All language subtitles for United.States.of.Al.S01E07.1080p.WEB.H264-GLHF[rarbg]

Hey, Al.

Why don't you use a nail gun?

It's easier.

Something is easier
than a hammer?

Payday.

Dugan.

Thank you.

Dugan.Thank you.

Dugan.

Karimi.

Karimi.

Pretty sure that's you.

No, thank you.
You already pay me

by providing me with a home.

What? No, you got to get paid.

I feel like I should be paying
you for teaching me a new trade.

Lizzie, give him a raise.

Truly, Mr. Art, I
see you as a father,

and in Afghanistan, a father
never pays his children.

I like it. Gonna have to get
over there some time.

Dad, offer it again.

He just said he doesn't
want to get paid.

No, he's refusing
three times to be polite.

It's a cultural thing.

Really? Huh. Oh...

I insist, buddy.

As you wish.

Hmm.

♪

♪ Oh!

You really didn't have
to pay for all of this.

Where I come from, we always
use our first paycheck

to treat loved ones
to good food.

Okay, now I feel bad
about this cereal.

I only picked it
'cause it comes with a yo-yo.

[chuckles]

Oh, look at that.

I have been
dreaming about

a car like that
since I was a child.

Way to dream big.

There was a guy in my
neighborhood growing up

who had a car just like this.

Oh, we thought he was so cool.

In my country, women go crazy
over the kind of car you drive.

It's nice to know
shallowness is international.

Will you take a picture of me
with it?

I want to send it
to my cousin Zubair.

Sure.

[shutter clicks]

Hmm.

What's going on?

Is this your car?

Not for long.

I bought a lottery ticket.Ah.

Do American women love this car?

I do all right.

Ah.

You want to party?

You got a better shot

with that lottery ticket.

Yeah, he bought a car.

Why would I lie to you, Zubair?

[quietly]:
Hey, did you buy a car?

[quietly]:
No, but tell him I did.

Yeah, I'm looking
at it right now.

It's burgundy.It's burgundy.

Your camera is broken.Ah, I'd send you a picture,

but my camera's broken.

All right, take care, buddy.

Did he sound jealous?

Oh, I thought he was gonna cry.

[laughs]: Oh, I wish
I could have heard that.

Hey, you're making
good money now.

Why don't you buy a real car?

Uh, no, uh, I have other things

I need to do with my money.

Like?

Send it home.

You're already doing that.

Well, I need to do it more.

And I need to contribute
to this family, too.

I've noticed most
of Lizzie's pants have holes.

Hey, it's okay
to treat yourself.

I can't.

Why not?

I wouldn't even know
where to start.

Well, let's figure it out.
What do you want?

[sighs]
Hmm.

My mother has always
wanted to go to Mecca.

I want to send her there.

That's what she wants.
What do you want?

I want my family to be happy.

Okay.

Just for fun,
imagine you don't have a family.

How is that fun?

[laughs]:
Come on, man.

Haven't you ever
bought something

just 'cause you wanted it?

Hmm.

When I was a little boy,

I found some money
on the street,

so I bought myself
a slice of cake

with a thick layer of jam
in the middle.

Mmm. I still remember how
spongey and delicious it was.

And I bet you enjoyed
every bite of it.

I did not eat the whole slice.

I brought the rest
home to my family.

I'm not a monster.

All right, that's it.
Come with me.

Where are we going?None of your business. Come on.

I couldn't tell
if the wiggly man out front

was inviting us in
or trying to warn us.

Ooh, I could totally
see you in this one.

Cruising down the boulevard,
turning ladies' heads.

I could never afford it.Oh, don't look

at the sticker price,
that's the sucker price.

You got to grind them down.

Riley, I know how to negotiate.No, I know you do,

but buying a car
in this country is different.

They got tricks
you haven't seen before.

I know all the tricks.

She's a beauty, isn't she?

It is the ugliest car
I have ever seen.

I wouldn't drive this car
if you gave it to me for free.

Well, it's practically free.

Really? Wow.

Ha, we're just looking.

Let me know if I can help.

Uh, well, I... I did
have a couple questions.

Do you have anything
like this in burgundy?

Not used. But the new models
come in burgundy.

Beautiful color.

I cannot afford a new car.

You wouldn't think so,
but would you be surprised

to know that the monthly
payments are almost the same?

I would be very surprised.

And with repairs and upkeep
on a used car,

you might be saving money
in the long run.

Anyway, I'll let you guys talk.

Hmm.Uh, wait, wait, can
we just see it?

Only if you promise
to take it for a test drive.

What do you think?

It's okay.

Try the seat warmer.

Hmm. My bottom is no warmer than
when I woke up this morning.

It takes a minute.
[chuckles]

Try the hands-free option.

What is that?For long drives,

you just set it
and the car drives itself.

Seems like a useless feature,

but whatever.

Take your hands off the wheel
and your foot off the gas.

Really?Yeah. Go ahead.

[whispers]:
Bismillah.

What is happening?

It is like a ghost
is driving the car.

Turn on the radio.

♪ With you...

You get three months
of satellite radio for free.

I do love free.

Once I was in the supermarket
and... Oh, my God,

my bottom is getting warm.

Riley, I have to own this car.

Stay frosty, snowman.

I can't believe she's arguing
with her boss

to get us a better price.

I hope she doesn't lose her job.

Good news, we got it.

Yay!

Should we put your signature
on it, make it official?

Hold on. Let me see this.

This is all so crazy
to me. No money down?

In Afghanistan, if
you try to buy a car

without any of the money, they
won't give you any of the car.

Well, you are paying for it,
you're just paying over time.

Ah. Mm.

So, this is the monthly fee?

Mm-hmm.

And the way they got it so low--

which I had to fight for--
was they adjusted the APR.

Thank you for fighting for us.

Thank you for fighting
for America.

Yeah, this all looks
pretty good, uh,

but we want
the extended warranty.

Unfortunately, that isn't
included in the base price.

Mm. It is if you want
to sell us this car.

You are trying to get me
in trouble. [laughs]

I'll be right back.

Dude, that was badass.

What do you mean
you got a new car?

You said you got a new car
yesterday.

That was a lie.
Here's the car.

Ooh!Huh?

Check it out, Zubair.
How's he gonna get in?

Oh. Oh.He's not holding a key. [gasps]

[car beeps]

What?Boom!

Is the key in his pocket or is
his car just happy to see him?

The answer is both.

Where did you get all the money?

I just pay a little
bit every month.

It is the land of opportunity
and small monthly payments.

Hey, Zubair,
check out the stereo.Oh.

[music playing]

It is like Aryana Sayeed
is in the back seat.

Look at this.

Huh?

You can stand up and talk

to American chicks
on the street.

Here comes one right now.

Lizzie, look what I got.

Wow, that is... How?

[music stops]First paycheck.

I told him to treat himself.

Hello, Lizzie,
I am Al's cool cousin.

Name is Bair, Zubair.

Yeah, I know who you are.

You like everything I post
on Instagram.

How about a follow back, girl?

Okay, Al, I wrote your check.
It was not new car money.

It's okay. It was
no money down.

No money down.

Come on, let's take
her for a spin.

Lizzie, come with us.

I will sit on your lap.

Even from 7,000 miles away,
that is a hard pass.

After dinner, it would be my
honor to take you for a drive.

Yeah, sure thing.Ah.

Hey, I don't want to rain on
your parade or anything,

but are you sure
you can afford this?

If he couldn't afford it, they
wouldn't have sold it to him.

[stifled laugh]

You got something to say?

I looked over the paperwork.
They really took you guys.

Are you kidding?

If anything, we took them.
Tell her, Al.

Straight to the dry cleaners.

Yeah, he paid twice
what that car is worth.

That's not true.
We got a great price.

If you paid cash, dummy.

You got screwed
on the financing.

Stop trying to ruin this.Riley, pipe down, will you?

I want to hear
what she has to say.

Why are you listening to her?

Because she's good with numbers.

You're good with... shapes.

Go ahead.

The interest rate increases

up to 20%
after six months.

Yeah, that's fine.

It's the same deal
I got on my truck,

and I'm not having any problem
making payments.

Wait, you're still paying
on that?

It's been, like, three years.

Yeah, and in three more,
it's all mine.

I thought you got
a great deal on that thing.I did!

The guy who sold it to me
even said

I was the toughest negotiator
he ever...

Son of a bitch.

I'm gonna go down to that
dealership and let 'em have it.

I mean, taking advantage
of an immigrant and a moron--

that ain't right.

Just to be clear,
you're the moron.

Hey, friends.

You come back
for more tea?

Yes.No.

No.

So...

you like
bamboozling people, do ya?

Is that how you get your kicks?

Is there a problem?

Yeah. You sold
my friend here a car

for, like,
eight million dollars.

Sir, I jumped through hoops
to get him what he asked for.

I'll tell you what you did.

You treated a war hero
like a chump.

What-what's a chump?

You.

I'm ashamed to say I
cannot afford this car.

I'm sorry to hear that.
You were so happy yesterday.

Because you filled my
belly with tea and lies.

Point is, he's returning it.

Mm, check your contract.

You can't do that.

Isn't there a law, like a...

like a cooling-off period
or something?

Yes, there are
a lot of laws like that.

But not in Ohio,
which is why I sell cars here.

Hey, listen, lady,
we're not leaving

till you take
the car back.

We could buy it
back from you,

probably for half
of what you paid.

It's a brand-new car.

That was yesterday.

Today, it's a
brand-new used car.

It only has 20 miles on it.

It has 450 miles on it.What?

I wanted to see Indiana.

Look, I'm done
pussyfooting around.

Get me your manager.

I am the manager.

But you had to go to the other
manager and talk to him.

Oh, wow.

Look, the car's brand-new.

Buy it back for the price
you sold it to him.

And why would I do that?

Because it's
the right thing to do.

Look, I got Pilates
in half an hour.

There is no
prepayment penalty.

If you got the cash,

you can pay back the loan
as fast as you want.

Okay.

Okay?

I'll get more money.

I can't pay you any more.

Mr. Art, I will get another job.

You're the manager.

Are you hiring here?

Ah, Lizzie, do you
have a minute?

Until I get a proper office
with a door, yeah.

I need to find another job.

Would you mind
taking a look at my résumé?

Yeah.

Uh, which page is your résumé?

All of them.

This is more of a memoir.

Oh, but this is
how résumés are back home.

Also, my memoir
will be much longer

and include pencil etchings.

Okay, so this is every school
you ever went to,

Mm-hmm.and every class you ever took,

and here's a page of hobbies.

Listed alphabetically from
buzkashi to yo-yo competitions.

I find that a wide
range of interests

is really what separates me
from the rest of the pack.

This isn't really
how we do résumés here.

Only need, like, one page.

One page?

That won't even cover all of
my awards from primary school.

Let's just start fresh.

When did you start working?

Uh, I was probably
five or six.What?

That's child labor.

Yes, but in Afghanistan,
we just call it labor.

Okay, so-so what was your job
when you were five?

I sold crackers in
the neighborhood.

But then I moved on up
to selling green onions

in downtown Kabul.

You must have made
a lot of sales,

cute kid like you.No.

Everyone there is used to
seeing children sell things.

That is why all your lemonade
stands don't work on me.

Okay, well, uh, what other
kind of work have you done?

Hmm. Um...

Carpet weaving.

Ah, but it's
been a while.

I don't have the
calluses anymore.

You know what?

Why don't we just cherry-pick
a few things out of here.

Cherry-picking.
That's page five.

We have the best
cherries in the world,

so it's always a good
conversation starter.

[chuckles]

Oh, starting
conversations.

It's under
"special skills."

There he is.

Hello, Shawn.

Oh, uh, hello.

How's your day been so far?

Uh, pretty good.

Last day
of being grounded, so...

Oh, good, good, good.

Let me ask you a question.

Do you like your job?

Uh, this looks like grueling
work for one man to do alone.

Well, it's better than bagging
and cleaning toilets.

And I don't
have to talk to people.

Usually.

I really like talking to people.

I can tell.
[chuckles]

Is it like this?

Is this how you do it?

I am not afraid
to be criticized.

Just make sure
the labels are facing out.

Oh, you want to know how to
do something, ask an expert.

[sighs]

So, Shawn...

I find myself in need
of a second job.

Based on everything
you know about me,

do you think I would
be a good fit?

I don't know, I... I guess.

Great!

Would you take a look
at my résumé?

Is it too short?

I think I got some bad advice.

You don't need a résumé.

You just have to fill out
an application.

I was hoping you would
put in a word for me.

I know how much influence
you have around here.

Everyone speaks
very highly of you.

You know I'm 16, right?

Hmm.

Would you like to meet
my friend?

He's 20.

Shall I start work tomorrow?

Where you been?

I got a job at the supermarket.

Gonna be a bag boy?

Courtesy clerk.

According to Shawn,
"bag boy" is demeaning.

And now that I have a car,

I filled out an application
for Postmates,

but I am sure
it is very competitive.

[phone chimes]

Oh, look.

I was approved by Postmates.

That's great.

Listen, um... [clears throat]
I want to apologize.

For what?

For getting you screwed.

I joins the Marines
straight out of high school,

and anything we needed,
they gave us.

You know, they taught me
a lot of useful stuff,

but not how to buy a car.

Mm. That information helps me
less today than yesterday.

I'm really sorry.

I really thought I knew what I
was doing, but clearly, I don't.

Riley, it is all right.

I believe that whatever happens
is God's will.

He is the best of planners.

So God wants me
to be an idiot?

If it helps you get
to where you need to be.

And where's that, exactly?

Hey, I'm not God.
I don't know.

But I do need to wrap this up.

A woman from Franklinton
just ordered ravioli

from The Spaghetti Bucket.

Got a minute, Numbers?

Shapes wants to talk.

Lots of people
asking for my advice today.

That does not bode well.

I'm gonna ask you a favor,
and there's a bunch of ways

you could use it
to hurt my feelings.

Is it my birthday?

This is the contract
I signed when I bought my truck.

Okay.

I want you to
explain it to me.

I thought you had it
all figured out.

And we both know
that's not true.

What part don't you understand?

Uh, just everything between
"Jo Quincy Motors" and..

my signature.

All right, let's take a look.

Thanks.

I don't want
to make this mistake again.

And I'm happy to help.

Okay.
Now, this here, at the top--

that's your name.

How's your delivery thing going?

Oh, wonderful.

I make friends
everywhere I go,

and my car smells like
the food court at the mall.

Man, I hate that
you have to work three jobs

'cause of my mistake.

No. I am glad.

For the first time in my life,

I bought something
just for myself,

and I do not feel
guilty about it.

Spoken like a true American.[chuckles]

Anyway,

I told you I'd always
have your back, so, here.

What is that?

I sold my bike.
It'll help you pay off your car.

Riley, I... I cannot
accept that.

Take it.

But you loved
that motorcycle.

Take it.

I like having three jobs.

Shawn says I have
a lot of potential.

Take it.

Oh, thank you, Riley Jaan.

I love you so much.[laughs]

[phone chimes]

You want to go for a ride?

There's a guy in Bridge Park
who needs a burrito.