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"And do you vow before God and us...
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"as his witnesses
to love, honor, and obey him...
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"until death do you part?"
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{y:i}I'm not sorry for what I did.
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{y:i}I have no regrets.
{y:i}Because look what it got me.
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{y:i}A man who appreciates me for what I am.
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{y:i}All my life, my mother said,
{y:i}"Get married, Miriam, get married."
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{y:i}And I wanted to get married. Honest.
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{y:i}But it wasn't that easy.
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{y:i}You see, I had this problem.
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{y:i}My problem was, I was a beautiful person...
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{y:i}who had been kidnapped by an ugly body.
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{y:i}Of course, there were advantages
{y:i}to being homely.
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00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:54,114
{y:i}I never had to worry about someone
{y:i}taking my messages while I was out...
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00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:58,243
{y:i}or having the trauma of growing old
{y:i}and losing my looks.
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{y:i}And I was probably the only girl
{y:i}who, no matter where I went...
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{y:i}never had to worry about being mugged.
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{y:i}So you see, I was quite content.
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{y:i}Oh, there was one other thing.
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{y:i}I was also very Ionely.
22
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{y:i}I even changed colleges.
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{y:i}Five of them in three years,
{y:i}in hopes of finding the right guy.
24
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{y:i}There are a lot of men at State,
{y:i}which is why I came here.
25
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,815
- Look at the line.
- We'll be here for hours.
26
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:32,610
Registration's got to be the worst part
of college, next to studying.
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I know a senior who missed her graduation.
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Years later they found her
in line still trying to register.
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- Hi there.
- Hi there.
30
00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:08,980
Excuse me.
31
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,608
I wonder if you'd mind
me getting in line in front of you?
32
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I'm new here and a little bit confused.
33
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,987
- Ordinarily I wouldn't even ask this, but...
- So don't.
34
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,788
Trying to figure out what courses to take?
35
00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,667
- Yeah. How did you know?
- Everybody has that problem.
36
00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:32,087
Look, you have to take any three of these,
and the rest are electives.
37
00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,675
- How'd you figure that out?
- Call it experience.
38
00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:41,304
- Thanks a lot.
- I'm glad to help.
39
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,474
Yeah. Thanks.
40
00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,018
Anytime.
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00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,354
Okay. Thanks a lot.
42
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,943
Excuse me. Pardon me.
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Can I get in front of you?
I just can't wait in line all day.
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00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:02,784
- My tan will fade.
- Well, you hop right in here, honey.
45
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,578
- My name's Moose Myers. What's yours?
- I'm Heidi Murphy.
46
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:11,793
Hi. Can I get in front of you?
I just can't stand in line all day.
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00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,378
- My tan will fade.
- No.
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00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:18,758
{y:i}Once again, a fresh start at a new school.
49
00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,302
{y:i}And I'm back to the end of the line.
50
00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:23,471
{y:i}That's the story of my life.
51
00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:26,808
{y:i}When I was growing up,
{y:i}my mother would always say...
52
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:30,020
{y:i}"Miriam, don't worry. Your turn will come."
53
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:34,149
{y:i}But I was starting to realize
{y:i}that by the time my turn came...
54
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,900
{y:i}I'd be too old to take it.
55
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:41,573
I'm your new roommate, Miriam Knight.
I saw you at registration.
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00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:45,035
- I don't remember you.
- That's all right. Nobody ever does.
57
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,706
Look. There must be some mistake...
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00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:53,752
because I requested a single room.
59
00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,841
If this is...
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00:05:00,508 --> 00:05:04,554
412, I'm in the right place.
61
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,849
I can't see a thing without my contacts.
62
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,019
Wait a minute.
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00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:23,823
Do you think I look better
with brown eyes, green, or blue?
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00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,909
You have three pairs of lenses?
65
00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:28,912
I was engaged for a while
to an ophthalmologist.
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00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:32,832
And while I was engaged to him,
his wife became pregnant again.
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00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:34,709
So I figured he wasn't sincere.
68
00:05:36,544 --> 00:05:41,049
Okay. If you're going to stay here
and the phone rings...
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00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,385
you answer it.
70
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,054
You see, I'm usually too busy practicing...
71
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:49,432
because I'm the only cheerleader
who can do 35 flip-flops in a row.
72
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,520
And could you stop that sneezing?
It throws my timing off.
73
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,730
I'm sorry. I'm allergic to roses.
74
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,149
Hello. Hey!
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00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,486
Relax, there are plenty more
where these came from.
76
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,571
Guy who gave them to me is an undertaker.
77
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,656
Hello?
78
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,201
Just a moment, I'll see if she's here.
Who's calling, please?
79
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:09,744
Bill.
80
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:14,457
No, I'm sorry. She's not here at the moment.
I'll tell her you called.
81
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,252
You do that very well.
82
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,421
I've had a lot of practice
with former roommates.
83
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:23,091
If you stay, you will have to take
the bottom drawers in the bureau.
84
00:06:23,174 --> 00:06:25,135
That'll be no problem.
85
00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:26,970
I don't have much.
86
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,264
And there's not much room left
in the closet.
87
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:31,391
You'll have to use those hooks at the back.
88
00:06:31,474 --> 00:06:34,144
We're going to get along just fine, Heidi.
89
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:37,272
Is there a bed under all this?
90
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,528
Hello.
91
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:46,823
Just a moment. I'll see if she's here.
Who's calling please?
92
00:06:47,032 --> 00:06:48,033
Fred.
93
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:51,995
No, I'm sorry. She's not here at the moment.
I'll tell her you called.
94
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:53,538
What?
95
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:57,709
I'm Miriam Knight, her new roommate.
96
00:06:58,501 --> 00:06:59,836
What?
97
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:04,132
He said he's playing pool
and asked me to join him. Is that okay?
98
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,634
Go. That should teach him a good lesson.
99
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,014
Yes. I'd love to.
100
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,850
Five minutes?
101
00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:15,602
Fine. Well, how will I know you?
102
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,188
Blue shirt. Okay. Bye.
103
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,944
- Is this your boyfriend?
- Sort of.
104
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,530
It was taken on a trip
to Washington DC last summer.
105
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,575
He's cute. I just love men with beards.
106
00:07:30,658 --> 00:07:32,619
That's Lincoln. The other one is Herman.
107
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,415
- I really shouldn't.
- I shouldn't either.
108
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,001
But when I am nervous, like now,
before a blind date...
109
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,337
candy is the only thing
that calms me down.
110
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,547
What about making love?
111
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:46,758
That always does it for me.
112
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:52,389
I never have. That is my experience...
113
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:57,852
- My experience is...
- What about your boyfriend, Harold?
114
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,521
- Herman.
- Herman.
115
00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:05,694
Well, things haven't worked out
between me and Herman.
116
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:10,990
Herman and I
have a rather strange relationship.
117
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,661
His father and my father are partners
in the plumbing business.
118
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,915
And the families always planned
that one day we'd get married.
119
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,334
Everybody thinks it's a great idea...
120
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,961
except Herman.
121
00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:25,213
So what have you been doing
in the meantime?
122
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:27,882
Nothing.
123
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,262
The only person who ever asked me
to go to bed was my mother.
124
00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:42,856
- Okay, Fred, it's your shot.
- You didn't leave me much, Barry.
125
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:44,315
- Fred?
- Yeah.
126
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,901
Hi. I'm Miriam Knight, Heidi's roommate.
127
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:50,864
Fred? No. I'm not Fred. I'm Ed.
128
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,325
Fred was here,
but he had to leave suddenly.
129
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:57,912
You must be Fred.
You said you were wearing a blue shirt.
130
00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:01,041
Blue? You call that blue?
131
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:03,376
You guys, does this look like blue to you?
132
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,379
- No.
- Sure that's blue.
133
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:10,008
- It's the same color as the sky.
- Exactly. It's gray. It's smog gray.
134
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:13,762
- Excuse me.
- Come on. I know you're Fred.
135
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:17,015
- You said you were playing pool.
- You call what he's doing playing?
136
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:22,228
- Besides, I recognize your voice.
- Okay. I'm Fred.
137
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,024
See, I'm into this very hot pool game.
138
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:29,194
I got to give these guys
a chance to win back their money.
139
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,154
I'm going to be a while here...
140
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:35,116
so I think we ought to make
our date for another night, sometime...
141
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,701
next semester.
142
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,913
I've got time. I'm in no hurry.
143
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:43,833
Go ahead. I'll watch you play.
Nine ball, side pocket.
144
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,502
You can run the table.
145
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:03,770
Boy, am I thirsty.
I could really go for a cream soda.
146
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,064
Don't worry. I'll get it.
147
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,692
- Miriam?
- Yes, Fred?
148
00:10:08,733 --> 00:10:11,027
- Get one for each of us, will you?
- Sure.
149
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,987
- And Miriam?
- Yes, Fred?
150
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:15,448
- Lay it out, will you?
- Glad to.
151
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:43,226
{y:i}What hurt me the most was
{y:i}Fred hadn't even tried to get to know me.
152
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:48,606
{y:i}He was like all the others.
{y:i}They take one look and that was it.
153
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:57,782
- What happened to your friends?
- Afraid of a little competition, I guess.
154
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,584
{y:i}The fall semester was four weeks old...
155
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,920
{y:i}and I hadn't been asked out
{y:i}on a single date.
156
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:14,049
{y:i}And this was at a school
{y:i}with 5,000 male students.
157
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:17,260
{y:i}What was I doing wrong?
{y:i}What was I doing right?
158
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:20,555
{y:i}What should I be doing,
{y:i}if I knew how to do it?
159
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:24,851
{y:i}It had never been this bad
{y:i}at any of the other colleges I went to.
160
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:27,729
And soon, I think we will all realize...
161
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:32,567
that Macbeth 's biggest mistake
was not murdering Duncan...
162
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:37,906
but marrying Mrs. Macbeth.
Or, as they call, Lady Macbeth.
163
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,743
Hamlet, on the other hand, failed...
164
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:45,038
not, I reiterate, not because of a mistake...
165
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,916
but because of a fatal flaw in his nature.
166
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:52,504
An intense Oedipal relationship
between himself...
167
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,673
and his mother, who was Queen Gertrude.
168
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,509
I think that is very, very important.
169
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,761
Mr. Myers?
170
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,807
Would you tell us
the basic theme of "Oedipus?"
171
00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:09,979
Wasn't that the guy
who had something wrong with his eyes?
172
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,274
That's the guy who had something wrong
with his eyes.
173
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,779
Ms. Knight, perhaps you could
help Mr. Myers...
174
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:21,074
and tell us about the theme
of the "Oedipus" legend.
175
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,617
Easy.
176
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:26,204
A guy can't kiss his mother on the mouth
and get away with it.
177
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:37,632
We'll continue our discussion
of Shakespeare's "Hamlet" at the next class.
178
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:40,135
I hope that you all have your assignments.
179
00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:44,347
Mr. Myers, Ms. Knight,
will you please remain for a moment?
180
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,016
Mr. Myers, I hope you're aware...
181
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,101
that I'm not about
to give you a passing grade...
182
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:51,396
just because you happen to be
one of the stars of our football team.
183
00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:52,522
I am sorry, sir.
184
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,691
I just can't remember
all those characters"'" names.
185
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,861
That will take a little study.
Ms. Knight, that's where you come in.
186
00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:01,865
Will you be willing to tutor Moose,
to make him understand his assignments...
187
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,576
and make sure that he reads all his plays?
188
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,747
I'd do anything
for the football team, Prof. Tilson.
189
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,541
{y:i}Listen, what was Tilson
{y:i}bugging you about today?
190
00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:13,209
He won't pass me.
191
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,003
I'm first-string, probably all-American.
192
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,588
He won't give me automatic passing grade.
193
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,882
- That's heavy. That's bad stuff.
- That's really a shame.
194
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,425
Yeah, but he's trying to be helpful.
195
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,260
- He got me a tutor.
- Oh, yeah? Who?
196
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:24,304
- Who'd he get?
- Miriam Knight.
197
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,224
Miriam Knight!
198
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,896
Miriam Knight? She's a dog.
She looks horrible.
199
00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:39,361
{y:i}It was difficult for me
{y:i}to face Moose ever again.
200
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,489
{y:i}I finally convinced him
{y:i}to overlook my looks...
201
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,284
{y:i}and let me help him get a passing grade.
{y:i}It was working fine.
202
00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:49,704
{y:i}In fact, one night he took me
{y:i}to a drive-in movie...
203
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,040
{y:i}so I could explain the plot
"of" Romeo and Juliet...
204
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,708
{y:i}and save him from reading it.
205
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:57,504
{y:i}Even though he tried to avoid
{y:i}being seen with me...
206
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,964
{y:i}I was thrilled to be seen with him.
207
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,801
{y:i}Although he was difficult to see.
208
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:07,681
{y:i}In every car around us,
{y:i}lovers were enjoying the movie.
209
00:14:08,598 --> 00:14:10,850
{y:i}It was hard to keep our minds on the plot.
210
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:14,354
{y:i}I had a feeling by this time Moose liked me.
211
00:14:14,604 --> 00:14:19,109
{y:i}Then I sensed his powerful presence
{y:i}in the darkness beside me.
212
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,735
{y:i}Oh, Romeo.
213
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,536
{y:i}Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
214
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:38,461
{y:i}Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
215
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,588
Oh, darling!
216
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,757
- I'm so sorry.
- Right in the eye.
217
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:46,511
Let me help. So sorry.
218
00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:50,265
Get away from me. Pain, hurts.
219
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,767
Of all the times to get a black eye.
220
00:14:52,851 --> 00:14:55,979
I'm supposed to be on television
tomorrow night for a pre-season interview.
221
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,272
And it's network.
222
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,357
I didn't mean to do it. Let me look at it.
223
00:14:59,441 --> 00:15:02,360
No. Go get something for it.
I don't want anybody to see me like this.
224
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:05,196
Sure, I'll get you some ice
from the refreshment stand.
225
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,614
Hurry up!
226
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:13,997
Hey, Moose!
What kennel did you find her in?
227
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,624
Moose, can I have the pick of the litter?
228
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:21,254
Hey, Moose. We're going to go for pizza.
Why don't you lose her?
229
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,714
- Come on. Will you?
- Yeah, come on.
230
00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:25,258
What do you think you're doing
with her anyway? Come on.
231
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:27,635
Come on. What's wrong with you?
232
00:15:27,677 --> 00:15:29,846
- Come on.
- Okay.
233
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,133
Moose.
234
00:16:10,095 --> 00:16:12,013
Wherefore art thou, Moose?
235
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,973
{y:i}So, there I was.
236
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:17,519
{y:i}Had again, without being kissed.
237
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:39,499
{y:i}Trudging 30 miles back to school
{y:i}in the rain...
238
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:42,711
{y:i}I tried to convince myself
{y:i}that it wasn't so bad...
239
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,380
{y:i}not to have any friends or beaus.
240
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:49,676
{y:i}After all, my homely cousin Sheila
{y:i}didn't have any...
241
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,888
{y:i}and she lived a full and happy life
{y:i}right up to the day of her suicide.
242
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:02,230
Heidi. Open up. It's me, Miriam.
243
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:03,898
I'm locked out.
244
00:17:07,318 --> 00:17:08,528
Heidi.
245
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,741
Open up, please.
246
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:16,911
Don's here.
247
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:20,081
We're cramming together.
Miriam, will you please go away?
248
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:24,502
- What do you mean, go away? I live here.
- Not tonight, you don't.
249
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,296
- You said you'd be out.
- Yes. But...
250
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,840
- So stick to your word.
- Heidi.
251
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:33,261
I'm wet through and through.
252
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,680
What am I supposed to do?
253
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:36,973
Dry off.
254
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:47,776
Heidi!
255
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:27,148
- Orphan Annie.
- Who, me?
256
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:28,274
Yeah, you.
257
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,985
What are you doing out here
at 4:00 in the morning?
258
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,321
My roommate's studying for a test.
259
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:36,366
And she can't study
when anyone's in the room.
260
00:18:36,908 --> 00:18:38,952
So I'm letting her study.
261
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,884
Looks like you're loitering to me.
262
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,469
Listen. If I was going to loiter...
263
00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:59,431
I'd loiter somewhere nice and warm
like a bus terminal.
264
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,183
Let me see your ID.
265
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,398
Hold this.
266
00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:15,780
- There are a hundred library cards here.
- My mother's a librarian.
267
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:25,123
And a card that says
you're an honorary member of the union.
268
00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:26,666
My father's a plumber.
269
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:30,337
And you're what they produced?
270
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,048
A girl who reads books in the bathroom.
271
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:35,884
Look.
272
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:39,679
You are not going to run me in
on a 732 or an 817, are you?
273
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:43,099
I could also nab you on a 432 and a 339.
274
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,811
You couldn't get me on a 432.
That's intention to breaking and entering.
275
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,856
- You would never prove it.
- Where'd you learn police codes?
276
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,275
I took a course in criminal procedures.
277
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:57,864
- Thinking of being a policewoman?
- No. Just wanted to meet guys.
278
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,617
- How'd you do?
- Awful.
279
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:03,411
I finished at the top of my class.
All the guys hated me.
280
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,999
Next time be a little dumber.
281
00:20:09,084 --> 00:20:10,460
Thank you, Officer.
282
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,255
Be seeing you.
283
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,591
That's what they all say.
284
00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:20,178
- What?
- Nothing. What's your name?
285
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,767
Varone, Ralph.
286
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:29,020
Is that Varone Ralph
or Varone comma Ralph?
287
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:30,897
Comma.
288
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:33,942
Good night, kid.
289
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,737
Good night, Varone comma Ralph.
290
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:58,341
{y:i}The next morning,
{y:i}after that bad scene with Moose...
291
00:20:58,425 --> 00:21:01,803
{y:i}I felt so terrible that I tried to kill myself.
292
00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:04,347
{y:i}At breakfast in the school cafeteria...
293
00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:08,101
{y:i}I deliberately ate a second helping of
{y:i}chipped beef on toast.
294
00:21:08,935 --> 00:21:10,478
{y:i}I didn't die.
295
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:12,647
{y:i}All I got was indigestion...
296
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:16,735
{y:i}but combined with a lulu of a head cold.
297
00:21:16,818 --> 00:21:19,279
{y:i}It was enough to send me to the infirmary.
298
00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:22,157
Ms. Knight? Miriam Knight?
299
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:24,868
Yes, I'm Miriam Knight.
300
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,454
Is the doctor ready to see me now?
301
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,665
I am the doctor. Dr. Ted Gates.
302
00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:33,710
I am sorry. You look awfully young.
303
00:21:33,752 --> 00:21:38,006
He is young. His mother still has to pin
his rubber gloves to his sleeves.
304
00:21:38,089 --> 00:21:39,841
All right you guys, knock it off.
305
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,843
Would Tedums like to go...
306
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:44,220
to the delivery room
and figure out how the stork gets in?
307
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:45,597
Will you knock it off?
308
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,807
Little Teddy's getting angry.
309
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,060
- And do you know why?
- I got it.
310
00:21:50,143 --> 00:21:53,563
Because he's the only one in the hospital
who can wear white and mean it.
311
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:55,940
The examining room
is this way, Ms. Knight.
312
00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:58,401
- Come on, Teddy baby.
- Nice.
313
00:21:58,485 --> 00:22:00,403
- Come on, sweetheart, don't...
- Come on, Teddy.
314
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:01,821
Go right through here.
315
00:22:01,905 --> 00:22:03,406
Bye, Teddy.
316
00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:08,078
So then I skipped another term,
and here I am.
317
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,081
Youngest intern on the staff,
and they never let me forget it.
318
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,249
They never let up on the teasing.
319
00:22:13,917 --> 00:22:16,002
People can be cruel, can't they?
320
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:19,714
Someday I'm going to prove I'm not
just a kid. You know what I mean?
321
00:22:21,299 --> 00:22:24,386
I got so involved talking...
322
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,805
Oh, thanks.
323
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:31,434
Well, you're normal. It's just a bad cold.
324
00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:34,521
And your chest x-ray
doesn't show any infection.
325
00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:38,692
- You look worse than you really are.
- That's what everyone says.
326
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,276
You'll be fine.
327
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,739
I enjoyed talking to you.
328
00:22:45,198 --> 00:22:48,034
- I really like you.
- I really like you, too.
329
00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:49,411
You do?
330
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,747
Miriam, I know this sounds crazy...
331
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:56,835
but could we meet tomorrow sometime?
332
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:58,420
I'd love to.
333
00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:04,134
Well, I'm on duty here after 4:00.
334
00:23:04,384 --> 00:23:06,678
Nothing much ever happens around then.
335
00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:09,764
Could just be the two of us.
336
00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:12,767
{y:i}That's not bad. What year is it?
337
00:23:12,809 --> 00:23:14,769
Last week. We make it in the lab.
338
00:23:18,106 --> 00:23:21,443
It's good.
Must be from the shady side of the room.
339
00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:25,947
- I shouldn't.
- Why not?
340
00:23:25,989 --> 00:23:28,158
Wine makes me feel very sexy.
341
00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:45,300
You make me feel very sexy.
342
00:23:45,675 --> 00:23:47,969
- Did that surprise you?
- Sort of.
343
00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:51,306
Ted, please. I hardly know you.
344
00:23:51,348 --> 00:23:54,059
How can you say that
after I took an x-ray of your chest?
345
00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:55,769
Please, not here.
346
00:23:56,519 --> 00:23:58,813
Why not? You're over 21.
347
00:23:58,855 --> 00:24:02,275
And if two people are over 21
and want each other...
348
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:05,862
Ted, please. I feel so cheap.
349
00:24:08,031 --> 00:24:11,576
Why can't we be like other couples
on their first date and go to a motel?
350
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:13,161
Miriam?
351
00:24:15,872 --> 00:24:17,040
I love you.
352
00:24:19,167 --> 00:24:20,126
Ted.
353
00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:23,672
I never thought I'd ever hear
anyone ever say that to me.
354
00:24:24,714 --> 00:24:27,300
- I can understand that.
- Say it again, please.
355
00:24:27,384 --> 00:24:29,678
- I can understand that.
- No. The "I love you."
356
00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:32,555
The I love you, Miriam. I love you.
357
00:24:38,937 --> 00:24:41,314
- Ted, listen.
- It's nothing, Miriam.
358
00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:44,651
All I hear is silence.
359
00:24:44,734 --> 00:24:45,694
Silence.
360
00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,155
Go get her.
361
00:24:55,745 --> 00:24:57,205
Surprise!
362
00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:08,550
Hey, Ted, you did it, baby.
363
00:25:39,122 --> 00:25:41,833
{y:i}And I had thought he was a nice guy.
364
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:44,085
{y:i}He was a doctor.
365
00:25:44,753 --> 00:25:47,088
{y:i}There was no excuse for this cruelty.
366
00:25:47,297 --> 00:25:50,592
{y:i}To put me on display in front of those guys.
367
00:25:50,884 --> 00:25:52,302
{y:i}It wasn't right.
368
00:25:52,761 --> 00:25:54,387
{y:i}It was degrading.
369
00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:57,974
- David, what we need is a real person.
- Granted.
370
00:25:58,058 --> 00:26:00,101
- With tragic overtones to play...
- Motivation.
371
00:26:00,185 --> 00:26:01,311
A natural actress.
372
00:26:01,394 --> 00:26:04,022
Where we are going to find her
on this campus is beyond me.
373
00:26:04,105 --> 00:26:07,734
Wait a minute. I think I see a real person.
374
00:26:11,571 --> 00:26:14,491
This box represents my heart.
375
00:26:15,033 --> 00:26:18,620
Empty. And empty also are our lives.
376
00:26:18,995 --> 00:26:22,499
So let us have a moment of silence
for our Confederate dead.
377
00:26:24,334 --> 00:26:26,628
For our country will never be well...
378
00:26:27,671 --> 00:26:31,549
if we do not cure the illnesses
within ourselves.
379
00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:37,138
Miriam, darling. You were marvelous.
380
00:26:37,222 --> 00:26:39,891
You were absolutely terrific.
381
00:26:39,974 --> 00:26:43,603
- No joke?
- No joke. Miriam, the part is yours.
382
00:26:46,773 --> 00:26:50,026
I don't believe it.
It's the happiest moment of my life.
383
00:26:50,110 --> 00:26:53,154
- Rehearsals start Tuesday evening.
- You'll never regret this, Professor.
384
00:26:53,238 --> 00:26:56,741
Even though she's supposed to be
pretty, I will make the part believable.
385
00:26:57,534 --> 00:26:59,494
Make sure she has a corrected script.
386
00:27:00,620 --> 00:27:04,541
I mean, we can use a lot of makeup
and a lot of flattering lights.
387
00:27:05,208 --> 00:27:06,418
8:00 sharp.
388
00:27:07,502 --> 00:27:10,547
Of course, in my case,
the most flattering lights will be black.
389
00:27:10,630 --> 00:27:12,841
Go learn your lines, will you?
390
00:27:16,344 --> 00:27:18,805
I think she's so wrong.
391
00:27:19,597 --> 00:27:22,225
I would do anything to make you
change your mind.
392
00:27:22,350 --> 00:27:24,769
Thanks for the offer,
but the decision's been made.
393
00:27:24,853 --> 00:27:28,189
- No one will believe her, David.
- Oh, yes, they will. She is a natural.
394
00:27:28,273 --> 00:27:31,401
I would like for you to be her understudy
and perhaps play a small part.
395
00:27:31,484 --> 00:27:32,527
What?
396
00:27:32,569 --> 00:27:34,863
But I was counting on getting the lead.
397
00:27:34,946 --> 00:27:38,074
Heidi, there are no small parts,
only small actors.
398
00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:42,620
What's height got to do with it?
Miriam and I are exactly the same size.
399
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:45,790
David! Prof. Tilson.
400
00:27:46,249 --> 00:27:50,378
Give it up, sweetums.
The professor wants Miriam to do it.
401
00:27:53,298 --> 00:27:54,507
So I'll let her...
402
00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:56,801
during the rehearsals.
403
00:27:57,385 --> 00:27:59,054
I really want you to come, Herman.
404
00:27:59,137 --> 00:28:02,349
When you see this play
you'll see a whole new side of me.
405
00:28:04,559 --> 00:28:07,979
Well, you could stop off here
and see the play...
406
00:28:08,063 --> 00:28:10,732
and go directly
on to the plumbing convention.
407
00:28:10,774 --> 00:28:12,275
You will?
408
00:28:12,776 --> 00:28:15,528
Herman, you won't be disappointed. Bye.
409
00:28:15,612 --> 00:28:17,238
Herman's coming.
410
00:28:17,322 --> 00:28:21,159
Doing this play
will make the whole semester worthwhile.
411
00:28:22,077 --> 00:28:25,080
You'd better switch hands
or you'll make your chest lopsided.
412
00:28:31,211 --> 00:28:33,713
- Come in.
- A man is here to see you, Miriam.
413
00:28:33,797 --> 00:28:35,757
A Herman Anderson. Should I send him in?
414
00:28:39,427 --> 00:28:41,763
I am so glad you could come, Herman.
415
00:28:43,431 --> 00:28:45,266
You're really spreading out.
416
00:28:45,558 --> 00:28:47,560
It's my costume for the play.
417
00:28:49,020 --> 00:28:52,691
Funny pants. What is it, historical?
418
00:28:52,816 --> 00:28:55,819
That's right.
It's a very evocative portrait of the South.
419
00:28:55,860 --> 00:28:58,321
The South
has never been properly understood.
420
00:28:58,405 --> 00:29:00,990
- Just like the plumbing business.
- How's that?
421
00:29:01,116 --> 00:29:03,535
No one seems to appreciate the fact...
422
00:29:03,618 --> 00:29:07,497
that we're working hard in order to make
everybody a little bit more comfortable.
423
00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:10,000
- You know what I mean?
- How is business, Herman?
424
00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,002
It keeps on going on.
425
00:29:12,085 --> 00:29:14,963
No matter what happens
in the nation economically...
426
00:29:15,005 --> 00:29:17,507
people have still got to do three things.
427
00:29:17,549 --> 00:29:19,926
They've got to be born, they've got to die.
428
00:29:20,010 --> 00:29:22,095
And in the middle,
they've got to go to the bathroom.
429
00:29:22,178 --> 00:29:25,432
Right. I am putting in
138 brand-new bathrooms...
430
00:29:25,515 --> 00:29:27,809
in a brand-new hotel.
And when I tell you, Miriam...
431
00:29:27,851 --> 00:29:29,686
that they are beautiful,
you gotta believe me.
432
00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:32,272
Color coordinated,
right down to the plunger.
433
00:29:32,355 --> 00:29:34,399
Sounds terrific. I can't wait to see them.
434
00:29:34,482 --> 00:29:36,860
And next time
I'm going to go into franchising.
435
00:29:36,943 --> 00:29:40,530
"Herman Anderson Plumbing."
Just like take-out chicken.
436
00:29:40,613 --> 00:29:42,949
- Coast to coast.
- Wonderful.
437
00:29:43,033 --> 00:29:44,868
I wish I could help you out somehow.
438
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:48,288
I could use a bright girl.
439
00:29:48,371 --> 00:29:50,915
I mean, somebody that knows the business.
440
00:29:52,709 --> 00:29:54,085
You could?
441
00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:56,713
Nothing up front
where you would meet the customers.
442
00:29:56,796 --> 00:30:00,717
Something in the back, taking inventory,
bookkeeping. That sort of thing.
443
00:30:00,759 --> 00:30:02,052
You know what I mean?
444
00:30:02,135 --> 00:30:06,348
And who knows?
Maybe one of these days, you and I...
445
00:30:07,140 --> 00:30:08,558
We might...
446
00:30:09,601 --> 00:30:10,643
Yes, Herman?
447
00:30:11,061 --> 00:30:12,562
Five minutes, Miriam.
448
00:30:12,645 --> 00:30:15,690
- I'd better get to my seat.
- Herman?
449
00:30:16,524 --> 00:30:18,109
How about a kiss for luck?
450
00:30:36,419 --> 00:30:38,963
I loved her from the moment I saw her.
451
00:30:39,047 --> 00:30:41,716
She is the most beautiful woman
in the world.
452
00:30:41,758 --> 00:30:45,053
I am so glad you brought her home
for us to meet.
453
00:30:45,136 --> 00:30:48,682
But not for your approval, mother,
but for your enrichment.
454
00:30:48,765 --> 00:30:50,934
As I have been enriched.
455
00:30:53,478 --> 00:30:57,315
George, what a lovely house and garden.
This must be your mother.
456
00:30:57,399 --> 00:31:00,735
- How do you do, Mrs. Wainwright?
- How do you do, my dear?
457
00:31:01,611 --> 00:31:04,781
George has told me
such wonderful things about you.
458
00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:08,493
Place those alongside
the wonderful things he has said about you.
459
00:31:09,202 --> 00:31:13,289
My, my. I feel as if
I have known you all my life.
460
00:31:13,998 --> 00:31:15,083
I am so glad.
461
00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:18,336
Isn't Miriam terrific?
The audience accepted her immediately.
462
00:31:18,420 --> 00:31:19,921
...but I'm due at the front.
463
00:31:20,005 --> 00:31:22,799
She will be even more terrific in the next act.
464
00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:27,303
This box represents my heart.
465
00:31:28,972 --> 00:31:30,265
Empty.
466
00:31:32,142 --> 00:31:34,936
And empty also...
467
00:31:35,562 --> 00:31:37,772
are our lives.
468
00:31:45,238 --> 00:31:47,449
Empty also...
469
00:31:48,283 --> 00:31:51,453
are our lives.
470
00:31:59,544 --> 00:32:01,296
Let us now have...
471
00:32:01,504 --> 00:32:04,174
a moment of silence.
472
00:32:11,931 --> 00:32:16,478
Our country will never be well
if we do not cure our...
473
00:32:19,189 --> 00:32:20,565
Your hay fever.
474
00:32:51,638 --> 00:32:56,017
Miriam, get back. It's going to be all right.
It'll be fine. It'll be...
475
00:32:56,851 --> 00:33:00,021
Hello, Miriam.
I see you got my opening-night roses.
476
00:33:07,153 --> 00:33:09,656
Someone get Heidi.
She will have to finish the play.
477
00:33:24,045 --> 00:33:25,338
{y:i}So...
478
00:33:25,630 --> 00:33:28,883
{y:i}I had Heidi to thank for that humiliation.
479
00:33:29,217 --> 00:33:31,469
{y:i}She'd made me look like a fool.
480
00:33:32,095 --> 00:33:36,224
{y:i}Not only in front of half the student body,
{y:i}but in front of Herman.
481
00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:41,646
{y:i}I wanted to get away from everything,
{y:i}everyone, as fast as possible...
482
00:33:41,730 --> 00:33:45,191
{y:i}and never come back. Never.
483
00:33:55,118 --> 00:33:57,579
{y:i}The entire time I was in the hospital...
484
00:33:58,580 --> 00:34:00,874
{y:i}I was haunted by scenes from college.
485
00:34:00,957 --> 00:34:04,252
{y:i}Moose, Dr. Ted Gates, Freddie.
486
00:34:04,627 --> 00:34:06,629
{y:i}And especially Heidi.
487
00:34:07,005 --> 00:34:08,673
{y:i}All laughing at me.
488
00:34:09,966 --> 00:34:13,303
{y:i}Any kind of a normal life
{y:i}with a husband and children...
489
00:34:13,386 --> 00:34:15,597
{y:i}seemed out of the question for me.
490
00:34:15,638 --> 00:34:18,266
{y:i}After all, who would want
{y:i}to make love to a mummy?
491
00:34:18,350 --> 00:34:19,893
{y:i}Except a drunken Egyptian.
492
00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:22,479
{y:i}Gosh, I was depressed.
493
00:34:23,813 --> 00:34:27,525
You have a visitor, Miriam,
a very nice-looking young man.
494
00:34:27,609 --> 00:34:29,069
Shall I let him in?
495
00:34:30,153 --> 00:34:33,323
- You may come in now, sir.
- Thank you, nurse.
496
00:34:33,490 --> 00:34:36,951
Hey, Miriam.
Here, I brought you some candy...
497
00:34:37,035 --> 00:34:38,912
for your...
498
00:34:41,164 --> 00:34:43,792
I tried to get here sooner,
but I was too busy.
499
00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:47,545
For somebody who tried
to kill himself, you look terrific.
500
00:34:47,962 --> 00:34:50,507
That was what happened in the car,
wasn't it?
501
00:34:51,466 --> 00:34:53,968
Well, when they called I said:
502
00:34:54,052 --> 00:34:57,138
"Miriam? Tried to knock herself off?
Ridiculous.
503
00:34:57,222 --> 00:35:00,767
"She was probably just fooling around
like old times." Right? Right!
504
00:35:01,685 --> 00:35:04,979
Here, let me give you a hand with that.
There you go. Right there.
505
00:35:05,063 --> 00:35:08,525
I guess what happened on the stage
was the reason for your...
506
00:35:08,566 --> 00:35:11,820
you-know-what attempt. But don't feel bad.
507
00:35:11,861 --> 00:35:13,780
I mean, you were just miscast.
508
00:35:15,323 --> 00:35:18,993
They should have gotten
somebody good-looking...
509
00:35:19,452 --> 00:35:20,662
like Elizabeth Taylor.
510
00:35:23,373 --> 00:35:25,750
Miriam, good always comes out of bad.
511
00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:29,254
I didn't realize until the accident
how much you mean to me.
512
00:35:29,337 --> 00:35:32,173
I mean, we have known each other
all our lives...
513
00:35:32,757 --> 00:35:36,636
and I think it's time I told you
what was in my heart.
514
00:35:40,724 --> 00:35:43,685
Miriam, give up.
515
00:35:43,727 --> 00:35:46,438
You have got to realize
that you are a very plain girl.
516
00:35:46,521 --> 00:35:49,024
And you've got to accept that
once and for all.
517
00:35:49,107 --> 00:35:50,775
You know what I mean?
518
00:35:50,859 --> 00:35:53,653
I got something very interesting to tell you.
519
00:35:54,904 --> 00:35:55,947
Miriam...
520
00:35:57,157 --> 00:35:58,700
I am getting married.
521
00:36:00,076 --> 00:36:02,746
I met this girl at a plumbers"'" convention.
522
00:36:02,829 --> 00:36:06,374
And it's our plan that we are going
to tie the knot in the next four weeks.
523
00:36:06,458 --> 00:36:07,709
You're going to love her.
524
00:36:07,751 --> 00:36:12,047
She is beautiful, talented,
and a terrific little bowler. Terrific.
525
00:36:12,547 --> 00:36:16,718
I know that our parents always hoped
that, someday, that we'd get married.
526
00:36:16,801 --> 00:36:20,388
But we both realize
how ridiculous that is, right?
527
00:36:22,265 --> 00:36:24,225
Anyway, we want you
to be our maid of honor.
528
00:36:24,309 --> 00:36:26,144
That's if you can ever walk again.
529
00:36:28,021 --> 00:36:29,731
Well, I'd better get going.
530
00:36:29,814 --> 00:36:32,359
It was great watching you
drink your supper.
531
00:36:33,568 --> 00:36:38,406
And sometime I will come back
and maybe watch you drink something else.
532
00:36:40,158 --> 00:36:41,743
I'd better take these.
533
00:36:41,826 --> 00:36:44,079
There is no way you are going
to get these in there.
534
00:36:46,122 --> 00:36:47,374
Ciao.
535
00:37:00,970 --> 00:37:03,682
It looks like a very fine job, Dr. Hankem.
536
00:37:03,765 --> 00:37:05,392
Why, she's healing beautifully.
537
00:37:05,475 --> 00:37:08,353
In fact, Doctor, I have never seen...
538
00:37:08,436 --> 00:37:11,022
such fantastic plastic surgery in my life.
539
00:37:12,357 --> 00:37:13,817
Good morning, beautiful.
540
00:37:14,150 --> 00:37:16,945
Listen, Miriam,
if you're not busy this evening...
541
00:37:19,739 --> 00:37:22,534
Miriam, take a look.
542
00:37:41,011 --> 00:37:42,470
I'm brand-new.
543
00:37:47,517 --> 00:37:48,476
Okay.
544
00:37:49,227 --> 00:37:51,813
When do I turn back into a pumpkin?
What's the catch?
545
00:37:52,522 --> 00:37:54,024
There's no catch.
546
00:37:56,651 --> 00:37:58,319
When can I try it out?
547
00:37:59,279 --> 00:38:00,321
Be our guest.
548
00:38:01,031 --> 00:38:02,991
{y:i}Dr. Green, call surgery.
549
00:38:13,460 --> 00:38:17,339
- Will you watch where you're going?
- Okay.
550
00:38:22,260 --> 00:38:24,888
Hey, honey. I'd come to your aid any day.
551
00:38:24,971 --> 00:38:27,974
Yeah. I bet you're really something
all dressed up.
552
00:38:37,108 --> 00:38:38,777
You know what gets me?
553
00:38:39,152 --> 00:38:42,530
All of a sudden,
men are crawling all over the new me.
554
00:38:42,947 --> 00:38:45,742
But underneath, I'm the same person
I always was.
555
00:38:46,326 --> 00:38:48,661
But you're just packaged differently now.
556
00:38:48,787 --> 00:38:51,456
When I think of how
cruel people were to me...
557
00:38:52,999 --> 00:38:56,211
But that's all in the past, my dear.
Forgotten.
558
00:38:56,586 --> 00:38:57,921
How can I forget?
559
00:38:58,338 --> 00:39:01,549
It's an adjustment you'll have to make.
Goodbye, Miriam.
560
00:39:02,759 --> 00:39:04,844
- Be happy.
- Be happy, Miriam.
561
00:39:09,432 --> 00:39:12,268
{y:i}It was easy enough for them to say,
{y:i}"Be happy."
562
00:39:12,477 --> 00:39:15,146
{y:i}But how could I,
{y:i}the new Miriam, be happy...
563
00:39:15,230 --> 00:39:18,566
{y:i}when I knew there were still
{y:i}so many other Miriams out there...
564
00:39:18,608 --> 00:39:21,069
{y:i}suffering needlessly like I had?
565
00:39:21,945 --> 00:39:25,532
{y:i}Popularity now seemed so easy,
{y:i}so accessible.
566
00:39:25,824 --> 00:39:28,451
{y:i}But I had reached a turning point in my life.
567
00:39:28,618 --> 00:39:31,371
{y:i}When I thought about all the unhappiness
{y:i}I had gone through...
568
00:39:31,454 --> 00:39:35,250
{y:i}I was determined
{y:i}to pay it back with interest.
569
00:39:36,418 --> 00:39:39,713
{y:i}Dr. Gates. Dr. Ted Gates.
570
00:39:40,130 --> 00:39:41,798
{y:i}Call 125.
571
00:40:00,066 --> 00:40:01,401
- Dr. Gates?
- Yes.
572
00:40:01,484 --> 00:40:04,404
I'm Nurse Bolin.
I've been assigned to assist you.
573
00:40:04,487 --> 00:40:08,408
- Great. Meet me at my place at 7:00.
- No. I mean at the hospital.
574
00:40:08,491 --> 00:40:12,120
Fine. Follow me and we'll find
a secluded shelf in the linen closet...
575
00:40:12,162 --> 00:40:13,580
as soon as I'm out of surgery.
576
00:40:18,668 --> 00:40:22,088
I always like to get to know
all the new nurses on a personal basis.
577
00:40:22,172 --> 00:40:26,343
Don't you think you might go after
the wrong woman one day and hurt her?
578
00:40:26,551 --> 00:40:29,596
Lmpossible. I'd be doing them all a favor.
579
00:40:29,679 --> 00:40:32,932
Dr. Gates, please, no.
You've just scrubbed.
580
00:40:33,016 --> 00:40:34,517
You're supposed to be sterile.
581
00:40:34,601 --> 00:40:38,938
- Who will know? The patient is asleep.
- This is against all regulations.
582
00:40:43,443 --> 00:40:45,028
What did you do?
583
00:40:45,111 --> 00:40:48,615
I told you, one day
you'd go after the wrong woman.
584
00:40:48,698 --> 00:40:51,326
- I'll be out cold in a minute.
- That's right.
585
00:40:51,368 --> 00:40:54,287
Oh, no. If I lie here
they'll take me into the operating room.
586
00:40:54,371 --> 00:40:58,500
What's wrong with that?
You took me in there once.
587
00:40:58,875 --> 00:41:01,586
Only then, you were the operator.
588
00:41:01,711 --> 00:41:04,798
Now, I guess you'll be the operatee.
589
00:41:05,298 --> 00:41:06,841
I don't understand.
590
00:41:07,050 --> 00:41:10,553
I'm Miriam Knight. Remember?
591
00:41:17,894 --> 00:41:19,396
Next!
592
00:41:19,729 --> 00:41:22,315
Have somebody else
fill out the death certificate.
593
00:41:22,399 --> 00:41:25,694
- This is the emergency appendectomy.
- That's right, Doctor.
594
00:41:25,735 --> 00:41:28,363
Isn't that funny. Looks a lot younger than
when I examined him.
595
00:41:28,405 --> 00:41:29,698
All right, let's get to work.
596
00:41:57,851 --> 00:41:59,602
I can't find his appendix.
597
00:41:59,728 --> 00:42:02,480
The man has got appendicitis
and he's got no appendix.
598
00:42:02,605 --> 00:42:04,149
It was there an hour ago.
599
00:42:05,608 --> 00:42:07,444
Doctor, the patient is getting shocky.
600
00:42:07,527 --> 00:42:10,155
That's not possible. We just began surgery.
601
00:42:10,655 --> 00:42:12,866
- Blood pressure's dropping.
- What is it?
602
00:42:12,949 --> 00:42:14,868
- Sixty over twenty.
- That's dropping.
603
00:42:14,951 --> 00:42:18,163
- What's the pulse?
- Going up. 140.
604
00:42:18,329 --> 00:42:21,791
- Get some plasma in here on the double.
- Right away, Doctor.
605
00:42:24,502 --> 00:42:25,962
You see anything in there?
606
00:42:34,512 --> 00:42:38,892
- Where is that nurse with the plasma?
- It's too late. He's dead.
607
00:42:39,476 --> 00:42:40,435
Dead?
608
00:42:41,227 --> 00:42:45,273
How could he be dead?
I haven't even taken his appendix out yet.
609
00:42:46,191 --> 00:42:49,069
Well, have somebody else
fill out the death certificate.
610
00:42:49,569 --> 00:42:50,820
Next!
611
00:43:15,887 --> 00:43:18,807
{y:i}All those years of taking
{y:i}offbeat college courses...
612
00:43:18,848 --> 00:43:21,434
{y:i}in hopes of meeting someone
{y:i}were finally paying off.
613
00:43:21,685 --> 00:43:24,229
{y:i}My nurse's training
{y:i}had already come in handy.
614
00:43:24,396 --> 00:43:28,191
{y:i}Now, I had a chance
{y:i}to use my basic aerodynamics.
615
00:43:28,692 --> 00:43:33,446
{y:i}And underlying everything
{y:i}were three semesters of biology.
616
00:43:33,530 --> 00:43:36,491
Hey. How come I never seen you
around here before?
617
00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:39,369
Maybe you were too busy
trying to read your letter.
618
00:43:41,329 --> 00:43:44,541
My name's Moose Myers.
How'd you like to go out tonight?
619
00:43:45,083 --> 00:43:46,292
Get it on?
620
00:43:47,002 --> 00:43:50,505
- Why wait for tonight?
- All right! Great!
621
00:43:52,716 --> 00:43:54,509
I'm so attracted to you.
622
00:43:55,218 --> 00:43:58,221
I haven't been so attracted to an athlete...
623
00:43:58,555 --> 00:44:01,933
since I saw Mark Spitz dry.
624
00:44:08,148 --> 00:44:09,232
Moose.
625
00:44:10,650 --> 00:44:13,194
- Do me a favor.
- I'm trying to.
626
00:44:13,278 --> 00:44:15,405
Moose, please.
627
00:44:16,114 --> 00:44:17,657
Not here.
628
00:44:19,242 --> 00:44:20,952
I know just the place.
629
00:44:21,244 --> 00:44:24,122
The Coach's office.
He's got a big desk with a roll top.
630
00:44:24,205 --> 00:44:26,666
- No.
- We could really be alone.
631
00:44:28,668 --> 00:44:31,755
I know a place that's completely secluded...
632
00:44:32,422 --> 00:44:36,593
where I can let loose the animal in me.
633
00:44:39,387 --> 00:44:42,724
Come on.
634
00:44:50,940 --> 00:44:53,860
You sure the only way
to get to this place is by parachute?
635
00:44:53,943 --> 00:44:56,196
Darling, you've got to trust me.
636
00:44:56,363 --> 00:44:59,908
I trust you. It's the guy who packed
this parachute I don't trust.
637
00:45:00,241 --> 00:45:02,494
- Okay.
- It's simple.
638
00:45:02,869 --> 00:45:06,122
We'll free fall for a while.
Then you count to 15.
639
00:45:06,206 --> 00:45:07,916
You can count to 15, can't you?
640
00:45:08,124 --> 00:45:11,419
After that,
you just pull this little bitty handle.
641
00:45:11,503 --> 00:45:13,088
I'll be right behind you, baby.
642
00:45:13,171 --> 00:45:16,800
And believe me, it'll all be worth it.
643
00:45:17,342 --> 00:45:18,885
Now. Ready?
644
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,102
Geronimo!
645
00:45:46,121 --> 00:45:49,791
- Do you remember Miriam Knight?
- Who?
646
00:45:50,166 --> 00:45:52,836
The girl who helped you study Shakespeare.
647
00:45:53,253 --> 00:45:55,463
Kind of fat and scraggly looking?
648
00:45:55,797 --> 00:45:58,008
You left her in a drive-in movie?
649
00:45:58,675 --> 00:46:01,302
Yeah. I wonder what ever happened to her.
650
00:46:01,678 --> 00:46:05,098
You're looking at her right now, Romeo.
651
00:46:06,933 --> 00:46:09,728
- You're Miriam?
- That's right, buddy.
652
00:46:10,186 --> 00:46:11,980
It's time to pull the cord.
653
00:46:15,984 --> 00:46:19,446
- Hey, don't fool around.
- I'm not.
654
00:46:25,994 --> 00:46:28,830
But I'm a first-draft draft choice.
655
00:46:37,547 --> 00:46:40,717
What a shame. His chute didn't open.
656
00:46:40,884 --> 00:46:44,012
And I'll never forgive him
for getting himself killed.
657
00:46:45,597 --> 00:46:47,307
Did he have any enemies?
658
00:46:47,682 --> 00:46:50,143
None. Are you kidding? Nah.
659
00:46:52,103 --> 00:46:54,856
As a matter of fact,
this Saturday is a tribute to him.
660
00:46:54,981 --> 00:46:59,361
At halftime, the marching band
is going to form a coffin.
661
00:47:00,236 --> 00:47:01,821
Oh, he was loved.
662
00:47:02,781 --> 00:47:04,407
I loved him like a son.
663
00:47:05,825 --> 00:47:07,577
Big, dumb son.
664
00:47:09,245 --> 00:47:11,414
- Right, fellows?
- Right, Coach.
665
00:47:11,498 --> 00:47:14,751
You bet.
Now, three laps around the field for Moose.
666
00:47:15,043 --> 00:47:16,086
Three.
667
00:47:16,503 --> 00:47:19,506
Counterclockwise, now. Go get 'em.
668
00:47:21,591 --> 00:47:22,717
Wrong way.
669
00:47:26,221 --> 00:47:30,975
They're our new lawyers, our doctors
and our nucleairy physicists.
670
00:47:36,773 --> 00:47:38,525
Nucleairy physicists?
671
00:47:42,278 --> 00:47:44,781
{y:i}- Heidi Murphy?
{y:i}- In the flesh.
672
00:47:45,156 --> 00:47:48,076
I represent the Acme Cosmetic Company.
673
00:47:48,201 --> 00:47:51,454
- I don't have skin problems.
- May I come in?
674
00:47:52,872 --> 00:47:54,416
I never heard of your company.
675
00:47:54,499 --> 00:47:57,961
We're an English firm.
Acme Cosmetics Limited.
676
00:47:58,044 --> 00:47:59,087
What does that mean?
677
00:47:59,170 --> 00:48:03,216
We take very few customers
outside of the Royal family.
678
00:48:03,633 --> 00:48:05,343
Well, the Queen isn't so hot-looking.
679
00:48:05,427 --> 00:48:09,806
Have you seen her lately?
She doesn't look a thing like her stamp.
680
00:48:09,973 --> 00:48:12,017
She's not all one color, you know.
681
00:48:12,809 --> 00:48:15,061
What a charming room.
682
00:48:17,856 --> 00:48:20,942
Look, I have only so many good years
to catch a rich husband.
683
00:48:21,026 --> 00:48:23,361
So could you hurry up
and tell me what you want?
684
00:48:23,445 --> 00:48:25,947
That's what I want to talk to you about:
685
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:27,490
Meeting men...
686
00:48:28,116 --> 00:48:31,161
thousands and thousands of men...
687
00:48:31,619 --> 00:48:35,331
as our representative
at the Super Bowl game.
688
00:48:36,249 --> 00:48:37,834
Why me?
689
00:48:38,168 --> 00:48:41,796
Because we heard that you are
the best cheerleader around.
690
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:44,841
And we feel our cosmetics are the best.
691
00:48:46,176 --> 00:48:48,178
How do I know they're so hot?
692
00:48:48,345 --> 00:48:52,515
You don't. But I do.
I've been using them for years.
693
00:48:52,891 --> 00:48:56,478
Would you believe that I am 61 years old?
694
00:49:00,398 --> 00:49:01,775
Now, tell me the truth.
695
00:49:02,692 --> 00:49:03,860
Do I look it?
696
00:49:05,779 --> 00:49:08,615
Well, not in this light.
697
00:49:22,879 --> 00:49:27,384
Miss Murphy, now that I see you better...
698
00:49:27,759 --> 00:49:31,304
- I do feel you're not for us.
- What?
699
00:49:31,554 --> 00:49:34,933
- What are you talking about?
- Your body.
700
00:49:35,392 --> 00:49:39,521
It's a bit flabby, old girl.
A bit out of condition.
701
00:49:39,771 --> 00:49:43,400
We wouldn't want to be represented
by someone the fans could shout...
702
00:49:43,608 --> 00:49:46,736
"Here comes fat, fat, the water rat" at.
703
00:49:46,986 --> 00:49:50,365
Wait. My body's in as good a shape as ever.
704
00:49:52,117 --> 00:49:53,243
I am sorry.
705
00:49:53,451 --> 00:49:56,329
Oh, wait. Please wait.
706
00:49:56,663 --> 00:49:58,373
Let me show you what I can do.
707
00:50:05,505 --> 00:50:10,176
If that's the best you can do,
the answer is definitely "no."
708
00:50:10,427 --> 00:50:14,639
- What?
- You're too old to do the back handspring.
709
00:50:15,098 --> 00:50:19,602
Old? Look, Grandma,
if anybody is old around here, it's you.
710
00:50:19,894 --> 00:50:22,605
So come right over here
and stand out of the way.
711
00:50:43,501 --> 00:50:44,961
Look out, you old witch.
712
00:50:58,308 --> 00:51:00,101
Thanks for the roses.
713
00:51:09,944 --> 00:51:10,945
Hello?
714
00:51:11,446 --> 00:51:13,615
Oh, just a moment. I'll see if she's here.
715
00:51:13,698 --> 00:51:17,869
No. I'm sorry.
She just dropped out of sight. Bye.
716
00:51:24,793 --> 00:51:28,505
- She had an English accent, I think.
- English accent.
717
00:51:28,588 --> 00:51:32,217
And she asked for Heidi's room number...
718
00:51:32,300 --> 00:51:34,761
and said Heidi was waiting for her.
719
00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:39,933
- What did she look like?
- She had red hair. I remember that.
720
00:51:40,225 --> 00:51:43,311
And pants, very attractive.
721
00:51:43,395 --> 00:51:46,064
And she carried a little case.
722
00:51:46,147 --> 00:51:48,191
Case. A little case.
723
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,282
I am going to wear it.
724
00:51:56,366 --> 00:51:58,118
I love it on you.
725
00:51:58,201 --> 00:52:00,829
I'm going to take it.
726
00:52:01,955 --> 00:52:05,208
Is there anyone who would have wanted
to see Heidi Murphy killed?
727
00:52:05,291 --> 00:52:06,543
Oh, everyone.
728
00:52:10,588 --> 00:52:15,301
What I mean is,
she was kind of stuck on herself.
729
00:52:16,386 --> 00:52:20,056
What we're trying to tell you is,
it's not like we lost a good friend.
730
00:52:20,140 --> 00:52:21,224
Right.
731
00:52:33,361 --> 00:52:34,738
Jelly bean.
732
00:52:44,289 --> 00:52:46,791
- Did she ever have a roommate?
- Often.
733
00:52:47,709 --> 00:52:49,294
He means a girl.
734
00:52:50,128 --> 00:52:53,381
Wait. I remember. What's her name?
She was always blowing her nose.
735
00:52:53,798 --> 00:52:56,343
- She was allergic to roses.
- Yeah.
736
00:52:56,468 --> 00:52:59,763
Blowing her nose? Allergic to roses.
737
00:53:04,559 --> 00:53:06,144
What were you saying?
738
00:53:06,227 --> 00:53:08,897
She was the kind of girl
nobody would notice.
739
00:53:08,980 --> 00:53:11,107
- Miriam Knight.
- That's the name.
740
00:53:11,149 --> 00:53:13,485
She left school a while ago.
741
00:53:13,777 --> 00:53:15,653
Anyone know where she went?
742
00:53:16,488 --> 00:53:17,822
Where she lives?
743
00:53:17,906 --> 00:53:20,950
No. She wasn't very attractive.
744
00:53:20,992 --> 00:53:25,455
I think she was most unhappy
all the while she was with us.
745
00:53:27,290 --> 00:53:31,503
I remember once, I heard some guys
playing pool put her down real heavy.
746
00:53:31,586 --> 00:53:34,881
Oh, yeah. I heard it was Fred Ames
and those guys.
747
00:53:35,507 --> 00:53:37,217
Fred Ames and those guys.
748
00:53:44,182 --> 00:53:47,811
Well, you haven't given me much to go on.
749
00:53:48,687 --> 00:53:50,063
But thank you, anyway.
750
00:53:50,355 --> 00:53:53,483
- Don't you have any clues at all?
- Just one.
751
00:53:54,067 --> 00:53:57,529
Moose, Heidi, the doctor...
752
00:53:58,530 --> 00:54:01,491
were all killed
by the same mysterious woman...
753
00:54:02,033 --> 00:54:05,662
and a very clever operator. A super-criminal.
754
00:54:06,079 --> 00:54:08,748
- Well, can't you find even one clue?
- No.
755
00:54:09,541 --> 00:54:11,668
The case is airtight.
756
00:54:13,003 --> 00:54:15,380
- But what a break for me.
- Why?
757
00:54:15,547 --> 00:54:18,883
Lt'll give me a chance
to solve the perfect crime.
758
00:54:19,884 --> 00:54:21,219
I'll find the killer.
759
00:54:30,020 --> 00:54:31,896
No entry through there.
760
00:54:33,815 --> 00:54:36,651
Thank you for your help. Excuse me.
761
00:54:37,569 --> 00:54:39,029
Thanks again.
762
00:54:39,904 --> 00:54:41,031
This is the one.
763
00:54:44,284 --> 00:54:47,495
How could he ever find the killer?
He can't even find the door.
764
00:55:07,432 --> 00:55:09,642
{y:i}I knew the police were on to the case.
765
00:55:09,934 --> 00:55:12,771
{y:i}But I was confident
{y:i}I had covered my trail well.
766
00:55:13,104 --> 00:55:16,316
{y:i}And now it was Herman's turn.
767
00:55:17,150 --> 00:55:22,030
{y:i}As I stood there looking at him,
{y:i}so many memories came back.
768
00:55:22,864 --> 00:55:27,369
{y:i}The times we had played doctor
{y:i}and he had insisted I be the receptionist.
769
00:55:27,786 --> 00:55:31,122
{y:i}And the night of our senior prom,
{y:i}when he had stood me up...
770
00:55:31,164 --> 00:55:35,251
{y:i}forcing me to go with my cousin,
{y:i}and my cousin had been furious...
771
00:55:35,293 --> 00:55:38,338
{y:i}as she had her own date
{y:i}and didn't want to take me, either.
772
00:55:59,651 --> 00:56:01,486
Thank you. We gave already.
773
00:56:03,113 --> 00:56:06,866
- I'm not collecting money. Open up.
- We have a Bible.
774
00:56:07,158 --> 00:56:09,285
Herman, it's me, Miriam.
775
00:56:13,498 --> 00:56:15,625
I just got out of the hospital.
776
00:56:15,875 --> 00:56:17,377
But you're the wrong Miriam.
777
00:56:17,961 --> 00:56:20,630
They let the wrong Miriam
out of the hospital.
778
00:56:20,839 --> 00:56:22,799
Believe me, Herman, it's me.
779
00:56:31,933 --> 00:56:35,186
You're entirely new. You've been remodeled.
780
00:56:36,521 --> 00:56:39,399
I've seen it done to a toilet before,
but never to a person.
781
00:56:48,700 --> 00:56:50,785
Herman. Please.
782
00:56:50,869 --> 00:56:53,455
You're married now.
You mustn't fool around.
783
00:56:53,538 --> 00:56:55,665
Who's fooling? I'm serious.
784
00:56:55,874 --> 00:56:58,043
From the very first moment
I saw you tonight...
785
00:56:58,126 --> 00:57:00,754
I knew we were always
meant for each other.
786
00:57:01,254 --> 00:57:04,090
It's too late.
You've made your bed, now lie in it.
787
00:57:04,174 --> 00:57:06,593
- I will, if you join me.
- Herman!
788
00:57:06,676 --> 00:57:09,596
Miriam, you don't understand.
I want to marry you.
789
00:57:09,679 --> 00:57:12,265
I want to call the accountant
the first thing in the morning...
790
00:57:12,349 --> 00:57:15,769
- and tell him to start divorce proceedings.
- I just don't know.
791
00:57:15,852 --> 00:57:17,354
I tell you what.
792
00:57:17,437 --> 00:57:21,399
We'll go away for a weekend
and we'll be able to discuss it at length.
793
00:57:22,776 --> 00:57:25,528
I promise I won't touch you.
794
00:57:26,029 --> 00:57:30,033
Well, if it's just to talk, we can use my place.
795
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:31,701
It's secluded.
796
00:57:53,306 --> 00:57:57,352
Miriam, you look as lovely in that negligee
as I thought you would.
797
00:57:57,435 --> 00:57:58,937
Thank you, Herman.
798
00:58:02,607 --> 00:58:04,359
It's a lovely gift.
799
00:58:04,943 --> 00:58:07,987
And you kept the price tag on
like I asked you to.
800
00:58:08,071 --> 00:58:12,367
That way, if we're careful,
I can return it on Monday.
801
00:58:13,493 --> 00:58:14,703
Come here, darling.
802
00:58:25,588 --> 00:58:26,840
Careful.
803
00:58:32,512 --> 00:58:36,099
- You happy?
- Very, very happy.
804
00:58:36,307 --> 00:58:38,101
You're a very lucky woman.
805
00:58:39,436 --> 00:58:42,480
You're going to be marrying
a very unusual man.
806
00:58:43,523 --> 00:58:46,860
I'm an intellectual...
807
00:58:47,819 --> 00:58:49,487
an ardent lover...
808
00:58:50,155 --> 00:58:52,240
and a brilliant plumber.
809
00:58:58,496 --> 00:59:00,832
Speechless with delight?
810
00:59:04,794 --> 00:59:06,254
Did I hear something?
811
00:59:07,672 --> 00:59:08,965
It's just something dripping.
812
00:59:09,007 --> 00:59:12,260
It's the bathtub. It has a bad leak.
It needs a new washer.
813
00:59:12,344 --> 00:59:16,264
- I'll fix it the first thing in the morning.
- Oh, please, darling. Do it now.
814
00:59:16,348 --> 00:59:19,893
- No, in the morning.
- It'll ruin the floor. It'll only take a minute.
815
00:59:19,976 --> 00:59:22,354
I don't have my tools or a washer.
816
00:59:22,437 --> 00:59:25,482
- Didn't I see a wrench in the bathroom?
- A wrench?
817
00:59:27,025 --> 00:59:29,694
Please. You take care of that...
818
00:59:30,278 --> 00:59:32,655
and I'll take care of you.
819
01:00:01,226 --> 01:00:02,185
Miriam.
820
01:00:10,110 --> 01:00:11,277
Miriam, what are you doing?
821
01:00:12,028 --> 01:00:15,615
Miriam, there's a bad leak in here.
822
01:00:16,741 --> 01:00:19,661
You always told me
what a great plumber you were, darling.
823
01:00:19,744 --> 01:00:22,205
All you have to do is change a washer.
824
01:00:27,752 --> 01:00:28,962
Miriam.
825
01:00:31,673 --> 01:00:35,010
Now, this is not funny.
I mean, the water's up to my knees.
826
01:00:39,764 --> 01:00:41,224
There's no window in here.
827
01:00:43,601 --> 01:00:44,936
Miriam!
828
01:00:49,983 --> 01:00:53,445
Tread water, darling. I'll go for help.
829
01:00:54,279 --> 01:00:57,866
Miriam, where are you going to find
a plumber at this time of the night?
830
01:00:57,949 --> 01:01:01,703
I'll go to the yellow pages
and let my fingers do the walking.
831
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:03,455
Miriam!
832
01:01:05,123 --> 01:01:07,751
Is this the way
you were going to take care of me?
833
01:01:08,460 --> 01:01:09,794
Miriam!
834
01:01:12,130 --> 01:01:13,965
Miriam, for heaven's sakes!
835
01:01:14,049 --> 01:01:17,719
This is no way
for a plumber to end his days!
836
01:01:18,845 --> 01:01:20,096
Miriam!
837
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:22,265
I can't swim.
838
01:01:25,268 --> 01:01:27,937
Live by the sword, die by the sword.
839
01:01:39,074 --> 01:01:41,534
{y:i}The one mistake I made...
840
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:44,621
{y:i}was to go to Herman's funeral.
841
01:01:45,330 --> 01:01:49,501
{y:i}But I had to. I mean, he was family.
{y:i}My mother would have had a fit.
842
01:01:50,168 --> 01:01:53,963
And our town will never again
see the likes of Herman Anderson.
843
01:01:55,006 --> 01:01:59,135
He was a devoted husband,
a pillar of the community...
844
01:01:59,594 --> 01:02:03,473
and a reasonably-priced plumber
who actually showed up.
845
01:02:06,184 --> 01:02:08,228
He died a plumber's death.
846
01:02:09,187 --> 01:02:10,814
He died on the job...
847
01:02:11,690 --> 01:02:15,735
trying to fix a leak
with nothing but his bare hands...
848
01:02:16,069 --> 01:02:17,487
and his mouth.
849
01:02:19,906 --> 01:02:24,077
It hurts all of us to see such a life go...
850
01:02:25,328 --> 01:02:28,289
as one might say, down the drain.
851
01:02:29,332 --> 01:02:30,959
But Herman is happy now.
852
01:02:31,876 --> 01:02:35,839
He is up there,
in that big bathroom in the sky...
853
01:02:36,756 --> 01:02:38,842
whose walls are made of marble...
854
01:02:38,883 --> 01:02:40,719
It's a sad day, isn't it?
855
01:02:43,638 --> 01:02:46,182
- Did you know Herman Anderson?
- No.
856
01:02:47,517 --> 01:02:51,271
I was here earlier
for another funeral at 10:30.
857
01:02:51,980 --> 01:02:54,232
I just came to compare eulogies.
858
01:02:57,736 --> 01:03:00,238
How well did you know the deceased?
859
01:03:03,074 --> 01:03:04,451
Indirectly.
860
01:03:05,785 --> 01:03:09,748
But I felt I should come
and pay my respects.
861
01:03:11,833 --> 01:03:15,045
May I say that your black-on-black outfit
is ravishing?
862
01:03:16,129 --> 01:03:17,213
Yes.
863
01:03:21,051 --> 01:03:22,761
They say he was a nice guy...
864
01:03:24,179 --> 01:03:28,099
murdered by a very clever woman.
865
01:03:28,433 --> 01:03:32,354
- A lover's quarrel perhaps.
- No one knows for sure.
866
01:03:36,024 --> 01:03:37,525
We have no clues.
867
01:03:42,864 --> 01:03:45,784
- You are a policeman.
- Yes.
868
01:03:46,076 --> 01:03:48,787
With a very difficult job.
869
01:03:48,912 --> 01:03:51,790
Chasing a clever woman murderess...
870
01:03:52,290 --> 01:03:55,543
is always difficult job.
871
01:03:55,919 --> 01:03:57,003
I know.
872
01:03:59,089 --> 01:04:00,799
Funerals...
873
01:04:01,341 --> 01:04:03,385
are always...
874
01:04:04,135 --> 01:04:05,387
so sad.
875
01:04:05,804 --> 01:04:06,888
Yes.
876
01:04:07,639 --> 01:04:08,765
Bless you.
877
01:04:09,057 --> 01:04:11,434
I'm sorry. I must go.
878
01:04:13,228 --> 01:04:15,230
I'm due at a brunch.
879
01:04:23,029 --> 01:04:24,280
Yoo-hoo!
880
01:04:26,491 --> 01:04:31,037
I'd like you to punch me out
a profile on a former student...
881
01:04:31,621 --> 01:04:34,290
Miriam Knight, with a "K."
882
01:04:34,332 --> 01:04:36,501
- Yes, sir, with a "K."
- With a "K."
883
01:04:55,937 --> 01:04:57,022
Thank you.
884
01:04:59,983 --> 01:05:01,484
It's all here.
885
01:05:01,693 --> 01:05:03,278
Plumber's daughter.
886
01:05:04,237 --> 01:05:05,905
Allergic to roses.
887
01:05:06,531 --> 01:05:08,908
Took courses in nursing...
888
01:05:09,784 --> 01:05:12,829
sky diving, biochem...
889
01:05:13,413 --> 01:05:15,290
police procedure.
890
01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:19,336
Championship billiards.
891
01:05:20,378 --> 01:05:22,213
Championship billiards?
892
01:05:23,214 --> 01:05:24,507
Holy moly!
893
01:05:44,277 --> 01:05:46,571
You're pretty good with the stick, baby.
894
01:05:51,451 --> 01:05:54,329
You some kind of a pool hustler?
895
01:05:54,579 --> 01:05:58,917
Are you kidding?
No, I just play for the love of the game.
896
01:06:05,882 --> 01:06:08,176
I can tell you really know how to play pool.
897
01:06:09,511 --> 01:06:12,681
- Want to play a round?
- I don't play around.
898
01:06:12,806 --> 01:06:16,267
No. I mean a round of pool.
899
01:06:18,269 --> 01:06:21,272
- Loser buys the drinks?
- You're on.
900
01:06:26,277 --> 01:06:27,904
What do you drink?
901
01:06:28,113 --> 01:06:31,074
Cream soda. Straight.
902
01:06:31,950 --> 01:06:35,120
Love it. I've got six cases in my room.
903
01:06:36,996 --> 01:06:40,041
- What's your game?
- Eight ball.
904
01:06:40,750 --> 01:06:42,919
It's about the only game I play well.
905
01:06:44,963 --> 01:06:46,756
Eight ball it is, then.
906
01:06:47,465 --> 01:06:50,760
First guy to get all their balls in
gets to sink the eight ball.
907
01:06:51,136 --> 01:06:52,345
Right.
908
01:06:53,179 --> 01:06:54,305
You want to break?
909
01:06:55,890 --> 01:06:56,891
Sure.
910
01:07:51,654 --> 01:07:55,325
- I think you and I'd better have a little talk.
- Whatever for?
911
01:07:56,159 --> 01:07:58,661
- I think you know.
- I don't.
912
01:07:58,953 --> 01:08:01,164
I've got to ask you a few questions.
913
01:08:01,247 --> 01:08:04,292
Hey! Wait a minute, man.
What's all this about?
914
01:08:04,584 --> 01:08:07,754
- I have to book this lady.
- Yeah? For what?
915
01:08:08,171 --> 01:08:10,423
- We're playing a game here.
- A game?
916
01:08:19,724 --> 01:08:21,851
Yeah. A game.
917
01:08:23,395 --> 01:08:25,230
It's police business, pally.
918
01:08:26,314 --> 01:08:27,440
Is this for real?
919
01:08:27,565 --> 01:08:31,778
Remember a girl in college
called Miriam Knight?
920
01:08:32,070 --> 01:08:33,196
No.
921
01:08:33,488 --> 01:08:38,410
Well, this is hard for you to understand,
but I'm probably saving your life, sonny.
922
01:08:42,414 --> 01:08:43,832
Shall we go?
923
01:08:46,418 --> 01:08:47,669
Thank you, Officer.
924
01:09:24,122 --> 01:09:27,250
- I guess he got behind the eight ball.
- How do you like that?
925
01:09:28,501 --> 01:09:31,963
I never figured
on the old exploding eight ball trick.
926
01:09:32,464 --> 01:09:35,592
It's all over. I know everything.
927
01:09:37,677 --> 01:09:40,597
You were brilliant. Super.
928
01:09:41,264 --> 01:09:46,186
I've never met such an incredibly
inventive mind such as yours.
929
01:09:47,145 --> 01:09:48,480
I mean it.
930
01:09:49,647 --> 01:09:54,569
I've chased after a lot of women,
but none have fascinated me like you.
931
01:09:55,278 --> 01:09:56,529
Your style...
932
01:09:58,531 --> 01:09:59,949
your eyes...
933
01:10:03,411 --> 01:10:05,622
your modus operandi.
934
01:10:05,705 --> 01:10:08,792
- You mean that, Ralph?
- I do.
935
01:10:09,417 --> 01:10:11,336
You got great talent.
936
01:10:11,795 --> 01:10:14,798
A unique talent, close to genius.
937
01:10:15,465 --> 01:10:17,258
- Ralph.
- What?
938
01:10:19,010 --> 01:10:20,637
You understand me.
939
01:10:22,597 --> 01:10:26,059
All my life I've been looking for a man
who would love me...
940
01:10:27,227 --> 01:10:29,813
- for my mind.
- You've found him.
941
01:10:31,106 --> 01:10:33,191
And he's found you.
942
01:10:33,483 --> 01:10:37,612
Miriam Knight, case number 187...
943
01:10:38,488 --> 01:10:42,242
is closed. 10-4.
944
01:10:44,786 --> 01:10:45,954
Ralph.
945
01:10:47,163 --> 01:10:48,998
I feel so secure with you.
946
01:10:49,833 --> 01:10:52,002
You may not know this by looking at me...
947
01:10:53,712 --> 01:10:55,714
but I'm a very lonely man.
948
01:11:01,219 --> 01:11:03,972
I wish we could be together like this forever.
949
01:11:04,848 --> 01:11:06,808
I was hoping you'd say that.
950
01:11:09,144 --> 01:11:10,854
What did you have in mind?
951
01:11:12,063 --> 01:11:14,315
Tahiti, maybe.
952
01:11:16,818 --> 01:11:19,988
- I'm an officer of the law.
- And I'm a woman.
953
01:11:23,116 --> 01:11:27,078
- Makes my choice very difficult.
- Very simple.
954
01:11:28,455 --> 01:11:30,040
The law or me.
955
01:11:45,055 --> 01:11:49,100
{y:i}And so, you see,
{y:i}this is a fairy tale with a happy ending.
956
01:11:49,559 --> 01:11:52,562
{y:i}I finally found the right man
{y:i}and married him.
957
01:11:53,104 --> 01:11:56,149
{y:i}Someone who loves me
{y:i}for the real me inside.
958
01:11:57,567 --> 01:12:00,862
{y:i}Okay. So it's not perfect.
{y:i}And we won't be together.
959
01:12:00,945 --> 01:12:03,448
{y:i}But at least we won't get
{y:i}on each other's nerves.
960
01:12:03,531 --> 01:12:06,951
{y:i}Besides, I'll be up for parole
{y:i}in 10 or 20 years.
961
01:12:07,285 --> 01:12:09,788
{y:i}But just in case I'm turned down...
962
01:12:10,080 --> 01:12:14,584
{y:i}I've started taking a mail-order course
{y:i}on the life of Houdini.
963
01:12:15,293 --> 01:12:17,587
May the Lord bless and keep you.
964
01:12:18,922 --> 01:12:20,048
Amen.
965
01:12:31,685 --> 01:12:32,727
Bless you.
71863
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