Original subtitles

- [Jo] 402 X-ray Yankee,

unconscious male been dragged from the river.

- Come on. (lightning cracking)

Come on, mate, stay with me.

(thunder rumbling) (rain pouring)

27, 28, 29, 30.

No rhythm, keep going.

- Kevin, you ready for the defib?

I'm locked and loaded. - Not now, Maleek, okay.

- Just let me know, I will stop this, brother.

- 17, 18, 19. - We're at three minutes, Kev.

- 21, 22- - Just let me bring

the man back from the dead, we got this.

- 24, 25, 26. (man gasping)

Okay, we've got a pulse. - Yes!

You see, you lot thought my man was gone,

you didn't know that me and my team

would bring him back from the dead!

Kevin, spud me, fam.

(man gasping)

(electricity jolting) - Argh!

(Kevin thudding to ground)

Oh! (defrib crackling)

- Shit.

(electricity crackling) (Kevin groaning)

You alright, blood?

(mellow upbeat music)

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- Yo, yo!

♪ I need to talk to you ♪

(laughs) Look, yeah, so I've been thinking,

seeing as Kevin has gone on a sabbatical and whatnot,

I just don't feel like anyone can replace what we had.

So I think I'm gonna work alone from now.

Yeah?

- Maleek, I understand you're hurt that Kevin left,

after you hospitalised him.

- No, he didn't leave 'cause of that.

He gave me bare other reasons.

- Yeah, your personality, your attitude, no?

- No, it wasn't none of that, he's having a midlife crisis.

He's gone to Thailand to find himself,

until he can come back to the war zone.

- Okay, okay.

So you plan to work in an ambulance

on your own? - Yeah.

- How are you gonna carry a stretcher?

- Oh, babes, the guns.

- Ah, right, when you're in the back.

- Yeah, okay. - With a patient.

- Alright, I'm in the back. - Yeah, yeah.

- Don't close your eyes.

- Who's driving, Maleek?

- Ooh, okay. - Yeah.

- Yeah, that's, alright, watch your foot.

Imagine,

you still there with me, mate?

Ah, alright, yep. - He got it.

Let me make this easy for you, Maleek,

I have found you a new partner.

(Maleek groans) She's just moved to the area,

so be nice to her.

- I got you, you want me to put this youth to the test.

See if they're with the gang? (laughs)

See if they ride or die, I get it.

Who else, who else?

- Let's just start with not frying her, ey?

Baby steps.

(melodic upbeat music)

- 451 Papa Kilo.

451 Papa Kilo, Papa Kilo, Papa Kilo 451, Papa, Papa, Papa.

- Ey up. - Uh, fucking hell!

What you doing creeping up on me?

- Sorry.

- What you doing, who are you?

- I'm Wendy, your new partner.

(Maleek disdainfully sucking air through teeth)

You must be Maleek. - Look, no,

first of all, my name is Maleek.

- Oh, sorry, did I pronounce it wrong?

- Yes, you've got to say it with bass.

- Maleek.

- What?

Put some respect on my name,

especially if you're gonna be my new apprentice.

- Well, I'm your new partner.

- Ha, I'll be the judge of that.

Years, I rode with Kevin, he never ambushed me.

- Kevin, was that the poor lad you electrocuted?

- Electrocuted, I defibbed him, it's different.

Where are you from anyway, "Emmerdale?"

- Close, Nottingham.

- Nattimman, what, Nottimum, Nightingham, Nott.

Ah, I see why Jo put you under my watch, but listen,

you are a long way from "Brookside" now, you know.

- Close your eyes and hold out your hands.

- No, why the hell would I do that?

- I baked you a cake, partner.

Sorry it's a bit rubbery, I just moved into my new flat

and there's no oven,

so I had to improvise with the microwave.

- Do you think that this is some bake,

coffee kind of morning?

You need to be more like Kevin.

He didn't come in here on his first day

begging it with some dead out Mary Berry ting.

- Alright, well, I'll just chuck it away.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, chill.

I didn't say that, did I? Didn't say that.

Put the cake over there, put it over there.

(engine starting) (melodic upbeat music)

- Emergency, ambulance. (siren wailing)

Is the patient breathing? - He's struggling to breathe.

- [Woman] Yeah, I don't think how much he drank.

- [Woman] She actually can't talk,

she's frothing at- - Is someone coming?

- [Jo] 451 Papa Kilo, proceed to Byron Estate.

Known drug addict with arm injury, sounds rank.

- Ah, fucking hell!

- Look at the state of you.

What do you want to take all that crap for, you silly Billy.

- 'Cause he's a crackhead.

- He might have other interests.

What are you into, ducks?

- Well, yeah, just mostly crack.

- Hm, I've never done it myself.

Probably for the best really,

I get easily addicted to things.

Right now I'm into up-cycling, have you ever tried it?

- No, I mean, I guess I did, ow,

guess I did turn that Coke can into a crack pipe.

- Yeah, that's the basic idea. - Keep still, I'm glueing it.

- Oh, I can play the harmonica.

- A musician, see, everyone's got a talent

and some of the best records

were made by druggies, weren't they?

- Yeah, but then I had to sell it.

- Oh, no, what for? - Crack.

- Well, it's never too late to start again.

You can get a harmonica from a charity shop

for like about 10 pounds.

I'd give it a wash first though.

- Oh, I've blown worse. (laughs)

Ah, ah, ah! - What?

- Ow!

- For fuck's sake, Wendy, this is your fault, man.

Running out your mouth,

trying to start a jazz band in a crack den.

(melodic upbeat music)

- Alright, Lawrence, you wanger.

- Hey, Jo. - Done something different

with your barnet, looks decent.

- Ah, yes, a little something I call helmet hair.

- Hm. - Thank you very much.

- It's alright, chill out.

(background hospital bustling)

Good weekend, what did you get up to?

- Oh, I just went to the pub.

- Wahey! - That's right.

- Lads, lads, lads. - Hm, shots.

- Nice. - Yeah.

Actually, actually on my own, but.

- Oh. - Just a pint on my own

- On your own?

- Hm. - Mate,

next time, give me a shout.

I will show you how to down a pint, yeah.

- (laughs) I'm sure you'd drink me under the table?

- Yeah, lightweight? (laughs)

Yeah, or just do beer and burger, cinema, whatever.

Anyway, you're the one drinking on your own, alcy.

- (laughs) Yeah, it was Karen's birthday, would've been,

so I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts.

- Nice, yeah. (Lawrence clearing throat)

(locker door closing) Yeah, not, not nice, but...

(radio chattering)

Quite nice.

(background hospital bustling)

(melodic upbeat music)

- Well, nice to meet you.

- John.

- John, here you go, for the harmonica.

- Oh, thanks very much, Wendy, cheers.

- You mad?

- What? - Did I just hallucinate?

Did you give him money?

- Yeah.

- What do you think he's gonna do with it?

- Gonna get a harmonica.

I trust him.

- Look, maybe up north, it's all cool to do all that,

be all Mary Poppins with the pagans, but this is big LDN.

You need to have your guard up.

People round here are dangerous, man.

- Yo, Maleekster!

- Uh.

- Hey, fella, good to see you.

You must be his new partner. - I'm Wendy.

- Darryl.

- Darrell.

- Doesn't that ever get confusing?

- Oh, my God!. - Yeah,

people do get us mixed up, 'cause we're so similar.

- Best way to remember, I'm the one with the beard.

- And I wear a hat, I'm just not wearing it now.

- Right, well, I'm having some drinks,

when we knock off if you're around.

- Oh yeah, it sounds great.

- I'll stick you in the WhatsApp group.

- Maleek, you never said there was a WhatsApp group.

- God, look, if there was a WhatsApp group

with all the paramedics on it, I'd know about it,

I'd probably be admin, now can we go?

- Oh, bye, guys. - Bye, Maleek!

- Suck your mum. - He's always in a rush.,

- He's such a busy guy.

- [Jo] 451 Papa Kilo, we have a Cat1 on the Tremdor Estate,

40s, male, head injury.

- Yes, Tremdor, that's what I'm talking about.

Finally show you, rookie, what the battlefield looks like.

Let's go!

- Yeehah! (laughing) (siren wailing in distance)

- Blood, what are you doing? When did this nonsense start?

- Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited.

- You don't jump on black people's backs.

Get in the car, man.

- Just thought it was a bit of fun.

- What the hell, is this what they do in Dorset?

- [Wendy] Nottingham actually.

- [Maleek] You just jump on people's back willy willy,

willy nilly? (melodic upbeat music)

(ambulance rumbling)

- I think a better use of me is helping people

with a good 30 to 40 years left.

Some of these older guys,

it actually feels cruel to keep topping them up.

- Okay, Kareshma, so you want to move on from OAP transport?

Where do you see yourself in six months?

- In your seat.

- Well, that's mental.

You realise I'm planning to still be doing this then?

- You seem stressed, Jo. - What?

- Is the pressure getting to you?

- Kareshma, you are very keen, which is normally good,

but I don't like you and I've no paramedic slots,

so till someone leaves you're on the bunion bus.

(melodic upbeat music) (siren wailing)

(phone dinging)

- Yo, can you put that on silent, it's proper jarring.

- It's the WhatsApp group, they weren't making it up.

- Obviously, yeah.

I just choose not to get involved in those things,

I like to keep a distance between my work and social life.

- Oh, so you're not going to the paramedics brunch

on Sunday. - The what?

Oh, nah, nah, nah, nah, it's not my style.

Sounds bare Caucasian.

- It's on the Paramedics of Colour group.

- How are you even on that?

Paramedics of Colour, puck!

(melodic upbeat music) (siren wailing)

- You know what, to be honest,

I'm so happy I get to do this with you, you know.

I don't actually tell you enough.

- I mean, I feel like you tell me heaps,

but I still wanna hear it more.

- Do you know what's funny.

you see when you get out of the car, yeah?

I like to try to open it in unison.

- Yeah. - Have you been doing that?

- I actually even do sometimes try and blink

at the same time as you. - Go on then.

(both laughing)

Although I hate blinking, 'cause it means I can't see you.

- Yeah. - Even for a tiny,

split millisecond.

(melodic upbeat music)

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

(siren wailing)

- Right, I'm going in, you stay in the car.

- What? I have to come with you.

- You just gave a crackhead 10 pounds,

God knows what you're gonna do out here.

This is next level, war zone, stay in the whip!

- What?

- [Jo] Patient is coughing blood.

- On scene now.

- [Jo] Patient is on the 16th floor.

Oh, and the lifts are out of order, bad luck.

- You're joking. (dog barking)

What would Kevin do?

(melodic upbeat music)

(Maleek breathing heavily)

- Wendy to Maleek.

Do you want backup?

- No, stay where you are, over.

- John!

Hello, love.

- Oh, alright. - You got one.

- Oh, yeah, it was 8.50 from Oxfam.

I've got your change. - Oh,

I knew you were a good egg.

- Yeah.

- Well, go on then, give us a tune.

- No, no, alright.

(unmelodious harmonica music)

- Alright, alright,

save something for "Britain's Got Talent."

- Alright.

(melodic upbeat music) - This is a joke.

- [Jo] 451 Papa Kilo, patient has stopped breathing, over.

- (coughing) Yeah, me too.

- Patient has turned blue. - I'm on my way.

I'm on my way.

- Oh, my God, listen, you need to get here now,

his eyes are going to the back of his brain.

- [Jo] Caller report, patient's eyes have rolled back.

- I'm coming, don't die!

Don't die, don't die!

(youths laughing)

- Oi!

Wendy to Maleek.

Yeah, it's a hoax.

I've got the naughty nuggets down here.

- Uh! (Maleek breathing heavily)

- [Wendy] Do you know that's a crime?

Someone could've died.

- The only person that could've died

is Fatty Boom Boom over there.

(youths laughing)

- Yeah, Fat Boom Boom, Fat Puff, ey?

Fatty Boom Boom, yeah, you lot need to make-

- Oh, no breathing up in my face like that,

you proper have dry mouth.

- Yeah, I've got dry mouth,

'cause I was upstairs lipsing your mum's tongue.

- Doubt, it, his mum don't like butters broke fat guys

with diabetes. (youth laughing)

- You lot need to start showing us respect, you know,

I know you was out there clapping for us all them Thursdays.

- Oh, no, no, no, that weren't clapping, G,

that was my balls when I start banging your mum, brother.

(both laughing)

- They're ever so cheeky, aren't they?

- I'm gonna fuck them up. - So is this your new partner?

- Yes. - Has he electrocuted you yet?

- I de, I defibbed Kevin, I defibbed Kevin!

Why's everyone making up rumours?

- Man, you are bake, man. - Come on,

let's get out of here, man.

- The only thing bake, the only thing bake

is how your mum claims disability and she's just jumping

on the next willy, running to the next, fuck's sake.

- That was a good one. - It was shit, man, let's go.

(melodic upbeat music)

(melodic upbeat music) (siren wailing)

- Shift up, ball bag. - Oh.

Alright, Jo.

- What flavor's your soup, cream of knobhead?

- Leek and wank stain.

(both laughing)

- Look at you with your dickhead noodle soup. (laughs)

- Ox, um, can't think of one.

- Go on. - I can't.

- Go on.

No, no? - No.

Cock-a-leekie. - Uh.

- That is a soup. - Yeah, that is.

(Lawrence clearing throat)

I see the WhatsApp group's been pinging all day.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, the welcome drinks. - Yeah.

Yawn, guess you can't go either, Thursday drum lesson.

- How do you know I play the drums?

- You told me or something, I don't know.

- Hm.

Well, it's been cancelled anyway, so I'll probably pop along.

- Oh. - Beats being on your own.

- Yeah, me too.

- I thought you weren't going.

What are you following me?

- I just said I was going, are you deaf as well thick?

You knob, sorry. (slapping back)

You alright, you alright?

(Lawrence coughing)

(Lawrence clearing throat)

(melodic upbeat music)

- [Wendy] Oh, you'll never guess who I saw just now

with a harmonica. - The crackhead?

You're gassing. - No, I'm not,

he even brought my change, one pound 50.

I told you he could be trusted.

- You still got that 1:50?

'Cause we're gonna need it.

- Oh, John.

(door banging) - Oi!

Where's all our gear, you little prick?

- Well, it's gone, it's gone.

- You know what, Crackhead John,

I'm not angry, just disappointed.

- Listen, if you don't get back our gear,

you're gonna be going somewhere where there's no crack.

- The morgue.

- What? We're not killing him, what's wrong with you?

I meant prison.

- Well, there's loads of crack in prison.

- Just get us our gear! - Alright, look, I'm sorry,

alright, I messed up.

I promise I'll get your things back, I swear.

Just give me a tenner for a cab and I'll go there now.

- Sorry, I've got nothing smaller than a 20.

- Are you doing a Kickstarter for crackheads?

Move. (radio beeping)

- [Jo] All units, major RTC, multiple casualties,

instructions on arrival. - Oh, fuck!

(radio beeping)

Um, 451 Papa Kilo,

did you mean all, all units?

- Wait, wait, I've got, I've got this.

- Is that it? (tutting)

- Oh, I mean, I could give you some crack.

(melodic upbeat music) (siren wailing)

- Two years, two years riding with Kevin

and nothing like this, one day with "Geordie Shore"

and I've had the worst shift of my bloodclot life.

- I'm not taking all the blame for this,

we should've just owned up, mistakes happen.

- My team don't make mistakes, mix-tapes, mis,

(tutting) look, just shut up, man.

(siren wailing)

(mellow upbeat music)

(accident scene bustling)

- Right, ready, shift, slide.

- Gary, Jess, over by the Ranger.

Lawrence, Frontera.

Maleek and Wen- - They're not here yet.

- Kareshma, why are you here?

- I heard the call, it sounded serious,

I thought you might need an extra hand.

(knocking on window) - You have a pensioner

in your van, Kareshma, take him where he's supposed to go.

- Okay, but you're freaking out a little bit.

- Go!

Darrell!

Couple of casualties under the bridge.

- Darrells on the case, Jo. (hands slapping)

(siren wailing)

- What are we gonna do now?

We've got nothing to treat people.

- We? We ain't doing nothing, we are done.

You go your way, I'll go mine.

- Fine.

- Fuck, man.

(background chattering)

- Alright, minge bag?

- I just lost him. - Oh.

- I didn't see it coming, I thought he was in the clear.

- Oh, poor bugger.

- You've got lipstick on?

- As if.

- Poor bloke, can't have been out of his 20s.

I lost Karen in her 20s,

it's not a life lived.

- That is shit, Loz, that is shit.

(tutting) Yeah.

(radio chattering)

Still going to the drinks later, Loz, or?

(Lawrence sobbing)

Yeah, fair play, Loz,

not sure I'm up for it now either myself...uuh

Look after your mental health.

(mellow upbeat music) (siren wailing)

(background chattering)

- Someone must have whiplash, blood.

(man gasping)

Oh shit, yo, I need a resus, asap!

Bruv, Kevin, is that you?

- Hey. - What do you mean, hey?

Wagwan!

Why didn't you holler at me, bruv,

I thought you were still in Thailand.

- Yeah, that didn't really work out.

- (laughs) you forget your passport

on the way to the airport again, you dickhead?

- Maleek, can we talk another time, yeah?

- Another time, big man,

look, now that you're back, we can reunite.

They've had me with some mad woman from Northwich, bruv.

Come on, G gang back together and that.

- Look, Maleek, I'm kind of in the middle

of something, yeah.

- Why are you showing off, fam, it's me.

Don't leave me hanging, blood, touch me.

- Maleek, look, just fuck off!

- What the hell?

- Ready for fluids? - Yep, ready.

Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean that.

Look, Maleek, there was no Thailand, okay.

I just needed to get away from this,

not having a heart to heart in the middle of a pile up.

I needed a break from you.

- Who's Hugh?

- No, you, bloody hell!

You're the worst partner I've ever had.

You nearly killed me!

- Need another bag. - Right, I'm on it.

- Yeah, go get your bag, dickhead with your shit trousers.

- That guy's a clown, he doesn't deserve you.

- If you need a shoulder to cry on, we've got four.

- Move, man! What are you talking about, I'm not crying.

- Darrell, Darryl, need you by the Smart Car.

Maleek, what are you standing around crying for?

- I'm not cry, oh, my God!, I'm not crying!

It's just a con, look, it's one, it's a condition,

it's called arbilodemon, are you wearing lipstick?

- No, where's Wendy? I told you to look after her.

Where's your gear?

- Well, the thing is, the gear, the gear was in,

oh, where is Wendy again?

Oh, it's hot in that car, in that, in a de car crash,

in a de, just the gear, the gear-

- Maleek?

- The, the gear is- - Right here, boss.

Oh, sorry to keep you waiting, Maleek,

still finding my way around here.

- Yeah, see, it's here, the gear is fine, the gear is fine.

Can we, can we, there's a whole emergency,

can you stop wasting our time?

Jesus.

(mellow melodic music)

♪ Bring it, say it ♪

♪ Bring it ♪

♪ Bring it ♪

(van door closing)

- Where did you get all of this stuff?

- You see anyone hanging around near our van?

I've been completely cleared out.

- Oh no, sorry, you get a lot of crackheads round here.

(Kevin tutting)

(Kevin sighing) - Unlucky, bruv.

Nice one, Wendy.

- With some bass, please.

Paramedics coming through. - Nothing to see here.

Ooh ooh!

(helicopter whirring)

Go, go, go!

- I'm not looking for my next husband,

just someone to fulfil my sexual needs.

(Maleek gagging)

- You think I fancy Lawrence?

Ugh!

(blow thudding) - Ow!

- I could find you a partner.

- Um... - I could.

- You could. - I could.

- You could.

- Yeah, I could be your partner.

- I'm telling you, man, I'm trying to dance

and I don't know if you wanna dance with me anymore.

- Hey!

(locker door banging)

- Jesus!

Are you even from "Emmerdale?"

- And you'd end up doing something stupid like I did.

- What did you do?

(melodic upbeat music)

(axe thudding)

(man thudding to floor) - Uh!

(light melodic music)