:53,271 --> 00:53:56,807 Oh I bought you the cutest dress yesterday, 819 00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:58,742 Diane and I went into the city. 820 00:53:58,775 --> 00:54:01,044 It's gonna look absolutely amazing on you 821 00:54:01,077 --> 00:54:03,014 when you come home for Thanksgiving 822 00:54:03,047 --> 00:54:05,717 as long as you don't gain the freshman 15. 823 00:54:07,050 --> 00:54:08,719 I'm not gaining any weight Mom. 824 00:54:08,753 --> 00:54:10,555 I actually gotta go I have a huge test 825 00:54:10,588 --> 00:54:12,090 that I have to study for. 826 00:54:12,123 --> 00:54:14,592 Okay, good, good 'cause you shouldn't be wasting 827 00:54:14,625 --> 00:54:16,728 your time with those girls that keep tagging you 828 00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,329 in those pictures. 829 00:54:18,362 --> 00:54:20,597 None of them are really that pretty, 830 00:54:20,630 --> 00:54:22,399 especially the one with the big nose. 831 00:54:22,432 --> 00:54:25,402 Mom, okay I gotta go, I gotta go. 832 00:54:25,436 --> 00:54:28,006 Okay I'll call you tomorrow same time. 833 00:54:28,039 --> 00:54:29,441 - I love you. - Bye. 834 00:54:43,820 --> 00:54:45,589 Jenna let's go down and meet up with everybody. 835 00:54:46,891 --> 00:54:48,726 Yeah, I'll be down in a minute. 836 00:54:51,195 --> 00:54:53,030 - Are you okay? - Yeah. 837 00:54:54,599 --> 00:54:57,367 - Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm fine. 838 00:54:57,400 --> 00:54:59,803 - All right, hurry up. - Okay. 839 00:55:20,757 --> 00:55:23,761 She's right about one thing, my dad. 840 00:55:26,097 --> 00:55:28,600 I texted and I called him five times yesterday 841 00:55:28,632 --> 00:55:29,900 and he didn't reply. 842 00:55:31,369 --> 00:55:33,938 His assistant called me and said 843 00:55:33,971 --> 00:55:36,273 that we could set up a time to talk today. 844 00:55:38,675 --> 00:55:41,913 I know that you're busy Dad but really? 845 00:55:45,815 --> 00:55:47,551 I even left him a message to let him know 846 00:55:47,585 --> 00:55:50,153 that I'm feeling sad again. 847 00:55:50,186 --> 00:55:52,958 I've been feeling sad for awhile now. 848 00:55:56,860 --> 00:55:58,328 Do you guys remember that time last Christmas 849 00:55:58,362 --> 00:56:00,298 when I didn't post for awhile. 850 00:56:01,998 --> 00:56:04,268 Yeah I was really sad then. 851 00:56:05,568 --> 00:56:08,038 I was really depressed and I had no idea why. 852 00:56:11,775 --> 00:56:13,844 But your comments and your messages 853 00:56:13,878 --> 00:56:15,780 are what got me through. 854 00:56:17,047 --> 00:56:19,583 So thank you, thank you, thank you. 855 00:56:21,452 --> 00:56:23,454 Sometimes this world is a sad place 856 00:56:23,487 --> 00:56:26,758 and it's hard for me to take, you know? 857 00:56:31,628 --> 00:56:34,766 I've tried so hard to just have fun today 858 00:56:34,798 --> 00:56:37,067 and forget about everything but I can't. 859 00:56:41,038 --> 00:56:43,675 I've written a few poems over the past year. 860 00:56:46,110 --> 00:56:48,480 And I don't usually share this type of stuff, but 861 00:56:50,347 --> 00:56:52,784 I wanna share one with you guys now. 862 00:56:54,318 --> 00:56:59,324 ♪ It only gets better ♪ 863 00:57:00,391 --> 00:57:05,396 ♪ Honey, I'm not tired ♪ 864 00:57:08,532 --> 00:57:11,336 ♪ Love will keep us warm ♪ 865 00:57:19,275 --> 00:57:23,280 You say I'm alive but the hidden smile on my face. 866 00:57:25,483 --> 00:57:28,653 Inside I feel I can disappear without a trace. 867 00:57:31,222 --> 00:57:35,727 In many roads the heavy loads why can't I tell anyone? 868 00:57:36,594 --> 00:57:38,362 Why won't you understand? 869 00:57:41,364 --> 00:57:44,368 The pain hurts along with the fears. 870 00:57:46,302 --> 00:57:48,472 You see happy I see tears. 871 00:57:52,876 --> 00:57:55,413 This burden's too much 872 00:57:55,445 --> 00:57:58,717 but you carry on conversation and such and such. 873 00:58:01,952 --> 00:58:04,856 I wished to be someone or something 874 00:58:09,260 --> 00:58:12,263 but unfortunately I'm none, nothing. 875 00:58:24,340 --> 00:58:26,943 And that's why it's really important that we need to respect 876 00:58:26,976 --> 00:58:30,748 everybody's opinion because everybody is a human being. 877 00:58:32,949 --> 00:58:37,554 Okay listen, listen, listen, I made you this drink, 878 00:58:37,588 --> 00:58:40,825 you can't even taste the alcohol, so enjoy. 879 00:58:40,858 --> 00:58:42,026 Thank you. 880 00:58:42,059 --> 00:58:44,028 ♪ 'Cause I'm getting you wasted ♪ 881 00:58:44,061 --> 00:58:45,028 ♪ Baby ♪ 882 00:58:45,061 --> 00:58:46,029 ♪ Getting you wasted ♪ 883 00:58:46,063 --> 00:58:46,931 Oh my god. 884 00:58:48,998 --> 00:58:50,500 Blessed oh Lord for these thy gifts 885 00:58:50,534 --> 00:58:52,170 that we are about to receive from that bounty 886 00:58:52,202 --> 00:58:53,905 through Christ our Lord amen. 887 00:58:53,938 --> 00:58:56,673 And Lord please watch over us 888 00:58:56,706 --> 00:59:00,711 and lead us forward in your righteous love and light. 889 00:59:02,146 --> 00:59:05,249 In all your ways we give you honor and praise amen. 890 00:59:05,282 --> 00:59:06,284 Amen. 891 00:59:11,021 --> 00:59:13,358 I know that you will handle this beautifully 892 00:59:14,425 --> 00:59:17,195 and I think it wouldn't be a bad idea 893 00:59:17,228 --> 00:59:21,566 to call the hotline that I have the number for. 894 00:59:21,599 --> 00:59:22,900 No. 895 00:59:22,932 --> 00:59:26,637 It's Christian and they know just how 896 00:59:26,670 --> 00:59:28,905 they've helped more people. 897 00:59:28,938 --> 00:59:30,507 They have wisdom we don't. 898 00:59:30,541 --> 00:59:32,710 Big city Christian is not the same 899 00:59:32,742 --> 00:59:34,177 as country Christian. 900 00:59:34,210 --> 00:59:38,015 We both know this I don't want this getting out. 901 00:59:40,150 --> 00:59:42,385 No I don't neither, I just want us 902 00:59:42,418 --> 00:59:43,855 to have, be equipped. 903 00:59:46,422 --> 00:59:48,792 The only equipment we need is from the Bible. 904 00:59:48,826 --> 00:59:50,228 The Bible tells us what to do. 905 00:59:50,260 --> 00:59:52,230 God you're being so stubborn about this. 906 00:59:52,262 --> 00:59:54,130 I'm just saying maybe we could get a little help. 907 00:59:54,164 --> 00:59:55,533 Well what do you want me to do, 908 00:59:55,565 --> 00:59:59,035 take away his cellphone, send him to gay camp, 909 00:59:59,068 --> 01:00:00,538 what do you want? 910 01:00:00,570 --> 01:00:02,005 You act like I condone this. 911 01:00:02,039 --> 01:00:04,108 No, it's just too much, we can't even leave him home alone 912 01:00:04,141 --> 01:00:06,744 anymore. 913 01:00:06,777 --> 01:00:08,679 Jeff eat your broccoli. 914 01:00:08,711 --> 01:00:09,679 I told you I don't like broccoli. 915 01:00:09,713 --> 01:00:11,349 Jeff, eat your broccoli! 916 01:00:11,382 --> 01:00:12,950 I just pray no one saw him like this 917 01:00:12,983 --> 01:00:14,986 because I can't take it anymore. 918 01:00:15,018 --> 01:00:16,486 I just can't. 919 01:00:16,519 --> 01:00:18,855 I did not raise him to be like this, 920 01:00:18,889 --> 01:00:20,358 this isn't my fault. 921 01:00:20,391 --> 01:00:21,858 Oh and I did? 922 01:00:21,891 --> 01:00:22,826 Yeah, you were never home, you never played with him. 923 01:00:22,860 --> 01:00:24,095 I was working. 924 01:00:24,128 --> 01:00:25,663 Yeah, and you treated him different than Jeff 925 01:00:25,695 --> 01:00:27,864 and you were embarrassed of him. 926 01:00:27,898 --> 01:00:29,100 So were you. 927 01:00:29,132 --> 01:00:31,902 Why is God doing this to us, why? 928 01:01:00,197 --> 01:01:01,532 You're excused. 929 01:01:05,436 --> 01:01:07,038 Dad, please. 930 01:01:07,070 --> 01:01:08,605 No go to your room. 931 01:01:11,407 --> 01:01:12,643 I'm hungry. 932 01:01:12,675 --> 01:01:14,444 Don't make me get up from this chair. 933 01:01:16,646 --> 01:01:17,981 - Mom. - Just go. 934 01:01:19,782 --> 01:01:22,185 Now! 935 01:01:24,887 --> 01:01:26,223 Tuck in your chair. 936 01:01:30,628 --> 01:01:31,461 Boy. 937 01:01:33,664 --> 01:01:36,367 Stop it, control yourself. 938 01:01:39,235 --> 01:01:40,070 I mean it. 939 01:02:08,998 --> 01:02:11,067 Do not go in his room. 940 01:02:11,101 --> 01:02:12,269 Okay. 941 01:02:29,619 --> 01:02:33,391 ♪ Stay a little while longer ♪ 942 01:02:40,797 --> 01:02:43,733 ♪ Stay a little while longer ♪ 943 01:02:43,766 --> 01:02:53,377 ♪ 'Cause I'm not tired I'm not tired ♪ 944 01:02:57,815 --> 01:03:02,720 ♪ I know things I've done but I moved on ♪ 945 01:03:05,355 --> 01:03:08,893 ♪ I won't be who I can become ♪ 946 01:03:08,925 --> 01:03:13,931 ♪ You're afraid I will become no I won't ♪ 947 01:03:15,132 --> 01:03:18,501 ♪ This long night is still young ♪ 948 01:03:18,534 --> 01:03:23,540 ♪ Won't you hold on my lover ♪ 949 01:03:25,742 --> 01:03:30,748 ♪ When you lay down ♪ 950 01:03:32,014 --> 01:03:35,420 ♪ You won't have to wait for me to lay down too ♪ 951 01:03:38,489 --> 01:03:39,657 What do you think about that one? 952 01:03:39,690 --> 01:03:41,392 Oh my god, I love that one. 953 01:03:41,425 --> 01:03:43,427 - Thanks. - It better be about me right? 954 01:03:43,460 --> 01:03:45,195 Well yeah, who else would it be about? 955 01:03:46,195 --> 01:03:48,498 Hey cutie, whoa are you okay? 956 01:03:48,532 --> 01:03:50,434 Yeah, I'm just tired. 957 01:03:50,467 --> 01:03:52,936 Rough practice or something? 958 01:03:54,036 --> 01:03:55,972 Yeah. 959 01:03:56,005 --> 01:03:57,007 You wanna hit? 960 01:03:59,041 --> 01:04:00,478 No maybe later. 961 01:04:02,146 --> 01:04:03,380 We're taking off in a minute. 962 01:04:03,413 --> 01:04:04,882 We're gonna be back late, late tonight. 963 01:04:04,914 --> 01:04:07,585 Maybe tomorrow morning, we'll see how it goes, 964 01:04:07,617 --> 01:04:09,753 you know your brother can be a dick, so. 965 01:04:09,786 --> 01:04:11,154 Cool. 966 01:04:11,188 --> 01:04:12,490 No not funny. 967 01:04:12,523 --> 01:04:15,992 Come on lighten up, take a hit with me. 968 01:04:16,025 --> 01:04:19,629 I'm sorry, I'm just really tired. 969 01:04:21,164 --> 01:04:24,168 - Well then get some sleep. - I will. 970 01:04:27,336 --> 01:04:29,072 - Good to see you Lauren. - You too. 971 01:04:29,106 --> 01:04:30,641 Have fun at that party. 972 01:04:32,643 --> 01:04:35,112 Play more, play more. 973 01:04:35,144 --> 01:04:36,746 You sure you're all right? 974 01:04:36,780 --> 01:04:38,682 Yeah. 975 01:04:38,715 --> 01:04:39,717 All right. 976 01:04:49,159 --> 01:04:54,164 ♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while with me ♪ 977 01:05:00,403 --> 01:05:04,641 ♪ And stay a little while longer ♪ 978 01:05:04,675 --> 01:05:09,680 ♪ 'Cause I'm not tired ♪ 979 01:05:10,447 --> 01:05:11,715 ♪ I'm not tired ♪ 980 01:05:13,916 --> 01:05:15,619 All right second verse. 981 01:05:16,954 --> 01:05:21,626 ♪ Love takes awhile it only gets better ♪ 982 01:05:37,039 --> 01:05:42,045 ♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while with me ♪ 983 01:06:17,380 --> 01:06:22,385 ♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while longer ♪ 984 01:06:23,487 --> 01:06:28,125 ♪ Stay a little while I'm not tired ♪ 985 01:06:29,726 --> 01:06:32,496 ♪ I'm not tired. ♪ 986 01:06:40,971 --> 01:06:44,942 So I need to be honest with you guys about something, 987 01:06:44,974 --> 01:06:46,409 I struggle with depression. 988 01:06:48,378 --> 01:06:49,947 I've been on and off meds this past year 989 01:06:49,980 --> 01:06:51,748 and I'm not supposed to talk about it, 990 01:06:51,782 --> 01:06:53,651 my mom says because it's bad for my image 991 01:06:53,684 --> 01:06:55,886 and I've been seeing a therapist 992 01:06:55,918 --> 01:06:57,788 but my therapist doesn't actually think 993 01:06:57,820 --> 01:06:59,257 that I'm depressed. 994 01:07:01,458 --> 01:07:03,693 Nobody else knows about this 995 01:07:05,829 --> 01:07:08,332 well, now everybody does. 996 01:07:08,364 --> 01:07:10,100 My mom is gonna be so mad. 997 01:07:15,237 --> 01:07:16,739 If you're watching this right now 998 01:07:16,773 --> 01:07:18,541 and you struggle with depression, 999 01:07:18,574 --> 01:07:21,344 talk to somebody, reach out, 1000 01:07:21,378 --> 01:07:23,180 that's where the support of others 1001 01:07:23,213 --> 01:07:25,749 is gonna help you big time. 1002 01:07:25,782 --> 01:07:27,851 You may not wanna talk to your teacher or your pastor 1003 01:07:27,884 --> 01:07:30,353 or whomever but telling somebody in confidence, 1004 01:07:30,387 --> 01:07:33,624 you stand a greater chance of getting the help 1005 01:07:33,657 --> 01:07:35,793 that you deserve. 1006 01:07:35,826 --> 01:07:37,226 I'm not gonna go on and on 1007 01:07:37,260 --> 01:07:40,030 but I've just been hearing about so many people 1008 01:07:40,063 --> 01:07:42,199 taking their own lives because of depression. 1009 01:07:43,666 --> 01:07:47,304 So before I go know that you matter, 1010 01:07:49,572 --> 01:07:53,877 that you are special and that you are loved. 1011 01:07:56,313 --> 01:07:59,317 So before I go know that you matter, 1012 01:08:01,650 --> 01:08:05,322 that you are special and that you are loved. 1013 01:08:09,925 --> 01:08:12,730 Okay now let's go out there and have an amazing rest 1014 01:08:12,762 --> 01:08:16,733 of the day because I know I'm going to and you can too. 1015 01:08:19,336 --> 01:08:22,340 Okay, goodbye you guys. 1016 01:09:51,795 --> 01:09:53,663 This happened two weeks ago as well. 1017 01:09:57,934 --> 01:09:59,869 Vargas told me it would happen again 1018 01:10:04,207 --> 01:10:06,744 on Saturday right after practice. 1019 01:10:15,185 --> 01:10:16,654 He was right on time. 1020 01:10:27,063 --> 01:10:28,632 That's why I'm filming today. 1021 01:10:37,908 --> 01:10:41,045 This happens to so many kids everyday. 1022 01:10:50,554 --> 01:10:55,259 But it's just an article or a headline that you read. 1023 01:11:02,765 --> 01:11:04,434 This is really happening 1024 01:11:08,438 --> 01:11:12,275 and no one is fucking doing anything about it! 1025 01:11:13,342 --> 01:11:15,311 I mean look at my social media! 1026 01:11:15,345 --> 01:11:17,748 Look at all the comments, it's all right there 1027 01:11:17,780 --> 01:11:20,551 every fucking day! 1028 01:11:21,717 --> 01:11:24,820 I tell the coach, I tell the fucking principal, 1029 01:11:24,854 --> 01:11:26,722 why the fuck me! 1030 01:11:26,756 --> 01:11:29,260 What the fuck did I do! 1031 01:12:08,765 --> 01:12:12,570 I will never step foot in a rink again. 1032 01:12:20,377 --> 01:12:24,448 I will never be on that ice again. 1033 01:12:28,952 --> 01:12:31,454 They made me hate what I love. 1034 01:12:51,073 --> 01:12:55,745 Okay, I'm really upset right now you guys. 1035 01:12:58,681 --> 01:13:00,350 The world has gone mad. 1036 01:13:02,752 --> 01:13:06,923 I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it. 1037 01:13:19,836 --> 01:13:22,539 So I've gotten a bunch of views and comments 1038 01:13:22,572 --> 01:13:24,141 on my videos earlier 1039 01:13:25,574 --> 01:13:27,443 and I'd like to share some of them with you. 1040 01:13:32,114 --> 01:13:35,418 The court may approve it, the government may allow it 1041 01:13:35,452 --> 01:13:36,619 but God won't. 1042 01:13:43,359 --> 01:13:46,429 If God is the creator of it all, isn't he behind it? 1043 01:13:54,237 --> 01:13:58,274 Hey freak, I used to play with Barbies when I was a kid, 1044 01:13:58,307 --> 01:14:01,078 I wanted to be like my sisters. 1045 01:14:01,110 --> 01:14:03,314 I even wore dresses and put on makeup. 1046 01:14:04,546 --> 01:14:06,882 My mom made me do boy stuff, I grew out of it, 1047 01:14:06,916 --> 01:14:08,952 you're crazy and delusional. 1048 01:14:08,984 --> 01:14:10,786 Listen to your parents, they're trying to love you 1049 01:14:10,819 --> 01:14:12,322 but you're being selfish. 1050 01:14:16,158 --> 01:14:18,061 How am I being selfish? 1051 01:14:27,804 --> 01:14:30,039 Your body is not wrong, your brain is, 1052 01:14:30,073 --> 01:14:31,675 get some psychiatric help. 1053 01:14:33,143 --> 01:14:35,311 God doesn't make mistakes, you're a boy god dang it. 1054 01:14:42,786 --> 01:14:44,387 Not all comments are bad. 1055 01:14:47,489 --> 01:14:50,293 There are some that are encouraging and hopeful. 1056 01:14:53,962 --> 01:14:56,432 It's just hard to not focus on the negative ones, you know? 1057 01:15:01,770 --> 01:15:03,439 This new one just came in. 1058 01:15:13,015 --> 01:15:14,850 This world needs less people like you, 1059 01:15:14,884 --> 01:15:16,720 so do us the honors, 1060 01:15:19,189 --> 01:15:20,591 you know the rest. 1061 01:15:37,039 --> 01:15:38,708 What the hell are you doing? 1062 01:15:40,042 --> 01:15:41,744 Are you filming again? 1063 01:15:41,778 --> 01:15:42,646 Oh Jesus. 1064 01:15:42,679 --> 01:15:43,613 You little shit! 1065 01:15:43,645 --> 01:15:45,014 God damn it stop! 1066 01:15:45,047 --> 01:15:46,382 Why are you doing this? 1067 01:15:46,416 --> 01:15:47,251 Get him. 1068 01:15:53,256 --> 01:15:54,825 I have one question for you people, 1069 01:15:56,292 --> 01:15:59,563 how can you bash somebody so constantly and so much 1070 01:15:59,595 --> 01:16:04,200 and so consistently until somebody wants to fucking die? 1071 01:16:05,368 --> 01:16:08,038 How could you do that, how could you bully them 1072 01:16:08,070 --> 01:16:10,774 and make fun of them and torture them until they say, 1073 01:16:10,806 --> 01:16:13,342 "All right, you're fucking torturing me right now." 1074 01:16:14,577 --> 01:16:15,913 Shut the fuck up! 1075 01:16:17,579 --> 01:16:19,416 How could you do that? 1076 01:16:19,448 --> 01:16:21,550 Yeah, go kill yourself, go fucking die! 1077 01:16:21,583 --> 01:16:25,154 I would never in my life say something like that. 1078 01:16:27,556 --> 01:16:29,291 I share my true feelings with you guys 1079 01:16:29,324 --> 01:16:31,060 and this is what I get. 1080 01:16:32,529 --> 01:16:35,799 You want perfect Jenna, well surprise she doesn't exist! 1081 01:16:35,832 --> 01:16:38,101 I'm a depressed 18-year-old 1082 01:16:38,134 --> 01:16:41,304 who has no fucking idea who she is! 1083 01:16:41,337 --> 01:16:44,641 The only thing that she knows is what people tell her! 1084 01:17:36,859 --> 01:17:37,694 I'm just, 1085 01:17:46,836 --> 01:17:48,070 I can't believe how much hate there is 1086 01:17:48,104 --> 01:17:49,806 out there in the world. 1087 01:17:58,480 --> 01:17:59,515 I can't take it. 1088 01:18:09,958 --> 01:18:12,528 This one's my brother's song. 1089 01:18:12,561 --> 01:18:14,864 It's called, "What Do I Deserve?" 1090 01:18:17,132 --> 01:18:18,467 This one's my favorite. 1091 01:18:20,168 --> 01:18:23,974 ♪ I know I'm out of my mind ♪ 1092 01:18:24,006 --> 01:18:27,710 ♪ I know I'm crazy ♪ 1093 01:18:27,743 --> 01:18:31,347 ♪ I'm always living some lie ♪ 1094 01:18:31,381 --> 01:18:34,618 ♪ And I'm not sorry ♪ 1095 01:18:34,650 --> 01:18:38,822 ♪ Some day it's how I feel ♪ 1096 01:18:38,854 --> 01:18:42,491 ♪ Some days it's so real ♪ 1097 01:18:42,524 --> 01:18:46,495 ♪ And I've got a fragile mind ♪ 1098 01:18:46,529 --> 01:18:50,233 ♪ And I'm done crying ♪ 1099 01:18:50,265 --> 01:18:55,271 ♪ I caused pain and I caused hurt ♪ 1100 01:18:57,172 --> 01:18:59,842 ♪ I left my family behind me ♪ 1101 01:19:01,310 --> 01:19:06,316 ♪ And left them in the dirt ♪ 1102 01:19:10,252 --> 01:19:15,257 ♪ At least that's what I've heard what do I deserve ♪ 1103 01:19:27,869 --> 01:19:31,073 ♪ I'm so alone ♪ 1104 01:19:31,106 --> 01:19:35,345 ♪ My life is gone ♪ 1105 01:19:35,377 --> 01:19:40,384 ♪ And I'm just spending my time trying to find some hope ♪ 1106 01:19:42,350 --> 01:19:47,356 ♪ I'm sick of begging I wanna hold my own ♪ 1107 01:19:50,025 --> 01:19:54,363 ♪ But it's just the strangest thing that I never know ♪ 1108 01:20:02,704 --> 01:20:07,411 ♪ What am I worth and what do I deserve ♪ 1109 01:20:09,444 --> 01:20:12,081 This is Jenna Ross here, this will be my last vlog. 1110 01:20:13,548 --> 01:20:16,286 I know this probably won't make sense to a lot of you 1111 01:20:16,319 --> 01:20:18,722 and I want you to know that I know it's not right for me 1112 01:20:18,755 --> 01:20:19,588 to be doing this. 1113 01:20:21,423 --> 01:20:24,060 I tried to ask for help but no one heard me, 1114 01:20:24,092 --> 01:20:25,394 not even you guys. 1115 01:20:26,828 --> 01:20:29,065 I told you the signs, not one of you reached out. 1116 01:20:30,565 --> 01:20:32,501 So the next time you see someone that looks like 1117 01:20:32,534 --> 01:20:35,337 they have it all, know that they don't. 1118 01:20:36,404 --> 01:20:38,474 They may be hurting just like me, 1119 01:20:39,475 --> 01:20:40,744 just like you may be. 1120 01:20:45,247 --> 01:20:47,216 I woke up today knowing that when today ends, 1121 01:20:47,250 --> 01:20:48,918 I would take my own life. 1122 01:21:02,265 --> 01:21:04,401 I'm going to Renzi's party tonight. 1123 01:21:05,434 --> 01:21:07,671 I want them all to see my face, 1124 01:21:08,904 --> 01:21:11,041 to see what they've taken away from me. 1125 01:21:12,175 --> 01:21:16,113 When today ends, I will have my retribution 1126 01:21:19,282 --> 01:21:21,118 and it's the only way it will change. 1127 01:21:25,054 --> 01:21:26,590 ♪ What am I worth ♪ 1128 01:21:39,601 --> 01:21:44,608 ♪ What do I deserve ♪ 1129 01:21:47,076 --> 01:21:48,677 ♪ What do I deserve ♪ 1130 01:22:04,025 --> 01:22:07,396 I know that I'm going to be hurting everyone who loves me 1131 01:22:08,363 --> 01:22:10,399 and I really do love them too 1132 01:22:11,600 --> 01:22:13,769 but if you knew what it was like inside my head, 1133 01:22:15,837 --> 01:22:17,740 if you knew what it felt like to feel dead, 1134 01:22:20,542 --> 01:22:23,412 if you knew what happened to me when I was a kid, 1135 01:22:25,747 --> 01:22:27,983 if you really knew what my mother did. 1136 01:22:37,592 --> 01:22:39,296 ♪ What do I deserve ♪ 1137 01:22:50,405 --> 01:22:52,375 ♪ What do I deserve ♪ 1138 01:25:06,274 --> 01:25:09,411 Hey James, where were you you missed the party. 1139 01:25:09,444 --> 01:25:11,279 - Come on, let's go. - Hey are you okay? 1140 01:25:11,313 --> 01:25:12,748 - This guy's a freak, man. - Shut up. 1141 01:25:27,162 --> 01:25:28,163 Hey James. 1142 01:25:29,765 --> 01:25:31,534 James, what's up bro? 1143 01:25:43,279 --> 01:25:45,248 James what's up buddy? 1144 01:25:47,048 --> 01:25:49,152 Cops just rolled through, 1145 01:25:49,185 --> 01:25:51,487 busted the whole fucking party, man. 1146 01:25:51,520 --> 01:25:52,789 Are you okay, man? 1147 01:25:52,822 --> 01:25:54,591 You don't look so good, you need a hit bro? 1148 01:25:55,557 --> 01:25:56,393 No, okay. 1149 01:26:05,801 --> 01:26:08,037 Which corner is your favorite dude? 1150 01:26:08,069 --> 01:26:08,970 - My favorite. - Yeah. 1151 01:26:09,003 --> 01:26:10,605 Which corner's your favorite? 1152 01:26:10,639 --> 01:26:12,509 - One, two, three, four. - The one with the blue paper. 1153 01:26:15,810 --> 01:26:18,113 Yo Waters, where you going, hey. 1154 01:26:18,146 --> 01:26:20,149 What, I'm just going to check something. 1155 01:26:20,181 --> 01:26:22,518 Waters, get your ass back, 1156 01:26:22,551 --> 01:26:24,354 sit your ass back down Waters! 1157 01:26:37,332 --> 01:26:38,734 I love you Mom. 1158 01:26:41,403 --> 01:26:42,572 I love you Dad. 1159 01:26:45,073 --> 01:26:46,341 I love you Brandon. 1160 01:26:50,078 --> 01:26:53,148 Yeah, I might go to art school now man, fuck hockey. 1161 01:26:53,181 --> 01:26:56,786 Yeah, I can't fucking do that shit. 1162 01:27:00,421 --> 01:27:03,792 What would you call it, what is the name of that? 1163 01:27:06,028 --> 01:27:07,063 Come on Renzi! 1164 01:27:10,431 --> 01:27:11,634 Bullshit, crossfit. 1165 01:27:17,907 --> 01:27:19,042 I fucking love that. 1166 01:27:21,210 --> 01:27:23,212 Yo we should make that our new logo or whatever 1167 01:27:23,244 --> 01:27:24,314 for the team. 1168 01:27:34,689 --> 01:27:36,391 - What the fuck was that? - Shut the fuck up, shut up! 1169 01:27:36,425 --> 01:27:37,894 What was that? 1170 01:30:06,742 --> 01:30:08,778 This isn't how it's supposed to end. 1171 01:30:16,885 --> 01:30:18,521 ♪ What do I deserve ♪ 1172 01:30:22,557 --> 01:30:30,565 Know that you matter, that you are special and that you are loved. 1173 01:30:36,137 --> 01:30:37,372 Life's meaningless until you find 1174 01:30:37,405 --> 01:30:38,707 what you're passionate about. 1175 01:30:40,175 --> 01:30:44,579 And when you find it, you found your reason for living. 1176 01:30:46,381 --> 01:30:51,019 1-800-273-8255, somebody will be there to talk to you. 1177 01:31:00,561 --> 01:31:04,000 Hi, I'm Billy, I'm 17. 1178 01:31:05,300 --> 01:31:08,971 I've been live streaming this today 1179 01:31:09,003 --> 01:31:10,672 because I figured it could be the best way 1180 01:31:10,706 --> 01:31:12,175 to get you all to watch. 1181 01:31:23,786 --> 01:31:25,354 I found these videos online 1182 01:31:25,386 --> 01:31:27,222 because they all shared the same hashtag, 1183 01:31:27,256 --> 01:31:28,423 WhenTodayEnds. 1184 01:31:30,525 --> 01:31:32,494 My sister Megan used that hashtag. 1185 01:31:33,694 --> 01:31:36,564 She took her own life two months ago today 1186 01:31:36,597 --> 01:31:38,234 live on social media. 1187 01:31:40,101 --> 01:31:42,337 She was bullied online and in school. 1188 01:31:49,310 --> 01:31:50,380 This is her room. 1189 01:31:54,649 --> 01:31:56,885 My mom sits in there everyday for hours. 1190 01:31:58,353 --> 01:32:01,323 I can hardly come in here but it's all I have left of her. 1191 01:32:03,125 --> 01:32:06,127 I watched her last video over and over. 1192 01:32:06,161 --> 01:32:08,431 It's all I could do for the last two months. 1193 01:32:09,965 --> 01:32:13,002 When I watched Jenna, James and Nicole's videos, 1194 01:32:13,034 --> 01:32:15,171 I needed to know why they did it 1195 01:32:16,604 --> 01:32:18,306 and why they all did it live for millions to see. 1196 01:32:19,774 --> 01:32:21,777 It was because they knew you would watch. 1197 01:32:23,244 --> 01:32:25,448 My own sister could do that in front of the whole world 1198 01:32:25,480 --> 01:32:27,349 but she couldn't tell me how she really felt. 1199 01:32:28,684 --> 01:32:30,019 I miss her everyday. 1200 01:32:32,587 --> 01:32:33,422 I miss her. 1201 01:32:38,926 --> 01:32:41,130 I don't know what would make the pain go away. 1202 01:32:41,162 --> 01:32:42,230 I don't know what to do. 1203 01:32:49,971 --> 01:32:51,640 That was me just a year ago. 1204 01:32:53,574 --> 01:32:57,646 I felt so alone, I just wanted to give up. 1205 01:33:00,148 --> 01:33:02,952 But then all these people started watching my live stream 1206 01:33:02,984 --> 01:33:06,188 and commenting and sending me messages. 1207 01:33:06,220 --> 01:33:08,457 All these strangers letting me know I wasn't alone. 1208 01:33:12,594 --> 01:33:17,432 I was overwhelmed by how many people really cared about me, 1209 01:33:18,900 --> 01:33:23,472 about my sister and I realized we needed a place to connect. 1210 01:33:25,606 --> 01:33:28,243 So I created an online channel 1211 01:33:28,277 --> 01:33:31,212 and our mission is to change the meaning of the hashtag, 1212 01:33:31,246 --> 01:33:32,414 WhenTodayEnds. 1213 01:33:34,917 --> 01:33:37,620 When today ends I'm gonna pay for someone's next meal 1214 01:33:37,653 --> 01:33:40,456 and spread smiles to every passing person I see. 1215 01:33:40,488 --> 01:33:43,424 When today ends I want to make someone smile. 1216 01:33:43,457 --> 01:33:46,427 When today ends I'm going to compliment someone I love. 1217 01:33:46,461 --> 01:33:49,265 When today ends, I'm going to tell someone 1218 01:33:49,297 --> 01:33:52,667 that they are not a disappointment, not to me, 1219 01:33:52,701 --> 01:33:56,438 not to anyone and certainly not to themselves. 1220 01:34:04,246 --> 01:34:06,981 When today ends, I'm going to be there for you, 1221 01:34:07,015 --> 01:34:08,851 I'm going to be there for every person in the world 1222 01:34:08,884 --> 01:34:11,554 that needs my help because he's hurting, 1223 01:34:11,587 --> 01:34:13,455 he's hurting deeply inside. 1224 01:34:13,488 --> 01:34:15,791 - So let me tell you... - When today ends... 1225 01:34:15,823 --> 01:34:19,193 I'm going to inspire people to... 1226 01:34:26,935 --> 01:34:29,138 Thank you for watching and thank you 1227 01:34:29,171 --> 01:34:33,909 for posting your videos, I'll see you tomorrow. 1228 01:34:36,811 --> 01:34:41,817 ♪ Help I can't hide myself any longer ♪ 1229 01:34:44,418 --> 01:34:49,090 ♪ They've broken down my walls & they're getting stronger ♪ 1230 01:34:49,123 --> 01:34:54,130 ♪ Now I'm crawling through ♪ 1231 01:34:56,765 --> 01:35:01,704 ♪ Just wait till dark when the morning comes ♪ 1232 01:35:03,238 --> 01:35:08,244 ♪ It won't be long till the pain is gone ♪ 1233 01:35:09,411 --> 01:35:13,282 ♪ I keep holding on but I might be gone ♪ 1234 01:35:17,152 --> 01:35:22,158 ♪ When today ends ♪ 1235 01:35:24,059 --> 01:35:26,962 ♪ I know you're living in the dark without a light ♪ 1236 01:35:26,994 --> 01:35:29,097 ♪ It can be so hard sometimes ♪ 1237 01:35:29,131 --> 01:35:31,467 ♪ But there are people who pray every night ♪ 1238 01:35:31,500 --> 01:35:34,168 ♪ Just fighting for the choice to fight ♪ 1239 01:35:34,202 --> 01:35:39,208 ♪ It's a fight for their lives ♪ 1240 01:35:40,108 --> 01:35:43,645 ♪ Stay a little while longer ♪ 1241 01:35:43,679 --> 01:35:45,180 ♪ Nobody wants you to leave ♪ 1242 01:35:45,212 --> 01:35:49,484 ♪ You shine so bright that it's hard for them to see ♪ 1243 01:35:49,518 --> 01:35:54,256 ♪ You're the light you're the light ♪ 1244 01:35:54,288 --> 01:35:59,295 ♪ That we need ♪ 1245 01:36:01,128 --> 01:36:06,135 ♪ Just wait till dawn when the morning comes ♪ 1246 01:36:07,269 --> 01:36:11,273 ♪ It won't be long till the pain is gone ♪ 1247 01:36:11,305 --> 01:36:14,874 ♪ Keep holding on 'cause I can't lose a friend ♪ 1248 01:36:23,350 --> 01:36:28,356 ♪ When today ends ♪ 1249 01:36:30,425 --> 01:36:35,431 ♪ I love the taste of wine ♪ 1250 01:36:36,664 --> 01:36:41,503 ♪ It only gets better as every month passes by ♪ 1251 01:36:43,037 --> 01:36:48,043 ♪ And honey I'm not tired ♪ 1252 01:36:50,645 --> 01:36:55,651 ♪ This love will keep us warm ♪ 1253 01:36:56,885 --> 01:36:58,153 ♪ And nothing there to hold the flames ♪ 1254 01:36:58,185 --> 01:37:02,724 ♪ And the breeze from every storm ♪ 1255 01:37:03,792 --> 01:37:05,261 ♪ As it gets stronger than before ♪ 1256 01:37:05,938 --> 01:37:08,219 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 94269