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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:06,514
- Andy, my phone is
Amelia Earhart.
2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,280
Totally M.I.A.
3
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,379
- Actually, scientists just
found female remains in Kiribati
4
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:13,412
and believe she might have
died a castaway.
5
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,417
I sent you the link.
6
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,278
- There are going to be
Andy remains in here
7
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:17,517
if you don't help me
find my phone.
8
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,521
- I'm sure it's here
somehwere.
9
00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,522
- Do you have a
secret stash of trash bags?
10
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,264
I think we're all out.
11
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,530
[intercom buzzes]
12
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:25,428
- Hello?
13
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,459
[Vanessa through intercom]
Let's roll.
14
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:28,334
Los Angelenos aren't
going to judge themselves.
15
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:29,402
- Okay coming!
16
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,330
- Hon, what time's
your flight?
17
00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,334
- Eight twenty five.
18
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,395
Can you call my phone?
19
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,203
- You got to go!
20
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,295
[cell phone rings]
21
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,367
- Hazel, seriously?
22
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,366
- I wouldn't have to
steal your phone
23
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,407
if I had my own.
24
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,181
- Hell to the not now.
25
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,380
- Hun, do you think I should
leave work early
26
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:45,081
for Hazel's half day
or call a sitter?
27
00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:47,153
- Andy, I have faith
that you can handle
28
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,151
being a single parent
for 48 hours.
29
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,594
- If I had my own phone I could
get myself a car.
30
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,189
- See, that's how it starts,
31
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:56,291
and then it goes into
duck-face Instagram selfies,
32
00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:58,164
and God forbid Snapchat,
33
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,492
where you think your
stories disappear,
34
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:02,458
but nothing disappears, Hazel.
35
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,456
Nothing!
36
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,327
- Please, Mom!
37
00:01:04,365 --> 00:01:05,195
- No!
38
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:06,233
- [screaming]
Ugh!
39
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:07,297
- [screaming]
Blah!
40
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,435
- We'll discuss this
another time.
41
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,439
- We just discussed it.
42
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:10,670
[intercom incessantly buzzes]
43
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:11,874
- Ugh!
44
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,305
- Love you!
45
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,441
- Love you, too!
46
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:18,605
[theme music]
* Hey yes you know
47
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:22,076
* I'm feeling fine
I'm feeling fine *
48
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,562
- Why is this line
so long?
49
00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:33,191
I thought people in
LA didn't eat solid food.
50
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:34,697
- Because this food truck
has a better publicist
51
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,458
than Chrissy Teigen.
52
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,327
- It's 75 degrees out.
53
00:01:38,366 --> 00:01:40,466
Do you think that guy
is cold or bald?
54
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,601
- Oh, I think that's
a slasher.
55
00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,466
- Like a murderer?
56
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,635
- No, like a model slash
actor slash
57
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:49,284
barista at the
Pressed Douchery.
58
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,640
- Is it bad I'd still
bang him?
59
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:53,248
- The vag wants what it
wants.
60
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,581
- It wants
out-of-town sex.
61
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,615
It's always so
much better.
62
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:56,579
- Next!
63
00:01:56,617 --> 00:02:00,147
Welcome to Slurger
where size does matter.
64
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:02,418
- Okay, what exactly is
a slurger?
65
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,226
- It's smaller than
a burger,
66
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:05,488
but bigger than
a slider,
67
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:08,226
so it's better for you
and the environment.
68
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:09,262
- Happy to do our part.
69
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:10,697
So how many do you
recommend?
70
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:13,231
- Most people are satisfied
after one and a half.
71
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,567
- Great, we'll take three.
72
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:17,942
- Slurgers are only sold
in even numbers.
73
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,611
- My blood sugar is
lower than Satan's nutsack.
74
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:21,781
- We'll take four.
75
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,639
- Give me four slurgers.
76
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,775
- I got this.
77
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,253
[phone beeps]
78
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,652
- I couldn't do this
city without you.
79
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,193
Thank you so much
for coming.
80
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,249
- Are you kidding?
81
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,586
Thank you for giving
up a business class ticket.
82
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,522
We haven't traveled
together
83
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,326
since we celebrated my
divorce across Europe.
84
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,359
- I wonder if we're still
banned from Prague.
85
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,734
We used to be
so much fun.
86
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,362
- We still are.
87
00:02:43,397 --> 00:02:44,667
You go nail your
fashion shoot
88
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:46,298
then we'll party
till dawn.
89
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,704
- Four slurgers!
90
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,114
- You wanted to
see me, Dr. V?
91
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:55,309
- Yes. Thanks to an influx
of anonymous investments,
92
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,743
we are looking to accelerate
the mission.
93
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:57,807
- By how much?
94
00:02:57,845 --> 00:02:59,305
- Three years.
95
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,517
If we can perfect
the landing
96
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:03,579
so the shuttle doesn't
explode upon impact,
97
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,287
we hope to launch by
the end of this quarter.
98
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,589
- Oh, wow.
99
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,620
- Which is why
this final test
100
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,655
is more crucial
than ever.
101
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,730
- If selected, you will travel
farther and longer
102
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,229
than any human ever has.
103
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:17,332
Being more isolated and confined
than we can fathom.
104
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:18,565
- I got this.
105
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,269
- I hope so recruit
von Weber.
106
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,701
I've seen the strongest
recruits crack due to
107
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:26,336
claustrophobia and unresolved
childhood trauma.
108
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:28,344
- Whatever it is,
I'm ready for it.
109
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,736
Now let's get up in there
and show Mars what's up.
110
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:32,708
Earth on three.
111
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:38,445
- Recruit von Weber, entering
isolation chamber.
112
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:45,593
- All right MarsX,
113
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:48,626
meet Mars Lex!
114
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:52,470
[The Blue Danube Waltz plays]
115
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:53,700
- Vital signs normal.
116
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,544
Commencing The Matt Damon
Challenge.
117
00:03:56,570 --> 00:04:03,510
- Oh, it seems we have
a stowaway.
118
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:08,784
[The Blue Danube Waltz
continues to play]
119
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,646
-Wanna play catch?
120
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:13,454
My brother, Andy, taught me
how to throw.
121
00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,417
We used to play catch
all the time.
122
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:20,486
Hmm? Ah, no, no,
Dad never came.
123
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:23,398
[clears throat]
124
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,431
- Fifteen minutes in.
125
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:28,265
Recruit exhibiting signs of
mental fragility.
126
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,470
Andy: This is such a
nice surprise.
127
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:32,865
To what do I owe
the pleasure?
128
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,306
- Well, as you know I'm
launching launch Von Weber
129
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,083
boutiques in every
Saks in the country.
130
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,651
So, I have been noodling
something
131
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:44,521
and I need investment
banker contacts.
132
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:45,852
- Brooke, Are you talking
about an IPO?
133
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,586
- Oh, no, no, no.
134
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,761
The first rule of
going public
135
00:04:48,789 --> 00:04:50,459
is you don't talk about
it in public.
136
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,661
- That's really exciting.
137
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:53,933
I'll make some email
introductions.
138
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,661
- Thank you.
139
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:56,856
- And I'm very touched
140
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,797
that you would come to
me with Lex gone.
141
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,402
- How are you holding up
without Jill?
142
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,404
- So far so good.
143
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,466
How much can I mess
up in one day?
144
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,405
- I guess the fact
that Candace
145
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,379
has taken an interest helps.
146
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,478
She and Hazel have been
Instagraming up a storm today.
147
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:11,851
- Mother has an Instagram
account?
148
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,549
- No, Hazel does.
149
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,421
I just started following her
this afternoon.
150
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:21,719
She's funny. Here,
read this. See? Edgy.
151
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,385
- I'm a dead man.
152
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:24,694
Jill told Hazel
no cellphones.
153
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,425
Mother must have
gotten her one.
154
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:29,530
- Candace got what for
Hazel?
155
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,603
- It's Jill.
What do I do?
156
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:31,801
- You man up
and handle it.
157
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,872
- Right.
158
00:05:36,804 --> 00:05:39,714
- Vaness, I'm back.
159
00:05:39,740 --> 00:05:42,780
You look scalding hot!
160
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:45,150
- Thank you. How was
the shoot?
161
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:48,748
- It was not easy,
but it was a success.
162
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,552
- These are amazing!
163
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,724
Who would have thought
someone so anti-animal
164
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:56,463
could capture the humanity
of a pug with a perm?
165
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:57,430
- I spent all day with them
166
00:05:57,458 --> 00:05:59,858
and I still don't
see the appeal of pets:
167
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,403
they don't laugh
at your jokes
168
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,929
and did not raise
an ironic eyebrow
169
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,833
when served Purrgers
for lunch.
170
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,866
- Purrgers?
171
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,470
- Slurgers has another truck
for the pet set.
172
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:12,613
This town is
just so ridiculous.
173
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,240
- Is that why you
look like
174
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:14,743
somebody stole your bike?
175
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:17,705
- No, I just couldn't even be
here without Andy.
176
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,945
He's control-top-
panty-hose-supportive
177
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,620
and I totally
snapped at him.
178
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,619
And I totally
yelled at Hazel.
179
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:25,621
I don't want my uterus
to cock block yours.
180
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,623
You should go
without me.
181
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:27,694
- No way!
182
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,821
- Yeah, I think I should
just order room service
183
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,487
and try Andy again.
184
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:32,425
Don't hate me?
185
00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:35,030
- Never. But if I'm
losing my wing woman
186
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,472
I gotta up
my shoe game.
187
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:43,896
- Hey, honey.
How's it going?
188
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:46,537
- I've been trying you all
day, is everything okay?
189
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:47,914
- Everything's perfect.
190
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,781
Miles is practicing
the recorder,
191
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,680
Dottie's putting the
finishing touches
192
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:53,913
on her Empire State
Building
193
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:54,817
and I even picked up
trash bags.
194
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,048
Glad ones with the 5
day odor control!
195
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:59,624
- I wish we had those when
the twins were in diapers.
196
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:01,223
- Hey, so how'd the
Petwigs shoot go?
197
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,624
- Great, but I miss
you guys.
198
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,027
And I'm so sorry
about this morning.
199
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:07,759
- Aw honey. Don't worry
about it.
200
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:08,795
We miss you too.
201
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,059
- Even Hazel?
202
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,867
Can I talk to her?
203
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:16,469
- Yeah, Hazel honey, your mom
wants to talk to you.
204
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,874
- Hi, Mommy. Can I have
a cellphone?
205
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:21,676
- What? What is with you
kids? No Miles.
206
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:24,749
- Why not? Candace got
Hazel one.
207
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,824
- Put your father on
the phone.
208
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:33,619
- Daddy, Mommy wants to
talk to you.
209
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:35,264
- Hi hon.
210
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,628
- Everything is perfect,
Superdad?
211
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,528
- Nothing to report?
212
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,930
- Honey, look I can explain
everything.
213
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,631
- I don't want to hear it.
214
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:43,663
- You still want to
talk to Hazel?
215
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:47,537
- I don't want to talk to
any Webers right now.
216
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,098
Vanessa, I'm coming!
217
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:52,036
- So I should keep the
dinner rez?
218
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,942
- Eff dinner.
Let's get shit faced.
219
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:58,112
- Recruit exhibiting
congnitive dissonance.
220
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,575
- [laughing hysterically]
You don't get it, Wilson.
221
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,084
The only thing I know
about my dad was that
222
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,016
he was always working
223
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,562
or running around with
some secretary or
224
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,618
doing some pointless
adventure
225
00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:14,627
to fill his empty,
stupid life.
226
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:19,202
I mean- huh?
No! Take it back.
227
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:23,672
I am not like him.
Wilson! Take it back!
228
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:29,238
Wilson! Wilson!
229
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:31,646
I'm not like my dad.
230
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,149
["Moonlight Sonata" plays]
231
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,180
Wilson!
232
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,192
I'm not like my dad.
233
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:47,925
["Moonlight Sonata"
continues]
234
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,170
[lively rock music plays]
235
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,772
- Thank you,
Sunset Strip,
236
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,635
for resisting the
winds of change.
237
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,173
Same beer piss smell,
238
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,608
same mediocre band squeaking
through sound check.
239
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,175
Same tramp stamped
ass cracks
240
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,053
hanging out of
Daisy Dukes.
241
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,781
- Last time we were here it
wasn't a mediocre band,
242
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,647
it was Metallica.
243
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,945
- Forgive me, I was blackout.
244
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,187
- Tonight we party
like it's 1995.
245
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:20,063
- Yes! May I please see
your wine list?
246
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,063
- Two Long Island
iced teas.
247
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,696
[squeals of delight]
248
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,796
Jill: Best LA night ever!
249
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:33,768
I can't believe you gave that
Hot Rocker guy your number.
250
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,237
- He was a really
good kisser.
251
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,335
- Hey, I just had
Zack Braff in here
252
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,347
and he's directing a
commercial he thought
253
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:39,648
I'd be great for.
254
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,180
- Oh, congrats.
255
00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,084
- So I've gotta record a
voice-over audition,
256
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,746
if you two could
zip it for a few.
257
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,185
- Are you serious?
258
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:49,689
[trills tongue]
259
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:52,033
Buh-duh-guh-duh.
Buh-dug-guh-duh.
260
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:55,359
How now brown cow?
261
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,055
- I think he's serious.
262
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,027
- Take one.
263
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,736
If you're a man with
unfortunately small hands,
264
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:06,639
but still want a glove with
masculine style- shit.
265
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,714
Take two.
266
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:11,782
If you're a man with
unfortunately small hands
267
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,852
but still want a glove-
268
00:10:13,881 --> 00:10:15,851
[car horn honks]
269
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,123
Take three.
270
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,790
- I'ma take three
stars off your rating
271
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:22,389
for telling customers
to "zip it".
272
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,722
Driver: We're here.
273
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,257
Jill: Good luck with Zach!
274
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:35,195
Hey! We want to go to
the Sunset Tower,
275
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,265
not 9021-Ho, Dennis.
276
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:40,414
- My name is Justin,
not Dennis.
277
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,880
D'Anthony?!
278
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:45,380
- We got in the
wrong car!
279
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:48,222
That's what we get for
womaning up
280
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,178
and deleting
the Uber app.
281
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,417
- I was so ready to
dive my face
282
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,892
into a plate of room
service french fries.
283
00:10:54,922 --> 00:11:01,432
- It says there's a car
either 5 or 55 minutes away.
284
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:05,071
It's 5...5.
- Oh shit!
285
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,228
- Is that Dave Navarro?
286
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,896
- I love him so much.
287
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,295
His music got me through
all my teenage heartbreaks!
288
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,067
I'm going in there.
289
00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:13,765
- To a strip club?
290
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,777
- Nothing makes me saddens
me more than a woman
291
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:18,779
with dolla dolla bills
in her ass crack,
292
00:11:18,812 --> 00:11:22,352
but if I don't say hi I will
never forgive myself.
293
00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:24,182
- Let's do it!
294
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:27,817
[ambiant strip club sounds]
295
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,156
- No-varro!
296
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,331
How does a rockstar
just vanish into thin air?
297
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,460
- Are we staying 'cause
I'll get wings.
298
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,825
- Ugh, people don't
eat here!
299
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:40,265
- Strip clubs have
the best wings.
300
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,370
- I clitorally can't even.
301
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,242
- What are you two
drinking?
302
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,141
That group of guys
over there
303
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,272
wants to buy you a round.
304
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,137
- I'm loving this city.
305
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:52,807
- Kamikazes, for
old times' sake.
306
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,876
- Woo! And wings please!
307
00:11:54,915 --> 00:12:00,915
Emcee: Let's hear it for
Whorey Spelling.
308
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:03,364
[cheers and applause]
- Woo! Whorey!
309
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:07,900
11 o'clock! My 15-year-old
self's crush.
310
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:12,128
[sighs]
311
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,238
He's Houdini!
312
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:17,939
And I'm starting to
feel like
313
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,311
we're in a
David Lynch movie.
314
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,339
- And I'm getting strong
tapeworm vibes
315
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,984
from those bacon wrapped
hot dogs,
316
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:25,950
but I'm so hungry it
might be worth it.
317
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,349
[text message ping]
318
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:30,320
Or I just got a text from
Hot Rocker Guy
319
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,150
inviting us to a party.
320
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,455
- No, you're gonna go get laid
and I'm gonna be stuck
321
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:37,888
holding some guy
named Dov's iguana
322
00:12:37,925 --> 00:12:40,955
while he vapes and makes me
watch his webseries.
323
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:43,964
- No, what if we make this
the night of yes
324
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,467
and go wherever
it takes us?
325
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:48,939
- Yeah, right now,
mothers everywhere are
326
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:52,469
tethered to their sleeping
children with no hope
327
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:56,305
of salvation but to pickle
themselves in wine.
328
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,853
So for moms everywhere,
329
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:01,579
let's party!
330
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:02,984
- Unless it sucks.
331
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:05,346
Then we leave.
332
00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:08,985
[dance music]
333
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,192
- This does not suck!
334
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,355
[dance music]
335
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:22,237
- So far I've seen
Jenny Aniston, Tatum Channing,
336
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:24,909
and I heard Breckin Meyer
was bartending,
337
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:25,968
but no Hot Rocker Guy.
338
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,336
What's his name again?
Trent?
339
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,235
- If your name's Trent you
have to be a hot rocker.
340
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,207
He was hot right?
341
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,215
- All I saw was hair and
tonsil hockey.
342
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:40,323
- Hey, Vanessa.
- Hey...you.
343
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,063
This is an amazing house.
344
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:44,419
- Yeah, it's Tom Morello's but
Zac Efron's assistant,
345
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,357
he's house sitting.
346
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,063
Can I give you a tour?
347
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:50,225
- I'd like that.
348
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,265
- Hey, I'm Dylan.
349
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:58,974
- Oh, hi, I'm Jill.
350
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,066
- Nice to meet you.
351
00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,877
Listen, we're about to get
started on the real fun,
352
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,180
did you want to be
teamed up?
353
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:08,081
- Oh thanks, but I'ma
just do "me" tonight,
354
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,475
but you guys should totally
do each other.
355
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,916
No judgement.
356
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:14,321
- We're not poly.
357
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,164
I mean, Jake and
Gaby and Nadia are poly,
358
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,090
but we were just going to get
into some running charades.
359
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,327
- Well tonight's the night of
yes, so...yes!
360
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,273
- Okay!
361
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:29,244
- Take your shirt off.
362
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,469
- You take
your shirt off
363
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,954
Okay, I'll take
shirt off now.
364
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:40,445
- Jake! Gaby! Nadia!
All eyes on Justin.
365
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,380
. You can follow
that other throuple
366
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,975
to the pool house after
we've prevailed!
367
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,017
- Give it up, Jill.
368
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,452
- No shot, Dylan.
369
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,386
Movie.
370
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,393
- Threesome.
371
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:54,055
- Three words.
372
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:54,934
Third word.
373
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,002
Sounds like...
374
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,399
Volcano!
Eruption!
375
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:01,130
- Vicky Cristina Barcelona!
376
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,368
- First word.
377
00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,372
- Breaking, sounds like
breaking, Chasing Amy!
378
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,165
- [scoffs] Come on
hipster Jesus
379
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,007
show us your powers!
380
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:09,482
Broke.
381
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,279
Brokeback.
382
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,710
Brokeback Mountain!
383
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,354
That's only two
words, but, yay!
384
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:19,921
[upbeat music]
385
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:28,202
[collective gasps]
386
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,301
- I'm okay!
It's all good.
387
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:38,111
I'm okay.
388
00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:40,308
- How's that?
- It's amazing.
389
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:41,340
It's really good.
390
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,244
- You want it slower?
- No it's good, it's good.
391
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:47,176
- Something's wrong.
392
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,224
- Nothing is wrong.
393
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,418
You are perfect, and have
exemplary technique.
394
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:56,291
I'm just...starving.
395
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:00,288
- No, no, no no don't go!
396
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:02,297
Please?
I'll power through.
397
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:05,069
- Jesus Christ.
There's always something.
398
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:14,538
- So close.
399
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:18,284
- Pepperoni or
nightshade veggie,
400
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,411
with cashew cheese and
cauliflower crust?
401
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:29,221
[shrieks with delight]
402
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:31,286
Mmm. Oh!
403
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:37,404
[guitar riff]
404
00:16:42,269 --> 00:16:44,069
- Sensory deprivation finds
recruit von Weber
405
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:47,314
withdrawn and diassociative.
406
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:52,547
- Wilson! Wilson.
407
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,619
Just no-
just listen to me.
408
00:16:55,648 --> 00:17:00,588
My dad swam into the mouth
of a shark for himself
409
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:04,060
and his self alone.
410
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:08,831
I am going
to Mars not for me.
411
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:14,501
I am going to Mars
for all of humanity.
412
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:19,614
["Space Oddity" plays]
413
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:29,420
- [singing] * Ground Control
to Major Tom *
414
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:36,589
* Commencing countdown,
engines on *
415
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:44,863
* Check ignition and may God's
love be with you *
416
00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:49,667
- [singing] * This is
Ground Control to Major Tom *
417
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:54,572
* You've really made
the grade *
418
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,437
- [singing] * And the papers
want to know *
419
00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:01,447
* whose shirts you wear
420
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:05,221
[both] * Now it's time to
leave the capsule *
421
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:09,462
* if you dare
422
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:14,489
- * This is Major Tom to
Ground Control *
423
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:19,327
- * I'm stepping through
the door *
424
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:26,436
- [singing] * And I'm floating
in a most peculiar way *
425
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,183
- [singing]
* And the stars look
426
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:33,548
[trills tongue]
* very different today
427
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,220
- [singing] * Though I'm past
one hundred *
428
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:43,259
* thousand miles I'm
feeling very still *
429
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:45,760
- [singing] * And I think
my spaceship knows *
430
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,762
* which way to go
431
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:54,266
- * Tell my wife I love her
very much *
432
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:59,371
* She knows
433
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:00,736
- [singing] * Ground Control
to Major Tom *
434
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,513
- [singing] * Your circuit's
dead *
435
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,512
* there's something wrong
436
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,584
[all] * Can you hear me
Major Tom *
437
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:10,724
* Can you hear me
Major Tom *
438
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,790
* Can you hear me
Major Tom *
439
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:18,231
[gasps]
440
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,588
- Is that?
- Navarro!
441
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,456
- Who?
442
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,534
That's really funny that
you said that
443
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,503
'cause I totally thought
she was Kristen Stewart
444
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:26,372
when I first met her,
445
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,569
but that's Poppy,
Efron's assistant.
446
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,641
- Ground control to
major bum.
447
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,410
- Oh my God it's 3am.
448
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:35,409
- No! I don't want to
be responsible.
449
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,782
- Weber, are you
kidding me?
450
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,379
It's shots o'clock!
451
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:40,981
With a kombucha chaser.
452
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,423
[upbeat music]
453
00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:45,490
- Ah!
- Woo!
454
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:50,863
- Ack!
Uh-uh.
455
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:07,411
- Hey. You two okay?
456
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:11,440
- I promise, we're so good.
457
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:12,778
- Best night ever.
458
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:17,252
- Those never make
for good mornings.
459
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,324
- Holy shit!
- It's Jill's addiction.
460
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,022
- Do you guys need
a ride someplace?
461
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:24,393
Or did you plan to sleep in
the Saddle Ranch parking lot?
462
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,834
- Oh no, we're staying at
the Sunstrip Hotel.
463
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:30,829
- Well, you almost
made it.
464
00:20:30,863 --> 00:20:32,733
I'm impressed.
465
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,695
- We impressed
Dave Navarro.
466
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,804
- Oh my God!
467
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,666
- I am still here.
468
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,805
- Dave Navarro's
still here.
469
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,779
- Okay. You guys have
a good day.
470
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,379
- I love you!
471
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:55,254
[horn honks]
- Oh.
472
00:20:58,325 --> 00:21:01,285
- I have a million
apology texts from Andy,
473
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:03,298
seven missed calls
from Dottie's school,
474
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:06,900
and...a text
from Hazel.
475
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,703
Hi, Mom. I'm sorry,
476
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,035
I know it was wrong
to get the phone.
477
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:12,509
I'll take it back.
478
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:13,869
- Ready to go home now?
479
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,336
- Definitely.
480
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:18,376
- Ow.
481
00:21:18,411 --> 00:21:20,911
[gasps and laughs]
482
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,447
- When did that happen?
483
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:24,423
- For more Odd Mom Out,
484
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:24,521
go to bravotv.com.
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