All language subtitles for The.Ladykillers.1955.720p.BluRay.x264.anoXmous-English

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Mr. Williams.

- Good morning, ma'am.
- Good morning.

- Morning, Mrs. Wilberforce.
- Good morning, Mr. Brown.

- Morning, madam.
- Good morning.

Fetch the superintendent.
Tell him it's Mrs. Wilberforce.

[Baby screaming]

- Good morning, ma'am.
- Good morning, sergeant.

Ah, good morning, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Very nice to see you again.
Good morning, superintendent.

It's about my friend
Amelia and the spaceship...

- Spaceship? - That she saw in her
garden last Wednesday afternoon.

She hasn't seen it again?

She never saw it in the first place.

Oh, I'm very relieved to hear that.

On Wednesday in children's hour, they
were doing a little play called...

visitors from other worlds.

Amelia had her wireless on.

It's obvious. She dropped off to sleep.

The whole thing was just a dream.

Amelia was so embarrassed.

She quite refused to come
here to tell you herself.

Well. I do hope all sorts
of official wheels...

haven't been set in motion. Now,
you mustn't worry about that, ma'am.

I'm very grateful to you for
this additional information.

Now, if you'll allow me,
I'll see you to the door.

But as I was with her
when she came to report it,

I thought it no more than my
duty to come here and explain.

I must say, if there are
any beings on other worlds,

I can't think why they'd want
to come to our world, can you?

Now you mention it,
ma'am, I can't either.

We seem so terribly
overcrowded already, don't we?

It was different when I
was a girl, quite different.

Superintendent. Ah, your umbrella,
ma'am. You left it behind.

I'm always leaving it.

I don't like it very much,
really. Perhaps that's the reason.

Well, I won't keep you, superintendent.

Thank you very much for
being so understanding.

Thank you, Mrs. Wilberforce,
for being so helpful.

We're always more than
pleased to see you.

Thank you.

[Thunderclap]

Miss Whipple, has there been
anyone about the advertisement?

[Responds, indistinct]

Never mind.

Thank you all the same, miss Whipple.

[Birds squawking] [bird] here we
are. Come on then. Come on. Here we are.

All right. All right. Pretty Polly.

All right, my dear.

I haven't been gone so very
long, have I? Pretty Polly.

Oh, darling. Water.

[Screeching] help, help!

"That's the time they long for"

[pipes clanging]

[Water gurgling]

[Gurgling stops]

[Train whistle blows]

[Bird] help!

[Trilling] hey, over here.

- [Bell ringing]
- [Chitters]

Mrs. Wilberforce? Yes?

I understand you have rooms to let.

Oh, the rooms, yes. Won't you
come in, please? Thank you.

My name's Marcus. How
do you do, Mr. Marcus?

Professor Marcus. Oh,
how do you do, professor?

Yes, I have two,
right back... yes.

Would you excuse me a moment
while I put this away, please?

I'm afraid it's quite impossible to
make it hang evenly, professor Marcus.

Because of the subsidence.

Subsidence? From the bombing.

None of the pictures will.
You have no other lodgers?

Oh, no. The upper floors are
no longer structurally sound.

But the two rooms at the
rear, they're quite all right.

Then you live here all alone? Yes.

I think I should tell you, professor, I'm
unable to provide breakfast or early morning tea.

This is the sitting room.

And the bedroom is just down here.

These rooms do need
an airing, don't they?

I'm afraid there's no proper service.

- And the view is, well...
- [whistle blowing]

Most exhilarating.

The rooms will suit me
admirably, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Oh.

I shall move in tomorrow if that
is convenient to you. Tomorrow?

Oh. [bird] hello.

What's that? Who's talking?

It's only general Gordon. He
belonged to my late husband.

I had four. Husbands?

No, parrots. And now
I've only three. Parrots.

Of course, one small
point, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Some friends and I have
formed a small musical group.

A string quintet, in fact.

Then you're a musician,
a professor of music?

No, no, no. Merely an
amateur, you understand.

But we have been looking
for somewhere to practice.

Now, would it be agreeable to you
if... if you were to practice here?

Oh, professor Marcus,
I should be delighted.

I've always loved music.

Now, if you'll come into my
sitting room, I'll find you a key.

I've got a spare one
here somewhere in my desk.

I'll let you have it. Then
you can let yourself in...

should I happen to be
out when you arrive.

You know, I shall be able to
let my friends in of an evening.

They can come and go without
disturbing you. [shrieks]

Oh, it wouldn't disturb me
in the least. [shrieks]

I have very few friends. It'll be very
pleasant having someone in the house again.

These are my three little companions.

You see? This is general Gordon,

that's admiral Beatty
and this one is called...

Mildred.

I should like to pay
a few weeks in advance.

Three guineas, I think the... no, please. That
will do quite well when you come tomorrow.

I shall have the rooms aired.
If there's anything I can do,

I do hope you won't hesitate to ask.

You are most kind. And if I may say so,

you have a very curious
and charming house.

Such pretty windows. [whistle blowing]

Thank you. I'm rather
afraid the position...

I always think the windows
are the eyes of a house.

And didn't someone say, "the
eyes are the windows of the soul"?

I don't really know, but
it's such a charming thought.

I do hope someone expressed it.

Well, au revoir.

Good morning, professor
Marcus. Till tomorrow.

Did you understand all that?

We're going to have
a guest in the house.

[Chitters] "but I saw them last
night having, oh, such a time"

"in the twilight"

[bell rings]

All right, Mrs.
Wilberforce. I'll answer it.

It must be my friends.

Ah, good evening, major Courtney.

[Chuckles] good evening, professor.

I hope I'm not too early.
Not at all. Not at all.

Mrs. Wilberforce, may I
present major Courtney?

How do you do, Mrs.
Wilberforce? I'm honored.

[Bell rings]

Come in, gentlemen. Come in.

May I introduce Mr. Lawson? How
do you do, gentlemen? Mr. Lawson.

And Mr. Robinson. Mrs. Wilberforce.

- Mr. Robinson.
- All right. Thank you.

- You're the cellist, Mr. Lawson?
- Uh, what, ma'am?

He's the cellist.
Yeah. I'm the, uh...

there's only Mr. Harvey to come.
I think perhaps we might, uh,

go upstairs. Yes. Yes.

Excuse me, Mrs. Wilberforce.
Oh, I'm so sorry, major.

Here. What's all this about, doc?

Take out your instruments.
Not "doc" this time, Harry.

Professor. [bell rings]

Good evening, Mr. Harvey.
It is Mr. Harvey, isn't it?

Yes, it is Mr. Harvey.

[Laughing] come in. Come in.

The others are all here.

Our Mrs. Wilberforce.

The temperamental one. Oh.

I do hope you'll be
comfortable, gentlemen. Upstairs.

And I do wish you
well with your efforts.

Professor Marcus has
told me so much about you.

I really must just tell
you how very happy I am...

- to have you all here.
- Thank you.

Who's she?

What does she mean you
told her so much about us?

We supposed to make
noises with these things?

What kind of noises? Who is she?

Not noises, one round, music.

I said, what does
she mean, you... shh.

[Pipes clanging]

[Water gurgling]

[Gurgling stops]

[Gurgling]

I tell you, it makes no sense.

If we have to have someone to bring
out the money, let's get a professional.

We'll bring it out ourselves. Make
a spectacular getaway, you mean.

At 70 miles an hour in the heart
of London in broad daylight.

We'll take it back into the
station... and send it out by train.

What any intelligent policeman
would expect us to do.

You've quite a flair,
Louis, for the obvious.

Can't you appreciate that Mrs. Wilberforce
is not a mere appendage to my plan,

she's the very core of it.

A lopsided old grandma. Yeah.

How do we know we can trust her to do it
right if she don't even know what she's doing?

One round?

Sweet little old lady like
her, it just don't seem right...

for her to be working
with us on a stickup caper.

I tell you, I don't like old ladies.
I don't like having them around.

I can't stand them.

[Knocking]

[Grunts]

I thought perhaps before
you've all become too absorbed,

you and your guests
might like a cup of tea.

Oh, you shouldn't. You know, professor,

you didn't tell me the
truth about yourself...

and these other gentlemen.

You're not the least bit like amateurs.

You really must be professionals.
You're every bit as good.

Not quite. Though we are rather proud...

of Mr. Harvey's timbre.

And that pizzicato passage,
Mr. Lawson... quite delightful.

May I ask you where you studied?

Well, I didn't really study
anyplace, lady. I just picked it up.

You know, I was so surprised when
I heard what you were playing.

It brought back something that really
I'd completely forgotten all about.

My 21st birthday party.

You see, my father had
engaged a string quintet...

to come in and play in the evening.

And while they were playing Boccherini,

someone came in and said the
old queen had passed away.

Then everyone went home.

And that was the end of my party.

All that time ago in pang Bourne.

Well, if you'll excuse me,
I'll run and make the tea.

The kettle must be nearly on the boil.

Who's she talking about? Old queen who?

Look, I don't care how we do this
job, but let's leave her out of it.

I say, hadn't we
better discuss it later?

I don't want to discuss it. I
want it settled here and now.

All right, Louis. I'll
put it to the vote.

But understand this: No one is
indispensable, and certainly not you, Louis.

Only the plan is essential,
the plan, my plan.

Major, if we don't use Mrs. "w",

if we call in someone else, we'll
each have to take a smaller cut.

Yes. Good, we
see eye-to-eye.

I don't care what it means, I want her
out of it. Two for her, one against.

Harry? I just don't think we can
depend on a screwy old dame like that.

It's up to you, one round.

Uh.

You going to leave a decision like this
to a thick-eared muscle man like him?

How would he know? What do you
mean? I got a vote too, ain't I?

It's a democracy, ain't it? And
what's the matter with muscle anyway?

Okay, I'm with you and the major.
Mrs. Lopsided just got elected.

Of all the stupid ways to decide. Bravo.

A majority decision to
do the intelligent thing.

Louis, you accept that decision, or you
pack up your fiddle and play elsewhere.

All right. But there's just one thing.

I've never worked with you before,
and I don't know anything about you.

But major has, and he says you've got
quite a reputation as a master brain.

He'd better be right. If you do your
job as well as Mrs. "w" will do hers,

I shall be well satisfied.
You just worry about your plan.

'Cause her part sounds like something somebody
dreamt up in the booby hatch to while away...

[door creaking]

Well, now. Shall I be mother?

[Woman on p.a.] train now
arriving at platform one...

is the one-five from Cambridge.

Excuse
me, major Courtney,

I wonder if perhaps you'd like some tea?

I wonder if perhaps you'd
like some tea, major Courtney?

No, thank you, Mrs.
Wilberforce. Please don't bother.

I could make some
coffee if you'd prefer.

No, thank you. You're
very kind. Thank you.

[Knocking]

- Yes, Mrs. Wilberforce?
- So sorry to bother you, major.

But before you start again, would
one of you hold general Gordon for me?

I have to give him his medicine, you
see. I can't quite manage by myself.

Mr. Robinson, would you mind
giving Mrs. Wilberforce a hand?

It's a pleasure, Mrs.
Wilberforce, I assure you.

I hope that all you gentlemen will
excuse me. Extremely kind, Mr. Robinson.

He does dislike taking his medicine, but
if somebody... I'll do it right away for you.

I'm afraid it's rather nasty.

I'd better ask the vet to make
it a little more palatable.

You leave it to me, ma'am. I'm
very good with birds. Oh, really?

Tea, coffee, mend the plumbing,
give the parrot his medicine.

Give the parrot his medicine?

- [Harry] Ow!
- Oh, I'm so sorry. I do apologize.

No, no, no. I assure you, he's
never bitten anyone before.

Hasn't he?

I wonder how we're to get
him down. [squawking]

I am so sorry, Mr.
Robinson. I'll get a bandage.

No, don't bother, Mrs.
Wilberforce. It's all right.

- Swab the decks. - swab the decks
yourself, you filthy-looking...

oh, dear. Oh, dear. Poor Mr. Robinson.

I'm so sorry, major Courtney,

but I'm afraid general Gordon
has bitten Mr. Robinson's finger.

Now he's on top of the cabinet
and refuses to come down.

Mr. Robinson is on top of the cabinet?
No, Mr. Harvey. General Gordon.

Mr. Lawson, you're the tallest.

Do you think you could
try to get him down for us?

Sure, I'll get him, ma'am.

I feel I'm being such a bother. How could
you possibly think a thing like that?

Oh, you are kind.

...very fond of parrots, and they were
at sea for many years with my husband.

Here, I'll do it.

- All right, Pavlova.
- Captain Wilberforce was in the mercantile marines.

- [Bird cackling]
- [Wilberforce] oh, be quiet, you naughty bird.

[Bird] hello. Come here, birdie.

[Creaking] do be careful, Mr. Lawson.

[Harry laughing] general
Gordon, general Gordon.

Mr. Robinson, do catch him.

Do catch him. Mr. Lawson, it's all
right. He'll help you in a minute.

General Gordon. Don't open the
door, major. He mustn't get out.

Oh, major,
could you help...

Mr. Lawson... no,
you're in the chair.

Mr. Robinson. Give us a hand, will you?

- [Wilberforce]... in the conservatory.

Oh!

I'll get him for you.

Yes, he'll get him. Here,
general. Nice birdie.

[Screeches]

What are you doing? Him.

Steady, steady. No
violence. What are you doing?

- [Wilberforce] there he goes.
- Surely the three of you can catch a parrot.

But there's no ladder. Somebody
has to go out of the window.

Go on, then.

Lend him a hand. Get him. I'm
wounded in the hand. Get him yourself.

Oh, I do apologize for the disturbance.

Now, you really mustn't trouble anymore.

You know, the last time
I just phoned the police.

And they came round with the
fire brigade and long ladders.

Oh, the wicked, wicked bird.

It's always general Gordon too.
He's the naughty one. That's right.

Don't worry about the
police or the fire brigade.

I'm not chasing any parrot. I
don't care if he's a field marshal.

Land ahoy!

Oh, dear. General Gordon.

I'm not too keen on heights, you know.

Never mind. You stay where you are.

I'll get him. [bird] all aboard.

- [One round] sorry, ma'am... - it's
all right. You couldn't help it.

Oh, Mr. Lawson. That's great.
Now he's flown off again.

[Yells]

[Wilberforce] major, was that
your nose? Are you all right?

Pretty Polly.

Good morning, Louis.

Why, there he is. I am so
sorry you've been disturbed.

Poor darling, he does so
dislike taking his medicine.

I think that he's been so upset...

I'll leave it until tomorrow.

Right, tomorrow.

Oh, professor, as the practice
has already been interrupted,

are you quite sure you wouldn't like
any... no, thank you, Mrs. Wilberforce.

No tea. Thank you all the same.

Oh, well. I'll make quite sure
you're not disturbed again.

[Wilberforce] I'm ashamed of you.

Ashamed of you causing all
this... [bird squawking]

Such a disturbance. I'm
going to shut you in.

But you were a good little girl.

Naughty
Polly. Naughty Polly.

Nervous, Louis?

Let's get started. Yeah.

Now, Harry. The gun.

Right. Thank you.

[Tires screeching]

Hey, what do you think you're
trying to do? Hey, move on.

Go on, get a move on.
We want to get past here.

What's the big idea? You're
in our way. [honking horn]

Get out of here, will you? Oh.

[Horns honking, distant]

[Blow thuds]

[Honking continues, distant]

There's no driver here.
Now, what's all this about?

[Man] take the hand
brake off, will you?

[All chattering, indistinct]

Hey!

[Whistle blows]

[Whistle blows]

[Tires screeching]

[Whistle blows]

Disturbance at King's Cross.

[Woman on p.a.] the train
now arriving at platform one...

is the one-five from Cambridge.

- [Man] Here, Charlie. Take this lot up to parcels.
- Yeah, all right.

Hello, M-2.G.W., from H.P.C.
Urgent message. Begins...

car believed concerned in armed robbery, King's
Cross area, found abandoned in field street.

It's the one, hmm? There is
no trace of stolen property.

[Horn honks]

[Superintendent] it'll disorganize
the entire running of the trains.

We know, but we've gotta check
all luggage going out of here.

You can't hold up traffic
on a mainline station.

We're sure the stuff was brought in here.
They'll try and ship it out under our noses.

[Man] we've gotta check all
the exits. They must be inside.

Yes, all right. I'll phone the yard.

[Man] but in broad daylight?
I mind me own business.

If you don't mind,
just open up. Excuse me.

Sure. It belongs to me aunt Kate.

She's just after dying and
leaving me a few old knickknacks.

Family items.
Keepsakes, you might...

excuse me. Could you tell me
where I'd go to collect a trunk?

Just over there, madam, where
it says "parcels." thank you.

Now, how many pieces of luggage have you
booked in in the last 10 to 15 minutes?

Excuse me. Just a minute, lady.

You mean going out or coming in?
Going out, leaving the station!

How many? I'll have to check.

It's a trunk. Professor
Marcus, who lodges with me,

is having a trunk sent
up from... where was it?

Cambridge. He's leaving today.

Coming in from Cambridge
for Marcus. Right.

Will you sign for it, please, ma'am?

There it
is, right...

going out, how many?

Let me look at the list, will you?

[Rings]

Now, major, before we start,
let's press button "a," shall we?

[Major] it's the police. [
continues, indistinct] that's better.

Major, I want you to keep calm,

speak quietly and concentrate.

Have you got that? Splendid.

Mrs. "w" should be coming
into view just about...

now.

[No audible dialogue]

Now she's driving away.

[No audible dialogue]

Major, major, major.

Relax! Calm down!

Back to the station. She's
come back to the station.

What's wrong? Major, major, what's
happening? Louis, Louis, Louis.

Major? Louis, will you mind
your own business, please?

[Train whistles]

Louis, Louis. Hello, major?

Get out. You get out.

Major, tell me what's happening.

I'm always leaving it.

[Laughing] tell me, what's she doing?

What's going on here? It's all right.

It's just that she went
back to get her umbrella.

She could've shocked
us all. The silly old...

what you knocking her for?
She done it, didn't she?

We're nearly home, Louis.
What can possibly go wrong now?

Driver, stop at once!

Don't do that again! I say!

Young man, stop that.
Young man, did you hear me?

What are you doing to that horse?

[Man] get out of
here. Is this your horse?

Go on, get out of here! Go on, get out!

Shoo! Go on. Get out of it.

Young man.

Do you mind? Now, go on, get out of it.

Get this horse out of the way there.

Whose horse is it? You
leave that horse alone!

Look, missus, will you mind your
own business? And don't prod.

Get out of here! The
poor, defenseless animal.

But, missus, you don't understand.

He's been following me all the
way down from Burton Street.

He's had three pounds
of my best pippins.

Let's see, that's one in
six... he's at it again.

Go on, get out of here.

No, now stop it this instant or I
shall report you to the authorities.

Look, missus, will you mind your
own business? Driver, driver.

Look, if you like the horse, if you don't
want me to break all four of its legs,

get him out of here!

Driver, I insist that you do
something to stop this vicious brute.

Listen, lady, this is no business
of ours. Keep out of this.

I'm warning you! Keep out!

Keep out! Now get the
old witch out of here!

[Wilberforce] the poor, innocent animal.
He's hungry. You don't feed him enough.

Are you going to stand there while
this hooligan... look, he's at it again!

Boy, go for a constable.
No, lady, please.

Now,
listen...

[all laughing]

- [Laughter continues]
- Now, steady on.

Stop it, I
say. How disgr...

- [whinnies]
- [Shrieks]

Bogies, I knew it.
Let's get out of here.

No, slowly. Drive round
the corner and come back.

Constable. This ruffian has
been behaving disgracefully.

What's all this about?

[All clamoring, indistinct]

What about my barrow?

[Shouting]

- Where's my horse?
- Stop that!

Where's my horse?

Where's my horse? [man] all
right, what's going on here?

How did all this get started?
Constable. I can explain.

Officer, he started it. Look what
he's done to my cab. I started it?

Your cab? What about my barrow?

What about my wagon?
And where's my horse?

I don't believe it. I
don't believe it. Shut up!

It's just sitting there.
Look, couldn't we...

no one, I hope, is going
to suggest that we steal it.

[Crowd clamoring]

[Man] quiet, quiet!

What's going on, sergeant? There's
been a fight in the street, sir.

I'm so glad you're here. Mrs.
Wilberforce, what are you doing here?

This lout has been behaving... you know
her and you let her walk around loose?

Now, none of that! Don't
you distress yourself, ma'am.

You don't know what she's done. Be
quiet or I'll have you put in charge.

Look what she
did... be quiet!

You better go home, ma'am. If we
need a statement, we'll call on you.

Wilson, take this lady home. Use my car.

And it's a brown horse, 11 years old
and answers to the name of Dennis.

[Tires screeching]

This way, please.

Could you put it there?

That's right. Ah.

It's so good of you. I do
hope I haven't been a bother.

No, ma'am. It's all right.

Good afternoon.

Harry, the police. They're at the
house. They're actually in the house.

But where are the others?

The bogies brought it home
for her. What did you expect?

[Bell rings]

"In the twilight"

"in the beautiful twilight"

"they all go out"

ah, professor. Good
afternoon, gentlemen.

[Laughing] your last rehearsal.

Ah, professor, I must give
you back your ten shillings.

Thank you. The cab man
wouldn't take any money...

because he said he was going
into some other business.

How about that, eh?

How about that?

Right. Got it?

You know, I was even hoping
you'd be able to play for them.

Oh, yes, Boccherini.

You know, if only you could have
stayed just a few minutes longer.

They will be so disappointed
to have missed you.

And as for me, well,
I'm sad to see you go.

Gotta get my cello upstairs.

I only hope you've enjoyed
it as much as I have.

Indeed we have, madam,
thank you, thank you.

Good-bye, major Courtney.

And I do wish you good
fortune in your travels.

Thank you very much. Oh,
indeed, I do. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Good-bye, professor
Marcus. Good-bye, gentlemen.

Good-bye.
Tootle-oo.

Mr. Lawson, I must tell you,

when I was listening to your playing
of that andante passage a while ago,

I thought it the most sensitive
playing I'd ever heard.

You thought it was good,
eh? Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Bye-bye, missus, luv.
Bye-bye, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Thanks for the nice tea and everything.

Not at all.
Good-bye. Good-bye.

What is that moron playing at?

It's stuck in the door.
The case is stuck...

well, ring the bell, brains.
Don't just stand there.

[Rings] thank you.

It's all right, Mrs. Wilberforce.
Everything's under control. Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Get over in the car there.
Hey, that's my money.

Go on. Wait a minute. Stop and think.

We haven't the time. Drive
on. I said wait a minute!

What are we going to do about her?

[All clamoring, indistinct
] make your mind up.

I tell you, we must do
something. She knows.

She saw the money. She'll talk. And my
picture's on file and so is Harry�s and yours.

If they take her down to the gallery, she'll
shop us. They've got our fingers and thumbs.

Professor Marcus, I don't
quite know how to say this...

I suppose you're wondering about
the money in Mr. Lawson's cello case.

Why, it's only natural that you should.

I don't think we told you that Mr. Lawson
sold his butcher shop in Hammersmith.

That's right, I did. Yes,
yes. He got the cash for it...

'cause there wasn't time
to, uh, write a check.

I still don't quite understand.

You're wondering about the music.

You're wondering how Mr. Lawson...

uh, is able to play... [chuckling]

Without a
cello. Yes, but...

yes, he's going on this tour,

and all he's got in
there is... and no cello.

We must get her out of here. A snatch?

Get her into the car. [bell rings]

- Good afternoon, Louisa.
- Afternoon, Amelia.

Do come in.
These are...

oh, then you were able
to stay to tea after all.

How very, very nice.
What an exciting surprise.

We'll have to take them both. We've
got to get away. [bell rings]

Excuse me, won't you?

Professor Marcus... Constance, good
afternoon. And Hypatia. How are you?

Let me present these gentlemen.

Amelia, you've met professor
Marcus and this is major Courtney.

Hypatia, have you met major Courtney?

[All continue chattering] what do
you think we should do, charter a bus?

Mr. Robinson and Mr. Harvey.

Lettice, oh, dear. Oh,
Louisa, I'm so sorry I'm late.

Ladies, ladies. [chattering]

Would you all please
step into my sitting room?

Ladies, ladies.

There's been a terrible robbery
at King's Cross station...

at 1:00 this afternoon.

Oh, have you a paper? May
I see the latest test score?

A robbery? At king's cross station?

Yes, it must have
been terribly exciting.

The paper says the
gangsters... what is the score?

Australia all out for 60,000. 1:00?

Yes. The papers say that the police
are not certain... three hundred and ten.

They're out for 310. [chuckling]

They're not certain how the money
was brought from the station.

Sixty thousand pounds, they say it is.

[Chattering]

Ladies, ladies, please. Do you mind?

You'll step into the sitting room for a
few minutes. I'll be with you in a moment,

but I've something of a very private
nature to say to these gentlemen.

Constance, I can't
help it. I'm very sorry.

Hypatia, I was asking you to
step into the sitting room.

Oh, but I want to talk to major
Courtney. I can't help it, my dear.

Slip out, move the car into
the next row. All right.

Uh-uh.

Leave that here.

Professor Marcus, I take it there's no
need for me to look at the newspaper.

Indeed, I thought not.

I am shocked by this revelation.

Shocked and appalled.

And I must tell
you, all of you...

where's Mr. Robinson gone? He'll,
uh... he'll be back in a moment.

Oh. Now, look, missus,
we haven't got much time.

Louisa, you've only laid five places.

Surely these gentlemen
are staying for tea.

[All chattering, indistinct]

They want to play
to us. No, I don't...

oh, no. I'm sorry, but
we mustn't press them.

Oh, let them play, Louisa.

We can't press them, Lettice,
I'm sorry. They must hurry.

It'd be nice when we're
having our teas. Come, dear.

Yes, we will have them by and by.

Now, Amelia, if you don't mind.

They'll all come. I assure you.

Yes, I do assure you.

You know, at the bottom of the
garden there's a most jolly little...

Hypatia, didn't you hear me say
we'll just go in the sitting room?

Yes, go in. I'm sure
they'll come by and by.

[Hypatia] Louisa, I
think it's very unfair.

Well, there's nothing for it.

You'll have to come in.

But please remember this, these are
some of my oldest and closest friends.

They mustn't get the slightest
inkling of this disgraceful affair.

Oh, really. This is the
most embarrassing position.

Embarrassing and humiliating.

Simply try for one hour
to behave like gentlemen.

All right, ma'am.

No, please.

Now we will go in.

"Darling, I am growing old"

"silver threads among the gold"

"shine upon my brow today"

"life is fading fast away"

but, my darling, you will be

"will be"

"ever as young and fair to me"

good-bye,
ladies. Good-bye.

I thought they'd never go home.

Mrs. Wilberforce, I don't
think you quite understand...

the intricacies of this
particular situation.

Let me try to explain, Mrs. Wilberforce.

You see, in this case, it would
do no good to take the money back.

Strange as it may seem to you,
nobody wants the money back.

Don't expect me to believe that.

But it's true, Mrs. Wilberforce.

You see, this particular
shipment of money was insured.

So now the insurance company simply
pays to the factory 60,000 pounds,

and then, in order to recover its money,

it puts one farthing on all the
premiums, on all the policies...

for all the next year.

You see?

So how much real harm
have we done anybody?

One farthing's worth, Mrs. Wilberforce.

You hadn't thought of
it like that, had you?

Hey, you know what? I never
thought of it like that either.

Surely it isn't as simple as all that.

I assure you, if we tried
to take the money back now,

it would simply confuse the whole issue.

They wouldn't even take it
back. That's perfectly true.

Oh, but it's quite ridiculous.

Before you speak, Mrs. Wilberforce,

has it occurred to you to wonder...

why five such men as ourselves
should have been driven to this?

Why we should risk apprehension,
public humiliation, disgrace?

There is not one amongst us...

who is not burdened with
responsibilities to others.

Major, tell her.

Tell her your own story.

No, no, I... oh, please,
Claude. Tell her.

Well, it's just that... well, at
this very moment, Mrs. Wilberforce,

there is waiting an invalid, a
dear, sweet, little old lady...

not, may heaven bless
her, not unlike yourself...

waiting with patient
serenity, but with high hope...

that she has nothing more to fear.

My mother.

[Sniffles] each of them
could tell a similar story.

I planned the robbery, Mrs. Wilberforce.

I wanted to help them.

No, I don't think, even
if what you say is true,

I still don't think it can be said...

to be enough
justification...

Madam, how can you be so
heartless? You're a cruel woman.

But to sit in judgment on your
fellow creatures. I'm sorry.

This is getting us nowhere.
We must do something.

Quite right, Mr. Harvey,
we've got to tell her.

Mrs. Wilberforce, I
wanted to spare you this,

but I'm afraid the
police are after you too.

That's right, you're as hot
as the rest of us, ma'am.

As hot?

[Major] if they pick her up, there's
no saying what they may do to her.

- Pick me up? Would you mind explaining...
- job was planned in her house.

She carried the lolly for us. Yes,
I know I carried the lolly, but...

but she was ignorant
of the plan, of course.

Ignorance in the sight
of the law is no excuse.

Even if we swear that she
didn't know what she was doing.

They'd never believe us. Yeah.

Who would believe anything we said?

Oh, but this is ridiculous.

I know the superintendent.
I shall deny any knowledge.

She'll never stand up to it, of course.

The grilling, the rubber hoses. [professor
] the rest of her life sewing mail bags.

Mail bags?

And no one to look
after the parrots. Oh.

We won't let them get
you, Mrs. Wilberforce.

Why not? What's she ever done for us?

If they get us, I'll tell
them she planned the job.

I'll tell them she
planned the big one. Oh.

The east castle street
job. [chuckling]

[Bell rings] oh. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

What am I going to do?
What am I going to do?

It's a bogey. A bogey. Oh, no.

Look, out the back
way. Stay where you are.

Don't answer it. We must
answer it. The light's on.

When you were at the station with
the trunk, what did you say to them?

Nothing. I've no idea. I don't remember.

Let's get out of here. Where do we go?

No one's going anywhere. Mrs.
Wilberforce, listen to me.

Go to the door. Ask him what he wants.

Say you're going to bed early. Yes.

If he asks about me, say I left
this afternoon for Manchester.

Manchester.

Don't let him in, you understand? No.

He can't come in without a search
warrant. Not without a search warrant.

You don't want to rot in stir the rest of
your life. Be sensible. Stay buttoned up.

Buttoned up? [bell rings]

Yes? [clatters]

Uh, good evening, Mrs.
Wilberforce. What do you want?

It's sergeant McDonald. Yes, I
know who it is. What do you want?

The superintendent asked me
to call in on the way back.

What about? What's the matter?
Oh, it's nothing, ma'am.

Just to let you know, we've
sorted out all that rumpus.

- You'll not be wanted.
- I won't be wanted?

- I won't come in. I'm all
wet. - Y-you can't come in!

I'm going to bed early. Professor
Marcus left this afternoon.

You can't come in without a search
warrant. [sergeant] a search warrant?

What would I be wanting
with a search warrant?

You haven't got a
search warrant, have you?

No, ma'am. Then good night.

He...
c-coming.

Oh, dear. Don't let him in. Whatever
he says, just tell him to buzz off.

- You're quite sure you're all right,
Mrs. Wilber... - of course I'm all right.

Now, will you please buzz off?

He's going off. He's going
away. Was that all right?

Fine. Give him time to move on.
Now, now, Mrs. Wilberforce. In here.

- The cases.
- Let me give you a piece of advice.

Don't go near a police station
again, any police station.

And don't speak to a police constable
again, under any circumstances.

Just lie low and stay buttoned up, you
understand? Don't talk to anybody about anything.

Surely you don't intend to take the
money. Surely we must send back the money.

I agree that we must stay
low and... and buttoned up.

It wouldn't be right to keep the
money. Now, listen with both ears.

We've had about all we're
going to take from you.

You don't seem to realize what
this situation means. No. No.

I was quite wrong.
Doesn't she understand?

No, it isn't any good.
I know what we must do.

I know I carried the lolly
for you, but even if they do...

make me sew mail bags,

I would rather... rather
go to the police station...

and give myself up.

[Thunderclap]

[Train whistle blowing]

It ought to look like an accident.

How about suicide? What do you mean?

Well, get her to write a note, you
know. "I just couldn't stand it no more.

Signed, Mrs. Wilberforce." and then
somebody goes down and hangs her.

Hmm? Very funny.

You got a better idea?

Who's gonna do it?

I couldn't.

I should be terrified of... muffing it.

I mean to
say... well.

It ought to be someone
experienced in...

why look at me?
Why should I...

we know how you feel about
her. You've told us so often...

that you hate little old ladies.

And why not you? You are the
one who masterminded this mess.

I... I'm not...
[knocking]

Professor, if we're going to the
police station, we ought to go now. Hmm?

Well, we'd sooner not go
now, ma'am, not in this rain.

Uh, Mr. Lawson here's got a bad cold.

Oh, very well. As
soon as the rain stops.

I think, meanwhile, I had
better lock these away...

out of temptation.

Thank you.

[Train chugging, distant]

No, no. I... I won't. I
can't. Come, now, major.

Enough of that.

No, no, no. I can't.

All right, Louis.

I lost.

I'll do it.

No, no. Not down there.
Not in her own room.

[Clears throat] not
in front of the parrots.

Send her up here afterwards.

Ah, good. Mrs. Wilberforce,

major Courtney would like to speak
to you privately, if you don't mind.

Upstairs. Major Courtney? But what
can he... just a moment, please.

If you wouldn't mind just going
upstairs, I think you'll find...

he has the solution to all our problems.

It won't take a minute.

[Knock on door]

[Knocking continues]

Yes, major Courtney?

[Train whistle blows, distant]

She had to go. She asked for it.

She's probably been asking
for it all her life. Yeah.

Look what she done to that barrow
boy and the cabby and the junk man.

All of 'em out of
business in ten minutes.

I promise you, Mrs. Wilberforce, they've no
intention of letting you take them to the police.

But professor Marcus
said... he was lying.

At this very moment, they believe me to
be... to be bargaining for your silence.

These men are criminals,

and I, too, am one of them.

All the same, I don't like it.

Shut up, will ya? Shut up!
Please, please. [squawks]

Let us try to be patient.

All I ask you is to
believe me when I say, well,

a spark of decency remains.

I was moved, madam, by your appeal.

I shall go to the police,
even if the others do not.

But I... I
need your help.

Stay here. Guard the money.

Give me time to reach
the officers of the law...

and bring them back with me.

- Uh, you do trust me,
don't you? - Yes, but, uh...

[creaking]

[Creaking continues]

Major. Major?

What's taking him so long?
What's taking him so...

Be quiet. I am still
talking to major Courtney.

Wait downstairs.

He's gone. The major's
gone. He's crossed us.

Mrs. Wilberforce.

It's gone. The lolly's gone!

He didn't go the back way.
He's done it. He's took the lot!

I've nothing to say! I'm
going to stay buttoned up.

[Departing footsteps]

Louis! On the roof!

On the roof, quickly! Cover the back!

Now, now, Louis. Well,
don't get excited.

[Grunts]

Oh, my word!

Professor, may I ask you... no, thank
you, Mrs. Wilberforce. No tea. Thank you.

What are you all doing? Professor!
Where did you get that cello case?

I'll have that, Mr. Robinson. I
gave Mrs. Wilberforce our word...

that no attempt would be
made to remove the money.

Thank you. Thank you!

Be sensible, old man. You
don't think I'd walk out on you?

The idea is preposterous.

[Chuckles nervously] you
know me better than that.

Louis! Oh, no. Louis, old chap. Please.

No. Don't. No. Louis,
Louis! No. Louis, Louis!

It won't do any harm to tell you now.
Major Courtney has gone for the police.

They'll be here shortly. Oh,
whatever's that? [clunking]

I expect something fell off the
roof. Maybe a chimney pot. The roof!

A chimney pot. See who it is, Harry.

We'll talk about this
when the police get here.

It's long past my bedtime, and
I've had a most exhausting day.

Well, where is he? Where is
the major? Is he up there still?

No, no. He, uh...
he come down.

- Well, bring him here.
- He come down with the chimney pot.

The chimney... [
snickers] is he hurt?

I shouldn't think he felt a thing.

I just decided something.

I decided I changed my
mind. I ain't gonna do it.

What? What are you saying? Why not?

You're in this as much as
we are. It's too late now,

one round, to have a mind to change.

- This is a hanging matter, one round.
- Why is it a hanging matter...

for doing the major any more than
it is for doing Mrs. Lopsided, eh?

- That's not the point.
- Come on.

Listen, I drew the match last time,
didn't I? I took my chances, didn't I?

I sat there when we thought
the major was doing it, okay?

I've had enough. If we were gonna do it,
we should have done it and got it over with.

Ahh, you're being
stupid. Okay, I'm stupid,

but nobody touches
Mrs. Lopsided, nobody.

I see.

- Maybe one round is right.
- What?

As one round says,

the first thing to do is
to lose the poor old major.

There's a wheelbarrow out there.
Would you mind fetching it, please?

What for? The major
has a train to catch.

[Train whistle blowing, distant]

[Sniffs loudly]

[Whispering] Harry and Louis are
desperate men. We must be careful.

Let's get this clear. No one is
running out now. That goose head is...

[whispering]
Unreliable... and dangerous.

I had to sweeten him. That
leaves the three of us.

All right.

[Chuckles]

[Gulps]

[Train passes by]

Stop the clowning, will ya?

Come on. All right, Harry.
I'll give one round a hand.

You stay with Louis.

[Grunts, imitates gunfire]

Too noisy, eh?

No, no, no, no. No, I can
manage all right. Thank you.

Yeah. [growls]

Hello, madam. We're in a tough spot.

Don't shout
out or any...

[thud]

[Train whistle blows]

I think, one round, you'd better
fetch the car. Here is the key.

There's no need to go through the house.

Hey, professor. You wouldn't be trying
to get me out of the way, would you?

[Chuckles] don't be stupid,
one round. Don't call me that.

Just don't call me stupid.
Just tell me what's going on!

Hey! Hey, what are they doin' in there?

[Other door opening,
footsteps approaching]

No, no. It wasn't me. You
done her! You done her! You...

- no, look! It was Harry! He's got
the money. He's gone! - Why, you...

[yelps]

[Whimpers]

[Gasping]

You done her!
No, I never...

Aah! You done her!

No, I never! Where's your
sense of humor, one round?

[Plank thuds]

[Squawking] oh, dear,
oh, dear, oh, dear!

I said nobody was to do her!

I said... I said... I said nobody
was to do Mrs. Lopsided! Mr. Harvey!

Stop that!

What are you doing? And who
is Mrs. Lopsided, may I ask?

Where's Mr.
Robinson? He's...

he's... he's
outside.

Somebody took the key.
The cello case has gone.

It's, uh, out there too.

Well, bring it in.

I fell asleep.

Somebody took the key out of my pocket.

I'm very angry. As you
have every right to be.

It's disgraceful, Mrs. Wilberforce.
Shameful. Mr. Robinson will answer for it.

I'll take that, thank you.

Professor Marcus, this is
another black mark against you.

I shall certainly tell the police.

- What happened?
- Why, uh, I thought they done her in.

I thought Harry done her.

So?

So all right. I made a mistake.

- Put him in the barrow.
- No.

What? What are you saying?

You lose Harry. I'm staying with mum.

[Yawns] have you any idea...

what's making those
officers so long in coming?

All right. But afterwards, before we
do her, we have to take care of him.

What my husband would have said
about all this if he were alive!

Captain Wilberforce was
in the mercantile marines.

He went down with his
ship, oh, 29 years ago...

in a typhoon in the china sea.

These three little
creatures were with him.

He kept them in his cabin.
Captain Wilberforce...

made sure they were
safely on the last boat.

But he himself remained at
the salute on the bridge.

Look, uh, I make a proposition to you.

I'll take care of him
if you take care of her.

- That's a straight 50-50
split, huh? - No, no.

I would rather it was the other
way about. Let me have one round.

You take care of Mrs. "w." wait.

[Thud]

Guess who's next.

Wait a minute, one round.
Don't shoot. Don't shoot.

Look. We can make a deal. You'll
never get away by yourself.

I'll help you. Do him. He's
the one who got you into this.

Do him. I heard ya, both of ya.

I been standing here all the time. Sure,
you two were gonna put me on the train.

And all the time you been
telling me how stupid I am.

Okay. So who looks stupid now, eh?

[Train approaching]

[Train whistle screeching]

The safety catch was on.

[Train whistle blows] it
was a good plan, you know.

I've worked on so many plans, and they
were all good, but this was the best.

Except for the human element.

All good plans include the human
element, but then, I admit you were right.

No really good plan could
include Mrs. Wilberforce,

unless, of course, we had more men.

There were only five of
us.???? [humming quintet]

What's the matter? What's the matter
with you? Take it easy, will you?

But it would take 20 or 30 or
40, perhaps, to deal with her,

because we'll never be
able to kill her, Louis.

- She'll always be with us, forever and ever and ever.
- [Train approaching]

And there's nothing we
can do. You're crazy!

You mustn't say things like
that, Louis, because I told you...

you mustn't make me angry!

[Gunfire]

[Echoing] over here, Louis.

[Gunfire]

[Professor, voice echoing]
Seven gone, Louis. One more to go.

[Train passing]

[Professor] Louis.

[Singsong] Louis.

Oh-hoo!

[Metal scraping] what are you doing?

I won't keep you, Louis.

- There'll be another train soon.
- [Train approaching]

[Metal screeching]

[Bar clanks to ground]

[Metal crunching, thud]

[Gears grinding]

[Whistle toots]

But I do hope you'll believe me.
It's true I carried the lolly,

but I wasn't really one of the gang.

I admit the caper was
planned in my house,

but it wasn't I who planned it.

And I did not plan or
have anything to do...

with the east castle street job.

- Didn't you, ma'am?
- I don't even know where east castle street is.

Oh, good morning, superintendent.

I was just telling the sergeant...
morning. If you'll forgive me,

I'm rather late for an
important conference.

I'm sure sergeant Harris'll look after
you all right. Oh, but, superintendent,

I did want to ask your
advice about some things...

Wat happened to the rest of the gang,
ma'am? Well, that's the funny thing.

They all disappeared during the night.

But I have all the lolly... oh, I
beg your pardon. I'm so confused.

I have all the money back at the
house. You see, I took charge of it.

And they were so alarmed,
they simply disappeared.

They didn't have a spaceship, did they?

You're not suggesting
I imagined all this?

- No, no, ma'am.
- Really, sergeant, you must think my mind is wandering.

No, no, Mrs. Wilberforce.
It's just that, uh, well,

for various reasons, we
want you to oblige us...

by forgetting all about the matter.

And don't mention it to anyone. Oh!

Oh, I won't mention it, of course.
But you'll send someone for the money?

Oh, I think as far as we're concerned,
ma'am, why don't you just keep the money?

Keep the money?
I can't believe...

oh, I know it's only a farthing
on everybody's policies, but, uh...

they said you wouldn't
want the money back,

that it would only confuse the issue.

That's right, Mrs. Wilberforce.
Now, if you don't mind,

I've got some very pressing
business to attend to.

Oh, yes, of course. Good morning.

[Sergeant] Mrs. Wilberforce, wait!

Just a moment!

- You forgot it, ma'am.
- Oh. No, I don't think I want it.

I never liked it. Now I
can buy a dozen new ones.

Oh, uh, good morning, sergeant.

Oh. They're very good, very good.

Turned out nice, hasn't it? Yes, it has.

Oh, hey, look! Lady!

Look!