Original subtitles

I think Linda's marriage was a failure almost from the beginning.

She and Tony Kroesig were married in February,

had a hunting honeymoon

and were settled down for good in Bryanston Square by Easter.

Morning.

Tony started working in his father's old bank and prepared

to step into a Conservative seat in the House of Commons.

..For extending to me its usual general indulgence...

An ambition which was very soon realised.

Hear, hear!

You were kind to give me such a wonderful present!

The Kroesigs thought Linda Radlett

affected, eccentric and extravagant.

The Radletts considered Tony Kroesig a pompous, money-grubbing ass.

..Consider making some judicious investments in America.

You might be glad to go there yourself.

There's not a war.

I may be old, but I can still shoot, damn you!

I loathe abroad!

Nothing would induce me to live there!

And as for foreigners, they're all the same, they all make me sick!

And did the necklace cost all the thousand pounds I sent you?

Oh, well, I thought you'd want me to buy one thing with it

and always remember who gave it to me.

Er... no, dear. You should have asked Tony to invest it for you,

or spent it on entertaining important people

who might have been of use to him in his career.

There's no such thing as profiting!

Just people who are bad at their jobs and idle!

The only mental qualities necessary for survival

are those which produce money.

Why do you think people who already have plenty of it

want to lock themselves away from God's fresh air and blue skies

simply in order to make more?

Do try to behave like an adult.

But Linda, being what she was, kept up a perfect shop front

and I never really knew much about it.

Oh, no, I haven't seen Linda Radlett for ages!

In a way, it was wonderful to be away from her

and all the raging scenes in the hall at Alconleigh that Christmas.

Fantastic! You loved it?

Oh, I haven't read it. Oh!

And to find my heart wasn't racing

and my stomach churning all the time.

Linda?!

Oh.

Oh, yes, W comes after V.

Famously.

You're the one who's not a bright young thing.

I suppose so.

Gosh!

Don't you love a book shop?

I do.

It was a happy time, and I got happily married to Alfred Wincham,

then a young don at St Peter's College, Oxford.

Oh, Alfred! Oh!

I have been with this kind, scholarly man ever since.

You've never been more... sexy!

Just pull it off that way!

Alfred! Oh, sorry, darling!

Finding in our home at Oxford that refuge from the storms

and puzzles of life, which I suppose I always wanted.

One... one moment! One moment!

I'll just get my trousers.

The creases!

Right. Oh!

Mm, Fanny! Mm!

Not digestives, my favourite food!

It's so nice here!

Oh, thank you!

The curtains! Where did you find them?!

Gosh, Fanny, you are lucky to be you!

Oh. Well, it's nothing like as grand as Bryanston Square.

Oh, no! It's huge and empty there!

I miss the hours of cheerful bustle

and pointless chatter at Alconleigh.

Yes, but when you were there, you always wanted to escape.

Oh, no, I know! Oh!

I'm in pig. What do you think of that?

Fancy that! I am, too!

No!

Fanny! Oh, my...! Look, I'm so fat!

I'm so fat!

Oh!

Fanny!

Oh, it's so lonely without you!

Oh, Fanny, the horror of important people!

You are lucky not to know any.

Ladies.

Oh, I do like that Alfred of yours! Yeah?

Mm. He has such a clever, serious look.

What pretty little darn babies you'll have!

Oh! Gosh, I do feel so ill!

Linda's child, a girl, was born in October.

She was very ill indeed at her confinement.

Oh, darling!

Oh-ho!

Oh, love, not to scare you,

but it was absolutely the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

How can Ma have done it six times?

I know. I'm absolutely terrified.

Davey keeps trying to tell me what a wonderful clear-out it'll be.

So, what are you going to call her? Where is she, anyway?

The sister's room.

It shrieks. Hm.

Moira, I believe.

Not Moira. Darling, you can't!

Tony likes it. He had another sister called Moira who died.

Their old nanny told me it was all because his sister, Marjorie,

whacked her on the head with a hammer when she was four months old.

Can you believe it?! Oh, dear!

And they call us an uncontrolled family!

Why, even Father never tried to murder anybody.

Well, all the same, I don't see how you can saddle

the poor little thing with a name like Moira. It's too unkind.

It'll have to grow up a Moira if the Kroesigs are going to like it.

And they may as well like it because frankly... I don't.

Linda, how can you say that?

You can't possibly tell whether you like her or not yet.

Wait till you see her.

You must be the cousin I've heard so much about.

Do you want to see the baby? Yes.

Poor thing, it's really kinder not to look.

Pay no attention to her.

She pretends to be a wicked woman, but it's all a put-on.

Poor soul! She must've caught sight of herself in a glass somewhere.

Ah!

But Linda's so young! You both are, Fanny.

I don't believe very young mothers ever get wrapped up in their babies.

Just like The Bolter.

She was too young to be adoring.

I'm perfectly adoring.

And Linda really seems to loathe Moira.

So like Linda. She has to do things by extremes. Huh!

Oh, no tea for me, please, Fanny.

I'm on a new diet. Ooh!

One meal white, one meal red.

It's doing me so much good.

So, you won't be wanting any chocolate cake, then?

Er... no, chocolate counts as red.

Surely that's obvious?

Well, OK. Thank you.

She's been terribly ill. Sadie was in despair.

Twice, they thought she would die.

The doctor said to never have another child.

It would almost certainly kill her.

Don't talk of it.

I can't imagine the world without Linda.

He was right, it was an impossible concept.

"Sh! Sh-sh-sh!"

"Whispered Freckles, on the alert."

Somebody else was in the bath beside them.

Should we take her to see the park?

Sorry?

Moira. Should we take Moira to see the park?

No, thank you.

I've already seen it.

What do you think you're doing?

I'm reading to my babies.

Oh, don't talk nonsense!

Get up!

God's sake! I'm taking you out!

The In Crowd by Bryan Ferry

Linda then proceeded to fritter away years of her youth

with nothing whatever to show for them.

She became what's known as a society beauty.

Fashionable young men cluster around her like bees around honey.

Buzz, buzz, buzz! Chat, chat, chat!

At the cinema, theatre, opera, ballet,

dinner, supper, nightclubs,

parties, dances, all day, all night, endless, endless chat.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

Hello, Fanny, darling! What are you doing here?

Well, you invited me.

Yes, I did, of course I did, but...

Thank you so much. Thank you... that was, that was for lunch at noon.

It's... 11:50 now.

Oh!

Well, I did get scared once I heard the birds tweeting!

Oh, dear, I've been up all night chatting!

Oh, come on, darling Fanny, let's have lunch in bed!

My feeling is, is that Linda is in real pain

and she's only disguising it with a lot of chatter.

If she had had an intellectual background,

the place of all this pointless chatter

might have been taken by a serious interest in the arts, or by reading.

Hey, give my doggy back! David! It's mine!

It's mine now! Give him the doggy back! David!

Yes, I suppose she should have become a terrible bore by now,

but she isn't quite one yet.

Of course she isn't. Linda's extraordinary!

It's your best friend you're talking about here, Fanny.

Don't hate me, Davey.

But how she treats that poor child is appalling, darling.

She's completely abandoned her to Surrey to be brought up by the Kroesigs.

She doesn't even have affairs! I don't see what she gets out of her life!

It must be dreadfully empty!

It's all frittery and silliness with Linda.

Linda believes in love!

She... she's passionately romantic!

Casual affairs would be of absolutely no interest to her.

One only hopes that when the next irresistible temptation comes,

it will not prove to be another bottom.

I suppose she really is just like your mother, Fanny.

And all of hers have been bottoms.

Poor Bolter!

She's happy, though, now, isn't she, with her Italian count?

Linda's not like my mother.

Tony is a frightful counter-Hon,

and the people who love her should really be more sympathetic.

I called Linda, who asked me to go with her to visit Moira,

now seven years old and living permanently

with her grandparents in Surrey.

Here you are!

Hello.

Tony and Moira have gone riding.

I thought you might have passed them.

Oh.

Now, I must warn you,

we have something of a rough diamond coming for lunch.

He's by way of being rather a Communist.

Clever chap gone wrong.

Son of a dear old professor who lives in the village.

I always think it's as well to see something

of these left-wing fellows.

If people like us are nice to them, they can be tamed wonderfully.

Hello.

Welcome! Splendid you could come!

No, Moira, no cake before fruit.

Oh, Tony, let her have a piece of cake.

Not until she's eaten her fruit!

It's all right, you can have a piece of cake. No, she can't!

Have some cake, Moira.

What does your father write about?

The plight of the working man.

Well, I hate the lower classes!

Ravening beasts trying to get my money!

Well, let them try, that's all.

Oh, shut up, Tony! You wouldn't

say that if you'd grown up in the country.

Maybe you ought to be in Parliament. Who hasn't?

We've all lived in the country.

Do put that dormouse away, Linda.

Surrey is not the countryside!

Hm!

Your pa's not exactly a man of the people, Linda.

I mean, for God's sake, he's against women being let into the Lords

in case they use the peers' lavatory!

It's the kind of thing that gives the man on the street

the impression we're governed by a lot of lunatics!

We are governed by a lot of lunatics.

The USSR, Norway and Mexico

are the only places worth living in.

Everywhere else is horror.

Fascism in Italy, Nazism in Germany, civil war in Spain,

inadequate socialism in France, tyranny in Africa,

starvation in Asia, reaction in America

and right-wing blight here in England.

Yes. Tony's frightfully right-wing.

He really rather loves Hitler.

We have financial interests and many relations in Germany.

Really? Charming chap, Mr Hitler.

I went to see him in Berlin,

and got taken for a drive in a Mercedes-Benz by Heinrich Himmler.

The only medicine

is communism.

Come back to mine for tea, will you?

And meet my father?

You'd like him.

And Linda did just that.

Leaving the Kroesigs to behave for the rest of the afternoon

like a lot of hens who have seen a fox.

That really is rather too bad of Linda.

Moira was looking forward to showing her the ponies.

Cuckoo!

Oh, who's that?

Who? That?

Not Fade Away by The Rolling Stones

Oh!

Linda returned just in time for dinner, looking very beautiful.

She had a father and a mother,

and they all lived together in a house...

Christian's father is an absolute darling!

He lives in the smallest house imaginable,

but it's packed with books!

Oh, God, he's perfect heaven!

I can see you mean Christian is perfect heaven.

No, it was...

It was just so nice to talk about the... the betterment of the world.

Instead of the way Tony talks,

which is all about what jobs his friends get,

and I just want to fall asleep!

Fanny, oh, don't look so worried.

It's not sexual, it's a meeting of minds.

Argh!

Just o-open the window, will you?! Of course I won't!

You must, or he'll fall off and die!

Linda, if I let him in, it will mean great heartache and danger.

You never think, Linda! Well, you think too much!

Oh, God!

Let him in, or I shall stand up out of the bath and let him in myself!

You wouldn't dare! You know I would.

If you don't draw the line somewhere, nothing will ever be enough!

But I don't want just enough!

You've got to start believing in something other than love!

What else is there?

Come and fight the fascists with me, Linda.

Well... Oh! Hm-hm! I'd better get dressed first.

Linda was a plum ripe for the plucking.

The tree had been shaken.

The comrades were sent large quantities of tinned milk!

She threw discretion and what little worldly wisdom she may have

picked up to the winds.

..The workers of Soviet Russia. Please donate generously!

She became an out-and-out Communist,

and bored everyone to death at the dinner table.

Finally, to the infinite relief of the Kroesigs,

she went off to live with Christian

and Tony started proceedings for divorce.

Divorce?!

This was a great blow to my aunt and uncle.

You'll be banned from the house.

Your sisters will be banned from seeing you!

No decent man will marry any of them now!

An adulterous woman is the single most disgusting thing there is!

I don't like the light-hearted way you abandoned little Moira, Linda.

Well, bolting's in the blood!

Meanwhile, our littlest had started kindergarten

and I give Alfred breakfast in the garden to celebrate.

No-one but us until four.

Mm! Peace!

Mm! Look at those roses! Oh!

Isn't it heaven, our little life?

Yes.

Or not.

Yes, but that's the marmalade spoon.

Don't put it in the jam.

Fanny, darling?

I know you're still cross with me, but please, can you not be?

I've come here because I desperately need a drink!

Oh, dear.

It was all so pointless in that big, huge house,

and it does seem unfair to have to go on feeling

so dreadfully unhappy for the rest of one's life.

Of course you shouldn't be unhappy for the rest of your life.

So, what is your life?

I'm a Communist, you know. We both are.

And I'm living with Christian in his flat.

Very small, which is just as well, because I'm doing all the housework!

Hm. And I don't seem to be very good at it.

I mean, the oven!

I don't wonder some people put their heads in them

and leave them there out of sheer misery!

Darling, might I get another drink?

So, how has Tony taken it?

He's awfully pleased, actually.

OK. Yes. Because now he can marry his mistress

without having a scandal upsetting the Conservative Association.

Who is she?! She's called Pixie Townsend.

You know the sort - young face, white hair, dyed blue!

She's a terrific counter-Hon, but she lives near Plains

and adores Moira and is good at everything I wasn't,

like Conservatism and golf!

Yes, I think I saw her there. Hm!

Yes.

Oh!

Well, I'm only too thankful I found out she exists.

Because now I needn't feel in the least bit guilty.

I do think it's unfair that when I'm unfaithful, it's disgusting,

but when Tony is, no-one bans him from anything!

Please say something.

No-one will be happy if you're not happy, and especially not Moira.

And after all, our children's wellbeing is all that really matters

in the end.

And now you can settle down with Christian

and you can have a wonderfully fulfilling married life,

like you never could have with Tony. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, he's heaven!

So, what's he like?

Oh! You just can't think what an extraordinary man he is!

Oh, he's so... detached from other human beings.

He's just... He only really cares for ideas.

Oh, Fanny, it's so nice to chat!

I really... I miss it! With the comrades, they never chat,

they just... they make speeches all the time.

LINDA SOBS QUIETLY

It only ever took half an hour in her company

before I had forgiven her all over again.

Whatever happens, I shall always be on your side.

Oh, that's all that really matters!

Oh, thank God you didn't ban me!

I'm lost without you!

Hm!

Darling, I must go.

But it has...

..so cheered me up, seeing you.

Hm!

Hello.

Linda and Christian Talbot?!

I can't leave England without her getting herself mixed up

with some thoroughly undesirable character!

I desperately need a drink! And so do my dogs!

I think her... her... her marriage to Tony has been rather unhappy.

Naturally, nobody expected her to stay with Tony, but the point is,

she jumped out of the frying pan into the empty grate!

No! No! No!

Not water, Fanny, no. Whisky!

Oh!

I think it is partly the communism that attracted her cos she felt the need of a cause.

Christian is an attractive fellow, I do see he provides

a perfect reaction from Tony, but it's a disaster!

If she's in love with him, he's going to make her miserable!

Is she in love with him?

Well, if she's not, she's embarking on a career like your mother's.

Which, for Linda, would be very bad indeed.

Linda's not like my mother.

She just needs to spend five minutes on her own!

I know Christian from a child.

He's a man who moves through the world, attached to nobody!

I expect he's hardly aware Linda's even moved in on him!

That's rather what Linda has just been saying.

Oh, so she's noticed it already, has she? Well, she's not stupid.

What are they living on?

Very little, and in Christian's tiny flat.

Matthew's cut her off completely.

I heard the Kroesigs go about saying that there's one good thing,

she's sure to starve. Oh, they do, do they?

Write Linda's address down, please.

You don't happen to know what the daily consumption of milk is in Vatican City, do you?

No.

No, I don't. I'm sorry.

Bye, Fanny. I shall have to see what I can do.

Come on! Come on! DOG BARKS

What he did was to present Linda with the freehold

of the prettiest little doll's house...

..far down Cheyne Walk,

on that great bend of the river where Whistler had lived.

The Bryanston Square house had been dark, cold and pompous.

The only thing of beauty in it was a painting

of a fat, tomato-coloured bathing woman

which Lord Merlin had given Linda to annoy the Kroesigs.

The picture was wonderful in Cheyne Walk.

You could hardly tell where the real water reflections ended

and the Renoir ones began.

So, will Christian be moving in?

Oh, yes, of course!

But just for the moment,

I am free as a bird!

"On way Hollywood. Don't worry. Jassy."

Aunt Sadie and Uncle Matthew were now presented with

crises in the lives of two more of their children. What?! Hollywood?!

What?! Well, that's most peculiar!

She's never shown the slightest interest in the cinema!

Oh, yes, Jassy's in love with a film star,

called, er... Larry Boon,

or... or Barry Loon, I can't remember which.

He's in that pirate flick, you know?

She wrote to Hollywood to ask him if he were married.

She said if he wasn't, she was going straight out there

to marry him herself.

So I suppose she got a letter saying he's not married and just went off.

It's lucky she had her running-away money.

Are there any more sausages, Mum?

It turned out Larry Boon was not even a hero,

he was just an ordinary pirate.

So far, he doesn't have much to recommend him!

He's terribly good at shinning up and down ropes.

Look, Matthew, he's got an entrenching tool just like yours!

Maybe that's what awakened some hereditary emotion in Jassy's bosom.

What does a fellow want to do that for?! Bloody fool!

He should've known there'd be an ambush there!

I don't think much of the cove.

Oh, I think he's divine!

No discipline, needs a haircut!

- I wouldn't wonder if he drinks! - Sh!

Uncle Matthew seemed to be mellowing with age and misfortune,

and was warming to Lord Merlin, who he no longer called depraved,

and whose very comfortable house he was no longer adverse to visiting.

Oh, God! What the...?

Don't be scared, Matthew, darling.

Moti is almost completely domesticated.

Much like you!

How do we get her back? We can't send Linda after her.

It's no good sending one bolter after another! Hm.

Jassy, you can't possibly marry a man you've only just met!

But I'm madly in love with him.

Yes, but you can't start a life with someone based only on romance and excitement,

or you'll run off with the next person who turns your head

and cause chaos and confusion for everyone!

Marriage is wholemeal bread, it's not ambrosia and honey dew.

That's the most depressing thing I've ever heard.

God, Fanny, I hope you haven't become a bore!

I only came because you said there'd be roast potatoes.

Are there any? Oh! Oh, they look divine!

Oh, goody! Thank you!

I thought this was your red meal, Davey?

Well, clearly, potatoes are red. Thank you. Anyone can see that.

Those crispy ones, please. Thank you.

Your ostrich feather is fantastic!

How sweet! I really love that!

Oh, it really suits you! I know, I know!

Two days after we got there, Jassy became Mrs Larry Boon.

Larry is actually a terrific Hon.

He's a dear little peach of a man.

And we're sure Jassy will be wildly happy with him.

It does seem hard luck to have reared a pretty love of a daughter

in order for her to go off with some little man like a peach

and live with him thousands of miles away.

The letter was from Matt,

announcing he had run away from Eton to fight in the Spanish war.

Oh!

Aunt Sadie minded this very much.

I think Uncle Matthew minded, too.

The desire to fight is entirely natural.

Though he pretended not to.

But I do think it's a pity to fight in a second-class war

when there'll so soon be a first-class one available!

You see, I always understood that...

Christmas that year was a sad one at Alconleigh.

Did you know that a harbour master is entitled to fly an ensign?

And I wonder if you've ever thought about...

What are you hoping for - present-wise?

I was thinking of a little fur,

one of those tiny little ostrich hats.

You needn't worry about new clothes, my darling.

You're like the Royal family -

whatever you wear, you look exactly the same.

Oh!

Because you have to register the tonnage...

Why have all the best ones bolted?

Inevitable outcome.

Terrifying father who told them all foreigners were dangerous

and refused to educate them.

The adventurous ones got curious.

Why did I stay behind with the unadventurous ones?

Is it because of The Bolter?

Certainly.

Oh, Fred, am I a bit of a prig?

Oh. What did you say?

You a bolter?

No!

A sticker.

I'm a tremendous sticker.

How marvellous.

Linda married Christian

and asked us to a New Year's Eve party at Cheyne Walk to celebrate.

Yes!

Oh! Hello!

I'm so sorry it's not nearly tidy enough!

I wanted to get a nice piece of fish, but we're utterly broke!

So there's beer and, um... Hm! Oh! ..delicious biscuits.

I tried calling to ask what... Thank you for the champagne!

Oh, no, the phone's been cut off, thank God!

Christian's favourite amusement is to ring up the Nazi leaders

in Berlin and have teasing talks with them.

Let me find you a glass. ..A million pounds a minute.

Er...

Oh, my God! Being a Conservative was so much more restful!

Communists aren't at all thoughtful when it comes

to keeping things clean.

But I did miss you at Christmas!

Darling! Me, too!

I'm lost without you.

And I do feel like a terrible old black sheep.

Oh!

Baa!

Baa.

Oh! Did I tell you?

I've got a job. What kind of job?!

In a book shop.

What?

I know I've hardly read any books,

but the ones I have read, I love, and so does everyone else seem to.

Oh, but Fanny, darling, it should be you in the book shop, not me.

You're the educated, intellectual one.

But of course, you've got much too many important things going on.

Oh, darling!

It's really exciting.

I can't stand it! It will be a disaster!

Someone with a worse head for business, I've never met.

I know it's chaotic, but you can't say that her life isn't exciting!

At least they're on the front line of what's happening in the world!

You know, famine and things,

and... the battle against fascism!

People like Tony and Leicester Kroesig hear Linda speechifying

and see all these Spaniards and Communists in Cheyne Walk,

I expect they're more convinced than ever

that fascism is the only answer.

I know, but it is galling about the book shop!

It turned out Alfred was quite wrong

about Linda's lack of business sense.

She worked at the book shop every Friday and Saturday,

during which time, an extraordinary transformation would occur.

Fooba Wooba John by Burl Ives

Soon enough, the chatters, headed by Lord Merlin,

came back in full force.

You caught me in the act! Oh, I do that. The old switcheroo.

I thought this one was absolutely spot-on for you over there.

Ooh!

Linda's the only person who has ever succeeded in finding me

Froggie's Little Brother.

What is Froggie's Little Brother?

Oh. Well, it's the heart-warming tale of a seven-year-old Froggie,

who strives to take care of his younger brother, Benny,

after the early death of their parents.

Well, do you know, it's all about brotherhood and comradeship.

You'd actually love it!

I was an avid reader as a child.

Linda's presence resulted in it becoming the only Red book shop

in England to make a profit, and being awarded with a medal.

Congratulations, Comrade Linda!

Whoo!

Between the dog's abscess, the laundry ruining my sheets

and Cathy stealing from the store cupboard, it's been a ghastly week!

Do you ever feel like half of who you are has been stuffed

into a suitcase and is slowly suffocating?

Sorry?

Gentlemen. Enjoy your port.

..Paint the cross and shields and of course, they won the battle.

Oh, God, it's your mother! Hello, darling!

I'm here because I took the wrong train to a party!

Oh, dear! Are you terribly poor?

How very odd!

I hope you didn't marry for love, darling.

Whoever invented love ought to be shot.

Look where it landed me.

A dead white hunter, an Italian count,

two viscounts, a Greek poet and still counting.

Dons aren't quite the same as white hunters or Italian counts.

My advice is a good fur coat.

Don't bother about much else, you need hardly take the coat off.

And don't waste money on underwear.

Nothing stupider.

Do you have any nice friends, darling,

to make up for your tiny house?

Not really. No?

Oxford seems designed exclusively for celibate men.

Wives are superfluous, it turns out.

What's the point of being the educated and intellectual one

if you still have to leave your own dinner parties so the men can do

all the good chatting and drink all the good port?

What about Linda Radlett? Where's she?

She ran off with Christian Talbot.

She's working in a Communist book shop.

Well, I hope he's better than Tony Kroesig,

though they rarely are.

Isn't a book shop more your style?

Yes, it is.

If I didn't have all these children to bring up, suddenly.

Well, can't you leave them with Emily?

I know you think all the babies in the world should be left

with Aunt Emily!

Don't let your children get in the way of your life, darling.

Do you mean me? No! No, I...

You mean me? No, you didn't get in the way!

Course you didn't! I've had a wonderful life!

Hello? Hello, Fanny, darling!

I'm talking quickly because the phone's going to get cut off any second,

but will you come and see me off at Victoria Station tomorrow?

Franco's brutal fascist forces has chased half-a-million people out of Catalonia

and I'm joining Christian on the French border with Spain!

Oh, well, I'm terrified!

Never been abroad in my life before!

I hope you sent your jewels to the bank. Darling, don't tease.

You know how I haven't got any now.

Think of me sleeping on the train, all alone!

I'm sure you won't be alone.

Foreigners are greatly given, I believe, to casual sex

with strangers.

Yes, that would be nice!

Oh, God! Oh, I just do wish you were coming with me!

It might be easy for you to drop everything

and leave your life and be free... Tickets, please!

..and never face any consequences,

but some of us have to stay behind to support our husbands and look after the children.

Thank you, miss. I'm staying.

Why are you so cross with me?

Did you even say goodbye to Moira?!

Yes!

I did, actually.

She... she only wants Pixie Townsend. She doesn't really like me!

Well, do you like me? Don't Moira and I have an awful lot in common?

Of course not.

Right away! Fanny!

Darling, you're interesting and clever, and... Fanny!

I suppose everybody has a right to not like their children!

Oh, please, stop it about Moira! You're scaring me!

I'm always telling everyone you're not like my mother,

but you're just exactly like her!

Fanny, stop it!

Please, I'm going to be useful!

I'm going off on a noble journey, like Odysseus.

You're not Odysseus, Linda!

Fanny, please! Please, don't give up on me!

I'm lost without you!

You always say that, but you always leave me!

I didn't see Linda for another year.

She told me afterwards I'd so upset her that she slept

all the way across Europe.

Hi. Oh, hello!

A ship has been chartered to take 6,000 Catalonians,

who the French government have shut up behind barbed wire

like beasts and forgotten about, out of the camps, to Mexico.

Families will have to be reunited from male and female camps

to get on the boat. It's a mammoth task.

Linda? Linda! This is Lavender.

Lavender's an incredible worker. Muchas gracias, senora.

Linda! Lavender!

What a turn-up! Oh, I'm so happy you're here!

Oh! Lavender!

Linda, meet Randolph Pine, who helps us so marvellously in the office.

Hello. Hello. Oh!

Didn't... didn't you sit on my bed a million years ago

with a million other young men, chatting?

Yes, that was me. Welcome, comrade.

Oh! Goodness!

Everyone's got so serious all of a sudden.

Well, the world's gotten rather serious all of a sudden.

Hm. Yes. What can I do to help, Christian? I long to be useful!

Never fear, there's masses of work! Can you speak Spanish?

No. Oh! Well, you'll soon pick it up.

Huh! Hm! I'm quite sure I shan't.

Maybe... maybe you could help with the babies?

Un momento, por favor. What do you know about welfare work?

Oh, dear. Nothing, I'm afraid.

Lavender? Sorry.

I was hopeless with my own baby.

I know, she can help arrange accommodation on the ship!

Yes, I can do that. I can do that.

Here are the maps.

Deck one, deck two, deck three, and first class is...

So, how do I decide who gets which cabin?

It's a strictly democratic ship run on republican principles,

so I'd give decent cabins to families,

where there are small children and babies. Yes.

Lavender? Phone call. Sorry.

Apart from that, do it any way you like.

Hola. Si. Si.

Um...

Ahem!

For the next few weeks, Linda drove in a little Ford van

between the men and women's camps as they waited for the ship to come

and take them to a more certain future.

And she grew to love the wild, rugged countryside of Europe.

A place which had been so maligned by Uncle Matthew

through her childhood.

Not knowing much Spanish,

or anything about calories or babies, like her friend Lavender,

she sometimes found herself waiting to be useful.

Hello, lady.

Hello. What are you waiting for?

Oh! Er... Hm!

I'm... I'm waiting to be useful, I think.

Are you lonely?

Huh!

Maybe.

Did you leave your boyfriend behind?

I leave behind many boyfriends.

But most, I... I miss my... my friend.

My best friend. Yeah.

She is trapped in Barcelona still.

Look at you, with your guns!

Yeah. Together, we were very brave.

Ah.

Don't waste all your time being useful.

Time is precious.

And we may not have much of it left.

You know?

The end is beginning now.

This is my best friend.

That's a good face.

It is. Yes.

Friends. Friends.

The name "Vatican" is derived from an Etruscan...

..Vatica, or Vaticum, meaning...

Don't put your cup down there, darling, it'll make rings.

Oh.

Vatico, or Vatican, meaning garden. Rather lovely.

Hm. Before 1929...

The great day finally came for the families to be reunited

from the camps and put on the ship to Mexico.

ANIMATED CHATTER

The women and children were on the quayside when the men arrived.

They hadn't seen each other since the retreat from Spain

and had doubted they ever would again.

Do you ever feel lonely, Christian?

Loneliness is a luxury.

If you've three square meals a day and a roof over you,

there's nothing on Earth to complain about.

Matt!

I'm so sorry! Excuse me!

Sorry! Matt! I'm so sorry.

Matt!

Matt!

Hello, Linda! Oh-oh-oh! What...? Are you mad?!

He was fighting in Spain!

Gosh, you look ten years older!

You do! You're grown-up!

I had no idea that you were here!

I've seen you several times,

but I thought you might fetch me home, so I made off.

You are terribly thin! Do you need anything?

Yes, please! Some cigarettes and a couple of thrillers.

You will have to go home when the real war starts.

You know that, don't you, Matt?

I don't see why. I've never been happier in my life.

Fighting fascism is all there is to do that makes any sense.

And abroad is the only place on Earth worth being.

Viva Espana!

Espana!

They'll never see Spain again.

Goodbye!

Did you work on any special plan

when you were arranging the cabins, or how did you do it?

Well, I simply gave all the best cabins to the people that had "Labrador" on their cards,

because I used to have one when I was little

and it was such a terrific Hon!

So sweet, you know.

Aw!

That explains it.

"Labrador" in Spanish happens to mean labourer,

so under your scheme, all the farm hands found themselves in luxury,

while all the intellectuals were battened.

Bravo, Linda! That'll teach them not to be so clever.

There's Christian, I'll go fetch him in.

He was such a sweet Labrador, wasn't he, Matt?

Yes. But if you want a pet, why don't you make an offer for a leech?

Hm. I can't somehow imagine the leech ever getting very fond of one.

Too busy fussing about the weather all day.

No time for human relationships.

Linda could never remember afterwards how much

she really minded

when she discovered Christian was in love with Lavender Davis.

I do love your scent, Linda.

Apres Londres?

Yes. Certainly, her pride was wounded.

Christian, I am leaving you for good and going home

because I realise our marriage has been a fake.

Please look after Matt.

PS, I know you prefer serious...

..educated women.

Especially... Lavender!

Hello? Hello? Hello, Fanny? Are you there?!

Hello? Hello, Linda?

Oh! Fanny!

My life so far has not been at all of a success.

I know you can't be useful all the time, but I'm useless at everything!

Why did I ever leave Tony in the first place? And Moira?

That was where my duty lay.

Why can't I be dependable, like Lavender

and Pixie Townsend and you?

I keep thinking about your mother. Am I a bolter?

Oh, I want to die!

Linda, where are you?

No, see, I'm just... I'm renouncing men.

They are not the answer and they do not fill the hole!

Oh, no, no! That's my connection for Paris!

My money's running out! I love you! I love you!

And I don't... I'm lost without you, Fanny,

and you're the only thing I ever got right.

Two more trains and I'm home! I've missed you so much!

So much.

Mwah! Mwah-mwah-mwah!

Oh! Heh!

Oh!

You're in a good mood. Linda's coming back!

Mm! Mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah-mwah!

Oh, Alfred! Wonderful!

Bonjour! Bonjour! My ticket! Oui.

Pardon. Here!

Votre billet pour Londres est expire, madame.

Um... It has expired.

It is, er... er... it is for yesterday, not for today.

Ah! Ah! No, but I'm sorry,

I don't have enough money for another ticket!

Please, will you make an exception? Please?!

Excusez-moi, sir, please! I just... I really need to get home!

My friend is going to be

awfully worried about me! Rien a faire, madame.

Ow! Ooh!

Why didn't I listen to my father?!

Why did I ever come to this

bloody abroad?!

MAN LAUGHS CONTINUOUSLY

SHE WAILS CONTINUOUSLY

I would like to point out that I am the daughter of a very

important British nobleman,

so if you are planning to give me an injection

and put me on a ship to Buenos Aires, then think again!

One does not have to be Sherlock Holmes to guess

that you're an Englishwoman.

French ladies never sit crying on their suitcases

at the Gare du Nord in the very early morning.

I invite you to luncheon with me.

But first, you must have a bath and rest

and put a cold compress on your face.

Hubert?

Merci.

Get in, please.

I apologise, madame, for not taking you to the Ritz,

but I have a feeling for the Hotel Montalembert just now

that it will suit your mood this morning.

I will fetch you a little before 1:00

and we will go out to luncheon. Merci.

Goodbye for the present.

Mademoiselle?

Allo, allo?

Hello? Ah, you keep me waiting.

That is a very good sign.

A sign of what?

Hm? A good augury for our affair,

that it will be happy and long lasting.

Huh!

We are not going to have an affair.

And if that's what you were thinking, I don't want lunch!

I shall leave this hotel room and go straight to the train station!

Mademoiselle, don't be so English.

May I ask, what is your name?

Linda.

Linda? That's a pretty name.

I'm waiting for you downstairs, Linda.