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1
00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,008
Hey, Calvin.Hey, guys.
2
00:00:08,051 --> 00:00:10,271
Thanks again for taking
this stuff to Goodwill for us.
3
00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:12,708
Oh, no problem.
Oh, and, uh,
4
00:00:12,751 --> 00:00:14,275
congratulations,
Dave,
5
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,667
on finally moving
out of a high chair
6
00:00:15,711 --> 00:00:17,800
into a booster seat.
7
00:00:17,843 --> 00:00:20,411
You know, not funny now,
and not funny at restaurants
8
00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:22,500
when you have the waiter
bring one over for me.
9
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:27,114
Oh, wow, looks like
you guys are getting rid
10
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,637
of Grover's
old baby stuff.
11
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,421
Yeah. We used to think
about having another kid.
12
00:00:30,465 --> 00:00:32,206
But by the time Grover
was out of diapers,
13
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:35,296
life got so busy, it just
kind of never happened.
14
00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:37,646
Yeah, plus we agreed we're
happy with just having one.
15
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:39,648
After all, I'm an only child
and I think we all know
16
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:41,693
that I turned out
pretty spectacular.
17
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:44,131
We also know
that one of you
18
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,654
is definitely enough.
19
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:48,700
Aw, remember
20
00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,528
this little guy?Oh, yeah.
21
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,182
Captain Cuddleduck.
22
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:53,444
He was Grover's favorite.Yeah,
23
00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:54,750
we'd peek into
his room at night,
24
00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:56,447
and there they'd be,
curled up together.
25
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:59,276
Snug as two
bugs in a rug.
26
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,104
Aw, that's adorable.
27
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:03,063
Peace out, Captain.
28
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:05,804
Well, uh, hold on.
29
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,504
Maybe we should keep him.
30
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:11,854
Why? Grover hasn't slept
with him for years.
31
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:14,030
I know.
But it's just one thing
32
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,076
to remind us
of when he was little.
33
00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:17,381
Okay, sure.
34
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:19,035
Besides,
Cuddleduck is a veteran.
35
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,645
Welcome home, soldier.
36
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,344
What's this?
37
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:24,693
Uh, it's a bottle warmer.
38
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:26,129
You use it to warm up
a baby's milk.
39
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:29,176
Oh yeah, we used to have
one of those, too.
40
00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,395
It was called an armpit.
41
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:35,269
I put one under there one time
after playing basketball.
42
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:38,141
It got so hot
it burned Marty's lip.
43
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:41,710
You know what?
44
00:01:41,753 --> 00:01:43,233
Maybe we should keep this, too.
45
00:01:43,277 --> 00:01:44,495
It sounds like
you guys aren't ready
46
00:01:44,539 --> 00:01:46,149
to get rid of some
of this stuff.
47
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,890
Of course we are.
48
00:01:51,763 --> 00:01:53,896
Gemma, what are you doing?
49
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:58,509
I don't know.
My brain's saying "Let go,"
50
00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:01,077
but my hand's aren't listening.
51
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,906
Okay, Gemma,
let go of the high chair.
52
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,517
Oh, my...
53
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:07,562
I can't.
54
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:08,867
Why not?
55
00:02:08,911 --> 00:02:11,000
Because I think
I want another baby.
56
00:02:11,043 --> 00:02:12,871
What?
57
00:02:12,915 --> 00:02:15,222
Well, what do you know, Captain?
58
00:02:15,265 --> 00:02:18,355
Looks like you're headed back
to the front lines.
59
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,098
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
60
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,143
♪ Welcome to the hood.
61
00:02:27,843 --> 00:02:30,846
Gem...
62
00:02:30,889 --> 00:02:33,196
Gemma, we need
to talk about this.
63
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,503
Having another baby
is a huge decision.
64
00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:39,159
I know. And I know we agreed
on only having one child.
65
00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:41,161
But we also agreed
on one taco night a week,
66
00:02:41,204 --> 00:02:43,989
and now we do it
on Tuesdays and Fridays.
67
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,643
That is not true.
68
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:49,212
And Fajita Fridays
is mucho diferente.
69
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,605
Besides,
70
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:52,476
are you seriously
trying to compare
71
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,217
having another kid to that?
72
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:57,786
I'm sorry. I didn't know
I was gonna feel this way.
73
00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,440
But there was just something
74
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:02,704
about giving away Grover's
baby stuff that made me realize
75
00:03:02,747 --> 00:03:04,836
I don't think
I want to be done yet.
76
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:07,274
But, Gemma, our lives
are perfect right now.
77
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:09,711
We have great jobs,
an amazing son.
78
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:12,453
We're the Three Musketeers
every year for Halloween.
79
00:03:12,496 --> 00:03:15,369
Another baby ruins
the whole theme.
80
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:20,548
I'm just saying we have so many
81
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:23,159
sweet memories
of Grover growing up.
82
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,683
His first smile,
his first steps,
83
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,424
his first words.
84
00:03:27,468 --> 00:03:29,383
His first smile,
he spit up on us.
85
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,341
His first steps,
he fell down the stairs.
86
00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:33,387
And his first words
were a four-letter one
87
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:36,216
when he was falling
down those stairs.Uh, no.
88
00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,609
That's what you think he said.
89
00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:41,264
I still think
he said Cuddleduck.
90
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:43,266
All right, my point is
91
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:46,051
is I just think you're
forgetting how hard it was.
92
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:48,706
Oh, come on.
It wasn't that bad.
93
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:51,535
Do you not remember getting up
every two hours to feed him,
94
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:54,712
the dirty diapers, the endless
screaming? I mean, Gemma...
95
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:57,541
...forgive my language,
96
00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:01,023
but it was
a Cuddleducking nightmare.
97
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:04,374
Look, all I'm asking
is for you to think about it.
98
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,115
But, look,
for the record,
99
00:04:06,158 --> 00:04:08,726
I just don't think another baby
is what we need right now.
100
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,598
What, another baby?!
101
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,077
Are you guys crazy?!
102
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,254
What about
the Three Musketeers?!
103
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,693
Don't worry, sweetie.
104
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:20,738
It's just something Dad and I
are talking about.
105
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,436
Well, I vote no.
106
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,526
Although...
107
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:28,442
a puppy and an Xbox
might help me get there.
108
00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,709
Oh, hey, babe.
How did it go at Goodwill?
109
00:04:34,752 --> 00:04:37,494
Great.
In fact, while I was there,
110
00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:40,323
I picked you up
an early birthday present.
111
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:42,020
Really, Calvin?
112
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,936
You bought my birthday present
from a thrift store?
113
00:04:44,980 --> 00:04:47,548
No, Tina.
114
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,202
I would never buy
my baby something used.
115
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:52,292
It was on the free table.
116
00:04:53,989 --> 00:04:55,599
Well, what is it?
117
00:04:56,731 --> 00:04:59,995
It is an antique
leather-bound Bible
118
00:05:00,038 --> 00:05:02,606
Oh.with gold lettering
and brass corners.
119
00:05:02,650 --> 00:05:05,217
Just like the one
your grandmama used to have.
120
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:08,351
Wow.
Calvin, it's beautiful.
121
00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:09,613
Thank you.
122
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:11,485
Yeah, don't thank
me, thank God.
123
00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:14,749
For blessing you with
such an amazing husband.
124
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,318
You know, I still say
it was my cousin Anita
125
00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:20,711
who stole that Bible
during my grandma's funeral.
126
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:23,279
But you can't accuse
a nun with no evidence.
127
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,629
Yeah.
128
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:28,284
Anita was hood
before she was holy.
129
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:30,939
Whoa!
130
00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,244
What?
131
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:34,421
Baby, there's money
in here.
132
00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,074
Let me see that.
133
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,598
Wow.
134
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,383
This is, like, $700, $800.
135
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:42,820
Forget the Good Book.
This is a great book.
136
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,213
[chuckling]
137
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,650
Well, Calvin,
we can't keep this money.
138
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,913
We need to return it
to its rightful owner.
139
00:05:48,957 --> 00:05:52,134
Tina, it's an antique Bible
from the Goodwill.
140
00:05:52,177 --> 00:05:55,398
There's no way we can find out
who it actually belongs to,
141
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,487
especially if we don't look.
142
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,796
Well, fine.
If we can't return it,
143
00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,538
then God would want us to do
something charitable with it.
144
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:05,887
You know,
this kind of money
145
00:06:05,930 --> 00:06:07,628
can really make a difference
in someone's life.
146
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,107
You're right.
147
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:10,370
Mine.
148
00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:15,070
I'm gonna buy me a giant
new flat-screen with this.
149
00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:17,072
I'm warning you, Calvin.
150
00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:18,813
This is a test from God.
151
00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:20,684
And He is watching.
152
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:22,164
Exactly.
153
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,688
Which is why it's disrespectful
to make Him watch
154
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,821
this tiny-ass TV.
155
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:32,087
Oh. Hey, Calvin.
What you doing?
156
00:06:32,130 --> 00:06:34,698
I'm looking at
getting a new TV.
157
00:06:34,742 --> 00:06:39,224
Trying to decide
should I go LED or QLED.
158
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:41,096
What's the Q stand for?
159
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:42,184
No idea.
160
00:06:42,227 --> 00:06:44,534
I just know I deserve it.
161
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,580
Well,
162
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:49,147
you're lucky that's the biggest
decision you have to make today.
163
00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:52,020
Gemma's still talking
about having another kid
164
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,587
and wants me to think about it.
165
00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,458
[laughs]
166
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,938
Dave,
167
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:59,506
when your wife tells you
to think about it,
168
00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:01,290
there's nothing left
to think about.
169
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,335
It's already been thunk.
170
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:08,428
I don't know.
171
00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:11,605
You know, we-we have
such a good thing going.
172
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:13,868
I just don't want anything
to mess that all up.
173
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:15,913
Well, look
on the bright side:
174
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,350
now you can stop being
those three weird pirates
175
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:19,613
for Halloween.
176
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:24,574
You know, not to mention it
would be even harder this time.
177
00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:27,011
I mean, we already have a kid,
178
00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,491
and we're ten years older.
179
00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:29,797
It's like she doesn't realize
180
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,712
how much this is gonna
affect our lives.
181
00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:32,843
Yeah.
182
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:35,542
Well, you got to find
a way to show her.
183
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,631
Yeah, well, how do I do that?
184
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,371
Not my problem.
185
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:43,288
The only baby I care about
right now is 65 inches long
186
00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:46,161
and made in Korea.
187
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,078
Oh, hey, babe.
188
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,296
Just in time.
189
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:52,297
For what?
190
00:07:52,341 --> 00:07:54,517
To watch me buy a new TV
191
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:57,389
with our gift card from God.
192
00:07:58,173 --> 00:08:00,088
Oh! Look at that.
193
00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:03,352
He gave unto us free shipping.
194
00:08:05,615 --> 00:08:09,227
Look, Calvin, I know you
don't believe this is a test,
195
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:11,926
but look where the
money was stashed.
196
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:13,667
First Timothy.
197
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:17,540
"For the love of money is
the root of all kinds of evils."
198
00:08:18,454 --> 00:08:22,066
Well, let's not forget
what it says in Leviticus.
199
00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:25,766
"Finders keepers,
losers weepers."
200
00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:32,120
Okay. Fine, Calvin,
you keep making jokes.
201
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:33,643
But don't come running to me
202
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,776
when the Lord
starts punishing you.
203
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,649
I'll be fine, Tina.
204
00:08:39,693 --> 00:08:43,827
Besides, if God didn't want me
to have a new flat-screen,
205
00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:47,657
he wouldn't have blessed me
with a laptop to order it on.
206
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:56,448
Well, it looks to me like
God just logged you off.
207
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,497
Ooh. Hey, honey.
208
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,194
Hey, sweetie.
What's in the box?
209
00:09:03,238 --> 00:09:05,153
Okay. Well,
210
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:08,199
if we are really considering
having another baby,
211
00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,505
I figured
212
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:11,768
we should make sure
that we're ready. So...
213
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,336
I got us this.
214
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:17,078
You bought a doll?
215
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,210
Oh, no, no, no.
Not just a doll.
216
00:09:19,254 --> 00:09:21,473
She's a Baby Be Sure.
217
00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,476
Yeah, it's a robotic
parenting simulator
218
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,043
that you have to feed
and take care of.
219
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,568
Oh, you mean those things
they give high school kids
220
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,178
to make 'em not
want to have sex?
221
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:31,527
Because if
that's your goal,
222
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,746
it's working.
223
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,270
No, no, no. Look,
I just thought...
224
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,623
I-I just thought that,
before we do this,
225
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,495
we should spend a few days
to see what it's like
226
00:09:43,539 --> 00:09:44,888
to have a baby
in the house again.
227
00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:47,543
Oh, all right.
I see what you're doing here.
228
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,327
You're trying to remind me
how hard it is
229
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,199
so I'll change my mind.
230
00:09:51,242 --> 00:09:53,070
Challenge accepted.
231
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,595
Okay. All right.
Great.
232
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:57,684
'Cause, in that case,
233
00:09:57,727 --> 00:09:59,424
congratulations, Ms. Johnson.
234
00:09:59,468 --> 00:10:00,643
it's a girl.
235
00:10:02,297 --> 00:10:03,428
All right, turn her on.
236
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:04,473
Let's see what
she's like.
237
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:07,084
[beeping]Whoa.
238
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,433
[cooing]
239
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:09,870
Aw. [chuckles]Aw.
240
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:11,523
She's so cute.
241
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,613
[loud flatulence]
242
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,573
Did this thing just poop?
243
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,140
Yeah. I had
to pay extra for that.
244
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:27,844
Dave?
245
00:10:27,888 --> 00:10:29,411
[inhales]
246
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:30,934
Hey, Marty.
247
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:34,329
Hey, man, I don't mean to
get all up in your business,
248
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:35,635
but why the hell do you have
249
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,245
a Betsy Wetsy
strapped to your chest?
250
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,682
She's not a Betsy Wetsy.
251
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:41,379
She's a robot doll
you take care of
252
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:42,990
to see if you want kids.
253
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:44,513
Oh, yeah.
254
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:45,688
No, they gave us
those in high school
255
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:46,863
to discourage
teen sex,
256
00:10:46,907 --> 00:10:48,604
but I think my Pokémon backpack
257
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,258
took care of that for me.
258
00:10:50,301 --> 00:10:52,608
I got it to show Gemma
259
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,566
how hard it would be
to have another kid,
260
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:57,047
but she's doing amazing.
261
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:58,745
It's a disaster.
262
00:10:58,788 --> 00:11:00,268
Okay, yeah, man.
263
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:01,443
It must really suck
to be married
264
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:02,749
to such an incredible
wife and mother.
265
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:07,492
Gemma's not the problem.
It's... it's this baby.
266
00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:09,016
She's too easy to take care of.
267
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:13,107
She's not a Baby Be Sure,
she's a Baby Let's Get It On.
268
00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:15,892
Well, if you want
to make it harder,
269
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:18,242
you could always just
kick it up a notch.
270
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,635
What do you mean?
271
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,028
Well, these things run
on simple software.
272
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,595
They can be programmed
to act any way you want.
273
00:11:23,639 --> 00:11:24,945
So, hypothetically,
274
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:26,903
you could program this baby
to drive Gemma crazy?
275
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:30,124
Dave, I could program it
to drive Gemma to Costco.
276
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,084
Okay.
277
00:11:34,128 --> 00:11:35,085
I'm in.
278
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:37,784
But just know,
I'm only doing this
279
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:39,437
because I'm desperate.
280
00:11:39,481 --> 00:11:42,484
Trust me, until you've worn
a Pikachu backpack to prom,
281
00:11:42,527 --> 00:11:44,268
you don't know
what desperate is.
282
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,577
Hey, Pop. Oh.
283
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,448
How come you haven't
put your new TV up yet?
284
00:11:50,492 --> 00:11:52,146
Thought it came in yesterday.
285
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,582
It did.
286
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:55,323
But you know
what else happened yesterday?
287
00:11:55,366 --> 00:11:57,542
I banged my knee
on the coffee table,
288
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,762
got a summons for jury duty,
289
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:01,459
then banged my knee again
290
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,810
while throwing out
the summons for jury duty.
291
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:08,249
What's your point?
292
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,338
Other than you are
a terrible citizen
293
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,557
who needs to watch
where he's going.
294
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:15,343
I'm just saying,
I think your mom might be right.
295
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,519
God is angry with me
296
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:20,217
for buying the TV with
that money I found in a Bible.
297
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,523
Oh.
Please, Pop,
298
00:12:21,566 --> 00:12:23,307
I'm pretty sure God's
got bigger fish to fry
299
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:25,353
than worrying about you
and your flat-screen.
300
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:28,835
Well, for other people,
you'd probably be right,
301
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:32,447
but in His eyes,
I'm pretty high-profile.
302
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,667
Yeah, Pop, you are
being ridiculous, man.
303
00:12:35,711 --> 00:12:37,278
Oh, yeah?
304
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,802
Then explain to me why I got
a parking ticket yesterday.
305
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:41,369
Did you put money in the meter?
306
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,241
No, I never put money
in the meter.
307
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:48,419
But up until now,
He didn't care.
308
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,335
Look, I'm telling you, Pop,
309
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,033
bad things like that
happen every day.
310
00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:55,209
Mama is just in your head.
311
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,819
Maybe.
312
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,560
You know what?
313
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:01,868
She is always trying
to sneak in there and trick me
314
00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:04,261
into being
a better person.
315
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:06,307
Well, that makes
a lot more sense
316
00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:09,092
than you getting busted by the
almighty meter maid in the sky.
317
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,486
You're right. You're right.
Come on, man.
318
00:13:11,529 --> 00:13:12,574
Help me out with this.
319
00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,705
We'll put it
up right now.
320
00:13:13,749 --> 00:13:15,011
All right.Grab that side.
321
00:13:15,055 --> 00:13:17,100
BOTH:
One, two, three.
322
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,451
Whoa!Oh.
323
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,411
On second thought...
324
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,674
you know, you're right.
[short chuckle]
325
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,937
God is coming for your ass.
326
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:36,206
Good afternoon, sir.
Did someone order a devil baby?
327
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,512
Great.
328
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,861
What'd you do to her?
329
00:13:38,905 --> 00:13:40,776
Well, I souped up
her crying,
330
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,125
maxed out her
thrashing ability,
331
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:43,170
and made her
impossible to calm down.
332
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:44,432
Basically, she's every baby
333
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:46,216
I ever sat next to
on an airplane.
334
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:49,306
All right, well,
how do I activate her?
335
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,743
Oh, it's simple. All you got to
do is pat her on the head,
336
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,615
and just like that, Gemma's baby
337
00:13:53,658 --> 00:13:55,269
becomes Rosemary's baby.
338
00:13:55,312 --> 00:13:58,315
Thank you, Marty.
I owe you big time.
339
00:13:58,359 --> 00:13:59,490
Oh, man, if you
want to thank me,
340
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,014
just, uh keep
your doors locked.
341
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:03,581
I don't want that monster
coming after its creator.
342
00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,541
Hey, sweetie.Hi.
343
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,021
Hey, Marty.
344
00:14:08,064 --> 00:14:10,197
Did you meet the newest member
of the Johnson family?
345
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,546
I did.
She's adorable.
346
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:13,809
A real computer chip
off the old block.
347
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,463
You want to hold her?
348
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:16,420
No, thanks.
349
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:17,987
Come on, she doesn't bite.
350
00:14:18,031 --> 00:14:20,424
[laughs]
That's what you think.
351
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:21,730
Oh.
352
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:26,996
So, now that you two have
spent some more time together,
353
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:28,911
are you starting to
feel better about this?
354
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:30,217
Well,
355
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:33,263
as of a few minutes
ago, yes.
356
00:14:33,307 --> 00:14:34,569
Great.
357
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:35,613
Well, why don't I
take her for a while
358
00:14:35,657 --> 00:14:36,745
While you go relax?
359
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,486
Okay, you two have fun.
360
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:41,663
And you be good for Mommy.
361
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,534
[wailing]
362
00:14:46,015 --> 00:14:47,930
Whoa. What happened?
363
00:14:47,974 --> 00:14:49,062
No idea.
364
00:14:49,105 --> 00:14:50,933
But I'm sure
she'll calm down.
365
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:52,065
Or not.
366
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:54,806
[wailing continues]
367
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,288
Pastor Williams,
you got a minute?
368
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,464
Yeah.
Calvin, come on in.
369
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:03,076
Who am I praying
for this week?
370
00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:05,469
Dodgers or Lakers?
371
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,298
Actually, I'm here
about something else.
372
00:15:08,342 --> 00:15:12,563
But I wouldn't be mad if LeBron
got some help off the bench.
373
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,045
So, uh, what brings
you in today?
374
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:19,048
Well, I'm here to make
a donation to the church.
375
00:15:19,092 --> 00:15:22,095
A donation?
You?
376
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:25,054
Yeah.
377
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:26,926
What's so surprising about that?
378
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:28,579
Nothing.
But just so you know,
379
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:32,148
we're no longer accepting used
couches or '80s movies on VHS.
380
00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:35,238
You know what?
It's not like that.
381
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,936
This is cash.
382
00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:40,330
And don't pretend people
weren't going crazy
383
00:15:40,374 --> 00:15:42,506
over that House Party
box set.
384
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:46,380
Wow, Calvin, this is...
this is a lot of money.
385
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,470
And don't take this personally,
but...
386
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,778
Seriously?
387
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,432
You're checking
to see if it's real?
388
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:58,044
Just think of it as me
giving God a closer look.
389
00:15:58,087 --> 00:16:01,830
Don't worry,
He knows all about it.
390
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:04,093
Tina snitched on me.
391
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:07,227
Well, Calvin, this is
incredibly generous of you.
392
00:16:07,270 --> 00:16:10,056
In fact, I would love to mention
this in my sermon on Sunday.
393
00:16:10,099 --> 00:16:12,188
Your gift might inspire others,
394
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:15,409
and, if nothing else,
you deserve to be celebrated.
395
00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:18,803
Well, you know,
I wouldn't say all that.
396
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,283
But if you said it,
397
00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,720
then who am I
to argue with a man of God?
398
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,940
Oh, and, uh...
399
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:28,117
feel free to put my name
in the program, too.
400
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:30,337
You know,
for the hearing impaired.
401
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,861
[thunder crashes]
402
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:36,734
Actually, let's just
make it anonymous.
403
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:39,041
Deaf people ain't trying
to hear all that.
404
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,741
[doll wailing]
405
00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:48,572
I don't know what to do.
406
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:49,965
This thing
407
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,750
has been crying for
four hours straight.
408
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:55,014
It's driving me crazy!
409
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,276
[groans]
410
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:58,191
Okay. All right.
Well, look, I know it's hard.
411
00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,627
But look on the
bright side--
412
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,194
if it was a real baby,
413
00:17:01,237 --> 00:17:02,934
you'd probably
be covered in spit-up.
414
00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,545
Remember how awful that was?
415
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:11,421
[wailing]
416
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:12,988
Wow.
417
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,164
And I thought the velocity
on the other end was impressive.
418
00:17:15,208 --> 00:17:17,079
Dave, you were right.
419
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,255
I was crazy to think
we should do this again.
420
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,691
Can you just
shut this thing off?!
421
00:17:20,735 --> 00:17:22,128
Yeah, of course.
422
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,263
What's wrong?
Why isn't it stopping?
423
00:17:27,307 --> 00:17:29,135
I'm pressing the button.
It's not turning off.
424
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:32,138
Dave, it's getting worse!
425
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,749
Ok... I-I'm trying.
426
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:37,621
[wailing continues]
427
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,101
Make it stop!
428
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:42,061
I can't!
Marty never showed me how!
429
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:55,030
What do you mean,
Marty never showed you how?
430
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,293
I didn't say Marty.
431
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:00,992
It must have been the baby.
432
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:03,560
Oh, my God, Gemma--
her first words.
433
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,171
Oh!
434
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,956
What the hell did you do?
435
00:18:07,999 --> 00:18:09,262
Okay, fine.
436
00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:11,873
I had Marty make the baby
437
00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:13,266
a little more difficult,
438
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:14,615
but just because
you were making it
439
00:18:14,658 --> 00:18:16,486
look so easy.
So in a way,
440
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:19,054
it's a huge compliment
to you as a mom.
441
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,447
Oh!
442
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:23,232
[laughs]
443
00:18:23,276 --> 00:18:25,452
I can't believe you would
do something like this.
444
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:27,236
Well, what do you expect?
445
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,803
You know,
we had talked about this
446
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,587
and agreed that
we were done having kids.
447
00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,241
And then all of a sudden
you change your mind
448
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:33,851
and I'm just supposed
to be on board with it?
449
00:18:33,895 --> 00:18:36,724
[scoffs] All I asked you to do
was to think about it.
450
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:37,768
Oh, come on, Gemma.
451
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:38,769
We both know
452
00:18:38,813 --> 00:18:41,250
it had already been thunk.
453
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:45,428
That is not true.
454
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:47,343
I would never force
you to do something
455
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,866
you don't want to.
456
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,738
But you didn't even
give it a fair shot.
457
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,740
You're so focused
on the hard parts,
458
00:18:52,783 --> 00:18:54,655
you're forgetting about
all the good ones.
459
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:55,917
No, I'm not.
460
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,353
Yes, you are.
461
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:59,573
Dave, you brought
home a robot baby
462
00:18:59,616 --> 00:19:02,532
that kicks and
screams and poops.
463
00:19:02,576 --> 00:19:04,534
But you know what
it doesn't do?
464
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,841
Well, we now know
it doesn't fly.
465
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,499
It also doesn't laugh,
466
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:16,329
or hold your finger
with its tiny hand,
467
00:19:16,372 --> 00:19:19,288
or fall asleep
on your chest.
468
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:22,683
It doesn't smile when
you walk into the room,
469
00:19:22,726 --> 00:19:26,774
or look you in the
eye and say "Daddy."
470
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:29,255
But a real baby does
all those things,
471
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,561
and so much more.
472
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,694
I did love
all those things.
473
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:35,391
Yeah.
474
00:19:35,435 --> 00:19:38,612
So wouldn't it be nice to
love them all over again?
475
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,922
Yeah, maybe.
476
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:48,099
So now you'll really
think about it?
477
00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:51,364
Yes. I...
I will think about it.
478
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:52,626
Thank you.
479
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:55,759
Aw, man!
480
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,979
If you guys are gonna
try to have another baby,
481
00:19:58,022 --> 00:19:59,850
would you at least
close the door?
482
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:08,772
So you're really considering
having another kid, huh?
483
00:20:08,816 --> 00:20:10,600
Yeah, I think so.
484
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,254
Good for you, man.
485
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,691
Having a second kid was the best
thing to ever happen to me.
486
00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:15,866
Oh, yeah?
487
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,433
Absolutely.
488
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:19,566
One more person
to do my chores for me.
489
00:20:19,609 --> 00:20:21,437
Instead of a baby walker,
490
00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:23,657
I had Marty pushing a vacuum.
491
00:20:25,093 --> 00:20:27,095
You know, that's a good idea.
492
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,488
If we still had that robot baby,
493
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,664
we could've had Marty
make it into a Roomba.
494
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:33,449
You got rid of the doll?
495
00:20:33,493 --> 00:20:35,408
Actually, no.
You know, it's really weird.
496
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:37,671
I came out here to look for it
this morning and it was gone.
497
00:20:37,714 --> 00:20:39,368
Huh.
I wonder where it went.
498
00:20:39,412 --> 00:20:40,761
MARTY:
Daddy!
499
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:43,285
[wailing]Get it off me! Get it off me!
500
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,678
Get it off!
501
00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:45,853
Get it off me!
502
00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:48,551
[yelling][wailing]
503
00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:52,599
See? I told you
having a second kid was great.
504
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:55,993
If I didn't have Marty,
I never would've seen that.
505
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:57,908
[yelling, sobbing][wailing]
506
00:20:57,958 --> 00:21:02,508
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