Original subtitles

[news theme music]

Newsanchor: And now an update

on the Ernie Krevitt scandal.

Krevitt bilked billions from his affluent clients,

and is currently serving the first of his 132

consecutive life sentences.

After diligent work by forensic accountants,

to find money in tax shelters

including the Swiss municipality, Zug.

Krevitt will now begin paying restitution

to his swindled clients.

Major investors can expect a return of 60 cents

on the dollar.

- Wow.

- I don't know what my mother will be happier about.

Getting some of her money back

or finishing jury duty.

- Kids!

- I mean it's one thing to do your civic duty

but what are the odds of getting sequestered?

- 1 in 2700?

- It's like the only thing

that could have gotten her out of our house.

Maybe there's something to be said

for divine intervention after all.

- Ha ha ha, maybe!

Okay so the kids' schedules-

- Honey, I got this.

You focus on your show and becoming

the next wunderkind of the art world.

- You mean wundercorpse, I'm 42.

- Well, at least it'll be

a totally different day for you, hon.

You'll get to have wine with lunch!

Make fun of pretentious people!

Wear something vaguely sado-masochistic.

Okay. So maybe not totally different.

- Okay, lunches are packed.

Hazel and Miles have playdates after school.

I have a sitter picking up Dottie

and running her to handwriting therapy.

So all you have to do is drop them off at school,

after which I'm sure you'll get a full parade

for being a hands-on-dad.

- You're exaggerating as always.

And I love you and I will see you later

at your art show!

Bye, Miles. Have a great day!

[humming parade tune]

[cymbals crash]

[lively parade music plays]

[theme music] * Hey yes you know

* I'm feeling fine I'm feeling fine *

[energetic rock music]

- Which one says, "My body may be a show pony,

but my soul is the real workhorse?"

- Both shoes are stunning.

- Obviously, but today I can't have my exceptional style

overshadow my philanthropic work with ProvideHer.

- Hm, go with the bows.

- Hm, I just don't want him to be blinded by my beauty.

Do you think anyone would know who Mother Teresa is

if she weren't a four? [scoffs]

- There's still a pretty good chance.

- Derek Blasberg is Vanity Fair's official

Man on the Street.

Being chosen as his Icon Interview

for "Fashion Gives Back Week" is next level.

This is my chance to prove that I am an insp- her -ation,

a lead- her ,

and above all, a giv- her .

- I'm so glad to her you say that,

because I think it's time to discuss me transitioning

from your SVP of Patterns slash Assistant

to a position with no slash.

- But as my slash assistant, it's your job

not to let anyone bother me with trivial requests...

including yourself!

Especially on such an important day.

- Right, it's just that I've been such an integral part

of ProvideHer since its inception,

it seems natural to roll me out with it.

- Devon, titles and job descriptions

are for factory workers

and protagonists in '80s movies.

Your confidence in your own value is worth more

than a seven figure salary, hm?

- Is it?

- Isn't it?

[text message pings]

- Uh, I think this- Derek is here.

- Oh my God!

- Calmé. We have so got this.

[energetic rock music]

- Hi, I'm Jill.

- Roland. You a collector?

- No these are mine.

I'm a photographer.

- Oh.

- This is amazing.

How did you make it?

- I outsource the construction of my work.

- So you're like Santa Claude Monet

with a little workshop of elves?

- Not at all. - Oh.

- Concepts are my medium.

- Well, with these photographs I was exploring the-

I'm exploring moob size

of working men aged 55 to 70.

[lively rock music]

- Lex, hey!

Just calling to say, congrats.

You must feel relieved to at least

get some of your dough back.

- Sure, I guess 105 mil in restitution is something.

Still pounding the proverbial pavement though.

- Oh no bites?

- Oh they're biting. Gnawing, actually.

I could sit on the board of Quantum Resources.

I could head up MeowMixer.

Andy: MeowMixer?

- Yeah, it's like Tinder for cats.

Anyway, I'm thinking about cancelling

my three o'clock with Zuck.

- You have a meeting with Mark Zuckerberg?

That's great!

- No, that's tomorrow.

Zuck is a translation app for hard-lispers.

- So why do you sound depressed?

- I am like a shaft without an elevator.

Just pointless and taking up space.

- You'll figure something out, Lex.

You always do.

- From your mouth to my ears.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

- Hi, what can I get you?

- A Bloody Mary, please.

- Sure. That's tomato juice and...alcohol?

- First day?

- Sorry. I'm just paying my way

through law school.

- Well it's a pretty basic drink.

- It's all about the seasoning.

Pardon my eavesdropping.

Do you have any Old Bay?

It's a seasoning that they put on crabs.

Food crabs, not- It's a seasoning.

- Great question, Derek.

- I think you'll find all my questions today

are pretty great. - I'm sure.

Well, any millionaire can give unappreciated,

unpaid women of the world

educational opportunities or clean drinking water.

That's the cross-body bag of charity.

- It's been done to death.

- Exactly. So I thought,

do I want to give the destitute a way out of poverty,

or...purpose?

- We thought it was a no-brainer.

- Women don't need to be rescued,

they need to be empow- her -ed.

- I need to be rescued!

It's like these women have better benefits than I do,

and it feels like they are more appreciated.

- Ultimately the message behind ProvideHer

is that you too can make a bag.

- But what's really motivating Von Weber's

recent charitable initiative?

- Well I myself recently fell on some hard times

and I had to pull myself up by my purse straps.

And in that struggle, I felt myself marching

with women all over the world.

- You did the Women's March!

- Yeah, so symbolically. - Oh.

- Uh, this is the very first bag of the line.

It was handcrafted by a woman named Gopika

who lost an arm in a tragic Diwali accident.

Damn elephants.

- Given your message,

aren't these bags a little bit pricey?

- Well-

- At Von Weber, we believe that price is what-

- During the crisis, other brands slashed their prices,

but at Von Weber we have a saying,

"When they go low, we go high."

- I came up with that.

- I'm absolutely positive you did not.

- No I mean, in this context.

[chuckling]

- My work is a comment on the hypocrisy of the uniform.

At once imbuing the wearer with monolithic power while

simultaneously rendering him impotent as an individual.

- Jill.

- Larry, thank you so much for this opportunity.

- Jill Weber, this is Jerry Saltz,

esteemed Art Critic for New York Magazine

and Lena Dunham's godfather.

Jerry has a few questions for you.

- So your photographs are a sublimation

of the male gaze or payback for cat calls

for men in uniform over a lifetime?

- Oh, no.

- So you're stripping them naked to kind of

further humiliate them or to exploit your power over them?

- Not at all.

It's a funny story actually.

I was shooting these doormen as a favor and um...

I was trying to capture um-

Well this- this one in particular um- it's um-

a comment, it makes me feel

better about my body.

- Pervert.

- Pick up Vanessa.

- Leave a message, after the tone.

[beep]

- I don't know where you guys are

but my next call is to the suicide hotline.

These Neiman Marxists don't just want

to buy a photograph.

They want buy a feeling

that they can hang over

their free-standing soaking tub

in the guest bath.

- How'd it go with Jerry?

- So great.

- Your work is amazedicks.

What?! It's a thing.

Now tell me about it.

- In photographing these men

I got to know them

and tried to capture their backstory...

and front story?

- Oh babe.

- I'm totally Ben Carsoning,

doing a job for which

I am wholly unqualified.

- But it's not bad, just sincere.

You're like a walking Ron Howard movie.

- I'm Daryl Hannah in "Splash."

A fish out of water. [mimics dolphin]

- Stop.

- I just watched two men moved to tears

over a video installation of a naked woman

eating bologna playing with an abacus.

- Ugh, go Foucault yourselves, people.

- I have made a small fortune turning literal bird shit

into the must-have facial of the moment.

All you need is a crash course in talking the talk.

Let's take a lap? Come on.

[upbeat music]

- Okay, tell us what you see.

- I see Dottie's Mother's Day gift circa 2014.

- Okay, try, try a paradox like,

"it personifies the ecstasy of decay."

- Yeah, dig deep into your colon and pull out

the bullshit.

Trust me. I'm a doctor.

- I see...um, a black hole

where my lifelong dream used to be.

- Jill, clearly this is a comment on class.

It is only on the backs of the working men and women

that the elite can thrive.

And yet our economy ensures

they remain an invisible majority.

- So sad.

- If you think this is profound,

you must see Jill Weber's work.

She's a savant of observation.

Totally amazedicks.

- Are you getting it?

- I think so.

Okay, let's look at this piece.

There's such beauty

in its obsequious search for its owner.

Nobility in its proud solitude.

- By George, I think she's got it.

- How fitting.

My commentary on the human condition

is an actual garbage can.

- Let's try another one.

[rock music diminuendos]

- This is delicious.

- I remember when I made my first one.

- Mm. - It was for my father.

I was six.

- Is your father still with us?

- Sadly, no.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Hey, we all gotta eat, right?

Sharks are people too.

Anyway, enough about me, what's your story?

- I'm a retired city planner.

- Hm. - Fourth generation.

Between my family and a handful of others

we are responsible for this spoiled Utopia

you call home. - Whoa, cool.

- 400 years ago, where you're sitting

there was nothing but marshland and trees.

- You could look outside the window

and just see a velociraptor

cruising by the Freedom Tower.

- Well, not exactly-

- It's just like the Counting Crows always said,

"They paved paradise

and they put up a parking lot."

- Oh God. Oh God. Um okay guys, um.

There's no more beer

but there's still water if you're thirsty!

[bar patrons boo] - You suck!

- All right. Back off everybody.

We're all in here just trying our best.

- I changed the keg.

I don't know what happened.

- Once, at our annual Golf Pros and Tennis Hoes Party,

a pledge brought an import keg with a domestic tap.

- What did you do?

- Well, I made him shit his pants and then

paint his face with it.

The Greek system is all about building character.

Go ahead, give it a shot.

[bar patrons cheer]

- Thank you!

- Since you're back there,

care to mix me another one of your Bloodys?

[lively rock music]

- Are you trying to sabotage me?

- Of course not.

If you need something, let me know

and I'll let someone else know.

I just think it is so important

that we give this interview

our undivided attention.

- Enough with the "we".

There is no "we" in Von Weber.

- Quite literally there is.

- It's not a collective "we,"

it's more of a royal one.

- Brooke, I am capable of a lot more than you think.

It's time you started to recognize that.

- Now is not that time.

Today is about Brooke von Weber

not Devon von Devon.

- The last six years have been about Brooke Weber.

- When I first hired you,

you lived in a fourth floor walk up in Astoria.

- I still live there!

Brooke, I love you,

but it is getting cold here in your shadow.

I need to know I have a future with you-

- And I need you to do what I hired you to do.

Period.

That is how "we" work.

- Noted.

- Hm. - Hm.

- Is that a dick pic?

- I'm Bronwyn.

- Pleased to meet you, I'm Jill Weber, the artist.

- So you are.

Tell me about your work.

We'll see if you live up to the hype.

- Like these men, the camera sees all.

But even it is blinded by a uniform.

The garments that define these men

obscure their corporeal physicality.

We, we see hands, we see a face,

but we forget, friends, the beating heart.

My series endeavors to explore the tension

and duality between intimacy and avoidance,

leaving the observer left at a crossroads to ponder,

who's really carrying the baggage?

[crowd applauds]

- Congratulations, you just sold Carlton.

- Now, excuse me while I go parlay this news

into a feeding frenzy.

- Worshipping you so hard.

I'm building an Easter Island statue of your head...

full scale.

[lively music]

- Head's up!

* Woo

[glass shatters]

- I got it.

- I don't know what I would have done without you.

- Rule number 15 of Dartmouth bartending:

never let a good girl go dry.

- Bartending looks good on you, Lex.

- That's my lot in life, Joe.

Everything looks good on me,

just nothing feels right.

- I'm not worried about you, kid.

They could drop you anywhere in the universe

and you'll be fine.

- Thank you.

Jennie, mix this man another Bloody.

On me.

Well actually on this small business

in which I have no stake.

And thank you everyone for

reminding me how incredibly awesome I am.

It's true I've been having a Lex-istential crisis,

but no more.

I don't need some exit level position.

I need to go someplace special.

Someplace where I am uniquely needed.

From here on out,

I'm aiming for the stars.

- You- you can't leave. I'm not ready.

- Yes, you are.

- Um, no, she's not!

- Why not a local charity?

I heard someone else is starting a foundation

to empower golddiggers to stand up to their oppressors

and divorce their husbands.

It's called Melania's Tower.

- Well, in the Hamptons, I actively support efforts

to eradicate female seasickness on yachts.

Marrying well is so important,

but you have to feel well to do it.

- Sorry to interrupt, Brooke,

but what time would you like to

make an appearance at Jill's art show?

- Uh, can you give us a second?

- Oh my bad.

I was just trying to do what you

hired me to do.

[gasps]

[sneers]

- So, Brooke. - Yes.

- Why India?

- Maybe because she identifies with the

caste system.

- Such a sense of humor on this one.

That's why I keep him around,

turning a blind eye to his bi-weekly

sick day for anal hair removal.

- Oh no, I'm half-Italian!

- The bottom half.

- Oh funny. Brooke, I thought you

kept me around to return a phone call,

send an email, schedule a colonic,

and a $20,000 a month hair appointment.

- You guys know I'm still here, right?

And I'm taking notes?

- Devon, consider yourself relieved of all duties.

Effective immediately... after you write down

the names of all my passwords.

And the names of the housekeepers.

And where I hide my jewels while they clean.

- Did you just fire me?

- In front of me?

- Yes. I did. - Wow.

- Derek, I am so sorry

you had to witness that.

If you don't have time to post the interview

I completely understand.

- I'm definitely publishing this story.

For a second I wasn't sure

if I could get to the essence of Brooke von Weber

but I think I know exactly who you are.

Toodles Brooke.

- Check you out with three red dots!

-Hon, I promise I didn't buy any of them.

You are a real artist.

- Or am I just a bullshit artist?

- Madonna would argue that there is no difference.

- Excellent point.

You are a muse to me.

- Actually, you look exactly like the guy in that video.

- Oh.

- How do you refresh?

Refresh, refresh, refresh!?

- "Brooke von Weber; Boss Bitch or just a Bitch?"

- I need a drink.

Oh actually, do you have Whispering Angel?

- Oh no. I'm not a waiter but-

- Oh Jill, words cannot describe the day I've had.

- Actually they can.

"Many women in business

are so concerned with being liked

that they're afraid to do what it really takes

to lead the charge."

Are you sure you don't wanna read this?

- No, I can't-

- "But today I got a peek

behind the pleated Von Weber valance

and saw firsthand a woman whose strong

sense of décor is bested only by her decorum."

Whoa, Brooke!

- "BVW is living proof that it is possible

to act like a role model and look like a runway model."

Wow. He really captured my essence.

- Is today National Masturbation Day?

- Don't hate.

I make my living off these people.

- You know what? A toast!

To a triumphant night...

Of my continued success.

By any means necessary.

- Did she just quote Malcolm X?

- Mm-hmm.

Voiceover: For more "Odd Mom Out"

go to bravotv.com.