Original subtitles

...expected of my single life.

Am I-- i-- i-- i-- i-- is there a place for me,

being that I'm single?

.

How can my singleness be a blessing to the Lord?

-This recording was discovered by Michigan State

Police in the dead woman's hand.

She apparently was still attached to the suicide machine.

A spokesman for the State's Attorney General said she may

become the test case for a new so-called "Kevorkian Law"

forbidding doctor-assisted suicide.

Reporting from East Lansing, Brook Manning, CBS News.

-Run!

Don't walk!

To your local Aero dealer.

Our new Wildcat 4x4 is on sale!

With rebate under $12,000!

Now, get wild!

Come on!

Get down here!

We've got all kinds of cars...

-Chuck, everyone's trying to get out of

town for the weekend.

The GW Bridge has 20- to 30-minute delays to lower

Manhattan.

Crossings aren't much better.

if you're trying to make a plane out of Kennedy,

the Van Wyck has a jack-knifed tanker truck..."

-Hi, it's Jackie.

Um, leave your message and I'll call you back.

Thanks, ciao.

-Johnny!

Help me!

Help me!

-I'd rather be dead.

-Who is it?

Hello, who is it?

-Michael.

-Oh.

You're early.

-I guess.

-Have y-- have you been waiting out there long?

-Oh no, just a few seconds.

I heard music and...

-Yeah, no, I was just listening...

Uh, I-- I didn't know I couldn't hear the bell so...

-Oh.

I know what that's like.

-Yeah.

Yeah, y-- come in.

-Yeah.

That light's... kinda Twilight Zone-y.

-Sorry.

They won't fix it.

-Oh, no harm, no foul.

This is nice.

-Thanks. -It's really nice.

-Can I take your coat?

-No, I'm okay.

-Okay.

-Oh, I...got this for you.

-Oh!

-Wine, huh? -Yeah.

I don't know what you like, but...

-No, this looks great!

Let's have some.

-Oh, you don't have to open it.

-What, you don't drink?

-No, you can save it for another time.

You don't have to open it just because,

you know, I brought it.

-No, let's, uh...let's have some.

-Wow, this is a real view.

-Yeah, it's probably why I stayed here,

you know?

I need to see the city and the people.

-How long have you lived here?

-Uh...

Oh my God, could it be...

I think five years?

Oh.

-Wow.

Hm.

-Here you go.

-I didn't know if you'd be here or not.

-What do you mean?

-Well, I saw you in Grayson's office,

you know, at five and...

you know, I didn't know how you'd get here so early.

-Well, you know, I just-- I just left a few minutes early,

so...

-Good. -Mm.

-Have you got dinner going already?

-Yeah.

Nothing too fancy.

I hope you like seafood.

What?

-No, it's-- it's just the word "seafood."

It gives me the creeps.

-I guess.

-Well, I don't know if it's a genetic thing or you had a-- a

traumatic experience when you first hear a word,

you know, but some words embarrass you.

You know-- you know, like "ritzy" or,

you know, "spigot."

You know, most French words.

You know?

-But the scallops... -Yeah, I love them.

-Oh, good.

-Hate the word.

-What?

-Just kidding.

-Oh.

Jeez.

You know, these things scare me.

-Oh, well, they're pretty safe.

Well, do you know how they work?

-Yeah, it's the, uh, you know, it's the...

microwaves!

Yeah, it's the waves.

You know, they go in, they heat the food up.

It's-- it's the waves.

-No, the--

No, not exactly.

See, microwaves are powerful low-frequency electromagnetic

waves.

-Mm-hm.

-When they strike an organic substance and make the molecules

vibrate, vibration's heat.

That's how they work.

-Wow, that's pretty cool.

-You like science?

-Uh, y-- yeah, sure.

I guess.

Yeah, especially those, uh, animal science kinds of things.

You know, the...

the nature specials.

The nature specials are great.

You know when the animals, they do all those kinds of things?

-You know, birds... -Mm-hm?

-Are really dinosaurs.

-Birds.

-Birds.

You know, the...

No, no, when the-- when the big dinosaurs went

extinct, the little ones survived.

And-- and, uh, see birds and-- and dinosaurs both have hollow

bones and the feathers are really just an evolvement of

scales.

I always thought that was really amazing.

-Wow.

That's pretty cool.

Where'd-- where'd you learn all this stuff?

-Oh, I...

I-- I read a lot and...

you know, just remember stuff.

-Yeah.

I love reading.

And books.

-Like, I remember all the telephone numbers of all my

friends from grammar school.

-Ow.

Yeah.

Really?

-Oh, yeah, like, um...

my friend, uh, Mickey Hobart.

-Mm-hm.

-His telephone number was 869-3740.

-Are you sure?

-What do you mean?

-Well, I thought it was, uh, I thought it was 3704.

-How do you-- I don't know how you...

-I'm just joking.

-Oh, yeah.

That's funny.

See, I remember telephones numbers by memorizing the,

uh, f-- the form or the pattern for the number,

like with Mickey's, it's 3740.

Three from seven is four so 37--

-Yeah, but-- -What?

-Well, I mean, if-- if you're going to go to all the trouble,

like, to remember the equation, you know?

And all the ways, uh, this equals that,

wouldn't it just be easier to, like,

remember the number or write the number down or something?

-Oh, no.

Now, see, the brain, by subdividing the task,

it increases the retention.

-Oh.

Right.

I get it.

-Well, you sure?

'Cause if you've got a pencil or paper I can--

-No, no, no, I get it, thanks.

Brain-- brain's amazing.

-Mm.

What's in there?

-Oh, that's my dressing room.

What?

What?

-Well, where do you sleep?

-Oh, this!

You know, it's, uh...

it folds out.

It's a...

You know, you can s-- you can see into all those

apartments.

-Yeah.

-Oh, yeah.

It's wild, isn't it?

It's so strange.

Sometimes, I'll be at a subway, you know?

And I'll look out the window at the crowded sidewalks or-- no,

I'll-- I'll be on a bus looking out the window at the crowded

sidewalks, and it's like-- it's hard for me to believe sometimes

that I have, you know, a life.

You know?

It's like I'm going through all this stuff and it's

like, we're not all just, like, extras,

you know?

-You mean like in a movie?

-Yeah, it's like...

I don't know, we're not really here.

We don't really have lives.

-I w--...

I would've thought that you would feel real and everybody

else was an extra.

No, no, not really.

It's not the same thing.

-Hey...

-What? -What?

Oh, sorry.

No, it's just all those apartments.

You know, it's-- it's so,

uh...

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Are you all right? -I'm fine.

I don't know, it's just-- it's just weird

having you here, that's all.

-What do you mean?

-Well, I mean, you know, we've-- we've always-- we've always been

in the office, right?

You know, all the time in the office--

-In-- in the office, yeah.

-Yeah, and-- and so now,

here you are and...

I mean, you know, we talk and we laugh every day--

-Ha-ha! -Ha-ha!

You're so funny.

You know how you know someone one way for,

like, months and months, and then this,

it's just wild, you know?

-Yeah.

It's very pleasant here.

D-- do you want some more wine,

or...?

-Um...

-I didn't know if you drank.

-Uh, sure, I'll ha-- I'll have a little.

-I don't drink that much, you know?

Just sometimes at night, sometimes on the weekends.

So...

what's your place like?

-Oh, my apartment? -Yeah.

-Um...

It's just an apartment.

It's-- it's a one-bedroom on the East Side.

-Oh, on the East Side, huh?

I like the East Side.

You know, I used to live on the East Side.

But, um, it started getting on my nerves.

-Oh, yeah, mine-- mine didn't have a view.

-Mm.

I couldn't live without a view, you know?

I mean, I need to see the city and the people.

-To the extras.

-Oh.

To the extras, right.

Oh...

-What?

-I love being in on those meetings.

-What meetings?

-You know, the-- like,

with Sanders today, when you were giving him a hard time.

-I wasn't giving him a hard time.

-What are you talking about?

I mean, you do it to him all the time...

-Oh, well...you know, paralegals aren't supposed to have

opinions, you know, according to Sanders,

but, um--

-Yeah, well...

at least you get to open up your mouth,

which is more than us executive assistants,

right?

-Oh, is that what they call the secretaries now?

That's good.

-Yeah, that's what it says on my paycheck.

I guess this is a lull.

-Yeah.

It's funny.

You know, I always know what to say in the office.

-Yeah, the office.

So, um...

um...

so, where'd you grow up?

-Long Island.

-Oh, wow, really?

That's interesting.

-Oh, excuse me.

I hope this comes out okay.

-Oh, right.

Scallops.

-See, I made this on the weekend and,

um, I, uh, froze it.

See, I make all my meals on the weekends and I

microwave them during the week.

It's-- it's very strange.

It's like on a Saturday or Sunday when I'm cooking,

it's like I'm making four or five meals all at once.

Uh...

yeah, it's-- it's ready.

Are you still hungry?

-Oh, sure.

-Yeah?

Or, I don't know, maybe we should wait.

-Oh, no, let's eat.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

-Okay.

-D-- do you want your glass?

-Uh, yeah, please.

Yeah, it's so strange to be making all this stuff.

It's like when I'm done, the week is over.

I can't really explain it.

Oh, I hope this comes out okay.

See, what I do is I make all my meals on the

weekends and, uh, I microwave them during the week.

It's very strange.

So strange to be making all this stuff.

It's like when I'm done, the week is over.

Here.

I can't really explain it.

-Um, so...do you have brothers and sisters?

-What makes you ask that?

-Well, I don't know.

We were talking about where you grew up and...

-Oh, right, Long Island.

Uh-- yeah, I have, um...

seven brothers and sisters.

-Wow.

-Yeah, five brothers and, uh, two sisters.

-Big family.

-Yeah, big family.

Never a dull moment, all that shit.

-Mm!

This is really good.

-Thanks!

You know, sometimes, the freezing and the reheating of

food makes things better.

Scallops are like that.

That's why I chose this one.

-Oh, it's like a cryonic dinner.

-That was a joke, wasn't it?

-It's taking a while, but I think I'm starting to get

ya.

Oh.

-Oh, thanks.

-You know, they, uh...

they say all kinds of things about you,

right?

-Who?

-The partners.

-Really?

Like what?

-Well...

they say that you have this weird smirk on your face.

Like you're making fun of them.

-Really?

-They call you "Mr. Strange."

-That's fascinating.

-I mean, just some of them.

I just tell them that you're insecure.

-What do you mean?

-Well, you know...

I thought that, uh, somebody should say something 'cause,

you know, they see us talking all the time.

-Oh, so you're trying to help me?

-Oh, I don't know.

I think it's kind of sweet how you're insecure.

-Well, I don't-- I don't see myself as insecure and,

you know, you really don't have to go around apologizing to

those jerks for, you know, something I haven't even done.

-Yeah, but, I mean...

I mean, you do, like, smile and laugh a lot when,

you know, people say things at the...wrong moment or...

I don't know, maybe not at the wrong moment,

but, like...

when no one else is laughing, right?

-You're right.

It's called "a sense of humor."

I find life amusing.

Especially life...

if you can call it that at at Cantfield,

Keller, and Jacobson.

-You can say that again.

Mm.

-See, I was-- -You are, aren't you?

-What?

-Well, you know, I just said "You can say that again."

And so I thought maybe as a joke,

you know, you might say it again,

right?

Oh, no, I wasn't.

-No? -No.

-You're so funny.

Oh.

But that was really funny with Sanders today.

-Oh, it's-- it's not hard.

He's such a slow-moving target.

-I mean, you should've seen his face when he opened up

that envelope from the opposing attorney thinking it was his own

brief.

-Really?

-I wanna know, how did you get the nerve...

to send the opposing attorney all of Sanders' evidence in

the case.

I mean, couldn't they, like, have arrested you or something?

-See, what I don't get is th--is they sent it back without even

opening it.

-Mm-hm.

-I mean, they don't care about what's right and wrong in these

cases.

It's-- its completely rigged.

It's like a-- it's like junior high school.

It's like a big club.

-They're gonna fire you eventually,

you know.

-It's they feel guilty about me.

It's they know I'm right.

And to fire me would only prove their own guilt.

It's just...

-I wouldn't be too sure of that.

-You know, I save their asses daily.

For what they pay me, they're not gonna fire me.

-You know...

when I first got to the firm, uh,

I thought that you were one of-- one of the partners.

-Really?

-Mm-hm.

And, you know, the way that you walked around...

talking to everybody, I thought you were one of the lawyers.

-This is a joke, right?

-You-- you're kidding. -Mm-mm.

I mean, in a good way, you know?

You seemed...important.

And, of course, the way that you dress differently from the other

paralegals.

-Oh...it's just an old suit.

-Yeah, well, none of the other paralegals wear suits.

-Well, you don't think I wear a suit so that people will think

I'm a lawyer, do you?

-Uh...

I don't know, I never really thought about it.

-Oh, good.

'Cause it would kill me if I thought I was anything like

those guys.

I-- I mean...

May-- maybe I should wear those, you know,

those button-down shirts, you know,

with the-- with the khaki pants, you know,

and the desert boots and all that.

Christ.

No, no, you're not like them.

-Were you disappointed I was just a measly paralegal or...?

-No, I don't care about that.

I'm just saying-- I'm just saying that it was funny seeing

you after that, you know?

That's all.

-You shouldn't encourage me,

you know.

-Why not?

What are you gonna do?

-Um...

-Mm, so...

I'm an executive assistant.

-Right, as we established.

-But I made it to Manhattan, you know.

Manhattan's great.

You know that I've lived in this apartment building for over five

years and I've never had a conversation with anybody?

-Really?

-I mean, some of them I don't even say hello to.

-Wow.

-Where'd you grow up?

-Oh, just outside the city in Westchester.

-Mm, that must have been great,

huh?

-Yeah, it was okay.

-Yeah, I always wanted to live in Manhattan.

I don't know why.

I can't explain it really but, you know...

You know when there's just something you gotta do,

you know?

It's like...

something you just...

gotta do?

You know what I mean?

-Um...

When I was 13, I was listening to the Beatles' song,

you know, "She Loves You."

And...

I don't know, it's-- it's crazy, I shouldn't...

Never mind.

-Oh, come on, tell me.

-Well, during the song, I kept hearing my name over and over

again.

You know, "Michael, Michael..."

What are you doing?

-Oh, I...

No, I was just trying to fit "Michael" in...with the words,

like you said.

-Oh, no, no, it was-- it was-- subliminal.

It was-- the-- it was part of the song.

I-- I don't...

I don't know, I can't explain it now.

-That's cool.

-So why are you looking at me like I'm crazy?

-I'm not looking at you like you're crazy.

I think that's sweet.

-Petite.

-What's that?

-No, it's just-- I don't know, I just never told anybody about

that, so...

-Yeah, no, I know, I understand.

'Cause, you know, I had something like that happen to me

once.

-Oh, really?

With the Beatles?

-No.

Not with the Beatles.

I mean, it wasn't so dramatic but,

um, yeah, it was something like that.

-'Cause when I was a kid, I-- I loved 'The Iliad.'

See, I wanted to have a-- a-- a heroic life,

you know, a life of action.

-Is that a good book?

I never read it.

-It's the best.

We used to have these big fights with,

um, you know, like, garbage can covers and these wooden swords

and I used to-- I used to beat everybody, it's just...

That's the international sign for wooden swordplay.

-Oh.

-But I had a very high tolerance to pain.

-Cool.

-Well, so where do you go to college?

-Uh, this technical school in the Bronx.

It was free 'cause I was a resident.

-Oh, I thought you're from Long Island.

-Yeah, I was born on Long Island but,

you know, I moved around a lot.

-Mm.

-Where'd you go to school?

-Harvard.

-You mean the Harvard?

-Yeah, it's no big deal.

-You know, I always wanted to go to a real college.

Like, um, an Ivy League school or something like that.

But, um, my parents, they-- they didn't want me to.

See, they wanted me to work for my uncle.

And I said that I'd never do that.

You know, I'd rather kill myself first.

But wow, Harvard, huh?

-I hated it.

It was stupid.

-You shouldn't say that, you know.

People would kill to go there.

-People do kill to go there.

Excuse me.

It was totally...

I mean, it's taken me years to overcome the effects of that

place.

It was totally...

you know, racist and sexist and corrupt and...

-Well, I'm impressed.

-Yeah, don't be.

I watch you at work, you know?

-You do, do you?

-You're doing something, aren't you?

-What do you mean?

-Well, you keep writing things down.

-Writing things down?

-Yeah, you did it just before.

It's in your jacket pocket.

-Oh!

That.

I'm...just taking a note.

-I knew it.

You know, I was saying to myself...

"He's doing something, he's-- he's...writing something.

He's writing something like, um, like maybe a book?"

-Oh, no, no, it's just...

It's notes.

Did somebody say something about a book?

-No.

But that's what you're doing, right?

-Um, I don't really, uh, wanna talk about it 'cause,

um--

-Come on, you can tell me.

-Well, I-- I don't really like to talk about it,

'cause, um--

-I'm not gonna tell anyone, trust me.

Well, you'd have to promise that--

-I promise.

-Well, I'm writing a...

Well, it's-- it's gonna be a book.

-Wow, that is cool.

-Yeah, I'm-- I'm writing a book about lawyers.

-Really?

What's it about?

-Well, it's-- it's gonna be called

'The Business of Justice.'

See, a lot of people handling me wanted me to call it,

uh, 'Justice for Sale,' but that's too commercial.

It's the wrong audience.

This is not an axe-grinding kind of book,

it's...

See, it's about, uh, how money drives the system,

how right and wrong and good and bad have become relative terms

in relation to the economic weight they carry.

See, I'm writing about all those,

you know, lonely, damaged, crippled people.

You know-- you know, the people that make this country what it

is.

I mean, the things I've seen working at that firm...

-They're gonna be pissed off at you.

-Good.

-What, you're not afraid of what they could do to you?

-What are they gonna do to me?

I mean, I don't have anything.

See, I'm the kind of person that thinks...

"Why do you have to be in a museum and-- and look at

paintings if you can paint your own painting?"

You know, do things for yourself.

I mean, do you have somebody come in and sleep with your wife

for you?

Do you have-- do you pay somebody to eat your food for

you?

I mean, do things yourself, that's what life's about.

I-- I...

There's so many people doing things they hate.

I mean, you have people running the country who-- all they care

about is keeping their jobs but not doing their jobs.

I mean, there's so little real love in any of the work that I

see.

I've been...

I've been in many "in camera" sessions.

In-- in camera.

Do you know what that means?

-Y-- no, I-- no.

-It means-- "in camera" is Latin.

It means "in the room."

In camera, in the room.

It means anything said in the room has to stay there.

But if you don't understand something,

just, uh, just ask me.

-Oh, yeah, I know, I know.

But they, uh, you know, they-- they get upset with me whenever

I do, so I...

-Oh, you can't let them do that do you.

You have to get over that.

-Yeah, I know, you're right.

-I carry this old tape recorder.

No, no, no.

The things I've recorded, I'm gonna blow them out of the

water.

-That is-- I can't believe that,

you know?

I mean, it's like I've worked for-- in offices,

you know, for years, but I've never even bothered myself to

get involved.

-I don't know, I-- I guess I just,

you know, feel responsible.

-Yeah, no, I know.

I guess it's-- it's different for you.

-What?

I mean, do you feel intimidated or--

-No.

I guess it must be like, um...

a background thing.

You know, like where you grew up.

Something like that.

-You mean like the Harvard thing.

Oh, no, I was just...kidding.

It was a joke.

So...

you, uh...

you must have read a lot of, you know,

law-- law books.

-What? -Law books, you must--

-Oh, law books!

I we-- I went to law school.

-Oh, you went to law school,

huh?

-Yeah, but I-- but I didn't finish.

-Well, uh, what happened?

I mean, if you don't mind me asking.

-Oh!

No, I had enough credits.

I mean, almost enough...to graduate and...

-Well, you just left?

-It was an act of personal protest.

You know, against the system.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I had to take a stand and...

-You're amazing.

So...

you want some desert?

-Um, oh, no, I'm pretty full.

-Hm.

You want some coffee?

-Oh, mm, you know...

-You want something to drink?

I mean, you know, I've got, uh, I've got some hard stuff.

-Oh, like drugs.

Oh, but that was-- that was really good.

-That was... -Thanks.

You know, I just...threw it together over the weekend.

So...

so, you-- you're writing a book about the firm?

-Oh, um, well, no, it's not really about them,

it's...

-You've been working on it a long time?

-Uh, yeah, almost 15 years.

-You've been at the firm that long?

-Oh, no, no, no.

Only 13.

-Oh.

Oh, 13 years?

Oh, my God!

That's like a kid's whole lifetime.

I mean, you know, like if a kid...

You know, if the kid...

So, you must've, uh, written a lot of it already.

-Oh, um, yeah, I'm almost done.

-Mm.

That's so exciting.

-Yeah, well, it's-- I'm just doing what I have to do.

-Well, maybe I could help you.

-Oh, I don't know.

-What, are you afraid I'm gonna screw it up for you or

something?

-Oh, no, no, nothing like that.

It's just, um...

Well, I'm probably gonna...end up losing my job and I-- I

couldn't expect you to lose yours 'cause...

I mean, I'll end up with a book, you know?

-Yeah.

Right.

I guess.

-You know the Sanders case?

-Mm-hm.

-You know, the one I was telling you about?

Well, it's about this young kid.

And there's guy who's obviously abusing the kid and he's using

the firm to get custody.

It's completely disgusting and, uh...

the lawyers at the firm know what they're doing is wrong and

they keep doing it.

Uh, I mean, they couldn't need the money.

I mean, how much money could they need?

And they know this is never going to end and...

So, I-- I'm recording the whole thing.

And...

I'm gonna write about, you know, those lonely,

damaged, you know, crippled people and...

And, you know, even if I only help a little bit,

I'll feel like I've done some good.

-God, it even sounds like a book when you talk.

-Well, I-- I shouldn't, you know-- I-- I'm talking about

too much, but...

-No, no!

I mean...

it's great to hear you talk about something you're excited

about, you know?

-Well, I think it's important to have a sense of history.

Like, you see, like, when I think about where I am--

-Mm-hm.

-I mean, I feel okay.

I mean, 'cause-- like-- like, think back on the 19th Century.

You know, these doctors and lawyers and...politicians and,

you know, people getting rich and seeming famous,

and I bet, like, if you asked people back then who'd be

remembered, they'd come up with a list of people that...

you know, you-- you know, you've never heard of,

and...

You know, a huge percentage of the people we honor today were

completely obscure back then, like,

uh...

Van Gogh and...

and Emily Dickinson and-- and Schubert.

You know, and-- and it just-- it makes me laugh when

I think about those self-important people,

you know?

Like the partners at the firm who...

you know, they'll-- they'll be dead soon and no one's gonna

mention their name again ever, even in contempt.

It's j--...

-Well, what about their families?

-Well, that doesn't mean anything.

l mean...

I mean, who else are they gonna talk about?

It's just-- that's happenstance.

-No, no, I...

See, I don't think that people feel that way about their

families.

-Well, I-- well, I-- I don't know,

would you wanna be...

part of Keller's family?

Imagine him being, like, your father or your brother or--

-Your husband?

-No, I...couldn't imagine that.

But, no, I mean, I bet if he gave people in his family,

you know, like, the choice, I mean,

they'd dump him in a second.

I'm talking too much about this.

-Yeah.

-What do you mean? -No, I'm only joking.

I mean, it's really-- it's really good to hear you talk

about something you're excited about.

-Yeah, I-- I guess 'cause I-- you know,

I never talk about it, when I get going,

it's, like, hard to stop.

-Yeah, well, I don't know.

Guys do that when they're scared.

-Oh, no, I'm not scared, it's...

I don't know, I just feel like I have something to say.

I mean, not, like-- you know, like-- not like the other

lawyers at the firm.

-Well, do you see me inviting them home for dinner?

-Oh, n--

I didn't mean it like th-- I was-- didn't mean it--

-Trust me, I don't.

-No, s-- I mean, I can't believe the kind of

relationships that people have.

-Mm-hm.

-You know, it's-- it's amazing, the things that people settle

for.

You know, if someone is-- like, if you're walking along the

street and, like, you see a couple,

and-- and it's, like, hard to imagine them sleeping together?

-Right, like your parents.

-My parents?

-No.

Not your parents.

-Well, what do you mean?

-Forget it.

-Well, you don't have to apologize.

-All right, well, like, when I was younger,

you know?

And I was growing up and I was learning about the facts of life

and all that, it was always hard for me,

you know, to believe that my parents actually...did it.

You know, it kinda...

kinda creeped me out.

-Oh.

So you think I'm projecting my parental incest

fantasies onto the authority figures at work.

-You're joking with me, aren't you?

-Who, me?

-Oh!

That is so cool.

-So, do you-- do you want something else?

-No, I'm okay.

-Yeah?

What, did I say something?

-Oh, no, I just never tell anybody about what I'm doing.

You know, the-- the book.

-What book?

-Right.

-I just-- you know, it makes me nervous.

-I don't know what you're talkin' about.

-Well, a-- anyway...

-Yeah, I do a little writing too.

-Really? -Yeah.

Well, it's just since I've come to Manhattan.

-Like, plays or novels or...

-No, no, just, uh, stories.

-Wow.

That's really interesting.

-Yeah, I don't tell people either.

Like you.

Well, maybe not like you, 'cause it's not like I have anything to

say like you and...

I don't know, I don't wanna seem like a snob or anything,

but I don't know.

But...

I'm actually embarrassed by, uh, by writing stories.

-Why?

-All right, I'll tell you.

Um...

you see, I write children's stories.

-Uh-huh.

-You know, kids' stories.

-Yeah.

-Bedtime kinds of things--

-Right, right.

-And I just-- I just feel kinda

-stupid, that's all. -Oh, you shouldn't.

You know, a lot-- a lot of great writers...

they-- they write, um, children's stories,

like, uh, Stevenson and Tolkien and Swift and...

-Oh, yeah.

I never really thought of that.

-Well, maybe you can show them to me sometime.

-You know that, uh, I was attracted to you because I

thought you were a writer?

I mean, I never meet writers.

Right?

Um...

I went to some of those poetry things I read about,

uh, a couple of years ago in The Voice.

But I didn't know what anybody was talking about.

It was crazy.

And then this guy hit on me and I felt-- I felt so stupid,

I had to leave.

Oh, and then I bought that,

uh, that magazine, The New Yorker.

Do you know that magazine?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

Yeah.

Well, I-- I mean, I never opened it up.

You know, I felt, uh...

I was so afraid that-- that somebody would find it on my

coffee table, so

But I like lyrics.

I don't get some of it sometimes,

but I think it's cool.

Do you like lyrics?

-Sometimes. -Yeah?

So...

I go to work every day, you know?

And on the weekends, I write these little stories,

-you know?

-And I'm really lonely and I miss my family and everything

and, well, I call them and...

they never know what to say to me.

They feel like I'm not the same person,

you know?

Well, you know families.

I mean, I really enjoyed growing up with my brothers and sisters

and everything, you know?

It was one of those big family kinds of things and everything.

And...

Oh, God.

I'm really going on, aren't I?

-Oh, no, no.

-Are you dying over there?

-No, no, I'm fine.

-Really? -Really.

-But I like music.

To me, that's where some of the best writing is.

Like I said before, you know?

In the lyrics?

Sometimes, I go into used record stores just to sit and read the

words to the music.

-Oh, you mean, like the-- like librettos.

-Yeah.

The librettos.

But I like Air Supply.

Do you know that group from Australia?

No?

And Deep Purple.

Yeah.

Well, with Deep Purple, it's not so much,

uh, it's not so much the words, you know.

It's more-- it's more of a musical thing.

I used to go to all their concerts when I was younger,

you know, and I'd go crazy.

Well, that's when I was living in,

uh, in Queens before I moved to Manhattan.

I was still waistressing and...

I mean waitressing.

And, you know, all the people I used to hang out with,

it was like, they didn't go so much for,

like, the words or-- or the music or...

I mean, it was more like the drugs,

you know?

The fooling around on the beach after the concert.

God, I wonder where all those people went.

You know?

There were zillions of them.

There were zillions of...

waitresses, secretaries that I used to hang out with,

you know?

And we used to do all that kind of stuff.

-Um...

Yeah, but I'd love to hear one of your stories sometime.

-Well, I mean, I could read you one.

-Oh, you mean now?

-No, not now.

I don't know, maybe some other time,

right?

-Um...

Why-- why don't you?

-You're just saying that.

-Oh, no, no, I'd r-- I'd really like to hear one.

-You mean it?

-You gotta stop being so insecure.

I'd really like to hear it.

-Really?

-Really.

-Well...

Okay.

I could tell by your face you don't wanna hear this.

-Oh, no, no.

I-- I wanna hear it.

-Are you sure? -Yeah, yeah.

-Okay.

'What Happened Was--'

-Oh, what's-- what's the title?

-That is the title.

-'What Happened Was' is the title?

That's good, I like that.

-What's so funny?

-No, no, no!

It's-- it's great, it's-- really,

it's-- go on, yeah.

-You know, maybe this isn't a good idea.

-Oh, no, come on, don't be stupid!

-I didn't think I was being stupid.

-Well, I didn't-- I didn't mean it like that.

I m-- no, I'd really-- I'd love to hear it,

please.

Come on.

-You sure? -Yeah.

-Okay.

'What Happened Was' by Jac-- you know,

Jackie Marsh.

-Yeah, go on.

"The Buick Regal screeched out of the Bangagon Tavern

parking lot.

Felix was drunk again.

In his lap bobbed the head of one of the topless dancers from

the club."

"Up and down.

They were going about 90 when--"

Excuse me.

"The Buick Regal hit the endless curve and lost control.

Sparks lit the black nowhere countryside,

revealing a house.

The car flipped as it reamed through the front yard.

The head came...flying out of the car as it exploded in a

woosh of fire.

A fat woman tumbled out of the burning house,

her nightgown in flames.

Her skinny husband crawled after down the front steps,

looking for his glasses.

Minnie and Wallace Meanie.

The topless dancer was being bodybagged when,

from behind the house, came the sound of crying.

And even though he couldn't see a thing,

Wallace said, 'Geez, is that a baby?'

'Yeah, isn't it yours?' asked the fireman.

'No, me and Minnie...' trailed off Wallace.

Minnie and Wallace were childless in their middle age,

and at the insistence of Wallace,

they adopted the baby girl and called her 'Mini Minnie.'

The real trouble started when Little Minnie got to be

a teenager.

Big Minnie got too fat to go out of the house,

so Wallace got a job selling baseball uniforms to little

league teams across the country.

Big Minnie sat in bed and yelled for her food and made Little

Minnie go to the mall to rent videos for her.

Little Minnie was walking home from the mall late one night

when a voice came from the ball rushes.

'Minnie...

Mini Minnie...

I know where you came from, Mini Minnie.'

Minnie was always tortured by not knowing where she came from.

So, she crept into the weeds.

'You know where I came from?' asked Minnie.

Just then, a dark figure grabbed Minnie and pulled her to the

ground.

'If you want me to tell you, you must let me do whatever I want

to you,' hissed the voice.

'No, please, can't you just tell me?'

'No, I need the inspiration.

I really need it, bad.'

So Minnie gave in.

He did whatever he wanted to her.

Awful, unspeakable things.

But worse was what he said to her.

'Your mother, she would lay before any man,

at any time, and was always having babies.

But she hated the children, and she needed to hide her

pregnancies from her foolish husband.

She hid them by getting really fat.

And when the babies were born, she didn't know what to do with

the babies.

But being hungry all the time, she ate them.'

'Oh, no.

No,' screamed Little Minnie.

'Yes.

Yes, that's what she did.

Until one night, when she was having her last baby,

there was a car crash that stopped her from eating her

baby.

It crawled away during the confusion.'

'You mean...Minnie is my real mother?'

'Yes,' hissed the voice as he violated her over and over

again.

'No, she can't be,' screamed Minnie.

The dark figure ran off, leaving Minnie lying in the swamp.

She got up and went out to the road and hitchhiked away.

She worked her way North as a topless go-go dancer.

She was always athletic.

After many nights, Minnie finally c-- found the site of

the old Meanie house.

She dug through the burnt timbers,

and in the basement, beneath a charred chrome Buick Regal

insignia, she found a pile of baby bones.

She began, at that moment, her quest to bring Big Minnie to

justice.

She worked her way back to Florida,

dancing at the same clubs along the way.

But she started having an awful dream.

It was so awful that it even began to hurt her dancing.

She would wiggle so fiercely, it scared the men in the clubs.

The owners would warn her, but she would reply,

'I can't control my dreams.'

When she got back home, Little Minnie burst in the front door.

Big Minnie screamed, 'Where have you been?

You never came back with my videos or my food.'

Little Minnie rushed at the huge woman in a fury.

Little Minnie grabbed Big Minnie's face and screamed,

'I have something for you to eat, Mother.'

Little Minnie pinned Big Minnie down and shoved all

the baby bones down her throat.

Big Minnie died.

Choked on the bones of her children.

Little Minnie ran away to Miami, where she worked in clubs for

months.

Every night, she would wake up screaming and crying from her

dream.

At the end of the summer, Little Minnie came to see Wallace.

When he heard her he-- coming, he jumped up and they hugged

each other, crying.

Wallace begged her to stay.

So, life went on for a while with Little Minnie living with

Wallace.

She worked at Bob's Big Boy Hamburger Joint.

They went duckpin bowling, like in the old days.

But she kept having her dream, over and over,

about her twin sister.

She and her sister were unborn twins in Big Minnie's womb.

Through the walls of Big Minnie's body,

she could hear fighting between Wallace and Big Minnie.

Her twin was really scared and stuck her little fingers in her

little ears.

But Little Minnie listened.

She knew there was only one way for her to live.

So she went over and talked to her twin.

She calmed her down and told her that she should go out and

everything would be okay.

Her twin sister was so scared that she agreed to go.

In the dream, her sister was born,

and Little Minnie hid inside Big Minnie,

listening to Wallace kill her sister.

Later that night, Little Minnie snuck out of Big Minnie and was

born secretly.

She crawled into the walls of the house and hid.

She lived there for months.

Late at night, she'd sneak out and eat from the leftover food.

It was very lonely, living in the walls of the house.

That is, until the night of the crash."

"Right at that moment, Little Minnie woke up, and standing

over her was Wallace smiling at her.

He came closer and whispered, 'I know what you've been dreaming.'

When Little Minnie heard this, she jumped up.

Wallace stood up, laughing like a maniac.

'Dance for me, Minnie.

Dance for me like you dance for all those men.

You and me, we're the same, Minnie.

We're killers.

You killed your twin sister.

I know all about it.

And I know you killed Big Minnie.

Poor, old, fat Big Minnie.

Come back and be with me.

We can be happy.

You knew all about us.

You always knew.'"

"'You knew--'"

"'You know you were almost a year old...

when you were found during that...

that fire.

You know you lived in the walls of our house.

It all adds up.

You were good at math in school, I know.

Come back to me.'"

"Minnie cried, 'I'll never come near you.

I'd rather be dead.'

'But you already have, Minnie.

Don't you remember that night?

The swamp?

When I told you where you came from?'

'What do you mean?' cried Minnie.

And in a voice that Minnie remembered...

Wallace continued hissing, 'I know where you came from.'

'No,' screamed Minnie.

'Yes.

Now, be a good girl and come to Daddy.'

Minnie turned and ran out to the road.

She quickly hitched a ride.

But this time, she headed west, the place where people go to

forget.

She go-go danced her way west.

End of chapter one."

-Christ.

-What?

-That was a children's story?

-Yeah.

Didn't you like it?

-It was great.

Um...it was just--

-What?

-You know, so grown up, you know,

with the car crashes and the, you know,

the, uh...

yeah, topless bars.

-Have you ever read the Grimm Brothers?

-Um...

not lately.

-Well, you should.

It's pretty heavy stuff.

Topless bars?

-Worse, much worse.

-Yeah, that was wonderful.

-Thanks.

You know, I have fun doing it.

That's the most important thing, right?

-Um, I think it's important to do something with a work.

You know, to-- to have people hear it.

-I guess.

-See, I think you should publish.

No, really, I mean, through my publisher,

the one I'm working with, I'm sure I could hook you up with

someone.

Because-- see, I've been offered substantial advances,

but I'll probably hold out.

See, the longer you refuse to sell,

the more control you have over your book.

Like-- like, they'll say they love your book and then you find

out all they were really interested in was the,

uh, the title or, you know, stuff about girls or...

But, um, see, I've been working with publisher for years,

and-- and they-- they feel, really feel that I'm ready for

my success.

But I tell them I won't do talk shows.

Hate those things.

I w-- I mean, I would never do Letterman.

Guy doesn't get it.

I mean, I-- I'd never become part of the problem.

'Cause I-- I mean, I'm not gonna become another Jimi Hendrix.

See, he wasn't ready for success and it killed him.

But maybe-- maybe I'll do radio interview but no,

uh, no TV.

What is it?

-Nothing.

-Well, don't you wanna publish?

You shouldn't be scared, a lot of people--

-I have been published.

-What do you mean?

-I have a publisher.

-You have a publisher?

-Yeah.

I mean, it's just a small company,

but yeah.

-How'd you do that?

-Oh, it was really cool.

Um...

one day, I was reading this magazine that,

um, that said that these guys were looking for unpublished

works, and so I sent them the copy of the book and,

uh, and they read it and they really liked it.

And they said that they couldn't sell a lot of copies but,

you know, they could sell a few and we could see what would

happen.

It was the happiest day of my life.

For me.

So, I went down, I sent them the book,

you know, um...

they read the book and, um...

and yeah, they ended up doing my book.

-But, y-- you got an advance, right?

-No, actually, I-- I, uh, I had to put up a little money for,

like, the rights or some legal fees or something.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

But they did-- yeah, they did a really great job.

In fact, they even let me design the cover myself.

They said not everybody was allowed to design the covers

themselves but that they liked my design,

so...

I mean, it's never gonna make the New York Times bestseller

list, but...

-No, that-- that's pretty good.

-You wanna see it?

-Um...oh, sure.

-I keep all my stuff under here 'cause of my dreams.

-Your dreams?

-See?

-This is really beautiful.

-Thanks.

-Have you sold many of these?

-No, not many.

-Why not?

-I don't know, I just thought it was more important to

get it printed.

-So nobody's seen this?

-I sent one to my parents.

-What'd they say?

-We didn't talk very much.

What are you laughing at?

-Oh, no, sorry, it's just, um...

you know, this family you say you miss so much and then you,

uh...

you know, you write a story like that.

-Like what?

-Oh, I don't kn-- just, you know,

crazy and violent.

-Oh.

Yeah.

I never really thought about it.

Yeah, families, huh?

I just had to get away from mine,

you know?

It was, like, too much noise.

Mental static.

You know, sometimes I-- I walk through that door,

it's like I can finally breathe, you know?

I don't have people's thoughts banging into my head.

-Right, well, um, doesn't that get lonely or-- or boring or...

-No.

Remember?

I told you, I used to run around a lot.

-Oh, right.

Party girl.

-Yeah, don't remind me.

The things I've done...

-Like what?

-I was young, you know?

And when I first came to Manhattan,

I couldn't believe it sometimes.

I mean, even if you never go to any of the cultural shit or any

of the plays or anything, it's...

It's just, it's an amazing town,

you know.

You can feel it.

-Um, well, I mean...

do the lawyers...

I'm sorry, it's none of my business.

-What?

-Well, they must, you know...

come onto you or-- or-- or you must have gotten some

harassment, like, pressure or...

-It happens.

But you deal with it.

What are you-- are you thinking that I've,

like...slept with some of the lawyers from the firm?

-No, no, no, I-- -Because I haven't.

-Oh, no, I was just-- you know--

-I mean, only a couple of times.

-Right.

-What? -Would you relax?

I'm only joking!

-Oh.

-I haven't gone out with any of them,

really.

-'Cause you said, you know, you had a wild life and--

-Yeah, well, I'm sure you did all that kind of stuff.

-Like what?

-Like go crazy.

-I guess I did in my own way, but it wasn't--

-I'm sure it was fun at the time.

-Not really.

-So...

now, I-- now, I just...come home.

-Into your lonely apartment.

-You know what it's like.

-Uh-huh.

Wow, um...

You know, I think, uh,

I, uh, I-- I'd better--

-I have a surprise.

-A surprise? -Mm-hm.

Sit down!

-But I, uh, I-- -Shh!

-What are you d--

-And close your eyes, it's a surprise.

-What-- what are y-- -Shh!

Surprise!

-Um, but it's-- it's not my--

-What?

-Well, it's not my birthday.

-I know, it's my birthday.

-Oh!

-Well, it's really Sunday,

but I decided that we'd celebrate tonight.

Aren't you gonna wish me a ha--

-Oh, happy birthday!

-Thank you.

Oh, I need a knife.

You want some coffee?

-Uh, no, no, I'm-- I'm fine.

You know, if-- if I had known that it w--

-But I told you last week and the week before,

twice.

-Oh, right, I'm-- I'm not so good at that kind of thing.

-That's okay.

-You know, I didn't get you a present.

-You didn't?!

Would you relax?

I'm only joking.

I mean, you know, I never celebrate it,

so it's like I saw this cake today and I-- I had to buy it.

I didn't bring it out to make you nuts or anything.

-Oh, no, no, I'm not getting nuts.

-Well, you should see your face.

-Oh, my f-- see, I'm not like a lot of people.

My face doesn't have that much to do with what I'm feeling.

It's just--

-Yeah, well, you know, I wasn't gonna bring it out if I didn't

think things were going well and I thought things were going

-well. -Sure, right.

-I just remembered.

I have some champagne in the fridge.

It's been in there for a couple of years but I'm sure we could

open it up in a second.

And I have this new tape.

Well, it's a new band but, um, you'll probably really,

really love it.

I'm sure you will.

Because, you see, I've got my girlfriend that-- she turned me

onto it.

And, um, and I-- what I did is I recorded it from her CD,

'cause I don't have a CD, you see.

And I thought that it would be a really good idea that we could

probably...

Anyway, so...

So, anyway...

What are you doing?

-Um...

Oh, well, it's-- it's getting really late and--

-It's Friday night.

What are you talking about?

-Well, it, um, I-- well, I'm under a lot of ple-- pre--

pressure with my, uh, with my publisher.

-This is a joke, right?

You're so funny!

-No, it's just I-- I have a deadline with my book.

Um...

But it-- it was really great getting together after all this

time.

And, uh...

you know, and-- and the food was really-- was really great.

-Yeah, the seafood.

-Right.

The seafood.

That's good.

Um...

so, uh...

-Oh, don't forget your jacket.

-Oh, right.

Anyway, uh...

and especially it was great to hear your story and-- I mean,

your book and...

and, uh...

Is something going on, Jackie?

-I don't know, is it, Michael?

-Well, I don't know, you seem, uh...

What is it?

-Nothing.

-Wh-- what?

-Nothing.

-You sure?

-I thought you might want to stay.

-Oh, you mean, um...

-Forget it, I shouldn't have said anything.

-Oh, no, I didn't-- I wasn't trying to sto--

-Listen, let's just forget I even said anything,

okay?

Why don't you go before I humiliate myself even further.

-Well, um, you haven't humiliated yourself.

-Thanks, I feel much better now.

-Um...

Hey, wait, why don't we, um-- let's-- wow,

okay, let's-- let's sit down, let's talk about it and get

clear.

-No, let's just let it go, okay? -No, let's get it clear and--

-Let's let it go!

-We can talk ab--

-And I'll forget about it in the morning and,

uh, you know, I'll see you at work on Monday.

-Well, I-- I f-- I feel terrible now.

-Yeah, well, dates are weird sometimes.

-This was a date?

-You know, you'd like everyone to think that you don't know

what's going on, but you know what's going on.

You know very well that-- that-- that I liked you a lot and that

this was a date.

-Oh, no, 'cause, see, if I had known that you feel

that way, because I was--

-Don't tell me that you wouldn't have come.

-Well, I hope I haven't done anything to mislead you,

'cause I was r-- I--

-Oh, no, you haven't done anything.

You know, I liked you and I'm sorry I liked you.

-Well, no, I'm-- I'm very flattered you feel that way

about me.

-Flattered?

Are you fucking kidding me?!

I mean, if you don't want to get involved,

that's your choice, right?

But don't tell me that this never happened.

That I got this all wrong, that I made this up.

Don't you tell me that I made this up!

-Well, why don't you just let me try to explain to you--

-That's it, get out.

-Well, I just want to tell you, if you'd just let me try to

-explain-- -Just get the fuck out of here!

-Well...

um...

I...

I-- I don't do this...

I said I don't do this kind of thing anymore.

I didn't quit law school, I had to leave.

I w-- I was-- I was almost done...

and then...

I started to-- I couldn't get out of bed in the morning.

And everybody's voices started getting...

louder and louder and I-- I felt smaller and smaller and I...

See, I felt like I was falling all the time and...

See, I carry this briefcase everywhere.

You know, writing notes all the time.

And I get home and I-- I put the briefcase on the hall table and

I never open it.

See, I don't write.

I haven't written anything in years.

And I don't have a publisher.

You know what I do all the time?

I watch TV.

I-- I get home and I...

I get my dinner, I sit in front of the TV set,

and I tell myself it's okay to watch for a while 'cause I'm

lonely, you know-- you know, right after dinner,

and then, after dinner, I-- I get the...

TV Guide and I check and see if something's on.

I'm gonna watch one program, like a good one,

like a science special or something and...

But, uh...

but I wanna watch whatever's on.

Even if I've seen it before, I...

'Cause it-- it fills this void in me.

'Cause-- 'cause nobody ever told me what to do.

I...

And so, like, I watch all night hoping that it tells me what to

do.

You know, I-- I don't talk about anything I haven't seen on TV.

I didn't read about birds or microwaves or...

See, it's like something broke in me...

a long time ago.

And I don't know what it was,

and-- and it's too hard for me to keep trying.

And there are a lot of things that I want to do with my life.

And I'm so far behind now, I'm never gonna catch up.

I just...

I just wish someone would tell me what to do,

that I should sit down and I should eat something and...

afterwards, they'll--

afterwards, they'll, you know, answer my questions and tell me

how to do stuff and that if I screw up, it's okay,

'cause that's what people do.

Screwing up's a good thing!

It's-- it's good and...

And then, they'll tell me to go to bed and-- and go to sleep and

that...

you know, it'll be okay tomorrow,

we'll do something...else and, you know,

we'll have fun.

I'm sorry.

-You know, um...

I lie in bed at night, you know,

and I'm staring up at the ceiling and it's like...

the only thing that's gotten me through lately...

is the thought that I'd see you at work.

You know, at first, I thought, oh,

I just liked you 'cause,

you know, you were so much...fun,

making jokes at those guys' expense and-- and them not

knowing it.

And then...

and then, you'd smile and you'd-- you'd look at me.

And I'd understand.

I don't know what happened.

It's like...

at one point, guys just,

uh...

stopped asking me out, you know?

I mean, I don't know if it was 'cause of my age or,

uh...

because, you know, maybe I-- I gave off this,

uh, serious vibe.

It was probably that.

It's funny, you know?

You finally grow up.

You know?

You finally, uh, figure out who the hell you are.

And just when you've got something interesting to give,

they're not interested anymore.

So, I probably knew you wouldn't come through for me,

you know?

I should've known...

when the smartest, nicest...funniest guy,

who's a paralegal, who does the xeroxing in the office,

I should've known that you are...

you know, you are where you are...

because you wanna be there.

Because...

we all are where we are because...

we wanna be there, right?

It's getting late.

-Right.

-I need to sleep.

-Yeah, right.

-Um, do you wanna get together again,

uh, you know, outside of work?

-You mean like on a date?

-Yeah, I was thinking, you know, maybe next Friday?

-So this was a date?

-Yeah, I'm asking you on a date next Friday.

-After all this?

-Uh-huh.

-Listen, why don't you, uh...

You know, why don't you think about it next week and then you

can ask me then, okay?

-Oh, no, I don't need to wait.

-Don't do this to me again.

-Oh, I'm just asking you out on a date.

-I don't think so.

-Well, m-- I mean, you can always change your mind.

I mean, anytime you want, you just-- just say the word.

I mean, I know it's gonna be uncomfortable at work,

-but-- -I just said ask me next week.

-But I was thinking 'cause we've been talking,

-maybe-- -Don't.

-Okay.

So, I'll see you at work.

-See you at work.

What?

-I don't know what to do.

You know, what am I gonna do now?

-Just go home, Michael.

Everything will be okay.

-Yeah, right.

I'll see you.

-See ya.