All language subtitles for Clarice.S01E06.How.Does.It.Feel.To.Be.So.Beautiful.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_Track03

Previously on "Clarice"...

Angela Bird, Tess Laughty,

Sandra Bishop,
and Rebecca Clark-Sherman.

They were not random victims
of a serial killer.

Those women were whistleblowers,

and Rebecca was gonna tell
their story.

Catherine thinks you're
the only one who can help her.

Please start returning
her calls.

Can you sleep?

Or do moths wake you up?

There's no one for you.

Just me.

Separating was about
stopping drinking, and I have.

The kids stay with me.

And no judge in America
is gonna say any different.

Rebecca was looking
for a Dr. Marilyn Felker,

who was the lead physician
at the Lockyer Labs

clinical trials
the whistleblowers were in.

We wanted to talk to you
about your sister.

We may be twins,
but Marilyn and I

haven't spoken
in a few years now.

Get me whatever
the FBI knows.

The reporter --
Rebecca Clark-Sherman.

Tell me
everything she told you

about me
and the clinical trials.

She didn't say anything.

Sure, she did.

Call FBI.

FBI!

There was a man.

I couldn't see his face.

I wasn't dreaming.

No. It happened.

I see you.
I hear you. It happened.

There was a man there.
He hit me.

I just -- I couldn't...

I can't remember
his face.

That's not unusual.

But if we're gonna
find him --

Oh, believe me.

I'll find him.

You dug in and held on
to a piece of him.

He can't hide.
He's there, under your nails.

His DNA.

I hope we can find him.

I just wish
I could remember.

It's not on you.

It's not on any of us.

It's on that bastard
that put you here.

Right?

Home.

When you hear
that sound, open your eyes

and tell me where you are.

Where are you?

Woodhaven.

Are you alone?

No.

There are people...

patients.

My throat burns real bad.

I can bring you out.

No. Wait.

I need to know.

My legs...

I'm gonna fall.

Then fall.

Where are you? I'm on the floor.

You don't think hypnosis
is a stretch? Can you describe it?

-Cognitive interview.
Clean.

Starling says there was
someone else there that night.

I can't get up.

How could she remember?

She was pumped to
the eyeballs with narcotics.

So, what do you do?

I crawl.

I keep moving.

You don't understand my humanity.

Marilyn's behind me.

I can bring you out.
-No.

Wait.

I see a man.

I see a man in a suit.

He sees me.

Precious!

What's happening?

He's walking toward me.

Describe him.

I see...

How does it feel
to be so beautiful?

Who?
Who did you see?

I couldn't get his face.

Can we try again?
I can -- I can do it again.

You can't rush it.

Ah.

Whose idea was it
to try this?

His majesty.

Hey, Organized Crime
swears by Dr. Li.

I gotta go.

Tell Starling she's on leave.

Non-negotiable.

Whoa-oh-oh.

She might hear that better
coming from you.

You do it. I'm late.

Oh, really?

Mandy's been meeting
with every divorce lawyer

in the District.

To lock you out?

She got mean
pretty quick.

Anyway, this guy, his kid
used to go to Jason's school.

He reached out.

And he's well recommended.

I hope that means
he's a prick.

He has a reputation.
Do you have to --

I do.

You're doing
the work, Paul.

She's always looking
for shortcuts.

Your majesty,
fill out the paperwork

for all this hypnosis.

I don't need accounting
breathing down my neck.

The DNA results came back
from your fingernails.

Inconclusive.

Wait, what?

What, there wasn't
enough material, or...?

I don't know.
May-- Maybe you didn't grab

a mystery man's hand.

Look, you were drugged.
Maybe -- Maybe there wasn't --

What is it that you don't want
to believe here, Clarke? Huh?

Okay. Okay.

Tripathi and I are heading
over to Lockyer Labs.

Maybe we can find out more
about the man who attacked you.

He knew Marilyn Felker, and
she ran the clinical trials.

Okay, great.
I'll ride along.

You? No.

Admin Leave?

Boss says,
and it's Bu standard

when we experience trauma
in the field.

Hey, it's not like
I was shot.

Yeah, yeah.

Clarice, listen,
I'll shoot you

if it'll make you
sit your ass down for two weeks.

Hear, hear.

If we don't find
something soon,

this whole case will be
on the shelf in two weeks.

Dr. Li said to call her

if you want to
talk through anything.

Ardelia --

I said I'd escort you
out the building.

Some guy hit me
across the head with a phone.

I am pissed off, and I know
that he has something to do

with the women
we pulled out of that river.

I am going to get him.

I hear you.

But you know who
you need to talk to.

She specializes in trauma.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh, you're carrying
a big folder.

I heard a thing
in the ladies --

Congressman Gant
sent a letter

demanding an audit
of the DOJ.

Can you snag me a copy?
Yeah.

Clarice, what are you
doing here?

Afternoon, ma'am.

I was wondering if you could
spare a few minutes.

Sure.

If I over-rule Krendler,

and all existing protocols,
by the way,

I risk putting you out there
when you're far from 100%.

You need to
take a minute.

Ma'am, I know what I need,

and it is not
to take a minute.

But it's not about you.

No, it's not.

It's about justice
for those whistleblowers,

but they don't get
to fight for it.

I'm still here.
Barely.

You're practically a martyr
to the victims.

Respectfully, isn't that
why you brought me in, ma'am?

You're pretty savvy
for a country girl.

Not savvy enough to see

that you should stop
avoiding Catherine.

I know she's still
calling you.

Why won't you talk to her?

I suspect it would do you both
good to talk to someone who's...

been there.

I don't think
I can help her.

You could certainly try.

If you're asking me to risk
my reputation on your behalf,

then you can damn well
come to dinner.

Tonight.

7:00.

Catherine needs this,
and I think you do, too.

♪ There's power in the blood

♪ In the precious blood
of the Lamb ♪

I told you to knock.

I invited Clarice Starling
for dinner.

Why?

I thought
you'd like that.

Make it for
another night.

Why?
Can't tonight.

I was going to -

I wanted to finish
this series of sketches,

and then --There's time for you
to do your sketches later.

You have been asking
for Clarice.

I know I've been asking,

but I don't want to
talk to her now.

I already talked to her.

When?
She called you back?

Not really.

I left a message
pretending I was you.

She thought she was
calling you.

What?!
Catherine, are you --

Crazy?

I didn't say that.

You never get it.

Dad would have
gotten it.

Dad would have
understood.

I wish he was here, too.

But he isn't,
so what I was going to say

is that Starling
is a Federal Agent

under my command.

Calling her pretending to
be me, it's -- it's --

it's just inappropriate.

Well,
you wouldn't help me,

and nobody would help me,

and I feel like a total,
crazy idiot,

and I don't want to
see her now!

Catherine, I am not
calling this off.

Go take a shower.

You come and join us
at the table

like a --
Like a what?

Dinner is at 7:00.

You know,
you don't have to go.

Martin doesn't have any idea
how to reach Catherine.

She thinks I do.
Mm-hmm.

So, you're going over there
with a PEZ Dispenser

full of magical thinking,
they'll have a happy reunion,

and you'll go back in the field
against all rational advice.

Well, yeah.

You know what people do
after they've been kidnapped

by a crazy lady
dressed as a nurse?

Write to Penthouse?

I was going to say they stand
down and have a human life.

With laughing and movies
and bowling and stuff.

They don't re-traumatize
themselves.

There's a reason
you've been hiding --

I said what I said --

hiding from Catherine
all this time.

After a year, it's gonna be
a lot, seeing her.

I'm good.

Really?

Is that why you're wearing
two different shoes?

Look.

Clarice, I know
you want to be reinstated,

but don't do this.

She's the Attorney General
of the United States.

I can borrow these,
right?

Yeah.
Bye.

I do not approve.

This entire building,
all these offices,

they're trading in the life
and death of human beings.

So do we.
You're so bleak.

Eh,
I get it from my mom.

Gentlemen, I'm Andrea Bauer,
general counsel.

We were supposed to
meet with Brandon Culper,

your C.E.O.

We're here regarding
Marilyn Felker.

We're looking for
an associate of hers

and anyone at your company
she may have been connected to.

Agents, we have every intention
of cooperating

with any investigation
that you're putting forward,

but it's our policy
that investigators

must comply
with investigative norms,

which include the procurement
of subpoenas and warrants.

Wow.
That's a lot of syllables.

The assistant U.S. Attorney
there is expecting you

and can help you
with those subpoenas.

Thanks for your time.

That sit right with you?

Don't you think that the company
that tests medicine

should make helping people
their first priority?

Be crazy to think
that we'd find

any sort of higher calling
when it comes to Big Pharma.

That's pretty cynical,
Shaan.

Look, every second
of every day,

some family shows up
on their knees

at the doors
to a hospital.

You know what part of
the hospital I still
sort of believe in?

The maternity ward.

The babies.
That's beautiful.

Wait.
You don't have kids.

Right?

No, my wife passed away.

Cancer.

Aw. I'm sorry.

You know, um,

they're pumping her
full of stuff,

and, uh, her parents are...

You know, they're pumping her
full of stuff, and she's crying,

not because it hurts, not
because her hair's falling out

or she's turning green
or her teeth are...

She's crying because
she's scared if she lives,

to have a baby.

She's afraid that her body's
scorched-earth radioactive,

and Big Pharma says, "No.

Just wait two years
after chemo.

Wait five years
after chemo,

and you won't have
a monster."

She's crying,

and they're telling her
everything's gonna be fine.

"You don't have to
give up your dream of
having a family.

But your baby might have
congenital problems.

Or your baby might die
after six months."

So she's apologizing
to her parents.

She's apologizing to me...

for getting cancer.

What's her name?

Sosi.

I bet she was
a beautiful person.

Yeah.

So, why am I here, Joe?

Here's the thing, Paul.
I'm a lawyer.

I'm even a scary lawyer,
but I'm not a prick.

This town is small.

I'm from Hershey,
Pennsylvania.

My dad worked the parks.

D.C. is Mandy's home turf.

She grew up here.

I know.
I have clients at Brookings.

I heard you two
were having...

trouble, and I, uh...

And I reached out.

Why?
Because I remember...

vividly seeing Mandy
pick your kids up from school.

It wasn't ideal.

Paul, I've been
exactly where you are.

D.C. takes care of its own.
Mandy's wired in.

That's why she's been able
to conflict you

out of any other option
for a lawyer.

But lucky for you,
I'm available,

and I would be happy to
represent you for your divorce.

She's not her...

best self presently.

No.

She's not.

Not a lot of people
get that.

Yeah.

Mandy can't see herself
as someone who loses her kids.

She just can't.

Blows up every idea
she had of herself.

It's gonna be a real
fight for you, Paul.

About 88% of cases end with
the mother getting custody,

whether or not
she's the right parent.

In my case, my ex-wife
most certainly was not.

I miss my kids.
I worry about them.

I don't like
what Mandy's doing.

I didn't like it
when it was done to me.

But I think
we can win for you.

And I want to.
That's it.

That's why I asked you
to dinner.

Actually, I've gotta go.

Oh.
Is everything alright?

Uh, work. Sorry.

No. Not at all.
I hope we can do this again.

Sure.

Crap.

You've reached inventory.

Hey, Al, it's Ardelia.

Hey, beautiful.

I'm calling to follow up

on those fingernail scrapings
you tested for me.

Oh, right, from Starling.

Real bummer it came up
inconclusive for DNA.

-We all want to catch the guy.
-Yeah, we do.

Let me ask you
off the record.

Where do the scrapings go?

Um, why?
Don't ask why.

The hazmat dumpster behind
Buzzard's Point.

That's great.

Thank you.

Hello?

Uh, hello.
I'm Clarice Starling.

I'm here to see --
Of course.

Please, come in.

May I take your coat?

Uh, yes.

Thank you.

Um, I didn't get your name.

It's Bea.

Bea's been with us
since Catherine was a baby.

Um, Bea, can I steal you
in the kitchen for a moment?

Clarice, go on in
and take a seat.

Catherine will be right in.

Thank you.

Thank you for bringing her
back to us.

Oh, I'm glad you're here.

Mm.

Precious?

She had a bath.

I've been calling
to apologize.

I shouldn't have acted
like that when we talked.

No.
It's -- It's okay.

I'm sorry.

There are bad days.

Yeah, of course.

But I'm not at the bottom
of a well.

So...

Yeah.

Does it hurt?

What?

Your face.

Oh.

Uh...
It's nothing.

I heard all about it.
Oh.

Well, it's an open
investigation.

You're dressed for dinner.

You look --I look what?

You look lovely.

I'm going to h--

Hell,
I'm gonna have some bourbon.

Ladies?

Yes, thank you.

Just water.

So...

what are
we going to drink to?

How about Clarice feeling
better after she --

That's very thoughtful
of you, Catherine.

Are you feeling better,
Clarice?

Yes.
Yes, thank you, ma'am.

Okay.

Here's to feeling better.

Phew.

You've reached inventory.

Al.
I know it's late.

I've got a sample
that I need you to run ASAP.

I was just about
to head home.

Great.
I'll be right there.

Let me into the lab.
I'll run it myself.

Okay.
But you can't tell anyone.

Okay.
Get here quick.

I'm coming now.

Catherine.

How are you?

Good days and bad days.

It's hard to get out
of the house.

Oh, of course.

I'm not stupid,
but I feel stupid.

Of course you're not.
That's ridiculous.

I'm not lazy,
but I feel lazy.

Does that make sense?

Catherine, you're not lazy.

Compared to you,
we all are.

I can't say I disagree.

Bea made a lovely dinner.

Mmm.
Yes, she did.

Thank you.

Tom's family always
had proper English nannies.

I grew up
wearing hand-me-downs.

You did, ma'am?
Yes.

So, it took some
getting used to,

but Bea's become
part of the family now.

Catherine, Bea made
a lovely dinner.

Catherine, it's a part
of moving through it.

What is?

The shame.

Excuse me?
What shame?

Shame?

I can't eat this.

I need my regular plate.

Catherine --
Bea?

May I have my regular plate,
please?

Of course.

Catherine.

Catherine.

What?

Ma'am --Can you please be
an adult at this table?

No.

I think I should go.

You're making
quite an impression.

Ma'am, with all respect,
this is Bill.

This is not her.

Please don't defend me.

This is her carrying
Buffalo Bill.

This is you carrying Bill.

Ma'am, when I went in there,

I was a trained agent
with a weapon

following a known protocol
that I did not deviate from.

I locked down the scene, and I
called for backup right away.

I knew my job.

Catherine didn't have
that advantage.

Something's arrived for you,
Mrs. Martin.

From my office?

I, um...

I...

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Daddy!
Hey.

Ooh!

Where's, uh, Mom?

She's sleeping.

Jason made me
mac and cheese.

I want to show you something
in my room.

Okay, baby,
you go finish your dinner.

Okay.

Without his mother's milk,
the cub will be unable to...

I went in to ask
about carpool tomorrow,

and she won't wake up.
I can't wake her up, Dad.

Wait outside a sec.

Babe.

Mandy. Mandy.

Babe.

Mandy. Mandy.

Mandy.

She's okay, bud.

She's fine.

She take one of her --
one of her pills?

You know what?

I think she did.

Those things can really
knock her out.

She wouldn't move.

I didn't want to
freak out Alison.

That was good.

That was smart.

You did good.

Mom's okay.

Never hesitate to page me.

You can call me
whenever you need to.

Pack some things
and get Alison.

You're gonna stay
with me tonight.

Okay.

For you.

It's getting cold,
and you wear a scarf,

and I thought, well,
you might like a new one.

Did you make this?

It's alpaca fleece.

It's lighter than wool,
but warmer.

The color suits you.

All these tiny stitches.

It must have taken you --

I used to love to sew.

Ironic, huh?

Now I knit.

Well, thank you.

It really
isn't necessary.

Because you were just doing
your job that day?

Your father
has a kind face.

He passed away.

Mine, too.

I found where
his mother lives.

Whose mother?

Buffalo Bill's.

Jame Gumb's.

Her name is Lila.
She changed her last name...

Catherine,
why do you want to --...but I found her.

I'm going to go see her.

Catherine,
I don't understand.

Why do you want to
meet Bill's mother?

Don't you?

Clarice, I...

I thought it might help
for us to...

talk to each other.

I appreciate you coming,
but I don't think it was...

right.

The right choice.

Ma'am, I believe --
No.

Let me finish.

What is it?

What's so funny?

Vintage you.

What does that mean?

You're reminding her
she's under your control

and simultaneously reminding me
that she's not here for me.

She's here because of you.

You're the Captain of the U.S.
Emotional Gymnastics Team.

Congratulations.

You get the gold
in Manipulation.

Why must you do this?

You don't get to approve
of how I am now.

You were saved.

If anything is mine
in this house --

anything -- it's my story.

And you took it
and used it.

You think I didn't
get that part?

And now you're trying
to take hers.

I have a story, too,
Catherine.

I'd like to hear it.

It's about a young girl
who fell in love

with the worst thing
that ever happened to her.

She loves it so much,
she makes everyone relive it

day after day after day.

Nothing else matters.
No air can come in.

She makes everyone
just smell it.

She makes the whole house
smell of it.

She gave it her body.

She's in love.

And the only thing the people
who love her ever wanted

was for it to never,
ever have happened.

If it had never,
ever happened, Mom,

you'd still be the
junior Senator from Tennessee.

I'm very glad your father
is not alive...

to see you like this.

♪ ...living,
but finding the way♪

Benita Sage?

You the FBI guys?

-You're late.
-Sorry.

Traffic coming back
down I-95.

Uh, as you know,
Andrea Bauer,

the General Counsel
of Lockyer Labs, sent us.

We're --
We're investigating a doctor.

-Felker, right?
-Yeah.

We're looking for
an associate of hers.

Bauer says
that you can help us

with some subpoenas
and warrants.

Not going to happen.

You haven't even heard
our case.

Lockyer works with the largest
drug companies in the world

who've got
armies of lawyers.

I put together
malfeasance cases

on three
Big Pharma companies.

All I got were scars and
no convictions to show for it.

Look, um, we think

that the company
that Felker worked for

silenced three whistleblowers.

And did a professional hit
on a witness

inside the FBI building.

I lost my assistant
trying to get them.

You know why?

They subpoenaed
her 82-year-old mother,

who all of a sudden
lost her health coverage.

Funny how that worked.

They can't just be
killing people.

I'm saying no
to the warrants for now.

I need to talk to someone.

Like a ViCAP someone.

Starling's DNA results
came back with a positive.

I thought
they were a dead end.

I used a dummy name
from an old cold case.

Without Starling's name,
the results were different.

Starling's guy is real.

Someone doesn't want us
to know that.

So, this someone

tampered with the results
of the first test?

That's right.

We know someone changed
the autopsy results.

Maybe it's
the same someone.

Esquivel and Tripathi
are on their way back.

-You planning on telling them?
-Have to.

We keep the circle of people
who know about this

tight and quiet, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Catherine?

My mother's got no idea --

I'm not here
about your mother.

I'm here
about Bill's mother.

Why did you look for her?

-Catherine?
-You know what's weird?

I thought you'd be pleased.

Why?

Because she had a hand
in making him

and I have to know her
and make her see...me.

I can't just know nothing.

This is my life.

Catherine, I almost never
make promises,

but I can promise you...

whatever it is you want from
her, you are not gonna get it.

You don't know that.

Yes, I do.
My job is knowing.

You don't know anything.

I heard you crying.

What? When?

In the basement.

You didn't call anyone.

Not right away.

What?

I heard a gun.

And then
I didn't hear anything.

I thought he killed you

and I was gonna die there
in the dark.

And then I heard you crying.

For a long time.

No, that's not --

Catherine, I shot him...

and then I reloaded,
and then I called in right away.

You think that.

I had Precious with me.

She peed.

Three times.

You were crying,
and you didn't stop

until I started
screaming again.

No, that's not how it --

The last thing he said was,

"How does it feel
to be so beautiful?"

You don't remember.

Everyone thinks they know
better than me.

Ma'am, I think
we should go get her.

I'm afraid she's gonna
do something...

rash.

If she could make it past
the elevator, I'd be worried.

Ma'am, you brought me here,
and you used my very...

complicated relationship
to Catherine as a tool.

You used us for you.

I used you
for me and my daughter.

And it didn't work.

Shall we talk
about your job?

Not like this.

The work I do for the FBI
is a sideline.

Something that's an area
of interest for me.

But this is where I started
my mental health work.

I see.

So...

what can I do for you?

I need to know
if I'm remembering

things as they happened.

First of all,
no one does that.

Everything is tinged
by experience.

And are you sure
you want to remember?

You seemed reticent
in our last session.

It's not a sin to have
a few blank spots.

It is for me.

Evidence tampering. Man.

And your AUSA is telling us

it's going to be
uphill all the way.

Uphill and plague of locusts.

Where are
you heading?

To ask Krendler if we should
bring this to Sage.

She said we should call
if anything else came up.

-Hold off a beat.
-What?

We're being thwarted at every
turn by someone with access.

We need to be airtight before
we start making some noise.

Okay.

I'm watching him die.

He's bleeding
from the mouth.

He's saying, "How does it feel
to be so beautiful?"

Hello?
Hello?!

Are you alive, you bitch?!

Hello?!

Please, God, are you alive?

How could I have seen this?

Why?

Because the darkness felt
so much thicker than this.

Then let it go dark.

How does it feel to be
so beautiful?

She was right.

Catherine's right.

No one's coming.

No one's coming.

Clarice.

You fall.

You're on the floor.

You're not sure
if Marilyn is behind you.

Crawl.

Crawl for your life.

There's a man up ahead.
Don't look away.

I'm not.
I'm not looking away.

Do you see him?

Yes.

Do you see him clearly?

I see...

I see his face.

Do you know him?

No.

I know
it's gonna be a fight,

but I'd like to inflict
as little damage as possible.

It's no way for my kids to live,

seeing their mother like that.

I want sole custody.

I'd like to retain you.

I'm grateful, Paul.

Thank you for the trust.