Original subtitles

Can't see the sun no more but that don't mean I'm cheering

My bodies heating up and naughty's what I'm feeling.

If I don't get up out of here I just

might lose my head in here

Rather take myself somewhere I gotta burn it off

Live and breathe

It's about to get hot

I'm feelin' that

It's about to get hot

So keep your eyes on your man cause

it's good he's feeling bad

All the seed is crazy and I like it on me

It's about to get hot

It's about to get hot.

Excuse me.

I want to cast it on I wanna be contagious.

Excuse me.

Everyone's feeling it so hot it could be dangerous

All my people are up in here were gonna

lose our head in here.

Good morning Mrs. Morton.

Oh hello you.

How are you?

I'm alright, how are you?

Pretty good, how was your weekend?

Yeah it was great actually.

What are you doing showing away the going on march?

Stretchyly, you know.

Oh I had to get the

plan book by car.

The gun was here, yeah.

We need to go to that shack.

Talk to Luke Forey again.

Yeah.

It's 140 dollars, no pounds.

That's American.

140 pounds.

140 pounds.

I just cannot stand searching for parking space.

It's,

very, very boring.

It is, yeah.

Stick up, it's the third time.

Start parking closer to our train.

Then I have to wait for hours and hours

for him to show up.

And I like parking in the road.

You could just park wherever you want.

That's so true.

Hello, you.

All my people up in here we're gonna lose our head in here

Top to bottom everywhere we're gonna burn it up oh yeah

It's about to get hot

I feel it

It's about to get hot

So keep your eyes on your man cause it's good

he's feeling bad

All this seems crazy and I like it on me

I feel it

Breathe in breathe out.

Debsie?

Yeah.

Thank you gorgeous.

All you slack offs, back to your desk.

Fuck off.

You in?

What do you think?

Debs.

Good morning.

I need the agenda for the meeting.

Okay.

Dump Josh yet?

Oh good, having to battle already.

You do know,

that all rugby players are gay don't you?

Yes, that's exactly why

I'm going out with him, well done.

Well good luck.

Good observation.

Okay.

Print the emails will you?

Yes.

All of these are the emails.

Breathe in breathe out

It's about to get hot.

I give up on this Giddion Hoffman business

with the cambly.

You know these American casino's are running,

gonna play ball with Gordon Brown.

And what is the concessionary tax?

Nothing, it's not original and that one.

Felix?

Felix are you responsible for that splash?

That's the most boring one we've had all year.

What do you mean boring?

I got a head like a pigs ass.

Morning.

Morning Sunny.

An Emperor and a graveyard.

There will be a bottom, I'm not gonna put it

in the graveyard pages, the sun.

And not you as well.

Oh for god sake.

That is the dullest head man I've ever seen in my life.

I'm dealing with the most important election

for the last 50 years.

You're dealing with the most boring election

for 40 years and you're making it more boring.

It's about what's inside, it's not about the headline.

The crews wants to claim Everest in a drawer.

Election headline.

Come on now there, that's political.

A nights of lust with Gary.

My night of lust.

Various night of lust, yes.

So fucking trivial, Cormac, you know that?

Alright, can we go now?

Nearly 11.

Disfrivalist pricks.

Disappointment, Felix.

What's a disappointment?

Too close to call.

Scottish twat.

Was it you who wrote that?

Put this my little bit on the front.

Really boring, Felix.

To close to call.

Debs.

Put me through to Eddy.

I'll put him through for you, one moment.

Eddy,

Editor in Chief's on the line, I'm gonna put him through.

Yeah we'll take a message,

No I think he'll want to take this call.

No you need to take the call.

No, I'm in a real rush.

You need to, here.

Let me do that.

Okay well you distribute all those will you?

Fuck.

I haven't got time for this.

- Eddy? - Richard.

How are ya?

I'm well, thank you.

How are things?

Good.

What's zenning you today?

Well it's all the election stuff which I'm not

looking forward to.

I'm so bored with this election.

I think we all are.

It just doesn't sell newspapers, does it?

No but Peter's got this wonderful idea of

putting a picture of Bush on the bottom of a bikini.

Good, that'll be good.

The stars and stripes on a nice pair of breasts, huh?

I suppose so, anything to spice it up a bit.

Listen.

What can I do for you?

I've got something of

a personal nature I want to talk to you about.

Well?

Are you sitting down?

I am now.

Good.

Eddy repeat after me would you?

Screwing the chairman's wife is not part of

my job description.

You got that?

Sorry

I can't hear anything.

Is this a joke?

No, no, it's not a joke, Eddy.

Repeat after me.

Screwing the chairman's wife.

Come on.

Screwing the chairman's wife.

I don't understand, what, what, I don't understand.

Eddy,

we're both speaking English here aren't we?

Screwing the chairman's wife is not part of

my job description.

Are you still there?

Screwing the chairman's wife.

Screwing the chairman's wife.

Is not part of my job description.

Is not part of my job description.

Thank you.

You know,

frankly,

I'm very hurt by the betrayal.

I mean,

you know what do you think MJ is?

Do you think she's a company perk?

Now I'm just gonna think about this.

And then I'm going to decide what to do.

And I suggest you think long and hard about it too.

Alright?

I'll talk to you later.

Fuck.

Alright so, tomorrow.

Exit polls.

Okay those should be coming in actually

throughout the day.

Uh no, not throughout the day.

Hello?

Debs,

get me MJ.

Just right here, MJ?

Alright?

Hello?

Darling?

Hi love.

Will you call me as soon as you get out of the meeting?

Okay, will do.

Call me as soon as it's over.

Uh yeah, that's what I just said.

As soon as you're finished.

I just said that.

Yeah, alright.

Okay.

Love ya, bye.

Lea, remind me I have to call Richard as soon as we're out.

Yeah, okay.

No, as soon as we're out.

Hello, Felix out front of the booth seems to have

been on as well, give us a ham sandwich and a bar mitzvah.

Sports fan as we had discover.

I hope five to a bed.

No, in London.

With his banker.

German banker.

Oh for God sake.

Is this a reliable?

We don't know we'll just have to see it.

Well you know what cruises loyals are like.

Morning all.

Morning.

Eddy.

Alright, now.

Who are we gonna get this week after the

monumental fuck up

at which today's front page.

What the fuck were you thinking?

Eddy you agreed that title, I'm sorry.

No, no, no, I wanted When Bush Comes to Shove.

I mean get your fucking act together.

I mean do we have to nanny this paper seven days a week?

I'm sorry Eddy, it was a simple misunderstanding.

Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Alright we just need a big, sexy story for tomorrow now.

A big,

non-election splash.

What's anybody got?

Sally, what do you got?

I've got Victoria Beckham,

she's admitted she can't sing, she's jacked in

fashion design and now thank fuck for that.

Thought we'd run some of our new collection

but more importantly, we've got the first pictures

of the baby bump.

We've got a picture without a poncho.

P3 showed it may and you can see it.

You can actually see it growing.

From our fashion pages I've got look

alike Sienna Fraratenna.

That's brilliant.

And I've got a nice new mens thing,

a makeover piece, bits I've gotta bit like hard,

I thought we'd start with Bin laden.

Fantastic.

To be a little bit topped on.

But he's actually got a lovely little face under that turban

and that beard, you know?

And Abu Hansa, he's another good looking fellow,

thought we'd have him the week after.

Call it scrape your face.

Fantastic.

That's got a hook.

Mac, what do you got for me?

Right the Manchester related arsenal feud,

vanished the royals got a three magic band.

Amre Stamtehensiser

at bear camp punches Smith.

I see a fucker, let's open the player hooligans.

Very good.

Please read.

Yeah I got two green splash now.

It's coming off the wire.

First one is to do is for the election tomorrow

in the states.

It's great photograph of Bush.

I don't want election stuff.

Okay but the second one is I think is more important,

it's see CUN abductees in Afghanistan,

I've got a photograph of the three of them

being held at gun point, all three are weeping profusely.

The Taliban have declared open season and killed

38 workers so far this year.

No one else has run with it.

Jeff the reason nobody's run with it because

Afghan, Iraq to our readership,

very, very interchangeable.

We have a readership that confuses Afghanistan and Iraq.

I think we have a campaign or a story,

we have a campaign, we don't take them to Felugia,

we take them out of the country all together.

I'm loving that.

And we bring them all.

Bring the black watch leading the British troops on mass

led with a black watch paper.

Not to Felujia but out of Iraq altogether.

Take them all.

Yeah.

And we leave them out, the queen mother's no longer the.

Coroner Chief of the Black Watch if she ever was one but

you know, we could get Chamella park and balls.

The Menno will be an excellent choice indeed.

Gotta love the regiment and indeed hopefully

eventually our queen I mean.

It's part of the job really and

this Camilla, you know,

runs off and sees her on her horse, fag in mouth.

Sexually cracky as she's then become

the first to celebrate.

Actually can move quickly on from Colonel Chief to being

queen of this country.

Eventually getting rid of all that gasty German blood

we no longer want.

So I propose Herst Camilla, Colonel in Chief,

then Camilla for queen.

I would like

to put that out.

Charles can become Prince Regi?

How close, how ready is that?

It's ready to go but 1,000 word piece and I've got a--

- Okay but it's not going.

I love it, it's cynical, it's hilarious,

let's not go there.

Honestly.

Let's put a moratorium on all this monarchy bashing.

I am fed up, sick,

nauseated by it.

Well let's put a moratorium on a monarchy.

70% of the public loves the royal family.

Oh come on.

And here we are bashing them, it's easy and it's fun.

Sirigal and royalist ar even reading our paper

cause we are opening up a debate,

we can't go back,

this is like some mad reaction.

We've just become like all the other papers.

Exactly.

This is reactionary bullshit.

It's not, you're saying that the paper's getting old

and it's getting stale and we keep running the same thing

and I'm giving you something.

No I'm saying the election's boring is what I'm saying.

Let me a story, okay? True story.

When I was a little girl,

my father wakes me up in the middle night,

like four in the morning.

Says MJ come down stairs, you must see this.

We all gather as a family in front of the television

to watch the House of Spencer and the House of Windsor wed,

it's the royal wedding.

And we're sitting there with our coco.

I didn't think it would come to that.

And these are memories that I cherish as an American.

Look okay, just come on.

The point is, that this monarchy bashing

shits on

peoples enduring memories and that's what you're doing,

you're just shitting on them.

We destoryed Princess Dahn.

We followed her into that tunnel, we snapped our pictures

and we killed her endoety.

We did it.

That is what is exactly what happened.

I'm sorry, sweet dear Mac and cousins.

Heart as big as houses but unfortunately

handkerchiefs are as big as sheets.

And you just can't be sentimental about everything.

And with Diana, you're elevating a rather

deranged kindergarten teacher to the

status of Bambi's mother.

Can I quickly say that we are not running a pro-monarchy

piece in our paper tomorrow.

Oh I think you will be.

I mean the truth is every time I go passed

Buckingham Palace I look and I think,

I'm paying for that so I'm fucking aloud in it.

The prime real estate banging the senator of London.

It belongs to the country that the country can't use.

It should be a shopping center really.

Turn it into a roller skating ring guys, yeah.

You get rid of the royalty you have no England.

What do you want? You want Tony Blaire for president?

Ikea.

Disney Land.

That's a good idea.

Super casino.

A knocking shop for the signipiao then.

It's a right shape, right shape for a coflin warehouse.

Coflin warehouse, B&B.

B&B.

Are we finished? I mean what are we doing?

We're just sitting, waiting for something to happen,

can we wrap this?

Okay, alright, I've got a headline for tomorrow.

Tomorrow's splash is gonna be,

Bulldoze Buck Palace.

Chamella and a hard hand?

Maybe put a sledge hammer in the hand.

We can get our readers to write in with everything

to firm in with our own ideas.

Fuck.

I need a quote from Scott Litzargary,

you understand a fucking quote?

So get me a fucking quote.

Sort of a gender going on here on this,

let's bulldoze the palace bullocks.

This is the busiest news week of the year

but we're running this kind of thing,

it could run for two months.

It's commercial sense for god sake.

Commercial says it all.

Look every other paper's speculating their asses off

and that was happening in the election.

Well that's every other paper because

every other paper has to do that.

Is this an editor's must or are we topper?

Hey Felix.

What are you doing for lunch?

Nothing.

Okay yeah, dinner's at one o'clock, alright?

Thanks, yeah, lovely.

Is that table for two or table for three is it?

I'd imagine it was for two unless he's inviting

the household calvary.

You do know Felix that going for lunch this early

in the week with Eddy very often leads to a.

P45 by tea time.

Fuck off.

Well one to alamany was over but it's happened before.

Debby?

Could you just come over here for a second?

Debbie,

Yes?

Debs, could you just confirm this for me

and for Felix that when people are invited for lunch

on a Monday it usually means that they spend

the rest of their career at lunching the lure.

That is a short list.

Is it very short? How short is a short list?

It's quite short.

I'm not on anyone's black list.

Felix.

Yes?

I was thinking Adam for the row piece.

He's on it, I told you.

He did?

Yeah I told him this morning, like you said.

Oh, thanks.

Good.

If you're on the short.

What is, what's going on there?

I don't know.

Hello.

Okie dokie, we're on.

You will run my monarchy piece in tomorrows paper.

Uh, no I won't.

Media manipulation of the monarchy by MJ Morton,

yes you will.

Now, I'm, I'm.

You were very dismissive of me in this mornings meeting.

Well it's a very extraordinary--

- Done degrading me in front of all our colleagues?

Do you enjoy that?

No I didn't enjoy it, I just didn't enjoy,

don't make it so personally.

Everybody's treated exactly the same, know what I mean?

Oh yeah?

Oh yeah.

Uh oh.

What?

You just look a little,

I don't know.

What's up?

Do you ever wonder if this is the most

sensible thing that we could do?

Know a slowly sensible thing we could do.

Is that what's on your brain.

I know it's dreadful and bad and we must stop we really

can't keep doing it you know?

Sit down for me.

It's gonna end badly.

You know that.

I'm serious.

Can't keep doing this.

Okay.

You okay?

We really can't.

No I agree, it's crazy.

Just like then now.

Listen, I'm serious.

Me too.

I mean I don't know what's so much to lose, right?

No we should just be adult about this.

I know.

It's so bad.

Just feels so good.

I know.

We really shouldn't be doing this.

Shut up.

Breathe in breathe out

It's about to get hot

I feel it now

It's about to get hot

So keep your eyes on your man

Cause it's good he's feeling bad

All this heat is crazy

And I like it on me

It's about to get hot

It's about get hot.

You are

a naughty girl

in the world.

Bingo.

Donald Anderson, remind me, remind me.

Back bencher, back sementro, I know.

The real story there was as gold and brown.

Listen,

somebody making love?

Something happening.

This is such a mistake and I'm,

I am sorry.

Please don't do that.

Please don't give me that fucking bullshit.

Okay the real story is what?

What, that he's given us what? 450 casinos?

No, no.

His brown is resisting any idea of the American's

having a reduced concessionary tax.

You've got to understand this is the most.

Keep your fucking voice down.

stressful relationship

anybody could ever possibly have

and it's getting worse--

- Next time you want to break up with somebody yeah,

why don't you do it before you fuck them?

Look,

it was

a mistake and I

I really am sorry.

That's a really lousy thing to say.

I know, but I am I don't know what else to say.

Sending now.

We've been together four months.

It hasn't been four months, it's been two months.

What are you fucking talking about?

It's been two months.

We got together June 28th.

June, July, August, September, October, November.

Five months.

No I'm doing that wrong.

June--

- It's however long it is, look, look, look, look.

Your plan is horsing into something that isn't.

You know it's a really nice, really good time.

You're really good fuck.

I mean it's never of the worlds great

fucking other fish, was it? I mean it was lovely.

Honestly but,

you know what I mean.

Yeah, I think I do.

Here we go.

Oh look.

Everyone's got it.

Yeah.

I'll spell check that.

Now look man, everybody's on chat.

You're a real shit, Eddy.

Not just flattering you.

Don't do this.

He's coming.

He wants to hit them for about 40-50%

so it's his little stealth tax.

God, rows have gotta be turning the

kidneys after waking and.

My, my, my.

He's coming, he's coming, he's coming.

He's coming out.

Where's Debs?

Where is she, where is she?

There she is.

Bloody hell.

That was mad.

Unbelievable.

I'd like to talk to Eddy about.

- Where is Eddy? - - Where is Eddy?

Well Catholic goldem gals for the chop anyway.

Yeah well I think it's, I think that's our angle

is that we go for something that preaches the

pratulian rate to turn against the flag by now.

Las Vegas coach of Vienna, Italy.

So it's like you're looking for someone like

cash versus trash or something.

Sorry, what was that?

Cash.

He looks like he's ready for lunch.

It's like a fish cloth.

Sally.

Check that.

Oh.

What's all that about?

Don't know.

Fat ball on hand I'm sure.

The Sally May?

Cormac,

little miss darly just come out of the relaxation room

face like thunder.

Oh yeah?

Maybe her botox are slips?

Do you have any idea what's going on?

Okay I thought that, I'll phone Lucky.

Yeah, alright, lovely, bye.

What'd he say?

He's gonna phone Lucky.

Lucky's not gonna know anything.

You seen Eddy?

Oh she is upset, isn't she?

What's Eddy done to her?

5% of the population speak up.

Cormac?

So, trouble in paradise I gather?

Yeah, alright, it looks like a man

who can't get a reason any sense of the word but listen,

I'm only the news editor so don't

expect me to know anything ever,

I suggest you talk to our social secretary Felix.

Alright, okay, okay, that's all.

Yes, what?

Felix, what gives?

Look if you're wanting a bonker love updater

I suggest you go to the chap man of our lusting

secret secretaries.

Use your manners or in your case your rat.

I'll take you up on that.

Oh, dear oh dear oh dear.

You knew about this, didn't you?

I know and I care less.

Felix?

Bloody stupid distraction.

Come on.

So slow.

Ah, wallah.

Read my lips.

I think it's a great review, I think it's in the wrong place

and I'm surprised, that's all.

That's not what I said.

We've got mail, Peach.

I think the mail should've came straight to me.

This'll cheer you up.

So we won't be running with it, that's that.

Excellent, excellent, she's gone.

Another one bites the dust.

Too much detail.

I've been promoted to a syndrome.

Yes we all know that.

How long before he'll come crawling back?

Get him on the phone.

Straight away?

Yep.

So once the bulldozers have pounded Buckingham Palace

to dust and we have instead the Buckingham Complex,

we could also mark up some pictures of the war family

in the uniforms and clothes of the roles they might have

when the place is a car phone warehouse for example

or a mother story cop up so you got a Princess Mike

if Kendra's a cashout girl or.

Prince Edward done up as a construction worker, you know.

Metal helmet.

Felix, it's a lovely feature for two days before Christmas

or April Fool's Day but

as far as a front of the book for tomorrow

as we still run something on the election

or if we can get some of the killers for this,

this Gabe killing on the south bank.

I've got a

great story for you.

There's a chairman of a big national paper

who's wife

has been having an affair

with the editor.

Does the,

the chairman know that his

wife is having an affair with the editor?

Oh yeah.

Does the,

does the wife know that the chairman knows?

I don't think so.

And how does the

chairman know?

I don't know.

Phone tap?

Nah I don't think so.

Informer?

Seems a mass lightly.

Maybe the wife told him.

I don't think so.

But she might have done it.

To get the editor's job.

Nah.

That's not right.

No?

No.

Seems to me that this editor's got a lot of questions

that he needs to find the answers to.

Look darling, can we go in?

One minute I'll just.

Shall we?

Hey.

Yeah can you get Richie on the phone for me please.

Sure, but do you want him on video phone?

Yep.

Cause your ex wife is also on video phone.

Christ.

Do you want me to pass you through to her first?

Yeah you better.

I think so.

- Chop. - Chop.

Hello?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello, what do you want, what do you want?

Is this a bad time? What's up with you?

Nothing I'm in the middle of a

meeting and I'm really busy.

Department of Justice turned down the application.

Well maybe they did.

What do you need, come on.

I'm offering you a chance to spend

more time with your kids.

Listen I thought I was doing every other weekend

as the arrangement.

Well how about thinking about Thursday night?

What is going there?

Thursday what time?

I need to be out the door at 7:30?

Okay.

That's fine.

What is wrong?

Something happening?

No I'm fine, okay I'll see you then.

Bye.

Bye.

So predictable.

Sit and wait and watch the space.

You done?

Yep, can you put me channel?

Yeah.

Two ticks.

Eddy.

Yeah, hello, Hi Richard.

What's up?

Listen, about this conversation we had on the telephone,

we had this morning,

now listen I don't know where you got the story from.

But it is absolutely unsure,

I have too much respect for you and for the paper

and for myself and you know.

Oh he's categorically denying it.

Hello.

Debs, right.

I need to see tomorrows splash right away.

Okay, okay.

I'll send that.

Soon as in soon.

Tis' done.

They're um,

tied up and.

I'm just here about the splash.

I know.

I don't care about that.

- I know. - Thanks.

- Thanks Debs. - - Okay.

Apart from anything else,

I have my family to consider.

Yes, and a career Eddy.

And you won't be hearing the end of this.

Yes?

Hello?

Now he's pissed off, very frightening.

Hello? Aw shit.

Hello?

Eddy?

Yep.

- Are you there? - Yeah, hello.

Are you there?

Yes I'm here.

Eddy, let me just point out to you.

That I've always let you have complete editorial freedom.

I have never as a proprietor and owner of this newspaper,

I have never interfered with policy.

Am I correct?

You are correct.

I am, thank you.

Well that is about to change.

I've been in discussions with Sir James's power

since royal highness Prince of Whales.

We're trying to improve public perception.

We've been making certain recommendations

to him on a private basis.

So it's very hypocritical of me to be making

suggestions and recommendations on the one hand

and on the other hands is to have my news paper, The Rag,

castigating the Raw family on a daily basis.

Now that has to stop.

Now this is what I want you to do, Eddy.

I want you to get Felix or whoever

to write some leading articles pro-monarchy.

What?

That's what I want you to do and I want them to support

my recommendations to the prince.

Do I make myself clear?

Now,

this is not a request, Eddy.

This is a requirement.

Do I make myself clear?

You do make yourself clear.

Good.

Recommendations to the prince.

Hell hath no fury, Eh?

What have you done, Eddy?

What have you done?

This is getting--

- In 30 years it's gonna be like the express in the 50's.

Yeah through a Jukovet and Row borders.

This is getting very, very interesting.

It's making a lot of sense to something that just

happened an hour ago.

- Yeah exactly. - Yeah.

Hello?

Hello, darling.

Hi, sweetheart.

How are you?

I'm alright.

I thought you were gonna call me after the meeting.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

Are you, are you smoking?

Yes.

You said you wouldn't have a light up before lunch.

I know I said that.

You said you wouldn't smoke before lunch.

I know I said that but I'm smoking now,

I'm not having a great day.

Anyway, did you uh,

did you manage to talk to Eddy about the monarchy thing?

He doesn't wanna do the piece, alright?

You mean you can't talk him round?

No, I'm going to, don't worry, I'm on it, I'm on it,

I'm working on it, it's just gonna take a little while.

Alright?

Well I,

I think you should work on it.

Listen I got a lot of work to do today so I'm gonna

hang up, alright?

And stop smoking.

- Alright. - - Alright, buh-bye.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Triple F and it's still too small, can you believe that?

Curly what are some 30 different pages.

What's cooking, guys?

I'd say hooligan football is again the front bridge.

Who's this girl on the front page?

Where's my idea gone?

Of course it was, okay.

Bulldoze Buck Palace is tomorrow's splash,

I liked it this morning,

but I fucking love it now.

Camilla for Queen will do later in the week.

Check the cartoon.

This is fantastic.

Who did this?

Jimmy.

Aresenic, yeah.

See that'll run that full page, Eddy.

I've got Camilla as well, I've got foxy lady.

Her head stuck on a high decloom in a fox fur bikini.

Lovely, the hunt is on.

She loves it, she loves to chase

the little orange fuckers.

The hunt is on.

Paris Hilton's lips as well.

Lovely.

The hunt is on for the royals.

It's gonna be the worst week in their life.

Yes.

Elizabeth the second is Elizabeth the lost.

Well done.

But we've got their successors haven't we?

Yeah.

Possum bears.

Fantastic.

God save our gracious past.

Long live our noble beds.

Listen you just gotta get me a steak small.

Eddy just check that for page three,

Sheila from Sednom right up the street.

Bam he's rocking into that.

Want some nipple in tomorrow eh?

Yeah, okay.

Cosmetic, celebrities, surgery, swap shops.

Swap the features about, guess who they are.

Lovely.

Cormac, does she ever shut up?

Come on let's get a handle on the scandal.

Juice it up.

Tulloch?

I'm going to lunch.

And maybe some time.

So Morton knows about Eddy and MJ?

Of course I suppose we all guessed that.

I guess he was saying Richard was upset.

I know all of that but what I want to know is,

did Eddy actually fess up he'd been jacking?

He's holding the paper to ransom,

he wants to change policy.

He wants us to go pro-royal.

Eh, takes up my time here.

Look, Ed, as there's talk that is all going around.

Yeah let's just all go for lunch.

Where are we going?

Going for lunch, early lunch.

Can you believe it?

That's his lady, yeah absolutely.

Absolutely, what do you want?

Fuckin A, that's what I'm saying,

he wants to turn to the whole pause of the paper around.

Debs,

secret lunch.

I'm gonna go to Jeter's probably be

couple of hours, something like that.

So just hold the fort down.

Come over here with us you old sod.

Yeah I was just, I was just going to.

How are you?

I'm fine.

Yeah?

I thought it was just gonna be the two of us.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh for fuck sake.

Lea.

Yes?

Get me Eddy please.

I don't think he's here.

What?

Hey MJ.

Debs, get me Eddy right now.

Oh he's not here, sorry.

Yeah I know he's not here, where is he?

Get him for me.

I have no idea, I'm sorry.

I think he's off his phone as well.

Alright can you get me Felix, please?

You know what he's not here either, sorry.

Patch me through to his mobile.

All the phones are just switched off I think.

Alright, what about Lloyd?

I think no ones here.

I don't understand this, where is everybody?

Are they out together?

I don't know.

Looks like we've got an empty office.

Alright, alright, alright.

- Debs? - - Yeah?

When Eddy gets in,

you have him come see me right away.

Yeah sure, it'll be a couple of hours I think.

Alright, thanks very much Debs.

Okay, bye.

Fuck.

Look at it this way, Eddy, you get the push,

MJ gets the editorship and suddenly

you've got a royalist Rag.

I'm pissed off I wasn't there for that call.

You gotta remember with somebody like Morton,

I mean when they impose the world they do so

for no other reason then to oppose to the world.

Yes but he's never had a record as being a

hands on proprietor before,

he's never done it, there's no record

of him doing that before

and there's obviously no record of him.

He changes because he wants to change.

That's because nobody's fucked his wife before.

If PR tempest is good to turn a paper only the

second editor, a popular editor.

He's like him though even though

he fucked his misses, he likes him.

This is a preciously bad time to do this.

No it was a very sexy and very sexy to

turn a paper around on him.

Maybe he wants her gone.

It sounds the most brutal thing to me so far.

The man wants him gone.

We are staying with our policy.

Good man.

Yeah but no, I don't get it.

No, the front page is with the splash is.

Bulldoze Buck Palace alright?

No, no, it doesn't matter what he says.

Well I'll take responsibility because I'm the editor.

What I say goes, okay?

Do take care of it, would you?

Toch, I'll get a taxi.

Mac, do you wanna share a cab?

Listen you penis.

What are you doing?

I'm going south to the river, mate.

Do you want a drink?

Yeah.

Come on in.

I don't wanna go home yet.

I'll look after ya.

You're alright with me.

Come on darling, let's have some work.

Who here thinks the Rag is the best paper in the world?

It's the best paper in the world.

How long you been down here?

Don't fuckin' start on me, mister.

Only been in

if he gets this.

Lord Esa.

So Richard Morton,

he sounds like a fuckin' idiot.

Sir Dick.

Lord Goddick.

He's got no cards it's like,

so,

neuvo reach Harris Disclatic.

What shit.

What are you gonna do

if he sacks you?

I don't know.

I haven't even thought about that.

Perhaps gonna get another job.

Cheers.

Well we all will.

Fuck.

You need to get proper vodka.

Eddy where have you gone?

Eddy?

Eddy, Eddy, Eddy, Eddy.

You know what?

Really seriously feeling drunk.

- Yeah. - Alright.

You're gonna have a brain wave in the morning.

You're gonna know that everything that you should do.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you too.

Get your hand off your chin.

It's a good idea having a lot of stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a great idea.

Don't wanna be your dirty little secret

It's just too much

Don't wanna be your dirty little secret

I don't wanna be

Don't wanna be your dirty little secret

Entertainment takes wits for no man.

Eddy.

Orange juice, black on it.

Now this is an all time favorite, that is pure gold.

My life is fucked.

Beautiful.

For the love of god coffee.

- Eddy, my feelings this. - Yeah.

I don't think you're gonna get the sack on this.

But you will find though that your autonomy

has been seriously

curtailed.

I think you're right, I think.

My first thought is you're gonna be the

threat of the threat.

So we have to get something on Morton.

The chairman has brought the fight to me,

if he's bringing the fight to me

I will take the fight to him.

You took the fight to him by poking the payroll.

We have the process of do you wanna have MJ

sitting in my seat?

Fuck no.

Do we want the anti-monarchy's policy

turned on their heads?

We'll not be there to see it, we'll be gone.

Do we want another generation of princes, ponces

and archs, prats, running our country, no we do not.

What we wanna do is we wanna threaten him,

we wanna scare him, we need a headline,

we need a picture, we need something to

rock more news worlds.

You'll have to make it up today's express.

No point in seering for your old age,

and the one thing that Cormac's put out

was the benching scam,

now unfortunately it came too late.

I think you'll have to have something sitting there,

I think you'll have the contingency.

Something you can hold over his head.

Something, a human interest story.

Charles Pool.

Charles point is sexy.

Drugs are sexy.

Prostitutes are sexy.

Bestiality is sexy.

Now regarding the picture,

Morph.

Who is he?

Very, very flakey.

Does pictures for us, he does,

you remember the one with

Tess Jarldson and to the Godfather?

Yeah.

He did that?

And the less face slaughters head.

Let me meet him.

Fine.

Let me see what he can do.

That's a good idea.

Morph?

Morph?

Who is that?

Felix.

Fuckin' hell.

Hello stranger.

Hi.

What are you just,

passing through the neighborhood were you?

Can't say I noticed a neighborhood.

Can I sit down?

I'll say you.

What are you here for?

An old job.

Oh fuck.

I feel like you'd like the job.

Or am I just--

- Come on Felix, what do you want me to do?

Well it would require very imaginative work.

Well I'd like to stop you there, Felix.

While you're up and out, what's it gonna cost?

- We get our pictures. - Yeah.

We're talking about pictures.

Plural not singular.

And you get

50,000 pounds.

Oh do I?

And the rest?

Oh come on.

Oh come on what?

Like you don't fuckin' owe me.

Felix, lovely to have seen you, I hope you're well.

And well you fuck off on the way out.

60.

Boom suteny.

75?

100 grand.

80.

I think maybe you should leave now.

Morph, for a second,

I'm looking around at this breathtaking decor,

you're walking away from 50,000 pounds?

Well this was gonna cost you under 1,000 pounds.

But of course we are friends,

I'm going to offer you 60,000 pounds.

Um, 100,000 pounds.

Are you taking a piss aren't you?

Maybe.

There's no way we're gonna pay you 100,000 pounds.

Alright listen, wherever is this

person you want fitten up?

Cause you must be pretty desperate otherwise

you would've known not to come to me.

You wouldn't show your face around my house

unless you had a good reason.

Come on, must be worth 100,000 pounds.

I would go

to 75,000 pounds.

10,000 pounds cash in advance.

What do you say to that?

We're up to 85,000 pounds now that's--

- I like that figure but you know what figure I like more?

95,000.

What about

90?

Deal.

And this will help you run around.

Where am I wrong for this?

Fuckin' George Bussel's asshole,

for fuck sake.

Morton fucking gem, that's vanity.

Couldn't remember exactly what you took,

so I brought a bit of everything.

So it's a sort of lucky bag.

Sort of Kellogg's variety.

It's touching to see someone who takes such

good care of their families.

There you go, you are a fucking corker.

Well, well, well.

Hello, darling.

What a lovely surprise.

How do you feel?

Thought if I camped out in your office long enough

I might actually get a chance to speak to you.

Well I'm a very busy man, what do you want?

Currently.

I've been trying to reach you since lunch yesterday.

Debs had no idea where you were.

Couldn't get you on your mobile.

Where were you?

I had a lunch meeting with the boys yesterday.

There was a

scandal brewing and we needed to thrash it through.

- Really? - Yeah.

Well,

tell me all.

I'd love to darling but it's

too hot even for you right now.

Felix was with you too?

All the boys were there.

Everyone was there?

That boy was there.

And Lloyd?

Lloyd was there.

What about Sally?

Sally was there too.

She's one of the boys?

She is one of the boys.

But I'm not one of the boys?

You are the deputy editor.

And as deputy editor I need to be

able to reach the editor.

I needed to reach you last night.

Or the election.

Something I wanna talk to you about.

Yeah.

Did you get my message?

About the robe thing?

No, I didn't, no what was it?

So your mobile's not gonna read your messages now either?

I didn't pick em' up, I'm sorry.

That's alright.

Where were you?

I had,

a fashion meeting.

Oh.

Great.

This is about Richard, is that what this is about?

Did he call you? Does he know about us?

Did he threaten you?

Did you tell him anything?

Did I tell Richard about us?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

Is this the sort of thing you

discuses in your relationship?

No, Eddy.

I prepared a piece for tomorrow's paper.

I expect you to run it.

Appreciate it.

Oh work, your timing's impeccable.

Time means everything when your job's on the line.

I believe the plagers, take this off.

I just wanna go with a couple of you.

I'll take it Marie.

Tara, lovely skin tones.

Oh thank you.

Let's get some pictures.

Daffney, you ready?

Yes.

Can you just twist lightly to your right.

Oh yep and again.

There, yeah.

Baby your hands down.

Bring in your arms down slowly yeah.

To your left ring.

Yeah, that's it, that's great, that's great.

And again, bringing your arms down slowly, yeah.

Oh that's great, that might be creepy behind your back.

Lovely.

Lovely, that's the match, yeah that's it that's the one.

Awesome.

Great yeah.

She doing a profile?

That is it, that's all I need from you.

Alright.

That's gonna do it for you today.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh that's lovely, that is, yeah.

Look down the lens, the lens is me, ready?

Samantha,

sing to me again, put your left leg in.

Yeah.

Right there, that's it, that's it,

that's it, that's it, yeah.

Oh that's beautiful, lovely,

move your head, keep moving your head very slowly.

Long body turn.

What's he doing profiles for?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, great.

That's it.

That's fine for you.

Morph do you know about pasty photograph looks like?

What I've just done is the pasty photograph,

what I've just done.

You haven't got a clue.

We did a lot in Northern Island together, you know.

He was a real graphter.

Good.

And if he couldn't find what he wanted at first

or second.

He'd um,

he'd be creative.

How?

He'd make it up.

Morph it down.

We need so, he's just gonna absolutely destroy him.

We do.

Maximum impact.

Sally.

So it's one of the big three isn't it?

Fraud.

- Take it you don't-- - Doesn't, no,

too long.

Sex scandal?

Everybody's having sex everywhere.

No.

So it's gotta be drugs, doesn't it?

Drugs, yeah.

I'll make a write forward in heroin.

Class name,

Oian Laughter.

And it's not unusual is it?

I mean you go up in sacks in a royal Tesla,

there's plenty of it about.

Richard Morton shooting up.

Yeah.

Morton does the hokey cokey.

I honestly love the picture of that, I love that.

He's got the nostrils for us.

Could take half a bag up his nose.

Alright do you wanna see him?

Yeah, let's go see him.

So the space between the back

and the back drop.

That'll scare him.

Drugs will be good.

So what do you've got for us?

Hello, I'm Eddy.

You got a real name?

No.

Nobody admits to.

He's got something special,

just watch this for 30 seconds.

On the left, you've got bra size 32 A.

On the right, you've got bra size 36 E.

Well we like to 32 A.

Hold on a minute, I mean this isn't for page three is it?

We got page three, Felix, chill for fuck sake.

Hey why do you got

32 A, she's a laudy girl, lonely girl,

she's lonely we'd like to give her the job

on the page see, however we are always gonna go for 36.

- E. - E.

I was thinking the only way to succeed go in that way,

we buy a little bit of an implants.

Well that was a shame.

Why bother with an implant when you could do this.

I suppose one splash.

That's fantastic.

It's like inflatable tits.

You can use it as a feature.

Post feminist cosmetic non-invasive surgery,

has she or hasn't she.

Had them done.

Wear a couple of swells?

Thank the memory, memories are mad of this.

Ran him into Jordan.

Cyber cosmetic surgery cuts out the knife,

that is one.

We're gonna have a readership competition

which is whose boob job is this.

Prize could be a real boob job.

And I'll do that as.

Germangria but not as Germangria son and like.

Create a German, create a German.

Yeah what Eddy was saying,

interesting but no really because

you know, I did this as a bit of a demonstration

when I was sitting there with the photographs

and whatever else now that I'm assuming

that's not the reason why you brought me in here.

No, it isn't.

You're a smart man aren't you?

I am.

So.

We need a quick work.

Just you wait, stay right where you are.

Excuse me a minute.

Talking down to you.

What are they cooking up for you, Morph?

Oh secret lies.

Yep.

Bored of enroll, who's new?

He's honestly very good.

Yes I told you he was good.

I need to guarantee that he's gonna leave

absolutely no trail between us.

Look, he's completely untraceable, alright?

No dangers in having the talk?

Do you trust him? Look at my eyes.

Do you trust him?

Eddy, I trust him.

110%?

Eddy, I trust him.

- Good, go get him. - Alright.

This is getting on very thin ice here

and we are very close to criminal activity

so you keep your nose clean.

Even if Morph doesn't.

Yeah well I'm all out of options.

Okay.

Oy oi, Sabaloi.

What are you doing in my bit of the office?

Do you know Morph, Sally?

Yeah I do, he's a dodgy bloody bastard,

what do you want to know?

Don't get competitive about money.

Alright girls, that's a break for you.

Go and have some lunch or whatever it is you need there.

Fucking penny bizarre, they're all over the place.

Oh Christ, why me?

Right.

Morph, the brief.

We've been conducting an investigation

on the Morton household and we need a

little bit more evidence.

Along the chemical route if you follow me.

- Yes. - You see.

Now the thing is, this has to happen very quickly.

24 hours ideally.

48 hours at the outside.

Yeah?

Fine, easy.

Except for well,

three things,

One, the money I was promised,

I want the money I was promised.

You'll get the money, Eddy, yes?

Yeah of course.

Two, the stuff you gave me yesterday is gone,

so it needs replacing.

He needs more drugs.

- Double the budget. - Yes.

And,

well, thirdly,

or was it fourth, more importantly.

Thirdly.

There's no time.

Absolutely no time at all.

If you want me to do this in 24 hours usually I would

spend at least week getting ready.

And also,

The cartridge uses a long lens, he's on the top floor.

There's no way.

So I need access and I need a reason,

I need a cover story, I need you know.

Alias.

Alias, to get into the building and to be

in the building and for a reasonable amount of times

where I can actually do the job you want me to do.

Right.

A reason to be there.

Yes, yes.

Oh come on, what?

Chauffeur.

MJ.

How's that gonna work?

Anna sort of general dogs body.

Shopping, she does a lot of that.

It's just someone to look after me,

just the way she's never in the fucking office,

she's always down in the car pan getting a car inclant.

Alright, alright, alright.

Well I've got lots to do then.

Do you know how it work, Morph?

Okay what can I say, I can't give you any promises

but no,

clearly I'm thinking in the end it's possible.

If she's, not if she's one of the main says,

I don't know Jordan, but if she's one who kind of

always shopping, always doing this

then it's always in and out.

It's possible.

You can't snoop around, can you?

Oh I certainly can have a snoop around.

Let's get a bundle of money, come on.

Come on Morph, you need to get paid.

I'm writing something.

Then drive darling.

I'm a crazy, fucked up asshole, what am I doing?

It'll be fine, Eddy.

Sherlock Holmes.

I'm more of a poet now, really.

I spend my time writing.

He's a cocky sod isn't he?

He is.

Matt what you got on this?

If nothing else.

He's terrifying.

93.

Family of four.

I'm going the wrong way.

How many times.

Drive, drive, that's where you do your job then.

There's a fucking wall.

Hi Lea, yeah listen to me.

The pharmacy's not going to renew my prescription

so call Dr. Shrednick, Shrednick

and get me a refill if you can.

I'm going to Wengaze on Elizabeth street

and also go on the internet to drugstore.com

and get me the Ridelin there.

And use the Visa not the Amex.

Because I can't fucking focus.

Alright.

Thank you very much.

Listen,

I don't wanna be bold but if you're having trouble

with the pharmaceuticals.

You are fabulous.

What's your name?

Well,

Morph.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Madame?

Hello, Felix?

Yeah.

No I'm gonna stay.

Alright let them just know where the Cadillac display is.

It's Bob Bullox.

Right.

I'll call him Powell, I know.

I know we don't literally know but

it is a rumor, just say it.

Where to madame?

Oh I'm sorry the Latiseree, just go straight

I'll give directions.

Yes, Felix it's right here.

You know everything you're saying Felix,

is giving me a headache.

Okay.

I want you to put me through to Jim in graphics.

Hi, I've got some cheese on hold for Morton.

Jim, what's our cover?

So lay it out for me.

Can do, you've got on the hunt right? Thank you.

Yeah give it to me.

Thank you.

What are the others doing?

What's he doing in Mandarin?

See that's good.

Why can't we do something like that?

What about the sun?

Because I do give out a sort.

Yes I do.

Where to madame?

We're going to the florist.

Florist.

So you're gonna go up the road

and the next light, you're gonna make a right.

Alright.

I'm just following you.

Hello?

Oh.

Bullock?

No one's here, great.

Oh, here.

Put that over here.

Thank you very much, thank you.

Oh fuck I forgot to get the patte.

You wanna get the tour?

- Yeah. - The grand tour.

I'll show you the best bits first.

Alright.

Like to see the best bits first.

Morph, right?

Yeah.

Call me whatever you wanna call me.

Do you have any

extra?

Yeah, oh I do, yeah.

Anyone seen MJ?

Hello?

MJ?

Hello?

Absolute crap.

I love it.

Both for me?

Aye.

Thank you.

Done.

How's my nose?

Oh well you might wanna have a little bit of it.

Here.

Little bit of attention to.

Oh, okay.

Thank you.

This is just so fucked up.

I have to get downstairs, I don't wanna go.

I haven't even called Felix about the election.

You've got a lot of things to do, yeah.

Yes, yes, yes.

I'll get my stuff, I'll get my stuff.

Well no wait wait.

I was wondering maybe you'd like to hang out

for a little while.

Oh at your discretion.

Really?

Yeah.

I would like that, alright great.

So I'll come visit you.

Alright well I'll just keep just right out here.

I'll chill out here yeah.

Yeah, save a little for your boss.

This is fucked.

Adults,

knock yourself out.

Thank you.

Ah, there you are.

- Hey. - I've been looking

all over for you.

How's it going?

Oh, what a day.

Turrets, Fort Mason.

Really?

Twigs, where didn't I go?

Wow.

Well it's a beehive of activity.

All for you darling.

I got the protocol list for Sir James' Palace,

do you wanna

hear the seating arrangements?

Shout it out.

Well at the top,

the host that's me.

And on my right, the Prince of Whales private secretary

and the Prince of Whales private secretaries guest.

Then the secretary of the Bursor.

Then the host guest, that's you, right.

That's me, me, me.

Then on your right,

the Prince of Whales business advisor.

You're surrounded by the money, darling.

I hope so.

There are strict regulations on conversational

content throughout the dinner.

No business should be discussed until at least that time.

And respective this,

ladies should withdraw immediately after

the dessert course has been finished.

What?

Yeah.

You have to leave.

Oh,

alright.

You're the only woman at the table.

Great.

Are you kidding, they expect you to leave?

There is to be no mention.

Hey Felix, Felix, it's MJ.

How's it going? How's it going?

Listen I was just on the blogs and

there were people in Ohio waiting for 10 hours to vote.

Any pets must be kept under control or out of sight

at all times.

Well, there goes the gold fish.

Lady Morton.

Huh?

Lady Morton,

how does it sound?

Aren't we all sick and bored.

Terrible day.

I always liked a you know, proper dog.

Like a pitbull.

I think a pitbull is very charming, loyal, sweet dog.

It's the owners that's the problem.

Absolutely.

As always.

Gentlemen I've just be alerted our dinner is ready.

So let's dig our faces.

You're so beautiful.

Thank you.

How are you?

Good.

It's a pity about the fox hunting huh?

Well,

bon appetit.

Bon appetit.

Alright, gentleman.

Listen up.

We're here tonight because of a newspaper

owned by my husband.

And I don't want to tell tales out of school but

I think I should tell you in this context

that this newspaper is soon to have a new editor in chief.

And this should go no further then this room.

And it's me.

So I think I only mention this that when I say,

this is the editorial policy of the Rag.

You know you can take that to the bank.

The book stops here.

So,

under my watch,

we're going to support the institution of monarchy.

All the way,

support the monarchy.

Winston Churchill said,

it is the central link,

claiming our allegiance

to death.

I might be paraphrasing a bit but.

Something to that effect.

I mean of course you know if Edward hadn't married

that actress well.

Darling?

Let's talk business after dinner.

Yeah.

We all have our protocol, I know, I know.

But we do love the monarchy, Richard and I.

We, you know, we

practically eat it for breakfast but we don't shit on it,

not in this household.

And that's what I'm saying, you don't just,

you know,

flush 100 years

down the toilet.

Not on my watch.

Not while I'm editor in chief.

Follow the money.

Cause at the end of the day,

it's almost always about the money gentlemen.

I mean when you think about the EMU,

all those in favor say I.

Well that's my point isn't it?

It's controversial.

But when we take a stand at the Rag,

we take a principle stand, it's not a popularity contest.

The thing is, we don't really have a red state, blue state.

As far as I'm concerned,

you know,

red states can go fuck themselves.

They're the ones who are always complaining about

the federal income tax.

And they pay the least of it.

If you wanna know truth it's the blue states,

easily nine out of 10 blue states gave the most

income tax and yet they don't wanna pay it,

but they get it.

That's where the income tax goes

is to the red states and I believe in my opinion,

would be a good thing.

Not just for labor.

But for both labor and you know so,

on balance a good thing.

We don't have to worry about the Christian right here.

You know in my country those are the people

that wouldn't vote for the Euro if they could.

I think we've got some beef wellington next.

Yum yum.

On to the beef.

There's more divorce in the red states,

who claim to be so moral.

If you look at the blue states,

nine of 10 of those states have the least amount

of divorce in the nation.

And the very, very least is Massachusetts.

The highest divorce rate in America.

I don't know if this is interesting to you because

of course this isn't America.

Thank you.

May I say.

May I say,

it was a very disappointing day for me today.

You've all been following the election at all.

Foreign shores and all that.

But very

disappointing for me.

Sort of lost my appetite even with the chef

that we have this evening so.

We'll judge him after we've had the beef wellington.

Beef wellington.

You know, I mean 12 countries have already joined the EMU.

And soon Poland and Estonia will join up and then

they'll actually exert more influence

over the British economy than Britain.

You know and that's just crazy.

And I know, I know that you know all this, I'm sorry,

I just, I wasn't.

I wasn't phrasing things properly but we have got

to get our seat on the ECP it's just

ludicrous and what are we worried about?

The loss of power?

The loss of sovereignty?

I mean we could still have our bloody picture on the notes.

And the thing is, is that we have absolutely no say

in anything and it's just.

I know I didn't phrase it right but I just think

for her majesty,

because

it's the most patriotic thing we can fucking do.

And I think in the name of her majesty.

Do you wanna talk about something else?

I've upset you.

Darling I'm so, I wanted to be so good tonight

and my brain just wasn't.

Sweetheart?

I'll write a letter of apology, how's that your wife

just has a big, big stupid mouth.

Sorry.

Yes, yes but Gary.

Gary if you shut your gobbing yak

then I wouldn't have to tell you this six times.

Listening? Good.

I want you to talk to Edward Van Cutson and Tom Partebles.

Anthony?

Your car's outside.

Where's fat boy?

I don't know but he's left a thing about the.

Van Cutson thing on your desk.

I thought Felix was doing that.

Have you had any success yet?

A million and a half hits here on Google

but there's nothing more apart from what the election

unless you're interesting in a few unpaid

parking tickets from 1978.

I mean we're gonna have to make this up, Eddy.

We talked to the Morph?

Have you heard from him yet?

Felix.

Sorry I have to call you back.

Have you heard from him yet?

Oh I'm just under Prince Charles's Palace.

Have you heard from Morph yet?

No, no and I won't.

You'll never hear from him for 24, 48 hours,

he's gone underground.

How much did we pay?

I gave him 10,000 quid and I promised him another 80.

You want?

80,000 quid?

I promised him another 80 but I'm not gonna

give him anything like that.

I gave him another lucky bag full of heroin.

Felix I've gotta get mixturing, find him.

Yes I was gonna get in touch with him.

I'll ring him again but he will come through.

I bet he will come through Vavia Bulluvia somewhere.

Oh bullocks, Toch.

All your

idea.

There he is.

Hello.

Oh look at you.

Ah you gonna give daddy a kiss?

Good girl.

Don't you look beautiful.

Give daddy a kiss.

Kiss for mommy.

Hello, how are you?

Fine, thank you.

Oh kiss and tell now isn't it?

Very nice to see you.

You ready to get a bath, girls?

Come on let's take a bath.

You say goodnight to mommy.

Come on darling.

Say goodnight, night night, mommy.

Good night, darling.

Night, night, night, night.

I thought you were going out.

Might be.

What's it to you?

Well I thought I was here to babysit.

Maybe.

I'm so tired from watching the elections

all night the other night.

I'd rather stay in.

Because maybe,

I'd have your fare.

I can't do this anymore.

God.

What a bastard.

Bush?

No, Morton.

You ever got any spare you will pay would you?

Why?

I've got office buyers on me.

For you?

Maybe.

Have you been given the boot?

No, no, I haven't been given a boot.

Then what have you been up to?

I haven't been up to anything.

Come on.

- What do you mean? - You can tell me.

What do you mean? What do you mean?

Every time Morton fired anybody

it's been because it's personal.

Calm down now.

Maybe I think I should take you home now.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Let me just.

I just can't stop thinking about him.

Well then you think about that and I'll thinking about

getting this only.

I don't understand.

What the cheese, eh?

That was Chazar's nevore.

I just liked him so much.

Yeah, it's alright.

I really do like him so much.

Great.

Madame your chariot awaits.

Come on.

Let's get you home.

There you go yeah.

You lean on me.

Where's that fucking liar?

Yeah.

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

Right.

Just be strong and don't be a crier.

Watch your head.

I'm in the back.

Oh I feel

unspeakable.

Yeah, let's go.

Take me somewhere.

Hey.

The fuck are you doing here?

Yeah.

I've got something to show you but I don't know,

I've been driving her around and she's asleep

- but it's okay. - - Come in.

But she wanted to see you.

And I'm really sorry I'm late but you know.

Come upstairs.

So what have you got for me, Morph?

So it's all pictures of the pictures.

And the pictures were like family portraits,

it was like a library.

It might have books and everything.

And there were pictures everywhere all the way

along the walls, different pictures.

Stay aware I thought, I'd take pictures of all of them

but when I got back In there there was

that one picture stood out, this picture here.

So I took this picture,

now I'm going to show it to you.

Do you know who that is?

That's Morton's first wife.

What I do is,

a sort of grid system.

I assigned points to the grid system.

And then I can distract and distort them

so all the points on the grind.

Terrible photo of MJ.

Isn't that? They're all terrible,

no need to sort these photos they're

absolutely fucking awful.

Now what I did was I, by moving key points

of the face around,

I can manage to go from this face to this face

and end up with

this face.

- Amazing. - So what's your point?

He's trading her in for a new model.

Wifey number one and wifey number two,

that's what they all do.

That's the point.

Chosen a version that's 30 or 40 years younger,

that's what they all do isn't it, it's disgusting.

If she would be 30 years older now.

Basically MJ is young enough to be Morton's daughter.

Morton has married his daughter.

Pardon me.

- No. - Has Morton married

his daughter?

It's brilliant.

That picture, has Morton married his daughter?

You want to print it?

Front page.

Mock up, send it to him anonymously.

Oh that's just crazy.

- It's brilliant. - It's crazy.

He'll fire you.

Morton marries his daughter.

Five

pictures.

Morphed one to the other.

We suggest that Morton actually has

married his daughter.

And you're gonna print it?

We're gonna print it.

You can't print it.

Of course I can, that's the whole point.

Is that you have to threaten.

I'm gonna spike it, I'll be his hero.

No you won't your story will have your paw prints

all over it, he'll know it's a scam on your part.

Don't be stupid.

Stupid like some of us in this room.

It must be so fucking brilliant for you,

being the only person that would have a fucking brain

living the line in bozo.

- So lying. - Fuck you.

You never think anything through,

you have to keep your fingers clean, keep your fingers out.

- So what's your idea? - You have to come in

and save the day

and it's on else to deliver the slanding.

- Who? - Another editor.

Who?

You?

So what, say that you're gonna go to him and say.

I hate to tell you that someone's gonna publish it

if we don't, oh I know it's trash but.

Wait, wait, wait, you're saying that

you go to him

and say that somebody's got the story that he has

married his daughter.

And he comes to me and says,

your wife has come with this,

you are the only person who can control her

cause she's mad fucking heridan.

And I say yes boss,

certainly and I stop.

That's quite good.

I keep my hands completely clean.

Mhm.

Exactly.

He'll be forever in your debt.

Would you do it?

Fuck off.

Well then what is the fucking point in bringing it up?

Alright, alright, yep, okay, I'll do it, I'll do it.

But you are going to owe me.

I guess what's best for the magazine.

He's doing the select panty.

Where's that Jack story with MJ?

Jack story is with her time.

What's that story about Kevin Spacey?

Something about patter.

And the definition of it, wanker.

Morph.

Eddy.

There you go, that's what you wanted.

Lovely.

Felix.

I feel like I owe you an apology,

I didn't quite get to do what you asked me to do.

You didn't quite get to do?

No.

These are fantastic, lovely.

There uh, he'll tell you.

Thanks Morph.

Yeah, see you later then.

You've got to do that.

Oh do drive the car.

Cast your eyes over these.

Now that's.

Annalize,

Rich's first wife. [Felix} First wife, yeah.

On the left of course.

MJ.

On the right.

Alright.

It's like I just look at these little

signatures of photographs on the bottom.

Well that's the old retried thing isn't it?

You know, the new model, I mean,

Rod Stuart business you know.

One gets a bit,

mopey around the bumpers, you remember.

Yeah you marry the same one and you think you've

tried it twice haven't you, Felix?

Okay just run these now then.

It's a guy who just married somebody's who young enough

to be his daughter.

There you go, now brilliant.

Push that a bit harder.

- Push that a bit harder? - The idea.

Well you take that a little obviously though.

The furthest way you can,

you put it he's marries his own daughter.

He marries his daughter.

How's that?

This is our imprints, with these pictures

and the right headline,

we will infer.

That he's married

his daughter?

You're looking at the guy who

marries the girl who is his daughter.

It could work.

You're serious aren't you?

Oh yeah.

This is a hang on the fence if it doesn't work.

We have to make it work.

Eddie it's my duty to tell you as a senior editor,

this is really strong news.

You put this in front of Morton,

he will go ballistic.

You will be sacked definitely, you and I are on gone.

Yeah, yeah cause suicide bombs have a habit

of blowing up in your face.

Think about it, really think about it.

How do we play this?

We distance ourselves from it.

In which way?

We get somebody else to present the story.

- Well who? - Who?

Well the press.

Alright so Peach is in on this?

Yeah.

- Oh. - Oh.

See if we did it, we'd just print it and be out.

The press, broad sheets.

Courtesy.

Give a chance to comment.

Sadly they won't chance and comment.

And what is this comment likely to be?

Well what would you do if this story came in on your desk

and you were Richard Morton?

You mean personally, well,

if that story came out on my desk.

I'd want it spiked.

Yeah.

Yes.

And the best way to get something spiked in the press is.

Go to the editor of The Rag.

It is.

These are the three pages that the Peach has sent through.

Sure.

Well they're all good.

That one, Nature of Nepotis,

it takes it right away from all those.

That's not going, that's shit.

Yeah it's not good.

And this,

she married her mother's man, you know.

Still no one knows.

Dolly Parton's own doing.

No I don't like that.

You know I'd do well,

if I was running this and I'd of been--

- Yeah but we are not running with this,

this is just a contingency if I'm sacked.

But let's just go with this,

keeps in the family, that's good, that's the best isn't it?

Keeps it in the family is my choice.

Okay.

Alright let's do that one.

So the Sunday campaign, what is it?

Right, Eddy, now I know you said you wanted

Camilla the Queen but we got such a fantastic response

to Bulldoze the Palace,

I think Palace for the People has got to lead.

If I stand corrected.

Actually what I love about this is, this is a big

kick in the face to Richard's night of pretentions.

Absolutely.

Now if he has a problem with that.

Yeah.

And he comes down heavily on me.

I'll give him Camilla for Queen.

As a pro-royal piece.

But why would you want to do that?

Cause it's lovely, it's beautiful, it's bored.

But it's an anti-royal piece.

No, no it's not, it plays both ways,

you got Camilla for Queen.

It does not go both ways.

Put it with a question mark and it's senator's brawl.

It's Queen Harisa Antsie royal.

Because it's ludicrous.

She smokes and she hunts and she does all the wrong things.

It's perfectly judged, it's perfectly judged.

It's a piss stake.

No it's ruined a very, very good campaign.

Let me just throw a word at you as you might

find quite useful.

Irony.

Let me just throw another wee word that might be useful,

salary so come on let's get a soda and print the graphics.

Come on.

We'll print the graphics.

Run them both, keep them there.

Keep them ready.

Bloody ruined it.

Mysterious, majestic, you should be back at the lady's.

Hello, MJ.

Hey Debs.

Hey.

I just sent you over my mock up for tomorrow's splash.

Oh yeah, I got it, got it.

And I can see Eddy's not his office.

Nope, down in printing graphics.

Right.

Well I've just come from printing graphics,

I need you to go over to Eddy, make sure he sees it

and runs with it for tomorrow.

Okay as soon as he's back I'll get that done, cheers mate.

Hello?

Lea.

She just fucking hung up on me.

What?

Debs hung up on me.

Hi MJ.

Hi Debs.

Hi.

I wasn't quite done actually.

Oh I'm so sorry.

Wasn't quite finished.

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry.

No worries.

The Camilla for Queen campaign.

Yeah.

I speak with some authority when I say,

scrap it.

- Alright? - - Okie dokie.

Send that message over to Eddy as well

and go over to him right now and tell him to look

at my front page and run it.

Okie dokie.

I mean obviously I mean he did say don't interrupt him now

and I can't cause you know,

but the second literally it's on.

Okay, I understand what he told you,

I heard you when he told me that.

Uh huh.

I don't give a shit.

Okie dokie.

Just trot on over.

Okay.

Alright?

Alright then mate, will do.

Alright I'm gonna watch ya.

You're gonna watch me walk over?

Yes.

- Okay, forgot I was 12. - Alright.

- Dearest. - Great.

Okay, Lea.

We're gonna watch Debs walk.

Oh.

Yes.

She rises, the lovely Debs.

Such grace.

And take a right.

Good girl.

Wonderful.

So here's the final print by

using Rida's suggestions.

They keed the fasaud for the nostalgic,

the soap opera over there.

The rest of the building will be done by Richard Rogers

and we got swimming pools, libraries,

all that kind of thing, walking areas.

In the middle we've got a court yard for

you know, pop concerts, the usual stuff.

Possibly use part of it for the Olympics

and of course eventually have a people's palace

and all of it will be paid by the royal households

income over the course of no more than two years.

Okay lovely.

Okay listen,

what I'm gonna say now is not to leave this room,

alright, now, this how I'm gonna play this,

Palace for the People goes straight

to the chairman's approval.

Yep.

If he drags me over the coms for that,

we send him Camilla for Queen.

K, which we're going to sell to him as a pro-monarchy piece.

Yeah but it plays beautifully both ways.

Okay and if I still get sacked,

Keep it in the Family goes to Peach who will then

send it to the chairman for his approval as a threat.

And what about this?

MJ's piece?

Oh

fuck.

Fuck.

I completely forgot about that.

Bullocks.

You read it yet?

Yes.

You like it?

Yes I think it's--

- Great.

Eddy's not running it.

What are you talking about?

No.

He's running Camilla for Queen

which is in the worst, worst possible taste.

Let me talk to him.

Uh huh.

There's nothing I can do, he won't take my phone calls.

He won't, he's over in printing graphics,

he's been there for like two hours,

he won't fucking call me back.

Okay, no this one's okay.

Okay so what we do is we send MJ's piece

to the chairman for his approval,

at the last minute we'll swap it for Palace for the People

which will still go to the printers, okay?

Keeps it in the Family,

goes to Peach who will then send it on the chairman

and we've got Camilla for Queen for

next weekend if we want it.

Very good.

Now have you got all that?

The only way I'm gonna make any difference at all

with Sunday's edition is if you get me in there.

You have till five.

Well just go right in.

Well there's absolutely nothing I can do,

he won't take my phone calls.

So you can just kiss the night hood goodbye and.

Lady Morton and all that.

So,

you have till five.

I hear you.

Okay good.

Love you.

I love you too.

Bye.

You sack of shit.

Oh come and have a look.

The Rag has made their choice.

Have that ready to forward to Morton should we need to.

Alright, darling.

Hang on there's more coming through.

Palace for the People, what's that?

Oh no it's their Sunday campaign.

Why are you getting this?

A bunch of twats, it was a mistake.

Pigs.

And there is more.

Camilla for Queen.

So ridiculous.

What about this?

It's MJ.

The lady's turn, she's backing Morton 100%.

Print up another, I need to read it.

Okie dokie.

Royal pardon requested by the Rag.

Lea what are you doing with photographs?

I'm hand carrying the mail at the Gregavoss.

There you go.

So you're gonna be able to get all of this done?

Yes.

Think they'll get a jolly good reaction.

Felix, I've always thought of you as a genius

and if it wasn't for your personal habitat

I'd even offer you a job.

The Richard Rogers element is inspired and the,

the peoples pool is a master stroke.

So Peach what do you think of Camilla for Queen?

I thought that was truly a piece of wonder.

Great.

If you could collect all that sarcasm dripping

from your voice you could make a lake out of it.

You're so fabulous.

Hey.

It's me.

Hi.

I've got this other idea of making her

government general of New Zealand, what do you think?

That's right darling,

ship her out to the colonies where she belong.

I thought MJ's piece - Peach.

- hand makes-- - Peach?

Yes?

Listen darling, I've been thinking, it's half passed two,

Friday afternoon and I'm still here,

I don't think anything's gonna happen I think we've,

just got so

stoned last night we just went a bit mad.

Alright.

Yeah.

It's ready to send.

Mhm.

It's ready to go.

Do it now.

Alright.

I'm sending it.

Right.

Now.

Love you.

I love you too.

Nothing's happened, I'm still here,

I don't think anything is gonna happen.

Okay, yeah.

Do whatever you need to do,

as long as you do everything I need you to do.

I think we should just

stand it down.

Look, the truth is I fucked his wife, she got pissed off.

Perfectly natural.

You'll get me organized, up and running.

Organize your stuff?

Yeah.

That's the bottom and we've got to,

hang on, hang on a second.

Hang on a second, Alfred.

Ishgon, I'll call you back.

I'm gonna call you back.

You're getting cold feet.

Just like you always do, you're becoming the old

wuss you've always been.

No I think we are completely overreacting here.

Overreact? You haven't even done anything yet,

I think you should send it.

Send it.

It is a great work.

I think we should send it anyway.

It deserves to sit.

You need to remain on top.

This is the way you're gonna be the hero.

This is what we said last night.

I mean he's not going to fire you.

He fucking

sacked me.

What?

Listen, he's fucking sacked me.

Send it to him now, just fucking send it now.

He said send it.

I don't fucking believe this.

Debs you take all the time you need.

Leave now?

Thank you.

If you keep a look out.

I'm gonna hide out in the coffee doke.

Yeah he's gone.

What?

He's gone.

Just listen to this.

She's a bitch.

This has got a Fleet Street thing

when the editor gets sacked.

They pound.

Unbelievable.

Jesus Christ.

She is a witch.

Are you sure you wanna go through with this?

Send it.

Keep it in the Family, yeah?

Come on.

Insert.

Okay.

Going.

Now.

Going, going, going, going, going, going.

Gone.

Excellent.

- Lea? - Yeah?

Just put everything of Eddy's

quickly into a box, mark it Eddy.

Alright.

Hi, sir.

Get me the editor.

The editor, yeah.

One moment.

Hello?

Hi, MJ,

the chief, you have fath,

husband is on the phone.

Put him through please.

Okay.

Hello, darling.

Who is this?

What do, it's me.

MJ, what, no I'm looking for Eddy.

MJ's on the phone.

Quite over thing.

Do you reckon that was him?

Hello?

Just put the

chief through to MJ.

Well then,

thanks.

Chiefs on the line.

Hello, Tulloch.

Chief's on the line.

He's on the line, okay.

I think she's cool.

MJ get home right now.

What?

I need Eddy.

What do you mean?

Find me fucking Eddy now.

I need him.

No I don't underst--

- I'll see you later.

Yes.

Getting in a little bit of a twist now.

Lea stop.

She's coming, she's coming.

What's she doing?

Just

stop.

Where's Morph?

He's waiting for you in reception.

Thank you.

Can I go home?

Yes, go home.

Eddy, she's coming.

Get back in, she's coming out.

You alright doll? I'll shop it.

No not shopping.

Morph?

Morph?

Will you come upstairs with me?

Yeah, yeah.

She's going, she's going.

Thank God, thank God, thank God.

It's Richard.

It's Richard.

That's it, he's calling.

Should I answer it?

No, make him beg.

Yeah?

Fucking brilliant.

Let him stew.

Uh, Debs?

Yeah?

No, leave it for a bit.

Debs come with me.

If

Richard um,

calls.

Don't put him through.

What do I do?

You let him stew.

Yeah.

How long for?

I mean he can't shout at me like I'm a small child.

This for me?

It is for you.

What is it?

Bit of drown to calm you down.

It'll take away the little bit of pain.

Oh Jesus.

That is life.

Eddy, thank God.

Hello Richard, how are ya?

I'm gonna call him.

Then I'm gonna say

you choose wife or editor.

He can't treat me like that.

Be quiet now, k?

Putting him on the speaker.

Are you near your screen?

I am yeah.

I'm looking at it as we speak.

I put it on mute, you can talk, you can talk.

What am I gonna do?

Well.

You know the rules, you made em' up.

Remind me.

If it's

well,

well it is false you

tell em' to print they'd be damned they seem hardcore.

And then um.

Holy shit.

Then get our lawyers to remark and you've got

very very deep pockets.

What's happened?

Well they've got a picture of me and Richard's first wife.

It's you in the paper?

And they're saying that

like I married my

father.

Such a load of crap.

If it's true?

Well if it's true then you uh,

still tell em' to print or be

damned to be presumed hardcore.

Oh.

Look at that, look.

And then remind their editor that we know

where the bodies are buried.

It's gonna destroy him,

it's gonna try to show his strain.

No, they can't get away with it.

It'll never go to print.

Never.

Richard are you still there?

Better start looking for the bodies.

Richard.

Just get rid of that.

Alright.

How are ya gorgeous?

Eddy,

how you doing?

Eddy, Morph's pictures are singing off the wire man,

you gotta hold the pictures.

Bring him into the board room.

Seven quick decisions.

Just get rid of that.

I'm gonna run it by you, tell em' what you're

gonna run or how much.

Eddy I have a dozen red rails staking

out my family home in Tuflin Park.

What you know they'll call you.

Eddy the independent are after you for comment.

Okay we are a fortress, don't say anything.

No time.

Write me a messages.

Okay well just give me a minute, okay?

Okay.

Good morning all.

Good morning, Eddy.

Do we still have an editor?

I'm still your editor, I'm back in business.

Alright now listen here,

I've had a chat with Richard and

I've told him to stay in his penthouse,

don't open the curtains, don't pick up the telephone.

That's the least you could do.

Neither lie or deny, say nothing, okay?

The only statements on this story are gonna

come out of this room.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, one at a time,

what is it you wanna know? Come on.

Did he know that he was married to his own daughter?

Come on, we all know he knew.

No he didn't know, he didn't.

Have you all seen any of the papers over the weekend?

He was shagging his own daughter for 20 years.

This is true of course, I tell you the truth,

the story is okay, if you just let me speak.

Did he know that he was married to his own daughter?

Of course he knew he was married.

He's always known.

Well when he met her.

First time he shagged her, did he know she was his daughter?

If I could get inside your mug you

have fucking good clean.

That's the first thing I do of coursing you.

Let me just tell you the story, okay?

Him and his first wife had an illegitimate child

before they were married.

Child was taken to America, brought up there.

She came back, they got married,

he inherited a huge vast global media corporation

which we all know.

Yes, yes, yes.

When she grew up out of either curiosity or guilt

he wanted to find her, he found her,

fell in love with her.

He fell in love with her and they

didn't want that to happen.

He fell in love with somebody who's completely inappropriate

he can't dictate what's in your heart.

Our take on this, our spin on this,

is to take the yolk of victimhood off MJ

and put it on to Richard Morton.

We do this by saying,

not only has this man

lost a wife whom he loved very much.

He has also lost a daughter whom he loved very much indeed.

This is a double tragedy.

And this is what we are gonna focus on.

With all our attention.

Every other paper is out there trying to knock Richard

by saying he's a dirty prem of a father,

we cannot justice that fact.

We build up the sympathy for Morton.

We talked about the loss of a wife,

we talk about the loss of a daughter,

we try of course to keep the two ideas apart

as much as possible.

But the truth about all this,

we are not gonna print so it's absolutely irrelevant.

Exactly.

We're gonna lead with an obit tomorrow.

Richard sent the pictures down, I'll give them to you.

Are we talking about a black bandit obit?

He sent some photographs which I think you got.

Yep.

These are the photographs that

Richard wants put out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very nice one of MJ.

What are these?

These are the photographs taken by Morph

when her body was discovered.

Oh for fuck sake.

Jesus Christ.

She's went and had her lips thundered.

I know it's a lovely short this is.

Really, it's a really lovely short, yeah.

That's your front page.

That's very powerful you know.

She looks better dead doesn't she?

You know he managed to get that

sort of sleep death thing.

Okay so now.

We have a paper to run.

Come on, who are we gonna get this week?