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1
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:02,472
- Next is a Bravo
original comedy.
2
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:08,408
- A year ago, my life took
an unexpected turn.
3
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:11,152
I lost everything
that mattered to me.
4
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,679
I was shattered, so I started
5
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,184
making handbags for my friends,
6
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,617
just to get out of my own head,
7
00:00:18,652 --> 00:00:21,522
and it exploded.
8
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,055
I look around now,
9
00:00:23,091 --> 00:00:26,661
and I feel so fortunate.
10
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,304
- In less than one year,
Brooke von Weber
11
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,770
has gone from budding
fashion entrepreneur,
12
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:35,139
with her capsule collection
of luxurious accessories,
13
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,069
to lifestyle empress.
14
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:39,365
- This is my atelier.
15
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:41,537
We had my husband's shaman come
16
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:44,145
and burn sage
to cleanse the aura,
17
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,408
and a feng shui specialist
who told me
18
00:00:46,447 --> 00:00:48,717
to move my drafting table
facing west,
19
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,419
or my chi would be
out of balance.
20
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,562
Our design studios
are covered in art.
21
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:58,228
Larry Manassian personally
curated the spaces.
22
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:01,159
I always say I have one person
23
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,655
to thank for all of this:
24
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:06,126
Joy Green, bestselling author of
"The Joy Manifesto."
25
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,637
I to into that
in greater detail
26
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,698
in my TED talk,
happening next month.
27
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,607
- Brooke is doing a TED talk?
28
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,539
- Yeah, should I get us tickets?
29
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,284
- You're killing me, Ted.
30
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,649
Who the hell is this "Ted"
person, anyway?
31
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:18,648
[screams]
32
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,249
[rock music]
33
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,751
- * Hey, yes, you know
34
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:26,193
* I'm feeling fine,
I'm feeling fine *
35
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,490
both: * Joshua fought
the battle of *
36
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:30,362
* Jericho
37
00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:34,061
* Jericho, Jericho
38
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,402
* Joshua fought the battle of
39
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:40,300
* Jericho, and the walls came
a-tumbling down *
40
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:41,844
- * Tumbling down
41
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:46,409
- Waze says zero traffic
to Southampton.
42
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,610
We are cruisin'!
43
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,712
- Andy, do not anger
the traffic gods.
44
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,745
- [sighs]
You and your superstitions.
45
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,851
I am not afraid of you!
46
00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:57,723
- One more time!
47
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,221
all: * Joshua fought
the battle of *
48
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,864
* Jericho
- Whoo!
49
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,859
[club music]
50
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:09,402
*
51
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:13,200
- Welcome to Sea Spray.
Hi, Barbara. Oh.
52
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:17,214
Welcome to my white party
celebrating the season.
53
00:02:17,205 --> 00:02:20,205
- Sorry to interrupt you guys,
but we just graduated
54
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,208
from Harvard Business School
and we had to meet you.
55
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:24,213
- HBS? That's awesome.
56
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,512
This is my business partner,
Pete Wilson.
57
00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,477
He's too humble to admit it,
but this guy is the reason
58
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,217
we had hockey-stick growth
this quarter.
59
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,852
- Not true. Not true.
60
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,256
- This is Ernie Krevitt.
- Hey.
61
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,229
- Sharpest investor
on the continent.
62
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,785
Remember this guy's name when
you make your first $10 mil.
63
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,227
- Come on, you guys want a pic
with the Hercules heroes here?
64
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,660
Let's go.
- You're twisting my arm.
65
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,297
- Yeah, let's do it.
- This is good.
66
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,873
- Great. Here we go.
- Yeah, actually...
67
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:50,141
we meant her.
68
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,638
No offense.
- Oh, really?
69
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,483
- I did my Capstone project on
von Weber designs.
70
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:57,649
I want to be you.
- Thank you.
71
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,808
You two are adorable.
[sighs]
72
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:03,478
- Sir, would you mind taking
a picture of us?
73
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,917
- Of course.
- Great.
74
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:06,892
- Yeah.
- Thank you. That's great.
75
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,860
- Yeah, all right, uh,
76
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,629
one, two, three.
77
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,259
[rock music]
78
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:15,555
[laughter]
79
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:20,496
*
80
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,444
[laughter]
- Brooke! Brooke!
81
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,870
The "New York Times" piece is
the number-one most shared.
82
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,175
- [gasps]
- 986 comments. 989.
83
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,736
- I'm forwarding
to Simon Doonan,
84
00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:30,907
Roopal Patel, and Linda Fargo.
85
00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:32,314
- Oh, genius.
- Hon.
86
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,406
My mother wants you to meet,
uh--
87
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:34,777
- Jackie O's sister
88
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,375
just started following me
on Twitter.
89
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,917
- Lee Radziwill? Oh, my God!
both: No!
90
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,721
[phone ringing]
- Oh, I'm getting a phone call.
91
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:41,493
It's probably for business.
92
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,392
This could be important,
so I'm gonna...
93
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,564
- Marc Jacobs Tweeted.
- Yellow?
94
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:48,763
- Lex Luthor!
- Andy-monium!
95
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,896
You guys getting close?
96
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,770
- T-minus 38 minutes.
97
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,299
Hey, tell Brooke
"Congratulations"
98
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:54,644
on that "Times" piece.
99
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:57,538
- [chuckles] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
100
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,441
- The kids have already
watched it 10 times.
101
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,813
- Yeah.
- Okay, see you soon.
102
00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:06,607
- Come on, I know you've got
a joke up your sleeve
103
00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,377
about Brooke and this "Times"
thing--let's go.
104
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,947
Spit it out.
- No, no. Sorry.
105
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,954
I was just getting another
sweet "Thank you" note
106
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,687
from one of my doormen.
107
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:17,763
I loved that project.
108
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:21,331
[laughter]
- Uh-oh. Butt crack attack.
109
00:04:21,329 --> 00:04:23,699
- Oh, my God--Miles,
what are you--give me that!
110
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,531
Oh, don't worry, it's not porn.
111
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,796
It's just my--my doormen.
112
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:30,495
- Jill, those are
your doorman shots?
113
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:32,568
- Yeah, why?
You knew they were nude.
114
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,676
- I guess when you said
they were nude, I didn't realize
115
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,338
they wouldn't have
any clothes on.
116
00:04:36,344 --> 00:04:37,984
- Andy, you're such a hypocrite.
117
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:39,651
You pride yourself
on knowing the names
118
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,250
or all your mother's doormen,
119
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,879
but do you really know anything
about who they are?
120
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:45,617
- Maybe not, but
I don't think knowing
121
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:48,663
Carlton bends to the left
is gonna get me there.
122
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,489
- It's to the right.
123
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:51,494
- [chuckles]
124
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,495
[rock music]
125
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,758
*
126
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:59,797
So, I'm thinking maybe better
to not bring up
127
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,473
your doorman project
at this party.
128
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:03,973
I'm afraid it's the wrong crowd.
129
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:07,414
- Wow, you're actually
embarrassed by me.
130
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:09,511
- Am I not allowed to be
weirded out by the fact
131
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,483
that all these doormen who say,
"Hey, Jill, how's it going,"
132
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,582
have been naked
in our apartment?
133
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,775
Did any of them sit
on the furniture?
134
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,687
- [sighs]
How is it different
135
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,759
from art students sketching
nude models in class?
136
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:23,659
- Because that's art.
137
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,791
- Excuse me?
- Okay, you know what I mean.
138
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:29,296
You know--can we please
talk about this another time?
139
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,527
- No, I think it's important
that the kids see
140
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,765
that we fight and work it out.
- Okay.
141
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:36,601
- Daddy is making me
very angry right now.
142
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,037
- Are you guys
getting a divorce?
143
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,711
- No, Mi--
- Maybe.
144
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,411
Oh, God.
145
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,313
- [sighs]
- Why are we stopping?
146
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:46,412
- Because Daddy angered the gods
147
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,854
with his "Zero traffic" comment.
148
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:52,452
See, if you were Jewish,
you would just know this stuff.
149
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:54,046
[club music]
150
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,487
- A toast to you, Ernie.
151
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:56,623
And to many more happy returns
152
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,557
for all the von Webers.
153
00:05:58,592 --> 00:06:00,432
- I'll drink to that.
154
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,628
You know, I always say,
155
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,032
behind every Fortune 500 company
156
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,004
is a mother--
or mother-in-law--
157
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:09,573
with a great ass.
- Ernie, please.
158
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,613
You know, your wife is over
there dipping her strawberries
159
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:13,839
in my chocolate fountain
as we speak.
160
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:16,084
- I hope she's enjoying it.
161
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:19,649
[phone ringing]
162
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,780
- How is the Montauk Hellway?
163
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,745
- We have been
in a total standstill
164
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,624
for over an hour.
165
00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,993
I am losing my mind.
166
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,990
I would jump in front of a car
167
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,522
if any were moving.
168
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:31,728
Sorry to complain.
169
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:32,829
Don't you have a double shift?
170
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,530
- Yeah, but it's not too bad.
171
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,002
- "Not too bad"?
What's come over you?
172
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:39,000
- Nothing--oh, we tried
that fondue place
173
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,902
you love last night.
Delish!
174
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,644
- "We"? Who's "We"?
175
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,570
You mean--you mean,
you and Graham?
176
00:06:44,605 --> 00:06:46,065
- Yes, me and Graham.
177
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,576
Or "Graham and I,"
if my mom's listening.
178
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:51,649
- Vaness, I can hear you
blushing through the phone.
179
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,109
Wow, I guess I have to get
used to you guys
180
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,516
being a couple again.
Mazel tov.
181
00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:56,879
- Save it.
I told you,
182
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,717
he's leaving in a few weeks.
183
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:02,162
Better go--I have a patient
in a coma with very grim odds.
184
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,089
- Oh, I hate when
you do that to me.
185
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,594
Now I feel bad
complaining about traffic.
186
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,027
- Don't--I've driven
to Maine with your kids.
187
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:09,501
I'd rather be here.
188
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:11,627
- [laughs] Okay.
189
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:13,065
[horns honking]
190
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,640
All right, that's it.
191
00:07:14,668 --> 00:07:17,398
I'm gonna go see
what the hell is going on.
192
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:18,705
- Be careful!
193
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:20,409
[horns honking]
194
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:21,808
[upbeat music]
195
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,512
- Where are you guys?
196
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:26,011
Lady Gaga and Bono are about to
get hologrammed in.
197
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,516
- No!
- [groaning]
198
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:29,815
- This is the worst day
of my life.
199
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:32,790
- Pull it together, Hazel.
You're being dramatic.
200
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,690
Okay, here comes Jill.
- [whining]
201
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:38,132
- Stay tuned.
202
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,188
What'd they say?
- [sighs]
203
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:41,627
Nothing.
204
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,762
The reason for the traffic
is nothing.
205
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:47,667
No construction. No accidents.
Nothing.
206
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:50,141
- [sighs] We are never
getting out of here.
207
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,940
- I want to kill myself.
208
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,742
- Guys, you're being dramatic.
209
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,844
- Yeah, pull it together.
210
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,676
[dramatic music]
211
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,911
[screaming]
212
00:08:03,584 --> 00:08:05,154
- Hi, Candace.
You're probably not checking
your messages,
213
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,885
but we are so, so sorry.
214
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,990
I know how important it was
for us to be there
215
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,792
for your big welcome speech,
216
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,034
but please, start without us.
217
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,601
[sighs] God, I hope they're not
waiting for us
218
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:17,970
to get the party started.
219
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:21,738
[dance music]
220
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:22,739
- Whoa.
221
00:08:22,770 --> 00:08:28,710
*
222
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,082
- Janice, teach us
some new moves.
223
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,581
What are they doing
in da clubs?
224
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:34,113
- Uh, well, okay.
225
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,147
I'm a little out of it
these days, but...
226
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,823
all: Oh!
227
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,452
- Okay! Okay!
- Yeah!
228
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:42,618
- Whoo!
229
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:44,456
- That's how we do it
in Michigan!
230
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,761
For real!
- Whoo!
231
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,934
all: Oh! Oh!
232
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,603
- Who am I kidding?
233
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:55,439
Chapter two of my career hasn't
exactly skyrocketed.
234
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:58,038
[sighs] I mean, maybe I'm just
not that great
235
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,911
of a photographer,
like Trixie said.
236
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,470
- What are you talking about,
hon?
237
00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:03,608
Two hours ago you were
on top of the world.
238
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:04,951
- I mean, I know I don't suck,
239
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,908
but what if I'm only average?
240
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,447
I always thought that
kids were just
241
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,481
a rest stop from work, but...
242
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:11,787
- We're bored.
243
00:09:11,819 --> 00:09:13,449
- Maybe I'm just better
at the mom thing,
244
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:14,756
and I should accept it.
245
00:09:14,788 --> 00:09:16,688
- Hello?
- My arm hurts.
246
00:09:16,724 --> 00:09:18,634
- Guys, I'm trying
to talk to Daddy.
247
00:09:18,626 --> 00:09:20,056
Please stop interrupting.
248
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:21,463
At least I know
I'm good at that.
249
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,204
Maybe that's my real calling.
250
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,830
- Can we watch another movie?
251
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,895
all: Mo-vie! Mo-vie!
Mo-vie!
252
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:31,235
- Guys, stop chanting,
or I will climb back there
253
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,911
and make you regret
you ever met me!
254
00:09:34,942 --> 00:09:39,012
You know what I mean?
255
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,916
[farting]
256
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,849
- Sorry about that, Mr. Evans.
257
00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,124
- [gurgles]
258
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:48,193
[wheezing]
259
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,991
[grunting]
260
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:53,033
- Holy shit.
261
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,832
all: Mo-vie! Mo-vie!
262
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,674
- Okay, they burned through
everything else.
263
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,729
We're down to "Sound of Music"
or "Gandhi."
264
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,538
"Gandhi" is longer, I think.
265
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,099
- "Sound of Music."
It has kids.
266
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,007
It'll be more fun for them.
267
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:08,179
[musical fanfare]
268
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:11,708
- But why would Rolfe turn
so mean all of a sudden?
269
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,605
- Because he's a Nazi.
- What's a Nazi?
270
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,178
- Bad guys.
- Are they real?
271
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,546
- Yes.
- Are they gonna get us?
272
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,085
- I'm scared.
- Mom?
273
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,060
- Shh. Okay, guys.
274
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,289
A long time ago,
there was a lot
275
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,634
of economic disparity
in Germany,
276
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,560
and somebody
had to take the blame.
277
00:10:28,595 --> 00:10:30,295
- So, if they caught
the von Trapps,
278
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,930
would they have killed them?
279
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,565
- The Nazis would kill people?
280
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,700
- No!
I mean, yes.
281
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,537
- Look, guys, the point is,
they weren't caught.
282
00:10:39,572 --> 00:10:41,712
They got away,
thanks to those awesome nuns,
283
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:45,012
and now they own a prosperous
B&B in Vermont.
284
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,045
[horns honking]
285
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,693
- Oh, my God. Did you see that?
286
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,690
Excuse me?
287
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,962
I think you dropped something.
- I'm sorry?
288
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,130
- That bottle that just
flew out of your car?
289
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,059
I think you meant to put it
in a trash can.
290
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,934
- [groans]
- Hon, back off.
291
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,333
You never know who carries a gun
292
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,874
in their glove compartment
these days.
293
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,739
- No, I am sick and tired
294
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,735
of people not standing up
for what's right.
295
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,310
If people had spoken up earlier
during World War II,
296
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,879
the world would be a very
different place right now.
297
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,748
- Excuse me?
Did you just call me a Nazi?
298
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,575
- No.
- Stop talking.
299
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,112
Just roll up your window.
300
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:22,948
- Well, that would be obvious.
301
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,093
I'm in a very delicate
situation here.
302
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,748
- And whose fault is that?
303
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:29,164
- I hate when people litter.
304
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,919
- Well, I hate nosy bitches.
305
00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:33,828
Enjoy.
306
00:11:33,861 --> 00:11:36,361
- Hey. Follow her.
Go on that side road thing.
307
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:38,066
- Hon, only sleazebags
use the shoulder.
308
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,628
It's for emergencies.
309
00:11:39,666 --> 00:11:41,066
- Well, this is an emergency.
310
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,801
We're missing
the dark chocolate fountain.
311
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,637
- [sighs]
312
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,672
- Here you go, princess.
- Ah.
313
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,375
- Oh, she's on a diet.
- Just eat a little.
314
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:52,549
- Nice girl.
- Thank you.
315
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,549
Janice, I'm so glad you could
come today.
316
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:59,052
I hope the whole "White" theme
isn't offensive to you.
317
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:03,356
I want you to know I support
BlackLivesMatter.
318
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:07,660
Okay?
319
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,804
- Brooke, I have to
say something.
320
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,027
- Tell me who it is.
321
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,334
Tell me who treated you
differently
322
00:12:12,365 --> 00:12:13,895
because of the color
of your skin
323
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,374
and I will fire her today.
324
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,842
- Ah...this is awkward.
325
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:22,681
Um, I've been...
getting the impression...
326
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,209
that you think I'm black.
327
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,115
- The term is
"African American,"
328
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,948
and honestly, I don't see color.
329
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,424
I just see people.
330
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,222
- Brooke, come on.
331
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,994
You always insist on
calling me "J'neece."
332
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,234
You always want
to gossip with me
333
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:41,158
about Kanye and Idris Elba.
334
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,864
You got me that "Essence"
subscription--
335
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:43,996
you know, which I appreciate,
336
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:45,271
and the articles are great--
337
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:47,398
- Janice, we're all equal--
338
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,274
- For the last time,
it's not "J'neece."
339
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:53,842
It's Janice.
And I'm not black.
340
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:56,311
- But you identify
as black, right?
341
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,653
Aren't you from Detroit?
- No.
342
00:12:58,678 --> 00:13:01,848
Bloomfield Hills.
I'm white.
343
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:02,852
[chuckles]
344
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:05,853
- [sighs] Well...
345
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:09,123
You really led us down the
primrose path, didn't you?
346
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:12,086
Throwing in all those "Aights"
and "Grrrls"!
347
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,425
- That was you.
Not me.
348
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:18,932
Now that I think about it,
I am retroactively offended.
349
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,866
In fact, I have
half a mind to call
350
00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:22,771
the Southern Poverty Law Center
and report
351
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:25,010
that my civil rights
have been violated.
352
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,308
- But you're not black.
353
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,879
- Yeah, but you thought I was.
354
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:30,476
So all those things
you said to me
355
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,310
were very offensive--
if I had been.
356
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:35,276
- But you're not.
- Yeah.
357
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,015
And actually, as a white person,
358
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,890
I was also discriminated against
359
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,346
because you gave
preferential treatment
360
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,457
to someone solely based
on their race.
361
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,889
- But it was you.
- It was black me.
362
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,362
Not white me.
363
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:49,063
You'll be hearing from
white me's lawyers.
364
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,796
Excuse me.
365
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:55,099
- Oh, my God.
- Mind blown.
366
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,935
- I'm just gonna say it:
367
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,240
I thought she was a little
boring for a black person.
368
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,342
[hip-hop music]
369
00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,919
c]
- Hi.
- Hi.
370
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:09,575
- Why are you whispering?
- 'Cause you're whispering.
371
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,046
Why are you whispering?
372
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:12,394
- Well, you know how I had
373
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:14,349
that terminal comatose patient?
374
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,057
- Oh, no. Did he croak?
- Actually, no.
375
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:18,930
I seem to have brought him
back to life.
376
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,926
- Oh, my God! Miracle worker.
377
00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,358
Why are you never in
that "Best Doctors"
378
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:23,955
issue of "New York" magazine?
379
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,127
- Uh, well, before you call
the editor,
380
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:28,566
you should know I think
I cured him with a massive fart.
381
00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,341
[laughter]
382
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,141
I'm on speaker?
Hi, guys.
383
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,944
Hating you.
- Why?
384
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,354
You gave us our first laugh
in hours.
385
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:43,049
More miracles.
386
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,053
- [grunts]
Hey, great news.
387
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:48,085
Just got another tasty offer
for your wife's company.
388
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:51,321
Can't say I'm surprised.
- Huh.
389
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,788
Feels a little premature,
don't you think?
390
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:57,326
- Hell, no, got to strike
when the iron's hot.
391
00:14:57,364 --> 00:15:01,874
Dude, was I wrong
about the bagels?
392
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:04,139
- Joseph wants to open
a store in Chicago?
393
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,211
- He was just here, yeah.
394
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,009
Oh, my God. Joy!
395
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:11,311
You actually came!
- Of course I came.
396
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,112
I'm so sorry to be late.
397
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,317
The traffic was, shall we say,
trying.
398
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,089
- Oh, well,
if you're saying that,
399
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:20,048
it must have been unbearable.
400
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,487
Who's more patient than you?
401
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,421
- No one!
402
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,556
- Guys, Joy Green,
403
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:29,032
author of "The Joy Manifesto"
is in the house!
404
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,432
[cheering]
405
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:33,274
- This is great!
406
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:35,170
How did we ever
live without this?
407
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:37,302
- I want a cookie.
- Dottie, no.
408
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,307
You're already cracked-out
on sugar as it is.
409
00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,409
- We have lots of other options.
- I want a cookie!
410
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,911
- Smushed banana,
seaweed shards,
411
00:15:44,011 --> 00:15:46,011
cheddar bunny dust--
this is disgusting.
412
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,476
- Cookie!
- Not so much fun
413
00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:49,324
being on snack bag duty,
is it?
414
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,019
I love driving.
- Cookie!
415
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,021
- It's in park.
Okay.
416
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,090
Dottie, have some pineapple.
417
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,922
See? Problem solved.
418
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,634
- So, what are we gonna discuss
419
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,288
now that I know that you hate
the one project
420
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,928
I've been excited about
since going freelance.
421
00:16:04,031 --> 00:16:06,131
- That's not what I said.
- Mommy?
422
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,036
- Dottie, I said no more
cookies, end of story.
423
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,669
Don't ask again.
- Um, guys?
424
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,944
Dottie looks weird.
425
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:15,181
- Oh, shit!
426
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,408
- We have to get her
to a hospital.
427
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,053
- Okay, sleazebag lane,
here we come.
428
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,406
[tires squealing]
- [screaming] Oh, my God!
429
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:24,378
Mom!
- Mommy!
430
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,059
- Yeah, just
an allergic reaction.
431
00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,689
Swelling's down.
That Benadryl works fast.
432
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,397
- So, note to self:
no pineapples for Dottie.
433
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,500
And thank you for looking
at Hazel's head.
434
00:16:39,532 --> 00:16:41,132
- And for doing that CAT scan.
435
00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:42,568
- We were running pretty fast.
436
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,502
- My arm still hurts.
437
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:46,637
- Oh, boy.
Everyone wants attention.
438
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,083
* Drama
439
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,105
- Anyway, thank you again,
Doctor.
440
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:51,683
We will get out of your way.
Come on, guys.
441
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,281
- No, seriously.
442
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:56,083
It's been hurting since Tuesday
after the game.
443
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:58,193
- Well, what happened
on Tuesday, huh?
444
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,388
Maybe I should take a look.
- Why not?
445
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,160
I'm sure your mother's already
446
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,619
excommunicated us by now.
447
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,756
- And to have everyone here
that I truly care about
448
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:10,103
all in one place is like a dream
come true to me.
449
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:13,230
My son Alexander and his
beautiful wife,
450
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,396
Brooke von Weber,
whose handbag line
451
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,095
is taking the world by storm!
452
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,714
[cheers and applause]
453
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:23,109
And, uh, Jill and Anderson...
454
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,180
who do things...
455
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,752
they're--they're
around here somewhere.
456
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:30,019
Anyway, please enjoy Bronson's
latest decadence:
457
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:34,117
ice cream sandwiches made with
grain alcohol gelato.
458
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,261
And just warn the children,
please.
459
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:38,289
[laughter]
460
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,485
- Babe, great news.
461
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,227
Pete just got a sick offer
462
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,702
from a guy who wants
to buy von Weber.
463
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,301
- Really?
- Yeah.
464
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:47,303
I think we should do it.
465
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:50,204
Strike while the iron's hot.
466
00:17:50,237 --> 00:17:52,237
- So, you mean someone else
467
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:55,282
would own my company
and my name?
468
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:57,308
- Yes, but you'd be set.
469
00:17:57,344 --> 00:17:58,984
You'd never have to work again.
470
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:01,451
- I didn't have to work before.
471
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,621
I love what I'm doing, Lex.
472
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,720
- But you're so busy
and stressed.
473
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:08,492
Don't you want to get back to
focusing on your philanthropy,
474
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:11,261
the kids, get back
to being Class Mom--
475
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,491
- No, I'm never going back.
476
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,496
Do you still not understand
that I've changed?
477
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,429
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
478
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,825
- I built von Weber
from nothing.
479
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:25,737
- [chuckles]
Well, not exactly from nothing.
480
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,642
- How dare you.
481
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:30,684
Plenty of people have seed money
and then blow it.
482
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:32,610
[sighs] You know what?
483
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,545
I don't want to do this again.
I can't.
484
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,181
- Can't what?
485
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:39,346
Brooke, are you saying
what I think you're saying?
486
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,046
About our vows renewal?
Are you having doubts?
487
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,358
- I just found out Janice
488
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:45,730
is a white girl
from the suburbs.
489
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:49,198
And then a Twitter follower who
I thought was Lee Radziwill
490
00:18:49,196 --> 00:18:50,696
turned out to be a fraud.
491
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,470
I don't know who to believe
anymore.
492
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:57,370
I just--I need some time
to think.
493
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:05,884
didn't believe you
about the arm.
494
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,212
But I will believe you
when you tell me
495
00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,354
you have Type 2 diabetes.
496
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:09,421
- You know what?
497
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:10,819
Who needs caviar and champagne
498
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,420
when we can be here.
499
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,792
- And guys, I actually
drove us somewhere
500
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,421
and we all survived.
- Just barely!
501
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,427
- Yay, Mommy!
- Yay!
502
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:19,888
[all cheering]
503
00:19:19,926 --> 00:19:22,226
- Cheers for Mom.
- Yay, Mommy.
504
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,232
Yay, Mommy.
505
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,332
- Brooke. Hi.
Oh, my God.
506
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,867
Is Candace totally
ripshit that we're not there?
507
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,472
- No.
508
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,844
She's too busy flirting
with Ernie Krevitt.
509
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:36,143
But I'm really upset.
510
00:19:36,243 --> 00:19:37,813
- Really? I'm so sorry.
511
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,754
We had to make a pit stop
at the ER.
512
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,249
- Can we stay on me?
513
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:45,819
I just--I think
I'm freaking out about Lex.
514
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,522
- Why? What happened?
515
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,264
- As the day gets closer,
I'm just not sure
516
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:52,387
that he's the man
I want to marry again.
517
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:53,855
- Oh, everyone gets cold feet
518
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:55,703
before a...vows renewal.
519
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:58,368
- Oh, and you missed
meeting Joy Green.
520
00:19:58,398 --> 00:20:01,198
You guys both always
give me new perspective.
521
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:04,304
- Oh, thanks, but I'll meet her
at the vows renewal, right?
522
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:07,167
- Ugh, I just can't think
about that right now.
523
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,706
Tell the kids I'm bringing home
524
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,511
100 Sprinkles cupcakes
for each of them.
525
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,284
- Kids, say "Hi" to Aunt Brooke.
526
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,813
all: Hi, Aunt Brooke.
527
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:17,617
- Hi, guys.
Everyone missed you.
528
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:18,950
Jill, I told you
you guys should have
529
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,645
taken the seaplane with us.
530
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,787
- Wait, we could have flown?
531
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,692
- No way!
- Seriously?
532
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:25,794
- Is that true?
We could have flown?
533
00:20:25,825 --> 00:20:27,285
What's wrong with you?
534
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:28,597
- Brooke, I'll
call you back later.
535
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:30,528
If I'm still alive.
536
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,963
- How come you didn't
ask me that?
537
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,568
- Okay, guys, let me explain.
538
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,400
It just felt
a little too extravagant
539
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,835
to fly to Long Island.
540
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:38,309
And no one feels bad for you
541
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,468
if you die in
a private plane crash.
542
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:45,207
And we're Webers,
not vons, remember?
543
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,914
- But we could have been
in a seaplane!
544
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,846
- Why don't you ever let us
have any fun?
545
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,921
- Why don't you ever let us
do anything fun?
546
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:53,550
We missed the party!
547
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,586
[all talking at once]
548
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,385
- Oh, Dr. Wrigley,
Herman was at death's door,
549
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,858
and you wouldn't let him go.
550
00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,755
- [groans]
- You saved him.
551
00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,567
We owe you everything.
552
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,799
- You know, I wish I could say
I did something
553
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:09,865
to bring this about.
554
00:21:09,902 --> 00:21:11,602
Medicine is part science,
555
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,908
part art, and the rest
is a mystery.
556
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,441
- It must have come from above.
557
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:21,607
- Or...below.
558
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:24,818
- For more "Odd Mom Out,"
go to BravoTV.com.
559
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,791
[seagull chirping]
- Oh, dear.
560
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,588
- Left, right, left, right,
left, right.
40117
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