Original subtitles

Think fast!

OUT OF SERVICE AGENTS

Remember when we found those prehistoric cave paintings?

I sure do. They were still fresh!

INTERROGATION ROOM

Hey!

FIRE EXIT

Hello, buenos días.

Mister Super, the document you asked me for.

So strong, so sturdy, so firm... What fine craftsmanship!

Oh, thank you, Super. You're such a charmer.

Get out of the way, Ofelia!

You're blocking my view of this beauty!

Okay, we're all set. Your safe here

will last a lifetime.

They said the same thing about the other three hundred.

Give me that. Let's break this baby in.

How do you open it? It probably has

a digital hyperbaric system with a nuclear isometric lock.

Almost. It opens here.

- And is it safe? - Safe? Safer than safe.

Who would ever imagine that little hook back there...

It's a darling little safe!

You should give it a name.

I've already got one.

Ofelia 2.

Because it keeps secrets and treasures inside?

No. Because it weighs sixty tons!

They're onto us!

We have to keep cool. We have to stick together no matter what.

You're right. See you around.

Hey, don't you get it? We're in this together!

Speak for yourself. I'm getting out of here!

Shucks! You asked for it!

Take that!

That's it!

You and me are going to do what Jimmy sent us here to do.

"Jimmy, Jimmy." It sounds like you're scared of him.

- Guys, can you hear me? - Yes, Jimmy!

Boom, I love the sound of the boom...

So how are things going over there, Bob?

No, it's me, Billy.

Billy, then.

Well, I have to stay

on top of this guy or the job never gets done.

But the first slice is almost almost ready.

Great! Boom! I love the sound of the boom!

I freak out when things end with a boom!

A text message. My wife for sure.

Mine won't stop calling me.

"You will kneel before me."

I say exactly the same thing to my wife.

No, dummy, that's the message.

"You will kneel before me."

Who sent you that crap?

Jimmy!

Who is this Jimmy?

The freak who stole the last three hundred safes from me.

Well there you go!

Are you sure it's securely fastened to the wall?

Not fastened, even better.

I taped it to the wall around the edges

and stuck a number seven hook straight in the drywall. Hahaha!

You hear that, Jimmy? The T.I.A. kneels before no one...!

Especially not a clumsy goofy little turd like Jimmy.

Nobody makes fun of the T.I.A.!

Operation Bow Before Me is underway!

- Billy, can you hear me? - It's Bob.

Okay, Bob. When you've sliced the second piece,

give me a shout!

Roger that.

Yeeeaaaoooow!

Wow, that was quick!

These guys are two for the price of one! Double the fun!

I'm coming! Keep your pants on!

Spare a dime?

Why do I stick my hand out?

Nobody! And I mean nobody

has ever brought me to my knees. Not even to my ankles!

If you ever see me kneel before that slimy little redneck,

I swear I'll eat this safe!

Don't worry, there's no way the safe will come loose.

No problem, you see? Hey! What did I say?

It's okay, the tape is safe. Not so safe.

Hey, you look good on TV!

My doctor said I have an iron deficiency.

You look strong to me, sweetie.

Strong as steel.

And quick!

You're a freak, Jimmy. The freakiest.

You can say that again. I don't see why everyone says there's nothing funny

about a funny guy like you.

Funny as a pain in the ass!

You don't think I'm funny, Billy?

Funny I'm not, Bob?

No, it was the new guy.

He doesn't get your humor yet.

We just hired him...

We just hired him, Bob?! You're Siamese twins,

Siamese twins you are.

You've been stuck together since you were born...

That's what I meant...

That's as funny as it gets.

That's why I picked you guys, Billy Bob!

Because you're a couple of freaks!

The freakiest freaks I've ever freaked out with!

You asked for it, Jimmy! Ofelia!

Yes, Super?

Get me my two best agents,

the best-trained, bravest and smartest!

The crème de la crème!

Eight hours, zero minutes, zero seconds.

That's the local time, sweetie. I want Zulu time.

Five hours, zero minu...

Exactly!

- How would you like your coffee? - Sunny side up.

Morning, boss. I brought you the international press.

You're featured in every newspaper again.

The Einstein News got a great photo of you.

And that's not even my best side.

You only have three sides, boss. Your good side...

your better side...

and your cowabunga side!

Hm, it's a tad warm.

I programmed it at zero degrees, just the way you like it.

Pick me out something to wear.

Something simple and elegant?

Surprise me.

No.

This one.

Excellent choice, Mortadelo.

You look great in everything!

Recognition process engaged.

Identity confirmed.

Good morning! How did the gentlemen rest today?

Get to the point.

Of course, excuse me. Here's the situation.

Secret documents of high strategic value stolen

from the information agency. Mission: recover them.

Code name: Red Bird.

Coordinates: 452378 east, 56 west.

Use the convertible C.A.R. transporation unit.

- Expense account? - Unlimited.

300 million was just transferred to your credit card.

Even God would friend you on Facebook! I mean it, boss.

Go get the car. I'll fly.

I could get used to this.

Listen closely, Red Bird.

Nobody messes with the T.I.A.

ignition!

Wow! It's Agent Filemon Pi!

In person!

- In the flesh! - Super-agent!

Super-agent! Over here!

Pass me the wheel.

All yours, boss.

- Would you mind? - Man do people love you!

I can't wait to tell my wife!

Here, I'll do the thing with the baton.

What a class act!

Gorgeous! You're gorgeous!

Red Bird in Quadrant 19.

I already noticed. Buckle up.

I don't need to. I trust you.

It's not that, I don't want to get a ticket.

Target on radar. Target locked.

What's the plan, boss?

Take out the bad guys, get the Super's safe back

and make it back in time for the press conference.

That's the plan.

MORTADELO AND FILEMON

VS. JIMMY THE FREAK

They get us out of bed for this?

To intercept a blender with pedals?

Yeah, I thought this would be more exciting.

Wow, that's freaky!

Looks like this will be fun after all.

Let's see who has a bigger bite!

The Super's little safe is getting scratched.

I think this guy wants to rub it in your face, boss!

Let him try.

This guy just crossed the line.

What do you mean?

He's going to eat some lead!

Now what? Why is he showing us his rear?

You want a complete damage report?

Nah, I already see it. A little body work and a paint job.

You nailed it.

- Take out the pen, Mortadelo. - Yes, sir.

This freak's going to sign the accident report.

There's a hot... a fine piece of...

I mean there's a lady on board, boss!

Abort, Mortadelo!

Impossible! The missile has passed the point of no return!

Maximum power, Mortadelo! Mach five!

Nobody's ever survived Mach five!

Then we'll have to look snazzy to pick up our Guinness.

Now that's a beautiful piece of fine handiwork!

Just what the doctor ordered!

Approaching impact!

Filemooooon!

Jump, Mortadelo. I'm going to intercept the missile.

What? We're out of ammo.

I said jump!

Negative. We're in this together, boss.

And it's an honor to die by your side!

Who said anything about dying?

Teletransportation!

Think fast, boss!

I already did. I need three things.

One,

two...

and three.

The most important.

- You're a machine! - Here, give me that.

I'll be right back. You handle the safe.

Wow, this guy always lands on his feet!

Can I tell the girl she's about to fall in love with a legend?

She'll figure it out.

What's going on? What time is it?

Time to kick your ass!

Jerk!

I didn't ask you...

I mean, the Zulu...

What did you call me?

And now... two eggs sunny side up!

Ignition!

COLD - HOT EVEN HOTTER

Teletransportation!

Over here, Filemon!

Take that!

Filemon, Filemon! Melonhead!

What kind of a man is that?

Jesus!

How long is this ruckus going to last?

Well, let's see...

Here, I'll do the thing with the baton.

Can we stop throwing pots now?

Throw one more thing and I'll come up there!

Nasty little...!

Learn to talk, dummy! You're not on TV!

Mortadelo and Filemon, report immediately to T.I.A. Headquarters.

Use secret entrance ALQ 25 H930.

I repeat: immediately!

Stop dogging around, Mortadelo,

and get ready. The Super is calling us.

I thought this news might interest you, boss.

Remember Mulecruncher?

Mulecruncher? That giant beast weighing 800 pounds of muscle

and 20 grams of brain who Super-agent

Filemon singlehandedly put in the slammer?

Exactly, by planting false evidence.

What about him?

Nothing really, he just broke out of prison.

And since he swore he'd give you

a Ding-Dong when he got out...

A Ding-Dong?

Oh, come on, Mortadelo. I'm sure he's forgotten by now.

That was 15 years ago.

Geez, 15 years behind bars!

I'm sure there's no hard feelings!

Of course not. Turn on the TV,

maybe there's something about it, though I'd be surprised...

it's already a Trending Topic all over social media.

Mulecruncher is locking for Filemon

so he can give him a Ding-Dong.

Tell us, officer.

What exactly is a Ding-Dong?

Basically a Ding-Dong means shoving your hand in an unpleasant way

up Filemon's rear-end,

reaching all the way up to his throat and grabbing his larynx

like a little bell,

then pulling as hard as you can and turning him inside out.

It's a tricky move.

These channels are too sensationalistic.

Grab the little chickie like this and give him a Ding-Dong.

Look, cartoons! Leave it!

Ah, this is garbage.

Look, this is funny. Your obituary is already scheduled for tomorrow.

Look on the bright side; I'll have the whole apartment to myself.

It's not over yet.

The police are out there looking all over for the poor guy.

WANTED FOR ASSAULTING AUTHORITY

Aren't you going to arrest him?

Not yet.

We have orders to let him take out Filemon first.

Save us the trouble.

Someone needs to talk to that killing machine.

Mulecruncher!

It's me, Mortadelo!

Listen closely! I'm warning you!

Thanks, Mortadelo.

For standing up like me like that...

Don't mention it, boss. Filemon's the one

in red pants! You'll spot him easily!

We don't want you to make a mistake and take out the wrong guy!

Come here, you creep!

Don't worry, I'll mess you up so bad no one will recognize you!

What are you scared of, boss?

Look at all the security measures in this apartment.

Let's see.

Electrified latch, ready to greet

any unwanted guest with 5,000 volts.

Combined with mechanical round trip ejection.

And if he manages to get in anyway,

we have the bad guy detector partition.

How does it know if it's a good person or a thieving piece of sh...

Because of the bad language.

THE CITY TO THE BRAVEST

Look at this! A fake drawer with secret documents.

Just in case he makes it here, which I doubt...

The key is right there...

I already told you, it's bait.

When he tries to open it, the drawer shoots out towards the intruder...

What are you doing?!

Exactly! Against the anti-flight shade.

You sure like to complicate things. Follow me.

"The little thing on the door." A classic. And look at this one.

Trap tiles. They're deadly.

How do we know which ones are...?

They're foolproof.

The black ones are the dangerous ones.

Oh, that's easy...

Now if for any reason the bad guy avoids all the anti-intruder measures,

we still have the bulletproof protective glass chamber.

No wonder you're making that face.

Impressive, isn't it?

What is this little circle for?

And what if all this fails?

I have it covered:

Anti-panic closet. To evacuate the apartment, in case things get ugly.

This is more like it, Mortadelo.

I'd like to see Mulecruncher

try to break into this impenetrable fortress.

Come on, let's go!

Filemooonnnn!!!

THE CITY TO THE BRAVEST

What was I going to say? I'd better get going...

Are you expecting someone?

No, but you might be.

Mortadeloooo!!! You coward!

NO TRESPASSING WET FLOOR

They're foolproof. The black ones are the dangerous ones...

Holy sh...!

You won't believe this, boss.

Guess who was calling. The janitor, she just mopped the floor

and said not to go downstairs.

Boss? Boss? Boss?

Don't tell me you used the chamber without taking the lid off!

Come on, we have to go back to headquarters.

JIMMY THE FREAK'S SECRET HIDEOUT

I'll show this little safe who's boss, who's boss I'll show this little safe...

It's time for "Your Money or your Life."

What are you watching on TV?

Whatever he wants, as usual.

"Your Money or your Life."

What are they asking about?

Wildlife.

Name a horrible-looking wild beast

that just broke out of jail

with the sole aim of giving a Ding-Dong

to a T.I.A. agent.

- Mulecrusher! - Correct!

"Your Money or your Life"

Hey, that's Crunchy! How freaky!

You know him, Jimmy?

Do I know Crunchy? He's been here tons of times.

Sorry Jimmy, but I thought nobody knew where your hideout was.

Don't worry, we can trust him.

Crunchy won't say a word.

Not a word.

Spare change?

Ah! Yeah, thanks.

Hey!

What?

Secret entrance ALQ-25-H9-30

is right...

I see it.

I don't need the booklet.

...next to the barrel of tar.

Right here.

"Right here," I knew it!

Okay, what's the password?

Sam's Bikini Shop, skimpy on the top.

Come on, Mortadelo.

Let's see what the Super has to say that is so urgent.

Hello? Hello? Hey!

What the hell is going on here today?

Ofelia, have you heard anything

from those two baboons?

They'll show up out of nowhere, as usual.

They'd better. I'm up to my nose in...

- Super? - I knew it.

It was so urgent nobody's here.

Probably on the toilet, he craps a lot.

They don't make toilets for walruses with moustaches...

- Hey, Super... - Don't worry about it.

We'll talk about this later, when the time comes. "A posteriori."

Because you have to leave right away

on an urgent mission.

Okay, Super.

We'll be in touch real soon.

- Exactly. - See you later!

One thing, Super.

Did you forget something?

Um... The mission.

Mainly... what it's about.

Well... what it's about. But mainly what it consists of!

Okay, gentlemen. The time has come to discuss...

- The mission? - No, the "a posteriori."

Now listen carefully!

Jimmy the Freak.

He's made us the laughingstock of all the information agencies.

We must act immediately!

To be or not to be?

That is the question!

I need two agents who are professional,

capable, brave, fearless

and insanely smart

to recover the stolen document and put Jimmy away forever!

But unfortunately none of those agents are left.

That's why you're here,

because you're both human rejects.

I don't get it.

I get it, I get it, but I don't understand.

Well, you two are the perfect candidates

to test Professor Bacterio's new invention.

Here it is, Super.

Reversulin. Ta-daaa!!!

What's that for?

To turn the tables.

One shot of this can turn two morons like you

into the smartest elements on the periodic table.

Roll up your sleeves.

Roll up your bald scalp!

We're going to reversify your brain!

What the hell are you doing?

Super!

- Filemon! - Just a second, Super!

We'll turn this turkey into the incredible Hulk!

- Bacterio? - Super!

It's Mulecruncher!

Filemoooon!!!

Don't move, boss. You're already in the perfect position.

Don't worry, Filemon. He'll never get through

this curtain of titanium-reinforced steel curtain.

Take that!

Filemoooonnn!!!

We'll talk later!

You know what he's going to do to him, Mortadelo?

Sure, give him a Ding-Dong.

We're in for quite a show.

Here comes the good part...

He got lucky.

Are you okay, Mister Mulecruncher?

Yes. But I feel a little woozy.

I hope I haven't caused you any trouble.

Gadzooks!

The last thing I want to do is inconvenience you

or disturb you in any way.

Look! He's tamer than a little lamb!

Crazy, huh?

Your invention works, Bacterio!

- Yes? - Ibañez!

- Yes? - You'll never believe it.

Bacterio, you owe me 20 bucks! I'm sick of waiting!

This guy's always complaining!

Have a seat, my boy.

Coming.

Did you see me take out that little sissy primate all by myself?

Hey, this guy rings a bell...

I bet he does.

What was that?

The boss, he just had an irreversible bowel movement.

What does that mean?

He pooped himself. But boss,

he's not mad at you anymore, even though you put him in jail

with false evidence.

Remember, Crunchy? He double crossed you!

Give him some more clues while you're at it.

Oh, right. The Ding-Dong.

Doesn't ring a bell.

All I know is you guys are really nice.

Completely reversified!

If you did this to Mulecruncher, I can't imagine what you could do

to these two boneheads...

Bacterio, proceed!

Get ready, Mortadelo. This will put some hair on our heads.

Give me long hair that blows in the wind.

I'll take the horizontal butt crack. Just to try it.

Abort the operation, Super. It's not going to work.

Why not?

Because they're half stupid.

I know that. So what?

Reversulin would only make them half-smart. Like they already are.

It would be a waste of time.

Don't listen to him, Super.

How can we stay the same if we've always looked alike?

Especially him, he's missing half a brain.

You're right, Bacterio!

These two nincompoops are useless, even turned inside out.

How will we find that twerp Jimmy now?

Hey, my cousin James.

You're related to him?

Sure. We're cousins through family.

Do you know by any chance where your cousin is hiding?

Of course.

But I don't know what's wrong with me, I can't remember anything right now.

And I've always had an awesome memory.

The Reversulin!

It turned him inside out like a sock!

How long before the effects wear off on this gorilla?

To be exact... sooner or later.

- Be careful out there, buddy. - I will.

He's not going anywhere. Take him to the T.I.A. safe house.

Where?

It's a top-secret house for our witness protection program

with 24 hour surveillance cameras controlled by the T.I.A.

I love it!

- The house? - No, the Power Point.

Take him there and don't let him out of your sight.

As soon as the effects wear off,

get the information out of him. Here are the coordinates.

Just one question.

When the effects wear off on Crunchy,

he'll try to murder the boss, right?

- Of course. Anything else? - Just a minute!

You can't fool me, I'm not stupid.

What are you talking about?

What do you think? The expense account.

You think I don't know that missions like this always have

an expense account?

Filemon, we underestimated you.

You're completely stupid.

My new assistant will take care of it.

Now we're talking.

Irma, bring in the documents for the B-12 meal plan.

Exactly. You have to speak up if you want to be heard.

May I come in, Super, sir?

Get out of the way, Mortadelo...

I'll call you later.

Hi there, sweetcakes. What are you doing for the rest of your life?

At the moment, recovering my bug spray.

Wow, she's cute.

Okay, take him to the safe house.

Jutht a mibit, ! We beed a thpecial veeicle, jutht thayin...

I took care of it.

You'll take the C.A.R.

With rear-wheel traction and radio included.

I'm driving!

They stuffed me in this car,

I hope this place isn't far...

At least we got the meal plan.

Yeah, a list of low-fat foods! Doggone it...!

Let's see if we can find this little safe house.

Don't worry, I'll get us there.

- You? - Hey!

You couldn't find a nut in a nuthouse.

You're jealous. Who did the Super assign the mission to?

To both of us. But I'm the one pushing the carriage.

- What carriage? - This one...

Boss! The kid!

Hurry, Mortadelo! We'll lose him!

The old switch-a-roo.

Don't lose him!

Faster, we're gaining on him!

- Phew! - What happened?!

Lucky I ducked, I almost ate that beam for lunch.

Do you hear something?

Boss? Boss?

Hit the brakes!!!

My car, my car, where is my car?

There!

Follow that baby carriage!

- What about the light! - Forget the light!

Can't you see I'm a police officer?

Whatever you say.

Lean your body out to turn, boss!

It's no use!

No, open your mouth!

What for?

For the turn, of course!

DANGER CONSTRUCTION WORK

We've got him!

Boss, duck!

Whoa! Lightning-quick reflexes!

Hang on tight!

What a ball!

Take that!

Watch out!

I have to do everything!

SAFETY COMES FIRST

You want to stop for a second, boss? You look dizzy.

Sit up, we'll get a ticket!

Let me drive, you don't know what you're doing!

The handlebar is backwards!

So what? It doesn't matter.

I love driving...

Booya!!! What a ride!

Can we do it again?

How did you people get in here?

This place is top secret.

What do you mean, top secret?

Oh, surveillance cameras...

Yeah, 24 hours.

The boss sent you, no doubt.

- Sure, the boss runs everything. - Of course.

Who didn't know where he was going, Mortadelo?

Why do you think they call me G.P.S.?

Because it stands for Great Pain in the S!

Wowza, yes!

We brought the new guy. The boss sent us.

The new guy? What new guy?

The boss didn't tell you?

The boss knows about this?

The boss is the one who sent us.

You know how bossy the boss is.

You can say that again.

I'm the boss here!

I control everything!

Nobody moves a finger around here unless I say so!

Mimi's going to blow a gasket today.

Punch in the title!

Mi-mi... Mimi...

- What?! - Um...

When is the new guy supposed to go in?

What new guy, you idiot?!

Him.

Don't get up!

Not on my account!

Don't get up!

My, oh, my! What a rush!

Heads are going to roll!

What do you mean?

Camera three!

Coming right up.

Super, sir, turn on the TV. It's urgent.

I'm already watching. How is this possible?

I was shocked too.

That's no way to make a jug!

Making pottery takes tenacity...

Not PBS. The other channel.

I'm reversified, the T.I.A. Has a new drug.

I'm reversified, the Super gave me a hug.

Tell me this isn't happening!

There she blows! Ofelia's fat as a whale.

Watch out, Jimmy, they're hot on your trail.

Boss! Mulecruncher is singing!

What's he saying?

He's telling the world.

We'll have to go in there and overthrow him.

Overthrow him? Good idea. Let me.

Everybody get down!

- Get down! - What are you doing, you fool?

Sit down, damn it!

You all suck! Everyone except me!

You're all a bunch of backstabbers!

No, boss, don't say that...

The ratings are going up!

The audience loves me! Camera two!

Here I am, singing this song.

Filemon, it won't be long.

It's almost time to give you a Ding-Dong.

I'm going to ring your bell.

All clear, Mortadelo!

I wrote down his name without realizing...

Shut up, you idiot! The copyright people will nail us!

- Hide in here! - And keep your mouth shut.

Thank God we stopped him in time.

Hello, this is Super Big Brother.

Is that you, Super?

Tell us how you got here.

Well, I was in jail and I stepped out for a moment

to stick my hand in somebody's rear-end,

but now I've been reversified

and I don't remember who I am...

I'll kill them! I'll kill them!!!

Boom! I love the sound of the boom... baboom boom boom...

Nice little bomb...

Boom... I love the sound of the boom...

Look, Jimmy, this guy again.

He doesn't look so tough.

...meanwhile I got a little job working for the T.I.A.

because they're looking for my cousin Jimmy the Freak.

They've got a message for him. And since I know where his hideout is,

I'm going to tell them.

So this guy wouldn't say a word, huh, Jimmy?

Son of a brick!

And of all my new playmates, there's one who...

There's one who looks very familiar...

because I...

I think he's the one who double-crossed me 15 years ago!

I spent 15 years in prison,

doing hard labor!

He won't shut up, boss. Not even underwater.

I'll have to go in there and explain to the boy

who wears the pants around here.

Filemooon!!!

Give me that, smartypants is going to hear it from me.

Wait, wait! Have you made your will?

He's the one who should.

No need for that, he'll draft the whole thing for you right now.

The Ding-Dong! Wait!

Just a second, Crunchy.

Boss, put the apartment in my name. You'll save me a lot of paperwork later.

Yeah, don't look at me like that.

Another jerk hungry for a close-up.

All-time ratings, all thanks to me!

Give it to me!

Me!

I'm just another crew member.

I tiny cog in this valuable human machinery.

Only a team effort will get the job done.

And you... Are you here for an interview?

Who is this dingbat?

- The boss. - I'm sick of bosses!

Hooray! Take that! You had it coming!

Jeepers, not again! Phooey!

You two are a couple of mongoloids!

Two unfinished science rejects!

I tell you to hide him somewhere discreet

and you put him in front of two hundred million spectators!

For your sake, I hope that turd Jimmy

wasn't watching!

Super, it would be a huge coincidence

if out of two hundred million people watching

one would be Jimmy.

Look, a message.

"I'm going to sink the T.I.A."

Sink the T.I.A. Who's the freak?

It's normal for you to be surprised, sugar.

It's not every day you see a body like mine.

You're right, it fits your face perfectly.

How is he going to sink the T.I.A.?

People say these things in the heat of the moment,

but he won't do it.

Besides, it's impossible, Super.

He'd need to bring a helicopter.

Right.

And fly over the roof...

Drop a hollow bomb...

Or two...

- Giving him time to escape. - Exactly.

It would be very hard to pull it off in time.

Yeah, very hard, very hard.

Hey, did you guys hear something?

Stop playing around with the building!

No, no...

if you cry because you can't see the sun your tears won't let you see the stars.

Take him away.

- Where? - Home.

Like we know where he lives.

Not his. Yours.

Wait a minute. Why ours?

Because it's public housing. Officially protected.

Officially protected.

Filemon, sir, can I give you a piece of advice?

- Sure. - You're an imbecile.

Thank you, sir.

This is awesome!

Nice pad, huh?

I'd never seen such a beautiful combination

of so much crap and bad taste.

I love it. It's just like home.

- No! - Yes.

No, no, no, no, no!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

No. No. No.

Yes, yes, yes.

No!

- Uh-oh, here we go! - Take notes!

I spent

fifteen years in a hole...

He sings better than you.

...for false evidence planted by a troll...

- He's dedicating it to you, boss. - No way.

All that time thinking about giving a Ding-Dong...

The Ding-Dong!

...to the twerp who did me wrong.

He has two hairs on his head...

He's not talking about me.

No way, man. Ow, I tripped.

...and soon he will be dead.

He's destroying the song!

- I'll send him straight to hell. - Keep going!

I can feel a headache coming on.

- I'll ring him like a bell. - Olé!

Don't know who I am anymore...

Don't want revenge anymore...

Not coming after you anymore...

What did I tell you?

Not coming after you anymore, Filemon Pi.

Not coming after me anymore...

This poor dumb fool,

this huge bucket of drool...

Watch out, the effects might wear off...

Since you're not who you were anymore...

What are you doing?

Since cleaning is such a chore...

Put on those gloves and mop the floor...

Here's some bug spray,

if any critters get in the way...

- Beat it! - Party-pooper!

Don't tempt me...

- Loser! You're a loser! - Forget it, he ain't worth it.

For once I agree with this schmuck.

Wow, that's a first.

Cleaning the floor

can only bring luck.

The best thing to do is grab a pail...

I love you all...!

...and pay attention

to every detail.

Do the washing...

Olé!

...the ironing...

The sewing, the sweeping, the cooking...

Nothing like a nice sauté.

Hey, kiddo.

After you do the dishes go down and bring back a couple beers.

We're thirsty. Have them put it on your tab,

you can pay later.

Sure, Daddy.

Make no mistake, kid. I'm not your daddy.

If you wanted a father, you shouldn't have been born an orphan!

High five!

You're lucky I'm reversified, Filemon.

Otherwise I would reach up your bum, grab your throat

and turn you inside out like a calamari.

The Ding-Dong I mentioned earlier, remember?

Let's get out of here, this place is too clean. It's disgusting!

Too bad, it was a such a nice pigsty.

All clear

for Operation Annihilate the Boss' Cousin.

Perfect, Billy, perfect.

He asked for it.

Let the fireworks begin!

Boom, I love the sound of the boom...

I just want to be happy...

And find myself a daddy...

Are you lost, little boy?

Wow, a tiny toy man!

Can't find your way home?

I don't have a home. They took me in.

Took you in...?

"City Orphanage."

You poor thing.

A helpless little orphan.

And they sent me for beers.

What kind of orphanage is this?

I don't know, they drugged me.

Two men living together.

This is inconceivable!

What's going on here? I want to talk to whoever's in charge right now!

On the double!

That's for the firecrackers!

Taxi!

What are you doing? I work for the city!

Even better! You're responsible

for this hit-and-run!

I didn't even touch you.

If he has a fever you're in big trouble.

Here's a thermometer, sweetie.

Take us to a day care center right now

so they can look after this poor child!

I have a better idea.

Look, I have a gift for you.

Don't try to bribe me, lady!

Just stick the key in the ignition!

I should stick it where the sun don't shine.

Now you flee into the subway!

We're surrounded by corruption

and incompetence!

Get in the car, son!

- Son? - Come on, little fella.

Crunchy has some nerve...

He left without watering the plants.

I've got a ticket to ride...

Boss, check this out!

We have to act fast, Mortadelo.

The store is going to close!

Phooey!

Going for a ride

- in Daddy's car... - Buckle up!

To Jimmy's hideout.

To warn him that they're looking for him.

Your voice is changing.

You're turning into a little man.

RABID DOGS

Great, Mortadelo. We lost Mulecruncher.

Not lost, boss. He was taken from us.

You're right, very clever. I knew that. But who?

If we only had a clue...

Wait, something's written here.

"Property of Jimmy the Freak's gang.

If found, call 609020202."

020202... Nope. They're all prime numbers.

- Excuse me? - The clue is invalid.

There's an address and a website.

"Jimmythefreak.com."

Will you let me think? I'm trying

to put this puzzle together.

I saw the whole thing.

If you're looking for the big fella who was singing on TV...

Great! Some jerk steps out of the sewer and he's already a private eye!

Whatever.

- I have an idea, boss. - Don't tell me.

I'm sick of your ideas.

Shouldn't we try calling right now, just in case?

Right now? Are you insane?

We have to call after eight,

it's cheaper.

FOR SALE BECAUSE WE'RE LEAVING

I don't know if all this will fit in the chopper.

Then we'll have to make two trips. Everything goes.

- The used bricks too? - No.

We can leave them behind if you want.

Hello, Jimmy the Freak's secret hideout.

Hello?

What are you doing?

I hung up. So they'll call me back.

Watch and learn.

Yes? Hello?

- You called this number. - What do you want exactly?

Who am I talking to?

Mortadelo and Filemon, from the T.I.A.

Oh, right.

What was I going to say? Would you happen to have something or someone

that doesn't belong to you maybe?

The last thing that came in was a safe that belongs to you guys...

But it's all packed up in bubble wrap because we're shipping it right away...

Since you blew our cover...

Yeah, sorry about that. Anyway, can you pass me Mulecruncher

for a second? I have a message for him.

Hold on a second, let me check.

Jimmy, they want to talk to your cou...

Crunchy? Crunchy? Mulecruncher?

Congratulations, boss. Now they're torturing him and it's all your fault.

Jesus, Mortadelo! We need to get there right now, but it's impossible!

The hideout is 30 miles away, in the countryside!

Did you say the countryside?

Yeah, why?

- I have an idea, but it's dangerous. - Tell me, what is it?

Teletransportation.

Let me drive!

So those two boneheads from the T.I.A.

have found us...

I told Billy that putting the address on the website was cool

but not very safe.

Then how are people supposed to find us, Einstein?

Easy, boys. I'll separate you so you stop arguing,

so you stop arguing I'll separate you.

How did these two get here? Bluetooth?

No worries. The moment they touch that latch

it'll activate the security trap.

- Right? - Wrong.

I disconnected it.

You know how much electricity that thing consumes?

What's wrong, Jimmy? Not happy

- to see your cousin? - God help us! We're going to die!

Don't worry, I'll handle

the TV star.

The TV star I'll handle.

- It's not him we're worried about. - It's the Oompa Loompa.

I see you're doing

the vacuuming, Mother Superior.

Children deserve a clean environment.

I came to drop off the little one, but first I have to make sure

everything is in order in this nursery.

Holy guacamole! You look exactly the same, cuz! Worse than ever.

Your brooms are nicely arranged.

Hey, pineapples to make smoothies for the kids.

Very healthy, yes, sir.

- Who is this guy? - Daddy-o!

- My uncle? - Spongeballs!

You're going to love it here, kiddo.

What are you up to, you freak?

I'm getting my revenge on those blabbermouths who helped the T.I.A.,

the T.I.A. who helped.

The T.I.A.!

They drugged me!

They made me iron, sew and cook!

They even had me singing

Julio Iglesias!

And they sent me out for beers!

Hey, look at this safe.

Looks strong! It's one of those with the little hook.

I'll be damned, damned I'll be.

If we leave the fridge open the food will spoil. What's this?

Very nice! Crab sticks on the floor!

If we put them in the freezer,

we'll know where they are later.

Look! A drum!

- Dashing through the... - Nooo!

...snow!

You little...!

Look, an empty basement!

I'll check the last time it was inspected.

Nurse!

I'll get your for this!

So teletransportation, huh?

I'll show you teletransportation.

I thought, since this was out in the countryside,

we should take this TV out to my poor Aunt Ucrania.

She just retired and she's bored stiff.

It's only about 50 miles out of the way.

What!

It's not even on the way?

- It's in the opposite direction. - I can't believe it...!

What a surprise! Mortadelo!

Look, there she is! Aunt Ucrania!

- Is this woman dangerous? - If you're driving.

You wanted to drive.

I hardly recognized you!

Where y'all goin' with that crappy TV?

- I ain't got nowhere to put it. - It's for you.

For me? I don't want that piece of garbage.

I already have

a 78 inch plasma full HDMI

with 3D surround sound.

Aunt Ucrania, can we borrow your mule to get...

Filomena? No problem. But you'll have to make two trips.

Shotgun!

One.

What are you doing?

And two. Two trips. Hey, you left your crappy TV behind!

Should we leave it connected or unplug it?

With you it's hard to know.

This is unacceptable! The children starving without dinner

and you're getting a manicure.

And you two, what a disgrace.

You think I don't know what you're up to?

- What do you mean? - Living together! You're an item!

Come here, you little peanut. I'm going to turn you into peanut butter.

Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?

He started it.

What are you doing?

Checking the TV! To make sure

there's no inappropriate programming for children.

TV shmeevee!

Give me the remote, you smurf!

What is this, a new toy?

What is this? This is what?

A little thing that goes boom!

Check it out, click, clack, click.

It's atomic, tick, tack, tick.

And how do you know when it's going to blow?

When it starts to beep, nice and slow.

And beep, the bomb will go beep.

I love the sound of the beep...

right before it goes boom.

What a blast!

And boom, what a freaky little boom...

After it beeps it goes boom...

And the T.I.A. will meet it's doom!

I'd better change the channel.

With all these beeps and booms, I don't think this musical

is right for the boy.

Nooo!!!

What comes after the beep?

- What was that? - It sounded like two pumpkins

stuffed with sawdust crashing on the ground.

Since when do we have two cactuses out in front?

I don't know, but one of them is right on top of a red ant hill.

Elevator!

Nothing. Someone must have left the door open.

Stay still, you little bonsai!

Come on, it's just a few ants.

It's not the ants, you jack ass.

My disguise is inside-out!

I'm going upstairs to talk to the manager,

even if I have to take the service stairs.

I'm going to deliver this to the T.I.A.

Crunchy, keep an eye on your daddy.

Make sure he doesn't touch anything else! And you two!

Very important!

Stay together!

What do we do now, boss? They're armed to the teeth in there.

We're dead meat if we go in there.

Don't worry. We'll do it backwards.

Reverse psychology.

We don't go in. They're the ones who'll come out.

Start the countdown.

One,

two, three...

Boss, they're getting away!

Five... Shut up, I'll lose count!

Six, seven...

Boss, they're escaping!

Would you be quiet and stop interrupting?

I lost count! Now I have to start over again from zero.

Ten, nine, eight...

Uh-oh, this doesn't look good.

Where is he taking that?

Finally a break. Having Jimmy here is always so stressful.

Have you seen my dad?

That little midget is your dad?

Bro, didn't you notice?

He looks just like him.

Who's your mom?

The cookie monster?

Three, two,

one...

Zero!

Now when I fly over the T.I.A...

Hey, the envelope came back!

Say whatever you want,

but I think that reverse psychology stuff is garbage.

Crunchy!

Crunchy!

Crunchy!

Crunchy...

Crunchy.

Crunchy!

Crunchy.

Did you get the beers or what?

I'll show you a beer!

Don't worry boss, I'll stick him!

No, wait! We need to extract the intel from him.

But he's already extracting... all your teeth!

Where is Jimmy's hideout?

Here.

- Where is here? - Right here.

Inject the invention, Mortadelo.

We already have all the intel.

Crunchy, I didn't see you there...

You're making me do something I don't want to.

- What? - What do you think?

Die.

Billy, did you hear that?

No... I didn't... God!

What? What's wrong?

Man, you sure are ugly!

What do you mean...?

I finally don't have to look at you anymore! I can't believe it!

My own rear-end!

I've got one too!

Come on, give me one last hug, then we'll go our separate ways!

I'll show him.

- Where are you going with that? - I'm going to stick this guy.

I'll go with you.

Daddy! Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy!

- Daddy! - Hey, knucklehead.

Take a step forward, if you have the guts.

- Come on, you sissy! - Redneck!

Scaredy-cat!

Super hunk!

- Sex symbol! - Stud-muffin!

I love you...!

No, no, no.

Oh, no! Our happiness was cut short!

What am I doing here? This is between you two.

Melonhead!

Things were going so well...!

Teletransportation!

- Perfect timing... - Sorry, it slipped out.

Crunchy! After all we've done for you!

You put me in jail and drugged me!

Don't be so negative.

I don't feel so well.

Daddy!

Boom! The T.l.A.'s going to go boom!

You think those two nitwits pulled it off?

They would have sent a message.

Here it is.

"The T.I.A. is going to take off."

What do you think, Bacterio?

I don't think it's from them.

You're going to freak out when your house gets blown up,

blown up gets your house.

They get us out of bed for this?

They're going to fly over us!

Allow me.

I'll help you with the umbrella.

It must have gotten stuck on the floor of the elevator.

- Pull it up! - The controls aren't working!

I'll put it here, on the shelf.

It won't go up!

There you go!

Stop playing around!

This is even freakier than I thought.

Sit in front, boss. I know you get dizzy in the back seat.

I'm going to call the manager with the P.A.

Why's he turning around?

Stop that...!

Believe it or not,

but I get dizzier in front!

The gas tank!

Hello? Hello?

Hello?!

Nah, it's no use!

This guy just went too far, Mortadelo!

- What do you mean? - He flew out of range.

He's coming back! What does he want now?

To drop the bomb on us?

Boom, I can already hear the...

This is an outrage! I almost got killed and you're playing with a hoola-hoop!

Come on, lady!

Can you see him?

We need mach speed.

- What do you mean? - "Mach-imum" speed!

- Grab it, grab it! - I wish it were that easy!

Going up again? I'm going down to the first floor.

Where's the emergency stop? Oh, there it is...

What are you doing?

Get out of the way.

I want to talk to the manager!

Everything's so complicated!

Which was it? Red, green, green, red...

Okay, boss. See you later.

Where do you think you're going?

Hey, take it easy. The safe! Watch out!

You're wrinkling my pants.

I've got it, I've got it.

Don't complain, I'm stuck in a bad position too.

Hang in there, boss! Don't let go of that bomb!

Beep, after the beep comes the boom...

I can already hear the...

Uh-oh.

Jimmy wasn't ready for my cowboy outfit.

- I've got it, Mortadelo! - Yes, boss! Yes!

- Filemon has a firm grip on it! - Yes!

- Yes! - Yes!

- Yes! - Yes!

Yes!

- Yes! - Yes!

Yes!

Cowabunga, boss!

Um... what did the message say?

You go first, that's what bosses are for.

That's why you have to go first, to inspect the terrain!

Mortadelo, do something!

"Caspa retractus terrenus softus."

- What? - What?

Where are you going? Hey! Teletransportation!

Daddy!

Daddy!

Where did you learn to drive, stupid? In Miami?

He's in a hurry, boss. Otherwise you'd be dead by now.

No way, man! We're totally close now. Crunchy!

Crunchy! You forgot your shoes!

Oops! He's turning around.

You're the one who's going to turn... inside out!

Mortadelo...

I'd never seen such a perfectly executed Ding-Dong.

Ever!

Finally. This is my stop.

Where's the step!

Daddy!

Daddy!

Daddy!

The mattress!

Aim for the mattress!!!

These little angels still had their baby teeth.

Look at them crawl. They're so happy.

Daddy! Daddy...

I need a change of lifestyle.

That's fine, darling, but it's time to tell you the truth.

Sebastian, my sweet little girl,

you're adopted.

Okay, let's head home.

Mission accomplished, boss.

Feels great when everything works out.

Exactly, not a single loose end.

Hey, we forgot about this guy.

There's only two of us and I can't do any more than I'm already doing!

Where were you, freak?

Well, I was on my way home and suddenly I thought,

Jimmy, you don't have a home, a home you don't have.

So I came back to thank you.

- You're welcome! - Hey.

Congratulations. At least you still have the transformer!

Your Pokemon looks great, Jimmy.

Say hello to our little friends.

Were you looking for this, this were you looking for?

Drats, the envelope! I totally forgot.

Oh well, it's time to use non-magnetic

weapons. Jimmy!

Give me a second.

Okay, where were we?

Um... Jimmy... Where are you going after this?

Why?

Maybe you could give us a ride downtown.

Are those your last words or do you want to change them?

- We'll keep these, right? - How nice.

Okay, let's start the countdown, the countdown let's start.

Five,

four...

Jimmy, wait...

- Now what? - Well,

I'm not trying to stall, but...

- What? - No...

this machine... Is there a four-door model?

- Two, one... - One more thing.

I don't like where this is headed.

It's okay, I have it all under control.

- Hey, Jimmy...! - What! What! What!

- What was I going to say? - Nothing. Let me say it.

Say it let me. Boom!

I love the sound of the boom!

- Jimmy! - What!

If you press that button, you'll be crushed by the T.I.A.

Oh, yeah? Let's see!

What a mess, huh?

Mess? What mess? I had it all planned.

Almost.

- Here, your document. - Yeah,

he sends us on one mission and we end up with three.

What do you mean, three?

Remember how to count, Super?

One, the safe. Recovered.

And completely semi-new.

Two, Mulecruncher. Totally hidden.

Not even we know where he is.

Three, the bomb.

I was going to mention that...

- No longer necessary. - Totally deactivated.

It'll never explode again.

No need to celebrate if you're too busy...

By the way, what's so important about that document

that nearly cost us our lives?

It's a recipe for cream of potatoes

Ofelia got off the Internet.

My stomach is delicate and I can only eat

bland foods.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Savage and brutal assault.

They shoved a spicy 60-ton cast iron safe down his throat

and the hook got caught.

His assailants are believed to have fled to the Amazon...

Mortadelo! Filemon!

Come here! I'll show you how to make a shish-kebab!

Are we out of danger?

Yes, but wait a little longer, just in case.

How much longer?

Until things cool down.

The countdown begins.

Filemon, you are such a sex symbol! I'm crazy about you!

I've been telling you the whole time, silly.

I'm your alpha male.

Boss, have you seen the leftover Reversulin

- that was in the syringe? - Me? No idea.

Why would I want that stuff? Please...

What is he saying, darling,

- sweet cakes? - Never mind.

Come on, baby. I'll show you my pad.

- I just finished mopping! - Who asked you?

To you, Dad, for inserting Mortadelo and Filemon

into my childhood without calibrating the consequences.

This is how the potter, with tenacity and patience,

slowly shapes the clay

following jug-making tradition

cultivated by his ancestors with hard work and dedication

to the delicate art of jug-making...