Original subtitles

- Hold.

Hold.

- Okay, moving into Warrior.

[exhales heavily]

- Yeah, feel that stretch.

Remember to breathe.

- And squats.

[exhaling heavily] - That's it.

That's good for the lower back.

- Ahh.

- Dig down deep, Brendar.

I want a really good burn.

- Your father was a butterknife.

- Oh, good one.

Now throw me! - [grunts]

- It's choppin' time.

[mumbling]

- What was that?

- Pthew! I said great throw, Brendar.

You put a little extra on that one.

- In my mind, I was hurling it into the demon Alvin's guts.

- Ooh, such a bad barbarian.

- Where's Evan and everyone else?

We were supposed to leave for Gnarlia's castle by now.

- [laughs] - Classic.

- Oh, sorry we're late, Brendar. My fault.

- He grabbed the wrong wizard stick.

- We got halfway here before I realized

I had the outhouse mop.

- That's okay.

What matters is that you're here now.

I've prepared a little pre-quest speech

to kick things off. - Wow.

- This quest will not be easy.

- Mm. - It will challenge us all,

mind, body, and soul.

But if we work hard and stick to the schedule,

I promise it will be deeply rewarding

and, dare I say it, fun.

So who's with me?

- Hmm? - What?

- Oh, yeah. We are. - We're here, 100%. Yep.

- I was paying attention. - Great.

Remember, questing is our solemn duty.

- [laughs] You said "duty."

- All my duties are solemn.

[laughter] - [groans]

- ♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪

♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪

♪ I'm not being poetic ♪

♪ That's literally what went down ♪

♪ Together their journey has begun ♪

♪ Combining might and melody ♪

♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪

♪ And find their true family ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ ♪

[birds chirping]

- Why do you have a bag?

- They're snacks.

- Did you bring enough for everyone?

- Sure. Do you like field mice?

- Leave the bag.

- [sighs]

- She flew away. [grunts]

Ha-ha! Free again!

[laughs]

[light music]

- All right, we're exactly six minutes late.

But that's fine. We can make it up.

We just have to reach the River of Fire before sundown,

or we miss the last ferry across,

and if we miss that, then we have to trek

over the Malarkey Mountains and through the Chasm of Death,

and I think we'd all like to avoid that.

Am I right? - Yes.

- Yeah, yeah. - Okay, let's get questing!

- All right. - Whoo!

[adventurous music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, can we pull over?

I need to use the little wizards' room.

- Yeah, I gotta stretch my legs.

- And I'm feeling peckish.

- Guys, we have barely gone ten steps.

Remember, sundown, River of Fire,

Chasm of Death?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right, yeah.

- You need to pick up the pace.

Don't make me turn this quest around.

- Hmm.

How about we sing a song

to help keep us motivated?

♪ We are questing, never resting ♪

♪ We are questing, we're best friends ♪

♪ Give me a Q ♪

- A social cue?

- Uh...

♪ Give me a U ♪

- You should stop.

- ♪ Give me an E ♪

- Enough.

- Oh, okay, fine. I can take a hint.

♪ We are questing, we're best friends ♪

- Hey, you almost spelled "quest" there.

[laughs]

[ominous music]

♪ ♪

- Oof.

Where is Horus?

I need his help

tracking down that horrible Brendar.

- Hey, General Skelly.

And I mean that literally. "Hay."

[laughter]

- Oh, because he's stuffed with hay.

- How'd you get past the castle guards

looking like that?

- Never mind that.

How'd he get past the horses?

[laughter] - Horses eat hay.

- I did not get my head kicked down a hill,

carried by bats, and dropped on a scarecrow

just to listen to you chuckleheads mock me.

- Would you say that's the final straw?

[laughter] - [groans]

Silence!

I will not be made a fool!

Oh, that's bad.

Oh!

Oh, that's worse. Aah!

Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Hot, hot, hot, hot. Oh, now it's all over.

Oh, that's hot.

[shouts] Ow, ow, ow.

[shouting]

Oh, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot.

[adventurous music]

♪ ♪

- What's with the book?

- Oh, that's my "Lonely Kingdom Guide Book."

I've had it ever since I was a little troll.

- You used to be smaller?

- Yup.

I've never been out from under my bridge,

so since we're questing anyway,

I really want to visit some of Gothmoria's

greatest attractions. - Like what?

- Uh, just the pages that are dog-eared.

- They're all dog-eared. - Yeah.

- Except for that one. What's with that?

- Oh, that's Bakersfieldia.

Even I don't want to go there.

But look, the Unicorn Petting Zoo,

the Rat King's Cheeseatorium,

and Gothmoria's Ugliest Elf Baby.

- I don't want to be the buzzkill of Gothmoria,

but this is a quest, not a tour group.

We need to stay focused on the task at hand,

which is getting to Gnarlia's castle.

- Can't we at least stop at the World's Tallest Goblet?

- Sorry, no side trips.

- Aww, but the goblet's on the way.

And I've always wanted to get my picture sketched there.

- There's no time for goblets.

Before we even get to the River of Fire,

we have to pass through the Gray Swamp of Fear.

And I'm worried that none of you

are prepared for what's in store.

- The Gray Swamp of Fear,

that sounds kind of scary.

- It is,

though I have no fear, so I'll be fine.

- Wow, you're not afraid of anything?

- Nope. - Not even spiders?

- Or thunder? - Or the color yellow?

- I do have one fear:

that this conversation will never end.

- Yeah, it probably won't. - I hope it doesn't.

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Well, here it is, guys, the Gray Swamp of Fear.

- I still don't understand why we can't see the giant goblet.

- We don't have the time.

- It's really creepy here,

so I think I'm gonna fly over the swamp

and meet you guys on the other side.

- Welcome.

[all scream]

Oh, great. We got a bunch of screamers.

Oh, here we go.

Step right up and meet your worst nightmares

in Gothmoria's own Gray Swamp of Fear.

- I think I'll be fine.

- That's what they all say.

Next thing you know, I'm hosing down a boat.

- Ew.

- I'm not gonna get wet, am I?

- Yeah, but for $14.95, you can purchase

your very own Poncho of Fear.

One size fits...most.

- Ah, I won't have to sleep naked no more.

- I don't need to know that about you.

[ominous music]

- Is this ride safe for people with back problems?

I have this sciatica thing.

- It's not safe for anyone.

All your questions and more will be answered

inside the Gray Swamp of Fear.

Step on up.

♪ ♪

- Any chance I could go as a single rider?

- All parties must ride together.

Keep your hands and wings inside the boat

at all times with your seat belt fastened.

If your face does actually melt

from fear, please remain seated,

and do not panic.

- What did you say about face melting?

- My seat belt won't click.

My--my seat belt's not clicking.

It's not clicking. I can't get it to--

[seat belt clicks] Oh, there it goes. I got it.

- [humming]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- Really?

- I groom when I'm nervous.

- Hoo-hoo.

Hoo-hoo.

Who else is really scared right now?

- Guys. Guys, did my face melt off?

I can't see anything right now.

- Evan, your eyes are closed. - Huh?

Oh, whew, well, that's a relief.

I'm rather fond of my face.

- Remember, the swamp feeds on your negative thoughts.

- [humming] - Clear your minds,

and your fears cannot destroy you.

- ♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪

- But I can.

Horus, stop singing and combing.

Horus?

Stacey?

Evan?

Axe?

- You forgot Brendar.

- No, I didn't. I'm right here.

Finally, someone I can relate to.

- [grunts]

I need my old body back.

- That's gonna be pretty difficutlt.

I think I saw a pack of wild dogs gnawing on your femur.

- Femur?

That's pretty "humerus."

[laughter]

- Enough, you cackling cartilages.

I am your general,

and I demand you surrender your bones to me.

You, give me your arms.

You, give me some ribs.

- Oh.

- Not barbecue ribs, Shawn, your ribs.

- Oh.

- Well, look, they're here now, so bring them over,

and give me a bib.

- Bib.

- Well, put it on.

- Bib.

- Eh, not my face, where my neck used to be.

Oh. - Bib. Rib?

- Lower. Lower. Ow. - Rib? Bib.

- Ow, that's in my eye. - Rib? Bib.

- What the-- - Bib, rib.

- What is wrong with you?

- Who are you?

- I'm you, Brendar. I'm your fears.

- Impossible. I have no fears.

- Oh, okay, well, then I'll just--boo!

Worth a shot.

- Get off my boat, or I'll throw you off.

- Oh, I can't.

I'm in your mind.

I'm your fears, your worries, your truths,

and now I have you just where I want you, alone.

- Alone is how I work best.

I don't need anyone.

- Oh, well, you just tell yourself that

because nobody wants you.

The Royal Order kicked you out.

And pretty soon, your quest friends will realize

you're nothing.

And then you'll be alone...

forever.

- I am Brendar the Barbarian.

I have no fears.

I am feared.

- But maybe less revered than you thought.

- Dad?

Guys?

Where'd everybody go?

[quirky orchestral music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Stacey. - [gasps]

- Seeing you as an owl is a real hoot.

- A little on the beak with that one, no?

- Now that you're an owl, are you still afraid of--

- Being picked last for gym class?

Not really. Doesn't come up much anymore.

- Well, what about spiders?

- [gasps]

- [cackling]

- How's it going? - [screams]

- I'll be your special fear for this evening.

I feature lots of hairy legs, a weird soft center,

and then maybe later, I'll crawl in your ear

and lay a bunch of eggs!

- Get away from me.

- Well, everybody talks about how tall the goblet is,

but nobody mentions how wide it is.

It's so incr--

Oh, hi.

You're not Stacey.

- No, I'm you, dummy.

- Oh.

- And I'm here to tell ya you stink at questing.

- Oh, I know.

But I'm getting better.

- Uh, and you're not very talented.

- I know.

But I'm trying, and that's all that matters.

- [sighs]

This is gonna be harder than I thought.

- Ah, hello there, handsome.

- Hello.

- Are you my ghost?

- Uh, what? No.

If I were your ghost, we'd both be dead.

- Bummer.

I always wanted to see a ghost.

- I am here to serve up your deepest fears.

- Really? I don't frighten very easily.

- Oh, really?

Poof!

You're bald.

- [shrieks] No!

Oh, my luscious locks.

- [laughs] - Oh, I look like an old baby.

Waaahhh!

Oh, wait a minute.

I can use my beard as a comb-over.

- Why not use snakes instead?

[snakes hissing and rattling]

- Aah! This is a nightmare! - [cackles]

That's the general idea.

[cackling]

- Surrounded by a lot of water, aren't we?

- This boat's not gonna sink, is it?

- No, but I do see some rapids up ahead.

You might want to hold on.

- Hold on? With what?

I don't have any arms.

- Not the sharpest blade in the boat, are we?

[chuckling]

- Stop laughing.

Okay, I'm gonna chop you. - Come on.

- Here it comes. - Let's do it.

- Don't tease me. - Let's dance.

- I'm not kidding. - Hit me.

- Okay, here it comes. I'm chopping.

Chopper time!

Oh, oh. I'm not buoyant.

I'm not buoyant!

- [grunts] - You don't let people in

'cause you're afraid to trust.

- I'm not afraid, and I don't need anyone.

- What if you never get better at anything?

- Yeah, well, then at least I won't get any worse.

- [sighs] I'm telling you you're a giant failure.

Why aren't you afraid of that?

- Maybe it's because I'm normally such a big ball

of fears and insecurities that the swamp

has no power over me.

- [sighs] Well, that's kind of sad.

- Well, yeah, but you know what always cheers me up?

- Mm? - Singing a song.

[whistles] Here, boy.

And a-one and a-two and a...

♪ Fear Evan, my dear Evan ♪

♪ Don't feel sad or blue ♪

♪ You told me I'm a worthless hack ♪

♪ It's honest more than rude ♪

- ♪ Yes, I'm a chilly grouchy pants ♪

♪ You're a cozy flame ♪

both: ♪ It's weird how polar opposites ♪

♪ Could sound so much the same ♪

- ♪ Some call it disaster but maybe you're the master ♪

♪ Of losing at the game ♪

- ♪ Butterflies in the tummy, brain feels kind of gummy ♪

both: ♪ Joy and fear can feel the same ♪

- ♪ They say there's nothing to fear but fear itself ♪

♪ And yet you seem pretty okay ♪

♪ Sometimes you're a fighter ♪

- ♪ Sometimes there's spiders ♪

both: ♪ Joy and fear can feel the same ♪

- ♪ They do say artists need some darkness ♪

♪ To make anything worth a hoot ♪

- ♪ Maybe you're the part of me ♪

♪ That made me give my bridge the boot ♪

Feels like we're growing up.

- I feel like throwing up.

both: ♪ Joy and fear can feel ♪

♪ The same ♪

- You say you don't need anyone,

but who are all your slogans and songs and speeches for?

- I like to pep myself up.

- Admit it.

You want someone to share your victories with.

- I can eat a victory cake all by myself.

[both grunt]

- You will fail if you refuse to see the truth, Brendar.

You need people.

You can't shut everyone out.

[ominous music]

[light music]

♪ ♪

- Well, that was intense.

- I know this doesn't have anything to do with anything,

but when this quest is over, I'm taking swimming lessons.

- You know, my fear self was really super.

We wrote a great song together.

- Lucky you.

'Cause things got a little hairy on my boat.

- Hmm?

So, Brendar, what did your fear self say?

- Yeah, what'd you see? - Nothing.

- You look like you've seen a ghost.

Wait. Did you? 'Cause that would be nifty.

- Yeah, come on, Brendar. You can tell us.

- Yeah, tell us, Brendar. I told you mine.

You can tell me yours. - Yes, yes.

- Yeah, come on. - I saw nothing.

I have no fears.

I'm a barbarian,

and I don't need anything from anyone.

- Oh, come on. You need us.

You can't have a quest without a quest crew.

- Yeah, here we are. - Yeah.

- Actually, I can.

And from now on, I'm questing alone.

It's 40 minutes until sundown.

I'm making it to the River of Fire.

So you guys have fun traipsing through

the Chasm of Death without me.

[dramatic music]

- You guys would still like me if I was bald, right?

- [groans]

- I can't believe Brendar left us like that.

- I know. She seems super upset.

- Yeah, and with her unusually long strides,

she'll be way ahead of us by now.

We'll never make it to that river by sundown.

- But you know what we can make it to?

The kingdom's tallest goblet.

How would you like to get that sketch?

- Oh, wow, I guess that is a silver lining

in an otherwise devastating blow to our friendship circle.

- That's the attitude.

- Come on. Let's go.

- Ooh.

- No, no, no, no. This is all wrong.

What are you doing? I have no ribs.

I need ribs and a spine.

You--you know what a spine looks like.

You all have one.

Just--Shawn, turn around. Linda, look at him.

Well--well, this is worse than before.

What are you doing? That's not ribs.

Have you never seen a medical text?

Just look at each other.

It's ribs attached to a spine.

Well, now I just look like a question mark.

I don't--I-- this is wrong also.

You've--you've got too many spines now.

Oh, you boneheads are fools.

- Look at this.

I'm making great time

now that there's no one here to slow me down.

This is how a quest should be.

- Okay, but to play demon's advocate,

do you really think you needed to run out like that?

- They're missing the point of the quest, not me.

It's about focusing, keeping a schedule.

It is about the joyless pursuit of the thing you want.

It's not about tourist attractions or sightseeing.

[laughter] We're under attack!

- Stand back.

[laughter]

[indistinct chatter]

- No, you're not. - Mumsy. Mum.

Mum? Mum.

- Oh, wow, the goblet.

- That is impressive.

[dramatic music]

- Mum, thanks for taking us to the big cup.

♪ ♪

- Hi there, pretty lady.

You and your family want a sketch in front of the goblet?

- I'm not with my family.

- Oh, you're waiting for your friends, then?

What a wonderful keepsake this would make.

- I'm alone.

- What a very sad keepsake this would make.

- [sighs]

- You, surrender your leg,

the good one, not the one with the knee that clicks.

- But that's my only good leg.

- Silence!

- [grunts]

- [gasps, grunts]

- [chuckles]

- Ahh.

Ha-ha. Ahh.

- It's alive!

- Mm-mm.

- Oh. It's undead!

- Yeah!

[groans]

Now I can finish my quest

and take down Brendar.

Prepare to meet your maker, barbarian!

All right, who gave me a foot for a hand?

[laughter]

Oh, very funny.

You guys do terrible work.

Hey, my arm fell out.

Where's my bib?

[laughter]

♪ ♪

- Look, guys, we're here, the goblet!

Wow, it's even more goblet-ier than I thought.

- Hey, look at you. It's the three amigos.

You guys want a sketch in front of the goblet, right?

- Heh--wh--eh--um...

- What's the matter? This is just what you wanted.

- It's literally the only thing you've talked about.

- Oh, I know, but it's just now that we're here,

it's not the same without Brendar.

- Evan. - Huh?

[gasps]

[exciting music]

Brendar?

'Sup? - Wow.

- Well, there she is.

- Brendar, you actually waited for us?

- Well, not initially. I left.

But then I was overcome with this pang in my stomach.

- Same here.

Boats make my tum-tum wobbly. - Ugh.

- Anyway, I planned on questing all the way

to Gnarlia's castle alone,

but then it occurred to me that maybe questing

is best shared with company.

- You mean with friends?

- Sure. - You mean quest friends?

Wink-wink.

- Don't make me regret waiting for you.

- Friends it is.

- Well, wait a minute. What about the River of Fire?

We have to get there by sundown.

- Well, I thought we could camp here tonight

and then we could cross the river

first thing in the morning.

- [gasps] Camping at the goblet?

Oh, this is the best day ever.

- So camping it is.

- And if you guys can just focus

a little bit more on the quest,

then maybe I can focus

on having a little bit more fun along the way.

- Ooh, does that mean we can go shopping

at the Farmer's Daughter's Market

or check out the Jousting Jubilee or maybe--

- I said a little bit more fun, Evan.

- Mm-hmm.

- So we're gonna get the sketch, right?

- Yeah, I bought us the premium sketch package

that comes with a commemorative goblet cozy.

- Wow, thanks, Brendar.

- All right, guys, bunch up together.

Lots of big smiles.

- Let's-- - Oh, there she is.

- Let's pose. - Oh, you guys look great.

[bright music]

Oh, oh, mm-hmm.

Mm, so cute, guys, so cute.

- Yeah, uh--

uh, hey, Axe, would you...

♪ ♪

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