All language subtitles for Reading.Writing.Romance.2013.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG2_English

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[keyboard clacking]

- YES, I WILL EMAIL YOU
THE SIDES.

OKAY, BYE.

[door opens]

- MONEYPENNY,
A FEAST FOR THE EYES.

- WELL, YOU DEFINITELY
COULD BE THE NEXT BOND.

- THAT'S BECAUSE I AM SO
DANGEROUS, SUAVE, SOPHISTICATED.

[metal clanks]

- CLEARLY.

- SO ANY NEWS ON THE PART?

- NO IDEA.

YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT
FOR HIS EMINENCE.

BUT YOU MADE
THE AGENCY DEMO REEL.

OH, I THINK
IT'S COMING UP NEXT.

HERE IT GOES.

- WOW.

- DO YOU EVER GET
THAT NASTY FEELING

YOU JUST CAN'T SHAKE?
- [distressed sigh]

- RELIEF IS NOW AVAILABLE.

- [relieved sigh]

- PERCOLAX.

RELIEF IN BLUE.

- I REALLY DON'T WANNA KNOW
HOW YOU PREPARED.

- NO. YOU DON'T.

- IT--MARTY'S OFF THE LINE.

GO RIGHT AHEAD.

- HEY.

- WHAT CAN I SAY?

- OH ,NO.
- YOU GOT IT, KID.

YOU GOT THE NEW
ROOT BEER COMMERCIAL.

- ALL RIGHT!
- [laughs]

THIS IS BIG. REALLY.

NATIONAL COMMERCIAL.

IT'S GONNA PLAY OFTEN

AND FOR A LONG TIME.

KA-CHING!
- KA-CHING!

- THAT IRRITATED BOWEL SPOT,

IT'S GETTING A LOT
OF AIR PLAY.

I THINK THAT MIGHT HAVE HELPED
YOU GET THE ROOT BEER GIG.

- MARTY.

THANKS.

- YOU DESERVE IT, KID.

NOW GET OUTTA HERE,
WILL YA?

I GOT WORK TO DO.

[scattered chatter]

- HEY, LOOK!
IT'S BOWEL GUY!

HEY, BOWEL GUY!

YOU DA MAN!

- THANKS, GUYS.

[fake groans]

[both chuckle]

THIS MEATLOAF IS DELICIOUS.

- AND IT DOESN'T
UPSET YOUR STOMACH.

- MOM, I DON'T HAVE
IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME.

I WAS ACTING.

- YEAH, HIS ACTING WAS SO GOOD,
YOU BELIEVED IT.

- [chuckles]

- SO WHEN IS ALL THIS ACTING

GONNA START PAYING?

- OH, I DON'T THINK
YOU REALIZE

JUST HOW BIG
THIS ROOT BEER COMMERCIAL IS

I'M SHOOTING TOMORROW.

I MEAN,
IT'S A NATIONAL RUN.

SO IT'S LIKE--IT'S LIKE
WINNING THE JACKPOT.

- YEAH, ONCE THE RESIDUAL
CHECKS COME IN.

- MM-HMM.
- BUT FOR NOW,

I MEAN, IT'S--
IT'S PEANUTS.

IT'S A DAY'S PAY.
IT'S BUPKIS.

- I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.

I MEAN, FOR 15 YEARS,
YOU HAVE STRUGGLED TO SURVIVE

ON AN ARTIST'S BUDGET.

- THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT.

- WELL,
THE PRESENT IS TIGHT.

AND I SAW YOU'RE
STILL USING OUR CARD

TO PAY OFF YOUR
INSURANCE PREMIUM THIS MONTH.

- AND I'M GONNA
PAY THAT BACK SOON.

- THANK YOU.

- I HAD LUNCH WITH YOUR
OLD TEACHER, BRENDA POST.

NOW SHE'S THE PRINCIPAL
AT THAT NEW CREATIVE ARTS

AND TECHNOLOGY HIGH SCHOOL.
- I LOVE BRENDA.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S THE REASON
I GOT INTO ACTING

IN THE FIRST PLACE?

- OH, NOW WE KNOW WHO TO THANK.
- HUSH.

ONE OF HER
ENGLISH TEACHERS

IS GOING OUT ON MATERNITY LEAVE
FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.

SHE NEEDS A SUB.

SHE THOUGHT OF YOU.

- THAT'S SWEET OF HER.

I DON'T REALLY THINK--
- WHAT'S TO THINK?

YOU SPENT TWO YEARS GETTING
YOUR TEACHER'S CREDENTIAL.

- 15 YEARS AGO,
AS A BACKUP PLAN.

- EXACTLY.

- CAN'T HURT
TO HAVE A BACKUP PLAN.

- YEAH,
IT'S A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

YOU PAY DOWN YOUR DEBT,

AND IF THIS COMMERCIAL
PAYS OFF---

- DAD, IT WILL.

- WELL, THEN THE REST
IS JUST ICING ON THE CAKE.

- [slight laugh]

- HERE'S BRENDA'S
PHONE NUMBER.

- I DON'T--

[indistinct chatter]

- ROLL SOUND.

- ROLLING.

- MARK.

- AND READY.
AND ACTION!

- [gravelly]
DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE WEST.

- CUT. LET'S TRY ONE
WITHOUT THE ACCENT.

- OKAY, HERE WE GO.
WE'RE GONNA GO AGAIN QUICKLY.

- LET'S GO AGAIN.
JIMMY IN CRAFTY, WHERE IS HE?

[overlapping chatter]

- RIGHT AWAY.
RIGHT AWAY.

- [sniffs]
- HERE WE GO.

- ACTION!

- DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

THE TRUE SPIRIT
OF THE WEST.

- CUT.

HMM.

- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.

- NAILED IT IN TWO TAKES!

I THINK SHE LIKES YOU.

SO GET THIS.

THEY'RE GONNA AIR
THIS COMMERCIAL

WHEN THE NEW BRUCE WILLIS
WESTERN IS RELEASED.

- WHEN'S THAT GONNA HAPPEN?
- A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

- MARTY, I NEED CASH
RIGHT NOW.

- MAN UP.

YOU JUST MADE
A NATIONAL COMMERCIAL

THAT'S TIED TO
A MAJOR HOLLYWOOD PICTURE.

WHEN THIS AIRS,
YOU'RE GONNA BE MILKING

THIS CASH COW FOR A YEAR.

KA-CHING!

[knock at door]

- HEY, MR. BERETTI.

- HEY, MR. INTESTINE.

- OH, YOU SAW MY COMMERCIAL.

- YEAH, IT RUNS
DURING THE 11:00 NEWS.

WHAT I HAVEN'T SEEN
IS THE RENT CHECK.

- I'M SORRY.
IT'S A LITTLE LATE THIS MONTH.

- I GOT A DOZEN PEOPLE
THAT WANT THIS APARTMENT.

- LOOK, I JUST SHOT
A NATIONAL COMMERCIAL TODAY.

I'M NOT GONNA
BE LATE ANYMORE.

JUST GONNA TAKE A COUPLE OF
MONTHS TILL IT STARTS RUNNING.

- OKAY, I GOT PLENTY
OF MOVING BOXES IF YOU NEED ANY.

- SO THE CHECK FROM
TODAY'S DAY OF FILMING,

IT'S GONNA BE READY
NEXT WEEK.

I CAN GIVE YOU THAT.

- YEAH, I 'D CONSIDER
THAT IF, UH...

I COULD HOLD SOMETHING
AS SECURITY. HMM?

- OKAY.

UM...

I DON'T REALLY THINK
I HAVE ANYTHING YOU NEED.

- OH, BUT I THINK YOU DO.

[school bell rings]

- I SWEAR I DIDN'T DO IT,
PRINCIPAL POST.

I'VE BEEN FRAMED.

- [chuckles]

- WAYNE WENDERS,
AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.

COME ON IN AND SIT DOWN.

- WOW.

PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.

I FEEL LIKE
I'M IN TROUBLE ALREADY.

- YOU ARE IF YOU DECIDE
TO TEACH HIGH SCHOOL.

- HUH, SO IS THIS
THE PEP TALK PART?

- I'VE SEEN GROWN MEN CRY,
WOMEN JOIN A CONVENT,

ANYTHING TO FIND AN EASIER LIFE
THAN TEACHING HIGH SCHOOL.

- WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

WHEN DO I START?
- I JUST WANTED TO WARN YOU.

I KNOW IT'S TEMPORARY,
BUT I THINK YOU

ARE THE PERFECT PERSON
TO SUBSTITUTE TEACH.

YOU SEE, CHANGES
THIS LATE IN THE YEAR

CAN BE DIFFICULT
FOR THE STUDENTS,

BUT YOUR "LIVE IN THE MOMENT"
STYLE

IS JUST WHAT WE NEED.

- SO YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A KAMIKAZE?

- MRS. HENDERSON, THE TEACHER
THAT YOU WILL BE REPLACING,

WAS WORKING ON SHAKESPEARE
WITH HER CLASS,

AND YOUR THEATER BACKGROUND
WOULD BE A PERFECT FIT.

- FINALLY, 'CAUSE IT'S USELESS
IN MY CURRENT LINE OF WORK.

- AND YOU WILL BE TEACHING
A FULL ENGLISH COURSE.

YOU KNOW, GRAMMAR,
VOCABULARY, THE WORKS.

SO YOU'LL BE WORKING UNDER
THE SUPERVISION OF AMY DANVILLE,

THE HEAD OF OUR
ENGLISH DEPARTMENT.

- BRENDA,
I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I-I REALLY APPRECIATE
THIS OPPORTUNITY.

- I HAVE GREAT CONFIDENCE
IN YOU.

OH, UH, THIS IS LORETTA.

MR. WENDERS.

LORETTA
IS OUR OFFICE MANAGER.

SHE IS OMNIPOTENT
AND OMNISCIENT.

- IS THAT TRUE?

- I KNEW YOU
WERE GONNA SAY THAT.

- IT'S TRUE.
SHE IS OMNISCIENT.

- BELIEVE ME, AROUND HERE,
I'D RATHER BE OBLIVIOUS.

- AH, OBLIVIOUS
AND OMNIPOTENT.

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER
POLITICS.

- [chuckles]
- THIS WAY.

- BYE.
- BYE.

- [giggling]

OH.
[laughs]

- AMY, I--
- I'M SORRY.

LISTEN TO THIS MALAPROPISM.

THE BOY WAS VERY ANGRY BECAUSE
HIS FATHER LEFT WITHOUT HIM

TO GO SHOOT THE PEASANTS.
[laughs]

OH, HI.

- I WANT YOU TO MEET WAYNE.

WAYNE,
THIS IS AMY DANVILLE.

WAYNE WENDERS.

- HI.
- WAYNE WILL BE FILLING IN

FOR MRS. HENDERSON.

- OH, OKAY.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

SORRY, HAVE WE MET BEFORE?

- OH, UH, THE...

[fake groans]

- ARE YOU ILL?

- THE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME.
IT'S...

- OH, I'M SORRY
TO HEAR THAT.

- NO, NO, I DON'T HAVE--I
DON'T--EH, IT'S A COMMERCIAL.

I'M THE--THE BOWEL DUDE.

PEOPLE RECOGNIZE ME
FROM THIS COMMERCIAL I--

- HOW DO WE GET
MR. WENDERS UP TO SPEED?

- WHEN WILL HE START?
- MONDAY.

- MONDAY.

YOU MEAN THIS MONDAY?

- YES.

- TELL YOU WHAT.

READ THIS RIGHT AWAY
TO ACQUAINT YOURSELF

WITH OUR PHILOSOPHY
OF EDUCATION.

- OOH "CORRELATIONAL
OF LANGUAGE ARTS STANDARDS

"TO PEDAGOGICAL
METHODOLOGIES

IN A PROJECT-BASED
LEARNING ENVIRONMENT."

WOW, SOMEBODY
LIKES TO USE WORDS, HUH?

- AMY WROTE THAT.

- KEYS.
IF YOU LOSE THEM,

YOU PAY TO HAVE
THE WHOLE CAMPUS RE-KEYED.

- I'LL GUARD THEM WITH MY LIFE.
- YEAH.

I RECOMMEND A RETRACTABLE
BELT KEY CLIP.

PRACTICAL
AND BUDGET-FRIENDLY.

- THANK YOU.

- THIS IS THE STATE-MANDATED
TRAINING VIDEO

ON BLOOD-BORNE PATHOGENS.

IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

- PICK UP SOME POPCORN
ON THE WAY HOME.

- EMAIL I.D.,
TEMPORARY PASSWORD.

DISTRICT BUSINESS ONLY.
NO PERSONAL EMAILS.

AND OUR FIREWALL WILL BLOCK
ALL SHOPPING, MEDIA,

AND "SOCIAL NETWORKING"
SITES.

- SO WHAT I DO FOR FUN
AROUND HERE?

- I HEARD YOU WERE
QUITE THE JOKER, MR. WENDERS.

YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO WATCH
THAT AROUND THE KIDS

IF YOU EXPECT
TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

OH, YES.

ALMOST FORGOT.

ON BEHALF OF THE FACULTY
AND ADMINISTRATION, WELCOME.

[alarm blares]

- [groans]

[grumbles]

OH!

OH, NO.

[school bell ringing]

- HEY, I'M COMING!

- HEY, YO.

[indistinct chatter]

- HEY, GUYS,
MY NAME IS WAYNE.

MR. WENDERS.

I'LL BE TAKING OVER
FOR MRS. HENDERSON

WHILE SHE'S
ON MATERNITY LEAVE.

SO I HEAR THAT
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN--

- YES?
- AREN'T YOU THAT BOWEL GUY?

- YES. YES, I AM.
[all laugh]

NOW THAT WE'VE GOTTEN THAT
FASCINATING FACT OUT OF THE WAY,

LET'S GET BACK TO ONE
OF THE COOLEST PLAYWRIGHTS

TO HAVE EVER LIVED,
SHAKESPEARE.

- DO YOU REALLY HAVE
IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?

- NO, I DON'T.
SO HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS--

- DID YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY
TAKE THE MEDICINE?

- NO.
IT WAS A COMMERCIAL.

- WELL, THAT DOESN'T
SEEM VERY HONEST.

- WELL,
I THINK THE AUDIENCE

UNDERSTANDS THAT ACTORS
SOMETIMES PRETEND

TO BE PEOPLE THEY'RE NOT,
RIGHT?

FOR INSTANCE,
SHAKESPEARE AND HIS TROUPE--

- BUT IT DOESN'T SAY SO
IN THE COMMERCIAL.

- IT DOES TOO.

IN A REALLY FAST VOICE
AT THE END.

- YEAH, IT MAY CAUSE HEADACHES,
BAD BREATH, SWEATING,

MEMORY LOSS, PARANOID DELUSIONS.
- STUDENTS.

- THE END OF THE WORLD
AS WE KNOW IT,

AND THIS DUDE'S ONLY AN ACTOR.
[laughter]

- ALL RIGHT.

WHY DON'T WE START WITH
A PLAY YOU GUYS ALL KNOW?

YOU READ HAMLET
LAST SEMESTER.

WHO CAN TELL ME SOMETHING
THAT THEY LIKED ABOUT HAMLET?

- THE END.
IT WAS BORING.

[all laugh]

- MR. WENDERS,
WE HAVE A QUESTION.

- LAST QUESTION,
THEN BACK TO THE BARD.

- YEAH.

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF SOMEONE TOOK THE MEDICINE

EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T ACTUALLY
HAVE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME?

- I DON'T KNOW.
- CHEERFUL BOWEL SYNDROME.

[all laugh]

[school bell ringing]

- [sighs]

- HEY.

WOW.

TOUGH FIRST DAY?

- DOES OUR INSURANCE COVER
POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER?

- HOW DID SHAKESPEARE DO?

- OKAY.

I GIVE UP.

TOMORROW, GRAMMAR.

- [chuckles]

- YOUR FIRST LESSON PLAN,
BRILLIANT.

I'M JUST--
- A LITTLE OVERWHELMED?

- TERRIFIED ACTUALLY.

IF I CAN'T INTEREST THEM

IN THE GREATEST PLAYWRIGHT
OF ALL TIME,

HOW AM I GOING
TO MAKE PUNCTUATION

AND PARTS OF SPEECH
APPEALING?

HUH?
- WELL, ONE, MAKE IT FUN.

USE YOUR OWN SHOWMANSHIP
AND HUMOR.

MAKE IT COOL.
VISUAL.

BE CREATIVE.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

[alarm blares]

[keyboard clacking]

[excited chatter]

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ATTENTION, FOLKS.

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.

NOW IN THIS DAY AND AGE
OF TEXTING, INSTANT MESSAGING,

TWITTERING, AND TWEETING,
WE HAVE LET GO

OF THE PROPER
GRAMMATICAL FORM

IN THE QUEST TO USE

THE LEAST AMOUNT
OF CHARACTERS POSSIBLE,

BUT I REMIND YOU,
FORM MATTERS.

PUNCTUATION
MEANS SOMETHING.

IT HAS CRUCIAL MEANING.

TAKE, FOR INSTANCE,
THE FOLLOWING PHRASE.

"WHAT'S THAT
AHEAD IN THE ROAD?"

WITH VERY FEW CHANGES
WE CAN GET:

"WHAT'S THAT?

A HEAD IN THE ROAD?"

[all chuckle]

ALL RIGHT, FOLKS.
SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE DOWN.

IT'S JUST GRAMMAR,
BUT AS YOU CAN SEE,

IT'S CRUCIAL
TO YOUR SURVIVAL.

NOW TODAY, WE ARE GONNA
BE GETTING BACK TO BASICS.

WE ARE GONNA BE WORKING
ON PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES.

BUT BEFORE WE DO SO,

I WOULD LIKE
TO DEMONSTRATE TO YOU

THE AMAZING POWER
OF PREPOSITIONS.

PLEASE STAY
RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE.

I WOULDN'T WANT
ANYONE TO GET HURT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
I PRESENT TO YOU "ON."

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

I AM ON THE DESK.

I COULD NOT BE ON THE DESK

WERE IT NOT
FOR THE PREPOSITION "ON."

AND "ON THE DESK"
IS A PREPOSITIONAL PHRASE.

[applause]
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[school bell rings]
THANK YOU.

- STANDING ON THE DESK,
I HEAR.

- TRYING TO MOVE UP
IN THE WORLD.

"STUDENT FILM CONTEST."

- I WAS AN EXTRA
ON A MOVIE ONCE.

IN MY YOUNGER DAYS.

- NOW THAT IS A WASTE.

YOU, MISS LORETTA,

ARE DEFINITELY
LEADING LADY MATERIAL.

- [chuckles]

- SO HOW IS IT THAT YOU HEARD
I WAS UP ON MY DESK, HMM?

- IT'S ALL THE TALK.

- [knocks on door]
MS. DANVILLE, YOU HAVE A SEC?

- UH, YEAH, SURE.
COME ON IN.

HOW ARE THINGS GOING?

- UH, BETTER.

I SURVIVED
PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES.

- SURVIVAL IS GOOD.
AN IMPORTANT FIRST STEP.

- LISTEN, UM, THERE'S THIS
CITY-WIDE STUDENT FILM CONTEST,

AND I WAS THINKING, WE HAVE
ALL THIS VIDEO EQUIPMENT.

- CAN YOU CONNECT THE FILMS
TO THE CURRICULUM?

- ABSOLUTELY.

I MEAN, THE KIDS
ARE ALWAYS COMPLAINING

ABOUT HOW BORING
SHAKESPEARE IS.

BUT I JUST THINK
IF WE CAN ACT IT OUT,

THEY'D SEE IT FOR
THE BRILLIANT DRAMA IT IS.

IT'S JUST--IT'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO TEACH THEM THAT.

YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM THAT.
THEY HAVE TO--

WHAT?

- I CAN SORTA SEE
WHY BRENDA HIRED YOU.

- BECAUSE SHE WAS DESPERATE,
YEAH.

- [chuckles]

LOOK, UM, I THINK MAKING

LITTLE SHAKESPEARE MOVIES
IS A GREAT IDEA.

JUST DON'T IGNORE
THE REST OF THE CURRICULUM.

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE
TEST SCORES TO KEEP UP.

- YES, MA'AM.
ABSOLUTELY.

THANK YOU.
- YEAH. ANY TIME.

OH, MR. WENDERS?
- MM-HMM?

- STANDING ON THE FURNITURE?
- OH...

THAT WAS SMART.

YEAH.

- SO TELL ME, HOW IS
OUR MR. WENDERS DOING?

- YOU KNOW, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.

HE HAD A BIT OF A-
A ROCKY START THERE,

BUT I THINK HE'S
FINDING HIS WAY NOW.

- GOOD.

THANK YOU FOR GIVING HIM
A HELPING HAND.

HE IS ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS,
YOU KNOW?

[school bell rings]
- LET'S HOPE SO.

- SEE YOU LATER.
- LATER.

- SO FOR NEXT TUESDAY,
I'D LIKE EACH OF YOU

TO PICK YOUR FAVORITE
CHARACTER FROM HAMLET

AND WRITE A ONE-MINUTE MONOLOGUE
AS THAT CHARACTER

ABOUT THE TOUGHEST MOMENT
IN YOUR LIFE.

- I DOUBT HAMLET
EVER HAD THIS MUCH HOMEWORK.

[all chuckle]

- OKAY, SO BEFORE
WE GO TO LUNCH,

I WANTED TO TALK
TO YOU GUYS

ABOUT THE UPCOMING
STUDENT FILM FESTIVAL.

I THOUGHT WE COULD TRY AND SHOOT
SOME SHAKESPEARE SCENES

AS SHORT FILMS
AND SUBMIT THEM.

- THAT SOUNDS COOL.

- SO WE GET TO MAKE MOVIES
INSTEAD OF READING THE PLAYS?

- UH, NO, WE STILL
HAVE TO DO THE READING.

- AND IT'S STILL SHAKESPEARE,
SO IT'S STILL BORING.

- YEP.

- OKAY.
- THINK ABOUT IT.

I MEAN, THE REALLY COOL PART
IS WE CAN DO THE SCENES

IN ALL DIFFERENT
KINDS OF STYLES.

I MEAN, LOOK,
WE DON'T HAVE TO

DO SHAKESPEARE IN
PERIOD COSTUMES, RIGHT?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

- WE CAN SHOOT HAMLET
LIKE STAR WARS.

HAMLET RETURNS HOME
FROM SCHOOL ON ANOTHER PLANET

TO FIND OUT HIS FATHER,
THE INTERSTELLAR AMBASSADOR,

HAS BEEN MURDERED
BY HIS UNCLE,

WHO WANTS TO BE
THE GALACTIC EMPEROR.

OR A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

LIKE THIS REALLY DARK
ALICE IN WONDERLAND WORLD.

- YEAH, THAT'D BE NICE.

- THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT,
J.D.

I MEAN, THAT'S--
THAT'S GREAT.

- I'M GONNA FIND A PLAY
WHERE THE ONLY WOMEN

AREN'T EVIL OR CRAZY.

[all laugh]
[school bell rings]

- SO FOR TUESDAY,
PLEASE, A PARAGRAPH

ON WHAT SCENE
YOU'D LIKE TO DO AND WHY,

AND I'M GONNA SORT YOU OUT
INTO GROUPS.

JOURNALS, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

THANKS, GUYS.

- I, UH, MADE YOU
A COPY OF MY REEL.

- WOW, "THE INITIAL WORKS
OF J.D. FORESTER."

I CAN'T WAIT TO WATCH THIS.
- THANKS.

- HANG ON A SECOND, J.D.

I GOT A FEELING
ABOUT SOMETHING.

DO ME A FAVOR?

CAN YOU AUTOGRAPH THAT
FOR ME?

- UM...

YEAH, SURE.

I, UH, I NEVER GAVE MY--
MY AUTOGRAPH BEFORE.

- WELL, YOU BETTER
GET USED TO IT.

- ALL RIGHT.

- I THINK YOU HAVE A FAN.

- THAT KID, I MEAN,
HE'S AMAZING.

- WHY DON'T YOU COME AND EAT
IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE?

- I'D LOVE TO,
BUT THESE JOURNALS

AREN'T GONNA GRADE THEMSELVES.

- COME ON, IT BUILDS CAMARADERIE
WITH YOUR COLLEAGUES.

- COME ON IN,
WE DON'T BITE.

- SAID THE SPIDER
TO THE FLY.

- THE MOVIE STAR
MIXES WITH THE COMMON FOLK.

- YEAH, WELL,
IT'S KINDA LONELY AT THE TOP.

- OH, YES, THIS, UM, MUST ALL
BE VERY DIFFERENT FOR YOU.

NOT WHAT YOU'RE USED TO.
- EXCUSE ME?

- TEACHING.

UH, MORE WORK.

LESS REWARD.

- STARVING ARTISTS
JUST ARE HAPPY

WHEN THE CHECKS CLEAR,
I GUESS.

- WAIT TILL
THE BUDGET CUTS KICK IN.

YOU'LL FEEL RIGHT AT HOME.
[all laugh]

- BUT YOU--YOU WOULD AGREE
THAT THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY

IS NOTORIOUS
FOR ITS EXCESSES.

- OH, ABSOLUTELY.

I'M JUST SAYING THAT I WISH
SOME OF THOSE EXCESSES

MADE THEIR WAY OVER TO ME
ONCE IN A WHILE.

- I DON'T MEAN
ANY DISRESPECT,

BUT I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT
IT REQUIRED A CERTAIN AMOUNT

OF SELFISHNESS TO BE
AN ARTIST OF ANY KIND,

STARVING OR SUCCESSFUL.

- SID, LET THE GUY
EAT HIS LUNCH.

- NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO.

I'M SERIOUS.

HERE WE ARE IN A WORLD
WHERE MILLIONS OF CHILDREN

ARE STARVING EVERY DAY,
AND THERE I AM,

STRUTTING ABOUT
IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA,

PAINTING MY PICTURES,
DOING MY ART.

- A WORLD WITHOUT ART.

I DON'T KNOW WHY
I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

- I DIDN'T SA--
I DIDN'T SA--

- NO PAINTING, NO SCULPTURE,
AND NO THEATRE.

UH-UH.

- OKAY,
IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING

TO HAVE A SERIOUS CONVERSATION--
- MM.

SERIOUSLY THEN, COME ON.

WITHOUT ART,
WHAT'S GONNA INSPIRE US, HUH?

WHAT'S GONNA INSPIRE
OUR KIDS

TO END THE HUNGER
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

- GOOD TEACHERS.
- WHO'LL TEACH WHAT EXACTLY?

MATH, BUT NOT MUSIC?

SCIENCE, NOT SHAKESPEARE?

- THAT'S A GOOD POINT.

- IT'S A SET UP,
I TELL YOU.

A SET UP.
- YEAH?

WHERE'S YOUR PROOF?
THEY ALL SAY THAT.

- YOU WANT PROOF?
LOOK AT ME.

LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES.

YOU KNOW ME.

WHAT DOES YOUR HEART
TELL YOU?

[gum snaps]
- OKAY.

GOOD.

OH, HUH.

YOU'RE THE IRRITABLE
BOWEL SYNDROME GUY.

- YEAH, THAT WAS, UH,
THAT WAS A FUN ONE.

- WOULD YOU MIND SENDING
IN THE NEXT PERSON, PLEASE?

- HELLO?
- MARTY, IT WASN'T AN AUDITION.

IT WAS PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE.

WELL, THE CASTING DIRECTOR

WHO READ WITH ME WAS--
WHAT'S THE TECHNICAL TERM?

OH, YEAH, BRAIN DEAD.

- WAYNE, YOU STILL THERE?

- SORRY,
CAN I CALL YOU BACK?

- OKAY.
[phone beeps]

- YEAH, RIGHT HERE'S GOOD.
- THANKS.

- HI.

- OH, HI.

- [chuckles]
YOU STALKING ME, MR. WENDERS?

- WELL, I WAS GONNA
ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

I LIVE
JUST AROUND THE CORNER.

WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE, HUH?

- OH, WELL,
I AM MEETING A FRIEND

WHO LIVES
IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

- OKAY,
I THINK I BELIEVE YOU.

- YOU WANNA COME JOIN ME
TILL SHE GETS HERE?

- I DON'T REALLY
THINK THAT'S LEGAL.

IT MIGHT BE SEEN AS, UH,
FRATERNIZING AMONG STAFF.

- OH, RIGHT.
YES, OF COURSE.

WELL, WE ARE
OFF SCHOOL PROPERTY

AND THIS MEETING
IS ENTIRELY HAPPENSTANCE.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

AS LONG AS WE'RE VERY CLEAR
ON THE PARAMETERS.

- SO CLEAR.

SO TELL ME THE TRUTH,
MR. WENDERS.

ARE YOU ENJOYING
TEACHING AT ALL?

- ACTUALLY, I AM.
- HMM? YOU SOUND SURPRISED.

- I JUST DIDN'T THINK IT
WAS GONNA BE, UH, SO CREATIVE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE
YOU HAVE TO FIND A WAY

TO TRICK YOUR STUDENTS
INTO LEARNING.

YOU KNOW, EACH LESSON
IS THIS LITTLE SHOW YOU PUT ON

HOPING IT'S GONNA
BLOW 'EM AWAY.

- I GUESS YOUR ACTING BACKGROUND
MUST REALLY HELP, HUH?

- WELL, IT HELPS ME SURVIVE.

EACH TIME
I'M UP THERE PETRIFIED,

I JUST PRETEND
TO BE IN CONTROL, YOU KNOW?

[both laugh]
- YEAH.

YOU KNOW I HAVE, UM,

I HAVE A REALLY GREAT RESPECT
FOR ACTORS.

- OH, YEAH?

- I KNOW I COULD NEVER DO IT.

- YOU EVER TRY IT?

- UM...YEAH, I-I DID.
ONCE.

IT WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

UH, MY JUNIOR YEAR.

UH, THEY HAD AUDITIONS
FOR ROMEO AND JULIET.

AND, UM, WELL,
I WAS A REALLY AWKWARD GIRL.

I WAS SHY--
- YOU?

- YES.
OH, GLASSES, BRACES, AND...

- [laughs]
- YEAH. THE WHOLE THING.

SO I HAD TO WORK
EXTRA HARD.

- WOW. AND?

- AND, UH, I LITERALLY
COULDN'T SPEAK.

- WELL, I MEAN,
THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS.

- SO I RAN OUT OF THERE.

[chuckles]

- EVER--EVER TRY IT AGAIN?

- IT WAS A DEFINING MOMENT,
SHALL WE SAY?

- WELL,
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,

I WOULD CAST YOU
AS JULIET IN A HEARTBEAT.

- WELL, THANK YOU.

- [chuckles]

[phone rings]

HEY, MARTY.

- OH, NO, IT'S DARRA.

MARTY IS IN A MEETING,

BUT I'VE GOT A GOOD ONE
FOR YOU.

CAN YOU MAKE IT
TO CULVER CITY BY 4:45?

- UM, BARELY, BUT,
UH, YEAH, I THINK SO.

- OH, PERFECT.
WHERE CAN I FAX THE SIDES?

- FAX? WHO FAXES ANYMORE?
JUST EMAIL.

- LOOK, PRODUCTION
IS SUPER PARANOID.

THEY WON'T SEND ANYTHING
ONLINE.

GET ME A FAX NUMBER.

- UH...ALL RIGHT.
HANG ON.

- GREAT.

HELLO, SLOANE TALENT AGENCY.

- [sighs]

- HEY, WHAT WAS
THE AUDITION FOR, HONEY?

- [sighs]
FERTILIZER COMMERCIAL.

I ALMOST DIED ON THE FREEWAY
FOR A CHANCE TO SELL FERTILIZER.

- WELL,
STICK WITH TEACHING.

A DOUBLE LIFE
IS GONNA KILL YOU.

- DAD, COME ON.

- SHE SPEAKS.

OH, SPEAK AGAIN...

BRIGHT ANGEL.

- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

UH, WHEREFORE ART THOUGH,
ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER
AND REFUSE THY NAME.

- CUT. CUT.
HANG ON.

LOOK, UM,
THESE GUYS ARE TEENAGERS,

JUST LIKE YOU.

OKAY, THEY'RE--
THEY'RE TEASING, TESTING.

THEY'RE--THEY'RE
WORKING IT, OKAY?

JUST TAKE A BREATH.

TRY IT AGAIN.
OKAY?

HELLO, MS. DANVILLE.

- YES.
HELLO, HELLO.

SORRY, GUYS,
DIDN'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.

- HANG ON A SECOND.
UM...

I COULD USE YOUR HELP.

- UH, WITH WHAT?

- WELL, THESE TWO
COULD USE A TASTE

OF HOW THE DIALOGUE
SHOULD FLOW.

IT'S NOT REALLY WORKING
WITH ME READING BOTH PARTS.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, I CAN'T.
- PLEASE.

- I C--I CAN'T, UM--
- PLEASE, MS. DANVILLE?

I NEED TO HEAR A WOMAN
DO THIS.

EVERY TIME MR. WENDERS
READS IT,

I-I CAN'T
TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY.

- OKAY, I ADMIT MY JULIET
NEEDS A LITTLE BIT OF WORK.

- PLEASE?
- YEAH, COME ON.

- COME ON.
- OKAY. OKAY.

- TAKE THOSE.
- UM...

- COME HERE.
COME HERE. COME HERE.

UM...YOU READY?

- YES.

- SHE SPEAKS.

SPEAK AGAIN, BRIGHT ANGEL.

- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

WHEREFORE ART THOUGH,
ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER
AND REFUSE THY NAME,

OR IF THOU WILT NOT,
BE BUT SWORN MY LOVE

AND I'LL NO LONGER BE
A CAPULET.

- SHALL I HEAR MORE
OR SHALL I SPEAKETH THIS?

- TIS BUT THY NAME
WHICH IS MY ENEMY.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

THAT WHICH WE CALL A ROSE,
BY ANY OTHER NAME

WOULD SMELL AS SWEET.

ROMEO, DOFF THY NAME,
AND FOR THAT NAME,

WHICH IS NO PART OF THEE,
TAKE ALL MYSELF.

- I TAKE THEE AT THY WORD.

CALL ME BUT LOVE
AND HENCEFORTH,

I NEVER WILL BE ROMEO.

- WHAT MAN ART THOU THAT,

THUS BESCREEN'D IN NIGHT
SO STUMBLEST ON MY COUNSEL?

- BY A NAME, I KNOW NOT
HOW TO TELL THEE WHO I AM.

- HOW CAMEST THOU HITHER?
TELL ME AND WHEREFORE?

THE ORCHARD WALLS
ARE HIGH AND HARD TO CLIMB

AND THE PLACE DEATH,
CONSIDERING WHO THOU ART.

IF ANY OF MY KINSMEN
FIND THEE--

[applause]

- YOU'RE ROCKIN' IT.
- WAY TO GO.

- [laughs]
- ALL RIGHT.

- WAY TO GO, MS. DANVILLE.
- [laughs]

- TAKE A BOW.

AND THAT ENDS
TODAY'S PRESENTATION

OF "IMPROMPTU SHAKESPEARE."

EVERYONE BACK TO CLASS.

[school bell rings]
- HEY, I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

- YOU WERE GREAT.

- [chuckles]
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU.

I COULD KILL YOU.
- YOU WERE TERRIFIC.

- I AM GONNA HAVE TO
GIVE YOU DETENTION, MISTER.

- WORTH IT.
THAT WAS FUN.

- [chuckles]

IT WAS.
IT WAS FUN.

ALL RIGHT,
I GOTTA GO TO CLASS.

YOU DO, TOO.

- [sighs]
[phone rings]

- MARTY, I GOT A MINUTE.

- I GOT SOME GOOD NEWS
FOR YOU, KID.

- YES!

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

[laughs]

- YOU OKAY, MR. W?

- OH, YEAH.

I JUST, UH, I LOVE GRAMMAR.

I J--I LOVE IT.

[chuckles]

COME ON IN, PLEASE.

COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON IN.

- NO!

[French accent]
HELLO, LADIES.

IS ZE PRINCIPAL IN?

- NO, MONSIEUR.

SHE'S HAVING LUNCH
OFF CAMPUS.

- AH.

- DID YOU WIN THE LOTTERY
OR SOMETHING?

- ALMOST.
THEY MOVED UP MY COMMERCIAL.

IT STARTS TONIGHT.
MAJOR NETWORKS.

8:00 ON THE DOT.

- HOW EXCITING.

- YEAH, AND NO MORE
BOWEL GUY.

NOW WE HAVE
COWBOY ROOT BEER DUDE.

- A FINE EXAMPLE
FOR OUR STUDENTS.

- SID,
DON'T BE A PARTY POOPER.

- SORRY, I'LL GO GET
THE SILLY HATS AND CONFETTI.

- YOU KNOW, I HAVE A FEELING
HE DOESN'T LIKE ME.

- WELL, I'LL BE WATCHING
FOR YOU.

- GREAT.

COMING UP, MOM.

COME ON.
HURRY.

- YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE THING
IS BACKWARDS.

HE MUTES THE PROGRAMS

AND THEN HE TURNS IT ON
FOR THE COMMERCIALS.

- [chuckles]
- [sighs]

- SO HOW--HOW'S
THE JOB GOING, HONEY?

- YEAH.
- OH?

YOU MEAN THE JOB
I NO LONGER NEED?

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA QUIT,
ARE YOU?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.
I PROMISED BRENDA.

BESIDES, THE KIDS
ARE REALLY ENJOYING

THE SHORT FILMS
WE'RE MAKING.

HERE'S THE BREAK.
- OKAY.

- THEY GOT A NAME FOR IT...
- THERE IT IS!

- ALL RIGHT.
- OH, BOY.

- THIS IS IT. IT'S COMING.
- ALL RIGHT.

- [over TV]
THINGS ARE DIFFERENT OUT HERE.

SKIES ARE WIDER.
LAND GOES ON FOREVER.

WE TAKE CARE OF THINGS
IN OUR OWN WAY.

ALWAYS HAVE.

- IT'S NOT CHEAP.

- LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE,
A WESTERN THIRST

IS ITS OWN SPECIAL KIND
OF THIRSTY.

A THIRST
THAT MEANS BUSINESS.

A THIRST
THAT NEEDS TO BE TAMED.

SO WHEN YOU'VE GOT A THIRST
AS BIG AS THE GRAND CANYON...

- HERE WE GO.

- DON'T MAKE
A GREENHORN MISTAKE.

REACH FOR A DOUBLE "R"
ROOT BEER.

MADE IN THE WEST
TO LASSO A WESTERN THIRST.

- DOUBLE "R" ROOT BEER.

THE TRUE SPIRIT OF THE WEST.

- SO ROUND YOURSELF UP

A SIX-PACK OF DOUBLE "R"
ROOT BEER, PARTNER.

AVAILABLE AT FINE GROCERS
EVERYWHERE.

- DARLING?

WASN'T THAT
SUPPOSED TO BE YOU?

COULD--
COULD IT HAVE BEEN--

OH, HONEY.
- OH, BOY.

- OH, GEEZ.

- WELL, NEXT TIME--

OKAY.

THEY SAY THEIR DEMOGRAPHIC
SKEWED MORE FEMALE THAN MALE.

THAT'S WHY THEY WENT
WITH THE GIRL.

- OH, THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

- THIS HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.

- WHATEVER.
SO WHAT'S OUR NEXT STEP?

- TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'M HAVING A LITTLE DIFFICULTY

GETTING YOU IN THE DOOR.

PEOPLE SEE YOU AS THE IRRITABLE
BOWEL SYNDROME GUY NOW.

THEY DON'T WANT THAT
ASSOCIATED WITH THEIR PRODUCT.

- SO--SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

- GIVE IT SOME TIME.

- HOW LONG DO I KEEP
MY HEAD IN THE SAND?

- I DON'T KNOW.

[school bell ringing]

- ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON.

UH, HEY, MR. W?

- HEY.

- WHAT'S UP WITH HIM?

- I HEARD HE GOT
CUT OUT OF HIS COMMERCIAL.

- GUYS, COME ON.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

COME ON.

- [sighs]

[scoffs]

- HEY.

- I KNOW, THEY CUT ME OUT.

- SORRY ABOUT THAT.

LISTEN, BRENDA
WANTS TO SEE YOU.

- JUST, UH, TELL HER
I'M GONNA GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

- IT SOUNDED SERIOUS.

- MR. TRAUTMAN HAS NOTED
SOME UNPROFESSIONAL ACTIVITIES

SUCH AS BAD ATTITUDE,
INCOMPLETE PAPERWORK,

MISSING ASSEMBLIES,
COMMANDEERING SCHOOL EQUIPMENT

FOR PERSONAL REASONS,

USE OF THE SCHOOL
OFFICE EQUIPMENT

FOR PERSONAL BUSINESS,
SUCH AS THE FAX MACHINE.

- I MISSED AN ASSEMBLY ONCE.

I USED THE FAX MACHINE ONCE.

I WILL GLADLY REIMBURSE
THE DISTRICT IF THEY PREFER.

- OF COURSE
THIS IS NONSENSE,

BUT THE FACT IS TRAUTMAN
CAN CREATE PROBLEMS

FOR BOTH OF US
IF HE WANTS TO.

YOU DO WANT TO KEEP THIS JOB,
DON'T YOU?

- YES.

NOW I REALLY NEED THIS JOB.

- LOOK, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THE COMMERCIAL,

BUT I WENT ON THE LINE
TO GET YOU HERE.

PLEASE, DON'T MAKE ME
REGRET IT.

- HEY THERE.

- HI.
- HI.

[applause]

- THE TEACHER-APPLE
THING'S A LITTLE CLICHE,

BUT, UH,
IT'S A COOL IMAGE.

- SORRY ABOUT
THE COMMERCIAL, MR. W.

- THANK YOU, GUYS.

I NEEDED THAT.
[all chuckle]

- COME TAKE A LOOK.

- IT'S STUNNING.

- YEAH.

THE POEM'S BEAUTIFUL.

- [P.A. crackles]
WAYNE? WAYNE, YOU THERE?

- LORD, IS THAT YOU?
- [chuckles]

- VERY FUNNY.

YOUR TEAM NEEDS YOU
ON THE FILM.

- ON MY WAY.

DUTY CALLS.

- YEAH.

GO.

- [skips]

- [laughs]

- LET FALL THY BLADE
ON VULNERABLE CRESTS.

I BEAR A CHARMED LIFE,

WHICH SHOULD NOT YIELD
TO ONE OF WOMAN BORN.

- DESPAIR THY CHARM,

AND LET THE ANGEL WHOM THOU
STILL HAST SERVED TELL THEE

MACDUFF WAS FROM
HIS MOTHER'S WOMB...

- IT'S TWO HOURS
AFTER SCHOOL

AND THEY'RE STILL
HAVING A BLAST.

- WELL,
THEY'VE GOT THE BUG.

- WE'LL HAVE THEE,
AS OUR RAREST MONSTERS ARE,

PAINTED ON A POLE,
AND UNDERWRIT,

"HERE MAY YOU SEE
THE TYRANT."

- EXCUSE ME.

ALL OF YOU NEED TO GET
YOUR STUFF OUT OF THE BUILDING.

- CUT!

- WE'RE ROLLING HERE,
MR. TRAUTMAN.

- SID, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WORRY.

I'LL LOCK UP.
YOU CAN GO HOME.

- THANK YOU FOR COVERING.

- HEY, MR. WENDERS,
COULD YOU GIVE US A HAND?

UM, SOMETHING'S NOT WORKING
AND WE REALLY NEED YOU.

- AH, YOU'D BETTER GO.
THEY REALLY NEED YOU.

- THE CAMERA?
- NO, I FEEL LIKE WE NEED

JUST A LITTLE MORE SPICE
TO THIS ACTION SCENE.

- IS THAT SUBVERSIVE
PROPAGANDA?

- HARDLY.

- HENRY V. OH, THAT'S
BRANAGH'S BEST SHAKESPEARE.

- THOUGHT I MIGHT
TRY TO GET

A GROUP OF TEACHERS
TO GO TOGETHER.

IT MIGHT BE FUN.

- WOULD YOU LIKE A RIDE
TO THE MOVIE?

- YES.

UM, BUT, UH, YOU KNOW,
JUST SO WE'RE CLEAR,

UM, IT'S NOT--IT CAN'T--
IT'S NOT A, YOU KNOW...

DATE.

- OF COURSE NOT.
NO.

IT'S A...
A COLLABORATION.

A GROUP OF STAFF MEMBERS
SEEKING TO ENRICH

THEIR KNOWLEDGE
OF THE IMMORTAL BARD,

TO--TO EXPAND THEIR SKILLS
ON THEIR OWN INITIATIVE.

WE COULD EVEN PUT IN
FOR OVERTIME IF YOU LIKE.

- OKAY.
- ALL RIGHT, THEN.

IT'S, UM, NOT A DATE.

- UM, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, SEE YOU THEN.

HAVE A GOOD NIGHT,
MR. WENDERS.

- GOOD EVENING,
MS. DANVILLE.

[sighs]

[low]
YOU ARE BAD.

[buzzer buzzes]

- I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

- GREAT.

[sighs]

- HI.

- WOW, THAT WAS FAST.

- YEAH, I LIVE
ON THE FIRST FLOOR.

- OH.

YOU, UH, DRESSED UP NICE.

- THANKS.

- HERE, LET ME GET THAT.

- WOW, I JUST THINK
IT'S AMAZING

THAT SOMEONE CAN WRITE
SOMETHING 400 YEARS AGO

AND IT STILL TOUCHES PEOPLE
SO MUCH TODAY.

- WELL, THE STUFF WORKED.

IT HAD TO.

SHAKESPEARE
HAD TO PLEASE EVERYONE

FROM THE GROUNDLINGS
WHO WOULD THROW THEIR FOOD

IF THEY WERE BORED,
TO THE QUEEN,

WHO COULD HAVE HIS HEAD
IF SHE WAS DISPLEASED.

- MM, WELL,
TALK ABOUT STAGE FRIGHT.

- [chuckles]

HERE'S THE CAR.

UM...
[sighs]

DO YOU WANNA GO GET COFFEE?

- YES.

I--AS LONG AS I
DON'T STAY OUT TOO LATE.

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT.

- [chuckles]
YES, IT IS.

- SO WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU DIDN'T DATE IN HIGH SCHOOL?

WHY NOT?
- GEEZ.

BECAUSE I TOLD YOU...
- I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

- I WAS REALLY AWKWARD.

- IF BILL GATES LOOKED LIKE YOU,
I WOULD HAVE ASKED HIM OUT.

- AW.

WELL, YOU WOULD HAVE DONE
WELL FOR YOURSELF, HUH?

- WELL, I'M NOT SURE
I WOULD HAVE BEEN HIS TYPE.

YOU KNOW, FOR NOT A DATE,

I'M HAVING
A PRETTY WONDERFUL TIME.

- YEAH, ME TOO.

[school bell rings]

- GOTTA RUN, GOTTA RUN,
GOTTA RUN.

- HURRY, HURRY.

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER, RIGHT?
- YEAH.

- HELLO. GOOD MORNING,
MR. WENDERS.

- HELLO, MS. DANVILLE.

WHAT?

- I SEE NOTHING.

[cheers and applause]

- NICE WORK.

THERE YOU GO.

SPENCER.

- OOH!
- GOOD JOB.

- "I HAVEN'T THE WORDS
TO DESCRIBE BEAUTY,

BUT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU
TO HER IF YOU'D LIKE."

- I'M DONE.
- THANK YOU.

HI.

- HEY THERE.
- HI THERE.

THESE ARE FOR THE TOASTS.

MM-HMM.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

FINALLY.
- MY, OOH, THANK YOU.

- GROOM AND THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE.

- AH, THANKS, DARLING.
- THANK YOU.

- SO WHAT'S A NICE GIRL LIKE YOU
DOING WORKING WITH MY SON?

- HE'S ACTUALLY
QUITE CHARMING.

- OH.
- YEAH.

I HEAR HE TAKES AFTER
HIS DAD.

- WELL, YOU HEAR RIGHT.

- OH, PLEASE DO NOT
ENCOURAGE HIM.

- OH, LET ME GET THAT.

- OKAY, EVERYBODY.

FIRST, I WANT
TO THANK YOU SO MUCH

FOR BEING HERE
ON THIS SPECIAL OCCASION.

AND NOW, A TOAST
TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

- THAT WOULD BE ME.
- THAT IS YOU.

ON OUR 40th WEDDING
ANNIVERSARY.

MY DEAR, LIKE FINE WINE,
YOU DO NOT GROW OLDER.

- JUST MORE EXPENSIVE.

[all laugh]

- MY SON, THE COMEDIAN.

NO, LIKE FINE WINE,

YOU GROW MORE DELICATE,
RICHER,

AND MORE PLEASING
WITH EVERY YEAR.

- HEAR, HEAR.
- CHEERS.

- THANKS FOR NOT
SAYING FULL-BODIED.

- [chuckles]

[school bell rings]

- BUT BEAR IT
AS OUR ROMAN ACTORS DO,

WITH UNTIRED SPIRITS
AND FORMAL CONSTANCY.

SO GOOD MORROW TO YOU,
EVERY ONE.

- WOW. I MEAN,
THAT'S REALLY GREAT, J.D.

- THANKS.
- TWO SUGGESTIONS.

I WOULD USE AT LEAST
ONE MORE WIDE ANGLE.

IT'S A LITTLE
CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

AND USING A WIDER ANGLE IS GONNA
GIVE IT A LITTLE MORE SCOPE.

ALSO, I WOULD LOWER
THE MUSIC CUES.

IT'S KINDA LEANING
ON YOUR DIALOGUE.

- UM, GOT IT.

- I--
[phone rings]

OH, SORRY.

HEY, MARTY.
YOU STILL ALIVE?

YEAH, I KNOW WHERE IT IS.

I CAN BE THERE
IF I LEAVE NOW?

OKAY.

YEAH, THANKS.

OKAY.

UM, I GOTTA GO SOMEWHERE.
- AUDITION.

- HOW DID YOU KNOW?
- MADE SENSE.

- LOOK, I'M NOT SUPPOSED
TO LEAVE YOU ALONE HERE,

BUT I TRUST YOU.

JUST MAKE SURE
YOU'RE OUT OF HERE

BEFORE THEY
TURN THE ALARMS ON.

- GOT IT.

- GOOD WORK.
- THANK YOU.

- PERFECT.

OKAY.

OH, AN AUDITION.

NOT DISTRICT BUSINESS,
WENDERS.

"MEET ME AT ICE CREAM SHOP."

ISN'T THAT SWEET?

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S SEE WHO ELSE
YOU'VE BEEN EMAILING.

- ZOMBIE MOVIE, HUH?
YUCK.

- WELL, IT'S A LEADING ROLE.

I USUALLY DON'T GET TO READ

FOR MOVIE PARTS THIS BIG.

- DO YOU HAVE TO EAT BRAINS?

- FOR THIS ROLE, I WOULD
EAT BRAINS ALL DAY LONG.

I HAVEN'T HAD AN AUDITION
IN SO LONG.

- YOU KNOW WHAT,
YOU SHOULD DO MORE THEATRE.

TEACHING'S KIND OF THE PERFECT
DAY JOB FOR IT, RIGHT?

AND MOST REHEARSALS
ARE AT NIGHT?

- YIKES.

HMM.
- WHAT?

- YOU MAKE IT SOUND
LIKE A HOBBY.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

- YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE, UH,
I'M AN AMATEUR.

- NO.

NO, NO--OKAY.

SORRY, PEOPLE
USE THE WORD "AMATEUR"

LIKE IT MEANS NOT GOOD ENOUGH
TO GET PAID,

BUT "AMA," "LOVE."

"TEUR," "ONE WHO."

IT JUST MEANS ONE
WHO DOES IT FOR LOVE.

- WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU,
MADEMOISELLE,

I DO IT FOR LOVE.

- HEY, IF A, UM,
FULL-TIME TEACHING POSITION

CAME UP NEXT YEAR,
WOULD--WOULD YOU CONSIDER IT?

- NEXT YEAR?
- YEAH. WHAT?

- NO, I JUST--I'VE NEVER REALLY
BEEN IN A "NEXT YEAR" SCENARIO.

I'M ALWAYS GIG TO GIG.

- YOU TWO WORKING LATE?

- SID, HI.

- YES, WHAT A SURPRISE.

I COME BY FOR A BITE TO EAT,
WHO DO I SEE?

- YEAH, I'M SURPRISED TOO.

I NEVER REALLY TOOK YOU
FOR AN ICE CREAM GUY.

MORE OF A LIVER AND ONIONS.

- YES,
YOU WITH YOUR JOKES.

IT WOULD BE INTERESTING
TO SEE YOU

IN A, UM, SERIOUS SITUATION
SOME DAY.

- MM.

- WELL, ENJOY YOUR EVENING.

- YEAH.
- SEE YA.

[laughs]
- STOP. THIS ISN'T FUNNY.

HE SAW US TOGETHER.
THIS IS--THIS IS BAD.

- WHAT CAN HE DO?

- ONE OF US COULD
HAVE TO TRANSFER SCHOOLS.

- YOU REALLY THINK SO?

[phone rings]

HEY, MARTY.

I'M ABOUT TO HEAD INT--

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

R--OH, THAT'S AWESOME!

YOU JUST FOUND OUT?

OH!

AND--AND WHAT'S THE PAY?

[excited exclamation]

- YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY THINK

THAT I WOULD BE HAPPY
ABOUT THIS, DID YOU?

- I KNOW
AND I FEEL TERRIBLE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
WHAT A BREAK THIS IS FOR ME.

- OH.

- I CAN'T TURN DOWN
A LEAD ROLE, SIX WEEKS.

- DID I IMAGINE THAT YOU SAID
YOU WOULD COMMIT TO THIS JOB?

- WELL, I ASSUMED IT WAS
A GIVEN IF I GOT A MAJOR ROLE.

- HAMLET ON BROADWAY MAYBE,
BUT A ZOMBIE MOVIE IN CANADA?

REALLY?
- I HAVE ANOTHER WEEK.

ALL RIGHT? YOU CAN GET
A SUB FOR MY CLASSES,

AND I WAS HOPING
YOU COULD RUN MOVIE NIGHT.

- OH?

ALL RIGHT, I CAN HOST
THE FILM SCREENING,

BUT I CANNOT OVERSEE
THEIR PROJECTS.

MORE IMPORTANTLY,
HAVE YOU THOUGHT

ABOUT WHAT THIS
IS TEACHING YOUR STUDENTS?

- SO THE POEM CELEBRATES
VAN GOGH'S BRILLIANCE

BALANCED AGAINST
THE TERRIBLE LOSS AT HIS DEATH.

[school bell rings]

PLEASE WRITE A ONE-PAGE RESPONSE
TO THIS FOR MONDAY.

HOW ELSE CAN WE MEASURE SUCCESS
BESIDES MONEY?

HELLO, MR. WENDERS.

- MS. DANVILLE.

- WHAT?

- I GOT THE LEAD.
ZOMBIE MOVIE.

- OH, MY GOD!

CONGRATULATIONS.

- SIX WEEKS IN TORONTO.

- WOW. WHEN DOES IT START?

- ABOUT A WEEK.

- A WEEK?

- WE GOT A LOT
TO TALK ABOUT.

TONIGHT, WE CELEBRATE.

GUYS, SORRY.
[indistinct chatter]

- YOU'RE LEAVING US?

- I WAS JUST GONNA
TELL YOU GUYS.

HOW'D YOU FIND OUT?
- I WAS MAKING SCRIPT COPIES

IN THE OFFICE,
AND I OVERHEARD

THE PRINCIPAL
TELLING LORETTA.

- WELL, I HAVE NO CHOICE.

THIS IS THE CHANCE
OF A LIFETIME.

- WHAT ABOUT US?
ALL OUR PROJECTS?

- COME ON, YOU GUYS
ARE DOING GREAT.

J.D.'S CUTS ARE FANTASTIC.

PRINCIPAL POST
IS GONNA RUN THE SCREENING.

THEY'LL GET A SUB
FOR MY CLASSES.

ANYONE CAN DO MY JOB.

- NO ONE DID BEFORE.

- J.D., WAIT.

J.D.

I'M GONNA BE HERE FOR A WHOLE
'NOTHER WEEK, OKAY, GUYS?

LET'S STAY FOCUSED.

WE WANT TO FINISH
THIS YEAR STRONG.

YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING,
AFTER YOU FINISH SCHOOL,

I COULD FLY YOU UP
TO LOCATION.

IT'LL BE FUN.

- YEAH. MAYBE.

- YOU OKAY?

- SORRY, I'M JUST
A LITTLE TIRED AND CONFUSED.

I THINK I JUST NEED
A GOOD NIGHT'S REST.

I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- YOU KNOW,
I KNOW IT'S WEIRD.

I-I FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT IT
ON THE ONE HAND,

BUT, I MEAN,
I CAN'T PASS UP THIS CHANCE.

- YEAH.

NO, I'M SORRY. I--

I MEAN, A ZOMBIE MOVIE.

IT JUST DOES NOT STRIKE ME
AS SUCH A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

THAT YOU CAN WALK AWAY
FROM THE KIDS.

- WELL, A LOT
OF SUCCESSFUL ACTORS

STARTED IN HORROR, SO.

- I KNOW. I'M--

LOOK, I'M NOT
QUESTIONING THE NATURE

OF THE OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU.

IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT.
IT'S--

UH...

YOU KNOW, I THINK
I JUST NEED A LITTLE TIME

TO--TO PROCESS
THIS WHOLE THING.

THAT'S ALL.
- YEAH.

- I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BYE.

[knock at door]

- CAN I COME IN?

- UM, SURE.

- I, UH--
I HEARD ABOUT WENDERS.

I'M SORRY.

I KNOW YOU TWO
HAD BECOME CLOSE.

- I DON'T REALLY CARE
TO DISCUSS IT.

- OH, BUT I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

UH, HAD HE NOT QUIT,
I MIGHT HAVE HAD HIM FIRED.

- FOR DATING ME?

- OH. NO.
AMY.

IT TURNS OUT
HE WAS PLAYING US ALL ALONG.

WE DID AN EMAIL AUDIT.

I KNOW.

SOME OF THE PERSONAL ONES

I MANAGED TO KEEP OUT
OF THE FILE.

BUT THERE IS A WHOLE SERIES
WITH HIS AGENT.

FROM THE BEGINNING, HE WAS
BEGGING TO GET OUT OF HERE,

AND HE DOES NOT DESCRIBE US
IN THE KINDEST TERMS.

[inhales sharply]

I GUESS
IT'S ALL BEEN AN ACT.

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU

I WAS SHOCKED AT THE POOR LEVEL
OF WRITING IN THESE ESSAYS.

IT'S LIKE YOU GAVE UP.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

HEY.

- MR. WENDERS.

- WHAT'S WRONG?

- I'M JUST REALLY BUSY.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU NEED?

- YEAH, I NEED YOU.

UM, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

OKAY.
I'M AT A LOSS HERE.

- YEAH, WELL,
THEN AS AM I.

- HEY, I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET
ABOUT THE JOB.

AMY.

HEY.

WHAT ABOUT US?

- US?

HALF OF US IS YOU.

- AMY.

- AND I'M BEGINNING TO SEE

I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.

- LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED.

OKAY, I'M SORRY
ABOUT MY DECISION.

[scoffs]

- YOU WORKED SO HARD,
AND THE KIDS WORKED SO HARD.

- DAD, I'M AN ACTOR.
OKAY, THIS IS WHAT I DO.

- WELL, SO ACT.

- YOU KNOW, DO YOUR PLAYS
AND YOUR SUMMER STOCK

AND MAKE SOMETHING
FOR THE "TUBEYOU."

- IT'S "YOUTUBE."
IT'S NOT THE SAME THING.

LOOK, I'M A PROFESSIONAL.

I'M FINALLY BEING OFFERED
A LEAD ROLE.

I NEED TO TAKE IT.

- SON, I HONESTLY BELIEVE
THAT IF YOU DO THIS

YOU MAY REGRET IT
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

- HOW CAN DOING A HORROR MOVIE
RUIN MY LIFE?

- I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT THIS STUPID FILM!

AND COMMITMENT...

IS ACTION.

AND THERE'S A REAL ACTING LESSON
FOR YOU, BUDDY.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I-I NEED TO TAKE A WALK.

- WAYNE.
- LET HIM GO.

- NOT WANTING TO GROW UP,
PETER STAYED IN NEVERLAND.

WENDY GREW OLD,
BUT NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HIM.

IT WAS LOVE
IN ITS PUREST FORM.

THE END.

MS. DANVILLE,
ARE YOU OKAY?

- UH, YES.

I'M SORRY, UM, THAT WAS JUST--
IT WAS SUCH A--

SUCH A GOOD BOOK REPORT.

I'M JUST REALLY MOVED.

GOOD JOB.

- YEAH, RIGHT.

- OKAY. WHO'S NEXT?
[sniffles]

- GOOD NIGHT, GOOD NIGHT.

PARTING
IS SUCH SWEET SORROW

THAT I SHALL SAY GOOD NIGHT
TILL IT BE MORROW.

- CUT.
OKAY, IT'S--IT'S GOOD ENOUGH.

LET'S WRAP IT UP.

- GOOD ENOUGH?

GOOD ENOUGH?

WHERE'S YOUR PASSION, HUH?
WHERE'S YOUR COMMITMENT?

- IS THIS A LESSON IN IRONY?

- AH, TOUCHE,
MR. FORRESTER.

IN FACT IT IS, BUT, UM,

THE LESSON WASN'T FOR YOU
TO LEARN.

IT WAS FOR ME.

SEE, THE GREAT THING
ABOUT BEING A TEACHER

IS THAT YOU GET TO KEEP LEARNING
FROM YOUR STUDENTS.

AND IN THIS CASE YOU,
MY STUDENTS, MY COLLABORATORS,

TAUGHT ME A WHOLE LOT
ABOUT CREATIVITY,

ABOUT COMMITMENT,

ABOUT MAKING CHOICES.

YOU SEE, THIS IS
THE NEARLY TRAGIC STORY

OF A MAN WHO WAS GIVEN
A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.

AN OPPORTUNITY TO USE
ALL HIS TALENT,

HIS HEART, HIS MIND

TO DO SOMETHING
EXTRAORDINARY,

AND HE NEARLY
WALKED AWAY FROM IT.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M PROUD
OF EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU.

I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE
MY TEMPORARY LAPSE IN JUDGMENT.

I'D HAVE TO BE CRAZY
TO WALK AWAY

FROM WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE.

- YOU'RE PASSING
ON THE ZOMBIE MOVIE?

- WHO NEEDS ZOMBIES?

I GET TO WORK
WITH REAL MONSTERS.

[laughter]

[applause]

COME ON.

WE GOT WORK TO DO.
LET'S GO.

LET'S TRY IT AGAIN,
FROM THE TOP.

- ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE.

- WHAT'S UP?

- MR. WENDERS IS STAYING.
[chuckles]

I KNEW I WAS RIGHT ABOUT HIM.
I JUST KNEW IT.

- GOOD NEWS, HUH?

- [clears throat]

- J.D.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS
TO YOUR FAVORITE TEACHER?

- HERE YOU GO.
- THANKS.

[school bell rings]

- "WAYNE, I'M PLEASED
YOU CAME BACK FOR THE KIDS

"AND FOR THE MOVIE PROJECTS
AND, WELL, I GUESS FOR ME,

"BUT I'M HAVING A HARD TIME
RECONCILING MY FEELINGS

"WITH THESE EMAILS
YOU WROTE.

I FEAR THAT THIS
IS THE REAL YOU."

- NO, I WOULD HAVE KNOWN
IF WE DID AN EMAIL AUDIT.

- YEAH, BUT WHERE DID SHE
GET THESE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

BUT I KNOW SOMEONE
WHO CAN HELP US FIGURE IT OUT.

- IT'S TRAUTMAN.

HE MUST HAVE SCANNED
THE EMAILS FROM HERE--

YOU SHOULD NEVER FORGET
TO LOG OFF YOUR ACCOUNT--

THEN HE PRINTED THEM OUT
IN HIS OFFICE.

HIS MISTAKE WAS HE DIDN'T
ERASE IT FROM THE PRINT LOGS.

PROBABLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW.

- "MARTY, THANK YOU
FOR GETTING ME OUT OF HERE.

"I COULDN'T KEEP UP
THIS PERFORMANCE ANY LONGER,

"EVEN WITH SUCH
A GULLIBLE AUDIENCE,

PRETTY AS ONE MAY BE."
OOH, OUCH.

- BUT I DIDN'T WRITE THAT.
- THERE IT IS.

TRAUTMAN WROTE IT HIMSELF,

BUT HE NEVER SENT IT.

HE DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO BE ALERTED BY YOUR AGENT,

PLUS HE DIDN'T EVEN INSERT
YOUR AGENT'S EMAIL ADDRESS.

OBVIOUSLY,
IT WASN'T WRITTEN BY YOU.

- KID, I'M JUST GLAD
YOU'RE ON OUR SIDE.

- [chuckles]
YEAH.

J.D. YOU DID GREAT,
REALLY.

WE GOTTA GET READY
FOR TONIGHT THOUGH.

- YEAH.

- AH.

WAYNE, BREAK A LEG.

ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY SAY
ON OPENING NIGHT?

- THANK YOU.

- AH, AND MR. WENDERS

IS THE TEACHER
RESPONSIBLE

FOR TONIGHT'S
CINEMATIC ENTERTAINMENT.

MR. WENDERS, MAY I INTRODUCE
MS. ISABEL BAYLISS

OF THE SCHOOL BOARD,
AND MS. MILLICENT KANE,

VICE CHAIR OF THE DISTRICT
EDUCATION COMMITTEE.

- WELL, WELCOME.

IT'S, UM, A PLEASURE
TO HAVE YOU HERE.

I CAN'T REALLY
TAKE MUCH CREDIT.

THE KIDS DID ALL THE WORK.

HO YOU ENJOY YOURSELVES.

- HELLO, MILLY.
WHAT A SURPRISE.

SID DIDN'T TELL ME THAT YOU
WERE PLANNING ON COMING.

- LADIES,
WE'RE JUST OVER HERE.

- J.D.,
COME TO THE STAGE DOOR.

MR. W'S GIVING A PEP TALK.

- [blows]

- I CAN'T DO IT.
- I'M GONNA PASS OUT.

- WELL, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S SHOWTIME, FOLKS.

HOW MANY OF YOU GUYS
ARE NERVOUS?

- YEAH.

- YEAH, ME TOO.

I GOTTA TELL YOU, I'VE DONE
A LOT OF SHOWS IN MY LIFE,

BUT I HAVE NEVER
BEEN THIS EXCITED.

YOU GUYS SHOULD BE REALLY,
REALLY PROUD OF YOURSELVES.

- WE'RE PROUD OF YOU TOO,
MR. W.

YOU DA MAN.
[cheers and applause]

- THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GET IN THERE.

REMEMBER YOU GUYS,
BREAK A LEG.

I'M PROUD OF YOU.

GO ON.

WHOO WHOO!

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

WELCOME TO OUR FIRST-EVER

SENIOR STUDENT SHAKESPEARE
FILM FESTIVAL.

PLEASE REMEMBER
TO TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONES,

GAME CONSOLES, AND ANY
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.

[all chuckle]

AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST,
MR. WAYNE WENDERS.

[cheers and applause]

- MOM, DAD, HI.

[all chuckle]

THANK YOU ALL.

I'M VERY PROUD
TO BE HERE TONIGHT.

I JUST WANTED
TO BRING YOUR ATTENTION

TO THE FRONT ROW,
FIRST OF ALL,

AND ALSO BACK IN THE BOOTH,
MR. J.D. FORRESTER.

THESE ARE
THE YOUNG FILMMAKERS

WHO GET TO SEE THEIR WORK

IN FRONT OF A REAL AUDIENCE
FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THEY ALL DESERVE A HUGE ROUND
OF APPLAUSE FOR THEIR HARD WORK,

THEIR TALENT...

AND THEIR COMMITMENT.

[applause]

SO THEN, UM, WITHOUT MUCH ADO,
ENJOY THE SHOW.

[applause]

- SHOWTIME.

- BUT, SOFT.

WHAT LIGHT THROUGH
YONDER WINDOW BREAKS?

AND JULIET IS THE SUN.

- OH, ROMEO, ROMEO.

WHEREFORE ART THOUGH ROMEO?

DENY THY FATHER
AND REFUSE THY NAME.

- LOOKING FOR THIS?

- HOW?

- THE DVD'S JUST A BACKUP.

I PLAY IT
OFF THE HARD DRIVE.

MUCH BETTER PICTURE QUALITY.

- I WILL END YOU.

- AND A LITTLE HINT, ALWAYS
CHECK FOR EYES IN THE SKY.

- CALL ME BUT LOVE...

- [snickers]

- DESPAIR THY CHARM.

AND LET THE ANGEL WHOM THOU
STILL HAST SERVED TELL THEE

MACDUFF WAS OF HIS MOTHER'S WOMB
UNTIMELY RIPPED.

- TO BE OR NOT TO BE?

THAT IS THE QUESTION.

WHETHER TIS NOBLER
IN THE MIND TO SUFFER

THE SLINGS AND ARROWS
OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE

OR TO TAKE ARMS AGAINST
A SEA OF TROUBLES.

- WHAT IS GOING ON?

- IT PAINS ME TO REPORT
THAT I HAVE PROOF,

IRREFUTABLE PROOF, THAT
MR. WENDERS AND MS. DANVILLE

ARE ENGAGED IN AN INAPPROPRIATE
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

WHICH DIRECTLY
CONTRADICTS DISTRICT POLICY

AGAINST FRATERNIZATION
AMONGST STAFF.

- AND THIS PROOF
IS ON THIS DVD?

- MM.

- OH.

[chuckles]

- I HAVE BACKUPS.

- I DON'T DOUBT YOU DO,

BUT I WOULD THINK
LONG AND HARD

ABOUT WHO I SHOW THEM TO,

BECAUSE I HAVE PROOF TOO.

- WHAT?

- IRREFUTABLE PROOF

THAT YOU HACKED
INTO A SCHOOL COMPUTER

IMPERSONATING A MEMBER OF STAFF
IN A MALICIOUS ATTEMPT

AT BLACKMAIL
AND INTIMIDATION.

- I NEVER--
- OH, YES YOU DID.

SO, EVEN IF AMY
AND WAYNE'S INDISCRETION

MIGHT GET THEM INTO TROUBLE
WITH THE SCHOOL BOARD,

WHAT YOU DID COULD GET YOU
A CRIMINAL RECORD.

WELL, I CAN'T STAND AROUND
AND TALK HERE ALL DAY.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF A SCREENING.

[all laugh]

[all laugh]

[cheers and applause]

- WHOO!

- HE DID A GREAT JOB.
- OH, YEAH.

[cheers and applause]

- WHOO!

WHOO!

- MR. WENDERS.

- UH.
[clears throat]

MS. DANVILLE.

- BRAVO.

IT WAS AN EXCELLENT SHOW.

- THANK YOU.

- THE PRINCIPAL
INFORMED ME THAT, UM,

YOU WERE THE VICTIM
OF MALICIOUS IDENTITY THEFT.

- SO, UM,
DOES THIS MEAN WE'RE...

COLLABORATING AGAIN?

- I WAS KINDA HOPING
MORE ALONG THE LINES OF...

FRATERNIZING.

- I'M GONNA GIVE YOU TWO
DETENTION.

- EH, IT WAS WORTH IT.
- WORTH IT.

- [laughs]

NOW SIR,
WHAT IS YOUR TEXT?

- MOST SWEET LADY--

- UGH, A COMFORTABLE DOCTRINE,
AND MUCH MAY BE SAID OF IT.

WHERE LIES YOUR TEXT?

- IN ORSINO'S BOSOM.

- IN HIS BOSOM?
[scoffs]

IN WHAT CHAPTER
OF HIS BOSOM?

- TO ANSWER BY THE METHOD,
IN THE FIRST OF HIS HEART.

- OH, I HAVE READ IT.
IT IS HERESY.

HAVE YOU NO MORE TO SAY?

- GOOD MADAM,
LET ME SEE YOUR FACE.

- HAVE YOU ANY COMMISSION
FROM YOUR LORD

TO NEGOTIATE WITH MY FACE?

YOU ARE NOW
OUT OF YOUR TEXT.

BUT WE WILL DRAW THE CURTAIN
AND LET YOU SEE THE PICTURE.

LOOK YOU, SIR.

SUCH A ONE I WAS
THIS PRESENT.

IS'T NOT WELL DONE?

- SO, AMY...
[indistinct chatter]

- THIS NEW KID AMY DANVILLE'S
A PRETTY GOOD ACTOR, HUH?

- BRILLIANT.

WITH A COMMITTED FAN BASE.
- MM-HMM.

- [chuckles]

- SO TELL ME,
HOW IS IT BEING A PRODUCER

OF SUMMER STOCK THEATRE?

- OH, THE PERKS ARE GREAT.

BUT THE PAY IS HORRENDOUS.

SPEAKING OF PAY, I'M DEALING
WITH SOME STAFF PROBLEMS

AT MY DAY JOB.
- OH?

- NOW THAT TRAUTMAN HAS BEEN
TRANSFERRED TO A NEW SCHOOL...

- SURPRISE, SURPRISE.

- AND MRS. HENDERSON
HAS DECIDED

TO TAKE A YEAR OFF
TO BE WITH HER BABY,

I'M SEARCHING FOR
A SUITABLE REPLACEMENT.

- DOES THIS MEAN
I'LL GET A TRAILER?

- NOPE.

- HUH.

BUT THERE IS MONEY
IN THE BACK END?

- NO.
[chuckles]

- I BELIEVE I WILL HAVE
TO CHECK WITH MY PEOPLE THEN.

- YOU DO THAT.

SEE YOU TONIGHT.

- OKAY, FOLKS, LET'S BREAK.

15 MINUTES.

PLEASE, BE BACK
IN 15 MINUTES.

[indistinct chatter]

- IS BRENDA OKAY?
- OH, SHE'S OKAY.

SHE JUST, YOU KNOW,
WANTED TO OFFER ME A JOB.

FULL-TIME TEACHING POSITION.

- YOU'RE KIDDING.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?

- WELL, YOU KNOW
I'VE HAD PROBLEMS

WITH COMMITMENT
IN THE PAST.

- RIGHT.
SO--

- SO, UM,
SO FIRST THING'S FIRST.

- [gasps]

- AS MIRANDA SAID TO FERDINAND
IN THE TEMPEST,

I AM YOUR WIFE
IF YOU'LL MARRY ME.

IF NOT,
I'LL DIE YOUR MAID.

- [laughs]

- YES.

YES! YES! YES!

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

[applause]

- [squeals]
- CONGRATULATIONS.

- NICE!
- THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[romantic music]

♪ ♪