Original subtitles

- JUMPIN' AT THE BEDSIDE -

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Aksel, you are completely immoral. It's immoral to smoke in bed.

Can't you help it?

Will you marry me?

- I'm serious! - Sorry. It was so unexpected.

- It's not like you. - What do you mean?

Don't misunderstand me, I like you... and you're so honest.

We've been doing business for years.

Suddenly, I just felt hungry for you ...

... so I let myself be seduced.

- Sorry you had to wait, Tilly. - That's alright, I had some work to do.

Here are the receipts from Danafox for the last two months.

- That's great. Thank you! - Goodbye, then. Sir...

- So much... ? - You've been quite an asset to the company.

If people saw us, they might think that you were paying me.

No one has seen us. Cheers!

Our new brochure. I hope your new employer will also need our services.

Yes, my new boss will certainly need your escort girls.

It's a global engineering firm specializing in water treatment plants, ...

... our company has maintained its roots in our founder's high standards for quality.

How much do we build yourselves, Director?

We don't use the title, "Director". Here, all the employees use each other's names.

We only manufacture the specialized filters. They are kept secret from our competitors.

In addition, we do engineering design and contracting.

Engineer Poulsen has been with us since the time of the original inventor.

This is our new sales promotion manager, Aksel Hansen.

- What's that in Danish? - Sales Director.

Hmph... a paid tourist.

Engineer Poulsen's son just started here as an apprentice. Where is he?

On the toilet.

The laboratory is down there.

There's too much bacteria in the waste from Kumpula.

Take it to Poulsen's section.

- This is the sales curve. - It looks a bit impotent.

Thygesen, our previous sales director, lost a big contract in Japan.

- So that's why... - Yes, we insist on results here!

Here's a 4-Stage plant in Africa. We'll hear about another in the United States next week.

It's a plant for a large municipality. Our main competitor, Dekantervand AB, ...

... is also bidding on it. You need to deal with it right away.

Take a look at it, and see what you think.

It seems we just need to win over the City Council and their engineers?

Yes, those would be the key contacts.

We'll invite them here for some good food and a little feminine companionship.

Good food is never a bad idea, ... but what's this about females?

- There are no female engineers! - No... I meant women to entertain them.

Women?

- Engineer Poulsen is coming. - I'm busy!

- He's coming in anyway. - Oh, no!

If this Kumpula report is correct, the entire population will have diarrhea!

- Can't you see I'm in a meeting? - Either we change the PH value at the plant...

- ... or I'll have to invent something new. - Do it, then!

- Your wife is on the phone. - Oh, no!

- Yes, it's me, May. - Will you be home on time?

- I was planning on fixing a special dinner. - I might be a little late.

- Oh no, that's the third time this week. - Don't you have cooking class tonight?

- No, that's on Tuesdays. - Oh, I forgot.

Does he have a good looking wife?

No idea. I've never seen her. He doesn't mix his work and personal life.

I'd better go down and invent a new purification filter.

I'll be home as soon as I finish my meeting with our new sales director.

- I wish I could get a job, too. - My sweet little wife shouldn't work, ...

Alright, I'll turn down the oven until you get here...

- Yes, good. - See you later.

- I'd call that... prostitution! - No, they're just attractive women!

This is the brochure from SubRosa.

Delicious, eh?

You'd have me sit on the edge of the bed selling water treatment plants ...

... to a mayor lying there with a ... whore?

The customer is easier to negotiate with after a pleasant dinner and a good screw.

No way!

- It was in the oven too long. - It's delicious, darling. Delicious!

- No thanks. Help yourself. - It's the perfect temperature, 18 degrees.

I'd rather have some water. Cold, clear water.

- Thanks for the nice dinner. - Won't you have some more? The sauce is good.

It was delicious, but I've had plenty.

It's been a horrible day.

- My poor little darling... - The new sales manager thinks ...

- ... we should do everything for our customers. - Within reason, of course.

But he's going beyond my limits. He wants to provide women for the customers!

- Women? - Yes, women!

He knows a company that rents out women!

They show customers around town, and then they go... they do...

You know what I mean. It's terrible! Clearly an act of procuring.

He says they're attractive women who are simply... ... are simply employees of the company.

Attractive married women. No, my company will not do that!

- Why don't we have a good time tonight? - Of course. I'm ready for bed... right now.

I'll go and get ready.

- So, what did you do today? - Washed, dusted and vacuumed...

You're so sweet...!

- Are you coming? - Oh, you're ready?

Aren't you going to give your little wife a goodnight kiss?

Would you mind turning the light off?

The lady will call, so you can agree on the time and place.

Yes, we'll send Bicky. She has large breasts, ask you requested.

Tilly, check this gentleman out. If everything's okay, we'll send Bicky.

- Then you would be May? Welcome. - Thank you. Am I attractive enough?

Yes! You're exactly our kind of girl. Can you speak English, German, or French?

I spoke all three, but I've been housekeeping for a year. I'm tired of washing and ironing.

- This sounded exciting. What would I be doing? - Showing men the town, going to the theater, ...

... dancing, dining ... and helping them with gifts for their wives.

For a three hour escort, they pay you 500 kronor, and you give us 150.

- Nothing else? - If the customer wants something more, ...

... that's your business. But you can't do it for less than 500 kronor.

- You need a working name... Eva? - That's appropriate. My husband's name is Adam.

- Are you married? - Do you mind?

- No. When can you work? - Between nine and five.

- My husband eats at six o'clock. - You have no free evenings?

I take a cooking class on Tuesdays. I can skip that.

Does your husband know that you're looking for work?

- No! He doesn't want me working. - Okay...

- Hair: blond. Eyes: blue. Height? - 1.67

- 1.67. Any special characteristics? - I stutter a little.

- It doesn't sound like it. - Well, when I become sexually aroused ...

... I talk like this.

That's charming! Excuse me...

Hello? Yes? Good day...

Yes... one moment. Would you mind going topless at the beach?

- No... - Yes, we can arrange that.

- They're all jealous when I'm with you. - Why is that?

- Because you're beautiful! - Thank you very much.

Can we run a little? It's good for the physique.

- Look! Would you like an ice cream? - Yes, thanks!

- No thanks. It's not good for my physique. - You couldn't have just one?

- To get in top shape, it's all or nothing! - Is there anything else you want?

- There is something... it's a little embarrassing. - It's about time!

The boys at the gym kid me because I don't know any girls.

- May I be blunt? - Of course... what?

I'd like to be photographed with you.

- Just photographed? That's all? - Yes... if you don't mind.

- You never do anything with girls? - Sexual intercourse doesn't help my physique.

- Is this Eva? I mean, May? - Yes...

- Is this a bad time? - No...

You only need to say yes or no. I have a businessman for you.

- Could you meet him at 1:30 at the Hotel Liberty? - Yes...

Okay. Just be prepared for anything. Is that okay?

- I'm sorry I'm late. - We have a lot to do.

- Who was that? - It was... Inge.

- That was quick. You usually talk longer. - We're meeting for lunch at 1:30 tomorrow.

It will do you good. You need some variety.

- "As far as what can be believed ... - Did you say panties?

- Where were we? - "Panties"

"Panties"? No, I didn't say that.

"... in this climate of distrust, you can completely ignore the insinuations ...

"... made by the shipping company.

"Our firm is not implicated in this matter. Keep us informed as to the negotiations. Sincerely... "

Nothing more? Is there anything more you want me to do?

- You can type the transcription on this. - And nothing else?

- What do you mean? - Nothing.

I think I've spent enough for twelve letters!

- All I did was type letters. - Didn't you get paid?

- Here's your share, but money isn't everything. - And the man on the beach?

He just wanted to take photos.

- He seemed quite satisfied. - I'd like to do a little something... extra.

It's hard when you can only work one night a week.

I can say that I'm taking another class... weaving or something.

Yes, something on Thursdays! Don't we have the two Italians on Thursday, Tilly?

- Here.. - Thanks!

Bicky will go with you. Let her do the talking.

- Hi, are you Eva? - Yes...

We'll eat and then go to Tivoli. We're supposed to go to room 1172.

Pretty girls, feel welcome in our home.

Pretty girls, my dear friend and I love you.

When it comes to love, we live to love and love to live!

Come in!

So, pretty Danish girls, how are you? Good? Good? Yes, very good!

- What are your names? - I'm Bicky. This is my friend, Eva.

My name is Alfredo. This is my friend, Marco. Come here, Marco!

Thank you, dear.

- Thank you! - Please...

- So, a toast to our pretty Danish girls! - He's offering a toast to the pretty Danish girls.

- Cheers to the men from Italy! - Cheers!

Cheers, pretty girl...

Now, off to Tivoli, for the Little Mermaid! It should be interesting!

He thinks the Little Mermaid is in Tivoli!

First things first: The money! A thousand kronor for both of us.

Here's the problem. The Italian Post Office isn't open.

Therefore, Marco's father will send a telegram.

The money is guaranteed to be here tomorrow. It was supposed to be here this afternoon. I'm sorry.

There isn't any money. They're trying to con us!

"Con"? Marco, do you know what "con" means?

They look like nice guys. I think they're telling the truth.

No, they're trying to con us.

- Without the money, you can forget Tivoli. - We'll have it for sure tomorrow, okay?

- And we'll have nothing to console us tomorrow. - Why don't you give us a chance?

Pretty girls ...

Oh sure... Then crap on you!

You understand? That's it!

- We could have had a nice time with them. - Nice time? Without money, nothing doing!

I'm calling Maria to tell her she needs to be more careful next time.

- How much? What do you charge? - 500 kronor.

- Your room? - I'm not staying here. Come with me...

- Where did you go? - A guy wanted to... in the ladies' room.

- The ladies' room? Did he pay? - Yes... 500.

- It's gone! - The pig took it back!

- He'll get his! - It doesn't matter. It was delightful.

Delightful? Be more careful next time. Come on, let's see if we can find him.

A man! A man!

He stole 500 kronor from my friend!

The little skunk!

- You seem happy? Did you have a good time? - It was delightful.

- Delightful? - Yes.

- Did you have the necessary equipment? - No, it was hand work.

As long as you're comfortable with that.

- Are you Eva? - Yes, I'm here to see Mr. Jean Thomsen.

- Not Mister... Miss. I'm Jean Thomsen. - I thought...

You're a sweet girl. Would you like to show me around Copenhagen?

My grandmother was Danish, but I've lived in America all my life.

- You speak Danish very well. - My mother spoke Danish to me.

Oh, look at that. Aren't they cute?

This is for you.

The real Little Mermaid stands down at the harbor.

Everyone wants to see her when they're in Copenhagen? She's so cute.

There are a lot of cute girls here in Copenhagen.

A planetary calculator. It was designed in 1680 and erected in 1697 ...

... by the famous Danish astronomer, Ole Rømer.

- It's the Zodiac. I'm a Taurus. And you? - I'm a virgin...

Oh, really?

The cathedral's over there, and that's St. Petri.

Down there are all the porn shops with movies and live shows. Would you like to see it?

No, I hate pornography! It's nothing I care to see.

- What is that over there? - That's Tivoli.

Now we'll have "a nightcap", as we say. In my hotel room.

I understand that this is the price for some extra services?

But Jean, you're not a man. Or are you?

You're a wonderful girl, Eva.

- But how do you... ? - Come...

- Yes, everything looks good. - But it hasn't been submitted to the committee.

It will be difficult to persuade them if I'm not there.

I know what you mean... the women. Your work has been very valuable.

- The drawings of the new filter. - Thank you. With a staff like yours, ...

- ... we don't need women employees. - Women?

Just one of Hansen's little jokes. Don't you ever need a woman?

No, a good book and a good whiskey means no problems... young man.

I told you so, Hansen!

Now we just need to work out a few details.

But if this export order doesn't work out, we're in real trouble! Big trouble!

Not my department.

The next few months mean a a lot of hard work!

You've been working hard, but it hasn't brought me any business.

He works too hard, and he only drinks water. Then he goes home at night to his slave girl.

I'll bet he keeps her locked up. No one at the firm has ever seen her.

- Hi, Maria! - Hi...

Eva, this is my friend, Aksel. You settle up with Tilly, alright?

If my boss had a morsel like her, maybe that would change his outlook.

- There you go again... - What do you mean?

Whenever you see a pretty girl, you get that look in your eyes and a tug in your loins.

I haven't been with anyone since we... I promise!

- I just got carried away. Just forget about it. - Why, just because I haven't made you any money?

- You have a pretty shitty outlook on this! - What are you suggesting? How dare you!

Get out of here! Accusing me of letting money blind my emotions!

Did you hear what the I said? Get out!

He thinks I'm for sale? Men!

- Your friend, eh? - He knows nothing about women!

- Do you love him? - Yes... I think so.

- Look at this. - It's lovely, where did you get it?

A very rich American gave it to me.

- It's absolutely wonderful... an amethyst. - You keep it.

- No, May... it's yours. - I'm happy for you to have it.

Thanks! You need moments when you're happy.

- Yes, I'm holding. - You should probably...

Yes, it's me.

No? Are you saying no?

- Is there something wrong? - Get me some water.

It's a disaster! Our entire export order for four million - shot to hell!

Our competitors in Holland won the contract.

Are you still here? You work too hard. You know I don't begrudge you any pleasure.

This is a pleasure, father. Why don't you go home early?

- I didn't, and now I'm divorced - twice! - Alright, but I'm not married.

You go anyway...

Poulsen?

- Excuse me, do you have a light? - Yeah, sure...

- May I buy you a drink? - Why not...

- Poulsen has gone home. - We can start fresh in the morning.

We need to get the domestic contract to avoid layoffs this year.

It won't be easy to beat our competitor, Ramlenberger. He's has been around for years!

- I'll bet he uses girls! - No, he uses espionage!

- So why don't we spy on him? - I refuse to stoop to his level.

- I have to go home to my wife now. - It must be nice to have a woman waiting for you.

- She's not. She's taken up weaving lessons. - Weaving?

Yes... she has such healthy interests.

- So, you're finally home? - I've been at my class.

- You did that? - Isn't it nice?

It's lovely...

- Would it be expensive if you bought it? - Expensive? Yes, I think so.

- I missed you when I got home. - You mean that?

- Lately we see far too little of each other. - You mean that?

Yes. I've been working too much. Are you coming to bed soon?

- Did you really miss me? - Sometimes I feel like ...

- ... I don't know my own wife. - I'm coming now.

- You went out last night, eh? - I went for a drink with a friend.

- You shouldn't drink with strangers! - You told me to enjoy myself, and now you're mad!

- I'm not mad! - Watch your blood pressure.

I have to be going. It's a busy time at work.

- Come home early tonight. - Don't you have a cooking class?

I can skip that. You said that you were missing me last night.

- I'll do my best... - We'll eat at 7:30.

You're so cute.

- APHRODISIACS -

- GINSENG-ROOT -

I need to talk to you. I have a problem.

- I know I talked about books and whiskey... - But you actually want a woman!

Sorry I'm late. Have you already begun?

My design department already has a solution.

We should have a sales demonstration. Somewhere out of town.

Great idea... let's talk about it.

- Give me the phone number, Hansen! - It's that urgent?

- All our girls are pretty. - Preferably, she should be young, too.

They all ask for young ones.

You know the rules: Escort, tour, and entertainment on an intellectual level.

I just wondered... If the parties take a liking to one another...

It costs an extra 500, and it's none of our concern.

Yes, of course. I understand...

- How about one who's cute, young, innocent... - Innocent?

I mean, a girl who looks innocent.

Take a look. We have their photos here.

- Yes... Eva! - Eva? Yes, she looks very innocent.

- But is she young? - Yes. Many men your age like young girls.

Actually, it's not for myself, ...

... but for my son.

Eva? I have a very interesting assignment for you tonight.

I'm already busy. No, this is my husband.

- But you said he never does anything. - You'll have to send somebody else.

I can't. They asked for you! You've never let me down!

All that for your husband? And you're missing a cooking class, too!

I can't go home until this report is corrected. It's your fault that it has to be retyped!

I'm willing to do anything for you, Director.

- Are you still here? - All thanks to me!

She's helping me work out the precise schedule.

- Are you heading out now? - Yes. I'll rent luxury cars, ...

... book lunch at the Palace Pavilion and dinner at the Grand Hotel, ...

- ... where I'll book rooms for everyone. - Good. Just imagine, we may beat Rumlenberger.

Don't sell the skin before you've shot the bear. No? Wish me luck!

- What was that? - It was my stomach rumbling... I've got to go.

But now the cafeteria's closed.

If you'll keep typing, I'll go get some sandwiches.

No, don't answer it! We're too busy!

- Yum... this is good! - Yeah... what have got?

- Ham and cheese. - I meant the typing!

Oh... I'm half way through.

No, let it ring!

I need last year's bid to Liechtenstein. Can you get it down?

Hello, it's May ... Eva. I'll be happy to to take that assignment tonight.

Eva? Great. I'll call you back as soon as I get hold of the client.

No, it's over here...

No wonder my phone's not working! All the lines are routed in here!

We didn't answer because we're too busy.

- Busy? Smartass! - No, I didn't mean you.

Yes it's me. Excellent! At the agreed place, then.

- That's disgusting! - No, it isn't what you think!

I don't care what else you do, but you should answer the phone!

That was an important call for me!

- What do you suppose he was thinking? - A bad reputation is better than none!

- Did I hurt you? - Only here...

- But you can still type? - That's the only thing I can do!

Now we can go out and eat. We'll be dining with a young lady.

Yes... from the provinces. She's the daughter of an old acquaintance.

She may think I'm after something, so I thought it best to take my son with me.

- Now that you've explained, I'll be glad to go. - Good!

- Why didn't you tell me earlier? - We had a lot to do. There was a lot on my mind.

Cheers!

We have something for anyone looking for romance.

We have a smile like the Mona Lisa and a seductive physique.

I love big strong guys wearing tight cowboy pants.

Yes, and I have a weakness for the little ones.

We really like to get it on throughout the year.

Especially with a 62-year-old who's lost his hair.

We'll strip topless for a guy to warm his appetite.

You get as wild as a little white rabbit ...

- ... when you see us topless, ... - ... or in a bikini.

- Would like to have a cup of tea with me? - Yes, that sounds good.

I promise I'll mind my manners. My father's sleeping like a log by now!

That's me as a kid ... And that's my father.

You look like your father. Although you're more handsome.

Wouldn't it be more convenient if we undressed?

You're wonderful...

- Ow! You grabbed it! - I just wanted to help.

- No, that's wrong! - Why?

- It has to find its own way in. - Then it may never get there.

- This all seems so professional. - What you mean?

I think that you've been paid to do this. Why else would you do it?

- Why do you think that? - Everything seems so prearranged.

It was the old man's idea. He said he wanted me to come with him to make it look good.

- No, really... - He paid for you, admit it!

Okay, so what if he did? Your father just wanted to make you happy. I'll go, then!

No! Don't go, stay with me. I promise to behave myself.

- So I can earn my money? - Yes.

- Oh... I came already. - That only took a moment.

- We'll try again in a little while. - You think you can do it?

- Can you help me? - Sure! Let's see what I can do.

What was that?

Is there anything wrong?

Thanks for the girl, father.

This has become a real mess! Can you explain this?

- What do you mean? - You haven't touched the housekeeping money!

Oh... the housekeeping money...

- I've tried to be thrifty. - Then the budget is completely wrong.

- You still have to shop for food. - That doesn't cost very much.

I don't understand where the money comes from! Have you been buying your clothes on credit?

- Are you very angry? - Yes! No, I'm not angry...

I'm just worried. You're usually so good. I'm going out into the country with some clients.

I'll be away until Thursday. Maybe you can straighten out the bills by then!

- You didn't tell me you were going away. - No, we just spend our time together arguing!

Yes, you're quite right...

- Do know our competitor, Rumlenberger? - No, I've never met him.

- Here... have you seen him? - Him!

- You know him? - He met my son at a bar.

- He's gay. Is your son? - No! It must have been espionage.

Let's take advantage of the situation. Your son can give him false information.

- I'll design a phony filter to pass to them. - You need to do it before we meet our clients.

No problem... I'm an expert at this!

It's important that I show you how we can treat the pollution from a city of 30,000 inhabitants.

Here we are, 300 meters from town, and the water is completely clean, ...

... thanks to our Claro-4 treatment plant, whose technical details you are familiar with.

The filter design seems completely wrong, but that's probably why it's so ingenious.

- How did you get all the information already? - You don't need to know everything.

- You came home late last evening. - I've been working hard, lately.

And you smelled of alcohol.

What the hell is he doing now?

- Do you think they'll take us to lunch? - I expect so...

... nevertheless, the water is good enough to drink!

- Don't do it! - That's going too far!

What the hell... ?

- I'm going to puke! - He drank it? Now that's real science!

Now, gentlemen... Mr. Hansen has arranged for lunch at the Palace Pavilion!

Please follow me, gentlemen...

- Alice, you must never do that. - I just took a bit less money than usual.

Our prices must be upheld. We have diplomats and businessmen as clients.

- And they're all looking for the same thing... - Don't be so vulgar, Bicky!

You're awful touchy, lately...

- I think Maria's in love. - That's none of...

- Maria, the young man called to accept. - Yes... for Eva.

- He stutters. - A good match!

- Are we only drinking water? - Yes, it's a symbol of the solution we hope for.

- I was ready for a beer. - Certainly, Mayor... right away.

- You've always been ready, Marius. - At least you can't accuse me of ...

- ... trying to bribe the City Council. - That would take more than a beer.

- We don't fall for that kind of thing. - No, we don't...

We'll also be looking at your competitor's proposal.

Ours may be a bit more expensive, but the benefits are ...

... all paid for by the taxpayers! The remainder comes from the State!

He talks as if he understands this.

- A beer? - I prefer water! This is just a waste of money!

- You're Mr. Madsen? I'll remember that. - That's a step in the right direction.

Waiter, bring the salad!

- What is it? - Disaster!

- It's almost as beautiful as at home. - The castle creates an historic atmosphere.

Those projections are old toilets. They emptied directly into the moat.

Please! I just ate...

Can I announce the surprise? The mayor is in a bad mood.

We have to cancel. Everything's booked!

Ramlenberger has cornered everyone. It's very strange. Even the hotels.

- How did you find out? - Espionage!

- What should we do? - We'll go to his party.

They'll recognize me!

Put on your dark glasses and change your hair. I'll bring a lady friend for cover.

- How have you been treating your drinking water? - We tried filtering it, boiling it ...

... and it was still bad, so we only drink beer!

- The Schnapps are getting a little low? - Yes, but it will soon get even lower!

Delicious! Normally I only drink water.

- The Mayor is really getting drunk! - That should be interesting.

- I'm worried that exports are really bad. - I saw that in the Financial Times.

And consequently, prices are falling!

- You should take payment through Switzerland. - Where did you learn so much about finance?

I need to stay informed if I'm working with Hansen.

- Have you known Mr. Hansen long? - Yes.

Now we'll hold our communal sing-along!

First we take one - by the right leg.

They're downing the liquor at record speed!

- Why aren't there any women with them? - Ramlenberger's gay.

- He's married to the guy with the beard. - He's married?

- Are you married? - My wife is at home, working on the budget.

- I couldn't afford a restaurant. - That's okay, I like sausage.

I find it difficult to make contact because I stammer. The girls make fun of me.

I'd love to go out with a pretty girl.

- A man has so many other things to offer. - Really? Would you like another sausage?

- How much? - 7.65.

- You've saved up a lot. - This is for you.

My three hours are up now.

- Maybe not... - Are you making fun of me?

I stammer when I get sexually aroused...

- I can't have girls in my room. - My husband's away. Come on...

Hey! Take your change!

- Would you pay for that stuff? - I only make 30,000 a year.

And everything I make goes to the wife!

This tastes fantastic!

He's put the papers in front of the shit-faced mayor. I better go.

- I sign here? - Right there...

- He just saved the deal for you. - They must not spot him.

- I have more copies with me. - I'm too drunk to sign!

- I can't see a thing. These glasses... ! - We can dance down there and watch more closely.

- It's all your fault! - The waiter spilled the champagne!

- You provided all the schnapps that got him drunk. - You said they could drink all they wanted.

- It's Director Adam Petersen. - With his beautiful wife!

The woman he's dancing with is not his wife.

A real Don Juan!

We need to leave... now!

- Don't they look ridiculous? - I think we still have a chance.

- Look at these people! - Now it's our turn.

- Do I get the sports car, then? - Maybe.

But then you'll get nothing on Mother's Day!

I'm the only one who has his wife with him. I'm paying for the room, ...

... but she'd like to enjoy some of what can be experienced here in the big city.

Something innocent? Or a swinging party?

- Is that like group sex? - Well... I'll see what I can do.

Yes... that's what she wants to see.

- You're absolutely wonderful. - You too.

This is where I live. Let's go to bed, then? Wake up... we're going to bed!

- I don't live here. I want to go home. - You're probably too tired anyway.

- Good night, dear Adam. - Good night. And thanks for being...

... being a delightful companion.

Fredvhilevej 13

- Quiet, my wife is sleeping. - Then I won't rattle the small change.

Is there something wrong, May? Are you dreaming... or am I awake?

- My husband... - Where should I hide?

I have an idea...

I'll bring you a glass of water.

Water is good... you have to agree.

I had to call the doctor. I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep.

I've given her an injection, and her pulse is normal now.

- Good night, madam, - Good night. Your fee, doctor.

I'll show the doctor out.

That must have been terrible. I'm glad he gave you an injection.

Me too...

My wife would love to try something like that.

- This must be handled discreetly. - Will the mayor go along with it?

Yes, because of his obesity, he was elected by one vote, and that vote was mine.

- You heard what your customers want. - Oh, my head!

- Arrange for a swingers' party. - No!

- Should I rewind? - No, I heard it, "A real Don Juan".

- Even I was impressed. - Oh, my head!

- Did you go to bed with Bicky? - I wouldn't do something like that, ...

- ... especially with your girlfriend. - Bicky's not my girlfriend!

I told you about my friend's business. She's one of them.

Bicky is cultured and intelligent, in case you hadn't... What did you say?

- "One of them"? - From the firm. They're all beautiful ladies.

- Really? - Yes, so let me handle this.

She really was sweet and intelligent.

Maybe if it can be done in a dignified way ...

- It could be a dignified affair. - These are refined people, politicians.

- How many are there? - The Mayor... and one guy has his wife with him, ...

- ... and also the city engineer. - Can you work tonight?

It depends on what my husband is doing.

- Can I borrow your phone? - Use the blue one.

- It's me. - It's May...

- How are you? - Is there something wrong?

I've got something in my throat.

- About tonight ... - Tonight?

- Yes, did you forget I have a class? - Another class?

Yes, it's the closing party at the class, and I won't have time to cook for you.

Some customers have asked me out for dinner, so that's okay.

- You ought to have told me! - You're right. Nice of you to call.

- Then I'll see you tomorrow morning. - Yes... have a nice time.

We have enough vodka, Tilly, but we need more caviar. Let me see the wine list.

- Be quiet, we're working here. - I was just telling Eva about the party.

We've got work to do. Do you mind going into the other room?

Yes, Maria... we'll do as you say.

- Your calculations are quite clear. - Did you spot that refinement I included?

- I understand you're having a little party tonight? - I'm afraid so.

I hope you planned on inviting me.

Should you be involved in something like that, at your age?

I'm not that old. And you're taking part, yourself!

I'm not "taking part", I'm just attending. You're unmarried and can do as you wish.

I might be needed if there are any technical questions.

I don't suppose your wife knows about it.

She couldn't even imagine something like this!

- Are you sure this is how it works? - It gets better.

You can't do it!

- There... that was better! - That's good...

Oh, Aksel, which of the guests are most... What on earth is going on here?

- I just wanted to show Eva a new position. - I trusted you, Aksel... !

- You asked me to show Eva everything. - I'm disappointed in you!

Are you going to argue much longer? I'm getting tired of hanging here!

- Well then, everything is ready. - It's lovely to look at!

- I hope you have a rewarding evening. - It better be. My job is at stake.

The secretary will be here later with the final contract.

Have our guests arrived, Tilly? I'll take care of the Mayor.

Will you serve the drinks?

Fantastic... !

- Should I take it off now? - No, we'll eat first.

- A drink? - No thanks, I'll have water.

- What is it? - My husband... !

- That's my boss! - What should we do?

You've got to get out of here!

Eva! Eva!

Eva, thank you for being so kind to my son.

- Do you know who this is? - It's Eva.

- Go in and eat, I'll explain later! - No, I'd rather dance. Come, Eva!

I thought I saw my wife, but I must be mistaken.

I suspected that wasn't your wife... comrade!

Oh, how clumsy...

- Hollandaise! - Cold water! Bicky ...

- Can I do it now? - Yes, but do it discreetly.

It's my turn now. Hold this.

- Thanks for doing that, Bicky. - It's going well. Aren't you pleased?

Pleased?

- Are you looking for someone? - I've been looking for you! Can we do it?

One has to take care of the guests, right?

Hello?

Eva, let me present the Mayor.

- Very pretty! Shall we dance? - No, I have to...

It's the Mayor, Eva. It's a great honor.

Of course it is...

- Oh, it's going so well. - It's terrible.

Yes, it's wonderful!

- Why don't the two of us relax a little? - I'm too stressed... and impotent.

- Is there a vacant room? - Only the kitchen. Have you seen Hansen?

I don't know. Right now there are a few issues I need to discuss with Mrs. Madsen.

- Have you seen Eva? - This is so terrible...

Just terrible...

- Here are the papers to be signed. - That way! That way!

This is just like doing it at home. I had expected something different.

Your first orgy?

Yeah, every man in town would like to try this.

- Bicky, have you seen Hansen? - No, this certainly isn't him!

- They're switching now. - A nice change!

Switching? Oh my gosh!

- Haven't I seen you in cooking class? - You're the baker, Tove!

And you're Inge!

We should do something nice for the man at the piano. He paid for the whole party.

Oh no... I've just done two, and another who's dying for a drink.

Oh? Well then, I guess I'll have to take care of him myself.

That was amazing! Now I'm ready to sign... !

Here, the papers are ready for your signature.

- Someone just stole my pants! - You don't need pants at this party!

- Oh, Aksel, it's time we made love again! - Eva is in there.

We can find another room! Maybe the one by the kitchen?

It's wonderful! The mayor signed it! Now we're only missing Madsen.

- Shouldn't you go home now? - My wife isn't at home.

Your water plant is the best, so I signed it.

This has been the best day of my life!

There's a lovely woman in there. She's trying to find her panties now.

If you hurry, you might learn something new!

- Is that you? - Adam? Keep going!

- What are you doing here? - Making love to you!

- It's been a long time... this is wonderful! - I thought you'd forgotten me.

I've neglected you... I've been so stupid!

- Is he killing her? - What are you talking about?

- No, just the opposite. - Eva is Adam's wife... they're married!

Then it's respectable. Do you still want me?

You mean on paper? Only on paper?

You're not mad at me?

No, I love you, May... And I'll never neglect you again.

Adapted from Swedish translation by Weine Erickson

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