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1
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,930
Hey, that's great, Pop.
2
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:28,932
That's Pops.
3
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,700
Okay, Pops.
4
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:33,370
Why don't you put that down
and do some work around here.
5
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,772
That's what I'm doing.
I'm polishing up this bugle.
6
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:39,109
Because when I'm done with
it, it'll be worth at least $50.
7
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,410
Fifty dollars? Are you kidding?
8
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,479
I don't care how much
polish you put on that,
9
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:43,880
it won't be worth more than $10.
10
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:48,351
The bugle may be only worth
$10, but the handkerchief,
11
00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:51,188
used by Custer during
the blowing of the retreat,
12
00:01:51,212 --> 00:01:53,645
could be worth a fortune.
13
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,326
Custer was a general.
14
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,860
He didn't blow a bugle.
15
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,129
I know.
16
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:01,064
But when the bugler
blew the retreat,
17
00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:03,233
Custer took out this
very handkerchief.
18
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,502
You mean to tell me
surrounded by Indians
19
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,692
he took out a handkerchief
to blow his nose?
20
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:12,942
No. He was trying to surrender.
21
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:16,801
He said, "Back off, Indians.
Back off, you silly savages."
22
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:21,106
Oh, Lamont, Lamont!
23
00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,392
Fred, Fred.
24
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,082
It's Sitting Bull.
25
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,963
Oh, Fred.
26
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,566
Where do you get off
busting in my door, anyway?
27
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:40,370
I'm sorry, Fred,
it's an emergency.
28
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,661
I need help.
29
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:44,941
Help, huh?
30
00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:49,312
I'm just a junkman,
not a plastic surgeon.
31
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:51,814
Please, Fred, I need your truck.
32
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:56,675
I agree, son. You take the
truck and run over Esther's face.
33
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:02,825
You are an evil heathen,
34
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:07,397
and one of these days, the
Lord is gonna strike you down...
35
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:10,822
if he ever decides
to get his hands dirty.
36
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,703
What's the matter, Aunt Esther?
37
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:15,238
Our truck broke down, Lamont,
38
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:18,175
and today is the day we're
supposed to pick up our son.
39
00:03:18,199 --> 00:03:19,409
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
40
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,811
The adoption agency
accepted you and Uncle Woody.
41
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:23,313
Hey, congratulations.
42
00:03:23,337 --> 00:03:25,515
Aunt Esther, let me drive
you over there in the truck
43
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,983
because, uh, you
got that whiplash.
44
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,818
It'll be kind of painful
for you to drive.
45
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,353
Thank you, Lamont.
46
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,355
Why don't you sit down here
and make yourself comfortable.
47
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:33,956
No, no, don't sit
down on my couch.
48
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,420
I'll have to have it condemned.
49
00:03:38,352 --> 00:03:41,364
Fred Sanford...
That's Fred G. Sanford.
50
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:45,524
And the "G" is for "Glad
You're Going. Goodbye."
51
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,838
Well, looking at you,
52
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,830
I thought the "G"
stood for "God Forbid."
53
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,044
Say, shouldn't we be
leaving, Aunt Esther?
54
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,946
You're right, Lamont. Let's go.
55
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,881
Oh, say, listen, uh...
56
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,585
Esther, why don't you
just run along with Lamont,
57
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:03,587
and I'll meet you back
at the house later, okay?
58
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:04,921
I think he's right, Aunt Esther.
59
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,823
There's only room
for three in the truck.
60
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,225
Is this it?
61
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,860
I mean, y'all get to
keep the child forever?
62
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,295
Well, maybe.
63
00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,931
Uh, you see, he's gonna
stay with us for about a year,
64
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,234
and if everything
works out all right,
65
00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:19,936
then the adoption agency
will make a recommendation
66
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,170
to the court.
67
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:24,874
I know we'll like him.
I just hope he likes us.
68
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,244
I know he gonna
like you, Esther.
69
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,178
Why, thank you, Fred.
70
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:32,170
Children always love animals.
71
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:40,523
Fred Sanford, you are
the lowest of the low
72
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,626
and the meanest of the mean
73
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,262
and the baddest of the bad.
74
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,620
And you are the
ugliest of the ugly.
75
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:51,968
That did it. Get him, Woodrow.
76
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:54,025
Woodrow. Bang, bang!
77
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,306
We'd better leave, Aunt Esther,
78
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:58,341
if we want to pick
up your son on time.
79
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,676
My son.
80
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:03,079
Yes, I'm going to get my son.
81
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:07,450
Forgive me, Fred Sanford,
if I made you angry.
82
00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:12,756
I should be thankful that the
Lord has smiled upon me today.
83
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:18,461
And in return, I should
smile upon all his creatures.
84
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,585
Bye, creature.
85
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,888
Bye, bat.
86
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:26,770
Oh, glory!
87
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:29,105
Oh, glory, he's
coming, that's right.
88
00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:31,596
Hallelujah!
89
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,100
You old heathen.
90
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,784
I'll see if we have it, okay?
91
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:42,151
Right over here somewhere.
92
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,287
Let me see.
93
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:47,612
I know we have it here.
94
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,995
You know, Fred, I'm sure glad
you came back with me, man,
95
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,854
because... Hey, look out!
96
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,768
Huh?
97
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,671
You know, I'm sure glad you
came on back over here with me,
98
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,440
because, you know,
I'm really, really nervous
99
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,608
about, you know,
being a father, man.
100
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:06,909
Well, I understand, Woody.
101
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,812
I learned the day
after Lamont was born
102
00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,913
that it's much
harder to be a father
103
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,615
than it is to become one.
104
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,484
Yeah, I know, Fred,
105
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,220
but, you see, I'm really
concerned about his past.
106
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,823
You know, he was
a juvenile delinquent,
107
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,691
and he just might still be.
108
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,326
Well, why did you adopt him?
109
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,495
Well, because he
needed it the most.
110
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,431
You know, he's the last person
in the world that anybody wants.
111
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:29,499
Not true.
112
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,533
What do you mean?
113
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,335
The last person
anybody would want
114
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,437
would be Esther.
115
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,339
Hello, Mr. Anderson.
116
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:37,407
Hi.
117
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,609
Wait a minute.
118
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,846
Wait a minute!
119
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,382
Where... Where
did she come from?
120
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,216
Oh, she started
work here yesterday.
121
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,818
Is she up for adoption?
122
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,353
No, Fred!
123
00:06:50,377 --> 00:06:51,821
Is she up for grabs?
124
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:52,822
Oh!
125
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:53,846
I'll ask her myself.
126
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,125
Look here, honey.
127
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:59,028
Excuse me, but you
do some very nice work.
128
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:01,564
Oh, you like my display?
129
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:09,773
Yes, uh... very well stacked.
130
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:12,375
Why are you so
interested in light bulbs?
131
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,343
Uh, I'm from Watts.
132
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,334
Oh, right, yeah.
133
00:07:18,472 --> 00:07:19,682
What?
134
00:07:22,409 --> 00:07:23,953
Fred. Listen, Fred.
135
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,456
Don't you know that
you're twice her age?
136
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,391
Lucky her.
137
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,794
♪ Double your pleasure ♪
138
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,495
♪ Double your fun ♪
139
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,431
♪ I'm Freddy G. Sanford ♪
140
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:37,255
♪ The "G" stands for "Gum" ♪♪
141
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:43,540
Hey, here they are, Fred.
142
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,598
Here we are, Daniel.
143
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,278
This is your store,
144
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,415
and upstairs is your house.
145
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:54,584
That's him, Fred.
146
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,741
Does he look tough to you?
147
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,256
Hard to tell.
148
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,359
Standing next to Esther...
149
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:06,384
King Kong would
look like John Boy.
150
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,234
So all of this is mine, huh?
151
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,903
My store and my house?
152
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,371
That's right, my son.
153
00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,561
Well, all right, then.
154
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:23,847
Don't stop him,
Woody. Don't stop him.
155
00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:26,037
He might take Esther.
156
00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:39,696
Woodrow.
157
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,865
You haven't spoke
to your new son.
158
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:44,934
You ain't said nothing to him
about the cash register, either.
159
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,836
Just say hello, Woody,
160
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,761
because he's already introduced
himself to the cash register.
161
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,911
Well, uh, hello, son.
162
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,379
Hello.
163
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:58,615
If you don't say something to
him about that cash register,
164
00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:02,485
I'm going to ring up a "no
sale" knot on your head.
165
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,787
Can I talk to you
both for a minute?
166
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:05,955
Hey, Woody. Back off, there.
167
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,957
He wants to talk to me
and Esther a minute.
168
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:10,515
Just a minute, mister.
I want to talk to them.
169
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,766
Here's all the money back.
170
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:20,537
Why, thank you, son, but why
did you take it in the first place?
171
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,672
Because I've been
around long enough
172
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,541
and I've been in
trouble too many times,
173
00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:26,609
and I know a bad
case when I see one.
174
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:30,312
And that weirdo over there
with the legs like parentheses
175
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:32,103
is up to no good.
176
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,656
What's so funny?
177
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,926
That weirdo is your
new Uncle Fred.
178
00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:44,527
That's Lamont's father.
179
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,117
Hey, come here, Fred.
180
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,301
Hey, look, Daniel wasn't
stealing our money.
181
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,872
He was trying to
protect us... from you.
182
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,007
Why would he do that?
183
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,643
Because he's been around
criminals long enough
184
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:03,279
to know undesirables.
185
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,982
Well, he ought to
feel right at home here.
186
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:09,518
Say, Daniel, say
hello to Uncle Fred.
187
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,353
What's happening, Uncle Fred?
188
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,778
"Uncle Fred" this.
189
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,216
Watch it, watch it, Fred.
190
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:27,536
Well, Daniel, this is it.
191
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,940
And someday,
this will all be yours.
192
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,330
Thank you.
193
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,202
Oh! Can I have her now?
194
00:10:39,673 --> 00:10:41,117
What, you mean Snookums?
195
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,251
Snookums?!
196
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,442
Doris Snookums.
197
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,023
Don't worry, Esther.
198
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,524
Now, just because
I happen to think
199
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:53,663
that she's cute and pretty
and sweet and charming,
200
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,065
that doesn't mean that
I like her better than you
201
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,956
just because you're not.
202
00:11:02,929 --> 00:11:05,675
I'll deal with you later.
203
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,244
Right now, let's all
go up and get ready,
204
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,779
because I got a
surprise for you.
205
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:10,980
Oh, I like surprises.
206
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:11,981
Good.
207
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,083
Some of the ladies
from my church
208
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,317
is coming over tonight
209
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,419
to welcome Daniel
to the community.
210
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:20,189
I hate surprises.
211
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,493
Shut up, Woodrow.
212
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,661
Come on, darling.
213
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,565
Good evening, Mrs. Anderson.
214
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:30,800
Good evening, good evening.
215
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,434
Hello there. Hello, Esther.
216
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:37,073
Oh... Ladies, meet
our son, Daniel.
217
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,440
Hello, Daniel.
218
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:39,676
Woodrow?
219
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,411
Aren't you gonna
say hello to the ladies?
220
00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:44,180
Hello, sisters.
221
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,748
Good evening,
brother. How do you do?
222
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:47,449
How are you, Woodrow?
223
00:11:47,473 --> 00:11:51,054
You're looking healthy
for a man of your age.
224
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:55,624
Oh? And might I
say the same for you.
225
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,193
Thank you.
226
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,428
As a matter of fact, I
hope I look that well
227
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:00,952
when I'm 70.
228
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:06,169
I beg your pardon,
but I'll have you to know
229
00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:09,371
that I haven't seen
my 50th birthday.
230
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:14,432
Oh, well, I did. I saw
your 50th birthday.
231
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:19,104
And it was 20
years ago, if I recall.
232
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:24,821
Woodrow, if you don't shut
your double-breasted lips,
233
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,889
you gonna look awful
the rest of your life.
234
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,424
Sister Esther?
235
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,658
Yes?
236
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:32,061
We have a little presentation
we would like to make.
237
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,996
Yes, Sister Simpson?
238
00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:35,932
"To Daniel..."
239
00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:38,000
Will it be Anderson?
240
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:40,103
Well, uh, it takes about a year
241
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,471
before the adoption
becomes final,
242
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:46,008
but if he decides
to stay, then it'll be
243
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,077
Daniel Anderson forever.
244
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,613
Well, suppose you don't
want me at the end of the year?
245
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,482
Oh, son, that's
out of the question.
246
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,351
I want you now.
247
00:12:55,375 --> 00:13:02,258
And a year from now, I'll
want you 365 times more.
248
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,093
Just give it to
him like it is, sister.
249
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,527
Give him what, Sister Cooper?
250
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:06,829
This Bible.
251
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,832
See, it has his
name inscribed on it.
252
00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:12,034
"Daniel Anderson."
253
00:13:12,058 --> 00:13:13,435
Son...
254
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,638
bring it to church with you
every Sunday when you come.
255
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,574
Isn't that wonderful, darling?
256
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,743
Yeah, it's a real nice present.
257
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:22,044
And I'll keep it to read.
258
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:23,746
But I won't be coming to church.
259
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:27,865
You see, I don't believe in God.
260
00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:36,425
I'm coming, Elizabeth!
It's the big one.
261
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:37,615
Oh, glory!
262
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,230
Well, you want to buy it?
263
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,464
There's a rag in it.
264
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,333
Uh, no, no, that's not a rag.
265
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,567
That's General
Custer's handkerchief.
266
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:46,803
You're kidding.
267
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,570
And there's initials
on it. There are?
268
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:50,439
Yeah. "F.S."
269
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:51,740
"Fred Sanford."
270
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,743
Uh, no, no, that's
"First Sergeant Custer."
271
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,613
See, he got this handkerchief
before he became a general.
272
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:58,948
How much?
273
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:03,085
Uh, $50 for the bugle and
the invaluable handkerchief.
274
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,486
How much for just the bugle?
275
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,722
Uh, $49.95.
276
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:09,192
Oh, man! That's ridiculous.
277
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,492
Look here. Right, right, right.
278
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,296
I see that you love bugles. $35.
279
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,530
Goodbye.
280
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,465
All right, all right,
I'll level with you.
281
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,034
This wasn't blown by Custer.
282
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:21,537
It was blown by a Private Brown
during the invasion of Normandy.
283
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,127
Twenty dollars.
284
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,008
Okay, okay, wait a minute.
285
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,243
I'll tell you the truth.
286
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:29,678
Well, it was used by a Boy Scout
287
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,780
to bang on the drum in
the parade last Thursday.
288
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:33,316
Fifteen dollars.
289
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,550
Oh, forget it, man.
290
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,784
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
291
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:37,987
I found it.
292
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,222
Five dollars!
293
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,290
You cheap turkey.
294
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,525
What's happening, Fred?
295
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,350
It's Uncle Fred.
296
00:14:46,953 --> 00:14:48,430
Uncle Fred.
297
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,132
Uncle Fred Sanford.
298
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:53,302
You can drop the "Uncle,"
you can drop the "Fred,"
299
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:54,603
you can drop the "Sanford,"
300
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,138
and you can drop out of sight.
301
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:58,507
You too, huh?
302
00:14:58,531 --> 00:14:59,508
Me too, what?
303
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,943
Don't want me around.
304
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,168
You can stay, but just let me
frisk you before you leave here.
305
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,850
Hey, Daniel. What's
happening, buddy?
306
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,252
Not too good, Lamont.
307
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,287
What's the matter?
Everything, man.
308
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:13,722
I was wondering if you could
drive me back to the home.
309
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,258
Why?
310
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,993
Because they don't want me.
311
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,527
Who don't want you?
312
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,029
Mr. and Mrs. Anderson.
313
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,630
Oh, come on, now, Daniel.
314
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:23,366
Whatever gave
you that idea, man?
315
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,190
She said, "Get out of
my house, heathen!"
316
00:15:28,295 --> 00:15:30,228
That would do it.
317
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,510
Look, why don't you sit
down for a minute, Daniel?
318
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,578
I'd just as soon get
back to the home.
319
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:38,647
He'd just as soon get
back to the home, Lamont.
320
00:15:38,671 --> 00:15:40,816
I don't want to sit around
here watching him steal.
321
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:42,351
I didn't steal that stuff.
322
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,921
I gave it back anyway.
323
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,022
Hmm.
324
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,456
All I did was borrow it.
325
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,026
Say, what did you borrow?
326
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,627
Some musical instruments.
327
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:53,562
Hey, man, I can't
afford to buy it,
328
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,164
so I broke into this music store
329
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,266
and took some instruments
and some lesson books.
330
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,136
And I got caught when I
broke in to return them.
331
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,071
Man, I was only 10 years old.
332
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,672
Hey, listen, Daniel,
that's all over with, man.
333
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,074
That's all behind
you. That's the past.
334
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,775
I want to know why Aunt Esther
335
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,044
asked you to leave the house.
336
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,379
I said I didn't believe
in God. That's all.
337
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,103
That's all?
338
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,616
Telling Esther there's no God
339
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,443
is like telling Jimmy Carter
there's no more toothpaste.
340
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:30,166
Hey, Pop, would you excuse
Daniel and myself for a minute?
341
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,400
For what?
342
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:32,401
Well, a little conversation.
343
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,635
You know, man to man.
344
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:34,971
Man to man?
345
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,595
Who do I look like, Doris Day?
346
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:42,878
Okay, young man to younger man.
347
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:46,648
I may be 68 years old, but I
can still float like a butterfly
348
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,250
and sting like a bee.
349
00:16:48,274 --> 00:16:51,876
You got anything to say,
you can say it in front of me.
350
00:16:52,945 --> 00:16:54,823
All right, how about son to son?
351
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:56,725
Make that dummy to
dummy and I'll leave.
352
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,127
Okay, you got it.
353
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:01,130
All right, I'll go
into the kitchen...
354
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,131
dummies.
355
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,332
Thank you.
356
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,356
Sit down, man.
357
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:07,603
Now, this is what I
want you to do. See...
358
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,812
Who could that be?
359
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:24,813
It's Aunt Esther.
360
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:25,814
What does she want?
361
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,015
I asked her to come over.
362
00:18:27,039 --> 00:18:28,016
Why?
363
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,251
The exterminator don't get here
364
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,674
till next Wednesday.
365
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:35,491
Oh, come on in, Aunt
Esther, Uncle Woody.
366
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,794
What is it you want to tell
me about that heathen child
367
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,396
I don't already know?
368
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,798
Who not only doesn't
believe in God,
369
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,666
but he's also a thief.
370
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,935
Just goes to show you
what happens to people
371
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,204
who don't believe in God.
372
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:51,707
Let him among us
who is without sin
373
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,798
cast the first brick
at Esther's face.
374
00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,415
Watch it, sucker.
375
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,217
Aunt Esther, let me
ask you a question.
376
00:19:01,241 --> 00:19:02,851
Um, what difference does it make
377
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,187
whether or not Daniel
believes in God?
378
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:06,888
What difference does it make?
379
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:08,457
The difference is
that up until now
380
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,327
Daniel's never had a
reason to believe in anything.
381
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,995
But that's all behind him now.
382
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,396
And he's got you
and Uncle Woody,
383
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,464
and with your influence
384
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,932
he'll probably believe in God.
385
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:19,735
I think he needs you and
Uncle Woody, Aunt Esther.
386
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,936
But he's a thief, Lamont.
387
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,240
No, he's not.
388
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:25,474
Excuse me. Am I next?
389
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,475
For what?
390
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,709
To buy something.
391
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,478
Well, you can
see right by the...
392
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,347
the crowd here
that we're very busy.
393
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,649
And you can see the
customers milling around.
394
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:37,286
Um, less standing
and more milling.
395
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:40,256
I'm looking for some junk I can
use in a bicentennial pageant
396
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,758
that an Indian Guide
group of mine is putting on.
397
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,160
For example, uh...
398
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,295
Oh, an old fife and
drum or a bugle...
399
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,396
A bugle?
400
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,397
Did you say a bugle?
401
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:49,698
Of course you said a bugle!
402
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:51,099
You wouldn't lie
to me, would you?
403
00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,901
Here's a bugle. I just
happen to have one.
404
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,171
It was the original
bugle... It's $10.
405
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,205
Will it play?
406
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,439
Not by itself.
407
00:19:57,463 --> 00:20:00,142
See, if you just take
it home and try it,
408
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,410
and then if it don't work,
409
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,679
then that's because
you might need lessons.
410
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,247
Oh. No, never mind. Thank you.
411
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,482
Just a second.
412
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,884
Let me see that
for a minute, huh?
413
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,153
Better keep your
eye on him, Fred.
414
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,443
Yeah.
415
00:20:24,857 --> 00:20:26,468
How much did you say that was?
416
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:27,969
Uh, $15.
417
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:29,405
I thought you said 10.
418
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,989
That was without the floor show.
419
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:34,142
Okay, I'll take it. Thank you.
420
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,744
Not bad, Daniel.
421
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,613
Not bad. Not bad?
422
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,847
Darn good.
423
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,316
And he taught himself.
424
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,651
That's why he was arrested
for borrowing them music books.
425
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,052
But you can't forgive that.
426
00:20:44,076 --> 00:20:46,255
Not you. You hold
that against him.
427
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:49,491
Anyone else would be
proud to have a son like that,
428
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:51,126
but not you.
429
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,994
Look up in that
Bible of yours, Esther,
430
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:55,331
and see if there's anything
in there about forgiving.
431
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:58,334
Forgiving. You should be
ashamed of yourself, Woody.
432
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:01,303
Hey, Lamont, take
him back to the home.
433
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,304
Home?
434
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:04,039
He's not going to any home.
435
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,942
Except for the home
of his mother and father.
436
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:08,577
Right, Father?
437
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,501
Right, Mother.
438
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,251
Right, son?
439
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,018
Right, Dad.
440
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:18,309
Dad!
441
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,646
Hot damn!
442
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,760
Woodrow!
443
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,997
Like father, like son.
444
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,021
Come on, let's go home.
445
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,538
Son.
446
00:21:36,562 --> 00:21:38,574
Yeah, Pop?
447
00:21:38,598 --> 00:21:39,708
Let me ask you something.
448
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:40,709
Mm-hm?
449
00:21:40,733 --> 00:21:43,178
How come you
never call me "Dad"?
450
00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:44,813
Oh, I don't know.
451
00:21:44,837 --> 00:21:47,516
I suppose it's because you're
more of a "pop" than a "dad."
452
00:21:47,540 --> 00:21:48,751
Really?
453
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:50,741
Well, "pop" this.
454
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:54,679
You know, you're
really something... Dad.
455
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:01,530
Thank... Thanks... son.
456
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:04,600
There's some salad
for you in the kitchen.
457
00:22:04,624 --> 00:22:05,756
Oh, in the kitchen?
458
00:22:39,792 --> 00:22:41,036
I know.
459
00:22:41,060 --> 00:22:42,638
It's the original
bugle used by Patton
460
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,072
to wake up his troops, right?
461
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,708
No, dummy, this
is a real trumpet,
462
00:22:45,732 --> 00:22:47,476
with real valves and everything.
463
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,545
Got to be worth at least $50.
464
00:22:49,569 --> 00:22:50,979
How do you know that?
465
00:22:51,003 --> 00:22:53,215
Because that's
what I paid for it.
466
00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:54,616
Fif... You paid...
467
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,585
Fifty dollars you paid for that?
468
00:22:56,609 --> 00:22:58,920
Pop, what are we gonna
do with a $50 trumpet?
469
00:22:58,944 --> 00:23:01,857
Anybody that would be in the
market to buy a $50 trumpet
470
00:23:01,881 --> 00:23:03,425
wouldn't come to a junkyard.
471
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,127
Come in, Daniel.
472
00:23:06,151 --> 00:23:07,763
What's happening, Lamont?
473
00:23:07,787 --> 00:23:09,231
You wanted to see
me, Uncle Fred?
474
00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:10,999
Wow, that's a bad trumpet!
475
00:23:11,023 --> 00:23:12,601
That's what I wanted
to see you about.
476
00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:13,836
You like it?
477
00:23:13,860 --> 00:23:15,270
Hey, it's out of sight.
478
00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:16,572
It's yours.
479
00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,374
Oh, man, I can't take this.
480
00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:20,476
This must have
cost 50 or 60 bucks.
481
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,310
That old trumpet? No.
482
00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:24,513
I picked it up real
cheap, didn't I, Lamont?
483
00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:27,983
Oh, yeah. He just polished
it up to make it look good.
484
00:23:28,007 --> 00:23:29,785
Hey, man, how can I thank you?
485
00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:31,553
Do you know "Sugar Blues"?
486
00:23:34,580 --> 00:23:36,224
Do you know that number?
487
00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:38,560
No, but I promise
I'll learn it for you.
488
00:23:38,584 --> 00:23:41,129
Oh, hey. Listen, there's
a mute that goes with it.
489
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:42,398
Don't forget the mute.
490
00:23:42,422 --> 00:23:43,999
Oh. Hey, thanks.
491
00:23:44,023 --> 00:23:46,702
But it doesn't fit.
492
00:23:46,726 --> 00:23:49,337
Well, don't worry. We
won't let it go to waste.
493
00:23:49,361 --> 00:23:51,039
What do you mean?
494
00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:53,409
Uh, you can stick it in
your mother's mouth.
495
00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,144
Oh, I'm sorry, Daniel.
496
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:57,379
Don't spoil it.
497
00:23:57,403 --> 00:23:59,515
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Daniel.
498
00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:01,517
I mean, you have
a wonderful mother.
499
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:05,387
So try sticking it
in your father's ear.
34734
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