Original subtitles

(light synth music)

(eerie ambient music)

- [Vinny] Tensions were rising

in the mobs of Little Italy,

Brooklyn, and Chinatown.

They tried working togethe, but criminals can't be trust.

- You wear that every day.

Where'd you get that shit su?

Look, who still dresses like this?

- Mind your business.

- Do you see this guy?

- I see him.

- [Vinny] That's Al Capella,

the real deal boss of Manhattan.

Don't mess with him unless you collect horse heads.

This guy's Amadore Condimento.

He's the boss of Brooklyn, pedals in condiments.

This is Chinatown's triad boss, Hung Phat!

He speaks English but when he wants you to feel small,

it's all Chinese.

(wind whooshing)

- [Sean] Gentlemen.

- [Vinny] And then, there is Sean O'Greedy,

our Crime Commissioner on the take.

Everyone is corrupt in this town.

- A decade ago we moved away from drugs and gambling

to run oils, and spices, and herbs.

We are the original crime syndicate.

Begun centuries ago by Marco Polo.

We've made fortunes selling addictive flavors,

holding shops and restaurants hostage,

to bulk orders without discounts.

Your greed threatens everything.

- Look, Capella's passed his prime.

He let the Chinese overtake Mott and Mulberry Street.

I'll run his territory.

- This is coming from a guy who's still stuck in the '70s.

Look at that freaking outfit, would you?

Look at his men?

- How dare you talk to me like that?

- You were nothin' but a broken-down fight promoter

'til I made you what you are.

- Ha.

- [Al] Sit down.

- Sit down?

- Sit down!

(pounds desk)

- Listen!

I don't want your trouble to get in my business!

- Watch your mouth.

Who the hell are you talking to?

(speaking foreign language)

(laughing)

What did he just say?

- My boss said, "Greed is a powerful aphrodisiac.

But when the feast is over, no one cares about the sauce."

- What does that mean?

Nobody cares about the sauce?

(speaking foreign language)

(laughs)

What does that mean?

- It means "asshole".

- No, I know what it means.

North of Canal Street it means man

who talk too much get killed.

Watch your ass.

- Yeah, you sound like a Chinese fortune cookie.

(laughs)

Am I right?

Am I right?

(laughs)

- Forget about it.

- Careful, boys.

(gong crashing)

- Who the hell is he?

- [Al] Look at that freaking outfit, would you?

- Gentleman, this is Hai Chu.

- [Vinny] Bless you.

- He's head of the Chinese family in Philly here

to discuss business.

- What is in it for him?

(speaking foreign language)

- We will see.

- [Vinny] Back in the day, Chu and Phat fell out.

Something about a gambling debt and a girl.

That bracelet is a reminder.

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(both yelling)

(grunting)

(groaning)

- Now, I am the boss in Philadelphia!

(dramatic orchestral music)

- I'm up for re-election.

So, you better steady your relationships.

If not, we are all ruined.

The next commissioner will dismantle everything!

(chuckles)

Power,

that's what appeals to me.

Power.

- [Man] Hi-ya.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(upbeat jazz music)

* I want to know

* How I can start

* When love has always torn my heart *

* But if I feel

* The storm begin

* My mind is of a fool's

* And I rush in

* To what I know will alwayse *

* A trip through pain

* And ecstasy

* When my blood begins to rae *

* My idle trepidations all erase *

* What if she's the one I sa*

* How can I let her get away

* I just can't go another day

* Without her by my side to say *

* I want to know

* If you could care

* For one who always would be there *

- Do you know where Wisdom and Knowledge are?

(speaking foreign language)

(flute music)

- Yes, what is it that you are seeking?

- I seek advice from the all-knowing Jade brothers.

Tell me, sir, are you the great sage, Knowledge?

- I am Wisdom.

That dummy there is Knowledge.

(Knowledge scoffs)

- Look, I could really use se advice.

- Ha!

- Does the dragon make the rn fall without first (inhale)

breathing in the sweet smells of the incense?

- A little cha-ching, Wisdom ain't cheap, you know?

Hey, that's for my new hip!

And when I get it I'll put my foot

where Confucius grace don't shine!

- Guys!

A little focus.

Look, today everybody in the city thinks I am a hero.

The girl of my dreams kissed me.

And I am in love.

- I knew I was good but I never worked this fast before?

- Widow Chang said, "You're o fast."

- That's not what your wife said!

She never had it so good!

- Hah!

Which wife?

- All of them!

- Guys, this is serious.

(laughs)

- How can you be so sure?

- Look, it wasn't easy growing up the eldest son.

(all shouting and grunting)

It was my duty to bring great pride

to my family.

But I just couldn't measure .

(kids laughing)

- Hold on.

You know kung fu?

Hey, how much to work over knowledge here?

- You mean to tell me the great Jade brothers

don't know the martial arts?

(scoffs)

- Badminton was my game.

- Ehh, sissy rackets and lite birdies.

- [Vinny] If you're not gonna help, I want my money back.

- Ha!

Does the forest

take back its silence when the woodchuck farts?

- Look, the point is,

I never took to the whole Asn thing.

It was Italian culture that grabbed me.

- Wait, Vincent, Vincent!

(speaking foreign language)

What's wrong?

- I wanna go home.

Even though I was raised in Chinatown-

- This way!

- [Vinny] I just felt like any other American kid

in New York City.

A city where you can be anything you want.

Me, I wanted to be a wiseguy.

They get respect and were my role models as a kid.

- Vincent.

(speaking foreign language)

Let's go, huh?

No good.

- You talking to me?

Forget about it, you're a wise guy.

You talkin' to me?

Forget about it, you're a wise guy.

- [Man] Hey, Vincent!

- You talking to me?

- I call your name, who else would I be talking to?

- You talking to me?

- I'm looking right at you.

(speaking foreign language)

What are you?

Huh?

Are you sick or something?

Huh?

- Forget about it!

- Huh.

You have ear problem, huh?

Loh Moh, your-

- [Vinny] As you can see, executing the wiseguy

attitude was gonna take some time.

In fact, until last month, I wasn't even close.

- Now, my personal favorites are these cream-filled.

But for you, I am thinking are you like uh,

egg tart kinda guy?

Chocolate kinda guy?

Right up here we got these.

Oh, hey Tina!

How, how are things?

- Hey miss Mary.

- [Vinny] That's Tina.

Wow, right?

She dates wise guys, so I never really had a chance.

That and I always made a fool of myself around her.

- Hold on, uh, Donny?

Donny, bring up the Di Pocco order.

- You okay?

What, I got something on my face?

- Whoa, Tina!

- Donny.

How are ya?

Good to see ya.

- Oh my God! - Yeah okay.

- Hey listen.

You uh, you like lobsters and shrimps?

- Yeah, sure.

- How about I take you to the aquarium?

We watch 'em run around a little?

- That don't sound fun.

- Let me take you out.

- Donny, I told you a million times.

You're a nice guy-

- Take a picture, it'll last longer, okay?

This all could be yours, baby.

- This could be a future?

- Me, you, miss Mary over there and all the lobster tas

you could eat, baby.

(laughs)

- Please.

Can I get a bag for this?

- This is home.

A five-story walk-up in Chinatown.

It's traditional Chinese, except for the lottery

tickets on Buddha's lap.

(hand slams on counter)

Dad thinks vaping traditional herbs and reading,

"Yin and Yang in the Bedroom"

will keep him virile.

I think it's working.

Mom loves to cook and those are my two little brothers,

if you can believe it.

(inhales deeply)

What is this an opium den?

- Ah, this stuff balances your Yin with your Yang.

You should try it sometime, Vincent.

You are always unhappy.

That's a sign of imbalance.

- My balance is just fine.

(laughs)

- Doesn't seem like balance to me.

- Hmm.

- Not for nothin', pop,

but you got Buddha, fortune cookies, lottery tickets,

and buck-wild Antler Essence.

You work yourself ragged but you never make it big.

That don't seem like balanceo me.

- You may be my number one s, huh?

But I'm the giver of life he.

- Forget about it.

- Loh Moh, why does your son sound like one of those

Mulberry-Street Italians?

- Ugh, if he doesn't want toe Chinese,

how will you stop him?

- [Vinny] Joey is my best friend.

He's always looking out for me

- "The Godfather" is one of the greatest films of all time.

- Yeah, to get that kind of respect, now that is a real man.

- Yeah, that is pretty good. What can I get you guys?

- That makes me hungry.

- Yo. - Oh.

- Can we get uh- - Hey, what's up guys?

- Give me a couple spicy sausages and mustard.

- And a couple of drinks.

- Hey!

- Be smart, kid.

- Here ya go buddy, 10 bucks.

- Okay, 100?

- Thank you. - Well, that's a 100, man.

I don't have change.

- Keep it.

Let's go.

- Got any tacos or enchiladas?

- We got hot links and bone-in hotdogs.

What do you need?

- Right.

All right, umm, couple of hotlinks,

little mustard, two sodas.

- You got it.

- Hey!

You got this one, Don Vinny?

- Yeah.

In the presence of two real goodfellas.

- Yeah I'm surprised they'ren Manhattan.

- You need more than that.

Thank you.

- What are you talking about?

The mob's all over Manhattan.

- Yeah, Al Capella's men, su,

but those were Condimento's Brooklyn boys.

- And you know this because there's a Goomba Gazette?

- Nah, my uncle Eddie works for Condimento.

- Is your uncle Fountain Soda Eddie?

- Yeah, he makes sure all the syrups for the fountain

soda machines are stocked.

- All these years,

Joey Rissotto, you never thought to mention

your uncle was the Fountain Soda?

- I am not allowed to talk about it.

- There she is.

(chimes ringing)

In all her heavenly glory.

- You've known Tina since we was in school.

You didn't say nothing then, you won't now.

Forget about it.

- She's my goddess, what can I say?

- Man up and ask her out.

- All right, I've gotta go.

I'm gonna go to one of them bicycle classes.

- Oh, good for you.

(chuckles)

- All right, love, I'll see .

- Bye.

- She's coming over here.

- Huh?

Ugh.

Hey Tina, how about we romance the Big Apple,

just you and I?

- Not a chance.

- Not even a maybe?

- First, you need a bib.

And B, you ain't got no car, no connections, no nothing.

A girl's gotta secure her future

and when you can understand that,

maybe you can get a girl like me?

(car honks)

That's what I'm talking about.

- Call me!

- How women resist you,

I'll never know.

- Help me out.

- What do you want me to do about it?

She's a lost cause.

- Introduce me to your uncle.

- Vin, in case you haven't noticed,

you're not Italian.

And not for nothin', it's a real dangerous life.

Forget about it.

- Yeah, forget about it.

Too much trouble for a girl anyway.

- Forget about the girl?

Have you lost your mind?

You must always pursue the girl.

Hah, you never pursued the girl in your life.

Call girls maybe.

- Would you two quit it and let me finish the story?

- So?

- Vincent.

(speaking foreign language)

- I'm trying my best, Sifu.

(thudding)

Good job, May.

- If you'd spend more time at the kwoon with us,

you could have easily won.

(light orchestral music)

- Vincent.

(speaking foreign language)

- I get it, it's for self-defense

but practicing for mastery,

what's the point, Sifu?

- The art is part of who we are.

It connects us to our ancestors and culture.

- Kung-fu builds character.

(speaking foreign language)

It all starts from the kwoon.

You must do this

to forge the spirit.

- And it's a lot of fun,

especially when I get to beat up on Vincent.

- Embrace kung-fu

and see the change.

- You've been practicing forever, Sifu.

Doing the same thing every d.

But is this life really good enough?

- More than enough.

(speaking foreign language)

You will see a change in you.

(speaking foreign language)

- I see mango.

- Yeah, there's the other things.

(laughs)

- Hey, Vincent, good for the jade stalk!

Hmm?

- I got so much stuff that's good for that,

you little horndog.

- Oh.

- It will fill your pecker le a balloon.

- Huh?

Oh, bring me an extra 10 boxes next week, huh?

We Chinese like the green tea.

- And I got avocados on special.

- Huh?

- They're good for the dopamine.

- Come on, man do your job.

- Why don't you shove one of those bananas

where the sun don't shine?

- I'm helping you out.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, easy, easy.

Wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, hey!

- You're useless little man.

- That's my produce.

Help me get my produce.

Hey.

Hey, Vincent!

Help Me!

Huh what are you doing?

Come.

- [Vinny] I'd had it.

It was time to join the Mob

to get some respect and get e girl.

So I crossed Canal Street from Chinatown

into Little Italy in search of my destiny.

I stumbled onto the two goodfellas

from the hot dog cart.

It looked like

they were in the middle of a territory scuffle.

- You should be ashamed of yourself

with the way oregano smells.

It tastes like sweat.

- He's right, it does.

Listen to me, you tell Condimento that Al Capella's

got a message for him.

- What's that message again?

- The message is you don't sell a dash, a pinch, a shaker

of your oregano, you hear me?

You tell Mr. Condominium over there,

you tell him we find out he sells

even a sprinkle of that crap

you guys are selling anywhere in this neighborhood,

he is gonna answer to Mr. Capella, capice?

- It's now or never.

Time to fulfill my destiny.

(grunting)

(gagging)

Want some mustard with that?

Someone get some mustard for this line-cutting bitch.

- Oh!

Who are you?

Who interferes in the family business?

- The man asked you a questi.

- I'm Vinny Chow,

proving myself mob worthy.

- Mob worthy?

- Shall we whack 'em?

- No, no.

We'll bring him in.

Grab 'em.

- Come on, you're coming with us.

- What?

Come on, let's take him upstairs to see the boss.

- What is everybody lookin' ?

- Shut up, keep walkin'.

- [Al] Yeah, you just get the money.

I don't care where he is, you find him

and bring him down here.

I want every penny he owes me, you understand?

This is bullcrap.

- Al, Al?

- Well, I gotta go now.

Just do what I told you.

Yeah, what's up Frankie Brows?

- So, we took care of Vito and Luigi.

We sent a clear message to Condimento, that's for sure.

- That's good.

- But there's something else.

We got a little bit of a situation, boss.

- What's that?

- Well, you'll see.

Bring him in.

- We brought you a Chinatown special.

- Oh, the Moo Goo Gai Pan?

I love those little round pancakes.

- That dish with the little pancakes,

that's Moo Shu, not Moo Goo.

Get your hands off that.

- Moo Shu, Moo Goo, screw you.

They;re no freakin' ravioli

but I love those little round fluffy things

with the bump on the top like that.

So, nobody brought me takeout?

- No, no, no, like I was saying, we were sending a message

out to Condimento.

- And then out of nowhere, this ninja shows up and starts

dropping the one, two on Vito and Luigi.

And I gotta tell you, it was a beautiful thing.

- Yeah. (farts)

He starts shoving red hot pepper flakes down Vito's throat.

I mean, the poor guy had tears in his eyes.

(laughs)

- I did it for you, Don Capella.

- You mean to tell me, you three idiots couldn't

take care of two jerkoffs from Brooklyn on your own?

- Idiots?

- Excuse me, boss.

But with all due respect,

I think we handled this thing just fine.

- We can't have the fine citizens of Little Italy

think that we need help from the Chinese.

You know what I'm talking about?

- Uh, no, we can't.

That's why we brought him in.

- All right, forget that.

I'm hungry.

Now order me the Chinese pancakes

with the scallions and the sauce on it.

And charge it to Spetzia.

He owes me a lot of money.

- Yeah, why don't you two o find something else to do, h?

- Okay.

- You, kid- - You, sit down.

All right.

Listen, what do you want from me, huh?

While I am in a good mood, tk to me.

- It all started when I was a kid.

You see- - You got three seconds.

- I wanna join the family and become a wiseguy.

(laughs)

- He wants to join the family, and become,

you ain't even Italian.

- I'm doing the best I can.

(speaking foreign language)

- He's got big balls, this k.

You don't join this here, I induct you into it.

It's a special thing.

And once I induct you, I give you an offer you can't refuse.

- Sure, I've seen the movies.

- You've seen the movies.

This ain't the movies.

There's no Chinese wiseguys in movies.

- No.

- All right, I've had enoughf you, kid.

You keep sticking your nose in my business where it

don't belong, and I'm not

going to put you on a slow bt to China.

I'm gonna put you under one.

Capice?

Get him outta here.

Come on, let's go.

Go on, take a walk.

- He's not kiddin'.

Come on, let's go.

(light orchestral music)

(thuds)

And stay out!

- [Vinny] Going straight to the top was an epic fail,

but I wasn't giving up.

There had to be another way r a Chinese

guy to get started in the mafia.

- Yeah, what?

Take it easy, okay?

- Then get up the steps.

- Why do we have to go in here for?

- Get up, get up those steps.

- You know what you're goin'n here for!

In here?

- Where do you want to go?

Get in!

(all chattering)

Get in the ring, we'll straighten you out.

- What do you mean?

What do you mean, straightene out?

- Come on, come on.

Put these gloves on.

Box a round with little John.

- Little Johnny? - They call him "The Masher."

(whooshes)

- [Condimento] Wait a minute.

Bring him to me.

- Oh, it's your lucky day.

- [Condimento] Ritchie, get everybody out.

- Clear the gym.

- So, my sources tell me Capella's

been moving product into Brooklyn.

- Capella's man, Frankie Bro,

has been messing with my clerks.

Forced 'em to buy his grated cheese.

- Yeah?

Well, what'd your boys do?

- They're just boys, what cod they do?

He made them sign the order.

And no bulk discount!

I sell the grated cheese

and the garlic powder aroundn Brooklyn.

You don't buy nothin' from that Manhattan wannabe.

Get him outta here!

- Come on, come on.

Get up, get out.

Let's go.

Come on.

- [Vinny] Look at these two wannabes

and their fake bruises.

- You two guys are pathetic.

- [Vinny] Too scared to say what really happened.

- Not for nothin', boss.

We were doing good until a dozen ninjas attacked us.

- [Condimento] Ninjas?

- Yeah, boss.

They like, they came out of the shadows or something.

- Capella must have made a deal with that Hung Phat.

- The Italians and the Chinese working together?

You know, it's unprecedented,

but not impossible given the tensions

between the Italians.

- What are we gonna do, boss?

- Well, we got hundreds of olive oil cans around.

Maybe we put them all over Chinatown.

- Olive oil is Cappella's racket.

- Right, Chinese don't buy Italian.

- We need an inside man, someone expendable.

- Hung Phat will go to war wh Capella.

- Exactly.

And when they're knocking each other off, we're gonna

move right in.

- Hey, we need an Italian that looks a little Chinese.

Kinda like a crossover.

- Oh, that's a good idea.

Go see who you can see.

- Who are we gonna trust, bo?

- It's not about who we can trust.

It's about who's dumb enougho do it.

(all laughing)

- [Vinny] "The highly effecte made guy

instills fear through intimidation

and allows no one to refuse him.

He lets his will be known,

but until a Made Guy can say deeply and honestly,

I am what I am today because

of the choices I made yesterday,

he cannot say I have chosen the path of the Made Guy."

There's O'Greedy sneaking into Yam Cha Tong.

Hung Phat's triad headquarters in the back of a restaurant.

This guy is playing all sides.

- You coming here is asking r trouble.

- The damn Italians can't work themselves out.

Their numbers are down and they're bringing attention

to the operation.

- What is your plan?

- We partner to push out the Italians, keep the profits,

and the provolone.

- What do you want?

- Enough cash to bribe some officials

and you to find a way to get your

products into Little Italy and Brooklyn.

- Okay.

Ming, (snaps finger)

money!

- Thanks a lot.

(upbeat music)

- That's what I'm talking about, baby.

Me and you.

Us.

Together.

What more could a girl want?

- Power.

Fame.

Fortune.

- And I'm working up.

I told you.

- You're working up?

You always say you're working up.

You're not even working?

- Look at the car, Tina!

- Look at the car?

I feel like it's a rental.

- Tina doll.

I've come for you.

- Hey, get your stinking hands off my car.

I'm talking over here.

- Okay.

I'm Vinny Chow, independent associate-

- Oh hey, ain't you the guy

who was trying to pick me up with the hot link?

- Uh, ugh, no.

- Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was you.

- Uh, we all look alike?

- That's true.

Are you sure?

- I said we're busy.

Now scram.

- Hey, don't interfere with family business.

I'm working for Al Capella.

- Oh, well, uh, hold on.

You're working for Mr. Al Capella?

- Well, I'm not working for Al Capella.

- "Well, I'm not working forl Capella."

Huh, huh.

Yeah.

Are you even Italian?

- You, you talkin' to me?

- Get outta here.

Tina, get in the car.

- Hold on.

A girl could get far with a guy connected to the Don.

- I'm gonna go shake down a deli.

You're coming with me.

- See ya around, Rocco.

- Tina, get in the car.

Tina!

Fuhgeddaboutit!

- Hey, kid.

Don't you know drinking all that soda's bad for you?

- Yeah?

My grandfather lived to be 80.

- Did he drink a lot of soda?

- No, he minded his own business.

- Why you little wiseguy.

Get outta, hey, get out of here you little, hit the road.

Next!

- Oregano, $3.99.

He's crazy and it stinks.

(upbeat jazz music)

- What are you doing, Vin?

- You know, you gotta watch what you eat these days.

- It's dry pasta!

- Those hydrogenated oils and trans fats.

Forget about it.

- Uh, sure, whatever.

Now, go demand some money so you could take me shopping.

And then maybe I'll take you somewhere.

Ugh, do something or I'm leaving.

Maybe I can still catch Rocco?

- Hey, are you Salame?

- For Christ sake, I'm counting money here.

Hey, what a lovely couple.

Do you like 69?

- I love beef and broccoli.

I'm Vinny Chow, independent associative of Al Capella.

I'm here to collect 300 large.

- I'm 300 large!

Vinny Chow, what kinda name is that?

I never heard no Chinese with an Italian name?

- Just because someone looks a certain way-

- Vinny, give me a break you.

- I'm here to collect.

You don't pay?

I gotta get rough.

- You're not even Italian.

All right, I'll tell you what?

Get anything you want and I'll give you 30% off.

- You offering me a discount?

- I'm offering you a discount.

- You're offering me a discount?

- Are you hard of hearing?

I'm offering you a discount.

- I'm here shaking you down, and you want me

to spend my money here?

- It's my one and only offer.

Try the veal, I'm here all week.

Next?

Oh, buddy, your glasses are thicker than my provolone.

Get outta here.

- All right, I'll take a pound of provolone.

- Coming right up.

That's how you do business at Salame's Deli.

- You're not very good at th, Vin.

- Why do I need to explain this?

- Uh, because I'm holding groceries and you

borrowed 20 bucks from me?

- Well, you let me handle the finances.

- Oh, you ain't gonna be handlin'

nothin' if you keep this up.

Hey, ma, we brought you something.

- Did you go to Salame's tod?

- Why do you always gotta ask me?

- What?

It was 30 off today.

Oh, sorry.

Thank you for bringing this stuff over.

(door slams)

(tires screeching)

- Hey, get in the car.

- No way.

Why? - Get in the car.

(door slams)

(tires screech)

(light piano music)

- Come here, you son of a bitch.

Get over there!

Come on, come on.

- Look at this.

(laughs)

- Look at me, you.

You think this is a big joke, huh?

- No, it's no joke.

This is kinda funny though.

Am I right?

- Oh, yeah?

You think what I do is funny?

Maybe you think I'm funny.

Funny how?

- What?

No.

- I know what it is, you lite rat.

You think you're the Godfath.

Or maybe you think you're the freakin'

Pope of Greenwich Village, h?

- I'm just trying to prove myself mob worthy.

- This ain't "The Sopranos", kid.

I don't care what you do on the other side of Canal Stre.

But over here, nobody messes with Al Capella.

I had enough of you.

Get the bats.

- With pleasure.

- Please.

- No, no, no, no.

That, not that bat.

Get the wax ones.

Not that one.

No, not that one either.

- Cheese, you wanna hit him with cheese?

- That's too expensive!

That's the one.

Crack him!

(grunting)

All right, that's enough.

Now, get him outta here.

- [Knowledge] Ah, ya!

Why do you pursue them?

Where is the motivation?

- Every child thinks they're special.

My parents with all their offspring.

And I saw made guys getting attention and respect.

- Your family never rejected you.

And May is there for you.

- No wiseguy ever had a Chinese girl on his arm.

- You're disturbed in so many ways.

So, what about your wounds?

- I went to ask my master for help.

- Ha!

Of course, you did.

(doorbell buzzing)

- [Vinny] I knew Sifu would x me up

without all the questions.

- [Sifu] What happened?

(groans)

- I was admiring the uh, the majestic cherry blossoms

when my bike flipped.

- If you would've developed your kung-fu.

This wouldn't happen.

Ah.

(speaking foreign language)

- [Vinny] He taught me about body pressure points used

to heal or to hurt someone

(bones cracking)

(groans)

(bones cracking) (magical chimes ringing)

- Now, rest.

- Vincent!

- May! - Stay.

Sifu called.

I came as soon as I could.

- I've got something to do in Flushing.

Excuse me.

- What happened?

- [Sifu] Fell of a bike!

- You don't have a bike.

(groans)

- Ice cream?

(light orchestral music)

I wanted to get the best jade bracelet for my girl.

And Ting's was just the place.

Best place for Chinese ice cream.

They have lychee with red bes and sweet

and sour sauce and no MSG.

Now, I look like an asshole.

- Why?

- Because I didn't hold the door.

- It's all right.

I can buy you ice cream.

(giggles)

- [Vinny] Your own art galle, exciting.

- I know.

The opening is in a week.

Would you go with me?

- Sure.

- Promise?

- You did all these?

- Hmm, yep, all of them.

You're really talented.

- Thank you for noticing.

- You have so many admirers, why aren't you dating?

- I guess I just had my heart set on one special guy

for as long as I can remember.

- I know how you feel, May.

- Vincent I-

- No matter how hard I try, I just can't get

Tina to fall for me.

- Have you tried to be yourself, Vincent?

I mean, why try to be like others?

You're perfect as you are.

- I don't expect you to understand.

- To understand you can't live Italian when you're Chinese?

- Did not acting Chinese stop Warner Oland

from being Charlie Chan?

- He was acting for televisi, playing a stereotype.

Like you are doing right now because you think a certain

kind of girl will like you.

It's not real.

- You pretend to be nice, May.

You're judgmental like the rest.

- Vincent, I would never- - I need some air.

I'm gonna have lunch with Jo, anyway.

(sighs)

- Please, don't go?

- Men, at some time are masters of their fates.

The fault, dear Brutus,

is not in our stars

but in ourselves that we are underlings.

(dramatic orchestral music)

(audience applauding)

(giggles)

Well, thank you, my darlings.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Um, wait.

Oh, who has the flyers for the show?

(upbeat jazz music)

- My mom says hi and

this is for you.

Oh. I love me some Mexican.

- [Lawrence] Afternoon, Jose.

- What's going on, Lawrence?

- Well, you look horrendous.

And you look like you could use some stress relief.

Here, let me get those shoulders.

(giggles)

- Hey, Lawrence.

- Oh, it's never easy, is it?

(giggles)

Anyway, here are some flyers for our new production

of Julius Caesar. Come down to the playhouse and

play with us sometime.

- Asians don't look good in tights.

- Yeah? Says you... Oh!

those bags under your eyes are bigger than a Queen's purse.

I am offended by this, blech!

Do yourself and me a favor and apply some Preparation H.

- His eyes are swollen, not s ass.

- It constricts swollen tiss, sweetie.

Oh, um, do you mind taping these to the tops of pizza boxes

so, they go out with deliveries?

- Yeah, put a stack over the.

- Ah, you are a doll.

Okay, I take my leave of you.

I will see you Saturday at brunch.

- Yeah, forget about it. - Okay, bye.

- Yeah.

What is with you anyway, Vin?

- I'm just feeling down.

- Marone!

You didn't expect to do

what you did and not get roughed up, did you?

I mean tryin' to extort a pound of provolone

at Capella's corner? - I was doing it for Tina.

Anyways, May and I had a fig.

Whatever it is, she's probably right.

The people closest to you dot like to see you get hurt.

- No...

- Put a word in with your uncle.

If Al Capella won't take me,

maybe Condimento will?

- That's a big request.

- I know.

If it backfires, they'll break your legs.

But that's what friends do, right?

- All right, I, I can talk to him.

- Thanks.

(dramatic orchestral music)

Hung Phat had the idea of relabeling ramen noodles

as Marco Polo Pasta and moving them into Little Italy.

- [Sean] Gentlemen.

(speaking foreign language)

- The Italians stole our noodles,

called it spaghetti.

We must steal it back.

- Japanese ramen.

Why not Chinese noodles?

(speaking foreign language)

(laughing)

- Stupid fool, we must respect honored noodles.

We use Japanese to fool Italians.

(laughs sarcastically)

- That might work for a while but

we need a better plan to ruin them.

I want all their territory.

All of it.

- Everything is good.

Our trucks are ready to deliver first thing tomorrow.

- I've got men in place

to arrest the Italians if they start trouble.

Disturbing the peace, and all that.

(speaking foreign language)

(laughing)

(coughing)

(speaking foreign language)

- [Vinny] If his plan backfires,

there's gonna be big trouble in little Chinatown.

So, Hung Phat called on its top masters

and their disciples for backup.

(percussive music)

- Forms don't hit back.

(grunting)

(shouting)

(laughing)

- So, what'd you bring me?

- Well, listen, we're jarring up the sauce over here at the

Kitchen Conciliere now.

And we're using all your spices to make it.

And uh, we are gonna sell it in the supermarkets.

And here's the best part.

- I get 10%.

- 10?

Well, if you only want 10, but we got you in for 20.

- Oh, you're a beautiful thi.

- And well, Capella thinks he's in for a piece.

- Yeah, you know what?

- 5% and that's it for him.

- You did the right thing.

You made the right decision.

You know, I had my doubts abt you,

but you did good, you know, right?

- I hope so?

- All right, we'll talk later. That's about it.

- You take care, all right? - Alright, goodbye. Alright.

Oh, you're like an animal over there, huh?

Like, drink uh, like a man.

Like a man!

- Like this, boss.

- You see this guy, Jojo?

He used to work for Capella.

Now he's with us.

He understands.

- He may understand but doese remember?

And where are my two liters?

- Understanding is not enough.

You need to control him.

(grunting)

- I control him.

You see how much he shows me respect?

- That's reactionary!

If you're gonna win this war, you need to

be proactive.

Start moving product into new territory,

slash the tires of your

competition and take over thr routes

- I'm doing everything you wt me to do,

but I need more insurances.

- I'll make sure your men don't get arrested,

you gotta up the effort.

- Boy! - That was weird.

- Whoa, you're telling me, h?

pharmacy pick me up some meds, huh?

- And some extra strength little blue pills.

- Blue pills?

Hey, what do you have problems with your pipes

and your equipment?

- Fonggu, it's my 25-year-old girlfriend

and those fried empanadas.

I can't resist either.

- Why don't you try these?

They work for me.

(phone rings)

- Hey, yeah?

Yeah, how you doing, Joey?

Huh?

How is your mom?

Good, good, good.

Yeah, yeah, shoot.

Oh, really?

Oh, I'll see what I can do.

- What's that?

You got that look.

- That was my nephew.

You won't believe what he just asked me.

It's like a miracle from the Lord.

- How is that?

- He's got this friend who's got that specific look we

were talking about?

He wants a job!

- Why don't you ask the guy to meet us at the diner?

I'll be in the back, listening in.

Okay?

- Joey!

thank you so much for talking to your uncle for me.

- It's okay.

He said he had a, uh, a dangerous job for

a unique type of individual.

- Dangerous?

- You want this or not?

- Yeah, yeah.

(light orchestral music)

- That guy don't give up.

(laughing)

- All right.

We got a lemon lime,

we got a cherry,

we got a regular.

Anything else?

- Never grab another man's beverage.

It appears that you, Mr. Chow,

are uniquely qualified for a very special job.

- Thank you, Uncle Eddie.

May I call you uncle?

- No, you may not.

- No, of course not.

Uh, Mr. Soda.

(wind chimes ringing)

(fingers snapping)

- Hey, pay attention over he.

- Hey, you don't snap at me.

- Look, you got this or what?

'Cause I gotta go.

Be at my place seven o'clock tonight.

Bring this dinner and do me a favor, Tina, don't be late.

Okay?

- You are not going over the.

- What can a girl do?

It's slim pickins around here.

- Well, it depends what you're looking for.

willing to build a life Every gitogether.es a man

- I think you should know that

this job presents a unique challenge.

It is very dangerous.

Do we understand?

- Vinny is up for any challenge.

- When we're together,

you do not speak unless I tell you.

Do you understand?

(phone ringing)

Yeah?

Okay, yeah.

Okay, Don Condimento wants to talk to you personally.

I'm going to take you back to see him, okay?

Listen, you act cool and you don't make a scene.

We don't want any undue attention.

Do we understand?

- Yeah.

Of course, for sure.

(sighing)

- Listen, uh, what's wrong wh you?

I told you to be cool.

You wrinkled my jacket.

- Sorry.

I didn't know "take you to the back" meant one booth.

- Come on, get in there, the two of you.

Sit down.

Move over.

- I understand you're looking for a job with the family.

I understand you're willing

to do what it takes to earn a position

in the family.

I understand that you don't k questions.

- Yes, Mr. Condimento.

- You don't talk to me.

In fact, you never met me.

If you got something to say,

you say to Eddie here.

- Please tell Mr. Condimento I said, "Yes, sir."

- You will distribute 300 gallons

of olive oil in Chinatown.

Clean and simple.

- This is unorthodox, never been done.

And, you do not mess up

or you will face serious consequences.

Serious consequences for you and your family.

- Do we understand?

- Yes.

You won't regret this.

- You don't talk to nobody,

nobody about this arrangement.

Huh?

- Do we understand?

- Enough with this "do we understand?"

I think he understands.

- Sorry, boss.

You know how I get when I don't have my soda.

- Do we understand?

- [Eddie] Leave us now.

Come on.

Get outta here.

- I think that went really well.

- Yeah?

(camera shutter clicking)

- Hmm.

You know,

I think we just found someone stupid enough to do this.

- I think we did.

(laughing)

- You gotta watch all that sugar.

You're going to catch the diabetes.

- I use protection.

- [Man] I got four skippers coming in and one of them

I think is working for Condimento himself.

- [Man] Really?

- We gotta find out who it is.

- Well, I gotta get going, boss.

- No.

You ain't going nowhere.

Sit down.

- Why, what's up?

- You might have to make funeral arrangements for somebody.

- Funeral arrangements, for who?

Who died?

- I don't know yet.

Let me get around here.

(dramatic orchestral music)

What I gotta deal with.

What are you looking away for?

- Al, can you let me off the hook, please?

For old time's sake.

- Jojo, I love you.

(laughing)

God bless you, pal.

* Ave Maria

(singing in foreign language)

He sings good, huh?

(light orchestral music)

- I just had the greatest day.

May, I'm sorry about yesterd.

I was just a little anxious about things.

- Tell us about your day.

- Yes.

Where have you been, Vincent?

You were supposed to be hee at noon to watch your siblin.

- I had a job interview.

- An interview?

What position?

- Delivering olive oil.

- Italian olive oil, huh?

How much do they pay you?

- It's a trial period.

Forget about it.

- Loh Moh!

Uh, uh, did you hear this?

The Italians are making slave labor of the,

of the stupid among us.

- Marone, I'm dyin' over here.

- What happened to your Chinese accent, Vincent?

- I was raised in New York, .

I never had a Chinese accent.

- He eats too much spaghetti when he's out.

- Vincent, my gallery is in a couple of days.

Promise to escort me?

- I'll be there, May. I promise.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a really big day tomorrow.

(sighing)

- When he comes around,

the world will finally make sense.

-We only wish the best for Vincent.

But why you wait for him is a great mystery.

- It's all I can do.

I love his authenticity. He lives from his heart.

could - Ifproduce authentic jobs.rt

- [Vinny] There I was,

pushing Italian olive oil in Chinatown.

My first stop was Liu's herbal shop.

- Vincent, what have you got there?

- Ancient Liu, this is olive oil.

- Difficult product to sell in Chinatown.

- It's the best olive oil money can buy, though.

Fresh olives, pressed only once.

It's called extra virgin.

- Virgin?

We like our virgins.

- Yeah, how many cases you want?

Uh, you can infuse them with your tonics.

- My herbs make a limp man solid.

Your father, best customer.

Enormous libido makes his back weak.

Cause and effect, you know?

- Sure.

Because you are so good to my father,

I'll give you a discount.

- You're a good son.

You look after your parents

and you care for their health.

That is honorable.

- Thanks, ancient one.

But I-

- Vincent, your father has good credit here.

- Ancient Liu is just so darn polite and spiritual.

Or did he just hustle me?

(door chimes)

(light orchestral music)

Hey, how are you doing?

You want some olive oil?

- Huh?

- You want some olive oil?

- No.

- No?

Are you sure?

This was an actual job with e mob.

But no one was taking the oil.

I just had to prove myself.

I couldn't fail.

It's time to use intimidation and force the noodle maker

to buy olive oil.

- [Woman] No!

I don't buy.

Peanut oil only.

- I got a full shipment of olive oil.

- [Woman] I tell you, I have plenty wok oil here.

- No, no, no.

I give the orders around here.

Go tell your little boys to go stock it!

Ahh.

- You go now.

I call Mr. Hung Phat.

- Forget about it.

- Forget about nothing, I hit you again.

Waste my time.

(speaking foreign language)

- The ginger fresh. Just come in.

Ah, look at this lettuce. Organic!

Ah, excellent okra. Yeah, go.

So, you're here, huh?

Yes, look at these oranges. Fresh!

- Just dropping off some this from Liu the Ancient.

- Ooh. (chuckles)

- Got some things in there for mom, too.

- Alright.

Oh, yeah it's nice. Oh, jeeze.

Oh my gosh. Sorry, huh.

Take this one. This one whole. Not broken.

(speaking foreign language)

(laughing)

- Olive oil in Chinatown.

Vincent Chow.

- I can deal with him.

Bring me Vincent Chow!

Now!

- Angora!

knock it off.

Sit down.

This is very important today.

Don Vincenzo's coming in from Sicily to set things right

between the crews.

- Condimento's got no power though.

- Well, he's got enough juice to bring the Don in on

special occasion, doesn't he?

- Yeah.

- Here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna pick him up at the airport.

You got it?

I'm gonna show him the ledger.

I gotta be very persuasive.

You two get the limo ready.

Make sure it's polished.

Make sure the cheese is aged.

And, you know what?

Get some homemade wine, I thk the old man will like that.

Okay?

And then, go to Chinatown and find out what

the hell is going on over the

'cause something ain't kosher.

What are you waiting for?

Go!

They're like the gang that couldn't

shoot straight, these two.

Where'd you get 'em?

(upbeat electronic music) (all chattering)

- May, how are you and Vincent, uh, getting it on?

- Auntie is only looking after your futures.

Vincent has yet to have a nice date.

We have hopes that the two of you.

- Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

We just want the best partner for our May.

- Look at you with your art opening.

(laughing)

- I know.

(chuckles)

- You know what?

Guys, have you heard?

Vincent, I mean, Vinny,

has been hanging out in Little Italy

acting like a guido.

- Is that true, Vincent?

Did you act like a gui-do?

- No, not like a guido.

- Mm-hmm.

You know everybody has been talking about it and

that like he's trying to get with this girl who goes around

and tried to steal some cheese from the deli?

- It wasn't stealing anything.

- May!

I can't believe May would just walk out like that.

(May sniffles)

- May.

Forget about that.

Tonight is about you.

It's your special night.

- I have loved you my entire life, Vincent.

I always thought if I waited long enough, you would

recognize you have feelings r me, too.

Have I only wasted my time?

- I just never thought-

- That's just it, Vincent.

Why do you think I'm always at your house?

I'm there to see you, to spend time with you.

We had so many moments, yet,

you have been oblivious to tm all.

That's not true.

- Chow, what's wrong with that son of yours?

- Uh, you should love him.

He doesn't act Chinese.

- Vincent, listen carefully,

Hung-Phat is looking for you.

And it's serious.

- A few cans, that's all there was.

(speaking foreign language)

- Apologize to him

he may crush your bones, but at least you'll live.

(speaking foreign language)

I'll be watching from the shadows.

- Look, ma.

Look what that cute Chinese y gave me.

- Who?

That delivery boy from the other day?

(scoffing)

He doesn't stand a chance with you.

- You never know.

- What is it?

You don't like Italians anymore?

What?

You like Chinese now?

- You know, ma?

Race has got nothing to do wh it

- Stop already.

- I think it's cute, I think it's little, it's cute.

It's very small.

It's cute.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- [Vinny] Hung-Phat was coming for me.

Tina started liking me.

May is mad at me, and my parents are threatened.

It's no wonder I ended up in trouble.

- Oh, we're gonna see about that, honey.

Well, hello, Vincent.

Hmm?

- I think I'm being followed.

- Things didn't go well?

- I hardly placed any cans.

It's like the Chinese don't speak my language.

(loud banging)

- Okay, enough of this dumbness.

What gives?

- I'm trying to distribute the mob's

Italian olive oil in Chinato.

I'm supposed to explain myself to Triads

who found out but now are following me Wait, wait.

- The mob?

The triad?

Okay, look,

I am not one to judge a lifestyle but damn!

This is some crazy shit!

- I don't want to face Chinese water torture.

I don't want to wear cement boots, either.

- I told you family life was dangerous.

You gotta lay low today.

After brunch.

embraces their role, the - Vincenaudiencethe actor

just can't resist.

They're hooked.

- Yeah, Vin, you gotta walk it like you talk it.

And, you better speed walk it,

or we're all gonna be in deep shit.

- I'm not gonna be in deep shit.

- We're gonna be in deep shit.

- Okay. - Right.

I've come this far.

No turning back.

Time to play the main guy ro.

No more eating rice.

- Mmm.

Testify, little brother.

- No more eating egg rolls.

- Embrace the wise guy within.

- Forget about it.

It's like if you agree with someone, you know?

Like Scarlett Johansson's one great piece of ass.

Forget about it.

It also can mean "go to hell," too.

Like, "Hey, Paulie.

You got a one-inch pepper."

- Oh.

- But sometimes it just means "forget about it."

(claps)

- Bravo, Vinny.

Bravo.

Forget about it!

- [All] Forget about it!

- You know what you wanna order?

Never a knife when you need one.

Thank you.

- Vincent Chow!

(yelling)

(disco music)

- I got this.

(shouting)

- Should have never invited you out to brunch.

(screams)

(screaming)

(grunting)

- No turning back.

- Freeze.

(grunting)

- Forget about it!

(upbeat dance music)

- Time's running out, Mr. Vinny.

- I'm Special Agent Johnson.

And this is my partner, Special Agent Johnson.

- Oh, that's cute.

Like, uh, Johnson and Johnson.

I love the baby oil.

- We prefer "The Two Johnson"

- Ooh.

Double Dutch fudge.

Double, double Dutch fudge.

- We're from the Department of Food Safety and Hygiene.

- Is that a real thing?

- It's been a rough couple of weeks, hasn't it, Mr. Chung?

- Oh, oh, uh, I told him.

I told him it would be a bad idea.

- That was some crazy ass trd shit.

- And I know that Mr. Lawrence

your martial arts skills are pretty good.

- Well, you know.

(laughing)

I'm just trying to uphold the long line

of Black Martial Arts heroes.

- Like Ron Van Clief, The Blk Dragon?

- Jim Kelly in "Enter the Dragon"

and as "Black Belt Jones."

- Wesley Snipes in "Blade."

- Oh, oh.

And, Eddie Griffin in "Undercover Brother."

- Oh, Jeez.

- What?

It's a good film.

- Mr. Ching, we have been tracking food

and spice distribution syndicate of the New York mob.

And we are well aware of your interactions

with Capella and Condimento.

- Commissioner O'Greedy has joined forces with the evil

triad leader Hung Phat

to take over Little Italy.

- And thanks to your olive oil fiasco,

Hung-Phat is looking for you.

- I was just trying to extort some cash and distribute

some olive oil cans.

And what is with this ching chong?

My last name is Chow!

- Sorry.

We got you confused with the other Korean

gentlemen we are tailing.

- That's racist.

I'm not Korean, I'm Chinese.

- I thought you were Italian.

- Only in his mind.

- You're not helping.

- I'm just saying.

- Gentlemen, concentrate!

Condimento set you up to fall like soufflé.

Your friends, your family, they're all in danger.

We believe we may have a way out for you.

And, we believe you have the motivation to pull this off.

- Yes.

Anything to protect my family and friends.

- Good.

Vincenzo Cento,

the Sicilian Don of all Dons will be arriving in New York

to broker peace between Condimento and Capella.

- That's where you come in Mr. Chow.

- What?

- We need that ledgers showing where

they get their products,

how they store it, and what the real expiration dates are,

and everybody involved.

We need all this stuff to nail these guys.

- What does that have to with me?

- We need you to go undercov,

deep undercover.

Infiltrate the mob

and get those ledgers.

- We need you to impersonate the Don.

- No way.

I've seen the movies.

You go in alive and you come out dead.

And it's usually your best friend who does it.

I don't want to put Joey through that pressure.

(sobbing)

- I appreciate that.

- I couldn't even extort provolone.

And, I don't even look Itali.

- A white guy played Charlie Chan, I believed him.

- Charlie Chan is white guy?

- Besides, no one's seen the don.

There is not one photo of him.

- And your friend, Lawrence here is pretty good with makeup.

He can actually make you look like the Don.

- Oh.

Oh, oh.

Hell no.

No.

That shit ain't gonna work.

- Thanks, Lawrence.

- Well?

- The Johnsons are right, though.

This is the only way we can x it.

What would Shakespeare do?

- Though this be madness.

Yet there is method in it.

Aw, what the hell?

Besides, I might like me an Italian guy to rough me up.

Mm-hmm.

I'm looking at you, Vinny Ch.

- Okay, gentlemen.

So, we have an agreement?

- Yeah.

- Excellent.

- Good.

- Let's do it. -Whoa, woah!

Charlie Chan is a white guy?

(light acoustic guitar music)

- This is the big moment to be the don.

It's do

or die.

We've never met.

We've known each other many years but this is the

first time you came to me for counsel, for help.

- Godfather, if I must say,

we are so grateful for your counsel.

It's truly our loss that you are so far away

in the old country.

- How did this happen?

A rivalry within the family?

- Hey, I sell the spices and the herbs.

But this greedy Al Capella, he's like a little baby boy o

wants all the candy for himself.

Look, product out big, profit in small,

invoices from Brooklyn paid,

invoices from Manhattan, not paid.

- Mm-hmm.

You're giving me a lot of answers but you're

not giving me the right ones.

- I gotta say, boss,

I think the Don is right.

I think we should cooperate.

- Yeah, well, this bum is full

of shit because he's taken way

more than he deserves from the back-end.

You wanna see?

Here, Godfather.

Excuse me.

Take a look at this.

I'd like to run this bum outf town,

but you know what would happ?

The Chinese would detect that we got weakness in the family.

And then they run in right away with their gingers and

their spices.

Five spices, in fact!

- How about them moo shu pancakes, huh?

Fluffy, am I right?

- Fluffy?

Moo shu?

- Forget about it. - Fluffy.

Moo shu pancake?

- There's nothing quite like a good pasta and sauce.

- Pasta?

Who calls it pasta?

- There's spaghetti and thers macaroni.

Forget about it.

- This tastes like freaking cardboard.

Do me a favor sweetheart, get the box, huh.

Let me look at this.

Marco Polo, what is this shit?

(dramatic orchestral music)

Ramen King?

Do you believe this?

Get it outta here!

- [Man] I knew it, I knew it.

He's a fake!

- [Man] It's that wannabe, Vinny Chow.

Get him.

- [Man] Let's get him.

(suspenseful music)

(grunting)

(bottle shattering) - Oooooh!

(grunting)

- Get him!

He's working for the Triads.

I knew it.

- I thought nobody makes a fl of Capella

and gets away with it?

- Get on line, pal, 'cause he's got you on ledger, too.

- What?

Get the Chinaman!

- [Man] We'll go to the mattresses.

- That's it, I'm calling Luca.

- He's calling Luca?

He's calling Luca Fajioli!

(grunting)

(phone rings)

- Hang on.

You just got lucky, wait 'til round two.

Yeah?

- Hey, Luc. - Oh, boss.

- Do me a favor, huh?

Get the stilettos, the guns, the knives, whatever you got.

And bring them down here.

And I want you to grab Johnny T, Produce Joe,

Donny the Baker,

and Salame the Deli Man.

All right?

- The Deli Man?

What's that fat rat bastard going to do?

Sit on them?

(laughing)

- We need manpower.

Shut up.

- Ask him to call up the rest of my guys here.

I got, I got no service here.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, ye.

And do me a favor,

call up Condimento's garlic goombas, all right.

This idiot forgot to charge his phone again.

- Whoa, whoa. - What else is new?

I had a busy day, I ain't got no time to charge a phone.

- Yeah, you're probably callin' the broads.

(grunting)

(clapping)

(grunting)

- [Vinny] What was that?

- The sound of one hand clapping.

(laughing)

- Three against one?

- You're a very clever young man.

(speaking foreign language)

- I wasn't really working for them.

- Bullshit.

- It was just a trial.

- Trial?

Oh yeah.

(speaking foreign language)

- I was just trying to impress a girl, get some respect and

make a little money.

You of all people should understand that.

- Wrong.

(speaking foreign language)

(grunting)

(groaning)

No one gets made in Chinatown.

- Hung Phat!

(grunting)

- Vincent!

(phone ringing)

(speaking foreign language)

What?

(speaking foreign language)

(grunting)

- [Sifu] May, are you okay?

- [May] Forget about me.

What about Vincent?

(speaking foreign language)

- Break us free.

These ropes are thick, I'm tiny.

(speaking foreign language)

- You think I'm fat?

Is that why Vincent doesn't like me because I'm fat?

(speaking foreign language)

- You guys got problems.

- You okay?

(speaking foreign language)

- There's no time.

I have to get Hung-Phat's ledger.

(speaking foreign language)

- Get that to the agents.

I'm going to Hung-Phat's warehouse.

Call Lawrence.

Sifu, let's go.

- Hai!

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(Hung taps on table)

(suspenseful orchestral music)

(speaking foreign language)

- Oh, there's that wanna be Chinese wise guy.

Get him!

(speaking foreign language)

(all shouting)

- You know what?

We're too old for this.

- You ain't kidding.

My back is killing me.

Let's go sit down.

- You got sciatica or something?

- I got something, I don't know.

My leg is hurting.

- Well I know this masseuse.

You know?

- Yeah?

- Does she do happy ending?

- Oh, yeah.

(grunting)

- [May] Vincent!

(heart beating)

Vincent!

Vincent!

(all shouting)

(grunting)

(groans)

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(grunting)

(suspenseful music)

(bones breaking)

(grunting)

- Look at the way they fight.

They don't fight like we used to.

- Yeah.

I taught you everything you know.

- Yeah, I know.

You taught me the one-five-one-five.

Two, three, and four I got.

Thanks a lot.

- May.

May.

(dramatic orchestral music)

May.

Are you okay?

- I'm okay.

(sighing)

- Good job, officers.

I have Intel that'll put these gangsters away for life.

I'm on your side.

That damn Vincent Chow.

He can say, "forget about it"

just not in Chinese.

His mom sent him out for lo mein, he came back with penne.

- What the hell is going on?

- What's this?

- You played me like a puppet.

- Yeah, it was a good plan, too, huh?

Am I right?

Am I right?

- What do you think of me now Mr. Capella?

- You surprised us all, you freaking rat.

You'll get yours.

- What do you got, shoe polish on your eye?

- Come on, don't be so rough, huh?

Can I get a soda?

Come on, I feel a little parched.

(laughing)

- Mr. Chow, couple of questis for you.

- I'll meet you outside in a minute.

- Wow, Vin.

You're even more powerful than the mob.

A girl could really have a future connected

to a guy like you.

I always lose the good ones.

(dramatic piano music)

- [Vinny] Now, do you see my problem?

- Oh-ho, you got a problem!

- Okay, let's see if we got this.

Uh, you a Chinese guy

who seek out a gay black man and turn you

into an Italian wise guy?

- You like a girl who has no

interest in who you are.

But, she's Italian

and has nice body.

- And, another girl who likes you for who you are,

but you no interested in her because she is Chinese.

- You dismiss your Chinese family and culture.

And your only friend is Italian boy who is now Mexic.

- And you managed to get the Italian and the

Chinese mafia trying to kill you.

- [Both] Forget about it!

- And yet,

in the end, you foiled them

and become a hero.

- And now, you're in love.

- Did we miss anything?

- No, but when you put it that way,

it just sounds so unhealthy.

- Unhealthy, yes.

But understandable.

- I was just looking for acceptance, respect,

and the love of a woman.

- And you achieved all that.

Not from intimidation,

but while being selfless and helping others.

- But May saw Tina kiss me and ran off.

I've lost her.

- You have not lost her.

She's waiting for you to come to her.

Forget what we say.

Wisdom and knowledge is within you.

- Go!

Go get the girl.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- I couldn't reach May.

I called, left her messages, texts, and social media posts.

She finally texted me to meet her on the rooftop.

May.

I wanted to thank you for everything

and that I've been a real je.

- Yes, you have been.

- Look, I came all the way from Columbus Park to tell you

that you're charismatic,

beautiful,

and that I wanna be with you.

- How about Tina?

How about the mob?

- Forget all that.

I was misled and now I know who I really am.

Look, I want you to have this.

- Are you kidding me?

I would never accept a recycd gift.

When you understand that, you can get a girl like me.

- May, I'm trying my best to tell you

that I love you.

- You're not a very well-put-together guy, Vince.

- Look, a guy's gotta look out for his own future.

And I want you in mine.

Here's your real gift, May

My grandmother's jade Buddha.

- It's, it's precious.

(wind chimes ringing)

- [Vinny] You know, we could make a big family

and start our own La Famiglia.

And, take over lower Manhatt.

Better yet, maybe we move down to Philly

and infiltrate the cheese stk business.

Nah, forget about it!

(upbeat jazz music)

* I didn't see you coming

* Until it was too late

* I didn't see you coming

* I thought I'd have to wait

* I didn't see you coming

* I thought I would be blue

* Because, baby, I never expected you *

* I didn't know what hit me

* Until I hit the ground

* I didn't know what hit me

* I didn't make a sound

* I didn't know what hit me

* You shook me through and through *

* Because, baby, I never expected you *

* I never expected to feel this way again *

* But it seems we've met and kissed before *

* Although I can not tell exactly where or when *

* I never knew the magic

* A single kiss could give

* I never knew your magic

* Would make my poor heart le *

* I never knew the magic

* That only you could do

* Because, baby, I never expected you *

* I never expected to feel this way again *

* But it seems we've met and kissed before *

* Although I can not tell exactly where or when *

* I never knew the magic

* A single kiss could do

* Oh, I never knew your magic

* Would make my poor heart le *

* I never knew the magic

* That only you could do

* Because, baby, I never expected you *

* Because, baby, I never expected you *

* Because, baby

* I never expected you

(laughing)