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-It's seven, you must go to school. -Did the alarm go off?

Mr. Mario.

-Mario, it's late. -What?

It's late.

-What is this? -Coffee.

It's 7:30, you need to go to school.

-Hi, Dad. -What about Sunday?

-I may go to the stadium. -I mean Sunday, our waitress!

She is acting stupid, your mother is a lawyer, you are being a jerk.

-I don't like it! -It's late, I am going to school.

Go, it's better. I will break your knee.

-Can I have a quarter of a liter? -What a luxury! Want a sandwich too?

Good morning, guys.

Everybody go in. Don't make a mess.

-What are you doing? It's starting! -Yes!

-Hi, Salvatore. -Hi.

-You are always fat, huh? -And you are always a piece of shit.

-Are you in 3rd B? -Yes, hi. Your name?

It's Ripandelli? She is prettier!

No. This must be a new one.

It's better, I like to change.

-Get in the classroom! -Shut up!

We will show you around Trani.

Is this a dream?

Get a sandwich!

Here. Nightshades are a type of plant.

Let's see if you studied.

Can someone tell me what are the dicotyledons?

-They have a pair of cotyledon. -What did you say?

-They have a pair of cotyledon. -No, my dear.

If you say it like that, it sounds like a bad word.

They are a type of angiosperms

that have two cotyledon,

with a taproot and veiny leaves.

You must say it like that, it has to be clear.

Silence! Come on!

-What are you doing there? -There is a new classmate.

We were introducing each other.

Do you want to tell her all about you in one hour?

Go to the last desk so you can focus better.

Let her go.

The professor threw her at him.

Let's hope that he doesn't like her, so we can try to date her.

Silence!

Since modern school is all about practical work,

each one of you will have to bring a nightshade

so we can see the differences.

Which are the nightshades?

Are there mosquitoes here?

Pay attention, this is a difficult subject.

Nightshades are: peppers, eggplants, zucchini, and tomatoes.

And nothing else.

-Who is there? -Guess.

-Who is there? -Prof. Malimonti.

Did you tell her that I was here?

-Prof. Cacioppo! -Oh, my God!

-Prof. Cacioppo! Where is he? -He was just here.

-Prof. Cacioppo? -Professor?

What the… Good morning, Professor.

I thought you saw me in the staff room.

But then you ran away.

Those demons can't be left alone.

To wish you a happy school year,

I brought you these flowers that I got in my garden.

-Do you recognize them? -Yes, they are myosotis.

Also known as forget-me-nots.

-No, I will write it down. -Professor!

You are always so cheerful, this is why I like you.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye.

See you soon.

You can stay seated!

-Salvatore, the chalk. -Yes, Professor. Here.

My hand is broken again.

Hello, is this the principal of Mamiani High School?

This is the police.

Our informants told us

that there are drugs in your school.

Drugs? In my school?

Impossible! It must be a mistake.

It's not a mistake, we know what we are doing.

And we also know there is a professor who sells it.

-Prof. Cacioppo. -He is one of our best teachers.

I have known him for years.

He is the most simple and honest person there is.

He is smart. You don't know people like that.

They hide it in the most unthinkable places.

-Even in their buttocks. -In the bottom of what?

No, behind. Do you understand me?

Don't let him leave, we will arrest him.

-Yes, I will take care of that. -We are on our way.

Here he comes.

Let me through! Let me through!

-Hurry! The principal! -What happened?

Come in!

It is really unbelievable.

And so you do trips and make people take trips.

-I haven't left in two years. -Don't try to be smart.

You know what I am talking about.

Do you understand the gravity of the situation?

I am doing this for you and also for the school.

Thank you.

-Is this clear? -I didn't understand the last word.

Let it out of the bag!

-Just tell me where it is… -Stop being silly!

Tell the truth, spit it out.

-Spit it out. -Why are you making me do this?

-Spit it out. -As you want.

What are you doing?

I am helping you. Don't you see that you are in great danger?

-Where are you keeping it? -Where do I have it?

If the police find out first, we will all pay for this.

What do the police care about where I keep it?

I will show you where you keep it. Come on, down with your pants!

Unbutton them! Salvatore!

Yes, Mr. Principal.

-But… -It is an order! Do it!

Hello? Am I talking to the principal? It's the police again.

I want to rectify. Mr. Principal, about the drugs,

we got the wrong school, professor and hideout.

Compose yourself.

You can dress yourself.

I am glad to see

that this is a safe place

and that you, Cacioppo, are a clean person.

-Congratulations. -Tha…

Go. Go back to your kids, please.

Should I?

-Mr. Principal… -491, 492,

493, 494,

-495… -And you are even a sporty person!

Since you are new in this metropolis,

do you want me to take you on a night tour of Trani?

We could go to Folies Bergère, Moulin Rouge, have dinner at Chez Maxim's

or do you prefer a tête-à-tête on the Hilton terrace?

-Is there a Hilton in Trani? -No, but I will build one for you.

Tonight I have an invitation at the British court.

Here he goes, Casanova in action.

-What does she have more than us? -Everything.

The small, big jerk talked.

Since Mario is busy, would you like to come to my place?

Really! Both of us together?

-Are you horny? -Silly. I am giving a party.

That's too bad, we have a date with Mario to study all together.

-I am sorry. -Another time.

First quality stuff. Coming from Paris and Canosa.

Look how much it suits you, this is a perfect dress for you.

You have a fit body,

I will put two stitches here and it will be perfect.

This is horrible on you.

Mind your own business, someone else has to wear it.

Miss Rosa, if you put on a strapless bra

the girls will stay up on their own.

Let's go to the fitting room to try them both out.

-These boobs are something else… -I will take care of her.

This damn wretched soul.

How did my wife choose her? She is coming from the Gestapo.

Every time that I get red, because I am about to…

She comes and then I am done.

Miss Rosa.

-Here. Careful.

Look what a bosom!

-I am getting thirsty! -Drink then.

Give me a drink.

Mario! Do you know her? She is a knockout!

I know her, nothing special. I have seen better.

Let me look as well.

She is such a knockout! Come see!

-Yes! -Come!

My goodness!

She is coming to the shop.

-Who is she, Miss Goodness? -Yes! To the hole!

-To the hole! -Come on!

Who are you? The blue balls fairy?

Good morning, Miss. It's an honor.

I'm Teo D'Olivo Magliulo.

What a…

We have clothes for men, women. All good, round stuff.

Since I am sure that you will be coming a lot,

why don't you give me your name so I can write it down?

-My name is Elena Mancuso. -Mancuso.

A good northern name!

Elena, miss…

How can someone not think about Helen of Troy?

Right. How not to?

How not to? I don't know.

Mr. Teo, what do you think about this dress?

Does it make me look fat because it is white?

No… What are you talking about? It's the end of the world!

There is a pocket in front and a pocket behind.

I would make you a dress that goes under here.

Under your bosom. My goodness, what boobs!

I would make you…

-Hey, you. Listen. -What do you want? Who are you?

-Her husband. -Hers?

-Mancuso? -Sicilian.

I was taking her measurements but I prefer men.

You have such a body…

-Start from where you were. -I was under her…

Mr. Teo, did the new swimming suits arrive?

Miss Piuma. Pardon.

How are you? Is your husband doing fine?

Come, I will show you a dress just arrived from New York.

Look, it is the end of the world.

Brown is really good on you.

-She is a customer, Piuma. -He is queer.

That's even better.

This old one never stops talking?

-When is she leaving? -Hurry, we want the hottie!

-I will go check it out. -Don't close the hole.

-Finally, she is leaving! -We can see better from here.

Here she comes!

Jee, she got fat!

We can shorten it up to the knee.

-Hi, Dad. -Hi, dear.

Or we can take this one…

It is a little too daring.

Because your wife is always fully covered, right?

Are you jealous? Your wife should be jealous of you

because you are so fascinating, you look like Omar Sharif.

When you get something more appropriate for my wife we will come back.

Yes, come back.

Elena, let's go!

-Bye. -Bye!

-What were you saying? -Dad, are you feeling well?

I have to pretend to be a faggot with these few customers

that I would actually like to kill!

Why do you work? Mom is a lawyer and makes money for all three of us.

And I am from Scandinavia! Your mother works and I am her pimp.

Your mother is a feminist and I am a "malist".

-Thank God, I was scared. -I will slap you.

Go, Simona!

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

Good job, Simona!

-Got you! Give me a kiss! -Let go of me, silly!

Give me that ball! Let's be calm, this isn't a war.

This is a basketball game.

Let's try to be fair without killing anyone.

-Excuse me. -Don't worry.

Put me down!

Go, Simona!

-Foul! -I saw it, it's a foul!

-Shut up, he said it already! -Let's do it again, I liked it!

-Do it to your sister, jerk! -I will expel you!

-What happened? -He called the referee a jerk.

-Me? -No, me.

So? The ball!

Ready? Go!

Get the basketball. Turn it.

Salvatore!

-Let go of it! -They put glue on it.

Glue?

-Is there another ball? -No!

The game is over, then.

Careful with Mario. He was nice with us as well.

He told me that I was his first love.

-If I were you, I wouldn't date him. -Sure.

He likes you because you are new.

Once he gets what he wants, he will dump you.

Mario is really dangerous then.

-Aren't you a little jealous? -Yes.

Before you fall for him as well, let's trick him

and make him look ridiculous in front of the whole school.

-Are you in? -Of course,

If it's for the sake of us women. What joke are you thinking about?

Pretend that you live in a house that I will give you.

Make up a sad story, make him fall in love and then make him go to the gym.

-We will take care of the rest. -All right.

Very nice. This is a classic eggplant.

Delicate to cook, but easy because you can also avoid putting salt in it.

Good. Go to your place. Put it away.

Girardi… Girardi brought a potato.

A Dutch one. Long and white. Good job!

It's scientific name is tuber, don't forget it, it's important.

-Good job, Simona. Put it in. -Put it in.

-You? -I brought this.

Good job, Martocchia, you're always joking.

You brought a cabbage.

This isn't a nightshade so I will give you an F.

Go sit down. So you'll learn not to be silly.

Guys, the lesson is over.

Did you all give me the vegetables? Good job, goodbye.

-Why didn't the bell ring? -One thing at a time.

The bell must ring on time. She got in and surprised me.

The bell is needed so one professor gets in and another one leaves.

This time it is not Salvatore's fault, I came in too early.

Go, Salvatore.

-The bell. -Why are you in a rush?

-I'm sorry! -Don't worry. I get some fresh air.

They make bad fabrics nowadays.

You're getting always more reserved, I don't ever see you.

I just got this jacket, what will I do now?

Come to my place tonight, I can sew it up.

No, thank you.

-Now I have a summer jacket. -Then we can play pool.

I must mark the assignments.

We could have been a good couple at pool.

I shoot and you come closer…

Don't miss the movie in TV, Somebody Up There Likes Me.

You'd need a climber.

-Goodbye, Professor. -Goodb… No, thank you.

He's shy!

Sit down.

No, guys. This isn't working.

You wanted a composition of your choice,

but other than Santarelli, who wrote about Giolitti,

all of you chose absurd subjects.

But the most provocative one is Martocchia's.

-Present. -Yes, yours.

You wrote about the importance of thighs in modern society!

Silence! Now after having picked the subject you can choose the grade.

-Do you want F or F-? -Why can't I get a better grade?

-Make a better composition then. -How funny!

Guys, you have to understand that you are in high school.

I will let you hear what your classmate wrote.

I appreciate absoluteness, even absolute stupidity.

If you confess it was you, I won't even punish you.

There's a mouse around here. Here it is!

-Don't worry, it's fake. -I thought so.

I don't have a scooter. Can you take me home?

I prefer not to. They like to gossip around here.

But I can come see you. Give me your address.

-Is 5:00 all right? -Okay.

Salvatore!

Salvatore! Salvatore!

Here he is!

Salvatore! Come, there is a mouse!

-A mouse! -Where is it?

Here it is, do you see it?

-What? Are you shaking? -Of course, it's cold in here!

-Bye. -See you later.

-They aren't talking to you. -They don't care about us.

-Isn't he coming with you? -No, but it's a good sign.

He's always bragging, but this time he's being reserved.

But if he won't come, you don't need that house.

He's coming to my place at 5:00.

-Good job! -Lucky you.

Don't say stupid things! We have more time to get ready.

Each one of us must do their part without mercy.

This also includes you. Don't you try to betray us.

-Do we agree? -Okay.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Hi. -Hi.

-I'm Federico. -And I'm Simona.

-What do you do, Simona? -I study, and you?

I drive. Come, I'll give you a ride.

-Where are we going? -To the old pine woods. Thank you.

Okay.

-It must be a bad life. -Mine? And why?

Not yours. The taxi driver's life.

Maybe they want to go to the new pine woods

but they have to go to the new.

-They are always around. -Yes, but it's their job.

One should pick their job, do only what they want to do.

You said a big truth, you're clever.

I'm a genius, actually.

Here it is.

-Thank you. -Do you want me to wait for you?

-No, it will take me four or five hours. -All right, maybe I'll see you again.

-Bye. -Bye.

Vidal shower gel, an extract of pine tree

which creates a rich and active lather.

Vidal charges you with vitality…

-Salvatore, is this you? -No, it's Santa.

Did you see?

You're late. Did you stop to chat?

No, I'm tired of taking this stuff all the time.

-It's your idea. -I'm the head and you're the arm.

Do you want a professor with a 15-year career

to take vegetables from school to his house?

Do you remember what your father said before leaving town?

Check on Salvatore, make him work.

-Yes, but this is too much. -I'm hungry, hand me the tomatoes.

Hand me the tomatoes!

Here, the tomatoes.

Do you know what happened in 3rd B?

-What? -There was a mouse!

All girls were screaming and pulling their skirts up.

The mouse wouldn't leave and all skirts were still up.

Salvatore, clean the tomatoes and hand me the carrots.

And there is something more…

-What? -Nothing, good job.

When I see women with their skirts up…

I can't do it anymore, my strength goes down.

All girls standing on their desks

and with their skirts up, I went there on purpose.

In my hometown I didn't see that.

That mouse was such fun for me.

You always think about women? In every woman there is a scam.

-That's what I like. -You'll get scammed again.

-Give me a celery, get the carrots. -Give celery, clean carrots.

Are you a telegraphist? Forget about veggies.

Let's make an omelet.

-Do we have eggs? -Yes.

Here they are.

An omelet… Mom is right, eggs are heavy.

We can't take stuff from school anymore.

These kids have no respect for anyone.

Did you set the alarm?

-Oh, my God! -See you up there.

Careful.

It looks good.

You know what? I am not hungry anymore.

-Yes? -It's me.

-Hi. -How quick! Did you run?

It's good for a stroke.

This place is nice. Do you live here alone?

No, with my mother.

But she is never home, she's a nanny.

We moved here to follow her employers.

Does your mom come home late at night?

It depends.

Tonight she will not come home at all.

Her employers went to the theater, so…

-Aren't you afraid of being alone? -Yes, a little bit.

It is not right that a pretty girl like you lives like that.

It is pretty here, but you deserve much more.

-Do you really like me, Mario? -So much.

But you are used to many pretty girls.

No, they don't matter.

I love you.

Please, if it is a lie, don't say it to me.

It would hurt me.

I swear it's true, believe me.

-Mario, what are you doing? -Simona, what do you want me to do?

No, no…

-Mario, no. -I love you.

-Who is there? -It's us.

-Oh, my God, Vera. -I am coming.

Hi, Simona, how are you? We didn't know you had company.

-I am here by accident. -He brought back a literature book.

-Yes. -Good, tomorrow we have Latin literature.

-I brought you that light to study. -Thank you. How nice!

If you don't get offended, I brought you butter and milk…

some orange juice…

and a roasted chicken. We knew that you don't have much.

-And your mother doesn't have time. -Thank you, how nice!

I am leaving.

-As you prefer. -Yes, we are here.

-Goodbye. -Bye.

-Mario, what do you have behind you? -I don't know.

-See? We arrived in time. -Yes, just barely.

We won the first round.

My father will not rent this place, I told him that we come here to study.

Yes, study how to trick Mario.

Hi.

-Hi. -We meet again.

We meet often.

If we were in New York, it would be more difficult, but here…

-Where should I take you? -Let's go this way, thank you.

-Can you wait? -Hurry, my butt hurts.

I will fly.

-Good evening. -Hi, are they at the table?

-Yes. -Thank you.

-Hi, Dad. -Hello, dear.

-Hi, Mom. -We are going to the theater.

-What do you have on your head? -It's a new hairdo.

I am not dressed yet, so I can save it.

-With this foulard I can save it. -It's some kind of a monument

that is yet to be displayed and still covered with a curtain.

Shut up, butcher! You know nothing about fashion.

Here talked milady.

Give me my Fernet-Branca.

-You don't want to eat? -No, I will get ready and leave.

-Bye, Dad. -Bye.

Bye, honey. Who are you going out with?

-A friend of mine. -Don't be late.

We will wait up for you.

You fall asleep ten minutes before going to bed!

I have an idea for the movie.

-Tell me more. -It's a backwards story.

A mother brainwashed by her rich boss

is saved by her daughter who seduces the boss.

-Do you like it? -Yes.

As soon as I find the money, I will make it.

Enough of these commercial movies

that make only the producers get rich.

An artistic movie would be better.

Not just that, we need a movie to set a new pace.

I always say that to those rich men without even an idea.

-Get me some wine. Hi, Federico. -Hi.

That is Minghetti, a sculptor.

He is a jerk. He still makes natural statues with tits and asses.

Do you know Bernini, Michelangelo and Brunelleschi?

-And he does all that? -No, he makes even uglier stuff.

-Do you want to eat something else? -No. It was a lot of pizza.

I don't like their pizza but I come here to have fun.

-Be patient, we are about to close. -Add it to my tab, then.

-No, you don't have a tab anymore. -Just remember then.

-It doesn't matter, I will pay. -Good job, yes.

-What did you tell him? -Nothing, I don't speak well.

You have one minute!

-It's the blonde one from the shop. -My heart is going faster.

-She gets more beautiful every day. -Did you see what a stunner?

No…

-Guys, look Salvatore. -I would rather look at her.

He is eating her with his eyes.

-Her husband would kill him. -Is he jealous?

He chases her with his bodyguards.

We have to give him a lesson.

-A good one. -Why? I would be jealous too.

-I'm talking about Salvatore. -Come on! Yes!

Let's hide…

-Salvatore! The bell. -What are you… The bell!

-A girl came, she was naked. -My goodness.

Then a second one arrived and she was naked, and a third one too.

They were all naked? What did you do?

-Who's there? -It's busy.

Do it all, huh?

-Is she really easy? -Yes, I have already slept with her.

-Who is she? -That beautiful lady

that every morning comes to the building near here.

-She goes to Rocco Mancuso. -Are you talking about that stunner?

-I will try to sleep with her too. -Yes, you need a good plan.

If you talk to her in the street, she will not reply.

You follow her to her house and you go in the elevator behind her.

She is a nymphomaniac.

As soon as you are alone, she will make love to you.

-In the elevator? -Yes!

She will stop it in between floors and jump on you.

Good morning, I was waiting for you.

-Did something happen? -Not yet.

This is embarrassing, right?

But it is also exciting, being together alone in this room.

I must confess that I feel a shiver down my spine.

-You must have a fever. -How funny!

-Don't be shy. -No.

I know you, I see how you look at me.

Let yourself go, Professor.

Without any hesitation.

Don't you run away from me.

You're such an introvert, let go of your inhibitions.

Come on, jump on me!

If you want to kiss me, do it.

What are you waiting for? Do it!

Finally you have given up, now you are mine!

-What are you doing here? -It is Prof. Cacioppo.

He fainted and I was trying to help him.

-Come on, it's nothing! -Are you also going to beat me up?

-No, wait. I will drive it. -All right.

-Isn't Mario coming? -You can't count on him.

-He was talking to Simona. -He is in love then.

The joke scared Prof. Cacioppo. Yesterday we did another one.

-Which one? -The one with the pinwheel.

-She got him good. -I hope that he doesn't get her.

That would be vile.

I see, but having seen how delicate this is

it would be fair that our meeting may be held by the superintendent.

I will tell him.

-Does anyone object? -It's fine for me.

As long as it won't rain or we will be screwed up.

There is a woman here, come on.

Sorry, I meant that with a shitty weather we would get ruined.

All right. Santarelli, read the verbal of the meeting.

-What? -Read it.

"Today, etcetera etcetera, the faculty council, etcetera,

for the 15th anniversary of Prof. Ilario Cacioppo, proposes:

starter, fettuccine, roast with potatoes, cheese, fruit and sweets.

Ten thousand lira a person, restaurant to be decided."

-Any objections? -Perfect.

Mr. Principal, I have another idea.

-Tell me. -Why the usual lunch?

We could celebrate the professor

with something more modern, dynamic and cheerful.

A little bit of music, we dance a little bit.

Trust me.

As long as we don't get wet. Pour it in the glass.

-You are jinxing me. -Me?

Why did I have to end up with Popeye's daughter?

You can't say no to her, if she touches you, you are dead.

Salvatore!

This is a procession.

Good morning, Madam.

-Where are you going? -I am with her.

-Go on. -Thank you.

-Pardon. Should I do it or you? -I am going to the penthouse.

I know.

This is a dream, I will never forget it.

I believe you! Me too.

-Here I come. -How can I help you?

-I think I went to the wrong floor. -I think that everything is wrong.

-I think so too. -Get in.

-Do you think they killed him? -No, it would be a problem.

They don't want us to talk…

We'd better disappear. It doesn't work without Mario.

What doesn't work?

-Good morning, Professor. -Good morning.

-What are you doing here? -We are getting some fresh air.

I didn't think about it. I can't believe it.

Next Sunday I will come for a stroll here.

You are here, where Salvatore got in.

-We were wondering where he went. -What do you care?

-We are just curious. -Yes?

If you tricked him, I will kick your ass.

-No, no tricks. -We never do such things.

-Goodbye, Professor. -See you soon.

Where did he go?

-Get me. -Salvatore. What did you do?

-Wake up. -Nothing, am I dead?

-No, you are just a jerk. -That's better.

-I am warm, what about you? -Not really.

-You are hot as well. -What? Are you undressing me?

-Yes, I can't take it anymore. -No, wait.

I don't want to feel forced.

Look, there is a hare!

-Armando! Look. -What the…

-Did you see that chick? -What do I care? I don't shoot chickens!

These are formulas, numbers, very small doses…

Sometimes experiments succeed and other times they don't.

-He wants to drink everything. -My goodness…

I contacted the Animal Protection so that they would give you a medal.

You saved the hare. The hunters were looking at you.

But the hare saved me.

Guys…

Don't forget to study the chemical formulas I explained to you.

Next time I will ask you about them. Don't forget about it. Bye.

Stay seated.

-Prof. Cacioppo. -Prof. Malimonti.

Did you notice

that whenever we see each other, the bells are ringing?

As if it is Easter!

-He is distracted. -Do you still have that powder?

-Of course. -Let's go.

-How is it going with Mario? -Very well, he is in love.

He will take me for a ride today.

-Good job! -It's working!

Wait, I ran to get here in time

because I wanted your opinion.

-Do you like this new dress of mine? -It is beautiful.

-I wore it just for you. -Otherwise you'd go around naked?

You always like to joke around.

I'm trying to be elegant for you.

Do you know where I got it?

In the boutique of our student, D'Olivo.

Do you know it?

They have beautiful clothes for men as well.

Why don't you try to go there?

-Go there. -Yes, I will go there right away.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye.

This car is so beautiful.

-It belongs to my mother. -Does she let you drive it?

She went to Milan by train so that I could have it.

Mothers…

I like you because you are a good girl.

You are a good guy as well.

But if you do this…

You think about nothing but this. You worry me.

You should be worried if I didn't. Did you look at yourself?

-You are exaggerating. -You are a knockout.

-Come on, be good. -What do you mean?

I have to plant my seeds here. Can you do it somewhere else?

-See? How embarrassing. Sorry. -I am going.

Sooner or later they'll come to screw in my house!

-Bye. -Bye.

Sorry, I forgot. See if you like it.

-It is beautiful. -Why don't you wear it?

Here, in the middle of the street? What should I tell my mother?

That a friend gave it to you and you'll wear it at Cacioppo's party.

-When will I meet your mother? -Soon.

Not tonight. Her employers are having a party.

-You will be alone then. -Please, don't start again.

Just a kiss to thank you and good night.

-Bye. -Bye.

Simona! What are you looking at?

-Hi, Federico! -Hi. I haven't seen you in a while.

A friend of mine arrived and I have been busy.

-Male or female friend? -No, I am working so much.

Let me show you my office.

I can't tonight. I asked my father to come pick me up.

-Here he comes. Wait, Dad. -Hurry up, it's late.

I will give you the address.

If you want to come see me, I will show you my house.

-Here. -It is an idea.

-Simona! If you find me, it means I'm there!

-Bye, you crazy person! -Bye!

Let's go!

What a car! Maybe I have found the money!

Mario, you have been so kind. But she dodged you again.

Aren't you a little too kind?

No, because now I will turn around.

-Where are you going? -To meet your sister!

Look what you did to look at that whore with that old man.

Look! Get down, jerk!

He is right, I am a jerk.

Let's go, hurry up!

Every morning it's like this.

Hurry up!

Hurry, you are late!

-We are coming. -Salvatore!

You are full of Band-Aids. She didn't want to sleep with you, huh?

Yes, only your sister is always willing to sleep with me.

Come on, it's late!

Poor Salvatore! He still carries the signs of the stunner!

Who? The Sicilian one? Yesterday she came to the shop

and maybe she will come today too because the new models are arriving.

-We will come to you then. -Do what you want.

We are going there today,

but don't act too horny or I will not take you.

-Come in. -Can I?

-Come. -What?

-They want you on the phone. -Who is it?

Sorry, I didn't ask.

Let's look each other in the eyes.

Don't have people call you here, this is an office phone.

-All right. Hello? -Salvatore, is this you?

-Yes. -I am Elena Mancuso. Remember me?

-The elevator. -Yes, I remember.

Dear little Salvatore, I am mortified.

If you knew what I had to do to find you…

I want to apologize for what happened to you because of me.

Just to think about it, I freeze.

If you only knew what my husband makes me go through.

He is too jealous.

I want to see you to apologize.

Salvatore. We must see each other.

Yes, it's a good idea. When? Where?

Today at four I will go to see some clothes at Mr. D'Olivo's shop.

It sounds like a good chance. But be cautious.

Wear a disguise so no one will recognize you.

You don't need help, you are the man around town.

-Will you be there? -I will!

Thank you!

This is crazy. Something serious must've happened.

Baroque was a great artistic movement

which started during the Counter-Reformation

after the Renaissance.

It had its biggest center in Rome. Do you remember from whom?

-Two aces. -Two aces? Who said that?

-I did. -Wonderful, good definition.

There were two aces: Bernini and Borromini.

And now I'll show you the architectonic style of the Baroque.

Looking at it, that Paolina wasn't that good.

At least she is young, not like your friend.

-What friend? -I saw him yesterday.

He has a car and a lot of money, but he will always be a mummy.

And would you tell him face to face?

-Me? I would smack him. -Okay.

It would have happened someday. Today I'll introduce him to you.

Where is everyone?

-The Commander is by the pool. -Thank you. Let's go.

She goes with a commander!

Come, Mario.

-Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! -Hi, honey!

Meet Mario, a friend of mine.

Good, dear. Come. This is your boyfriend?

No, he sits next to me in class.

-Why is he like this? He can't talk? -So?

-Are you sad that he's my father? -No, Simona, I'm sad that you…

How's work, Ma'am? Did they give you a raise?

-Where's the pig that left her? -Are you crazy?

What is he saying?

This house, this pool, this maid… It's all a brothel!

Also you. And put on your britches, you're horrible!

-What is this? Is he a communist? -I don't know.

But he's the best boy in the world.

And if he was the worst in the world, what would have happened here?

-Do you like this striped shirt? -Yes, I like it.

I like all of these shirts, and I would like one for a party.

-White, then. -Yes.

Giuditta! The truck has arrived.

-Sorry, I'll be back soon. -Go, don't worry.

-One moment. -Yes, I'm not in a hurry anyways.

-Let me check. -There's everything.

-Salvato! Why did you dress like this? -Shut up, it doesn't concern you.

No! It concerns everyone!

-What an ugly dummy. -Yeah, what about you?

-What do you say, Professor? -It's pretty blue.

-What's blue? -Everything.

-This is all oat color. -Really? I see it blue.

Salvato!

Damn it! Let's go, don't be a kid.

There's also Prof. Cacioppo. Two birds with one stone!

-I don't care. -You're missing something good.

Leave me alone!

-You can't stay here. -But I have an appointment.

-Remember, be vigilant. -Yeah, don't worry.

-You stay here, I'll go in the back. -Okay.

-I would break your… -So, did that dress arrive?

Mr. Mancuso, I gave you my word. Here it is.

Damn, now also faggots have a word of honor?

Is he implying that I'm gay? Let me tell you this story.

I was in Florence, at a fashion show.

At the station they called me a vegetable name that I don't remember.

-Was it celery? Carrot? -Fennel.

-You were in Florence before me? -Can I try it on?

-Can she try it on? -Go with her.

-I have to go with you? -No, I'll do it myself.

-Now what do we do? -You do the dummy.

Be like this. Your arm needs to be still. A sign…

We must hurry, honey.

My goodness, what a twist!

Fantastic! Mario, come look. This time it will end with gun shots.

It'd better.

-Come on! -I should have a fake fly.

-Hurry! -Calm down.

Down! Hurry!

Come on!

Go on, Cacioppo.

What?

Did I hurt you?

-Elena! Why did you scream? -I poked myself with a needle!

-Close. -Open!

-One moment! -Open, God damn it!

Open!

-Now! -Good evening.

Open!

Saint Rosalia! She's dead!

She's dead, but she's always hot.

-Mario is in love. -And you?

If you fall for him, it's a betrayal.

No, don't worry.

Actually, at this point this prank is perfect.

-Should we do it tonight? -Yes, it's the perfect night.

Mirella, spread the word, we'll al be there at 9 p.m.

-Okay. -Bye.

-Bye. -Bye.

Mario is diabolical. He was the one that pranked you at school.

Really? Before I suspected him, now I'm sure.

-We must teach him a lesson. -You're right.

-Tomorrow I'll kill him. -You'll get in trouble.

Instead we thought about pranking him.

But we need you. -I'm here. What do I have to do?

With a wig that we will give you, wait at the gym, in the dark.

He'll think that it's Simona.

You'll throw your arms around his neck

and you'll hide your face, so nobody will know it's you.

Then we'll take some photos and we'll send it to everyone at school.

So everyone will see

that the famous ladies' man likes transvestites.

-What do you say? -I can't wait. When will we do it?

-Cry, cry. -This wretched faggot!

You don't need to cry, I don't have that expensive dress anymore.

-Who got it? -Who got it?

-It's not here. -After all these years of service!

-I didn't touch it! -You stole the model.

Me? Don't insult me, I'll tell the lady.

I don't give a shit! Tell everyone, I'm the owner!

You know what? You're fired!

-Try to say it one more time. -I fire you!

What should a weak lady do?

First you smack me then you cry?

-Eat something, it's good for you. -I'm not hungry, leave me alone.

You're not feeling well?

Simona, now that we prepared everything, you're backing out?

I don't feel like it today.

-You only have to make a phone call. -I'll dial the number.

Are you aware you're not looking at me for a while now?

I'll look at you only if you go away.

-Hello? -Why didn't you go to school?

-How are you? -I'm not good, I hope I die.

Mario, I need to talk to you. Can I see you tonight?

I don't have anything to say. Stupid, false, jerk and also a whore!

-Did you call me? -No.

Tell him about tonight.

Okay. Since you are presumptuous and you don't understand,

I'll wait for you at the gym so we can solve everything.

Good, tonight we'll clear everything.

-I have never done this. -Who will recognize you?

When you'll hug Mario, you have to do like this.

-I'm not Mario! -And I'm not gay. I won't do it.

-Come on, Salvatore. -Okay, let's go.

Damn it!

So, what do you say about these kids, Cacioppo?

They're good.

-Good. Do they keep up with science? -Yes.

-Good. -Good evening.

-That Ridolini kid, how's it going? -He's quick.

-We have to inform the parents. -Yes.

-I'll hop to the gym for a bit. -Hop? At this hour?

I forgot the tracksuit.

-Goodbye. -Goodbye.

The tracksuit? At this hour?

Who is it?

What a show! And in front of the kids!

-When will you become a man? -Don't leave me. Don't leave me.

It's Sodom and Gomorrah?

Mrs. Ileana, if you only knew what your husband has done to me!

-What? -You can't imagine!

In half an hour I must be at the office. We'll talk about it later.

-Don't worry. -He's a delinquent!

But he'll pay dear for it because he can't do this.

Not to me, madam!

-What are you doing? -This was stolen.

-You're crazy! -It's an exclusive Cardin model.

-Don't talk bullshit. -Where did you buy it?

-They gave it to me as a gift. -Who?

-It's my business! -No, it's my business. Come with me.

-Leave me alone. -Come with me.

They want you on the phone.

-Who is bothering me? -Miss Simona.

What does she want?

Hello? What?

At the police station?

What's this story about a stolen dress?

-They stole her dress? -Are they crazy?

Did you tell that imbecile that I could buy you a shopping mall?

Wait, I'm coming right over.

They're accusing her of stealing a dress.

-Take out the car. -I'm coming with you.

-It's better if you get dressed. -Of course.

Call the lawyer and tell him to meet me at the police station.

It's absurd that they're blaming our girl.

With all that's been happening in Italy, they lost their minds.

Sir, we can't do it anymore. Robberies, kidnappings, car thefts…

You can't imagine how much work we have to do.

At least try to collaborate.

The charge is precise.

If you refuse to talk, you just confirm the accusation.

Tell me who gave you the dress and you'll be free.

Tell him.

No, I'll talk only when my lawyer is here.

-You see how irritating she is? -I blame the movies.

-Can I enter? -You're already in.

Are you fasting? Me and you have to talk.

I'm a good person, but you know what happens when I get upset.

You have to eat.

I found out that you and our maid Domenica fuck.

I was 20 too and I understand these things.

But you need your vitamins exactly for this reason.

Don't eat some salad and pasta, but a sandwich with some meat inside.

Do I have to do the plane, like when you were little?

It's good for you, look here.

It's also good.

Perfect, look.

-Who is it? -Hello?

-Yes. Dad, it's the police. -The police?

Hello?

Hello? Yes, it's me, D'Olivo.

Yes, officer. Tell me.

Did they find the thief?

Okay, right away.

Sorry, I'm constipated with a sandwich and a cold.

See you later.

-They found the dress. -Yes?

A girl had it. Now I have to go to the police station.

If someone calls me… Never mind. Domenica!

If someone phones me, tell them to call me back on Monday.

-What a week! -Did you see how lucky!

What are you doing? Bring me a shirt, I'm in a hurry.

Things from another world! Tell me, Mr. Officer,

A man of my economic and industrial power,

a man that came from the North to build an industry here…

that feeds 200 families…

-I make eight million… -Of bayonets?

Of sausages a year.

I wouldn't buy a dress for my baby girl?

I'd get her a golden dress!

-Yes but let's sit, I have an headache. -You're right.

But you still didn't answer.

Madam, we can't discuss this.

Your girl told me that the dress was a present.

-I would like to know from who. -I would like to know it too.

-What is it? -Mr. D'Olivo is here.

-Let him in. -Only I can say it. Let him in!

-Good morning. -He said that I stole the dress.

Don't you dare blame a poor, weak and defenseless woman!

-Sit down! -I'm gonna lose my mind.

Officer, I want to know who stole the dress.

I'm good and all, but if I get upset, I can break their bones!

-You are Mr. D'Olivo? -Yes.

-Officer Athorse. -At horse?

-What's so funny? -Officers go on horses.

You go on horses?

-My father is Athorse and I'm Athorse too. -Your mom goes by foot?

-Let's not talk about horses. -These hillbillies…

-You don't like it? It's good. -Let's talk about this dress.

I could buy thousands and thousands of these rags!

-Who is that man? -He's the father of the girl.

-And who's the girl? -She's the daughter of sausage man.

-Of course. -Come in.

-Come in. -There's the defendant's lawyer.

-What defendant? -Silence. Let him pass.

-Come in. -Good morning.

-You took too much time to come! -Teo!

-What are you doing here? -And what are you doing here?

-You know each other? -That man is my husband.

-So she's my wife. -You are here for the accusation.

I work for the defendant.

Of course she defends someone who comes against me!

-She's going against her husband! -I don't understand anything.

-Sorry. -Please, tell me what you want.

Come in.

-There's a kid, it's urgent. -Don't you see that I'm busy?

-It's about the case. -Let him in.

Come in.

Sorry, Dad.

Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Simona.

Look, the communist!

Officer, I'm the thief.

Colleagues, dear boys and girls,

it's with immense pleasure that today we're celebrating

the 15th year that Prof. Cacioppo teaches here.

-Hurray! -Congratulations!

A good man, a perfect teacher,

an example for everyone,

despite some episodes of youthful exuberance, am I right?

A man that with his honesty, his intelligence, and his seriousness,

and I'm sure that I'm not saying something wrong,

would bring joy to every woman.

Did you hear what he said, Professor?

This man is always first to arrive…

I was supposed to be there instead of him? You wanted to prank me.

Instead you pranked me.

-What prank? -You made me fall in love.

And I hope

that he will not only teach for another 15 years

but for another 150 years!

I wish everyone happiness. I'm done!

-Good job! -Should we make a toast?

Of course.

Cheers!

It doesn't matter, it's good luck! Let's dance!

You'll be mine all night long, don't run away!

No.

-It's good, right? -You go dance with her.

-I can't do it anymore. -Let's do the tango.

Have fun!

We're lucky to have nice weather.

It was always sunny.

-But it could rain… -I don't understand.

-You checked the weather report? -No, I feel it my bones.

-They have nothing to do with it. -But sometimes…

No, I can assure you that here it won't rain.

Let's hope so.

Damn it!

The cake!

Speech! Speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech!

-Speech! Speech! -Okay, it's a pleasure.

Thanks to everyone and let's have a toast!

Cheers!

It doesn't matter, it's good luck! Cheers!

Cheers! We can never drink here!

Happy birthday to you…

Mom!