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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,535 --> 00:00:06,535 This programme contains some strong language 2 00:00:11,271 --> 00:00:11,271 # Some people seem so obsessed with the morning 3 00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:15,532 # Get up early just to watch the sun rise 4 00:00:20,615 --> 00:00:20,615 # Some people like it more when there's fire in the sky 5 00:00:25,012 --> 00:00:25,012 # Worship the sun when it's high 6 00:00:29,812 --> 00:00:29,812 # Some people go for those sultry evenings 7 00:00:33,543 --> 00:00:33,543 # Sipping cocktails in the blue, red and grey 8 00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:37,703 # But I like every minute of the day 9 00:00:47,572 --> 00:00:47,572 # I like every second, so long as you are on my mind 10 00:00:57,292 --> 00:00:57,292 # Every moment has its special charm 11 00:01:00,295 --> 00:01:00,295 # It's all right when you're around, rain or shine 12 00:01:07,492 --> 00:01:07,492 # The people on the hill, they say I'm lazy 13 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:11,332 # But when they sleep, I sing and dance 14 00:01:16,423 --> 00:01:16,423 # Some people have to have the sultry evenings 15 00:01:20,135 --> 00:01:20,135 # Cocktails in the blue, red and grey 16 00:01:24,231 --> 00:01:24,231 # But I like every minute of the day... # 17 00:01:28,012 --> 00:01:28,012 AIR WHISTLES 18 00:01:29,812 --> 00:01:29,812 EXPLOSION 19 00:01:44,263 --> 00:01:44,263 SIRENS WAIL 20 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:46,439 DISTANT CONVERSATION 21 00:01:57,292 --> 00:01:57,292 What did I tell you about air raids not killing people? 22 00:02:00,071 --> 00:02:00,071 My bed simply went through the floor, 23 00:02:02,375 --> 00:02:02,375 and Plon-Plon and I went on it. 24 00:02:04,372 --> 00:02:04,372 Perfectly comfortable! 25 00:02:07,175 --> 00:02:07,175 Linda Radlett was not only my favourite cousin... 26 00:02:12,487 --> 00:02:12,487 ..but then, and for many years, my favourite human being. 27 00:02:25,799 --> 00:02:25,799 Don't pity me, Fanny. 28 00:02:31,559 --> 00:02:31,559 I've had five months of perfect and unalloyed happiness. 29 00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:37,767 Very few people can say that in the course of long lives, I imagine. 30 00:02:41,332 --> 00:02:41,332 Very few. 31 00:02:44,935 --> 00:02:44,935 As we turned down the drive at Alconleigh, 32 00:02:47,623 --> 00:02:47,623 I asked myself if Linda's five months of perfect happiness 33 00:02:51,412 --> 00:02:51,412 were quite worth all the chaos and confusion of the other 29 years. 34 00:02:56,647 --> 00:02:56,647 But I often thought about things like that with Linda. 35 00:03:01,852 --> 00:03:01,852 It always feels like Christmas, coming home. 36 00:03:06,695 --> 00:03:06,695 I know. 37 00:03:10,663 --> 00:03:10,663 Ever since I was a small child, 38 00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:12,839 I was sent to spend the Christmas holidays with Linda 39 00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:15,655 in a large, ugly, north-facing house high on a hill in Oxfordshire. 40 00:03:22,311 --> 00:03:22,311 Most of these Christmases were marked with violence. 41 00:03:26,812 --> 00:03:26,812 There was the time Linda's pony lay on her in the brook 42 00:03:29,415 --> 00:03:29,415 and nearly drowned her. 43 00:03:31,852 --> 00:03:31,852 The time she tried to kill herself in an attempt to rejoin 44 00:03:34,983 --> 00:03:34,983 a smelly old Border terrier which Uncle Matthew had put down. 45 00:03:39,463 --> 00:03:39,463 The time she decided to tell 46 00:03:41,452 --> 00:03:41,452 the daughters of some neighbours the facts of life... 47 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:45,223 ..resulting in dreadful beatings from Uncle Matthew... 48 00:03:50,343 --> 00:03:50,343 ..and luncheon alone for two whole weeks. 49 00:03:55,015 --> 00:03:55,015 Linda hated to be alone. 50 00:03:58,919 --> 00:03:58,919 She was a wild and nervous creature, 51 00:04:01,252 --> 00:04:01,252 full of passion and longing. 52 00:04:16,135 --> 00:04:16,135 But of all the Christmases, 53 00:04:18,247 --> 00:04:18,247 the Christmas I remember the most was when we were 17, 54 00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:22,023 and Linda decided that her life had to begin. 55 00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:05,351 CHILDREN CHATTER 56 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:09,575 No, you can't give the dog a cake before you give me a piece! 57 00:05:12,652 --> 00:05:12,652 That's not fair! 58 00:05:14,092 --> 00:05:14,092 I stumbled into the hall and found Linda's mother, 59 00:05:16,679 --> 00:05:16,679 my Aunt Sadie, and the children having tea as they always did, 60 00:05:19,943 --> 00:05:19,943 in front of the fireplace, over which hung, as it always had, 61 00:05:23,015 --> 00:05:23,015 the entrenching tool Uncle Matthew had used 62 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:24,892 to whack to death eight Germans as they crawled out of a dugout in 1915. 63 00:05:31,527 --> 00:05:31,527 Linda's father, my Uncle Matthew, 64 00:05:33,652 --> 00:05:33,652 knew no middle course. 65 00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:34,732 He either loved or he hated, 66 00:05:37,415 --> 00:05:37,415 and, generally, it must be said, he hated. 67 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:40,423 I hate Huns, Frogs, Americans, Catholics 68 00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:44,519 and all other foreigners, but above all, I hate children! 69 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:48,807 He had four beautiful bloodhounds, 70 00:05:51,239 --> 00:05:51,239 with which, every Christmas, 71 00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:52,647 he would hunt his children, and a pair of stock whips 72 00:05:55,399 --> 00:05:55,399 he cracked on the lawn every morning at dawn. 73 00:05:58,132 --> 00:05:58,132 Had the Radletts been poor, 74 00:06:00,135 --> 00:06:00,135 he no doubt would have been sent to prison for beating 75 00:06:02,823 --> 00:06:02,823 and refusing to educate them. 76 00:06:05,895 --> 00:06:05,895 Uncle Matthew loathed educated females... 77 00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:09,543 ..particularly me. 78 00:06:13,492 --> 00:06:13,492 CHILDREN:Fanny! 79 00:06:16,012 --> 00:06:16,012 Fanny!You're here! 80 00:06:18,439 --> 00:06:18,439 Fanny, welcome. You must be exhausted. 81 00:06:21,652 --> 00:06:21,652 Come and have a cup of tea. How was your journey? 82 00:06:23,815 --> 00:06:23,815 Come and sit in Jassy's chair. 83 00:06:25,612 --> 00:06:25,612 As always, Linda was the most pleased to see me, 84 00:06:28,252 --> 00:06:28,252 but determined not to show it. 85 00:06:29,452 --> 00:06:29,452 Linda? 86 00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:31,047 Fanny's here. 87 00:06:32,455 --> 00:06:32,455 Would you like a cup of tea? 88 00:06:34,252 --> 00:06:34,252 Yes, please. 89 00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:40,199 Hello. 90 00:06:43,527 --> 00:06:43,527 Where's your mouse? 91 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:45,447 Oh, she got a sore back and died. 92 00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:48,455 Had you been riding it? 93 00:06:50,332 --> 00:06:50,332 Nobody cried so much or so often as Linda. 94 00:06:53,452 --> 00:06:53,452 That's how they always die. It's some sort of urinary disease. 95 00:06:56,092 --> 00:06:56,092 Anything, but especially anything about animals, would set her off. 96 00:07:02,343 --> 00:07:02,343 Her emotions were on no ordinary plane. 97 00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:05,159 She loved or she loathed. 98 00:07:07,207 --> 00:07:07,207 She laughed or she cried. 99 00:07:08,935 --> 00:07:08,935 She lived in a world of superlatives. 100 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:18,292 Linda was the chairman of a secret club called the Hons Society. 101 00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:22,567 Its headquarters was a linen cupboard at the top of the house. 102 00:07:26,092 --> 00:07:26,092 Six.OK. 103 00:07:27,532 --> 00:07:27,532 That's great. 104 00:07:28,903 --> 00:07:28,903 Three-quarters. Well done. 105 00:07:30,892 --> 00:07:30,892 The dead mouse was quickly forgotten. 106 00:07:32,999 --> 00:07:32,999 Even smaller than last year. 107 00:07:34,732 --> 00:07:34,732 Your hair's got long.Neck, tummy. 108 00:07:37,671 --> 00:07:37,671 One... 109 00:07:40,103 --> 00:07:40,103 Seven and a third. 110 00:07:42,727 --> 00:07:42,727 So I win on arms, eyes, waist, ankles, 111 00:07:46,439 --> 00:07:46,439 and you win on bust. Hmm. I hate bust. 112 00:07:49,447 --> 00:07:49,447 Farmers love busts! 113 00:07:52,327 --> 00:07:52,327 Linda and I were both in love with people we had never met, 114 00:07:55,372 --> 00:07:55,372 I with a fat, red-faced 115 00:07:57,292 --> 00:07:57,292 middle-aged farmer I sometimes saw 116 00:07:58,983 --> 00:07:58,983 riding through the village, 117 00:08:00,839 --> 00:08:00,839 and Linda with the Prince of Wales. 118 00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:03,655 Why can't your prince and my farmer 119 00:08:06,087 --> 00:08:06,087 be invited to Louisa's ball? 120 00:08:07,495 --> 00:08:07,495 Because Matthew won't let anyone fanciable 121 00:08:10,311 --> 00:08:10,311 within 50 miles of the house. 122 00:08:12,103 --> 00:08:12,103 A coming-out ball was planned that Christmas 123 00:08:14,215 --> 00:08:14,215 for Linda's older sister, Louisa. 124 00:08:15,815 --> 00:08:15,815 We're trapped! 125 00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:17,095 Our only hope is the Prince breaking down in his motor car. 126 00:08:20,487 --> 00:08:20,487 LOW-PITCHED:"Pray, who is that beautiful young lady? 127 00:08:25,415 --> 00:08:25,415 "I wish to marry her." 128 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:26,631 LOW-PITCHED: "Well, you can't! She's here under lock and key! 129 00:08:29,511 --> 00:08:29,511 "I killed 15 Germans with an entrenching tool! 130 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:31,879 "I can certainly kill you!" 131 00:08:33,415 --> 00:08:33,415 "He must have your daughter, sir. 132 00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:34,972 "His happiness depends on it, and subsequently, 133 00:08:37,319 --> 00:08:37,319 "so does the happiness of England." 134 00:08:41,452 --> 00:08:41,452 Even then, Linda's fantasies were altogether more ambitious 135 00:08:44,295 --> 00:08:44,295 and dangerous than mine. KNOCK ON DOOR 136 00:08:46,535 --> 00:08:46,535 I want to sit next to Fanny! 137 00:08:48,327 --> 00:08:48,327 Oh, you took your time! 138 00:08:49,991 --> 00:08:49,991 This better be good, Linda.It is. 139 00:08:51,911 --> 00:08:51,911 It's so hot in here. Talk about back to the womb! 140 00:08:54,412 --> 00:08:54,412 It's more welcoming than my mother's womb, I imagine. 141 00:08:56,967 --> 00:08:56,967 Fanny, it is unfair that you have wicked parents and not me. 142 00:08:59,335 --> 00:08:59,335 So you aspire to being wicked and adulterous, do you, Linda? 143 00:09:02,215 --> 00:09:02,215 No. I aspire to true love. 144 00:09:04,135 --> 00:09:04,135 The kind of which only comes once in a lifetime and lasts for ever. 145 00:09:07,015 --> 00:09:07,015 LINDA CLEARS HER THROAT 146 00:09:09,703 --> 00:09:09,703 The news I have for the Hons today, while of considerable Hon interest, 147 00:09:12,967 --> 00:09:12,967 generally particularly concerns... 148 00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:16,167 ..Fanny!Oh! 149 00:09:19,623 --> 00:09:19,623 Aunt Emily is engaged. 150 00:09:22,252 --> 00:09:22,252 COUSINS GASP AND GIGGLE 151 00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:24,103 No, Linda, you're making it up. 152 00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:26,023 I found proof. "My dear sister Sadie... 153 00:09:30,532 --> 00:09:30,532 "..not to tell the children we're engaged. 154 00:09:33,575 --> 00:09:33,575 "The captain and I will arrive late on Christmas Eve 155 00:09:36,652 --> 00:09:36,652 "and stay in time for Louisa's party, of course. 156 00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:39,143 "All love from Emily." 157 00:09:41,452 --> 00:09:41,452 Why would she want to get married, anyway? 158 00:09:43,303 --> 00:09:43,303 She can't love him. 159 00:09:44,647 --> 00:09:44,647 He's 40.He must be ancient. 160 00:09:47,015 --> 00:09:47,015 Maybe he'll fall in love with Fanny. 161 00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:48,892 Aunt Emily had brought me up ever since I was a baby. 162 00:09:52,263 --> 00:09:52,263 It had always been just her and me. 163 00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:55,399 Aunt Sadie had two sisters - 164 00:09:58,023 --> 00:09:58,023 my mother and Aunt Emily. 165 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:00,199 At the age of 19, my mother, 166 00:10:02,951 --> 00:10:02,951 feeling herself too beautiful and gay to be 167 00:10:05,575 --> 00:10:05,575 burdened with a baby, left my father for another man, 168 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:07,815 and gave me to Aunt Emily to bring up. 169 00:10:14,092 --> 00:10:14,092 Goodbye, darling! 170 00:10:15,431 --> 00:10:15,431 My impetuous mother subsequently ran away so often 171 00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:17,735 and with so many different men 172 00:10:19,612 --> 00:10:19,612 that she became known to her family and friends as "The Bolter". 173 00:10:27,207 --> 00:10:27,207 There you are, darling... 174 00:10:28,871 --> 00:10:28,871 Occasionally she would reappear like a meteor, 175 00:10:31,303 --> 00:10:31,303 showering me with her extravagance, 176 00:10:33,607 --> 00:10:33,607 and I would long to be caught up in her fiery trails 177 00:10:36,359 --> 00:10:36,359 and be carried away... 178 00:10:39,687 --> 00:10:39,687 ...but she would always vanish off again to a new man. 179 00:10:52,615 --> 00:10:52,615 And in my heart, I knew how lucky I was 180 00:10:55,303 --> 00:10:55,303 to have safe, reliable, kind Aunt Emily. 181 00:11:20,711 --> 00:11:20,711 Come on, Fanny! 182 00:11:21,927 --> 00:11:21,927 Get dressed, lazybones! 183 00:11:31,655 --> 00:11:31,655 The Radletts loved animals, 184 00:11:33,895 --> 00:11:33,895 but more than anything in the world, 185 00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:36,172 they loved to hunt foxes. HUNTING HORN BLARES 186 00:11:38,887 --> 00:11:38,887 All away! 187 00:11:44,007 --> 00:11:44,007 LINDA LAUGHS 188 00:12:10,759 --> 00:12:10,759 Oh! 189 00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:20,295 Where is her Ladyship, your mother, hunting this Christmas? 190 00:12:24,532 --> 00:12:24,532 She's in Paris, Josh. 191 00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:26,332 No human being like her Ladyship I ever saw on a horse. 192 00:12:29,575 --> 00:12:29,575 And look at you. 193 00:12:31,175 --> 00:12:31,175 Jostling about in that saddle. 194 00:12:33,223 --> 00:12:33,223 Miss Linda takes after her Ladyship, your mother, something wonderful. 195 00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:37,639 Why is that good? 196 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:39,175 Isn't my mother supposed to be wicked, Josh? 197 00:12:44,812 --> 00:12:44,812 BOTH:Here's Fanny! 198 00:12:48,292 --> 00:12:48,292 Darling, may I introduce you to Captain Warbeck? 199 00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:50,932 Please only ever call me Davey. 200 00:12:54,412 --> 00:12:54,412 He looked different with his clothes on. 201 00:12:56,967 --> 00:12:56,967 You must find it a terrible joke, old people like us getting married. 202 00:13:04,903 --> 00:13:04,903 No, of course not. 203 00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:12,775 Captain David Warbeck. 204 00:13:17,383 --> 00:13:17,383 He doesn't look much like a military man. 205 00:13:19,303 --> 00:13:19,303 Or a marrying one, for that matter. 206 00:13:21,772 --> 00:13:21,772 Can't see him killing any Germans with an entrenching tool. 207 00:13:24,892 --> 00:13:24,892 Hm. 208 00:13:30,183 --> 00:13:30,183 Ah... 209 00:13:31,399 --> 00:13:31,399 WATER SPLASHES Ooh. 210 00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:34,407 Matthew is frightening, and I disapprove of him so, 211 00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:38,695 but in a way I feel he sets the bar for English manhood. 212 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:44,519 Don't be sad. 213 00:13:46,183 --> 00:13:46,183 Yeah, but it's always been just me and Emily. 214 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:48,679 You'll always have boring old me! 215 00:13:59,367 --> 00:13:59,367 Did you know that ducks can only copulate in running water? 216 00:14:04,852 --> 00:14:04,852 No. 217 00:14:06,087 --> 00:14:06,087 Good luck to them. 218 00:14:07,879 --> 00:14:07,879 WHISPERS: Aunt Emily copulated last night. 219 00:14:11,143 --> 00:14:11,143 They were all twisted around each other 220 00:14:13,612 --> 00:14:13,612 when I went in there this morning. 221 00:14:15,052 --> 00:14:15,052 Really?! 222 00:14:17,692 --> 00:14:17,692 Oh, God! How? Show me! Show me how! 223 00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:21,703 You're sex obsessed. I know, it's true. 224 00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:24,327 I masturbate every time I think about Lady Jane Grey. 225 00:14:28,012 --> 00:14:28,012 And I think about her all the time! 226 00:14:30,023 --> 00:14:30,023 FANNY SHRIEKS Fanny! 227 00:14:32,647 --> 00:14:32,647 BOTH LAUGH 228 00:14:34,439 --> 00:14:34,439 HE GUFFAWS 229 00:14:36,423 --> 00:14:36,423 Davey! You are a clever cove! 230 00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:40,583 He says these Charles II salt-shakers 231 00:14:43,207 --> 00:14:43,207 we thought we'd had in the family for 300 years 232 00:14:45,447 --> 00:14:45,447 are really Georgian imitations, not valuable at all! 233 00:14:48,071 --> 00:14:48,071 HE BANGS ON TABLE 234 00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:51,591 Children, you are so lucky 235 00:14:54,292 --> 00:14:54,292 to be related to this extraordinary fellow. 236 00:14:57,223 --> 00:14:57,223 Yes, he's a terrific Hon. 237 00:15:00,295 --> 00:15:00,295 Oh, um, well, we have a Hons Society. 238 00:15:03,815 --> 00:15:03,815 If you're a member, you're honourable, 239 00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:06,652 and our enemies are Counter Hons. 240 00:15:08,487 --> 00:15:08,487 I'm honoured to be a Hon! 241 00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:12,007 Davey, maybe you can influence Emily on the subject of female education. 242 00:15:17,255 --> 00:15:17,255 It's done Fanny absolutely no good whatsoever, as far as I can tell. 243 00:15:21,223 --> 00:15:21,223 She's picked up some dreadful expressions 244 00:15:23,015 --> 00:15:23,015 from that school of hers. 245 00:15:24,359 --> 00:15:24,359 Very likely she did. 246 00:15:25,767 --> 00:15:25,767 Awful words like "mantelpiece" and "notepaper" 247 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:29,095 keep coming out of her mouth, and her poor husband, 248 00:15:31,527 --> 00:15:31,527 if she ever gets one... 249 00:15:33,447 --> 00:15:33,447 A lot of men would find it more irritating 250 00:15:35,239 --> 00:15:35,239 to have a wife who'd never heard of George III, 251 00:15:37,735 --> 00:15:37,735 or been allowed off their family premises to pursue 252 00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:40,423 any sort of normal life. 253 00:15:42,343 --> 00:15:42,343 They have absolutely everything they will ever need here! 254 00:15:45,415 --> 00:15:45,415 Church, stables, tennis court. 255 00:15:47,463 --> 00:15:47,463 Why would they ever want to leave? 256 00:15:49,767 --> 00:15:49,767 You don't have to go to some awful middle-class establishment 257 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:52,519 to learn who George III was. 258 00:15:54,652 --> 00:15:54,652 Anyway, who was he, Fanny?Hmm? 259 00:16:01,927 --> 00:16:01,927 He was King. 260 00:16:04,871 --> 00:16:04,871 And he went mad and... 261 00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:11,271 Most illuminating. 262 00:16:13,383 --> 00:16:13,383 Well worth losing every ounce of feminine charm 263 00:16:16,199 --> 00:16:16,199 to learn that, I must say, Fanny. 264 00:16:18,892 --> 00:16:18,892 Thighs like gateposts from playing hockey, 265 00:16:21,127 --> 00:16:21,127 and the worst seat on a horse of any woman I've ever seen. 266 00:16:23,815 --> 00:16:23,815 Linda, you're uneducated, thank God. 267 00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:27,412 What do you have to say about George III? 268 00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:31,623 Well, he was the son of poor Fred and... 269 00:16:35,572 --> 00:16:35,572 ..oh, he was the father of Beau Brummell's fat friend. 270 00:16:38,092 --> 00:16:38,092 Oh, and he was one of those vacillators, you know? 271 00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:41,932 I am his Highness's dog at Kew 272 00:16:44,743 --> 00:16:44,743 Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you? 273 00:16:46,919 --> 00:16:46,919 Ooh! How sweet! 274 00:16:50,823 --> 00:16:50,823 Oh... No, and Fanny doesn't have thighs like gateposts. 275 00:16:53,895 --> 00:16:53,895 Her thighs are perfect. 276 00:17:00,295 --> 00:17:00,295 I'd like to go to school. 277 00:17:02,092 --> 00:17:02,092 Oh, do shut up! 278 00:17:06,439 --> 00:17:06,439 Matthew's trapped his daughters here. 279 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:09,319 They manage to bridge gulfs of ignorance 280 00:17:11,815 --> 00:17:11,815 with charm and high spirits 281 00:17:14,092 --> 00:17:14,092 and odds and ends of knowledge they've picked up. 282 00:17:17,383 --> 00:17:17,383 You're better off not being like Linda. 283 00:17:20,263 --> 00:17:20,263 She lacks all discipline. 284 00:17:22,695 --> 00:17:22,695 Could easily come to nothing. 285 00:17:25,511 --> 00:17:25,511 She does remind me of The Bolter. 286 00:17:28,372 --> 00:17:28,372 I don't want her to come to nothing. 287 00:17:32,332 --> 00:17:32,332 No. 288 00:17:33,703 --> 00:17:33,703 WOMAN SINGS ARIA 289 00:17:35,572 --> 00:17:35,572 DISTANT CRACK 290 00:17:38,247 --> 00:17:38,247 CRACKING CONTINUES 291 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:41,959 HE SINGS ALONG TO ARIA 292 00:17:54,892 --> 00:17:54,892 ARIA CONTINUES 293 00:17:57,191 --> 00:17:57,191 HE SINGS ALONG 294 00:18:08,135 --> 00:18:08,135 ARIA REACHES CRESCENDO 295 00:18:10,183 --> 00:18:10,183 HE SINGS ALONG TUNELESSLY 296 00:18:12,652 --> 00:18:12,652 MUSIC CONTINUES 297 00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:14,855 WHIP CRACKS 298 00:18:24,455 --> 00:18:24,455 LINDA LAUGHS 299 00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:27,847 FANNY WHIMPERS 300 00:18:32,692 --> 00:18:32,692 Please don't bolt. Don't ever leave me. 301 00:18:35,399 --> 00:18:35,399 Why would I bolt when I'm going to marry the Prince of Wales? 302 00:18:38,663 --> 00:18:38,663 And have a train 40 feet long. 303 00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:42,055 12 bridesmaids. 304 00:18:43,911 --> 00:18:43,911 And you'll be the chief one. 305 00:18:45,772 --> 00:18:45,772 What happens then? 306 00:18:47,495 --> 00:18:47,495 You'll be happily ever after, and what about me? 307 00:18:49,863 --> 00:18:49,863 You'll be with me. 308 00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:53,383 Chatting and having baths, like always, 309 00:18:56,263 --> 00:18:56,263 and being wise and clever and funny and kind 310 00:18:59,975 --> 00:18:59,975 and the best thing there is, 311 00:19:02,023 --> 00:19:02,023 because you know I'm lost without you. 312 00:19:06,183 --> 00:19:06,183 What if you die? 313 00:19:07,852 --> 00:19:07,852 I won't die! 314 00:19:10,372 --> 00:19:10,372 I'm not that sort of person. 315 00:19:17,127 --> 00:19:17,127 Darling Linda, 316 00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:19,495 I'm going to drag you out of this place for ever 317 00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:22,311 and copulate with you in running water like a divine duck, 318 00:19:25,703 --> 00:19:25,703 and my goodness, how you'll live! 319 00:19:28,391 --> 00:19:28,391 We don't want strangers here, anyway, stinking the place up. 320 00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:32,103 Well, you'll have to do something, 321 00:19:33,831 --> 00:19:33,831 or there'll be no men at all at your oldest daughter's coming-out ball. 322 00:19:36,967 --> 00:19:36,967 Oh, shut up! There's Josh the groom! 323 00:19:39,207 --> 00:19:39,207 And I've plenty of friends in the House of Lords 324 00:19:41,212 --> 00:19:41,212 who'll be happy to come if I promise them a shoot. 325 00:19:44,263 --> 00:19:44,263 RECORD PLAYS 326 00:19:47,932 --> 00:19:47,932 Despite his suspicion of strangers, 327 00:19:50,215 --> 00:19:50,215 Uncle Matthew couldn't do anything to stop 328 00:19:52,612 --> 00:19:52,612 the day of Louisa's ball arriving. 329 00:19:53,991 --> 00:19:53,991 LOUISA CLEARS HER THROAT 330 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:08,007 As promised, Louisa's dance partners 331 00:20:10,503 --> 00:20:10,503 were Uncle Matthew's friends from the House of Lords... 332 00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:19,335 ..and Josh the groom. 333 00:20:24,652 --> 00:20:24,652 Ow! 334 00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:25,671 Oh, so sorry. Oh, no, no, it's fine. 335 00:20:27,532 --> 00:20:27,532 QUIET CONVERSATION 336 00:20:29,383 --> 00:20:29,383 FOOTSTEPS THUD 337 00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:36,487 You're very patient. 338 00:20:37,972 --> 00:20:37,972 Thank you. 339 00:20:45,191 --> 00:20:45,191 SHE YAWNS 340 00:20:48,903 --> 00:20:48,903 All so small and ugly. 341 00:20:52,295 --> 00:20:52,295 Old and ugly! 342 00:21:04,135 --> 00:21:04,135 The evening was saved from utter disillusionment by a late arrival... 343 00:21:11,452 --> 00:21:11,452 ..Alconleigh's nearest neighbour. 344 00:21:14,092 --> 00:21:14,092 # Pawn of none 345 00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:16,492 # Born with steel reins on the heart 346 00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:20,647 # Of the sun... # 347 00:21:22,612 --> 00:21:22,612 Lord Merlin was an artist, a musician 348 00:21:26,663 --> 00:21:26,663 and a patron of all the young. 349 00:21:28,647 --> 00:21:28,647 # Exalted companion of cocaine nights 350 00:21:33,772 --> 00:21:33,772 # Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld 351 00:21:37,799 --> 00:21:37,799 # Dandy in the Underworld... # 352 00:21:41,895 --> 00:21:41,895 What a set! 353 00:21:45,735 --> 00:21:45,735 It was rumoured he had two black whippets 354 00:21:47,847 --> 00:21:47,847 who wore diamond necklaces, and a playhouse in the garden 355 00:21:51,175 --> 00:21:51,175 where he put on such extravagances as Dada plays from Paris 356 00:21:54,532 --> 00:21:54,532 and jazz poetry from Harlem. 357 00:21:59,047 --> 00:21:59,047 Uncle Matthew loathed him. 358 00:22:02,631 --> 00:22:02,631 There's a man carrying a comb! 359 00:22:06,772 --> 00:22:06,772 Davey! 360 00:22:08,263 --> 00:22:08,263 # To destruction he fell 361 00:22:10,732 --> 00:22:10,732 # Now he forever stalks the ancient mansions of hell 362 00:22:16,199 --> 00:22:16,199 # Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld 363 00:22:20,231 --> 00:22:20,231 # Dandy in the Underworld 364 00:22:23,111 --> 00:22:23,111 # When will he come up for air? # 365 00:22:27,207 --> 00:22:27,207 I can introduce you, if you like. 366 00:22:29,575 --> 00:22:29,575 No, Davey. 367 00:22:31,623 --> 00:22:31,623 Our dresses are too bad. 368 00:22:35,692 --> 00:22:35,692 # Sha-la shoo-be-doo 369 00:22:38,343 --> 00:22:38,343 # Sha-la shoo-be-doo 370 00:22:41,479 --> 00:22:41,479 # Sha-la shoo-be-doo, ahh! # 371 00:22:44,812 --> 00:22:44,812 I'm going to the cupboard. 372 00:22:46,855 --> 00:22:46,855 Yes, me too. 373 00:22:48,135 --> 00:22:48,135 # Sha-la shoo-be-doo 374 00:22:50,503 --> 00:22:50,503 # Sha-la shoo-be-doo 375 00:22:53,383 --> 00:22:53,383 # Sha-la shoo-be-doo, ahh! 376 00:22:58,612 --> 00:22:58,612 # Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld 377 00:23:02,092 --> 00:23:02,092 # Dandy in the Underworld 378 00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:05,351 # When will he come up for air? 379 00:23:09,772 --> 00:23:09,772 # Oh, will anybody ever care? 380 00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:16,295 # Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld 381 00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:20,007 # Dandy in the Underworld... # 382 00:23:38,183 --> 00:23:38,183 I'm officially renouncing His Royal Highness. 383 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:41,212 From now on I will devote myself 384 00:23:42,892 --> 00:23:42,892 to being one of those bright young things of Merlin's. 385 00:23:46,823 --> 00:23:46,823 Merlin's friends are more in my mother's...orbit. 386 00:23:51,052 --> 00:23:51,052 Oh, they're so beautiful and sophisticated. 387 00:23:57,772 --> 00:23:57,772 Don't you just... SHE KISSES 388 00:24:00,199 --> 00:24:00,199 ..ache for life to be exciting, like this? 389 00:24:03,532 --> 00:24:03,532 Hm. I think I'd like to observe exciting things. 390 00:24:07,132 --> 00:24:07,132 LINDA SIGHS 391 00:24:08,332 --> 00:24:08,332 If only there were exciting things! 392 00:24:10,759 --> 00:24:10,759 You! 393 00:24:11,783 --> 00:24:11,783 You're an exciting thing! 394 00:24:14,407 --> 00:24:14,407 LINDA LAUGHS You are! 395 00:24:18,772 --> 00:24:18,772 We are. 396 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:23,879 SHE KISSES 397 00:24:25,799 --> 00:24:25,799 We do everything together. 398 00:24:30,412 --> 00:24:30,412 I'd be lost without you. 399 00:24:38,599 --> 00:24:38,599 But the brief appearance of Lord Merlin's house party 400 00:24:41,543 --> 00:24:41,543 only made the walls of Linda's fortress appear higher than ever. 401 00:24:45,532 --> 00:24:45,532 She became paralysed in her longing for life and love, 402 00:24:48,967 --> 00:24:48,967 and all she could do was lie about waiting for it. 403 00:24:52,423 --> 00:24:52,423 CLOCK TICKS 404 00:24:55,815 --> 00:24:55,815 What's the time, darling?Guess. 405 00:24:58,055 --> 00:24:58,055 Quarter to six.Better than that. 406 00:25:00,772 --> 00:25:00,772 Six.Not quite so good. 407 00:25:02,663 --> 00:25:02,663 Five to.Yes! 408 00:25:04,263 --> 00:25:04,263 It's forever until we come out! 409 00:25:07,852 --> 00:25:07,852 I can't live that long! 410 00:25:09,772 --> 00:25:09,772 "As long as she thinks of a man, 411 00:25:12,135 --> 00:25:12,135 "nobody objects to a woman thinking." 412 00:25:13,972 --> 00:25:13,972 That's what Virginia Woolf has to say. 413 00:25:16,423 --> 00:25:16,423 Well, then, no-one will object, cos I only think about men. 414 00:25:19,012 --> 00:25:19,012 Maybe that's because you haven't been educated properly. 415 00:25:21,415 --> 00:25:21,415 Or maybe it's because everything else is boring! 416 00:25:23,812 --> 00:25:23,812 What is it you actually want? 417 00:25:26,092 --> 00:25:26,092 SHE SIGHS I want to escape! 418 00:25:30,412 --> 00:25:30,412 And have fun and wear high heels and go to the cinema 419 00:25:36,071 --> 00:25:36,071 and have sex and be adored by a man and be in love! 420 00:25:40,935 --> 00:25:40,935 What do you want? 421 00:25:48,772 --> 00:25:48,772 Is life only about love? 422 00:25:51,431 --> 00:25:51,431 Oh.Yes! 423 00:25:59,815 --> 00:25:59,815 Louisa's dance had an unexpected sequel. 424 00:26:13,447 --> 00:26:13,447 I don't know why you'd want to marry someone so old. 425 00:26:19,527 --> 00:26:19,527 Louisa, half his hair has slipped off his head, 426 00:26:21,772 --> 00:26:21,772 like an eiderdown off the bed! 427 00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:23,367 He's only 45.And you're 18! 428 00:26:26,092 --> 00:26:26,092 If he was a dog, you'd have to put him down. 429 00:26:28,252 --> 00:26:28,252 I'm happy for the first time in my life! 430 00:26:31,132 --> 00:26:31,132 I'm getting out...for ever. 431 00:26:32,812 --> 00:26:32,812 And you're going to be stuck here, Linda, 432 00:26:34,612 --> 00:26:34,612 hunting and walking the dogs with Fa. 433 00:26:36,551 --> 00:26:36,551 That's what comes of being the favourite. 434 00:26:38,572 --> 00:26:38,572 Shut up!Don't you think you're a bit too old 435 00:26:40,263 --> 00:26:40,263 to be sitting in a cupboard? No, not really. 436 00:26:45,575 --> 00:26:45,575 I'm not having any bridesmaids, by the way, 437 00:26:47,572 --> 00:26:47,572 so don't worry about your dresses. 438 00:26:49,415 --> 00:26:49,415 What? 439 00:26:50,887 --> 00:26:50,887 I'm not going to be upstaged on my wedding day, thank you very much! 440 00:26:53,703 --> 00:26:53,703 Ohh! You're not having any bridesmaids? 441 00:26:56,932 --> 00:26:56,932 No.You can't think how stupid you're going to look from behind! 442 00:27:04,455 --> 00:27:04,455 Oh. 443 00:27:06,183 --> 00:27:06,183 Linda was really very jealous. 444 00:27:15,015 --> 00:27:15,015 Shall we go, then, Papa? Yes, let's go. 445 00:27:20,903 --> 00:27:20,903 She looks like the eldest and ugliest of the Bronte sisters. 446 00:27:24,935 --> 00:27:24,935 At that moment, 447 00:27:26,215 --> 00:27:26,215 I think Linda would have gladly changed places with Louisa, 448 00:27:28,972 --> 00:27:28,972 even at the very heavy cost 449 00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:30,567 of living happily ever after with John Fort-William. 450 00:27:33,447 --> 00:27:33,447 I want to die! 451 00:27:34,855 --> 00:27:34,855 Unless life begins absolutely right now, I want to die! 452 00:27:39,975 --> 00:27:39,975 Push me, will you? 453 00:27:41,383 --> 00:27:41,383 Can you please...? Can you get down, Linda, it's really high. 454 00:27:44,332 --> 00:27:44,332 LINDA GASPS 455 00:27:49,732 --> 00:27:49,732 If only it weren't such a difficult thing to do. 456 00:27:52,071 --> 00:27:52,071 PHONE RINGS 457 00:27:53,735 --> 00:27:53,735 It's hard enough to kill a rabbit, let alone oneself. 458 00:27:56,039 --> 00:27:56,039 SHE SIGHS 459 00:27:57,575 --> 00:27:57,575 It's that hog Merlin! 460 00:27:59,452 --> 00:27:59,452 I won't have my home filled with Merlin's dago friends! 461 00:28:03,335 --> 00:28:03,335 I hear he has Frogs there too! 462 00:28:05,383 --> 00:28:05,383 I won't have Frogs or dagos under any circumstances! 463 00:28:07,815 --> 00:28:07,815 Hello, Merlin. 464 00:28:09,223 --> 00:28:09,223 Oh, lunch would be lovely. 465 00:28:13,895 --> 00:28:13,895 WINGS FLAP 466 00:28:22,855 --> 00:28:22,855 What sort of birds are they? 467 00:28:24,903 --> 00:28:24,903 Just ordinary pigeons. 468 00:28:27,052 --> 00:28:27,052 Where do you get them that colour? 469 00:28:30,343 --> 00:28:30,343 I dye them. Every year. 470 00:28:32,583 --> 00:28:32,583 Dry them in the linen cupboard. 471 00:28:34,375 --> 00:28:34,375 Isn't that frightfully cruel? Oh, no, they love it. 472 00:28:36,807 --> 00:28:36,807 They love it. It makes them so pretty for each other. 473 00:28:39,303 --> 00:28:39,303 What about their poor little eyes? Oh, they soon learn to shut them. 474 00:28:44,212 --> 00:28:44,212 I see you're taken with my silly old Romantic Antoine Watteaus. 475 00:28:49,372 --> 00:28:49,372 Love isn't silly. 476 00:28:51,052 --> 00:28:51,052 Linda!It's my religion. 477 00:28:52,935 --> 00:28:52,935 AUNT SADIE SIGHS 478 00:28:55,972 --> 00:28:55,972 Is it really? 479 00:28:57,607 --> 00:28:57,607 That's all she can think about. It's really rather alarming. 480 00:29:00,423 --> 00:29:00,423 WINGS FLAP Oh! 481 00:29:02,092 --> 00:29:02,092 Gertie, leave her alone. I'm so sorry. 482 00:29:04,903 --> 00:29:04,903 No, um... I try to tell the girls 483 00:29:08,572 --> 00:29:08,572 that they've got to consider practicalities. 484 00:29:10,983 --> 00:29:10,983 They've got to write down how they'd run a household on £200 a year. 485 00:29:15,463 --> 00:29:15,463 Linda always just puts "£199 - flowers". 486 00:29:18,727 --> 00:29:18,727 OTHERS LAUGH 487 00:29:20,711 --> 00:29:20,711 What lessons are you doing? 488 00:29:25,383 --> 00:29:25,383 None at all. 489 00:29:27,943 --> 00:29:27,943 Pa thinks that girls get fat thighs from playing hockey 490 00:29:30,532 --> 00:29:30,532 if they go to school, but not that Fanny has fat thighs. 491 00:29:32,935 --> 00:29:32,935 Hers are perfect. 492 00:29:34,279 --> 00:29:34,279 No, no, no, no, no. Linda... 493 00:29:38,183 --> 00:29:38,183 ..you need... 494 00:29:40,252 --> 00:29:40,252 ..educating. 495 00:29:41,895 --> 00:29:41,895 Yeah, that's what I said, 496 00:29:44,007 --> 00:29:44,007 but she doesn't listen to me. 497 00:29:55,975 --> 00:29:55,975 MUSIC OVER CONVERSATION 498 00:30:37,852 --> 00:30:37,852 LINDA SIGHS 499 00:30:44,295 --> 00:30:44,295 You have an intensely romantic character. 500 00:30:48,263 --> 00:30:48,263 Hm. 501 00:30:49,287 --> 00:30:49,287 I see trouble ahead. 502 00:30:54,343 --> 00:30:54,343 I urge upon you the necessity 503 00:30:56,455 --> 00:30:56,455 for an intellectual background, Linda. 504 00:31:00,679 --> 00:31:00,679 Hm! 505 00:31:02,092 --> 00:31:02,092 Although I fear... 506 00:31:04,852 --> 00:31:04,852 ..it may already be too late. 507 00:31:11,367 --> 00:31:11,367 LORD MERLIN CHUCKLES 508 00:31:18,215 --> 00:31:18,215 Come on, then. 509 00:31:26,343 --> 00:31:26,343 For a while, Linda followed his advice, finding comfort in books 510 00:31:30,247 --> 00:31:30,247 and things other than the desperate pursuit of love, 511 00:31:34,372 --> 00:31:34,372 But finally, inevitably, 512 00:31:36,532 --> 00:31:36,532 the minutes turned to hours, the hours to weeks, 513 00:31:39,207 --> 00:31:39,207 the weeks to months, 514 00:31:40,743 --> 00:31:40,743 and the impossible happened. 515 00:31:44,007 --> 00:31:44,007 CLOCK CHIMES 516 00:32:05,895 --> 00:32:05,895 We'd attained the great golden goal of every childhood. 517 00:32:11,335 --> 00:32:11,335 We'd grown up. 518 00:32:58,503 --> 00:32:58,503 Would you like to dance? 519 00:33:02,151 --> 00:33:02,151 Yes, I would. 520 00:33:16,423 --> 00:33:16,423 Tony Kroesig - in his last year at Oxford, a member of the Bullingdon. 521 00:33:20,967 --> 00:33:20,967 A splendid young man with plenty of beautiful horses 522 00:33:23,271 --> 00:33:23,271 and exquisite clothes, 523 00:33:25,063 --> 00:33:25,063 he had already a strong air of pomposity, 524 00:33:27,559 --> 00:33:27,559 a thing which Linda had never come across before... 525 00:33:29,812 --> 00:33:29,812 It's awfully muddy where you live. Hm! 526 00:33:31,975 --> 00:33:31,975 I hope your chauffeur knows how to park a Rolls-Royce! 527 00:33:35,239 --> 00:33:35,239 BOTH LAUGH 528 00:33:37,415 --> 00:33:37,415 Yes. 529 00:33:39,143 --> 00:33:39,143 ..and which she found not unattractive. 530 00:33:58,023 --> 00:33:58,023 Who's that sewer with Linda? 531 00:34:01,671 --> 00:34:01,671 Kroesig. Governor of the Bank of England - his son. 532 00:34:05,703 --> 00:34:05,703 Kroesig?! 533 00:34:07,751 --> 00:34:07,751 Good God! 534 00:34:10,612 --> 00:34:10,612 Never expected to be harbouring a full-blooded Hun in the house! 535 00:34:13,895 --> 00:34:13,895 Matthew, dear, don't get excited. The Kroesigs aren't Huns. 536 00:34:17,863 --> 00:34:17,863 They're a highly respected family of bankers. 537 00:34:20,167 --> 00:34:20,167 They've been over here for generations. 538 00:34:22,132 --> 00:34:22,132 Once a Hun, always a Hun. 539 00:34:23,623 --> 00:34:23,623 Good God! 540 00:34:27,052 --> 00:34:27,052 Does he know I still have an entrenching tool 541 00:34:29,063 --> 00:34:29,063 I used to whack eight of his countrymen to death? 542 00:34:31,012 --> 00:34:31,012 I don't suppose he does. 543 00:34:37,012 --> 00:34:37,012 I always said Merlin would bring foreigners here eventually. 544 00:34:40,519 --> 00:34:40,519 I never thought he'd land us with an actual German! 545 00:35:14,247 --> 00:35:14,247 Oh, no, look! The poor rabbit! 546 00:35:18,087 --> 00:35:18,087 SHE GASPS 547 00:35:34,279 --> 00:35:34,279 Oh! 548 00:35:40,012 --> 00:35:40,012 This was the one romantic gesture of Tony's life. 549 00:35:42,791 --> 00:35:42,791 SHE SIGHS 550 00:35:45,671 --> 00:35:45,671 Tony went back to Oxford, 551 00:35:47,335 --> 00:35:47,335 and Linda sat about waiting for the telephone bell. 552 00:35:52,012 --> 00:35:52,012 If this comes out... 553 00:35:55,015 --> 00:35:55,015 ..he'll ring tomorrow. 554 00:36:01,095 --> 00:36:01,095 If this comes out... 555 00:36:04,492 --> 00:36:04,492 ..he'll be at the meet. 556 00:36:06,172 --> 00:36:06,172 SHE SIGHS 557 00:36:07,972 --> 00:36:07,972 If this comes out... 558 00:36:09,415 --> 00:36:09,415 ..he's thinking of me at this very minute. 559 00:36:11,692 --> 00:36:11,692 PHONE RINGS 560 00:36:13,319 --> 00:36:13,319 SHE GASPS 561 00:36:18,772 --> 00:36:18,772 Hello. 562 00:36:20,423 --> 00:36:20,423 Hello. Is that Linda? 563 00:36:23,367 --> 00:36:23,367 It's Tony Kroesig here. 564 00:36:25,132 --> 00:36:25,132 Hello, Tony. 565 00:36:27,015 --> 00:36:27,015 Listen, will you come to lunch? 566 00:36:28,615 --> 00:36:28,615 Christchurch, next Thursday, one o'clock? 567 00:36:30,727 --> 00:36:30,727 Oh, but...Fa doesn't let us alone with young men unchaperoned. 568 00:36:34,375 --> 00:36:34,375 He doesn't really let us out, full stop. 569 00:36:36,487 --> 00:36:36,487 Really? HE LAUGHS 570 00:36:38,471 --> 00:36:38,471 You seem too old for that sort of restriction. 571 00:36:40,327 --> 00:36:40,327 Um... Bring your cousin if you like. 572 00:36:43,143 --> 00:36:43,143 All right! 573 00:36:44,935 --> 00:36:44,935 That'd be lovely. SHE MOUTHS 574 00:36:46,791 --> 00:36:46,791 Bye.Goodbye. 575 00:36:48,652 --> 00:36:48,652 You can't go, because Matthew will throttle you. 576 00:36:51,783 --> 00:36:51,783 I will actually die if I don't go, 577 00:36:53,932 --> 00:36:53,932 so, you see, I'd be dead either way. 578 00:36:57,863 --> 00:36:57,863 We have to escape the fortress, Fanny. 579 00:37:00,172 --> 00:37:00,172 There was only one way we could devise to escape, 580 00:37:03,495 --> 00:37:03,495 and it was full of risk. 581 00:37:04,732 --> 00:37:04,732 A very dull girl of exactly our age 582 00:37:07,372 --> 00:37:07,372 called Lavender Davis 583 00:37:09,063 --> 00:37:09,063 lived with her very dull parents about five miles away. 584 00:37:12,583 --> 00:37:12,583 Once in a blue moon, Linda, complaining vociferously, 585 00:37:16,167 --> 00:37:16,167 was sent over to luncheon with them, 586 00:37:19,132 --> 00:37:19,132 driving herself in Sadie's little car. 587 00:37:23,975 --> 00:37:23,975 Why are you two dressed up for breakfast? 588 00:37:26,407 --> 00:37:26,407 Lavender Davis wants us to go over to lunch there. 589 00:37:28,903 --> 00:37:28,903 Oh, duck, you can't have the car, I'm afraid. 590 00:37:31,143 --> 00:37:31,143 Perkins is going to wash it. 591 00:37:32,812 --> 00:37:32,812 But, Mummy, you don't... you don't understand. 592 00:37:35,367 --> 00:37:35,367 The whole point is that a man's coming who brought up a baby badger. 593 00:37:38,823 --> 00:37:38,823 And I do so want to meet him. 594 00:37:40,679 --> 00:37:40,679 When we go to London for the season, 595 00:37:42,983 --> 00:37:42,983 you'll barely have time for a badger. 596 00:37:45,415 --> 00:37:45,415 Badgers are nocturnal anyway, so you wouldn't even see it. 597 00:37:49,575 --> 00:37:49,575 Good point... 598 00:37:50,983 --> 00:37:50,983 Darling Jassy, lend me your running-away money. 599 00:37:54,892 --> 00:37:54,892 What? No. 600 00:37:56,871 --> 00:37:56,871 I've saved and scraped ever since I was seven 601 00:38:00,135 --> 00:38:00,135 for when I plan to run away myself. 602 00:38:02,183 --> 00:38:02,183 I've no education or training, so I'll need every penny. 603 00:38:04,615 --> 00:38:04,615 Just enough for a couple of train tickets to Oxford. 604 00:38:07,687 --> 00:38:07,687 Darling, I'll give it all back. 605 00:38:09,863 --> 00:38:09,863 Tony will. 606 00:38:11,143 --> 00:38:11,143 I know men. 607 00:38:13,575 --> 00:38:13,575 Who has a badger? 608 00:38:15,052 --> 00:38:15,052 Last time, you said you didn't mind 609 00:38:16,775 --> 00:38:16,775 if you never saw the Davises again in your whole life! 610 00:38:19,252 --> 00:38:19,252 Oh, dear. 611 00:38:20,812 --> 00:38:20,812 You said you wanted to bash Lavender Davis's face in 612 00:38:23,495 --> 00:38:23,495 with a mallet. 613 00:38:24,583 --> 00:38:24,583 AUNT SADIE: Yes, she did say that. 614 00:38:26,247 --> 00:38:26,247 Come on, Fanny. Let's go! 615 00:38:28,132 --> 00:38:28,132 It's barely nine o'clock in the morning! Girls! 616 00:38:31,175 --> 00:38:31,175 BOTH GIGGLE 617 00:38:33,052 --> 00:38:33,052 MUSIC: Deceptacon by Le Tigre 618 00:38:42,567 --> 00:38:42,567 # Every day and night 619 00:38:45,772 --> 00:38:45,772 # Every day and night 620 00:38:48,652 --> 00:38:48,652 # I can see your disco disco dick 621 00:38:51,892 --> 00:38:51,892 # Is sucking my heart out of my mind 622 00:38:54,535 --> 00:38:54,535 # I'm outta time, I'm outta fucking time 623 00:38:57,415 --> 00:38:57,415 # I'm a gasoline gut with a vaseline mind 624 00:39:00,551 --> 00:39:00,551 # Wanna disco? Wanna see me disco...? # 625 00:39:03,943 --> 00:39:03,943 BOTH SHRIEK 626 00:39:06,183 --> 00:39:06,183 # One, two, three, four 627 00:39:09,575 --> 00:39:09,575 # You got what you been asking for 628 00:39:12,052 --> 00:39:12,052 # You're so policy free and 629 00:39:13,671 --> 00:39:13,671 # Your fantasy wheels and everything you think 630 00:39:16,295 --> 00:39:16,295 # And everything you feel 631 00:39:17,932 --> 00:39:17,932 # Is all right, all right, all right, all... # 632 00:39:21,223 --> 00:39:21,223 BELL RINGS 633 00:39:23,212 --> 00:39:23,212 WHISPERS: They're so serious. It's like church. 634 00:39:27,495 --> 00:39:27,495 Do you think that we would be as clever? 635 00:39:29,452 --> 00:39:29,452 If you evened it all out, I mean. 636 00:39:32,359 --> 00:39:32,359 MAN CALLS OUT:Bath time! 637 00:39:34,535 --> 00:39:34,535 ALL SHOUT AND CHEER 638 00:39:43,495 --> 00:39:43,495 Last one in's a sissy! 639 00:39:45,772 --> 00:39:45,772 CHEERING AND SPLASHING 640 00:39:47,975 --> 00:39:47,975 We must keep our ends up, Fanny. 641 00:39:50,215 --> 00:39:50,215 I think I'm happy with my end down. 642 00:39:54,892 --> 00:39:54,892 WOMEN GIGGLE 643 00:40:01,223 --> 00:40:01,223 LINDA GASPS 644 00:40:09,735 --> 00:40:09,735 Come on, let's do it. We'd look so chic. 645 00:40:12,052 --> 00:40:12,052 MEN CHANT 646 00:40:16,135 --> 00:40:16,135 FANNY: Davey says it's deadly to talk about hunting. 647 00:40:18,503 --> 00:40:18,503 LINDA:Of course I won't! They're intellectuals. 648 00:40:22,919 --> 00:40:22,919 Hello. 649 00:40:24,071 --> 00:40:24,071 Been hunting at all? 650 00:40:27,412 --> 00:40:27,412 Yes, actually. We were out yesterday. 651 00:40:29,639 --> 00:40:29,639 Good day?Great. 652 00:40:31,687 --> 00:40:31,687 Actually very. 653 00:40:33,479 --> 00:40:33,479 We found at once and we had a five-mile point and then we... 654 00:40:38,663 --> 00:40:38,663 That's marvellous.Yes! 655 00:40:40,775 --> 00:40:40,775 Yeah. Well, we had a good day yesterday too. 656 00:40:42,892 --> 00:40:42,892 Then my first horse went lame. 657 00:40:45,063 --> 00:40:45,063 Terrible shame.Ah, no. 658 00:40:47,332 --> 00:40:47,332 He'd been looking awfully good all year. 659 00:40:50,375 --> 00:40:50,375 Come on!Mm! 660 00:40:52,423 --> 00:40:52,423 Here they are! 661 00:40:53,812 --> 00:40:53,812 About time! I said one o'clock, not five past. 662 00:40:56,455 --> 00:40:56,455 ALL TALK AT ONCE 663 00:41:00,423 --> 00:41:00,423 TONY:Go and have some of that cheese. Mummy sent this up. 664 00:41:03,623 --> 00:41:03,623 SWING MUSIC PLAYS 665 00:41:06,823 --> 00:41:06,823 Talk to that man. 666 00:41:08,615 --> 00:41:08,615 Say something clever. 667 00:41:10,407 --> 00:41:10,407 LINDA GIGGLES 668 00:41:11,943 --> 00:41:11,943 Oh... 669 00:41:13,287 --> 00:41:13,287 Hello!Hello. 670 00:41:15,463 --> 00:41:15,463 I'm a big fan of Virginia Woolf. 671 00:41:18,412 --> 00:41:18,412 Have you read Orlando?You look rather like The Bolter. 672 00:41:20,812 --> 00:41:20,812 A sort of Home Counties version. 673 00:41:23,271 --> 00:41:23,271 That's my mother. 674 00:41:25,895 --> 00:41:25,895 I shouldn't think so. 675 00:41:27,367 --> 00:41:27,367 You're much too old to be a child of The Bolter. 676 00:41:29,735 --> 00:41:29,735 Is she still with her white hunter? 677 00:41:32,423 --> 00:41:32,423 What's all that hair on your nose? 678 00:41:36,412 --> 00:41:36,412 LAUGHS 679 00:41:38,572 --> 00:41:38,572 Oh, my goodness. Fanny, is there a hair...? 680 00:41:40,615 --> 00:41:40,615 BLOWS 681 00:41:53,332 --> 00:41:53,332 Yes! 682 00:41:54,823 --> 00:41:54,823 You got away lightly. 683 00:41:56,871 --> 00:41:56,871 CHEERING 684 00:41:58,791 --> 00:41:58,791 To the King. 685 00:42:00,327 --> 00:42:00,327 OTHERS CHEER AND LAUGH 686 00:42:02,887 --> 00:42:02,887 Drink it all! 687 00:42:04,423 --> 00:42:04,423 Oh... Two! Whoo! 688 00:42:07,047 --> 00:42:07,047 This isn't really enjoyable. 689 00:42:10,695 --> 00:42:10,695 CHEERING 690 00:42:12,807 --> 00:42:12,807 A ghastly feeling of guilt is beginning to give me 691 00:42:14,855 --> 00:42:14,855 a pain rather like indigestion. 692 00:42:16,732 --> 00:42:16,732 Yes, me too. Every time the door opens, 693 00:42:19,143 --> 00:42:19,143 I'm sure Uncle Matthew's going to be there cracking his whip. 694 00:42:21,772 --> 00:42:21,772 OK... 695 00:42:23,212 --> 00:42:23,212 CHEERING 696 00:42:25,252 --> 00:42:25,252 I think we'd better go. 697 00:42:27,052 --> 00:42:27,052 Yes. 698 00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:30,215 TONY GUFFAWS 699 00:42:32,007 --> 00:42:32,007 Shall...shall we? Yes, I know. 700 00:42:33,799 --> 00:42:33,799 TONY:Come on, baby. 701 00:42:36,231 --> 00:42:36,231 Going to go?Yes. 702 00:42:38,407 --> 00:42:38,407 LINDA SOBS FANNY: Oh, shush now. 703 00:42:40,775 --> 00:42:40,775 You poor darling. 704 00:42:42,292 --> 00:42:42,292 But you know that you have to kiss a lot of frogs 705 00:42:45,447 --> 00:42:45,447 before you find your prince... 706 00:42:47,367 --> 00:42:47,367 ..of Wales! 707 00:42:49,372 --> 00:42:49,372 SOBBING CONTINUES 708 00:42:53,383 --> 00:42:53,383 Oh, Fanny... 709 00:42:55,012 --> 00:42:55,012 Fanny, help. 710 00:42:58,503 --> 00:42:58,503 Love has increased threefold in one short day. 711 00:43:06,055 --> 00:43:06,055 But why? 712 00:43:07,732 --> 00:43:07,732 SOBBING:I love him! 713 00:43:10,023 --> 00:43:10,023 Oh, Linda, why? 714 00:43:13,735 --> 00:43:13,735 Linda! Linda! 715 00:43:18,215 --> 00:43:18,215 UNCLE MATTHEW:Linda! 716 00:43:22,252 --> 00:43:22,252 Linda! 717 00:43:42,052 --> 00:43:42,052 I have received a phone call... 718 00:43:50,572 --> 00:43:50,572 ..telling me... 719 00:43:53,351 --> 00:43:53,351 ..that someone has left a scarf 720 00:43:55,207 --> 00:43:55,207 in Tony Kroesig's rooms at Oxford. 721 00:44:03,335 --> 00:44:03,335 Now we know - you're not to be trusted. 722 00:44:07,623 --> 00:44:07,623 So we'll have to take certain steps. 723 00:44:09,652 --> 00:44:09,652 Fanny, you will go straight home. 724 00:44:11,212 --> 00:44:11,212 Emily can...try to control you in the future, if she can. 725 00:44:14,279 --> 00:44:14,279 But you'll go the same way as your mother The Bolter, 726 00:44:16,519 --> 00:44:16,519 as sure as eggs is eggs. 727 00:44:17,991 --> 00:44:17,991 Fa, you can't keep us locked up forever - we're practically middle-aged women! 728 00:44:21,319 --> 00:44:21,319 Don't interrupt your father. Fanny is a scarlet woman - 729 00:44:23,623 --> 00:44:23,623 that's what we'd have called her in the old days. 730 00:44:25,863 --> 00:44:25,863 I didn't even want to go. And as for you, miss! 731 00:44:28,295 --> 00:44:28,295 You're worse, worse than The Bolter, imagine that! 732 00:44:30,535 --> 00:44:30,535 Please stop it about The Bolter. 733 00:44:32,212 --> 00:44:32,212 No-one here is like her. It's all unfair 734 00:44:34,012 --> 00:44:34,012 because I always feel like I'm the terrible person, and then Linda always seems so innocent. 735 00:44:37,703 --> 00:44:37,703 I blame that depraved sewer Merlin. 736 00:44:40,135 --> 00:44:40,135 LINDA:Merlin's not depraved! 737 00:44:41,735 --> 00:44:41,735 He travels abroad and reads books and is sophisticated. 738 00:44:45,191 --> 00:44:45,191 Travels abroad? Yes, and his house 739 00:44:47,623 --> 00:44:47,623 is beautiful and comfortable and warm, 740 00:44:49,492 --> 00:44:49,492 a place to live in, and not some freezing medieval fortress 741 00:44:52,103 --> 00:44:52,103 to rush out from and kill things all day. 742 00:44:53,932 --> 00:44:53,932 I can't sit in a cupboard with Fanny for the rest of my life! 743 00:44:56,391 --> 00:44:56,391 Well, you won't have to, cos Fanny's never coming back here again! 744 00:44:59,335 --> 00:44:59,335 And there can be no question of a London season now.Fa, please!No! 745 00:45:02,092 --> 00:45:02,092 We shall have to watch you every minute of the day in future. 746 00:45:04,492 --> 00:45:04,492 You're damn lucky not to get a thrashing. 747 00:45:08,103 --> 00:45:08,103 Now go to your rooms, both of you. 748 00:45:10,023 --> 00:45:10,023 And you're not to speak to each other before Fanny leaves! 749 00:45:13,252 --> 00:45:13,252 Luckily, no-one will give them a second glance now 750 00:45:15,532 --> 00:45:15,532 with that dreadful hair. 751 00:45:29,095 --> 00:45:29,095 Goodbye, Fanny! Goodbye! 752 00:45:31,655 --> 00:45:31,655 Goodbye, Linda. 753 00:45:34,535 --> 00:45:34,535 Oh, we are unlucky to be us! 754 00:45:36,327 --> 00:45:36,327 Bye, darling! 755 00:45:38,212 --> 00:45:38,212 FANNY: Of course, we were allowed a London season. 756 00:45:45,292 --> 00:45:45,292 # Give my love to London 757 00:45:47,335 --> 00:45:47,335 # Say I'll be there soon 758 00:45:49,972 --> 00:45:49,972 # Meet me in Piccadilly 759 00:45:52,612 --> 00:45:52,612 # And we'll dance by the light of the moon... # 760 00:45:54,892 --> 00:45:54,892 FANNY: The English upper-class version of the puberty ritual 761 00:45:57,772 --> 00:45:57,772 finally happened. 762 00:45:59,495 --> 00:45:59,495 Isn't it lovely to be lovely us? 763 00:46:01,735 --> 00:46:01,735 We came out into the world - 764 00:46:03,783 --> 00:46:03,783 18 years old and ready for a husband. 765 00:46:07,252 --> 00:46:07,252 Do you get up to Scotland much? 766 00:46:09,223 --> 00:46:09,223 Care for nightclubs? 767 00:46:10,887 --> 00:46:10,887 I say, have you come far? 768 00:46:13,767 --> 00:46:13,767 We met last night at William Stonor's. 769 00:46:16,135 --> 00:46:16,135 Don't you remember? 770 00:46:17,415 --> 00:46:17,415 No. 771 00:46:19,015 --> 00:46:19,015 Uh... 772 00:46:22,855 --> 00:46:22,855 FANNY: But Linda was still in her dream of love for Tony. 773 00:46:26,247 --> 00:46:26,247 And Tony was nowhere to be seen. 774 00:46:31,252 --> 00:46:31,252 Oh, what's the point? 775 00:46:34,252 --> 00:46:34,252 I missed my only chance for happiness. 776 00:46:38,092 --> 00:46:38,092 I'm going to be a sour, 777 00:46:39,892 --> 00:46:39,892 wizened up, toothless old maid 778 00:46:43,271 --> 00:46:43,271 and die in a hole. 779 00:46:46,663 --> 00:46:46,663 Me too. 780 00:46:48,711 --> 00:46:48,711 We'll have each other to dribble on at least. 781 00:47:03,815 --> 00:47:03,815 Hello, Linda. 782 00:47:05,479 --> 00:47:05,479 I've been looking everywhere for you. 783 00:47:07,372 --> 00:47:07,372 Really? 784 00:47:08,999 --> 00:47:08,999 Shall I show you the balcony? 785 00:47:11,047 --> 00:47:11,047 Yes. 786 00:47:29,572 --> 00:47:29,572 THE BOLTER:Hello, darling! 787 00:47:31,783 --> 00:47:31,783 You've got so tall! 788 00:47:34,215 --> 00:47:34,215 Hello, Bolter. 789 00:47:35,495 --> 00:47:35,495 Mummy. 790 00:47:37,159 --> 00:47:37,159 I'm your mummy! 791 00:47:40,972 --> 00:47:40,972 Was that Linda I just saw you with? 792 00:47:43,495 --> 00:47:43,495 Yes. 793 00:47:44,932 --> 00:47:44,932 Oh, no, it's such a mistake to be friends with girls 794 00:47:47,335 --> 00:47:47,335 who are more beautiful than one is, darling. 795 00:47:49,191 --> 00:47:49,191 It's too dispiriting. Who was she with? 796 00:47:51,412 --> 00:47:51,412 Tony Kroesig. 797 00:47:53,031 --> 00:47:53,031 Tony?! Oh. 798 00:47:54,695 --> 00:47:54,695 That won't last. 799 00:47:59,572 --> 00:47:59,572 I want you to meet my friend, Colin. 800 00:48:02,452 --> 00:48:02,452 He's so nice! 801 00:48:04,167 --> 00:48:04,167 He's here somewhere. 802 00:48:06,215 --> 00:48:06,215 What happened to your white hunter? 803 00:48:08,135 --> 00:48:08,135 Dead. Shot in the head during a safari - too sad. 804 00:48:13,767 --> 00:48:13,767 Oh, well, at least you didn't have to bolt. 805 00:48:15,815 --> 00:48:15,815 LAUGHS 806 00:48:17,479 --> 00:48:17,479 Yeah, no. Yes, for once! LAUGHS 807 00:48:20,452 --> 00:48:20,452 First one I lost respectably - to death. 808 00:48:24,263 --> 00:48:24,263 Oh, Fanny, dear, you're very funny. 809 00:48:29,575 --> 00:48:29,575 I'm going to go and fetch lovely Colin for you to meet. 810 00:48:39,815 --> 00:48:39,815 # D'ye ken John Peel with his coat so gay? 811 00:48:43,655 --> 00:48:43,655 # D'ye ken John Peel at the break o' the day 812 00:48:47,367 --> 00:48:47,367 # D'ye ken John Peel when he's far, far away... # 813 00:48:49,927 --> 00:48:49,927 Oh, darling Colin, everything about you is heaven. 814 00:48:52,999 --> 00:48:52,999 I just want to spend the whole night with you! 815 00:48:54,919 --> 00:48:54,919 Goodness, let's! 816 00:48:56,263 --> 00:48:56,263 # For the sound of his horn... # 817 00:48:58,055 --> 00:48:58,055 Come, let's get out of here. 818 00:48:59,463 --> 00:48:59,463 # And the cry of his hounds which he oft times led 819 00:49:02,727 --> 00:49:02,727 # Peel's "View, Halloo!" could awaken the dead 820 00:49:06,183 --> 00:49:06,183 # Or the fox from his lair in the morning 821 00:49:10,132 --> 00:49:10,132 # Yes, I ken John Peel and Ruby too 822 00:49:13,863 --> 00:49:13,863 # Ranter and Royal and Bellman so true 823 00:49:17,127 --> 00:49:17,127 # From the drag to the chase 824 00:49:19,175 --> 00:49:19,175 # From the chase to the view 825 00:49:21,415 --> 00:49:21,415 # From a view to the death in the morning. # 826 00:49:31,612 --> 00:49:31,612 GIGGLES SOFTLY 827 00:49:34,919 --> 00:49:34,919 TENDERLY: "Darling, I'm your mummy." 828 00:49:44,775 --> 00:49:44,775 CARELESSLY: "Darling, I'm your mummy." 829 00:49:56,359 --> 00:49:56,359 LINDA YAWNS 830 00:49:58,215 --> 00:49:58,215 UNCLE MATTHEW:That bloody Hun Kroesig has just telephoned. 831 00:50:01,863 --> 00:50:01,863 He wanted to speak to you, Linda. 832 00:50:04,423 --> 00:50:04,423 I told him to get the hell out of here - 833 00:50:06,215 --> 00:50:06,215 I don't want you mixed up with any Germans, 834 00:50:08,135 --> 00:50:08,135 do you understand? 835 00:50:10,852 --> 00:50:10,852 Well, I am "mixed up". 836 00:50:15,052 --> 00:50:15,052 As it happens, I'm engaged to him. 837 00:50:17,095 --> 00:50:17,095 GASPS 838 00:50:18,892 --> 00:50:18,892 FOOTSTEPS APPROACH 839 00:50:24,199 --> 00:50:24,199 What did you...? Come here! 840 00:50:26,212 --> 00:50:26,212 What did you...? Come here, you! 841 00:50:28,132 --> 00:50:28,132 Come here! 842 00:50:31,495 --> 00:50:31,495 What did you say? 843 00:50:32,932 --> 00:50:32,932 How dare you! What did you say? 844 00:50:37,612 --> 00:50:37,612 What are you doing? She just said she's engaged! 845 00:50:40,263 --> 00:50:40,263 PANTING 846 00:50:59,335 --> 00:50:59,335 FANNY: It wasn't just Uncle Matthew who opposed the engagement. 847 00:51:03,495 --> 00:51:03,495 Tony is Bottom to Linda's Titania, isn't he? 848 00:51:07,612 --> 00:51:07,612 DAVEY:He's ghastly. 849 00:51:09,319 --> 00:51:09,319 A frightful Counter Hon. 850 00:51:11,495 --> 00:51:11,495 Nothing will wake her up. 851 00:51:13,735 --> 00:51:13,735 No. Not before it's too late. 852 00:51:16,615 --> 00:51:16,615 Poor Linda. 853 00:51:19,372 --> 00:51:19,372 She has an intensely romantic character, 854 00:51:21,892 --> 00:51:21,892 which is fatal for a woman. 855 00:51:24,935 --> 00:51:24,935 And also what makes her so completely irresistible. 856 00:51:28,972 --> 00:51:28,972 Fortunately, most women are madly matter-of-fact. 857 00:51:31,852 --> 00:51:31,852 Otherwise, the world could hardly carry on. 858 00:51:35,943 --> 00:51:35,943 What am I, Davey? 859 00:51:40,103 --> 00:51:40,103 You're you, Fanny. 860 00:51:43,372 --> 00:51:43,372 You'll be all right. 861 00:51:46,055 --> 00:51:46,055 Hm. 862 00:51:48,892 --> 00:51:48,892 Lord Merlin was braver than the rest of us. 863 00:51:51,367 --> 00:51:51,367 Are you pleased about my engagement? No, of course not. 864 00:51:53,572 --> 00:51:53,572 Why are you doing it? 865 00:51:56,423 --> 00:51:56,423 STAMMERS:We're in love. 866 00:51:58,023 --> 00:51:58,023 And what makes you think so? 867 00:51:59,495 --> 00:51:59,495 STAMMERS:One doesn't think, one knows. 868 00:52:02,572 --> 00:52:02,572 Oh, fiddlesticks! 869 00:52:09,223 --> 00:52:09,223 Well! 870 00:52:11,015 --> 00:52:11,015 You evidently don't understand a thing about love. 871 00:52:14,855 --> 00:52:14,855 So what's the use in talking to you? 872 00:52:17,863 --> 00:52:17,863 Love is for grown-ups, as you'll discover one day. 873 00:52:21,575 --> 00:52:21,575 You'll also discover 874 00:52:22,732 --> 00:52:22,732 that it's got nothing to do with marriage. 875 00:52:24,455 --> 00:52:24,455 I'm all in favour of you marrying, if you so wish, 876 00:52:27,172 --> 00:52:27,172 but for God's sake, not to a bore like Tony Kroesig! 877 00:52:31,972 --> 00:52:31,972 He's your friend. 878 00:52:33,607 --> 00:52:33,607 If he's such a bore, why would you bring him to my party? 879 00:52:35,847 --> 00:52:35,847 I can't guess that you'll go and marry every stopgap 880 00:52:38,023 --> 00:52:38,023 that comes to stay at my house! 881 00:52:40,903 --> 00:52:40,903 GASPS 882 00:52:48,775 --> 00:52:48,775 LOO PAPER RUSTLES 883 00:52:50,247 --> 00:52:50,247 LOO FLUSHES 884 00:52:52,492 --> 00:52:52,492 LINDA:Can't think why Merlin says he's such a bore. 885 00:52:55,852 --> 00:52:55,852 Tony knows everything. 886 00:52:59,212 --> 00:52:59,212 Well, yes, that's exactly it, he does. 887 00:53:02,215 --> 00:53:02,215 At least he thinks he does. 888 00:53:12,967 --> 00:53:12,967 LOO FLUSHES 889 00:53:17,255 --> 00:53:17,255 Oh, bother Merlin. 890 00:53:18,535 --> 00:53:18,535 You know, I'm starting to think 891 00:53:20,092 --> 00:53:20,092 that Fa was right about him all along. 892 00:53:22,567 --> 00:53:22,567 He is a little depraved. 893 00:53:28,012 --> 00:53:28,012 Don't you think? 894 00:53:34,535 --> 00:53:34,535 EXCLAIMS 895 00:53:42,772 --> 00:53:42,772 I'm afraid I have to make Lavender Davis chief bridesmaid. 896 00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:47,719 But you'll be second. 897 00:53:50,599 --> 00:53:50,599 She's Tony's cousin. 898 00:53:53,223 --> 00:53:53,223 And she is responsible for us getting together, after all. 899 00:53:56,572 --> 00:53:56,572 Well, only most unwittingly. 900 00:53:58,732 --> 00:53:58,732 Unwittingly or wittingly, what does it matter? 901 00:54:23,692 --> 00:54:23,692 CLEARS THROAT 902 00:54:26,055 --> 00:54:26,055 Um... 903 00:54:28,132 --> 00:54:28,132 Would you take my flowers for me? 904 00:54:29,812 --> 00:54:29,812 Take my flowers for me, would you? Oh! 905 00:54:35,271 --> 00:54:35,271 Oh, hello, Fanny, darling. Come and have a champagne! 906 00:54:37,732 --> 00:54:37,732 Oh, I'm so sorry! 907 00:54:38,932 --> 00:54:38,932 Excuse me. Sorry. No, I'm sorry. Excuse me. 908 00:54:47,047 --> 00:54:47,047 This...There you are. 909 00:54:48,292 --> 00:54:48,292 Yes, thank you. That's all right.I... 910 00:54:52,132 --> 00:54:52,132 Are you one of those bright young things? 911 00:54:54,772 --> 00:54:54,772 Oh, I don't know. Would you like me to be? 912 00:54:56,967 --> 00:54:56,967 Not particularly. 913 00:55:01,063 --> 00:55:01,063 So, uh...Fanny! 914 00:55:03,303 --> 00:55:03,303 Yes?Let's talk about... 915 00:55:04,972 --> 00:55:04,972 GUEST: It's time, everyone's sitting down. 916 00:55:06,951 --> 00:55:06,951 CLEARS THROAT 917 00:55:08,167 --> 00:55:08,167 Yes, can we just, um, chat, Fanny? 918 00:55:10,492 --> 00:55:10,492 Well, we will later - you have to say hello to everyone. 919 00:55:12,839 --> 00:55:12,839 GROANS 920 00:55:16,615 --> 00:55:16,615 Come on! 921 00:55:20,135 --> 00:55:20,135 Get in! 922 00:55:25,852 --> 00:55:25,852 Well... What do you think? 923 00:55:28,455 --> 00:55:28,455 It's better than Louisa's, isn't it? 924 00:55:30,311 --> 00:55:30,311 There's that at least.TONY:I say, has anyone seen Linda? 925 00:55:32,572 --> 00:55:32,572 Shh, shh, shh! I need to start my speech. 926 00:55:36,412 --> 00:55:36,412 Darling, you'd better get out and be the bride.I know, I know. 927 00:55:39,463 --> 00:55:39,463 Can we just stay for a second longer 928 00:55:41,452 --> 00:55:41,452 and just...chat and catch up? 929 00:55:43,943 --> 00:55:43,943 Your train's poking out - 930 00:55:45,543 --> 00:55:45,543 it's going to be quite obvious you're in here.Darling, 931 00:55:48,679 --> 00:55:48,679 in my bitter determination to grow up... 932 00:55:53,223 --> 00:55:53,223 ..I'd forgotten we'd have to stop being children. 933 00:55:56,332 --> 00:55:56,332 Yes, there is that. 934 00:55:57,575 --> 00:55:57,575 Can we still be toothless old maids together? 935 00:56:00,172 --> 00:56:00,172 Not really - you just got married! 936 00:56:01,972 --> 00:56:01,972 LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 937 00:56:04,615 --> 00:56:04,615 Oh, dear. I'm feeling a bit lost. 938 00:56:07,687 --> 00:56:07,687 Oh. 939 00:56:08,932 --> 00:56:08,932 Are there really to be no more Christmases 940 00:56:11,335 --> 00:56:11,335 at Alconleigh? 941 00:56:12,743 --> 00:56:12,743 AUNT SADIE:Linda! 942 00:56:19,783 --> 00:56:19,783 Get out of there at once! 943 00:56:23,367 --> 00:56:23,367 Tony's about to make his speech. 944 00:57:05,223 --> 00:57:05,223 Ah, there she is. Speak of the devil. 945 00:57:11,303 --> 00:57:11,303 Come on, girl, get over here. 946 00:57:12,652 --> 00:57:12,652 # My baby loves me 947 00:57:14,932 --> 00:57:14,932 # I'm so happy 948 00:57:16,551 --> 00:57:16,551 # Happy makes me a modern girl 949 00:57:20,007 --> 00:57:20,007 # Took my money 950 00:57:22,252 --> 00:57:22,252 # And bought a TV... # WHISPERS: Go on. 951 00:57:25,703 --> 00:57:25,703 WHISPERS: I love you. 952 00:57:28,775 --> 00:57:28,775 Er, when I first met Linda, 953 00:57:31,975 --> 00:57:31,975 she told me she was an Honourable, 954 00:57:35,092 --> 00:57:35,092 the daughter of a baron, 955 00:57:36,839 --> 00:57:36,839 spoke fluent French... 956 00:57:42,772 --> 00:57:42,772 ..and rode to hounds with the Bicester. 957 00:57:51,175 --> 00:57:51,175 And I knew, right off the bat, 958 00:57:53,095 --> 00:57:53,095 she was hellbent on marrying me. 959 00:57:54,892 --> 00:57:54,892 TRICKLE OF LAUGHTER 960 00:57:57,063 --> 00:57:57,063 Despite all that, I still managed to fall for her! 961 00:57:59,495 --> 00:57:59,495 LAUGHTER 962 00:58:01,287 --> 00:58:01,287 Erm, you see, I think what... 963 00:58:03,655 --> 00:58:03,655 ..what sealed the deal, as we say in banking... 964 00:58:07,372 --> 00:58:07,372 VOICE FADES 965 00:58:10,055 --> 00:58:10,055 # I'm so happy 966 00:58:11,975 --> 00:58:11,975 # Happy makes me 967 00:58:13,703 --> 00:58:13,703 # A modern girl 968 00:58:15,431 --> 00:58:15,431 # Took my money 969 00:58:17,223 --> 00:58:17,223 # And bought a doughnut 970 00:58:19,732 --> 00:58:19,732 # The hole's the size of this entire world 971 00:58:22,791 --> 00:58:22,791 # My whole life 972 00:58:26,823 --> 00:58:26,823 # Was like a picture of a sunny day 973 00:58:30,215 --> 00:58:30,215 # My whole life 974 00:58:34,132 --> 00:58:34,132 # Looked like the picture of a sunny day 975 00:58:52,679 --> 00:58:52,679 # My baby loves me 976 00:58:54,663 --> 00:58:54,663 # I'm so angry 977 00:58:56,692 --> 00:58:56,692 # Anger makes me a modern girl 978 00:59:00,052 --> 00:59:00,052 # Took my money 979 00:59:01,972 --> 00:59:01,972 # I couldn't buy nothin' 980 00:59:04,135 --> 00:59:04,135 # I'm sick of this brave new world 981 00:59:07,655 --> 00:59:07,655 # My whole life 982 00:59:11,332 --> 00:59:11,332 # Was like the picture of a sunny day 983 00:59:14,823 --> 00:59:14,823 # My whole life 984 00:59:18,663 --> 00:59:18,663 # Looked like the picture of a sunny day. #95618

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