Original subtitles

(woman vocalising)

??

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Hello.

Hello.

Bonjour!

Okay, what is the prettiest thing you've ever seen?

My prom dress.

If you could carve your face into a mountain,

would you do it?

Of course. Mount Everest.

Okay.

Do you think it would help you stop thinking about Drea

and help me stop thinking about my parents

if we did lots of lunges today?

I can't. Drea's coming over.

Oh.

Um, so, so I need you to leave now.

Okay.

(cow mooing ringtone)

Hey, Barb.

I learned something concerning

about tomatoes.

Oh, no, what now? What's happening with tomatoes?

This podcast I listened to

said that they make your vagina taste bad.

Barb, that's ridiculous.

How would they even research that?

They did research it!

Oh, those poor mice.

It makes sense. Something to do with the acid.

Barb, it's not true.

And even if it was,

I promise you, any boy close enough

to tell you would be just so grateful.

Just so, so grateful.

They won't be casting a critical eye.

I gotta go.

Barb: No one's gonna tell me to my face.

They'll just disappear, but I'll know why.

Hmm. Bye, Barb.

??

Hi.

I'm not annoyed by his milk jugs, actually.

I'm just, I'm just not.

Usually, I would think, "Very, very silly,"

but I don't, I think they're charming.

Is this what unconditional love is?

Don't you think maybe love should be conditional?

Yes! Yes. And yet...

Okay. Um...

Listen. So, I've... I've decided to, um...

to put myself out there.

Go on.

I find myself having done something.

Mm-hmm.

Sort of made a video for YouTube.

Ah.

And that's, um...

That's embarrassing for your generation too?

It is.

I haven't decided if I'm going to post it.

I need feedback.

I don't think anyone's ever asked me for feedback.

Big day.

Genevieve (over monitor): ...and lastly, I'd like to thank

my sponsor Stuart the Blacksmith.

And remember to use the code "Horseshoe Stu"

when haggling for a great price on iron belt buckles.

A la prochaine!

I'm finished!

-So? -So?

What did I think about your video essay

on Joan of Arc's overlooked mum?

Yeah.

-Gorgeous. -Really?

Effortlessly informative with perfectly pitched whimsy.

I'm not sure what to do now.

Well, I think you'll show other people.

No, no, absolutely not.

You know...

all Joan of Arc wanted,

was she wanted to be out there,

spinning that wool, man.

She wanted to be out there with her mum,

spinning the wool. But she couldn't do it.

Why couldn't she do it?

'Cause she had a higher calling.

She was burned at the stake.

...and lastly, I'd like to thank

my sponsor Stuart the Blacksmith.

And remember to use the code "Horseshoe Stu"

when haggling for a great price on iron belt buckles.

A la prochaine!

(laughs) Wow!

That was... so amazing, Genevieve!

That was so good, Genevieve.

Alex: Just like so funny and clever.

Just like... Ahh!

So delightful.

Drea: I agree.

Yes. I thought it was very good.

It's good to try new things.

I've been trying new things.

I found creative projects

are really helpful when I was in a dark place.

You should be really proud, Genevieve.

Hmm.

Oh...

Nicholas: Do you guys wanna see my video?

I didn't make it.

It's the movie Moulin Rouge.

??

(Drea chuckles)

Is this green or red?

-Green. -Okay.

Matilda: Isn't using chakra stones

when you're colorblind a little dangerous?

I don't know.

I'm still figuring it out.

I trust you.

Do you like that too?

The way he smells his glass of water every time?

Yeah.

Yeah, I like it.

He smells everything.

He's my little truffle pig.

Okay. I've... I have something new to tell you.

Okay.

I deleted the video.

Well, that's a shame.

Quite thoroughly.

I deleted the movie, then emptied the trash

and deleted it from the camera

and threw away the backdrop

and now I don't have it anymore.

Nicholas: But...

Okay. No. Cool. How about this?

How about we race Allison and Rosemary?

Do you wanna do that?

Yeah.

Nicholas: Oh, no, no, no. In here.

(cow mooing ringtone)

Hello.

Barb (over phone): Mom got hurt feelings

that I wouldn't eat her tomato Bolognese,

and then I couldn't tell her why.

So I told her I was on an anti-inflammatory diet,

and now she thinks I can't have dairy or carbs either.

I'm so hungry.

Barb, even if tomatoes

does make your vagina taste a certain way,

you're the only one not eating them.

Whatever tomatoes does to vaginas is the expectation.

It's been established.

Oh. That's a really interesting perspective.

I'll have to think about that.

(cow mooing ringtone)

Hello?

Barb (over phone): I asked my mom

if I could adopt a cat yesterday,

and she said no,

because when I was nine,

I forgot to feed my mouse

and it ate its babies.

But don't you think that's so unfair?

I mean, I was nine.

When is she gonna realize I'm mature now?

Bye.

Hi.

Isn't it weird that when adults teach you about being a teenager

there's so much about using condoms

and none about what to do when you wake up

wanting to be a vlogger?

"Taking up space,"

like dairy, has never been something

that sits well with me.

My philosophy has always been,

"Leave no trace," but...

just because that's how I have been,

doesn't mean that's how I need to be, right?

So I put on my big-girl pants

and I made my video.

And I tried. I tried hard.

I set up lights, I wore a bonnet.

I was ready to take space,

just one tiny, microscopic, little piece of data

in the corner of just one Silicon Valley warehouse

and make it mine.

But first, I had to show my family,

hoping for their approval.

And they gave it.

And I couldn't trust it.

My brother's boyfriend said,

"It was delightful,"

and I've never felt more betrayed.

He needs to stop lying to be nice,

that guy, it just...

It isn't safe.

And my brother believes all his lies.

which led him to buying an $80, like a, um...

like, uh...

I don't... I don't even know how to describe it,

like a bow that goes around a grown man's neck

that isn't a bow tie?

He looked so dumb in that bow, guys.

So, so dumb.

Turns out,

maybe,

that I'm incapable of believing feedback

unless it's negative.

So I convinced myself I must delete my video.

I don't know. I thought I'd feel nice.

Like when Marie Kondo makes you throw out your Rollerblades,

but it didn't.

I just felt like I was a little bitch.

Um, that brings us to now.

And now I have this video.

And I don't know, what can I say?

Can't actually imagine posting it,

though I suppose if you're seeing this,

then I must have.

Look at me learning my lesson.

I guess I was a swan all along.

And I've logged into YouTube,

and used my big, long swan neck

to press "upload" on my video.

In conclusion, I guess you could say

that I actually invented believing in yourself.

So, you're welcome.

Please, God, subscribe.

-Who wrote that down there? -Who wrote what down where?

Do you know them? They called you a "little bitch."

I don't, but it doesn't matter. Did you like the video?

They can't get away with that.

-They can. -Mm-mmm.

Nope. I'm gonna tell on them.

Nicholas, my video, it-it was quite good,

like, it-it was okay?

Oh, sweetie, actually, yeah, it was so good.

It was incredible.

(toothbrush buzzing)

Matilda: I liked your other video more.

I liked that I learned something.

I did too.

Okay.

(cow mooing ringtone)

Hi, Barb.

9Barb (over phone): Well, well, well.

If it isn't little Miss Cheeky.

Why little Miss Cheeky?

Barb (singsongy): You've been keeping secrets from me!

I just... I didn't wanna show anyone yet.

Barb: Well, I love it.

Everyone's gonna like you so much,

and everyone knows you're my friend,

so we can rise together!

Okay.

(cow mooing ringtone)

Penny (over phone): I was so impressed.

I just thought you were so articulate

and you were so expressive

and-and what was it for?

Oh, um... Uh, what do you mean?

Penny: Was it for something? Was it for an audition?

Uh, no, no. Nope. Just on the Internet.

Penny: Oh, in that case, I just will say one thing.

It's important not to look too crazy.

Just hold it back a bit.

Hold it back.

Nicholas: This guy says your video is "relatable."

Well, that's nice.

Nicholas: Except he's a Nazi.

Not everyone on the Internet is a Nazi.

Nicholas: Hmm.

His profile says "Proud Nazi."

Hmm.

Well, well, well, well, well.

What, Barb?

Barb (over laptop): Oh, you don't know?

Know what?

Barb: Well, this is spicy.

Can you please just tell me or I'm going to cry right now.

You need to open your video.

Oscar...

"That face when your new online crush

sits behind you in Math."

Barb: Oh, my God. Your face!

Ohh!

Hi.

Just wanted to say that, you know,

I actually really did like that first video.

Oh, yeah, sorry.

I was just trying to prove some type of point.

Oh. It's cool. I get it. I get it.

I liked the first video, but, um,

you know, I don't wanna say that though,

if my approval is the kiss of death,

I hated it.

(crunching)

Hi.

Do you want some help with your reading?

-No. -No?

Mmm.

I just really don't like it when people read books, man.

You're all in someplace, on some journey,

and I'm just stuck here in no place on no journey.

Reading books is self-centered.

I don't think I need worry about

how much time Matilda and Drea are spending together.

Friendship is nice, you know.

Good on friendship.

Can't have a piggyback without a friend.

Babe, I just wanna finish this chapter.

What, you think I don't got chapters?

I've got chapters.

I've got all sorts of things.

I've got a prologue,

I've got a table of contents,

I've got an epilogue,

I've got a "dedicated to" page.

(yells) And you know who's on the "dedicated to" page?

You guys!

Get out, Nicholas.

We have to start again.

Matilda: We have to start again now?

Sorry. Very sorry.

-I'm a tale as old as time! -Not now.

Okay. Soon?

I just... I need some space.

From me?

Yeah.

So how are your feeling about your parents

and their, um, getting divorced?

(scoffs)

Did you just scoff at me?

No, it's just...

-(sighs) It's fine. -What's fine?

You don't have to pretend, okay?

I'm not pretending.

I don't even know how to pretend.

Even as a child.

"Let's play house," they'd say.

And, uh, "I don't know how!" I'd say back.

Babe, I just wanna have an afternoon to myself, okay?

Wait, what's happening? Why am I in trouble?

Nothing, you're not in trouble.

Nicholas: Okay, well, that's good.

Yeah, I'm just feeling sad.

Okay, I'd love to know why.

Because it took you two weeks

to ask about my parents' divorce.

Oh. So I am in trouble.

You just did a little a lie.

Every day I wake up thinking, like,

"Maybe he'll ask today."

And then every day, you didn't.

But then I did, I just did. Just now.

-After two weeks! -But then I did.

What would be the more correct thing to do

after not asking for two weeks,

but to ask. Which I just did.

Babe, you literally had to get rejected

by everyone in this house

before asking me how I'm doing.

I don't understand what the point of you

getting angry about this right now is.

We're... we're doing the thing

that you've been wanting to do for two weeks.

This is it. This is the moment!

Babe, I'm not angry.

I'm just expressing hurt feelings

and you're dismissing them.

Honestly, you do seem quite angry.

Well, now I am!

Oh, I don't know. What... What do you want?

What do you want? You want me to ask quicker?

Is that what you want? Fine, yes.

I'll ask quicker.

No.

It's fine. You're not going to change.

It's just like, who you are, at your core.

At my core?

(laughs) What do you mean?

What, 'cause I'm pear-shaped?

Forget it.

Well, I don't think I'm gonna do that.

I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

Alex, you can't tell someone

that they're broken at their core,

and then expect them to forget it.

I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

We especially can't forget it if you're gonna remember it

and then get mad at me about it another time.

Alex: Hi! I'm Nicholas, and I'm a perpetual victim!

Well, can't we all be victims?

Why are there still wet towels on the floor?

I've asked you to hang them up so many times.

You had nothing going on!

-It's disrespectful! -I agree.

-Ugh! -(slams door)

-Hey. -Hi.

Need somewhere to crash?

Yeah.

-(gunfire on monitor) -(man screams on monitor)

(gunfire and screaming stops)

So do you have anything you wanna say about before, yet?

I just have no idea what that was.

Okay.

Hmm.

Oh... Oh, well, how about this?

So, um...

There's a boy...

Hmm.

...who commented on my video.

Okay, yes, yes. Good, good, good. I'm listening.

His name is Oscar and I go to school with him

and, um, what he commented is that he has a crush on me.

On the screen. Put him on the screen.

Oh, yeah. No, of course. Of course.

Thank you.

Uh, so that's a picture of him

reading The New Yorker on a hike.

Mm-hmm.

Um, um, it says, "Solo hike vibes"

as the caption.

Which means he must have asked a stranger

to take a photo of him reading in the woods.

(laughing)

Um...

And that's when I decided to message him.

No.

Yes?

Here we go.

So what I decided to say was,

"That face when you probably can't get away

with copying math from the guy in front of you anymore."

Genevieve. That is...

That is...

I mean, that's a lot, isn't it?

-Yeah, I guess it is. -(laughing)

But, I guess...

Yeah, that's it.

That's where we're up to.

Was that good? Did that help you?

Yes, actually, thank you so much.

Thank you so, so much.

(mumbles)

(cell phone chimes)

-Oh, my God, that's him. -That's him?

Um...

I think I should go now.

Oh... Okay.

-Drea? -Yes?

I'm sorry I'm not sexually attracted to women.

It's not your fault.

I...

I actually don't think

I'm sexually attracted to anyone.

What do you mean?

Um...

I mean...

I enjoyed doing it

because it made me feel close to you,

but not as close as... (giggles)

when I would hug you

or I'd watch you practice playing piano.

That's funny.

I don't wanna have sex with you

and you don't wanna have sex with me.

(giggles)

Yeah.

Matilda...

Matilda, would you want to be my girlfriend

if you could have sex with people who weren't me?

You mean...

be with you romantically

but I have...

casual safe sex with a variety of men?

Yes?

(whispering): I can't think of anything better than that.

(giggles)

Me neither.

Are we girlfriends again?

I think so.

Well, what now?

Um...

I don't know yet.

He... He-he wants to call me.

On what?

On the telephone?

He says he "Censors himself too much when he messages."

What does that mean?

I don't know. Should I give him my number?

I don't know. I've never known.

Okay.

-Okay. -Okay.

-I think-- -(cow mooing ringtone)

Oh, no. No, no, no, it's him.

-Oh! -Well, no, no, no.

I can't just let you go back out there by yourself.

(giggles)

-Hey. -Oscar (over phone): Hello.

Barb (over phone): Are you there? Did you click "play"?

Genevieve: Yeah, yeah, I'm watching, I'm watching.

Barb: Turn it up. I wanna hear you hearing it.

Genevieve: Barb, I've heard Leonard sing before.

-We've all heard Leonard. -Barb: Shh!

? ...hills of Agoura ?

? She turned on her camera ?

? And she said this is me ?

Barb: Are you dead?

The "me" is you.

It's about you!

Genevieve: No, it isn't.

Barb: Just wait...

muse!

? But I'm scared of not being ?

? Love-e-e-ed ?

? She said I won't hide anymore ?

? 'Cause I'm a swan ?

? Knocking loud at your door ?

Genevieve: Oh! Um...

Oh, my God, it's about me.

I'm... I'm the swan.

? I'll leave a tiny piece of data on your mind ?

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