Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Good morning, good morning, how we doing?

Let's turn our books to page 394.

So this is the equation we're dealing with today, all right.

So I want you to listen up, this is not an easy one.

Yeah, Megan?

May I use the restroom?

Yeah, make it quick.

All right, quiet down.

394, so interpreting a velocity function.

Hey guys quiet, 390, can you turn around

and open your book please, thank you.

Yes.

Boys, slow down!

Hey Sam will you close that up and get to class, thank you!

What was that!

♪ I know I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ I know I'm crazy ♪

♪ I'm always living some life ♪

♪ And I'm not sorry ♪

Hello everybody good morning, it's Jenna Ross here.

If you've been following my blog thank you.

I'm up to 10,000 followers.

I appreciate you and your comments so much

and if you're a new fan, hi.

It's nice to meet you.

I'm 18 and I'm a freshman in college.

This is my dorm room where the magic happens,

by magic I mean homework.

Okay guess which side is mine you guys?

I'm a neat freak for the new fans.

So today we're not gonna talk about the usual stuff

that we talk about which is politics, gun control,

the environment, instead we're gonna talk about something

that hurts my heart very much.

Three nights ago a 14-year-old from my high school

took his own life.

He was a freshmen.

In just the last two days I have seen two teenagers

commit suicide live on social media.

This is just heartbreaking and I couldn't even watch it.

It's horrible to hear about people taking their own lives,

especially teenagers.

I'm making these videos today to raise awareness

in this country.

Kids aren't just committing suicide because they're gay

or because they're bullied.

There are other things too but nobody's talking about them.

So I'm gonna.

It's the pressure from the parents and the school.

The amount of stress that a student goes through

in this country is ridiculous.

Do you know how much pressure it is

to get into a good college now?

I had to maintain good grades, no, not good grades,

perfect grades.

It just shouldn't take kids committing suicide

for the stress levels and homework levels to go down.

We need to spread awareness you guys

and get this message out.

Share it with your friends, your family,

post this video on Facebook.

Click like and write your comments below.

We can't lose anymore teens to something

that is so easily preventable.

All right guys so keep watching,

I'll be posting all day but I'm changing it up a little bit.

I'm doing something I've never done before.

No edits, no cutting, just real Jenna.

Thank you for listening, I'm Jenna Ross,

have a beautiful day.

Oh please don't forget to comment.

I love hearing from all of you, okay.

Bye guys.

Hello everyone, I'm Nick Meyer, I'm 17

and this is my first video.

So today's my second week in my new school.

It's an all boys school.

Which is way different than my other school.

I'm a little nervous to be honest.

But today is a great day because my parents

finally came around and they gave me back my cellphone

which allows me back on social media.

I've been grounded from all that stuff

for like a month now.

It's been really hard not being on social media.

It was like the loneliest time of my life actually

because I look to that stuff for support, you know?

What's up freak?

What the fuck you got there man.

Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, please, please.

Jesus we have a stream here. You got a lot of viewers

What's up faggots?

Hi, how you fucking doing?

- You wanna play with this? - What you got going on here?

These are all your faggot ass friends

who is watching your videos, is that what's going on?

Say hi.

Hey guys, let's get a little selfie going on huh?

Come on you guys please.

You know I like you two, huh?

- Let's see what's going on. - I like it it's a good thing.

Let's see what's going on.

You think it's gonna hurt worse

- when I shatter you jaw - Straighten his tie up

or the therapy afterwards? a little bit.

What you got something to say, huh?

There we go.

You're fucking dead after school.

And I hope all you guys get to watch.

- Let's get out of here. - See you.

Hey guys it's Jenna Ross here again.

I just read all of your comments

and I'm really sorry if I offended some of you,

that was not my intention.

I hear what you guys are saying about the bullying issue,

trust me I do, I saw it high school everyday.

I see it on campus, I see it online, it's disgusting

and I do everything in my power to stop it.

All I'm saying is that there are teenagers

that are committing suicide that are not being bullied,

that's all.

Did you know that suicide is the third leading cause

of death in all teenagers?

Did you also know that according

to the American Psychiatric Association,

almost all teenagers who are depressed

will attempt suicide at some time.

I'm gonna list you a few of the warning signs

you might see from somebody who's in danger

of committing suicide.

One is talking frequently about death.

Two, is writing depressed poetry.

Three is acting out or changes in their behavior

like partying or doing drugs when they never have before.

We can't lose anymore teens to this you guys.

We can end this suicide craze, I know we can.

Okay, thank you, love you.

Bye.

Do you hear that?

That's my brother, he's incredible.

♪ I won't call or leave a note child ♪

♪ Fade away won't ever see my face ♪

♪ But somehow I love God oh. ♪

- Sounds good in here. - Thanks.

Yeah, I'm just getting ready to make a video, so.

- Cool I'll be quiet. - All right.

Hey guys Brandon Wade here, fuck.

All right.

Hey guys, Brandon Wade here.

Thank you so much for all the comments and likes lately,

I so appreciate your support.

Here's my newest one, it's called "Over You,"

it goes like this.

Let me know what you think.

♪ Had a bad dream last night but it hurts ♪

♪ To open my eyes ♪

♪ I take a little walk outside ♪

♪ Whiskey high she's on my mind ♪

♪ Tell me how our love got old ♪

♪ Tell me and the storm will be over ♪

♪ Help me oh I'm taking on water ♪

♪ Drowning in my mind over you ♪

♪ I'm drowning in my mind over you ♪

My brother's blowing up right now.

He has like 200,000 followers.

He's kind of a big deal.

But Brandon doesn't care about any of that shit.

He'd do this everyday with no followers.

Nothing would stop him.

- James, breakfast is ready! - Be right down!

- Fuck, Mom,. - Geeze, I'm sorry

- I didn't know. - Yeah, well

now I have to do it all over again, thank you very much.

Well you should have told me.

All right, I'm sorry.

Geeze.

This used to happen every single day when he lived here.

Are you smoking pot?

No I'm not at all, no.

Brandon, it's 10 a.m., this is what you do

- in L.A. all day? - No it's not.

God.

Hi everyone, Nick Meyer here again.

It's lunchtime and this is pretty much

where I spend all my lunches.

If you think this is bad, gym class is way worse.

There's no hiding there.

This is worst school yet.

It's really small only like 100 boys,

so everyone knows everyone.

Sorry, I don't really know what to say.

I guess I can start with why I'm making these videos.

So, when I was a little boy, my...

- I took the photo. - Hey this one's broken.

- Yo is someone in there? - Yeah.

Well, fucking hurry up, I gotta take a shit

and the other stall's broken.

Sorry, it's gonna be awhile.

- Oh fuck. - Who's in there?

- Nick. - Nick Costello

- or Nick the new kid? - Nick the new kid.

- Oh this guy. - You're fucking dead faggot!

You're fucking dead!

Now he's all pissed off at me.

Well he'll get over it.

I'll eat his breakfast.

Hey, no I can't today, I gotta go, bye.

Good morning, handsome, oh god are you filming me?

My sons love to film me before I have any makeup on.

You look beautiful Mom.

I pay him to say that.

- What's up big guy? - Good morning world.

You got a little, what's wrong, is there a problem?

Listen all right, you put your camera down,

I'll put my phone down and let's eat, mister...

Sure you don't want any of my berries?

- No, no. - Here, here.

- No, no. - Here.

So, we're gonna leave in about an hour

and we left you guys some cash in the drawer

and we'll be back Sunday night.

No big parties, mister popular.

- No parties! - I know.

Okay, well you can have one or two friends over

but nothing big okay.

And I'm sure Brandon will have Lauren over.

I'm sure he will.

All right, baby, I love you.

I love you too Mom.

- I'm gonna finish packing. - Okie dokes.

Hey listen, have a couple of your buddies over

from the team, okay.

Nothing too crazy, maybe a few girls,

I'm sure there's a girl out that you like.

But just remember... Be responsible.

- Yes, thank you. - I know.

Hey, hey, hey where are you going,

with my bacon.

Shut the door!

This guy is driving me nuts, please.

Please make sure he doesn't burn the house down.

Door!

- While we're gone. - All right, I'll do my best.

All right, have a good practice

and we'll be back Monday for the game okay?

- Great have fun. - You too.

- You all right? - Oh yeah.

Hey, all right, yeah we should be getting on the road

in about an hour.

Yeah, it looks good to me, yeah.

My family's pretty cool but they don't know.

Hey guys, one last thing if you or anyone you know

is in danger of committing suicide,

reach out to their parents.

And if you're not comfortable with that,

you can call this hotline number.

It's

Somebody will be there to talk to you.

I'm gonna play that again.

1-800-273-8255.

You guys got that?

Somebody will be there to talk to you.

And you can always, always reach out to me.

Sometimes this world can be a lonely place

and you just need a friend.

Even if it's somebody you don't know.

Jenna, come on let's go.

Okay, guys, I gotta go.

Have an amazing day.

Mom, Dad?

Jeff, hello, anyone home?

Let's go.

♪ I was a fool for the light I saw in you ♪

♪ The yellows and the greens all been turned to blue ♪

♪ And so I'll paint you a pretty picture ♪

♪ If the love that's now gone ♪

- A new one? - Yeah, do you like it?

Yeah it's a completely different style for you.

All right.

Hey we gotta go, I'm gonna be late.

Oh shit, that's right.

Hey give me that camera, hey.

Hey guys, Brandon Wade here,

this guy will never tell you

but he's a damn good hockey player,

- made varsity as a freshman. - I was a sophomore.

Yeah, sophomore, freshman, whatever.

- Now can I please - Hey.

give me my camera back.

Need me to pick you up after practice?

No, I'm good.

You have anyone over tonight?

No one of the guys from the team

is throwing a big party,

I gotta show up.

Well I'm driving.

Actually that's wrong 'cause I'm driving.

Nope I'm driving.

♪ Get money falling in my wallet ♪

♪ This starving is part of the plan ♪

♪ That you don't have to understand. ♪

Hey what do you think about this one?

I like this one.

"What do I Deserve" is still my favorite.

I know but do you think this could go on the album?

Definitely.

All right, wait, listen to this one part, just wait.

♪ Do what you gotta do she'll be leaving soon ♪

♪ She'll be gone ♪

Hey I'm really bummed I can't make it

to your game, I just gotta get back,

I start recording on Tuesday.

- I understand. - All right.

♪ I'll be walking down a lonely road ♪

I am here with one of my best friends, Taylor.

Hi.

She's also my roommate.

She's very supportive of our mission

and she has something say about it.

Come on don't you have anything to say?

I hate being put on the spot.

- Come on Tay. - I don't know what to say.

What about all the kids

that are taking their own lives?

I think it's really sad, like so sad.

This girl is so annoying.

Today isn't about being sad, Jenna,

today is about having fun.

Okay, fine, she's right, I'm gonna try and have fun today

you guys.

I'm breaking the rules a little bit,

I'm skipping all my classes.

Sorry Mom.

- What's up bitches. - Hey Michelle.

- Oh good morning sexy slut. - Oh my god.

- Now the party starts. - Yeah.

- You ready to get started? - I guess so.

This is my rink, it's been my second home

since I was five.

I love playing hockey.

It's all I ever wanted to do.

There's this adrenaline rush that runs through

your whole body.

Makes you forget about everything.

My brother feels the same way about his music.

My dad always told us, life's meaningless

until you find what you're passionate about.

And when you find it, you found your reason for living.

Life's meaningless until you find

what you're passionate about

and when you find it, you've found your reason for living.

So what happens when you hate what you love?

Let's go, pick it up boys!

You're falling asleep on me, let's go!

Wade, you're going through the motions, son!

Skate like a man, pussy, get off your feet!

Fucking faggot.

Get up you little bitch!

ice Wade.

Fucking bench warmer.

You ain't going nowhere boy, fucking faggot,

get off the fucking ice.

Come on McCann, bring it in!

Get in here, on me now!

What are you guys doing on my ice?

What's going on out there!

- Fucking benchwarmer... - Turn that damn camera off!

So here it is, I'm not gay, I'm a girl

but I'm trapped in a boy's body.

And I've been that way ever since I was four.

- Can I come in? - No.

- Excuse me? - Mom, I'm busy.

Okay, I understand you're busy

but I haven't seen you all day

and I'm a little worried about you.

I wanted to be alone.

Can you open the door, please?

Thank you.

I'm working on a school project,

I really need to get back to it.

Can I help?

Mom, no, I'm really busy right now

and I need to get back to it.

Please just let me close my door

so I can get back to work.

All right.

I'm sorry about that guys.

♪ Broken record that nobody wants to play ♪

♪ We're waking up we're screaming out loud ♪

♪ We'll never run out we'll never run out ♪

♪ Do what we want just gonna hang tonight ♪

♪ Make the world young again ♪

Oh my god it's a miracle, Jenna Ross

is actually smoking pot.

You're getting drunk later to you know that right?

Whatever, my mom is gonna kill me

when she sees this.

You're in college now, Jenna.

Sorry Mrs. Ross but Jenna's a big girl now

and it's time for her to have some fun.

She needs a break, she busts her butt everyday

and she needs to let loose, you pressure her way too much.

Now come on, how much more perfect can she be?

Yeah, I mean, you're suffocating her.

Come on already she works harder than any other girl I know.

Okay, that's not true.

You do, of course, she was valedictorian

- of her high school class. - Barely.

Class president and she's gonna get a 4.0 GPA.

- I wish. - Oh please,

she knows she is unlike me who just give a shit.

She's in every club on campus.

I'm in three.

No, yeah, three more than me.

Anyways she takes care of us

and she's my therapist for god sake.

Yeah, she's a resident therapist on our floor.

Jenna Ross is a boss and she needs a break

from being so goddamn perfect.

I am not perfect, I actually feel real guilty right now

you guys.

- Jenna just stop. - Yeah, enough of that shit.

Okay, you're right.

Sorry Mom, sorry Dad, I love you.

Shit is that Matty Matt?

- Matty Matt! - Honk the horn.

- Matty Matt! - Matt.

- You're so stoned right now! - He's so stoned.

Shit, Jenna Ross skipping class,

the world must be ending.

- Hey ladies. - Hi.

Hey Taylor.

Shut the hell up am I tripping or what?

Jenna Ross is smoking weed, this is history right here.

Give me a hit of that shit.

Hey Matty Matt here.

This girl is the nicest, kindest girl I have ever met.

- And the prettiest - Stop it, Matt.

and smartest and most talented,

did I say the hottest girl on campus.

- Oh my god, fuck you Matt. - Oh my god.

You're hot too.

But you're the hottest.

Okay, I do know about any of that

but I do know that you're the cutest thing ever.

Thank you.

I'm not just saying that, this girl

is gonna go so far, I can guarantee.

All right, you two enough of this love party.

Let's smoke, my shit sucks.

All right, let's head over there and I'll roll a new one.

Do you guys know that feeling you get

when you can be with a bunch of people,

people you even like and know but still feel totally alone?

Do you guys understand, I don't know,

I don't know what I'm saying?

Leave me a comment please, send me a message,

I love hearing from all of you.

I feel so connected to you guys.

There's so much sadness in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I can feel all of it.

It's hard to describe.

So my parents and brother won't be home

for hopefully an hour so I get to be myself

for a little while.

I'm very excited but I have to hurry

because if they catch me, my dad will kill me.

When I was 14 I learned what transgender meant.

And I cried of happiness.

It was the best day of my life.

I did not have to try to do boyish things to fit in,

I finally understood who I was.

I wasn't gay, well I guess I am,

I'm a lesbian trapped in a boy's body.

Not a butch type lesbian, a lipstick lesbian.

I immediately told my mom

and she told me it was just a phase.

And that I never truly be a girl

and that God doesn't make mistakes and I was wrong.

A phase, I don't think so.

FYI, I'm not gonna look my best today.

I've trained myself to go pretty fast at this

so I can spend as much time as a girl

before my parents get home.

I can look much better than what you'll see.

Anyway.

My room's a little messy.

This is Brandon Wade here,

this is my song "I'm Not Tired."

I love this song.

Oh god I wish I could sing.

Music makes me so happy,

it makes me forget how sad I am,

it lifts me up.

I need it, you know.

♪ I'm not tired ♪

A lot of kids I talk to online

they tell me that I should just do drugs to feel better.

It's just not my thing you know.

♪ All the flames and reach before the storm ♪

♪ 'Cause it gets stronger than before ♪

♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while ♪

I don't think I can think of a day

where I haven't been depressed.

♪ Stay a little while longer ♪

I look at pictures of me when I was little.

♪ Darling I know the things I've done ♪

And my eyes were.

♪ But I've moved on I won't be who I can become ♪

So sad.

♪ You're afraid I might become I won't ♪

♪ This long night is still young ♪

I cry just looking at me.

I can't even go there right now.

Anyways so my parents made me go to a bunch of therapists

on and off since I can remember,

only Christian therapists so that worked out well, huh?

So I never actually got the therapy I needed

to cure me of my depression.

I only got more people telling me

that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look

to God for help.

I painted my toes purple I love them.

Purple's my favorite color.

I hate pink.

My mom loves pink.

Anyway, the thing with my parents is

well, I'm just an embarrassment to them.

They wanted me to be their perfect, little Christian boy,

and that's not what I am.

They have their Christian son, my perfect brother

and I just wanted to be their Christian daughter.

So they took me out of my brother's school

and I was home schooled for the rest of the year.

I was basically locked in a cage.

I mean, they took away my cellphone

and laptop forbid me from any sort of social media use,

completely isolating me from all my friends

who were all pretty much online and

it was just probably the worst time of my life

and I realize that my parents were never gonna come around

and that I would have to wait until I was 18

to start any sort of transitioning treatment.

And I don't have the money for that.

Which means it's probably never gonna happen.

And that absolutely breaks my heart.

I cry myself to sleep every night.

Some nights my brother will hear me

and he'll sneak in from the other room

and he tells me that everything's gonna be all right.

And we just pray to God.

I pray, I pray pretty much every day.

I've been praying and I don't really feel any better.

Except for today.

Today was different.

Today I get to share my story.

So, this is me... Nicole.

How do I look?

Write some comments below and let me know.

I wanna give you a few lessons about being transgender.

First off, we don't wanna be seen as trans.

I wanna be seen as a girl, period, end of story

and if we're girls, we wanna be seen as guys.

It's that simple for us

but so freaking complicated for everyone else.

Number two, we can barely stand to look at ourselves

in the mirror

and it sucks really bad

when you're not okay with your own body.

I cringe every time I see it and

it messes with your brain pretty bad.

Number three when your family calls you by he,

or says my name,

I mean, just hearing the word, Nick,

freaks me out.

I hate the sound of it,

it makes me wanna kill myself.

Nick is not my name.

My name is Nicole.

Nick is not my name, Nick is not my name,

Nick is not my name, it's not my real name!

Hey sorry about earlier,

it's just I get really angry and then I tromp

and I get really sad.

I've been on antidepressants for as long as I can remember

and most recently on sleeping pills

so I can at least sleep through the night.

I stay up really late

and then that's when a lot of bad things go through my head.

I used to be super outgoing when I was younger.

I was never really shy.

Now it's just weird.

I don't make people laugh like I used to anymore.

I don't crack jokes like I used to anymore.

Which I miss, a lot.

'Cause I love seeing people laugh.

Sometimes I just wanna run away.

I just wish I was the same person just born a girl.

I remember when I was two, I used to run into my mom's room

holding my penis saying "I want this off,

I want this off."

I used to dream that my fairy godmother

would come and wake me up in the middle of the night

and go poof and my penis would be gone.

I really hate my penis, I hate it!

I understand that I was never the boy

that my dad really wanted.

I also know that I'll never be Daddy's little girl.

I just wished that there was someway to make this all right.

And I feel bad for all the parents too.

I just wish that they could put aside their own bigotry

or feelings enough to say it doesn't matter

if you're gay, lesbian, transgender, why should it matter,

I love you anyways?

- Oh shit. - What the hell?

Nick, Nick!

Nick!

Nick, open the door now!

Open up the door now Nick!

What did I tell you about locking doors in this house!

Open this door now before I bust it down!

- You can keep those sweats. - Thanks.

You know I don't know how to help you Wade?

You made it worse going to the principal.

You can't do that shit!

You have a problem with your team

you work it out with your team.

I understand.

You know you're one of the better players out there, right

but you've been slacking off the last few weeks, son.

I know.

Well get your shit together this is your senior year.

Coach, oh sorry.

Come here Waters.

What's going on with you guys?

Stop picking on Wade!

- I haven't done anything. - It's not him.

Good, then talk to the other guys.

I will.

Look we got our first game on Tuesday,

I don't want this shit on my ice!

- I mean it Waters. - I get it.

I'm late for a meeting.

You guys work this shit out!

I'll talk to you on Monday.

Where are they now?

Showers but what is that?

Are you filming this?

James what are you doing, I saw you in there

There's Wade, we missed you in the showers, buddy.

Hey Burgess, Vargas, Renzi he's right here!

- Go lock the door McCann. - On it.

There's that little motherfucker right there.

Yeah, you like that, like that little buddy.

So what's your fucking problem, huh?

I don't have a problem.

- Yeah, you fucking do! - Fucking pussy!

And a fucking snitch!

Ugly motherfucker!

Hey are you a faggot?

No.

Yes you are 'cause you ain't getting

any fucking pussy.

What fucking senior

is still a fucking virgin,

McCann, are you a virgin.

Fuck no, I'm up to five freshman already.

Yo Renzi what about you man?

I'm going on four if I include your mother.

- Hey Waters, what about you? - Uh no.

Yeah, I didn't think so not with that donkey dick!

Waters, get over here and get a hit!

Let's go!

Waters, Waters, Waters, Waters!

Come on!

I'm good.

Get over here and get a hit!

That was a pussy kick, Waters,

we all knew you were a faggot, just like little Jamie here.

Come on!

Kick him again, Waters!

Fucking hit him, fucking hit him, give it to him!

That's what I'm talking about.

You want me to stop kicking you huh, huh,

then get the fuck up and fight me!

I'm not gonna fight you.

'Cause you're a fucking faggot aren't you?

Oh you wanna get fucked instead,

you wanna get fucked instead, huh?

Say it, I'm a fucking faggot, I'm a fucking faggot.

Give it to him!

Let's go!

Oh shit look, he wants it he's already bent over.

Oh shit he's getting it again.

Oh he loves this shit, McCann give me your stick.

No, no, no, not with my stick!

Come on!

You're getting fucked little faggot, huh,

but you like it don't you, don't you?

All right enough leave him alone.

What the fuck did you just say?

I think that's enough for today.

It sounds like you fucking want it too.

Fuck you man.

Yo, fuck all this shit game on.

Let's go.

We're gonna bury your ass fucking live yeah!

You're gonna fucking die today man, you're fucking done!

Hey come on, let's go take him.

Open the fucking door, yo we're going.

That way, that way.

Come on, let's go, take him this way.

To the stairs, let's go!

Yeah!

To the stairs.

Come on, Waters, let's go!

Come on let's go top of the stairs, come on!

Put him right onto the edge.

Ready for a ride little boy!

Yo, yo, shut the fuck up, I wanna talk to this clown.

You're a fucking loser.

You're fucking nothing.

- Fucking hockey player. - Tell him like it is.

You suck, you're not fucking tough enough,

you can't fight in there and you can't fight on the ice.

That's why you don't have a girlfriend, huh.

That's why you don't have any fucking friends.

Yo if I was you I would fucking kill myself.

Yeah kill yourself, kill yourself.

Toss him down the stairs!

Toss him down the stairs!

Yo, yo, yo, let's get out of here, hey, hey

party at Renzi's right?

Yeah!

- Alcohol. - Let's get the fuck

out of here!

Let's go baby.

Yo Wade if you can walk we'd love to fucking have you.

Let's go, see you later Wade.

Hey man, it's Waters, come on, come on, lets go.

I'll take you home.

Hey, it's Travis Waters, I want everyone to know

that I had no part in this shit.

I wanted to stop it, James have I ever done anything

to hurt you?

No.

This dude has done nothing to deserve this, nothing.

And we were all friends one day and then they just stopped

liking him, why?

Who gives the fuck why, who does this shit to people?

People who are fucking crazy that's who.

This shit has happened to James before

and to other kids and the school has done nothing.

I mean, the principal came to talk to us

but that did shit.

And our coach was fucking pissed.

- Have you told your parents? - No.

My parents would have gone ballistic,

they would have taken on the whole school.

My would have too.

But I mean, you have what you need to take these fucks out.

Turn the camera off.

Dude if we release stuff now

there's no hockey for any of us through season

and that just fucks everyone including you.

Bro, this shit will be everywhere.

If that would...

Turn the fucking camera off!

Jesus Christ, what I need more time!

Excuse me, you know you're not supposed

to talk to me like that.

You promised Dr. Gould you were gonna work

on these outbursts.

And you promised Dr. Gould you weren't gonna be

so fucking on me all the time.

She told you, you're supposed to give me my space.

Billy, I'm just worried about you.

You're not sticking to the schedules,

you're not eating, you barely leave your room.

You don't hang out with your friends anymore.

I just need to know that you're okay.

Mom, I'm okay.

You know what today is, right?

Of course.

Maybe I should call out so

maybe we can spend some time together.

I'm on the overnights unless ER's slow.

Mom, I'm okay, have a good shift,

I just, I really need to get back to this project.

Okay, I'll check in later, I love you.

I love you too.

Hey guys, I'm here with the cutest boy ever, Matty Matt.

Hey everybody what's up ladies?

So I just wanted to touch base

on what we were talking about earlier

you know with the pressure from the parents

and school and everything.

Oh that means it's 5:59, it's time for my daily mom call.

It should be happening, in five, four, three, two.

It's never a second late.

Here you take over for awhile okay?

Hey Mom.

Jenna, why did you change your profile picture?

What?

When did you do it, this morning?

I don't know I did it like a couple hours ago.

You know I don't like it, it's really a horrible picture

of you, oh and put the homecoming theme picture back up,

I mean, you're so much prettier in that picture.

You know Aunt Susan thinks so too.

Okay.

So, has your asshole father called you?

No.

Oh, typical, nothing's changed there.

Clearly he doesn't give a shit.

But some people just aren't meant to be parents.

Oh I bought you the cutest dress yesterday,

Diane and I went into the city.

It's gonna look absolutely amazing on you

when you come home for Thanksgiving

as long as you don't gain the freshman 15.

I'm not gaining any weight Mom.

I actually gotta go I have a huge test

that I have to study for.

Okay, good, good 'cause you shouldn't be wasting

your time with those girls that keep tagging you

in those pictures.

None of them are really that pretty,

especially the one with the big nose.

Mom, okay I gotta go, I gotta go.

Okay I'll call you tomorrow same time.

- I love you. - Bye.

Jenna let's go down and meet up with everybody.

Yeah, I'll be down in a minute.

- Are you okay? - Yeah.

- Are you sure? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- All right, hurry up. - Okay.

She's right about one thing, my dad.

I texted and I called him five times yesterday

and he didn't reply.

His assistant called me and said

that we could set up a time to talk today.

I know that you're busy Dad but really?

I even left him a message to let him know

that I'm feeling sad again.

I've been feeling sad for awhile now.

Do you guys remember that time last Christmas

when I didn't post for awhile.

Yeah I was really sad then.

I was really depressed and I had no idea why.

But your comments and your messages

are what got me through.

So thank you, thank you, thank you.

Sometimes this world is a sad place

and it's hard for me to take, you know?

I've tried so hard to just have fun today

and forget about everything but I can't.

I've written a few poems over the past year.

And I don't usually share this type of stuff, but

I wanna share one with you guys now.

♪ It only gets better ♪

♪ Honey, I'm not tired ♪

♪ Love will keep us warm ♪

You say I'm alive but the hidden smile on my face.

Inside I feel I can disappear without a trace.

In many roads the heavy loads why can't I tell anyone?

Why won't you understand?

The pain hurts along with the fears.

You see happy I see tears.

This burden's too much

but you carry on conversation and such and such.

I wished to be someone or something

but unfortunately I'm none, nothing.

And that's why it's really important that we need to respect

everybody's opinion because everybody is a human being.

Okay listen, listen, listen, I made you this drink,

you can't even taste the alcohol, so enjoy.

Thank you.

♪ 'Cause I'm getting you wasted ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Getting you wasted ♪

Oh my god.

Blessed oh Lord for these thy gifts

that we are about to receive from that bounty

through Christ our Lord amen.

And Lord please watch over us

and lead us forward in your righteous love and light.

In all your ways we give you honor and praise amen.

Amen.

I know that you will handle this beautifully

and I think it wouldn't be a bad idea

to call the hotline that I have the number for.

No.

It's Christian and they know just how

they've helped more people.

They have wisdom we don't.

Big city Christian is not the same

as country Christian.

We both know this I don't want this getting out.

No I don't neither, I just want us

to have, be equipped.

The only equipment we need is from the Bible.

The Bible tells us what to do.

God you're being so stubborn about this.

I'm just saying maybe we could get a little help.

Well what do you want me to do,

take away his cellphone, send him to gay camp,

what do you want?

You act like I condone this.

No, it's just too much, we can't even leave him home alone

anymore.

Jeff eat your broccoli.

I told you I don't like broccoli.

Jeff, eat your broccoli!

I just pray no one saw him like this

because I can't take it anymore.

I just can't.

I did not raise him to be like this,

this isn't my fault.

Oh and I did?

Yeah, you were never home, you never played with him.

I was working.

Yeah, and you treated him different than Jeff

and you were embarrassed of him.

So were you.

Why is God doing this to us, why?

You're excused.

Dad, please.

No go to your room.

I'm hungry.

Don't make me get up from this chair.

- Mom. - Just go.

Now!

Tuck in your chair.

Boy.

Stop it, control yourself.

I mean it.

Do not go in his room.

Okay.

♪ Stay a little while longer ♪

♪ Stay a little while longer ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not tired I'm not tired ♪

♪ I know things I've done but I moved on ♪

♪ I won't be who I can become ♪

♪ You're afraid I will become no I won't ♪

♪ This long night is still young ♪

♪ Won't you hold on my lover ♪

♪ When you lay down ♪

♪ You won't have to wait for me to lay down too ♪

What do you think about that one?

Oh my god, I love that one.

- Thanks. - It better be about me right?

Well yeah, who else would it be about?

Hey cutie, whoa are you okay?

Yeah, I'm just tired.

Rough practice or something?

Yeah.

You wanna hit?

No maybe later.

We're taking off in a minute.

We're gonna be back late, late tonight.

Maybe tomorrow morning, we'll see how it goes,

you know your brother can be a dick, so.

Cool.

No not funny.

Come on lighten up, take a hit with me.

I'm sorry, I'm just really tired.

- Well then get some sleep. - I will.

- Good to see you Lauren. - You too.

Have fun at that party.

Play more, play more.

You sure you're all right?

Yeah.

All right.

♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while with me ♪

♪ And stay a little while longer ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm not tired ♪

♪ I'm not tired ♪

All right second verse.

♪ Love takes awhile it only gets better ♪

♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while with me ♪

♪ Stay a little while longer stay a little while longer ♪

♪ Stay a little while I'm not tired ♪

♪ I'm not tired. ♪

So I need to be honest with you guys about something,

I struggle with depression.

I've been on and off meds this past year

and I'm not supposed to talk about it,

my mom says because it's bad for my image

and I've been seeing a therapist

but my therapist doesn't actually think

that I'm depressed.

Nobody else knows about this

well, now everybody does.

My mom is gonna be so mad.

If you're watching this right now

and you struggle with depression,

talk to somebody, reach out,

that's where the support of others

is gonna help you big time.

You may not wanna talk to your teacher or your pastor

or whomever but telling somebody in confidence,

you stand a greater chance of getting the help

that you deserve.

I'm not gonna go on and on

but I've just been hearing about so many people

taking their own lives because of depression.

So before I go know that you matter,

that you are special and that you are loved.

So before I go know that you matter,

that you are special and that you are loved.

Okay now let's go out there and have an amazing rest

of the day because I know I'm going to and you can too.

Okay, goodbye you guys.

This happened two weeks ago as well.

Vargas told me it would happen again

on Saturday right after practice.

He was right on time.

That's why I'm filming today.

This happens to so many kids everyday.

But it's just an article or a headline that you read.

This is really happening

and no one is fucking doing anything about it!

I mean look at my social media!

Look at all the comments, it's all right there

every fucking day!

I tell the coach, I tell the fucking principal,

why the fuck me!

What the fuck did I do!

I will never step foot in a rink again.

I will never be on that ice again.

They made me hate what I love.

Okay, I'm really upset right now you guys.

The world has gone mad.

I can't take it, I can't take it, I can't take it.

So I've gotten a bunch of views and comments

on my videos earlier

and I'd like to share some of them with you.

The court may approve it, the government may allow it

but God won't.

If God is the creator of it all, isn't he behind it?

Hey freak, I used to play with Barbies when I was a kid,

I wanted to be like my sisters.

I even wore dresses and put on makeup.

My mom made me do boy stuff, I grew out of it,

you're crazy and delusional.

Listen to your parents, they're trying to love you

but you're being selfish.

How am I being selfish?

Your body is not wrong, your brain is,

get some psychiatric help.

God doesn't make mistakes, you're a boy god dang it.

Not all comments are bad.

There are some that are encouraging and hopeful.

It's just hard to not focus on the negative ones, you know?

This new one just came in.

This world needs less people like you,

so do us the honors,

you know the rest.

What the hell are you doing?

Are you filming again?

Oh Jesus.

You little shit!

God damn it stop!

Why are you doing this?

Get him.

I have one question for you people,

how can you bash somebody so constantly and so much

and so consistently until somebody wants to fucking die?

How could you do that, how could you bully them

and make fun of them and torture them until they say,

"All right, you're fucking torturing me right now."

Shut the fuck up!

How could you do that?

Yeah, go kill yourself, go fucking die!

I would never in my life say something like that.

I share my true feelings with you guys

and this is what I get.

You want perfect Jenna, well surprise she doesn't exist!

I'm a depressed 18-year-old

who has no fucking idea who she is!

The only thing that she knows is what people tell her!

I'm just,

I can't believe how much hate there is

out there in the world.

I can't take it.

This one's my brother's song.

It's called, "What Do I Deserve?"

This one's my favorite.

♪ I know I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ I know I'm crazy ♪

♪ I'm always living some lie ♪

♪ And I'm not sorry ♪

♪ Some day it's how I feel ♪

♪ Some days it's so real ♪

♪ And I've got a fragile mind ♪

♪ And I'm done crying ♪

♪ I caused pain and I caused hurt ♪

♪ I left my family behind me ♪

♪ And left them in the dirt ♪

♪ At least that's what I've heard what do I deserve ♪

♪ I'm so alone ♪

♪ My life is gone ♪

♪ And I'm just spending my time trying to find some hope ♪

♪ I'm sick of begging I wanna hold my own ♪

♪ But it's just the strangest thing that I never know ♪

♪ What am I worth and what do I deserve ♪

This is Jenna Ross here, this will be my last vlog.

I know this probably won't make sense to a lot of you

and I want you to know that I know it's not right for me

to be doing this.

I tried to ask for help but no one heard me,

not even you guys.

I told you the signs, not one of you reached out.

So the next time you see someone that looks like

they have it all, know that they don't.

They may be hurting just like me,

just like you may be.

I woke up today knowing that when today ends,

I would take my own life.

I'm going to Renzi's party tonight.

I want them all to see my face,

to see what they've taken away from me.

When today ends, I will have my retribution

and it's the only way it will change.

♪ What am I worth ♪

♪ What do I deserve ♪

♪ What do I deserve ♪

I know that I'm going to be hurting everyone who loves me

and I really do love them too

but if you knew what it was like inside my head,

if you knew what it felt like to feel dead,

if you knew what happened to me when I was a kid,

if you really knew what my mother did.

♪ What do I deserve ♪

♪ What do I deserve ♪

Hey James, where were you you missed the party.

- Come on, let's go. - Hey are you okay?

- This guy's a freak, man. - Shut up.

Hey James.

James, what's up bro?

James what's up buddy?

Cops just rolled through,

busted the whole fucking party, man.

Are you okay, man?

You don't look so good, you need a hit bro?

No, okay.

Which corner is your favorite dude?

- My favorite. - Yeah.

Which corner's your favorite?

- One, two, three, four. - The one with the blue paper.

Yo Waters, where you going, hey.

What, I'm just going to check something.

Waters, get your ass back,

sit your ass back down Waters!

I love you Mom.

I love you Dad.

I love you Brandon.

Yeah, I might go to art school now man, fuck hockey.

Yeah, I can't fucking do that shit.

What would you call it, what is the name of that?

Come on Renzi!

Bullshit, crossfit.

I fucking love that.

Yo we should make that our new logo or whatever

for the team.

- What the fuck was that? - Shut the fuck up, shut up!

What was that?

This isn't how it's supposed to end.

♪ What do I deserve ♪

Know that you matter, that you are special and that you are loved.

Life's meaningless until you find

what you're passionate about.

And when you find it, you found your reason for living.

1-800-273-8255, somebody will be there to talk to you.

Hi, I'm Billy, I'm 17.

I've been live streaming this today

because I figured it could be the best way

to get you all to watch.

I found these videos online

because they all shared the same hashtag,

WhenTodayEnds.

My sister Megan used that hashtag.

She took her own life two months ago today

live on social media.

She was bullied online and in school.

This is her room.

My mom sits in there everyday for hours.

I can hardly come in here but it's all I have left of her.

I watched her last video over and over.

It's all I could do for the last two months.

When I watched Jenna, James and Nicole's videos,

I needed to know why they did it

and why they all did it live for millions to see.

It was because they knew you would watch.

My own sister could do that in front of the whole world

but she couldn't tell me how she really felt.

I miss her everyday.

I miss her.

I don't know what would make the pain go away.

I don't know what to do.

That was me just a year ago.

I felt so alone, I just wanted to give up.

But then all these people started watching my live stream

and commenting and sending me messages.

All these strangers letting me know I wasn't alone.

I was overwhelmed by how many people really cared about me,

about my sister and I realized we needed a place to connect.

So I created an online channel

and our mission is to change the meaning of the hashtag,

WhenTodayEnds.

When today ends I'm gonna pay for someone's next meal

and spread smiles to every passing person I see.

When today ends I want to make someone smile.

When today ends I'm going to compliment someone I love.

When today ends, I'm going to tell someone

that they are not a disappointment, not to me,

not to anyone and certainly not to themselves.

When today ends, I'm going to be there for you,

I'm going to be there for every person in the world

that needs my help because he's hurting,

he's hurting deeply inside.

- So let me tell you... - When today ends...

I'm going to inspire people to...

Thank you for watching and thank you

for posting your videos, I'll see you tomorrow.

♪ Help I can't hide myself any longer ♪

♪ They've broken down my walls & they're getting stronger ♪

♪ Now I'm crawling through ♪

♪ Just wait till dark when the morning comes ♪

♪ It won't be long till the pain is gone ♪

♪ I keep holding on but I might be gone ♪

♪ When today ends ♪

♪ I know you're living in the dark without a light ♪

♪ It can be so hard sometimes ♪

♪ But there are people who pray every night ♪

♪ Just fighting for the choice to fight ♪

♪ It's a fight for their lives ♪

♪ Stay a little while longer ♪

♪ Nobody wants you to leave ♪

♪ You shine so bright that it's hard for them to see ♪

♪ You're the light you're the light ♪

♪ That we need ♪

♪ Just wait till dawn when the morning comes ♪

♪ It won't be long till the pain is gone ♪

♪ Keep holding on 'cause I can't lose a friend ♪

♪ When today ends ♪

♪ I love the taste of wine ♪

♪ It only gets better as every month passes by ♪

♪ And honey I'm not tired ♪

♪ This love will keep us warm ♪

♪ And nothing there to hold the flames ♪

♪ And the breeze from every storm ♪

♪ As it gets stronger than before ♪

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull