Original subtitles

Three of a kind!

Yes! Finally!

Kate, shirt, if you please.

Mmm, sorry boys...

That's a flush... dangit!

What's that mean?

That means pants, Garrett, if you please...

That's what you get.

You know, strip poker was invented by our forefathers

as a way for us men to dupe unwitting pretty ladies out of their petticoats...

Amen!

That's progressive...

Yet somehow, you two remain fully clothed,

while we sit here one thin elastic strap away from unveiling the business...

I call collusion!

What can I say? My dad had a gambling problem...

- Yeah nobody wants to see your business anyways. - Oh really?

I would love to see your business man.

I know you would buddy, thank you.

What was that?

Did somebody order pizza?

We're like 50 miles away from town with no cell service.

Nobody's delivering pizzas out here.

Probably just the wind...

Okay, so you're telling me that that's just the wind?

Yeah, okay, I heard that too...

- Come on guys, I think I've seen this movie before... - Garrett shut up!

Hey! Okay! Calm down, alright. I will go check it out.

You guys just, sit tight, relax...

...and prepare to take your tops off, okay?

Boom!

Oh God Kevin you are such a pig.

Yeah, such a pig...

What? He's cute...

Honestly, he's actually got a pretty great body.

You should see it.

What was it?

Kevin!

Oh. My. God.

Okay, what the serious fuck you guys?

Is everyone okay?

Oh God, is this how I die? In these stupid underpants?

Good call, dummy.

I literally can't die, okay, I haven't met Beyoncé yet!

Don't you bring Queen B into this!

I have to okay--

Shhh! Stop, stop, no one is going to die!

You said your grandpa used to hunt here right?

Yeah.

Does he have a gun?

I...uh...

Does he have a fucking gun?!

I don't know, yeah, maybe... I... he's a republican...

Go find it. Jess, let's split up.

Block all the windows.

Dammit, guys!

I look like an idiot in this thing...

What?!

So, give the fat guy the pig mask? Was that the general idea?

Did you cut your sleeves off?

Yeah, just, you know, trying to stay limber...

Limber? Really?

Hey guys!

Yeah okay, a sheep mask? Now that is scary!

What's going on?

He thinks his mask makes him look fat...

It's not that it makes me look fat,

It's that it's pointing a fat little finger at all the fat that's already there.

Don't be crazy, you look good!

- Yeah man, really good... - Seriously, fit, tight, really...

Spare me, okay, you know there's nothing scary about a fat guy.

Well that's just not true.

You've got John Wayne Gacy, and The Penguin, and, uh...

...and Buffalo Bill!

No no, Buffalo Bill wasn't fat, he just liked fat chicks...

Oh yeah you're right.

This is amazing, I feel so much better now!

Oh come on! Get over yourself man!

So you're a big boy!

Oh, okay!

At least we didn't give you that dodgy looking monkey mask.

Yeah, and Rick is really pulling it off!

Okay. Well I guess I'm just gonna go then...

I'll just let you guys handle it from here.

Wait, wait you can't just leave!

It's just...

I've been really backsliding lately, okay?

You lose the weight. You do the paleo. You do the pilates.

And then one thin mint later, you gain it all back.

Oh I love Girl Scout cookies...

- I'm a Samoa guy. - Yeah...

When you don't see your hard work paying off, it's just...

It's tough to keep going, okay? I don't...

I don't feel scary anymore, okay.

I barely have the confidence to go to the store with you guys,

let alone come out here and terrorize some campers.

Hey...

Do you remember, last summer...

...when you strung that kid up to a tree by his braces?

I mean, everybody thought you were crazy but,

shit man! That was awesome!

Or...

- ...when you butchered that Canadian couple... - Okay...

- ...with... - Okay...

...with just a set of plastic cutlery and a bottle of maple syrup?

You're just saying that...

Hey!

You're not just some pig.

Man.

You're the... you're the backbone of this team.

We can't do this without you.

So what do you say? You wanna...

...head back in there and finish this thang?

Yeah. Alright.

Yeah bud!

Thanks guys... I, ugh, I dunno... I--

Kate? Did, did you get 'em?

I got the fat one!