Original subtitles

- Name: 40 Carats (1973) - IMDB #0070068 - fps = 23.976 - Length = 1:48:33 - First line = 4:00,112 Last line = 1:45:42,855 - Created by DonToribio (Subscence.Com moniker) - Posted FIRST to Subscene May 13, 2014

Wagon.

- Wagon. - The car.

- Wagon is... - The car is...

- Wagon is diseased. - The car is sick.

- You're not a Greek. - Well, neither are you.

- Do you speak Greek? - About as well as you.

I'm an American, born in Pittsburg.

- And you? - I'm an American citizen.

- How long have you lived there? - Longer than you I'm sure.

Look, can you fix my car?

Where are you from originally, I detect a charming accent, is it Italian?

- Please! My car! - It's not Italian, and it's not Spanish.

I can't bear silly, helpless women, and I assure you,

I'm not one, except when it comes to cars.

- Now, please. - It's not Austrian, but it could be Dutch.

- I was born in Norway. - Scandinavian, of course!

And I spent the first 16 years of my life in Norway

and now I'm going to spend the next 16

years of my life here, unless you fix my car.

Let's take a look at it.

If you could fix it just enough to take me to Argos.

Is this your car?

No, it belongs to the inn where I'm staying in Argos.

Well, they'll have it towed back.

Can't you fix it?

The carburetor's dead, the water...

Isn't there a garage of something?

The nearest one's in Argos.

C'mon, I'll take you on my bike.

Thank you, but, that's out of the question... I'll walk.

- How far is Argos? - 50 miles.

50 miles!?!

I've offered you a ride on my bike!

I have told you I couldn't possibly ride on that thing.

I will not ride on that thing because I'm 36 years old.

Now, doesn't something come by here, a mule train, an ox wagon, a bus?

- Yes, there's a bus. - What time does it come?

- 5 o'clock. - Oh, good!

But it'll be going THAT way!

Here, I've got something that'll help. Try this.

- What is it? - It's a Greek drink called Ouzo.

- Does it have alcohol? - Yes.

Good!

Nice.

How old are you?

- Twenty-two. - You don't look twenty-two.

You don't look 36.

I don't look 36 because I'm 38.

I took 2 years off for good behavior.

So, just don't expect me to go roaring-off cross-country on that thing.

That "thing" happens to be a Honda 500-4.

That's fine, just keep it away from me.

Feel better?

Yes, though I can't think why I should, I'm...

I'm stuck out here in this blazing

heat on this road with no traffic and a

broken-down car and I've left my mother in

Argos and I'm here on this road going nowhere.

You're here with your mother?

Yes! And she has a fantastically upset stomach.

She's British.

Uh... I thought you were Norwegian.

I am! My father was. My mother is English.

I'm a mongrel, and that's just what I feel like.

What do you call this drink?

- Ouzo. - Ouzo.

It certainly is.

Where am I going to sleep tonight?

Why, we'll camp right down here on the beach. I'll lend you my sleeping bag.

Thank you.

I'll stay just in my car. I'll be quite comfortable.

You'll be quite miserable. Do you know what the trouble with you is?

You don't know how to enjoy yourself, you don't know how to live.

I mean, why did you come to Greece?

I'll be you go through life making the worst of every situation.

Now I know what you do, you lecture.

Yes, and I'm a tour guide, too. Right this way.

C'mon!

Now, just look! Just take a look around you!

Oh! It's beautiful!

It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

- What's that smell, it's so sweet? - Myrtle.

The whole place is covered with it.

They say that myrtle is the flower sacred to Aphrodite.

- It is? - Yes, and the bay down there...

it's where Paris first made love to Helena after he carried her off.

- Of Troy, Helen? - Uh-huh!

You're smack in the heart of some of

the greatest romance the world has ever known.

You're gonna lock yourself in your car?

Come with me.

Oh, no. No, I just couldn't.

- Are you afraid of me. - Oh, hardly.

Well, then, you're afraid of yourself.

Look, you have been very kind to me

and I know you think I'm ungrateful.

No, I think you're nuts.

You're entitled to your opinion.

Now, will you please take your Honda 500 and

your opinion and go away and leave me alone.

Okay.

You are a silly, helpless woman,

are cars aren't the only think you know nothing about.

Well, I thought it might be a little cooler down here.

I'm only going to stay a minute.

Great! I'll tell you when your minute's up.

How about a swim?

Can't we be seen here?

Only by the gods and goddesses.

- What are you doing? - I'm helping you undress.

Thank you, I can do that myself.

- What's your name? - My name?

Your name, I know mine.

Penelope, Penelope Potter.

- Miss Penelope or Mrs.? - I'm divorced.

- I'm Peter Latham. - What do you want?

I want to shake hands, I mean,

isn't that what people do when they meet?

Oh...

- How do you do? - C'mon, let's go.

What's the matter?

I was just wondering how Helen

of Troy managed about her mother.

- Don't turn your head, young man. - Okay, I'll count to three.

- Beautiful! - No! Don't look!

- Ghoti. - It was fun!

- It's Greek for fish, you hungry? - What's Greek for starved?

- You like Greek coffee? - It's bitter.

But yes, I like it.

The innkeeper's wife in Argos knows how

to read your fortune in the bottom of the cup.

- Did she read yours? - Yeah.

- What'd she find? - The usual, you're going to meet a...

Ah, yes, there I am.

I don't believe in those things.

What do you believe in?

In eight hours sleep, when I can get it.

- Wait a minute, I've got something for you. - What is it?

A ring, I found it in the sea.

I have reason to believe it was given by Pyramus to Thisbe.

Who were they?

Two lovers who were forbidden to marry.

It's a very sad story. You won't sleep if I tell it.

- It's very interesting. - I want you to have it.

- Ah, never mind. - To Dotty with love from Harry.

March 1965.

Tell me about Dotty and Harry? Or will that keep me awake, too?

I did find it in the sea.

- Morning. - Sorry, I couldn't get a cab.

Oh, Mrs. Stanley, I'd like to speak to you...

I'd like to speak to you for five minutes.

Later, later. There are some phone messages on your desk

and Mr. Rogers is waiting in your office.

And he was here ahead of Mrs. Adams.

Well, I have to be at the hairdressers at eleven.

You'll be on time. Excuse me.

Mr. Rogers, how kind of you to wait.

It has been one of those days. Please sit down.

Now, you told me on the telephone

you were planning to move to New York.

Well, I didn't say that exactly. My home will always be in Tulsa.

But I don't spend much time there since my wife passed over.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I find I've got more and more business in New York,

and I'd kinda would like a place to hang my hat.

A Pierre d��tat.

- Well, what's that? - That's French for a thousand a month.

All right. You find me something I like,

Little Lady and money's no object.

Mr. Rogers, you just used my favorite phrase in the English language.

There's one here that's not too bad.

Ten eighty Park Avenue, what's the cross street?

- 88th Street. - Oh, no, that's too far uptown.

Couldn't you give me the same apartment in the 60's?

No, it's attached to the building.

Hello, Billy. I thought you were in Hollywood.

No, I got back a few days ago.

I did a TV pilot, a western, a movie of the week and 4 benefits.

- Oh, good, then you can't be broke. - Oh, Margie, there's no such word as "can't".

- Uh, can I see Ann. - She's in with a client... a rich one.

He owns all those Happiness Inn Motels.

I've stayed at about 20 of them but I never found happiness.

- I beg your pardon. - Don't I know you?

Oh, I don't think so.

You look very familiar, are you sure we haven't met?

Oh, I'd remember.

You're the image of... oh, what's his name?

- He's in television and movies. - Marlon Brando.

No, you know who I mean, he always takes the 2nd and 3rd roles.

- You must mean Billy Boylan. - Yes, I think that's his name.

- Oh, you're Billy Boylan. - Well, I'm happy to hear that.

- Are you looking for an apartment. - No, I came looking for Mrs. Stanley.

- I bet she's a great big fan of yours. - I doubt that, I used to be her husband.

How is it that her name is Stanley and yours is Boylan?

- Or was Stanley her maiden name. - Actually it was MY maiden name.

Hugo Petrie Stanley.

I use Billy Boylan for professional reasons which I think should be obvious.

I know what it is! Of course! It's the moustache.

- I've never seen you with a moustache. - Do you like it?

These are by ?????P?�?? which is Greek to me.

- I'm MAD about it. - Well, then, you must have it.

I like it better on her.

Oh! No, no, no! I insist, you keep it as a souvenir.

I just needed it for a commercial I did this morning,

and now, I want you to have it.

- Thank you, thank you. - It's 11 o'clock.

- Oh, dear, I really must leave. - Oh, no.

Please tell Mrs. Stanley I couldn't wait.

- Oh, she'll be devastated. - I'll try to come back tomorrow.

Now really try.

Oh, she's a pain in the ass.

- Somebody left the blueprints out of this file. - You did.

- Billy! Dear! You're back! - How are you, Beauty?

Hey, Annie, I've never seen you look so radiant, so gorgeous, and so sexy.

Billy, you can't be broke again, I heard you did so well in Hollywood.

But you didn't read how I did in Las Vegas, did you?

Just 'til the 1st. Annie.

If I put this deal over, I'll help you. How much?

- Well, I need a thousand. - But he'll take two-fifty.

Margie, when did you start wearing your hair that way?

- What's the matter with it? - Nothing, it makes you look 10 years younger.

- Give him 500! - You got a deal.

Billy, you're a pleasure to do business with.

Yeah, I know. Tell me, how was Greece?

- Why do you ask that? - What? What did I ask? What?

- Why did you ask about Greece. - Well, isn't that where you went on your holiday?

Oh, yes.

What did you expect me to ask, how was Norway?

When you have time, please call Mr. Avery

and ask if he still wants to rent his apartment... no hurry.

- Have you called Trina? - Trina?

- Remember our daughter. - Well, I just got in last night, I'll call her tomorrow.

Please call her, she's begun to think her father's held captive on channel 9.

It's covered with myrtle.

What's covered with myrtle.

Greece, of course, what do you think? Norway?

I've never seen her like this. Hey, who did she go to Greece with?

- Her mother. - Ah! That explains everything.

I really want you to think about it carefully.

It's not exactly going for a song and

six rooms is rather large for a man alone.

Well, I hope I won't be alone much longer.

Ah, yes, I hope so, too.

May I have the keys to 8-80, I'm taking Mr. Rogers over.

Now, J.D. And after we've finished there it'll be just about time for lunch.

- Will you lunch with me? - I'm afraid I have a lunch date.

- No you haven't. - I'm lunching with Mrs. Buchanan today.

She called earlier, she had to cancel.

Well, that's just dandy!

I'll go on ahead and whistle-up my driver.

We'll be right out front, now... about three minutes.

Margie! You know I have a rule about not dining

or lunching with male clients until AFTER we make a deal.

You have more rules and regulations that a Girl Scout's manual.

J.D. Rogers is a rich widower and he likes you.

Why don't you make it a rule to remember you're supporting

an ex-husband, a 17 year old daughter and a 12 year old mother.

Okay, what's wrong?

Why don't you ever wear those cute, red pumps?

I hate them, they hurt.

Well, for J.D. Rogers you can limp a little.

Margie, please get it through your head that I'm no longer a Venus Fly Trap.

- I'm 39 years old. - I didn't hear it, I refuse to hear it.

You heard it, I'm 39 years old, I'm a middle-aged woman...

and stop being such a pimp.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Buchanan? This is Mrs. Stanley's secretary.

Yes, about that lunch date...

her feet hurt.

- Granny, have you seen my big, gold earrings? - No, Dear, I haven't.

Oh! Louis Wilcox died. He was only 87.

His mother was a Morgan, you know.

Oh! I didn't realize I had them on.

What's that? That perfume?

Mrs. Wilcox was an Endicott, you know.

- That's my Fleur d'Elan! - I didn't realize I had that on, either.

Granny, will you please stay the hell out of my things.

Why do you wear your hair like that? Absolutely ruins your profile.

Those tights. Those red tights. Those are my red tights,

and don't tell me you didn't realize you had them on.

Of course I realized I had them on, just didn't realize they were red.

Oh, Granny, you're hopeless, you're a hopeless kleptomaniac.

Oh, is that so!?! Well, I'd like to know what time you came in last night.

- Around five. - Around 5 a.m.!

- Yes, 5 a.m. - You haven't even the decency to lie.

Who were you out with 'til 5 a.m.?

- Mark, Rudy and Burt. - Mark who, Rudy who, and Burt who?

Who goes formal, they're just kids I know.

- And with whom are you going out tonight? - Arthur.

Arthur? Arthur who?

- I've never heard you mention an Arthur before. - I'll ask him when he comes in.

- All right, where's my ivory bracelet? - I don't know, I was looking for that, too.

- Where's this Arthur taking you. - We're going to his house to shoot pool.

"Shoot pool", how very feminine.

Drop it, Granny! Mine, mine, mine, mine!

'Scuse me!

- What time is he coming? - Who?

- Arthur! - What about him?

- Well, what time is he coming? - When he gets here!

That's what time he's coming.

These are by ?????P?�?? which is Greek to me.

Congratulate me, Kids, I just sold a lovely, over-priced apartment.

That's wonderful, Dear, but right now I'd like to talk to you about your daughter.

Granny, please don't talk in Norwegian in front of me

you know I don't understand it and I think it's very rude.

I just told your mother I would like to talk to her about her daughter.

And I'd like to talk to you about YOUR mother. I'd like to talk to the police, too.

She's been going out 'til all hours of the morning with all sorts of anonymous boys.

We'll get into it later, Mother, right now I'm getting

into nothing more serious than a nice, hot bath.

- Guess who called me today. - Who?

My father, and he even remembered my name.

- My God, is HE back? - Yes, he stopped by the office.

How much did he ask for?

Trina, I will not have you talk about your father that way.

Let her, it's the first sensible thing she's said.

Every man has a time in his life when he's broke and your father is no exception.

He certainly isn't, he's the rule.

I'm going to have a bath, Mother, and then I'd like to talk to YOU, about you.

Arthur for me!

- Hello, are you Trina Stanley? - Yes.

- Who are you? - He's Arthur.

- Ah, Peter. - Arthur Peter, now we're getting somewhere.

Didn't Arthur call? He asked me if I wouldn't mind

picking you up because I live so much closer than he does.

Well, fine. I'm ready, let's go.

Trina! If you don't mind, I would like to meet Arthur.

This isn't Arthur, this is Peter. My grandmother, Mrs. Ericson.

Come in for a moment, young man.

And where are you delivering my granddaughter this evening?

- Good night, Granny! - I want to know WHERE you're going.

I told you, Peter is taking me to Arthur's and we're going to shoot pool.

Peter who, Arthur who?

Granny, in my dresser, second drawer on the left,

there's a new, chiffon, Paisley scarf.

Why don't you go on in and steal it?

I want to know where you're going.

You are not going out with a boy who's last name you don't even know.

My Vita-Bath is all gone and who...

Ann, this young man, whom Trina has never met,

nor I gather even heard of before,

rings the doorbell as a proxy for Arthur.

He had the decency to pick me up as a favor to Arthur.

- Arthur who? - How should I know, he's a friend of Peter's.

Peter who?

Peter Latham.

- Okay, happy now? - Latham...

I went to school in London with a Latham girl,

an Isabella Latham from Pittsburg.

- She's my aunt. - No! How extraordinary!

Well, if Isabella Latham is your aunt, then your mother must be...

- A Hoenhouser. - She is.

Why are you starring at my mother.

I'm sorry, you remind me so much of a woman I met in Greece.

A Penelope Potter.

Penelope Potter. Not a very Greek name, is it?

- My name is Ann Stanley. - Delighted to meet you Mrs. Stanley.

- What an interesting ring, Mrs. Stanley. - Oh, mother found it in Greece.

- Did you like Greece. - Oh, she adored it!

But I was ill the whole time with a fantastically upset stomach.

And of course there was one night I was worried out of my mind

because Ann's car broke down and she didn't get back to the hotel 'til morning.

Tell him about THAT, Ann!

Some other time, Mother. Have a nice evening, Trina.

We really have plenty of time.

Oh, Trina, why don't you offer Mr. Latham a drink.

We're pushing Ouzo since mom got back from Greece.

- She's hooked on the stuff. - Oh, I love Ouzo, too, but not now, thanks.

What happened that night your car broke down, Mrs. Stanley?

- Oh, I don't remember. - Well, of course you do!

There she was stuck out in the middle of nowhere

in that terrible heat with an utterly useless car

not a house in sight, no phone, when who should come along?

- Who? - A nun!

A nun??

A perfectly wonderful nun who took her to the Convent

where they fed her and they put her up for the night.

Wasn't that sweet of them? Isn't it a lovely story?

It's absolutely fantastic.

Let's get out of here before they drag out some color slides.

Goodnight, Mom.

- Goodnight, Granny. - Goodnight, Darling.

- Goodnight, Miss Ericson. - Goodnight, Mr. Latham.

Goodnight Mrs. Stanley, we'll meet again soon.

- What was that he said to you. - How would I know, I don't know Greek.

Oh, I do hope he likes Trina. Trina married to a Hoenhouser.

- Oh! Think of it, Ann. - Tell me about the Hoenhousers.

They're in steel, aren't they?

Oh, Darling! The Hoenhousers are in money.

And the Lathams?

Isabella Latham had three brothers... or was it two?

Oh, well, never mind. And one of them married the Hoenhouser girl

who inherited but everything, and this boy, Peter, is the son.

Didn't you think he was absolutely charming?

- How old do you think he is, about 20? - 22.

I'll play the eight ball. Right here.

Oh, come on!

Who taught you how to play pool? Minnesota Fats?

Ever heard of 86th Street Charlotte?

- Your parents, how long they been divorced? - Eight or nine years, something like that.

Three ball. Eleven side.

Hasn't she every wanted to marry again?

I don't know, she seems awfully happy since the Stanley Realty.

Nine cross-corner.

- What caused the break-up? - Dad, I suppose.

He's sweet, adorable, funny, totally irresponsible.

He'll always stay a kid.

Six corner.

Your mother's still a very attractive woman, why wouldn't she...

I think it has something to do with her being foreign.

I mean that combination of Norwegian and British.

Too bad she doesn't have a touch of some warmer climate.

Why all these questions about my family?

Anyone would think you're going to ask for my hand in marriage.

- You never know. - Forget it.

I don't dig guys my own age.

But I must say you do seem more mature than most of them.

Likewise, I'm sure.

Yes, Margie. Mr. Latham?

Didn't you tell him we were closed? I mean, it's almost 6 o'clock.

Oh, I see.

No, no, no, don't send him in here, I'll come out there.

Mr. Latham, I didn't expect to see you again... so soon.

- Mr. Latham is... - Looking for a studio apartment.

- Yes, that�s right. You run along, Margie, I'll... - Okay.

- Have a wonderful, wonderful evening. - Well, good night.

- How dare you come here! How dare you! - No one dared me, it was my own idea.

- What do you want? - An apartment.

- What's wrong with the one you're in? - It's lonely.

- Have dinner with me. - I can't, I won't.

- Penelope! - Don't call me that.

Penelope Potter is dead. She died in Greece, so...

go back to your apartment and get yourself a dog, or a cat, or a book.

Why did you cut out? Why did you just disappear without a word?

I apologize for that, it seemed the best thing to do at that time. I'm sorry.

I'd like to ask you one question and I would like an honest answer.

Did you enjoy that night. I would like an honest answer.

Yes! All right! I enjoyed it! You were terrific.

Is that what you want to hear. Is your ego so important that you have to be told that?

I'm not talking about sex! I'm talking about something that

happened between you and me that had nothing to do with sex.

I mean, didn't you feel anything more than that?

Peter! We were in Greece, under a Greek moon, all that Ouzo, all that myrtle.

Yes, something happened, how could it not!

It had nothing to do with geography or myrtle or Ouzo!

You could have been standing in the middle of 10th Avenue

smelling bus fumes and drinking Diet Pepsi and it would have happened!

All right, but it can't happen again.

- Why not? - Because it mustn't.

- Would you like it to? - Peter, you're a very nice kid,

but you ARE a kid and I am, among other things, a mother of a grown daughter.

I can't be seen running around with a kid,

not even a nice one. I could be arrested.

Well, I have a friend in the D.A.'s office

and I'm sure I could get you off with a light fine.

Peter, try to be serious and understand my position.

I do, I understand your position.

Then you know we cannot see each other again.

Yes.

- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, too.

You're very understanding and I'm terribly grateful.

Goodbye, Peter.

Oh! This rain! It's like Pago, Pago.

- Mr. Latham, how nice to see you again. - Nice to see you, Miss Ericson

I worry so about Trina, out without her raincoat.

How do you know she's out without her raincoat?

This is her raincoat. Mr. Latham, what brings you up here?

- Looking for an apartment. - I told him we haven't a thing to offer him.

And he understands... doesn't he?

- He certainly does. - Oh! But how nice of you to come to Ann.

- Natural selection. - Sweet.

Well, Darling, I'm afraid we'll just have to sit it out here.

There's not a taxi in sight and you can't get near a bus.

I have a dinner date with J.D. Rogers so we'll have to make a dash for the subway.

- I have my car here. - Oh, aren't you marvelous.

Absolutely marvelous, but we don't want to take you out of your way.

- What... Darling, I'm sure that Mr. Latham... - Peter, please.

Peter. I'm sure that Peter wouldn't mind dropping us off, especially if we ask him in for tea.

- I LOVE tea. - Mother, you know I have a date.

Oh, don't worry, Dear, Trina and I will look after Peter.

Trina will be SO happy to see you again.

I'm sure she will, I owe her 17 dollars.

Well, all right, hurry it up, I'll ring for the elevator.

- You're not coming up to my apartment. - I promised your mother... other arm.

Now, Peter, we just had a nice, serious talk and you told me that you understood.

- I do. - Now stop that!

You're always dressing me or undressing me, stop that and leave me alone.

You're going to drop us off and then you're going to say goodbye.

How was your other date, had you forgot about it?

Peter is going to drop us off but he won't be able

to come up because he has a date he forgot about.

- Oh. - I play poker every Wednesday evening.

- But this is Friday. - Of course! I'm free.

I tried.

- Hi. - Hi.

- We brought Peter with us. - Nice to see you again, Trina.

Nice to see you, Peter, and nice to see my raincoat, too.

Well, if you'll all excuse me, I'll have a drink. Goodbye, Peter.

I expect you will be gone by the time I've changed.

Oh, not at all, he's going to stay and dine with me and Trina, aren't you, Peter?

- I'd love to. - You're not going out, are you, Dear?

No.

You look so done-up, I thought you might be.

- Doesn't she look stunning? - Stunning.

I have a Kaftan almost exactly... That's MY Kaftan!

That's right, Granny, now you know how I feel.

You TAKE it off at this moment.

- What are you doing? - Taking it off, right this moment.

- In front of Peter? - Well, I'm sure Peter's seen girls undress before.

No comment.

Trina's as witty as she's beautiful. Well, I think I'll go and put on something dry.

I'm sure you two can get along without me for a moment.

You must have an awful lot to talk about.

- You owe me. - 17 dollars, I have it right here.

Poor concentration, that's your trouble.

- Pretty wet out today. - Umm.

- I don't mind rain. - Rain's okay.

- So, what's new since the other night? - Nothing.

What's new with you?

Nothing.

It's still raining.

- I don't mind rain. - Rain is okay.

Trina, Dear, did you know your mother's finding an apartment for Peter?

Oh.

Does that mean you'll be staying permanently in New York?

One always associates your family with Pittsburg.

I'm living here now because most of my work's in New York and in Washington.

- What do you do? - You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Try me.

How about head of Labor Relations for Hoenhouser Steel?

I'd believe it. Your daddy's President, isn't he?

If you knew my father, you'd know how funny that is.

He's the only one in the Company who opposed my getting the job.

Well, if you're so rich, you ought to make Mummy get

you one of those sexy apartments over at River House.

Trina, I'm sure Peter has told your mother exactly what he wants.

Oh, she knows exactly what I want.

- Well! - My God!

Ah, do you like it?

You look fabulous. Doesn't she look fabulous, Peter?

- Fantastic. - Mr. Rogers must be someone very special.

What's his specialty, Mom?

Oh, really, I wish the two of you wouldn't act

as if I spend all my evenings slumping around in snow shoes.

My date with Mr. Rogers is purely business.

So why don't you all relax.

Thank you.

- What time is it? - It's only 6:45, so why don't YOU relax.

Oh! I can relax, he isn't due here until 7:00.

Well, you know what the traffic's like in this weather, he may be late.

Oh, is it still raining?

Stop creeping-up on me. Oh, I'll get it.

What's a matter with you all, can't you please sit down and talk among yourselves?

All right, come on. I wonder if you can get your ears pierced on Blue Cross.

- Hello, J.D., come in, come in. - Hey! Wahoo!

Look at you. When you pull yourself together you get really everything in the right place.

Well, I'm afraid it's a bit of a family evening.

- Well, I like that. - Mother, this is Mr. J.D. Rogers.

- This is my mother, Mrs. Ericson. - Ma'am.

My daughter has told me so much about you Mr. Rogers.

- Well, is that a fact? - And this is my daughter, Trina.

Well, hello, young lady. Good looks seem to run in your family.

- And this is your son. - What.

- Hiya, fella. - I'm Peter Latham.

Oh, Peter's a friend of my granddaughter.

A natural mistake, he's handsome enough to be yours.

Thank you, would you like a drink?

Don't mind if I do, bourbon, rocks, no water.

I hear Mummy cooked you for a very expensive apartment.

Well, that's right kid, but I loved it though.

That dinky, little ol' apartment and this pretty, little lady looks you

right in the eye and says, "a hundred and fifty", and you know she means big ones.

That's high class clipping. Did you say, "Soda"?

No, I said, "No water."

At least she's going to throw in a little advice about drapes and chintz and all that shit.

Oh! I've never heard the decorating business more accurately described.

Well, here's mud in your eye.

So, how are you doing in school, little lady?

Oh, I'm not in school, I finished high school.

- And I haven't decided yet about college. - You're going to college.

- I haven't decided yet. - Well, what do you do with your time?

I read, I sketch, sometimes I shoot pool.

A little girl like you shoots pool?

She just looks like a girl, she's really Paul Newman.

- Well, whenever you're ready. - Why, sure!

- Only I hate leaving this little family. - Oh, you'll get used to it.

Goodnight Mother, goodnight, Trina, goodbye, Peter.

My pleasure to have met y'all.

- Oh, am I too late? - About 8 years.

- I thought we had a date tonight. - I said we'd talk no date was mentioned.

I brought you Moo Goo Gai Pan, you love Moo Goo Gai Pan.

Billy!

Granny Maud!

I'm not sure if you remember me, I'm your daughter, Trina.

Hello, Baby.

Good to see you, Daddy.

Oh, Mrs. Stanley, if you really had a date with your beau.

Oh, he's not my beau and we have no date. He's only a part time ex-husband.

- Billy Boylan. - J.D. Rogers.

- How do you do? - Billy Boylan?

- Say, I've seen you on Death Valley Days. - Maybe, I've had plenty of 'em.

- Billy Boylan. - Yeah, Billy Boylan.

- I don't think you've met Peter Latham. - Oh, hiya, Peter.

Peter's head of Labor Relations for Hoenhouser Steel.

- Oh, you do this after school, Kid? - No, it's a full time job.

Well, goodnight everybody, let's go J.D. Would somebody please take this?

- It's a shame to go out and break up this party. - Oh, please.

- Say! I got an idea! - No!

- Why don't I take everybody to dinner? - No.

- Someplace where there's dancing? - No.

- Lovely! - Marvy!

- What a darling guy. - Me two!

Why sure, Pete, glad to have you aboard!

- Well, the ayes have it! - Hooray! Come on!

- How about you, Ann? - What about me?

- You glad to have me aboard? - What?

Oh, Peter, you're crazy, somebody could...

We're not a beach, you know.

- You didn't answer me. - What was your question?

- Whoa! My feet are killing me. - Here.

Look at your mother, will ya.

How does she do it? She's wearing Trina's shoes, there a size too large.

She's got more energy than that kid. He's quite attractive, isn't he?

- No. - I think he is, he's always poised.

He's TOO poised, he's not attractive to me.

- He Trina's little boy? - Whatever!

Oh, I don't know, maybe as mama gets older she fancies 'em younger.

- What a filthy, little chauvinist you are! - Wait a minute, I was only kidding.

The worst thing in the world is a creepy old lady running after a young boy.

- Why, you're only 39. - 40.

- You are? - 40!

40! You mean you were the same age as me?

- You! You haven't seen 40... - I'm 40!

It's in the Celebrity Register: 40, four-oh!

And how many years has that been in the Celebrity Register?

Who's counting?

Come on, Billy, you're the best dancer here. Don't know when we get to see you again.

- Hey, don't do that, I'm watching the game. - It's half-time, you were sleeping.

I was resting, that damn party life is.. Hey, where are you going?

Out to the movies, with some kids, if you must know.

I have a right to know, I'm your father, the court did give me visiting rights.

- Yes, well, don't abuse them, Darling. - Damn it, Trina, I've tried to be a father.

Yes, I know, but it isn't something you can just step into like a guest shot on TV.

Whether you like it or not, I happen to have the part.

And you're going to be very good, you just need a little more rehearsal.

Trina...

Why don't we lunch tomorrow and go over your lines.

- Bye-bye, Darling. - Trina!

Pan Am makes the going great, go with Pan Am and you'll go where the action is.

Visit the blue Aegean, with it's lovely, romantic islands.

Let a Pan Am ticket take you there.

Go where the action is, go where it's happening, go, go go.

I went!

- Is it a crime to watch a ballgame here. - It wasn't a ballgame, it was a commercial.

It WILL be a ballgame if everybody'll leave the damn set on.

- Where's Trina. - YOUR daughter went out.

- What's wrong with you? - Everything.

Everything, my whole life.

Okay, start at the beginning. No! Start in the middle, I KNOW the beginning.

- Well, I was very embarrassed last night. - You weren't TOO embarrassing.

I didn't say I was embarrassing, I said I was embarrassed.

Oh, what about?

Well, how do you think I felt when Peter and J.D. were fighting over the check?

- You could have joined the fight. - Supposed I'd of won?

I see what you mean. I would have loaned you the money.

Ah, I'm sick of borrowing money from you, Ann.

- You, too. - I'm fine, we both get the message.

Really, you're not having trouble getting work, are you?

Well, I'm not exactly pushing Jack Lemmon off the screen,

but I can work, I work all the time, it's not that.

- Then what? - Well, Annie, I...

The most extraordinary, the most unaccountable

thing has been un-zapping me for the past year.

- Billy, what is it? - Well, it comes over me at the damndest times.

Like, when I'm on a set, cameras grinding away,

my nose down, some stupid bird's "bazoom"

and suddenly I hear this voice asking me:

Is this any way for a grown man to make a living? And...

I find my interests, my... my values have changed.

- It's called growing up. - I have a daughter doesn't even know me.

- That's not her fault. - I didn't say it was her fault.

It's not too late. I want her to know me, I want her to love me.

But she does love you, when she sees you.

You're very loveable, really you are, Billy.

I know I'm loveable. But am I respectable?

- That's something else. - Right! Now that's the something else I want.

Then Trina would have a helluva lot more respect for me if I had a real, honest to goodness job.

- Like what? - Public relations.

Public relations! That's real?

Well, it's something I know a little bit about, and...

You gotta start somewhere... now, J.D.

Must have a public relations department with all those motels of his, so...

How about YOU putting in a kind word for little ol' ME?

I'll be glad to, when I run into him.

Oh, don't kid a kidder, Baby, you're seeing him tonight, I know it.

Billy, I do want to thank you for not minding your own business.

But this IS my business. Ah, c'mon, make yourself gorgeous.

When you get yourself done-up, you can get anything you want from any man.

A 40 year old woman doesn't need a stage mother.

40 years old! Don't think like that!

Think...

- think like a diamond. - What?

A diamond! Not years, but carats.

You are a multi-carated, blue-white diamond.

That must be Van Cleef and Arpels.

Yes. Oh, hello, J.D.

Yes, J.D. Oh, I did, too.

Oh, the party was marvelous, and wildly extravagant.

Well, what time tonight?

- Oh, I see... if you can't make it, you can't. - What's he trying to pull?

Oh, for the whole week. Well, have a nice trip.

Please don't apologize, I'll talk to you when you get back... goodbye.

- The balloon blow up? - He's called to the post on business.

- Hey, nuts! - Surely you don't want him to neglect your future.

- Nuts! - Don't worry, Billy, I'll talk to him.

- Let me fix you something to eat. - Ah, he's changed his mind. Let me talk to him.

- Give me that! - I... hello.

- Oh, hello. - Who is it?

It's one of Trina's little friends.

- Is there someone there with you? - Oh, yes, that's so true.

- Ann, I must talk to you. - Uh, well, I'm afraid Trina isn't home now.

This is serious, Ann, there's something I've gotta tell you.

Uh, could you please give me the message, I'll tell her when she comes home.

I can't discuss it on the phone. There's a little bar near my office, on 52nd Street.

It's very dark, and no one ever goes there.

I'm afraid that's quite impossible.

All right, I'll come over and say what I have to say in front of everybody, would you like that?

Ohhh, oh, not at all.

Well, I've got to see you, you tell me where and when.

Oh, did you say the skating rink at Rockefeller Plaza? I'll tell her.

The skating rink at Rockefeller Plaza?

You know, I can arrange lessons for you, if you'd like.

- Thank you, not tonight. - We're just... browsing.

Neither of us skates, do you mind telling me what the devil we're doing here.

You said you had to talk with me, you said there was something you... you must tell me.

Why here?

It was the last public place I could think of. I can always say I ran into you by accident.

You are so organized.

Now, Peter, this has got to stop, you know that.

You're a very intelligent boy, you... you're even rather a sensitive boy.

You have a way of... a kind of natural authority, but...

- Very unusual. - Very unusual, yes...

- In a lad of my years. - In a lad of...

Don't mock me.

Now look, since you are intelligent and sensitive, you have some small... some small...

- Insight. - In... you're hopeless.

On the contrary, I've never been more hopeful.

I can tell you what your trouble is...

You spend one wonderful night in Greece and now

you're going to spend the rest of your life trying to recapture it.

May I speak now, may I say what I brought you here to tell you?

Go ahead.

I'm not trying to recapture a night in Greece or anywhere else.

I know where my head is, it's right here and right now.

Ann, I'm in love with you.

Well, I feel honored and terribly flattered.

For God's sake, I didn't say I was putting out a postage stamp with your picture on it.

I said I'm in love with you, don't you listen?

Yes, I listen, I just don't know what to say.

What's a woman my age to say when a 22 year old kid tells her he's in love with her?

- She says what she feels. - Well, I feel honored and flattered.

- And that's all? - No, I also feel that it just isn't convenient.

You can't just fling yourself into my life.

Why you... you're upsetting things, my life has a... a certain...

a certain balance... and a certain harmony.

You'd be better off with a little spontaneity, chaos, say what you mean, say what you feel.

- Now action. - I've had all that.

- All I want now is a little tranquility. - How about trying for dead?

- I mean it. - I don't believe you.

Then believe this, I... I am not attracted to young boys, not to you, not to any.

Lady, that is a lie. I don't know about anybody else, but you're sure attracted to me.

Why can't you be honest, what are you so frightened of?

- This. - What is?

- I'm falling all over a young one. - You're not falling all over me.

- Not yet. - Now, that was honest.

And that's what really frightens you, isn't it, being honest.

When you're around, everything frightens me.

I think you're just a naturally nervous type, you ought to be married.

- I've been married. - Not to me.

- Ann, I want you to marry me. - Peter, please!

I'm not kidding, Ann, I'm asking you, will you marry me?

I'm not kidding, Peter, I'm telling you, no.

- Why not? - I'm not in love with you.

You don't know whether you are or not, you haven't given yourself a chance.

You're so spooked by the idea of what people will think that you can't think yourself.

I mean, who are all those people who's opinions count so much?

Your mother, your daughter, the Mayor?

I mean, you're mother's charming, but she wouldn't care

if was still in short pants, as long as she hooks-up with a Hoenhouser.

- Why, you arrogant... - As for Trina...

- Ah, that's enough about my family, Peter. - What can I say to convince you?

I am convinced. Now we're going to have a cup of coffee together

and then we're going to say goodbye for good and forever.

- I promise you that the only way... Oh, my God! - What is it?

Over there.

Who are they.

Friends of Mothers, Mrs. Bigelow and Mrs. Randall.

- I must go. - Wait a minute.

No, no, I really must go.

You can go, I just want you to ask you to think about it.

About what?

I want you to think about us, and now,

and not people's opinions and the rest of that crap.

Will you promise me that, Ann? Will you promise to think about it?

Yes, I will.

Oh...

Do I remind you of your mother?

Better luck next time.

Really, Maud, I think you ought to just settle down

and accept the fact that Peter is not in love with me.

You're not going to be related to the Hoenhouser's.

He doesn't dig me and I don't appeal to him.

- But you're the living image of me. - And you don't appeal to him.

Oh, nonsense, he adores me, he's just terribly shy.

That's it! He's terribly shy and needs encouragement.

Trina, Darling, Peter Latham can give you all the

luxuries you can think of, and a lot more you've never heard of.

- But Granny Maud, he doesn't love me. - And I tell you he does.

- Well, do you know something that I don't know? - Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

Well, if you do, tell me, and if you don't, I would like a little privacy.

Your mother's home. Now we'll see what I know... and what I don't know.

Ann?

Ann?

Ann, Dear, where have you been?

- I went to Bloomingdales. - Was that before or after you went ice skating?

- Ice skating? - Oh, Mrs. Bigelow called.

No, Mrs. Randall, she saw you ice skating with Peter.

- With Peter? - How did she know it was Peter?

Oh, she didn't, but I knew from her description of him.

You see, I've seen what's going on, he's been courting you to get to Trina.

Oh, what a clever boy, well, what happened?

- Did he declare himself? - Um-huh.

- Did he mention love? - Um-huh.

- Marriage, did he mention marriage? - Um-huh.

Oh, now, wait a minute now, look...

Just a moment, Dear, I'm trying to talk to your mother about Peter.

It's not you he wants to marry, Granny, it's me.

Oh, actually...

Actually, it is neither of you, what he's got in mind is something... in between.

- In between? - You don't mean?

You can't mean... that little boy wants to marry you?

My God.

I'm sorry I'm late.

- This is plum, I think I prefer it for the couch. - Whatever you say, Ann.

This apartment is really gonna have your brand on it.

Thank you, now for the chairs.

I don't always intend to live here alone, you know.

- Oh? - So make it something that a woman might like.

Something you'd like, I mean, suit your taste.

I've changed my mind about the plum.

- Now, I wish you'd hear me out here, Ann. - Maybe the brown.

I didn't have much of a marriage my first time around, but,

I still think I can make some woman happy.

- The right woman. - I'm sure

I'd give her everything.

- She'd be a regular, little queen. - I know how serious you are.

But, you know what I want above everything, is a family.

My wife, my late wife, she couldn't have children.

Me? Hell, I'd like to have all I could get.

Well, that's perfectly natural.

Now, I know we didn't come here to talk about marriage.

- No, we didn't. - But I'm only 43!

Shoot, 43, a man's at his peak, and I just know I'd make a good husband for Trina.

Trina?

She makes some little mama, that daughter of yours.

Some little mama? Have you alerted Trina to this project?

- We love each other, Ann. - I see.

I've always wanted children, and now you're going to marry one.

We want to get married right away, we don't see any sense in waiting around.

Certainly not, with you at your peak.

- How long has this been going on? - Well, it started that first night.

The night we all went out together. It happened just like that.

You may not like this, Ann...

but I didn't go out of town like I said.

- I've been seeing Trina... every night. - And you kept it a secret.

- That wasn't very nice, J.D. - I know that.

And I felt real bad about it, too, but Trina, she was so sure that you'd...

- That I'd what? - Well, that you'd be jealous.

I told her, but she seems to think just because

she's interested in me, that every other woman is, too.

- She's such a baby. - Oh, yes, she is.

- Too much of a baby for marriage. - Why?

- The way I see it, a woman 18... - Trina's only 17.

She is! Why that little devil!

Anyway, the way I figure, a woman 17 or 18 and a man 43 are a perfect balance.

Maybe in your neck of the woods, J.D.

I love her, Ann.

Oh, for God's sake, if you're fool enough to let yourself fall in love with a 17 year old...

If I'm a fool, well, I'll just have to live with it.

Ann, I promise I'll take good care of her... and you, too.

- Of me? - Naturally, I'm gonna be your son-in-law.

Mommy, if you try pulling something square like preventing me from seeing J.D.,

I'll just run off with him until I'm 18 and then we'll be married anyway.

And for your honeymoon he can take you to Disneyland.

Mommy, I shouldn't think you'd want me to answer that in kind.

My big mistake was not sending you to a good, tough military school.

Well, I am going to marry J.D., and that, as they say, is that.

- Do you love him? - No one is forcing me to marry him.

We're surprisingly right for each other, we need each other.

You need each other. Trina, has it ever occurred to you

that you're attracted to J.D. because... because he represents a father image?

Of course it has, it's the first thing I thought.

But, what difference does it make? I mean love,

any love has to begin with some kind of attraction.

It could be the look in his eyes or the tone of his voice, or the turn of his nose.

All right, I WAS attracted to J.D. because he was a father image.

I think that that is a solemn foundation to build on. He's crazy about me, Mom.

He makes all the decisions and he's so easy to be with.

- I know just what you're thinking. - Do you?

Um-huh, you're thinking: Where did I fail her, where did I go wrong?

- Forget it Mommy, you've done okay. - Oh, Trina, have I?

You spoiled me rotten, of course... but you're so sweet.

But I did try not to take advantage of it.

Oh, my darling, I just want you to be happy.

I will be Mommy, I am.

Trina and J.D., I can't believe it.

Believe it, they set the date.

Well, Trina and Big J., I.. I.. who'd' o' thought?

- Who'd of dreamed? - How's the morale Old Buddy, you're not zonked?

- I'm not at all zonked. - That's the spirit.

Oh, Billy, don't treat me as though I've been left at the altar.

The Big J.D. romance was all in your mind and Maud's.

Look, if it's okay with Trina, it's okay with me.

I like Big J.

Are you sure you're thinking of Trina and not that job?

- What job? - Public relations.

J.D.'s going to talk to you about it, he's ready to hire you.

All that security, future, and respectability... remember?

That'll have to wait for awhile, Baby, that TV show we did was sold yesterday.

They think this series could run 4, maybe for 5 years. How about that?

Billy, will you ever make up your mind what you want to be when you grow up?

Listen, Annie, this could be the big one for me.

And I kinda like to think that there's someone like J.D. around to take care of Trina.

It's a natural attraction.

Annie, actually, you'd be surprised how devastating young girls find me.

Because there's something very sexy about this age.

- Have you noticed that, too? - Too?

What if I told you that I've had a proposal?

- You? No, who? - Me!

Yes, Peter Latham, who.

Peter Latham, you mean that kid? Trina's little boyfriend?

Well, he's not Trina's little boyfriend, he's mine. Little boyfriend.

He asked you to marry him?

What's he on? Oh! You gotta keep your eyes open with kids that age.

- I don't think it's that funny. - And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

Aw, c'mon, c'mon, you know it's a howl, you and him.

You gotta admit that next to you, he doesn't seem completely mature.

Whereas you do, which proves how deceiving appearances can be.

- What did you tell him? - I told him I'd think about it.

- I've been thinking about it all week. - Do you love him?

Oh, for heaven's sake, Billy, I'm 40 years old.

Try to not to be alone with him, have a few of my tomorrows taken care of.

Well, I see, the union of love on his part and fatigue on yours.

There's no use talking to you, you don't understand.

- Oh, Jeez, you can't be serious about this? - I told you, I'm thinking about it.

And I'm telling you, you better have your head examined.

- What are you so angry about? - I'm angry because I...

- Because I'm jealous. - You have no right to be.

Oh, Annie, you know, well, I always thought that someday you and I could get together...

Billy, please, I gave already.

Look, you could sell the business now and move to the Coast with me.

Billy, you're too young for me.

You see, you're the one who's a kid, Peter, he's twice as old as you.

Aw, cut the crap, Annie, Peter Latham is a baby, a little, bitty baby.

Peter Latham is 22 years old, were you a baby at 22?

You're damned right I was, a little, bitty baby.

Well, Peter isn't.

- Listen, do you have to marry him? - As opposed to what?

Well, couldn't you... couldn't you adopt him?

Billy, sometimes you are so crude, and so cruel.

Oh, I don't mean to be, but have you ever thought what...

- What people will say? - Yes.

Of course I've thought about it, I... I don't think we are too utterly ridiculous together and...

and people don't stare at us and... and who says I have to live my life for public opinion?

Nobody! Nobody! You're absolutely right, if the kid hits your taste, it's just great, enjoy!

It's not his youth that's to my taste. It bothers me terribly...

It's only that when I'm with him, something

happens that has never happened with any other man.

It's the damndest thing, after all these years

I've finally found someone who is strong and dependable.

- I'm sorry, Billy. - No, no, no, that okay, say it like it is.

I finally found someone who really takes over,

someone who could have anybody he wants, and... and he wants me.

Anoushka...

You're in love with the kid.

Well, then, don't let anything stand in your way, Baby. You've earned this.

Well... is Trina home?

Yeah.

Well, I think I'll drop in and see her, ya know,

tell her I'll be there at the wedding to give her away.

- That would mean so much to her. - Yeah.

Ya know, I don't mind giving HER away, it's you I mind.

Peter Latham, please, it's Ann Stanley calling.

No, no, no... Miss ah... tell him it's Penelope Potter.

We don't have to show up here, you know.

Oh, well, but they're your friends, aren't they, I'd love to meet them, sooner...

Ah... the Messiah has come at last, just as we were giving up hope.

We went to a show.

Ann, this is Arthur Forbes, Arthur, my fianc�, Ann Stanley.

- How do you do? - Ann Stanley...

Stanley, that name sends celestial music rushing through the old medulla.

- Ah, Trina's sister. - I'm her mother.

But thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Oh, her mother, oh, Mrs. Stanley, well, I... I'm so please to... to meet you.

Well, come in, come in, huh, enjoy, enjoy.

- It's not like this every night. - What?

- I said, "He was shocked." - Oh! Not at all.

I read "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire".

- What? - LET'S BUY A DRINK!

Frank, 2 scotch and rocks.

- Peter. - Oh, hi, Pol.

I called you 4 times this week. How about returning one of 'em.?

I've been busy. Polly, I'd like you to meet my fianc�, Ann Stanley.

How do you do?

Forget the calls.

- What? - Relax.

Petey! Hey! Hi!

Petey, I thought you were in Toledo, or wherever it is you come from.

Gabriella, I'd like you to meet my fianc�, Ann Stanley.

- Hi! - How do you do?

Fianc�?

I thought it was about time for me to take the plunge.

Personally, I think it's about time for both of you. Well, congratulations.

You can take it from me, you are getting the very best. I know, right, Peachy?

I mean, he's like wow, if you know what I mean.

Oh, Pete, I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it to your wedding.

Excuse me. So I'll just have to kiss the groom now.

- How do you feel about some fresh air? - What?

Let's get out of here.

- Who was that girl? - Who?

- That girl dressed in Saran Wrap. - Gabriella.

She's a nice kid, a little kinky, but nice.

- Is there something between you? - Yes, you.

I mean, have you slept with her?

A couple of times, yes.

Silly question, "I mean, he's like wow, you know what I mean?"

How can you let something like that get away from you?

- Ann, what's the matter? - I don't know.

It's all a mistake. I mean, we should have gone to Radio City and Rumplemeyer's.

Well, we can still make Rumplemeyer's.

Come on, that's what we both need, a couple of banana splits.

No, not here, not New York.

Pittsburg? If you had your choice of any place in the world to be married,

and you have, where would you choose?

- I think Greece, yes, Greece. - We can be married in Argos.

And we will spend on honeymoon on the same beach where we met.

Complete with fishing spears, sleeping bag, and motorcycle.

Let' have everything the way it was.

You got it! Now that we've settled on where, how about when?

- Next spring. - Next spring?

I was thinking of next week.

Peter, I... I have a business to run, I can't just go rushing off...

- Why not? If I can, you can. - Can you?

- Yes, I'm surrounded by competence. - Huh, all I'm surrounded by is Mrs. Margaret.

Can't she run things?

Yes, she can, but... but she doesn't like the responsibility.

Listen, I'm an expert on labor relations. Paint her office, raise her salary,

and make her vice president, and I promise you, she'll love the responsibility.

- Let's leave Saturday. - Saturday?

That's 3 days away.

Ann, for once, just once, I would love to hear you say, "I can, I will, yes."

Let's leave Saturday.

For the next business...

Oh! Peter! It's beautiful!

Richard Burton couldn't have done better.

Peter, there's something I must tell you.

That day we met in Greece, remember I told you I was 36?

- And then you upped it to 38? - Well, I'm afraid that wasn't quite true either.

- I know, you're 40. - You know?

- Trina told me. - What a big-mouth.

I didn't want to enter into a marriage with any secrets or any lies.

You're perfectly right, so I'll make my confession.

- I'm not really 22. - You're not?

- I'm only 9. - Peter, can't you be serious about anything?

Some things.

Before I put this on, I want you to tell me something.

How do you feel?

I'm happy, very happy.

No doubts, fears, apprehensions, jitters?

My Love, I... I just feel terribly happy.

It's the most beautiful ring in the world.

I don't want you to feel under-dressed when you meet my parents.

I've never been so overwhelmed...

- Your parents? - I called home today to tell 'em the good news.

- I spoke to Dad. - Did you tell him everything?

Everything. I expected him to come flying through the phone, instead

he was all sweetness and light. "If she loves you that's all that matters",

"Lots of best wishes", and all that, I could hardly believe it was my father.

Anyway, they're anxious to meet you and give us their blessings,

so I thought I'd tell 'em to come into town on Saturday and

we can spend a half an hour with them before we leave.

Honey, there's nothing to be nervous about, it's not an audition, you got the job.

No, no, Mrs. Stanley is not available. No, she's leaving for Greece tonight.

Yes, I can help you. This is the vice president speaking.

Oh, yes, surely, we handle suburban rentals. What price did you have in mind?

A hundred and fifty a month. Where?

Greenwich. Well, I don't think you're going to be

able to find anything in Greenwich at that price.

Well, look, Dear, would you be willing to move a little further out of town? Like Cleveland!

- Who was that? - An obscene phone call.

How ya doing?

I can tell you one thing, there's a lot to be said for long engagements.

Do you need all these things?

It's for Trina. Where I'm going I need a cotton dress and a bathing suit,

and I don't really need a bathing suit.

There were some business calls. Mrs. Buchanan wants to give you a shower.

Oh, my God.

Yes, I told her that'd have to wait 'til you got back.

- Mr. Latham called, that 6:30 appointment... - With his parents.

Yes, well, could you be at the hotel at 6:00 instead of 6:30 and go immediately to suite 707.

My God, it's 20 to 6:00 and I look a mess.

Will you be an angel and drop that at my apartment on your way home?

I'll be an angel.

- Don't let Maudy get a hold of them before Trina. - It shall be done.

- How do I look? - Can I be honest?

Can't you be kind?

In all the years I've known you, you have never looked more beautiful than you do right now.

- It's called "love". - I'd like to try it.

But I'm married.

- Mr. Latham. - Mrs. Stanley, please come in.

Let me have your coat.

What a charming hat... don't let my wife see that.

So glad we have this chance to meet before you and Peter take off.

Mrs. Latham will be out in a minute, how about a drink?

Scotch, Vodka, Bourbon, I can ring for anything you haven't got?

A little Scotch would be nice, thank you. Lots of water.

- Christine, Mrs. Stanley's here. - Where's Peter, he's never late.

Well, he'll be here at 6:30.

Oh, but I got a message from him asking me to be here at 6:00.

That message was from me. I thought it would be easier for us

to get acquainted if we could have a few minutes without Peter being here.

I love me son, believe me, but I'm never with him

for more than 5 minutes without hostilities breaking out.

Nothing serious, just the usual war between generations.

- To the bride... and groom. - Thank you.

You know, I think Peter's marrying you will do a lot to help this situation.

How do you mean?

Well, he's marrying into the enemy camp, isn't he?

Marrying someone from our generation, he's bound to realize we're not all bad.

I must say I never thought of it that way. Peter was so

sure you would be violently against this marriage.

Perfect example! The boy anticipates everything negative

about me before I even have a chance to express an opinion.

Knowing some of the flibbertigibbets that Peter hangs around with,

I am DELIGHTFULY surprised to find him choosing a woman of maturity and... and sense.

And courage! Oh, it'd take a great deal of courage for a woman to marry a boy half her age.

Please! You make me sound like Joan of Arc. I love Peter very much.

So much, that courage doesn't enter into it.

- Hello. - Christine, this is Mrs. Stanley.

I am so pleased to meet you. I spoke to Peter this morning

and I've never heard him sound so happy in his life.

I thank you for that, Mrs. Stanley. May I call you Ann?

- Oh, please! - Shall I fix you a drink?

No, thank you, Dear, I'll fix it myself.

My God, you're pretty! I knew Peter had taste, but this time he's outdone himself.

- Isn't Ann pretty, Edgar? - She's beautiful.

Oh, thank you, and I do want to thank you

for coming all the way to New York to meet me.

I must admit I was very nervous about it at first.

You must have felt like something about

to be put under a microscope! Welcome to the family.

Ah! Now I'm sorry we're rushing off so quickly,

I wish we could have had more time together.

- We have the rest of our lives. - Must you rush off tonight?

- Well, yes. - Ed, Dear, they've made their plans.

Plans can always be changed, Dear.

Ann and Peter are going off to Greece tonight and

they're going to be married, I see not reason for them to change their plans.

- Perhaps Ann sees a reason. - Well, Peter is very anxious...

The boy is impulsive, don't you find him impulsive?

He knows what he wants.

That... that reminds me, do you know what you want for your wedding present?

Think of something very special.

The boy thinks he knows what he wants, but, after all, he's only 22.

He voted for the first time in the last election... and wrong.

- Edgar, you promised if... - I never promised anything.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I'm talking about that Ann and Peter are off tonight

and they're going to be married and they'll be no discussion about it.

- Christine, have another drink, and sit down. - This is another drink.

Christine enjoys contradicting me, if I say it's day, she'll say it's night.

It is night.

Yes, Dear, now please be quiet and let me handle this.

Handle this?

Don't start getting defensive, Ann, I'm all for this marriage.

I assured the boy, that whatever made him happy, would make me happy.

Well, that settles that, because Peter certainly is happy.

Yes, he certainly thinks he is.

- And you think he isn't. - Why, I didn't say that, did I.

- You practically did. - Christine, stop contradicting me.

I'm trying to say that a boy his age doesn't always know his own mind.

Mr. Latham, let's go back to "I'm all for this marriage".

I said it and I meant it, I'm for this marriage 100 percent.

Well, let's say 93 percent, I have a few reservations, of course.

Edgar, no one is interested in your reservations except you.

No! I would like to hear what Mr. Latham has to say.

Oh, no you wouldn't.

The... the boy and I have never have been close, exactly,

but I am his father and I am concerned about him.

- I think I will have another drink. - Don't you think you've had enough?

I had enough long ago.

Ann, you must admit that a marriage between a

40 year old woman and a 22 year old boy is unusual.

Yes, but there's nothing unusual about a marriage

between 2 people who love each other.

But because you and the boy have only known each other for a few...

Do you have to keep calling Peter "The Boy"?

- I'm sorry, I didn't realize how it sounded. - Didn't you, Edgar.

You see what I mean about Christine's contradictions.

Don't you think you and Peter should have a little more time together?

- Know each other a little better? - Well, we... we're all ready to leave.

Well, I know, I know, I'm not suggesting that you postpone the trip, but

couldn't you postpone the wedding,

- For how long? - I don't know, an indefinite period.

How long would that be?

Ann, have you thought what it would be like to be married to a 22 year old?

I've...

I've thought about nothing else for weeks.

Then you do have some doubts, some apprehension

of what you're getting yourself into?

- I did have, of course. - But they're all gone now?

Peter knocked them all out of me. I... I wouldn't be going if I...

Edgar, please!

Dear, there's certain things to be said and they must be said now.

I'll get you another.

I can't help wondering who your friends will be.

Yours? Can you... can you imagine you and Peter at a dinner party with your friends?

Don't you think the hostess might feel that Peter

should be in the next room playing with her children?

Edgar!

What about Peter's friends, have you met his friends?

- I've met some of them. - Were you comfortable with them?

- I only met them. - Were they comfortable with you?

I didn't ask.

Some of those kids are damned attractive, you know.

How long do you think it'll be before Peter starts

looking at younger women, he... he will you know, it's only natural, isn't it?

I'm sorry, I must go now.

- Please, wait for Peter to come. - Darling, Ann knows what she's doing.

She knows the basis for any happy marriage is

what 2 people have in common, what they share together.

She and Peter are not at the same stage of development as people.

Now... now you take me and Christine, we're of an age, the same generation.

So are our friends. We... we've been through the same things at the same time.

And that has set the groundwork for a lasting and a happy marriage.

Isn't that true, Dear?

- Christine, isn't that true? - I wouldn't dream of contradicting you.

Why did you do it? Why did you let me come here

thinking that you were really happy about this marriage?

I am happy about it, Ann, if you are.

Are you?

That would be Peter.

Hi, Mom.

How are you, Dad?

Ann? What is it?

Father's been lecturing on the joys of marriage.

- What have you said to her? - I just gave her some solid advice, that's all.

- Advice!?! - Those who can't do, teach.

- I want to go, Peter. - No, wait a minute.

Just wait a minute. How long did it take for you to get her into this state?

I did nothing more than point out the pitfalls and problems that lie ahead for both of you.

That was very thoughtful of you, Dad. Naturally we weren't aware of 'em.

I've got to hand it to you, you sure put it over on me.

I mean, I really believed you when you said you

wanted to come here and meet Ann and give us your blessings.

Well, there is one of your blessings! Proud of yourself?

Don't blame your father, Peter, he didn't say one thing I didn't already know.

I'm not blaming him entirely. You let him strip away every bit

of confidence that's taken me weeks and weeks to build up in you.

- Peter, let me give you some advice. - Oh! More advice!

Who the hell are you to give me or anybody else advice.

You are a failure as a father, you're a failure as a husband.

You don't even make it as a human being.

- Ann! - Peter, I want you to stay here.

Thank you, Sir.

Ann. Ann!

Look, I know he told you a lot of things, but

did he happen to mention I love you more than anything else in the world?

Ann, please believe me, we can make it,

I've never been so sure of anything in my life.

Oh, it isn't going to be easy, I never SAID it would be easy.

We can make it, I know we can.

Ann, please let me talk to you. If you'll listen,

I know I can convince you, I did it before, and I can...

Why are you so willing to listen to him and not to me?

Now you're damned well gonna hear what I have to say to you.

Peter, I can't think straight, maybe you're right,

maybe your father's right, maybe we're all wrong.

And until I know, I... I can't go through with it, Peter.

Okay, but I'm not going to fight this anymore, I'm going to be on that plane at 9 o'clock.

You're going to have to work this out by yourself.

You know, you're still a silly, helpless woman,

and you don't know anything about cars or anything else.

- That's a guest list that's over 200. - Who are they, Maud?

- They are 2 of my DEAREST friends. - But it's NOT YOUR wedding.

Ann, Dear, will you please tell Trina that Mrs. Bigelow

and Mrs. Randall must be invited to their wedding.

Mom, you better get a move-on if you're gonna catch that 9 o'clock plane.

You know you've only got a... Mom?

Hey!

Mom!

Let me go, Dear.

Ann, Dear, please let me in.

I can't talk now, Mother, please.

I don't believe it, I don't believe Mummy walked out on him.

It's the first time I've ever seen her really in love.

Peter could not have possibly walked out on her... he's a Hoenhouser.

You mean he doesn't like girls?

No, Darling, it's a family name.

Hiya, Sugar, here I am, and here's the Moo Goo Gai Pan.

- Hello, Dad. - Take a whiff of that.

- Mao Tse Tung never had it so good. - I'm not very hungry.

Huh? Hi!

Whew, don't tell me I have the wrong night again!

Didn't we say Saturday night, I bring Chinese food... do you want Italian?

Suppose I go out and come in again.

Hello, Folks, this is Billy Boylan, coming to you live and direct from

the Chinese Restaurant on the Corner, bringing you everybody's favorite Moo Goo...

- Something's wrong. - It's Ann.

Ann, what's Ann, she's on her way to Greece.

- They're not. - You're kidding?

- Turns out he's a Homo Houser or something. - J.D., please.

Where is she?

She's locked herself in her room and she won't speak to anyone.

Annie?

Annie?

Annie?

Annie?

Hey, Anoushka, it's the ex-Mr. Right.

Billy, I've never been so happy to see anybody in my life.

- The answer is "Yes". - Oh, great, wonderful, what did I ask?

A few days ago you said you hoped we could be together again.

- I'm saying, "Yes". - No.

- You don't want to marry me. - Of course I do.

But you'd like to marry me like you'd like to pitch for the Pittsburg Pirates.

Oh, Annie, you know I'd do anything in the world for you, but this isn't what you want.

Tell me, wha... what happened?

- Nothing. - What happened?!!

Nothing, I'm... I'm just not as in love with Peter as I thought I was.

- You're a liar. - I know.

- How does he feel about you? - He loves me.

He adores me, he... he worships me.

You love him, he loves you, what is this, grounds for divorce?

What kind of life can we have, what could we hope for?

Will he be comfortable with my friends? Could I fit in with the kids he hangs around with?

Your friends will take their cue from you!

If you're uptight about it, they'll be uptight, if you're cool they'll be cool.

People are... they're like sheep, they're just waiting for you to lead them.

That argument doesn't make sense, doesn't stand up, doesn't hold water.

Next?

How long do you think it will be before he starts looking at younger women?

He will you know, it's only natural.

Never! Not that kid! He may start looking at older women, but never younger.

So, what else?

Billy, I'm 40 years old and he is 22!

Ah! Now we have come to the square root of your problem... NUMBERS!

You are hung-up on numbers!

13 and 83, 57 and 9, 38 and a half, what are they? NUMBERS!

You are hung-up on number 40 and number 22... just numbers.

But put them together and they add up to something.

And that "something" is what you've been looking for all your life.

- Oh, in your mind everything is so simple. - Yeah, that's because I'm simple minded.

Statistics proves simple minded people are the happiest people in the world.

Oh, Annie, stop thinking so much, come on, start feeling!

That's always been your trouble...

I've never seen you really, I mean really feel anything before Peter Latham came into your life.

Billy, I want you to sit down and look me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth.

Picture me with Peter for the rest of my life...

Now, be honest, what do you see?

I got a better idea...

Picture yourself without Peter for the rest of your life.

Now, be honest, what do YOU see?

Oh, my God, what time is it?

- 10 past 9:00. - Oh, no! The plane left at 9;00.

Well, no, there's a 10:45 to Rome, from Rome we can get a flight to Athens.

Well, c'mon, will ya, I'll take you to the airport.

Kennedy Airport, international, please.

But how will I find him? Suppose I can't find him?

Ya didn't have any trouble before!

Thank you.

Billy, do you know that you're the dearest man in the world?

Now she tells me.