All language subtitles for Xena Warrior Princess - 02x11 - Here She Comes... Miss Amphipolis.DVDRip.E

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Mmm-- feel the sun on our face;

smell the air.

You know--

if Salmoneus had to
send for us,

he could have
picked a worse

place than this to meet.

Yeah, it's nice.

It wasn't always like this.

See that wreck up
on the rocks?

It looks like the remains
of a warship.

One of dozens that attacked

this beach in a
battle so bloody,

the sand was soaked red.

Thanks for sharing.

When was it?

Uh-- it's been almost a year,
now, since the peace was signed.

Ah-- that's plenty of
time for things

to return to being
safe and normal.

Are you all right?

Uh, yeah, I think so.

Where did this come from?

The same place as that one.

They're so deep.

Hey, look! Hah!
Clams! Oh, yes.

There's lots of 'em, too.

I know what I'm
having for dinner.

What do you think
made these ruts?

Only one thing I know
makes tracks that deep

a fully-armed war wagon.

A war wagon?

What would it be doing here?

I thought you said
it was peaceful.

Come back, girls!

How 'bout a little kiss?

What's your hurry?

Grab her!

Hey, get away
from those girls!

And stay away!

It's ruined!

Is everybody OK?

Yes.

'Cause frankly I was worried.

These costumes were not
designed to take this kind of abuse.

Costumes?

Just wait till I tell my sponsor.

Don't forget to tell him who saved
you a man of surprising courage;

deceptive strength;

and ingenious skill;

and is not above accepting
financial remuneration!

Thanks for nothing!

Hm-hmm.

Xena!

I was just talking about you

sort of.

Beauty contest?

You sent urgent
word for us to come

and see some underdressed,

over-developed bimbos
in a beauty contest?

Pageant--

it's called a pageant.

Contest, pageant.

It's a feeble excuse for men
to exploit and degrade women.

Wrong as usual,
Miss Sunshine.

Since when do we
ever need an excuse?

Besides,it's more like
combat than contest.

And it had such potential--

when Lord Claron proposed
it as a way to

celebrate a year of peace!

Merchandizing,
local franchises,

off-runway betting--

Wake me when you get
to the urgent part.

Hah? Remember
the leaders who,

ah, wrote that treaty
here about a year ago?

The Doge of Messini,

the Regent of Skyros,

and the Palatine of Parnassus?

Well spoken.

See, they each entered their

girlfriends in the pageant,

and since then, we've
had nothing but trouble--

Wrecked costumes,
ripped props,

and now this business
on the beach!

Sounds like someone's trying
to wage a war by proxy.

That would explain all
the war wagon tracks.

And that's why I
sent urgent word.

If you don't help to keep
things on the level,

each leader is going blame
the other, and soon,

we're all buying headstones.

Yeah, probably from you.

Now, why don't you just
cancel the pageant?

Lord Claron's tried that!

Each of these guys is
so invested in winning,

nobody wants to quit first!

The way I see

it-- What we need, see--

is a contestant to
keep an eye on

things-- from the inside.

Oh, no, no, no.

Don't even look at me.

Now you know how
I feel about these

women being victimized
by meat markets.

She's right.

But war makes everyone a victim

so-- meet Miss Amphipolis.

In a time of ancient gods,

warlords, and kings,

a land in turmoil cried out for a hero.

She was Xena,

a mighty princess,

forged in the heat of battle.

the power...

the passion...

the danger...

Her courage will change the world...

Now, remember--

if anybody asks,

you're Miss Amphipolis,

and you're her sponsor,

the Marquesa-- huh!

What?

What about the contest itself?

Here's the deal.

Each girl competes in
three events to win.

Miss one event,
whatever the reason,

you're out of the pageant.

You can't get back in.

One miss, you're gone--

Understand?

Excuse me.

Watch it, clod-- or,
can't you see from up there?

Excuse, me.

Miss Messini?

Sorry to interrupt.

I want to introduce you
to our newest contestant,

Miss Amphipolis,

and her sponsor,
the Marquesa.

Ladies, this is Miss Messini,

sponsored by the Doge of Messini.

Hello.

It's good to meet you.

Oh, don't let us keep
you from your--

You saved my life.

Did you see that?

He saved my life.

Yes, yes, I did, yes.

It was nothing.

Nothing?

I wouldn't call that
arrow nothing.

And I don't think my
sponsor will either,

once he finds out about it.

Hah! Talk about a close call.

If Miss Messini
had been skewered,

the Doge would've blamed
the other two.

I would've lost both the peace

and my shirt in
one fell swoop.

Your concern is so touching.

Look-- as long as we can keep

the contest fair,

while we find out
who's doing this,

we'll be fine.

OK-- Salmoneus,

you find me a disguise,

while you get to know
the other sponsors.

Got it.

We'll meet back here
after the first event.

Matron of the
pageant, coming in.

Oh, there's no
time for modesty.

I've got ten more of you
wannabes to see before--

Here, what's this?

What?

Aren't you?

Yes, I'm sure you are.

What?

You're wearing
the robe inside-out.

Oh.

Oh, why the gods waste
beauty on girls like you,

I'll never know.

If I had half your looks,
I'd rule the world.

Look, I'm sorry about the robe--

I was just so totally

thrilled to be here, that--

Oh, save it for the judges--

I'm on a schedule.

That arrow nearly
killed her! And why?

'Cause one of you wants to
stop me from winning,

that's why. It's an insult!

Please--

We don't know for a fact that anything--

What about me?!

My girl was assaulted on the beach

by thugs one of you hired to
try and stop me from winning!

It's a slur on my honor.

As I said, nothing's been
proven about anyone. So I--

Will you listen to yourselves?

Hissing and moaning,

when it's clear--

my girl is gonna win this one.

Is this a private bash,

or can-- any sponsor join?

You're a sponsor?

That's right.

I am called-- the Marquesa.

And from what I just hear,

I am a lot better sponsor
than any of you.

Your contestant
is nearly killed,

and it's you who's insulted.

Get a life!

And yours is attacked,
but it's your disgrace?

Give me a break.

And I suppose
if yours gets hurt,

it'd be about you, too.

Well, all I can say to
you three is-- Hmmm!

Clear the runway,

'cause my contestant is going to

wipe_ the floor with all of you.

And just who is your contestant?

Her name's Miss Amphipolis.

Oh, her being sponsored
by a woman.

I'll say.

You wouldn't think a woman
would put you through all this,

just to win some silly contest.

I just keep focused
on the extra food

my village will get if I win.

The Palatine promised.

Well-- nobody twisted
my arm to be here.

I'm gonna use this thing to get
as far away from here as possible.

And all I can say is,

Miss Amphipolis better
not get in my way.

Thanks for the warning.

I'll have to keep that in mind.

Do that.

I gotta go.

Too much steam might
turn all pruney.

Yeah, me too.

Besides, it's nearly time
for the first event.

Sounds like this pageant
means a lot to you, huh?

No-- but winning it does.

And you can bet--
I'll do whatever it takes.

Was it something I said? Hmm.

Xena. It's about time,
keeping us all waiting!

Where is she?

She's not back?

No!

Ha-ha. You know--

if she misses this,

she's out of the pageant--

No ifs, ands, or buts.

Gone, finito out!

I know that.

So do those warlords.

You should've seen the

way they acted-- like,

this-- this contest was
all about them and

how great they are.

And I'm telling you,

they'll do anything to win.

That's unusually
perceptive of you.

The question is,

which one is it?

I wish I knew.

I wish I could stay.

But I've got a show to emcee.

If Xena gets back,

get her dressed
and down to the stage fast.

If she doesn't stay in to
keep this thing on the level,

we're allgoners-- bye-bye!

Come on everybody!

Give it up for
Miss Artifice, huh?

Come on, a big hand
for Miss Artifice--

come on!

Let's hear it for all
our contestants!

Yes! And now, it gives me great

pleasure to present to
you our last contestant,

Miss Amphipolis!

Xena? Is that really you?
Brilliant disguise.

Sorry--

What happened?
You were almost disqualified.

Which is exactly what
somebody wanted.

Did she tell you that she was
locked in the steam room?

Someone tried to saute' you?

Yes-- and I think I know who.

Looking for this?

Now, I want some
straight answers.

Have you got
the wrong girl!

OK, OK, I was just kidding.

Where's your
sense of humor?

Gee, I guess I must have sweated it out.

Is that your
idea of funny, too?

I was just trying
to scare you.

Why'd you want to scare me?

Because I knew you knew.

You know, about me.

And I didn't want
you to tell anyone.

But when I came
back to unlock

the door, you had
already gone.

What made you
think I'd tell?

You really don't get it, do you?

I guess being born a

woman, you wouldn't.

This is a chance to use
a part of me most

people usually laugh at--
or worse.

The part I usually
have to hide--

only here that part
works for me-- you see?

I think so.

Look-- I don't expect
you to understand.

And I'm sorry
I got you steamed.

I just hope you let me
quit the pageant in

private instead of
going public with it.

No way.
May the best person win.

What else can I do?

We've always been neutral, even

during the war.

That's why there's
no army to call out--

Just some reserves,

and I'm using all I've got.

Then you'd better draft more,

or I'll be forced to
bring in my own men.

If he brings in his men, so do I.

And I.

Will you listen to yourselves.

Now, how do you think the
contestants feel under all this pressure?

Who cares?

As long as mine wins.

I told mine, I don't care if she wins--

I just don't want her to lose.

Very understanding.

Why, what'd you tell yours?

I do not tell her anything.

We are a team. I ask.

Yeah, right! One more incident--

I'm bringing in my troops.

That makes two of us.

I'll send out a call for
more volunteers--

Marquesa.

Yes?

That asking stuff--
that works for you?

Every time.

Hmm.

Remember--
a beauty pageant is like a war.

To win, you've gotta be fired
with the heat of competition!

The power!
The passion!

The desire to win.

Gabrielle, we're not here to win.

We're here to stop a war.

Yeah sure--

but there's no harm in winning--

right?

Follow your moves,
keep it warm,

and whatever happens,
try to stay upright.

OK, let's hit it!
A-one, two, three.

'Like soft gentle winds that
will blow through your hair;

Like fire that warms you
when no one else cares;

Like flowers that bloom from
the Earth in the spring;

A woman's a natural thing.

Ow! Watch it!

'Like flora and fauna
that brighten your day;

Like water we drink, and
the sea where we play;

Like dragonflies riding
the air on their wings;

A woman's a natural thing.

'So give thanks and give praise

To the gods for their bounty.

And thanks to Athena

From city and county.

But most of all honor
the goddess, Demeter,

With flowers and songs and
with crops that will feed her.

To her we will lift up our
cups as we say-ay--

A woman's a natural thing-- yeah!'

OK, take five. I'll work with
you slowly in small groups.

You move very well.

Thanks.

You look familiar.

Have we met before?

I'm sure I would've remembered.

Well, then, allow me
to introduce myself.

I'm the Palatine of Parnassus.

Miss Amphipolis.

You keep your greasy
lips off my arm--

and apologize.

I'm sorry.

Not to me-- to her.

We're not done,
you and me--

not by a long shot.

Next, we have Miss Skyros.

As cool as the marble her

country is known for,

Miss Skyros' hobbies
include music,

exotic dancing,
and sacrificing to the gods.

Her favorite deity--

Aphrodite!

Let's hear it for
Miss Skyros,everybody.

Next up,

we have Miss Amphipolis.

A country girl at heart,

she enjoys the
simple things in life--

weaving tapestries,
making candles,

and doing volunteer work

with her local Hestian virgins.

Put 'em together for the
phenomenal Miss Amphipolis.

Wait! That woman!

She's not a contestant!

That's Xena, Warrior Princess!

She's a hired mercenary!

It's a breech of the peace!

This means war! Arrest her!

Arrest the Warrior Princess!

Right. Take her away.

Honey, I'm no princess--
I'm a Queen.

Actually, folks, this lanky
beauty is our last contestant,

Miss Artifice,

whose hobbies include
archery, horse-breeding,

and knowing
the complete score

to every musical ever written.

Put 'em together for
Miss Artifice, everybody.

Thank you.

People, people--
Please, please.

I have the preliminary
decision right here.

Ladies, when I read
out your names,

will you please step forward.

Here they are.

The five semi-finalists
for the crown

of Miss Known World: Miss Messini.

Miss Skyros.

Miss Parnassus.

Miss Artifice.

And last, but not least--

Miss Amphipolis.

Yes! Brilliant! You go girl!

Miss A all the way!

There they are--

the five semifinalists
for the title of

Miss Known World!

Yes! Yes, come on, yes!

I'm happy for you.

How did you-- Why?

I guess we both
got our secrets.

Thanks for keeping mine.

Now, don't forget to come
back for our final round--

the talent competition.

I don't understand
why you won't sing.

You would be a
shoe-in if you did.

Gabrielle, I've told you before--

I sing when I'm moved--

when there's something behind it.

It's not about performance.

As a bard and a fellow creative
artist, I can understand that.

Which, just leaves us one question--

What _can_ you do?

I don't know.

Finding out who's sabotaging
things would be a great start.

Next time they strike,

someone could get killed.

Yeah-- you.

Whoever is doing this
wants to get to those

warlord beauties.

And how better to do it,

than to just, you know, you!

You just gave me a great idea.

About how to catch
whoever's doing this?

No-- about what
to do for my talent.

What are you doing here?

That is, I thought you'd be

rehearsing for the talent event.

And aren't you supposed
to be at the meeting?

What meeting?

I was made to look like a fool!

A fairly simple task.

Oho! You should talk.

Gentlemen, gentlemen,

please-- This is not
solving the problem.

He is right--

this stunt Miss Artifice
pulled only show

how on edge things are.

It was a joke, for Zeus' sake.

It is nothing to call the troops in for.

Maybe not-- but,

what about everything else
our girls have been through?

At least, most of our girls.

Can I help it if mine's lucky.

I'm beginning to think
maybe you can.

Yeah-- funny how nothing's
happened to your contestant--yet.

She gets so much as a hang-nail--

I won't wait for the judges.

I'll make my own declaration--

and it'll be war.

Well, that goes double for me.

I'm gonna go and
beef up stage security.

Look what you do!

Me?

Yes-- frightening
Miss Skyros like this.

What is it with you three?

Always threats, ultimatums.

You are here to celebrate
the peace and work together.

Now, just shut up and do it!

This is sabotage!

Gabrielle, it's just a bad dress.

Bad dress-- Xena,

chiffon is bad,

chartreuse is bad,
but this is a disaster.

You will be eliminated
halfway down the catwalk.

Calm down!

Look-- if it really bothers you, I'll fix it.

It's-- getting better.

You're pretty good with a knife--

for a contestant, that is.

Well-- I have many skills.

Well-- it's not Sophocles,
but it'll have to do.

Miss Messini?
What happened?

Nothing, I'm fine.

Really, just a little
something in my eye.

That's all.

Oh-- I guess we're all kind
of keyed up, you know?

Wondering about who's gonna
win the pageant and all, huh?

No-- I think it's a crock.

You do?

We all do-- except for you.

But then, you're not
from around here.

You can't know how stupid
something like this seems,

when you've been through a war
where it was a fight just to survive.

Well, if that's how you all feel,
then why are you here?

Different reasons--

Miss Parnassus made a deal.

If she wins, the Palatine will give

her village extra food
for this coming winter.

Or Miss Skyros--

the war was so terrible--

and the memories.

She wants to get away, so
she's using this pageant to do it.

And you?
Why'd you enter?

I didn't.

My boyf--
my sponsor entered me.

I guess I could've said no--

but it just seemed to
mean so much to him that

I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

What about your feelings--

Don't they count?

They never have before.

I mean, he loves me--

but he's so

hung up on the way I look,
you know?

That it's hard for him to see
past that to the person underneath.

But, then I guess a lot of
people make that mistake--

don't you?

I know they do--

but you can change that.

Tell him how you feel.

You're entitled.

You think so?

I know so-- So should you.

What am I doing in there?

Don't know. I can't see any--

Well-- good luck.

I make my own luck.

Then you don't need a pageant
to change it, do you?

There you are.

They've pushed up
the talent event.

It's already started.

Come on.

Yes!

Thank you, Miss Messini,

for that lovely rendition of--

whatever that song
you just played was.

Miss Messini, everybody!

And now, Miss Artifice!

Any trouble so far?

Nothing a hook wouldn't solve.

If you mean danger, not yet.

Maybe we scared
off the people

who were trying
to get the girls.

Maybe

but my fear is,

they'll switch to
targeting warlords.

Wait!

Now!

We have an act that's
sure to be a real charmer

Miss Skyros!

Why the rush on this event?

Don't ask me-- Ask him.

He's the one who ordered it.

Thank you. Ta-da! Ta-da!

What does she think
she's doing, huh?

She certainly picked a fine time

to go touring
around the castle.

Doesn't she know it's
dangerous out there?

She'll be fine.

Now, the good news is that
she's a cinch to win, and then

this is over, and
we're home free.

Yeah-- unless something
happens to her.

Then we're not so home free.

No one else knows
she's at the castle

it's perfectly safe.

Now, just don't worry.

Miss Amphipolis.

I'm Lord Claron.

Oh.

Congratulations.

I'd stake my life that
the judges will

choose you as the winner.

Well, that's very
kind of you to say.

Not at all.

In fact-- kindness has
nothying to do with it.

I said that I'd stake
my life, where in fact

I'm staking yours.

What are you doing?

You wouldn't understand.

You weren't here for the war,

when our neutrality
made this country rich.

You made a profit out of
death and suffering?

Let's just say we filled a need.

And then the peace came

and the good times were gone.

That's why we need another war

to bring back the prosperity.

And that's why you have to die.

So you're the one

who's sabotaging
this pageant?

Can you think of a better

way to get these fools to

fight again without
arousing suspicion?

As a matter of fact, I can't.

But, why don't we ask
the fools themselves?

But, how did you--?

-- know it was you?

Only the guy who rigged it could

have looked up at that beam.

And as for the security
you were adding

well, there wasn't
a guard in sight.

You surprise me
I had no idea that a

beauty contestant could be

more than the sum of her
well-assembled parts.

Neither did I.

Hmm. Now, be smart

and maybe I won't have to--

disassemble you, hmm?

Trust me

you don't wanna make me angry.

Oh-- on the contrary

I'm looking forward to it.

OK.

Are we having fun yet?

Oops!

Don't hate me 'cause
I'm beautiful.

Xena!

Xena!Xena!Xena!

Uh,I mean Miss Amphipolis.

It's all right,Gabrielle

I think we all know
who's who now.

Not quite

the judges have voted

and they're ready to
crown a winner.

I have here the final results of

the first Miss Known World Pageant.

Now, if for any reason,

the winner is unable
to perform her duties

like, she isn't here!

Then the crown will

go to the first runner-up,

and so on down the line.

Is that understood?

Perfectly.

Xena!

What have you done
with Miss Amphipolis?!

She's withdrawn from the pageant.

What?

She told me to say

that she's learned
a lot from all of you

but it's time that she moved on.

B-b-b-but--

she can't!

I have the ballot right here!

And, uh-- uh-oh!

She won! See?!

She can't quit now.

She just did.

Right.

That means the winner
will be our first runner-up,

and that is--

Wait! I quit, too.

What?!

That's right.

I thought I needed
this crown to get away

from a lot of bad luck.

It turns out all I need

is myself

and, maybe someone
to remind me of that

once in a while.

OK, moving on down the line.

Ah! I see that our winner is--

Wait! Me too-- I quit, too.

What is this, catching?

You heard her

she wants to quit.

You got a problem with that?

No, sir-- uh-uh!

Especially because,

I think we have a
winner right here.

Then think again.

We had a deal!

You put yourself before your family,

your village?
You'll let them starve?

No, I won't let them starve.

I'll help them plant, and--

and plow, and harvest,

with all my strength,

year after year,

until we get through this.

But to give away my pride

and my dignity,
for one winter's food?

Where's the good in that?

She has a point

which means

that our winner is

Miss Artifice!

Thank you.

You really saved my assets.

You are something else.

You have no idea.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I present to you,

on her inaugural
walk down our runway,

your Miss Known World

'Stand back,
and let her through.

She's the one girl who'll do.

A beauty so mythic,

Her figure's terrific.

She's Miss Known World.

With a face and a
form so sublime,

She's a legend within
her own time.

So stand back, make way,

Let her smile make your day.

She's Miss Known World.

So, Miss Known World is a man?

Yep.

It's kind of funny, huh?

Why? Beauty is beauty.

And peace is peace.

Are you going to
write about this?

Oh, yes. I was thinking
about calling it,

- 'Queen for a--'
- Gabrielle!

What a drag!

Gabrielle!

OK, OK.

OK, OK.

Captioned by Grantman Brown