Original subtitles

Dad?

Where are you?

Here.

Good morning.

What time is it?

Late.

What? Tim is gonna freak.

I need a good excuse.

Just tell him you're leaving him for a more handsome man.

I'll see ya later.

One way or another, she's gonna get what she wants,

and you're gonna be wondering if it's yours.

- Hey, guys. - Oh.

- Here's the meat. - Thank you.

- Birthday girl. - Happy birthday.

- Uh, hey, Trish? - Yeah?

- Yeah. - She could topple over

at any moment.

- Heels to a barbeque? - Dude, all I'm saying is that

I'll get her a little puppy,

- but that's it. - That's what you think.

I already to, as soon as she sees her friends

popping out a couple, she's gonna want one of her own.

It's what always happens.

It's not gonna happen.

Ah, dammit.

She invited him?

- Oh, just in time. - Happy birthday, beautiful girl.

- Huh? - Thank you.

Play cool.

♪ Happy birthday, dear Tricia ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

What are you doing here?

What's the matter, you got shit in your ears?

What is that?

Some cliché bad-guy shit you heard in an '80s movie?

You come back here again,

and I'll kill you.

Are you sure you wanna fuck with me?

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Everything's fine.

We were just palling around.

Yeah.

Happy birthday.

He's a nice guy, that's all.

- He's an idiot! - No, he's not.

- Are you jealous? - Oh, please,

like you can do better than me anyways.

Babe, I just got you this.

What the fuck are you doing?

Guess they were right about you.

No!

Guess the witch hunt's over now.

What?

What is this?

grunting

Serves you right for never wanting to teach me.

For fuck's sake, Henry, you know I couldn't do that.

I'll go easy on it.

But, you know what happens to us when we stop using.

All right, but it always backfires.

That rarely happens.

Then, why are you here again, Xander?

I missed my friend.

Look, this is just who I am.

It's not like I ever made the news.

Whatever, dude, goodnight.

I'm not involved, and I have to be up

for work in the morning.

"Oh, I have to be up for work in the morning.

I have a job, I can make money,

I'm not a witch-guy, no, no."

Time out.

I am the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon you.

Man or woman,

oh, there's a spiritualist

or medium among you.

He must die.

You ought to stone them.

Their blood will be upon their hands.

I'm talking to you.

Yes, you, Xander Perkins.

You old sinner heathen.

Witch.

Witch.

Witch!

Oh, God, Henry!

Henry!

Thou shall not suffer a witch to live.

- Witch, witch, witch, witch... - Witch, witch, witch, witch...

Henry, no, Henry!

Look, man, I don't have it.

No, I can't.

Well, what do you want me to say, tell you that I...?

Look, I'm gonna have to call you back, all right?

Mhm, bye.

What are you doing?

I need you to help me out.

You're right, I think I have to give up black magic.

At least for a little while.

Wow, cold turkey and all?

Can you just help me out, Henry?

All right, man, I'll see ya.

See ya.

Have fun with the children.

Oh, yeah, yeah, little shitheads.

What are you doing?

You know, now that you're not using,

you're gonna have to find a new way to make money.

Oh, you mean like get a job?

The diner's looking for help.

Yeah, right.

Do you want a place to crash or not?

Are you serious?

What's up, Veronica?

- Long time. - I just saw you in Biology.

You know what I mean.

Anyways, how's your story going?

Um, pretty well actually, yeah.

Yeah, you know actually Roland's writing this really cool story.

Oh, sick, that's dope.

Can you fuck off?

- Conrad. - What?

What, he's lurking, it's creepy.

So, what are you doing for prom?

I don't know yet.

- I can get us a limo. - Oh, a limo.

You won't regret it.

I'll think about it.

Sounds good.

Um, anyways, I've gotta go.

Big sister duty and everything, so.

Woo.

I'm totally gonna tap that ass.

Because that's just a thing that people say.

Yes, they do.

Waiter.

Waiter, waiter!

- Yeah, sorry, guys. - Can we please get some service?

Sorry about that, guys, I'm sorry.

All right, what can I get ya?

Well, I was actually

really in the mood for, um,

- a blowjob. - Yeah.

From your mom.

That's funny, guys.

Maybe some scrambled eggs and milk.

Is that you, Xander?

- I am. - All right, cool.

You got any experience?

None.

- You like working with people? - Nope.

Can you wash dishes?

- I guess. - Great, you start tomorrow.

Come on, kid, what are you waiting for, Halloween?

Dude, I'm seriously doing my best over here.

Well, use soap and water, it's not that hard.

Careful.

Sorry, but if... if Frank catches you,

- he's gonna lose his shit. - Oh.

Well, Frank can kiss my ass.

I'm Roland.

Xander.

You work here long?

About a year, it's okay.

It's my first day, and I'd rather

pick pieces of corn out of shit.

You get used to it.

Can hardly wait.

I'm... I'm gonna go back inside.

Hey, Roland.

Yeah?

You know you ought to tell those guys that bother you

to go fuck themselves?

Thanks, but I sorta don't wanna die.

Well, that looks disgusting.

- Do you wanna do the cooking? - No,

that is your responsibility.

Conrad, grab me one while you're at it, huh?

Yep.

- Thanks. - Mhm.

So, coach thinks I have a pretty chance

impressing the scouts next month.

Well, don't screw it up, okay?

Thanks, Uncle Fred.

- Thank you for your support. - Hey, listen,

you wanna get out of this shithole town?

This is it, I mean it.

Don't screw it up.

$380!

Oh, thank you!

Honey, are you ready to meet that new challenger?

Hey, Dad.

Let's bring in that new mystery challenger.

But, you know what happens to us when we stop using.

God.

Ow.

Oh, God!

Fuck, God.

Fuck!

Let me get another.

I think you've had enough, pal.

Come on, lady, just one more.

Whatever.

Hey, beautiful.

I'm Xander.

Melissa.

Can I get you another...?

What are you drinking?

Excuse me.

- What? - You're in my seat, dickhead.

Oh, I'm in your seat.

My bad.

Yeah, so get lost.

Look, man, I don't want any trouble, okay?

I was just having a friendly conversation

with Melissa over here and...

you know, next drink's on me, huh?

Hey, can I get another beer over here for my, uh...

- my handsome friend. - Fuck you.

We're leaving, let's go.

I'm not ready.

What's wrong?

Hey, um,

can you turn the air on in here?

It's on.

Do you need to step outside?

Uh.

Um, shut up, I'm fine.

You don't sound too fine.

Babe, what is it?

I don't know.

- Did you do this to me? - What the fuck

are you talking about?

Oh, God.

- Oh, my God. - What the fuck?

Oh, what are you doing?

Stop it, ugh!

No!

Oh, that's disgusting!

What the hell?

Hey.

I know a really good dermatologist.

Did you do that?

Oh, my God.

That's so hot.

Whoa, whoa, wait.

Here.

Dad.

You're starting to stink.

I'm just saying, it wouldn't hurt to try.

I'm trying.

I am.

Then, when are you gonna go back to work?

I will.

Just need some time.

It's been almost two years, Dad.

She left me, too.

Yeah, I know.

Like, I just need some time.

Can we at least get rid of that thing?

- Why? - It's weird.

It's cute.

Whatever.

She got that for me in West Virginia.

It's precious.

What happened?

A street fight.

Mysterious.

Let me get your number.

Why?

So, we can talk later.

I don't know.

I'm not really quite sure how I feel

about women that are...

into face melting.

- Get the fuck out! - Oh, all right!

Go, stupid asshole!

Yeah, that girl never texted me back.

They just don't do that anymore.

Oh, shit, watch this, watch this, watch this.

- Watch. - Ahh!

Ohh!

Yes.

Yes, clean up on aisle douche.

Hey.

- You okay, bud? - Uh, you... you okay, buddy?

You okay?

Ah, he's all right, he's all right, he's good.

He's good.

You Conrad?

Can I help you?

How are those sores on your dick?

If it still hurts to pee, I know a good urologist.

Yo, who is this guy?

I don't know.

I mean, what were you thinking messing around with that chick

in her parents' basement last year before Christmas?

You gotta wrap that shit up, dude.

You really shouldn't stigmatize STIs like that.

Hey, Roland right?

You need a ride?

Come on.

Hey, thanks for helping me out today.

Don't worry about it, man, happy to help.

Do you wanna come in?

Nah, I got a lot of stuff to do today.

Yeah, oh yeah, totally.

I just thought it might be fun to play video games or whatever,

but you know what, never mind, doesn't matter.

I will see you tomorrow.

You know what, why not?

Yeah?

Sure thing.

Okay, awesome.

So, you got any booze in here or what?

Uh, my dad does.

- Where's your dad? - He's probably at a bar.

Perfect.

What?

You're kinda being a shitty host right now, you know?

I can't give you my dad's beer.

Come on.

Yeah, I'll take care of it, it'll be okay.

Go.

Go, go.

Hey, by the way,

that Veronica chick,

she's pretty hot.

I know.

So, why aren't you... you know?

Yeah, right.

My man.

Nice.

Oh, I'm good, thank you.

Uh, Roland.

Take the beer.

Thank you.

Cheers.

Yeah.

Oh, that's disgusting.

What the fuck is that thing?

What is this, an owl?

It's... it's my dad's owl.

Can you just... can you put it down please?

Shit.

I'm sorry, man.

Oh, my dad is gonna freak.

My mom got that for him on their honeymoon

- in West Virginia. - West Virginia?

Look, man, it's okay,

I can fix this.

I swear, uh... look, look,

do you have anything that belonged to your mom

made of cloth, or...?

Yeah, I got something.

- Oh, yeah, this'll work. - Yeah, it's the towel

my mom used to dry herself with.

My dad doesn't wanna wash it.

Gross.

All right.

Okay.

Oh, but, how'd...?

Are you a magician?

Roland,

I'm a witch.

- What, a warlock? - No.

- A witch. - Oh, uh, a wizard.

No.

I said, "A witch."

But, no, no way, that's not possible.

How did you do this?

Can you just... can you get it?

I'm a witch, okay, huh?

Bullshit.

No bullshit.

What the hell, dude?

I just wanted to see if you'd melt.

Come here.

Hey, I need those, I need...

- Ahh. - I got news for ya, pal.

Wait until tomorrow.

You're not gonna need 'em then.

What am I supposed to read with tonight?

Do yourself a favor, watch some porn.

Xander, hey, Xander.

I can see... I mean, I can see without my glasses on.

Yeah.

Whoa.

You really are a witch.

- Yeah. - Whoa.

So, I still don't get it, why are you called a witch,

or not a wizard or a warlock?

Listen, man, why is the zebra called a zebra,

and not just a horse with fucking stripes?

Look, I...

I'm only telling you this because, frankly,

I was like you once.

- Like me? - Yeah, a virgin.

Okay, I can't really explain the feeling that you get

when you cast a spell, but...

it's the best.

It's better than sex.

This is why I need this to stay between you and me,

because if my roommate finds out about this,

he'll kill me.

But, that's why I'm gonna help you.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

So, next time Conrad comes into the diner,

put that shit in his food.

What'll this do to him?

Pretty much make his life miserable.

Oh.

Does your burger taste funny?

No.

All right.

I can't believe I got a D on that paper.

I mean, I've never gotten anything below a B before.

Maybe you're just stupid.

- What? - Yeah, you heard me.

Maybe you're just... plain, old dumb.

I mean, you're hot, but there's just, like,

not that much going on in your head.

- Dude, stop. - What?

I just... I just can't wait to get to prom,

so I can bang you and move on with my life.

Conrad, stop.

I mean, then again, according to Paul Mason,

you're kinda disappointing, so.

What... what... what just happened?

Holy shit.

- What? - I think there's a zit

on your forehead.

Oh, fuck.

You can forget about that whole

"When you're a witch, whatever you do

comes back at you times three" thing.

It... it's bullshit.

Yes!

Think, ooh!

You've got a beautiful smile.

- Thank you. - Yeah, but thank you.

All right.

Ow!

Fuck!

Dammit.

What the hell are you doing?

Uh...

Nothing.

PE assignment.

Hm.

What made you think you could fly?

I don't know.

Isn't that what witches do?

Roland, I can't even fly.

Well, I'm an idiot.

What the hell are you doing anyway?

Trying to make a healing potion.

Oh, it smells really bad.

It tastes even worse,

like Bigfoot's jockstrap.

Down the hatch.

Well?

Well, I don't seem to be hatefully shitting yet,

so I guess we'll find out tomorrow.

Have you turned someone into something else,

like an object?

I read this fairy tale once called The Old Witch.

It's about this spoiled little girl

who gets turned into a log by a hag witch.

I'm sorry, can I just ask you one question?

Yeah, sure.

What comes to your mind when I say the word "boob"?

You answered it.

I don't think this is gonna work.

- Relax, it's gonna work. - Are you sure?

I mean, you've done this kind of thing before, right?

- No. - Xander.

Hey.

Have I ever steered you wrong?

Yes.

You don't have to be a dick about it.

- Well? - I don't recognize the number.

So, answer it then.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, Veronica, I'm still here.

Conrad, what the hell are you doing in there?

Give me a minute!

When are you coming out?

Just give me a second.

Oh, God.

Okay.

All right.

Um, hey.

Can we, uh, can we talk?

There you go.

So, uh, you have any trouble finding the place?

Uh, no. Why would I?

You hungry?

You sure?

How about a movie?

Listen...

Um, I've been thinking a lot,

um, about you.

About me?

Well, you're like the only guy in school who...

Who what?

Who isn't a complete asshole.

I don't know.

Well, I do.

I mean, people just...

They just treat me like the pretty girl.

You are pretty.

I mean, not that that's what matters.

- Sorry. - It's okay.

Relax.

Um, you've, uh, you've never done that before, have you?

I mean, was it that obvious?

But, listen, I'm...

I'm not what they say I am.

I don't believe anything they say.

I mean...

Like, I've never even...

Look, I know what they say about me and it's not true.

But if I were

to be with someone, um...

...I'd want it to be you.

I'm sorry, I can't do this.

- What's wrong? - I'm sorry, Veronica,

this is a mistake, you need to go.

- But, Roland... - Just go.

Fuck.

What are you doing?

Look what you left out.

Mastering the Art of Sex Spells.

- Classy. - Oh, shit, man.

How's it working for ya?

- I'm not using it, I swear. - No?

No, I met this kid named Roland,

and he reminded me of how we were in high school.

What? Roland? Roland Grimm?

- Yeah. - Fuck you, man.

I was nothing like that kid in high school.

I was just trying to help him out.

You know, with all the bullies

and the other joys of being a teenager?

What is this, Revenge of the Witches?

You made a deal with me

you weren't gonna use that shit anymore.

I'm not using, I'm just teaching him.

What happened to witchcraft can't be taught?

Henry...

Henry, he can handle it.

You weren't ready.

Who always had your back in high school?

You did, and I appreciated...

And I appreciate you telling me

how to be responsible, you fucking psycho.

Henry, I need you to trust me.

Why don't you just shut the fuck up?

You're full of shit, Xander.

Witch.

Witch, witch, witch, witch, witch.

Witch!

Oh, uh, hey.

Hey. You got a minute?

Um, sure.

So, Roland, this is my brother, Jack.

- Stepbrother. - Oh, shut up.

Nice to meet you, Jack.

- So, what's up? - Um...

I just wanted to apologize for this past weekend.

What are you talking about?

Um, you came to my house

and we, uh, did things.

Well, I mean, we almost did things.

Roland, are...

Are you on drugs?

No, seriously, are you?

Never mind. Doesn't matter.

Um, I know the answer is probably no

and you already have a date,

but do you want to go to prom with me?

Dude...

What happened?

What am I supposed to do, man?

I can't play like this on Saturday.

Shit.

I used to be so hot.

So, I guess right now is not a good time

to tell you about Grimm.

What about that piece of shit?

He's taking Veronica to prom.

You okay?

Do me a favor?

Kick his ass.

- Morning, Son. - Dad, hey.

Oh, I better get going.

I don't want to be late for my interview.

You have an interview?

You have a good day at school.

I'll see you when I get home.

Yeah, okay.

Hans? What are you...

- What's this? - Hans, give it back. Please!

Conrad is gonna love this.

Hans, stop!

Hey, buddy. What's up?

Hans found out we're witches.

Hey, Conrad, call me back as soon as you get this.

It's about Grimm.

He's into some voodoo-type shit.

"Give yourself a bigger penis."

What the fuck?

Hans, buddy.

- No. - Wait, wait, wait.

Come on.

What do you want?

We have a little proposal for you.

Fine.

You know you're not getting the book.

I'm telling the whole school about you.

Here's the thing, Hans, you give us our book back,

we'll help you out.

You help me?

I'm kind of like the Al Capone of witches.

- Who? - Never mind.

Look, do you really want Conrad to know

that you hooked up with Kristy Becker last year?

- What? - Do you also want him to know

that you secretly hate him

'cause he gets more attention from the girls at the parties?

Don't lie to me.

You daydream about his face

getting run over by a tractor-trailer.

Granted, I think you're slightly more handsome,

but that's just my humble opinion.

Hey, I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, oh!

That's cool, man.

Damn, I didn't know.

What?

You think about Conrad sometimes when you jerk off?

All right, get the fuck out of my house.

All right, calm down.

We're just here to help.

This will solve all of your insecurities.

Who said I was insecure?

Witchcraft, Hans. Witchcraft.

And if you drink this, then all the girls

and the guys will find you irresistible,

and I mean like, "Oh my God, there goes Hans, he's so hot.

I just want to lick the stinky, smelly sweat

out of his armpits."

What's the catch?

You give us the book

and keep your mouth shut.

Deal.

What's it supposed to do to him?

He's supposed to forget everything.

Is it working?

'Cause I feel like shit.

Are you sure you did that right?

I mean, I did snort some blow

before I made the potion, but, yeah.

- Seriously? - No.

How irresponsible do you think I am?

- Just a little weed, though. - Xander!

What happened to him?

Hell if I know.

Nice going, fairy godmother.

I'll keep him quiet at least.

No, we have to turn him back.

Do we really?

Yes, I mean, I hate him too,

but we can't keep him like this.

There is a way to reverse this, right?

Yeah, I guess.

It's just a lot of work.

Okay, then let's go.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, shit!

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, no, he's dead.

Oh, shit.

Xander, what do we do?

I don't know.

We...

We just killed someone!

Hey, hey.

Let's get it together, huh?

Let's think of something here.

When do his parents come home?

We can clean all this shit up

and nobody will know anything happened.

No, no, we have to bring him back.

We have to bring him back.

Roland, we can't bring him back.

Yeah, but I mean, we're witches.

We can do anything, right?

Buddy...

We can't bring him back.

And if we did, we wouldn't be doing him any favors.

He'd come back as a monster.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

- Are you good with a shovel? - What?

That's good.

No way, man, I ca... I can't.

You need to relax, Roland.

We're so fucked.

We just killed someone.

I know, man.

But think about it.

Hans was just gonna end up being some serial killer

or a rapist anyway, so it's fine.

Xander, stop it.

I don't think we should be witches anymore.

What we did to Hans was really wrong.

I know.

I know, man, but it was a mistake.

Yeah, okay, so no more witchcraft.

At least not for a while.

Xander?

All right, man.

No more witchcraft.

Conrad, get it together.

I'm not playing this weekend.

Are you kidding?

I feel like complete shit.

So we'll go to the doctor.

Uncle Fred, look at me.

I can't play like this.

Hey, Conrad, call me back as soon as you get this.

It's about Grimm.

He's into some voodoo-type shit.

What's that all about?

He's probably just drunk or something.

Hey.

So, how's your story going?

It's okay.

Kind of taking a break from it right now.

Why? It sounded interesting.

There's better things to write about than witches.

- Like what? - I don't know.

Vampires, werewolves, psycho soccer moms.

You know, my mom was a psycho soccer mom?

- Really. - Mm-hm,

even though I hated soccer.

I'd always get hit in the face with the ball

and everyone would laugh at me,

and I was like, you know what,

"This is why I'll stick with cheerleading."

- You're good at other things. - Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I remember freshman year when Andrea Queen

called you a whore and you gave her

two black eyes.

So I'm good at cheerleading and sticking up for myself.

- Big deal. - It is a big deal.

Seriously. You've got a lot going for you.

Thanks, Roland.

Actually, there's something I need to tell you.

- What? - Remember the night

you came over to my house?

No, of course not, why would you?

My friend, Xander, and I, we, um,

we kind of cast a spell on you.

You're losing me here, Roland.

- Xander and I, we're witches. - Witches?

Look, I know that's gonna sound really out there,

but the point is, we cast a spell on you

to make you like me, and you and I almost had sex.

We didn't.

- I swear. - What?

I just wanted you to like me.

So you put a fucking rape spell on me?

Look, I swear, nothing happened between us, okay?

I just...

You said some things, and I don't know

if it was the spell or what, but it felt so real.

So how am I supposed to know that me liking you now

- isn't bullshit? - Because I canceled the spell,

okay, I am done with witchcraft.

You know, I knew you were weird, but wow.

No, Veronica, please, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

Fuck!

- Can I help you? - Are you Roland Grimm?

I'm Detective Proctor, I'd like to speak with you.

Do you know this kid?

Uh, he goes to my high school.

His parents reported him missing two days ago.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

You mean you knew that already?

No, I meant nothing.

I'm sorry, it's been a long week.

Are you friends with Hans?

- Yes. - Really?

- Kind of. - Well, not according

to Conrad Miller.

I just got done talking to him.

He said that Hans left him a voicemail about you,

a very strange voicemail.

- He did? - Yeah, he said

you're into voodoo.

You do voodoo, Roland?

Witchcraft? Black magic?

It's not that taboo these days.

My niece is a Wiccan.

He's probably just confused.

I'm currently working on a project

on the Salem witch trials, so...

Really?

I promise, sir,

I am no witch.

- Hey, stranger. - We're fucked.

I knew we wouldn't get away with this.

We're fucking murderers.

Hey.

First of all, it was a complete accident.

And second of all, how's anybody gonna find out now?

It still doesn't feel right.

No, I know, but this isn't Salem.

Nobody is gonna put us on trial for witchcraft.

Can you please sit down and have a drink?

No. We're done.

I don't want to be your friend anymore.

What?

Hey, Hans is dead, Veronica hates me now,

and everything is going to shit because of you.

Roland...

Come on.

Come on, Roland, I said I wouldn't use witchcraft

and I haven't.

I kept my word.

It has nothing to do with black magic or witchcraft

or whatever you want to call it.

It's you.

- What do you mean? - I mean you don't fucking care

about anybody besides yourself.

Mr. Hunter, what's going on?

I know I sound delusional, but it's true.

There's no such thing as witchcraft.

Why do you think Conrad here

is turning into the fucking Elephant Man, huh?

- They put a spell on him. - That's impossible.

Uncle Fred, remember the voicemail from Hans?

Mm, you're not gonna hear from Hans ever again.

They did something to him too.

Not that I really care.

The kid was a pain in the ass.

- What? - Mm.

Let's say this is all true,

why are you the whistleblower?

Well, it's simple.

I need $10,000.

- You're crazy. - Okay.

Have fun looking like Shrek at prom, kid.

Okay, wait, wait a minute.

Uncle Fred...

...you have the money.

Shut up.

So, how do we get rid of this hex?

You could just kill Xander with a gun,

but that won't take off any of the spells he's cast.

Damn, Mr. Hunter,

you really went all out on this.

Crushing. Pretty simple.

Tie him to a board,

put a bunch of stones and rocks on top.

He stops breathing.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I like that one.

Mm.

Hanging. Find a noose, put it around his neck,

tie it to a tree.

Dead.

Burning at the stake,

the most popular way to kill a witch.

Tie him to a piece of wood, pour gasoline all over him,

and light that motherfucker.

- What about drowning? - Mm, not gonna work.

If Xander really is a witch, which he is, he'll float.

Uncle Fred, what do you think?

Burn, witch, burn.

Where's Roland been?

I don't think I'm gonna see him anymore.

But I thought you liked him?

It's complicated.

I thought he was a lot better

than the other boys at school.

You're right, he was.

Hey.

Ow.

Now we're even.

So, you promise you reversed the spell?

I promise, I would never do that to you.

You really want to go, don't you?

I don't want to be here anymore.

So, I'm guessing you heard about Hans.

- Hans? - Yeah, he went missing.

Oh, wow.

Maybe he ran away.

Yeah, maybe.

I don't know, his parents must be worried sick.

- ...ever since your father. - Yeah, but neither have you.

Yeah, I can't imagine.

You're right. Simon, I can't...

Hey, man, what's going on?

I totally overreacted the other day.

That's all right.

You know, I'm probably gonna give

this witchcraft thing up for good this time.

Really? Well, that's great.

Yeah, I mean, I think the side effects

are gonna wear off eventually.

Do you guys mind?

This is gonna be kind of awkward.

Henry?

Dammit, how do I do this?

The point is, I love you man.

I do.

You're my buddy.

But I really, really love my house.

Plus, I can't even begin to imagine

what a foreclosure would do to my credit.

But more importantly,

did you really think that I would not care, hm?

After all I've done for you.

But some pathetic, nerdy teenager comes along

and, suddenly, witchcraft can be taught.

What about me, hm?

Your best fucking friend.

Henry, you don't understand, it's not that simple.

I don't care anymore, Xander, I really don't.

I hope you burn nice and slow.

Henry?

Henry.

Henry, please come back.

Oh, shit.

Roland.

Roland.

Roland, where are you?

Roland, it's Xander.

Roland, please, they're gonna kill me.

They're gonna kill me.

They're gonna kill me.

They're gonna kill me.

They're gonna kill me.

Veronica, we have to go.

What's wrong?

It's Xander.

- Conrad is gonna hurt him. - Conrad?

Do you remember when I told you about Xander and I

- being witches? - Yeah.

Well, Hans found out.

Wait, you know where Hans is.

Sort of, yes.

Roland, what did you do?

He was gonna use it against us.

So, Xander tried to cast a spell

to keep him quiet, but...

Hans is dead.

- You killed him? - It was an accident.

Oh, yeah, like the spell you cast on me.

Veronica, please.

Okay, we have to help him.

He's my only friend.

Please, just trust me.

Again, Xander, really sorry about all this, buddy.

Do me a favor, all right?

Don't curse my future family or anything like that.

You guys tend to do that a lot in the movies.

All right, Frederick, I'm heading out.

I prefer cash if you don't mind.

- Cash? - Yeah.

Of course.

Ten grand?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Okay, good.

Well, now my college fund is safe.

Come on, Con, let's get this shit over with.

Please, Conrad, don't.

Conrad!

Ha!

Xander.

Abracadabra, motherfucker.

Wh... what are we supposed to tell the cops?

We're not telling them anything.

As far as I'm concerned, I've never lived in this town.

But... but you're a witch.

Can't you... can't you bring him back?

Can't you reverse all this shit?

It would be a big mistake.

I'm sorry.

Rasta conspira, life conjura.

Rasta conspira, life conjura.

Rasta conspira, life conjura.

Roland?

Roland?

Hey, hey, it's... it's me.

Roland?