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(Multicom jingle)

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♪ A one, a two ♪

♪ A one, two, three ♪

(bright music)

♪ I'm so glad that school is in ♪

♪ Now I can see my old classmates again ♪

♪ I worked and slaved the summer through ♪

♪ Doing things my mom told me to do ♪

♪ Washed the dishes, scrubbed the floor ♪

♪ And taught the baby how to count to four ♪

♪ I made the beds and cut the grass ♪

♪ I'm glad that school is in at last ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ Now vacation time has come to an end ♪

♪ Now I got to get back to my studies again ♪

♪ And make the grades so I can pass ♪

♪ I'm glad that school is in at last ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in ♪

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

(bell ringing)

(phone ringing)

- Hello? - Hi Beth, Cara.

- Look, can I call you back?

I'm right in the middle of my homework.

- No, dear.

You see when I or Anne-Marie or anyone else

from our crowd calls, it's obviously extremely important.

You've only been dating Beau since the summer

so we haven't been friends that long,

but you'll learn.

- Got it, uh, what's the problem?

- Beau's party tomorrow night.

What are you wearing?

(phone ringing)

Hold that thought.

Yes?

- Hi Cara, it's Anne-Marie.

- [Cara] Anne-Marie, I'm so glad you called.

What are you wearing to Beau's party?

- Probably something black.

I'm in mourning.

Beau's going steady with Beth Franklin.

And my life is ruined.

(phone ringing)

- Beau Middleton's party?

- Yeah, Beau Middleton's party.

It's tomorrow night.

Every good looking girl in the school is gonna be there.

We gotta go.

- Except for one thing, Chuckie.

We weren't invited.

- So? (microwave buzzing)

That's not gonna stop us.

Nothing's gonna stop us.

This is our year to get physical.

- You really think so?

- I know so.

We're a couple of great looking, hip dudes, right?

- Yeah.

We're cool.

- Okay.

I'll call you back after the Flinstones.

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- [Jay-Jay] Yo, Otto.

- Hey, Jay-Jay.

- Listen.

I think we should make some serious plans

for tomorrow night.

Why don't I pick you up at eight?

We'll do nothing together.

- Sounds great, but I can't.

Gerardi's Catering Company just got the Middleton account.

I'm working the party.

I'm in charge of dip.

- I'll pick you up after the party.

Let's see, there'll all that deep, preppy conversation,

preppy dancing, piles of preppy fun.

The party starts at nine, I'll pick you up at 9:15.

♪ Do do do do ♪

♪ Ooo ooo ♪

- You wanna get the chrome?

(bell ringing)

All right, there's the bell.

Who's got my homework?

Good, good, good, bad.

- Bad? - Yeah, bad, meatball.

You signed your name.

Do it over.

(upbeat music)

(students chattering)

- Chuckie, I'm in love.

I wanna spend the rest of my unnatural life with her.

- Well, ask her for a date.

Women like that.

- Yeah?

- Trust me.

Go ahead.

- Hi.

- Drop dead, wimp.

(locker slamming)

- Well?

- She's thinking it over.

- Great, great.

♪ Da da da da da da da da da ♪

- Now that is entertainment.

- What do you mean you don't know

what Beau's wearing to the party?

He's your boyfriend.

You two have to match.

- He'll probably wear something with an alligator on it.

Who cares, Beau looks good in anything.

Who are you takin'?

- Oh, Brian the dentist, he's so gorgeous.

All he talks about is his work.

The last time we went out, I nibbled on his ear

and he told me my bite was off.

(locker slamming)

- Oh, I'm sorry.

You gotta show these lockers who's boss, y'know?

Hey, uh, you're Beth Franklin, aren't you?

- Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't see you.

- Oh no, I did that on purpose.

I just wanted to get a better look at you.

You're a knockout.

- And you're a creep.

Come on Beth.

That Jay-Jay Manners is such a nothing.

Did you hear how he spoke to me?

He makes my skin crawl.

- I think he's kind of cute (chuckling).

- Who's kind of cute?

- You, of course.

Especially when you're angry.

Your dimple twitches.

- How can I be angry when I got you, huh?

- [Teacher] Okay, now what were we discussing yesterday

when the bell rang?

- [Students] Reproduction.

- Yes, yes.

Plant sex.

What,

uh, once we understand

how our little green friends reproduce,

we can better understand how men and women reproduce.

We need to know certain things.

Why we do it,

how we do it,

and uh,

do we leave the lights on?

(students groaning)

- [Anne-Marie] Uh, Mr. Plaza?

- Yes.

- Mr. Plaza, you asked me to make that announcement.

- Oh, very well, Anne-Marie.

- I am happy to announce that I have been appointed

president of the photography club

by our faculty advisor, Mr. Plaza.

(students applauding)

If any of you wish to participate in the fall project,

there is a sign up sheet outside the classroom.

There's nothing to it.

All you need is a good eye and an expensive camera.

Thank you again.

- You're welcome.

And, thank your dad for the snow tires.

(bright music)

- [Jay-Jay] Hey, Bandini, what's the matter?

- I don't know, my toes are killing me.

- Uh, that's because you got your shoes on the wrong feet.

- No, I don't.

These are my feet.

(bike crashing)

- [Boy] Hey, way to go, bonehead.

- Learn a lesson, Otto.

Eat right,

get plenty of sleep,

and don't drink your chemistry set.

Do you know Beth Franklin?

- Yeah.

She's going out with Beau Middleton,

so unless you got $25 million dollars

and a lifetime supply of Brut, forget about it.

- Yeah, okay, okay.

I was just askin'.

Whoa.

Yo.

(apple splatting) (coffee spilling)

Yo, Mr. Sirota, sorry about your coffee.

So what's with the tin man?

- Well if NASA's gonna take my robot to Mars,

it's gotta be resistant to temperatures

of all extremes.

Do you know how hot it gets on Mars?

- Ask Bandini, he's been there.

(bell ringing)

(students cheering)

- The bell.

I've lived through another class.

- Class is over!

Da da da!

(wood snapping)

(desk crashing)

- I hate this job.

(students chattering)

- Are you two signing up for my photography club?

- Any objections?

- Many.

But there's nothin' I can do about it.

Legally.

I suppose I have to tell you about the fall theme.

It's Back to Nature.

So

natural.

The most interesting candid photo,

we're gonna put it in the yearbook.

So suck up to me at the meetings,

'cause I'm the judge.

Speaking of natural beauty, there's Beau Middleton.

I melt for him.

Beau!

- She is the lowest.

- She's just the lowest.

- And I'd really just love to put her right in her place.

- I'd like to put her right in her place.

- And I just figured out how.

- You did, how?

- We'll take a nature shot.

The ultimate nature shot.

I'm talking au natural.

- Oh no, I'm not taking my clothes off, no way.

I once took my clothes off at the drive-in

for Eddie Hanson.

He went to get popcorn and he never came back.

I'm never taking my clothes off again

in front of anybody, not even my husband,

unless he's Burt Reynolds.

Maybe Richard Gere, possibly--

- Nadine. - Yes?

- May I finish what I was trying to say?

- Who's stopping you?

- What do you think of this?

We'll take a picture of Beau Middleton's naked behind

and enter that as our nature shot.

- Peggy, Nadine!

Bambinos, don't you know loitering is a felony?

Luckily I have some handcuffs left over from last night.

I'll let you get away with it this time.

- Jay-Jay, school is this way.

- Oh no, I'm gonna get some breakfast.

I got Miss Ramos for history.

She doesn't take attendance until after Christmas.

- Well didn't you hear about Miss Ramos?

I had her for homeroom.

She became a moonie.

Yesterday was her last day.

She's on retreat in Korea.

- Who's taking over for her?

- Dr. Hauptmann.

And y'know how he gets when you're late.

(bell ringing)

- I'm a dead man.

I'm a dead man!

(dog barking) (Jay-Jay yelling)

Nice, Schatzi.

Schatzi, I'm your friend.

I saw Das Boat three times.

- History is often determined by the struggle

between the classes.

Rich versus poor.

Superior versus inferior.

Blonde versus brunette.

Hm.

(door closing)

Manners, you are late.

(students laughing)

You know what happens to late comers in my class?

- Firing squad?

- And you're also insubordinate.

Go to Mr. Kinney's office at once!

And stop smiling at the girls.

- Y'know, you're amazing.

Tell me how you do that.

We'll work Vegas.

(ruler slamming)

- Klaus!

Snell!

(dog barking)

- Nice going Jay-Jay.

First week of school and you're already in to see me.

- I missed you over the summer, Mr. Kinney.

How was Club Med?

- Lousy.

Rich guys got all the girls.

I couldn't even get a sun tan.

- When you went to the beach,

did you remember to take your sports jacket off?

- Oh.

Well maybe I'll try that next year.

So, what did you do over the summer?

- Ah, the usual,

safari in Kenya,

dinner with the White House.

The rest of the time I just played video games.

- Did you think about your future?

- My future.

Nope, nope.

Never came up.

- Y'know, Jay-Jay, down deep in the far,

far reaches of your innermost self,

I think there must be some potential.

But, we're never gonna find it

unless you start caring about something.

- Hey,

hey, I happen to care very deeply

about who becomes Playmate of the Year.

I know, I know.

What are you gonna do with me?

- I don't know.

But,

let's start with a week of detention.

- It's a beginning.

- Everybody help themselves.

My home ec class made these fresh this morning.

- Mm.

Mm.

What are these?

- Possum croissants.

(Mr. Sirota coughing)

- My favorite.

- Hello, Miss D'Angelo.

I'll pick you up tonight at about eight?

- Y'know you two amaze me.

You see one another every day, every night.

Don't you think it's time you tied the knot?

- (chuckling) Well, tonight's kinda special.

We're going to the ballet.

- Hot coffee, anyone?

- [Woman] Oh no.

Watch out, watch out.

(teacher crashing)

(coffee spilling)

- I hate this job.

- Well good, everybody's here.

I have a couple of announcements to make.

- Oh,

thanks. - Number one.

Let's not forget about the upcoming fall dance.

I think we should all make it a point to be there.

- Is it formal?

- Yes, but I think you can wear a black suit.

- Good, I have several of those.

- Second announcement.

Our beloved Booster Club president, Beau Middleton Senior,

has decided to offer a summer study grant to the teacher

who best exemplifies the ideals of Excelsior Union High,

as defined by Beau Middleton Junior, of course.

The winner will receive a $10,000 cash prize,

and an all expense paid trip to Europe.

I've posted the information on the bulletin board

in case anybody might be interested.

(whimsical music)

- I can't wait to crash that party.

We are gonna rock and roll.

Hey, Arch, can I borrow some of your father's cologne?

- Yeah, sure.

Hey come on, that stuff's three dollars a bottle.

- Whoa.

(car honking)

- Wow.

Wow, Chuckie, look at this, a new car.

Get a load of this.

Wow.

- That's right son, a new car.

- Oh wow, gee, Dad.

I didn't realize that you could afford something

like this just from selling pet supplies.

- What do you think, your father's a schmo?

You're looking at the number one scratching post

salesman in the Midwest.

- This is beautiful, Mr. Feld.

Can we go for a ride?

- Yeah, sure.

Get in, but be careful.

(door scraping)

Oh, look at that scratch.

Come back here!

Come back here!

(soft music)

(doorbell buzzing)

- I'll get it, dear.

Hello, Beau.

- Good afternoon, Mrs. Franklin.

I'm here to take Beth to my house

to help me set up the party.

- Ah.

- My, you look gorgeous.

Is that a new hairdo?

- No, Beau, I haven't been to the hairdresser in a week.

- Well, with wonderful hair like that, why even go?

- Come on in, Beau.

I'll go get Beth.

- Afternoon, Mr. Franklin.

- Hi there, Beau.

- Whoa, what a grip.

I wish I were as strong as you, Mr. Franklin.

- It's from good, honest, hard work.

Y'know, when I was a boy, my grandfather told me,

he said Baxter, I don't give a hang

what you've got upstairs as long as you're home for supper.

- That is very profound, Mr. Franklin.

Can I use that?

- Hi.

I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

- Oh no problem.

Your folks and I were having a nice little chat.

You know, I could do that all day.

- Don't lose him, Beth.

You two make such a lovely couple.

- Oh, so do you two.

You ready, Beth? - Sure.

- Now you two kids go and have a wonderful time.

- Thank you.

It's a pleasure seeing you both again.

What time would you like Beth home this evening?

- Oh any time, Beau, as long as she's with you.

- You can trust me, sir.

(birds chirping)

Do I own them or what?

(upbeat music)

Excuse me.

Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen,

may I have your attention?

(glass clinking)

Thank you.

As you all know, I have been elected class president again.

Thank you.

(all applauding)

And I am very, very happy to announce

that the upcoming fall dance will be the best ever.

See Anne-Marie Conklin, president of my social committee,

about tickets.

Now to keep out the undesirables,

the price will be $100 per couple,

150 if you wanna sit at my table.

I believe all credit cards are accepted.

Am I correct, Anne-Marie?

- Uh, major credit cards.

- Thank you.

Okay.

Let's boogie.

(upbeat music) (teens chattering)

Hey, Lipton,

we need more pigs in blankets.

- Yes, sir, just a sec.

- Now.

- This is never gonna work, Chuckie.

- Sure it will.

Just do everything I do.

Whoa! (glass shattering)

- Excuse me, is this seat taken?

Great party.

Too bad neither of us really wants to be here.

- You know how it is when your boyfriend's the host.

He's just got so many details to take care of

he sometimes forgets who he's with.

- Y'know, if you were my date,

you'd be the only detail I'd be concerned with.

Uh, excuse me.

I'm late for anything.

- Would you care to dance?

- There's no music playing.

- Then you wanna make out?

- What'd you say, sleazeball?

- Oh, well, I actually was just asking--

- How'd you like me to mess up your face?

- Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute, Godzilla.

As you can plainly see,

nature has already taken care of that.

- That's right.

Listen to the man.

He's clear-minded.

Thanks Jay-Jay, I owe you one.

- Maybe you're right.

Maybe I should mess up your face, huh?

(kid grunting) (fist hitting)

(glass clattering)

(Beau grunting) (cake splatting)

- [Boy] Whoa.

- [Girl] The cake!

- Freeze, Manners!

I said freeze, Manners!

You ruined my cake, my suit, and my party.

- Hey, Beau, take it easy.

The party was a bomb to begin with.

- Beau, would you just forget it?

Jay-Jay was leaving anyway.

- Yeah, well so is his friend.

I want this man fired

or you lose the Middleton account, okay?

'Cause nobody embarrasses me.

- Don't bother firing me, Mr. Gerardi, I quit.

Come on, Jay-Jay.

- Yeah, I'll be there in a minute.

I just want some cake.

- Jay-Jay, come on.

(soft music)

♪ Oh girl ♪

(Jay-Jay whistling)

(paper snapping)

Hey, Jay-Jay.

- Otto, the suspense is killing me.

When are you gonna show me what this thing can do?

- Well it's not quite finished yet, Jay-Jay.

- Uh?

- Ah, sure, come on in.

I can show you a few things right now.

Come on, help me get him down.

(both grunting)

See, he works on voice commands.

Watch.

(dramatic music)

Okie dokie.

Robot,

walk.

(robot beeping)

- It's unbelievable.

You know, you're a genius.

- Robot, stop.

(robot beeping)

No, anybody with a 200 IQ can do it.

Robot, dance.

(robot beeping)

- Oh wow.

Hey, Otto, can I try?

- Sure.

- Robot, stop.

(robot beeping)

- You too, Bandini.

- Wanna give it a shot?

- Yeah, all right.

Robot,

the door.

(robot beeping)

(horn honking)

(robot crashing)

- Told you I gotta work on it.

Robot, come back!

(robot beeping)

- No.

It's really hard to be romantic

with the janitor's grandmother staring at us.

- I know, I know.

I just couldn't be without you.

- We're gonna see each other tonight.

- Huh?

Oh, yes.

Yes.

About tonight.

I don't,

I don't really feel like going to the ballet.

Let's meet someplace a little,

a little off the beaten path.

- Okay.

- How's 10 o'clock behind the slaughterhouse?

- Wait a minute, what's going on here?

I get the feeling that you don't wanna be seen with me.

- Yeah, oh, no, no, no, no.

It's not what you think.

Miss D'Angelo, I want that Middleton grant so bad,

I can taste it.

I'm a biologist.

This is my chance to go to France,

the place where reproduction was invented.

- It's blood money.

Don't you see what you have to do to win that prize?

I mean every time those preps walks by,

you have to kiss their feet.

- Just for a year.

- Oh, I don't believe it.

What's winning this prize have to do with out relationship?

What's wrong with me?

- Well, I mean, you're kind of Italian.

- So?

- Well Mr. Middleton tends to favors WASPs.

- But you're Greek!

- Shh.

(upbeat music)

- Whoa, whoa.

Whoa, Jay-Jay Call Me Magic Manners goes around.

He's up, it's good, and he's fouled.

- When's your father coming home, Jay-Jay?

- I don't know, Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

He didn't say.

- Hey Jay-Jay, would you like to come over to my house

for dinner tonight?

My mom's makin' stew.

- Thanks anyway, but there's plenty to eat here.

Besides, I got things to do.

I gotta match my socks.

I promised myself I'd throw out all newspapers

prior to 1970.

- What do you think, Jay-Jay?

Is it true these are the best years of our lives?

- Hm.

Let me see.

You got a 200 IQ,

you can get into any college you want.

- Yeah, well everyone in high school thinks I'm strange.

- Ah ha, eccentric.

And you can't hold a job, and your best friend is me,

and you can't play basketball.

So, obviously for you, the best is yet to come.

- Okay, now I'm depressed.

What about you?

- Me?

Hm.

Jay-Jay Manners.

Cute, endearing.

- [Otto] Modest.

- I haven't seen my mother since I was two.

I almost never see my father.

Which makes me fiercely independent.

- Yeah, mh mm. - I'm 16.

My car is 18.

Which is good,

because I like a car with experience.

I have absolutely no future plans,

and presently I have

(coins clattering)

nine cents.

Which means I have no obligations and I'm available.

So, Otto, it's clear that for me,

these are the best years of my life.

- Yeah, the only thing you don't have

is a date with Beth Franklin.

- Low blow.

Otto, Otto, I can't figure it out.

Why does she insist on going out with that jerk Middleton?

- Well he's got an outstanding car,

good looking, rich, and he runs the school.

- I know!

What does she see in him?

- Listen, he's been in the bathroom long enough.

Come on, let's check it out.

(water splashing) (robot beeping)

- Wish me luck.

I did it!

I did it, Jay-Jay.

He's ice cold and the water's boiling hot.

He's ice cold, I did it!

He's ready for the space program!

(laughing) All right,

yeah! - What a shame.

You can't dance, either.

(people chattering) (whimsical music)

- Hey Mr. Plaza, those chili dogs look great.

- They'd better be, I waited in line for a half hour.

- Yeah, y'know, I could go for one,

but I hate waiting in line.

- You want these?

- [Beau] Oh, no, no, I couldn't, Mr. Plaza.

- No no, I insist, I insist.

Here, Beau, here.

Here, here. - Oh no no no.

- Something to drink? - You shouldn't.

- No, no, no, please.

- Mr. Plaza.

You're all right, Mr. Plaza.

- Thanks, Beau.

- See you later. - Yeah.

Bye, guys.

Bye.

Knock, knock.

- This is ridiculous.

Why did you ever agree to chaperone this thing?

- Miss D'Angelo, if I'm gonna win that prize,

it's in my best interest to be seen

at every prep function.

- Swell.

Next time, count me out.

- Look, at least we're together.

Isn't this romantic,

the two of us dining al fresco?

- Dining on what?

You left a half hour ago to get food.

Where is it?

- I knew I forgot something.

I'll be right back with a gourmet lunch

you'll never forget.

Can I borrow $10?

- Beau, can we? - Beth,

we'll have a little fun in the fun house.

- Come on, you promised me we'd go on the Ferris wheel next.

It's my favorite ride.

- I told you, the line's too long.

We'll go in here first, what do you say?

- All right, but you promise me

we'll go on the Ferris wheel next?

- Yeah, I promise.

- No.

Look.

I don't want to go into the fun house.

I know we have to get Beau Middleton's picture,

but I'm afraid of the dark, and whenever I get scared,

I jump into somebody's arms.

If I jump into your arms, people are gonna talk.

I can't afford that.

As it is, my phone's got cobwebs.

- Nadine.

- Did you see that?

Two girls just went into the fun house together.

Come on.

Our big moment has arrived.

- What are we gonna do?

- Play it calm, play it cool.

As soon as we get inside, we jump on 'em.

- Cool.

Chuckie, it's too dark in here.

I can't see the girls.

- [Chuckie] Just follow me.

And sniff for perfume.

- [Peggy] There's Beau, yank!

- [Chuckie] Hey!

- Get off me! - Get off me.

(girls screaming)

- Yeah, we did it!

Oh, we got Beau's picture.

(both giggling)

Who is that?

- What is that?

Barf-o-rama.

- That was the greatest.

Someone pulled my pants down.

- [Both] Ew.

- Hey.

Hey, is that Beth Franklin?

- Very amusing.

Will you just cut it out?

That is her.

You owe me a buck.

- Come on, what do you mean no?

You promised.

- Look, the line is still too long.

Besides, Ferris wheel's for wimps.

Hey, you wanna go on it?

Go on it yourself.

I'll meet you afterwards.

- $50?

- Yeah, leave a tip.

- Excuse me, miss, did you know in a recent survey

of adolescent geeks,

this ride was rated more frightening than swollen glands?

This is not a ride to take alone.

- Well I think I'm gonna forget it anyway.

The line's too long.

- Oh, no, no problem, no problem.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Excuse me.

She's gotta ride it.

Excuse me, excuse me.

This way.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Would you give me a break?

Excuse me.

Thanks.

- [Beth] What did you say to him?

- I told him you have three weeks to live.

Suck in your cheeks.

(soft music)

This is great, isn't it?

Gives you a chance to breathe.

Get away from all the coneheads down there.

- You don't like people very much, do ya?

- No, I love people.

I just don't like crowds.

Especially certain crowds.

- Then why'd you come today?

- Actually,

this is the first one of these things I've come to.

- Me, too.

I always wanted to come, but, uh,

never really had anyone to come with.

Well, until this year.

- Yeah.

You're in with the A crowd.

Congratulations.

- I like being included, Jay-Jay.

I never was before.

I don't know,

it makes me feel like I'm somebody.

- I kind of like being alone.

- This is very strange.

Here we are, stuck on top of the Ferris wheel

telling each other our deepest thoughts.

You and I are total strangers.

- I wish we weren't.

- Well, isn't that precious.

I don't mean to be catty,

but there's Beth Franklin on the Ferris wheel

with that sleaze ball Jay-Jay Manners.

- Hi, stranger.

(light music)

(phone ringing)

Hello?

- Beth, honey, we've gotta talk.

- About what?

- Why on Earth would you risk your relationship

with Beau Middleton by being seen with that Jay-Jay Manners?

That's like breaking up with a doctor to date an orderly.

- Cara, all I did was go on the Ferris wheel with him.

We talked, he's very sweet.

- He's a python.

- Believe me,

I am not in the least bit interested in Jay-Jay Manners.

- [Operator] Excuse me, I have an emergency call

for 555-8231, Mr. Manners calling.

Will you release?

- Ha!

- You bet.

Bye, Cara.

(phone ringing)

Hello?

- Yo, Beth.

Double Jay Manners here.

Mr. Ferris wheel, remember me?

- Vaguely (chuckling).

Hi, Jay-Jay.

- Listen, I hope I didn't shake you up

with the emergency phone call.

- No, I was just talking to Cara.

- Oh, then I did you a favor.

Listen, I know it's kind of short notice,

but would you like to go out with me February,

March, and April?

Or, if you're busy, how about Saturday night?

- Jay-Jay, don't do this to me.

You know I'm going steady with Beau Middleton.

- I know, but a girl has to have some fun, too.

- I can't.

I would really like to, but I made a commitment to Beau.

He even gave me his ring.

We can still be friends.

- You mean like Wally and Lumpy?

Uh, I'll pass.

- I'm really sorry.

- Hey would it do you any good if I told you

I had three weeks to live?

(Beth chuckling)

No, huh?

Ah.

Okay.

I'll never bother you again.

(phone ringing)

- Hello?

- Yo, Beth, Jay-Jay here.

You dump Beau yet?

- You're makin' this a lot harder.

- I know, that's the point.

Okay, see you at school.

(phone ringing)

- Now what?

- Beth?

- Beau.

Hi.

Uh, where are you?

It sounds like you're calling from your car.

- I'm in my car.

I'm upset, Beth, and when I get upset, I like to drive.

Who were you just talking to on the phone?

- Just now?

Cara.

- Lie.

I just spoke to Cara.

She said you were talking with Jay-Jay Manners.

- All right, I was.

He called me.

Look, he's a nice guy.

What was I supposed to do, hang up on him?

- You did the right thing, Beth.

Don't worry.

Jay-Jay and I'll straighten this whole thing out.

- [Peggy] Nadine?

Nadine?

- Yes?

- Give me the 7/8 drill bit.

- How do I know which one's the 7/8 drill bit?

What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?

Give me a break.

It's five o'clock in the morning.

I'm lucky I know where I am.

Where am I?

- Look at this.

It's the boy's locker room.

It's deserted and it still looks disgusting.

In just five hours, it'll be 10 o'clock

and guess who'll be in there changing his clothes for gym?

Beau Middleton.

- And Chuckie Dipple.

- [Both] Ew.

- Hey Jay-Jay, look at this.

Da da da da!

(door slamming)

Oh.

Hey.

Hey, you okay?

- I am great.

And you?

- Nice technique, Clyde, nice technique.

- Hello Jay-Jay.

- Beau.

Oxen.

- Let me ask you a question, Curt.

Are you a virgin?

- What do you mean, I got kids.

- My parents wanted kids.

- Oh, Mr. Krinsky, sir,

what are you doing here?

- I'm the janitor, I'm supposed to be here.

What are you doin' here?

- School newspaper. - Yeah.

- We're here to do an article about you.

- Yeah, you.

- About how outdated your tools and buckets are.

- Oh lord knows I could use another squeegee.

- Oh great, well, how about a picture?

- Sure.

(camera snapping)

Say, uh, you suppose I could have one of those

for my girlfriend?

- [Both] Sure.

- Here. - Now, um,

would it be all right if we took a look

around the office and made some notes?

- I'm sorry girls, this place is off limits.

And I have two more years to go before I get my pension

and there's no way I can jeopardize that.

- [Nadine] Here's $2.

- Lock up when you leave.

(girls giggling)

- Hey Beau, was that hole always here?

- No, why don't you plug it up?

- Whoa! (bright music)

Hi, guys.

- [Nadine] See anything?

- [Chuckie] No, no!

(wall crashing)

- I think I'm gonna be sick.

(upbeat music)

- One,

two,

three.

(Bandini yelling)

- Lower it two inches.

- Ready, set.

Hut one, hut two, hut three.

(boys yelling)

(boys screaming)

(Jay-Jay crashing)

(boys laughing)

- That's a warning, Manners.

Stay away from Beth Franklin.

- And solid food.

- Jay-Jay, what happened?

Your face is a mess.

- Ah, Beth.

- Come here, sit down. - No, Beth, really,

really, thank you.

I appreciate it,

but your kindness is gonna kill me.

- Would you just be quiet and sit still?

- Ow. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Well isn't that sweet?

Beth Franklin wiping Jay-Jay Manners' chin

with her very own monogrammed handkerchief.

You must be so happy to have such a friendly,

outgoing girlfriend.

- I guess some guys are just born thick, huh?

I'm gonna fix that guy once and for all.

- Well here you are, Mr. Middleton,

USDA Prime.

I was saving it for the principal's lunch but,

well, you do come first.

How do you like it?

- Raw.

- Suit yourself.

Y'know, I sure could use that $10,000 prize.

I'd buy myself a new house, a new car,

a camper for my daddy,

a whole new-- - Miss Lee, Miss Lee.

The grant is $10,000.

- Fine.

I'll just give the rest to charity.

(dramatic music)

(dog panting)

- Listen,

sorry I had to rough you guys up earlier.

No hard feelings, okay?

- Hey, no hard feelings.

(dog barking)

- And that is what happened at the Battle of Bulge Hill.

(bell ringing)

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Don't forget your homework assignments.

Those who fail to do it, Mr. Manners,

(students laughing)

will be severely punished.

Dismissed.

(students chattering)

- [Beau] Can we help you Dr. Hauptmann?

- Oh thank you, Beau.

Such a well mannered boy and tall.

You and your friends are always so kind.

You know, Beau, I would like very much

to win the Middleton prize.

I could use the money to visit my mama in Germany,

I mean Austria.

(Dr. Hauptmann humming)

Shazi, where are you, puppy?

Ah, (laughing) yes, I bet you're hungry.

We go home, we'll get something to eat, yah?

(Schatzi barking)

Schatzi!

- I'll do my homework, I promise!

Help!

- Schatzi, is that bad boy bothering you?

Huh?

(Schatzi barking)

(upbeat music)

(speaking in foreign language)

Wait for the light, Schatzi!

- When preparing for a picnic,

always make enough for unexpected guests.

- Whoa, whoa!

Whoa! (Miss Lee yelling)

- Schatzi, Schatzi, I'm falling!

(Mr. Hauptmann yelling)

- [Jay-Jay] Oh great.

- Come on Jay-Jay.

- Pete, I'd love to chat, but.

(Schatzi growling)

(bag ripping)

- Are you okay, Hauptmann?

- He did this to me.

- Yes, I know. - That devil Manners.

- He'll be dealt with, I can assure you Dr. Hauptmann.

- I want him executed. - Hey, hey!

It's not my fault that the stupid mutt

thought I was a piece of schnitzel.

- Stupid mutt?

I'll kill you now.

(Mr. Hauptmann yelling)

- It's me, it's me.

Hauptmann, you fool.

- Beth, Beth, listen this isn't as bad as it looks.

- I don't wanna hear it, Jay-Jay.

How could you play such a cruel joke

on a helpless blind man?

- [Pete] Come on Jay-Jay.

- Everyone kept warning me about you,

but I just wouldn't listen.

I actually thought you were something special.

Boy, was I a jerk.

- Beth. - Jay-Jay, now.

- Mr. Kinney, believe me, I didn't do it.

I was set up.

- Hey y'know what, Jay-Jay?

I think you're telling the truth.

- What a relief.

Pete, Pete, good seein' ya.

Call me when-- - Sit down.

- Sit down.

- So you didn't pull this one off, so what?

You'll try something just as stupid tomorrow.

- I don't think so, this one's gonna be pretty hard to top.

- You know what's so pathetic?

Is you got a brain, but you refuse to use it.

I mean, you've got everything going for ya.

You could do or be anything you want.

But all you wanna do is be a screw up.

Jay-Jay, not all the things in life are reserved

for guys like Beau Middleton.

But you gotta wake up and make a commitment to something,

to somebody,

to yourself.

Will you think about that?

- I'll try.

It's a lot.

- Yeah, yeah.

Well, just to make sure that you have enough time,

I'm gonna give you two hours of detention

every day for the rest of the semester.

- It's a good thing you believe me.

(heavy music)

- Hey, Jay-Jay, some cool machine, huh?

- Who's that?

- Milton Feld, Archie's dad.

You wanna drag?

(tires screeching)

(Jay-Jay sighing)

(horn honking)

- I was framed, Otto, and I think that stinks.

- Yeah, Beau Middleton strikes again.

Man, he can get away with anything.

- No, no, not this time.

Hey, Middleton.

- What do you want?

I'm in a hurry.

- I want you.

No, I am sick and tired of the way

you walk around school like you own it.

I don't like the way you treat people.

I don't like the way you do things.

I don't like you.

- What are you gonna do about it?

- I'm gonna whip you.

- What?

- No, no, no, no.

At the lake.

A week from today, before the fall dance.

A race.

Me against you, one on one.

- You crazy?

You can't beat my car, you know that.

- $1,000 says I can.

- (chuckling) $1,000?

Where are you gonna get $1,000?

- I'm not the one who's gonna need it.

- All right, you're on.

And you better pay.

- Jay-Jay.

(students gasping) - Ah.

Well.

Pretty hip, huh?

- Oh, Jay-Jay, man.

I think too much detention has made you stir crazy.

- I know what I'm doin', Otto.

I know what I'm doin'.

- Gosh, Jay-Jay, talk about your basic mission impossible.

- Arch.

You owe me a favor, right?

- Yeah, I sure do.

- Good, because I'm gonna use your dad's car.

- Oh.

You're gonna use my dad's car?

(soft music) Oh, oh, oh.

- Pew pew pew, pew pew pew!

Die, merchant slime!

Man, this game is the greatest.

- Y'know, it's even better if you put a quarter in it.

(electronic beeping)

Yo Arch, can I talk to you for a second?

- He's not available right now, Jay-Jay.

- So, you wanna give me your phone number?

(ice clattering)

- Okay, he's available.

- Jay-Jay, I already told you

if this is about my father's car, it's out of the question.

- Hey, Arch, we've been through this before.

I'm only gonna need the car twice,

once to get the feel of it and once for the race.

We're talkin' about a total of a half hour.

- My father won't even let me near the car.

- Arch, I don't wanna split hairs with you,

but you haven't got a license.

- Friday, I get my license on Friday

and he still won't let me near it.

- I'm gettin' nowhere here.

I'm gonna go over to your house,

and I'm gonna talk to your dad.

- It won't do you any good.

He's out of town and he won't be back for two weeks.

- Way to go, big mouth.

You're such a total lame-o.

Why don't you tell him the keys are in your father's drawer

wrapped in his bikini underwear?

- Nice going, Chuckie.

Now who's the bigger lame-o, you or me?

- It's a tough call.

We may have to go to a tie breaking question on this one.

(electronic beeping)

- This is the only theater where this movie's playing.

It's a very fine film.

I've seen it three times.

- What was the name of it again?

- Wicked Wicked Cowgirls.

- Next time, let's try to find a movie

that's not 60 miles from my house.

- 60 miles, what's 60 miles?

The important thing is that we're together.

And I can relax because I don't have to worry

about being spotted by one of the kids.

(robot beeping)

(electronic beeping)

(otherworldly music)

- [Leo] Excuse me.

Excuse me, please.

Pardon me, may I get by here?

- Oh no.

- Watch it! - Shh.

- Hey.

I know you.

Mr. P.

Miss D.

Hey, everybody, Mr. Plaza's here with Miss D'Angelo.

- Shh.

- Hey, Miss D'Angelo, Mr. Plaza.

- Oh come on, let's go.

(robot beeping)

(cans clattering)

(change clattering)

- [Archie] Bye bye, Jay-Jay.

- Hey, aren't you guys comin'?

- Really? - You mean it?

- [Jay-Jay] Yeah.

- [Both] Woo!

(doors closing)

- Jay-Jay?

Promise me you'll go slow.

(engine revving)

(tires screeching) (energetic music)

- You stay here.

I'm gonna go get Beau.

(tires squealing)

- [Chuckie] Stop, please stop.

- [Archie] Jay, watch it.

(tires skidding)

Please!

(Archie grunting)

(Chuckie grunting)

- Well, I think I can drive this thing.

What do you think?

- Are we home yet?

- I don't know, Beau.

It's a pretty fast car.

You think you can beat it?

- No problem.

He will not be racing in it.

- Ready?

Okay.

- [Cheerleaders] Push 'em back, push 'em back, way back.

(whistle blowing)

- Cara?

Cara, a little more energy.

You want us to lose to Tech?

- Who cares.

This is so high school.

- [Miss D'Angelo] Then why do it?

- I happen to look stunning in the uniform.

- One more smart aleck remark and you're off the squad.

Okay, one more time.

- Sorry to interrupt cheerleading practice, Miss D'Angelo,

but I'd like to have a word with two of your girls.

- Go ahead.

- Anne-Marie, Cara?

I just wanna wish you both luck on tomorrow's bio test.

- Well it sure is a lot to cover.

We'll be up studying all night.

- Chapter 14.

Read chapter 14.

Well, that's all I needed to know.

(bell ringing) Carry on.

- Take five, girls.

Mr. Plaza?

This has gone far enough.

We're through.

- What?

- Y'know, ever since they announced that

stupid preppy prize, you've been acting like a total fool.

I don't even know you anymore.

- Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else,

like over dinner.

- Oh fine, I know a nice little restaurant in Canada

or is that too close to the school?

- Give me a chance to make it up to ya.

Please?

- You're crushing my pom poms.

- Oh.

Sorry, sorry.

Miss D'Angelo, hear me out.

You mean the world to me.

- You certainly don't show it.

- Give me another shot, please.

I'll change.

I promise I'll change.

Oh.

Hi, Beau (chuckling).

(whistle blowing)

- That's it for today girls.

Hit the showers.

- [Cheerleaders] All right.

- Hi Anne-Marie.

- Hi.

- Brought you a present.

- Yeah, what is it?

- Me (chuckling).

Just kiddin'.

You seen Beth around?

- Please don't mention that name.

It breaks my heart.

Beau, how could you go out with Beth Franklin

when waiting in the sidelines is a poor, sweet,

innocent girl like me?

- Anne-Marie, I want you to do something

very slimy for me.

- I'm your girl.

- I gotta warn you, it's pretty disgusting.

- Beau, I'd eat maggots for you.

- This is worse.

(upbeat music)

- That's them?

Forget it, Anne-Marie.

- Beau asked us to help him out

and we're gonna go through with this.

Hey, what are you complaining about?

I paid you $50 to do this.

Come on, let's go.

- Okay, but I get to pick the cute one.

- From those two?

- Whoa.

- Hey, am I Looney Tunes, or are those two punk girls

coming on to us?

- Hey.

- Hi.

- You two alone?

- Well, yeah.

I mean no, not really.

We came on the same bus.

How am I doing?

- You're dying.

Shut up and try not to look so desperate.

Just let me do the talking.

So, ladies.

(Chuckie crashing)

Wanna rent a motel room?

- Hey, we don't even know your names.

- I'm Charles Dipple.

And this is Archie Feld.

We go to Excelsior.

- I'm Helen Putrid.

This is Vicky Slime.

And we quit school in the third grade.

- So, what do you wanna do?

- We wanna go up to the Point and go parkin'.

- Yeah.

Let's go.

Where's your car?

Whoa.

- We don't have a car.

Don't you have a car?

- No, we don't have a car.

Why do we need a car to go parking?

Besides, where in the heck are we gonna get a car?

- We can go a lot further in a car,

if you know what I mean.

(engine revving)

(tires squealing)

- Whoa.

Today's the day, right, buddy?

- Yeah.

Yeah, woo hoo.

- Oh come on, Archibald, relax.

- Way to go, Arch.

(car honking) (Anne-Marie screaming)

(tires screeching)

- Oh boy, Charles.

You sure are a good driver.

- Yeah.

As long as I'm not distracted.

(monkey howling)

(Anne-Marie yelling)

- Hey!

(dramatic music)

The brakes, hit the brakes.

- I can't, my foot is stuck.

- Oh, I should've gotten 100 for this.

- [Chuckie] Arch, where you goin'?

(Anne-Marie screaming)

What's goin' on?

(sign crashing) Archie,

will you slow down?

Arch, slow, slow.

Archie!

What are you doing?

- [Anne-Marie] No!

What's going on?

- You're all over the road.

- No I'm not.

I'm following the yellow line.

(upbeat music) (tires squealing)

(people yelling) (car crashing)

- [Anne-Marie] Ow!

(Anne-Marie screaming)

(both yelling)

(car crashing)

- [Cara] I can't believe you got me into this, Anne-Marie.

I will never forgive you.

- Oh.

- Chuckie, tell me it's just a couple of scratches.

Tell me my father isn't gonna kill me.

- The car's totaled, Arch.

You're a dead man.

- Oh no.

- Cheer up. - Oh no.

- At least we still got the girls.

Girls?

Girls?

- Come on.

(phone ringing)

- Don't answer that, just keep packing.

- I wish we didn't have to run away.

- We're not running away.

We're joining the Army.

It's excitement.

It's adventure.

My Uncle Duddy was in the Army.

- How come I never met him?

- He was killed in bootcamp.

- Beth.

Beth.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

- Sorry, sir, you'll have to take a number.

- Wait a minute.

Excuse me.

What number are you on?

- 86!

- 86.

- [Beth] 86!

- 86.

It's me.

- Jay-Jay.

- Look, Beth, I can't wait for my turn.

I gotta talk to you now.

- All right, what?

- I just wanted you to know

I had nothing to do with that Hauptmann thing.

Okay, I admit, I had motive,

but not enough to become one of Schatzi's chew toys.

- Fine.

What about that stupid car race?

I mean come on, what are you trying to prove?

- That I can make a commitment to something

and see it through.

I've never really cared about anything.

It just doesn't feel that good anymore.

- Why are you telling me all this?

- Because I want you to give me a chance.

All I'm asking is that you look around,

and if you're happy with the way things are going,

and I don't think you are,

fine.

If not,

call me, we'll talk.

- Is that it?

- No.

Give me a couple danish and a Kaiser roll.

(tense music)

- Okay, the timing device is set.

Now it's gonna snap a picture every five minutes.

Are you sure that this is Beau Middleton's bedroom?

- Of course I'm sure.

- Shh.

Someone's coming.

Let's get out of here.

(ladder rattling)

(Schatzi barking)

(students chattering)

That's not Beau.

These are pictures of his parents.

- [Both] Ew.

- Why is Mrs. Middleton wearing a nurse's uniform?

- That isn't Mrs. Middleton.

That's Mr. Middleton.

- [Both] Ew.

- Otto, Otto.

Have you seen Archie and Chuckie?

- No, why?

- Well something's wrong.

Today was co-ed gym and they didn't show up.

- Ah. (bell ringing)

Listen, you gotta come over to the house

and check out what I'm wearing to the race.

I got a pair of buffalo skin racing gloves

that'll knock your eyes out.

- You're really taking this seriously, aren't you?

- It is serious.

Beth, I've been challenged by that nothing little worm,

Jay-Jay Manners.

I mean he and all the other strays in this school

have got to be taught a lesson.

I run the school.

I make the rules and nobody challenges me.

- You make it sound like you're some kind

of dictator or king.

- I like that.

I'm the king, you're my queen,

and all our friends are the royal court.

- And what was I last year when I wasn't your queen

or in your court?

- I don't know.

Nothin', I guess, just some girl.

You got pretty lucky, didn't ya?

- I suppose so.

- Suppose so.

You know how many girls would kill to be in your position?

- Beau,

I was not a nothing.

I was a girl with ideas and feelings, and I still am.

Only we never talk about any of them.

You really don't know anything about me.

- Beth, Beth.

Beth.

What do you want?

Don't we have a good time together?

We go to all the best places.

I take you the best parties, the best restaurants.

I introduced you to the A crowd.

Let's face it, if I dumped ya, you'd be a zero again.

- You're right, Beau.

I owe everything I am to you.

- That's my girl.

(door knocking)

- Well, it looks like there's nobody home.

Let's come back later.

- No, no, no, they're in there, they're in there.

I heard tripping and falling.

- Okay.

Robot, the window.

(robot beeping)

(glass shattering)

- Crude, but effective.

- [Chuckie] Are you gonna eat those fries?

- [Jay-Jay] Hey guys.

- Good afternoon, Otto.

Jay-Jay.

Chuckie and I were just having a late lunch.

- In the closet.

That's very quaint.

Uh, guys, what's with the suitcases?

- Oh, well, we were just thinking about getting away

for a while.

- Until the smoke clears.

- What smoke?

Hey, wait a minute.

You didn't do anything to the car, did ya?

- No, Jay-Jay, I swear, I didn't do anything to the car.

I didn't touch it, honest.

- Good. - He did.

- Hey, will you stop whimpering?

I mean really, how bad could it be?

♪ Da da da da da do do do do ♪

Hey, this is funny.

This is really funny.

Now guys, where's the real car?

- This is the car.

The only thing that still works is the hazard light.

- Otto.

Otto.

Now y'know I have nothing but the utmost respect

for your intelligence and for your mechanical expertise,

so I'll defer to you.

Can you fix it?

- Say what?

- Uh huh.

Okay, well, I guess there's only one thing for me to do.

I'm gonna kill ya.

(phone ringing)

- Don't answer that, it might be my dad.

Oh no, what if it's my dad?

- Archie, Archie, it's not your dad.

Hello?

Mm hm.

Yeah.

It's your dad.

- Hello?

Hi, Dad.

Gosh, where's all that neat static I always hear

when you call from Cleveland?

You're not in Cleveland?

Where are you?

At the airport?

Oh my.

What?

I couldn't do that, Dad.

I just got my license the other day

and I'm still a little bit shaky.

All right, don't call me that, Dad.

All right, I'll see you in a little while.

Good bye.

That was my dad.

He wants me to come pick him up at the airport

in his new car.

- You?

What is he, drunk?

- Very much so.

Jay-Jay, what am I gonna do?

- Okay, Arch, okay, just pull yourself together.

We're gonna be able to handle this.

The first thing we gotta do is get this thing

out of the way. (metal clanging)

(bright music)

- There he is.

What a nice guy.

He's gonna kill me.

- No, Arch, Arch, will you relax?

Let me handle it.

- Yoo hoo, Dad.

- Hello, son.

Boys, let me pay my tab and we'll get out of here.

- No, no, Arch, Arch.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you gonna tell your dad the great news?

- What happened?

Your face cleared up?

- No, Mr. Feld.

You are looking at the new starting quarterback

for Excelsior Union High football team.

- Well congratulations, Jay-Jay.

- No, no, not me.

Arch.

- Archie?

A quarterback?

He throws underhand.

- Yeah, but you ought to see him, Mr. Feld.

The coach has been working with him.

He can really zing that ball.

- Archie?

A quarterback?

- Even I couldn't believe it.

- Hut two, hut three.

- This is quite a shock.

I mean, it calls for a celebration, huh?

- [Jay-Jay] It sure does.

- One more round.

(Milton snoring)

(dog barking)

♪ Ba ba boo ♪

♪ Ba ba boo ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Jay-Jay, don't, don't you slap my dad.

Let me.

(hand slapping)

(cans clattering) (Milton groaning)

- What happened?

Are you all right?

Am I all right?

What happened?

- We're okay, Mr. Feld.

We're just in shock.

- I haven't even made the first payment on this car.

I should have let Chuckie or Archie drive.

- Oh.

Okay, it looks like everybody's here.

Now that--

Arch.

Listen,

Curt, why'd you bring the baby?

- It's my wife's bowling night

and I couldn't get a baby sitter.

- Okay, okay, fine.

Listen, the reason I asked you guys here

is 'cause I got car trouble, big car trouble.

I can overcome it,

but not alone.

Look, I know in auto shop,

it's always been every man for himself,

but being an individual has its drawbacks.

I mean, look, guys, the point is

if we all work together to fix my car,

we can let the preps know we're alive.

Let them know we're alive?

We can make them respect us.

Now, what I'm asking is gonna take some commitment,

so if any of you would rather be at home

watching television, now is your chance.

- Now hold it!

I got somethin' to say.

Ever since I was a baby, I've been fat,

clumsy,

a loser.

You guys can correct me if I'm wrong.

- We will.

- Look,

we can show those preps that we matter.

Just once, I wanna know what it's like to be a winner.

Don't you?

Let's help Jay-Jay fix up his car.

Are you with me?

- Yeah! (bright music)

- Sure, why not?

- [Both] Why not?

- Chuck,

thank you.

It really means a lot, and I want you to know

that from now on, you are important.

Now get lost, we got work to do.

- This is perfect.

- Yeah, my brother said we could use this place

as long as we take care of the customers.

- Hey, it's a deal.

We're closed.

Now, Otto, do you have everything you need?

- Yeah, but you understand going into this folly,

that I've never, ever worked on a car in my entire life?

- Yeah, what's your point?

- Well we gotta break into the school tonight

and get ahold of Mr. Sirota's auto repair manual.

- This sounds like a job for the amazing

and cat-like Clyde Vargas.

(fabric ripping)

Rawr.

- He means well.

- Okay, now what we gotta do now is get ahold

of a really big engine.

- It's no problem.

Bandini's taking care of that tonight.

- Bandini?

- Boom boom boom.

Boom boom boom.

- Oh, thank you, thank you.

- Could you run that romantic proposal by me

just one more time?

- Sure, sure.

Now listen carefully.

We keep sneaking around.

I win the Middleton grant,

cash in the first class plane ticket

and we both go to Europe, coach.

- In other words, you're gonna bribe me

to stay in the closet?

- Oh, don't call it a bribe.

Call it,

call it something else.

- Hush money.

Payola.

A blackmail.

- All right, call it a bribe.

Look, look, it's the only way.

- No, there's another way.

You keep sucking up to the preps.

- Sucking up?

- And you win your stupid prize,

and I'm going to find somebody

who's not ashamed to be seen with me.

- Step to the rear, please.

(door knocking)

(Bandini humming)

- Leo Bandini driving a bus?

- I couldn't get ahold of a plane.

(tools clattering)

- All right, good work guys.

(Clyde panting)

Hey, what happened to you?

- Before or after I set off the sprinkler system?

- Wait a minute, you started a fire

breaking into the school?

- It was a teeny one.

- Did you get the repair manual?

- Have I ever failed?

Ta-da.

- Don't worry about it.

I'll figure something else out.

When is Bandini gonna get here with that bus engine?

(wall crashing)

- Oh, any minute now.

- End of the line.

- [Jay-Jay] Oh nice goin', Bandini.

You brought a teacher.

- I did?

- Miss Lebowitz?

Wow.

I had you for English class.

- No, Bandini, not her.

Her.

Miss D'Angelo.

- What's going on here?

This has something to do with the race, doesn't it?

- Bingo.

- Great lame-o.

- You dip!

- Now she's gonna turn us in.

- Thanks a lot, Archie. - Hey wait a minute.

I'd love to see you whip king prep.

- Yeah, we all would,

but we've had a few of your basic major setbacks.

- Oh come on, guys.

All you need's a little boost.

♪ Who's that man coming down the track ♪

♪ Big bad Beau, no he's in the back ♪

♪ Take another look and what do you see ♪

♪ Jay-Jay Manners and victory ♪

- [Otto] Well, I think we've finally done it.

- All right, let's load this sucker into my car

and try 'er out.

- Not so fast.

A 4,000 horse power hydrogen engine

burns a little hot.

We've got to protect it with some kind of heat shield,

or your car is gonna melt.

(robot beeping)

- Uh.

Guys, take a five.

Minutes.

Otto.

Not the robot.

- It's not your decision, Jay-Jay.

You just go outside with the other guys.

I got work to do.

- Otto. - Please?

Will you just get out of here?

(soft music)

It's for the good of the team.

You understand that, right?

It's not gonna hurt or anything.

You don't have any feelings.

You're just metal,

wires, and computer chips.

Right?

(robot beeping)

Robot.

Good bye.

- Looks like he's not gonna show.

I can't blame him.

I'm gonna give him one more minute

then it's a forfeit, all right?

- You sure are a poor excuse for a girlfriend.

Beth, you should be down there by Beau's side

until the gun goes off.

- Anne-Marie, Beau is a big boy.

I'm sure he can drive the car all by himself.

If he needs any help, he'll ask.

- Well lord knows he wouldn't ask you.

As a matter of fact, there was this little task

that needed doing this week,

and he turned to a woman that he could rely on.

- What kind of little task?

- Well, I really shouldn't say, but I will.

Jay-Jay Manners almost raced Beau

in a brand news Trans Am.

He would have given Beau a run for his money.

But thanks to me, thank you Anne-Marie,

we don't have to worry about that old Trans Am.

That car is now a pile of junk.

- You wrecked someone's brand new car

because Beau told you to?

- Can you think of a better reason?

(engine revving)

(light music)

(students chattering)

- [Boy] All right, Jay-Jay!

- Sorry I'm late, I had to stop for gas.

Three times.

- [Boys] Ba dum dum, tch.

- You ready to get this over with, Beau?

Listen, tell me again, what's this red button for?

- Well, in case it's a close race, throw it into overdrive,

hit the red button, and hold on.

Good luck, buddy. - Thanks.

- I just wanted to wish you luck.

- Thanks.

- Gentlemen,

take your positions at the starting line.

(engines revving)

- [Girl] Beau, good luck.

- [Boy] Give it to him, Beau, give it to him.

(engines revving)

- On your mark,

get set,

(bright music)

go!

- This is Clyde Vargas live with a bird's eye view

of the race.

Things are really tense out here.

We're hoping nobody gets hurt.

(Clyde yelling)

(bright music)

(metal crashing)

(rocket blasting) - Whoa!

Whoa.

(car whistling)

(students cheering)

- Oh Beau honey, I am so sorry you lost.

(students cheering)

- [Girl] What a way to go.

- Chuckie, listen,

go over to Beau, get the $1,000.

We gotta get tuxedos for a dance

that starts in three hours.

- We're going to the dance?

- My treat.

(all cheering)

(upbeat music)

♪ You may think I'm nutty and telling you lies ♪

♪ I'm going out now to buy my school supplies ♪

♪ Well this semester's gonna be a gas 'cause school is in ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

- Hey thanks, pal, I'm going to the high school.

- [Pete] Yeah, me too, hop in.

- [Jay-Jay] Hey, Mr. Kinney.

- Come on, get in.

Where's your car, Jay-Jay?

Donate it to the Smithsonian?

- My engine is dead.

- Well, this afternoon probably killed it.

- Yeah.

- Y'know, Jay-Jay, I hate car races.

They're dangerous.

They're stupid.

They never prove a thing.

Except this time (laughing).

Oh, I'm glad you made that turkey eat dirt.

- It was a lot of fun.

He had it comin' to him.

- Yeah.

You did okay.

You took a stand and you didn't quit.

I'm proud of you.

- I'm proud of me, too.

(happy music)

- Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?

Excuse me.

We're never gonna get that picture.

I mean, the assignment is due Monday

and I'd say the chances of Beau stripping at this dance.

(students gasping)

(students clapping)

I'd say the chances of Beau stripping at this dance

are pretty slim.

Maybe we can follow him home. - Peggy, you have a camera.

Would it be an imposition if I asked you

to take a picture of us?

Oh, we don't have one.

- You don't have a picture of you and your father?

- This is not my father, Nadine.

This happens to be Colonel Winston Moss

of the United States Air Force.

He is my date, not my father.

- Oh right, your father's much younger.

(Cara laughing)

(both laughing)

(happy music)

- Hey, Beau!

I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow.

I mean, knowing your car.

(Chuckie laughing)

- Hey, Skip, Biff.

Let's take care of those two.

- Take of 'em yourself.

- Gee, I'm sorry, Beau.

We didn't mean anything.

You wanna hang around with us?

- What would I possibly have in common with you two?

- You like cheese?

(students applauding) (bright music)

(students cheering)

- We love you Jay-Jay!

- Lookin' sharp, Jay-Jay, lookin' sharp!

- You're my hero, Jay-Jay.

- Hey, guys!

Guys!

Hey!

Will you cut it out?

Listen, the king is dead

and the last thing we need is another king.

Play another song.

(students cheering)

(light music)

- Hey, you know, Mr. Kinney,

why, this year's home ec class is really extra special.

I mean, I just love each and every girl.

They are gonna make ideal wives.

Why, we have learned to make biscuits and gravy.

- I think exercise is most important.

In my youth, I was an athlete.

I used to throw the shot.

Of course, I never knew where I put it.

(Dr. Hauptmann laughing)

- Miss D'Angelo, can I have a word with you?

- You're very rude.

Can't you see I'm talking to Dr. Hauptmann?

- I just wanted you to know how much I've missed you

and how foolish I've been.

- Didn't you hear her, Plaza?

- Shut up, Fritz.

- Would you like to dance?

- Here, in front of the whole school?

Isn't that kind of risky?

- I tipped the band.

They're playing a slow one.

I'd really like to dance with you.

- But, what about the Middleton grant?

You could blow it.

- So I lose.

I just don't wanna lose you.

- I struck out again.

I need a new spiel.

Maybe I shall start wearing my uniform.

Maybe they'll respect a former U-boat commander

who is still active in the reserves.

(chuckling) Hello.

- Jay-Jay, this is my wife Eileen,

and this is Jay-Jay, and uh, oh.

You meet little Ricky.

And, uh,

and this

is gonna be little Jay-Jay, even if it's a boy.

- Will somebody please tell me who won?

- You really helped Jay-Jay Manners soup up his car?

- Oh we didn't just help him,

we did the whole thing.

Well actually, we pitched in.

You see, Otto was the brains behind it.

- I was wondering,

would you girls care to dance?

- That'd be great.

- That's okay, I understand.

At least you didn't hit us.

- But we said yes.

- Arch, they said yes.

They said yes, what do we do?

- Just follow me.

Bring the girl.

- Yo Otto.

How have you been?

I've been worried about you.

- Oh I'm fine now.

Robot, the dance.

(robot beeping)

(students exclaiming)

- It's about time, Beth.

Where have you been?

You're a half hour late.

- Beau. - Do you know how stupid

I look standing here without a date?

You're supposed to come to this place with a date.

- Beau, I'm not your date and I'm not gonna be your date.

I'm breaking up with you.

- Nobody breaks up with Beau Middleton.

Beau Middleton calls the shots.

Beau Middleton'll do the breaking up.

- Well, then, this should be a new experience for ya

because Beth Franklin just broke up with Beau Middleton.

- Beth.

- Here's your ring.

- You're trying my patience.

Now would you get me some punch and shut up?

- You shut up.

(Anne-Marie gasping)

- Don't you worry, Beau.

I'll take that ring.

(soft music)

- It's a good thing he didn't give you an ID bracelet.

If I may say so,

you look kind of spectacular.

I got number 86, what number are we on?

- 86.

(Jay-Jay sighing)

- Oh look, honey.

Otto Lipton brought a date after all.

- What'd you do, Otto, bring your trash compactor?

Boo.

- No, actually, Beau, this is a robot.

- Robot, my behind.

(robot beeping)

(students laughing)

(fabric ripping)

(camera snapping)

(students laughing)

(upbeat music)

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in, oh yeah ♪

♪ School is in ♪

(chimes tinkling)

(Multicom jingle)