Original subtitles

(waves crashing) (metal clattering)

(heels clacking)

TAMMY: Shit.

(Tammy gasping)

Ah, ah.

I

I

I

I, I ask you why

Tell me why

Lord Jesus, why

My, oh, my

He ain't no Man of Steel

He ain't no Superman

Still he throws my love around

TAMMY: Fuck.

And I go back like a boomerang

Boom, boom

Boomerang

Boom, boom

Boomerang

Boom, boom

Boomerang (Tammy grunts)

Now I've seen him text her twice

And both those times he lied

And still we're riding round

Like we're Bonnie and Clyde

But he ain't no Man of Steel

He ain't no Superman

Still I go back like a boomerang

Boom, boom

Boomerang

Boom, boom

Boomerang

Boom, boom

Boomerang

All my friends say fuck it, yeah

Ma!

Oh!

I know, Ma.

I don't know what I'm doin'.

Well, why don't you come down?

It's freezin'.

Are you sure you want me to come down?

I'm sure.

Really?

Really, come on.

Ma, come on, okay?

-Oh Jesus Christ, Ma. -Oh yeah (groans).

CATHERINE: Oh god.

Maybe bacon and eggs

-will do me-- -Ma, I'm so tired.

Well, a big, greasy breakfast and a nice nap,

-that'll help. -No, I don't want

to go to the fuckin' diner now.

I've been up all night.

Lookin' for me.

What?

No, why would I look for you?

You're always in the same spot.

Yeah, guess I am.

I guess I just thought if anybody

in the world would be lookin' for me,

it'd be you, you know.

I'll treat ya.

-With whose money? -I'll pay ya back

when I get my check.

Huh?

I don't want fuckin' eggs.

I wanna sleep.

Jesus, crabby.

Lord love a duck, this car is a piece of shit.

Bacon and toast

and two eggs, easy over.

I mean, easy over, just like (clicks).

You know what I'm saying?

They just (clicks) kiss the, kiss the, you know--

The same as always, Doreen. Frying pan.

Same thing. Yeah, thank you,

and toast on the side.

Ah, I'm good, thank you.

You know.

-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.

I hope they don't fuck up my eggs, yeah?

How hard is it to cook a fuckin' egg?

She knows I like it easy over,

and they always come cooked straight through,

and then they look at you like you're the one

with the fuckin' problem.

Oh yeah, I am.

I'm talkin' shit about you, Doreen.

What a bitch.

She's mean-spirited since high school,

always with that mean fuckin' mouth.

Didn't her son get you pregnant?

-Jesus Christ. -I thought he did.

For fuck's sake, Ma.

What's his name, Greg?

Greg?

Reggie, it was Reggie.

And we don't even get a free coffee.

-Stop. -I'm just sayin'.

You pay for an abortion,

the least you should get is a free coffee.

You don't pay for an abortion.

No, but you gotta pay for the taxi,

and then you got to pay

for the time off work and all that.

I'm just sayin', you know.

You pay for an abortion,

the least you should get is a free coffee.

You're so fuckin' embarrassing.

Oh, I'm embarrassing?

(Tammy sniffs)

Sorry my manic fuckin' depression is so

embarrassing to you.

Don't, don't diagnose yourself.

I'm not.

I saw it on one of them shows,

one of them shows with doctors on 'em.

Jesus!

-Ma? -Yeah?

You're depressed, 'cause you drink all the time.

No, I drink all the time, 'cause I'm depressed.

Look, I'll calm down for a bit.

-Right. -I will, I swear.

(plate clatters)

For fuck's sake.

TV HOST: So your relationship with your father was abusive?

You know, it didn't feel that way at the time,

because it wasn't physical.

It was emotional.

So I normalized his behavior.

I thought every family was like this.

And now that he's dead, my life is finally mine.

GORDON: Thank you, Linda.

You're so brave for showing up.

(audience applauds) (upbeat music)

I know.

They never come back.

Relax, Mike, take a break, have a sandwich.

I don't want no fuckin' sandwich.

I want you to come and visit.

Eat your sandwich.

You can have your beer back when you down your sandwich.

(door clacks)

Dougie, I'm, I'm so sorry.

I took a nap and slept clear through my alarm.

That's okay.

I'm right upstairs.

No, honestly.

DOUG: How is she?

(Catherine groans)

Doug, it's the end of the month.

You know how she is.

Okay.

-Fresh pot. -Mm.

Okay, so, him, he's in timeout.

He's on a different planet today.

Look at him.

Always is.

Alright.

Hey, button, Sunday night, you and me?

Yeah, Sunday.

(Doug chuckles)

PASCAL: Hey, can I get a vodka cranberry, hun?

Yeah, sure thing.

Hey, good night, Dougie.

TV HOST: You've been...

I know two nights ago, you were on stage with Don Rickles.

JOAN: I was on stage with my darling Don Rickles.

HOST: Love Don, I love him.

JOAN: I adore him.

I watched that man at 86.

He's a masterclass at comedy. (Tammy grunts)

You just stand there and you go

that's how you tell a joke.

(Tammy sighs)

-Icon. -True icon.

HOST: Next up for everybody is the Look--

(knocking) Now, gorgeous case,

it's not about the case.

Look at the case.

(door clacks)

Amazing, that wonderful animal print case, I mean, gorgeous,

but look what is in the case,

'cause nobody buys a sunglass case for a case.

All the great looks that people like Jackie O.

We did them in two colors.

We did them in the black.

The lenses on the tortoise are in a brown family going,

they're all on braid, and in the black,

they're more of a dark gray, going down.

HOST: You wore these on the plane.

JOAN: I wear these with other stuff.

I love these.

I love them because they're kind of rounded, a little.

TV HOST: Yes.

JOAN: Which is very good.

They are beautifully done.

They are lightweight but very sturdy.

They're not that horrible, cheap glass

that you get at the drugstore

that twists off and breaks in a second.

And UVA, UVB, UVC, UVD,

whatever it is, yes, the lens is totally treated for that.

(Tammy sniffs)

And, yeah, full protection, full protection.

Uh-uh-uh.

JOAN: Everything I do, because I'm gonna wear it,

and it sounds very selfish, I want the best quality

for me and for you.

This is not a secondary line of mine.

This is not like a better thing going on at Neiman Marcus.

This is it for me.

Gorgeous case, it's not about the case.

Look at the case, let's start with that.

Amazing, that wonderful animal print case,

I mean, gorgeous, but look--

You smell like a bathhouse.

(Doug chuckles)

You smell like a brewery.

JOAN: You buy it for what's in it, but take...

(lock rattling)

(phone beeping)

REGGIE: (sighs) Oh, oh yeah, babe.

-Yeah. -Oh my god.

God, that feels so fucking good (laughs) .

Yeah, fuck me, Reggie.

Yeah, baby. Just like that.

Yeah, look.

REGGIE: Fuckin' go now, baby, go.

(both grunting)

(Catherine sighs)

There are nets up there, Reggie.

She knows there are fuckin' nets up there.

Yeah.

Yeah, but she could still die, though.

She could hit her head on the ledge,

tangle the nets, bleed out,

get found the next day, I mean--

Found by who?

City worker, probably.

You think that's a job,

and there's like a suicide net checker guy?

(chuckles) Yeah, probably.

That's a shitty fuckin' job.

Yeah, that or she could just get paralyzed.

All right, I got to go.

Okay.

You got to jiggle it.

-What? -Jiggle it.

Lift the handle sideways.

-What do you mean jiggle it? -You just fuckin' jiggle it.

Jiggle the fucking handle!

Okay, all right, you know what, fuck this.

-Fuck it. -Oh my god.

Excuse me, sorry, ah.

-Fuckin', really, Reggie? -You want to just help?

Can you get out of the way?

Oh, here we go.

CATHERINE: For fuck's sake.

(Reggie grunts)

Jesus.

REGGIE: Your car's a piece of shit.

Well, I'm gettin' a new one.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, well, I'll call ya.

Sure, call me.

CATHERINE: Okay.

Okay, yeah.

(bright music)

No hat.

Tacky.

Classes up the whole ensemble.

(bright music)

So tonight,

I am Gustav.

Ooh.

And you?

Um, Ingrid.

Ingrid?

I love it.

Tell me about Ingrid.

Okay, so Ingrid, well, she was in an orchestra.

-Here? -No, god, no,

somewhere in Europe, and she had an affair

with the conductor or something.

-As one does. -Mm-hmm.

But now she's retired, and she lives in Bali

or Ibiza or somewhere like that.

Hmm, well, Gustav is, um,

-a baron. -Ooh.

Madame and Monsieur,

what can I get you (speaks in foreign language)?

Oh, French.

I'm learning French.

It's going very badly, but a man can dream.

Oh, I think you're fabulous.

JAMIE: Thank you.

DOUG: So she is an orchestra.

-Mm-hmm. -Mm.

And I am royalty.

Of course.

And we would like two gin martinis

-...with a twist. -With a twist.

Already started.

Una momento, por favor.

I realize that's not French.

He's nice.

Mm, for me or for you?

Please.

So let's get into character, shall we?

JAMIE: Ay, voila, two martinis.

(glasses clink)

(door rattles)

(neighbors muttering)

MAN: The fuck is wrong

with you? (Catherine sighs)

(neighbors muttering)

WOMAN: Fuck off, fuck off!

MAN: Fuck you, too!

Hey.

(Tammy chuckles)

Seein' the sun at dawn

Yes, I've cried

Oh yeah.

Crying afternoon

It all but changes your tune

The place I made you the promise

'Cause there's one thing I've done

(hanger clanging)

It's so true

But at the end of the day, nothing ever changes

Oh, the open road is calling me

(Tammy chuckles)

(upbeat music) (audience applauds)

GORDON: Today, we welcome back to the show Linda Black,

whose story of her father's death has captured the

attention of our audience since day one.

Welcome, Linda. (audience applauds)

So tell us about your book.

The book is called "I Survived."

It's half biographical

and half what I like to call identifi-courage.

So first, you have to identify what is toxic

about your relationship.

And second, you must find the courage to leave.

(audience applauds)

GORDON: Linda Black, everyone,

transforming her pain into this wonderful book

with the help of the Gordon Baker Show.

And if everyone looks under their seat,

they're gonna find one.

(audience cheers) You get a book!

You get a book!

You get a book! (upbeat music)

(switch clicks)

(door rattles)

Hey!

Goddam!

Fuckin' Deadsville in here.

Hi, fellas.

Let's get some tunes goin' in this funeral parlor.

Okay, uh--

(gentle music)

No, no!

Baby, no!

Yeah!

Okay, oh!

Yeah, oh!

(gentle music)

Oh, yeah!

Oh my god, I love this song.

I got everybody a present.

(gentle music)

Beautiful, for you.

Okay, one moment.

Look what I got for you.

It's the color of your eyes.

Oh great, you're way too smart.

And my Dougie,

look what I got you.

Come here!

Okay, okay, okay!

Yeah (squeals) !

(gentle music)

Fuck.

(gentle music)

(solemn music)

Ma!

Jesus, come down!

I can't.

I can't!

You cannot help me!

You don't fucking help me!

Nobody fucking helps me.

It's not fair.

It's not fucking fair!

It's never enough.

It's never fucking enough!

Hey, can I,

Cathy, can, oh!

CATHERINE: Ma!

(Tammy laughs)

-For fuck's sake! -So what now?

Now that the nets work,

what, what, are you gonna stick your head

in the oven, at the end of every month?

I don't got a gas oven.

Don't be stupid.

(laughs) I'm stupid?

Yeah, just set it to a cool 375

and bake my skull like a Thanksgiving turkey, stupid.

There's a million ways to die, honey.

Took you a minute, though.

What are you talkin' about?

All I'm sayin' is it just took you a minute.

Where are you goin'?

To the bathroom.

Don't look at me like that.

When I actually fuckin' go somewhere,

trust me, you'll know!

Jesus.

(Tammy coughs)

(Tammy grunts)

Micky!

Micky, Jesus, hey!

I'm talkin' to you.

Here.

Stop it.

Reggie, Reggie, take your kid, for fuck sakes.

What are you lookin' at, girlie?

Nothing, I'm just shopping.

Yikes.

(groans) Why are you here?

Ma, what are you doing?

Uh (sniffs) ,

I gotta talk to you.

It's my one day off.

Yeah, it can't wait, Cathy.

Jesus Christ, one day,

one day to myself, please.

I'm dyin'.

Wait, what?

What, what is this?

Just what I said,

I, I'm dying.

(monitor beeping)

I hate this.

Well, you shoulda thought of that

before you smoked for 40 years.

You smoke.

Don't be a fuckin' hypocrite.

Tammy MacDonald? (Tammy grunts)

(door clacks)

Nice to meet you.

I'm Dr. Miller, your oncologist.

I don't like her.

-Ma. -Too pretty.

I don't want a pretty doctor.

I'm so sorry.

It's no offense, lady.

I just want to fall apart in front

of somebody a little less together.

Well, I'm gonna be frank with you, Tammy.

You don't have time to shop around.

Well, that's a harsh (laughs) thing

to say to a dying woman.

DR. MILLER: The cancer is stage IV.

TAMMY: Hmm.

It's spread to your liver.

Best case scenario, you have six to ten months,

and the only way to live that long is with treatment.

What does she have to do?

We should begin chemotherapy as soon as possible.

The sooner you start, the more time you'll have.

But ultimately, it's your decision.

No.

Can we have a little bit of time to think this over?

Of course.

I do strongly suggest

that you make these decisions soon, tough.

We will.

Okay.

DR. MILLER: Let me know what you decide, okay.

Let me know what you decide. (door clacks)

I don't want no chemo.

I don't know, Ma.

Maybe we should just listen to the doctor.

Oh, I was listening.

You're the one that wasn't listenin'.

I need a drink.

(both grunting)

Oh (laughs) , yeah.

(sighs) Fuck yeah (grunts) .

(Reggie laughs)

(Catherine grunting)

(water pattering)

PASCAL: Hey.

CATHERINE: Hey, Pascal.

Can I get a shot, huh, vodka, lime?

CATHERINE: Sure.

I saw your ma over at Scully's

with some asshole, getting ripped.

Oh, really?

It's okay.

My ma was a wreck, too,

and I'm just fuckin' fine.

(solemn music)

Okay, um, Victoria.

She is a ballet dancer.

What, you want to be a ballerina again?

Well, you can be someone you've been before.

There's no rules about that, right?

No, no, I want someone new.

I'll think of something new.

I'll just get you guys some drinks, yeah?

No, you know what?

Maybe we should just hold off a bit, okay?

Yeah.

We should just go home, button.

No, I don't, I don't want to go home.

(sighs) We're gonna have to talk about this at some point.

She wants to die.

Let her die.

Jesus, Cathy, I--

No, I don't want to talk about it, not here.

I just wanna play the game, okay?

Okay.

What the fuck?

(door clacks)

(siren wails)

(metal rattling)

(tires screech)

You have a hole in your wall.

TAMMY: Yeah.

It's the size of a head.

It's the size of my head.

Oh Jesus, Tammy.

So this is it?

This is your life?

You, you just drink rye

and fuck the trash you bring home?

We're all trash.

Well, at least some of us have a sense

of fuckin' decency about it.

TAMMY: Oh (scoffs) .

(Doug sighs)

We got to talk about your treatment.

-No. -Tammy!

I'm scared to be sick.

You've always been sick.

This time, you're just sick with cancer (laughs) .

What about Cathy?

You have a responsibility to her.

You never take that seriously.

-I do. -No, you don't.

Well, it's no help you being around.

And you make it so fuckin' hard.

-Me? -Yeah.

I can't compete with you.

You, you come in here with your suits and your hotels,

and you make it look like I, you know, I don't even try.

(scoff) 'Cause you don't.

I could.

If you'd just give me some time with her, I could.

(Tammy spits)

You want time with her?

Okay.

Oh, I'll give you time with her.

But you got to listen to the doctor.

And you have to promise to be good to your daughter.

Yeah, I'll do my best.

No, more than that.

You have to go out a better woman.

Now have some tea.

(bright music)

(Doug sniffs)

It's real.

It's the real thing, Cathy.

-Mm-hmm. -She needs you.

(bright music)

Right.

(bright music)

(gentle music)

(Catherine laughs)

(gentle music)

Fuck.

(Catherine sighs)

I'm gonna make you pee in your little uniform (laughs) .

She told me you moved in with her.

Yeah, we don't have a lot of money,

so we figured we'd pool our resources,

well, my resources.

She doesn't have any resources.

So it's like a, a puddle,

a puddle of my resources.

There is government assistance.

I make too much money to get any help

and too little to pay for any, so...

Government-subsidized home care.

I don't see her playing too well with others.

She's too proud.

Grief counseling.

Took enough convincing to get her here.

I really don't think that therapy's an option.

I didn't mean for her.

Oh.

I'm good, thanks.

You're having a party.

I fuckin' see you,

in my fuckin' shed when my fuckin' kids are home.

What kind of woman are you, hmm?

The only difference between you and me is

that I fuckin' kept mine, and you didn't,

so don't think for one second

that it couldn't be the other way around.

Okay.

Thanks.

KELLY: He's not your fuckin' prince.

(scooter whirls)

(Catherine sighs)

Like a fuckin' funeral.

Oh, hot, that's fuckin' hot.

Oh, it's fuckin' fine. Mm-mm.

Don't be a baby, come here.

Well, don't treat me like one.

I can take a bath by myself, you know?

Well...

Okay?

Fine.

Jesus Christ, Mom.

Alright.

You made your fuckin' point.

Okay, down, down, down.

Ah!

-Okay? -Okay.

Alright.

Oh.

Okay.

(Catherine coughs)

(Catherine sighs)

You just gonna watch me, eh?

Just perv out over there on the can?

Do you think that I want to be here?

No, no, I do not.

(Tammy sighs)

Get off the can in case I gotta puke.

Thank you.

Ah.

Hey, "The Nutcracker" is on at the community center soon.

What?

"The Nutcracker," I thought,

I thought we could go, like the two of us.

I don't want to go to "The Nutcracker," Ma.

You sure?

You used to love to go and laugh

at all the little fat kids.

No, I didn't.

(laughs) Yeah, yeah.

We'd have a couple drinks,

and we'd go and laugh at the fat kids.

That wasn't me.

Sure?

Yeah, Ma, I'm sure.

I was in "The Nutcracker" when I was little.

I was in it.

Oh.

Were you fat?

Yeah.

Oh (laughs) , shit.

Yeah, shit.

It wasn't nothin' towards you.

It wasn't.

I, I'm sure you were great.

I'm sure I was so proud of you (laughs) .

(Catherine sighs)

Dougie'll take you.

He loves the ballet.

Hm, you like him more than me.

No, I don't.

TAMMY: Yeah, you do.

Well, he's, he's fun.

He's fun?

I'm fun.

I taught that guy how to be fun.

Right.

I did.

He used to just be this sad,

-black, gay kid with asthma. -I get it, Ma.

I get it.

So you don't wanna go?

No.

(dramatic music)

GORDON: Do you possess identifi-courage?

Are you a survivor of a traumatic relationship?

Has an abusive loved one recently passed away?

Contact our producer Ilana Weisman today

and share your story with our live audience.

(audience applauds) "The Gordon Baker Show"

where your tragedy has value.

(stairs creaking) (footsteps thumping)

(somber music)

Ma?

Ma?

Ma.

Ma! (Tammy yells)

(Catherine yells)

What the fuck, Cathy?

What are you doing on the floor?

It was fucking hot.

I thought you were, I thought you were,

I thought you were--

What, dead?

Jesus, well, don't look so fuckin' excited about it.

(Catherine gasping)

Borrowed your underwear.

(vomit gurgles)

(Tammy coughing)

(Tammy gags)

(Tammy sighs)

We need to cut your hair.

No, I like my hair.

I like it long.

Ma, it looks kinda--

-What? -Nothing.

Never mind.

I'm not gonna fight with you.

TAMMY: Remember when you played the flute?

-What? -The flute,

the fuckin' flute?

(Catherine laughs)

-Yeah. -Yeah?

-I remember. -Yeah, you were awful.

(both laugh)

Yeah, well, it didn't last long.

No, it did not.

'Cause I was bad at it.

Yeah, and you quit, 'cause you're a quitter.

Yeah.

I never met a person so fast to run away.

There's no fight to ya.

(Tammy coughs)

Fuck you.

What?

I'm here, aren't I?

I'm fucking here.

I,

I'm sorry.

I'm tryin' here, Cathy.

I really am.

I know.

Hey, I'm trying, too.

Here's your candy.

(Tammy sighs)

(Tammy grunts)

(Tammy sighs)

Looking at the water

Okay.

How many times, God, will he ask me

No.

Hmm?

Checking down the wall

Tracing my steps

It's a jailhouse trek

Recent love I lost

No matter where we find ourselves

They can't outrun these soles

Drive me far along and looking

So I can lay my fingers on

I don't care where we go

For the chance we should meet, little one

La, la, la. la

La, la, la, la

Made a promise to the Earth

Tonight, I'm gonna stop and rest my feet

With the sand, begins my thirst

You guys going?

Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.

-Have a good day. -Yeah, I'll be back.

Bye, get home safe,

-alright? -Yeah, see you, hun.

OLDER MAN: See you, sweetheart.

Button, how are you?

How's, how's your mom?

Oh, uh, she's, she's fine,

just hard and fine, but I was thinkin',

Sunday, you and me?

No, I don't think so.

What?

Why don't you do something with your ma, something nice?

I don't want to.

I want to go to the hotel.

Oh Catherine, you're a little old

to pretend to be a ballerina,

every time shit gets hard.

But you're the one who taught me how to do that.

Yeah, I know.

Let me take over, huh?

I was just gonna go upstairs and watch TV, anyway.

You can have the rest of the night off.

No, it's okay.

-Cathy, I-- -It's fine.

I would rather be here.

Oh yes, you do

You know you ask the star

TV: She told me she know me.

She don't know me.

She comin' up in here and talkin' all kinds of bullshit,

talkin' about she know me.

She don't know me.

I don't know her.

Motherfucker.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Okay.

Okay.

(metal jingling)

(paper crinkling)

(dramatic music)

(coins thud)

Excuse me, little one.

Someone is out there fuckin' up your ride.

What?

(canister hissing)

Oh what the fuck are you...

Oh my god!

Fuck you, skank!

My fucking car.

(engine revving)

Hey!

What the hell, Cathy?

My kids are sleeping.

Look at this.

REGGIE: What?

What?

This!

Who did that?

Oh my god, take a fucking guess, Reggie.

(laughs) Oh shit.

Are you laughing?

Don't you fucking laugh.

Don't you fucking dare laugh.

What do you want me to do about it?

I want you to call off your fucking dog.

Hey, now that is the mother

of my children you're talkin' about.

Well, then she should be writing skank

on the side of your fuckin' vehicle.

Weren't you gonna get a new car?

That's not the fucking point.

Then who gives a shit what's written

on a pile of garbage?

Fuck you, Reggie.

Fuck me?

Fuck you, Cathy!

You're the one that calls me.

You're the one that pulls me into the shed

when my wife and children are at home.

Don't you dare.

Don't you dare put this all on me.

Do you like me?

What does that have to do with anything?

Do you think she likes me?

I don't know.

You want me to leave her?

No (laughs) , god, no.

Then take your lumps.

She does.

You're a piece of shit, Reggie.

Yeah.

That's the only reason you like me.

What am I supposed to do about my fucking car?

Don't know, not my problem.

-Get a paint job. -Nice.

Oh fuck off.

Paint job.

(zipper buzzes)

Hmm?

(Catherine sighs)

Hmm?

(Catherine sighs)

(object thuds)

TAMMY: Fuck.

Shit!

I broke the wall.

CATHERINE: Oh fuckin' hell, Ma.

TAMMY: I, I fixed it, and then I broke it,

and that is always the way.

Yeah, it is.

Alright, okay, help me out here.

Ah, ow!

Oh!

Oh god.

-Oh! -Alright.

I, uh--

I know, Ma.

Oh, I did somethin'.

Yeah, I fuckin' know.

(Catherine laughs) You don't.

-Let's get you to bed. -Okay.

I need you to tell me I'm a good person.

CATHERINE: You're a good person.

TAMMY: Okay.

Oh my god, Mom.

You look like him.

Who? (Tammy laughs)

Oh.

One of 'em.

(Tammy grunts)

(solemn music)

Oh god, I need,

I need to...

(solemn music)

(tense music)

(dramatic music)

Now jump.

(Catherine gasping)

Come on, get dressed for your fuckin' chemo.

TAMMY: Cathy.

(gentle music)

CATHERINE: What?

I mean, I don't know what to say.

Your mother could be around a bit longer

than we anticipated.

Now this isn't to say the cancer is gone.

But she's responding really well to the chemo.

Isn't this the most fun you've ever had

with your clothes on (laughs) ?

It is, isn't it?

Oh my god, my poor daughter.

You should come and visit.

(gentle music)

Oh.

Christ, that shit makes me so nauseated.

How fucking dare you.

What'd I do now?

At the bar, at the hospital,

pretending to be a good fucking person.

I'm not a good person.

I'm a good time.

I coulda left.

Oh, really?

And done what, been a fat ballerina,

played the fucking flute?

What, what would you have done?

Stop.

-I could've-- -You could have, huh?

Nothin', no, nothin', takin' care

of me is the only thing you've ever been good at.

I mean, name one thing, one thing you ever been good at.

We exist on a planet filled with people,

and some of 'em are nothin'.

We are those people, you know.

We are (scoffs) nothing people.

Why don't--

Why what?

Why won't you just

die?

Why won't you just fucking die?

(Tammy laughs)

Get out of the car. (Tammy laughing)

Get out of the car, get out of the car.

Get out of the car.

Hey. (horn honking)

You can't, you can't--

Get out of the car!

Alright.

Jesus, it's in a puddle.

(door thuds)

(engine revs)

(horn honks)

(Catherine cries)

Fuck.

(Catherine gasping)

(Catherine cries)

(solemn music)

My name is Catherine MacDonald,

and I want to be on "The Gordon Baker Show."

For years, my mother used to try

to throw herself off a bridge, and I always had

to talk her down, because she needed me.

But now she's dead.

She died of cancer.

And I want my tragedy to have value.

Button, you're not scheduled till Thursday.

-I'm leaving. -What?

I'm going to the city.

For how long?

The rest of my life.

Honey, you can't.

CATHERINE: Like hell I can't.

Oh come on, Cathy,

-you gotta understand. -No.

I'm not listening to you.

You don't know shit.

You give her booze when she's happy

and food when she's sad, but you don't know.

You don't know what she's like.

This isn't about her.

This is about the woman you become

when this shit is all over.

What about the woman I am now?

What about her?

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You know what?

Killing herself would be the least selfish thing

she's ever done!

(solemn music)

(door clacks)

(bright music)

Good afternoon, my lady.

Would you like a seat at the, um...

Everything okay?

I need a room.

(chuckles) That's not really my job.

I know.

I only have $84.

Like, in the world?

Yeah.

Alright, welcome to mi casa.

Uh, it's tiny, but I work a lot, so I won't bother you.

Shoes off, please.

Oh, sorry about the crap.

Bom, bah

Yeah.

-Uh-- -Wow.

This is you.

Luckily, you get a pullout couch.

That's great.

-Mm-hmm. -Thank you.

-Thanks. -No problem.

Yeah, that's the tour (laughs) .

-(laughs) It's nice. -Mm.

Jamie, you really don't have to do this.

Sure, I do.

I like you.

You're nice.

You're a nice person.

-Okay. -Okay.

Thank you. (Jamie laughs)

That's alright.

(bell dinging)

(Catherine sighs)

(gentle music)

Sorry for your loss.

(gentle music)

Hmm.

WOMAN: Yes, she's in a meeting right now.

If you'd like to leave a message,

or would you like me to transfer you to her voicemail?

Yes, why don't I do that?

Okay, I'll put you through to her office.

Where's my line at five?

Ms. Weisman's ready for you now.

Okay.

(staff chattering)

(solemn music)

Ms. Weisman?

Catherine.

Sit.

So my assistant tells me you have a story for the show.

(water hissing)

Cathy!

-Cath! -What?

Doug's here again.

-Jamie, no. -Okay.

-Tell him-- -Okay, okay.

I don't care what.

Yeah.

(Catherine sighs)

Sorry, Doug, she doesn't want to come out.

Alright.

You have a good one.

-Yeah. -Alright, take care.

There's tissues, right there.

Okay.

I, I don't know what's happening.

I cry all the time.

Don't worry, tears will come.

Maybe try to fold into yourself more.

That's better.

Are you comfortable?

-Not really. -Good.

Now, what do you want to start with?

-Leaving. -No, no,

don't start at the end.

Okay.

Maybe the drinking or the suicide.

(gasps) Or the men.

But that's, um--

ILANA: What?

Well, that's, that's all about her.

ILANA: And?

Well, I thought that they,

I thought that they wanted to hear about me.

Oh, they do, honey, just not yet.

Hm.

There, there she is.

There's the broken girl we need to see.

I have something for you.

(heels clack)

Just a small token of our appreciation,

but if the show goes well, there'll be more.

(bright music)

Thank you.

Wow.

You are welcome.

(bright music)

Just take a look around?

Just see.

(bright music)

This is the one.

(Catherine sighs)

Okay, so I'm just going to feather it a bit.

(Tammy laughs)

I'm gonna give you my specialty, Mia Farrow.

You saw her.

-Yeah. -Hmm.

Yeah, she looks great.

You know, she's, she looks fresh-faced, shiny.

She's got a good job,

good friends, too.

They're good people.

TAMMY: So she's happy?

Yeah, yeah, she's great.

It's all my fault.

It's always been my fault.

Tammy, you are not the center of everyone's universe.

Oh thank you. (lips smack)

No, she's happy.

She's fine.

(saxophone music)

(Catherine sighs)

(saxophone music)

No.

Oh god.

(saxophone music)

Oh, uh, I forgot to tell you.

Doug came by the bar again.

Stop telling me about that.

He just wants to talk to you.

(Catherine sighs)

You okay?

What'd you do to your face?

Oh (laughs) .

I can't cry.

Okay.

I used to cry all the time,

and now I can't even do that.

(laughs) Why do you need to cry

For the show.

Cathy, you don't need to cry for those people.

Yes, I do.

That's what they want.

Nobody wants to see me be fine.

Okay.

-Jamie. -Mm-hmm.

Haven't you ever wanted your life

to really mean something?

(Jamie laughs)

Honestly, I've never really thought about that.

You've always just been happy?

Yeah, for the most part.

I've always just been happy.

Wow.

That's insane.

(Jamie laughs)

(saxophone squeaks) Oh (laughs).

(saxophone music)

ANNOUNCER: For the 24-in-one chopper, call now.

(upbeat music)

(audience applauds)

GORDON: Tracy, do you know who the father is?

I don't know.

(audience chattering)

GORDON: Does that make you worry

about raising this child?

TRACY: Yes.

GORDON: It's okay.

You can let go.

(Tracy sniffs)

(Tracy sobs)

Let it all out.

You're in a safe space here.

(Catherine sighs)

Catherine, the show is tomorrow.

This is a problem.

If you can't cry, we're gonna have to find other ways

to up the ante of your victimhood.

How?

I've got it.

Doug.

Doug?

Did he touch you?

What?

Could he have?

No, absolutely not.

It's odd, right?

A grown man, not a blood relative,

hanging out with a little girl, taking her to bars.

No.

Look, you can either be the hero

or the victim of this narrative.

And honey, you're a bummer.

And bummers aren't heroes.

(Catherine coughs)

How do we fix that?

If you refuse to go there,

you'll have to break in front of them, full waterworks.

How you get there is your business.

(solemn music)

GORDON: How many of you have experienced this?

Yes, yes, oh, don't be shy, put your hand up.

You are in a safe, comfortable space--

I saw your episode yesterday.

You were great.

What is wrong with you?

(heels clack)

GORDON: There is beauty in pain, and I say that

to a lot of people, and they doubt me.

But on this show, you're going to see the beautiful--

Go change.

GORDON: Do you know why?

Because on the other side of pain--

(people chattering)

ILANA: Psst, psst!

Over here!

No! I forgot!

(solemn music)

Let your hair down.

Yeah.

Okay, now don't be nervous.

Just be yourself.

This isn't me, though.

Well, then be this girl.

You ready?

(audience applauds)

Yeah.

You'll do great.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our next guest is a woman who has no education,

no romantic partnerships, no friends, no life,

and had a suicidal and alcoholic mother.

So let's give a big welcome to Catherine MacDonald.

Go, go.

(upbeat music) (audience applauds)

Yes, let's keep that applause going.

Thank you, Catherine, take a seat there.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for having me.

So tell us about your mother.

Well, first, I think it's important

to understand how I--

Yes, yes, you.

But before we get to you, Catherine,

let's talk a little bit about your mother,

a volatile woman, an addict, impulsive.

Tell us about the bridge.

Well, there was a, uh, a bridge.

She would try to jump off of it.

(audience gasps)

That was before she was diagnosed with cancer?

Yeah, before.

And then you had to watch her die.

You had to watch her die.

Slowly, painfully,

you watched her die.

No, that's not what happened.

(audience muttering)

No, I mean, she had cancer, but that's,

that's not how she died.

GORDON: Then how did she die?

(tense music)

The bridge.

(audience member gasps)

She went to the bridge.

I saw her,

and she was someone else.

She wasn't crying, and she wasn't messy.

She was awake,

and I knew.

I knew that she wasn't mine anymore, and I wasn't hers,

and all that shit that made us

what we were before was just dead air between us.

She looked at me like I was somethin',

somethin' more than what she made me.

She looked at me.

And she saw me.

(gasps) And then she let me go (cries) .

We're just gonna take a little break,

and we'll be right back, after this.

(upbeat music)

That crying is great, nice job.

(upbeat music) (Catherine crying)

I'll be back in five.

(Catherine sobs)

Well, it's over.

They probably won't even air it,

those disgusting people.

I sold my soul for a Toyota Camry.

I think you should sit down.

What?

(solemn music)

As soon as the tram

Crashes the station

As soon as the clouds

Darken the streets

That is how soon

You will be gone

You can go now

(Catherine sobbing)

(Mike sighs)

MIKE: Miss you, buddy.

As soon as my hair

Grows out the red

As soon as my face

Becomes my dad's

You came back.

That is how soon

I did. You will be gone

You can go now

You can go now

You can go now

Oh, Doug.

You can go now

(brakes squeal)

(engine rumbles)

(car door thuds)

TAMMY: Hi.

Hi.

I guess you heard.

I heard.

I called and called.

I know, Ma.

It's okay.

(Catherine coughs)

My room still got a bed in it?

Sure.

Let me help you with that.

That is one fancy fuckin' vehicle.

-Right? -Right.

Okay.

-Alright? -Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

(Tammy chuckles)

Come on.

This thing is heavy.

I know the wrong one of us died.

Please know that I know that.

You got any rye for this here tea?

I don't even know who I'm hidin' this from.

(Catherine chuckles)

I kicked the smokes, though.

-Good for you. -Yeah.

I told people you were dead.

I know.

To be fair, I basically am.

I never even saw him get sick.

You can never see what's broken in a happy person.

He died.

(Tammy grunts)

I left, and he died.

Cathy, what I said to you before you left--

It's okay.

No, it isn't.

Look, you're a part of me, you know.

(Tammy sighs)

When I talk about you,

sometimes I'm just talkin' about myself.

KELLY: Yeah, which one's got the flowers on it?

CHILD: Here.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, very good.

This one?

Hey.

What do you want?

I just wanted to say that I feel like shit about--

You should.

I don't need you to apologize to me, Cathy.

That's never what I needed.

Yeah, baby, yes.

Okay.

(gentle piano music)

TAMMY: Hi.

Hey.

I went to Scully's,

thought I'd see if they needed any barmaids.

TAMMY: Why?

'Cause I'm gonna stay.

What?

I'm not your fault.

I know, but,

I'm just no good out there.

Don't let one sad thing tell you who you are.

Not just one.

I made up my mind.

I'm gonna go take a shower, 'cause I'm freezing.

TAMMY: Cathy.

Yeah, Ma.

I always loved you more than I could show.

Yeah.

Okay.

(Tammy gasping)

(door clacks)

(Catherine grunts)

(Catherine sighs)

Hmm?

Ma?

Sweetheart, something is wrong now

In your clear eyes

Somethin' has gone away

If you just put your head in my hands

Reach out to me

If you just trust your heart in these hands

You'll see, there, there

Something's, something's wrong

Back's to the wall, yeah

Timeout, hold on

You wanna go home

Your eyes, searchin' the room

I can feel what it's doin' to you

And your heart, it falls on the floor

So I lay down over you, oh

Just reach your arms

My eyes, searchin' the room

I can feel what it's doing to you

And my heart falls on the floor

And then you lay down over me yeah

Oh, reach out your arms, yeah

Ooh, ooh, ooh

Wait there, now

Oh

(gentle music)

Breathe, even when your heart is crumblin'

And bend

To keep from breakin' in two

And don't look down

Just close your eyes and just hold on

'Cause we are kites

Flyin' in the windstorm

We twirl

We glide

We flail around

Spend our lives

Like nothin' looking for somethin'

But by your side, I'm enough

We crawl

When everyone else is running

We fight

It's what we know to do

We mend our hearts

With fairy tales and whiskey shots

'Cause we are kites

Flyin' in a windstorm

We twirl

We dive

We hit the ground

Spend our lives

Like nothin' lookin' for somethin'

But in your eyes, I'm enough

And by your side, I'm enough

I come to find that I'm enough

Yeah, I'm enough

(solemn music)