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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,413 --> 00:00:07,655
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:11,251
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,328 --> 00:00:14,254
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,331 --> 00:00:17,758
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:21,186
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,263 --> 00:00:22,596
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:22,672 --> 00:00:23,671
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:29,737
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:34,140 --> 00:00:37,320
We now return to House Hunters: Westeros.
11
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:39,220
I love it. Sold!
12
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:41,310
Be warned, Khaleesi.
13
00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:43,480
The fourth bedroom has
no point of egress.
14
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:46,220
And the HOA is known to be...
15
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,480
unmerciful.
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- Shame.
17
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,250
Shame.
18
00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,310
Trash cans must be off the curb
by 10:00 a.m.!
19
00:00:54,310 --> 00:00:56,320
And pick up after your dragons!
20
00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:57,900
Hey, can somebody change
the channel?
21
00:00:57,980 --> 00:01:00,920
I'll watch anything except these
stupid home renovation shows.
22
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,500
-What's wrong with them?
-Besides their lack of Kermits?
23
00:01:03,580 --> 00:01:06,650
Lots of things. It's mindless,
cookie-cutter entertainment
24
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,260
for wish-fulfillment nobodies.
25
00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:10,320
And the more I watch
these stupid shows,
26
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,320
the more I realize
I really love 'em.
27
00:01:12,330 --> 00:01:13,830
Oh, my God-- me, too!
28
00:01:13,830 --> 00:01:15,840
It's the only thing
I watch on planes.
29
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,350
No! Why would they pick that
house over the ranch-style?
30
00:01:19,420 --> 00:01:20,850
It's close to the city center,
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00:01:20,930 --> 00:01:23,350
which, according
to these shows, is important.
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00:01:23,430 --> 00:01:26,350
You know, I bet we could do
our own HGTV show.
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00:01:26,430 --> 00:01:29,510
If those Property Husbands can
do it, we can do it.
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00:01:29,510 --> 00:01:31,120
They're brothers, Cleveland.
35
00:01:31,190 --> 00:01:33,190
They're husbands.
36
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,290
Are you guys suggesting
we make our own show
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00:01:35,290 --> 00:01:36,850
instead of going to the doctor
38
00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:38,440
for our lethally high
blood pressure?
39
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,350
-Uh, y-you could easily do both.
-One or the other.
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00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:42,950
Let's do it. It'll be fun.
41
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,520
And, you know, we haven't done
anything together
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00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:46,510
since we rode that ride
at the amusement park.
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00:01:48,050 --> 00:01:50,380
I feel like, uh, I might be
too heavy for this ride.
44
00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:53,050
No, no, they account for all
types of people. You're fine.
45
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,120
--Aah! Help!
46
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,040
I'm too heavy!
Glenn! I'm too heavy!
47
00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,060
I'm too heavy, Mr. Quagmire!
48
00:02:00,130 --> 00:02:03,170
I'm too heavy!
I'm too heavy, Glenn!
49
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,990
I'm too heavy.
50
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,610
I'm too heavy.
I'm too heavy.
51
00:02:12,070 --> 00:02:13,310
Why are you wearing that?
52
00:02:13,390 --> 00:02:15,900
Did you go to that John Popper
estate sale?
53
00:02:15,980 --> 00:02:18,390
No, me and the guys are
doing our own HGTV show.
54
00:02:18,390 --> 00:02:22,000
What?! I'm a mom!
I love those shows!
55
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,620
I would've done that with you.
56
00:02:23,620 --> 00:02:25,910
I'm just sitting here,
reading a blank book.
57
00:02:25,990 --> 00:02:28,660
When it's not my story,
they give me empty books.
58
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:31,570
Sorry, we already shot
our first one. Check it out.
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00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:33,180
This week on Kitchen House,
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00:02:33,260 --> 00:02:34,760
the kitchen boys take on
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00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:36,260
a four-bed, three-bath craftsman
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00:02:36,410 --> 00:02:40,340
and transform it into anonsense seven-kitch', no-bath.
63
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,510
But first they meet with some new clients
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00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:44,930
looking to make updates to an old family home.
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00:02:45,010 --> 00:02:47,250
Okay, the first thing I'd do
is take down this wall
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00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,340
to open up the kitchen.
67
00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:49,590
Just make this
whole room a kitchen.
68
00:02:49,590 --> 00:02:51,420
And then
I'm gonna gut this bathroom,
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00:02:51,430 --> 00:02:53,350
pull out all the toilets
and make it a kitchen.
70
00:02:53,430 --> 00:02:55,260
Same thing upstairs.
And in the master.
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00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,260
So, we won't have any toilets?
72
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,600
Well, sinks are
basically toilets.
73
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,520
I mean, th-they're both just
holes with water.
74
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,120
But it feels different.
75
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:03,450
I can show you and you'll see
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00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:05,120
there's a very
minimal difference.
77
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,940
Uh, I just don't think I can go
to the bathroom in a sink.
78
00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:10,110
That's what everyone says
until they do it once.
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00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:12,890
And then you realize they're
both just holes with water.
80
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,450
-Why do you keep saying that?
-Because it's true.
81
00:03:15,450 --> 00:03:17,560
Now, let me walk you through
my thoughts on the garage.
82
00:03:17,630 --> 00:03:19,280
You see where
that car is parked?
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00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:21,300
Imagine that, all kitchen.
84
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,310
♪ Five front doors. ♪
85
00:03:24,340 --> 00:03:26,170
So, the first thing I think
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00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,600
when I look at this house is
"Not enough front doors."
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00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,350
And before you ask,
this is in no way related
88
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,830
to any OCD compulsion I have
89
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:35,680
about needing doors
to correspond to each weekday.
90
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:38,430
Now, let's go buy
some doors and big hammers.
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00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,360
♪ Five front doors. ♪
92
00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,950
Okay, we got our doors
and big hammers.
93
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:45,840
Now it's time for
my favorite part of every job:
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00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,360
the demo.
95
00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,460
Are you sure Lois said
this is okay?
96
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,030
Yeah, yeah, it's
five front doors, Cleveland.
97
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,350
It makes sense.
All right, start on five:
98
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:56,860
one, two, three, four, five!
99
00:03:59,530 --> 00:04:01,620
What the hell
are you doing, Peter?!
100
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,380
Five front doors, Lois!
101
00:04:03,380 --> 00:04:06,210
Damn it! Did you stop taking
your OCD meds?
102
00:04:06,290 --> 00:04:07,810
They don't make me
feel creative.
103
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,430
Five front doors!
104
00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:16,480
Are you gonna at least fix
this huge hole in our wall?
105
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,650
I mean, we're one step away
106
00:04:17,730 --> 00:04:19,800
from being
a blue-tarp-on-the-house family,
107
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,230
and that's always been
my line in the sand.
108
00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:23,550
I'm gonna do
what all husbands do
109
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:24,720
when they screw
something up:
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00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:26,640
tuck my penis high
between my butt
111
00:04:26,660 --> 00:04:28,740
and hire a professional
to fix it for me.
112
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,060
I can't wait to own a house.
113
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:41,750
Hey! This is my house!
114
00:04:41,830 --> 00:04:43,660
I'm gonna jump
forward but backwards
115
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:45,250
to show you how serious I am!
116
00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:50,670
Oh, hi.
117
00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:53,260
If I knew my lap was
gonna have visitors,
118
00:04:53,340 --> 00:04:55,360
I would have changed
my rowing underwear.
119
00:04:55,430 --> 00:04:58,190
Rowing, huh?
What are you, the cox?
120
00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:03,250
Aw, she's so cute.
121
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:04,760
Can I keep her?
122
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,680
Ah, I don't know.
Can she set up a cutaway?
123
00:05:07,590 --> 00:05:09,370
Can I help you?
124
00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:13,790
And just like that,
the Griffins have a cat.
125
00:05:20,870 --> 00:05:21,790
Morning, fam.
126
00:05:21,990 --> 00:05:25,420
What is that thing
still doing here?
127
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,400
That thing's name is Pouncey.
128
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,740
And she's my cat now.
129
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:29,980
What do you think, Pounce?
130
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:31,740
Want to split a can of tuna?
131
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:34,080
One can of toon, Ma.
Keep the water.
132
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,090
This suits her.
133
00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,840
But we're a dog family.
134
00:05:36,910 --> 00:05:38,510
You guys are okay with this?
135
00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,250
I stopped making decisions
for this family
136
00:05:40,330 --> 00:05:42,510
when you bought that Roomba
to replace me.
137
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:45,590
Living room complete.
138
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:46,920
Thank you, Roomba.
139
00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,940
You'll never be their mother!
140
00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:51,930
I-I just feel like I should have
been consulted on this decision
141
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,450
to bring my natural enemy
into the house.
142
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,780
They may seem like good pets,
143
00:05:55,860 --> 00:05:57,840
but they always have
ulterior motives.
144
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,940
Well, I think having a cat
will be good for Meg.
145
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:02,010
You'll get used to it, Brian.
146
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:04,700
Just like I got used to
Peter's extra pinky finger.
147
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:07,690
To another 20 years
of marital bliss.
148
00:06:07,690 --> 00:06:09,590
Cheers, my love.
149
00:06:12,190 --> 00:06:13,930
Oh...
150
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:18,210
Ugh, that finger stinks.
151
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:21,020
I'm still learning
to wipe with it, my love.
152
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:27,720
What day is it?
Is it the Purge?
153
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,390
That's not a real thing.
154
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,650
All right,
then you answer the door.
155
00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,110
Chris, answer the door.
156
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,730
Hello, Christopher.
May I come in?
157
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:39,730
I don't know,
I'm just "a dumb kid."
158
00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:42,660
Or at least that's what I'm told
when I ask for fun things.
159
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:44,150
I want a Zippo!
160
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,480
You'll burn things.
161
00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,080
Yeah! I know!
162
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:51,670
Cool, just put that
on my puzzle.
163
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:53,750
I never liked this string bean.
164
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:55,570
What's going on, Quagmire?
165
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,680
Before families can
officially adopt a cat,
166
00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:00,000
someone needs to make sure
the animal is being placed
167
00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:02,420
in a loving
and safe environment.
168
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:03,680
That someone is me.
169
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,260
Is this necessary? You know us.
170
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,670
Good people can still be
bad cat owners, Lois.
171
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,360
-Ever heard of Eric Hoernel?
-No.
172
00:07:11,430 --> 00:07:13,580
Oh. Well, that--
that would have helped
173
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:14,920
my point a little bit more.
174
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,030
Before I begin,
may I see the cat?
175
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:19,850
Hi, you.
176
00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:22,540
Oh... such a sweetheart.
177
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:27,620
Oh. You. Are. Why.
I. Give. Up. My. Sundays.
178
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:31,860
Okay. Now I'm gonna walk
through the house
179
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:33,710
and make sure
everything's cat-friendly.
180
00:07:33,790 --> 00:07:35,880
Okay, this is a problem
right here.
181
00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:38,200
Kind of in this whole area.
182
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:40,780
Your front windows
are west-facing. That's good.
183
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:43,280
Will make for very cozy
afternoon sun naps.
184
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,970
Still getting a pretty
bad vibe from over here.
185
00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:48,880
Lastly, catnip is
a Class B narcotic.
186
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,550
It is a drug.
It is a drug.
187
00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:54,550
Yeah, we don't-- we don't keep
any of that stuff around.
188
00:07:54,630 --> 00:07:56,630
Great. Adoption approved.
189
00:07:56,630 --> 00:07:58,740
Did you hear that, Pouncey?
190
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,410
You're officially mine.
191
00:08:00,410 --> 00:08:01,980
Here are all
your adoption papers.
192
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:04,470
It has everything you need
to know about owning a cat.
193
00:08:04,470 --> 00:08:06,820
Standard stuff like
what to feed 'em, local vets,
194
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,810
toxoplasmosis, blah, blah, blah.
195
00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,920
Wait, what's toxoplasmosis?
196
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,490
Oh, it's nothing. Just a
parasite found in cat feces.
197
00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:14,750
If it gets in your bloodstream,
198
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:16,650
it can make people
a little crazy.
199
00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:17,740
It's really nothing
to worry about
200
00:08:17,820 --> 00:08:19,500
unless you're an owner
like Eric Hoernel.
201
00:08:19,580 --> 00:08:21,430
Again, we don't know who he is.
202
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:23,580
Oh, right.
Well, he wasn't good.
203
00:08:23,660 --> 00:08:25,990
Anyway, congratulations.
204
00:08:25,990 --> 00:08:29,750
Aah! Who put up this tripwire?!
205
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:32,500
Puzzling, isn't it?
206
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:44,060
Welcome, everybody,
to this year's talent show.
207
00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:46,800
And to whomever wrote
"hot balls" on my forehead
208
00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,850
while I napped in my car,
I will find you.
209
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:50,660
I will find you very soon.
210
00:08:50,730 --> 00:08:53,780
Our first performer today
is Meg Griffin.
211
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:57,960
♪ Meow ♪
212
00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:01,960
♪ Meow ♪
213
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:06,130
-♪ Heh ♪
-♪ Meow... ♪
214
00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:10,890
This is worse.
215
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,760
Ah! Cat butt!
216
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:21,580
What do I do? Where do I look?
What do I do?
217
00:09:21,580 --> 00:09:22,860
Oh, thank God.
218
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:24,170
I almost looked right at it.
219
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,170
Ah! I looked right at it!
220
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:29,100
Oh, it looks like
a worn-out dartboard bull's-eye!
221
00:09:29,180 --> 00:09:32,820
How was Michael Jackson
so into this?
222
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,100
All right, nobody's home.
223
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,280
Time to go down to the...
224
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:43,880
Oh, hello.
225
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,880
Look, I'm-I'm just trying
to go downstairs, all right?
226
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,090
I don't want any trouble.
227
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,170
Okay. Good talk.
228
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,130
Having a hard time
getting a read
229
00:09:55,210 --> 00:09:57,310
on what you're gonna do here.
230
00:10:15,060 --> 00:10:17,480
Oh, my God,
I'm totally in your head.
231
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,060
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
stop the clock, you can talk?
232
00:10:20,060 --> 00:10:22,810
Uh, yeah. All cats can talk.
233
00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:24,660
We just choose not to respond.
234
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,160
To anything. Ever.
235
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,400
So, you choose to be dicks?
236
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,760
Yeah. It's hilarious.
237
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,650
Humans are masochists, man.
238
00:10:31,650 --> 00:10:33,590
You should see how many toys
they've bought me.
239
00:10:33,590 --> 00:10:35,080
Haven't played with one.
240
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,080
I just sit in the box.
241
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,990
I knew you didn't really care
about this family or Meg.
242
00:10:39,990 --> 00:10:41,490
-So?
-So?
243
00:10:41,490 --> 00:10:43,080
Pets are supposed to care
about their owners.
244
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,010
Cats aren't pets.
Humans are the pets.
245
00:10:46,090 --> 00:10:48,770
And I have big plans for Meg.
246
00:10:48,850 --> 00:10:51,000
Yeah?
Not if I expose you first.
247
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:55,360
It's so cute how you still think
you're their favorite pet.
248
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:57,860
You've been replaced, bub.
249
00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,770
I am still this family's dog,
250
00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:01,600
and I'm not gonna back down
to some cat.
251
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:06,020
"Fate whispers to the dog, 'You
cannot withstand the storm.'
252
00:11:06,020 --> 00:11:08,690
- The dog replies, 'I am...'" Ow.
253
00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:11,610
- "The dog replies,
'I am the...'" Ow.
254
00:11:11,690 --> 00:11:13,130
- "'I am the...'" Ow.
255
00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:14,710
-"'I am the...'" Ow.
256
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:16,120
"'I am the...'" Ow.
257
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:21,570
Well, I'd say this is a
purr-fect way
258
00:11:21,570 --> 00:11:25,090
to spend a Friday night.
259
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,240
Ooh, I'm gonna comment that.
260
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,410
Hello, it's Instacart.
261
00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,520
I have your $170 worth
of ice cream.
262
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:35,020
Promo code: lonely.
263
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:39,340
Stewie, I got to talk to you.
264
00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,190
Sure, what's up?
We were just reading.
265
00:11:41,470 --> 00:11:43,540
Kitty cat.
266
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,120
That's what I wanted
to talk about.
267
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,550
She's lying to everyone, Stewie.
268
00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:48,050
Did you know she can talk?
269
00:11:48,130 --> 00:11:49,310
Yeah. We were just
discussing our book
270
00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:51,740
about Chinese communism
with Chairman Mayo.
271
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:54,630
- Mao.
-You're right, you're right.
Sorry, sorry.
272
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,320
No, I mean she can really talk.
273
00:11:56,390 --> 00:11:58,990
She told me
that she is using the family
274
00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:00,750
for some kind of cat plan.
275
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:03,250
Brian, have you been
watching flat Earth videos?
276
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,920
Those always
make you mistrustful.
277
00:12:04,990 --> 00:12:06,330
I'm serious, Stewie.
278
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,310
And there are actually
some flat Earth models
279
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:09,650
that aren't completely idiotic.
280
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:11,260
Look, I can't do this right now.
281
00:12:11,260 --> 00:12:13,240
We're pretty into our book
about Chairman Mayo.
282
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,090
- Mao.
- -Sorry, sorry.
283
00:12:15,170 --> 00:12:17,720
Get out of here, Brian,
you're messing me up.
284
00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:23,510
Meg, I need to talk to you
about Pouncey.
285
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:25,440
It is my duty
as this family's dog
286
00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:27,350
to protect it
when I sense danger.
287
00:12:27,420 --> 00:12:29,350
And I sense danger with Pouncey.
288
00:12:29,430 --> 00:12:31,350
Look, you may be our family dog,
289
00:12:31,430 --> 00:12:33,450
but you've never really
been my dog.
290
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,170
I'm a punching bag
at school and at home.
291
00:12:36,180 --> 00:12:39,180
And there were some days where
I could have really used a dog
292
00:12:39,180 --> 00:12:40,180
to help cheer me up.
293
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,440
And where were you?
294
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:43,700
Hanging out with Dad
or-or Chris or Stewie
295
00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:46,030
for your little
time travel adventures.
296
00:12:46,030 --> 00:12:47,350
You know about the time machine?
297
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:49,110
Yeah, my room's right next door.
298
00:12:49,190 --> 00:12:51,110
That thing's loud as.
299
00:12:51,110 --> 00:12:52,130
I have a new pet now.
300
00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:54,630
One that's there for me
when I need her.
301
00:12:54,710 --> 00:12:56,190
Unlike you.
302
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,040
Okay. I see.
303
00:13:00,050 --> 00:13:02,200
You have a microwave
in your room?
304
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,370
Yeah, I got tired
of people groaning
305
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,790
every time I went
into the kitchen.
306
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:09,060
Oh. You got, uh,
Redenbacher's up in there?
307
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,320
-Yeah.
-Oh, word?
308
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,560
Brian, stop trying
to sound young.
309
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,150
Okay, Booger.
310
00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:16,570
- Boomer.
-Boomer.
311
00:13:23,390 --> 00:13:25,580
You make me so happy, Pouncey.
312
00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:31,390
This is gonna sound weird,
but do you want to dance?
313
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:42,890
This is fun, right?
314
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,460
Whoa, did this just get
super hot?
315
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:19,340
You're mine now, Meg.
316
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:23,040
Ow.
317
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,930
I like "ow."
318
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,880
Hey. Whoa, weird.
319
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,480
Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just cleaning my cleats.
320
00:14:35,270 --> 00:14:38,340
Cats, kittens and cats.
321
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:40,760
Cat lady. Lots of plastic bags.
322
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:43,350
Tissues in-in my sleeves.
Velcro sneakers.
323
00:14:43,430 --> 00:14:45,340
Funny dish towels.
324
00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:49,360
Good.
325
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:52,660
Come, Meg. It's time to go.
326
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,120
Say goodbye to Meg.
327
00:15:01,370 --> 00:15:03,710
--Who's Ned?
328
00:15:09,670 --> 00:15:12,340
Knock-knock? Meg, you in there?
329
00:15:12,340 --> 00:15:16,230
Look, I just wanted to apologize
for the other day.
330
00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:17,930
Hello?
331
00:15:24,910 --> 00:15:27,020
What the hell does this say?
332
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,350
- Oh, my God.
- She left, didn't she?
333
00:15:45,430 --> 00:15:48,860
-Quagmire?
-I heard everything you were
saying about Pouncey, Brian,
334
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,770
and you were right
to be concerned.
335
00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:53,210
I knew it. Wait, how did you
hear everything I said?
336
00:15:53,210 --> 00:15:56,790
I put a cat-cam in your house.
It was a repurposed shower-cam.
337
00:15:56,870 --> 00:15:58,780
It's standard cat adoption
procedure.
338
00:15:58,780 --> 00:16:00,720
-Is it? Really?
-Yep. Yep.
339
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,130
-The agency knew about it?
-Yep.
340
00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:03,870
-Because it seems weird that...
-Let it go, you prude.
341
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:05,540
We're losing valuable time.
342
00:16:05,620 --> 00:16:07,880
Sometimes cats do have
ulterior motives.
343
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,710
Sometimes, when they find
the right person,
344
00:16:09,790 --> 00:16:11,380
they enslave them
to do their bidding
345
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,960
for the rest of their lives.
346
00:16:12,970 --> 00:16:16,400
Someone to take care of all the
feral cats in a neighborhood.
347
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,640
A crazy cat lady?
348
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,480
-That's right.
-How do they do that?
349
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,570
Their poop. Toxoplasmosis.
350
00:16:21,650 --> 00:16:23,560
It can make people act crazy.
351
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,740
It's a real thing
discovered by this guy.
352
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,900
Oh, dear God.
353
00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:31,660
So what you're saying
is that everyone who likes cats
354
00:16:31,730 --> 00:16:32,990
only likes them
because they literally
355
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,740
have crap in their brain?
356
00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,590
-That's correct.
-And people who like dogs
357
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,740
just like 'em
because they're chill as hell?
358
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:41,590
-That's correct.
-Wow, what a bulletproof fact.
359
00:16:41,670 --> 00:16:43,080
There's still time to save Meg.
360
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:45,750
There's a big house on
the loneliest block in Quahog.
361
00:16:45,750 --> 00:16:47,660
You can find her there.
But go quick.
362
00:16:47,660 --> 00:16:50,750
Once she puts on the fuzzy
sweater, it's too late.
363
00:16:50,830 --> 00:16:52,100
You're not gonna come with me?
364
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:54,150
I can't.
365
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:58,090
--They have me, too.
366
00:16:58,170 --> 00:17:00,700
Go, Brian, get out of here.
367
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:33,810
I'll be right back.
368
00:17:33,810 --> 00:17:36,810
I'm gonna save our Meg.
369
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,030
Who the hell is Ned?
370
00:17:47,830 --> 00:17:49,890
You're doing great, Meg.
371
00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:52,330
Yeah, I feel good.
Like I belong here.
372
00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:55,670
-Will I get used to the...?
-You'll get used
to the smell, yes.
373
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,560
Let her go. Ooh, oh, it stinks.
374
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:01,910
It's too late, Brian.
375
00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:05,080
Years of ridicule and neglect
have brought me here.
376
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,400
This is my destiny.
377
00:18:07,410 --> 00:18:10,760
Yes, it is.
She needs us and we need her.
378
00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:13,020
And I'm not gonna let you
get in the way.
379
00:19:22,660 --> 00:19:27,010
Now I'm gonna make you watch
as you lose her forever.
380
00:19:32,490 --> 00:19:33,840
Midnight.
381
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,750
Not a sound from the pavement.
382
00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:37,750
-What?
-It's from Cats, you idiot.
383
00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:39,770
- Oh, word?
- Brian.
384
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:42,680
Meg, you have your whole life
ahead of you.
385
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,940
Cats are amazing.
386
00:19:44,940 --> 00:19:46,850
But they're also complete dicks.
387
00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:49,190
And you're too young
to give it all up for them.
388
00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:52,450
You have a family and a dog
who care about you.
389
00:19:52,530 --> 00:19:54,950
I don't. I have nothing.
390
00:19:54,950 --> 00:19:58,330
I should be the cat lady.
Give me the sweater.
391
00:20:03,450 --> 00:20:04,540
Quagmire, no.
392
00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:07,300
It's okay, Brian.
I'm already gone.
393
00:20:11,530 --> 00:20:16,120
♪ Look, a new day ♪
394
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:19,100
♪ Has begun. ♪
395
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:33,900
Looks like you were right
about cats, Brian.
396
00:20:33,980 --> 00:20:36,140
I'm sorry I didn't
listen to you.
397
00:20:36,150 --> 00:20:37,480
You're a good dog.
398
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,810
No, I haven't been
a very good dog to you.
399
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:41,740
But that's gonna change.
400
00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:45,880
Starting now, I'm gonna be
the best darn dog I can be.
401
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:50,900
Me and the peanut butter
are heading up.
402
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:52,590
See you in seven minutes.
403
00:20:53,910 --> 00:20:56,000
Chunky's kind of
a weird choice, yeah?
404
00:20:56,070 --> 00:20:58,760
-Yep.
-Should I pause Hawaii Five-O?
405
00:20:58,830 --> 00:21:00,890
Nah, just watch it
but don't delete it.
30225
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