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1
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,326
Hey, what are you doing, Pop?
2
00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,762
How come you're not dressed,
man? We're going out tonight.
3
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,264
We are?
4
00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:30,133
Yeah, I made a reservation at
a restaurant over a month ago.
5
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:33,570
Really? Well, let me
check my calendar.
6
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,506
Uh-huh.
7
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:38,897
Nineteen fifty-six.
8
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,046
Well, that's done.
9
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:45,082
Nineteen sixty-three.
10
00:01:45,106 --> 00:01:46,950
Wow, I am late.
11
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,352
I better get me a secretary.
12
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:51,721
Would you stop it? Now,
what about dinner tonight, Pop?
13
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,991
Well, according to my
calendar, I cancelled.
14
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:57,127
Pop, you can't
cancel a reservation
15
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:58,628
unless you tell the person
16
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,772
that made the reservation
in the first place.
17
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,691
I'm not going.
18
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,741
Pop, you have to go!
19
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,876
I mean, it'll do you
good to get out.
20
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,378
Maybe another night.
21
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:16,879
See, there's something on TV
22
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,415
that I really wanna
see tonight, son.
23
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:21,651
It's a very sad episode of
The Six Million Dollar Man.
24
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,487
Oh, Pop.
25
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,988
But it is, son!
26
00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:27,491
You see, the Six Million
Dollar Man becomes outdated
27
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,326
so they donate his vital organs
28
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:31,350
to a used car lot in El Segundo.
29
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:35,499
Look, Pop, you can
always see that on the rerun.
30
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,734
Now, come on, man.
Let's go have some fun!
31
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,236
I think I'm gonna pass.
32
00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,737
I don't wanna get all dressed up
33
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,539
just to go out for
dinner and that's all.
34
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,407
I mean, if there's
something else to do, like...
35
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:45,908
Make it a big night!
36
00:02:45,932 --> 00:02:48,111
OK, I tell you what.
We'll make a night of it.
37
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,712
After dinner, we'll
go to a movie.
38
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,214
Now, what do you say?
39
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,750
Well, I'm free, depending
on what movie we see.
40
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,652
You pick a movie, Pop.
41
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,710
The Incredible Shrinking Fungus.
42
00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:03,726
Okay, you win.
43
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:05,228
I knew you'd say yes, son.
44
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,030
I mean, look here.
Let's get out of here.
45
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,420
What are we waiting for?
46
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,676
You're cute, Pop. Real
cute. Oh, wait a minute.
47
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,278
I'll take my menudo
back into the kitchen.
48
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,779
No, no, no.
49
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,882
Just leave it where it
is. It'll find its own way.
50
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,384
Come on, let's go.
51
00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,386
See, the last time I made
a reservation over here...
52
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,887
Don't eat anything
now! We're going to...
53
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,122
I just want to
taste it to see if...
54
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,493
Thanks a lot, son, for taking me
out to the movies and to dinner.
55
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:39,862
That movie was great. The
Incredible Shrinking Fungus.
56
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:42,232
I place that right along
with Gone With the Wind.
57
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:43,733
Yeah, it was a remarkable film.
58
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,570
But I don't understand why
you insisted on the front row.
59
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,339
Well, see, that way, we got
to see the shrinking fungus
60
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,940
even after it shrunk.
61
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:54,043
Yeah, we didn't wanna miss that.
62
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,645
No, no. Come on in.
63
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,847
Let's watch a little
TV, have some coffee.
64
00:03:57,871 --> 00:03:59,738
All right.
65
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:21,971
Lamont, do you see what I see?
66
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,241
I don't see anything, Pop.
67
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:25,742
That's what I see!
68
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:29,512
The incredible
shrunken furniture!
69
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,782
Look out, son.
This is the big one!
70
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:36,119
Have two of them, Pop.
Have two, one for me.
71
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,322
What are we gonna do?
72
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:40,923
Well, the first thing
we have to do...
73
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,425
The first thing we have to do
74
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:44,827
is just calm ourselves
down and sit down.
75
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,217
On what?
76
00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:51,968
The chair's gone, the TV's
gone, the couch is gone.
77
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,760
Even my menudo's gone!
78
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,675
Hey, wait a minute.
Here's a crate, Pop.
79
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,810
I'll put it here where
your chair used to be
80
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,312
and you can sit on that.
81
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:05,382
Oh, son! I-I-I'm
gonna call the police.
82
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,173
Yeah. Tell them we were
robbed by a gang of weirdoes.
83
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,155
Why do you say
they were weirdoes?
84
00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:14,179
Who else would
steal Esther's picture?
85
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:20,029
Pop, I don't think
it was weirdoes.
86
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,798
Yeah, you're
right. It was Rollo.
87
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:25,234
He knows more
about crime than Kojak.
88
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:26,903
Rollo is not a thief!
89
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,705
Buffalo chips!
90
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,341
You think what you want.
91
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:33,543
Rollo's coming over here.
You can take that up with him.
92
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:36,879
Right now I'm gonna
call the precinct.
93
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,381
Hello, 12th Precinct?
94
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,839
Could I speak to
Officer Smith, please?
95
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:44,487
Hello, Smitty?
96
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,456
Hey, brother. This is
Lamont Sanford, man.
97
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,990
Somebody robbed our house.
98
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,527
Okay. Thanks.
99
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:52,228
Thanks a lot, Smitty.
100
00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:53,963
What did he do,
congratulate you?
101
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:57,434
No. He said he'd be right over.
102
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,992
That was fast!
103
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,886
Hi, Lamont! Fred.
104
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,143
Forget Smitty, son. Call SWAT.
105
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,459
Shut up, heathen.
106
00:06:22,483 --> 00:06:24,361
Well, Fred, I see you finally
107
00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:27,586
got rid of all that old useless
furniture in this house.
108
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:30,989
But, what are you
still doing here?
109
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:34,904
Quick, son, get the Raid
110
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:37,529
so we can kill this
fungus before it multiplies.
111
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:40,276
Will you stop that?
112
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,713
Somebody robbed us, Aunt
Esther. They really cleaned us out.
113
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,448
Well, I guess that's
what they mean
114
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:48,852
by "good riddance
to bad rubbish."
115
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,953
I guess you're what
they mean when they say,
116
00:06:50,977 --> 00:06:54,591
"Into each life,
some ugly must fall."
117
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:57,059
Watch it, sucker.
118
00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,328
Now, I didn't come
here for no fight.
119
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:02,164
I just came for a little
donation for the church.
120
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,534
But it looks like I'm too late.
121
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:06,035
That's not true, Esther.
122
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,271
Put me down for 5.
123
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,339
Praise the Lord! Hallelujah!
124
00:07:10,363 --> 00:07:12,542
Fred Sanford, $5.
125
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,933
Not $5, five knuckles!
126
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,581
Okay, old sinner.
127
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,216
But just remember tonight,
128
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,218
when you look around
this empty house,
129
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,888
just remember
that the Lord giveth
130
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:27,023
and the Lord taketh away.
131
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,525
Oh, glory!
132
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:31,461
And you remember, when
you look in the mirror tonight,
133
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:34,931
the Lord gave you that
face, and you stuck with it!
134
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,321
Oh, glory!
135
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,927
Heathen!
136
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,611
Why don't you stop that, Pop?
137
00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:52,682
I mean, every time Aunt Esther
leaves here, she feels terrible.
138
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,818
Yeah, but I feel terrific.
139
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,661
What's happening, Rollo!
Hey, what's going on?
140
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:07,263
Hey, man, I see y'all got it
fixed up real nicely in here!
141
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,066
Put a mattress on the floor
142
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:13,102
and it'd look just like
Governor Brown's mansion.
143
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,237
Rollo, I have two
questions for you.
144
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,739
Yeah, Pops? What are they?
145
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,064
Where is my furniture and
where do you want to be buried?
146
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,112
What's the matter with you, Pop?
147
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:26,015
You have no right to accuse
Rollo of stealing our furniture.
148
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,151
You're right, son. I'm
sorry. Hey, that's okay.
149
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,653
I was just kidding, Rollo,
150
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,590
so I know you don't mind
telling me where you were tonight
151
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:36,926
between the hours of 6 and 9.
152
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,128
Six and nine? Hey,
man, I was at the movies.
153
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:42,565
And I saw this movie called
The Incredible Shrinking Fungus.
154
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:46,202
Aha! We got him now!
We got him now, son.
155
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,737
Well, now, look here.
156
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,006
That movie was only
an hour and a half long.
157
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,108
Now, where were
you from 7:30 to 9?
158
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,010
Oh, I had to sit
through it twice,
159
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,012
because there was some
old sucker in the front row
160
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,356
standing up, talking about
"Fungus this" and "Fungus that."
161
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:04,676
Hey, what's going on?
162
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,993
Hi, fuzz!
163
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:12,283
Bye, fuzz!
164
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:16,599
Hey, didn't y'all used
to have furniture in here?
165
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:19,335
Yeah, I told you on the phone,
brother, that we was robbed.
166
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:20,892
Oh? What did they take?
167
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,142
All our furniture.
168
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,745
They must have been desperate.
169
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,246
That's cold, brother.
170
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,748
See, we came home
from the movies.
171
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:33,416
This is the way
we found the place.
172
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,018
Well, we caught
some burglars tonight
173
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,519
and recovered a
lot of stolen property.
174
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,721
Now, why don't you come
down to the station with me.
175
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,222
Maybe you can
identify some of it.
176
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,758
That's a good idea.
177
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:44,427
Pop, stay here and make a
list of everything that's missing.
178
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,063
But what should I do in
case the robbers come back?
179
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,987
For what?
180
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:57,140
Here you are, Janet.
Thank you, Donna.
181
00:09:57,164 --> 00:09:59,609
I hope Lamont was
able to convince Fred
182
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,110
that it was a real robbery.
183
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,279
Oh, don't worry about Lamont.
184
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:04,948
He's a real smooth talker.
185
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:07,617
Maybe with you he is,
because you're a sexy female,
186
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,118
but Fred's not.
187
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,643
Honey, Fred's
not a sexy nothing.
188
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:17,281
Oh! They're here.
189
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,798
Hi, Lamont. Hi,
Smitty. Come on in.
190
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,187
Hi, everybody.
191
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:27,503
Well, how'd it go? Did
your father fall for it?
192
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:29,005
Hook, line and sofa.
193
00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,506
He doesn't suspect
we're in on it?
194
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,008
No.
195
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,509
Is everything going
according to plan?
196
00:10:33,533 --> 00:10:35,011
Just fine.
197
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,880
The sofa and the chairs
are being reupholstered now.
198
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,381
I just hope that old heathen
199
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:41,117
appreciates what
we're doing for him.
200
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,285
He will, Esther.
201
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,055
I know Fred has his faults.
202
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,190
You can say that again.
203
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:51,494
But when a man celebrates
his 40th year in business,
204
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:52,996
well, that's something special.
205
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,897
It sure is.
206
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:58,801
But don't you think we should
have told his friend Bubba?
207
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,302
No way, honey.
208
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,205
If there's anybody
that can't keep a secret,
209
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,375
it's that loudmouth
Bubba Bexley.
210
00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:10,135
Better known as
"Blabber" Bexley.
211
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,582
You know, I can't
wait to see Pop's face
212
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:16,119
when he gets his furniture
back and it's all been redone.
213
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:20,278
If we could just find some
way to redo his personality.
214
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,594
Say, Fred, do you know
what you're gonna say
215
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:27,096
to the insurance agent?
216
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,597
Don't worry, Bubba.
217
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:31,267
You in good hands
with Fred G. Sanford.
218
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,870
The "G" stands for Gibraltar.
219
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:36,539
And if he don't hurry
up and settle my claim,
220
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:39,083
I'm gonna give him
a piece of the rock.
221
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,079
Wonder who that could be.
222
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,903
Who's that? I don't know.
223
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,785
Mr. Sanford?
224
00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,987
I'm Trild.
225
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:54,423
Oh, well, I'm delighted and
Bubba's pleased as punch.
226
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,425
I get that a lot.
227
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:59,862
I'm Frank Trild from
Instant Insurance of Idaho.
228
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,764
You sure do get here fast.
229
00:12:01,788 --> 00:12:05,467
We pride ourselves on settling
claims quickly at the I.I. of I.
230
00:12:05,491 --> 00:12:08,071
Well, good. Come on over
here and pull up a piece of junk.
231
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,073
Now, how much settling
have you settled on?
232
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,442
Well, according to what you
told our agent on the phone,
233
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:16,879
I'd say somewhere in
the neighborhood of $400.
234
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,215
I'd say that's the
wrong neighborhood.
235
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,517
Don't accept the offer, Fred.
236
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,252
Your stuff is worth
more than 400 bucks.
237
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,754
That's right, Mr. Trild.
238
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,255
My furniture was very valuable.
239
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,790
It was all early American.
240
00:12:27,814 --> 00:12:30,727
So is an outhouse.
241
00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,995
Could you be more
specific, Mr. Sanford?
242
00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:35,965
All right. My
couch, for instance.
243
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,801
A rare family "hairloom."
Oh, you mean "heirloom."
244
00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:41,604
Don't tell me what the
couch was stuffed with!
245
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:44,540
Tell him about your home
entertainment center, Fred.
246
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:46,809
Oh, I hardly think
an old record player
247
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,978
qualifies as a home
entertainment center.
248
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,679
But it was a rare antique!
249
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:54,917
Louis XV used to play records
on it for Marie Antoinette.
250
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:58,387
They didn't have record
players in Louis XV's day.
251
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,511
That's what made it so rare!
252
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,526
Do you really
expect me to believe
253
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:06,695
that Marie Antoinette
listened to records?
254
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,197
Loved Little Richard.
255
00:13:08,221 --> 00:13:09,698
I see.
256
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:13,202
On the basis of
this new information,
257
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,304
I'm prepared to
make a revised offer.
258
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,573
Well, I knew you were
a wise, fair, thoughtful...
259
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,075
$85?
260
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,576
Double-crossing dummy.
261
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,312
I advise you to
ruminate on my offer.
262
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,814
Ruminate on this.
263
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,749
This is the final offer!
264
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,517
And this is my final refusal.
265
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,286
Yeah, and think it over, Trild.
266
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,288
Would you rather
pay a higher settlement
267
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,990
or a life insurance policy?
268
00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,557
Well, what do you
mean, Mr. Bubba?
269
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:37,559
Fred has a bad
heart. Right, Fred?
270
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,195
Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah!
271
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:41,497
And $85 would really
give him a big heart attack.
272
00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:42,999
Isn't that right, Fred?
273
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,600
You right, Bubba. I
feel it starting now.
274
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,869
Oh, here it comes!
Here it comes!
275
00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:47,870
Oh! Oh!
276
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,105
I told you! I told you!
277
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,140
Mr. Sanford, I'll call a doctor!
278
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:52,975
It's too late! Call the police!
279
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,476
Call the fraud squad!
280
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,212
Call the insurance commissioner!
281
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:57,713
I'll give you the $400.
282
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,503
You got a deal.
283
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,360
We did it, Fred. We did it!
284
00:14:11,384 --> 00:14:13,296
Yeah, you know we did, Bubba!
285
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,332
And look here, don't say
nothing to Lamont, Bubba,
286
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,834
because I wanna surprise him.
287
00:14:17,858 --> 00:14:19,768
Sort of a 40th anniversary
of business present.
288
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,770
Don't worry about me,
Fred. I can keep a secret.
289
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,272
Good.
290
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,674
And Bubba, I can't wait
to see Lamont's face
291
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,977
when he sees what I'm gonna
do with the insurance money.
292
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,478
Yeah? What are
you gonna do, Fred?
293
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,315
I'm gonna buy a new
houseful of brand-new furniture.
294
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,984
Ooh! Will he be surprised!
295
00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,990
What's that thing on your head?
296
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,892
What's it look like?
297
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:19,017
It looks like the welcome
mat at Cesar Romero's house.
298
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,631
Would you take that
off? You look ridiculous.
299
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,133
I ain't taking nothing off.
300
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,637
Come on in the house.
I got a surprise for you.
301
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:32,663
Well, how do you like it?
302
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,346
Yeah, it sort of left
me speechless too.
303
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,748
Pop, what is this?
304
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,250
Where did it come from?
305
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,119
Crushed Velvet City.
306
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:46,855
I bought it with the insurance
money from the stolen furniture.
307
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,357
Insurance money?
308
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,192
Pop, you shouldn't
have done that, man.
309
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:51,693
It was a real bargain!
310
00:15:51,717 --> 00:15:54,230
Only cost me $400 to replace
everything that was robbed.
311
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,798
$400?
312
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:58,700
Pop, you made a big mistake.
313
00:15:58,724 --> 00:16:00,091
You think it's too busy?
314
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,206
No, but we're
gonna be in trouble
315
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,475
when the insurance company
finds out they were robbed.
316
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,977
Who robbed the
insurance company?
317
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,611
You, me and all of our friends.
318
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,114
We're all accessories,
Pop, before, after and during.
319
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,615
What are you talking about?
320
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:15,117
I thought you'd be proud of me
321
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,785
swinging such a
wonderful deal here.
322
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,720
Pop, come over here
and sit down a minute.
323
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,264
I wanna explain
something to you, okay?
324
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:23,926
Take my stuff...
325
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:27,163
Look, in honor of your 40th
year in the junk business,
326
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:29,865
I arranged for our friends,
while we was at the movies,
327
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:31,567
to take away all our furniture.
328
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,791
That was your present?
329
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,365
You robbed your own father?
330
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:43,545
Not to keep, Pop.
331
00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,548
To repaint, repair and
reupholster, you know?
332
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,050
You'd do all that for me?
333
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:50,319
We all did that for you,
Pop, because we love you.
334
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,622
I'm glad, son, because now I
know you won't be mad at me
335
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,124
for keeping this
furniture I bought.
336
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:56,625
We can't keep
this furniture, man.
337
00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:58,127
We gotta load it on the truck
338
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,529
and take it back to the
place that we bought it from.
339
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,298
Are you crazy? That
old stuff was tacky.
340
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,166
See, look around here.
341
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,990
Look at it.
342
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,594
What you see is me.
343
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:15,111
What I see are bars, Pop.
344
00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,612
When the insurance
company finds out
345
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,347
that they paid off
on a phony claim,
346
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:19,848
we all going to jail.
347
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:22,718
Jail? That's right.
348
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:25,421
Jail? Well, what are you
standing there for, dummy?
349
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:26,922
Let's get this
junk on the truck!
350
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,547
Lift that end of the
couch! Now, come on!
351
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,868
How can you sit there like that?
352
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,571
This is the last straw.
353
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,329
It is? Well, I'll
wash it out for you.
354
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,417
Well, at least I got all the
furniture loaded on the truck.
355
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:56,818
Well, I'd say we did it in
pretty good time, didn't we?
356
00:17:56,842 --> 00:17:59,321
What do you mean
"we"? I did all the work.
357
00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:02,313
When you brought out the
lamp, didn't I bring the bulb?
358
00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:05,761
Thanks for the bulb.
359
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,630
When you brought out the
sofa, didn't I carry all the pillows?
360
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,499
Thank you for the pillows.
361
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:11,833
When you brought out
362
00:18:11,857 --> 00:18:13,335
the bed, the dresser
and the nightstand,
363
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:14,836
didn't I give you a hand?
364
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,406
No, you gave me a hernia.
365
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,007
You should be grateful.
366
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,509
It's not every son
367
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:23,011
that has a father
that'd help him like I do.
368
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,580
Pop, if you really
wanna help me,
369
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,982
call the insurance company and
have them send a man over here
370
00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:29,085
so we can give
them their $400 back.
371
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,175
Okay. All right?
372
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:49,505
Hey, uh... hang
up the phone, Pop.
373
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,140
Hmm? Hang up the phone.
374
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,808
Well, what about the money
375
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:54,310
that belongs to the
insurance company?
376
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,811
We're not giving it back.
377
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,546
Now you're talking!
378
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,047
See, we'll split
that money 70/30
379
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,883
and then we'll get a story to
tell the insurance company.
380
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,685
We're not gonna make up a story.
381
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:05,187
We're not returning
the furniture
382
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,755
and not gonna give
the money back.
383
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:08,257
Why not?
384
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:11,360
Because somebody stole
the truck with the furniture on it.
385
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:12,961
While we were in here?
386
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,463
Yeah.
387
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,365
They must have
pushed it down the street
388
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,866
and then they started it.
389
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,903
Lamont, remember... You
remember when I had that last big one?
390
00:19:21,927 --> 00:19:23,405
Yeah.
391
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,828
This is a bigger one!
392
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:31,514
Do you really expect me to
believe this incredible story?
393
00:19:31,538 --> 00:19:33,482
It's the truth, Mr. Trild.
394
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,684
First, you report all
your furniture stolen.
395
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,186
Yeah. Well, my
father thought it was.
396
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,687
But you knew it wasn't.
397
00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,289
But I didn't know
my father called you
398
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:41,790
until I saw the
furniture he bought
399
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:43,292
with the money
from the old furniture
400
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,793
which is now the new furniture.
401
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:47,196
You expect him to believe that?
402
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,666
All I know is this
furniture was never stolen
403
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:54,903
and you owe me $400, which
is a lot more than it's worth.
404
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,405
It's all my fault.
405
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,575
You see, at my age, the
mind plays tricks on you.
406
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:03,011
You know, sometimes I even
see things that aren't there.
407
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,048
Like family heirlooms or
home entertainment centers.
408
00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:07,871
You see them too?
409
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:14,089
Look, Mr. Sanford, it's obvious
that you have been dishonest.
410
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,725
I.I. of I. does not
like to be cheated.
411
00:20:16,749 --> 00:20:19,895
And I of me does
not like to be cheated.
412
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,030
You forced me to
accept a low settlement
413
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:25,100
while I was still upset
about the robbery.
414
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,635
Are you calling me a crook?
415
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:29,059
If the shoe fits,
shove it up your nose.
416
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:34,710
I got good news. I caught the
dude that ripped off your truck.
417
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,978
Hey, nice work,
Smitty. Where is he?
418
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:38,922
He's right outside.
Wait a minute.
419
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:40,938
Come on in.
420
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,590
Rollo?
421
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:49,891
No, it can't be! Sure!
422
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,793
Let me get to him!
I'll upholster his face!
423
00:20:51,817 --> 00:20:53,362
Hey, wait a minute!
Hold on, Pop!
424
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:55,331
You got it all wrong, man!
425
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,966
Look here, I took the
truck but I didn't take it.
426
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,468
Took, take. What
difference does it make?
427
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:00,969
You're gonna die anyway.
428
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,471
Hold it, Fred. Let him finish.
429
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:05,107
Yeah, I can explain
it better outside.
430
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,842
I hope so, Rollo,
for all our sakes.
431
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:09,845
This better be good. That's
right. It better be good.
432
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,856
There it is, Pop.
433
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,891
In honor of your
40th year in business,
434
00:21:22,915 --> 00:21:25,160
I had your truck all fixed up.
435
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:27,195
You did that for
me? He sure did.
436
00:21:27,219 --> 00:21:28,697
And it looks great,
doesn't it, Pop?
437
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:30,198
Yeah, and that's
not my only gift.
438
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,200
Remember that old tacky
furniture that was in the back?
439
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:35,337
I sold it to my
cousin for $350, Jack.
440
00:21:35,361 --> 00:21:36,938
$350? I'll settle!
441
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,341
You could have let
me put my hands on it.
442
00:21:39,365 --> 00:21:40,842
Look at it this way:
443
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:42,344
The insurance
company has its money,
444
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,012
we got our furniture
back, better than ever.
445
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,114
Yeah, and a new
truck, thanks to Rollo.
446
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:48,884
I mean, they say you can't
teach an old dog new tricks,
447
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,786
but I sure changed
my mind about you.
448
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:53,522
You all right, Rollo.
Yeah, you all right too, Pop.
449
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,524
Don't make no big
deal of it. It was nothing
450
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,026
Nothing? Fixing up this
truck must have cost a fortune!
451
00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,561
No, I'm just handy that way.
452
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:01,062
You're being modest, Mr. Rollo.
453
00:22:01,086 --> 00:22:02,964
Those hubcaps cost $100 a piece.
454
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:06,067
I have some exactly like that
on my car. Let me show you!
455
00:22:06,091 --> 00:22:08,470
Hey, man, I take your
word for it. I got to split.
456
00:22:08,494 --> 00:22:10,706
Wait a minute! Why
don't we have a look?
457
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,241
Hey, man, look, some
other time. I got to go.
458
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:16,378
That CB setup
looks just like mine!
459
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:18,146
Hey, look, I got to go.
460
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,648
Will you hold on?
461
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:21,249
Hey, come on, Pop.
Let me go, Pops!
462
00:22:21,273 --> 00:22:24,486
"Pops"? I bet I'll pop you
upside your crooked head.
463
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,689
He's not a crook, Fred.
464
00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:29,291
I was with him when he
bought the hubcaps and the CB.
465
00:22:29,315 --> 00:22:31,293
You were? Yeah.
466
00:22:31,317 --> 00:22:33,228
You said you trusted him.
467
00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:34,730
Yes, I did.
468
00:22:34,754 --> 00:22:37,421
And that was today's
Bicentennial Minute.
469
00:22:50,803 --> 00:22:53,415
Oh, come on, baby!
470
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:55,651
Sit down and relax.
471
00:22:55,675 --> 00:22:57,152
Oh, I just can't
believe it, Janet.
472
00:22:57,176 --> 00:22:58,954
I mean, I was gonna
take the truck in
473
00:22:58,978 --> 00:23:01,156
to have it redone the old
way to make Pop happy,
474
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:03,058
and I went outside
and it was gone again.
475
00:23:03,082 --> 00:23:04,593
Poor Dad.
476
00:23:04,617 --> 00:23:06,829
I wonder how he's
gonna take the news
477
00:23:06,853 --> 00:23:08,764
that he's been ripped
off a second time.
478
00:23:08,788 --> 00:23:11,348
I don't know.
479
00:23:11,657 --> 00:23:13,535
Hey, this sure smells
good. What is it?
480
00:23:13,559 --> 00:23:16,271
I'm not sure. I
found it in the icebox.
481
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:18,106
I think it's menudo.
482
00:23:22,134 --> 00:23:23,501
What is that?
483
00:23:24,804 --> 00:23:27,244
What is that?
484
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,468
Anybody wanna peel out
and burn rubber with me
485
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:47,969
in my new set of wheels?
35930
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