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1
00:00:05,998 --> 00:00:07,827
Hey, Calvin. Hey, guys.
2
00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:10,132
Thanks again for taking
this stuff to Goodwill for us.
3
00:00:10,217 --> 00:00:12,611
Oh, no problem.
Oh, and, uh,
4
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,233
congratulations,
Dave,
5
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:16,086
on finally moving
out of a high chair
6
00:00:16,171 --> 00:00:17,759
into a booster seat.
7
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,588
You know, not funny now,
and not funny at restaurants
8
00:00:20,673 --> 00:00:23,014
when you have the waiter
bring one over for me.
9
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:27,073
Oh, wow, looks like
you guys are getting rid
10
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,460
of Grover's
old baby stuff.
11
00:00:28,545 --> 00:00:30,547
Yeah. We used to think
about having another kid.
12
00:00:30,632 --> 00:00:32,742
But by the time Grover
was out of diapers,
13
00:00:32,827 --> 00:00:35,399
life got so busy, it just
kind of never happened.
14
00:00:35,484 --> 00:00:37,750
Yeah, plus we agreed we're
happy with just having one.
15
00:00:37,835 --> 00:00:39,753
After all, I'm an only child
and I think we all know
16
00:00:39,837 --> 00:00:41,799
that I turned out
pretty spectacular.
17
00:00:41,883 --> 00:00:44,236
We also know
that one of you
18
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,116
is definitely enough.
19
00:00:47,538 --> 00:00:48,806
Aw, remember
20
00:00:48,890 --> 00:00:50,634
this little guy? Oh, yeah.
21
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,288
Captain Cuddleduck.
22
00:00:52,372 --> 00:00:53,550
He was Grover's favorite. Yeah,
23
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:54,855
we'd peek into
his room at night,
24
00:00:54,939 --> 00:00:56,758
and there they'd be,
curled up together.
25
00:00:56,843 --> 00:00:59,382
Snug as two
bugs in a rug.
26
00:00:59,466 --> 00:01:01,210
Aw, that's adorable.
27
00:01:01,616 --> 00:01:03,168
Peace out, Captain.
28
00:01:03,252 --> 00:01:05,710
Well, uh, hold on.
29
00:01:08,257 --> 00:01:09,609
Maybe we should keep him.
30
00:01:09,693 --> 00:01:11,959
Why? Grover hasn't slept
with him for years.
31
00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:14,136
I know.
But it's just one thing
32
00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:16,181
to remind us
of when he was little.
33
00:01:16,265 --> 00:01:17,487
Okay, sure.
34
00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:19,141
Besides,
Cuddleduck is a veteran.
35
00:01:19,318 --> 00:01:21,280
Welcome home, soldier.
36
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:23,144
What's this?
37
00:01:23,244 --> 00:01:24,483
Uh, it's a bottle warmer.
38
00:01:24,568 --> 00:01:26,235
You use it to warm up
a baby's milk.
39
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,281
Oh yeah, we used to have
one of those, too.
40
00:01:29,365 --> 00:01:31,541
It was called an armpit.
41
00:01:32,288 --> 00:01:35,374
I put one under there one time
after playing basketball.
42
00:01:35,458 --> 00:01:38,287
It got so hot
it burned Marty's lip.
43
00:01:39,623 --> 00:01:40,725
You know what?
44
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,280
Maybe we should keep this, too.
45
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:44,600
It sounds like
you guys aren't ready
46
00:01:44,685 --> 00:01:45,991
to get rid of some
of this stuff.
47
00:01:46,076 --> 00:01:47,773
Of course we are.
48
00:01:52,151 --> 00:01:53,866
Gemma, what are you doing?
49
00:01:56,914 --> 00:01:58,615
I don't know.
My brain's saying "Let go,"
50
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,736
but my hand's aren't listening.
51
00:02:01,392 --> 00:02:04,177
Okay, Gemma,
let go of the high chair.
52
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:06,085
Oh, my...
53
00:02:06,449 --> 00:02:07,409
I can't.
54
00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:08,716
Why not?
55
00:02:08,801 --> 00:02:10,849
Because I think
I want another baby.
56
00:02:11,189 --> 00:02:12,577
What?
57
00:02:12,693 --> 00:02:15,061
Well, what do you know, Captain?
58
00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:18,501
Looks like you're headed back
to the front lines.
59
00:02:19,981 --> 00:02:22,204
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
60
00:02:22,311 --> 00:02:23,694
♪ Welcome to the hood.
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
61
00:02:23,778 --> 00:02:25,778
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 03 Episode 16
62
00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,864
Gem...
63
00:02:31,035 --> 00:02:33,302
Gemma, we need
to talk about this.
64
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:35,608
Having another baby
is a huge decision.
65
00:02:35,692 --> 00:02:39,264
I know. And I know we agreed
on only having one child.
66
00:02:39,348 --> 00:02:41,266
But we also agreed
on one taco night a week,
67
00:02:41,350 --> 00:02:44,095
and now we do it
on Tuesdays and Fridays.
68
00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:45,749
That is not true.
69
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:49,318
And Fajita Fridays
is mucho diferente.
70
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:50,710
Besides,
71
00:02:50,794 --> 00:02:52,582
are you seriously
trying to compare
72
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,323
having another kid to that?
73
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:57,891
I'm sorry. I didn't know
I was gonna feel this way.
74
00:02:57,975 --> 00:02:59,545
But there was just something
75
00:02:59,629 --> 00:03:02,809
about giving away Grover's
baby stuff that made me realize
76
00:03:02,893 --> 00:03:04,942
I don't think
I want to be done yet.
77
00:03:05,026 --> 00:03:07,379
But, Gemma, our lives
are perfect right now.
78
00:03:07,463 --> 00:03:09,816
We have great jobs,
an amazing son.
79
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,558
We're the Three Musketeers
every year for Halloween.
80
00:03:12,642 --> 00:03:15,515
Another baby ruins
the whole theme.
81
00:03:17,430 --> 00:03:20,653
I'm just saying we have so many
82
00:03:20,737 --> 00:03:23,265
sweet memories
of Grover growing up.
83
00:03:23,349 --> 00:03:25,789
His first smile,
his first steps,
84
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,530
his first words.
85
00:03:27,614 --> 00:03:29,488
His first smile,
he spit up on us.
86
00:03:29,572 --> 00:03:31,447
His first steps,
he fell down the stairs.
87
00:03:31,531 --> 00:03:33,492
And his first words
were a four-letter one
88
00:03:33,576 --> 00:03:36,362
when he was falling
down those stairs. Uh, no.
89
00:03:37,188 --> 00:03:38,356
That's what you think he said.
90
00:03:38,441 --> 00:03:41,012
I still think
he said Cuddleduck.
91
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:43,090
All right, my point is
92
00:03:43,175 --> 00:03:45,876
is I just think you're
forgetting how hard it was.
93
00:03:46,241 --> 00:03:48,812
Oh, come on.
It wasn't that bad.
94
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,418
Do you not remember getting up
every two hours to feed him,
95
00:03:51,503 --> 00:03:54,809
the dirty diapers, the endless
screaming? I mean, Gemma...
96
00:03:56,191 --> 00:03:57,413
...forgive my language,
97
00:03:57,498 --> 00:04:01,128
but it was
a Cuddleducking nightmare.
98
00:04:01,212 --> 00:04:04,480
Look, all I'm asking
is for you to think about it.
99
00:04:04,564 --> 00:04:06,220
But, look,
for the record,
100
00:04:06,304 --> 00:04:08,832
I just don't think another baby
is what we need right now.
101
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,703
What, another baby?!
102
00:04:10,787 --> 00:04:12,183
Are you guys crazy?!
103
00:04:12,268 --> 00:04:14,401
What about
the Three Musketeers?!
104
00:04:17,403 --> 00:04:18,798
Don't worry, sweetie.
105
00:04:18,882 --> 00:04:20,844
It's just something Dad and I
are talking about.
106
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,582
Well, I vote no.
107
00:04:23,757 --> 00:04:25,631
Although...
108
00:04:25,715 --> 00:04:28,588
a puppy and an Xbox
might help me get there.
109
00:04:32,505 --> 00:04:34,814
Oh, hey, babe.
How did it go at Goodwill?
110
00:04:34,898 --> 00:04:37,600
Great.
In fact, while I was there,
111
00:04:37,684 --> 00:04:40,429
I picked you up
an early birthday present.
112
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:42,126
Really, Calvin?
113
00:04:42,210 --> 00:04:45,042
You bought my birthday present
from a thrift store?
114
00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:47,356
No, Tina.
115
00:04:47,479 --> 00:04:50,050
I would never buy
my baby something used.
116
00:04:50,135 --> 00:04:52,181
It was on the free table.
117
00:04:54,135 --> 00:04:55,745
Well, what is it?
118
00:04:56,877 --> 00:05:00,100
It is an antique
leather-bound Bible
119
00:05:00,184 --> 00:05:02,712
Oh.with gold lettering
and brass corners.
120
00:05:02,796 --> 00:05:05,323
Just like the one
your grandmama used to have.
121
00:05:05,407 --> 00:05:08,457
Wow.
Calvin, it's beautiful.
122
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:09,719
Thank you.
123
00:05:09,803 --> 00:05:11,590
Yeah, don't thank
me, thank God.
124
00:05:11,752 --> 00:05:14,973
For blessing you with
such an amazing husband.
125
00:05:16,073 --> 00:05:18,383
You know, I still say
it was my cousin Anita
126
00:05:18,468 --> 00:05:20,614
who stole that Bible
during my grandma's funeral.
127
00:05:20,724 --> 00:05:23,208
But you can't accuse
a nun with no evidence.
128
00:05:23,293 --> 00:05:25,075
Yeah.
129
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,536
Anita was hood
before she was holy.
130
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:30,868
Whoa!
131
00:05:30,952 --> 00:05:32,174
What?
132
00:05:32,258 --> 00:05:34,350
Baby, there's money
in here.
133
00:05:34,434 --> 00:05:36,004
Let me see that.
134
00:05:36,088 --> 00:05:37,527
Wow.
135
00:05:37,611 --> 00:05:40,313
This is, like, $700, $800.
136
00:05:40,397 --> 00:05:42,750
Forget the Good Book.
This is a great book.
137
00:05:44,226 --> 00:05:46,580
Well, Calvin,
we can't keep this money.
138
00:05:46,664 --> 00:05:48,843
We need to return it
to its rightful owner.
139
00:05:48,927 --> 00:05:52,063
Tina, it's an antique Bible
from the Goodwill.
140
00:05:52,147 --> 00:05:55,328
There's no way we can find out
who it actually belongs to,
141
00:05:55,412 --> 00:05:57,457
especially if we don't look.
142
00:05:59,416 --> 00:06:01,725
Well, fine.
If we can't return it,
143
00:06:01,809 --> 00:06:04,467
then God would want us to do
something charitable with it.
144
00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:05,816
You know,
this kind of money
145
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,557
can really make a difference
in someone's life.
146
00:06:07,641 --> 00:06:09,037
You're right.
147
00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:10,340
Mine.
148
00:06:11,428 --> 00:06:14,999
I'm gonna buy me a giant
new flat-screen with this.
149
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,001
I'm warning you, Calvin.
150
00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:18,742
This is a test from God.
151
00:06:18,826 --> 00:06:20,614
And He is watching.
152
00:06:20,698 --> 00:06:22,093
Exactly.
153
00:06:22,177 --> 00:06:24,618
Which is why it's disrespectful
to make Him watch
154
00:06:24,702 --> 00:06:26,791
this tiny-ass TV.
155
00:06:29,924 --> 00:06:32,016
Oh. Hey, Calvin.
What you doing?
156
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,628
I'm looking at
getting a new TV.
157
00:06:34,712 --> 00:06:39,154
Trying to decide
should I go LED or QLED.
158
00:06:39,238 --> 00:06:41,025
What's the Q stand for?
159
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,113
No idea.
160
00:06:42,197 --> 00:06:44,464
I just know I deserve it.
161
00:06:44,548 --> 00:06:46,509
Well,
162
00:06:46,593 --> 00:06:49,117
you're lucky that's the biggest
decision you have to make today.
163
00:06:49,988 --> 00:06:51,949
Gemma's still talking
about having another kid
164
00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:53,516
and wants me to think about it.
165
00:06:55,472 --> 00:06:56,867
Dave,
166
00:06:56,951 --> 00:06:59,435
when your wife tells you
to think about it,
167
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,219
there's nothing left
to think about.
168
00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:03,305
It's already been thunk.
169
00:07:06,744 --> 00:07:08,357
I don't know.
170
00:07:08,441 --> 00:07:11,534
You know, we-we have
such a good thing going.
171
00:07:11,618 --> 00:07:13,797
I just don't want anything
to mess that all up.
172
00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:15,843
Well, look
on the bright side:
173
00:07:15,927 --> 00:07:18,280
Now you can stop being
those three weird pirates
174
00:07:18,364 --> 00:07:19,583
for Halloween.
175
00:07:21,759 --> 00:07:24,504
You know, not to mention it
would be even harder this time.
176
00:07:24,588 --> 00:07:26,941
I mean, we already have a kid,
177
00:07:27,025 --> 00:07:28,421
and we're ten years older.
178
00:07:28,505 --> 00:07:29,726
It's like she doesn't realize
179
00:07:29,810 --> 00:07:31,641
how much this is gonna
affect our lives.
180
00:07:31,725 --> 00:07:32,773
Yeah.
181
00:07:32,857 --> 00:07:35,471
Well, you got to find
a way to show her.
182
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,560
Yeah, well, how do I do that?
183
00:07:37,644 --> 00:07:39,301
Not my problem.
184
00:07:39,385 --> 00:07:43,218
The only baby I care about
right now is 65 inches long
185
00:07:43,302 --> 00:07:46,131
and made in Korea.
186
00:07:48,786 --> 00:07:50,007
Oh, hey, babe.
187
00:07:50,091 --> 00:07:51,226
Just in time.
188
00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:52,227
For what?
189
00:07:52,311 --> 00:07:54,447
To watch me buy a new TV
190
00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:57,359
with our gift card from God.
191
00:07:58,143 --> 00:08:00,017
Oh! Look at that.
192
00:08:00,101 --> 00:08:03,322
He gave unto us free shipping.
193
00:08:05,585 --> 00:08:09,157
Look, Calvin, I know you
don't believe this is a test,
194
00:08:09,241 --> 00:08:11,855
but look where the
money was stashed.
195
00:08:11,939 --> 00:08:13,596
First Timothy.
196
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,510
"For the love of money is
the root of all kinds of evils."
197
00:08:18,424 --> 00:08:21,996
Well, let's not forget
what it says in Leviticus.
198
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,736
"Finders keepers,
losers weepers."
199
00:08:28,826 --> 00:08:32,049
Okay. Fine, Calvin,
you keep making jokes.
200
00:08:32,133 --> 00:08:33,573
But don't come running to me
201
00:08:33,657 --> 00:08:35,746
when the Lord
starts punishing you.
202
00:08:37,835 --> 00:08:39,579
I'll be fine, Tina.
203
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:43,757
Besides, if God didn't want me
to have a new flat-screen,
204
00:08:43,841 --> 00:08:47,627
he wouldn't have blessed me
with a laptop to order it on.
205
00:08:52,893 --> 00:08:56,418
Well, it looks to me like
God just logged you off.
206
00:09:00,379 --> 00:09:01,427
Ooh. Hey, honey.
207
00:09:01,511 --> 00:09:03,124
Hey, sweetie.
What's in the box?
208
00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:05,082
Okay. Well,
209
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:08,129
if we are really considering
having another baby,
210
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:09,435
I figured
211
00:09:09,519 --> 00:09:11,698
we should make sure
that we're ready. So...
212
00:09:11,782 --> 00:09:14,306
I got us this.
213
00:09:15,568 --> 00:09:17,007
You bought a doll?
214
00:09:17,091 --> 00:09:19,140
Oh, no, no, no.
Not just a doll.
215
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:21,443
She's a Baby Be Sure.
216
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,406
Yeah, it's a robotic
parenting simulator
217
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:25,973
that you have to feed
and take care of.
218
00:09:26,057 --> 00:09:28,497
Oh, you mean those things
they give high school kids
219
00:09:28,581 --> 00:09:30,107
to make 'em not
want to have sex?
220
00:09:30,191 --> 00:09:31,457
Because if
that's your goal,
221
00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:32,716
it's working.
222
00:09:33,586 --> 00:09:35,240
No, no, no. Look,
I just thought...
223
00:09:37,938 --> 00:09:40,553
I-I just thought that,
before we do this,
224
00:09:40,637 --> 00:09:43,425
we should spend a few days
to see what it's like
225
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:44,818
to have a baby
in the house again.
226
00:09:44,902 --> 00:09:47,473
Oh, all right.
I see what you're doing here.
227
00:09:47,557 --> 00:09:49,257
You're trying to remind me
how hard it is
228
00:09:49,341 --> 00:09:51,128
so I'll change my mind.
229
00:09:51,212 --> 00:09:53,000
Challenge accepted.
230
00:09:53,084 --> 00:09:55,524
Okay. All right.
Great.
231
00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:57,613
'Cause, in that case,
232
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,354
congratulations, Ms. Johnson.
233
00:09:59,438 --> 00:10:00,613
It's a girl.
234
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:03,358
All right, turn her on.
235
00:10:03,442 --> 00:10:04,402
Let's see what
she's like.
236
00:10:04,486 --> 00:10:07,014
Whoa.
237
00:10:08,447 --> 00:10:09,799
Aw. Aw.
238
00:10:09,883 --> 00:10:11,453
She's so cute.
239
00:10:15,541 --> 00:10:17,503
Did this thing just poop?
240
00:10:17,587 --> 00:10:19,110
Yeah. I had
to pay extra for that.
241
00:10:26,857 --> 00:10:27,774
Dave?
242
00:10:29,424 --> 00:10:30,864
Hey, Marty.
243
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:34,273
Hey, man, I don't mean to
get all up in your business,
244
00:10:34,358 --> 00:10:35,750
but why the hell do you have
245
00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:37,402
a Betsy Wetsy
strapped to your chest?
246
00:10:38,303 --> 00:10:39,612
She's not a Betsy Wetsy.
247
00:10:39,696 --> 00:10:41,309
She's a robot doll
you take care of
248
00:10:41,393 --> 00:10:42,919
to see if you want kids.
249
00:10:43,003 --> 00:10:44,442
Oh, yeah.
250
00:10:44,526 --> 00:10:45,618
No, they gave us
those in high school
251
00:10:45,702 --> 00:10:46,793
to discourage
teen sex,
252
00:10:46,877 --> 00:10:48,534
but I think my Pokémon backpack
253
00:10:48,618 --> 00:10:50,187
took care of that for me.
254
00:10:50,271 --> 00:10:52,538
I got it to show Gemma
255
00:10:52,622 --> 00:10:54,496
how hard it would be
to have another kid,
256
00:10:54,580 --> 00:10:56,977
but she's doing amazing.
257
00:10:57,061 --> 00:10:58,674
It's a disaster.
258
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,197
Okay, yeah, man.
259
00:11:00,281 --> 00:11:01,372
It must really suck
to be married
260
00:11:01,456 --> 00:11:02,936
to such an incredible
wife and mother.
261
00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,422
Gemma's not the problem.
It's... it's this baby.
262
00:11:07,506 --> 00:11:08,945
She's too easy to take care of.
263
00:11:09,029 --> 00:11:13,077
She's not a Baby Be Sure,
she's a Baby Let's Get It On.
264
00:11:14,556 --> 00:11:16,071
Well, if you want
to make it harder,
265
00:11:16,156 --> 00:11:18,172
you could always just
kick it up a notch.
266
00:11:18,256 --> 00:11:19,565
What do you mean?
267
00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:21,212
Well, these things run
on simple software.
268
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:23,525
They can be programmed
to act any way you want.
269
00:11:23,609 --> 00:11:24,874
So, hypothetically,
270
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:27,388
you could program this baby
to drive Gemma crazy?
271
00:11:27,473 --> 00:11:30,094
Dave, I could program it
to drive Gemma to Costco.
272
00:11:32,096 --> 00:11:34,014
Okay.
273
00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:35,302
I'm in.
274
00:11:35,387 --> 00:11:37,713
But just know,
I'm only doing this
275
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:39,367
because I'm desperate.
276
00:11:39,451 --> 00:11:42,413
Trust me, until you've worn
a Pikachu backpack to prom,
277
00:11:42,497 --> 00:11:44,238
you don't know
what desperate is.
278
00:11:46,632 --> 00:11:48,506
Hey, Pop. Oh.
279
00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:50,378
How come you haven't
put your new TV up yet?
280
00:11:50,462 --> 00:11:52,075
Thought it came in yesterday.
281
00:11:52,159 --> 00:11:53,511
It did.
282
00:11:53,595 --> 00:11:55,252
But you know
what else happened yesterday?
283
00:11:55,336 --> 00:11:57,472
I banged my knee
on the coffee table,
284
00:11:57,556 --> 00:11:59,338
got a summons for jury duty,
285
00:11:59,423 --> 00:12:01,389
then banged my knee again
286
00:12:01,473 --> 00:12:03,780
while throwing out
the summons for jury duty.
287
00:12:06,913 --> 00:12:08,178
What's your point?
288
00:12:08,262 --> 00:12:10,267
Other than you are
a terrible citizen
289
00:12:10,351 --> 00:12:12,487
who needs to watch
where he's going.
290
00:12:12,571 --> 00:12:15,272
I'm just saying,
I think your mom might be right.
291
00:12:15,356 --> 00:12:17,448
God is angry with me
292
00:12:17,532 --> 00:12:20,147
for buying the TV with
that money I found in a Bible.
293
00:12:20,231 --> 00:12:21,452
Oh.
Please, Pop,
294
00:12:21,536 --> 00:12:23,237
I'm pretty sure God's
got bigger fish to fry
295
00:12:23,321 --> 00:12:25,282
than worrying about you
and your flat-screen.
296
00:12:25,366 --> 00:12:28,764
Well, for other people,
you'd probably be right,
297
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:32,417
but in His eyes,
I'm pretty high-profile.
298
00:12:33,766 --> 00:12:35,597
Yeah, Pop, you are
being ridiculous, man.
299
00:12:35,681 --> 00:12:37,207
Oh, yeah?
300
00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:39,732
Then explain to me why I got
a parking ticket yesterday.
301
00:12:39,816 --> 00:12:41,298
Did you put money in the meter?
302
00:12:41,382 --> 00:12:44,211
No, I never put money
in the meter.
303
00:12:45,256 --> 00:12:48,389
But up until now,
He didn't care.
304
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,265
Look, I'm telling you, Pop,
305
00:12:51,349 --> 00:12:52,962
bad things like that
happen every day.
306
00:12:53,046 --> 00:12:55,138
Mama is just in your head.
307
00:12:55,222 --> 00:12:56,749
Maybe.
308
00:12:56,833 --> 00:12:58,489
You know what?
309
00:12:58,573 --> 00:13:01,797
She is always trying
to sneak in there and trick me
310
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:04,191
into being
a better person.
311
00:13:04,275 --> 00:13:06,236
Well, that makes
a lot more sense
312
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,022
than you getting busted by the
almighty meter maid in the sky.
313
00:13:09,106 --> 00:13:11,415
You're right. You're right.
Come on, man.
314
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,503
Help me out with this.
315
00:13:12,587 --> 00:13:13,635
We'll put it
up right now.
316
00:13:13,719 --> 00:13:14,941
All right. Grab that side.
317
00:13:15,025 --> 00:13:17,070
One, two, three.
318
00:13:18,637 --> 00:13:20,421
Whoa! Oh.
319
00:13:21,858 --> 00:13:23,340
On second thought...
320
00:13:23,424 --> 00:13:25,603
you know, you're right.
321
00:13:25,687 --> 00:13:27,907
God is coming for your ass.
322
00:13:32,085 --> 00:13:36,136
Good afternoon, sir.
Did someone order a devil baby?
323
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:37,441
Great.
324
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:38,791
What'd you do to her?
325
00:13:38,875 --> 00:13:40,706
Well, I souped up
her crying,
326
00:13:40,790 --> 00:13:42,055
maxed out her
thrashing ability,
327
00:13:42,139 --> 00:13:43,099
and made her
impossible to calm down.
328
00:13:43,183 --> 00:13:44,361
Basically, she's every baby
329
00:13:44,445 --> 00:13:46,186
I ever sat next to
on an airplane.
330
00:13:47,274 --> 00:13:49,236
All right, well,
how do I activate her?
331
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,673
Oh, it's simple. All you got to
do is pat her on the head,
332
00:13:51,757 --> 00:13:53,544
and just like that, Gemma's baby
333
00:13:53,628 --> 00:13:55,198
becomes Rosemary's baby.
334
00:13:55,282 --> 00:13:58,245
Thank you, Marty.
I owe you big time.
335
00:13:58,329 --> 00:13:59,420
Oh, man, if you
want to thank me,
336
00:13:59,504 --> 00:14:00,943
just, uh keep
your doors locked.
337
00:14:01,027 --> 00:14:03,551
I don't want that monster
coming after its creator.
338
00:14:04,901 --> 00:14:06,470
Hey, sweetie.Hi.
339
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:07,950
Hey, Marty.
340
00:14:08,034 --> 00:14:10,126
Did you meet the newest member
of the Johnson family?
341
00:14:10,210 --> 00:14:11,475
I did.
She's adorable.
342
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,739
A real computer chip
off the old block.
343
00:14:13,823 --> 00:14:15,392
You want to hold her?
344
00:14:15,476 --> 00:14:16,350
No, thanks.
345
00:14:16,434 --> 00:14:17,917
Come on, she doesn't bite.
346
00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:20,354
That's what you think.
347
00:14:20,438 --> 00:14:21,700
Oh.
348
00:14:23,441 --> 00:14:26,926
So, now that you two have
spent some more time together,
349
00:14:27,010 --> 00:14:28,841
are you starting to
feel better about this?
350
00:14:28,925 --> 00:14:30,146
Well,
351
00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:33,193
as of a few minutes
ago, yes.
352
00:14:33,277 --> 00:14:34,498
Great.
353
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,543
Well, why don't I
take her for a while
354
00:14:35,627 --> 00:14:36,674
While you go relax?
355
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:38,415
Okay, you two have fun.
356
00:14:38,499 --> 00:14:41,592
And you be good for Mommy.
357
00:14:45,985 --> 00:14:47,860
Whoa. What happened?
358
00:14:47,944 --> 00:14:48,991
No idea.
359
00:14:49,075 --> 00:14:50,863
But I'm sure
she'll calm down.
360
00:14:50,947 --> 00:14:51,994
Or not.
361
00:14:56,169 --> 00:14:58,218
Pastor Williams,
you got a minute?
362
00:14:58,302 --> 00:15:00,394
Yeah.
Calvin, come on in.
363
00:15:00,478 --> 00:15:03,005
Who am I praying
for this week?
364
00:15:03,089 --> 00:15:05,399
Dodgers or Lakers?
365
00:15:05,483 --> 00:15:08,228
Actually, I'm here
about something else.
366
00:15:08,312 --> 00:15:12,533
But I wouldn't be mad if LeBron
got some help off the bench.
367
00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:15,975
So, uh, what brings
you in today?
368
00:15:16,059 --> 00:15:18,978
Well, I'm here to make
a donation to the church.
369
00:15:19,062 --> 00:15:22,065
A donation?
You?
370
00:15:23,718 --> 00:15:24,984
Yeah.
371
00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,855
What's so surprising about that?
372
00:15:26,939 --> 00:15:28,509
Nothing.
But just so you know,
373
00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:32,118
we're no longer accepting used
couches or '80s movies on VHS.
374
00:15:33,293 --> 00:15:35,168
You know what?
It's not like that.
375
00:15:35,252 --> 00:15:36,906
This is cash.
376
00:15:38,255 --> 00:15:40,260
And don't pretend people
weren't going crazy
377
00:15:40,344 --> 00:15:42,476
over that House Party
box set.
378
00:15:44,087 --> 00:15:46,350
Wow, Calvin, this is...
this is a lot of money.
379
00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:49,440
And don't take this personally,
but...
380
00:15:51,790 --> 00:15:53,708
Seriously?
381
00:15:53,792 --> 00:15:55,362
You're checking
to see if it's real?
382
00:15:55,446 --> 00:15:57,973
Just think of it as me
giving God a closer look.
383
00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:01,759
Don't worry,
He knows all about it.
384
00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:04,023
Tina snitched on me.
385
00:16:04,107 --> 00:16:07,156
Well, Calvin, this is
incredibly generous of you.
386
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,788
In fact, I would love to mention
this in my sermon on Sunday.
387
00:16:10,873 --> 00:16:12,118
Your gift might inspire others,
388
00:16:12,202 --> 00:16:15,338
and, if nothing else,
you deserve to be celebrated.
389
00:16:15,422 --> 00:16:18,733
Well, you know,
I wouldn't say all that.
390
00:16:18,817 --> 00:16:20,213
But if you said it,
391
00:16:20,297 --> 00:16:22,650
then who am I
to argue with a man of God?
392
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:24,870
Oh, and, uh...
393
00:16:24,954 --> 00:16:28,047
feel free to put my name
in the program, too.
394
00:16:28,131 --> 00:16:30,266
You know,
for the hearing impaired.
395
00:16:34,006 --> 00:16:36,664
Actually, let's just
make it anonymous.
396
00:16:36,748 --> 00:16:39,011
Deaf people ain't trying
to hear all that.
397
00:16:46,888 --> 00:16:48,502
I don't know what to do.
398
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:49,895
This thing
399
00:16:49,979 --> 00:16:52,680
has been crying for
four hours straight.
400
00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:54,943
It's driving me crazy!
401
00:16:56,289 --> 00:16:58,120
Okay. All right.
Well, look, I know it's hard.
402
00:16:58,204 --> 00:16:59,556
But look on the
bright side...
403
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,123
If it was a real baby,
404
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:02,864
you'd probably
be covered in spit-up.
405
00:17:02,948 --> 00:17:04,515
Remember how awful that was?
406
00:17:11,435 --> 00:17:12,918
Wow.
407
00:17:13,002 --> 00:17:15,094
And I thought the velocity
on the other end was impressive.
408
00:17:15,178 --> 00:17:17,009
Dave, you were right.
409
00:17:17,093 --> 00:17:19,185
I was crazy to think
we should do this again.
410
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:20,621
Can you just
shut this thing off?!
411
00:17:20,705 --> 00:17:22,098
Yeah, of course.
412
00:17:24,752 --> 00:17:27,193
What's wrong?
Why isn't it stopping?
413
00:17:27,277 --> 00:17:29,064
I'm pressing the button.
It's not turning off.
414
00:17:29,148 --> 00:17:32,067
Dave, it's getting worse!
415
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,678
Ok... I-I'm trying.
416
00:17:37,635 --> 00:17:39,031
Make it stop!
417
00:17:39,115 --> 00:17:42,031
I can't!
Marty never showed me how!
418
00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:55,000
What do you mean,
Marty never showed you how?
419
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:57,263
I didn't say Marty.
420
00:17:58,873 --> 00:18:00,922
It must have been the baby.
421
00:18:01,006 --> 00:18:03,490
Oh, my God, Gemma...
Her first words.
422
00:18:03,574 --> 00:18:05,141
Oh!
423
00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:07,885
What the hell did you do?
424
00:18:07,969 --> 00:18:09,191
Okay, fine.
425
00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:11,802
I had Marty make the baby
426
00:18:11,886 --> 00:18:13,195
a little more difficult,
427
00:18:13,279 --> 00:18:14,544
but just because
you were making it
428
00:18:14,628 --> 00:18:16,416
look so easy.
So in a way,
429
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,984
it's a huge compliment
to you as a mom.
430
00:18:19,068 --> 00:18:20,376
Oh!
431
00:18:23,246 --> 00:18:25,381
I can't believe you would
do something like this.
432
00:18:25,465 --> 00:18:27,166
Well, what do you expect?
433
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:28,732
You know,
we had talked about this
434
00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,517
and agreed that
we were done having kids.
435
00:18:30,601 --> 00:18:32,171
And then all of a sudden
you change your mind
436
00:18:32,255 --> 00:18:33,781
and I'm just supposed
to be on board with it?
437
00:18:33,865 --> 00:18:36,653
All I asked you to do
was to think about it.
438
00:18:36,737 --> 00:18:37,698
Oh, come on, Gemma.
439
00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:38,699
We both know
440
00:18:38,783 --> 00:18:41,220
it had already been thunk.
441
00:18:43,135 --> 00:18:45,358
That is not true.
442
00:18:45,442 --> 00:18:47,273
I would never force
you to do something
443
00:18:47,357 --> 00:18:48,796
you don't want to.
444
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,667
But you didn't even
give it a fair shot.
445
00:18:50,751 --> 00:18:52,669
You're so focused
on the hard parts,
446
00:18:52,753 --> 00:18:54,584
you're forgetting about
all the good ones.
447
00:18:54,668 --> 00:18:55,846
No, I'm not.
448
00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:57,283
Yes, you are.
449
00:18:57,367 --> 00:18:59,502
Dave, you brought
home a robot baby
450
00:18:59,586 --> 00:19:02,462
that kicks and
screams and poops.
451
00:19:02,546 --> 00:19:04,464
But you know what
it doesn't do?
452
00:19:04,548 --> 00:19:06,811
Well, we now know
it doesn't fly.
453
00:19:09,770 --> 00:19:12,428
It also doesn't laugh,
454
00:19:12,512 --> 00:19:16,258
or hold your finger
with its tiny hand,
455
00:19:16,342 --> 00:19:19,218
or fall asleep
on your chest.
456
00:19:19,302 --> 00:19:22,612
It doesn't smile when
you walk into the room,
457
00:19:22,696 --> 00:19:26,703
or look you in the
eye and say "Daddy."
458
00:19:26,787 --> 00:19:29,184
But a real baby does
all those things,
459
00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,491
and so much more.
460
00:19:31,575 --> 00:19:33,623
I did love
all those things.
461
00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:35,321
Yeah.
462
00:19:35,405 --> 00:19:38,582
So wouldn't it be nice to
love them all over again?
463
00:19:42,977 --> 00:19:44,852
Yeah, maybe.
464
00:19:44,936 --> 00:19:48,029
So now you'll really
think about it?
465
00:19:48,113 --> 00:19:51,293
Yes. I...
I will think about it.
466
00:19:51,377 --> 00:19:52,596
Thank you.
467
00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:55,689
Aw, man!
468
00:19:55,773 --> 00:19:57,908
If you guys are gonna
try to have another baby,
469
00:19:57,992 --> 00:19:59,820
would you at least
close the door?
470
00:20:06,131 --> 00:20:08,702
So you're really considering
having another kid, huh?
471
00:20:08,786 --> 00:20:10,530
Yeah, I think so.
472
00:20:10,614 --> 00:20:12,184
Good for you, man.
473
00:20:12,268 --> 00:20:14,621
Having a second kid was the best
thing to ever happen to me.
474
00:20:14,705 --> 00:20:15,796
Oh, yeah?
475
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,363
Absolutely.
476
00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:19,495
One more person
to do my chores for me.
477
00:20:19,579 --> 00:20:21,367
Instead of a baby walker,
478
00:20:21,451 --> 00:20:23,627
I had Marty pushing a vacuum.
479
00:20:25,063 --> 00:20:27,024
You know, that's a good idea.
480
00:20:27,108 --> 00:20:28,417
If we still had that robot baby,
481
00:20:28,501 --> 00:20:30,634
we could've had Marty
make it into a Roomba.
482
00:20:31,809 --> 00:20:33,379
You got rid of the doll?
483
00:20:33,463 --> 00:20:35,337
Actually, no.
You know, it's really weird.
484
00:20:35,421 --> 00:20:37,600
I came out here to look for it
this morning and it was gone.
485
00:20:37,684 --> 00:20:39,298
Huh.
I wonder where it went.
486
00:20:39,382 --> 00:20:40,690
Daddy!
487
00:20:40,774 --> 00:20:43,215
Get it off me! Get it off me!
488
00:20:43,299 --> 00:20:44,607
Get it off!
489
00:20:44,691 --> 00:20:45,782
Get it off me!
490
00:20:49,412 --> 00:20:52,528
See? I told you
having a second kid was great.
491
00:20:52,612 --> 00:20:55,923
If I didn't have Marty,
I never would've seen that.
35084
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