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1
00:00:57,558 --> 00:01:01,371
I'm coming, teapot, I'm coming!
2
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,328
Here I am.
3
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,048
What's that?
4
00:01:11,072 --> 00:01:12,282
What did you say?
5
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:16,786
Oh, so you been calling
the kettle black, huh?
6
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:20,645
That's funny.
7
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:31,201
Sit down, Pop, because
I have a surprise for you.
8
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,602
Don't tell me that
your Aunt Esther
9
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,505
had her face paved.
10
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,507
Nope.
11
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,976
Give me a hint. Oh... TV.
12
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,011
TV... they're going to rerun
13
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:44,747
Godzilla eats Willy Wonka
and the Chocolate Factory
14
00:01:44,771 --> 00:01:47,350
and Gets Diabetes.
15
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:48,785
No, Pop. Guess who I met today.
16
00:01:48,809 --> 00:01:50,019
In TV?
17
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,389
On one of your favorite shows.
18
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,923
My favorite show.
19
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,692
The Gong Show. You got it!
20
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,327
I met Chuck Barris.
21
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,728
Did you tell him you knew me?
22
00:01:58,752 --> 00:01:59,963
Course I did, I told him
23
00:01:59,987 --> 00:02:01,364
you were one of
his biggest fans.
24
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:02,899
That's great, son.
Where'd you meet him?
25
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:04,301
Well, I met him over at NBC.
26
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,502
I was delivering
that old refrigerator
27
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,104
over there to one of
those game shows,
28
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,705
and I met him
in the parking lot.
29
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,840
Television's a tough
business, ain't it, son?
30
00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:12,342
One minute you're on top,
31
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:15,612
next minute you're parking cars.
32
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,846
Here you go, Pop.
33
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,549
A present from
Chuck Barris to you.
34
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:21,618
Four tickets for the
next Gong Show.
35
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,253
Oh, son, I love that show.
36
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,921
You the best son
a father could have.
37
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,022
That's true.
38
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,257
You're more than a son.
39
00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:28,492
You're my friend.
40
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:29,726
I work hard at it, Pop.
41
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,229
Now, let me see.
Who should I ask?
42
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,131
Well, besides me, you
could ask Aunt Esther.
43
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,465
Esther?
44
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:38,790
This is The Gong Show,
not The Goon Show.
45
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,441
Give me my hat.
46
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:45,675
There's some seats over there.
47
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:47,377
Ain't none of them together.
48
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,846
Uh, look here.
49
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,248
Here, you go take...
50
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,915
You go over here, Donna.
51
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,351
No, wait a minute.
52
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:56,686
You got to get up.
53
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,955
No, wait a minute.
You get up here.
54
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:00,857
You can sit over there.
55
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,091
Sit down right there.
56
00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:03,660
And look here.
57
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,895
Can you move over some?
58
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:08,298
Y'all move back over here.
59
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:11,568
No. You come out of here.
60
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,670
Sit back there somewhere.
61
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,071
See where it's
marked off over there?
62
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,540
Go on in there.
63
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,408
Bubba, you go on in there.
64
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:19,876
Over the other side. In here?
65
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,479
Okay. Let's see, now.
66
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,983
Come on, man, make up your mind!
67
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:35,659
You better come
out of here altogether.
68
00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:36,893
You better go in through...
69
00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,495
No. Go over here.
70
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,029
Move out the way, son.
71
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,264
Go right in here.
72
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:42,765
What? No, no, no, no, no!
73
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,601
What are you doing?
74
00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:46,503
What are you doing?
75
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,737
Come on, give me a break!
76
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:49,794
Help me!
77
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,853
Sit down. Sit over there.
78
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,914
What you looking at?
79
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,148
Fred, sit down.
80
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,551
Please, dear, sit down.
81
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,486
Settle down, audience.
82
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:05,788
That Chuck Barris
sure is ugly in person.
83
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:08,692
Okay, we go in 10 seconds.
84
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,594
I went before I left home.
85
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:13,162
Fred!
86
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:16,855
Here we go. In five,
four, three, two...
87
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,439
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
88
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:25,141
here's your host and
the star of our show,
89
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:28,511
the sensational
Mr. Chuck Barris.
90
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,049
All right, we have a good show,
91
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,484
so let's get started now.
92
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:37,787
Our first performer is
from Stone Bend, Indiana.
93
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:42,525
A Swedish bell ringer,
Sven, or Swen, Erickson!
94
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,876
Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
95
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,579
That's not fair. I liked him.
96
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,547
Hey, that's the way
the show goes, Pop.
97
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,583
That's it for old,
uh... the bellringer.
98
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,118
And now, our next contestant,
99
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,453
from Englewood, New Jersey,
100
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,622
ladies and gentlemen,
a fine singer,
101
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:15,358
Mr. Barton Farley.
102
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,565
Barton. Thank you, thank you.
103
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:23,800
Hello, Charles.
104
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,735
That's, uh... That's Chuck.
105
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,804
I didn't want to
take the liberty.
106
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,038
You should take the trolley.
107
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,629
Shh!
108
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:35,412
Okay, now, what are you
going to sing for us, Barton?
109
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,414
Yes, I'm going to sing
a great favorite of mine,
110
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,916
a tune made popular in the '30s
111
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,719
and one that has lingered
on through the years.
112
00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,788
Linger on this!
113
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,222
Okay.
114
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,825
Well, good luck, Barton Farley.
115
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:58,535
♪ If I did not care ♪
116
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,537
What is he doing?
117
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:01,805
Shh, Fred!
118
00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,840
What do you mean be quiet?
119
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,841
Shh!
120
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,343
He's messing with the anthem!
121
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,944
♪ If I didn't ♪♪
122
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:09,212
Gong! DONNA: Fred!
123
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,403
Gong! Gong! Shh!
124
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:15,084
I've never been so humiliated
125
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,619
in all of my life.
126
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,421
What's the matter with you, son?
127
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,690
That guy is singing
"If I Didn't Care".
128
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,091
That was like Moshe Dayan
129
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,762
singing "When the
Saints Go Marching In."
130
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,864
It was an interesting
interpretation.
131
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,389
Well, I felt it
lacked authenticity.
132
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:36,138
If they needed someone
to sing "If I Didn't Care"
133
00:06:36,162 --> 00:06:38,174
they could have asked me.
134
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:42,278
♪ If I didn't care ♪
135
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:45,670
♪ More than words can say ♪♪
136
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,986
Bravo, Fred!
137
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,988
Hey, Fred, why don't
you go on that show?
138
00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:53,890
Hey, that's a good idea, Fred.
139
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,725
Why, you could
certainly audition for it.
140
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,326
Yeah, I think it
would be fun, Pop,
141
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,928
and you could sing
"If I Didn't Care."
142
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:01,264
I'll never sing "If I
Didn't Care" again.
143
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:05,067
Not after it was ruined
by Captain Honky.
144
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:07,069
Fred, there are a lot
of songs you can sing.
145
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,539
I know, Donna, but
I get nervous alone.
146
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,308
I have to have
someone to sing with me.
147
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,309
♪ Ooh ♪♪
148
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,278
Oh, Lamont. Oh!
149
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,846
Whoa, Pop.
150
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,648
Lamont, that's a good
idea. Whoa, Donna.
151
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,718
Yeah, and I'd be right there in
that audience cheering you on.
152
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,386
Yay, Lamont!
153
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:26,122
Whoa, Pop, Bubba and Donna!
154
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,824
Come on, Lamont.
If you're nervous...
155
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,058
If you're nervous about it,
156
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,660
we can get Rodney
to tell some jokes.
157
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,261
You know, because,
remember how good he was
158
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,664
when we went and helped
him in that nightclub that time?
159
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,933
Rodney? I didn't even
think you liked Rodney.
160
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,167
I don't.
161
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,569
Why? Why don't
you like him, Fred?
162
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,837
Is it just because he's white?
163
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:43,740
No. He, well...
164
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,207
Because he used to be a gambler?
165
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,477
Well, he still is,
but that's not it.
166
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,646
Then why don't
you like him, Fred?
167
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,849
Now, hasn't he been a
good husband to your sister?
168
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,518
Yeah, but she... But what?
169
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:58,755
He kisses wet.
170
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,690
He kisses... I beg your pardon?
171
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:02,959
Well, you see, Donna,
Rodney's a very affectionate man,
172
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,327
and it drives Pop nuts.
173
00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,729
Oh, but you could
stand him long enough
174
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:09,098
to do The Gong
Show with him, huh?
175
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,333
That's right.
176
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:12,168
Long enough to win that $500.
177
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,136
Wait a minute, don't
count your $500 so fast,
178
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:15,805
because I still
haven't said I'd do it.
179
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,107
You'll help me
get those five bills
180
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,600
or you'll have to
take these five pills.
181
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,982
We'll be there. Thank you.
182
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,718
You know, you're impossible.
183
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:29,953
Can't you tell me
184
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:32,689
what's bad about winning $516.32
185
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:33,923
for singing one song?
186
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:35,157
Can you tell me what's good
187
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,726
about making a
fool out of yourself?
188
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,027
That's your trouble, Lamont.
189
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,496
You look at the poor side,
190
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,164
the losing side,
the unpleasant side.
191
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,000
How did that happen to you?
192
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:47,203
How did you go wrong?
193
00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:50,439
Bad upbringing, I suppose.
194
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:52,909
I'll get it.
195
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:54,377
Come in!
196
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,612
Fred, my brother-in-law!
197
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:56,913
Fred! Oh, no, no, no!
198
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,848
Rodney, don't do that!
199
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,249
Rodney, don't do that.
200
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:01,818
Don't you slobber on me!
201
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:04,721
I love you. I told
you about that.
202
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,722
Lamont!
203
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:06,956
Whoa, all right, Rodney.
204
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:10,727
Oh, and she is... Mine!
205
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,695
Hello, Rodney. I'm Donna.
206
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,879
It's good to know
you. No, it's not.
207
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,735
Donna, your warmth
and your charm
208
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,138
are exceeded only
by your beauty.
209
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,974
And may I say your
mouth and your tongue
210
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:29,045
have just exceeded
my nausea limit.
211
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,847
So back up while I throw up.
212
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,582
Is that a sense of humor?
213
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,717
Is he funny? I love you!
214
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,920
Hey, man, leave me alone!
215
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,689
Get off me and go on
upstairs and unpack.
216
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:42,324
The audition's tomorrow at 2.
217
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:43,960
Tomorrow at 2?
218
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,294
Is that wild?
219
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,729
There's a horse running today
220
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,997
called Tonight at 8.
221
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:49,231
Hey, give me the phone.
222
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:51,200
Hey, you're not calling
no bookie in my house.
223
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:53,069
Get on upstairs and unpack.
224
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,192
All right. Okay.
225
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,574
Hey, whose room
am I going to share?
226
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,608
Yours or Lamont's?
227
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,810
His.
228
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:02,612
I don't know how to
tell you this, Rodney,
229
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:06,972
but your room is where
you flush your roommate.
230
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,627
Whoo!
231
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:37,814
And we were wondering
232
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,483
where all the good
musicians were coming from.
233
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,218
Listen, what you
got in that bag there?
234
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:43,686
Just a few personal things.
235
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,655
What jokes are
you going to tell?
236
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,156
You know me. I don't tell jokes.
237
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,759
I say humorous remarks
about current events
238
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:51,327
like Johnny Carson.
239
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,695
But don't worry about it.
240
00:10:52,719 --> 00:10:54,697
No matter how rotten you may be,
241
00:10:54,721 --> 00:10:57,281
I'll come in and help you.
242
00:10:58,859 --> 00:10:59,836
All right, all right.
243
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,238
Sanford and sons.
244
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,539
Say, that's not "sons."
245
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:04,774
That's "Sanford and son."
246
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:06,009
This is my brother-in-law.
247
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,276
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
248
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,878
So am I.
249
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,147
Are you... Are you
the spokesman?
250
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,516
Yeah, Mr. Barris.
I certainly am.
251
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:14,851
See, we all decided
252
00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:16,853
I was the one that would
handle all the talking
253
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,655
and the negotiations
and all the arrangement.
254
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:19,889
What is it?
255
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:22,947
Nothing. You just
do your act, okay?
256
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,799
Here.
257
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,801
That's our stuff right there.
258
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,036
Do me a favor, will you?
259
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,537
Keep your eye on this for me.
260
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,605
Are you ready? BARRIS:
Whenever you are.
261
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:39,241
Well, we're ready whenever
you say you're ready.
262
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:40,476
We're ready.
263
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,711
They're ready.
264
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:42,945
Go ahead, Rodney.
265
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,718
Thank you very much. Thank you.
266
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:49,952
And I want to tell you
267
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,353
it's a pleasure
to be here today.
268
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:52,588
As a matter of fact,
269
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:54,223
it's a pleasure to
be anywhere today.
270
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,193
Especially when you read
about the crime outside.
271
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,695
Speaking of crime,
272
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,463
why, just today, the
sun came up at 5:30
273
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:03,532
and was mugged at 5:33.
274
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,102
That's why it's so muggy out.
275
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,544
See, I'm going to kill
them with stuff like that,
276
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,346
and then I'll say, "Hit it."
277
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,586
♪ Grab your coat ♪
278
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,054
♪ Get your hat ♪
279
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:28,224
♪ Leave your worries
On the doorstep ♪
280
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,392
♪ Life can be so sweet ♪
281
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,662
♪ On the sunny
side Of the street ♪
282
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:34,897
♪ Hold tight ♪
283
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,132
♪ Hold tight ♪
284
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,399
♪ Hold tight, hold tight ♪
285
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,634
♪ Fodo-de-yacka saki ♪
286
00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:41,303
♪ They want your seafood, Mama ♪
287
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:42,772
♪ Shrimps and rice ♪
288
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:44,006
♪ Are very nice ♪
289
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:45,241
♪ I like shrimp ♪
290
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,076
- ♪ And lobster too ♪
- All right, Fred.
291
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,078
♪ I like the taste
of butter fish, Joe ♪
292
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,113
Shorty George!
293
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:51,914
♪ When I get
home late at night ♪
294
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,250
♪ I get my favorite dish ♪
295
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,484
♪ Fish ♪
296
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,286
♪ Hold tight, hold tight ♪
297
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,687
That's really good.
♪ Hold tight ♪♪
298
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,922
That's good. That's all right.
299
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,391
But we have... But look here,
300
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,193
you haven't heard my
son play the drums yet.
301
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,427
It's all right. That's okay.
302
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,029
That's all right.
Did we make it?
303
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,664
I'll tell you, we'll
let you know.
304
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:09,932
We'll call you at home.
305
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,167
Oh, you'll... Thanks.
306
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,401
All right. Well, thank you.
307
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,103
Thanks a lot, there. Okay.
308
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,772
Let's go, Lamont.
Come on, Rodney.
309
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,006
Uh, you guys go on.
310
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,008
I got a couple of
things to take care of.
311
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:20,243
I'll see you at home.
312
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,667
All right, I'll get the door.
313
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,070
Who you going to take care of?
314
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,364
Okay. All right.
315
00:13:42,388 --> 00:13:43,900
Now, Marjorie McGlory.
316
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:45,434
Marjorie McGlory. That's you?
317
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,903
Okay, Marjorie, babe.
318
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,207
Here we go.
319
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,067
How are you doing?
Good to see you.
320
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,283
♪ I feel the room is swaying ♪
321
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:02,952
♪ And the band's playing, yes ♪
322
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:05,654
♪ Some of our old
Favorite songs ♪
323
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:07,456
♪ From way back when ♪
324
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:12,061
♪ So ♪ Take my rap, fellas ♪
325
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,396
♪ Find Pops A
very good lap, yes ♪
326
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:17,399
♪ Bop, bop, bop, boozit, yes ♪
327
00:14:17,423 --> 00:14:18,734
♪ Bop zeeda ♪
328
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,069
♪ Bop boozay ♪
329
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,438
♪ Bop boozit, bop boozit ♪
330
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:25,507
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
331
00:14:25,531 --> 00:14:28,444
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪♪
332
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,420
Uh, how do you do, young lady?
333
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,857
I would like to
apply for an audition,
334
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:43,492
and the name is Gordon.
335
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:46,162
Raymond C. Gordon.
336
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:49,165
Uh, what do you do?
337
00:14:49,189 --> 00:14:50,499
It all.
338
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:53,524
I do it all.
339
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,206
Hi. How did it go?
340
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,674
I don't know.
341
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,277
They're going to call us
and let us know if we made it.
342
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:02,644
Well, good. Where's Rodney?
343
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:04,981
Oh, probably where he's needed.
344
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,315
Nowhere.
345
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:08,784
Got it. Got it.
346
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,019
Got it.
347
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:11,254
Hello?
348
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,654
This is Fred G. Sanford.
349
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:13,923
Yes, Mr. Barris.
350
00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:15,624
How are you? Good.
351
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,393
I'm fine, thank you.
352
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,295
How are you? Good.
353
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,864
How did we do
today? Did you like us?
354
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,766
Good. Uh, how are you?
355
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,001
Good.
356
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:26,602
What can I do for you?
357
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:28,971
We can? We did?
358
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:30,806
We will?
359
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,308
We sure will. Thank you.
360
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:33,742
Thank you. How are you?
361
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,977
Good.
362
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:37,479
Goodbye.
363
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:38,714
Son, we made it.
364
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,016
All right! We made it!
365
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,250
Congratulations!
366
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,651
We're going to be on the show.
367
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,353
We're going to be
on The Gong Show.
368
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,123
Ah! Yeah, son, we made it.
369
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,757
We did it, son.
370
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,359
We're going to be
on my favorite show,
371
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:53,762
and I know we're going
to win that $516.32.
372
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,763
Whee!
373
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:55,965
Hello?
374
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,699
Hey, Rodney.
375
00:15:57,723 --> 00:15:58,935
Guess who called?
376
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,169
Wait a second. Don't tell me.
377
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,237
I'll get it.
378
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,604
Chuck Barris.
379
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,672
No.
380
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,541
Not no. Yes!
381
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,276
Hey, that's terrific, Fred.
382
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,677
With all of the
excitement, I'm starving.
383
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,912
Oh. Me too.
384
00:16:09,936 --> 00:16:11,147
I'm hungry myself. Come on.
385
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,381
I'll fix you something to eat.
386
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,549
Okay. Rodney?
387
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,783
No, thanks, Donna.
388
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,385
I'll have some neck bone.
389
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,769
Yeah, some black-eyed peas.
390
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:24,760
Hello?
391
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:27,696
Hello. I'd like to talk to
Chuck Barris, please.
392
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,031
Hello, Mr. Barris.
393
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:31,467
This is Raymond C. Gordon.
394
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,436
I did?
395
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:35,404
Oh, that's wonderful.
396
00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:37,239
Uh, Mr. Barris, by chance,
397
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,008
am I on the same show
398
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:42,445
with Sanford and son and Rodney?
399
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,745
I am?
400
00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:45,647
Oh!
401
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,550
Hey, Lamont, help me
move this rug and couch.
402
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:49,785
For what?
403
00:16:49,809 --> 00:16:51,920
For what? For rehearsing, dummy.
404
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,904
We don't want to
get gonged, do we?
405
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,325
All right.
406
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,960
Hey, Rodney, get in here.
407
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,229
I promise you I'll
have your $500 for you
408
00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:01,464
at the end of the week.
409
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,698
I promise.
410
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:03,932
Hey, Rodney, get in here
411
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,534
and help us with
this couch and rug.
412
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,569
Hey, that's just a
job for two guys.
413
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:09,874
You and Lamont can handle that.
414
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:12,875
Now, don't worry about it.
415
00:17:12,899 --> 00:17:15,378
Shame on me. No!
416
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,046
If that's a job for two,
417
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,536
then Lamont and I can do it.
418
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:22,351
Hey, I got my problem solved.
419
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,585
I'll talk to you later.
420
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:24,953
Hey, Fred!
421
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,189
I'm coming to help you
with the couch and the rug.
422
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,925
Get that end of the couch there.
423
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,395
Okay. You ready, Lamont?
424
00:17:32,419 --> 00:17:33,629
Here we go.
425
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,465
One, two, three.
426
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,469
What happened?
427
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:41,703
Oh, my back!
428
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:45,063
My foot! Oh, my f... Ow!
429
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,710
What happened?
430
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:50,968
I think he hurt his back,
his foot and his throat.
431
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,816
Well, Donna, how is he?
432
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,252
Well, he seems fine,
433
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:57,753
but he obviously isn't.
434
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,355
I didn't see a
bruise on his foot
435
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,090
and yet he says
it's very painful.
436
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:03,825
Now, the back condition
is impossible to see.
437
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:06,162
And while his throat isn't red,
438
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,297
he must have hurt it,
because he can't speak.
439
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,433
Well, that's it for
The Gong Show.
440
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:13,302
Five hundred and sixteen dollars
441
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:14,803
right down the toilet.
442
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,238
Hey, that's too bad, Fred,
443
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,974
because I think Sanford
and son and Rodney
444
00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:20,209
had a chance.
445
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,044
Had?
446
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:23,345
Yeah, had.
447
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,414
Had? Had.
448
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,184
Bubba, do you know that song
449
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:29,985
"Exactly Like You"?
450
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,620
Oh, Fred.
451
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,990
Giddyup, Bubba.
452
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,559
Giddyup!
453
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:50,372
I'm sorry.
454
00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,608
That's it for Charlie
Edwards and his teapot.
455
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,311
And now another
group from Los Angeles.
456
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,545
Here they come.
457
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,648
Sanford and son and Rodney.
458
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:09,514
You can't take...
459
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:19,067
♪ I know why I've waited ♪
Yeah.
460
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:21,303
♪ Know why I've been blue ♪
Yeah.
461
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,305
♪ Prayed each
night For someone ♪
462
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:24,540
Uh-huh.
463
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:26,442
♪ Exactly like you ♪
Yeah.
464
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,111
♪ Why should we spend money ♪
Uh-huh.
465
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:31,447
♪ On a show or two? ♪
That's right.
466
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:34,016
♪ No one does
Those love scenes ♪
467
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,152
♪ Exactly like you ♪
468
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:39,054
♪ You make me feel so grand ♪
469
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:41,524
♪ I want to hand
The world to you ♪
470
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,892
♪ You seem to understand ♪
Uh-huh.
471
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:46,262
♪ Each foolish little
dream I'm dreaming ♪
472
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:47,829
♪ Scheme I'm scheming ♪
Yeah.
473
00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:50,098
♪ Now I know why Mother ♪
Yeah.
474
00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:53,202
♪ Taught me to be true ♪
Yeah.
475
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,471
♪ She meant me for someone ♪
476
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,972
♪ Exactly like you ♪
477
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,208
Get it, Bubba!
478
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,850
Get it, Bubba!
479
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,063
♪ One thing's certain
You can bet your boots ♪
480
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,566
♪ No more will I be through ♪
481
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:24,800
♪ After all, baby ♪
482
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:26,702
♪ I got a girl ♪
483
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:28,370
♪ Just like you ♪
484
00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:30,339
♪ One more thing ♪
485
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,662
Hey!
486
00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,343
Yeah, Lamont!
487
00:20:34,367 --> 00:20:35,578
Yeah!
488
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:41,917
♪ Now I know why Mother ♪
489
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:44,186
♪ Taught me to be true ♪
490
00:20:44,210 --> 00:20:47,122
♪ She meant me for someone ♪
491
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,957
♪ Exactly like you ♪
492
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:51,760
♪ Exactly ♪
493
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:54,363
♪ Exactly ♪
494
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,365
♪ Exactly ♪
495
00:20:56,389 --> 00:21:00,035
♪ Like you ♪♪
496
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,470
Hey!
497
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,019
All right, let's find out
what our celebrities think
498
00:21:18,043 --> 00:21:20,021
about Sanford and
son and Rodney.
499
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:21,823
And first we'll start
out with celebrity one.
500
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:23,058
I give them a 6.
501
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,426
Okay, we have a 6.
502
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,428
Now let's move right
along. That's a 6.
503
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:28,430
Now we'll go to Milton.
Milton, what do you think?
504
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,898
Chuck, I gave them an 8.
505
00:21:29,922 --> 00:21:31,133
An 8.
506
00:21:31,157 --> 00:21:33,669
I gave them 3 for the fat one,
507
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,638
three for the good-looking one,
508
00:21:35,662 --> 00:21:38,607
and 2 for the one
with the weird legs.
509
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,908
Right.
510
00:21:39,932 --> 00:21:42,244
All right, now celebrity
number three, Al.
511
00:21:42,268 --> 00:21:44,980
Well, I... I hated it all.
512
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:48,116
But it did make me
forget my root canal.
513
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,351
Seven.
514
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:51,787
Seven. That gives
that act 21 points.
515
00:21:51,811 --> 00:21:53,389
Now, that's great.
516
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:56,158
OK, now, you are
now the leaders.
517
00:21:56,182 --> 00:21:57,526
And if you wait off-stage,
518
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,561
we'll find out if
you'll be the winners.
519
00:21:59,585 --> 00:22:01,263
Now, the only one
that can beat you
520
00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:02,498
is the next guest,
521
00:22:02,522 --> 00:22:05,367
and that is Raymond C. Gordon.
522
00:22:05,391 --> 00:22:06,602
Yeah!
523
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:20,182
♪ Be my love ♪
524
00:22:20,206 --> 00:22:23,985
♪ For no one else can end ♪
525
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:26,955
♪ This yearning ♪
526
00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:28,190
♪ This need ♪
527
00:22:28,214 --> 00:22:32,294
♪ That you and you alone ♪
528
00:22:32,318 --> 00:22:34,763
♪ Create ♪
529
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:37,299
♪ Just fill my arms ♪
530
00:22:37,323 --> 00:22:40,902
♪ The way you fill my dreams ♪
531
00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:45,708
♪ The dreams that you inspire ♪
532
00:22:45,732 --> 00:22:52,147
♪ With every sweet desire ♪
533
00:22:52,171 --> 00:22:54,805
♪ Be my love ♪♪
534
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:07,863
Well?
535
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:09,231
Well, there's no
question about it.
536
00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:12,267
The bruise on his
foot is definitely there.
537
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:13,502
Doctor?
538
00:23:13,526 --> 00:23:15,671
Well, just keep him
in bed for two weeks
539
00:23:15,695 --> 00:23:17,272
and that back will be okay.
540
00:23:17,296 --> 00:23:18,907
Two weeks?
541
00:23:18,931 --> 00:23:21,343
Well, at least he can't talk.
542
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:23,445
Well, this is the strangest
case of sore throat
543
00:23:23,469 --> 00:23:24,680
that I've ever seen.
544
00:23:24,704 --> 00:23:27,583
It's almost as if he
had been, uh, strangled.
545
00:23:27,607 --> 00:23:29,551
He's... He's lucky he was alive.
546
00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:30,786
If the panel hadn't thought
547
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,388
we were all part of the same act
548
00:23:32,412 --> 00:23:35,257
when I jumped on him,
I would have killed him.
549
00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:36,492
I'll show you out, Dr. Davis.
550
00:23:36,516 --> 00:23:37,726
This way, please.
551
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:40,061
Yeah, Doc, this way. Come on.
552
00:23:40,085 --> 00:23:42,366
Thank you for coming, doctor.
553
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:49,170
Well, $500 divided four ways
554
00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:50,839
less three doctor bills
555
00:23:50,863 --> 00:23:52,107
doesn't come to much.
556
00:23:52,131 --> 00:23:53,542
Why did he do it?
557
00:23:53,566 --> 00:23:55,444
Well, he wanted to
win the whole $500
558
00:23:55,468 --> 00:23:57,413
so he could pay off
his bookie, Donna.
559
00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:58,647
Oh, my goodness.
560
00:23:58,671 --> 00:24:00,949
That poor man, laid up
in his room for two weeks
561
00:24:00,973 --> 00:24:02,684
and not able to talk.
562
00:24:02,708 --> 00:24:04,853
Don't worry. We'll be
able to communicate.
563
00:24:04,877 --> 00:24:06,087
How?
564
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:08,223
I told him anything he wants,
565
00:24:08,247 --> 00:24:11,348
just flush twice and
call me in the morning.
37711
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