Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[keyboard clacking]

- YES, I WILL EMAIL YOU THE SIDES.

OKAY, BYE.

[door opens]

- MONEYPENNY, A FEAST FOR THE EYES.

- WELL, YOU DEFINITELY COULD BE THE NEXT BOND.

- THAT'S BECAUSE I AM SO DANGEROUS, SUAVE, SOPHISTICATED.

[metal clanks]

- CLEARLY.

- SO ANY NEWS ON THE PART?

- NO IDEA.

YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT FOR HIS EMINENCE.

BUT YOU MADE THE AGENCY DEMO REEL.

OH, I THINK IT'S COMING UP NEXT.

HERE IT GOES.

- WOW.

- DO YOU EVER GET THAT NASTY FEELING

YOU JUST CAN'T SHAKE? - [distressed sigh]

- RELIEF IS NOW AVAILABLE.

- [relieved sigh]

- PERCOLAX.

RELIEF IN BLUE.

- I REALLY DON'T WANNA KNOW HOW YOU PREPARED.

- NO. YOU DON'T.

- IT--MARTY'S OFF THE LINE.

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

- HEY.

- WHAT CAN I SAY?

- OH ,NO. - YOU GOT IT, KID.

YOU GOT THE NEW ROOT BEER COMMERCIAL.

- ALL RIGHT! - [laughs]

THIS IS BIG. REALLY.

NATIONAL COMMERCIAL.

IT'S GONNA PLAY OFTEN

AND FOR A LONG TIME.

KA-CHING! - KA-CHING!

- THAT IRRITATED BOWEL SPOT,

IT'S GETTING A LOT OF AIR PLAY.

I THINK THAT MIGHT HAVE HELPED YOU GET THE ROOT BEER GIG.

- MARTY.

THANKS.

- YOU DESERVE IT, KID.

NOW GET OUTTA HERE, WILL YA?

I GOT WORK TO DO.

[scattered chatter]

- HEY, LOOK! IT'S BOWEL GUY!

HEY, BOWEL GUY!

YOU DA MAN!

- THANKS, GUYS.

[fake groans]

[both chuckle]

THIS MEATLOAF IS DELICIOUS.

- AND IT DOESN'T UPSET YOUR STOMACH.

- MOM, I DON'T HAVE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME.

I WAS ACTING.

- YEAH, HIS ACTING WAS SO GOOD, YOU BELIEVED IT.

- [chuckles]

- SO WHEN IS ALL THIS ACTING

GONNA START PAYING?

- OH, I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE

JUST HOW BIG THIS ROOT BEER COMMERCIAL IS

I'M SHOOTING TOMORROW.

I MEAN, IT'S A NATIONAL RUN.

SO IT'S LIKE--IT'S LIKE WINNING THE JACKPOT.

- YEAH, ONCE THE RESIDUAL CHECKS COME IN.

- MM-HMM. - BUT FOR NOW,

I MEAN, IT'S-- IT'S PEANUTS.

IT'S A DAY'S PAY. IT'S BUPKIS.

- I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.

I MEAN, FOR 15 YEARS, YOU HAVE STRUGGLED TO SURVIVE

ON AN ARTIST'S BUDGET.

- THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT.

- WELL, THE PRESENT IS TIGHT.

AND I SAW YOU'RE STILL USING OUR CARD

TO PAY OFF YOUR INSURANCE PREMIUM THIS MONTH.

- AND I'M GONNA PAY THAT BACK SOON.

- THANK YOU.

- I HAD LUNCH WITH YOUR OLD TEACHER, BRENDA POST.

NOW SHE'S THE PRINCIPAL AT THAT NEW CREATIVE ARTS

AND TECHNOLOGY HIGH SCHOOL. - I LOVE BRENDA.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S THE REASON I GOT INTO ACTING

IN THE FIRST PLACE?

- OH, NOW WE KNOW WHO TO THANK. - HUSH.

ONE OF HER ENGLISH TEACHERS

IS GOING OUT ON MATERNITY LEAVE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.

SHE NEEDS A SUB.

SHE THOUGHT OF YOU.

- THAT'S SWEET OF HER.

I DON'T REALLY THINK-- - WHAT'S TO THINK?

YOU SPENT TWO YEARS GETTING YOUR TEACHER'S CREDENTIAL.

- 15 YEARS AGO, AS A BACKUP PLAN.

- EXACTLY.

- CAN'T HURT TO HAVE A BACKUP PLAN.

- YEAH, IT'S A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

YOU PAY DOWN YOUR DEBT,

AND IF THIS COMMERCIAL PAYS OFF---

- DAD, IT WILL.

- WELL, THEN THE REST IS JUST ICING ON THE CAKE.

- [slight laugh]

- HERE'S BRENDA'S PHONE NUMBER.

- I DON'T--

[indistinct chatter]

- ROLL SOUND.

- ROLLING.

- MARK.

- AND READY. AND ACTION!

- [gravelly] DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE WEST.

- CUT. LET'S TRY ONE WITHOUT THE ACCENT.

- OKAY, HERE WE GO. WE'RE GONNA GO AGAIN QUICKLY.

- LET'S GO AGAIN. JIMMY IN CRAFTY, WHERE IS HE?

[overlapping chatter]

- RIGHT AWAY. RIGHT AWAY.

- [sniffs] - HERE WE GO.

- ACTION!

- DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE WEST.

- CUT.

HMM.

- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

- NAILED IT IN TWO TAKES!

I THINK SHE LIKES YOU.

SO GET THIS.

THEY'RE GONNA AIR THIS COMMERCIAL

WHEN THE NEW BRUCE WILLIS WESTERN IS RELEASED.

- WHEN'S THAT GONNA HAPPEN? - A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

- MARTY, I NEED CASH RIGHT NOW.

- MAN UP.

YOU JUST MADE A NATIONAL COMMERCIAL

THAT'S TIED TO A MAJOR HOLLYWOOD PICTURE.

WHEN THIS AIRS, YOU'RE GONNA BE MILKING

THIS CASH COW FOR A YEAR.

KA-CHING!

[knock at door]

- HEY, MR. BERETTI.

- HEY, MR. INTESTINE.

- OH, YOU SAW MY COMMERCIAL.

- YEAH, IT RUNS DURING THE 11:00 NEWS.

WHAT I HAVEN'T SEEN IS THE RENT CHECK.

- I'M SORRY. IT'S A LITTLE LATE THIS MONTH.

- I GOT A DOZEN PEOPLE THAT WANT THIS APARTMENT.

- LOOK, I JUST SHOT A NATIONAL COMMERCIAL TODAY.

I'M NOT GONNA BE LATE ANYMORE.

JUST GONNA TAKE A COUPLE OF MONTHS TILL IT STARTS RUNNING.

- OKAY, I GOT PLENTY OF MOVING BOXES IF YOU NEED ANY.

- SO THE CHECK FROM TODAY'S DAY OF FILMING,

IT'S GONNA BE READY NEXT WEEK.

I CAN GIVE YOU THAT.

- YEAH, I 'D CONSIDER THAT IF, UH...

I COULD HOLD SOMETHING AS SECURITY. HMM?

- OKAY.

UM...

I DON'T REALLY THINK I HAVE ANYTHING YOU NEED.

- OH, BUT I THINK YOU DO.

[school bell rings]

- I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT, PRINCIPAL POST.

I'VE BEEN FRAMED.

- [chuckles]

- WAYNE WENDERS, AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.

COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.

- WOW.

PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN TROUBLE ALREADY.

- YOU ARE IF YOU DECIDE TO TEACH HIGH SCHOOL.

- HUH, SO IS THIS THE PEP TALK PART?

- I'VE SEEN GROWN MEN CRY, WOMEN JOIN A CONVENT,

ANYTHING TO FIND AN EASIER LIFE THAN TEACHING HIGH SCHOOL.

- WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

WHEN DO I START? - I JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU.

I KNOW IT'S TEMPORARY, BUT I THINK YOU

ARE THE PERFECT PERSON TO SUBSTITUTE TEACH.

YOU SEE, CHANGES THIS LATE IN THE YEAR

CAN BE DIFFICULT FOR THE STUDENTS,

BUT YOUR "LIVE IN THE MOMENT" STYLE

IS JUST WHAT WE NEED.

- SO YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A KAMIKAZE?

- MRS. HENDERSON, THE TEACHER THAT YOU WILL BE REPLACING,

WAS WORKING ON SHAKESPEARE WITH HER CLASS,

AND YOUR THEATER BACKGROUND WOULD BE A PERFECT FIT.

- FINALLY, 'CAUSE IT'S USELESS IN MY CURRENT LINE OF WORK.

- AND YOU WILL BE TEACHING A FULL ENGLISH COURSE.

YOU KNOW, GRAMMAR, VOCABULARY, THE WORKS.

SO YOU'LL BE WORKING UNDER THE SUPERVISION OF AMY DANVILLE,

THE HEAD OF OUR ENGLISH DEPARTMENT.

- BRENDA, I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I-I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS OPPORTUNITY.

- I HAVE GREAT CONFIDENCE IN YOU.

OH, UH, THIS IS LORETTA.

MR. WENDERS.

LORETTA IS OUR OFFICE MANAGER.

SHE IS OMNIPOTENT AND OMNISCIENT.

- IS THAT TRUE?

- I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA SAY THAT.

- IT'S TRUE. SHE IS OMNISCIENT.

- BELIEVE ME, AROUND HERE, I'D RATHER BE OBLIVIOUS.

- AH, OBLIVIOUS AND OMNIPOTENT.

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER POLITICS.

- [chuckles] - THIS WAY.

- BYE. - BYE.

- [giggling]

OH. [laughs]

- AMY, I-- - I'M SORRY.

LISTEN TO THIS MALAPROPISM.

THE BOY WAS VERY ANGRY BECAUSE HIS FATHER LEFT WITHOUT HIM

TO GO SHOOT THE PEASANTS. [laughs]

OH, HI.

- I WANT YOU TO MEET WAYNE.

WAYNE, THIS IS AMY DANVILLE.

WAYNE WENDERS.

- HI. - WAYNE WILL BE FILLING IN

FOR MRS. HENDERSON.

- OH, OKAY. NICE TO MEET YOU.

SORRY, HAVE WE MET BEFORE?

- OH, UH, THE...

[fake groans]

- ARE YOU ILL?

- THE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME. IT'S...

- OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

- NO, NO, I DON'T HAVE--I DON'T--EH, IT'S A COMMERCIAL.

I'M THE--THE BOWEL DUDE.

PEOPLE RECOGNIZE ME FROM THIS COMMERCIAL I--

- HOW DO WE GET MR. WENDERS UP TO SPEED?

- WHEN WILL HE START? - MONDAY.

- MONDAY.

YOU MEAN THIS MONDAY?

- YES.

- TELL YOU WHAT.

READ THIS RIGHT AWAY TO ACQUAINT YOURSELF

WITH OUR PHILOSOPHY OF EDUCATION.

- OOH "CORRELATIONAL OF LANGUAGE ARTS STANDARDS

"TO PEDAGOGICAL METHODOLOGIES

IN A PROJECT-BASED LEARNING ENVIRONMENT."

WOW, SOMEBODY LIKES TO USE WORDS, HUH?

- AMY WROTE THAT.

- KEYS. IF YOU LOSE THEM,

YOU PAY TO HAVE THE WHOLE CAMPUS RE-KEYED.

- I'LL GUARD THEM WITH MY LIFE. - YEAH.

I RECOMMEND A RETRACTABLE BELT KEY CLIP.

PRACTICAL AND BUDGET-FRIENDLY.

- THANK YOU.

- THIS IS THE STATE-MANDATED TRAINING VIDEO

ON BLOOD-BORNE PATHOGENS.

IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

- PICK UP SOME POPCORN ON THE WAY HOME.

- EMAIL I.D., TEMPORARY PASSWORD.

DISTRICT BUSINESS ONLY. NO PERSONAL EMAILS.

AND OUR FIREWALL WILL BLOCK ALL SHOPPING, MEDIA,

AND "SOCIAL NETWORKING" SITES.

- SO WHAT I DO FOR FUN AROUND HERE?

- I HEARD YOU WERE QUITE THE JOKER, MR. WENDERS.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WATCH THAT AROUND THE KIDS

IF YOU EXPECT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

OH, YES.

ALMOST FORGOT.

ON BEHALF OF THE FACULTY AND ADMINISTRATION, WELCOME.

[alarm blares]

- [groans]

[grumbles]

OH!

OH, NO.

[school bell ringing]

- HEY, I'M COMING!

- HEY, YO.

[indistinct chatter]

- HEY, GUYS, MY NAME IS WAYNE.

MR. WENDERS.

I'LL BE TAKING OVER FOR MRS. HENDERSON

WHILE SHE'S ON MATERNITY LEAVE.

SO I HEAR THAT YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN--

- YES? - AREN'T YOU THAT BOWEL GUY?

- YES. YES, I AM. [all laugh]

NOW THAT WE'VE GOTTEN THAT FASCINATING FACT OUT OF THE WAY,

LET'S GET BACK TO ONE OF THE COOLEST PLAYWRIGHTS

TO HAVE EVER LIVED, SHAKESPEARE.

- DO YOU REALLY HAVE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?

- NO, I DON'T. SO HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS--

- DID YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY TAKE THE MEDICINE?

- NO. IT WAS A COMMERCIAL.

- WELL, THAT DOESN'T SEEM VERY HONEST.

- WELL, I THINK THE AUDIENCE

UNDERSTANDS THAT ACTORS SOMETIMES PRETEND

TO BE PEOPLE THEY'RE NOT, RIGHT?

FOR INSTANCE, SHAKESPEARE AND HIS TROUPE--

- BUT IT DOESN'T SAY SO IN THE COMMERCIAL.

- IT DOES TOO.

IN A REALLY FAST VOICE AT THE END.

- YEAH, IT MAY CAUSE HEADACHES, BAD BREATH, SWEATING,

MEMORY LOSS, PARANOID DELUSIONS. - STUDENTS.

- THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT,

AND THIS DUDE'S ONLY AN ACTOR. [laughter]

- ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON'T WE START WITH A PLAY YOU GUYS ALL KNOW?

YOU READ HAMLET LAST SEMESTER.

WHO CAN TELL ME SOMETHING THAT THEY LIKED ABOUT HAMLET?

- THE END. IT WAS BORING.

[all laugh]

- MR. WENDERS, WE HAVE A QUESTION.

- LAST QUESTION, THEN BACK TO THE BARD.

- YEAH.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SOMEONE TOOK THE MEDICINE

EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?

- I DON'T KNOW. - CHEERFUL BOWEL SYNDROME.

[all laugh]

[school bell ringing]

- [sighs]

- HEY.

WOW.

TOUGH FIRST DAY?

- DOES OUR INSURANCE COVER POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER?

- HOW DID SHAKESPEARE DO?

- OKAY.

I GIVE UP.

TOMORROW, GRAMMAR.

- [chuckles]

- YOUR FIRST LESSON PLAN, BRILLIANT.

I'M JUST-- - A LITTLE OVERWHELMED?

- TERRIFIED ACTUALLY.

IF I CAN'T INTEREST THEM

IN THE GREATEST PLAYWRIGHT OF ALL TIME,

HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE PUNCTUATION

AND PARTS OF SPEECH APPEALING?

HUH? - WELL, ONE, MAKE IT FUN.

USE YOUR OWN SHOWMANSHIP AND HUMOR.

MAKE IT COOL. VISUAL.

BE CREATIVE.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

[alarm blares]

[keyboard clacking]

[excited chatter]

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ATTENTION, FOLKS.

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

NOW IN THIS DAY AND AGE OF TEXTING, INSTANT MESSAGING,

TWITTERING, AND TWEETING, WE HAVE LET GO

OF THE PROPER GRAMMATICAL FORM

IN THE QUEST TO USE

THE LEAST AMOUNT OF CHARACTERS POSSIBLE,

BUT I REMIND YOU, FORM MATTERS.

PUNCTUATION MEANS SOMETHING.

IT HAS CRUCIAL MEANING.

TAKE, FOR INSTANCE, THE FOLLOWING PHRASE.

"WHAT'S THAT AHEAD IN THE ROAD?"

WITH VERY FEW CHANGES WE CAN GET:

"WHAT'S THAT?

A HEAD IN THE ROAD?"

[all chuckle]

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS. SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE DOWN.

IT'S JUST GRAMMAR, BUT AS YOU CAN SEE,

IT'S CRUCIAL TO YOUR SURVIVAL.

NOW TODAY, WE ARE GONNA BE GETTING BACK TO BASICS.

WE ARE GONNA BE WORKING ON PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES.

BUT BEFORE WE DO SO,

I WOULD LIKE TO DEMONSTRATE TO YOU

THE AMAZING POWER OF PREPOSITIONS.

PLEASE STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.

I WOULDN'T WANT ANYONE TO GET HURT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I PRESENT TO YOU "ON."

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

I AM ON THE DESK.

I COULD NOT BE ON THE DESK

WERE IT NOT FOR THE PREPOSITION "ON."

AND "ON THE DESK" IS A PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE.

[applause] THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[school bell rings] THANK YOU.

- STANDING ON THE DESK, I HEAR.

- TRYING TO MOVE UP IN THE WORLD.

"STUDENT FILM CONTEST."

- I WAS AN EXTRA ON A MOVIE ONCE.

IN MY YOUNGER DAYS.

- NOW THAT IS A WASTE.

YOU, MISS LORETTA,

ARE DEFINITELY LEADING LADY MATERIAL.

- [chuckles]

- SO HOW IS IT THAT YOU HEARD I WAS UP ON MY DESK, HMM?

- IT'S ALL THE TALK.

- [knocks on door] MS. DANVILLE, YOU HAVE A SEC?

- UH, YEAH, SURE. COME ON IN.

HOW ARE THINGS GOING?

- UH, BETTER.

I SURVIVED PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES.

- SURVIVAL IS GOOD. AN IMPORTANT FIRST STEP.

- LISTEN, UM, THERE'S THIS CITY-WIDE STUDENT FILM CONTEST,

AND I WAS THINKING, WE HAVE ALL THIS VIDEO EQUIPMENT.

- CAN YOU CONNECT THE FILMS TO THE CURRICULUM?

- ABSOLUTELY.

I MEAN, THE KIDS ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING

ABOUT HOW BORING SHAKESPEARE IS.

BUT I JUST THINK IF WE CAN ACT IT OUT,

THEY'D SEE IT FOR THE BRILLIANT DRAMA IT IS.

IT'S JUST--IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO TEACH THEM THAT.

YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM THAT. THEY HAVE TO--

WHAT?

- I CAN SORTA SEE WHY BRENDA HIRED YOU.

- BECAUSE SHE WAS DESPERATE, YEAH.

- [chuckles]

LOOK, UM, I THINK MAKING

LITTLE SHAKESPEARE MOVIES IS A GREAT IDEA.

JUST DON'T IGNORE THE REST OF THE CURRICULUM.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TEST SCORES TO KEEP UP.

- YES, MA'AM. ABSOLUTELY.

THANK YOU. - YEAH. ANY TIME.

OH, MR. WENDERS? - MM-HMM?

- STANDING ON THE FURNITURE? - OH...

THAT WAS SMART.

YEAH.

- SO TELL ME, HOW IS OUR MR. WENDERS DOING?

- YOU KNOW, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

HE HAD A BIT OF A- A ROCKY START THERE,

BUT I THINK HE'S FINDING HIS WAY NOW.

- GOOD.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING HIM A HELPING HAND.

HE IS ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS, YOU KNOW?

[school bell rings] - LET'S HOPE SO.

- SEE YOU LATER. - LATER.

- SO FOR NEXT TUESDAY, I'D LIKE EACH OF YOU

TO PICK YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER FROM HAMLET

AND WRITE A ONE-MINUTE MONOLOGUE AS THAT CHARACTER

ABOUT THE TOUGHEST MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE.

- I DOUBT HAMLET EVER HAD THIS MUCH HOMEWORK.

[all chuckle]

- OKAY, SO BEFORE WE GO TO LUNCH,

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU GUYS

ABOUT THE UPCOMING STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL.

I THOUGHT WE COULD TRY AND SHOOT SOME SHAKESPEARE SCENES

AS SHORT FILMS AND SUBMIT THEM.

- THAT SOUNDS COOL.

- SO WE GET TO MAKE MOVIES INSTEAD OF READING THE PLAYS?

- UH, NO, WE STILL HAVE TO DO THE READING.

- AND IT'S STILL SHAKESPEARE, SO IT'S STILL BORING.

- YEP.

- OKAY. - THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, THE REALLY COOL PART IS WE CAN DO THE SCENES

IN ALL DIFFERENT KINDS OF STYLES.

I MEAN, LOOK, WE DON'T HAVE TO

DO SHAKESPEARE IN PERIOD COSTUMES, RIGHT?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

- WE CAN SHOOT HAMLET LIKE STAR WARS.

HAMLET RETURNS HOME FROM SCHOOL ON ANOTHER PLANET

TO FIND OUT HIS FATHER, THE INTERSTELLAR AMBASSADOR,

HAS BEEN MURDERED BY HIS UNCLE,

WHO WANTS TO BE THE GALACTIC EMPEROR.

OR A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

LIKE THIS REALLY DARK ALICE IN WONDERLAND WORLD.

- YEAH, THAT'D BE NICE.

- THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT, J.D.

I MEAN, THAT'S-- THAT'S GREAT.

- I'M GONNA FIND A PLAY WHERE THE ONLY WOMEN

AREN'T EVIL OR CRAZY.

[all laugh] [school bell rings]

- SO FOR TUESDAY, PLEASE, A PARAGRAPH

ON WHAT SCENE YOU'D LIKE TO DO AND WHY,

AND I'M GONNA SORT YOU OUT INTO GROUPS.

JOURNALS, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

THANKS, GUYS.

- I, UH, MADE YOU A COPY OF MY REEL.

- WOW, "THE INITIAL WORKS OF J.D. FORESTER."

I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THIS. - THANKS.

- HANG ON A SECOND, J.D.

I GOT A FEELING ABOUT SOMETHING.

DO ME A FAVOR?

CAN YOU AUTOGRAPH THAT FOR ME?

- UM...

YEAH, SURE.

I, UH, I NEVER GAVE MY-- MY AUTOGRAPH BEFORE.

- WELL, YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT.

- ALL RIGHT.

- I THINK YOU HAVE A FAN.

- THAT KID, I MEAN, HE'S AMAZING.

- WHY DON'T YOU COME AND EAT IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE?

- I'D LOVE TO, BUT THESE JOURNALS

AREN'T GONNA GRADE THEMSELVES.

- COME ON, IT BUILDS CAMARADERIE WITH YOUR COLLEAGUES.

- COME ON IN, WE DON'T BITE.

- SAID THE SPIDER TO THE FLY.

- THE MOVIE STAR MIXES WITH THE COMMON FOLK.

- YEAH, WELL, IT'S KINDA LONELY AT THE TOP.

- OH, YES, THIS, UM, MUST ALL BE VERY DIFFERENT FOR YOU.

NOT WHAT YOU'RE USED TO. - EXCUSE ME?

- TEACHING.

UH, MORE WORK.

LESS REWARD.

- STARVING ARTISTS JUST ARE HAPPY

WHEN THE CHECKS CLEAR, I GUESS.

- WAIT TILL THE BUDGET CUTS KICK IN.

YOU'LL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME. [all laugh]

- BUT YOU--YOU WOULD AGREE THAT THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

IS NOTORIOUS FOR ITS EXCESSES.

- OH, ABSOLUTELY.

I'M JUST SAYING THAT I WISH SOME OF THOSE EXCESSES

MADE THEIR WAY OVER TO ME ONCE IN A WHILE.

- I DON'T MEAN ANY DISRESPECT,

BUT I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IT REQUIRED A CERTAIN AMOUNT

OF SELFISHNESS TO BE AN ARTIST OF ANY KIND,

STARVING OR SUCCESSFUL.

- SID, LET THE GUY EAT HIS LUNCH.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'M SERIOUS.

HERE WE ARE IN A WORLD WHERE MILLIONS OF CHILDREN

ARE STARVING EVERY DAY, AND THERE I AM,

STRUTTING ABOUT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA,

PAINTING MY PICTURES, DOING MY ART.

- A WORLD WITHOUT ART.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

- I DIDN'T SA-- I DIDN'T SA--

- NO PAINTING, NO SCULPTURE, AND NO THEATRE.

UH-UH.

- OKAY, IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING

TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION-- - MM.

SERIOUSLY THEN, COME ON.

WITHOUT ART, WHAT'S GONNA INSPIRE US, HUH?

WHAT'S GONNA INSPIRE OUR KIDS

TO END THE HUNGER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

- GOOD TEACHERS. - WHO'LL TEACH WHAT EXACTLY?

MATH, BUT NOT MUSIC?

SCIENCE, NOT SHAKESPEARE?

- THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

- IT'S A SET UP, I TELL YOU.

A SET UP. - YEAH?

WHERE'S YOUR PROOF? THEY ALL SAY THAT.

- YOU WANT PROOF? LOOK AT ME.

LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES.

YOU KNOW ME.

WHAT DOES YOUR HEART TELL YOU?

[gum snaps] - OKAY.

GOOD.

OH, HUH.

YOU'RE THE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME GUY.

- YEAH, THAT WAS, UH, THAT WAS A FUN ONE.

- WOULD YOU MIND SENDING IN THE NEXT PERSON, PLEASE?

- HELLO? - MARTY, IT WASN'T AN AUDITION.

IT WAS PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE.

WELL, THE CASTING DIRECTOR

WHO READ WITH ME WAS-- WHAT'S THE TECHNICAL TERM?

OH, YEAH, BRAIN DEAD.

- WAYNE, YOU STILL THERE?

- SORRY, CAN I CALL YOU BACK?

- OKAY. [phone beeps]

- YEAH, RIGHT HERE'S GOOD. - THANKS.

- HI.

- OH, HI.

- [chuckles] YOU STALKING ME, MR. WENDERS?

- WELL, I WAS GONNA ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

I LIVE JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, HUH?

- OH, WELL, I AM MEETING A FRIEND

WHO LIVES IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

- OKAY, I THINK I BELIEVE YOU.

- YOU WANNA COME JOIN ME TILL SHE GETS HERE?

- I DON'T REALLY THINK THAT'S LEGAL.

IT MIGHT BE SEEN AS, UH, FRATERNIZING AMONG STAFF.

- OH, RIGHT. YES, OF COURSE.

WELL, WE ARE OFF SCHOOL PROPERTY

AND THIS MEETING IS ENTIRELY HAPPENSTANCE.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

AS LONG AS WE'RE VERY CLEAR ON THE PARAMETERS.

- SO CLEAR.

SO TELL ME THE TRUTH, MR. WENDERS.

ARE YOU ENJOYING TEACHING AT ALL?

- ACTUALLY, I AM. - HMM? YOU SOUND SURPRISED.

- I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT WAS GONNA BE, UH, SO CREATIVE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY

TO TRICK YOUR STUDENTS INTO LEARNING.

YOU KNOW, EACH LESSON IS THIS LITTLE SHOW YOU PUT ON

HOPING IT'S GONNA BLOW 'EM AWAY.

- I GUESS YOUR ACTING BACKGROUND MUST REALLY HELP, HUH?

- WELL, IT HELPS ME SURVIVE.

EACH TIME I'M UP THERE PETRIFIED,

I JUST PRETEND TO BE IN CONTROL, YOU KNOW?

[both laugh] - YEAH.

YOU KNOW I HAVE, UM,

I HAVE A REALLY GREAT RESPECT FOR ACTORS.

- OH, YEAH?

- I KNOW I COULD NEVER DO IT.

- YOU EVER TRY IT?

- UM...YEAH, I-I DID. ONCE.

IT WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

UH, MY JUNIOR YEAR.

UH, THEY HAD AUDITIONS FOR ROMEO AND JULIET.

AND, UM, WELL, I WAS A REALLY AWKWARD GIRL.

I WAS SHY-- - YOU?

- YES. OH, GLASSES, BRACES, AND...

- [laughs] - YEAH. THE WHOLE THING.

SO I HAD TO WORK EXTRA HARD.

- WOW. AND?

- AND, UH, I LITERALLY COULDN'T SPEAK.

- WELL, I MEAN, THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS.

- SO I RAN OUT OF THERE.

[chuckles]

- EVER--EVER TRY IT AGAIN?

- IT WAS A DEFINING MOMENT, SHALL WE SAY?

- WELL, FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

I WOULD CAST YOU AS JULIET IN A HEARTBEAT.

- WELL, THANK YOU.

- [chuckles]

[phone rings]

HEY, MARTY.

- OH, NO, IT'S DARRA.

MARTY IS IN A MEETING,

BUT I'VE GOT A GOOD ONE FOR YOU.

CAN YOU MAKE IT TO CULVER CITY BY 4:45?

- UM, BARELY, BUT, UH, YEAH, I THINK SO.

- OH, PERFECT. WHERE CAN I FAX THE SIDES?

- FAX? WHO FAXES ANYMORE? JUST EMAIL.

- LOOK, PRODUCTION IS SUPER PARANOID.

THEY WON'T SEND ANYTHING ONLINE.

GET ME A FAX NUMBER.

- UH...ALL RIGHT. HANG ON.

- GREAT.

HELLO, SLOANE TALENT AGENCY.

- [sighs]

- HEY, WHAT WAS THE AUDITION FOR, HONEY?

- [sighs] FERTILIZER COMMERCIAL.

I ALMOST DIED ON THE FREEWAY FOR A CHANCE TO SELL FERTILIZER.

- WELL, STICK WITH TEACHING.

A DOUBLE LIFE IS GONNA KILL YOU.

- DAD, COME ON.

- SHE SPEAKS.

OH, SPEAK AGAIN...

BRIGHT ANGEL.

- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

UH, WHEREFORE ART THOUGH, ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER AND REFUSE THY NAME.

- CUT. CUT. HANG ON.

LOOK, UM, THESE GUYS ARE TEENAGERS,

JUST LIKE YOU.

OKAY, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE TEASING, TESTING.

THEY'RE--THEY'RE WORKING IT, OKAY?

JUST TAKE A BREATH.

TRY IT AGAIN. OKAY?

HELLO, MS. DANVILLE.

- YES. HELLO, HELLO.

SORRY, GUYS, DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.

- HANG ON A SECOND. UM...

I COULD USE YOUR HELP.

- UH, WITH WHAT?

- WELL, THESE TWO COULD USE A TASTE

OF HOW THE DIALOGUE SHOULD FLOW.

IT'S NOT REALLY WORKING WITH ME READING BOTH PARTS.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, I CAN'T. - PLEASE.

- I C--I CAN'T, UM-- - PLEASE, MS. DANVILLE?

I NEED TO HEAR A WOMAN DO THIS.

EVERY TIME MR. WENDERS READS IT,

I-I CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY.

- OKAY, I ADMIT MY JULIET NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF WORK.

- PLEASE? - YEAH, COME ON.

- COME ON. - OKAY. OKAY.

- TAKE THOSE. - UM...

- COME HERE. COME HERE. COME HERE.

UM...YOU READY?

- YES.

- SHE SPEAKS.

SPEAK AGAIN, BRIGHT ANGEL.

- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

WHEREFORE ART THOUGH, ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER AND REFUSE THY NAME,

OR IF THOU WILT NOT, BE BUT SWORN MY LOVE

AND I'LL NO LONGER BE A CAPULET.

- SHALL I HEAR MORE OR SHALL I SPEAKETH THIS?

- TIS BUT THY NAME WHICH IS MY ENEMY.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

THAT WHICH WE CALL A ROSE, BY ANY OTHER NAME

WOULD SMELL AS SWEET.

ROMEO, DOFF THY NAME, AND FOR THAT NAME,

WHICH IS NO PART OF THEE, TAKE ALL MYSELF.

- I TAKE THEE AT THY WORD.

CALL ME BUT LOVE AND HENCEFORTH,

I NEVER WILL BE ROMEO.

- WHAT MAN ART THOU THAT,

THUS BESCREEN'D IN NIGHT SO STUMBLEST ON MY COUNSEL?

- BY A NAME, I KNOW NOT HOW TO TELL THEE WHO I AM.

- HOW CAMEST THOU HITHER? TELL ME AND WHEREFORE?

THE ORCHARD WALLS ARE HIGH AND HARD TO CLIMB

AND THE PLACE DEATH, CONSIDERING WHO THOU ART.

IF ANY OF MY KINSMEN FIND THEE--

[applause]

- YOU'RE ROCKIN' IT. - WAY TO GO.

- [laughs] - ALL RIGHT.

- WAY TO GO, MS. DANVILLE. - [laughs]

- TAKE A BOW.

AND THAT ENDS TODAY'S PRESENTATION

OF "IMPROMPTU SHAKESPEARE."

EVERYONE BACK TO CLASS.

[school bell rings] - HEY, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

- YOU WERE GREAT.

- [chuckles] THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

I COULD KILL YOU. - YOU WERE TERRIFIC.

- I AM GONNA HAVE TO GIVE YOU DETENTION, MISTER.

- WORTH IT. THAT WAS FUN.

- [chuckles]

IT WAS. IT WAS FUN.

ALL RIGHT, I GOTTA GO TO CLASS.

YOU DO, TOO.

- [sighs] [phone rings]

- MARTY, I GOT A MINUTE.

- I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU, KID.

- YES!

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

[laughs]

- YOU OKAY, MR. W?

- OH, YEAH.

I JUST, UH, I LOVE GRAMMAR.

I J--I LOVE IT.

[chuckles]

COME ON IN, PLEASE.

COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON IN.

- NO!

[French accent] HELLO, LADIES.

IS ZE PRINCIPAL IN?

- NO, MONSIEUR.

SHE'S HAVING LUNCH OFF CAMPUS.

- AH.

- DID YOU WIN THE LOTTERY OR SOMETHING?

- ALMOST. THEY MOVED UP MY COMMERCIAL.

IT STARTS TONIGHT. MAJOR NETWORKS.

8:00 ON THE DOT.

- HOW EXCITING.

- YEAH, AND NO MORE BOWEL GUY.

NOW WE HAVE COWBOY ROOT BEER DUDE.

- A FINE EXAMPLE FOR OUR STUDENTS.

- SID, DON'T BE A PARTY POOPER.

- SORRY, I'LL GO GET THE SILLY HATS AND CONFETTI.

- YOU KNOW, I HAVE A FEELING HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

- WELL, I'LL BE WATCHING FOR YOU.

- GREAT.

COMING UP, MOM.

COME ON. HURRY.

- YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE THING IS BACKWARDS.

HE MUTES THE PROGRAMS

AND THEN HE TURNS IT ON FOR THE COMMERCIALS.

- [chuckles] - [sighs]

- SO HOW--HOW'S THE JOB GOING, HONEY?

- YEAH. - OH?

YOU MEAN THE JOB I NO LONGER NEED?

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA QUIT, ARE YOU?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT. I PROMISED BRENDA.

BESIDES, THE KIDS ARE REALLY ENJOYING

THE SHORT FILMS WE'RE MAKING.

HERE'S THE BREAK. - OKAY.

- THEY GOT A NAME FOR IT... - THERE IT IS!

- ALL RIGHT. - OH, BOY.

- THIS IS IT. IT'S COMING. - ALL RIGHT.

- [over TV] THINGS ARE DIFFERENT OUT HERE.

SKIES ARE WIDER. LAND GOES ON FOREVER.

WE TAKE CARE OF THINGS IN OUR OWN WAY.

ALWAYS HAVE.

- IT'S NOT CHEAP.

- LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, A WESTERN THIRST

IS ITS OWN SPECIAL KIND OF THIRSTY.

A THIRST THAT MEANS BUSINESS.

A THIRST THAT NEEDS TO BE TAMED.

SO WHEN YOU'VE GOT A THIRST AS BIG AS THE GRAND CANYON...

- HERE WE GO.

- DON'T MAKE A GREENHORN MISTAKE.

REACH FOR A DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

MADE IN THE WEST TO LASSO A WESTERN THIRST.

- DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE WEST.

- SO ROUND YOURSELF UP

A SIX-PACK OF DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER, PARTNER.

AVAILABLE AT FINE GROCERS EVERYWHERE.

- DARLING?

WASN'T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE YOU?

COULD-- COULD IT HAVE BEEN--

OH, HONEY. - OH, BOY.

- OH, GEEZ.

- WELL, NEXT TIME--

OKAY.

THEY SAY THEIR DEMOGRAPHIC SKEWED MORE FEMALE THAN MALE.

THAT'S WHY THEY WENT WITH THE GIRL.

- OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

- THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

- WHATEVER. SO WHAT'S OUR NEXT STEP?

- TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I'M HAVING A LITTLE DIFFICULTY

GETTING YOU IN THE DOOR.

PEOPLE SEE YOU AS THE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME GUY NOW.

THEY DON'T WANT THAT ASSOCIATED WITH THEIR PRODUCT.

- SO--SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

- GIVE IT SOME TIME.

- HOW LONG DO I KEEP MY HEAD IN THE SAND?

- I DON'T KNOW.

[school bell ringing]

- ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON.

UH, HEY, MR. W?

- HEY.

- WHAT'S UP WITH HIM?

- I HEARD HE GOT CUT OUT OF HIS COMMERCIAL.

- GUYS, COME ON.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

COME ON.

- [sighs]

[scoffs]

- HEY.

- I KNOW, THEY CUT ME OUT.

- SORRY ABOUT THAT.

LISTEN, BRENDA WANTS TO SEE YOU.

- JUST, UH, TELL HER I'M GONNA GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

- IT SOUNDED SERIOUS.

- MR. TRAUTMAN HAS NOTED SOME UNPROFESSIONAL ACTIVITIES

SUCH AS BAD ATTITUDE, INCOMPLETE PAPERWORK,

MISSING ASSEMBLIES, COMMANDEERING SCHOOL EQUIPMENT

FOR PERSONAL REASONS,

USE OF THE SCHOOL OFFICE EQUIPMENT

FOR PERSONAL BUSINESS, SUCH AS THE FAX MACHINE.

- I MISSED AN ASSEMBLY ONCE.

I USED THE FAX MACHINE ONCE.

I WILL GLADLY REIMBURSE THE DISTRICT IF THEY PREFER.

- OF COURSE THIS IS NONSENSE,

BUT THE FACT IS TRAUTMAN CAN CREATE PROBLEMS

FOR BOTH OF US IF HE WANTS TO.

YOU DO WANT TO KEEP THIS JOB, DON'T YOU?

- YES.

NOW I REALLY NEED THIS JOB.

- LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE COMMERCIAL,

BUT I WENT ON THE LINE TO GET YOU HERE.

PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME REGRET IT.

- HEY THERE.

- HI. - HI.

[applause]

- THE TEACHER-APPLE THING'S A LITTLE CLICHE,

BUT, UH, IT'S A COOL IMAGE.

- SORRY ABOUT THE COMMERCIAL, MR. W.

- THANK YOU, GUYS.

I NEEDED THAT. [all chuckle]

- COME TAKE A LOOK.

- IT'S STUNNING.

- YEAH.

THE POEM'S BEAUTIFUL.

- [P.A. crackles] WAYNE? WAYNE, YOU THERE?

- LORD, IS THAT YOU? - [chuckles]

- VERY FUNNY.

YOUR TEAM NEEDS YOU ON THE FILM.

- ON MY WAY.

DUTY CALLS.

- YEAH.

GO.

- [skips]

- [laughs]

- LET FALL THY BLADE ON VULNERABLE CRESTS.

I BEAR A CHARMED LIFE,

WHICH SHOULD NOT YIELD TO ONE OF WOMAN BORN.

- DESPAIR THY CHARM,

AND LET THE ANGEL WHOM THOU STILL HAST SERVED TELL THEE

MACDUFF WAS FROM HIS MOTHER'S WOMB...

- IT'S TWO HOURS AFTER SCHOOL

AND THEY'RE STILL HAVING A BLAST.

- WELL, THEY'VE GOT THE BUG.

- WE'LL HAVE THEE, AS OUR RAREST MONSTERS ARE,

PAINTED ON A POLE, AND UNDERWRIT,

"HERE MAY YOU SEE THE TYRANT."

- EXCUSE ME.

ALL OF YOU NEED TO GET YOUR STUFF OUT OF THE BUILDING.

- CUT!

- WE'RE ROLLING HERE, MR. TRAUTMAN.

- SID, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.

I'LL LOCK UP. YOU CAN GO HOME.

- THANK YOU FOR COVERING.

- HEY, MR. WENDERS, COULD YOU GIVE US A HAND?

UM, SOMETHING'S NOT WORKING AND WE REALLY NEED YOU.

- AH, YOU'D BETTER GO. THEY REALLY NEED YOU.

- THE CAMERA? - NO, I FEEL LIKE WE NEED

JUST A LITTLE MORE SPICE TO THIS ACTION SCENE.

- IS THAT SUBVERSIVE PROPAGANDA?

- HARDLY.

- HENRY V. OH, THAT'S BRANAGH'S BEST SHAKESPEARE.

- THOUGHT I MIGHT TRY TO GET

A GROUP OF TEACHERS TO GO TOGETHER.

IT MIGHT BE FUN.

- WOULD YOU LIKE A RIDE TO THE MOVIE?

- YES.

UM, BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR,

UM, IT'S NOT--IT CAN'T-- IT'S NOT A, YOU KNOW...

DATE.

- OF COURSE NOT. NO.

IT'S A... A COLLABORATION.

A GROUP OF STAFF MEMBERS SEEKING TO ENRICH

THEIR KNOWLEDGE OF THE IMMORTAL BARD,

TO--TO EXPAND THEIR SKILLS ON THEIR OWN INITIATIVE.

WE COULD EVEN PUT IN FOR OVERTIME IF YOU LIKE.

- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT, THEN.

IT'S, UM, NOT A DATE.

- UM, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, SEE YOU THEN.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT, MR. WENDERS.

- GOOD EVENING, MS. DANVILLE.

[sighs]

[low] YOU ARE BAD.

[buzzer buzzes]

- I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

- GREAT.

[sighs]

- HI.

- WOW, THAT WAS FAST.

- YEAH, I LIVE ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

- OH.

YOU, UH, DRESSED UP NICE.

- THANKS.

- HERE, LET ME GET THAT.

- WOW, I JUST THINK IT'S AMAZING

THAT SOMEONE CAN WRITE SOMETHING 400 YEARS AGO

AND IT STILL TOUCHES PEOPLE SO MUCH TODAY.

- WELL, THE STUFF WORKED.

IT HAD TO.

SHAKESPEARE HAD TO PLEASE EVERYONE

FROM THE GROUNDLINGS WHO WOULD THROW THEIR FOOD

IF THEY WERE BORED, TO THE QUEEN,

WHO COULD HAVE HIS HEAD IF SHE WAS DISPLEASED.

- MM, WELL, TALK ABOUT STAGE FRIGHT.

- [chuckles]

HERE'S THE CAR.

UM... [sighs]

DO YOU WANNA GO GET COFFEE?

- YES.

I--AS LONG AS I DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE.

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT.

- [chuckles] YES, IT IS.

- SO WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL?

WHY NOT? - GEEZ.

BECAUSE I TOLD YOU... - I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

- I WAS REALLY AWKWARD.

- IF BILL GATES LOOKED LIKE YOU, I WOULD HAVE ASKED HIM OUT.

- AW.

WELL, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE WELL FOR YOURSELF, HUH?

- WELL, I'M NOT SURE I WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS TYPE.

YOU KNOW, FOR NOT A DATE,

I'M HAVING A PRETTY WONDERFUL TIME.

- YEAH, ME TOO.

[school bell rings]

- GOTTA RUN, GOTTA RUN, GOTTA RUN.

- HURRY, HURRY.

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER, RIGHT? - YEAH.

- HELLO. GOOD MORNING, MR. WENDERS.

- HELLO, MS. DANVILLE.

WHAT?

- I SEE NOTHING.

[cheers and applause]

- NICE WORK.

THERE YOU GO.

SPENCER.

- OOH! - GOOD JOB.

- "I HAVEN'T THE WORDS TO DESCRIBE BEAUTY,

BUT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO HER IF YOU'D LIKE."

- I'M DONE. - THANK YOU.

HI.

- HEY THERE. - HI THERE.

THESE ARE FOR THE TOASTS.

MM-HMM. YOU'RE WELCOME.

FINALLY. - MY, OOH, THANK YOU.

- GROOM AND THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE.

- AH, THANKS, DARLING. - THANK YOU.

- SO WHAT'S A NICE GIRL LIKE YOU DOING WORKING WITH MY SON?

- HE'S ACTUALLY QUITE CHARMING.

- OH. - YEAH.

I HEAR HE TAKES AFTER HIS DAD.

- WELL, YOU HEAR RIGHT.

- OH, PLEASE DO NOT ENCOURAGE HIM.

- OH, LET ME GET THAT.

- OKAY, EVERYBODY.

FIRST, I WANT TO THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR BEING HERE ON THIS SPECIAL OCCASION.

AND NOW, A TOAST TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

- THAT WOULD BE ME. - THAT IS YOU.

ON OUR 40th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY.

MY DEAR, LIKE FINE WINE, YOU DO NOT GROW OLDER.

- JUST MORE EXPENSIVE.

[all laugh]

- MY SON, THE COMEDIAN.

NO, LIKE FINE WINE,

YOU GROW MORE DELICATE, RICHER,

AND MORE PLEASING WITH EVERY YEAR.

- HEAR, HEAR. - CHEERS.

- THANKS FOR NOT SAYING FULL-BODIED.

- [chuckles]

[school bell rings]

- BUT BEAR IT AS OUR ROMAN ACTORS DO,

WITH UNTIRED SPIRITS AND FORMAL CONSTANCY.

SO GOOD MORROW TO YOU, EVERY ONE.

- WOW. I MEAN, THAT'S REALLY GREAT, J.D.

- THANKS. - TWO SUGGESTIONS.

I WOULD USE AT LEAST ONE MORE WIDE ANGLE.

IT'S A LITTLE CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

AND USING A WIDER ANGLE IS GONNA GIVE IT A LITTLE MORE SCOPE.

ALSO, I WOULD LOWER THE MUSIC CUES.

IT'S KINDA LEANING ON YOUR DIALOGUE.

- UM, GOT IT.

- I-- [phone rings]

OH, SORRY.

HEY, MARTY. YOU STILL ALIVE?

YEAH, I KNOW WHERE IT IS.

I CAN BE THERE IF I LEAVE NOW?

OKAY.

YEAH, THANKS.

OKAY.

UM, I GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE. - AUDITION.

- HOW DID YOU KNOW? - MADE SENSE.

- LOOK, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE YOU ALONE HERE,

BUT I TRUST YOU.

JUST MAKE SURE YOU'RE OUT OF HERE

BEFORE THEY TURN THE ALARMS ON.

- GOT IT.

- GOOD WORK. - THANK YOU.

- PERFECT.

OKAY.

OH, AN AUDITION.

NOT DISTRICT BUSINESS, WENDERS.

"MEET ME AT ICE CREAM SHOP."

ISN'T THAT SWEET?

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S SEE WHO ELSE YOU'VE BEEN EMAILING.

- ZOMBIE MOVIE, HUH? YUCK.

- WELL, IT'S A LEADING ROLE.

I USUALLY DON'T GET TO READ

FOR MOVIE PARTS THIS BIG.

- DO YOU HAVE TO EAT BRAINS?

- FOR THIS ROLE, I WOULD EAT BRAINS ALL DAY LONG.

I HAVEN'T HAD AN AUDITION IN SO LONG.

- YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU SHOULD DO MORE THEATRE.

TEACHING'S KIND OF THE PERFECT DAY JOB FOR IT, RIGHT?

AND MOST REHEARSALS ARE AT NIGHT?

- YIKES.

HMM. - WHAT?

- YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE A HOBBY.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE, UH, I'M AN AMATEUR.

- NO.

NO, NO--OKAY.

SORRY, PEOPLE USE THE WORD "AMATEUR"

LIKE IT MEANS NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO GET PAID,

BUT "AMA," "LOVE."

"TEUR," "ONE WHO."

IT JUST MEANS ONE WHO DOES IT FOR LOVE.

- WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU, MADEMOISELLE,

I DO IT FOR LOVE.

- HEY, IF A, UM, FULL-TIME TEACHING POSITION

CAME UP NEXT YEAR, WOULD--WOULD YOU CONSIDER IT?

- NEXT YEAR? - YEAH. WHAT?

- NO, I JUST--I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN IN A "NEXT YEAR" SCENARIO.

I'M ALWAYS GIG TO GIG.

- YOU TWO WORKING LATE?

- SID, HI.

- YES, WHAT A SURPRISE.

I COME BY FOR A BITE TO EAT, WHO DO I SEE?

- YEAH, I'M SURPRISED TOO.

I NEVER REALLY TOOK YOU FOR AN ICE CREAM GUY.

MORE OF A LIVER AND ONIONS.

- YES, YOU WITH YOUR JOKES.

IT WOULD BE INTERESTING TO SEE YOU

IN A, UM, SERIOUS SITUATION SOME DAY.

- MM.

- WELL, ENJOY YOUR EVENING.

- YEAH. - SEE YA.

[laughs] - STOP. THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

HE SAW US TOGETHER. THIS IS--THIS IS BAD.

- WHAT CAN HE DO?

- ONE OF US COULD HAVE TO TRANSFER SCHOOLS.

- YOU REALLY THINK SO?

[phone rings]

HEY, MARTY.

I'M ABOUT TO HEAD INT--

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

R--OH, THAT'S AWESOME!

YOU JUST FOUND OUT?

OH!

AND--AND WHAT'S THE PAY?

[excited exclamation]

- YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK

THAT I WOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT THIS, DID YOU?

- I KNOW AND I FEEL TERRIBLE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT A BREAK THIS IS FOR ME.

- OH.

- I CAN'T TURN DOWN A LEAD ROLE, SIX WEEKS.

- DID I IMAGINE THAT YOU SAID YOU WOULD COMMIT TO THIS JOB?

- WELL, I ASSUMED IT WAS A GIVEN IF I GOT A MAJOR ROLE.

- HAMLET ON BROADWAY MAYBE, BUT A ZOMBIE MOVIE IN CANADA?

REALLY? - I HAVE ANOTHER WEEK.

ALL RIGHT? YOU CAN GET A SUB FOR MY CLASSES,

AND I WAS HOPING YOU COULD RUN MOVIE NIGHT.

- OH?

ALL RIGHT, I CAN HOST THE FILM SCREENING,

BUT I CANNOT OVERSEE THEIR PROJECTS.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, HAVE YOU THOUGHT

ABOUT WHAT THIS IS TEACHING YOUR STUDENTS?

- SO THE POEM CELEBRATES VAN GOGH'S BRILLIANCE

BALANCED AGAINST THE TERRIBLE LOSS AT HIS DEATH.

[school bell rings]

PLEASE WRITE A ONE-PAGE RESPONSE TO THIS FOR MONDAY.

HOW ELSE CAN WE MEASURE SUCCESS BESIDES MONEY?

HELLO, MR. WENDERS.

- MS. DANVILLE.

- WHAT?

- I GOT THE LEAD. ZOMBIE MOVIE.

- OH, MY GOD!

CONGRATULATIONS.

- SIX WEEKS IN TORONTO.

- WOW. WHEN DOES IT START?

- ABOUT A WEEK.

- A WEEK?

- WE GOT A LOT TO TALK ABOUT.

TONIGHT, WE CELEBRATE.

GUYS, SORRY. [indistinct chatter]

- YOU'RE LEAVING US?

- I WAS JUST GONNA TELL YOU GUYS.

HOW'D YOU FIND OUT? - I WAS MAKING SCRIPT COPIES

IN THE OFFICE, AND I OVERHEARD

THE PRINCIPAL TELLING LORETTA.

- WELL, I HAVE NO CHOICE.

THIS IS THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME.

- WHAT ABOUT US? ALL OUR PROJECTS?

- COME ON, YOU GUYS ARE DOING GREAT.

J.D.'S CUTS ARE FANTASTIC.

PRINCIPAL POST IS GONNA RUN THE SCREENING.

THEY'LL GET A SUB FOR MY CLASSES.

ANYONE CAN DO MY JOB.

- NO ONE DID BEFORE.

- J.D., WAIT.

J.D.

I'M GONNA BE HERE FOR A WHOLE 'NOTHER WEEK, OKAY, GUYS?

LET'S STAY FOCUSED.

WE WANT TO FINISH THIS YEAR STRONG.

YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING, AFTER YOU FINISH SCHOOL,

I COULD FLY YOU UP TO LOCATION.

IT'LL BE FUN.

- YEAH. MAYBE.

- YOU OKAY?

- SORRY, I'M JUST A LITTLE TIRED AND CONFUSED.

I THINK I JUST NEED A GOOD NIGHT'S REST.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- YOU KNOW, I KNOW IT'S WEIRD.

I-I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT ON THE ONE HAND,

BUT, I MEAN, I CAN'T PASS UP THIS CHANCE.

- YEAH.

NO, I'M SORRY. I--

I MEAN, A ZOMBIE MOVIE.

IT JUST DOES NOT STRIKE ME AS SUCH A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

THAT YOU CAN WALK AWAY FROM THE KIDS.

- WELL, A LOT OF SUCCESSFUL ACTORS

STARTED IN HORROR, SO.

- I KNOW. I'M--

LOOK, I'M NOT QUESTIONING THE NATURE

OF THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT. IT'S--

UH...

YOU KNOW, I THINK I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME

TO--TO PROCESS THIS WHOLE THING.

THAT'S ALL. - YEAH.

- I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BYE.

[knock at door]

- CAN I COME IN?

- UM, SURE.

- I, UH-- I HEARD ABOUT WENDERS.

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW YOU TWO HAD BECOME CLOSE.

- I DON'T REALLY CARE TO DISCUSS IT.

- OH, BUT I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

UH, HAD HE NOT QUIT, I MIGHT HAVE HAD HIM FIRED.

- FOR DATING ME?

- OH. NO. AMY.

IT TURNS OUT HE WAS PLAYING US ALL ALONG.

WE DID AN EMAIL AUDIT.

I KNOW.

SOME OF THE PERSONAL ONES

I MANAGED TO KEEP OUT OF THE FILE.

BUT THERE IS A WHOLE SERIES WITH HIS AGENT.

FROM THE BEGINNING, HE WAS BEGGING TO GET OUT OF HERE,

AND HE DOES NOT DESCRIBE US IN THE KINDEST TERMS.

[inhales sharply]

I GUESS IT'S ALL BEEN AN ACT.

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU

I WAS SHOCKED AT THE POOR LEVEL OF WRITING IN THESE ESSAYS.

IT'S LIKE YOU GAVE UP.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

HEY.

- MR. WENDERS.

- WHAT'S WRONG?

- I'M JUST REALLY BUSY. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU NEED?

- YEAH, I NEED YOU.

UM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OKAY. I'M AT A LOSS HERE.

- YEAH, WELL, THEN AS AM I.

- HEY, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT THE JOB.

AMY.

HEY.

WHAT ABOUT US?

- US?

HALF OF US IS YOU.

- AMY.

- AND I'M BEGINNING TO SEE

I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.

- LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

OKAY, I'M SORRY ABOUT MY DECISION.

[scoffs]

- YOU WORKED SO HARD, AND THE KIDS WORKED SO HARD.

- DAD, I'M AN ACTOR. OKAY, THIS IS WHAT I DO.

- WELL, SO ACT.

- YOU KNOW, DO YOUR PLAYS AND YOUR SUMMER STOCK

AND MAKE SOMETHING FOR THE "TUBEYOU."

- IT'S "YOUTUBE." IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.

LOOK, I'M A PROFESSIONAL.

I'M FINALLY BEING OFFERED A LEAD ROLE.

I NEED TO TAKE IT.

- SON, I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT IF YOU DO THIS

YOU MAY REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

- HOW CAN DOING A HORROR MOVIE RUIN MY LIFE?

- I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS STUPID FILM!

AND COMMITMENT...

IS ACTION.

AND THERE'S A REAL ACTING LESSON FOR YOU, BUDDY.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? I-I NEED TO TAKE A WALK.

- WAYNE. - LET HIM GO.

- NOT WANTING TO GROW UP, PETER STAYED IN NEVERLAND.

WENDY GREW OLD, BUT NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HIM.

IT WAS LOVE IN ITS PUREST FORM.

THE END.

MS. DANVILLE, ARE YOU OKAY?

- UH, YES.

I'M SORRY, UM, THAT WAS JUST-- IT WAS SUCH A--

SUCH A GOOD BOOK REPORT.

I'M JUST REALLY MOVED.

GOOD JOB.

- YEAH, RIGHT.

- OKAY. WHO'S NEXT? [sniffles]

- GOOD NIGHT, GOOD NIGHT.

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

THAT I SHALL SAY GOOD NIGHT TILL IT BE MORROW.

- CUT. OKAY, IT'S--IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.

LET'S WRAP IT UP.

- GOOD ENOUGH?

GOOD ENOUGH?

WHERE'S YOUR PASSION, HUH? WHERE'S YOUR COMMITMENT?

- IS THIS A LESSON IN IRONY?

- AH, TOUCHE, MR. FORRESTER.

IN FACT IT IS, BUT, UM,

THE LESSON WASN'T FOR YOU TO LEARN.

IT WAS FOR ME.

SEE, THE GREAT THING ABOUT BEING A TEACHER

IS THAT YOU GET TO KEEP LEARNING FROM YOUR STUDENTS.

AND IN THIS CASE YOU, MY STUDENTS, MY COLLABORATORS,

TAUGHT ME A WHOLE LOT ABOUT CREATIVITY,

ABOUT COMMITMENT,

ABOUT MAKING CHOICES.

YOU SEE, THIS IS THE NEARLY TRAGIC STORY

OF A MAN WHO WAS GIVEN A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO USE ALL HIS TALENT,

HIS HEART, HIS MIND

TO DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY,

AND HE NEARLY WALKED AWAY FROM IT.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M PROUD OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE MY TEMPORARY LAPSE IN JUDGMENT.

I'D HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO WALK AWAY

FROM WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.

- YOU'RE PASSING ON THE ZOMBIE MOVIE?

- WHO NEEDS ZOMBIES?

I GET TO WORK WITH REAL MONSTERS.

[laughter]

[applause]

COME ON.

WE GOT WORK TO DO. LET'S GO.

LET'S TRY IT AGAIN, FROM THE TOP.

- ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE.

- WHAT'S UP?

- MR. WENDERS IS STAYING. [chuckles]

I KNEW I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HIM. I JUST KNEW IT.

- GOOD NEWS, HUH?

- [clears throat]

- J.D.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR FAVORITE TEACHER?

- HERE YOU GO. - THANKS.

[school bell rings]

- "WAYNE, I'M PLEASED YOU CAME BACK FOR THE KIDS

"AND FOR THE MOVIE PROJECTS AND, WELL, I GUESS FOR ME,

"BUT I'M HAVING A HARD TIME RECONCILING MY FEELINGS

"WITH THESE EMAILS YOU WROTE.

I FEAR THAT THIS IS THE REAL YOU."

- NO, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF WE DID AN EMAIL AUDIT.

- YEAH, BUT WHERE DID SHE GET THESE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP US FIGURE IT OUT.

- IT'S TRAUTMAN.

HE MUST HAVE SCANNED THE EMAILS FROM HERE--

YOU SHOULD NEVER FORGET TO LOG OFF YOUR ACCOUNT--

THEN HE PRINTED THEM OUT IN HIS OFFICE.

HIS MISTAKE WAS HE DIDN'T ERASE IT FROM THE PRINT LOGS.

PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW.

- "MARTY, THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME OUT OF HERE.

"I COULDN'T KEEP UP THIS PERFORMANCE ANY LONGER,

"EVEN WITH SUCH A GULLIBLE AUDIENCE,

PRETTY AS ONE MAY BE." OOH, OUCH.

- BUT I DIDN'T WRITE THAT. - THERE IT IS.

TRAUTMAN WROTE IT HIMSELF,

BUT HE NEVER SENT IT.

HE DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE ALERTED BY YOUR AGENT,

PLUS HE DIDN'T EVEN INSERT YOUR AGENT'S EMAIL ADDRESS.

OBVIOUSLY, IT WASN'T WRITTEN BY YOU.

- KID, I'M JUST GLAD YOU'RE ON OUR SIDE.

- [chuckles] YEAH.

J.D. YOU DID GREAT, REALLY.

WE GOTTA GET READY FOR TONIGHT THOUGH.

- YEAH.

- AH.

WAYNE, BREAK A LEG.

ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY SAY ON OPENING NIGHT?

- THANK YOU.

- AH, AND MR. WENDERS

IS THE TEACHER RESPONSIBLE

FOR TONIGHT'S CINEMATIC ENTERTAINMENT.

MR. WENDERS, MAY I INTRODUCE MS. ISABEL BAYLISS

OF THE SCHOOL BOARD, AND MS. MILLICENT KANE,

VICE CHAIR OF THE DISTRICT EDUCATION COMMITTEE.

- WELL, WELCOME.

IT'S, UM, A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU HERE.

I CAN'T REALLY TAKE MUCH CREDIT.

THE KIDS DID ALL THE WORK.

HO YOU ENJOY YOURSELVES.

- HELLO, MILLY. WHAT A SURPRISE.

SID DIDN'T TELL ME THAT YOU WERE PLANNING ON COMING.

- LADIES, WE'RE JUST OVER HERE.

- J.D., COME TO THE STAGE DOOR.

MR. W'S GIVING A PEP TALK.

- [blows]

- I CAN'T DO IT. - I'M GONNA PASS OUT.

- WELL, AS THEY SAY, IT'S SHOWTIME, FOLKS.

HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS ARE NERVOUS?

- YEAH.

- YEAH, ME TOO.

I GOTTA TELL YOU, I'VE DONE A LOT OF SHOWS IN MY LIFE,

BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS EXCITED.

YOU GUYS SHOULD BE REALLY, REALLY PROUD OF YOURSELVES.

- WE'RE PROUD OF YOU TOO, MR. W.

YOU DA MAN. [cheers and applause]

- THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET IN THERE.

REMEMBER YOU GUYS, BREAK A LEG.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

GO ON.

WHOO WHOO!

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WELCOME TO OUR FIRST-EVER

SENIOR STUDENT SHAKESPEARE FILM FESTIVAL.

PLEASE REMEMBER TO TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES,

GAME CONSOLES, AND ANY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.

[all chuckle]

AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST, MR. WAYNE WENDERS.

[cheers and applause]

- MOM, DAD, HI.

[all chuckle]

THANK YOU ALL.

I'M VERY PROUD TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

I JUST WANTED TO BRING YOUR ATTENTION

TO THE FRONT ROW, FIRST OF ALL,

AND ALSO BACK IN THE BOOTH, MR. J.D. FORRESTER.

THESE ARE THE YOUNG FILMMAKERS

WHO GET TO SEE THEIR WORK

IN FRONT OF A REAL AUDIENCE FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THEY ALL DESERVE A HUGE ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THEIR HARD WORK,

THEIR TALENT...

AND THEIR COMMITMENT.

[applause]

SO THEN, UM, WITHOUT MUCH ADO, ENJOY THE SHOW.

[applause]

- SHOWTIME.

- BUT, SOFT.

WHAT LIGHT THROUGH YONDER WINDOW BREAKS?

AND JULIET IS THE SUN.

- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

WHEREFORE ART THOUGH ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER AND REFUSE THY NAME.

- LOOKING FOR THIS?

- HOW?

- THE DVD'S JUST A BACKUP.

I PLAY IT OFF THE HARD DRIVE.

MUCH BETTER PICTURE QUALITY.

- I WILL END YOU.

- AND A LITTLE HINT, ALWAYS CHECK FOR EYES IN THE SKY.

- CALL ME BUT LOVE...

- [snickers]

- DESPAIR THY CHARM.

AND LET THE ANGEL WHOM THOU STILL HAST SERVED TELL THEE

MACDUFF WAS OF HIS MOTHER'S WOMB UNTIMELY RIPPED.

- TO BE OR NOT TO BE?

THAT IS THE QUESTION.

WHETHER TIS NOBLER IN THE MIND TO SUFFER

THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE

OR TO TAKE ARMS AGAINST A SEA OF TROUBLES.

- WHAT IS GOING ON?

- IT PAINS ME TO REPORT THAT I HAVE PROOF,

IRREFUTABLE PROOF, THAT MR. WENDERS AND MS. DANVILLE

ARE ENGAGED IN AN INAPPROPRIATE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

WHICH DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS DISTRICT POLICY

AGAINST FRATERNIZATION AMONGST STAFF.

- AND THIS PROOF IS ON THIS DVD?

- MM.

- OH.

[chuckles]

- I HAVE BACKUPS.

- I DON'T DOUBT YOU DO,

BUT I WOULD THINK LONG AND HARD

ABOUT WHO I SHOW THEM TO,

BECAUSE I HAVE PROOF TOO.

- WHAT?

- IRREFUTABLE PROOF

THAT YOU HACKED INTO A SCHOOL COMPUTER

IMPERSONATING A MEMBER OF STAFF IN A MALICIOUS ATTEMPT

AT BLACKMAIL AND INTIMIDATION.

- I NEVER-- - OH, YES YOU DID.

SO, EVEN IF AMY AND WAYNE'S INDISCRETION

MIGHT GET THEM INTO TROUBLE WITH THE SCHOOL BOARD,

WHAT YOU DID COULD GET YOU A CRIMINAL RECORD.

WELL, I CAN'T STAND AROUND AND TALK HERE ALL DAY.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCREENING.

[all laugh]

[all laugh]

[cheers and applause]

- WHOO!

- HE DID A GREAT JOB. - OH, YEAH.

[cheers and applause]

- WHOO!

WHOO!

- MR. WENDERS.

- UH. [clears throat]

MS. DANVILLE.

- BRAVO.

IT WAS AN EXCELLENT SHOW.

- THANK YOU.

- THE PRINCIPAL INFORMED ME THAT, UM,

YOU WERE THE VICTIM OF MALICIOUS IDENTITY THEFT.

- SO, UM, DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE...

COLLABORATING AGAIN?

- I WAS KINDA HOPING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF...

FRATERNIZING.

- I'M GONNA GIVE YOU TWO DETENTION.

- EH, IT WAS WORTH IT. - WORTH IT.

- [laughs]

NOW SIR, WHAT IS YOUR TEXT?

- MOST SWEET LADY--

- UGH, A COMFORTABLE DOCTRINE, AND MUCH MAY BE SAID OF IT.

WHERE LIES YOUR TEXT?

- IN ORSINO'S BOSOM.

- IN HIS BOSOM? [scoffs]

IN WHAT CHAPTER OF HIS BOSOM?

- TO ANSWER BY THE METHOD, IN THE FIRST OF HIS HEART.

- OH, I HAVE READ IT. IT IS HERESY.

HAVE YOU NO MORE TO SAY?

- GOOD MADAM, LET ME SEE YOUR FACE.

- HAVE YOU ANY COMMISSION FROM YOUR LORD

TO NEGOTIATE WITH MY FACE?

YOU ARE NOW OUT OF YOUR TEXT.

BUT WE WILL DRAW THE CURTAIN AND LET YOU SEE THE PICTURE.

LOOK YOU, SIR.

SUCH A ONE I WAS THIS PRESENT.

IS'T NOT WELL DONE?

- SO, AMY... [indistinct chatter]

- THIS NEW KID AMY DANVILLE'S A PRETTY GOOD ACTOR, HUH?

- BRILLIANT.

WITH A COMMITTED FAN BASE. - MM-HMM.

- [chuckles]

- SO TELL ME, HOW IS IT BEING A PRODUCER

OF SUMMER STOCK THEATRE?

- OH, THE PERKS ARE GREAT.

BUT THE PAY IS HORRENDOUS.

SPEAKING OF PAY, I'M DEALING WITH SOME STAFF PROBLEMS

AT MY DAY JOB. - OH?

- NOW THAT TRAUTMAN HAS BEEN TRANSFERRED TO A NEW SCHOOL...

- SURPRISE, SURPRISE.

- AND MRS. HENDERSON HAS DECIDED

TO TAKE A YEAR OFF TO BE WITH HER BABY,

I'M SEARCHING FOR A SUITABLE REPLACEMENT.

- DOES THIS MEAN I'LL GET A TRAILER?

- NOPE.

- HUH.

BUT THERE IS MONEY IN THE BACK END?

- NO. [chuckles]

- I BELIEVE I WILL HAVE TO CHECK WITH MY PEOPLE THEN.

- YOU DO THAT.

SEE YOU TONIGHT.

- OKAY, FOLKS, LET'S BREAK.

15 MINUTES.

PLEASE, BE BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

[indistinct chatter]

- IS BRENDA OKAY? - OH, SHE'S OKAY.

SHE JUST, YOU KNOW, WANTED TO OFFER ME A JOB.

FULL-TIME TEACHING POSITION.

- YOU'RE KIDDING. WHAT DID YOU SAY?

- WELL, YOU KNOW I'VE HAD PROBLEMS

WITH COMMITMENT IN THE PAST.

- RIGHT. SO--

- SO, UM, SO FIRST THING'S FIRST.

- [gasps]

- AS MIRANDA SAID TO FERDINAND IN THE TEMPEST,

I AM YOUR WIFE IF YOU'LL MARRY ME.

IF NOT, I'LL DIE YOUR MAID.

- [laughs]

- YES.

YES! YES! YES!

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

[applause]

- [squeals] - CONGRATULATIONS.

- NICE! - THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[romantic music]

♪ ♪