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00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:11,998
# Some people seem so
obsessed with the morning
2
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,320
# Get up early just to
watch the sun rise
3
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:21,478
# Some people like it more
when there's fire in the sky
4
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:24,280
# Worship the sun when it's high
5
00:00:26,240 --> 00:00:29,998
# Some people go
for those sultry evenings
6
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:34,158
# Sipping cocktails in the
blue, red and grey
7
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:40,560
# But I like every minute of the day
8
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:51,800
# I like every second,
so long as you are on my mind
9
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,718
# Every moment has its special charm
10
00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:02,120
# It's all right when you're around,
rain or shine
11
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:07,678
# The people on the hill,
they say I'm lazy
12
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,240
# But when they sleep,
I sing and dance
13
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,638
# Some people have to have
the sultry evenings
14
00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,638
# Cocktails in the
blue, red and grey
15
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:24,518
# But I like every minute
of the day... #
16
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,278
AIR WHISTLES
17
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:28,360
EXPLOSION
18
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:42,958
SIRENS WAIL
19
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,920
DISTANT CONVERSATION
20
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,558
What did I tell you about
air raids not killing people?
21
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,838
My bed simply
went through the floor,
22
00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,798
and Plon-Plon and I went on it.
23
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,520
Perfectly comfortable!
24
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,840
Linda Radlett was not only
my favourite cousin...
25
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:12,880
..but then, and for many years,
my favourite human being.
26
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,200
Don't pity me, Fanny.
27
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:32,960
I've had five months of perfect
and unalloyed happiness.
28
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,758
Very few people can say that in the
course of long lives, I imagine.
29
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,120
Very few.
30
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,078
As we turned down the drive
at Alconleigh,
31
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,798
I asked myself if Linda's five
months of perfect happiness
32
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:51,720
were quite worth all the chaos
and confusion of the other 29 years.
33
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:57,120
But I often thought about
things like that with Linda.
34
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,560
It always feels like Christmas,
coming home.
35
00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:04,360
I know.
36
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,318
Ever since I was a small child,
37
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,078
I was sent to spend
the Christmas holidays with Linda
38
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:16,800
in a large, ugly, north-facing house
high on a hill in Oxfordshire.
39
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,840
Most of these Christmases
were marked with violence.
40
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:25,878
There was the time Linda's pony
lay on her in the brook
41
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,200
and nearly drowned her.
42
00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:31,358
The time she tried to kill herself
in an attempt to rejoin
43
00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,560
a smelly old Border terrier
which Uncle Matthew had put down.
44
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,918
The time she decided to tell
45
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,120
the daughters of some
neighbours the facts of life...
46
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,560
..resulting in dreadful
beatings from Uncle Matthew...
47
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,720
..and luncheon alone
for two whole weeks.
48
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:53,040
Linda hated to be alone.
49
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,758
She was a wild and nervous creature,
50
00:03:57,760 --> 00:03:59,440
full of passion and longing.
51
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,718
But of all the Christmases,
52
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:18,598
the Christmas I remember
the most was when we were 17,
53
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,120
and Linda decided that her
life had to begin.
54
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,880
CHILDREN CHATTER
55
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,118
No, you can't give the dog a cake
before you give me a piece!
56
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,518
That's not fair!
57
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,158
I stumbled into the hall
and found Linda's mother,
58
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,318
my Aunt Sadie, and the children
having tea as they always did,
59
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,398
in front of the fireplace, over
which hung, as it always had,
60
00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,318
the entrenching tool
Uncle Matthew had used
61
00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:26,080
to whack to death eight Germans as
they crawled out of a dugout in
1915.
62
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,118
Linda's father, my Uncle Matthew,
63
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,278
knew no middle course.
64
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,838
He either loved or he hated,
65
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:36,838
and, generally,
it must be said, he hated.
66
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:40,958
I hate Huns, Frogs,
Americans, Catholics
67
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:45,238
and all other foreigners,
but above all, I hate children!
68
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,678
He had four beautiful bloodhounds,
69
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,078
with which, every Christmas,
70
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,878
he would hunt his children,
and a pair of stock whips
71
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,598
he cracked on the lawn
every morning at dawn.
72
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,558
Had the Radletts been poor,
73
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,278
he no doubt would have been
sent to prison for beating
74
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,960
and refusing to educate them.
75
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:06,038
Uncle Matthew loathed
educated females...
76
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,440
..particularly me.
77
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,518
CHILDREN: Fanny!
78
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:14,838
Fanny! You're here!
79
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:18,118
Fanny, welcome.
You must be exhausted.
80
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,278
Come and have a cup of tea.
How was your journey?
81
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,078
Come and sit in Jassy's chair.
82
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,758
As always, Linda was the most
pleased to see me,
83
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:25,998
but determined not to show it.
84
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,518
Linda?
85
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:28,918
Fanny's here.
86
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,838
Would you like a cup of tea?
87
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,440
Yes, please.
88
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:37,960
Hello.
89
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,918
Where's your mouse?
90
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,918
Oh, she got a sore back and died.
91
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,758
Had you been riding it?
92
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:49,958
Nobody cried so much
or so often as Linda.
93
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:52,518
That's how they always die.
It's some sort of urinary disease.
94
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:56,040
Anything, but especially anything
about animals, would set her off.
95
00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,718
Her emotions were
on no ordinary plane.
96
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,678
She loved or she loathed.
97
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,358
She laughed or she cried.
98
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,560
She lived in
a world of superlatives.
99
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:19,038
Linda was the chairman of a secret
club called the Hons Society.
100
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,598
Its headquarters was a linen
cupboard at the top of the house.
101
00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:24,038
Six. OK.
102
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,478
That's great.
103
00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,358
Three-quarters. Well done.
104
00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:29,558
The dead mouse was
quickly forgotten.
105
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,198
Even smaller than last year.
106
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,158
Your hair's got long. Neck, tummy.
107
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,518
One...
108
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:39,158
Seven and a third.
109
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,918
So I win on arms, eyes,
waist, ankles,
110
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,878
and you win on bust.
Hmm. I hate bust.
111
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:48,718
Farmers love busts!
112
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,878
Linda and I were both in love
with people we had never met,
113
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,758
I with a fat, red-faced
114
00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:55,558
middle-aged farmer I sometimes saw
115
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,278
riding through the village,
116
00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,118
and Linda with the Prince of Wales.
117
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,518
Why can't your prince and my farmer
118
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:03,878
be invited to Louisa's ball?
119
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,798
Because Matthew won't let
anyone fanciable
120
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,518
within 50 miles of the house.
121
00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,758
A coming-out ball was planned
that Christmas
122
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,278
for Linda's older sister, Louisa.
123
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:13,598
We're trapped!
124
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,998
Our only hope is the Prince
breaking down in his motor car.
125
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,918
LOW-PITCHED: "Pray, who is
that beautiful young lady?
126
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:23,038
"I wish to marry her."
127
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,958
LOW-PITCHED: "Well, you can't!
She's here under lock and key!
128
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,358
"I killed 15 Germans
with an entrenching tool!
129
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,878
"I can certainly kill you!"
130
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,438
"He must have your daughter, sir.
131
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:33,798
"His happiness depends on it,
and subsequently,
132
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:36,960
"so does the happiness of England."
133
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,758
Even then, Linda's fantasies were
altogether more ambitious
134
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:43,078
and dangerous than mine.
KNOCK ON DOOR
135
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,838
I want to sit next to Fanny!
136
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,518
Oh, you took your time!
137
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,358
This better be good, Linda. It is.
138
00:08:48,360 --> 00:08:50,918
It's so hot in here.
Talk about back to the womb!
139
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,438
It's more welcoming than
my mother's womb, I imagine.
140
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,838
Fanny, it is unfair that you
have wicked parents and not me.
141
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:58,718
So you aspire to being wicked
and adulterous, do you, Linda?
142
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,518
No. I aspire to true love.
143
00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,438
The kind of which only comes once in
a lifetime and lasts for ever.
144
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,880
LINDA CLEARS HER THROAT
145
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,438
The news I have for the Hons today,
while of considerable Hon interest,
146
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,520
generally particularly concerns...
147
00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,560
..Fanny! Oh!
148
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,758
Aunt Emily is engaged.
149
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,598
COUSINS GASP AND GIGGLE
150
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,438
No, Linda, you're making it up.
151
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,840
I found proof.
"My dear sister Sadie...
152
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,038
"..not to tell the children
we're engaged.
153
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,238
"The captain and I will arrive
late on Christmas Eve
154
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,638
"and stay in time for Louisa's
party, of course.
155
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,878
"All love from Emily."
156
00:09:37,880 --> 00:09:39,798
Why would she want
to get married, anyway?
157
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,038
She can't love him.
158
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,478
He's 40. He must be ancient.
159
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:45,398
Maybe he'll fall in love
with Fanny.
160
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,758
Aunt Emily had brought me up
ever since I was a baby.
161
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,878
It had always been just her and me.
162
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,478
Aunt Sadie had two sisters -
163
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:56,678
my mother and Aunt Emily.
164
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,398
At the age of 19, my mother,
165
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,998
feeling herself too
beautiful and gay to be
166
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,238
burdened with a baby,
left my father for another man,
167
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,080
and gave me to Aunt Emily
to bring up.
168
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:11,838
Goodbye, darling!
169
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,238
My impetuous mother
subsequently ran away so often
170
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,078
and with so many different men
171
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,360
that she became known to her family
and friends as "The Bolter".
172
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,318
There you are, darling...
173
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:27,758
Occasionally she would reappear
like a meteor,
174
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:30,038
showering me with her extravagance,
175
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,838
and I would long to be caught
up in her fiery trails
176
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,360
and be carried away...
177
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,760
...but she would always vanish
off again to a new man.
178
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,798
And in my heart,
I knew how lucky I was
179
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,040
to have safe, reliable,
kind Aunt Emily.
180
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,518
Come on, Fanny!
181
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,520
Get dressed, lazybones!
182
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,318
The Radletts loved animals,
183
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,638
but more than anything
in the world,
184
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,358
they loved to hunt foxes.
HUNTING HORN BLARES
185
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,400
All away!
186
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,480
LINDA LAUGHS
187
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,440
Oh!
188
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,920
Where is her Ladyship, your
mother, hunting this Christmas?
189
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,798
She's in Paris, Josh.
190
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:26,038
No human being like her Ladyship
I ever saw on a horse.
191
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,718
And look at you.
192
00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:29,678
Jostling about in that saddle.
193
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:34,118
Miss Linda takes after her Ladyship,
your mother, something wonderful.
194
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,678
Why is that good?
195
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,280
Isn't my mother supposed to
be wicked, Josh?
196
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,280
BOTH: Here's Fanny!
197
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,398
Darling, may I introduce you
to Captain Warbeck?
198
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,920
Please only ever call me Davey.
199
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,358
He looked different
with his clothes on.
200
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:57,240
You must find it a terrible joke,
old people like us getting married.
201
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,440
No, of course not.
202
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,560
Captain David Warbeck.
203
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,718
He doesn't look much like
a military man.
204
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,198
Or a marrying one,
for that matter.
205
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,358
Can't see him killing any Germans
with an entrenching tool.
206
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:23,040
Hm.
207
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:27,878
Ah...
208
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:29,680
WATER SPLASHES
Ooh.
209
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:35,158
Matthew is frightening,
and I disapprove of him so,
210
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:39,000
but in a way I feel he sets
the bar for English manhood.
211
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,598
Don't be sad.
212
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,158
Yeah, but it's always been
just me and Emily.
213
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,760
You'll always have boring old me!
214
00:13:55,800 --> 00:14:01,358
Did you know that ducks can only
copulate in running water?
215
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,598
No.
216
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,358
Good luck to them.
217
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,518
WHISPERS: Aunt Emily
copulated last night.
218
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,038
They were all twisted around
each other
219
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,558
when I went in there this morning.
220
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,198
Really?!
221
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:18,158
Oh, God! How? Show me! Show me how!
222
00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:20,798
You're sex obsessed.
I know, it's true.
223
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:24,438
I masturbate every time I
think about Lady Jane Grey.
224
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:26,558
And I think about her
all the time!
225
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,158
FANNY SHRIEKS
Fanny!
226
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,878
BOTH LAUGH
227
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,918
HE GUFFAWS
228
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,880
Davey! You are a clever cove!
229
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:39,598
He says these Charles II
salt-shakers
230
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,878
we thought we'd had
in the family for 300 years
231
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,558
are really Georgian imitations,
not valuable at all!
232
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,200
HE BANGS ON TABLE
233
00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,718
Children, you are so lucky
234
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:53,678
to be related to this
extraordinary fellow.
235
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:56,678
Yes, he's a terrific Hon.
236
00:14:56,680 --> 00:15:00,278
Oh, um, well, we have
a Hons Society.
237
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,118
If you're a member,
you're honourable,
238
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,998
and our enemies are
Counter Hons.
239
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,080
I'm honoured to be a Hon!
240
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:13,678
Davey, maybe you can influence Emily
on the subject of female education.
241
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,598
It's done Fanny absolutely no good
whatsoever, as far as I can tell.
242
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,478
She's picked up some dreadful
expressions
243
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,878
from that school of hers.
244
00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,278
Very likely she did.
245
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,558
Awful words like "mantelpiece"
and "notepaper"
246
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,958
keep coming out of her mouth,
and her poor husband,
247
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,918
if she ever gets one...
248
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:31,678
A lot of men would find it
more irritating
249
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,198
to have a wife who'd never
heard of George III,
250
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,878
or been allowed off their
family premises to pursue
251
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,758
any sort of normal life.
252
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,878
They have absolutely everything
they will ever need here!
253
00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,998
Church, stables, tennis court.
254
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,238
Why would they ever want to leave?
255
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,078
You don't have to go to some awful
middle-class establishment
256
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,078
to learn who George III was.
257
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,760
Anyway, who was he, Fanny? Hmm?
258
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,160
He was King.
259
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,720
And he went mad and...
260
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,838
Most illuminating.
261
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,678
Well worth losing every ounce
of feminine charm
262
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,318
to learn that, I must say, Fanny.
263
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,638
Thighs like gateposts from
playing hockey,
264
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,198
and the worst seat on a horse
of any woman I've ever seen.
265
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,758
Linda, you're uneducated,
thank God.
266
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,200
What do you have to say
about George III?
267
00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,000
Well, he was the son
of poor Fred and...
268
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,558
..oh, he was the father
of Beau Brummell's fat friend.
269
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,398
Oh, and he was one of those
vacillators, you know?
270
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,238
I am his Highness's dog at Kew
271
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,478
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog
are you?
272
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,000
Ooh! How sweet!
273
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,358
Oh... No, and Fanny doesn't
have thighs like gateposts.
274
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,680
Her thighs are perfect.
275
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,598
I'd like to go to school.
276
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,520
Oh, do shut up!
277
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,798
Matthew's trapped
his daughters here.
278
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,318
They manage to bridge
gulfs of ignorance
279
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,518
with charm and high spirits
280
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:13,838
and odds and ends of knowledge
they've picked up.
281
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,798
You're better off
not being like Linda.
282
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,198
She lacks all discipline.
283
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,880
Could easily come to nothing.
284
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,760
She does remind me of The Bolter.
285
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,680
I don't want her to come to nothing.
286
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,198
No.
287
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,078
WOMAN SINGS ARIA
288
00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:33,320
DISTANT CRACK
289
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,400
CRACKING CONTINUES
290
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:40,960
HE SINGS ALONG TO ARIA
291
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,678
ARIA CONTINUES
292
00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:56,320
HE SINGS ALONG
293
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:06,758
ARIA REACHES CRESCENDO
294
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,158
HE SINGS ALONG TUNELESSLY
295
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,318
MUSIC CONTINUES
296
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,560
WHIP CRACKS
297
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,960
LINDA LAUGHS
298
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:26,080
FANNY WHIMPERS
299
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,798
Please don't bolt.
Don't ever leave me.
300
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:35,118
Why would I bolt when I'm going
to marry the Prince of Wales?
301
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:38,518
And have a train 40 feet long.
302
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,438
12 bridesmaids.
303
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,318
And you'll be the chief one.
304
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,918
What happens then?
305
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,358
You'll be happily ever after,
and what about me?
306
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:47,880
You'll be with me.
307
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,678
Chatting and having baths,
like always,
308
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:56,478
and being wise and clever
and funny and kind
309
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,438
and the best thing there is,
310
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,920
because you know I'm lost
without you.
311
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,398
What if you die?
312
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,878
I won't die!
313
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,840
I'm not that sort of person.
314
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,918
Darling Linda,
315
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,798
I'm going to drag you
out of this place for ever
316
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,078
and copulate with you in running
water like a divine duck,
317
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,798
and my goodness,
how you'll live!
318
00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,558
We don't want strangers here,
anyway, stinking the place up.
319
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:30,278
Well, you'll have to do something,
320
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,358
or there'll be no men at all at your
oldest daughter's coming-out ball.
321
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:35,678
Oh, shut up!
There's Josh the groom!
322
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,598
And I've plenty of friends
in the House of Lords
323
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:40,718
who'll be happy to come
if I promise them a shoot.
324
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,760
RECORD PLAYS
325
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,678
Despite his suspicion
of strangers,
326
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,118
Uncle Matthew couldn't do
anything to stop
327
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:50,558
the day of Louisa's ball arriving.
328
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:52,520
LOUISA CLEARS HER THROAT
329
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:06,958
As promised,
Louisa's dance partners
330
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,800
were Uncle Matthew's friends
from the House of Lords...
331
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,120
..and Josh the groom.
332
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,198
Ow!
333
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,038
Oh, so sorry.
Oh, no, no, it's fine.
334
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,918
QUIET CONVERSATION
335
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,720
FOOTSTEPS THUD
336
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,438
You're very patient.
337
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,880
Thank you.
338
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:43,520
SHE YAWNS
339
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,798
All so small and ugly.
340
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,040
Old and ugly!
341
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:05,160
The evening was saved from utter
disillusionment by a late arrival...
342
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,638
..Alconleigh's nearest neighbour.
343
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,040
# Pawn of none
344
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:17,158
# Born with steel reins on the heart
345
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:19,118
# Of the sun... #
346
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:23,078
Lord Merlin was an artist,
a musician
347
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,118
and a patron of all the young.
348
00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:30,238
# Exalted companion
of cocaine nights
349
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:34,278
# Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld
350
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,120
# Dandy in the Underworld... #
351
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,240
What a set!
352
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,318
It was rumoured he had
two black whippets
353
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,638
who wore diamond necklaces,
and a playhouse in the garden
354
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:51,038
where he put on such extravagances
as Dada plays from Paris
355
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,520
and jazz poetry from Harlem.
356
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,360
Uncle Matthew loathed him.
357
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,480
There's a man carrying a comb!
358
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,798
Davey!
359
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,158
# To destruction he fell
360
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:12,758
# Now he forever stalks
the ancient mansions of hell
361
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,718
# Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld
362
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,518
# Dandy in the Underworld
363
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:23,718
# When will he come up for air? #
364
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,998
I can introduce you, if you like.
365
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,078
No, Davey.
366
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,120
Our dresses are too bad.
367
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,798
# Sha-la shoo-be-doo
368
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,958
# Sha-la
shoo-be-doo
369
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,318
# Sha-la shoo-be-doo, ahh! #
370
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,318
I'm going to the cupboard.
371
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,678
Yes, me too.
372
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:46,918
# Sha-la shoo-be-doo
373
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,878
# Sha-la
shoo-be-doo
374
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:55,078
# Sha-la shoo-be-doo, ahh!
375
00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,598
# Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld
376
00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,838
# Dandy in the Underworld
377
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:06,318
# When will he come up for air?
378
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:11,800
# Oh, will anybody ever care?
379
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:16,518
# Cos he's a Dandy in the Underworld
380
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,320
# Dandy in the Underworld... #
381
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:37,678
I'm officially renouncing
His Royal Highness.
382
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,318
From now on I will devote myself
383
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:43,278
to being one of those bright
young things of Merlin's.
384
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,438
Merlin's friends are more
in my mother's...orbit.
385
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:51,840
Oh, they're so beautiful
and sophisticated.
386
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,718
Don't you just...
SHE KISSES
387
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,958
..ache for life
to be exciting, like this?
388
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:03,598
Hm. I think I'd like to
observe exciting things.
389
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:04,878
LINDA SIGHS
390
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,158
If only there were exciting things!
391
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:08,278
You!
392
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,798
You're an exciting thing!
393
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,480
LINDA LAUGHS
You are!
394
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,280
We are.
395
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:22,238
SHE KISSES
396
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,040
We do everything together.
397
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,680
I'd be lost without you.
398
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,958
But the brief appearance
of Lord Merlin's house party
399
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,918
only made the walls of Linda's
fortress appear higher than ever.
400
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:45,478
She became paralysed in
her longing for life and love,
401
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,998
and all she could do
was lie about waiting for it.
402
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:50,800
CLOCK TICKS
403
00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:54,558
What's the time, darling? Guess.
404
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,318
Quarter to six. Better than that.
405
00:24:57,320 --> 00:24:59,158
Six. Not quite so good.
406
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:00,758
Five to. Yes!
407
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,120
It's forever until we come out!
408
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,278
I can't live that long!
409
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,598
"As long as she thinks of a man,
410
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:10,438
"nobody objects to a woman
thinking."
411
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,878
That's what Virginia Woolf
has to say.
412
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,438
Well, then, no-one will object,
cos I only think about men.
413
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,838
Maybe that's because you
haven't been educated properly.
414
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:20,278
Or maybe it's because
everything else is boring!
415
00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,558
What is it you actually want?
416
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:26,878
SHE SIGHS
I want to escape!
417
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:32,478
And have fun and wear high heels
and go to the cinema
418
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,000
and have sex and be adored by a man
and be in love!
419
00:25:37,360 --> 00:25:39,120
What do you want?
420
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:46,880
Is life only about love?
421
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,880
Oh. Yes!
422
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,480
Louisa's dance had
an unexpected sequel.
423
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,360
I don't know why you'd
want to marry someone so old.
424
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,318
Louisa, half his hair
has slipped off his head,
425
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:19,918
like an eiderdown off the bed!
426
00:26:19,920 --> 00:26:22,598
He's only 45. And you're 18!
427
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,678
If he was a dog,
you'd have to put him down.
428
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,598
I'm happy for
the first time in my life!
429
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,278
I'm getting out...for ever.
430
00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:30,998
And you're going to be
stuck here, Linda,
431
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:32,958
hunting and walking the
dogs with Fa.
432
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:34,958
That's what comes of being
the favourite.
433
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:36,758
Shut up! Don't you think
you're a bit too old
434
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,640
to be sitting in a cupboard?
No, not really.
435
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,118
I'm not having any bridesmaids,
by the way,
436
00:26:44,120 --> 00:26:45,918
so don't worry about your dresses.
437
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:47,358
What?
438
00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:50,118
I'm not going to be upstaged on my
wedding day, thank you very much!
439
00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:53,398
Ohh! You're not having any
bridesmaids?
440
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:57,160
No. You can't think how stupid
you're going to look from behind!
441
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:02,678
Oh.
442
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:04,920
Linda was really very jealous.
443
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,080
Shall we go, then, Papa?
Yes, let's go.
444
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:21,478
She looks like the eldest and
ugliest of the Bronte sisters.
445
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:22,718
At that moment,
446
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,438
I think Linda would have gladly
changed places with Louisa,
447
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:26,998
even at the very heavy cost
448
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,998
of living happily ever after with
John Fort-William.
449
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:31,318
I want to die!
450
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:35,080
Unless life begins absolutely
right now, I want to die!
451
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:37,878
Push me, will you?
452
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,838
Can you please...? Can you get
down, Linda, it's really high.
453
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,560
LINDA GASPS
454
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:48,598
If only it weren't such
a difficult thing to do.
455
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,198
PHONE RINGS
456
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,478
It's hard enough to kill
a rabbit, let alone oneself.
457
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,078
SHE SIGHS
458
00:27:54,080 --> 00:27:55,838
It's that hog Merlin!
459
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,798
I won't have my home filled
with Merlin's dago friends!
460
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,758
I hear he has Frogs there too!
461
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:04,198
I won't have Frogs or dagos
under any circumstances!
462
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,718
Hello, Merlin.
463
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:07,280
Oh, lunch would be lovely.
464
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,960
WINGS FLAP
465
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,278
What sort of birds are they?
466
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:23,518
Just ordinary pigeons.
467
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,878
Where do you get them that colour?
468
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,038
I dye them. Every year.
469
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,798
Dry them in the linen cupboard.
470
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:33,358
Isn't that frightfully cruel?
Oh, no, they love it.
471
00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:35,718
They love it. It makes them
so pretty for each other.
472
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,640
What about their poor little eyes?
Oh, they soon learn to shut them.
473
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:44,040
I see you're taken with my silly old
Romantic Antoine Watteaus.
474
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,518
Love isn't silly.
475
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,398
Linda! It's my religion.
476
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:51,000
AUNT SADIE SIGHS
477
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:53,998
Is it really?
478
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,918
That's all she can think about.
It's really rather alarming.
479
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,558
WINGS FLAP
Oh!
480
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,358
Gertie, leave her alone.
I'm so sorry.
481
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,998
No, um...
I try to tell the girls
482
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,438
that they've got to consider
practicalities.
483
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,918
They've got to write down how they'd
run a household on £200 a year.
484
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:15,198
Linda always just puts
"£199 - flowers".
485
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,238
OTHERS LAUGH
486
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,120
What lessons are you doing?
487
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,000
None at all.
488
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,998
Pa thinks that girls get fat
thighs from playing hockey
489
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,438
if they go to school, but not that
Fanny has fat thighs.
490
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,718
Hers are perfect.
491
00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,440
No, no, no, no, no. Linda...
492
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:35,680
..you need...
493
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,358
..educating.
494
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,518
Yeah, that's what I said,
495
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,440
but she doesn't listen to me.
496
00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:55,000
MUSIC OVER CONVERSATION
497
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,480
LINDA SIGHS
498
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,680
You have an intensely
romantic character.
499
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:45,758
Hm.
500
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,240
I see trouble ahead.
501
00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:52,998
I urge upon you the necessity
502
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,280
for an intellectual background,
Linda.
503
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,638
Hm!
504
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:00,160
Although I fear...
505
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,320
..it may already be too late.
506
00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:10,200
LORD MERLIN CHUCKLES
507
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,080
Come on, then.
508
00:31:22,760 --> 00:31:26,678
For a while, Linda followed his
advice, finding comfort in books
509
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,360
and things other than
the desperate pursuit of love,
510
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:32,958
But finally, inevitably,
511
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:35,678
the minutes turned to hours,
the hours to weeks,
512
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,238
the weeks to months,
513
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,240
and the impossible happened.
514
00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:42,680
CLOCK CHIMES
515
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:06,000
We'd attained the great golden
goal of every childhood.
516
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:09,480
We'd grown up.
517
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:56,640
Would you like to dance?
518
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,080
Yes, I would.
519
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:17,398
Tony Kroesig - in his last year at
Oxford, a member of the Bullingdon.
520
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:19,798
A splendid young man
with plenty of beautiful horses
521
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,518
and exquisite clothes,
522
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,038
he had already
a strong air of pomposity,
523
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,198
a thing which Linda had never
come across before...
524
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,438
It's awfully muddy where you live.
Hm!
525
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,678
I hope your chauffeur knows
how to park a Rolls-Royce!
526
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,918
BOTH LAUGH
527
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:35,558
Yes.
528
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,640
..and which she found
not unattractive.
529
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,720
Who's that sewer with Linda?
530
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:02,198
Kroesig. Governor of
the Bank of England - his son.
531
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,318
Kroesig?!
532
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,040
Good God!
533
00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:10,398
Never expected to be harbouring
a full-blooded Hun in the house!
534
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,318
Matthew, dear, don't get excited.
The Kroesigs aren't Huns.
535
00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:16,598
They're a highly respected
family of bankers.
536
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,558
They've been over here
for generations.
537
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:20,078
Once a Hun, always a Hun.
538
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:22,480
Good God!
539
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,478
Does he know I still have
an entrenching tool
540
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,518
I used to whack eight
of his countrymen to death?
541
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:28,960
I don't suppose he does.
542
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,998
I always said Merlin would bring
foreigners here eventually.
543
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,880
I never thought he'd land us
with an actual German!
544
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:13,320
Oh, no, look! The poor rabbit!
545
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:16,360
SHE GASPS
546
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,000
Oh!
547
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,278
This was the one romantic
gesture of Tony's life.
548
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:40,920
SHE SIGHS
549
00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,798
Tony went back to Oxford,
550
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,480
and Linda sat about waiting
for the telephone bell.
551
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:49,920
If this comes out...
552
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:52,960
..he'll ring tomorrow.
553
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,640
If this comes out...
554
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,718
..he'll be at the meet.
555
00:36:02,720 --> 00:36:04,398
SHE SIGHS
556
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:05,798
If this comes out...
557
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:08,198
..he's thinking of me
at this very minute.
558
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:09,758
PHONE RINGS
559
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:11,160
SHE GASPS
560
00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:16,838
Hello.
561
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:18,680
Hello. Is that Linda?
562
00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:21,598
It's Tony Kroesig here.
563
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,438
Hello, Tony.
564
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,038
Listen, will you come to lunch?
565
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:27,158
Christchurch, next Thursday,
one o'clock?
566
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,878
Oh, but...Fa doesn't let us alone
with young men unchaperoned.
567
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,918
He doesn't really let us out,
full stop.
568
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,918
Really?
HE LAUGHS
569
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,838
You seem too old
for that sort of restriction.
570
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,558
Um... Bring your cousin if you like.
571
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,398
All right!
572
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,278
That'd be lovely.
SHE MOUTHS
573
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:45,038
Bye. Goodbye.
574
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,278
You can't go, because Matthew
will throttle you.
575
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,358
I will actually die if I don't go,
576
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,360
so, you see,
I'd be dead either way.
577
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,678
We have to escape
the fortress, Fanny.
578
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,958
There was only one way
we could devise to escape,
579
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:01,278
and it was full of risk.
580
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:03,878
A very dull girl of exactly our age
581
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:05,518
called Lavender Davis
582
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:09,118
lived with her very dull parents
about five miles away.
583
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:12,638
Once in a blue moon, Linda,
complaining vociferously,
584
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:15,518
was sent over to
luncheon with them,
585
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:17,440
driving herself in
Sadie's little car.
586
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:22,838
Why are you two dressed up
for breakfast?
587
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,318
Lavender Davis wants us
to go over to lunch there.
588
00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:27,678
Oh, duck, you can't have
the car, I'm afraid.
589
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:29,238
Perkins is going to wash it.
590
00:37:29,240 --> 00:37:31,718
But, Mummy, you don't...
you don't understand.
591
00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:35,358
The whole point is that a man's
coming who brought up a baby badger.
592
00:37:35,360 --> 00:37:37,158
And I do so want to meet him.
593
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,438
When we go to London
for the season,
594
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,878
you'll barely have
time for a badger.
595
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:45,998
Badgers are nocturnal anyway,
so you wouldn't even see it.
596
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,478
Good point...
597
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:51,358
Darling Jassy, lend me
your running-away money.
598
00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,398
What? No.
599
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,558
I've saved and scraped
ever since I was seven
600
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,558
for when I plan to
run away myself.
601
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:01,078
I've no education or training,
so I'll need every penny.
602
00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:04,158
Just enough for a couple of
train tickets to Oxford.
603
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:06,318
Darling, I'll give it all back.
604
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:07,638
Tony will.
605
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:08,880
I know men.
606
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,518
Who has a badger?
607
00:38:11,520 --> 00:38:13,318
Last time,
you said you didn't mind
608
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,678
if you never saw the Davises
again in your whole life!
609
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,278
Oh, dear.
610
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:19,998
You said you wanted to bash
Lavender Davis's face in
611
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:21,038
with a mallet.
612
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,718
AUNT SADIE:
Yes, she did say that.
613
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:24,518
Come on, Fanny. Let's go!
614
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,638
It's barely nine o'clock
in the morning! Girls!
615
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:29,558
BOTH GIGGLE
616
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:31,640
MUSIC: Deceptacon by Le Tigre
617
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:40,840
# Every day and night
618
00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:45,118
# Every day and night
619
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:48,318
# I can see your disco disco dick
620
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,038
# Is sucking my heart out of my mind
621
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:53,758
# I'm outta time,
I'm outta fucking time
622
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,998
# I'm a gasoline gut with
a vaseline mind
623
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:58,960
# Wanna disco?
Wanna see me disco...? #
624
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,638
BOTH SHRIEK
625
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:06,158
# One, two, three, four
626
00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:08,518
# You got what you been asking for
627
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,158
# You're so policy free and
628
00:39:10,160 --> 00:39:12,758
# Your fantasy wheels
and everything you think
629
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,398
# And everything you feel
630
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,758
# Is all right, all right,
all right, all... #
631
00:39:17,760 --> 00:39:19,638
BELL RINGS
632
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,400
WHISPERS: They're so serious.
It's like church.
633
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,918
Do you think that we
would be as clever?
634
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:27,800
If you evened it all out, I mean.
635
00:39:28,880 --> 00:39:30,958
MAN CALLS OUT: Bath time!
636
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,080
ALL SHOUT AND CHEER
637
00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:42,318
Last one in's a sissy!
638
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:44,398
CHEERING AND SPLASHING
639
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,718
We must keep our ends up, Fanny.
640
00:39:46,720 --> 00:39:48,720
I think I'm happy with my end down.
641
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,720
WOMEN GIGGLE
642
00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:59,480
LINDA GASPS
643
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,518
Come on, let's do it.
We'd look so chic.
644
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,600
MEN CHANT
645
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,958
FANNY: Davey says it's deadly
to talk about hunting.
646
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,520
LINDA: Of course I won't!
They're intellectuals.
647
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:20,558
Hello.
648
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:21,920
Been hunting at all?
649
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:26,198
Yes, actually.
We were out yesterday.
650
00:40:26,200 --> 00:40:28,158
Good day? Great.
651
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:29,918
Actually very.
652
00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:33,920
We found at once and we had a
five-mile point and then we...
653
00:40:35,120 --> 00:40:37,238
That's marvellous. Yes!
654
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:39,398
Yeah. Well, we had a good
day yesterday too.
655
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:41,598
Then my first horse went lame.
656
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:43,758
Terrible shame. Ah, no.
657
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:46,798
He'd been looking
awfully good all year.
658
00:40:46,800 --> 00:40:48,878
Come on! Mm!
659
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,238
Here they are!
660
00:40:50,240 --> 00:40:52,998
About time! I said one o'clock,
not five past.
661
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,040
ALL TALK AT ONCE
662
00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:00,038
TONY: Go and have some of that
cheese. Mummy sent this up.
663
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:03,238
SWING MUSIC PLAYS
664
00:41:03,240 --> 00:41:05,118
Talk to that man.
665
00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,878
Say something clever.
666
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,478
LINDA GIGGLES
667
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:09,838
Oh...
668
00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:11,878
Hello! Hello.
669
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:14,798
I'm a big fan
of Virginia Woolf.
670
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,278
Have you read Orlando? You look
rather like The Bolter.
671
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,758
A sort of Home Counties version.
672
00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:21,240
That's my mother.
673
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:23,878
I shouldn't think so.
674
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,118
You're much too old to be
a child of The Bolter.
675
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:28,878
Is she still with
her white hunter?
676
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:32,838
What's all that hair
on your nose?
677
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,998
LAUGHS
678
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,118
Oh, my goodness.
Fanny, is there a hair...?
679
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,240
BLOWS
680
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:51,318
Yes!
681
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,358
You got away lightly.
682
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:55,238
CHEERING
683
00:41:55,240 --> 00:41:56,838
To the King.
684
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,358
OTHERS CHEER AND LAUGH
685
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:00,918
Drink it all!
686
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,558
Oh... Two! Whoo!
687
00:42:03,560 --> 00:42:05,760
This isn't really enjoyable.
688
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:09,278
CHEERING
689
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:11,358
A ghastly feeling of guilt is
beginning to give me
690
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,078
a pain rather like indigestion.
691
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,558
Yes, me too. Every time
the door opens,
692
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,198
I'm sure Uncle Matthew's going
to be there cracking his whip.
693
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:19,678
OK...
694
00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:21,718
CHEERING
695
00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,518
I think we'd better go.
696
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:24,760
Yes.
697
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,478
TONY GUFFAWS
698
00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,318
Shall...shall we?
Yes, I know.
699
00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:31,720
TONY: Come on, baby.
700
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:34,958
Going to go? Yes.
701
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,238
LINDA SOBS
FANNY: Oh, shush now.
702
00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:38,678
You poor darling.
703
00:42:38,680 --> 00:42:41,918
But you know that you have to
kiss a lot of frogs
704
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,878
before you find your prince...
705
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:45,838
..of Wales!
706
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:47,880
SOBBING CONTINUES
707
00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,518
Oh, Fanny...
708
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,280
Fanny, help.
709
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:59,760
Love has increased threefold
in one short day.
710
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,198
But why?
711
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,518
SOBBING: I love him!
712
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:07,920
Oh, Linda, why?
713
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,680
Linda! Linda!
714
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,960
UNCLE MATTHEW: Linda!
715
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,360
Linda!
716
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:41,040
I have received a phone call...
717
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:48,520
..telling me...
718
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:51,758
..that someone has left a scarf
719
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,800
in Tony Kroesig's rooms at Oxford.
720
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,720
Now we know -
you're not to be trusted.
721
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:05,998
So we'll have to take
certain steps.
722
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:07,718
Fanny, you will go
straight home.
723
00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:10,718
Emily can...try to control you
in the future, if she can.
724
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:12,998
But you'll go the same way
as your mother The Bolter,
725
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:14,478
as sure as eggs is eggs.
726
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:17,718
Fa, you can't keep us locked up
forever - we're practically
middle-aged women!
727
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,038
Don't interrupt your father.
Fanny is a scarlet woman -
728
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:22,398
that's what we'd have
called her in the old days.
729
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,798
I didn't even want to go.
And as for you, miss!
730
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:26,998
You're worse, worse than
The Bolter, imagine that!
731
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:28,678
Please stop it
about The Bolter.
732
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,398
No-one here is like her.
It's all unfair
733
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,158
because I always feel like I'm the
terrible person, and then Linda
always seems so innocent.
734
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,598
I blame that depraved sewer Merlin.
735
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:38,158
LINDA: Merlin's not depraved!
736
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,678
He travels abroad and reads books
and is sophisticated.
737
00:44:41,680 --> 00:44:44,118
Travels abroad?
Yes, and his house
738
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:45,958
is beautiful and comfortable
and warm,
739
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,518
a place to live in, and not
some freezing medieval fortress
740
00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,398
to rush out from
and kill things all day.
741
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,878
I can't sit in a cupboard
with Fanny for the rest of my life!
742
00:44:52,880 --> 00:44:55,718
Well, you won't have to, cos Fanny's
never coming back here again!
743
00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:58,558
And there can be no question of a
London season now. Fa, please! No!
744
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,958
We shall have to watch you every
minute of the day in future.
745
00:45:00,960 --> 00:45:03,600
You're damn lucky
not to get a thrashing.
746
00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,518
Now go to your rooms, both of you.
747
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:09,718
And you're not to speak
to each other before Fanny leaves!
748
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:11,998
Luckily, no-one will give them
a second glance now
749
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,560
with that dreadful hair.
750
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:28,198
Goodbye, Fanny! Goodbye!
751
00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:29,600
Goodbye, Linda.
752
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:32,878
Oh, we are unlucky to be us!
753
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:34,678
Bye, darling!
754
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:37,240
FANNY: Of course,
we were allowed a London season.
755
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,878
# Give my love to London
756
00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:46,478
# Say I'll be there soon
757
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:49,038
# Meet me in Piccadilly
758
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,278
# And we'll dance by the light
of the moon... #
759
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,318
FANNY: The English upper-class
version of the puberty ritual
760
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,958
finally happened.
761
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,278
Isn't it lovely to be lovely us?
762
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:00,238
We came out into the world -
763
00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:03,718
18 years old
and ready for a husband.
764
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:05,678
Do you get up to Scotland much?
765
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:07,358
Care for nightclubs?
766
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:10,278
I say, have you come far?
767
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:12,558
We met last night
at William Stonor's.
768
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:13,838
Don't you remember?
769
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:15,398
No.
770
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:16,920
Uh...
771
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,758
FANNY: But Linda was still
in her dream of love for Tony.
772
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,760
And Tony was nowhere to be seen.
773
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,320
Oh, what's the point?
774
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:32,800
I missed my only chance
for happiness.
775
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,318
I'm going to be a sour,
776
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:39,798
wizened up, toothless old maid
777
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:43,118
and die in a hole.
778
00:46:43,120 --> 00:46:45,198
Me too.
779
00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:47,440
We'll have each other
to dribble on at least.
780
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:01,878
Hello, Linda.
781
00:47:01,880 --> 00:47:03,918
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
782
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:05,478
Really?
783
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:07,478
Shall I show you the balcony?
784
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,160
Yes.
785
00:47:26,080 --> 00:47:28,318
THE BOLTER: Hello, darling!
786
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,638
You've got so tall!
787
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:31,998
Hello, Bolter.
788
00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:33,598
Mummy.
789
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:35,480
I'm your mummy!
790
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,958
Was that Linda
I just saw you with?
791
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:41,358
Yes.
792
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:43,718
Oh, no, it's such a mistake
to be friends with girls
793
00:47:43,720 --> 00:47:45,638
who are more beautiful
than one is, darling.
794
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:47,878
It's too dispiriting.
Who was she with?
795
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,478
Tony Kroesig.
796
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:51,158
Tony?! Oh.
797
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:52,520
That won't last.
798
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:58,998
I want you to meet my friend, Colin.
799
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,678
He's so nice!
800
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:02,678
He's here somewhere.
801
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:04,518
What happened to your white hunter?
802
00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:08,520
Dead. Shot in the head
during a safari - too sad.
803
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:12,238
Oh, well, at least
you didn't have to bolt.
804
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:13,918
LAUGHS
805
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:16,878
Yeah, no. Yes, for once!
LAUGHS
806
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:19,720
First one I lost respectably -
to death.
807
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:24,640
Oh, Fanny, dear, you're very funny.
808
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,360
I'm going to go and fetch
lovely Colin for you to meet.
809
00:48:36,160 --> 00:48:40,078
# D'ye ken John Peel
with his coat so gay?
810
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:43,838
# D'ye ken John Peel
at the break o' the day
811
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,438
# D'ye ken John Peel
when he's far, far away... #
812
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:49,438
Oh, darling Colin,
everything about you is heaven.
813
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,358
I just want to spend
the whole night with you!
814
00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:52,718
Goodness, let's!
815
00:48:52,720 --> 00:48:54,518
# For the sound of his horn... #
816
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:55,838
Come, let's get out of here.
817
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:59,198
# And the cry of his hounds
which he oft times led
818
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:02,638
# Peel's "View, Halloo!"
could awaken the dead
819
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:06,598
# Or the fox from his lair
in the morning
820
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:10,278
# Yes, I ken John Peel and Ruby too
821
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:13,678
# Ranter and Royal
and Bellman so true
822
00:49:13,680 --> 00:49:15,758
# From the drag to the chase
823
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:17,918
# From the chase to the view
824
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:21,240
# From a view to the death
in the morning. #
825
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:29,920
GIGGLES SOFTLY
826
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:34,000
TENDERLY:
"Darling, I'm your mummy."
827
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:43,000
CARELESSLY:
"Darling, I'm your mummy."
828
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:54,678
LINDA YAWNS
829
00:49:54,680 --> 00:49:58,318
UNCLE MATTHEW: That bloody Hun
Kroesig has just telephoned.
830
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:00,878
He wanted to speak to you, Linda.
831
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:02,678
I told him to get
the hell out of here -
832
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:04,718
I don't want you mixed up
with any Germans,
833
00:50:04,720 --> 00:50:05,880
do you understand?
834
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:08,920
Well, I am "mixed up".
835
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:13,638
As it happens,
I'm engaged to him.
836
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:15,438
GASPS
837
00:50:15,440 --> 00:50:17,560
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
838
00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:22,678
What did you...? Come here!
839
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:24,598
What did you...?
Come here, you!
840
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:25,960
Come here!
841
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:29,438
What did you say?
842
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:32,040
How dare you! What did you say?
843
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,798
What are you doing?
She just said she's engaged!
844
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:38,760
PANTING
845
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,600
FANNY: It wasn't just Uncle Matthew
who opposed the engagement.
846
00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:04,038
Tony is Bottom
to Linda's Titania, isn't he?
847
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,838
DAVEY: He's ghastly.
848
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,998
A frightful Counter Hon.
849
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:10,198
Nothing will wake her up.
850
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:13,038
No. Not before it's too late.
851
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:14,760
Poor Linda.
852
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:18,358
She has an intensely
romantic character,
853
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:19,720
which is fatal for a woman.
854
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,080
And also what makes her
so completely irresistible.
855
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:28,318
Fortunately, most women
are madly matter-of-fact.
856
00:51:28,320 --> 00:51:30,560
Otherwise, the world
could hardly carry on.
857
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,160
What am I, Davey?
858
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:37,960
You're you, Fanny.
859
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:41,200
You'll be all right.
860
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:44,040
Hm.
861
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:47,758
Lord Merlin was braver
than the rest of us.
862
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:50,038
Are you pleased about my engagement?
No, of course not.
863
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:51,880
Why are you doing it?
864
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:54,518
STAMMERS: We're in love.
865
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:55,918
And what makes you think so?
866
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,038
STAMMERS: One doesn't think,
one knows.
867
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:00,760
Oh, fiddlesticks!
868
00:52:05,720 --> 00:52:07,438
Well!
869
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:11,238
You evidently don't
understand a thing about love.
870
00:52:11,240 --> 00:52:14,318
So what's the use
in talking to you?
871
00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:18,038
Love is for grown-ups,
as you'll discover one day.
872
00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:19,118
You'll also discover
873
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:20,918
that it's got nothing to do
with marriage.
874
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,598
I'm all in favour
of you marrying, if you so wish,
875
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:28,478
but for God's sake, not to a bore
like Tony Kroesig!
876
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:30,038
He's your friend.
877
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,238
If he's such a bore, why would
you bring him to my party?
878
00:52:32,240 --> 00:52:34,438
I can't guess that you'll go
and marry every stopgap
879
00:52:34,440 --> 00:52:35,920
that comes to stay at my house!
880
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:39,520
GASPS
881
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:46,678
LOO PAPER RUSTLES
882
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:48,918
LOO FLUSHES
883
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:52,318
LINDA: Can't think why Merlin
says he's such a bore.
884
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:53,680
Tony knows everything.
885
00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:58,758
Well, yes, that's exactly
it, he does.
886
00:52:58,760 --> 00:53:01,120
At least he thinks he does.
887
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:11,440
LOO FLUSHES
888
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:14,998
Oh, bother Merlin.
889
00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,478
You know, I'm starting to think
890
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,038
that Fa was right about
him all along.
891
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:21,120
He is a little depraved.
892
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:25,760
Don't you think?
893
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:32,440
EXCLAIMS
894
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,760
I'm afraid I have to make Lavender
Davis chief bridesmaid.
895
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:45,680
But you'll be second.
896
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:48,520
She's Tony's cousin.
897
00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:52,998
And she is responsible for us
getting together, after all.
898
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,198
Well, only most unwittingly.
899
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,120
Unwittingly or wittingly,
what does it matter?
900
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:21,360
CLEARS THROAT
901
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,518
Um...
902
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:26,238
Would you take my flowers
for me?
903
00:54:26,240 --> 00:54:29,600
Take my flowers for me,
would you? Oh!
904
00:54:31,720 --> 00:54:34,238
Oh, hello, Fanny, darling.
Come and have a champagne!
905
00:54:34,240 --> 00:54:35,358
Oh, I'm so sorry!
906
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:38,360
Excuse me. Sorry.
No, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
907
00:54:43,480 --> 00:54:44,758
This... There you are.
908
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,520
Yes, thank you.
That's all right. I...
909
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,198
Are you one of those
bright young things?
910
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:53,518
Oh, I don't know.
Would you like me to be?
911
00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:54,560
Not particularly.
912
00:54:57,560 --> 00:54:59,758
So, uh... Fanny!
913
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:01,438
Yes? Let's talk about...
914
00:55:01,440 --> 00:55:03,438
GUEST: It's time,
everyone's sitting down.
915
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:04,678
CLEARS THROAT
916
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,958
Yes, can we just, um, chat, Fanny?
917
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:09,358
Well, we will later - you have
to say hello to everyone.
918
00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:11,280
GROANS
919
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:14,160
Come on!
920
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:18,000
Get in!
921
00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,838
Well... What do you think?
922
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:26,678
It's better than Louisa's,
isn't it?
923
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:29,078
There's that at least. TONY: I say,
has anyone seen Linda?
924
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:30,880
Shh, shh, shh!
I need to start my speech.
925
00:55:32,800 --> 00:55:35,838
Darling, you'd better get out
and be the bride. I know, I know.
926
00:55:35,840 --> 00:55:37,918
Can we just stay
for a second longer
927
00:55:37,920 --> 00:55:40,438
and just...chat and catch up?
928
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:41,918
Your train's poking out -
929
00:55:41,920 --> 00:55:45,118
it's going to be quite obvious
you're in here. Darling,
930
00:55:45,120 --> 00:55:47,840
in my bitter determination
to grow up...
931
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,838
..I'd forgotten we'd have
to stop being children.
932
00:55:52,840 --> 00:55:54,078
Yes, there is that.
933
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,558
Can we still be toothless
old maids together?
934
00:55:56,560 --> 00:55:58,398
Not really -
you just got married!
935
00:55:58,400 --> 00:55:59,680
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
936
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:02,880
Oh, dear. I'm feeling a bit lost.
937
00:56:04,200 --> 00:56:05,358
Oh.
938
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,798
Are there really
to be no more Christmases
939
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:09,198
at Alconleigh?
940
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:10,520
AUNT SADIE: Linda!
941
00:56:16,240 --> 00:56:18,920
Get out of there at once!
942
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,400
Tony's about to make his speech.
943
00:57:01,680 --> 00:57:04,640
Ah, there she is.
Speak of the devil.
944
00:57:07,720 --> 00:57:09,238
Come on, girl, get over here.
945
00:57:09,240 --> 00:57:11,438
# My baby loves me
946
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:13,078
# I'm so happy
947
00:57:13,080 --> 00:57:16,438
# Happy makes me a modern girl
948
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:18,678
# Took my money
949
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:20,520
# And bought a TV... #
WHISPERS: Go on.
950
00:57:22,240 --> 00:57:24,160
WHISPERS: I love you.
951
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:28,398
Er, when I first met Linda,
952
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:31,598
she told me she was
an Honourable,
953
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:33,398
the daughter of a baron,
954
00:57:33,400 --> 00:57:35,120
spoke fluent French...
955
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:41,640
..and rode to hounds
with the Bicester.
956
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:49,598
And I knew, right off the bat,
957
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,318
she was hellbent on marrying me.
958
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:53,518
TRICKLE OF LAUGHTER
959
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:55,998
Despite all that, I still
managed to fall for her!
960
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:57,798
LAUGHTER
961
00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:00,118
Erm, you see, I think what...
962
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:03,838
..what sealed the deal,
as we say in banking...
963
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:06,558
VOICE FADES
964
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,478
# I'm so happy
965
00:58:08,480 --> 00:58:10,198
# Happy makes me
966
00:58:10,200 --> 00:58:11,958
# A modern girl
967
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:13,718
# Took my money
968
00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:16,158
# And bought a doughnut
969
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:19,278
# The hole's the size of
this entire world
970
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:23,398
# My whole life
971
00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:26,718
# Was like a picture of a sunny day
972
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:30,478
# My whole life
973
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:34,280
# Looked like the picture
of a sunny day
974
00:58:49,160 --> 00:58:51,078
# My baby loves me
975
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:53,158
# I'm so angry
976
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:56,518
# Anger makes me a modern girl
977
00:58:56,520 --> 00:58:58,398
# Took my money
978
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:00,558
# I couldn't buy nothin'
979
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:04,118
# I'm sick of this brave new world
980
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,758
# My whole life
981
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:11,358
# Was like the picture
of a sunny day
982
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:15,038
# My whole life
983
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,840
# Looked like the picture
of a sunny day. #
114059
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