Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,790 --> 00:00:07,880
- Hey, Calvin.
- Hey, guys.
2
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,083
Thanks again for taking this
stuff to Goodwill for us.
3
00:00:10,084 --> 00:00:14,291
Oh, no problem. Oh, and,
uh, congratulations, Dave,
4
00:00:14,292 --> 00:00:17,914
on finally moving out of a high
chair into a booster seat.
5
00:00:17,915 --> 00:00:20,679
You know, not funny now,
and not funny at restaurants
6
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,520
when you have the waiter
bring one over for me.
7
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:27,120
Oh, wow, looks like you
guys are getting rid
8
00:00:27,125 --> 00:00:28,455
of Grover's old baby stuff.
9
00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:30,580
Yeah. We used to think
about having another kid.
10
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,800
But by the time Grover
was out of diapers,
11
00:00:32,820 --> 00:00:35,583
life got so busy, it just
kind of never happened.
12
00:00:35,584 --> 00:00:37,789
Yeah, plus we agreed we're
happy with just having one.
13
00:00:37,790 --> 00:00:39,799
After all, I'm an only child
and I think we all know
14
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,834
that I turned out pretty spectacular.
15
00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:45,459
We also know that one of
you is definitely enough.
16
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,619
- Aw, remember this little guy?
- Oh, yeah.
17
00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:52,060
Captain Cuddleduck.
18
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,500
- He was Grover's favorite.
- Yeah,
19
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,759
we'd peek into his room at night,
20
00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,740
and there they'd be, curled up together.
21
00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:59,291
Snug as two bugs in a rug.
22
00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,760
Aw, that's adorable.
23
00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:03,039
Peace out, Captain.
24
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,540
Well, uh, hold on.
25
00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:09,624
Maybe we should keep him.
26
00:01:09,625 --> 00:01:11,999
Why? Grover hasn't slept
with him for years.
27
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,079
I know. But it's just one thing
28
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,542
to remind us of when he was little.
29
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:17,180
Okay, sure.
30
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,300
Besides, Cuddleduck is a veteran.
31
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,450
Welcome home, soldier.
32
00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:23,369
What's this?
33
00:01:23,370 --> 00:01:24,500
Uh, it's a bottle warmer.
34
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,374
You use it to warm up a baby's milk.
35
00:01:26,375 --> 00:01:29,231
Oh, yeah, we used to
have one of those, too.
36
00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:30,625
It was called an armpit.
37
00:01:32,334 --> 00:01:35,322
I put one under there one
time after playing basketball.
38
00:01:35,323 --> 00:01:37,542
It got so hot it burned Marty's lip.
39
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,958
You know what? Maybe
we should keep this, too.
40
00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:44,529
It sounds like you guys aren't ready
41
00:01:44,530 --> 00:01:45,999
to get rid of some of this stuff.
42
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,625
Of course we are.
43
00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:53,584
Gemma, what are you doing?
44
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,660
I don't know. My brain's
saying "Let go,"
45
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,130
but my hand's aren't listening.
46
00:02:01,131 --> 00:02:03,584
Okay, Gemma, let go of the high chair.
47
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,416
Oh, my...
48
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:07,499
I can't.
49
00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:08,749
Why not?
50
00:02:08,750 --> 00:02:10,749
Because I think I want another baby.
51
00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,874
What?
52
00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:15,272
Well, what do you know, Captain?
53
00:02:15,273 --> 00:02:18,209
Looks like you're headed
back to the front lines.
54
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:23,860
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
55
00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:29,180
Gem...
56
00:02:30,875 --> 00:02:33,250
Gemma, we need to talk about this.
57
00:02:33,251 --> 00:02:35,708
Having another baby is a huge decision.
58
00:02:35,709 --> 00:02:39,209
I know. And I know we agreed
on only having one child.
59
00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:41,100
But we also agreed on
one taco night a week,
60
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,869
and now we do it on
Tuesdays and Fridays.
61
00:02:43,870 --> 00:02:45,720
That is not true.
62
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:48,959
And Fajita Fridays is mucho diferente.
63
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,640
Besides, are you seriously
trying to compare
64
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,541
having another kid to that?
65
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:57,949
I'm sorry. I didn't know I
was gonna feel this way.
66
00:02:57,950 --> 00:02:59,649
But there was just something
67
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:02,700
about giving away Grover's baby
stuff that made me realize
68
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,791
I don't think I want to be done yet.
69
00:03:04,792 --> 00:03:07,200
But, Gemma, our lives
are perfect right now.
70
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,699
We have great jobs, an amazing son.
71
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,279
We're the Three Musketeers
every year for Halloween.
72
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,000
Another baby ruins the whole theme.
73
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:21,360
I'm just saying we have
so many sweet memories
74
00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:23,080
of Grover growing up.
75
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:25,640
His first smile, his first steps,
76
00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:27,329
his first words.
77
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:29,220
His first smile, he spit up on us.
78
00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:31,240
His first steps,
he fell down the stairs.
79
00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:33,319
And his first words
were a four-letter one
80
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,699
- when he was falling down those stairs.
- Uh, no.
81
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,360
That's what you think he said.
82
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:41,079
I still think he said Cuddleduck.
83
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,200
All right, my point is
84
00:03:43,220 --> 00:03:45,791
is I just think you're forgetting
how hard it was.
85
00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,659
Oh, come on. It wasn't that bad.
86
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:51,320
Do you not remember getting up
every two hours to feed him,
87
00:03:51,340 --> 00:03:54,375
the dirty diapers, the endless
screaming? I mean, Gemma...
88
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:57,458
... forgive my language,
89
00:03:57,459 --> 00:04:01,041
but it was a Cuddleducking nightmare.
90
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:04,291
Look, all I'm asking is
for you to think about it.
91
00:04:04,292 --> 00:04:06,162
But, look, for the record,
92
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,625
I just don't think another baby
is what we need right now.
93
00:04:08,626 --> 00:04:10,460
What, another baby?!
94
00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,130
Are you guys crazy?!
95
00:04:12,131 --> 00:04:13,959
What about the Three Musketeers?!
96
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,699
Don't worry, sweetie.
97
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,666
It's just something Dad
and I are talking about.
98
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:22,209
Well, I vote no.
99
00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,580
Although...
100
00:04:25,581 --> 00:04:28,250
a puppy and an Xbox
might help me get there.
101
00:04:32,380 --> 00:04:34,667
Oh, hey, babe.
How did it go at Goodwill?
102
00:04:34,668 --> 00:04:37,660
Great. In fact, while I was there,
103
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:40,209
I picked you up an
early birthday present.
104
00:04:40,210 --> 00:04:41,820
Really, Calvin?
105
00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:44,709
You bought my birthday
present from a thrift store?
106
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:47,440
No, Tina.
107
00:04:47,460 --> 00:04:49,999
I would never buy my
baby something used.
108
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,875
It was on the free table.
109
00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:55,209
Well, what is it?
110
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,999
It is an antique leather-bound Bible...
111
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,579
- Oh.
- ... with gold lettering
112
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:02,589
and brass corners.
113
00:05:02,590 --> 00:05:04,999
Just like the one your
grandmama used to have.
114
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,402
Wow. Calvin, it's beautiful.
115
00:05:08,403 --> 00:05:09,449
Thank you.
116
00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:11,800
Yeah, don't thank me, thank God.
117
00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:14,375
For blessing you with
such an amazing husband.
118
00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,139
You know, I still say it
was my cousin Anita
119
00:05:18,140 --> 00:05:20,720
who stole that Bible during
my grandma's funeral.
120
00:05:20,740 --> 00:05:23,042
But you can't accuse a
nun with no evidence.
121
00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,499
Yeah.
122
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,750
Anita was hood before she was holy.
123
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:30,624
Whoa!
124
00:05:30,625 --> 00:05:31,999
What?
125
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,249
Baby, there's money in here.
126
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,122
Let me see that.
127
00:05:36,123 --> 00:05:37,649
Wow.
128
00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:40,120
This is, like, $700, $800.
129
00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:42,439
Forget the Good Book.
This is a great book.
130
00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,499
Well, Calvin, we can't keep this money.
131
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:48,834
We need to return it
to its rightful owner.
132
00:05:48,835 --> 00:05:52,320
Tina, it's an antique
Bible from the Goodwill.
133
00:05:52,340 --> 00:05:55,260
There's no way we can find out
who it actually belongs to,
134
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:57,880
especially if we don't look.
135
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,699
Well, fine. If we can't return it,
136
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:04,360
then God would want us to do
something charitable with it.
137
00:06:04,380 --> 00:06:06,083
You know, this kind of money
138
00:06:06,084 --> 00:06:07,874
can really make a difference
in someone's life.
139
00:06:07,875 --> 00:06:09,160
You're right.
140
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:10,500
Mine.
141
00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:15,409
I'm gonna buy me a giant
new flat-screen with this.
142
00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:17,500
I'm warning you, Calvin.
143
00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,320
This is a test from God.
144
00:06:19,340 --> 00:06:20,916
And He is watching.
145
00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:22,209
Exactly.
146
00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:24,039
Which is why it's disrespectful
147
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:26,792
to make Him watch this tiny-ass TV.
148
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,560
Oh. Hey, Calvin. What you doing?
149
00:06:32,580 --> 00:06:34,916
I'm looking at getting a new TV.
150
00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:39,583
Trying to decide should
I go LED or QLED.
151
00:06:39,584 --> 00:06:41,209
What's the Q stand for?
152
00:06:41,210 --> 00:06:42,460
No idea.
153
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,750
I just know I deserve it.
154
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,279
Well, you're lucky that's
the biggest decision
155
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,249
you have to make today.
156
00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,380
Gemma's still talking
about having another kid
157
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,830
and wants me to think about it.
158
00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:57,249
Dave,
159
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,560
when your wife tells
you to think about it,
160
00:06:59,561 --> 00:07:01,342
there's nothing left to think about.
161
00:07:01,343 --> 00:07:03,042
It's already been thunk.
162
00:07:06,790 --> 00:07:08,480
I don't know.
163
00:07:08,481 --> 00:07:11,708
You know, we-we have
such a good thing going.
164
00:07:11,709 --> 00:07:13,749
I just don't want anything
to mess that all up.
165
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,041
Well, look on the bright side:
166
00:07:16,042 --> 00:07:18,402
now you can stop being
those three weird pirates
167
00:07:18,403 --> 00:07:19,417
for Halloween.
168
00:07:21,870 --> 00:07:24,819
You know, not to mention it
would be even harder this time.
169
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,960
I mean, we already have a kid,
170
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,740
and we're ten years older.
171
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:29,850
It's like she doesn't realize
172
00:07:29,851 --> 00:07:31,583
how much this is gonna affect our lives.
173
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:32,892
Yeah.
174
00:07:32,893 --> 00:07:35,624
Well, you got to find a way to show her.
175
00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:37,499
Yeah, well, how do I do that?
176
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,422
Not my problem.
177
00:07:39,423 --> 00:07:43,340
The only baby I care about
right now is 65 inches long
178
00:07:43,341 --> 00:07:45,792
and made in Korea.
179
00:07:48,667 --> 00:07:50,129
Oh, hey, babe.
180
00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:52,249
- Just in time.
- For what?
181
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,740
To watch me buy a new TV
182
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,084
with our gift card from God.
183
00:07:58,190 --> 00:08:00,041
Oh! Look at that.
184
00:08:00,042 --> 00:08:03,084
He gave unto us free shipping.
185
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:09,280
Look, Calvin, I know you
don't believe this is a test,
186
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:11,829
but look where the money was stashed.
187
00:08:11,830 --> 00:08:12,940
First Timothy.
188
00:08:13,780 --> 00:08:18,460
"For the love of money is the
root of all kinds of evils."
189
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:22,120
Well, let's not forget
what it says in Leviticus.
190
00:08:22,121 --> 00:08:25,584
"Finders keepers, losers weepers."
191
00:08:28,870 --> 00:08:32,041
Okay. Fine, Calvin,
you keep making jokes.
192
00:08:32,042 --> 00:08:33,692
But don't come running to me
193
00:08:33,693 --> 00:08:35,584
when the Lord starts punishing you.
194
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,840
I'll be fine, Tina.
195
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:44,180
Besides, if God didn't want me
to have a new flat-screen,
196
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,417
he wouldn't have blessed me
with a laptop to order it on.
197
00:08:53,042 --> 00:08:56,167
Well, it looks to me like
God just logged you off.
198
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:02,300
- Ooh. Hey, honey.
- Hey, sweetie.
199
00:09:02,301 --> 00:09:05,333
- What's in the box?
- Okay. Well,
200
00:09:05,334 --> 00:09:08,640
if we are really considering
having another baby,
201
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:11,620
I figured we should make
sure that we're ready. So...
202
00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:14,350
I got us this.
203
00:09:15,584 --> 00:09:16,999
You bought a doll?
204
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,262
Oh, no, no, no. Not just a doll.
205
00:09:19,263 --> 00:09:21,167
She's a Baby Be Sure.
206
00:09:22,584 --> 00:09:24,530
Yeah, it's a robotic parenting simulator
207
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,166
that you have to feed and take care of.
208
00:09:26,167 --> 00:09:28,620
Oh, you mean those things
they give high school kids
209
00:09:28,621 --> 00:09:30,230
to make 'em not want to have sex?
210
00:09:30,231 --> 00:09:31,569
Because if that's your goal,
211
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:32,584
it's working.
212
00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:35,860
No, no, no. Look, I just thought...
213
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,760
I-I just thought that,
before we do this,
214
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,550
we should spend a few
days to see what it's like
215
00:09:43,551 --> 00:09:44,916
to have a baby in the house again.
216
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,592
Oh, all right. I see what
you're doing here.
217
00:09:47,593 --> 00:09:49,380
You're trying to remind
me how hard it is
218
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,252
so I'll change my mind.
219
00:09:51,253 --> 00:09:52,999
Challenge accepted.
220
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,642
Okay. All right. Great.
221
00:09:55,643 --> 00:09:57,749
'Cause, in that case,
222
00:09:57,750 --> 00:09:59,640
congratulations, Ms. Johnson,
223
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,320
it's a girl.
224
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,459
All right, turn her on.
Let's see what she's like.
225
00:10:04,460 --> 00:10:07,020
Whoa.
226
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,640
- Aw.
- Aw.
227
00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,541
She's so cute.
228
00:10:15,542 --> 00:10:17,579
Did this thing just poop?
229
00:10:17,580 --> 00:10:19,625
Yeah. I had to pay extra for that.
230
00:10:27,110 --> 00:10:28,166
Dave?
231
00:10:29,980 --> 00:10:31,500
Hey, Marty.
232
00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:34,329
Hey, man, I don't mean to
get all up in your business,
233
00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:35,700
but why the hell do you have
234
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,292
a Betsy Wetsy strapped to your chest?
235
00:10:37,940 --> 00:10:39,870
She's not a Betsy Wetsy.
236
00:10:39,875 --> 00:10:41,432
She's a robot doll you take care of
237
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:42,999
to see if you want kids.
238
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,460
Oh, yeah.
239
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:45,699
No, they gave us those in high school
240
00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:47,166
to discourage teen sex,
241
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,779
but I think my Pok�mon backpack
242
00:10:48,780 --> 00:10:50,369
took care of that for me.
243
00:10:50,370 --> 00:10:52,560
I got it to show Gemma
244
00:10:52,580 --> 00:10:54,580
how hard it would be
to have another kid,
245
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,124
but she's doing amazing.
246
00:10:57,125 --> 00:10:58,999
It's a disaster.
247
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,450
Okay, yeah, man. It must
really suck to be married
248
00:11:01,460 --> 00:11:03,167
to such an incredible wife and mother.
249
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,420
Gemma's not the problem.
It's... it's this baby.
250
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,780
She's too easy to take care of.
251
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:13,292
She's not a Baby Be Sure,
she's a Baby Let's Get It On.
252
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:16,060
Well, if you want to make it harder,
253
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,580
you could always just
kick it up a notch.
254
00:11:18,584 --> 00:11:19,699
What do you mean?
255
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,319
Well, these things run
on simple software.
256
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,009
They can be programmed
to act any way you want.
257
00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:24,660
So, hypothetically,
258
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,249
you could program this baby
to drive Gemma crazy?
259
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:30,250
Dave, I could program it
to drive Gemma to Costco.
260
00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:35,380
Okay. I'm in.
261
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,832
But just know, I'm only doing this
262
00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:39,123
because I'm desperate.
263
00:11:39,124 --> 00:11:42,359
Trust me, until you've worn
a Pikachu backpack to prom,
264
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:43,740
you don't know what desperate is.
265
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,370
Hey, Pop. Oh.
266
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:50,529
How come you haven't
put your new TV up yet?
267
00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:51,875
Thought it came in yesterday.
268
00:11:51,876 --> 00:11:53,260
It did.
269
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,083
But you know what else
happened yesterday?
270
00:11:55,084 --> 00:11:57,592
- What?
- I banged my knee on the coffee table,
271
00:11:57,593 --> 00:11:59,380
got a summons for jury duty,
272
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,340
then banged my knee again
273
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,417
while throwing out the
summons for jury duty.
274
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:07,999
What's your point?
275
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,999
Other than you are a terrible citizen
276
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:12,374
who needs to watch where he's going.
277
00:12:12,375 --> 00:12:15,393
I'm just saying, I think
your mom might be right.
278
00:12:15,394 --> 00:12:17,100
God is angry with me
279
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,958
for buying the TV with that
money I found in a Bible.
280
00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:21,449
Oh. Please, Pop,
281
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,460
I'm pretty sure God's
got bigger fish to fry
282
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,220
than worrying about you
and your flat-screen.
283
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:29,040
Well, for other people,
you'd probably be right,
284
00:12:29,042 --> 00:12:32,459
but in His eyes,
I'm pretty high-profile.
285
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,080
Yeah, Pop, you are
being ridiculous, man.
286
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:37,374
Oh, yeah?
287
00:12:37,375 --> 00:12:39,958
Then explain to me why I got
a parking ticket yesterday.
288
00:12:39,959 --> 00:12:41,624
Did you put money in the meter?
289
00:12:41,625 --> 00:12:44,167
No, I never put money in the meter.
290
00:12:45,417 --> 00:12:48,417
But up until now, He didn't care.
291
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:51,459
Look, I'm telling you, Pop,
292
00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:53,249
bad things like that happen every day.
293
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,199
Mama is just in your head.
294
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,380
Maybe.
295
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:58,609
You know what?
296
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:01,400
She is always trying to sneak in there
297
00:13:01,420 --> 00:13:04,539
and trick me into being a better person.
298
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:06,279
Well, that makes a lot more sense
299
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:09,334
than you getting busted by the
almighty meter maid in the sky.
300
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:10,740
You're right.
301
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,667
You're right. Come on, man.
Help me out with this.
302
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:13,920
We'll put it up right now.
303
00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:15,208
- All right.
- Grab that side.
304
00:13:15,209 --> 00:13:17,000
One, two, three.
305
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:20,459
- Whoa!
- Oh.
306
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,940
On second thought...
307
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,722
you know, you're right.
308
00:13:25,723 --> 00:13:27,792
God is coming for your ass.
309
00:13:32,130 --> 00:13:33,200
Good afternoon, sir.
310
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:36,208
Did someone order a devil baby?
311
00:13:36,209 --> 00:13:37,579
Great.
312
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:38,720
What'd you do to her?
313
00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:40,830
Well, I souped up her crying,
314
00:13:40,831 --> 00:13:42,219
maxed out her thrashing ability,
315
00:13:42,220 --> 00:13:43,375
and made her impossible to calm down.
316
00:13:43,376 --> 00:13:46,167
Basically, she's every baby I
ever sat next to on an airplane.
317
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,579
All right, well, how do I activate her?
318
00:13:49,580 --> 00:13:51,659
Oh, it's simple. All you got
to do is pat her on the head,
319
00:13:51,660 --> 00:13:53,599
and just like that, Gemma's baby
320
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,500
becomes Rosemary's baby.
321
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,159
Thank you, Marty. I owe you big time.
322
00:13:58,160 --> 00:13:59,459
Oh, man, if you want to thank me,
323
00:13:59,460 --> 00:14:01,149
just, uh keep your doors locked.
324
00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:03,250
I don't want that monster
coming after its creator.
325
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,360
Hey, sweetie.
326
00:14:06,380 --> 00:14:07,708
- Hi.
- Hey, Marty.
327
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:10,124
Did you meet the newest member
of the Johnson family?
328
00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:11,600
I did. She's adorable.
329
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,583
A real computer chip off the old block.
330
00:14:13,584 --> 00:14:15,208
You want to hold her?
331
00:14:15,209 --> 00:14:17,916
- No, thanks.
- Come on, she doesn't bite.
332
00:14:17,917 --> 00:14:20,208
That's what you think.
333
00:14:20,209 --> 00:14:21,750
Oh.
334
00:14:23,450 --> 00:14:26,979
So, now that you two have
spent some more time together,
335
00:14:26,980 --> 00:14:29,100
are you starting to
feel better about this?
336
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,999
Well, as of a few minutes ago, yes.
337
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,629
Great. Well, why don't
I take her for a while
338
00:14:35,630 --> 00:14:36,667
while you go relax?
339
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:38,500
Okay, you two have fun.
340
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,279
And you be good for Mommy.
341
00:14:45,750 --> 00:14:47,659
Whoa. What happened?
342
00:14:47,660 --> 00:14:48,760
No idea.
343
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,780
But I'm sure she'll calm down.
344
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:51,833
Or not.
345
00:14:55,959 --> 00:14:58,109
Pastor Williams, you got a minute?
346
00:14:58,110 --> 00:15:00,334
Yeah. Calvin, come on in.
347
00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,869
Who am I praying for this week?
348
00:15:02,870 --> 00:15:04,240
Dodgers or Lakers?
349
00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:08,620
Actually, I'm here about something else.
350
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:12,120
But I wouldn't be mad if LeBron
got some help off the bench.
351
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,410
So, uh, what brings you in today?
352
00:15:16,417 --> 00:15:19,416
Well, I'm here to make a
donation to the church.
353
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,110
A donation? You?
354
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,100
Yeah.
355
00:15:25,103 --> 00:15:27,159
What's so surprising about that?
356
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,440
Nothing. But just so you know,
357
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:30,340
we're no longer accepting used couches
358
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,209
or '80s movies on VHS.
359
00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:35,899
You know what? It's not like that.
360
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:36,917
This is cash.
361
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,740
And don't pretend people
weren't going crazy
362
00:15:40,770 --> 00:15:42,667
over that House Party box set.
363
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,500
Wow, Calvin, this is...
this is a lot of money.
364
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,490
And don't take this personally, but...
365
00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:54,040
Seriously?
366
00:15:54,042 --> 00:15:55,874
You're checking to see if it's real?
367
00:15:55,875 --> 00:15:58,375
Just think of it as me
giving God a closer look.
368
00:15:58,376 --> 00:16:02,240
Don't worry, He knows all about it.
369
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:04,416
Tina snitched on me.
370
00:16:04,417 --> 00:16:07,579
Well, Calvin, this is
incredibly generous of you.
371
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:10,740
In fact, I would love to mention
this in my sermon on Sunday.
372
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,480
Your gift might inspire others,
373
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,791
and, if nothing else, you
deserve to be celebrated.
374
00:16:15,792 --> 00:16:19,039
Well, you know, I wouldn't say all that.
375
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,220
But if you said it,
376
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:22,958
then who am I to argue
with a man of God?
377
00:16:22,959 --> 00:16:25,208
Oh, and, uh...
378
00:16:25,209 --> 00:16:28,169
feel free to put my name
in the program, too.
379
00:16:28,170 --> 00:16:29,834
You know, for the hearing impaired.
380
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,580
Actually, let's just make it anonymous.
381
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,459
Deaf people ain't trying
to hear all that.
382
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,619
I don't know what to do.
383
00:16:48,620 --> 00:16:52,340
This thing has been crying
for four hours straight.
384
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,375
It's driving me crazy!
385
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,680
Okay. All right.
386
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,705
Well, look, I know it's hard.
But look on the bright side...
387
00:16:59,706 --> 00:17:01,180
if it was a real baby,
388
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,982
you'd probably be covered in spit-up.
389
00:17:02,983 --> 00:17:04,584
Remember how awful that was?
390
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:12,620
Wow.
391
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,416
And I thought the velocity on
the other end was impressive.
392
00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,170
Dave, you were right.
393
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:19,279
I was crazy to think we
should do this again.
394
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,000
Can you just shut this thing off?!
395
00:17:21,020 --> 00:17:22,040
Yeah, of course.
396
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,060
What's wrong? Why isn't it stopping?
397
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,375
I'm pressing the button.
It's not turning off.
398
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,189
Dave, it's getting worse!
399
00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:34,042
Ok... I-I'm trying.
400
00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:38,789
Make it stop!
401
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:41,400
I can't! Marty never showed me how!
402
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,370
What do you mean, Marty
never showed you how?
403
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:56,709
I didn't say Marty.
404
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:01,010
It must have been the baby.
405
00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:03,583
Oh, my God, Gemma... her first words.
406
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,190
Oh!
407
00:18:06,542 --> 00:18:08,042
What the hell did you do?
408
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,520
Okay, fine.
409
00:18:09,540 --> 00:18:13,449
I had Marty make the baby
a little more difficult,
410
00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:15,580
but just because you were
making it look so easy.
411
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,520
So in a way, it's a huge
compliment to you
412
00:18:18,543 --> 00:18:20,416
- as a mom.
- Oh!
413
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:25,709
I can't believe you would
do something like this.
414
00:18:25,710 --> 00:18:27,500
Well, what do you expect?
415
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,940
You know, we had talked about this
416
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,699
and agreed that we
were done having kids.
417
00:18:30,700 --> 00:18:32,139
And then all of a sudden
you change your mind
418
00:18:32,140 --> 00:18:33,749
and I'm just supposed
to be on board with it?
419
00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:36,749
All I asked you to do
was to think about it.
420
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:37,960
Oh, come on, Gemma.
421
00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:41,160
We both know it had already been thunk.
422
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,649
That is not true.
423
00:18:45,650 --> 00:18:47,579
I would never force you to do something
424
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:48,879
you don't want to.
425
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,999
But you didn't even give it a fair shot.
426
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,759
You're so focused on the hard parts,
427
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,666
you're forgetting about
all the good ones.
428
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:55,949
No, I'm not.
429
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:57,800
Yes, you are.
430
00:18:57,820 --> 00:18:59,833
Dave, you brought home a robot baby
431
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:03,020
that kicks and screams and poops.
432
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,749
But you know what it doesn't do?
433
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,920
Well, we now know it doesn't fly.
434
00:19:09,820 --> 00:19:12,552
It also doesn't laugh,
435
00:19:12,553 --> 00:19:16,539
or hold your finger with its tiny hand,
436
00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:18,460
or fall asleep on your chest.
437
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,540
It doesn't smile when
you walk into the room,
438
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,500
or look you in the eye and say "Daddy."
439
00:19:26,950 --> 00:19:29,780
But a real baby does all those things,
440
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,791
and so much more.
441
00:19:31,792 --> 00:19:33,708
I did love all those things.
442
00:19:33,709 --> 00:19:35,442
Yeah.
443
00:19:35,443 --> 00:19:38,792
So wouldn't it be nice to
love them all over again?
444
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,200
Yeah, maybe.
445
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,410
So now you'll really think about it?
446
00:19:48,417 --> 00:19:51,579
Yes. I... I will think about it.
447
00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:52,800
Thank you.
448
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,329
Aw, man!
449
00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:58,320
If you guys are gonna
try to have another baby,
450
00:19:58,340 --> 00:20:00,084
would you at least close the door?
451
00:20:05,584 --> 00:20:08,749
So you're really considering
having another kid, huh?
452
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:10,499
Yeah, I think so.
453
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,200
Good for you, man.
454
00:20:12,220 --> 00:20:14,624
Having a second kid was the best
thing to ever happen to me.
455
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:15,829
Oh, yeah?
456
00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:17,300
Absolutely.
457
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,621
One more person to do my chores for me.
458
00:20:19,622 --> 00:20:21,360
Instead of a baby walker,
459
00:20:21,380 --> 00:20:23,670
I had Marty pushing a vacuum.
460
00:20:25,042 --> 00:20:27,139
You know, that's a good idea.
461
00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:28,419
If we still had that robot baby,
462
00:20:28,420 --> 00:20:30,240
we could've had Marty
make it into a Roomba.
463
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,579
You got rid of the doll?
464
00:20:33,580 --> 00:20:35,219
Actually, no. You know,
it's really weird.
465
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:37,624
I came out here to look for it
this morning and it was gone.
466
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,540
Huh. I wonder where it went.
467
00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:40,700
Daddy!
468
00:20:40,709 --> 00:20:43,340
Get it off me! Get it off me!
469
00:20:43,341 --> 00:20:44,624
Get it off!
470
00:20:44,625 --> 00:20:45,833
Get it off me!
471
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:52,780
See? I told you having
a second kid was great.
472
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,999
If I didn't have Marty,
I never would've seen that.
473
00:20:59,820 --> 00:21:04,820
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
34227
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
